“I’ll admit, I was expecting a little…more.”

It was a warehouse.

A warehouse a good distance in to one of the poorer districts that you could only get to by traveling through some hidden alleys, but still a warehouse.

If this was the arena, it was a bit of a letdown.

“It’s more than it appears,” Cedar said as she walked slightly in front, but still to the side of me. “This tournament is technically illegal and while no one really cares, it still pays to keep up appearances.” A pair of forms slipped in ahead of us as we advanced on the front. Two quadrupeds. Possibly some of my competition coming into…I guess we were registering or something.

“Why would a fighting tournament be illegal? It’s not like we’re killing each other.” Sure it was a bunch of quasi-mercenaries beating the pulp out of each other for fun and profit, but no one was going to die. Hopefully. It was no different from an MMA or boxing match.

“Haven’t been in Equestria long, have you?” She smirked. It looked good on her. Very natural. “Most of this country is tame and naïve. Blood sport really isn’t a common idea of entertainment so banning it was a popular move. Course Stalliongrad’s an old town founded way back before this place was the land of milk and honey. Out of all the cities, it’s probably changed the least in temperament no matter what district you’re in and our reputation reflects that. So when a bunch of mercs and psychos stroll in looking for blood…well, we might as well charge people to see it spilled.”

“A sound business strategy.” Seemed legit to me. As long as two people wanted to knock each other’s teeth out, there was bound to be a third who wanted to watch them do it. I’d call it human nature, but nothing here was human.

“It is as long as you keep quiet about it. And even then there’s a ton of loopholes.” She seemed a lot calmer as we entered the building. More sure of herself. Or maybe she was just distracted. “There’s this one place, don’t remember what it’s called, but they offer prize money for anyone willing to fight these wild beasts they catch. And people actually die! You know how they get away with it? Got themselves listed as an animal control service. They just don’t report how they’re controlling the animals and everything’s good!”

“Wow…that’s clever…” Illegal fistfights AND animal cruelty. Such a lovely town I lived in.

“It is, isn’t it? Part of me wishes I’d thought of it first. They must be rich beyond reason by now.” She laughed. Loudly. It wrung off the walls of the nearly empty warehouse. Well, not totally empty. There was a ragged looking unicorn standing near a doorway with a clipboard. It looked like he was doing inventory. Cedar flashed him a card, we stepped through the door, and he made a little check on his paper. Inventory.

There wasn’t anything on the other side except for stairs. These lead down deep. Took over a minute to reach the bottom and when we did there was only a hallway forking right or left. The walls were made of a gray stone stained with water damage and cobwebs. Lamps here and there kept the place lit, but gave it an occult vibe. Like dark stuff was going on behind closed doors.

We took the path to the right and followed it for a ways. At the end was a plain stone door. It scraped across the floor as it opened, filling the whole place with a grinding sound that forced me to picture some gargantuan wounded animal. Inside the door was a small room. It was brightly lit and contained nothing but a desk and two doors, one on either side of the room. Behind the desk was a pure white unicorn whose head was shaved completely bald. He wore thick dark spectacles and stared at the papers in front of him with a look lifeless enough to adorn a mortician.

He scared the crap out of me instantly.

“Card.” A dull, droning voice escaped his lips as we approached. Cedar pulled the exact same card she had shown the clipboard holder. The pony didn’t say anything. He simply glanced at the card, shuffled some papers, and stamped a few. Then he glanced at me. Within five seconds he had a demand. “The wood and the bracelet have to go.”

Shit!

“Awww. Are you gonna miss me?”

Not you, the arm!

“Don’t tell me you actually thought they’d let you keep it? This is a fist fight and having a wooden fist would be a huge advantage.”

I know…that’s obvious now…

“Relax. You weren’t about to deliver any haymakers anyway. Isn’t your specialty dodging?”

Yeah, but that’s going to be harder since I’m going to be off balance the whole time!

“Oh…didn’t think of that…you’re boned.”

The entire conversation happened while I went through the uncomplicated, but slightly difficult process of removing the prosthetic. The straps that held it to my stump were tricky with only one hand. Eventually though it came free and I handed it to Cedar who promised to keep it safe till I was done. Atheris subtly loosened himself and slid off into her bag. I told him he could sneak off to watch. He was going to do that either way so I might as well let him.

For the first time in over a month, I looked at the place where my arm used to be attached. I don’t know if it was natural or the result of being inside a cartoon world, but my fur had completely grown over the stump. There was a small depression where the bone would be, but other than that my limb just stopped halfway where it should. It was strange. I stared at it long enough that I could almost feel the nonexistent fingers twitch.

“You’re in the right group, you’ll be fighting opponents from the left group, all matches have their fighters drawn at random, all fights last until one or both contestants are unconscious, if you win you’ll be invited to the next match in two weeks, if you lose you are to forget you were ever here, medical services will be provided to you regardless of outcome, good luck and don’t kill anyone.”

“Uhh…thanks…” The pony still seriously gave me the creeps, but it looked like he was as happy he was done talking as I was. I turned to Cedar and tried to smile. I failed. “Wish me luck?”

“I think your old friend gave you the best well-wishing you could get.” She tried to smile back. She failed. “Still…one can always hope I suppose.” With that awkwardness out of the way, she nodded and left.

My exit was just as abrupt. I certainly wasn’t going to stay in the same room as that…thing behind the desk longer than I had to. He said I was in the right group so I took the right door, finding another hallway to walk down.

I expected to find one of several different things when I reached the end of the hall. A large room where the fighters just stood around and snarled at each other. Individual cells where we would wait nervously for our name to be called. Maybe some kind of ring where we could spare and try to knock out the competition before their fights. These things wouldn’t surprise me.

The lounge surprised me.

The only thing I’d guessed right was that it would be a large room. Everything else had the feel of a hotel lobby. A plush green carpet covered the floor from wall to wall, looking so much like grass that I started looking for bite marks from any grazers. Instead of the gray concrete, the walls and ceiling were painted a pleasant brown. There was even a painting or two here and there. Mostly traditional portraits and such. Gave a nice cozy look to the place matched by the sofas and chairs strewn about the room. All were black and looked to be made of…I’m not sure what fabric it was, but it looked soft.

It was a decent bet they were at least halfway comfortable considering how many people were lounging on them. Griffons, dogs, zebras, cows, a female minotaur in the back, and at least thirty ponies of all types were relaxing in the room. All of them turned to look at me when I entered. Most looked away, disinterested. Some stared at me with curiosity or fascination. Others were issuing death threats with their eyes.

Didn’t help my nerves one bit. I consider it a point of pride that I was able to swallow my fear and cross the room, the whole goddamn room, to sit on one of the free couches all the way against the far wall.

I was right, they were soft. I could probably fall asleep on them if I wasn’t in a room waiting to be called up to fight and surrounded by a bunch of people who were presumably getting paid to smash my face in while a crowd cheered.

If only the me of two months ago could realize how utterly bad this idea was.

With a sigh I leaned my head back and tried to relax. It was just a hair short of impossible. Especially with the death eyes I was still getting from some fighters. This one griffon’s was particularly acidic. It was weird. He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t quite place his face. I know I’d seen a hawkish looking griffon somewhere…

A few more late arrivals trickled in here and there. Most got the same treatment I did. Everyone looked, most looked away, a few kept it up. Always on the newest person to. Kept them on their toes I guess. Though only one of them looked as bad as I was. This little mouse of a unicorn. Actually looked younger than me. She just curled up in a corner somewhere and avoided everyone’s eyes. As bad as it sounds, it actually made me feel better about myself. At least I’d managed to claim a couch.

After about ten minutes people stopped coming and we all just sat there. It wasn’t quiet, there were plenty of conversations. It kind of reminded me of my high school’s cafeteria back on earth. Except with less cement mix pretending to be food.

It was at least half an hour before anything happened and that anything took the form of a table scraping across the floor. There were three doors in the room; the one I came in, the one that presumably lead to the arena, and the one that was a closet. A bright pink earth pony pushed a desk out of the last. Everyone stopped talking and stared while she moved it, loudly, to the center of the room.

“Alright!” She had the voice of a drill sergeant. We probably would have all heard her even if we were still talking. “The crypt keeper outside already went over the rules with you so I’m not going to bother repeating them. You know how this works. What I don’t know are your names. So each of you is going to come up here in a NEAT SINGLE-FILE LINE and write it down on one of these cards. If you can’t write just tell it to me and I’ll write it for you. After we’re all done I’ll put them in this bucket,” she poked a bucket on the desk, “shuffle them, and draw one when that light,” she pointed at a light sitting by the arena door, “comes on. Whoever I call will then march out there and bleed for the entertainment of the ponies that sign my paycheck and whatever sycophants they let in here. Neither you nor the crowd will know who is coming out until your already standing in the pit. Everyone understand?”

There was a chorus of yeses, grunts, nods, and the odd catcall.

“Good. Now let’s get this over with! There’s sixty-four of you in here and I got better than teach you how to spell! Matches start in an hour!” Her speech made, she plopped herself down in front of the desk. One got the sense that she would not move for anything until her job was complete.

Those closest to her immediately crowded around the table. By the time I stood up her NEAT SINGLE-FILE LINE already stretched thirty feet. I suppressed a flashback to Disneyworld and took my place, one of the last in the room to do so.

Couldn’t complain though. The line moved pretty quick and without any shoving. I expected a wilder bunch, but these fighters seemed pretty damn orderly.

It wasn’t two minutes before I reached the front. The mare wordlessly gave me a card and a pencil. She raised an eyebrow when she noted how I was lacking a limb, but said nothing. Luckily I’d been getting a lot of practice taking orders with my left hand so I was able to write out my name clearly. Actually, I think my handwriting was better now than it ever had been. Kind of weird really.

“Jack huh?” a voice behind me said. “Strange name for a cat.” Looking over my shoulder was a six foot, two legged Border Collie wearing a sleeveless blue shirt and some shorts.

Huh…that sentence would have made me flip my shit in almost any other context yet it seemed normal then and there. This place was changing me.

“Maybe it is,” I said with a shrug before turning to walk back to my chair. At least that’s what part of me wanted to do. The rest just couldn’t resist stopping to take a peek at her card. She knew my name after all, it was only fair that I got hers. “Abigail huh?” I looked at her. “Strange name for a dog.”

“Maybe it is,” she said with a shrug and a smile. Both of us stepped away from the table. I got a feeling that we wouldn’t see the next sunrise if we held up the card bearer’s NEAT SINGLE-FILE LINE. “You just gonna go sit by yourself again?”

“That’s the plan.” It was my high school’s cafeteria all over again. “Why?”

“No reason really.” She pointed to another part of the room. “However, I got some friends here. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind extra company if you want some conversation.”

“…Sure…why not.” High school never taught me anything anyway. “Lead the way.”

She smiled again and started leading me over. It wasn’t long before I got a look at her friends. There was a fidgety looking green earth pony who was rocking back and forth in her chair, a skinny zebra who stared at everything around him with a bored expression, a shaggy looking D-dog who kept brushing the hair out of his eyes, and a black pegasus that looked ready to tear the table in half. All in all, seemed like a fun group.

“Everyone, this is Jack. Jack, this is Alpine, Clipper, Calcite, and Bar.” She pointed to each of them in turn.

“Hey. Nice to-”

“KITTY!”

My greeting was interrupted by the air rushing out of my lungs. Being tackled by a small colorful horse tends to do that. In the second between standing and the ground, Alpine’s hooved wrapped around me in a rib crushing hug as she rubbed her muzzle on my chest.

I’m not kidding about the rib crushing. I am positive I heard a crack in there somewhere.

“YOU’RE SO CUTE!”

“Ribs! Definitely ribs!”

“Oh for the love of…Cal, help me with this would you?” I endured another thirty seconds of feeling the torment of a stress ball before four furry hands grabbed her shoulders and pried her off me. I started gasping for air, she hung weakly in that air between two dogs. Not a pleasant situation for each of us.

“Guys? Really?” The mare looked at them with big dewy eyes. “I just wanna hug the kitty.”

“That kitty is walking on two legs and talks,” Cal told her. Not sure on this, but I think I saw a smirk under his fur. “He’s not a stray cat you can pounce.”

“I don’t know, he looks a bit like an alley cat.” Clipper held a hoof down to me. I took it as a sign of greeting and as an offer to help me up. I accepted both. “Sorry about the filly. She’s got the strength of a bear and the mind of a stimulant addicted squirrel.”

“A pretty bad combination.” Bar looked at me and I could almost feel the heat from the lasers he was trying to shoot out of his eyes. “Pisses everyone off.”

“No it pisses you off. Everything pisses you off.” Abigail matched his stare. The pegasus held out for a moment, then huffed and tried to set the floor on fire.

“As you can plainly see, we’re just one big happy family,” Clip commented dryly. I could hear Calcite snickering, though he brushed his hair again as a cover.

“Yeah…actually kind of reminds me of my own family.” I smiled a bit watching the two canines plop the dejected looking Alpine back in her seat. “Especially the part where I got tackled by an energetic crazy girl.”

“Oh? I don’t recall seeing a lot of cats in the city. Your family live far away?” The zebra sat down and offered me the seat next to him. I took it as the rest of them resumed their places on the sofas.

“Yeah…I guess you could say that…” I tried to make my smile just a touch sad. Apparently I pulled it off because everyone suddenly looked a touch nervous.

“Sounds like there’s a tale behind that…” Alpine asked. I mentally sighed. Time for the ultimate test of my storytelling abilities.

“Does it tell us how you lost your arm?” Bar was staring directly at my nub. It started to itch. Weird.

“Gee, rude much?” Abby started another staring contest.

“What? We were all thinking it!” This time he stared back. I got the feeling this happened a lot. “You should be thanking me for addressing the giant freaking elephant in the room!”

“I should thank you with a slap upside-”

“Look, it’s fine.” Somehow I felt there was a penalty for fighting outside of the ring. Or cage. Or octagon. It was probably bad I had no idea what the arena would be like. “We’ve got an hour to kill and you’ll only get more curious. I might as well just get this out of the way.”

“You sure?” Cal looked…it was pretty damn hard to tell what he looked like under all that fur, but I think it was concerned. “We just met. You don’t have to tell us anything.”

“Yeah, but you guys seem alright. And besides, I’ll be telling this story sober for once.” I tossed him a winning smile made entirely out of bullshit. “Maybe I’ll actually get some details right.”

“Maybe.” He broke out into what was clearly a grin and held his arms out for me to start.

“Alright…where to begin…” I cleared my throat and began my very, very, very, VERY modified life story. “I was born in the jungle down south to this tribe called the Khajiit…”