Author's Notes:

Added on 11 May 2016

In the late afternoon sun, a small army of Royal Guards gallop towards the Royal Bank, which is blaring an annoying, ear breaking ringing noise. The guards bring in armored vehicles to secure the area and crime scene investigators to do what they do best. During the setup, a young Royal Guard approaches an older one who is barking out orders.

“Sir, Captain Armor has been alerted and the investigators are already statements,” reports the young guard.

“Good, now we just have to find a garbage collector,” says the older guard.

“A garbage collector?”

“Yeah, the manager said that a garbage collector broke into the vault and the earth pony driving it knocked out all the guards and stole an indefinite amount of bits before leaving. It shouldn't be too hard to find one, though.”

“Look out!” shouts one of the guards.

Both guards turn and barely dive out of the way in time as a massive, damaged mini-train with an over-sized dumpster on its back barrels its way through the blockade of vehicles. The vehicle’s are bent and twisted beyond repair as they roll, twirl, or bounce aside, launching pieces in the air. The guards order the vehicle to stop and when it continues plowing through everything they shoot at the tires with their battle saddles and magic. However, even after popping the tires the vehicle continues, though wavering and tearing up the asphalt with its massive ruined rims. Then it hits a parked vehicle, completely smashing it and spraying shattered wood and glass and wrecked metal, and the collector falls to its side and slides across the ground, coming to a stop when it breaks through the entrance of Donut Joe’s Donut Shop with a trail of spilled bags of money in its wake.

The pegasi guards fly ahead and surround the wrecked vehicle and order the driver to exit the vehicle, but they get no response except for the engine sputtering and releasing hot water and steam. They cautiously approach the cabin and poke their heads in to find absolutely nobody. All there is is a rigged ignition key and a speed lever broken to stay at maximum speed.

The guards stare inside, flabbergasted, then they glance at each other, still holding their expressions. One of the guards then pulls his head out and turns on his radio pack.

“Uh... sir, the vehicle is empty.”

Driving down the road, calm as can be, is a motorized wagon painted yellow with black bars and TAXI written in bold white letters. There is also a sign saying On Break with a smiley face next to it on the passenger windows. Driving the taxi is an earth pony mare, sickly pale with drooped eyes and a flat, frizzled mane that has its ends frizzles. The driver is also wearing a thick hat and a ratty coat that covers most of her body, including her three balloon cutie mark.

Pinkie Pie stops at a red light and cringes when she sees the trash collector crash into Donut Joe’s shop.

“Sorry, Joe,” says Pinkie Pie quietly. Then the door opens and Filthy Rich climbs in with yet another pegasus mare, both of them tipsy. Pinkie Pie arches an eyebrow and cranes her neck to look over her shoulder, which is still sore from her injuries. “Hey, the cab’s closed.”

“I’ll pay you double the fare to get me to this address,” says Filthy Rich, playfully struggling to keep the mare he’s with from butterfly kissing his whole neck. He also hands Pinkie Pie a slip of paper with an address on it a second later.

While taking the slip with her mouth, Pinkie Pie’s ears fold back and her eyes go half lidded as she gets a sickly feeling from watching the drunk lovebirds. Then she spits the slip onto the front passenger seat without taking her eyes off of the unwanted passengers.

“I got a better idea. How about you actually find a cab that is on shift.”

“It’s only a few blocks down.”

“Then you can walk.” Pinkie Pie pokes her head out the window and sees Royal Guards moving through the crowded street, searching all the large vehicles. However, despite their limited search, she still gets an uneasy feeling. “You can speed walk very fast.”

The guards get near her stolen taxi and she pulls her head back inside, now nervously drumming her hooves against the dashboard. She also starts to get more panicky when she sees one of the Royal Guards turn to her, his suspicion plain as day.

“Actually, on second thought, I’ll take you,” says Pinkie Pie. “But the fare will be triple.”

“That's nice,” says Filthy Rich. “I’ll be sure to write a good recommendation, Ms. um...”

“The name is Jam. Hoof Jam.”

Filthy Rich’s eyes bulge and the mare he’s with face contorts to that of disgust. Pinkie Pie takes a quick look at the slip and realizes that the address is for the apartment her and Trixie stayed at.

“Hold on tight, I’m going to be breaking some laws,” says Pinkie Pie.

The guard Pinkie Pie spotted earlier taps on her window with his hoof. She freezes, and stares at the guard out of the corner of her eye. A second set of knocks prompts her to roll down the window and try to put on an innocent smile, but with her condition it is like watching a zombie trying to smile. He orders her to the side of the road and after some difficulty of weaving through the molasses like traffic conditions, she makes to the shoulder of the road and the guard approaches her window again.

“License and registration,” orders the guard.

“What for?” asks Pinkie Pie innocently.

“Because I said so. License and registration. Now.”

Pinkie Pie’s mind races as she tries to figure out a way out of this mess, and the guard calling for backup is not making things any easier for her. Then the guard orders her passengers out and starts asking them a series of questions as more guards surround the vehicle. Pinkie Pie smiles nervously at the guards as she tries to scan the area. Then she sees an empty alley and she clears her throat to get the guards attention, and when they look at her she gives them an innocent smile.

“We don’t have to do this right here. Its crowded and not safe for anypony. Amiright?” says Pinkie Pie uneasily. The guards murmur some agreement and she points at the alley. “I think we should go into the alley over there. Its secluded, away from the traffic, and lets face it, nopony wants to make a scene. Especially if there is any frisking involved.”

With the “frisking” statement she raises her eyebrows suggestively and the guards cast nervous glances at each other.

“Uh, miss, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but we don’t do frisking like that,” says one of the guards.

Pinkie Pie gasps. “What? You pervert! How dare you suggest that I would suggest something as suggestive as frisky frisking?”

“What? I didn’t- Nevermind. Just get into the alley.”

“Wait until I file that complaint,” grumbles Pinkie Pie as she pulls her stolen taxi into the alley, getting a small, devilish smile when she hears the guards saying something about her victim getting it now.

She pulls into the alley, shuts off the vehicle and hops out, carefully studying each of the five guards. One of the guards demands to see her license and registration, and she sighs heavily while leaning against the taxi with wobbly legs and a throbbing brain, suddenly feeling like she is going to puke.

“I don’t have it,” says Pinkie Pie.

“You don’t have it?” repeats one of the guards skeptically with a raised eyebrow.

Pinkie Pie nods. Her sick eyes shift around, looking at the joints and weapons of the guards. One of them, she notices, is putting a little bit more weight on one of his front hoofs than the other. Another guard she studies is looking a little too clean and stiff to be a veteran.

“Then what are you doing driving a taxi without them?” demands one of the guards.

“And why are you taking fares when your clearly off shift?” says another as he points to the sign posted on the passenger window.

Pinkie Pie shrugs. “I need the money.”

“Open the trunk,” orders the newbie guard.

Pinkie Pie reluctantly grabs her keys, eyeing each guard carefully as she approaches the side of the vehicle. She carefully opens the trunk, being sure to avoid the scolding boiler engine, and steps away as the newbie guard looks inside.

“What the hay?” says the guard.

Pinkie Pie suddenly slams the guard’s face against the rim of the vehicle and he crumbles to the ground, unconscious and bloody. Then she whirls around and rams her hoof against the other guard's weak hoof, and as he screams and buckles she wraps her hoof around his neck smashes his face through the window. He falls with his face gushing blood and the jagged hole soaked in red, and the remaining guards swear and bring their weapons to bear, and Pinkie Pie turns to them, eyes evil with a twisted smile.

“Do you boys wanna play a game?” chuckles Pinkamena.

The remaining guards scream and fire as Pinkamena lunges at them, and-

Pinkie Pie finds herselfrocking her blood body back and forth in a bathroom stall, trembling violently with sweat dripping off of her nose and mane with her blood. Her body burns from all the open wounds and the collection of aches stack on top of the soreness she has from her stay at the hospital.

“That didn’t happen. That didn’t happen. That didn’t happen,” says Pinkie Pie breathlessly.

“Oh, but it did, and it was fun,” giggles Pinkamena.

Pinkie Pie looks up and stares, horrified, at the pony in front of her. She is staring at herself, only her colors are darker, her mane is flat and she has a sick, twisted smile.

“What’s the matter, Pinkie, aren’t you glad to see me?” says Pinkamena.

Pinkie Pie shakes her head, too terrified to speak, and Pinkamena sighs in mock disappointment.

“Well, that sucks,” says Pinkamena, “considering I’m the only one you have left.”

“You’re lying,” says Pinkie Pie quietly, choking on her tears.

“Am I?” Pinkamena taps Pinkie Pie's head. “Pinkie, you’re a smart pony. You know you are alone because you have a talent for making others miserable.”

Pinkie Pie presses her hooves against her ears, shaking her head. “I’m not listening!”

Pinkamena grabs Pinkie Pie’s head and twists it to look at her. “You know its the truth, that is why you try to hide it. Yet no matter how hard you try, you. Always. Fail. But I am here for you. I have always been here for you even when the world has been against you.”

“Please stop,” whimpers Pinkie Pie.

“Killing Spike ruined your friends, remember? And just imagine what daddy will do when he finds out you killed his prodigy.”

Pinkie Pie screams and rams Pinkamena off of her feet. They both crash to the ground, with Pinkamena in between Pinkie Pie’s hooves and the Element of Laughter growling madly through gritted teeth. However, Pinkamena meets Pinkie Pie’s eyes with a sadistic grin.

“He’ll no doubt disown you since you already made mommy hang herself,” snickers Pinkamena.

Pinkie Pie screams with bloodthirsty rage and slams her hoof down on Pinkamena’s face. It flattens and honks.

Pinkamena’s face inflates and Pinkie Pie tries again. But every time her hooves smash Pinkamena’s face to a pancake, they make the same honking noise and inflate a couple of seconds later. She continues punching the face, and even grabs it by the sides and slams it on the tile. But all it does is make Pinkamena laugh, taunt her, and make more honks. Plus Pinkamena’s face always inflates back to its normal size.

“Stop hitting yourself!” cackles Pinkamena. "Why are you hitting yourself? Quit hitting yourself!"

Pinkie Pie screams and slams both of her hooves down on her evil twin’s face and the impact leaves cracks in the dirty tile, but the results are the same.

Pinkie Pie’s eyes shoot open, her eyes red and puffy and face soaked, when a deafening, continuous horn blares for everyone to hear. She groans and pulls her head off of the taxi’s cracked dashboard and looks to where the horn is. Her hoof is over it and the horn button is shattered, but that is not what is concerning her. What is concerning her is that her hooves, which are bleeding from the scratches she got from the splintered wood, is that her blood is mixing with foreign blood. Pinkie Pie’s eyes bulge and her jaw drops as she clumsily exits the vehicle, falling on her back and cracking her head against the pavement. She winces as she pulls herself up, rubbing her head and trying to ignore the fresh pain in her back. Her ribs also feel fragile and her muscles sore. Her basic disguise is gone, too.

When Pinkie Pie stops rubbing her head, her whole body drops to the ground and she covers her mouth. The whole taxi damaged; its window is shattered with blood on the edge of the broken glass, the frame is riddled with cracks, and there is even a hole through the passenger door. Pinkie Pie gulps as she cautiously approaches the trunk, which has a bloodstain at the base. She opens up the trunk and finds sacks of bits marked with the Royal Bank seal. Pinkie Pie slams the trunk shut and drums her hooves against it, trying to remember what had happened. She remembers robbing the bank to get the money to pay Iron Will, feeling sick when she got pulled over, and being asked to leave the vehicle so they can inspect. Then nothing.

Pinkie Pie covers her eyes with her hooves and drops to her haunches, shaking her head in disbelief.

“No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening,” whimpers Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie, is that you?” says a familiar mare in disbelief.

Pinkie Pie stops whimpering and drags her hooves away from her eyes as she slowly turns to the mare, trembling and eyes watering.

“Help me,” begs Pinkie Pie.