I faced the dreams again, without alcohol. I hated doing that. It's okay though, that was the last time I'll ever have to do it. I carefully slid out of bed. Twilight was still out cold. Thankfully that sleep powder still had some kick left in it.

I still didn't want to take any chances, so I walked as slowly and softly as possible over to the safe. A quick spin of the dial and it gave up it's contents. A tailored vest with three pockets along the left and right breast, and six on the back. Each one packed with enough explosives to bring down that entire banquet hall if I was lucky. Definitely enough to make sure my primary target wouldn't get away.

It was a simple device. The phone call from the night before last was from those who constructed it. Theirs was a political goal, to try and restore Luna's rule, or start a new democratic government, I wasn't really sure. I hadn't cared to listen while they were explaining it. My reason was personal. Celestia made us kill, and be killed in the war against her sister, only to have her banished to the moon, and return as if nothing had ever happened. They even threw a fucking parade when Luna returned from her exile. Truly it was a pointless war, an exercise in futility, pitting one equine against another and for what? Not a damn thing. Everypony was expected to act as though the Lunar wars never happened.

Well not me. I won't let them off that easily.

The vest had a small glass capsule sewn into the front, containing a liquid primer behind a short fuse. It was positioned behind my ribbons, so all I had to do was activate it by pounding my hoof to my chest as if I were coughing. Then in two or three seconds, it would all be over.

I slid it on and made sure it still fit. It was short enough to hide under my formal military jacket. I quickly put on the other parts of of my uniform: beret, ribbons, medals, the whole nine yards. I always figured I would die wearing this. Never thought it would be taking out a tyrant, though.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror. I was a young, handsome stallion once. Wonderbolt captain for a while until Spitfire took over. I couldn't say truthfully how many things that war took from me. Nopony really wants to be around you when any little thing could put you back in that life or death mindset. It scared most mares to wake up at 3 am and have to talk the stallion they'd just spent the night with out of believing the zebra were just outside the door, ready to barge in and gut us both. Spitfire was the only one who came close to understanding, but even her patience wore thin after a while.

Now I was just a shell of who I once had been. I don't mind anymore though. If my life were a bar, this was last call.

I grabbed a flask from the dresser and felt it still had a few swigs left.

"One for the road."

I drained it and looked back at the sleeping filly in my bed, snoring softly. Her mane was still a mess from the night before, as was her tail. Suddenly, I felt something all too familiar.

Guilt.

I couldn't just leave her here without any explanation.

I grabbed a quill and scroll out of her bag and began writing.

'Twilight,

By now I'm sure you know what happened at the ceremony. I can't express in words what made me decide to go through with what I did, but suffice to say that this was the only useful thing I could do with this wasted life of mine. If you were trying to save me last night, I'm sorry. I was planning this long before you came along. I do this so maybe one day in the future you won't have to send your little colt off to war to become the broken shell I have become. You're a good pony, Twilight, and I'm sure your father is proud of what you've become. Before last night, I was in the darkness of my mind completely, but for a few shining hours, you rescued me. So in a sense, you could say you saved me, if only for a moment. Unfortunately, moments fade, and memories last forever. I don't want these memories anymore. What I do now, will seal my legacy as a traitor, a terrorist, or whatever label they'd have me branded with. But I'm glad you got to know who I once was, and who I am now. I'm glad you know the truth.

Goodbye Twilight, our time together has been the sole bright spot for me in these, my last few years.

SFC Soarin Blazer'

I took one last look back at her sleeping peacefully. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel anything, but those who made this vest were expecting results. I was in too deep to back out now. Either I delivered or they'd come here and kill me. Not that I couldn't take a few of them with me, but now that Twilight's involved herself with me, I couldn't bear to have something happen to her on my account.

I wedged a couple of bits in the door from the outside, just in case the powder wore off early.

This was for the best.

A pegasi cab pulled up outside my building.

I turned back to my window, expecting to see a pleading unicorn pressed against the glass. Luckily for me and for her, the powder's grip seemed like it would hold for just long enough.

I just hoped one day she would understand, I did this to keep her safe.

I got on the chariot and it took off on a one way trip toward Canterlot castle.

Within minutes, I was outside the gates, the guards saluting me as I passed them. Young colts, foals practically. The same age I had been when I joined up. My heart beat faster, feeling like it alone would set off my vest. The banquet hall was full of dignitaries, royalty, advisors, all manner of ponies who send others off into battle to do their dirty work while they sit back here in Canterlot and drank wine. None of them had ever known the devastation of losing a loved one to war, or a friend. Their kind didn't fight, their kind gave the orders and watched.

I was the only veteran in the entire hall, the rest were all press, or members of the royal court's family. Good. The more of those blue blooded scum I take with me, the better.

They put me at a table next to the stage where Celestia, Luna and the rest of her cabinet sat. After a few minutes of lip service, they called me up.

This was it.

My heart was hammering away in my chest as I ascended the staircase toward her. On a cushion behind her was another medal. A useless trinket to remind me of those I'd slain in her name. I plastered a fake smile on my face as she greeted me with hers. I bowed, no reason to cause suspicion yet.

She used her magic to lift the medal around my neck. I wasn't expecting it to be as heavy as it was. I looked up at her, she was still smiling. The same smile she held in all the propaganda, all the appearances, and all the public events.

"It was an honor to have a valiant soldier like you in my army."

I cracked a genuine grin for probably the first time in ten years, seeing all the faces of my fallen brothers reflect in her eyes. This was for them.

"No your highness, the honor is all mine."

I raised my hoof to set off the fireworks, when a flash blinded me from my right. It took a second to refocus my eyes, but what I saw made me hesitate, and that would be my downfall.

"Soarin stop!"

I glanced to my right quickly. How did she get here? I knew that powder wouldn't last!

"Twilight!" The princess exclaimed, "What is the meaning of this?"

Why the hell did she have to show up now? She couldn't have waited five fucking seconds? I should have never left that damn note!

I couldn't use the bomb now. Time for plan bravo. Under my sleeve was the blade I had used to snuff out the lives of many an unfortunate soldier who had chosen the wrong side. I found it kind of fitting that it would finally taste the blood of a tyrant, especially the one who forced its grisly job upon it.

One quick swipe to the neck, and the guards could stab me all they wanted. My foreleg shot out just like I'd done so many times before, but something stopped my blade. Nothing emotional, or any sentimental reason, something physical, as if a hoof was holding my foreleg in mid air. It was maybe an inch from the glowing white neck that I aimed for; an aura of purple light surrounded it. I struggled to break from its grip, but it was impossible.

Fear. Finally, I got to see it across Celestia's face. The same look I had seen on countless friends and enemies as they took their final breaths. Her expression begged an answer to why. Why a seemingly patriotic, loyal subject would try the unthinkable. The look on her face was nearly worth not getting that last inch.

Twilight stopped me. I shot a quick glare at her before being taken to the ground. I could hear Celestia going on about why I would do this. I didn't have a lifetime to explain it.

I felt two or three pegasi on top of me. You never realize how pointy their armor is until it's being pressed into your back.

They gave me a few kicks for good measure while they had me down.

I heard the soft crack of the primer. Against my better judgement I smirked. Looked like I'd get my chance to send some of these blood suckers to hell after all. My thoughts immediately turned to Twilight. I caught glimpses of her standing behind the pile the royal guards had formed on top of me. I craned my neck to shout to her. The disbelief on her face was evident, but she had to have known I wouldn't be above this. She listened to and transcribed more than I had ever told anypony. If anypony knew my true motives, it was her. She knew the real me, a smart cookie like her would understand why I did it.

"Twilight!" I roared, "Run! Get off the sta-" A swift hoof to the jaw stopped me mid sentence.

Please Twilight, just run, or teleport, do something! I didn't mean this for you! Please for the love of heaven just get off the stage!

"I'm sorry. I'm not leaving you Soarin." I heard her say over the commotion.

Not as sorry as you're going to be! No! Goddammit no! This wasn't meant for her you bastards!

They say you see your life flash before your eyes right before you die. I only had maybe two seconds, tops before everything faded to black. Time slowed. I could feel the guards still struggling to subdue me as the crowd gasped and began to panic, realizing I had just attempted to assassinate the princess. Celestia was probably well off the stage by now. I could only hope to wound her if I was lucky.

But Twilight...

She was still just outside the guards huddled around me. Tears. Why the hell I chose now to cry I can't fathom. I hadn't done it since I enlisted, but seeing the pain on her face must have been the final straw. I could handle severed heads. I could handle disemboweling a sleeping enemy soldier. I couldn't take that look. Made worse by the fact that she still wouldn't get off the fucking stage. I'm sorry Twilight. I'm sorry you had to involve yourself with me. I never wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't have ever dreamt of it. Why did you have to care? Why didn't you just finish your assignment and move on? Why didn't you just forget about me like everypony else in this world had?

That caring heart of hers. I told her it would get her in trouble one day. I can't help but think of everything I'm taking from her. Her chance to meet the stallion of her dreams, her chance to know the pride of being a mother. Her chance to watch her foal grow into a pony and find a love of their own. Her chance to see her grandchildren grow up as she grows old with the love of her life. Her chance to die peacefully surrounded by her friends and family.

No, instead she would die on this stage, with me. A broken old stallion with nothing left to lose. I'm so sorry Twilight. Maybe they'll honor you the way they planned on honoring me. Maybe you'll get a library named after you. After all, you were her 'faithful student'.

I hate myself for doing this to her. In the one second I have left, I can't help but think how unfair it is; that I'm the only one who knows I'm about to die and take half this stage with me. I'm getting my final thoughts, but these guards...and Twilight. For them, it'll all be done in a flash. I suppose it's better that way. They won't have time to wonder whether heaven or hell exist, or which you are going to be sent to. For them, it's just...over.

That fuse had to have been close now. I looked up at her one more time; I noticed tears in her eyes. I'll bet she cried those same tears for her father. A final blink flushed the water from my eye so I could get one last clear look at her. One final moment to try and memorize her before eternity. One last attempt to hear her name aloud, to make sure she knew I was sorry.

"Twi—"