Authors Note: Despite this being a 12k chapter, it is NOT a displaced crossover chapter. It kinda just got away from me while I was writing. Enjoy!~

"-and then I had to help Mrs. Punch up, because she had been hitting the sauce a bit too hard, if you know what I mean," The girl in the jesters outfit with the pink mass of hair babbled on, as she had pretty much from the instant she woke up.

I shouldn't have given her any coffee. I should have known what would happen by the fact that she almost immediately sprang up, bright and bushy tailed, the moment I walked back into the living room with a platter piled high with pancakes. She then offered to help wake 'everypony' else up.

And help hand out pancakes. It was... weird, to say the least. You wouldn't know it by looking at her, that she was even asleep only a minute prior.

I wish she was still asleep. BECAUSE SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING SHUT UP. Apparently her name is 'Pinkamena Diane Pie' according to the name floating above her head, but she prefers to be called 'Pinkie Pie'. She threw a party for me last night, and was very disappointed when I didn't show up to my own house.

Serves her right for throwing a party in my new house without getting my permission. When asked where I had gone that had kept me out all night, I simply stated I was 'out walking my dogs'. She seemed to accept that.

She then launched into a one sided discussion regarding everything that they had done at the party in my absence, so I 'wouldn't feel left out'. She wanted to tell me everything.

EVERYTHING. By god was she fucking thorough. Every single last party game they had started up, even the ones she hadn't participated in, she told me the outcome. Some lady named Cloudkicker won the apple bobbing contest. Somehow that was relevant.

If a person had a drink, she knew about it, and kept tabs. It was honestly kind of scary. Freaky that she'd be watching everyone so closely.

Apparently they had kept partying long into the morning, hoping to catch me once I finally made my way home. Eventually they had succumbed to their merriment, not even bothering to go home to fall asleep. Apparently this town and society has a far more lax view on privacy. If someone can just up and camp in your living room with no one pitching a fit, I would assume that such a society would be a slightly more peaceful one than mine. Ours. Whatever. This view would immediately be challenged by the fact that everyone went around carrying weapons in full view, but oh well. They even wore them while they slept, if this group was anything to go by.

Oh good god, even the fucking mayor was here, I could see her spooning a guy with wings over in the corner. A rapier poked up out of her belt, jutting outwards to prop up someone elses arm.

They certainly were friendly, if the various pile were anything to go by. At least they seemed to be civilized enough not to have a fucking orgy in my living room. If that was something they did.

It actually reminded me of my older sisters slumber parties. There was never enough places for them to sleep, so they always just set up their sleeping bags wherever. Organized chaos.

And me having just given up on sleep as a past time of the weak. My loss. Looked fun. Of course, if this 'Pinkie Pie' was being as genuine as she claimed, I'd have to sit through a similar party tonight. I wouldn't be able to train, and I'd have to succumb to sleep just like everyone else. I couldn't very well massage myself in plain view of everyone. And if I wasn't showing signs of fatigue, others might try to stay awake, simply so they wouldn't miss out on anything.

What a fucking bother.

Pinkie looked like she had some interesting abilities, even if I could never outright catch her in the act. She cooked up another batch of pancakes seemingly instantly, without me even noticing. Seriously, an entire batch of thirty seven hotcakes, in less than a minute and a half. I could have sworn she never left the room.

Every time I took my eyes off of her, she seemed to teleport around the room. She certainly moved around faster than she should have been able to. I never actually caught her movement, whenever I turned back to look at her she just turned to smile and wave at me. When she wasn't burning my ear off with her never ending spiel regarding what happened during the party last night.

It was slow going, but eventually the piles of people eventually started filing out, off to go live their lives and do whatever the hell their jobs denoted for them. They partook of the pancakes, and I even got a couple winged and horned people asking if I had any eggs. I didn't have any. Wouldn't have made them even if I had them.

I made them fucking pancakes. They can stuff that in their maw.

Eventually I was left alone. 'Alone', meaning that my three new teachers and a few other people decided to stick around.

Rainbow Dash. Her name was floating above her head, which was the main reason I knew who she was. She didn't introduce herself, she just stuffed her face with a couple pancakes and went back to sleep. Bitch is taking up my couch.

Her hair... I can certainly see how she got her name. It was a mop of unruly rainbow tinged hair, streaked through like... wait for it... a rainbow. Not all that surprising, I know.

The other people left were female as well. Along with Pinkie Pie -who would not fucking leave, even after everyone else had left- I was left with someone named 'Carrot Top', 'Ditzy Doo', and another girl the same age as Applebloom and the rest named Twist.

Twists title stated she was a 'confectioner'. I guess that meant she made confections. Or something. I dunno.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked the new girl, who at this point hadn't said a word to me. She'd been talking to the other three girls for a bit, but again, not a word to me.

Seeing as she had been asleep in my living room not five minutes previous, I would be well within my rights to assume that as a bit rude. She definitely looked a bit startled by my question.

"Uh, I wath wondering," she began, lisping all the way. I'm sure she had an interesting story to go along with that, seeing as no one else around here had a lisp. Or maybe they did. I'd spoken to precious few people so far. The sleepy people didn't count, they were barely coherent as they shoveled food into their mouths. "Uh... I kinda thtill have a book from the library, and itth three dayth late?" she fixed me with a 'cute' look, eyes wide and 'puppy dog-ish'.

"I see no problem with a late book, as long as it's returned," I replied succinctly. I'd have to see what the hell the procedure for late books was. If they didn't have late fees, I could try to set something up with the mayor. If she handled stuff like that. Being my own boss was kinda weird.

"I have seventeen books checked out," Pinkie Pie oh so helpfully added, leaning on the girls shoulder, "only one of them involves cooking," she added in a loud whisper.

"Delightful," I stated with false cheer. "It always does my heart good to see folks with a passion for reading."

I was well versed in the bullshit public face technique. Smile, pretend that you actually enjoy the presence of others and they'll come back again to eventually give your place of business additional portions of money on a regular basis. Employers don't give a shit if you have a bad attitude. They just don't want you to show it while you're working. As long as you pretend to be enjoying yourself, they're happy.

"How come you weren't back for the party last night?" Scootaloo questioned, as Twist fell back into line beside Applebloom.

"I took Argos and Hax for a walk," I lied, spreading my hands wide to give off an unconscious sense of 'I'm telling the truth'. Body language is just as important as the words when you lie. "We kinda got lost, spent a fair bit longer out than I would have liked."

Appleblooms face scrunched up in thought, "Who's Argos?" she asked, tilting her head.

Crap. Just my luck, I now had to explain how I changed his name. How could I say this as simply as possible, without irritating myself?

"Uh, Mr. Scruffaluss didn't seem to like his name all that much," I started, glad that Argos was still snoring away in the tub upstairs. It was just water, but you pressurize it enough and it stings like a bitch. "So... I kinda just listed off names until he gave me a happy sounding bark."

The three each gave an understanding nod, whereas the others each had varying looks of non-understanding. Well, Pinkie still had this stupid grin on her face. But the other two didn't really look like they were part of the conversation.

"And you, miss?" I asked, directing my attention to one of the last of my 'guests' -that still wouldn't fucking leave for some reason- "It seems my couch was comfortable enough to lure one mare back to sleep," I nearly slipped over the word 'mare', but Pinkie had been vigilant upon using it when referring to nearly half the people that had been asleep in the living room. "-and perhaps concerns regarding books kept yet another," I eyed Twist, noting that she avoided my gaze as she blushed. Interesting. New guy in town, guess *I* was marginally as well. "And as far as I can tell, Pinkie just wants to make sure I don't feel left out... but surely I'm not handsome enough to keep yet another mare such as yourself from whatever duties you might yet have this fine morning?" I ended, carefully observing her reaction.

What? Her tits were nice. Didn't want to be caught staring, though. The leather jerkin she wore strained visibly under the strain, only partially hidden beneath the folds of a long billowing cloak.

She gave me a subdued smile, the action reaching her eyes as she said, "My, and such a gentlemane? As it so happens, Applebloom informed me you might be looking for some odd jobs? I might have a few things you could take of..."

Hmmm. Well I did need a few bits. And I couldn't just disappear during the day, especially after bugging out so soon. Someone was bound to notice. I wasn't nearly smart enough yet to bamboozle everyone around me like I wanted to. Their entire culture was different than what I was used to, I'd have to do some research. Hopefully this small town library would have a history book or two.

Okay. Plan. I'd get rid of the remainder of my guests and find a book or two to hopefully clue me into common things around here. Landmark names, frequently evoked deities, if I could figure out who the heck ran things around here...

If there was some sort of king or emperor, I sure as fuck didn't want to make a complete fool out of myself by doing something that would right away clue others in to the fact I didn't know anything about anything.

Maybe there was a president. As unlikely as that was, regarding the fantasy surroundings.

After that, I'd spend a little more time leveling up power strike or something. Then I'd go ahead and head over to Carrot Tops'... house or whatever, and earn a little money so I could eventually buy my new clothes off of Rarity.

"Hello there," holy fucking shit where did she come from. Ditzy Doo. I completely forgot about her. I didn't even notice when she snuck up and dominated my whole field of vision. I was doing that a lot recently. Not paying attention to my surroundings, anyway.

She had a messy mop of dandelion yellow hair sprouting from her head, cascading over her shoulders and down her back in a large swathe. She wore a set of dull grey robes adorned with a motif of a pattern of bubbles that curled up over her shoulder, which swallowed up her form and hid it from view. This made her bright golden eyes stand out even more than they already did, what with how they were both looking off in opposite directions.

Her right eye stared straight at me, while her left eye wandered around to ponder a wall somewhere behind me. I barely resisted the urge to look behind me, to see if she was actually focusing on something other than me.

I wasn't fast enough to react as she grabbed my hand, and pumped it up and down in a handshake. She tilted her head and gave me a smile, tightening her grip as she did so. It quickly became painful, almost unbearably so.

"Your words are as pure as the expression on your face," she claimed, the smile refusing to leave her lips. She finally let go, and it was all I could do to keep myself from wringing it in pain. At least I managed to keep my own smile. She was obviously trying to get a rise out of me, and I couldn't risk her actually getting mad.

She had to be at least fifty levels above me, if the question marks where her level should be over her head were any notification. God knows how strong she actually was. Worst thing was she obviously knew I was lying, and putting on a false air to ingratiate everyone around me.

Why didn't she simply say so, if she knew? Did she not want others to know for some reason? If so, why?

I didn't get a chance to ask her, even if I wanted to. After saying her piece, she turned on a heel and left. Chuckling all the while. The moment was kinda tarnished however, by the fact that she trod on the excess of her voluminous robe and careened into the doorway. She bonked off the door frame, landing on her back as she cradled her face in her hands.

"I'm okay!" she called out suddenly, thrusting a closed fist upwards. She quickly got to her feet, brushing herself off before she made her escape.

"That mare," Carrot Top sighed.

"Yeah," Scootaloo agreed, shaking her head in amusement. "Is it just me, or is Ditzy Doo acting more derpy than usual?"

"Can never tell with that mare," Applebloom added. "Seems like most days her head's in the clouds, but... you never can tell with her..."

"She was really sweet, though," Sweetiebelle stated, cooing softly, "She said mister Colt was pure! Even she can see it!~"

I think she was romanticizing it. Oh well, at least as long as the rest of them didn't pick up on the undertones of what she had said.

"Now now," I started, drawing their attention, "Even if the mare is... 'derpy', one shouldn't gossip on such topics. It's quite rude, and unbecoming of fine young ladies such as yourselves," I chastised. My to my delight, each of them had varying degrees of embarrassment stamped on their faces.

"Geez, you almost sound like Sweetiebelles sister," Scootaloo complained, her wings fluffing slightly behind her.

I assume that was an insult. The winged one did give off the air of a tomboy, acting proper around her might end up in diminished returns in regards to how she viewed me. If she viewed me as something undesirable, I might lose that bonus EXP I was getting with them as my teachers. I distinctly remembered something about minus reputation regarding two other people in the description, so I had to assume that I could potentially put her off and dip below the required reputation cap or something.

If there was a required reputation cap. I was still guessing as I went along... and I couldn't risk coming up with a wrong answer this early in the game.

Not if I wanted... to be able to stand my ground if...

It didn't help to dwell on that now. I'd grow stronger, and tackle that problem once I came to it.

"Miss...Top? Was it?" I asked, turning my attention back to my fiery haired guest. "I would much appreciate the chance to get out and do some old fashioned work today, so your offer is very much desirable."

I turned back to the trio -sans confectioner, who had buggered off when I wasn't paying attention- , giving them a short nod, "My apologies, as much as I would love to spend my morning learning something new from you, I really must start cataloging the library and taking stock of what I've been left with. If wanted, you could assist me in-"

"Gah, that sounds hecka boring," Scootaloo groaned, her wings slumping in irritation.

"I actually just wanted to wish you a happy morning seeing as I had to go home from the party early. Plus I have to help my mom in the shop today," Sweetiebelle groused, drawing a groan from Applebloom as well.

"Yeah, I still have a bunch of chores on the farm ah gotta do," Applebloom stated tiredly. "I can come back once I'm done, though! Not sure how much help ah'd be regardin'... catalogin' or whatever, but I'd still be willing to help!"

"Call me once you're doing something interesting, k?" Scootaloo asked, giving a small wave as she backed out of the front door. "Laters!"

"Scoots!" Sweetiebelle protested, following closely on her heels. Applebloom also followed swiftly, leaving me alone with the carrot themed lady.

And Rainbow Dash. She was still snoring away on my couch. I'd kick her out eventually, if it got too distracting. Or if she loitered for too long.

"Miss Top, seeing as I'm currently unaware as to where you currently reside, would you mind coming back later to escort me?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow.

"Ooh ooh ooh!" Pinkie Pie squealed, waving her arm in the air above her head. "I can do that, I can do iiiit! I don't have anywhere to be today so I can just hang out and help him with stuff then when he's ready I can show him around town and introduce to everypony so he can have looooooots of friends!~" she crowed, a wide smile stretched across her face.

"Oh, would you Pinkie?" Carrot Top prompted, matching her smile in turn. "That would definitely help me out, I don't think I'll have time to come back and show him what all I want him to do, I just have so much to do today..."

"Don't chu worry Toppy, I'll get him there, no problem!"

Hey... wait... I... didn't agree to this...

Physical Endurance has gone up a level!

Kinda fucking late to the party, aren't you? If that was from the handshake the perceptive one had given me. I couldn't see anything else I could have gotten from it. This newest revelation was more of a mental attack. I don't think I could stand this girl for long periods of time.

She just had that personality. Hyper, and bubbly. The kind of person that always wants to be involved in everything you're doing, leaving you without a shred of privacy. If I couldn't shake her loose soon, I might be left with a limpet for the rest of the day.

Reeeeeeaaaaaaally regretting giving her a cup of coffee.

Maybe she'd power through the caffeine, and end up tired? I could hope, for all the good that would do.

"Thank you Pinkie, you're a lifesaver!" Carrot Top declared, giving me another smile as she turned to leave. "Mr. Nice son," she said to me as she gave me a nod. Niscon. Not 'nice son'. Why the fuck does everyone around here sound it out like its multiple words?

I was left alone with the pink terror, said nuisance looping an arm over my shoulder. Oh well, as annoying as she was, her chest felt surprisingly nice pressed against my arm. Reminded me of my ex, similar size.

And there go my warm and fuzzies. Fucking bitch. Even in nothing more than memory she was robbing me of lifes little pleasures.

"Please miss, don't touch me," I stated, sliding out of her grasp. I flinched at the hurt expression that flitted across her face, quickly amending that with, "Sorry, just... bad memories. If you wouldn't mind?"

The hurt in her expression quickly disappeared, replaced with her signature grin. "Hmmm... kay!"

A bit too quick for me to count it as normal. Who knew what was going on in her dome. If there was room in her head with her friggin smile taking up so much space. I gave what I hoped was a warm smile, tilting my head slightly as I did so. Body language, remember.

"So whats first? Are you going to make more pancakes? Ooh, maybe we can make it a game! Like, if you had this one thing, and then I started from the other side, and we both had a score thingy and they held it on the other side of the bridge by softly so it doesn't tangle and then you just sorta jumped over it like hop scotch and-"

I stopped listening to her. I had no fucking clue what she was talking about. I fear listening any further might have invited permanent brain damage. Or at the very least, a persistent migraine.

Making it a game... if she only knew how close that term applied to everything I was involved in recently. Her hair bounces when she talks.

I couldn't really do all of what I wanted with an outside observer standing there, watching me. She might ask questions, like 'why are those books disappearing?' or 'why are you shouting out "power strike" while swinging around that cudgel?' How annoying. And she seemed to have a fetish for parties, god only knew what she'd think of if I told her about my party ability. Oh good god no. No no no no no. Not if her current attitude was anything to go by. I wasn't sure if this girl was the kind I wanted to encourage to stick around me. Maybe if she was slightly calmer, but... agh, she was STILL talking.

"-and I said that's not a banana, that's my mother!" with this, she clutched her sides and stifled a snort.

"I... yes. Quite humorous," I lied, turning away to regard the sleeping pegasus.

Still asleep. Even with Pinkie Pie being... dare I even assume that she's like this on a daily basis? We weren't being quiet, that's for sure. Her wings curled behind her, one draping off the side and sweeping against the floor, while the other acted as a blanket on top of her. It actually looked kinda comfortable...

No, wait, I'm still trying to be mad at her. Stealing my couch without even asking. Loitering. Sleeping... peacefully. Actually looked kinda cute, when she wasn't awake to make all those tired looking expressions I'd seen as she tore into her pancakes...

Bah, whatever. One thing I'd noticed pretty quickly, almost every single chick I saw here was pretty attractive. Hadn't seen anyone less than a six yet, at least.

"If she isn't awake by the time I want to leave, should I try to get her up and kick her out?" I asked, eyeing her carefully. Her chest rose and fell peacefully, oblivious to my concerns.

"Dashy?" she asked, giving her an oblivious once over before returning her attention to me. Lucky me. "She's slept on that old couch so many times I'd be surprised if she hadn't worn an impression into it by now. Old Cinnamon Swirl always let her sleep on it whenever she wanted. She's always had a bit of a habit of napping in trees, heehee~" she snickered to herself, leaning against my shoulder before I took a step to the side and shrugged her off.

"Quite. Perhaps I should just give her that one and buy a new one for myself," I mused, ignoring the look that flashed across her face. She was obviously a touchy feely kind of person. I didn't really feel like being felt up by some random person I didn't really know, though. "Maybe then I'll be able to keep my living room to myself... That reminds me. Pinkie."

"Yep!" she belted out, striking a pose.

"I don't know exactly how things worked around here before, but for now and the foreseeable future this library is going to be my personal residence. If you plan to throw a party in here, I would appreciate if you would at the very least get my permission."

Pinkie didn't look like she payed that much attention to my words, seeing as her expression -a wide smile, something I think might be the universal constant for this girl...- didn't shift for a second. "Kay!"

At least she still seemed to be listening to me. Sorta.

While she continued to dance around and ramble on regarding topics I didn't bother to become invested in, I searched the library for any documentation. If I could find a folder full of papers telling me exactly every single book that the library had, that would have been wonderful.

Sadly, after about an hour I finally interrupted Pinkie Pie to ask her a question. She had been talking about something regarding trombones and ... 'parites' or something, but I couldn't tell you 100% for sure. After asking if she knew if the last guy had kept a list or anything she knew about, I learned my entire last hour had been wasted.

Cinnamon Swirl had fucking eidetic memory. The old bastard had kept everything in his head, he NEVER put anything down on paper. I mean yeah, he did have paper, he had forms and stuff for acquisition and so on I could potentially use to order more books from some place called 'Canterlot'.

And Manehatton. And Las Pegasus. Chicoltgo. All the fucking towns here were horse puns. I didn't know whether to laugh or scratch out my eyes in indignation.

So I would have to catalogue everything myself. Fan-friiiickin-tastic. From scratch. My was not is happies.

Swirl hadn't kept his shit in alphabetical order, title or author. I couldn't really get a feel for whatever the hell his system had been, if he even had had a system and didn't just put the books back up on the shelf at random. I wouldn't be surprised.

Would you like to learn (Basic Plumbing)?

Seventh book and it turned out to be a skill book. Yay. Too bad it was only a non combat skill. I wrote the title down on my list, added the author name and put a smiley mark next to it. I'd come back and use it later, once I was rid of Pinkie Pie.

"What's the smiley for?"

"Just keeping tabs of especially interesting looking tomes. I want to be sure I don't forget about them."

And so it went.

Basic Plumbing. Individual Magic Effect Identifier. Pigment Shift. Basic Repair. Dust Begone. Wing Brace. Aileron Roll. Barrel Roll. Warm. Cool. Cleanse. Soothe. Target. Basic Fishing. Alter Odor. Beginners Summon Marked Item. Beginners Telekinesis. Light. Nightlight. Alter Flavor. High Pitch. Featherfall. Muffle. Detect Animosity. Detect Decay. Detect Pie.

Out of all the potential skills I was able to find and keep track of, 'detect pie' definitely sounded like the most useful. I don't know whether I'm joking about that or not. I suppose the tk spell might eventually become useful, but that 'beginner' tag on the front of it pissed me off.

Regardless, the spells or whatever in this library just seemed to be weak, pointless spells. I don't know what I was expecting from a rustic, nowhere seeming town, but at the very least I was hoping for something cool.

Nothing says 'badass spellcaster' like a guy running across a field screaming 'detect pie!' as he waves his arms around.

I couldn't even risk trying to learn any of the skills, the girl never left me alone for a second. She seemed to be placated with my intermittent replies of 'mmhmm' and 'huh' well enough, so I didn't have to listen to her all that closely.

I gave up on cataloguing the rest of the library, I couldn't really do what I wanted with the pink haired girl staring over my shoulder. I went back upstairs, waking up Hax and Argos as I did so. Hax happily leaped back up on my shoulder, but Argos replied with a gout of water when I asked if he wanted to come along with me to my little 'job' or whatever Carrot Top had for me.

Spiteful little brat. I let him turn back over and go back to sleep, I'd just have to make him run more later.

Setting out did nothing to curb Pinkies endless rant on anything and everything, instead adding another annoyance to her bottomless source of air. She kept on pulling me aside every few steps, introducing me to new people. Ponies. Whatever.

"This is Junebug," she stated, pulling me off the street and forcing my hand into another handshake with another person, "She's as pretty as a picture, as warm as the warmest hug!" she declared happily. The lady blushed slightly at Pinkies words, but we were gone before I could even utter a 'pleasure to meet you'.

"This is Lotus Blossom and her sister Aloe! They run the Ponyville Spa!"

"This is Mane Goodal, she runs the Pet Vet Emporium and Ink Pot with Silver Quill."

"This is Roma, she mostly grows tomatoes, but she also works with Toppy and grows carrots-"

"This is Torch song, she sings in the Pony Tones with Rarity and Big Macintosh!"

"This is Cheese Sandwich! He's not supposed to be here for a few more seasons and I'm going to deny my knowledge of him in the future for story purposes!"

"This is Mrs. Cake! I work for her!"

"This is Candy Mane! She works with me part time and makes her own stuff all the other time!"

"This is Doseydotes, she works for the flower trio and can grow a magnolia so scrumptious it will melt in your mouth," she crooned, stopping for a mere second to let me catch my breath. Well, not completely a whole second. Like a quarter of one before we shot off once more and I found my hand thrust into another one in so many seconds.

"This is Doc Top! He's a pediatrician! He used to make house calls back when I was an itty bitty little Twinkie Pinkie!"

"Wait, wait wait wait," I pleaded, saving my hand as I tried to catch my breath. I had to distract her for a few seconds, get her to concentrate on something besides me... Wait... we were...

"Why are we back at the library?" I asked, screwing my eyebrow up to better portray my confusion and irritation. We were standing right back where we had started, regardless of all the traveling we had done in the past few minutes. "I thought you were showing me the way to Carrot Tops place?"

She gave me a wide smile. Was starting to get annoyed at that. "Well how are you supposed to make new friends if I don't let you meet them?"

Great. Wonderful. "I don't need you to introduce me to new ponies, Pinkie," I assured her. I could damned well do that shit on my own. "That limits the interaction especially seeing as you only allowed me to see each of them for a few seconds, and cheapens the relationship seeing as I didn't initiate it myself."

She seemed to deflate for a couple seconds, staring at me as her smile slowly waned. And then like a switch flipped, her smile went back to normal.

"Kay!"

... I... shit, well I guess 'kay' is better than nothing. She wasn't dragging me around and trying to drown me in introductions after that, so that was pleasant.

She actually took me to Carrot Tops after that, so I guess miracles do come true. Occasionally. To add on that, she seemed to catch onto my wanting her to leave me alone, leaving me to fend for myself at Carrot Tops. Surprisingly, it turns out that the scary lady from before lived with her, and had a tendency to... Offer food.

I don't know why.

"Muffin?" She had asked, an innocent smile stretched across her face as she stared at me and a pot off to the side. I accepted the muffin. It had blueberries. It was yummy. Still no idea why she offered it, though.

I painted a room. She was initially going to have Ditzy Doo do it, but apparently she was sensitive to the fumes or something. Apparently the 'pros' had asked for an outrageous fee for the project, simply because she lived slightly near the edge of town and would have 'taken them longer to get there'.

As it was, the quest window that popped up promised me twenty five bits and seventeen EXP, as well as a skill called 'Painter'. After I was done, Carrot Top came back in from tending her plant beds and gave me thirty bits. Apparently outrageous is somewhere upwards of 'sixty' bits. She seemed pleased with the job, anyway.

Painting is easy, if tedious. Putting down plastic, taping shit up, and then repetitive movements. It took longer than I thought it would because Hax kept on lapping up the paint. Guess he liked the taste. I couldn't really let him eat it as he pleased though, in case I ran out. So regardless, I finally finished.

Got the money and EXP the quest promised me, but it got screwy once I got to the skill it said it would give me. Apparently it wasn't a skill at all, and was what my Gamer ability called a 'title'.

Painter
Quality of jobs done while title (Painter) is active have a 10% chance to be 2X greater quality.
+20% EXP gain to skill (Painting).
5% chance per brush stroke to not use up applied paint.
Paint will last twice as long once applied.
Quests that involve the skill (Painting) have a greater chance of being generated.
Cutiemarks that involve the skill (Painting) have a greater chance of being gained.
Does not apply to the skill/title (Artist).

Interesting. Thankfully, after the message about the title faded away another one popped up saying I had gained a skill called 'painting'. All it did was give me an additional 5% chance to not use up paint per stroke. So I guess that was good, but it was a little pointless. Unless I wanted to seek out painting jobs specifically, which I didn't really think I would be with my 'odd jobs' search still going on. I could... but I really didn't want to become a one trick pony. I'd ultimately prefer to find a set of jobs that required me to move around more, let me use up physical skills without anyone noticing. Couldn't really use up MP on 'power strike' during painting...

An image flashed through my head, of me swinging a paintbrush around like a hammer with a scowl on my face as I attacked a wall. Heh, I highly doubt that would end well.

I had been using Starswirls meditation thingy during my activity, but I hadn't seemed to gain quite as much EXP as I had previously. I assume it was the situation in context that caused the variance, but I honestly have no idea.

Whatever. It is as it is.

After I got through inspecting my new skill, Carrot Top came back in and gave me another quest. Milk run. As I was led to believe there was a herd of cows living in the fields next to a farm called 'Sweet Apple Acres'. After she gave me directions, I set off with the bits she gave me to buy two jars of milk. One normal, the other bottle 'enhanced'. Whatever that meant. She had given me ten bits for regular, then fifty for the enhanced, so maybe it really was 'enhanced'. Somehow. I was supposed to ask for someone named named 'Bessie'.

Once I was pointed in the right direction, I naturally set off. About twenty minutes of walking off into the outskirts of town, and I met up with someone I was... 'happy', I guess, to meet again.

"Big Mac," I greeted, stretching a smile across my face as he quirked an eyebrow in retaliation. "A pleasure to see you!"

"Colt," he replied evenly, adjusting the harness that led back to the large cart filled with barrels. I think I saw mounds of apples peeking over the tops of them, but it could very well have been any fruit at this angle. "Out for a walk?"

"Kinda. I'm doing odd jobs. Milk run for Carrot Top," I explained, gesturing with the two empty jugs in my hands. Hax gave a happy bark at the movement, fixing Big Mac with a dopey grin. "I'm supposed to go talk to some lady named 'Bessie'? Know who I'm talking about?"

Macs slightly antagonistic expression slowly faded as he pondered my words. One of veiled amusement slowly overtook his features as he gave his response.

"Eeeeyup."

I waited for a couple seconds for him to expound further, only to receive silence. Oh. So he was this type of smartass. Wonderful.

"Okay, so you know who I'm talking about, do you know where I can find her?"

"...Eeeeyup."

"You know," I started in a simpering tone, trying to give him an earnest look. "I can't read your mind, Mac. Add to that I don't quite know you well enough yet to properly gauge the unspoken information you think you're portraying with your single word answers. Mind not making fun of me for a minute or two so I can properly do the job someone is counting on me to do for them?"

Hax nipped at my ear, causing me to drop my forced expression as I danced around in sudden pain. With one last yelp, I held him out at arms length. Little jerk didn't even look apologetic, tongue flopping out as he panted away happily.

"You're lucky you're cute," I mumbled, placing him back on my shoulder. Big Mac had been watching me make a fool of myself, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Keep followin' the road," he stated suddenly, jerking his head behind him. "Once ya get to the orchards, jes follow the sounds of applebuckin'. Tell mah sis ya need to buy some milk."

"Oh. K. Thanks."

With a shove of his shoulders, he made the cart he was fastened to lurch forward as he continued on his merry way. The wheels of his cart groaned in protest, belying just how heavy his load was. And he didn't even have a fucking horse or anything to pull it for him, he just went up and pulled it along himself, like some kind of humanoid ox on drugs. In full armor, too. If I was pulling a cart, I'd be taking off every scrap of metal I could. Didn't seem to bother him all that much, though.

The title thingy that the painting job had given me was pretty darned useless, looking back on it. It gave me bonuses to painting, which was good I guess. If I found myself continuously painting. Which I really didn't see myself actively seeking out any time in the future.

I trundled down the road for a couple minutes, glad to be rid of his presence. Then something occurred to me. Something I should have asked about the second I heard it.

"What the hell is an applebuck, and what the fuck does it sound like!?" I yelled in frustration back down the road where Big Mac had since disappeared.

Smug jerk.

'Applebucking' apparently was the sound of a person kicking a tree. Roundhouse kicking it to boot. I'd mock how silly it looked, for this chick in full armor -just like her brother, I guess- to be kicking trees with the hope that the shock would cause them to drop their fruit, but for one specific fact.

It was working. With each twist of her hips to thrust out her leg, her cowboy boot covered foot smacked into the trees with the force of a truck. She aimed high, weaving her kick in between low hanging branches. I could feel the impact in my teeth, sending me a shudder through my spine each time. Even at a distance it was jarring.

You want to know the weirdest thing? Every time she kicked a tree, every fruit in the tree fell, perfectly landing in the baskets that were placed around each tree.

If anything was magic, that sure fucking was.

Introducing myself proved to be an exercise in patience similar to dealing with Pinkie Pie. She was stupidly friendly, and sure as fuck didn't know her own strength. Got another burst of EXP towards 'endurance', what with her crushing my hand in a handshake and pumping my arm so hard it felt like she was going to tear my arm out of the socket...

Gave me a welcome to 'their farm', after I told her that her brother had given me directions. Told her I was here on a milk run, and that I was supposed to ask for someone named 'Bessie'. She offered to introduce me, saying she could use a little break.

She trailed me out of the orchards, leading me out into a wide open field.

And right when I thought my day couldn't get any fucking weirder. Bessie was not a person. She wasn't a pony either, far from it.

Centaurs.

Cows were fucking centaurs in this crazy fucked up world. They had the normal main body of a cow, right up until the body got to the neck. Then out of where a normal head should grow, the upper body of a human popped out. It was seriously the goofiest, most disturbing thing I've ever seen. Made even more disturbing by the realization that the reason I was here was for milk.

Their upper bodies were distinctly human, but they didn't seem to be much enthused in the concept of clothing. Like the zebra lady I had met, a simple wrap around the breasts seemed to be enough for them.

I didn't see any guys. Bulls. Whatever. I didn't see any. Maybe they were off at work. I honestly knew nothing about them or their culture. Worse, if I didn't want to fail my current quest, I'd have to dance around on eggshells and act like nothing was wrong.

Nothing at all. With the cow human abominations that were hanging out in a field with two headed cow things.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the two headed freaks of nature that were grazing every few yards? The 'cow-taurs' treated them as if they were pets, patting one on the side or even talking to them in 'baby voice'. The quick observe I flashed said they were called 'brahmin'. Which was weird, seeing as I distinctly remember hearing that name from a video game. From what game, I couldn't remember.

Their description was even stranger, saying they weren't kept for their meat. They were kept to 'promote life energy around a farmland'. Whatever the fuck that meant.

"Ooooh, Carrot Top?" Bessie droned, staring at me with unfocused eyes. Looking at them up close, they weren't particularly dirty, persay. They stank, definitely. But it wasn't sharp, filth musk you get from horses or other farm animals. It actually smelled kind of sweet, and mixed well with the scent of grass. They... didn't seem to put a lot of effort into their hair, though. Each and every single one of them had dreadlocks, matted hair that hung past their waists. Necks. Cow necks, human waists.

God, cows were going to be a fucking pain to refer to, I just know it.

"She's such a dear," Bessie continued, giving me a slow smile. "And you are too, helping her out when she has so much stuff on her plate..." she trailed off, smiling happily off into the distance.

It wasn't that I thought of her as... well, stupid, but she definitely gave off that specific vibe. You know what I'm talking about. Hippies. They aren't dumb, but they have that feeling of detachment from their surroundings. Like they're pondering stuff inside their heads and don't see fit to share with the rest of us.

She waved her hand, flagging down some guy I didn't see before. The name tag above his head said his name was 'Azure Berry', but beside that he didn't look all that impressive. Level sixteen, normal guy with no wings or horn.

"This young lad is working for Carrot Top," she explained to the guy as he got closer, " You have the containers?" she directed at me.

I gave her a breathless nod, holding out the jars as I contemplated whether to make a run for it or not. I didn't see any barrels or anything sitting out here in the field, and it wasn't like she was just going to produce the milk out in the middle of a field. And it certainly wasn't going to be her giving the milk, she was obviously the boss or coordinator.

They probably kept stores in one of the barns over there. Placed in refrigerators or something to make sure it didn't go bad.

My assumptions were shattered as she handed a jar to the guy, he gave me a sharp nod, knelt down, gave a couple heavy breaths on his hands to warm them up and started milking her.

Just... right the fuck in front of me. Like it wasn't completely, unutterable fucking crazy to not feel the slightest bit of shame at such a thing to happen out in the open. To compound on my self preservations' silent screaming, Bessie went ahead and popped one of her massive tits out of her bra-sling-thing. And then she just started milking herself into the other jar.

The fuck was wrong with this place.

"Hoooweee, yer face done gotten redder than one o' our apples," Applejack trumpeted, drawing a motherly smile from Bessie as she continued her ministrations. "Wassamatter city-colt? Never seen a cow give milk before?"

"Never actually seen a cow before today," I choked out, averting my eyes. I'd seen NORMAL fucking cows before. Back in elementary our class went down to a farm, I actually got to milk a cow for a few minutes. It was a WHOLE nother situation when you attached human intelligence to the fucking thing.

"Well, no wonder yer actin so antsy. It's perfectly natural, it's where milk comes from after all," she explained, snaking an arm around my shoulder. She was taller than me. "Can't have milk iffin ya don't pay the cow!" She slowly wrenched me back into a position where I was forced to watch. "See? Aint nuthin' wrong with it."

I was seriously tempted to punch her in the face and run while I could. I highly doubt I could give her one good enough to knock her off her feet though, seeing as she she was level 31, six levels below her brother. Still a crappton higher than my sorry ass.

"Yes," I stated dully, trying to force my body to stop shoving blood up into my face.

"Gee Colt-"

"Colton," I interrupted, an unconscious effect that was becoming more and more common as time went on.

"-yer stiffer than a fence post! Ya need to loosen up, else-wise the heat will go straight through to yer bones," she continued as if she hadn't heard my outburst. "In fact..."

Bessie had by this point finished filling up the jar in her hands. Azure was still at work on her... udders. I don't even want to speculate as to why that was taking him longer.

"Ey Bessie, you carry extra jars just in case, right?" Applejack asked, a smile filtering its way across her face. At Bessies nod, she continued. "Ah know ya just gave, but do ya think ya could fill up another? I'll add the money for it to the chest."

Bessie gave her a warm smile, bobbing her head. She reached behind her, picking through a pair of saddlebags that were draped over her cow... body. She pulled out a jar and turned back to us.

"It's no trouble at all dearie, just give me a minute." With this she tucked the breast she had been milking back into her sling. And then she took out her other one. I won't regale you with what she did to it. I think you know.

God, damn this was uncomfortable. The sooner I could get the jars and fucking leave the better. Averting my eyes helped a little, seeing as Applejack stifled Bessies slight moans by telling me exactly what it was she ate to help make the best tasting milk.

I couldn't pay attention all that well. I wasn't trying to at this point, humming a song inside my head to distract myself.

Finally she stopped doing... eeurgh. Things. The guy went off back into the fields. giving me another nod as he pushed the filled jar into my hands.

Applejack took both of the jars from Bessie, taking a hard swig from one of them.

"...hoooo! That's the good stuff. Ya'll outdone yourself with this batch," she told Bessie, who wore a bright smile at the praise. Applejack wiped a hand across her upper lip, thrusting the jar into my face with her other.

"Go on, take a swig! Best milk y'all ever done taste, I guarantee it!"

Shit. I felt... kinda bad. Nauseous. I really didn't want to swallow that, that was NOT my fucking fetish.

"I," I opened my mouth, intent on letting her know I wasn't all that thirsty. This proved to be a lapse in judgement, seeing as she took this opportunity to shove the jar in my face and tip the liquid down my throat.

I sputtered, swallowing half of it as the other half dribbled down my shirt front. It was... it actually tasted pretty damned good. it wasn't anything like milk in the stores, it was sweet and... I don't know how to describe it. I tasted good.

"So," whaddaya think?" Applejack crowed, snickering at my coughing fit. "Better'n water, am ah right?"

"It's... " my complaints died on my lips at Bessies expectant look. "This is honestly the best milk I've ever had. It's flavor is far more robust than that which I'm used to... and it's actually really sweet."

"Yep!" Applejack confirmed, pushing the jar into my hand after she took another drought. "You jes keep that, ya hear? Finish it at yer leisure, then ya'll can jes come back for a refill! Bessie here specializes in sweet milk, but iffin ya want somethin' more tart, there are others..."

I nodded, slowly raising the jar to my lips for another sip. It was really good.

After I delivered the milk, I made my way back home. I found myself once more unwillingly engrouped, a certain girl with bright pink fluffy hair refusing to leave me alone.

"No, Pinkie," I stated, denying her request for me to go back out and make a few more friends. "I made a few bits today, but I really must figure out what all I have to work with here," I pushed open the door I hadn't gone through yet, wincing as it creaked ominously inwards.

"Ooooh, sssssspooky!" she trilled, ignoring my veiled request for her to leave.

"Indeed," I muttered as I peered down the darkened stairwell.

"You know, we can still go out and make some new friends for you if you want..." she prompted.

"It's not like Equestria will implode if I don't make any friends, Pinkie," I groaned. I learned what the country was called. She talks a lot. And if her ramblings are to be believed, somehow her birth and her receiving something called a 'cutiemark' is how Equestria was 'saved'. I counted my blessings that I seemed to be able to drown her out most of the time.

Wait... that painter skill title thingy said it would make getting 'cutiemarks' easier or something.

"Hey Pinkie, I heard someone talk about something earlier, and then you used the word again recently," I prompted, muttering 'mana bolt' under my breath. The glowy ball of energy appeared in my hand, illuminating the dark stairway. It immediately tried to escape from its position above my hand, but I somehow managed to force it to stay static. Actually that was a stupid idea, now what the hell was I going to do with it? Whatever, I could just pop over to the ID and throw it at a wall or something.

"Ooooh, shiiiiny~," she crowed, poking her finger at it.

"No!" I belted out, moving it out of her range. "This is... explosive. I don't currently know any light spells, and this one seems to let off it's own glow..."

"Don't touch, got it. Don't want gooey bits from Pinkie Pie all over the place, do you?" she joked, nudging me with her shoulder. "What word?"

"...What?" I competently responded. What what word.

"The one! The one you were just going to ask me about, before you made a splodeyball!" she responded enthusiastically as she slowly followed me down the stairs. They creaked with age, although I was never afraid they would break under my weight.

"Oh. It might just be cultural differences, but I've heard you and others use a word that doesn't have any context to me. Can you explain to me what a 'cutiemark' is?" I asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. I heard Pinkie freeze up behind me, causing me to whip my head back towards her in confusion. She was standing stock still, staring at me in what I can only call complete and utter bafflement.

"You don't know what a cutiemark is?" she asked, her eyes wide and tears threatening to spill forth.

"Hey hey hey now, as I said my culture might just call it something different. Can you just tell me what it is?" I asked, refusing to let her devolve into hysterics. That was my job, goddamnit.

She gave a single sniff, then she was all smiles again. This little brat... "Weeeeeeell, it's that thing that comes to you once you find what you're reeeeeally good at, what your destined to fit in among the rest of the world, lets everypony know you're a true adult and ready to join the world and usually shows up as an image on your flanks and back?" she stated hopefully, drilling me with eyes threatening to burst into tears once again. God.

I had to say something, I really didn't want to deal with her theatrics.

"Oh, the Gedwey ignasia," I stated, thinking quickly. Originally what the hand mark thing had been called in the 'Eragon' series, it was thankfully a familiar enough title I could just whip it out and have it sound halfway believable. Don't look at me like that. The book series was entertaining. The name just stuck with me, that's all. "Literally means 'mark of magic'. Guess I should have picked up on it from the fact they both have mark in them... wait," I stated, faking confusion as I looked around the cramped basement. "How does your gaining your gedwey have anything to do with Equestria being saved? I don't think you illuminated that point very well."

The basement had a thick musty smell, that of paper and ink trapped in a cramped space. He had run a library, not surprising this Cinnamon guy had devoted an entire room to that sort of stuff. The walls were blanketed with bookshelves, their shelves sadly empty. He must have taken his private collection with him when he moved. Despite that, he seemed to have left me an old clothing dummy in the corner beside thick looking desk. Wonderful. I could use that as target practice, I guess.

There was a couple tools leaned up against the wall, a hoe, a sledgehammer and a spade shovel.

"Ooooh, look!" Pinkie crowed enthusiastically, picking a black looking rock off of the desk and shoving it in my face. These people really had to stop fucking doing that. "A kindle stone! We can use this to light everything up!" she pursed her lips, a thankful reprieve from her endless conversation. She almost went cross-eyed staring at the rock, as it slowly lit up and cast a white ghostly light on the room that mixed and combated the mana bolts light.

"Guess we don't need this anymore," I muttered, whispering 'ID Create' under my breath. The world briefly swam around me, returning to focus. Pinkie Pie was gone. Thank the lord, hallelujah! Praise be onto the human looking ponies! I quickly threw the mana bolt at the wall, wincing as my stupidity created a cloud of dust that choked me quite effectively. I withdrew, fruitlessly waving at the blackened air as I stumbled around in the now dark room. The back of my legs hit the edge of the desk, and I caught myself on its surface. My hand slid on a book, accidentally knocking it to the floor. I could feel two other books... shit I'd just pick up later.

Through A Careful Application Of Control, A New Skill Has Been Learned!

The Skill To Remotely Control the skill Mana Bolt, [Remote Mana Bolt], Has Been Created

Remote Mana Bolt(active & passive) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
A skill that allows the user to remotely control the sphere made by (Mana Bolt)

Speed increases by WIS

.03MPH per point in WIS.

Huh. Cool. I hadn't even though about that, I had just been trying to keep the thing from blowing off and wrecking one of my walls. Like the powdered one I was currently inhaling. I waved the box away, eyeing the ratting clothes encircling the dummy in the box's ambient light before it disappeared.

"ID escape," I stated, coughing a little.

I was disappointed however, when I didn't immediately pop back into the real world.

"ID... escape," I stated again, more forcefully this time. Same result. "Oh you bogus fucking skill," I muttered to myself, placing a hand over my mouth as I made my way to the stairs. Like I was going to stand here and suffer. "Can't even fucking work when I need you to. ID escape," I coughed again, pleasantly surprised when I popped back.

"Colt!" Pinkie Pie gushed, still holding the crystal. The sudden light hurt my eyes, they were almost adjusted to the gloom of the other world. She crossed from where she had been standing in front of the desk, embracing me in a hug. I shrugged myself out of it as quickly as I could, eyeing the space she had been occupying.

She had been standing right where I had. Right when I had been trying to get back... Oh. Ooohhh~

ID escape wouldn't let me come back if my body was overlapping someones in the real world. That was good to know. I'd have to experiment, see if the same applied to random things. like doors.

"I thought you left without me," she pouted, fixing me with a glum look.

"No, just disposing of my... 'light'. Hey, where did the other books go?" I asked, pointing over to the desk. "They must have fallen off... screw it, this basement is creepy I'm going back up," I stated, making my way up the first few steps.

"No wait!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "I have to ask you a question, and I have to ask it before you go back upstairs."

Bollocks, the fuck was she up to now?

"Okay," I said, carefully prying my hand free. "Go ahead, ask."

"Okay! SO, you remember how you were kinda irritated earlier and made me semi promise to ask you before I threw a party in the library again?"

"What do you mean, 'semi' promise?" I groused, fixing her with a sour look. She didn't seem to take notice, continuing as if she hadn't.

"Well I didn't Pinkie Promise-"

"What's that," I cut in, defying my desire to put the words 'the' and 'fuck' between what and that with a titanic effort.

"It's a Pinkie Promise! You know, cross my heart, hope to fly," she said, following the words with physical actions. "Put a cupcake in my eye! It's an absolute promise that can never be broken, and I didn't really give you a concrete answer back before. Not setting up parties, whatever the context kinda leaves me frazzled."

"Okay," I prompted, eager for her to get on with it so I could stop standing at the bottom of the creep, creaky stairs."So what are you getting at?"

"Well, I said I wouldn't throw a party without asking you, so I won't."

I waited for a couple seconds, waiting for her to continue. She didn't.

"And?"

"Would you mind if I threw you a party again tonight, this time an actual one you attend?"

Ehn. More socializing. Gaahhhh, here I was thinking I'd be able to grind some of my skills, alone, in the peace of my own home. Nope! Silly me, in the end all this ridiculous friend-making has kept me from it. Fuck. It could be worse I guess. She could have simply done it without my permission.

"Fine," I muttered, making my way back up the stairs.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" she gushed, hugging/molesting me from behind. I tried to wriggle out of it, to not avail. With a low sigh, I slowly trudged my way up the stairs. She wasn't trying to pull me down them, so it wasn't that hard. What the fuck was with how everyone was so fucking grabby, though?

I grabbed the doorknob, opening my way back into the library proper.

"Surprise!" Pinkie Pie yelled at me from the other side of the door, along with a shitton of people I didn't recognize.

"Aaagh!" I screamed, recoiling. My foot slipped, sending me tumbling down the stairs.

"Fuck!"

"Shit!"

"Goddamnit!"

"Monkey fucking!"

"Christ!"

"Fucking!"

"Ass!"

"Fuck!"

...

"You okay, Colt?" Pinkie called down the stairs.

"...Peachy."

Author's Notes:

Gosh, that was a long chapter, wasn't it? Sorry it took me so long, generic repeating excuse of how I'm going through stuffs. Leave a comment for me, I recently learned with my newest chapter of Little Nemo that I REAAAAALLY care about the comments. They make me feel inspired, and after I worked through sickness to give everyone a new chapter on that story, and out of the 800 views they only left me ten comments. I felt SUPER demoralized after that, like they didn't really care about the effort I put in.

So leave a comment, it shows me you care! I really have no other context to go off of if you guys like my stories unless you tell me.

Also, just published another chapter of High School Just Aint Cutting It for any of you who read that one, it aint dead, go give it a read!

gamer4COD asks;
Colton, what would be your favorite sci-fi gun from a videogame?
Hax and Argos, compromise on a plant for the back yard, Dogwood or Cat-tails and yes, Cat-tails need a pond.

Dubstep gun from Saints Row, no question. Hey! Hey!!! Quit tearing up the ferns you idiots!

Cauchemar asks;

Hey Colton what's your favorite class to play in online games? Heavy blade, assassin, cleric, Mage, twin blade, or tank?

Personally I like twin blades high DPS and Dodging are my bread and butter

Honestly, I've always been a fan of the quicker the better ever since I player Sacred. The amount of damage you can put out, regardless of your base damage when your character attacks quickly enough? Ooooh it's just too good.

Angel767 asks; Colton, why don't you create the magic/spining magic arrow skill?
it can be really powerfull and you already know how it works
and if the comic is any indication ypu will be leveling up really fast

Just haven't tried it yet. Sorry...

Greycait asks; Hey Colton, have you checked if you can eat meat?

If thats a reference to the cows, then fuck off. You're sick. I am not going to be eating them. Actually consuming or sexually. *shudders*

Hard Cider asks;
Dear Colton,

So you can pretty much gain an active and/or passive skill from doing things? Heard of the game Minecraft? No? Well, with the game mechanics, if you continuously "punch" something, it will eventually break. Plus side, you "hand" never breaks/cripples. What I'm trying to say is, maybe you should develop a more passive version of "FACE PAWNCH!" by punching everything, and anything, all the time . . . . . Ok I'll shut up now.
Dear Hax,

Who's ah good boy? Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are.

Punch everything. Got it. Wait, that might actually get me a skill, 'unarmed mastery' or whatever. The gamer got spear and sword master from using specific weapons...

What the... Hax, stop growling. Thats not nice.

Dandan3d asks; For colton do you think you might try catching a zombie as a follower/companion as it could prove as a great scare tactic to stop people from attacking you and to get info from people.

I'd probably more just use them as canon fodder. Capture a bunch of them, then turn them against the boss monster once it shows up. A lot of them would probably be destroyed, but oh well. They're just zombies.

Lunair26 asks; On another note, Colton do you not read any books that won't give you any skills? Who knows maybe the knowledge inside might help you uncover new skills and variations if you use the concepts inside

Plus they're a good way to grind INT EXP, from what I remember in the manga.

gamerzeek asks; Colton what alignment will you be like evil,neutral or good? Reason why I'm asking is because your in a new world so that's mean a new chance in life also if you happen to meet someone name Gilgamesh tell him to train you it will be worth it.

Who? Fuck it, whatever. I guess I'm neutral? I'm not going to be running around, setting Oakvale on fire for evil points, at any rate. And I sure as shit am not going to go out of my way to be a 'shining armor' type hero. If things happen around me, I'll deal with them as best I can. Otherwise? ... ehn.

Shadow Lance asks; question for colt, why don't you up your intelligence and crafting and use magic to power a rail gun?

...I... okay, don't take this as... homo or anything, but I think I love you...

Dipti asks; Dear Colton, How many dogs do you plane to get any way?

If there's actually a limit, I am going to be very disappointed.

Formboy1 asks;
To Colton, a tip and a question. When you encounter someone (somepony?) named Pinkie Pie.... good luck.
Are there any other skill books in the library? I mean, its a library. There is bound to be something useful.

If this annoying little tumor known as Pinkie Pie would just leave me alone for a minute, I totally would. OH YEAH, THANKS FOR THE WARNING PAL. COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN IT TO ME BEFORE I WOKE HER UP??!?!?

Ash Kitsune asks;
My question to you- when is the next chapter coming out?
And a chapter for Colton- Have you considered multiclassing? If you're planning on being a mage-type, why not pick up Artificer from Apple Bloom (at least in the beginning) and start cracking out some of the wonderful human innovations? Nothing says 'Overkill' in fantasy settings like rapid-fire-cartage fed weapons.

Uh... I guess you get the chapter now?

I plan on picking up every last skill I can. And then trying to get my stats up as high as I can before I start putting points in. The weighted clothes from Rarity should help... when I can afford them...

thefroggyninja asks; For Colton: Have you considered learning runic magic? Runes are great for everything. They can be used for wards, enchanted objects, mana storage for powerful one-shot spells and ritual circles for when you're willing to give up mobility and casting speed for that extra oomph. Also Face Punch has the potential to be OP so you should try to focus on that a bit in the IDs. And try getting a subvocalization skill for silent or near-silent activations.

I'm working on it. Geez I've barely been here for a day, gimmie some time to shake off Pinkie Pie, alright!

As always, leave questions for Colton, Hax and Argos! And Pinkie Pie!
What? No, shoo! Get out of here...