Author's Notes:

Overall, I like to believe that anyone can make it onto Equestria Daily. They just need some damn good writing skills is all...

Inside the sun-soaked walls of Canterlot High, two students were sitting down at a desk playing a card game. One of them had purple and magenta hair whilst the other one looked like the very definition of a prism exploding on top of their hair. They were both female, and were looking down on the cards they were holding.

"Alright, Rainbow Dash. Make your turn," the girl with the purple and magenta hair said as she looked square into the eyes of her opponent. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, and she is the main character of this parody series. "What's wrong? Did you get a bad hand?"

"Sorry 'bout that, Twi. This awesome voice of mine is so childish that it makes concentrating rather hard for me," Rainbow Dash responded as she looked up at Twilight.

"Ah gotta agree there, Rainbow Dash," said a blonde girl who was watching the card game. "Who would've thought' of adding a cowgirl to this school? Ah'm thinking of changing my voice and lifestyle, ya know..."

"Oh, and also, I happen to have a really rare card in my possession." Twilight said, immediately sparking the interest of everyone in the room. Most of them rushed over, except for one.

The girl who wasn't part of the group was a special kind. She was wearing a star hairclip and was reading a book on advanced wizard tricks. She flipped the book closed and recalled on what Twilight had just said.

"Hmm... A rare card that I don't own?" the girl said to herself as she stood up from her desk and looked over at Twilight. "It's gotta be that really rare Star-Eyes Ursa Minor card... Ooh, when I get my hands on that sweet and tender looking card, I'm going to be the talk of this school for once. And thanks to my skills in the magical arts, and my two sisters who I don't usually treat very well, that card is as good as mine!"

Eventually, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, the blonde cowgirl, and a girl with pink hair walked into Twilight's house. Once they did, they immediately saw that the card that the girl had talked about earlier was indeed there on display. It was a Star-Eyes Ursa Minor card with 3000 Attack Points and 2500 Defence points.

"Here we are, everyone. This is my ultra-rare Star-Eyes Ursa Minor card," Twilight explained. "Please, no pushing, no grabbing, and no flash photography please. Seriously, every time I get people to see this card, they take flash photos and make cheap knock-offs of this one card just to make a quick buck on the market..."

"All this praise for some stupid bear made out of stars?" Rainbow Dash looked at the card. "And besides, I don't really know who'd ever pay a life-changing amount of money just to own this card for real... Either they must be out of their mind or—"

"I'm here for that Star-Eyes Ursa Minor card and I won't take no for an answer!" the girl with the star hairclip burst through the door.

"No, Trixie," Twilight said with a gruff frown on her face. "And besides, don't you already have enough of these cards as it is? Are you just trying to make your OCD even worse?"

"Listen, Twilight. My sisters Fuchsia and Lavender have been asking me time and time again for freaking copies of that card. And every time I tell them they can't have them, they immediately start throwing these little hissy fits and call me all kinds of rude names." Trixie explained.

"My answer is still no." Twilight responded.

"Curses! Foiled again!" Trixie then threw down a smoke bomb and ran out of the store. Her escape was covered by a thick veil of smoke.

After Twilight finished coughing, she blew the smoke away. "You know, Trixie really needs to get laid, girls..."

Her friends all murmured in agreement.

Later that day, Twilight's phone began ringing. She picked it up, put it to her face and said, "Hello? Starswirl Gaming Shop. How can I help you today?"

"Twilight Sparkle, it's good to hear from you again," Trixie said on the other side of the phone. "I just wanted to say thank you for letting me have your Ursa Minor. I finally got Fuchsia and Lavender to shut up and let me have a decent night's sleep for once."

"Wait, you mean to tell me that you came into this shop at night and robbed me of my most valuable card?!" Twilight shouted through the phone.

"You were asleep, I didn't think you'd notice." Trixie responded.

"That's it!" Twilight hung up the phone and ran out of her bedroom.

Twilight and her friends rode an elevator to the top of Trixie's private company. When they got out, they saw just how well she had made her company. Lulamoon Inc. had been quite successful after Trixie had seized it from her father, and she had decorated the entire top floor out of marble. The girls were all impressed by the marble, but they glared at Trixie when she opened the door on the other side of the room.

"Trixie! Hand me back that card, now!" Twilight demanded as she ran into the center of the room.

"Not a chance, Twilight Sparkle," she responded. "Ask me something, have you ever had to deal with two annoying teenage sisters who take after yourself?"

"No. But probably because unlike you, I have a life!" Twilight said with a smug smile on her face.

"Oooohhhhh!" Twilight's friends all chorused to taunt Trixie.

"Twilight... I won't let that petty little insult slide," Trixie said as she pushed a button on the side of the room, causing metal bars to spring up and separate Twilight from her friends. "You and I will duel in the room up ahead. Win, and you get to see your friends again. But lose, and you'll be forced to work as my private secretary."

"Why would you want to forcibly hire me against my will?" Twilight asked.

"Because I need more and more people to count my money and tell me just how much I keep earning," Trixie said back. "And if you're a good little main character, maybe I'll give you some as a raise..."

"Who needs money when you're a magical princess with the power to win the game every time?" Twilight asked. "If anything, I'd choose the ability to turn into a sexy winged version of myself than be your personal accountant."

"What are you even talking about?" Trixie stumbled back when Twilight had finished rambling.

"Trust me, wait until the next hidden rule on this chapter, then you'll know why..." Twilight said.

"Get ready, Trixie. Because it's time for my daily dose of kicking your ass at a My Little Pony parody of a children's card game!" Twilight's voice had become serious and deep. She also had extended hair, and purple wings growing out of her back.

"Wait, how the hell do you have wings?!" Trixie noticed that Twilight had changed within the last three seconds. "Are you a witch? Because if you are, tell me all of your tricks..."

"Look, Trixie, you can cut the pansy-ass wizard cp now. We've made it to the only important part of this story. It's the part where I ultimately own your ass and send you running back to mommy," Twilight boasted.

"Fine then, but let me begin this duel." Trixie said as a massive worm with tentacles for tongues appeared in front of her podium.

"Holy mother of Celestia! A real tatzlwurm!" Twilight stumbled back.

"Actually, it's just a very advanced hologram to enhance the experience of playing this parody of a children's card game." Trixie explained.

"Smoke and mirrors to me. The most basic trick of a wizard." Twilight said as she crossed her arms.

"Well then, let's see if this is smoke and mirrors..." Trixie threw three copies of the same card into three sections of the layout of her computerized podium. "I now summon three copies of my Star-Eyes Ursa Minor!"

"Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?!" Twilight immediately took notice of Trixie's multiple monsters.

"Yeah, so?" Trixie boasted.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?" Twilight questioned.

"Screw the rules, I have money!" Trixie said in response. "Now pick up your last pathetic card so that I can go about my daily life-style of being the best character in the show."

"My princess-powered deck doesn't have any weak cards, Trixie," Twilight spoke back. "Well except for that one parasprite I never bother to get rid of. But it also has this!" Twilight held up the head of a horse with white skin and red hair. "The unstoppable Faustia!"

"Ahh! Faustia!" Trixie screamed. "It's not possible! No-one's ever been able to summon her!" but sure enough, the giant white alicorn was there with her red hair and her majestic wings and long horn.

"Seriously? No-one, ever?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I mean that card's even rarer than these three beasts alone," Trixie spoke. "What can I pay you to own that card?"

"Hmm... How about you pay me with a completely humiliating ass-kicking?" Twilight said as she pointed towards Trixie, prompting the giant alicorn to attack. "Faustia, obliterate!"

Faustia's horn created a giant golden ball of energy. When she spread her wings, a massive golden laser completely destroyed Trixie's three Star-Eyes Ursa Minors. Then the beam struck Trixie directly, causing her a humiliating defeat.

"Trixie? Is it time for our cameos yet?" A girl with fuchsia skin and purple hair came running into the arena just after Trixie had been defeated. She was accompanied by a girl with the same skin, but who had blonde hair.

"How?!" Trixie scowled as she tightly clutched onto the sides of her podium. "How in the name of Faust did you beat me at my own game?!"

"Trixie, if you really want to know... talk to the hand!" Twilight held her hand out, causing Trixie to once more be barraged with a flurry of light. Only this time, it caused her to faint in embarrassment.

Meanwhile, a man with purple skin and ginger hair was reclining on a chair whilst drinking a mai tai. After he had finished one portion of his drink, a man in a suit walked into the room.

"Mr. Magnet. I just wanted to inform you that Trixie Lulamoon was just defeated by some wannabe from Canterlot High School," the man in the suit said. "Also, it's time for your daily massage."

Mr. Magnet merely smiled.