Lazarus

I didn't see Celestia again for a fortnight, and, when I did, it was not in any setting that I could have predicted. I was in a pub in Canterlot, one considerably less questionable than The Berserking Barbarian. I walked in at around noon, the entirety of the bar area filled. Slightly annoyed, I instead took a seat near the center fire pit, fiddling with my knife out of boredom. That was when Celestia approached me from behind the counter in the dress of a proper barmaid. I don’t think she realized it was me until she was already upon me, and by that point, it was too late.

Suffice it to say, I laughed. Also needless to say, she was livid. She threatened to walk away, and it was only my overwhelming curiosity that managed to get my mouth shut.

“Hello, Celestia,” I said in a sort of half-cackle. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m obligated to ask, but you better say ‘no’,” she warned. “Would you fancy a drink?”

“Well, now that you mention it…” I said, watching celestia’s expression go from angrily embarrassed to murderously furious. “I think I’ve been well-watered enough.”

“You well better,” snarled Celestia. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you, Sun Princess,” I scoffed. My horn lit up, and a chair dragged itself under Celestia, who hesitantly sat down.

“Damn that man!” she said, quite suddenly. “Damn him! He cut my pocket money! I barely have five bits to my name!”

“Thus the job, eh?” I asked. She nodded bitterly. “Well, it could be worse.”

“And how, pray tell, could it be worse?”

“You could be a jobless deadbeat,” I tried. “Like myself. Or you could actually need money. You’re princess of Equestria, mind you. It’s not like you’re ever going to be late on rent or anything.”

“I’m not worried about keeping a roof over my head, you dolt,” snapped Celestia. She was even more temperamental than usual. “I need money to hire a teacher! Magic lessons aren’t cheap, you know, and I can only learn so much at the Academy.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” I said, reaching into my saddlebag. I pulled out a scroll of parchment and handed it to her. “Turns out, I didn’t need your help after all.” Celestia’s attempt at concealing her shock crumbled almost immediately after unrolling the letter.

“You got accepted into the Academy?!” she asked. “How is this even possible?”

“I spoke to Luna about a week ago, and she pulled a few strings,” I said. “I start at the top of next week. Oh, and I think I can solve your little tutor issue.”

“I don’t want or need your help, Lazarus,” said Celestia.

“I’ll tutor you for free, and you can quit this job,” I pointed out. Celestia threw my acceptance letter back into my lap and took on a much different expression.

“Lords and ladies, please let me quit this job!” she begged. “Two different peasants vomited on me today. Two! And it’s not even properly noon yet! Please let me quit this job!”

“Oh, I’ll teach you magic, provided you do something for me in return,” I said. Celestia’s face morphed back into the irate glare that was becoming her natural state when talking with me. “Come now, Sun Princess. Quid pro quo. I teach you magic, you teach me how to wield a sword.”

“I’m no swordmaster,” said Celestia honestly. “I know a bit, but I’m far from the best swordsman in Equestria. I don’t know just how much I can teach you.”

“Well, I’m not an archmage, but I still have invaluable knowledge to share,” I said. “Same goes for you and your swordsmanship.”

Celestia agreed, and we left the pub together. She made it clear that I would have to teach her before she taught me, so we set off to her castle. The rest went by in a blur; Her father yelling, Celestia yelling back, me laughing like a madman. Eventually, we found a quiet room to practice, and I taught her the basics of magic. Simple stuff, really. Where in the body magic originates from (the dead center of your chest), what different types of magic felt like (mental magic was a buzzing, physical magic was a stinging), how to ration out energy to avoid exhausting yourself from a single spell (she really struggled with that). Stuff she ought to have learned by now, but was too busy scheming to pay attention to.

After an hour of our little refresher course, I set out to gauge what she was capable of, both with and without a wand. Honestly, it was pathetic. Even after me unlocking her magic, she had trouble making any use of it. It was like having an axe blade, but no handle. Not utterly useless, but just try to get yourself some firewood. Her incendiary spell was, too put it bluntly, a fluke. Now, when I tried to get one out of her, I was lucky to feel a warm draft. It was taxing work, and, while I never expected much in the ways of tangible skill or talent, I was truly shocked at how bad she was.

Not to say that I was much better in the way of swordsmanship. I admittedly only held a sword once before, and I was never particularly good. We trained in alternating hours, an hour of magic, an hour swordplay. We called it a night at some point before dawn, and I was back the next day to repeat the process. I would keep up this schedule, adjusting it as needed for schooling and important royal events. Eventually, progress was becoming visible, even if minute. As time went on, it became less and less about her trying to prepare herself for another journey (though she showed no sign of giving up on her hunt completely). It started to become about her trying to surpass herself. To surpass me. We became rivals, her trying to beat me with the wand and me trying to beat her with the blade.

And for the first time in ages, I wasn’t ever bored.

I walked through the halls of Castle Canterlot, my presence not garnering more than a few odd looks, and that was probably more from the welded-shut wound on my right arm than from me being an apparent intruder. I knew the halls well by now, and it wouldn’t take me long to reach Celestia’s chamber doors. Dawn had barely broken, but we were falling behind. I wasn’t happy with her progress on the invisibility charm we had started on last week, and we needed to get in as much practice as possible. When I finally arrived outside Celestia’s bedroom, there was someone waiting for me. A small unicorn child, no older than seven years old. Her hair was a trio of soft purple, pink, and a light, almost cream color. Her dress, elegant and pristine, clearly denoted higher class, even at her age.

She was standing in wait outside of Celestia’s bedroom, and I promptly joined her. Neither of us looked at each other, instead focusing on the door in front of us. Silence reigned supreme until I reached forward to knock and the child stopped me.

“I already knocked,” she said, as if I somehow should’ve known that. “It’s rude to knock over and over again.”

“It’s also rude to keep people waiting,” I snorted. The girl seemed to accept that as fair, and fell quiet for another period.

“That’s a pretty necklace, Mister,” she said, quite out of the blue. I grasped my cross loosely, barely aware of the gesture.

“Thank you. It’s been in my family for…” I tried to count the generations. “At least two centuries.”

“A century is a hundred years,” said the girl. I nodded in agreement, and we grew silent once more.

“You know, strangers really aren’t supposed to be waiting at the princess’ quarters,” said the girl. “You’re breaking the rules.”

“I’m no stranger, little one,” I snorted. “I’ll have you know that Celestia is supposed to be meeting me at around now.”

“Still, villeins like yourself should be waiting outside,” she scolded. I couldn’t help but smile at her audacity.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not some commoner,” I said. “I am a noble.” Her face lit up like a warm, happy flame. She smiled and turned to me for the first time.

“I had no idea. Nobles really should greet each other,” she said. I chuckled to myself, but turned to her nonetheless.

“I am Lord Lazarus of House Bethany,” I said, holding my left arm behind my back and giving a scraping bow.

“Lady Mi Amore of Cadenza, charmed,” she said, giving one of the most dignified curtsies I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t help but laugh. This
little lady was just that: A little Lady. I was so amused that I didn’t at first notice the door to Celestia’s chambers open, nor did I notice her step halfway through her door in her pyjamas and a messy head of hair.

“Just wake half the castle, why don’t you?” she growled angrily, yanking my attention away from my dignified chat with a noblewoman.

“Lord Lazarus of House Bethany,” I said, bowing in the same way. “You must be Princess Celestia. How do you do?”

Celestia

I vowed that I would someday find a means of killing that man. The way he bowed just made my blood boil. What’s worse is he had somehow managed to corrupt my poor, impressionable little niece. Oh, he would rue the day he decided to mock me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I’m supposed to be teaching you magic, unless you forgot,” said Lazarus. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Not you, fool. I was talking to Cadance,” I said. “What brings you to my quarters this morning?”

“My daddy has to talk to your daddy, and he told me to go find you and Auntie Lulu!” said Cadance brightly. “Daddy said that you could teach me magic.”

“Her? Teach you magic?” scoffed Lazarus. “Perhaps when she learns some magic herself.” I extended my pointer finger and went through a quick set of motions (up, down-right, left, flick) and sent a small gust of wind flying into Lazarus’ face, throwing back his hair and stinging his eyes slightly.

“See? Auntie Tia can do magic!” exclaimed Cadance, always quick to come to my rescue. Her small smile quickly began to infect me.

“Yes, I suppose she can,” admitted Lazarus. “Even still, you ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars.”

“What exactly does that mean, Lord Bethany?” asked Cadance.

“I’m not quite sure myself, Lady Cadenza,” said Lazarus with a small smirk. “Sometimes, the words don’t quite make it to my head and just fall out of my mouth.”

“That’s not how words work!”

“I’d like to disagree,” Lazarus chuckled. It seemed as if he just then noticed my continued presence, because he turned and said, “Well? Are we going to practice or not?”

“My hair is a mess,” I complained, running a hand through the dirty, tangled, mangy mess. Lazarus snorted, then lit up his horn. He waved a few quick motions and I felt my hair tug slightly against my skull. When it settled down, Lazarus quite literally pulled a hand mirror from nowhere and held it in front of my face. My hair was now neat, combed, and in the tight ponytail I adorned whenever it wasn’t absolutely necessary to don my diadem or any ceremonial headgear (There was a massive sun-shaped headpiece that I was expected to wear every year for the summer solstice. What a nightmare).

“See, Lady Cadenza?” said Lazarus. “Celestia might be able to blow a bit of wind, but the power to make even her look somewhat attractive? That takes true magical prowess.”

“Oh! Can you do me?” begged Cadance. “Use your magic to make me look beautiful, too!” Lazarus nodded, and did something that actually made me forget his insult a second earlier. Lazarus lit up his horn again, and did the motions, but nothing happened. He took the mirror to Cadance and held it before her.

“Hey!” she said. “You didn’t do anything!”

“I did the spell perfectly, m’lady,” he said with a small smirk. “That spell was designed to make the most beautiful woman possible.”

“Then how come nothing happened?” demanded my inquisitive little niece.

“I can only guess,” said Lazarus, returning his mirror to the aether from which he produced it. “Perhaps my magic is failing me. Perhaps the spell isn’t as perfect as I thought. Or perhaps, and this is what I’m willing to bet on, perhaps the spell can’t work on you.”

“Why wouldn’t the spell work on me?” asked Cadance. Lazarus just shrugged and left Cadance to her thoughts. Her tiny little face scrunched up in confusion, then slowly transitioned to understanding, and finally rested on joy.

“Cadance, dear, why don’t you go wake Auntie Lulu?” I suggested. “Then, the two of you can meet Lazarus and I in the practice room.” Cadance nodded and ran down the halls, laughing and singing to herself as she searched for my sister.

“I have to change,” I said.

“I’ll wait,” returned Lazarus. I rolled my eyes and delved back into my messy quarters. Father dearest had yet to lift his cruel sentencing of no servants, and my sun would burst before I did peasant work like cleaning. I slipped to the left of my bed, stepping over books and clothing, to hide behind my personal partition.

“Who would have thought that Lazarus Bethany is good with children?” I asked, stripping off my pyjamas.

“That’s Lord Bethany, to you,” he said. I could hear the smirk in his words.

“Only the day you die, you fool,” I spat. I lifted my underclothes from my closet and put them on. “You know, that was nice of you. What you said to Cadance.”

“Oh? And what was that?” asked Lazarus, as if he didn’t very well know. “All I did was say things in a way to cause her to think certain thoughts. I basically brainwashed her.”

“It’s not brainwashing if you’re being nice with it,” I scoffed. Next was my mail, which I slipped into easily and comfortably. My second skin. I maneuvered over my debris-littered floor and grabbed my satchel from the floor near the door, slinging it over my shoulder. I left my room, closed and locked it, then set off with Lazarus down the halls.

We walked in silence, as was usual with our morning walks. Lazarus usually took this time to think and plan out our lesson, while I used my knowledge from yesterday to decide when I should next leave. We soon intersected with Cadance and Luna, who joined us on our walk. Luna was her usual, sleep-deprived and groggy self, while Cadance ran little loops around us, asking questions about as fast as we could answer them.

“Lord Bethany?” asked Cadance. “Are you Auntie Tia’s boyfriend?”

“Absolutely not,” said Lazarus and I together. Cadance squinted her eyes in suspicion, trying to somehow read our minds.

“I don’t believe you,” she said finally.

“It matters not whether you believe me or not, m’lady,” said Lazarus. “Facts will be facts regardless of how dubious you may be to them.”

“Lord Bethany?” asked Luna. “Is that a legitimate title?”

“Don’t encourage him,” I said. “His head is big enough as it is, especially now that he’s got our niece calling him that.”

We arrived at our practice room, a large chamber near the south of the castle that used to be an armory. A few practice swords remained, some of them made of stone or wood and others of dull steel. Lazarus went about his usual business of closing the window shutters, locking the door, and lighting the dozen torch sconces.

“Why do you make it so dark?” asked Cadance, dropping to the floor near a corner with my sister following close behind.

“Because your Auntie Tia has trouble concentrating,” said Lazarus. “Which is why, m’lady, I’m going to ask you to keep quiet for a bit. Just until we switch topics.”

“Oh, I need silence to concentrate on my magic, but you can multitask?” I scoffed. “You’re not very good with a blade yet, yourself.” Lazarus snorted, as if he knew something I didn’t, and held out his palm. I reached into my satchel and handed him his Almanac, which he loaned me to practice with. That’s what he said, anyway.

“I take it you learned the spells I outlined in the book?” asked Lazarus.

“It’s rather hard to do when the damned book doesn’t open!” I snapped.

“Auntie!” exclaimed Cadance. “It’s not proper for a Lady to swear!” Lazarus flipped open the book with ease, and handed it back to me.

“She’s right, you know,” said Lazarus. “I don’t know why you couldn’t get in. The spell I put on it should’ve been lifted as soon as you ran your finger down its spine.”

“Why the hell would I do that?!” I asked, ignoring Cadance’s mild scolding.

“Because I told you to,” said Lazarus, picking up a discarded broadsword. He swung it through the air to test how it felt, then dropped it in favor of a longer bastard sword.

“You did no such thing, you dolt,” I snarled. I glanced down at the Almanac. I could have learned so many spells last night if he would have just removed his anti-theft spell. It’s not like I meant to run away with it, in any case.

“Hm. I suppose I didn’t,” he said after pondering it for a second. “My mistake. Well, in that case, we should go over our work from yesterday.”

In addition to the invisibility spell that I still struggled with, Lazarus had assigned me a relatively simple task in the form of conjuring an apple from thin air. The task was simple, but this does not mean it was easy.

“Remember,” said Lazarus. “Nothing is free. Even the universe goes on the principle of quid pro quo. In order to create an apple, you must sacrifice something.”

“Energy,” I said in agreement. As much as I hated his teacher-esque, condescending tone, it truly did help to hear the method spoken aloud. “My energy sacrificed must be equivalent to the mass of the apple. No more, and no less.”

“Precisely. One must first learn the rules of equivalent exchange,” said Lazarus. “Before they may learn to abuse them.” I nodded and withdrew my wand from my satchel. This spell had no motions, so I simply gripped my wand tightly and held it forward and to the sky. My horn lit up, and I felt a familiar stinging in my wand arm. I concentrated forcefully, forcing as much of my energy as I could from my chest to my arm. My vision blurred slightly, and I lightened up my concentration to compensate.

“Good, good,” said Lazarus. “Controlling magical flow to avoid exhausting yourself. Didn’t even have to tell you this time.”

“Please do not patronize me,” I said through gritted teeth. I swear, his smirk only grew larger. I shut him out, focusing wholly on my task. A small orb of yellow light appeared before me, shaking and trembling slightly. My arm stung as if I had reached into a nest of wasps, and I could feel the magic in my core begin to fade. I gave one final push, and my yellow orb turned a bright, angry shade of red.

“You might consider covering your ears, m’lady,” said Lazarus. Cadance clamped her hands down on top of her head, as did Luna. Lazarus just grinned madly, and my orb exploded in a bright flash of red light, with a noise akin to cannonfire. I could feel the walls of the castle shake, and I was sure that my father would hear it and be very, very upset.

“Well, that went poorly,” said Lazarus. He waved his right hand through the air, and a small blanket of wispy white energy fell from it. He glanced at it casually, reading a language in the smoke only he could understand. “Hm. It appears I have some business to take care of that I’ve neglected. I’ll have to take my leave now.”

“You can’t leave!” cried Cadance, jumping to her hooves. “You said you’d teach me and Auntie magic!”

“I said no such thing!” said Lazarus, in what would be the first time I ever heard him genuinely shocked. “I don’t appreciate people putting words in my mouth!”

“Don’t leave, please, Lord Bethany!” begged Cadance, grabbing Lazarus’ right hand.

“Careful, little one,” said Lazarus. “You’ll pull my arm off.”

“Lord Bethany, please don’t go!” whined Cadance. I was just about to tell her that Lazarus would be back tomorrow, and that she could see him then, when she tugged just a tad too hard and Lazarus’ arm came ripping off.

And then there was the screaming.

“Calm down, m’lady,” said Lazarus, grabbing his arm from Cadance. He pressed it to his stump and soldered it back. “Tis nothing to worry over. This sort of thing isn’t uncommon for me.”

“You got blood on my dress,” pouted my niece, grabbing the hem of her dress and rubbing at the red that now stained it. That child certainly had an odd idea of priorities.

“Practice those spells, Celestia,” said Lazarus, lighting up his horn. “We’ll double up on my lessons tomorrow. Farewell.”

He vanished with a pop, which nearly scared Cadance out of her skin. It only took a second to calm her down, and as soon as I did, she was startled again by the sudden bang as my father practically kicked the door down.

“Uncle Solaris, you scared me!” squealed Cadance. My father spared a small smile for Cadance, then turned back to his stony, angry glare for me.

“What can I do for his lordship?” I asked scathingly.

“I merely wished to alert you to the summit that is occurring at sunset on this day,” said my father, only minorly angered. “I have important things to discuss with Discord, Twilight and a few dignitaries from the east.”

“And I suppose you would like me to stand by your side and be the perfect, trophy of a daughter you wish I could be?” I wagered.

“Perfect is not a word I would use to describe you, unfortunately,” said the King. “All you must do today is stay out of the way and try your best not to embarrass me.”

“Well, you’ll likely do enough of that yourself,” I muttered.

“Uncle? Will the summit take long?” asked Cadance. “Daddy said that we could go out for sweets tonight.”

“I promise, Discord will be free from the meeting as soon as possible, Mia,” said Father. I wanted to tell him that she didn’t like that name, but I somehow doubted that he would care.

“And what shall my duties be for the summit?” asked Luna.

“The same as your sister’s,” ordered Solaris. “These matters do not concern you. You will remain out of sight and behave yourself.”

“Of course, Father,” said Luna obediently. “When have I ever not behaved myself?”

“When your sister convinced you to foolishly go to the North,” said Father, his voice like ice. “I would have liked to think that you at least had more sense than Celestia, but I fear her foolishness is spreading to infect you, as well.”

“Don’t you have a meeting to botch?” I asked. “Lords and Ladies know that you were never good with your words.”

“I don’t have time for this on this day, Celestia,” said Solaris, turning to exit. “Try not to disappoint me, for once.”

Cadance would likely never recover from the maelstrom of swears that erupted from my mouth when the door closed. After I emptied my lungs and dictionary of foul language, I kicked my sister and niece from the room and sat down to practice. And I practiced and practiced for hours, with perfection seeming to crawl further from my grasp with each attempt. I didn’t eat or drink on that day, all of my mind devoted to my spell. As the sun was setting and the summit was about to begin, I gave up hope.

And then I gave one more attempt and finally succeeded at turning myself invisible.

Author's Notes:

Hey, guys, hope at least some of you are enjoying this. If you are, please, comment and tell me why.

Now, if you don't like this story, which I'm sensing is the public opinion, can you please comment and tell me why? I'd like to know what is liked or disliked, so I can adjust future chapters and so I can learn from my mistakes in future stories. Just a minute of your time to help me out would be fantastic, if you don't mind.