by kudzuhaiku

Chapter 1: Equine progress goes -BONK!-

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Looking up, Star Swirl the Bearded cleared his throat and studied the stars. The stars were weird and seemed to be almost unreadable. His long white beard was tugged in the warm breeze of the early night. Dropping his gaze, he looked over at his apprentice and student.

“Master, we live in perilous times. The windigos might be gone, but there are many threats to our fledgling nation. Unicorn magic is becoming unstable and it is getting harder and harder for us to move the sun and the moon. The one called Discord is in the south, causing all manner of problems. The griffons make excursions from the east and there are dragons in the north. Our numbers are few but our foes are many,” Clover said, her tone one of extreme worry.

“The stars are all wrong,” Star Swirl said, adding to Clover the Clever’s list of troubles.

“Perhaps it is time that we abandon this place and find some other place that is safer.” Clover looked over at Star Swirl and noted his grumpy expression. There was only one way to cure a grumpy expression. Clover bit her lip and a mischievous glint twinkled into existence in her eyes.

“And where do we go? From whence we came? Off towards the horizon once more?” Star Swirl shook his head. “No. We are staying here. We are fighting if we have to. I have grown weary of being chased away by those who would harm us.”

“We lack the means to fight. Our magic is becoming unpredictable and our unicorns are drained from moving the sun and the moon. Our best option is to do what we have always done, and that is to run.” Clover, grinning, took a step closer to Star Swirl.

“NO! No more running! I’m tired of running! We keep running! It is time for us to have a kingdom!” Star Swirl stomped his hoof down into the earth with each sentence to punctuate his words. He shook his head, causing the bells on his hat to jingle.

Clover, who was clever, took advantage of Star Swirl’s distracted state. She crept up along his side, her lips puckered, and she planted a bit wet smooch on Star Swirl’s cheek.

“What?” Blinking, Star Swirl turned and looked at Clover.

Darting away, Clover the Clever went pronking around the meadow, laughing and forgetting about her many troubles. Meanwhile, Star Swirl, who was still recovering, realised that his student had just kissed him. Conflicted, he did not know what to think.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Star Swirl said.

“And why not? It isn’t like kissing causes you to have foals, that old pony tale has been disproven,” Clover replied as she gamboled about. “Been wanting to do that for a long time. Princess Platinum said I would never have the cheek. Well, I showed her!”

Unable to explain why, Star Swirl no longer felt quite so grumpy or hopeless. He sat down in the damp grass and watched as more stars twinkled to life overhead while Clover continued her romping. Things were bleak, but things had always been bleak for equines. Things were bleak and life somehow went on. Ponies fell in love. Ponies held ceremonies of commitment. Foals were born. Foals were raised. Eventually, foals replaced their parents, who often died of disease, or predation, or any number of other horrible things, but seldom of old age. Somehow, life went on.

The old conjurer found himself smiling as he watched Clover. She was pretty, disease hadn’t ravaged her body, she was young, and she had discovered the Fires of Friendship. She was an impressive wizard in her own right.

All then, all of a sudden, the night sky lit up in a massive explosion. One of the stars flashed and a massive novae filled the night sky, turning it almost as bright as day. Star Swirl was almost blinded from the bright flash of light.

Clover stopped pronking around and looked up, blinking, trying to see after the flash of light. There were a million stars in her vision, and she had trouble telling which stars were real and which stars were caused by her dazzled eyes.

Overhead, a lone shooting star came arcing down out of the night sky, trailing fire, blazing as bright as the sun as it came down. As it was coming down, the moon on the horizon flashed with the most peculiar light and once more the night sky was filled with brilliant light.

A second shooting star had joined the first.

Transfixed, unable to move, Star Swirl the Bearded stared upwards, watching as the shooting stars came down, his mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. A roaring sound filled the night sky.

Clover’s hind legs gave way and she sat down with a -plop- in the damp grass. She too, stared upwards, unable to move, spellbound by the beautiful sight of the night sky blazing and the two shooting stars.

Much to his surprise, Star Swirl the Bearded realised that the shooting star was heading straight for him. He willed his legs to move, he told his body to flee, but nothing happened. All he could do was stare in wide eyed awe as the burning meteor drew closer and closer. It was almost too painful to look at.

Terrified, Star Swirl the Bearded flinched and waited for the end.


The shooting star struck Star Swirl with terrific force, sending him sprawling. Somehow, he did not die. Groaning, he flopped around the grass, blinded, and he heard a cry. He heard a cry that sounded very much like a foal crying.


“OH BISCUITS!” Clover cried as she was hurled away by the impact of the second meteor.

Star Swirl rolled over onto his belly, lifted his head, and in the grass, he saw a flash of white and pink. The crying was shrill, painful to his ears, and his entire body ached from the impact. He struggled to get up and figure out what was going on.

“Clover, are you okay?” Star Swirl asked. He waited for a reply as he crawled through the grass upon his belly.

“NO!” Clover cried. “I’m not okay… I just found out that kissing does in fact cause foals! How am I supposed to be okay? I’ll never hear the end of this from Puddinghead!”

Two eyes stared at Star Swirl. He saw a tuft of pink mane and alabaster white foal stared at him while she wailed. It was a very odd foal. She had both wings and a horn. It was unlike anything Star Swirl had ever seen.

“There’s a funny looking foal over here… she’s blue and she won’t stop crying!” Clover called out.

“Wings and a horn?” Star Swirl asked.

“Yes,” Clover replied. “What do we do?”

“We take them back to our gathered tribes and we see what they have to say…”

Author's Notes:

I dunno... maybe. That's all I have to say to your question.

Next Chapter: What has eight legs, four wings, two horns, four eyes, and goes -BONK!- in the night... Estimated time remaining: 6 Minutes
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