"...Let me see if I understand this. You want me to pay you alimony because you claim I got you pregnant?" I asked with a baffled look on my face that he would claim such a thing as he gave a nod and looked up at me like I owed him everything. After I was named princess the girls have been trying to ease me into the role and after a month and a half of training they felt I should hold court for a short time between Celestia and Luna's court time to help make a better impression on the ponies. But for the most part I've just been getting noble after noble trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm new to try to get their greedy hooves into the royal treasury. Though I must admit despite some of the poorly thought out plans to do this so far this attempt is the most idiotic of them all.

"You idiot!" His wife shouted as she marched up to him in anger. "What nonsense are you saying!? Why would you tell ponies that the princess got you pregnant when it's not possible!" She continued. Well at least she is smart enough to see- "You were suppose to tell everypony that she got ME pregnant you fool!" ...There are no words for this level of stupidity. I think to myself as I take a moment to watch the two argue about which one of them should claim to be carrying my baby to squeeze as many bits out of the fresh meat as they could before I had a chance to wise up to things...Exact words...Right in front of me and the guards around the room... And judging from the laughter from the door separating us from the others waiting to see me they could all hear the two digging their own graves and were delighting in it.

"That's enough." I say calmly. I can't even be mad at them because they were just too stupid. I then use the inspiration manifestation spell to create a pair of appropriately sized pacifiers to plug up their mouths. I then manifested some baby looking clothes. "If you two want a baby so much you can be each other's baby. You both certainly act the part." I look to the scribe that was sitting to my left taking notes. "Make sure to send a copy of their crimes to an appropriate judge and prepare a court date." This caused them to tense as they looked to me in fear. "Don't give me that look. What you two just tried to do is against the law. Now go and don't be late to your trial." I tell them before sending them back out and waited for the next petitioner.

"Announcing Lord Loophole Trap who is here to discuss the passing of a new law." At those words I suppress a groan. Both at the topic and the name of this guy. You can tell a lot about a pony from their name and this one screamed 'I'm going to take you for a ride'.

"Greetings your majesty, it is a pleasure to meet the newest princess." He spoke in a silky smooth voice as he gave me a smile that sparkled. He wore a fine business suit and his black mane was done up like Blueblood's. His coat was white and his cutie mark was a contract. In his magical grasp was a stack of papers so thick it could be a book which he passed to a guard who looked it over for anything dangerous before passing it to me. I look it over as he talks about how this would help with the flow of the economy and trade with other nations and I must admit this looks rather impressive, the paper I mean. He used needlessly complex ways of saying what the law would do but not too complex that it would easily warrant suspicion and he had it scattered about between filler meant for misdirection. This guy is good. But that's not all that's in the papers.

"What is this?" I ask him as I hold up the papers. "Did you seriously just try to use dark magic on me?" I ask causing the guards to glare at him and making Loophole sweat a little. "A weak enchantment but when mixed with the weaving of the words it can be quite effective and scary subtle. It looks like an enchantment to make this paper appealing."

"Bureaumancy!" One of the guards shouted and the next thing I know he is surrounded by guards with spears to his neck. "By order of princess Celestia you are under arrest for using bureaumancy!" I blink a few times at this. Bureaumancy? That was just a joke I made with Faust back then when talking about the nobles. Somepony actually invented it? I watched as the noble was dragged off by the guards and the papers were taken from my magic with some kind of container by a pony in what looks like a hazmat suit. ...Well that happened.

"Now announcing the Hero family." This caught my attention. Everypony else who came to see me was a noble. But the ponies that came in looked like they just got out of a train wreck. The father had a neck brace on and was covered head to hooves in scars and was missing most of his left ear. The mother was in the best shape with only a few scars here and there and one of her hind legs was broken. The little colt was sitting on his mother's back with a few scars, and three broken legs as well as a cast over his rib cage. I could feel the curse on the two males of the family. Before anything could be said there was the sound of straining metal from above which caused the family to calmly back up before the chandelier could fall on them then just walked around the thing like it was just a large puddle in their way and not something that had almost killed them.

"Greeting your majesty." The mother said with a bow, the husband also bowed but said nothing. It wasn't until he was closer that I could now see that his mouth was wired shut.

"Mommy, daddy no! That's the evil fox monster! Just like the pony on the box said!" My eye twitched at this. Though there is no way to prove they are affiliated with the Goodly Heroes, ponies had been popping up all over Equestria spreading propaganda and doubts. Saying how the moment I was taking the test I just so happened to be attacked and the city as well by an army of changelings that fell too easy was an act I staged to cheat my way into power and I must admit that fiasco does look suspect from an outside perspective.

"Shush Soapy Mouth! She's a princess." The mother chastised. Soapy Mouth? What kind of special talent goes with a name like- My thoughts were interrupted by the five year old in question when he opened his mouth.

27 minutes later.

"Then when I pull it out of your plot I'll make you eat it you bucking poodle!" When the young colt started screaming profanities at me everything else seemed to freeze in time as everypony looked at him in horror. And when I stopped taking notes I looked up to see the room looked like they had just witnessed a murder. I looked back down at my notes. I'm going to need to look up more than half of these... and I had no idea there were so many applications for a cactus.

"S-Soapy!" His mother shouted in horror when her brain finally managed to reboot and she quickly sealed his mouth with her hooves before bowing low to me. "Please your majesty, he's just a child please spare him! I will take his punishment for him!" She begged making me sigh.

"I'm not going to do anything to him though I suggest you wash his mouth out. That squirt has the fourth dirtiest mouth I've ever heard." The other three are some foul mouthed chickens when they get angry. "Now, what brings you to me? I'm guessing it has something to do with that curse following two of you around?" I ask causing the two adult's eyes to widen.

" Y-Yes your majesty. My husband's father was once a guard that protected our home town. One day he was among a team that went to apprehend a dark wizard, but the unicorn was unwilling to surrender and it turned into a battle. He was not only one of the few that returned alive but was the one to bring the fiend down. With his dying breath the evil wizard spoke a curse that the blade that killed him will wipe his killers blood line from existence. It had killed grandpa and several others in the family. We asked princess Celestia to save us and she had the sword purified and it worked at first but, it has come back and we were hoping you would have more luck. The guards are holding it outside." She answered with some relief that I wasn't angry at her son's outburst. I frown a little at her words. Curses can be fun for pranks if you don't go too far and make it temporary but a killing curse that targets a blood line? I hate this guy already.

"Very well, bring it in." I call out and watch as the sword was brought before me. When I lifted it up to examine it my frown deepens. This curse is far too weak for Celestia to be unable to eradicate it. Not only that but it's fresher than the story behind it would imply. This isn't the original curse, it's a replacement after the old one was removed. I crush the curse and I could see the stallion relax like he could feel the curse's hold crumbling away while his child is still trying to scream profanities through his mother's hoof. I can also detect slight traces of ectoplasm on it.

"Done." I say simply as I gave the sword back to the guard and gave out a mental command. Oh Nightmare, I have a job for you. My work to straighten the Nightmare was shaky at first but was working nicely. She went from queen bitch to acting like a happy kitten... granted she treats most others like mice but she's working on it. And she's my kitten, she even sleeps with me in my bed where she keeps her plushy vessel. When I see her happy smile form in some shadows out of sight from the others in the room except my bodyguards who are on either side of me...Or was as Swift Blade is now in front of me with a little colt pounding on her chest as he screamed about how he was going to beat everyone up. I just smile and shake my head before casting the heal spell on them. I still had one of those soul cages from the first time I ran into Ax. I was studying it to better learn how to counter them and though that turned out to be a bust so far I can still make use of the thing.

"I have healed you so you can take your kid and go now. And remember use lots of soap." I say with a smile as the parents bowed and thanked me as they took their kid and turned to leave. Take the cage I just placed next to my bed and follow that family. There is a ghost or ghosts trying to curse them to death. I want you to catch them discreetly without letting any harm come to the family. At my command the Nightmare vanished to complete her task. I could almost hear her giggling with joy as she went to hunt her prey.

"Now announcing Mr. Book Worm." Called the pony whose job was to just stand there and shout names out but when the door opened nopony came in. "I said, now announcing Mr. Book Worm." The pony called out again.

"He's asleep!" Called a voice from the other side of the door but the pony closer to him shouting apparently was enough to wake him.

"Wh- what? Oh its my turn." Very slowly a bald, elderly pony with large round glasses that gave him an owlish appearance walked in. It took a large amount of time for the old pony to make it to me. Especially since he fell asleep on his way and needed to be woken up again. "Oh, finally, that was a long line." He said as he shakily, and slowly pulled out a slip of paper. "Here's my prescription for my hemorrhoid cream." I just blink at that.

"Sir this isn't a pharmacy it's an audience with a princess." One of the guards told him.

"What? No I don't want any pencils I want my hemorrhoid cream." The old pony countered.

"No you're in the wrong place!" The guard spoke loudly so that the elderly pony would be able to hear him.

"Why would I put hemorrhoid cream on my face? You put it on the other end." The old pony said with a confused look on his face but I couldn't help but note a slight twinkle in his eye. Suspicious now I take a quick peek inside his head and give a small smile. He's trolling us! He can hear the guard fine. I lean back in the throne and enjoy the show. I can't help but like this old fart for giving me almost half an hour of entertainment as the guard tried to tell him this was the palace.

"Aunty it's our shift." Luna said as she trotted in with a large cup of coffee. Figures the one time something entertaining happens on the job I got to clock out. I get up from my seat and give a stretch which caused my back to give some satisfying pops before giving my thanks and walking out with Unyielding and Swift at my sides.

"Well if it isn't the new princess." Damn! So close. I think as I turn away from the area that is restricted where my room lies and look to the owner of the voice. He was a visiting dignitary from the minotaur republic. He wasn't too old but had some grey hairs on the top of his head and in his beard. He wore fine purple robes and a golden pendant around his neck and golden rings on his horns. "I would like to talk to you about the trade between our people. Allow me to talk to you about the splendors of, potatoes!" He said with a large smile on his face. ...Why me? "Our potatoes are grown with great care and love to be the best in the world. They are given the richest soil and the freshest water. And there are so many uses for potatoes, they can be boiled into soup and made into a new kind of fries that are more universal then hey fries. And raw they can be used as a very effective projectile for self defiance." I held up my paw up to stop him.

"Though those potato fries do sound good I'm afraid I'm not ready to talk trade. You should talk to Celestia about this." I say in the hopes of getting away.

"Oh you underestimate yourself. Allow me to share with you all of the wonders of potatoes." He said as he took out what looks like a hat box. Did he actually bring free samples? My thoughts were proven wrong as he turns it over and lets one side go causing it to roll away leaving behind a long sheet of paper. ...This is karma for all the pranks I pulled in my life isn't it? Thankfully I only had to endure about ten minutes of this.

“Rin the Dungeon Keeper, I, Orochi, call out to you!” Yes!

"I'm sorry but I need to go. It's very important." I tell him as I create a portal and send my guards through. When I get the all clear I use my hand to send Vinyl and Trixie in as I jump through myself leaving behind a confused minotaur.

Later in the Dungeon.

We came out through the permanent portal in my dungeon that connects to the palace. "Well that went far more smoothly than I expected." I say as I walk to the torture chamber. I have a few problems with my undead. Though the flesh golems are much stronger then my skeletons they are just as mindless and as the battle outside ponyville has shown me not very useful against an army with enough competence to take them down with ranged attacks instead of getting in close. So I decided to just turn all of those medium sized bodies into skeletons. There is also the issue of supply and demand, the forest is a place of birth and death were everything is reproducing and dying like crazy. But my imps are still bringing them in too fast so now I need to wait for the body count to go up again so I've been using what I have to make something particularly nasty and I'm almost finished. When I enter the room I look up at the fifteen foot tall behemoth of muscle. I had to use the bone metal spell to give this bipedal giant a skeletal structure that can handle the strain this body will be put under. Like my flesh golems I took all of the muscle I could and made it stronger through alchemical solutions before attaching and building them up. For its skin I used toughened crock hide which made it look all black with great cracks about it. On its back were bone metal spikes and a space for the large basket he will be carrying. On its arms are bone metal bracers to act as shields and it wore some tattered pants...just because I felt he needed them. And a sturdy belt around his waist to carry the weapons/tools I made for this beautiful abomination. Steel chains ending in heavy and sharp hooks. I'm so close to finishing this I decide I'm not going to stop again until it's done.

After four hours the body is finally done and ready for its new owner. Like every room the Haunted Room attracts a number of minions based on its size and after I helped any trapped souls move on I eventually had all ghosts that stayed by choice to work for me and aside from making a full team of ghost raiders to crew my flying Dutchmen and created a soul jar for them to return to if cut down in battle I have one who volunteered for this job. Using my hand I plopped him down in the room.

"Its ready!" A say in a sing song voice causing the ghost to jump up excitedly and fly into the large body. Once he was in place I cast the spell to help connect the body and more easily respond to the new soul. With a rumble the hulking undead rose up and looked down at it's meaty hands.

"This is...SO EPIC!" The giant cried out as he examined himself. Finding the hook and chains on his belt he took one off and did some poses with it before swinging it and throwing it like a wrecking ball across the room trashing the wall and when he pulled back he pulled one of the tables out of the floor when the hook got caught on it causing it to fly across the room.

"Hey watch it!" I cry out as I scramble to get out of the way.

"Woops, sorry boss." He said as he rolled the chain back up and returned it to his belt.

"First things first you need to get to the training room and learn to control that body and learn your strength." I tell him as I take him with my hand and dump him in a training room locked and separate from the others before popping in myself. "Once you're done here you'll need to get straight to work."

"Fighting?" He asked excitedly.

"You stopped paying attention after you heard giant undead didn't you?" I asked with a deadpan receiving an embarrassed nod. "You are a Corpse Collector now. Your job is to go out and bring me the dead bodies too big for my imps to bring me."

"So...I won't get to fight?" He asked sadly.

"I never said that. You will be collecting in the Everfree forest so I'd say it's safe to assume that you will be attacked by the predators out there and you are a powerful undead so it would be wasteful not to take you into some battles. But until then you bring me nice, big cadavers understand?" I ask him getting a happy nod. He perked up at the idea of fighting Everfree monsters so I nod and let him get to work as I head straight to the showers. Once I was clean and crawling into bed I took Chrysalis which I had renamed Squeaky out of her prison cell which was a one room doll house with a lock on it to sleep with along with the Nix plushy.

"So...Think I can go spelunking before you go to sleep?" She asked from my forelegs. She's just as perverted as the other changelings and it quickly became clear that she was taking her defeat and dollification so well because of her kids getting fed. And she had expectations on how I would play with her and the things her new size would allow her to do.

"Not now. Now it's time for sleep. In the morning." I reply as I snuggle in under the covers.

"Yes!"..." Wait, you do realize I meant inside of you right? This isn't going to be like last time I asked and you took me into a cave is it?" she asked me.

"Good night Squeaky." I say as I doze off without giving her an answer.