Thomas and Moonlight had found another tour group to follow, this time closer to the guide. After the thing with the noses, Moonlight had felt emboldened enough to seize Thomas’ hand in her own, which he did not resist. The padding of her glove may have blocked their touch, but she still took comfort from the warmth she felt. At least she was no longer wearing her metal gauntlets. However, while she was enraptured by the notion of being asked out on a date, which they both agreed this was, Thomas’ focus was on the current exhibit.

“Horses,” the guide stated, indicating the creatures behind the glass, “are considered the closest living relatives of ponies. Horses are quadrupedal mammals that have been used as beasts of burden by earth pony farmers since before the Wendigo Exodus.”

As the guide continued his researched speech about their behavior and eating habits, Thomas caught himself staring between the beasts and their observers. The former were exactly as he remembered them from back home. He’d been around horses a few times in the past, and he couldn’t spot a single difference between the two. Things got especially jarring when a pony came out to offer the creature an apple. Not only did the comparison between the sentient pony and the voiceless beast leave the human rather unsettled, it also confirmed that the horses were even the same height as the ones back home. With ponies being both taller and heavier than their feral counterparts, horses would be useless to all but the smallest of foals for riding.

The spectators seemed to be reaching similar conclusions as they seemed to be eyeing the creatures with borderline dread. The guide had picked up as much and went on to explain how common it was for ponies to find the striking similarities between species to be unsettling. Horses had small soulless eyes, freakishly long snouts, and other features which Thomas concluded as the ‘uncanny valley’ effect; just similar enough so that the eye focused on the differences rather than the similarities.

“Can we move on, already?” One of the other ponies asked, his request met with eager nods from the surrounding patrons. The guide agreed and wrapped up the lecture before motioning for them to move on.

“Thank Celestia,” Moonlight grimaced. “I hate those things.”

“You and everyone else, apparently.” Thomas remarked as he followed beside her. “It actually reminds me of a book from back home called ‘Gulliver’s Travels’, where a guy gets shipwrecked on an island where the horses are the civilized ones and humans are just wild beasts.”
Moonlight shuddered. “I’d rather not think about that, thank you very much. Those… things are just too creepy. Besides, how can a horse make civilization? They don’t even have thumbs.”

If she only knew, Thomas mused. “It was actually supposed to be a commentary about human society at the time. Like, he goes to one island of tiny people that are at war because they disagree how to eat boiled eggs.”

“You go to war over how to eat eggs?” Moonlight asked with a raised brow.

“Not to my knowledge, but it was making the point that a lot of wars are fought for the stupidest of reasons.” He explained. “Also; with civilized horses, I don’t really remember all the details, but I think that’s the sort of thing where you suspend your disbelief and just go with it.”

“Suspend disbelief?” Moonlight puzzled.

“Yeah, it’s a story telling technique,” Thomas explained. “It’s where you introduce an element that doesn’t or can’t really exist, but the audience is supposed to be so drawn into the story that they just accept it.”

“How do you make an audience just believe something that can’t exist?” Moonlight asked, clearly intrigued.

“By making everything else believable,” Thomas beamed. “You can make up your own universe with its own rules of how science and magic work. As long as it’s reasonably consistent and the characters react to it in a believable manner, the audience generally won’t ask questions until after the story is over. In fact, it’s actually a lot of fun for fans of stories to debate that sort of stuff afterwards.” It was then that Thomas stopped smiling as he just realized he was explaining geekdom to someone who had clearly never heard of it before. “You mean you’ve really never encountered stuff like this in any of the books you’ve read?”

Moonlight shook her head, puzzled at the look of incredulity growing on her date’s face.

“So… you’ve never read a story with elements that just don’t exist in reality?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Moonlight shrugged. “Like the story of Robin Hood you told. A thief stealing from the evil Prince was unusual, but I wouldn’t say impossible. And having the characters be all kinds of different animals was…” she blinked in realization. “Oh, I think I see what you’re saying! I didn’t really care that the characters were animals because the story was just so good.”

“That’s it,” Thomas nodded, though not nearly as pleased for Moonlight’s realization as he’d have liked. “But what about other things that don’t exist? Like, have there ever been any stories about other tribes of ponies, like what Silver described?”
Moonlight scratched her chin. “A few, but those are all based on historical documents and various legends that were, at least partially, based in fact.”

“What about fables like the Headless Horse?” Thomas asked desperately.

“I think that’s based on a mad unicorn whose experiments broke loose.” Moonlight sighed, disappointed at being unable to satisfy Thomas’ questions as he seemed to want. “To be honest, the only thing I can think of that really couldn’t happen is some of the things in the Daring Do books. That’s why A.K. Yearling has been praised as the greatest fiction writer of her time.”

Except she isn’t, Thomas realized, she’s basically writing her own biography. There might be exaggerations here and there, but that would only qualify it as historical fiction. And then it really hit him when he recalled the pony herd mentality. I should really talk to Luna about this later, but I don’t think ponies have the same concept of fiction as humans do.

**********

“Oh yeah,” Talon groaned as Silver ran her hands through the griffon’s feathers. “L-lower. Lower. Aaaand… there!” she directed, wincing when the mare pulled out the designated feather. “Oh yeah. That’s the one,” She sighed in relief. “You’re not half bad.”

“You don’t say,” Silver teased as she leaned in close to the griffon’s neck, exhaling heavily and laughing at the way the feathers bristled beneath her hot breath. “What do I have to do to get the other half?”

“If you stop, I swear I’ll strangle you,” Talon growled.

“My, my,” Silver tittered. “Sounds like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“Either that, or I haven’t had a good preening in a while,” Talon suggested.

“I find that hard to believe,” Silver stated as she sunk her fingers deep beneath her friend’s feathers, relishing their softness. “You don’t need to be an expert to see you take excellent care of yourself. “I’d wager your last preening couldn’t have been more than a week ago.”

“Wuss.” Talon chuckled, only to coo as her wings continued to receive their expert massage. “Going for the easy bet like that.”

“And yet you’re still this sensitive?” Silver queried. “Then again, with this tension in the wing bones,” she emphasized by grabbing hold of the humerus and bending the elbow, “I’d say you were stressed.”

“Stressed?” Talon challenged. “What would I, the lovely and luscious Talon have to be stressed about?”

“Maybe you’re questioning the validity of that prophecy of yours?” Silver suggested cautiously.

“I’d better not be,” Talon warned. “’Cause that same prophecy also says you’ve got good odds of getting lucky with Moonbutt.”

Silver ceased her ministrations and stared at Talon quizzically. “So… are you going to tell me what this prophecy business is about or do I have to play the guessing game?”

“Sorry,” Talon grinned apologetically. “I’m really sorry, but I’m not allowed to tell ya yet. I don’t like secrets, and this one in particular is especially frustrating, but thems the breaks, sweet wings.”

Seeing the griffon’s resolute look, Silver concluded that she wasn’t about to get a straight answer out of the griffon any time soon. Sighing in defeat, she returned to her grooming motions, though with much less vigor.

“If it helps,” Talon offered, “I can at least say that, in the highly likely and not at all anxiety causing possibility that chimp and smarty get together, that’ll be one less distraction for him and one more step closer to your graduation exam.”

**********

Thankfully, the following exhibits managed to take the couple’s minds off the issue of pony fiction. While there were relatively few mythological creatures, most of Thomas’ entertainment came from watching Moonlight’s reactions. She couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous the elephant’s long nose was, which wasn’t at all relevant to the fact that it flung an elephant-sized turd at the window. She put on a brave face through the insectarium, but thankfully the small human was there to pat her back and give her the encouragement she needed to simply not look up as he rushed her out of there. In turn, she was there to offer him support through the reptile house, though he was perfectly capable of not looking at the snakes all on his own. They’d even agreed to compromise at the concessions stand and buy each other’s food and drink. All was going just fine except for one thing.

“Um, Moonlight?” Thomas asked as they sat at one of the nearby tables and finished off their meal.

“Yes, Thomas?” Moonlight replied with a wary smile.

“How normal is it for a pony to wear a trench coat and sunglasses at night?”

Moonlight tightened her grip around his palm. “Not very,” She admitted. Following his gaze, she turned to peek over her shoulder. This was the fourth time she’d spotted that trench coat wearing mare snooping on them. The first two times she’d dismissed as coincidence. The third time she’d noticed the paper the mare was reading was upside down. Now she was trying to hide behind the zoo’s brochure. And now even Thomas has noticed you, she thought with a sneer. If you try anything to ruin my date, I swear I’ll make you pay.

“What should we do?”

Moonlight grimaced. While some part of her hoped there was a way to scare the other mare off and continue their date, she reminded herself that duty came first and her first priority should always be her charge’s safety. “Maybe we should just go,” she admitted glumly.

“You think she’s planning something? What about our date?”

“Better safe than sorry,” Moonlight sighed disappointedly. “You’d best finish eating so we can leave. Try not to look at her so she doesn’t suspect we’re onto her.”

Thomas nodded, “For the record: I have every confidence that you could kick her ass,” he asserted, causing Moonlight to flush. “But if that’s what you think, can we at least stop by the gift shop first? I kinda want to buy you a stuffed elephant.”

To Tartarus with you and your cute face, she chided to herself for going against her better judgement, “I suppose.”

“That’s the one over there!”

Moonlight looked up to find a blue unicorn stallion in a fancy vest pointing in their direction and motioning a pair of security officers to follow. And now we have to deal with this, she thought with a sneer as her eyes narrowed on the approaching trouble. She rose to her full height, followed shortly by Thomas who was also eyeing the group. Sharing a nod with her companion, Moonlight took a half step between her charge and the others.

“See? I told you I saw somepony suspicious walking around!” The stallion grinned slyly as he addressed the officers. “And looky here, this fool of a mare thought she’d dress up like a guard and try to smuggle this… ape thing out of the zoo!” He explained smugly, only to turn to the confused guards when they did not respond. “Well? Aren’t you going to arrest them?”

“I am Private First Class Moonlight Shield of Princess Luna’s House Guard.” She said with proud sternness. “I am on assignment to guard Princess Luna’s Senior Concubine on his day off.”

“You see?” The stallion gestured at the pair in disbelief. “Can’t even come up with a good lie. Everypony knows the House Guard never leaves the Princess’ side.”

“I never heard that.” Admitted the first officer, a red unicorn stallion.

“Same here.” Said the other officer, a green earth pony mare. “Plus she said she’s on assignment.”

“You’re kidding.” The vest wearing stallion shook his head incredulously. “You’re actually falling for this? She’s not even wearing the right color to be a guard! You’d have to be a complete imbecile to not know that guards are supposed to be as gold as Celestia’s sun!”

“Luna’s guards wear dark purple, oh smart one,” Thomas remarked snidely, causing the stallion to jump.

“It… it can talk?”

“Yes,” Moonlight hissed “he can.” She stepped aside a ways and motioned to present Thomas. “This is Sir Thomas, Senior Concubine of Princess Luna’s Royal Harem, and he has better things to do than stand here and take such baseless accusations from the likes of you.”

“Likes of…” The stallion looked utterly flabbergasted. “Do you not know who I am?”

“Moonlight?” Thomas asked, ignoring the stallion. “Did we ever find out if human venom is deadly to ponies? Cause I find myself really curious all of a sudden.”

Human venom? Moonlight shot Thomas a look. However, at the suggestive bouncing of Thomas’ eyebrows, she soon caught on. “You know, I don’t think we ever did. Never found a suitable candidate to test it on.” She turned to the stallion with a sinister smirk.

The stallion quickly retreated behind the officers for safety. “Y-you see!” He stuttered pathetically. “He’s a vicious animal. I command you to lock him up immediately.”

“I remember now,” the stallion officer said with a snap “I remember these two from the paper!” He looked to his partner. “You remember, right? These two helped defend that one town from the Ursa attack.”

“Oh yeah!” The mare officer exclaimed in understanding. “And wasn’t it a human who gave Luna the idea for that Halloween ride? My sister went there and said it was the freakiest things she’d ever seen.”

Both officers turned to the accused parties with newfound admiration. “So you’re really the one who led the pegasi in the counter attack?” the mare asked Moonlight.

“I…” Moonlight tried to speak.

“Of course not, stupid,” the stallion officer scolded his partner. “There was a griffon who did that. I think her name was… Taller?”

“Talon,” Thomas corrected.

“Oh right,” the stallion officer chortled as he lightly tapped the side of his head, “duh.”

“Begging your pardon,” Moonlight interjected. “But I was just escorting the Senior Concubine,” she emphasized, “around one of Canterlot’s more popular tourist spots when we were so rudely accosted by this-”

“Oh don’t you try turning this on me.” The rude stallion sneered, cutting her off. “My name is Stirred Latte and my mother is part owner of this manure-stained mess you call a zoo…”

Entitled, much? Thomas thought to himself.

“And I intend to have a very long discussion with her about downsizing if you don’t arrest these two at once!” he declared boldly.

The officers shared puzzled glances before the mare spoke. “Um, sorry sir, but we can’t actually arrest anypony. We have a holding area, but-”

“Then throw them in!” Latte demanded, earning glares from all surrounding parties.

“But,” the mare continued, “that’s only for lost foals. We can’t detain anypony, at least not without cause.”

“Cause? Cause!?” Latte growled. “I don’t believe this! I am Stirred Latte and I demand satisfaction!”

“Oh really?” came a new voice.

Latte and the officers jumped in surprise as they turned around to find the mare in the trench coat and sun glasses. Thomas ducked down low and Moonlight lit her horn in anticipation of a fight.

“Pardon me,” the mare said with a smile as she fished around her coat pocket. Up close it was clear her fur was white and her mane was pink. Height and lack of any other appendages also suggested she was an earth pony. Smiling at finding what she wanted, she pulled out a badge and flashed it for all to see. “Inspector Bright Sun of the Royal Equestrian Ministry of Safety.” She paused just long enough for the others to read the key words on the badge before flipping it closed and storing it away. “What, may I ask, is the problem here?”

Thomas narrowed his eyes on the white mare. Her voice was soft yet authoritative, almost motherly, and sounded awfully familiar. Moonlight seemed to be thinking the same as her horn went out and she took a more relaxed stance.

“Inspector?” Latte asked skeptically. “Have the ministry’s standards really fallen so low they’d hire a-”

“Mr. Latte.” Bright Sun cut him off, no doubt before he could say anything to earn him a swift kick to an unsavory place. “I’ll have you know that I have been watching this incident unfold from the start. I’ll also have you know that while your family may have been charitable in their donations, for which we are all grateful, I’m afraid I must inform you that this facility is the property of the crown and not your private estate. You have no authority to issue any commands of any sort, especially not when it disturbs the experience of your paying guests.”

“Wha… How dare you!” Latte recovered quickly. “I’ll have you know that I am good friends with Princess Celestia herself. Let’s see what she thinks when it’s the word of a Canterlot elite versus,” he wave his hand dismissively, “some common inspector!”

Bright Sun’s lips curled into a soft smile that paradoxically promised unspeakable agony to any who would earn it. Slowly the mare removed her sun glasses and turned her violet irises on the stallion whose legs were threatening to give way at any moment. In the blink of an eye, the mare’s pink mane sprung to life in an ethereal flow as it adopted additional hues of indigo, aqua, and green, only to fall back limp shortly after. “You were saying?” The mare inquired coldly.

A pony-shaped dust cloud hung in the air where Latte had been standing shortly before. As it dissipated, the other officers remembered themselves and stuttered incoherently about needing to be absolutely anywhere but here. When they had gone, all that remained were Thomas, Moonlight, and the mare who called herself Bright Sun. Replacing her sun glasses, she nodded to the pair and motioned for them to come with her. Too stunned to argue, they obediently followed until they found themselves near a dumpster at the back of one of the zoo’s restaurants.

“B-Bright Sun?” Thomas asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“I know.” The mare bobbed her head proudly. “It’s a pretty clever disguise, if I do say so myself,” she bragged, flaunting her trench coat for her audience of two. “I can’t tell you the hoops I had to jump through for a good disguise in the old days.” She patted down her coat. “Much more practical and less conspicuous, don’t you think? I’ll bet you never suspected me for a moment.”

The human and mare exchanged incredulous looks as they silently debated whether or not to break the mare of her delusion. They settled with not.

“A-Auntie?” Moonlight asked cautiously.

“Who else do you know with a body like this?” she asked as she opened her coat and flashed them her bare naked form. She might have been shorter overall, but her large earth pony figure was as full and round as it ever was, causing Thomas to reflexively turn away.

“T-Talon said Fluttershy comes pretty close,” Thomas dared while continuing to avert his eyes.

Celestia snorted as she tied her coat back up. “I suppose I can’t argue with the once a generation pony who’s lucky enough to be born with a body to rival mine,” she grumbled, only to quickly start giggling. “I’m kidding, of course she’s beautiful! The only thing that vexes me about her, though, is how she’s remained single for this long.”

“Ahem,” Moonlight cleared her throat, “Um, Auntie?”

“Yes, Moony?” Celestia asked sweetly.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you… here… at the zoo… at night… but…”

“Oh, you know me.” Celestia tittered. “If Lulu were here, she’d say something about me having a problem keeping my big fat nose out of other ponies' business,” she said while making air quotes.

“So…” Thomas struggled to think of a tactful way of expressing his thoughts, but quickly gave up. “You were spying on us?”

“I prefer proactive matchmaking,” Celestia suggested with a girlish giggle. “Makes me sound less like a perverted stalker…” she pretended not to notice the looks Thomas and Moonlight were sharing, “… and more like a concerned Aunt who’s just a little anxious about her niece’s first date with a stallion.” She smiled at how they relaxed to her proposed alternative, only for Moonlight’s frown to deepen.

“How did you know Thomas was my first stallion?”

Please don’t let her be like Bubblegum and be monitoring everyone. Thomas pleaded.

“I still exchange correspondence with your parents, silly.” Celestia grinned. “They just love sharing how much you and your siblings have grown up.”

“Oh,” Moonlight sighed in relief.

“Not to mention Cadence told me.”

“Oh…” Moonlight said much more somberly.

“What? Did you think I had an array of spies and security cameras monitoring everypony in Equestria?” Celestia giggled at how the pair guiltily averted their gaze. “Such a thing would be too big to properly maintain, anyway. Even Canterlot’s too big for that level of monitoring.”

The pair eyed the disguised Princess with suspicious glares, certain she’d said that on purpose just to mess with them. Trollestia confirmed.

“Anyway,” Celestia shrugged. “I certainly hope you two were planning to stay a little bit longer. There’s still so much zoo to see, you haven’t even gotten to the aviary yet!” She pulled out the brochure from earlier. “They’ve recently received a pair of Zura birds. Apparently, when the light of the moon hits them just right, they break out into a song that’s supposed to send mares into a false heat.”

Seeing Moonlight blush and shudder, Thomas went against his better judgment and asked the obvious question. “What’s a false heat?”

“For Twilight, I would go into a long lecture complete with charts, because she likes that sort of thing.” Celestia sighed at the fond memory. “But for you, I’ll surmise that it’s all the symptoms of a mare in heat, only minus the estrus. It’s actually a medical condition, but the guide’s just using it as a euphemism for mares getting extra aroused.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Thomas who recoiled slightly at the odd display.

He’d come to expect this sort of thing from Talon, maybe Luna when she’s feeling playful, and definitely more than a few of the sun concubines. However, to see such a thing from the normally matronly and maternal white mare was… jarring. Then again, considering who the mare chose to share her bed with, it would only make sense if she enjoyed such behavior. Also Trollestia. Can’t let my guard down for a second.

“W-when the moonlight hits them just right?” Moonlight repeated, to which Celestia nodded. “Hypothetically speaking, when would that be?”

“Apparently not soon enough for you.” Celestia chuckled. “Well, you’d better be off, shouldn’t you?” She teased, waved them off.

**********

“Sweet Luna, yes!” Silver gasped in exhaustion as she flopped onto her side on the bed in Talon’s room. Across from her lay the drunken form of Misty Breeze, whose mane was messed and fur matted from the sweat. Both mares were panting heavily, but neither wanted to say much more as their jaws still ached.

“Not bad,” Talon announced with a slow applause from her chair facing the bed. “First time, and you both did excellent.”

“That was…” Misty hiccupped. “Wha you call that?”

“Sixty nine,” Talon answered proudly. “Chimp says it’s just as good for stallions as it is mares.”

“I’m gonna have to test that when I” *hic* “go home tomorra,” Misty vowed with solemn determination, only to break down in a giggle fit.

The pegasus mare had been drinking to celebrate her impending victory. There’d been a secret pot amongst Celestia’s harem, with everyone betting not on when Thomas and Moonlight would finally get together, but on the conditions leading up to it. Some bet on Thomas falling for her after she gallantly save him, others, after hearing about the human’s backwards ideas, bet on the reverse. For a while it looked Luna would get fed up with waiting and either order them to buck or she’d call in Cadence for assistance. But no, deep down, Misty knew-- she knew her Celestia wouldn’t be able to keep her nose out of this forever. And when Celestia decided two ponies should be together, by Faust, they were getting together. After all, where else would Cadence learn her matchmaking skills from? In the end, Misty had won for betting that Cadence would provide the initial push with follow-up efforts from Celestia.

And Talon, being such a good friend and not at all bitter that Moonlight hadn’t mared up on her own, decided to take advantage of her intoxicated friend and volunteered her for the same training exercises Thomas went through. One thing led to another, the pegasus started to get really friendly with Silver’s wings after the bat pony removed her dress, and maybe Talon let slip a suggestion or two. Who can say how these things happened? All that mattered was they did and all present company was smiling for it.

“And…” Silver panted, swallowing as she wiped away what remained of Misty Breeze’s orgasm from her chin. “You mean to say that,” she breathed, “that he really knows other positions like this?”

“Stuff like this. Stuff not even close.” Talon listed off. “And stuff that gets me stiff-winged just thinking about it.”

“I take back my earlier comment on him being an unfit Senior,” Silver admitted as she labored to pull herself up. “Clearly I was wrongheaded to challenge this kind of inspired mastery.”

“Pretty sure he’d disagree with you on the ‘mastery’ thing,” Talon corrected. “This is all just stuff humans came up with on their own. He’s just here to share the spoils of their findings.”

Silver tilted her head in befuddlement. “And we haven’t sent an expedition to discover this human country because…?”

“I’m with the newbie.” Misty shot her arm up before letting it fall lifelessly back onto the covers. “Clearly humans are much more advanced than ponies in the art of sexual techniques. We should” *hic* “fund an experdition ermediately. Venture forth I say! Venture forth and” *hic* “take their treasures for our own.”

“Or,” Silver giggled at her drunken counterpart. “We could just trade with them.”

“I’m all for either, to be honest.” Talon snickered as she climbed up beside Misty and began running her claws through her friend’s mane, though not the one dripping with her own fluids. “I hear they’ve got a surplus of stallions anyway. If they’re even half as cute as chimp, I don’t think the human governments’d mind if we took a few off their hands.”

“Yesh!” Misty proclaimed. “Don’t care how much it cotsh. I’ll buy up my very own harem of herman stallions to…” But she would never reveal her plans for her harem of humans, as the tired drunk mare finally dozed off, her snores announcing to all that she was done for the night.

“Light weight.” Talon shook her head before leaning down and planning a soft kiss on the mare’s cheek, unintentionally earning herself a treat in the form of Silver’s marecum. “Yummy.”

Well that was an… interesting ride. A little bit of world building about pony/Equestrian concepts of fiction, Talon breaking in Silver, and we get to see Celestia’s mischievous side. All in all, not much in the realm of dating for Thomas and Moonlight. Mostly this was just the sort of stuff they’d normally do, but the more I think about it, the more I think Moonlight is right. After all, what else is a first date for if not to determine if two (or more) people can just have fun together?