“Hey, look over there,” Talon pointed at the gathering of ponies up ahead. “What do you suppose they’re all excited about?”

“Couldn’t say,” Thomas shrugged.

“Maybe we can find this friend of yours there,” Moonlight suggested as her hand remained planted firmly on the human’s shoulder. In addition to her failure earlier, it seemed as though Ponyville wasn’t nearly as safe as she’d expected.

“Worth a shot,” Thomas agreed, doing his best to ignore the unicorn’s grip.

“Cool.”

By the time they arrived, they were quite firmly at the back of the crowd, at least until more ponies arrived and sealed them in. Talon and Moonlight, sensing Thomas’ distress, moved to either side of him, but that only increased his sudden onset of claustrophobia. He was a sardine in a can of naked mares packed tightly together. Round rumps in front, breasts behind, and the occasional penis all added up to one very uncomfortable human. And on top of everything else, the greater height of the ponies left him unable to see anything.

Without warning, the ground left Thomas behind as he was lifted into the air. When he regained his bearings, he was sitting atop Talon’s shoulders like a little kid with a parent or older sibling. The griffon smiled up at him as she held firmly onto his ankles.

“Better?”

After giving a worried Moonlight an assuring nod, Thomas surveyed the crowd from his new position. A sea of candy colored anthro horses like a bag of skittles stretched out until they suddenly stopped at the foot of a large wooden box. “Much. Thanks.”

Then the box spoke as it opened up into a stage. “Come one! Come all. Come and witness the amazing magic of the great and powerful Trixie!” The stage burst in a cloud of smoke which quickly dissipated to reveal a blue unicorn with a star studded cape and wizard’s hat.

“No freaking way,” Thomas muttered to himself as he watched the scene from the episode unfold.

Trixie boasted, demonstrating a few tricks to get the audience excited, until a few ponies in the front row began heckling her. She offered to meet their challenge. The first up was an orange earth mare with a blonde mane and cowboy hat as her only attire. She did a few rope tricks, using the rope that had somehow materialized out of nowhere, until Trixie turned the ropes against her. Then a most elegant white unicorn with a purple mane stepped forward, reshaping the stage’s curtains into a rather lovely dress. She left the stage in tears when Trixie turned her hair green. Thomas figured Rainbow Dash’s absence was because she was still off with Fluttershy.

“Not a bad show,” Moonlight chuckled as Rarity fled from sight. “Do you think those ponies were part of the act? Is this some comedy show and they are all actors?”

Talon shrugged, “Could be, but I doubt it. I think she’s the sort of pony who likes provoking her hecklers into challenging her so she can show them up. Look at the cutie mark,” she gestured. “She’s a magic specialist. Probably went to school for years on a scholarship or something and now she just goes from town to town bragging about how much better she is at stuff.”

“You’re not far off,” Thomas mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

The show went on for nearly a half an hour as Trixie continued to invite her hecklers to challenge her greatness, only to spank them with their own talents; one time literally as a pony with spanking for a cutie mark was bent over a magically conjured table and repeatedly smacked until his rump was red, which in all fairness was probably deserved. When there were no more hecklers, Trixie resumed her display of fireworks and demonstrations of things she’d supposedly done elsewhere.

When the show ended and the crowd dissipated, Thomas caught sight of a familiar purple reptile talking to a couple colts he wished had never been drawn. “Over there,” he pointed. “And you can put me down now.”

After putting him down, much to Moonlight’s relief, the trio arrived just as the two colts ran off. “Hey Spike,” Thomas greeted.

“What’s up, little drake,” Talon waved.

“Oh hey there, Talon,” the dragon happily returned the greeting, before squinting in confusion. “And, uh, Tamas, right?”

“It’s Thomas, actually,” he corrected as he studied the little dragon. Spike looked almost exactly as he did on the show with his big head and slightly pudgy body. He was a full head smaller than Thomas, making it somewhat hard for the human to pinpoint his age. His color scheme was exactly the same, though. Alas, like any other male in this clothing optional society, Spike’s junk was on full display, save for the fact that it was retracted within a sheath. “But it’s okay. We only met the once.”

“Still, a pleasure to meet you.” Spike extended his clawed hand.

“Likewise,” Thomas smiled and took the drake’s claw with a hearty shake. The young dragon’s innocent forthrightness, with absolutely no discernable sexual undercurrent, was a great relief.

“I just call him chimp. Way easier. And this here is Moonlight Shield. You can call her smarty-corn for short.”

“Pleasure,” Moonlight nodded as she also recognized the little dragon as a welcomed guest back at the castle some time ago.

“Nah,” Spike dismissed. “I’ve already got a smarty-corn of my own. It’d just get confusing.”

“Hah. I hear that,” Talon bumped fists with the little dragon. “We were actually just looking for Twilight. Know where we can find her?”

“Sure thing. After all, I am her number one assistant,” Spike puffed out his chest boastfully. “Maybe you guys can give her a good talking to. She seems a bit down on herself right now.”

Talon rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. She’s overthinking a simple problem and now she’s thought herself into a corner.”

“I’m not sure if she’s in the corner yet,” Spike frowned. “But she’s getting there.”

“Then let’s go,” Talon leaned down and pushed the little dragon ahead of her. “Lead the way little drake.”

As Thomas followed close behind, paying little mind to the griffon and dragon chatting, he couldn’t help but look around for the colts he recognized as Snips and Snails. They’re probably on their way to the ursa minor right now. Should I warn them? I mean, everything works out in the end. No one gets hurt and there’ll only be minor property damage, but there’s still something bugging me. What is it?

“You think that was bad?” Spike asked as he and Talon reflected over the times they’d seen Twilight freak out. “You should have seen her during the parasprite invasion. She actually wanted to build an identical replica of the whole town so the Princess wouldn’t know how badly she screwed up.”

Parasprites! Thomas realized. The parapsprite episode came after Boast Busters, not before. Which means… oh horse crap. They’re not following the script of the show! And if they’re going out of order, who knows what other things might be different. Maybe things don’t end happily for everyone after all. Thomas was jostled out of his internal panic as he walked into the shade of the library, feeling a little nostalgic relief at seeing how at least this place was the same as the show.

“Hey Twilight,” Spike called as he pushed the door open, revealing a legion of books stacked upon shelves built into the tree. “We’ve got visitors.”

Off in the corner of the library, a lone naked lavender unicorn sat at a table and hunched over a book. She gave no response.

“Uh, Twilight? Guests,” Spike motioned to the trio, but still Twilight didn’t move.

“Well,” Talon said as she sauntered along the book laden wall. “If a certain somepony’s not going to greet her guests, I suppose I could just maybe, possibly, pick a book at random and… bend the corner.”

And then Twilight evolved into Rapidash as she ran up to the griffon. “IF YOU LAY A HOOF ON A SINGLE BOOK IN MY LIBRARY, I WILL SHOW YOU THE MEANING OF HORROR AS I send you to… Miss Talon?”

“You know it,” smiled Talon, unfazed by the fiery pony in front of her. Though she did give a quick nod to Moonlight to drop the shield she just raised.

Twilight instantly simmered down and collapsed to the floor. “Sorry, Miss Talon,” she lowered her head guiltily.

“Cut the ‘Miss’ garbage,” the griffon chided. “Name’s Talon, Concubine of Celestia’s Royal Harem,” she held out her claw for dramatic emphasis. “And you will address me in a manner befitting my title.”

Twilight pulled herself up to her full height, allowing Thomas to get a full view of her figure. She was a lot closer to what he’d come to expect from Canterlot unicorns; average height, skinny figure, moderately sized breasts, and a surprisingly round backside. Even without glasses, she had a bookish cuteness about her. And without clothes, Thomas could see the pink streak that ran through her mane also went through her pubic hair… for some reason.

Scowling up at the griffon, Twilight flatly told her “For the last time, I’m not calling you ‘lady hot buns’.”

“Oh, please,” Talon begged humbly as Spike struggled to keep from snickering.

“No.”

“Some protégé you are,” Talon pouted. “Celestia calls me that whenever I want.”

Cheap shot. Thomas thought as Twilight’s lavender cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. Turning her idealization of the Princess against her like that… that’s just low. As he thought that, Thomas couldn’t help but smile as he wished he could have done so first.

“Hold on a second,” Moonlight interjected. “Twilight Sparkle? As in Princess Celestia’s top student and personal protégé, Twilight Sparkle? Not to mention Captain Shining Armor’s younger sister, formerly foal sat by Pricness Cadence, and current bearer of the Element of Magic. That Twilight Sparkle!?”

“Um, yes?” Twilight shrugged sheepishly.

“How the hay do you know Twilight Sparkle!?” Moonlight shouted at Talon demandingly.

“Well,” Talon folded her arms smugly. “Unlike some ponies I could mention,” her gaze lingered on Thomas, “I actually go outside and talk to ponies. Plus Sparklebutt over here came to the castle to get personal lessons from Leste all the time, so we just ran into each other a bunch.”

“Sparklebutt?” Spike giggled. “I gotta remember that one for later. Oh, Talon. I didn’t tell you about Twilight Flopple. See, Twilight ran into these flowers called poison joke, and they made her horn look like a floppy…”

“Spike!” Twilight cut the dragon off. “That’ll be enough of that. Why don’t you fetch our guests some tea.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Spike saluted dutifully and ran off to the kitchen.

Flopple. Thomas thought as Twilight lead them to the table in the middle of the library where they all took their seats. After Boast Busters, but before Swarm of the Century.

“Talon,” Twilight smiled. “I admit, it is nice to see you again, but why are you here?”

“Oh. I was just stopping by to introduce you to a couple new friends of mine. Since you’ve finally got friends of your own, I figured you’d appreciate that sort of thing now.”

“Yeah, heh heh,” Twilight laughed uneasily. “Sorry for brushing you off all those times before. There was always just, ya know, one more book that I need to read and…”

Talon held up her claw to cut the unicorn off. “Apology accepted. But I think some good came out of it. See, unlike you,” she gestured back at Thomas, “this one actually listens to me and lets me help him open up. I took what I tried with you and reworked it a bit to work on him.”

Finally Twilight noticed the strange creature standing beside the unicorn guard, pupils widening in wonder. “What… is he?”

“Behold. Equestria’s one and only human, near as we can tell,” Talon held out arm in presentation. “You can call him Thomas and this is like the fourth freaking time I’ve introduced him today,” she huffed. “I ain’t doing it no more. From now on, you can introduce yourself.”

Twilight stepped forward, leaning in to examine the curiosity before her. Moonlight also stepped forward, allowing her mere presence to serve as a warning, which Twilight nodded to in acceptance before proceeding. Thomas, to his credit, didn’t back down as she ran her hands along his face, muttering to herself details about his appearance. However, he did stop her once her hands started exploring a little too far south.

“I just… I just can’t believe it. A real human in Equestria. I was a bit skeptical, but you really are just as Princess Luna described you. I guess I owe Lyra twenty bits. And you’re having trouble opening up to ponies, just like I was?”

“Yeah,” Thomas said, realizing that he hadn’t spoken since entering the tree house. It was not because he was star struck at meeting the main character of the show, now morphed into a very sexy young lady, but because he was busy imagining the probability of being struck by a bear-like monster made of stars. Then he came back to reality. “Luna described me?”

“In her letters, yes,” Twilight answered as she began circling the human.

“I think the little guy’s embarrassed at all the attention,” Talon pulled Twilight back gently. “But yes. I’ve been getting him to open up in pretty much every way except the legs. You can thank Princess Luna for that.”

The blush returned to Twilight’s cheeks. “Pardon?”

“The little chimp chose the same career path as yours truly,” Talon set her claws on her hips proudly. “'Cept he prefers tapping the royal lunar booty.”

“Y-you and P-P-Princess Luna…”

“Easy there, Twi,” Spike consoled, setting the tray of tea cups and sandwiches on the table before taking Twilight’s hand and stroking it gently. “It’s alright. Remember to breathe.”

Twilight did as instructed. “You’re right, Spike. We’re all adults here,” she took another deep breath. “We can be mature and talk about adult subjects with all the civility expected from adults.”

“Do I count as an adult?” Spike asked eagerly.

“Well dragons tend to mature a lot quicker than other creatures, so maybe,” Talon shrugged, only to shrink at the sudden attention. “Er, so I hear.”

“Wait,” Thomas held up his hand. “You said Luna’s been talking about me in her letters. She described what I look like, but didn’t mention our… relationship.”

Twilight gulped and lightly shook her head. “She said how much she liked spending time with you and how much fun she had when you were around, but I thought you were just friends. It never occurred to me that you two might have… that kind of relationship. Although, in retrospect, I probably should have picked up on the hints.”

Thomas couldn’t help but smile at Twilight’s recount of Luna’s opinions on him. Somehow the words expressed to a third party seemed more real, and it made him swell with pride.

“Sparklebutt’s right,” Talon nodded. “There’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to talk about all the times I’ve buried my beak in Leste’s glorious plot, smacking those jiggling orbs as I-yow!” Talon screeched. Her wings flared in anger as she turned around to see the unicorn guard holding her feline tail in a death grip.

“There are minors present,” Moonlight scolded.

Talon turned to see Twilight pressing her hands firmly against the innocent Spike’s ears. “Oh. Sorry.”

Twilight leered at the griffon a moment longer before feeling confident to free a very unamused looking Spike from her grasp. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

“Can’t change what’s already perfect,” Talon scoffed.

Twilight snorted. “Spike. Why don’t you go upstairs and catch up on your comics or something? I don’t trust this one,” she pointed, “not to try something like that again.”

“Fine,” Spike rolled his eyes as he left for the stairs. “If it makes you feel more adult to send your little brother to his room, so be it. Not like I didn’t hear worse from the old servants anyway,” he grumbled.

“Spike!” And the little dragon ran off giggling as Twilight returned her attention to the human. “So, Thomas was it? You and Princess Luna?”

“Yeah,” he perked up. “She’s pretty great.”

“Well…” Twilight flushed as she took a sip of tea. “I am happy that you two have found each other, but I would love to know more about you.”

“Trying a little hard there, Sparklebutt.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Stop having a stick up your book worm butt,” Talon leered teasingly, causing her adversary to once again catch flame.

“There was an article in the Canterlot Canter a while ago,” Thomas interjected in the hopes of keeping things from getting physical, or, knowing Talon, physical. “It explained a lot of the basics.”

“The Canterlot Canter?” Twilight wondered. “Oh right. I remember now. I can’t believe that slipped my mind,” she laughed awkwardly. “Silly me. If it’s not in a book, sometimes I don’t remember it so well.”

“So I guess we can skip everything they said,” Thomas smiled happily at how cute Twilight looked as an awkward book worm.

“Right,” Twilight bobbed her head and pulled out a note pad as a glowing quill hovered overhead. “In that case, we can move on to the more advanced questions. Let’s start with something simple. As Senior Concubine to Princess Luna, I understand you cannot share the more… intimate details of your relationship. However, can you comment on your performance abilities compared to the average stallion?”

“No,” Thomas deadpanned. At hearing the griffon chuckle, Thomas beamed back at the future Princess. “Did you grill Tali like this the first time you met?”

Talon’s beak grinned all the wider while Twilight flushed. Neither answered for some time.

“I think we can take that as a ‘yes’,” Moonlight commented dryly.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight gasped. “Sometimes I say things without regard for pony’s personal boundaries.”

“I didn’t think ponies acknowledged those,” Thomas said sarcastically.

“Beh,” Talon dismissed. “Boundaries are overrated. Although it was pretty awkward for a little filly to ask a question like that.”

“So long as you’re aware of it, you’ll do better.” Thomas assured, causing Twilight to smile. “Ahem. But on that note, I am a little curious what it was like when you and Tali met. Was it as awkward as I imagine?”

“I didn’t think so at the time,” Twilight shifted in place. “It was my first time going back to the castle for private lessons. I was too nervous to ask the guards for directions, so I got lost. Then Tali found me.”

Talon beamed at her nickname being used. “Little filly was in the armory,” she reminisced fondly. “We’re still not sure how she got past the security.”

“I was so scared,” Twilight continued with a nervous giggle. “All those scary sharp weapons all over the place. I thought I might get stabbed if I breathed too hard. Then the guards found me and started yelling at me.”

“Then I swooped in and saved the day,” Talon proclaimed.

“Yes you did,” Twilight nodded appreciatively. “From there she agreed to take me to Celestia. I was still a little nervous so she did most of the talking. When I asked what she did around the castle, I didn’t even know what a concubine was. Boy, that was an awkward talk with my parents.”

Boy, Thomas thought, reflecting on how ponies mostly used the term for slang but would occasionally use it interchangeably with colt.

The conversation went on for a little while longer, with both Moonlight and Thomas opening up a bit more as they all snacked on the sandwiches. Twilight pressed with questions about himself and the human country, which he was happy to explain, save for the parts he had to omit lest they lead to some uncomfortable questions. She was especially excited about the many kinds of machines humans had and demanded he go into extensive detail while she took even more extensive notes. Unlike Lyra, she was not discouraged when he could only offer broad details and savored every tidbit of knowledge she could.

However, her enthusiasm quickly faded when he told her Celestia wanted to keep certain information secret for the moment. This revelation earned him very skeptical looks from Moonlight and Talon, but neither asked to elaborate. Twilight was puzzled by Pinkie’s reaction and her cheeks turned a shade of pink when she heard about Rainbow and Fluttershy. Twilight looked about ready to jump him when he brought up he and Moonlight were working on a book together, which he wasn’t sure if he’d enjoy or not.

Thankfully, Spike was there to save the day when he started talking about some of his favorite comics. Twilight was briefly disheartened when the human dove into this new topic, leaving her and the other females to converse about their own things. However, an ear swiveled in the boys’ direction when Thomas started pointing out how his favorite comics from the human country were so similar to Spike’s. She’d tried to step in, but was stopped when Talon gently encouraged her to just let the guys have their bonding.

Then, on a whim, Thomas looked at the time. “9:00 p.m. already?”

“Would ya look at that,” Talon mused. “Time flies when you’re having fun with friends.”

“I’ll bet that’s nice!” Spike shouted from the loft, causing the guests and librarian to snap to attention as they realized the little dragon had somehow managed to hear everything they had said, no doubt including Talon’s off-color jokes.

“Anyway,” Thomas stood abruptly. “I think it’s about time we left.”

“Hold up there, chimp. What’s the rush?”

“Rush? Oh, um, I just don’t want us to overstay our welcome. Wouldn’t want to keep Twilight from studying the ursa.”

Twilight beamed suspiciously at Thomas. “How’d you know I was studying ursas?”

“Oh… um,” thinking quickly, “I saw the book. Yeah.”

The lavender unicorn seemed satisfied with that explanation and stood as well. “It’s okay. Honestly, I had only just started before you guys came in.”

“…what?”

“There was a pony in town who bragged about how she vanquished an ursa major. It got me thinking and I was about to get to studying. But then you guys showed up literally after I finished the first page,” she smiled in blissful ignorance. “It’s no big deal. I’m used to all-nighters.”

“Oh no,” Thomas breathed heavily to suppress his panic. I distracted her. We came here and distracted her with mindless chatter, so she never studied about ursas. “This is not good.”

“What’s not…”

*Thoom*

The sudden tremor caused the tea in the cups to ripple.

*Thoom*

“What was that?” Twilight asked.

Talon and Moonlight stood up as one, each with a stern expression on their faces as they scanned their surroundings. “Something’s coming,” the griffon said softly.

“What?” Twilight asked.

*Thoom*

“Something big,” Thomas answered.

RAWWWWWWWWR!

Oh boy. Just when our heroes were getting along with Twilight, the god damned space bear has to show up. And what’s more, as Thomas said, Twilight had been distracted from studying all day. First he finds out that his future knowledge might not be all he thought it was cracked up to be, and now this. I mean, new friends ditching him, Pinkie calling him a monster, being hugged by big boobied Fluttershy (granted that one wasn’t so bad), finding out something he thought he could offer turns out to not be so valuable, and, as icing on the cake, space bear attack. Talk about one hell of a day.

That aside, I liked how Twilight came out here. Still a socially awkward book worm, but more willing to open up these days. Talon, a ‘friend’ of her cherished mentor, knows just what to say to bring her out of her shell. Spike was dismissed, as he so often is in the show, because I couldn’t think of anything more for him to say, though I like the excuse that Twilight is just looking out for him in her own way. A shame, because, now that I think of it, Spike might be exactly what I’ve been wanting in a male friend for Thomas.