“What do you mean I can’t go to the night court anymore?” Thomas complained to Attentive Eye as they made their way to breakfast.

“Exactly as I said,” Attentive Eye said matter-of-factly. “With all due respect, a concubine serves no function at court except as a distraction and potential source of scandals. Ponies are still adjusting to the night court and the last thing anypony needs is a headliner on the Princess or her concubine being caught in an indecent position. Even what you two did at the restaurant the other day was too risky.”

“How did you…”

“The point is,” Attentive Eye cut him off. “Ponies will not take night court seriously until we start taking night court seriously. That means that from now on, I do not want to see you anywhere near the Princess until the court is in recess. When that happens, you can do whatever you want.”

“But what am I supposed to do between breaks?”

“I honestly don’t care,” Attentive Eye was letting her frustration leak through. “As long as you stay on the castle grounds where you can be summoned by the Princess, you can do whatever you like, so long as I don’t end up reading about it in the paper.”

Thomas looked up at Luna, pleading for her to talk some sense into this control freak mare, but the Princess only gave a defeated sigh.

“Oh, would the two of you grow up?” Attentive Eye groaned. “So you won’t be spending twenty four hours together anymore. You’ll live. I don’t spend every waking second with my herd and our relationship is just fine.”

Deciding that he needed to put on a strong front for Luna, and not think about Attentive Eye having a herd, Thomas straightened up and addressed the secretary in a more even tone. “So am I going to get summoned by one of the other servants or something?”

“You really think we’d let castle staff know every time the Princess got horny?” Attentive ignored the snickering attendants. “That completely defeats the purpose of the discretion required of your position. But in answer to your question,” Attentive Eye turned to the alicorn, “Princess?”

Luna nodded as her entourage came to a halt in the hall. She put her hands on Thomas’ shoulders, and held him firmly in place, closing her eyes and lighting her horn. Before Thomas could ask what was going on, he felt a sudden pressure on the inside of his forehead as his vision was colored by the teal aura of Luna’s magic.

“Ugh. What was that?” Thomas groaned as he pressed his hand against the front of his head.

“Test it,” Attentive Eye answered.

Luna nodded and lit her horn again.

Thomas flinched as the pressure returned, beating like a small heart. *Thump-thump*, but much softer and without the world changing color. “Huh?”

“Excellent,” Attentive Eye remarked. “That, Sir Thomas, is a magical beeper. The beating you feel inside your head is the signal to let you know that your Princess has need of you. When you feel the beeping in your head, simply make your way to wherever Luna happens to be at the time. Tonight we’ll be holding court in the throne room. You’ll be notified if there are any changes.”

Thomas looked up in a vain attempt to see what had just been done to his head. “Seems like an awful lot of trouble for a booty call.”

“Not at all,” Attentive Eye countered. “In fact, my research shows that this has been a tried and true method used by both Princesses to great effect dating back almost five thousand years. Princess Luna is quite familiar with the spell and it’s about time she got back into the habit of using it.”

That was that and the entourage continued their trek to the dining hall where Celestia and only four of her concubines were waiting. As they entered the room, Talon jumped up and glided across the room to stand beside them. She greeted the Princess and then threw her arm around the human.

“Come on, chimp. I’ll show ya to your seat,” she said as she lead the way to Luna’s side of the table and sat down to his right. “Yo, waiter,” she called one of the butlers. “We’ll have a couple short stacks. Bring me a black coffee and a glass of milk for the milk drinker.”

The butler wrote down the orders and left.

“Milk drinker?” Thomas asked.

“You say you’re an adult, but that makes you the only adult I know that likes milk outside of cereal.”

“Hey. Don’t diss milk,” Thomas struggled to release himself from the griffon’s grasp. “Milk helps you grow and makes your bones stronger.”

“So you’re saying that you could have been even punier than you already are?” Talon raised her eyebrows.

“That’s quite enough, Talon,” Celestia chided gently. “Let the poor colt eat his pancakes. You can rough house later.”

Talon looked between Thomas and Celestia before releasing her grip. “Only for you, Leste.”

Pet names, Thomas thought. He’d never been comfortable with such things, and even a little offended when anyone tried to call him by anything but the name his parents gave him, mostly because most people who did so knew how much it bothered him and did so only to tease. He’d never called Talon out on her calling him ‘chimp’ out of fear of causing offense, but over time became used to it. She was just being friendly and didn’t mean any malice.

However, there was still something odd about giving pet names to the Princess. He assumed that Talon and Celestia were as informal with one another as he and Luna, but that didn’t stop it from being odd the more he thought about it. Why are concubines allowed to say things which would come off as disrespectful from any other pony? Not even Captain Shining armor, the few times I’ve seen him, has ever addressed the Princesses with such familiarity, save for Cadence. Even if we are trusted to see the alicorns at their most vulnerable, does that really make it alright for us to…

“Yo, chimp!” Talon called as she shook the human out of his inner monologue. “Equestria to chimp. You in there?”

Thomas returned to reality to the amusement of the surrounding ponies who snickered as if they were foals who had just spotted someone who fell asleep during class.

“Dearest Thomas. Art thou truly so bothered at the prospect of no longer being by our side?” Luna asked. There was a pause as the surrounding ponies stared in silence, Celestia included, waiting for some explanation at the Princess’ potentially scandalous revelation. “Oh. Oh! Oh no. We did not mean it like that,” the flustered Luna insisted to the spectators. “We only meant that-” she began before being cut off.

“Senior Concubine Thomas has been assigned his royal beeper,” Attentive Eye informed. “His presence has increasingly become a distraction these last few weeks and Princess Luna needs to devote her full attention to the night court while it is in session. It is about time the matter of the Princess’ harem was treated with much more professionalism.”

The silence of the hall persisted an excruciating few seconds more as Thomas’ mind raced with panic. He hadn’t considered it earlier, but the way Attentive phrased it, it sounded like this was some sort of punishment. Was he in trouble? Would there be further consequences? Then one of the concubines shrugged acceptingly and the idle chatter resumed. Thomas caught wind of the mention of “Celestia’s girth” before he looked up to see that Luna looked almost as relieved as he was to escape that awkwardness.

“Aww,” cooed the griffon. “Was da wittle chimp worried he got in twable?”

“Shut up,” Thomas grumbled as the butler brought him his pancakes, which he proceeded to shovel down in an effort to smother his embarrassment. He didn’t even notice when Celestia gave her sister a disappointed look.

“Ease up there, bud. Just a little teasing between friends,” Talon reassured as she leaned in for a whisper. “You wouldn’t have needed to worry at all if you’d just done like I said and talked to Luna about your duties.”

Before Thomas could press the griffon on what she meant, she’d already dived into conversation with her fellow concubines. They were debating which produce market had the freshest ingredients. Thomas had no comment and ate his meal in relative silence, only offering a few words whenever his opinion was called for. He was too preoccupied with the word Attentive Eye used. Professionalism. I need to be more professional. He told himself. Familiarity and feelings don’t matter. This is just a job. So why does that thought bug me so much?

Once more, Celestia seemed quite disappointed with her sister’s failure to notice.

**********

After breakfast, everyone went their separate ways. Celestia and three of her concubines returned to her wing of the castle to, in all likelihood, do things behind closed doors. When the issue of Blueblood had been brought up, a malicious smile grew upon the Sun Princess’ face. Whatever she had planned, Thomas was far too intimidated to ask. Luna and her entourage set course for the throne room to begin the night court, but not before she gave Thomas a goodbye kiss on the forehead. Apart from the butlers and maids cleaning up the table, the only ones left in the dining hall were Thomas, Moonlight, and Talon.

The griffon grinned sinisterly down at the human.

“What?” he asked, but she gave no immediate response. “What?”

“You. Me. Gym. Now,” she concluded as she took his hand in her claw and began leading him down the hall. Moonlight followed silently.

“Not so rough,” Thomas whined.

“That right there,” Talon pointed out. “That’s exactly why we need to buff you up, little colt. Believe me when I say that, when it comes to alicorns, there’s no such thing as ‘too rough’.”

“Um, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I think, but I still don’t know if this is really necessary,” Thomas said hesitantly before looking to Moonlight for help.

“You’re the one who asked for my help, remember?” Talon chided. “Don’t chicken out now.”

“I can’t imagine a bit of exercise would do anything but improve your… performance,” the guard answered.

“There ya go,” Talon bragged. “That’s two against one. We’re heading to the gym. But first, we need to find us a nice mare for you to practice smooching.”

“I was hoping you’d forget that part,” Thomas grumbled.

“Not likely,” Talon beamed. “Now then, we need to find ourselves some suitable candidates.”

“Forgive me if I still don’t fully grasp what you’re doing,” Moonlight began, “But won’t any mare do?”

Talon slowly turned her predator eyes on the guard. “You volunteering?”

Moonlight’s cheeks turned bright crimson, but her lips were sealed shut to stop her from saying anything she might regret, or worse, might not.

“Can we not drag Moonlight into this?” Thomas pleaded. “I don’t want to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to.”

“Smarty-corn’s already balls deep in this, but you’re right,” Talon retorted. “That would be a little advanced for both of you.”

“Advanced?” Moonlight inquired.

“Ooh,” Talon cooed as she brought the group to a halt, staring down a split in the hall. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

Thomas followed Talon’s line of sight until he spotted a maid, as distinguished by her frilly French maid uniform, which still looked like something out of a fetish scenario to him. She was a cream colored earth pony with a curly light brown mane and was humming to herself as she absentmindedly dusted an old portrait of some stern looking stallion. The skirt of her dress was hiked up along the sides just enough to reveal a feather duster for her cutie mark.

“She’s perfect,” Talon congratulated herself before turning to Thomas. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Get your flank over there and do what needs to be done.”

Thomas paled, the reality of what he’d agreed to suddenly weighing heavy on his shoulders. “Just like that? You want me to just go up to some strange mare and kiss her?”

“Or you could ask first,” Talon suggested. “I’m not picky, so long as it’s done.”

Thomas quivered in place, both from fear and from feeling the hall suddenly becoming very cold.

“I think he’s frozen,” Moonlight observed.

“Oh, fine,” Talon groaned with a roll of the eyes. “Since it’s your first time, I’ll give ya a handicap.” She stomped over to the maid, leaving her companions behind.

“Hello?” Moonlight whispered into Thomas’ ear, her hot breath a noticeable contrast against the cold and unfeeling hall and causing Thomas to shiver, for another reason, as he came back to reality.

“Ugh, what? What’d I miss?”

“Huh,” Moonlight scowled. “I suppose you really do need this.” She peered over at Talon conversing with the maid. “I must admit, I’m a little impressed with her expertise.”

“Expertise in what?”

“When we met, I had dismissed her as a common letch,” Moonlight confessed somberly before a smirk took her face. “She is most certainly a letch, but far from common. She met with me on my day off the other day and we had a nice long chat about things.”

“What sort of things?”

“Private things,” Moonlight beamed.

“No problem,” Thomas shook his head. “I’m not one to pry into other people’s business, even if they are ponies. We all need our privacy.”

“But sometimes we don’t,” Moonlight countered, turning back to face Talon who was now laughing with the mare maid. “Sometimes we need a friend to help us talk things out.” She paused. “I think we’re both lucky to have a friend like Talon.”

Before Thomas could answer, he turned to see Talon approach with the maid. “Oh. Hey there!” he waved sheepishly to the blushing maid.

“This here is Dusty Feather,” Talon gestured. “She’s agreed to go in the broom closet and take it up the flank.”

“What!?” Thomas and Moonlight gasped.

“Oh stop it,” Dusty Feather laughed as she gave Talon a light push. “Don’t take this old bird brain too seriously.”

“Old?” Talon’s feathers ruffled.

“You folks can call me Dusty,” she extended her hand, which Thomas and Moonlight took cautiously. “But yes, I did agree to this little deal you have going. After all, it’s not every day a lowly maid, like myself, gets to spend some time with a royal concubine, and such a handsome one at that.”

Thomas blushed at her words.

“More like every week,” Talon jeered.

“Maybe for you, but those days are over for me,” Dusty reminded gently. “I’m married now,” she brushed her hair aside to reveal a ring and two feathers braided into her mane, “and I’m quite faithful to both my husband and my wives.”

“And yet here you are, consorting with whorses just like the old days,” Talon teased. “Disgraceful.”

“Oh hush, you,” Dusty laughed. “I’m just returning a favor to an old friend. Thomas was it?”

Thomas was suddenly reminded that he existed. “Uh, yeah.”

Dusty leaned in to Talon. “Sweet Celestia, he’s cute when he’s embarrassed.”

“You doubted me?” Talon raised an eyebrow.

“Never,” Dusty tittered before composing herself. “Now then, Mr. Thomas.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he jumped to attention like a good little soldier, causing the mares and griffon to giggle.

“We’ve never had the pleasure, but you’ve been Senior Concubine to Luna long enough that you’ve probably figured out what she likes. However, if you want to really impress her, along with your future fellow concubines, there are a few things you should know that work on mares in general.”

Thomas gulped. “Like what?”

“Well,” Dusty took a large step forward, closing the distance with the human and making it quite apparent that she was a full head taller than him. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to relax, right?”

Thomas nodded frantically before taking several deep breaths, again to the amusement of the surrounding females.

“After that,” Dusty fluttered her eyelids. “Some mares like a stallion who dives right in, but most mares really appreciate a stallion that can romance her from time to time. For the latter,” Dusty gently set her hands on Thomas newly tensed shoulders. “You still need to relax. Yes. Now, you need to lean in, but just a little.”

Thomas nodded nervously and leaned forward ever so slowly.

“Good. Now about this time you’ll be wanting to woo her with a few sweet words, or maybe a bit of dirty talk,” Dusty leaned in and closed the gap between their lips, her hot breath pelting his face and smelling vaguely of vanilla. “You’ll have to be the judge of what’s best. For now, why don’t you practice by saying something nice about me? Go on,” she encouraged with a titter.

Thomas felt his body quake as his mind raced. “I… uh…”

“Go on.”

“I… l-like your, uh, mane accessories?”

“Very nice,” Dusty giggled. “I’m guessing you don’t know, but these are actually marriage tokens.” She pointed at her mane. “The feathers show my Pegasus wives and the ring my unicorn husband. Since I don’t have a horn, I tie the ring in my mane just like the feathers, though I suppose I could just wear them all around my neck. I think this looks cuter. Oh, silly me; rambling on like that. Anyway, after that, you’ll want to lean in about ninety percent of the way. Yes, that’s it. The key to romance is to make the other pony want you. Make her want to take that last little step and seal the deal. Understand?”

Do I understand? Thomas asked frantically. I don’t know. The heat from Dusty’s body had completely erased all traces of cold. Her honeyed voice bore promises of great pleasure and was so sweet that he swore he could taste sugar. It was like the first night with Luna all over again. He tried to distract himself from the firm breasts pressed against his chest, and her powerful scent which he couldn’t stop from inhaling, but his own body refused to cooperate. Stupid penis. Stop being turned on by the amazon in the sexy maid outfit. He pleaded in vain as he tried looking to his companions for help. Talon’s head feathers were fluffed out while her wings were twitching to flare out, eyes transfixed with the scene. Moonlight wasn’t much better as her fur had turned bright apple red.

“Hmm,” Dusty smiled gently. “That’s a good stallion. You’ve done just enough to make me want to finish the job. I think a certain somepony’s earned his special little reward.”

Fear grew distant in Thomas’ heart. It was still there, but not nearly as prominent. His eyes closed in a confusing mix of peace and exhilaration. This was happening. Even through his own lids, he could almost see Dusty leaning closer, closing the distance between them with painful slowness. He wanted her. He wanted this. And here it came.

*Thump-thump*

Thomas eyes shot open and he pulled back in shock.

Moonlight and Dusty looked perplexed while Thomas focused on the gentle rhythm in his head, but Talon stomped her foot impotently.

“Oh come on! You were almost there.” When the mares turned to her, Talon rolled her eyes. “He’s being summoned,” she grumbled.

“Oh,” Dusty said as she turned back to Thomas. “I guess we’ll have to cut this a little short.”

“Yeah. Guess so,” Thomas sighed, unsure if he felt relief or disappointment. “Maybe we’ll…”

He was cut off when a pair of warm, moist lips suddenly and firmly pressed against his own. Unable to move, Thomas simply stood and accepted the gift.

“That’s my mare!” Talon cheered.

Moonlight remained silent.

“I, um, um, I,” Thomas stuttered before the smiling mare.

“Best get along, then,” Dusty gestured in the direction of the royal court.

Thomas stared blankly as his mind worked desperately to make sense of what had just happened. “Kaythanksbye!” and he darted off with Moonlight jogging behind him.

“Sooo…” Talon rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. “How was he?”

Dusty smiled. “Inexperienced, but not bad. Why?”

Talon frowned. “Ya kinda helped him cheat just then. He needs to be the one to do the kissing.”

“He would have if he hadn’t been summoned,” Dusty offered encouragingly.

“Almost only counts in horse shoes and lightning bolts,” Talon crossed her arms in a huff. “I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

“Stop pretending you don’t enjoy it,” Dusty put her hand on the griffon’s shoulder. “If you were a pony, I think you’d have gotten your cutie mark in teaching.”

“If I were a pony, I don’t think my flank’d be big enough for all my talents.”

**********

As Thomas rushed down the hall, following where the *thump-thump* in his head guided him, he reflected heavily on what had just happened. I just kissed another mare, or rather she kissed me. He wondered frantically. Was that cheating, even if Luna gave me permission? And it sounded like Tali had been doing that and more with the same mare. He paused to reflect on the cream colored earth mare and his feelings towards her. Do I want her? She said she’s married, but she was still willing. Does she want me? Why do I care so much? What the hell is wrong with these ponies!?

Thomas finally made his way to Luna’s office, just as the last of her appointments were departing. He composed himself as best he could and humbly entered the place he felt he was entitled to be, as if he’d been granted some strange power by the recent experience. If that were the case, he’d make sure to spend every last ounce of it on pleasing the one mare who truly mattered. Once she had been pleased, Thomas returned to Talon and she began his self-defense lessons. And so a new routine was established.

**********

Later, in Blueblood’s room

“So,” Attentive Eye began as she examined the walls decorated with numerous trophies and ribbons for athleticism, debate team, and various other accomplishments. “Am I to understand that all went well?”

“It was exactly as you said,” Blueblood sighed as he relaxed in his bed. “Those three fillies just stood by and let me say whatever I wanted. And I think that unicorn even looked a bit pleased with the whole affair.”

“Did she now?”

Blueblood silently nodded. “It was like she was hoping Luna would give the little colt to me as a token of apology or something.” He shuddered. “Dreadful.”

“Would you have accepted if she did?” Attentive asked thoughtfully.

“Hmm.” Blueblood touched his chin. “There’s an idea. It’s certainly been a while since I played the role of the gallant savoir.” He smirked. “I’d welcome him to my humble abode,” he said as he waved his hand across the shining splendor of his room. “Make him feel nice and safe with me, slowly familiarize him with my touch, and then finally consummate our love in an act of spontaneous bliss.” With a sigh he lazily turned his head to face the mare. “We both know Luna would never come to that, but a stallion can dream, can’t he?”

“Indeed.” Attentive nodded as she turned from the trophy wall to face the naked Prince. “Was there anything else of note?”

“That filly, Moonlight Shield. She’s a feisty one,” Blueblood said with a grin. “That little monkey’s gonna have his tiny hands full with her, or her with him. Whichever,” he added with a shrug.

“You think they’ll end up together?”

“Attentive,” Blueblood laughed. “Is my acting so magnificent that I even have you fooled, too?” He asked, but Attentive gave no response. “I’ve been at this long enough that I can tell these things. Even if she doesn’t realize it yet, that mare’s soon going to have an itch that only a foreign monkey animal can scratch.”

“I see. Does that mean you’re ready to let them in on your little game?”

“It’s hardly my game,” Blueblood chuckled. “But not yet. I must admit that look of fearful defiance that little colt gives me,” he shuddered, “sends chills down my spine. I’d like to stretch this out a while longer, if that’s not too much trouble,” he said questioningly.

“I suppose,” Attentive said as she shrugged. “You do seem to be taking a special enjoyment out of this test. I haven’t seen you this passionate about a project in some time. You even managed to get under Talon’s feathers back in the gym.”

“I know,” Blueblood chuckled. “I’ve really been in top form with this one. Though I fear the muse is fleeting at the moment so it may be some time before I’m ready to play again.”

“If I may ask, what is your opinion on Thomas overall?”

“Small and cute,” Blueblood hummed idly. “He’s quiet, but he also has a knack for attracting strong females as his protectors. Good thing too, because I don’t see him adapting too well to Canterlot high society any time soon. Will that be all?”

“Did you want to resume interviews for a new harem?”

Blueblood let out a long agonized groan. “More loathsome bottom feeders?”

“Shall I take that as a ‘no’?” Attentive asked with the faintest hint of a grin.

“You can take that ‘no’ and shove it up Kibitz’ wrinkled old ass,” Blueblood growled. “I’d been looking for an excuse to get rid of the last batch for weeks when a certain monkey decided to make an appearance.” He grinned. “When Celestia asked me to cause a scandal to decoy attention, I swear I was practically skipping down the halls to give those petty sluts the good news.” He sighed in contentment. “Be a dear and remind me to thank Thomas when we finally get around to telling him.”

“As you say.” Attentive nodded and prepared to leave, only to stop as she gripped the door handle and turn to face the Prince.

“Yes. Is there something else?”

“I just want to know. How can somepony enjoy this kind of negative attention so much?”

“Who can say?” Blueblood said with a shrug. “It’s just my nature. Good thing too. I doubt any other pony would have the stomach for my job like I do. Princesses need a scandal to distract the masses from a matter of national security? Boom. Blueblood drops his entire harem,” he smirked. “The crown needs an ear to the ground where no respectable pony would dare let themselves be seen? Boom. In walks the hated Prince with a troubled past looking to make a quick buck and get back at she who raised him. The newly reformed Princess of the Night comes back and needs a pony to make her look good in comparison? Boom. You know who gives a masterfully tactless speech immediately following hers.” He sighed fondly. “And now that the new concubine and guard need themselves a little foe to unite against. Boom. Guess who.”

Talon will actually be teaching more than just mere kissing and I’m actually looking for ideas on these next few chapters. For example, there’s one on the preening of wings. If you guys have ideas on proper mare care, I’d really appreciate if you could share.

Also, it seems like I’ve written myself into a bit of a corner by explicitly mentioning the days off. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but it’s becoming painfully restrictive that I can only have certain events happen on certain times. It becomes especially bothersome when a whole bunch of chapters take place on a single day, and then I lose track of what day it is, meaning chapters happen outside of what the calendar allows so I have to either add something or take it out and store it for later. Other stories tend to have a more casual setting, meaning less adherence to a schedule, or they are deliberately vague about days off which allows things to happen whenever they want.
Just wanted to vent a little.

Edit 5/20/16
Addition made at the end for the retcon of Blueblood.