Three days had passed, with only a courtesy note from Feelgood’s office, confirming that they’d received the letter. That was okay, though, as everyone simply chose to believe the doctor was too busy working.

Meanwhile, Talon and Silver oversaw Thomas’ speaking lessons. The latter helped with the basics and drew up practice speeches on a myriad of topics. The former presented herself as a living obstacle, heckling with overly harsh criticism. One time, she even threw a doughnut at the poor guy’s groin, joking that she would have had a ringer if he hadn’t sabotaged her with his uniform. Her aim was honestly pretty impressive. However, Thomas was grateful to them both for helping him feel productive and take his mind off things. Moonlight was never far, offering what support she could, while Jet would occasionally blink to remind everyone that she wasn’t a lifeless statue. Presently, Talon had gathered a handful of servants who agreed to play audience for fifteen bits each.

Thomas stood in one of the castle’s spare bedrooms beside a large ribbon while holding a pair of comically oversized scissors. Forcing a smile as he faced the handful of filled chairs, and silently grateful everyone agreed his loincloth made him look more professional, he greeted, “Welcome, everyone, to—”

“Everypony!” Talon jeeringly corrected. “The ponies are pony centric, remember?”

“It’s fine if he’s not a pony,” Silver countered before nodding for Thomas to continue.

“Welcome, everyone, to the unveiling of the Potter’s District Library.”

“Wasn’t it a reopening?” asked a mare in the audience dressed as a maid.

“Yeah, the Potter’s District Library had some refurbishing or something,” agreed a stallion in a butler’s uniform.

“That is accurate, but ignore the peanut gallery,” Silver whispered from off to the side.

“—to the grand reopening of the Potter’s District Library. I know it’s been a pain for all of you to add those extra minutes of travel just to keep up with your favorite series. Luckily, the—”

“Wouldn’t you go to a bookstore to keep up with something?” asked a different mare.

“Yeah, libraries are for the free stuff, like study materials for boring essays,” agreed Talon as she shot Thomas a challenging look.

Recalling his lessons, Thomas focused on the orange unicorn sitting patiently in the audience and tuned out the rest. “Luckily, the wait is over, and the gift of convenient knowledge has been returned to you.” He then squeezed the scissors’ handles, which made a satisfying sound as the blades slid through the ribbon, which was just an old bedsheet that was due to be thrown out. Thomas’ forced smile grew slightly more sincere as he resumed facing Moonlight. “Thank you, everyone, for this opportunity to serve my community.”

“Kiss ass foreigner,” jeered Talon, only to shrug when Moonlight gave her a dirty look. “What? It’s happened to me. The chimp needs to get used to this stuff.” She then resumed facing the mock stage. “Where’s your cutie mark? Stallions like you should be plowing the fields at home!” The wren seemed far too pleased with herself for making the rest of the audience shift uncomfortably from her sexist remarks.

“You know what? You’re absolutely right,” Thomas agreed. “Thanks again for joining me, everyone. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a dark field as entrancing as the night that needs a thorough plowing from an expert. Goodbye.” And he stepped to the side, leaving many audience members with either mouths agape from his audacity or hands over their faces to suppress their snickers.

Except for Talon, who nodded her approval. “Well played, monkey boy. Well played.”

“I have strong concerns about making such remarks at the actual presentation,” Silver assertively chided. “You are here to represent the Princess, which necessitates nothing less than the highest levels of decorum.”

“But… wasn’t someone supposed to introduce me as Luna’s concubine?” Thomas frankly questioned. “I’m pretty sure everyone knows what that job is, right?” He then faced the audience to check, and most nodded.

“That is still no excuse for such crassness,” Silver argued. “You serve a vital role in helping an alicorn Princess, our long-lost and beloved Princess, alleviate her carnal needs so that she may act with a clear head and serve the nation fortunate enough to have her.”

“He puts his tiny dick in her giant plot, and his lower half basically disappears,” Talon countered, earning amusing reactions from the servants, who weren’t sure if they were even allowed to hear such things.

“Talon!” Silver barked. “That is supposed to be confidential!”

The wren shrugged with a shit-eating grin. “What? They were all thinking it. If the little guy mounts that big plot from behind, what else would happen?” She then grabbed a nearby maid’s shoulder, making the mare jump. “Admit it. You were picturing them getting down and wondering how it worked.”

The maid strained to grin. “W-well, now, I am.”

“I’ll bet you’ve got questions, huh? Well, go on then. Ask him.” Talon gestured at the puzzled human. “What’s it like mounting a mare with butt cheeks bigger than you are?”

“Is this still part of the simulation, or are you just being you?” Moonlight asked.

“Yes/probably yes,” Talon answered at roughly the same time as Thomas, making both snicker as the other concubines made exasperated noises.

“They’re gonna ask,” Talon asserted, even while slouching and grinning. “You better have some kind of comeback.”

Thomas straightened his back and pulled up his shoulders, trying to look as dignified as possible. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but my fair lady wouldn’t like it if I went around sharing her secrets.”

“So what? It’s just sex,” Talon countered. “We all do it. What makes Luna so special?”

“A lot, actually. She’s a woman who’s done so much for me, and I don’t want to lose her trust,” Thomas replied sincerely. “I’m sorry, but that’ll be it for questions. Thank you.” And he hurried off the designated stage area.

“See that?” Talon gestured to Thomas while looking at Silver. “He was stumbling at first, but now, he handles the hecklers like a pro.”

“I will concede that your… methods have yielded results,” Silver allowed through a clenched jaw. She and the wren shared a look acknowledging that if the bat mare struck the griffon, the latter would win, and it pissed off the former. Then she faced Thomas. “However, it will be a different matter when strangers are the ones disparaging you and making obscene demands.”

“I think I’m fast enough to get him out of there if things get hairy,” Moonlight boasted as she stood and walked to Thomas, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“The real issue will be if Sir Thomas makes a remark worthy of headlines,” Jet coldly stated, startling some of the servants with the reminder of her presence. “If I may.” She waited until Thomas nodded. “I understand wanting to be more active in service to the crowns. However, as a public figure acting on Her Highness’ behalf, I believe you should approach such tasks with the mindset of a surgeon. You get in and get out with minimal collateral damage. Given your situation and temperament, I believe you’d agree that not drawing attention to yourself is ideal.”

Thomas smiled flatly. “I mean, yeah.”

“Then, for what my council is worth, I’d advise against attempting to be witty or bantering with an unruly audience. Take the stage, say the words, and leave.”

“You know, I once met a guy named Buzzkill,” remarked Talon. “He was a lot more fun than you.”

Thomas’s eyes flicked between the intimidating females, feeling as though they were pressuring him to choose between them, even if Jet didn’t acknowledge Talon at all. “Well, I guess beginners shouldn’t overstep,” the human admitted while guiltily rubbing the back of his head. “Wit can come later.”

Talon huffed and slumped in her seat. “It’s your call.”

Even if he agreed with Jet’s logic, Thomas still felt he’d betrayed one of his oldest friends. So, ignoring the servants who no longer had any idea what they were meant to do, Thomas strode across the room to his target. There, he stood a second before the wren as she curiously awaited his next move. The human then planted his butt on her thigh, wiggling to get comfy as he cozied up to her side, and said, “We could go get milkshakes after.”

As the griffon’s beak called upon the land’s magic to grant itself the flexibility to shape into a smile, Talon messed Thomas’ hair, her superior forcing his head down a little. “Sometimes, you almost make it worth it,” she affectionately allowed.

Moonlight watched the exchange with an appreciation for Talon’s help. The wren’s services were more than welcome, but it was arguably her presence that did the most. She just had some kind of aura that lifted spirits, which Thomas needed more than anything. However, this understanding left the mare feeling left out. Sure, she’d be by his side every step of the way, but it didn’t feel like she was contributing as much as the others. Honey was taking Thomas to additional cooking lessons so they could coordinate their efforts in helping Luna. And while Surprise wasn’t pulling Thomas aside for anything yet, she had become more generous with her hugs. She distributed this affection equally among the harem to avoid suspicion, but they all knew these were meant for Thomas. Like Talon, the pegasus somehow exuded positive energy, and Moonlight had no doubt that a hug from the white mare would lift her mood in a flash. And Luna, well, she was Luna. She was their employer, lover, and treasured companion. Serving her gave all of them purpose. And even if this fulfillment in duty was less profound in the human than the ponies, every little bit helped.

In fact, imagining the advice that Luna would give helped Moonlight pull herself out of the dumps. The Princess would advise the guard to not imitate Thomas’ worst impulses and let herself spiral into misery. I should acknowledge what I’m already doing, she reasoned. I’m there for him when he wakes up, and he’s grown accustomed to sleeping against my strong back. That thought made Moonlight smile. I’m his rock, his primary support. What I do isn’t flashy, but it’s indispensable. Yes, that sounded like something Luna would say. However, just to be safe, Moonlight made a mental note to talk to the Princess later, possibly in their next shared dream. If her job was to support Thomas, then she needed to ensure her own foundation was sturdy. After all, as a guard, she lived to serve.

***

It was three days later, seven days since the initial diagnosis, when Thomas climbed the recently added stairs and stood before the giant ribbon blocking the library’s doors. Being built on the side of a mountain, stairs in Canterlot had come to be associated with importance. A restaurant with stairs was assumed to be more classy than its stairless neighbor, even if they had identical service. That’s why one of the library’s renovations included stairs. As for the man of the hour, he was bare-chested with nothing but his loincloth and wards to protect him from the chilly night air.

Strangers likely wouldn’t notice. However, even from her spot to the side, Moonlight could see Thomas’ nervous jitters, clear as a full moon. He really didn’t want to be up here, being looked at by so many unknown and judgmental faces. However, when Thomas glanced her way, she silently mouthed, ‘Good luck.’ It was a reminder of the small mountain of encouragement he’d gotten from everyone else a few hours ago. Moonlight could almost see that encouragement being processed into obligation in her man’s mind, which she hoped would translate into courage. Unfortunately, the others all had obligations that prevented them from showing up to offer their support. The only other familiar face was Jet, and it would be rude for Moonlight to openly question how useful her presence was.

As for Thomas, he didn’t realize it, but Moonlight had hit the nail on the head. After all the work they’d put into this, everyone was counting on him to do his best. Oh, sure, they’d be all nice and supportive if he screwed up, but the thought still mortified the young man. He was doing this as an extension of his duties to relieve Luna’s stress and burdens. However, if he were being honest, he was mostly doing this for himself to prove that he was more than just a dildo with a pulse. It was a stupid idea, but it had been haunting him for too long, and it was about time he did something about it. Men acted, after all. That and similar mantras ran haphazardly through his head as his eyes tried focusing on lampposts and other objects that let him pretend to look at the audience without actually doing so.

The crowd wasn’t too big, maybe a hundred ponies, give or take. There were a couple of griffons and a donkey there, which was neat. Although the clear majority were unicorns. Most weren’t wearing any fancy or elaborate clothes, however. In fact, most attendees were either naked or wore what looked like work vests and aprons. Were they working-class ponies stopping by between shifts? That seemed logical, as did the reasoning that the crowd would have been a lot bigger if Luna had been attending. When Thomas first ascended the stairs, he’d heard several murmurs of ponies expressing disappointment, followed by the crowd shrinking by almost half. Of course, that was fine and perfectly within expectations. However, more upsetting were the murmurs about his humanness. Namely, what was he hiding under that loincloth? Thomas had heard it all before, but mostly from passers in the halls and seldom in groups of more than ten at a time. Maybe crowds of pedestrians were worse for general anxiety, but there was typically enough noise to overshadow most gossip, and the majority of pedestrians were too busy to even look at his short ass.

Here, Thomas had taken center stage so everyone could look straight at him, appraise every hair out of place, and question his credibility. Standing across from him was a mocha earth mare with a short green mane, reading glasses, a white business-casual shirt, and two books for a cutie mark partially hidden by her miniskirt. Her nametag read Page Finder, which compelled Thomas’ overactive imagination to wonder if she dove straight into books in her cutie mark-hunting years, or if she tried other things, just in case.

“Hello, everypony,” Page unenthusiastically announced, sounding like she missed her morning coffee. “Thank you so very much for coming by at this”—she paused to glance at the starry sky—“unusual hour to commemorate this special occasion. After waiting for what has felt like ages, Potter’s District Library has finally received its long overdue renovations. The stairs are a nice bonus, but I’m also happy to inform you that the plumbing is finally fixed, so you can poop and acquire life-changing knowledge in the same place. However, we’d prefer if you separated these activities by at least a few meters.” Several in the audience laughed at her dry joke. “With that said, allow me to introduce the celebrity, chosen by a board of bureaucrats over any tenured professionals, to ordain this exciting event.” And she held out her arm. “Sir Thomas, Senior Concubine of Princess Luna’s Harem.”

The applause was mild, but louder than expected.

“Thank you, Ms. Page.” Shit! Is it Page, Finder, or both? Thomas thought without breaking his smile. “I’m glad to be here, and I’m sorry that my favorite Princess could not make this appointment.”

“It’s alright,” Page dully replied. “It’s only the whole reason this event was scheduled at an hour when most ponies are too tired to read, anyway. We’re not disappointed.”

Jesus, bitch. I get it, but don’t act like this is my fault. “Well, it’s still an honor to be here.” Wait, isn’t it? I’m the one who asked to do this kind of thing, so does that mean I disappointed everyone? Thomas wondered. “Uh, well, I know Princess Luna would be here if she could. She’s in such high demand lately, but she entrusted me with this task to… to help the”—he glanced at the nearest griffon in the crowd—“citizens of Potter’s District retain the gift of knowledge. Your library has not only brought so much joy to everyone in the area, but I’m willing to bet you’ve also helped a student or two successfully pull off some last-minute cram sessions.” That earned a few nods and chuckles.

“Most certainly, Sir Thomas,” Page robotically agreed and nodded to the butler standing behind the short foreigner to hand him the oversized scissors. “Again, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to privilege us with your presence. So, without further ado…” She gestured while trailing off.

“I hereby announce the Potter’s District Library”—Thomas paused for dramatic effect as he hefted the surprisingly light scissors into position—“open!” Camera flashes were nearly blinding as the cut made a satisfying snip and the vivisected ribbon fluttered to the ground. More flashes followed as the crowd applauded politely. Thomas nodded back and returned the scissors as he made eye contact with Moonlight. Well, that wasn’t a dumpster fire.

Then a pony in a fedora with a notepad and pencil pushed ahead in the crowd. “Excuse me, Sir Thomas. Presenting Parker of the Nightly Bugle,” the reporter introduced. His cutie mark was a notepad and camera, but he also had a spider tattoo on his shoulder.

No fucking way! Thomas thought in alarm, eyes bulging.

“Is there a reason for you substituting for the Princess?”

“As I said, the Princess is in high demand these days,” Thomas replied with a forced grin.

“Don’t you mean nights?” corrected a different reporter.

Sure thing, asshole, Thomas thought while keeping his focus on… the spider imagery on the guy named Parker. “It breaks Princess Luna’s heart that she cannot make every appointment. All Equestrians are dear to her, and I know she frets about letting you down. However, I was entrusted to speak on her behalf, and again, it is my great honor to do my part for the nation and mare that took me in.”

“So, what you’re saying is, you’re acting as a representative of all immigrants?” asked the second reporter.

“No further questions!” Moonlight firmly stated as she jumped between Thomas and the reporter before he’d even had a chance to open his mouth. She nodded to the man and gently motioned him off stage where a carriage was waiting, shuttling him inside as more lights flashed and louder questions were thrown at the overly glorified prostitute. Then the doors shut, muffling most noise as the mare and man made themselves comfortable, with the latter exhaustedly exhaling as the carriage began moving.

“Did someone ask what I’m hiding down here?”

“Hmm?” Moonlight replied.

Gesturing at his loincloth, Thomas clarified, “It sounded like someone asked what I was hiding down here.”

Moonlight blinked in confusion. “You’ve gone out naked before. Wouldn’t there be pictures to reference?”

“Maybe, but I seriously hope not. In my old wor-town, naked photos floating around is the kind of thing that kills careers.”

Moonlight smiled. “Well, here, it seems like photos of your genitals would be standard for a whorse’s resume.” Her sincerity forced Thomas to stare intently.

“Is that seriously a thing?”

“I don’t know, but it sounds like it should be,” Moonlight admitted with a shrug. “I’ve never applied to be a prostitute before.”

Thomas grinned wryly. “The location of your mouth a few hours ago would beg to differ.”

Rather than look embarrassed, Moonlight shuffled in her seat while looking mighty pleased with herself. “True, but I got that job through nepotism. It wasn’t a traditional application.”

Thomas snorted a laugh. “Well, if you ask me, it feels like the company doesn’t really know what it’s doing, almost like they’re making it up as they go and expecting the underlings and clients to just put up with their BS.”

“Oh, I don’t know. The boss seems like he’s doing his best, and he’s nice enough.”

Thomas smiled flatly at the mare. “You’re just saying that cuz the guy likes using his mouth on you.”

“Well… yes,” Moonlight replied as though it should have been obvious. “The boss may not be a veteran at running a business, but he has skills for the work, and always strives to please the client.”

“Wait, is Luna the client or the boss in this?” asked Thomas.

“Uh, technically both, I think,” Moonlight allowed. “Though I guess she’d be more like the business owner, but the manager’s the one who actually runs things.”

“I thought Attentive Eye did the schedules.”

Moonlight frowned at the man. “Stop nitpicking.”

“Is it bothering you?”

“A little.”

“Then how come Honey and Surprise’s resumes didn’t include pictures of their junk?” Thomas pedantically questioned. “Those seemed like more official applications than Silver’s, so shouldn’t they have followed industry rules?”

The corners of Moonlight’s mouth fought to not pull up into a grin. “In all fairness, they weren’t applying to join the industry. Concubines are technically prostitutes, but they follow much different standards.”

Thomas chuckled. “Yeah. When’s the last time a hooker had to give a speech over a reopening, anyway?”

“Well, if it was for a brothel, I don’t see why they wouldn’t get a representative speaker. That’s why Page Turner was there.”

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyed by Moonlight’s sound logic. “Yeah. Um, maybe I was imagining things, but did she seem a little… grumpy to you?”

“Well, I’m pleased you’re getting better at reading our body language,” Moonlight began. “But yes. I’m willing to bet she’s not used to the new night shifts, but was asked to stand in when somepony canceled.”

“That’d be pretty ironic,” assessed Thomas. “Or, would that be hypocritical? Either way, I didn’t totally blow it, did I?’

“No, you did fine,” assured Moonlight.

“You shouldn’t have spoken to the press.”

“Whoa, shit!” Thomas jumped in his seat when he spied the black bat mare sitting across from him. As his racing pulse began leveling out, he stared at her in confused agitation and asked, “Wh-when’d you get here?”

“I’ve been here the whole time,” Jet replied plainly as her cool eyes fell judgmentally upon Moonlight, who was also settling from her startled state. “Though, I suppose allowing for relatively mild questions was tolerable.”

Moonlight straightened from her prior, partially relaxed state, trying to look professional for her fellow guard. “My concern was Sir Thomas. If he showed any signs of discomfort, or the questions crossed a line, I was prepared to jump in.”

“Which you efficiently did,” Jet acknowledged with a nod before resuming facing Thomas. “Even so, you should never let your guard down around the press. Even seemingly mild inquiries can be twisted into things far more ruinous than mere genital pictures.”

Thomas felt a growing anger, both for the mare eavesdropping on a private conversation without making herself known, and for himself for being so oblivious. Then again, if even Moonlight didn’t notice her, maybe she was using some kind of secret stealthy guard technique or some skill related to her cutie mark. Pushing these unhealthy feelings down, he instead opted for a distraction. “That one guy with the spider tattoo. His name was Parker, right?”

“I think so,” Moonlight gently agreed.

“What about him?” Jet curtly questioned.

Thomas exhaled. “Okay, this is gonna sound stupid, but have there been any reports about… spider-related activities?” The mares looked confused, and he didn’t blame them. This was gonna be a helluva weird tangent. “Like, someone jumping around like a spider, maybe using webs, stringing up crooks and leaving them for cops to find. Things like that?” When the mares exchanged puzzled looks, Thomas interpreted, “Yeah, I guess that was a bit of a stretch, huh?”

“That was more than a stretch?” questioned Moonlight. “Why the sudden interest in… giant spiders?”

“Because there’s a famous comic book character named Spider Man. He does everything a spider can”—Thomas hated himself a little for that one—“and his secret identity is Peter Parker, who works as a photographer for the Daily Bugle.”

Again, the mares exchanged looks.

“There’s just a lot of really weird parallels between ponies and humans,” Thomas elaborated. “Like Manhattan and Manehattan both having giant green statues of a lady holding a book and a torch. I’m probably just overthinking things for this one. Forget I asked.”

Not a chance, Jet thought before answering, “Understood.” She’d read Firestorm’s observations on the obscene number of similarities between the two worlds, and agreed there came a point when coincidence made for an unsatisfactory explanation. Though, since her boss had likely been listening the whole time, there was a strong chance he’d already arranged for somepony to tail Presenting Parker for any suspicious behavior. “Though, I’m a little curious. A spider doesn’t seem like a terribly impressive basis for powers, and how would a human—I presume he’s human—gain such powers, anyway?”

“Spiders actually sound like a good source of power,” countered Moonlight. “I remember reading how proportionally strong they are compared to ponies. If he can jump and shoot webs, that would also make him effective in combat.”

“Also, he’s got a spider-sense,” Thomas elaborated. “It’s like an instinct for whenever he’s about to be attacked, so it’s hard for most people to catch him off guard.”

“And how could a human acquire such abilities?” Jet repeated. “I thought humans didn’t have magic.”

“No, but our fiction has magic science. In this case, the spider was either engineered or accidentally mutated to have superpowers, and it bit the guy.”

“Is that how humans believe power is acquired?” Jet asked.

“That’s how it works in comics. Literally, whatever random idea you can come up with has probably been used in a comic. That’s why it’s called magic science. It’s something that sounds sciency but it’s not explained, or it’s described using somewhat real science stuff but the writer just goes nuts with to do whatever they want.”

“Like your description of Merlin and Mim,” Jet reasoned. “Your species’ lack of actual reference material has left you free to be as creative as you like without fear of being called out for inaccuracy.”

“Well, it still has to be internally consistent,” Thomas amended. “If you think I was being nitpicky before, that’s nothing compared to comic fans.” Then the human trailed off a second, took an interest in his toes, and looked back up. “Thanks.”

“For what?” Jet asked.

“For helping me take my mind off things. That speech was not fun at all, and I was kinda freaking out, thinking how low-key it was compared to other stuff I might have to do. So, thanks for the distraction.”

Jet blinked. “You are welcome.”

“And same to you.” Facing Moonlight, Thomas scooted over the seats until he closed the distance and sat up to kiss the mare’s cheek. “I don’t care if you only got the job through nepotism. I’ve found your performance to be most adequate,” he said as poshly as possible, trying to not grin as Moonlight narrowed her eyes at him.

“You’re paying for that later,” she vowed.

“Indubitably,” Thomas agreed, channeling his best Ed Wynn.

“Oh, shut up, you.” Grinning, Moonlight lightly pushed Thomas to the cushioned seats. Then, as the man fell and lifted his legs, she briefly lit her horn to check the wards on his feet. All was well.

Thomas just laughed. He spotted the glow and guessed what Moonlight had done, but pretended to not notice. The mood was good following a successful public speaking event, and he didn’t want to spoil things with petty complaints.

I started writing this one without much confidence in where it was going, only that it would serve as a decent filler. However, things flowed much more smoothly once my self-imposed constraints were lifted, and I could just let the characters naturally bounce off one another. That’s definitely my strong suit. Anyway, this chapter was written in just a few consecutive days, my first in a long while. It feels good visiting this world and letting these guys be themselves. While everything seems fine on the surface, there’s a shadow overlooking things, spoiling what would otherwise be just a normal and fun slice-of-life romp. Of course, no one wants to talk about it more than they have to. After all, what can they say that would contribute more than adding stress and spoiling the moods? Even Moonlight sneakily checking Thomas’ wards was well-meaning and arguably necessary, but that stuff can be hurtful in ways that are hard to articulate. It’s just one big problem that’s catching a bunch of littler problems in its gravitational pull, and compounding them into a great big mess that, sooner or later, someone’s gonna have to clean up.

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