Horse People Go Naked
Chapter 134: Chapter 133: Young Flyers’ Competition
Previous Chapter Next Chapter“You okay?” Moonlight asked. In the carriage beside her, Thomas was shaking and keeping his eyes forward. He’d been like this for almost an hour. Ever since the chariot took off from the ground, he’d done little apart from staring transfixed at the butts of the pegasi pulling them along. As his mare, she’d naturally held onto him for comfort, which seemed to help. However, he seemed dead set on not letting his eyes wander, especially not downward.
“Yeah. Sure,” he replied bluntly.
“I thought you said humans flew?” inquired Surprise.
“Yeah,” breathed Thomas. “In great big metal canisters the size of a train car that has a solid couple inches of steel between you and the imminent fall.”
“Ah like that idea!” Honey piped up, having been similarly quiet for some time. Her preferred point of interest had been the carriage floor. “We should make those. Sounds way safer.”
“Aww, it’s not so bad,” cooed Surprise as she motioned to the chariot drivers. Eight very large and powerful-looking pegasi beating their wings in rhythmic unison pulled the chariot. “And see those guys?” Two armored pegasi were flying in escort formation to either side while Jet hung back to bring up the rear. “The guys in front are professionals. They pull these things all the time. And even if something went wrong, you’ve got plenty of wings ready to save you.”
“Not helping,” Thomas countered flatly.
“If you really want some not-helping, just think about what little miss green must be feeling,” Talon offered as she flew just overhead. “Even bat butt – skinny as she is – could probably lift the chimp if she put her mind to it, at least, for a while, but the farmer…” She trailed off a moment, letting her implications sink in. “Muscle ways more than fat, big buns. It’d take at least three, maybe five of us to carry those flanks.”
“Yer lucky we ain’t on solid ground, yet,” Honey intoned threateningly. “Else Ah’d show you what all this muscle can really do.”
“I know you would,” Talon taunted chipperly. “That’s why I plan on getting in as much wing practice as possible.” That earned a few soft chuckles from some of the others in the chariot.
“I can’t believe I actually missed you,” Thomas deadpanned.
“Aww. Don’t pout. How about I buy you some cotton candy when we get to the stands?”
“I don’t think overpriced stadium food is good for me right now,” Thomas replied, a hand over his stomach. It was like his organs were confused over which way gravity was supposed to be pulling them.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Surprise argued. “Stadium food’s part of the experience. That’s why I’m getting a full course meal!”
“I think I’ll wait to see what they have, but I’ll probably have some popcorn and a soda at least,” Moonlight added. “Are you sure you don’t want anything, Thomas?”
“Probably nothing,” he replied a little queasily. “Somehow, flying a thousand feet in the air kills a guy’s appetite.”
“Same,” Honey agreed.
As the group of friends chatted away, attempting to aid and taunt those who weren’t as adaptive to the altitude, Jet kept her golden eyes peeled for danger. No recent threats had been made, and she’d already gone over Cloudsdale’s security plans several times with Moonlight. While the layout for the patrols seemed adequate, the bat mare found it rather suspicious that there seemed to be an excessive number of guards stationed directly beneath the stadium. She’d brought this up with her superiors, and even they didn’t have an explanation. Realistically, any mildly competent plan was more likely to come from above. Something wasn’t right. And in her gut, Jet had a suspicion that Thomas was somehow involved.
The group’s chariot came to dock in Cloudsdale’s southern port, along with several others. Culturally, the Young Flyers’ Competition was mostly of interest to pegasi. However, their friends and a few ponies of note were also known to make an appearance, in part just to be seen. The Princesses were two such ponies. They’d flown ahead in a separate and much better-guarded chariot. Given that this event was a chance for the upper crust to mingle with royalty, the royal sisters had each brought only a single concubine with them for stress relief. The rest were free to attend or not as they saw fit.
After a too-long pause, Surprise was the first to hop out of the chariot. Her hooves clopped against the wood of the dock. “See. They added wood over the construction clouds so you guys’d be more comfortable.” She began bouncing in place to prove how sturdy it was, paying no mind to the effect on her very large and very exposed chest pillows. Slightly envious of the display, Talon set down beside her to join in the reassuring bouncing.
With help from Moonlight, Thomas stood up and carefully set foot on the platform. It creaked, as wood does, but felt reasonably solid. It took a little more work to get Honey out of her seat, including aid from the escort ponies. When all had disembarked, the group thanked the chariot pullers before they flew off for another pickup. Jet took up position behind the group while the other two escorts flew off to their next assignments, but not before Surprise waved a vehement ‘goodbye’ and ‘thank you’ as they went.
Down on all fours, because she didn’t yet trust herself to stand, Honey carefully tested the wood beneath her hooves and hands. “Please tell me somepony has the tickets. ‘Cause Ah really don’t wanna have ta go back if we fergot ‘em.”
“Got ‘em!” Talon said as she extracted the paper slips from her fanny pack. “Says we’ve got a few hours before the show starts.”
“Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oho-oh!” Surprise’s bouncing was even more frantic than before as she waved her arms about. “You know what we should do?”
“Well, we definitely shouldn’t take a tour of the city,” Talon said matter-of-factly. The sound of glass shattering could be heard as Surprise’s expression turned crestfallen. Poor thing looked absolutely devastated. “I mean, this is the first time visiting this place for a lot of us. It’s not like it’s a natural compulsion to want to go and explore new things. Not to mention there’s a tourist stand right over there, which is super inconvenient.” She pointed. “Looks like they’ve got maps, which I’ll bet a million bits have all the big touristy attractions circled, and,” she blocked the sun over her eyes to get a better look, “probably sell tour guide services, too.”
“Tour guide? Tour guide!? You don’t need no stinking tour guide!” Surprise snapped. “I mean, not to disparage the guys. Its honest work, and they’re really good at it, but you don’t need them when you have-”
“You’re right,” Talon agreed, cutting the white mare off. “We don’t need to pay a guide with me here.”
Surprise blinked, seeming to perk up just a little. “You’ve been to Cloudsdale before?”
“Sure have. And to be nice to our skysick friends,” she gestured to the tallest and shortest members of their group, “I can show us all the quietest, most boringest cool spots this city has to offer. If we’re lucky, things might get so boring we even kill a few brain cells.”
Surprise, distraught beyond words, fell to her knees and threw her hands up in the air. “Nooooooo-” she paused to inhale, “-oooooo-”
“You know she’s joking, right?” Moonlight cut in.
“Just give me a minute,” Surprise said before taking one last inhale. “-oooooo! Okay. I’m good.” She then stood up, gleeful as a kitten in a yarn shop as the others stared slack-jawed. “Where should we go first?”
Talon whispered in Moonlight’s ear. “Was that serious, or was she just playing along?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Moonlight admitted a bit fretfully. “It’s hard to tell with her.”
“The museum’s a good place to start,” Surprise piped up, either ignoring or not hearing the gossip about her as she held up a recently purchased map. “It’s one of the closest touristy hot spots, aaand it’s all indoors. Says here that helps first-time wingless ponies adjust.”
“Ah’ll take it!” Honey agreed, still looking a bit out of it.
“This is gonna be super fun. I can’t wait to show you guys the place I grew up.”
With their destination set, the group checked in at customs before heading into the city. Looking around, Thomas marveled at the floating city. As depicted in the show, there was a heavy Greco-Roman influence on the architecture with lots of columns, open-spaced buildings, and a general sense of rigidity. Of course, about 90% of everything was made up of clouds, giving the city a predominantly white and pale blue coloration. It was all rather lovely to look at. The group stuck to the main roads, which were made from a concrete-like material, although none of the wingless members cared to clarify if they were walking directly on clouds or not. That was just an unnecessary piece of information.
Surprise took a deep inhale and gave a contented sigh. “Ahh. Good to be back.”
“How long’s it been?” Talon asked.
“Oh, just a few months. Less than a year. I left right before applying for the harem position.” She went back to marveling at her surroundings. “It’s good to see the old neighborhood hasn’t changed.”
“Does it ever?” Moonlight asked. “I heard pegasi are very protective about their architecture. Many of these buildings are Pre-Unification, right?”
“Oh yeah. Clouds are pretty fluid and easy to work with. Still, pretty much everything outside the residential districts is the same as it ever was: proud and enduring,” she finished with a bit of nationalistic zeal.
“Which is kind of odd when you think about it,” Thomas spoke up. “Normally, when you think wings, you think freedom and doing whatever you want.”
“Oh, we do that too,” Surprise corrected. “But… Actually, never mind. The museum says it better.”
“An’ what about these trees?” Honey asked. Lining the edges of the roads were rows of trees the likes of which the earth mare had never seen before. They seemed unusually skinny for how tall they were, and the leaves formed a sort of umbrella instead of simply bunching together. “What species are they?”
“Cloud trees,” Surprise answered a bit uncomfortably. “They’re also explained in the museum.”
Honey scrunched her face in concern. “Is there a problem?”
“Not the proudest part of our history,” Surprise began. “See, before the tribes were even united as tribes, there was a lot of fighting between the clans. Pegasus ponies were always trying to get the leg up over each other. So one day, Captain Typhoon got the idea that even though us flyers are naturally adjusted to these altitudes, our… slaves,” she almost whispered, “weren’t. They could barely breathe, let alone work. And even though it was an unpopular choice at the time – again, we’re not big on changing our buildings – she ordered that some of the ground be brought up into the sky so that we could do our own planting. Although they hoped this plan would give them the ability to have their own private farmland, most of the plants ended up dying. It took decades of earth ponies and unicorns working together to breed a few species that can only survive up in the clouds. The seeds aren’t edible, though, and they’re pretty much entirely dependent on their gardeners to care for and pollinate them. But they do make the air nicer and add a bit of color to the place. And,” she trailed off a second, “they made it easier for the slaves to work.”
Armed with a better understanding of the trees’ history, Honey took another, closer look at the lines of foliage. She gave a short laugh. “Heh. Even when we was at each other’s throats, we still did some amazin’ things.”
Surprise beamed brightly, relieved, and pulled the big green mare into a hug.
At long last, the group arrived at the ‘Museum of Pegasus History.’ Tickets were cheap, and, luckily enough, they’d arrived just in time to join a tour group. Again, Thomas noted the pervasive Greco-Roman style in the pieces. Most sculptures were made of stone instead of cloud, and the paintings were obviously made from traditional paints as well. As befitting the style, most pieces were exercises in realism, with the artist attempting to perfectly capture the visage of the moment before the advent of photography.
The guide explained that portraits depicting birds-eye views were a unique pegasus style. It demonstrated the enormity of the settings, but mostly was an exercise in pegasus vanity in how they wished to show off a perspective that only they possessed. Thomas, having always loved history, fictional or otherwise, was hooked. Generally, he was less moved by the actual pieces than the stories around them. After all, what was history, if not the most enduring of stories?
When they reached the hall labeled ‘The Forgotten Era,’ the guide went on to explain that pieces here either dated back to or depicted the times before Pre-Unification. This meant that the youngest artifact in this hall dated back no earlier than 9,000 P.U., which got fewer chuckles than expected. Artifacts were the standard fare of basic stone tools with equally standard theories around how they might have been used. Of greater interest to most were the paintings showing artistic representations of that time.
Before writing was commonplace, pegasus oral history boasted being the first to recognize the power of forming groups and communities, although that part continues to be debated among historians. In the pegasus version, it began when a young and daring mare named Fyre Fly gathered her friends together with the intent of creating a small twister for them to ‘surf’ on. As Thomas had speculated, these were the days when the pegasi prioritized freedom above all else. However, when the ‘crafty and duplicitous’ unicorns – said with actual air quotes – caught wind of what the pegasi could do in groups, they quickly organized to imitate and surpass them. It worked.
Before long, unicorn clans dominated the ancient lands, sending the pegasus and earth pony tribes scattering in fear. In addition to their command over weather magic, pegasi outnumbered unicorns by a considerable margin. However, those early pegasi were too whimsical to capitalize on their advantages. It wasn’t until the rise of a second Fyre Fly – the supposed granddaughter of the first – that things began to change. Infamous for her impatience and pension for brutality, Fyre Fly the second gathered a group of followers and appealed to the clan leaders. Although it went against their nature, the pegasus ponies needed to fight back if they wanted to survive. Of those who refused this offer, most were personally beaten into submission by Fyre Fly herself, while a few managed to escape.
It was from this great mare that the first martial traditions of the pegasus ponies were born. They flew in tight formations, mimicking the migration of birds for maximum aerodynamics. This also helped conceal their numbers in the sky before they were ready to attack. And while the brutality of many of these early attacks led to lots of initial failures, Fyre Fly and her daughters learned from their mistakes, perfecting their strategies until all unicorns learned the importance of always keeping one eye on the sky. That last line was said with an air of pride that seemed to be mirrored in the expressions of the other pegasus ponies in the tour group. From then on, only the more militaristic pegasus ponies persevered, leaving the rest to fade into history.
“Yes. Did you have a question?” the guide asked of one from the tour group.
“This might be a little off-topic,” Honey began, “but what’s that about?” She pointed at a display case on the wall with a stone slab inside. Protruding from the ancient rock were the bones of a creature both familiar, yet foreign.
“Ah. I’m glad you noticed!” The guide’s face practically lit up as she spoke. “This is one of our newest exhibits, one of many treasures procured from the most recent expedition into the old pony homelands. You see, for centuries, one of the biggest sources of controversy among archeologists were these depictions of ancient ponies.”
Besides the display of the skeleton were rows of similar stone slabs, but with cave paintings. The drawings were primitive, but showed a good amount of detail with pictures showing the many feathers on birds, or the labor of love for drawing the hundreds of individual leaves on a fruit tree. However, the paintings directly beside the skeleton were clearly the focus of the guide’s lecture, for they showed two very different ponies standing side-by-side.
“Originally,” the guide continued, “these were thought to be an early example of artistic license. The ancient tribes had little understanding of the magical forces of nature, and so invented stories of great spirits that moved the heavens, made the flowers grow, and so on. Pictures like these were largely dismissed as a fable about the origin of ponies. However, skeptics insisted that the consistent elements of these stories across the still divergent tribes suggested that these were more than mere imaginings of cave ponies. And that’s why skeletons like these are making such waves.”
As the group stepped closer, they saw a bronze placard beneath the exhibit. It had the standard details about who discovered this slab and where. What caught Thomas’ eye was the illustration of what the skeleton would look like standing upright. There was no way to see this ancient creature as anything other than a pony. It had hooves, paleontologists had found evidence that the tails, fur, and even ears were the same, and even the skull was almost identical to a modern pony skull. The difference was, if the illustration was to be believed, that this creature was a quadruped and little more than a meter tall. And, just like the image in the cave painting, the illustration on the placard showed this ancient pony creature standing knee-high alongside its modern counterpart.
The guide went on. “These are the oldest intact skeletons ever discovered. However, they don’t appear to be significantly older than most of the other exhibits in this section.” She gestured to glass cases housing stone tools.
“What does that mean?” Moonlight asked.
The guide chuckled a bit nervously. “Well, the working theory is that some event must have happened in those ancient times that caused a rather sudden transformation among ponies. This might have been a form of wandering primordial magic, but no pony can say for sure. What we can say with some certainty is that once this modern form of bipedal pony appeared, our quadrupedal ancestors disappeared soon after.”
“Where did they go?” Surprise asked, somewhat naively.
“Well, that’s also a matter of some debate,” the guide replied. “One need only look at the physical differences between the two to see how much stronger the modern pony was. Just like with Fyre Fly having the strongest ideology, the strongest species beat out their weaker cousins. In all likelihood, even if they weren’t overly malicious, they ended up muscling the others out of the best places for food until the quadrupedal ponies had nowhere else to go.”
“That’s so sad,” Surprise bemoaned.
“Nature was very harsh in those days, and ponies had to be just as harsh in order to survive. However, what I said is still just one of several theories,” the guide elaborated. “Other researchers cite additional paintings like these,” she motioned, “to say that bipedal and quadrupedal ponies might have coexisted relatively peacefully. Some even speculate that, depending on the nature of this transformation, the two subspecies were still biologically compatible. According to them, we’re actually the descendants of both subspecies coming together, in addition to the unification of the three tribes.”
Jet, skulking in the back, managed not to roll her eyes.
Thomas, however, let his eyes linger on the cave painting. The bipedal pony was facing the viewer while its quadrupedal companion was sideways, facing the biped. In Thomas’ mind, he imagined the artist wanting to emphasize the difference between the two. Looking closer, it appeared that the quadruped was staring up at the biped. He wondered if this was meant to represent curiosity, reverence, or even fear. The biped’s pose was perfectly passive. She – based on the breasts – was just standing there, allowing herself to be looked at.
Was this deliberate? Was the artist trying to convey the uncertainty around these new creatures, even among themselves? The theories explained by the guide suggested that these new beings may have just appeared out of nowhere. If so, they probably didn’t know what to do with themselves any more than their shorter cousins.
While Thomas agreed with the hypothesized fate of the quadrupeds, given that it was simply natural selection at work, he wondered how things were in the beginning. Both illustrations appeared to be earth ponies. Did they recognize that about each other? Did the quadrupeds absorb their bipedal cousins into their tribes, initially embracing them as equals, conscripting them into their wars? What if they were cast out? What if the tribal conflicts left the quadrupedal ponies so xenophobic that they turned to violence against the larger and stronger bipeds? Maybe the bipeds picked up on that xenophobia and started fighting amongst themselves instead of uniting against the quadrupeds. There might have even been a six-way war between the tribes at some point.
Or maybe the wars didn’t start until after the bipeds showed up? If Thomas was following the line of events correctly, it seemed like the quadrupeds might have predated things like named figures and the more complex tools. Maybe the quadrupeds were little more than passive prey animals whose only response to danger was to run away and breed to make up for their losses? And maybe the bipeds overcompensated with their newfound strength and started actively resisting the dangers of nature and aggressively competing with one another? It was a successful strategy, given that their descendants lived to wonder about their past, but it was also rather grim how cruel nature often was. Maybe the ponies thought the same, which motivated them to start taking control? It was hard to say.
Whatever the case, Thomas decided that archeology and paleontology were very interesting subjects, and that he ought to delve deeper into both.
The tour went on, but everyone’s minds lingered on the Forgotten Era exhibits.
“Ya know, Ah always heard we was related ta horses, but Ah don’t think it ever really clicked with me ‘til jus’ now.” Honey gave her hands a thoughtful look, flexing her fingers. “How could they do anythin’ without hands?”
“Well, they must have been able to do something to survive,” Surprise offered.
“Besides running away?” Talon asked.
“No. Well, yes, but I actually mean they must have bucked a lot.”
The griffon furrowed her brow. “How do you figure?”
“Think about it. If we were walking around on all fours all the time, then plots would basically be at eye level, or within a few inches.” Surprise lifted her chin high as her expression seemed to overflow with pride for her clever reasoning. “Ain’t no pony can resist that kind of temptation for long. And with tomorrow being so uncertain, nothing else to do but live it up today.”
A long, pregnant pause followed, broken by the griffon’s squawking laugh.
“You’ve got me there!”
“And that makes sense, how?” Moonlight demanded.
“Her argument is based on the sexiness of pony plots,” Talon intoned with a scholarly inflection, which sounded very similar to having clogged sinuses. “Such logic is irrefutable.”
“Unless growing up like that just results in exposure therapy,” Thomas spoke up. “Think about it. It’s just like when I first came here and got really awkward around all you nudists. Months later, and I think I’m mostly over it, even though I’m already on eye level with most of your butts.”
“This, too, is irrefutable logic,” Talon agreed. “And now I’m bummed at thinking I might actually go numb if I had pony butts in my face all the time like that.”
“Speaking of which, was there anything about griffons going through something similar? Like, were you guys ever quadrupeds?”
Talon raised an inquisitive brow at the human. “You know, that’s a really good question.”
“Well, what do griffon stories say about your origins?” Moonlight asked.
“Don’t really know. Griffons aren’t usually the scholarly type,” she said dismissively, “and oral history doesn’t really reach too far past Discord’s reign. Pretty sure we came to Griffonstone from somewhere else, but no clue where or when.”
“Could they have come from the same place as ponies?” Thomas asked.
Talon shook her head. “Not likely, chimp. Griffonstone’s way on the opposite end of the map from where ponies came from, with Equestria smack in the middle.”
“So you’ve never tried to learn about your own past?”
“Like I said. Griffons ain’t the scholarly type. If it can’t make a quick bit of gold, most of us don’t even bother.” Her tone was contemptuous as she spoke of her own people.
“Ain’t most o’ these artifacts worth, like, millions o’ bits?” Honey asked leadingly.
“Yeah, but these are the results of successful searches. Most fail, ya know. So even if some rich griffon wanted to make a profit by plundering history, these kinds of expeditions are a pretty hefty investment for something that’s pretty unlikely to pay off. Plus, even if we did find something like four-legged griffon bones, most of the griffons I’ve met would just toss them aside on account of not being shiny enough.”
“And here I thought I was the pessimist,” remarked Thomas, hoping to lighten the wren’s dower mood.
“You are. I’m just being a realist.”
“Shouldn’t I be the realist as well?” asked Moonlight.
“Nah. You’re the nerd.”
Moonlight straightened up and held her head high. “I can accept this.”
“Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh! What about me?”
“Comic relief.”
Surprise pumped her fist. “Yes!”
“An’ me?”
“You’re the muscle who offers folksy wisdom.”
Honey shrugged. “Can’t complain.”
“All we need is the snooty bat butt, and we’d have the complete set.” With a wide grin, the griffon reached out her claws and grabbed for the lot of them, pulling all she could into a friendly yet aggressive embrace. Those out of her reach were also pulled in by the gravity of friendship. None resisted, and they all took a moment to revel in the feel of one another’s bodies, as touchy-feely ponies do.
Jet, as a professional, just watched from a safe distance. Whatever else she might have thought of this bunch, it was still nice to see friends being friendly.
***
At the conclusion of the tour, the group returned to the open air outside the museum. As Surprise had predicted, the wingless ones felt much steadier on their legs now that they could pretend they weren’t a thousand feet up from the splatty ground. Surprise and Talon took it in turns to pick sites for the group to see, although most of the time, they ended up picking the same spots but in a different order.
The Cloudsdale Weather Factory – spelled as a proper name because no other weather factory compared – was an obvious choice. It was comprised of multiple facilities specializing in the many different aspects of weather production and management. The whole thing was set up like a campus, with some buildings having smokestack towers belching out clouds of varying functions, while other buildings were focused on the more refined details, such as snowflake sculpting and rainbow mixing. All in all, the Cloudsdale Weather Factory took up about 20% of all space in the city and provided more than half of all jobs.
At least, that’s what the brochure promised.
The truth was that all facilities had been closed to tourists for the day.
“Why?” Surprise demanded. “The CWF always has tours.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” a disinterested mare said as she tapped a pen on her clipboard. She was a unicorn, yet wore the same pure white hard hat and jacket as the other employees. “There were some incidents with our last tour group.”
“Incidents?” Talon asked. “As in plural?”
The unicorn in white nodded. “Afraid so. I’m not clear on all the details, but some dumbass unicorn decided to give herself some wings and started flapping all over the place. Some errant weather got blown into the vents, and it’s causing some clogs. On top of that, we’ve got some extra dumbass employees who let themselves get distracted by this mare’s wings when they should have been focused on the very simple task of not dropping the delicate instruments they were carrying.”
Thomas blinked in quiet knowing. Most of the others groaned. Surprise face-palmed.
“Must’ve been some wings ta get this place shut down,” Honey awed, craning her head back to stare up at the towering building.
“Weather production has only been marginally hampered,” the unicorn in white clarified. “We actually keep plenty of finished materials in storage in case of problems like these. The managers are just on the warpath and don’t want any more tours until we figure out what went wrong and how to stop it from going wrong again.”
With a despondent huff, Surprise nodded her acquiescence. “I guess that makes sense. I hope everything works out.”
“Oh, it will,” the unicorn assured, almost boasting. “The CWF’s been around for centuries. It’s basically the oldest standing structure in Equestria. A few clogs and spills ain’t gonna bring her down.”
Thomas had to double-check to make sure the mare wasn’t actually a pegasus. That zealous pride certainly made her sound like one. Nope. She was still a unicorn, but likely one who’d been born and raised here in the clouds. Thomas liked this. It made him smile to see people take such pride in where they lived.
In the end, the group accepted that there’d be no CWF tour today, and went on to their next destination.
“Is it okay that she just told us the problems like that?” Thomas asked once they were well out of earshot.
“Sure. We’d just annoy her with questions until she gave in, anyway,” Surprise said with a mischievous smile. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, I guess humans would be super paranoid about giving out that kind of information. Like, it might create a negative opinion about the company’s standards, which could cost them money.”
“Wow. How can humans have so much fun and un-fun stuff?”
Jet’s ears twitched.
“I mean, you fly around in big metal cans that go super fast, but you don’t admit your problems?”
“Businesses don’t, no. For big companies, a lot of their money comes from investments, and investors are easily spooked by any kind of bad news. So companies usually have these specific guys to give carefully scripted messages to the press when anything goes wrong, saying only the absolute minimum possible while promising to fix whatever the issue is.”
“Sounds mighty dishonest.”
“Oh, it is.”
“An’ ya’ll jus’ put up with it?”
Thomas shrugged. “Generally, companies look after themselves before others. If there’s a problem, or even a perceived problem, that tends to cut into profits. They try to be as secret as possible. Of course, if they try to ignore a problem until after it causes a stink, that tends to cost them even more. It’s all a matter of perception. They have to look like they care while doing a minimum amount of work. Even when there’s only a perceived problem, they make these grandiose gestures to look like they’ve fixed something when really almost nothing changes.”
Talon folded her arms over her chest and clicked her beak. “I guess I can see that. It’s like how you want your neighbors to think everything’s fine so they don’t talk behind your back, only for big companies.”
“Ah certainly wouldn’t shop somewhere that tried lyin’ ‘bout a problem ‘stead o’ jus’ bein’ upfront ‘bout it.”
Moonlight nodded. “Agreed. And if they have to do these big gestures to apologize, it just seems easier and cheaper to be honest from the start.”
“It’s a case-by-case thing,” Thomas explained. “They prefer to solve things as quietly as possible. But if there’s a problem that can’t be easily swept under the rug, most companies go the honest route. Like if there’s a case of some food having some kind of disease. The whole product gets pulled from the shelves until the company gets everything sorted.”
“As they should.”
Surprise shrugged. “The CWF doesn’t really have that problem, though. Just about everypony here has worked there at some point. We know how it goes,” she said frankly. “Sometimes problems just happen. When they do, we pegasi stick together until we see it through.” She shook her fist in a gesture of pride. “Then we stay stuck together, ‘cause it can get cold up here, and ponies are warm and just plain nice to snuggle with.” For emphasis, she wrapped her arm around Moonlight’s neck and pulled her in for a half embrace, still walking the whole time. The orange mare offered only a token resistance, proving Surprise’s point by relaxing into her touch.
Jet tuned out after the conversation switched to other, non-human-centric topics. She’d learned a little about how the human mind worked, which was satisfying. Humans were deceptive whenever they could afford to be, and honest when there was no choice.
***
There was the occasional monument here and there. However, based on the brochure, it seemed like most of the tour was meant to be taken up in the CWF. With little else to see, the party decided to head for the stadium early. The stadium was much like any other, made of the same cloud-stone material as most other structures for the convenience of non-flyers. What distinguished this stadium from others was the giant hole in the center, which apparently allowed the participants greater freedom of movement. Behind the stands, ponies were bustling about, either rushing to their seats, or standing in lines for concessions.
“Ah think Ah’m finally ready ta eat,” Honey announced. “How ‘bout you guys.”
“Oh yeah! Bring on the hay burgers!”
“I’m gonna look for somewhere with genuine meat,” Talon informed. “You with me, chimp?”
“Meat sounds good. Sure.”
“I think I’ll stick with a hay dog and soda,” Moonlight added. “You guys get what you want, and I’ll go hold down our seats.” Then she said directly to Talon, “Take care of him.”
The wren saluted.
Their game plan set, the group split.
Thomas and Talon went in search of their coveted meat, with Jet trailing not too far behind. Every now and then, the wren would peer over her shoulder and give the little mare the stink eye.
“I don’t trust her.”
Thomas didn’t want to be rude, but he knew the wren wouldn’t stop until he engaged. “Such seems to be the popular opinion.”
“No. You guys don’t like her. I’m talking about trust. Big difference.”
Thomas pursed his lips. “You know she can hear you, right?”
“Oh, I do,” she responded matter-of-factly. “Aside from you, she’s been staring at my fine plot the most.” She rolled her rear and gave it a seductive shake. “Shows she’s got a good eye for assessing threats, which I can respect.” Talon craned her neck back and, in blatant contrast to what should have been possible for beak cartilage, made patronizing kissy faces at the bat guard.
Jet just stared back blankly.
“See? Nothing. Any other guard would’ve at least cracked a grin, but not her.”
“She probably just takes her job real seriously.”
“Yeah.” Again she looked back at the bat mare, giving an expression that seemed to ask: But what job?
Jet remained unresponsive, but the message was received.
Having made sure they were all on the same page, at least, for the most part, Talon switched back to a more pleasant topic. “So, chimp. How do ya like Cloudsdale so far?”
“It’s pretty wild. I really love the look of the place. You’d think an all-white city would be hard to clean, but I guess there isn’t actually enough dirt to be much of a problem there.”
“Mh-hmm, true. And the ponies?”
Thomas shrugged. “Friendly enough. I kind of like the national pride all the locals have.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Don’t know why, though. It just feels good to see everyone loving their home so much. I’m pretty sure that’s a sign of a healthy civilization.”
Talon snorted. “Yeah. Probably. Not too much of that back in Griffonstone. Or Canterlot, for that matter. Canterlot’s not as bad as Griffonstone, though. At least the ponies don’t look sullen all the damn time.”
Thomas would have said more, but about that time, a familiar voice squealed, “Thomas and Talon!” Both halted in their tracks and turned to the source of the disturbance. The disturbing pinkness was doing everything in her power to disturb the peace, her thicc body bouncing as she ran in such a way that the eye could not help but follow. Her smile was so wide that the light reflecting off of her teeth was nearly blinding. She was distracting, at the very least.
Talon, having encountered this mare before, positioned herself in front of Thomas and braced for impact, a smirk upon her beak. She knew a tackle was coming. The pink one was fond of them, but the wren was confident in her ability to intercept. But before that could happen, a short black and purple blur ran ahead. It was fast, so fast that even Talon could barely track it. The blur jumped, tucked her limbs tightly to her body, ducked low, and spun right into the legs of the unsuspecting pinkness. Before she even realized what had happened, the pink one had face-planted with a mighty thud that shook the very ground beneath their hooves, talons, and feet.
“Ow!” Pinkie whined, lifting her head from the cloud stone. A distinct imprint had been left behind, but quickly repaired itself, like a pillow unfluffing itself. “What just happened?”
“You alright, girl?” Concerned, Talon hurried forward, leaned down, and helped the big mare up.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, Tali,” Pinkie beamed, her prior tumble forgotten. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Then she turned to Thomas. “You either. It’s been so long!”
Thomas, however, was immune to her cheer. Seeing Pinkie again only brought back memories of their last conversation. She’d talked about the ‘you-you,’ which he’d interpreted to mean him, that wasn’t actually ‘you.’ He still didn’t know what any of that meant, but the negative impression still lingered. He’d tensed the instant he recognized her, his blood running cold for reasons he did not understand. Even the sight of her and Talon being chummy did little to assuage his concerns. “Yeah. It, uh, has,” he forced himself to say.
“This is great news,” Pinkie declared, ignoring her tumble altogether. She didn’t even notice the dark blur from earlier circling around back behind Thomas. “Everypony else is here. C’mon! We should go say hi.”
“Chimp?”
Thomas stared back at Talon, suddenly anxious. The last time he’d gotten involved with the Mane Six, it had been quite the catastrophe. And though he knew what was to happen today wouldn’t be nearly as bad, it still left him unsettled. What if things happen differently? What if the wrong things happen, and it’s somehow on me to set them right? He’d made sure to tell Luna about what would probably happen today, and she’d assured him that steps had been taken. He trusted her, but his anxiety would not abate.
Worse, Talon wanted to see the Mane Six. Well, technically, just four of them, assuming the show’s depiction was being accurately adhered to, but they were still inseparably tied to his present negative state. He’d been able to put these thoughts out of his mind all day, committing himself to just being an observer to nothing bad happening, but that future was quickly slipping away. He didn’t want to deny Talon the chance to see those she’d apparently bonded with. Surely that would be selfish and rude, right? If only Moonlight were here. She’d either give him an excuse to leave, or ease his worries with her presence alone.
“Excuse me,” Jet spoke up from her proper place behind her charge. “Who are you?”
“Oh, hey there!” Pinkie exaggeratedly leaned her body to one side to peer around Thomas, ever-smiling. “My name’s Pinkie Pie.” She eyed the mare’s armor. “Oh, a new guard? Don’t worry. I know these guys, so we’re cool. Right, Tali?”
“Yeah. Cool.” Talon didn’t sound terribly convincing, her eagle eyes warily darting between the ponies and human.
“Pinkie Pie?” Jet’s eyes widened. “As in the Element of Laughter, Pinkie Pie?”
The pink mare made a flatulent noise with her lips. “Yeah, no. I’m not really into all that stuff. I mean, if I was gonna get stuck with an Element, Laughter really is the best one, but I’m still just Pinkie Pie, party planner extraordinaire!”
Jet blinked once, and then twice, processing how to handle this unexpected encounter. She’d just attacked a national hero. Was that illegal? Technically, she’d been doing her job at the time, protecting Thomas from suspicious strangers. Her heart sunk when she realized that no matter the legality of it all, her peers would be merciless in their teasing. The thought of which was enough to ruin her day.
Jet’s thoughts dwelled on the matter a moment longer, finding more reasons to be upset. The hero is here? Wait. She mentioned ‘everypony.’ Could all six of the Elements be here? And at the same time as the human? Having read the report on the ursa minor incident, she recalled the last time the seven of them were in the same location. As a devout believer in Destiny, Jet had a hard time seeing this situation as a mere coincidence. Regardless, she was still on duty, and there were protocols to follow.
“I beg your pardon for earlier. I didn’t realize that you and Thomas were friends.”
“Eh. No big. You’re just being a good guard. Speaking of which.” Pinkie’s head spun around. “Where’s Moonlight?”
“Saving our seats,” Talon informed, and her brow wrinkled thoughtfully. “Hmm, where are you guys sitting, exactly?”
“Nosebleed section.” Pinkie rolled her eyes, but held onto her optimism. “Rainbow kinda waited ‘til the last minute to tell us she was entering the show, so we were pretty late to the ticket booth. But it’s okay. We still get to cheer on our friends.”
Talon’s beak split into a wide grin. “Ya know, being concubines, we’ve got our own box seats in the VIP section. Those seats are pretty spacious, if ya know what I’m saying.” Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively.
Pinkie did know, and threw up her hands in celebration. “Yay! Friendship box.” She then leaned forward on her tippy hooves and planted a kiss on the corner of Talon’s beak. “You wait here. I’ll be back after I tell the others the good news.” And then she zipped away, disappearing into the crowd.
“Oh, there’s the meat vendor,” Talon pointed out. “Say, how about you run ahead and tell Moonlight the good news. Leave the food to me.” Her eyes then fell onto Jet. “I trust you’ll see him there without any trouble, right?”
Standing straight, Jet nodded. “You have my word.”
Thomas released the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He smiled wide in gratitude to the wren. She’d read his discomfort and given him an out. Granted, the mares at the root of his discomfort would be sitting with him throughout the show, but at least he’d be with Moonlight and the others to offset things. He further rationalized the irrationality of his fears, that everything would be fine, and that maybe some exposure therapy might be just what he needed. Realistically, this was probably the best outcome for all involved. “I just remembered why you’re my favorite griffon.”
Talon scoffed. “As if there was ever any doubt. Now scoot.” She shooed him away. “I need to think of a way to get all kissy with Fluttershy that she’s comfortable doing in public, but will still freak you out.”
Chuckling softly, Thomas waved his goodbyes. “You do that.” And he departed.
Jet followed silently behind Thomas, noting his quickened pace and reflecting on his behavior up to now. He’d been awfully tense back there. At first, she’d assumed it was because a stranger was running at him, but they already knew each other. She’d read as much in the report. Yet, there didn’t seem to be anything that might explain the lingering tension in the human’s body. Was he afraid of Pinkie Pie, or even the other Elements? Only villains needed to fear the powers of Harmony, but maybe it wasn’t their power. Thinking harder, Jet recalled reading how Pinkie Pie had made some rather cryptic comments to the human just before they parted ways. Was that it?
The simplest solution was just to ask her ward directly, but that seemed to be overstepping her bounds. She was a guard, and guards didn’t needlessly intrude on the affairs of those they guarded. Guards managed their wards’ safety. And while the human seemed to be acting as though he was in danger, nothing about this situation made any rational sense. That’s when she remembered what he was.
Jet realized that he knew something, that he must have foreseen something. Something related to the Elements, either the artifacts or their pony wielders, had made him nervous. That would certainly account for the unusual patrols around the stadium. He’d told the Princesses, as he should, and they’d taken precautions. Yet this solution did not satisfy her. If he’d told the Princesses and they’d already taken the necessary precautions, then what was there to be worried about? Did he not trust them? Had he withheld something, some vital detail in his vision that the Princesses had not, could not account for? The thought of such treason left her angry, but she didn’t show it.
Wanting to be extra careful, she made to scratch her left ear. It was a harmless enough gesture. No pony would notice the way her fingers pressed onto the bump down in her ear canal. The tap didn’t actually do anything to the miniature crystal surgically embedded into her flesh. It merely got the attention of the pony listening at the other end. No pony noticed when she whispered, “Something’s wrong.”
Likewise, no pony but her heard when the male voice replied. “Standing orders still hold. I’ll keep watch.”
Jet snorted her relief. It was reassuring to know that somepony around here was acting in a reasonable manner.
***
Arriving in their private box, Thomas tried not to look anxious as he hurried to Moonlight’s side and embraced her. She felt the tension in his body and instantly knew something was wrong, but was cut off before she could inquire further.
“Talon’s bringing the Mane Six,” Thomas said. He clarified, “Pinkie, Fluttershy, Apple Jack, and Twilight.”
Jet noted the missing two.
Moonlight’s first reflex was to smile. Most of those ponies she either had positive or neutral feelings towards. But then she started putting the pieces together.
“They’ll be sitting with us for the show,” he said with a hint of defeat.
“Are you okay?” She gave him a squeeze, paying no mind to the bat mare watching them.
Thomas took deep, careful breaths before answering. “There’s no reason I shouldn’t be.”
Moonlight scowled. “That’s not a real answer.”
“It’s just four extra ponies. And Tali’s apparently really good friends with them, even Pinkie.”
Moonlight’s scowl deepened. She both heard and felt the difference when Thomas said the name. She wanted to tell him he didn’t have to put on a front, but reconsidered. He’d most likely resist, deny, and argue, which could escalate into a fight, and garner all kinds of attention that she knew he hated. Instead, she decided to take a page out of her dame’s book. “We’re going to talk about this later,” she avowed, “but for now, I’m here for you.”
Forcing himself to smile, Thomas reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. Without words, he tried to convey that this was exactly what he wanted, and hopefully needed.
It was only a few minutes later before Surprise and Honey returned with their hoard. Moonlight intercepted them at the door to take her share, and then she whispered. “Talon is bringing the Mane Six here, but Thomas is nervous about Pinkie. I’ll explain later. Just don’t let them sit together.”
The big mares nodded. They didn’t need to understand to follow the fundamental rule of the herd. Mares protected stallions.
When Talon finally arrived, there was nothing but smiles. She had a way of lightening the mood with her mere presence, for which all were grateful. Many hugs were had, a few hands were shaken, mostly Thomas’, and everything seemed fine. And then Surprise stepped between Thomas and Pinkie.
The two mares stared at one another for a solid minute, eyes crawling over the others’ bodies in fascinated scrutiny. Thomas was just as interested. Up close, with the exception of the wings and different colors, they were identical in terms of height, body shape, and even facial structure. It was like looking into a mirror. Even they seemed to think so, moving their respective left and right hands to touch one another and make sure this wasn’t some kind of trick. One leaned to the left while the other leaned right, staying in perfect synchronization the entire time. Thomas realized that the box had gone silent. All prior light chatter had ceased as the small audience beheld the sight of two mares who might’ve been twins meeting each other for the first time.
Stealing a glance at Twilight, Thomas wondered if she was concerned about some sort of temporal paradox, like how Doc Brown predicted meeting your other time self might cause a reality-ending explosion. That hadn’t happened, which was no small relief, but it got him wondering. Back when the show was still being developed, and old names from the previous generations were being repurposed, the white pegasus named Surprise was initially intended for the role of Element of Laughter. Did that matter here? Was a T.V. show’s development process in any way relevant to an entire world that was only kind of similar? Thomas had a sneaking suspicion that it might be, but couldn’t explain how, why, or what such a thing might mean.
Surprise was the first to speak. “Wow.” She looked her counterpart up and down once more, eyes crawling over her full figure. “You’re hot.”
“Hey!” Pinkie whined. “I was gonna say that.”
They even sounded alike. It was eerie. Thomas tried not to let his thoughts get too meta, lest fate be tempted to inflict a paradox upon them.
***
Fate, ever the nosy little bitch, looked up from her reading. Sitting alone in the void between realms, the anthropomorphic representation of causality heard well the thoughts of this human, this insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things. She scoffed. “I’ve got better things to do.” And she went back to reading, absently waving a hand in a manner precisely measured to ruin the day of some poor fool that had earned her wrath with his careless words.
***
Things finally settled after that. Pinkie was gently led to the opposite end of the box by Surprise. The pink one tried to resist, wanting to greet all those she considered her friends, but the white one gave her a stern look when no pony was looking. Usually, Pinkie’s boundless enthusiasm would not be so easily dissuaded, but there was something about this mare, something familiar. There was a sense of trust and understanding, as though they knew one another, had known one another for years; such was the depth of the bond she felt. From this strange knowing, Pinkie understood the seriousness of Surprise’s look and just let herself be guided. Thus awkwardness was avoided.
Jet, having watched the whole affair in silence, made a mental note. She wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, but it was definitely going in her report.