“Dearest Thomas,” Luna began before hesitating. “I… am… most elated to see… you, my little human.”

Thomas craned his neck to look up past the alicorn’s exceptional breasts and meet her in the eye. “You’ve been practicing.”

“We have,” Luna said proudly. “Or rather, I have. The duties of this night court were relatively light, so we, er, I spent much of the evening learning the diction of modern Equish. Surely this will go a long way to helping us become more accepted by the common folk.”

Thomas smiled up at his Princess, too happy for her to correct her latest slip. “That’s wonderful.”

“Tis all thanks to thee, er, you.” Luna paused to find the right words. “Yes, you, my little human. You and… your… advice,” she concluded with a friendly wink at the secret they held.

Luna had been most eager to hear about her future trip to Ponyville on Nightmare Night, which was still a few months off. They’d discussed the matter with Celestia present and agreed that this was something they could afford to ‘go off script’, as Celestia put it. The lesson was not terribly important for Twilight to learn and it would save everyone a lot of trouble if Luna simply learned modern speech, toned down on the Royal Canterlot Voice, and embraced the idea that there was fun to be had in being scary from time to time.

“So, my little human,” Luna broke from the embrace and walked out to the middle of the room where her attendants waited while the guards shut the door behind her. “Tell us, how was… your first day off.”

Thomas jumped up onto the bed and lay on his side with his head propped up on his elbow while he watched the attendants undress the Princess of the Night. “Well I met this guard pony named Moonlight Shield.”

“Indeed,” Luna nodded with her arms held out. “Lady Attentive said the unicorn may be young, but she had top marks in her class. And she seemed most eager to serve us in whatever way she could.”

“So Attentive Eye picked her out, not Captain Shining Armor?”

“We… I am led to believe that the good Captain consulted with Lady Attentive to find a guard suitable to the task. There may have also been other factors at work,” Luna trailed off.

“Why does the consort need his own personal guard, again?” Starry Sky asked as she undid the straps of Luna’s dress, allowing it to fall gently into the hands of her fellow attendants, leaving the Princess’ body on full display for the world.

“She has a point,” Midnight Chain added as she and Lunar Stone carefully folded Luna’s dress and set it on the official dubbed ‘dirty laundry’ table. “I mean, I think we’re pretty well staffed and all, but can we really afford to assign every concubine his or her personal guard?”

“Not every concubine,” Thomas answered smugly. “I’m special.” He and Luna shared a knowing look and struggled to suppress their giggles.

“Something you two want to share with the rest of us?” Lunar Stone asked skeptically.

“As Princess,” Luna began. “W… I am afforded the privilege of keeping secrets if… I so deem it necessary. And we shall trust the three of… you not to pry.”

“Yes, Princess,” the three attendants said together, failing miserably at hiding their disappointment at being kept out of the loop.

Just then Luna’s coo coo clock began to chime the 7 a.m. hour as a tiny Celestia popped in and out of its wooden home in an admittedly hilarious alarm clock. On cue, the attendants stepped back as Luna made her way out to the balcony. Her horn began to shine with its blue magical aura. Not moving from his spot on the bed, Thomas looked out of the window over Equestria as the moon began its final descent and the pre glow was beginning to drown out the stars in preparation for Celestia to raise the Sun.

The attendants went over to the windows and quickly closed several of the drapes. They waited on the last one as everyone watched the moon disappear behind distant mountains, only to be replaced by the sun peeking out over the horizon. As Luna’s horn went out and she returned inside, Lunar Stone finished the job and saved them all from the sun’s blinding light.

“In any case,” Luna resumed. “Did you find Ms. Moonlight Shield satisfactory?”

“Yup,” Thomas nodded as he watched the attendants strip Luna of her crown and excess jewelry. “She was a little stiff at first, but she seemed to warm up pretty fast.”

Luna looked up from her attendants and beamed at her concubine. “We could easily say the same of thee,” she said with a naughty smile.

Not moving from his spot on the bed, Thomas pointed accusingly at Luna and proclaimed, “clop-minded mare.” The three attendants began snickering at the accusation.

“Careful now,” Luna warned gently. “We wouldn’t want thee… you to go around making slanderous claims, now would we?”

“It’s not libel if it’s true,” Thomas countered.

“On the contrary,” Luna rebutted with as much posh as she could muster without cracking a smile. “As Princess, tis libel whenever we say it is.”

“Actually, not anymore,” Midnight Chain raised her hand to interrupt. “We learned in school that there was a court decision that changed the law about eight hundred years ago.”

While the unicorn spoke, Thomas couldn’t help but reflect on what he’d just said. I just accused the Princess of being a clop-minded mare. It just sort of slipped out. She doesn’t seem to mind, but still… Why did I say something like that to my… boss? He lingered on that word, contemplating possible explanations before it hit him. Celestia has her concubines tell her what it’s like to have regular married life most likely so she can live vicariously through them. The way Luna and I talk to each other is like I’m her boyfriend, or rather coltfriend. She’s just pretending like we’re dating as a way to unwind the stress of the day, sort of like how prostitutes back home give the ‘girlfriend experience’. It’s my job to play along and give her this experience as best I can. Thomas concluded to his self-deprecating satisfaction. This explanation might have hurt a little, but it felt like the right answer.

“Truly?” Luna asked while her attendants nodded in confirmation. “Hmm. We may have to speak to our sister about this, but at a later time. Continue, dear Thomas. What did you and Moonlight Shield do?”

“First thing we did was head to chow hall where we met Tali.”

“Tali?” Luna asked before remembering. “Oh, Talon. The griffon girl in our sister’s harem, yes. You two seemed to get along.”

“She’s nice,” Thomas agreed. “A little too flirty, but nice.”

Luna gave a half smile as she sauntered over to Thomas in the nude. He quickly sat up and allowed her to sit beside him. “You complain that a consort, as you prefer, is flirty? Is that not the same as complaining that a farmer is picky about where and when to plant their seeds?”

“It just seems like she was a bit too touchy-feely,” Thomas tried to explain. “I don’t think she means anything by it, but it was still embarrassing.”

Luna turned from Thomas to face her attendants. “That will be all this evening, my ladies. You are dismissed.”

The three attendants bowed and left the room, taking Luna’s gown with them. Thomas watched them leave before smiling gratefully up at Luna for not making him have to talk about these things in front of others.

Luna rolled her head to look down at her little human. “In what way did the griffon embarrass thee?”

“She kept hugging me and pressing me against her chest,” Thomas answered.

“Some ponies are more prone to hugging than others, even if they are griffons,” Luna answered sagely. “And being a concubine, she has likely become accustomed to skinship. Such ponies were common even back in our… my day. Tis likely merely her way of wanting to be friends.”

“Friends with benefits, maybe,” Thomas said under his breath, though not hushed enough for Luna not to hear. “I’m pretty sure she wants to… use my body if I don’t pay back the loan.”

“Loan?”

“Oh, right.” Thomas jumped off the bed and ran over to pick up the bag with his purchases. He brought the bag over to the Princess and allowed her to examine its contents. “We went shopping together. Me, Moonlight, and Tali. We decided it after breakfast together. I didn’t have any money at the time so Tali offered to pay for whatever I bought so long as I returned the bits,” Thomas explained as he reached into his loincloth and extracted to the piece of paper with the amounts from the receipts written on it.

“Ooh,” Luna cooed as she pulled out a shirt and read the tag. “Did somepony have to get his clothes from the little colt’s section?”

Thomas frowned at the Princess a moment, but then remembered what Talon had said earlier about her preferences and needing to meet them. “Yeah, um… do you like them?” His answer was for her to pull out a pair of shirts and shove the clothes into Thomas' arms.

“Try them on,” Luna commanded eagerly.

With a forced smile, Thomas took the bag from the Princess and went into the bathroom to change. It’s not like he wasn’t already half naked, but he figured if she wanted this, he might as well make a show about it. The first thing he put on was the vest and shorts Luna had picked out. Moonlight had recommended them for formal attire and they had the distinct aura of one’s Sunday best as Thomas looked at himself in the mirror. Seeing no point in dragging this out further, Thomas walked out of the bathroom for his royal inspection.

The Princess practically squealed with giddiness as she watched him come out. “Dearest Thomas, thou lookith simply adorable.” She then motioned for him to turn around, which he did while trying to hide his reluctance. “Splendid. Simply splendid. Thy garments are that of a colt, but thy frame is that of a developed stallion,” she gushed. “A simply wonderful combination where thy garbs hug thy body in all the right places.”

Thomas felt the blood rush to his face from the flattery poured over him by his Princess. It got especially embarrassing when Luna started elaborating on how coltish he looked with his short muzzle and lanky frame. The real kicker was when she brought up how his slight pudge made him look like a toddler. Deciding it would be in bad taste to ask Luna if this meant she wanted to cuddle colts, Thomas merely continued to smile and follow her directions as he took various poses. Though he did feel especially light headed when Luna asked him to face away from her and touch his toes. If asked, he’d swear he could feel the Princess penetrating him with her gaze, and that he didn’t mind that much. Thankfully there were only three more outfits in the little fashion show and they were far more plain than the first, granting both parties a chance to calm down.

Thomas emerged from the bathroom once more and set the bag of clothes back in front of his dresser before returning to Luna’s side. He sat quietly for a moment before the Princess wrapped her arm around his shoulder and nuzzled under his chin. “Thank you, my little human.”

That was enough for Thomas to once again find his voice. “Any time, Luna. Also, do you think we could get them tailored to close the hole in the back?”

Luna nodded. “Next time, we shall have to accompany… you to acquire garments much more fitting to your, erhm, stature.

It's funny. When I started writing this, I didn't expect to get so invested in it. I just thought it'd be nice to have a bit of light-hearted fun. Then all of a sudden the creative juices started flowing, I started thinking about the character dilemmas, and now there's a relatively serious conflict going on amidst the silly sex-based shenanigans. Oh well. I suppose as far as failures go, I could have done worse.

Next time, clop.