Horse People Go Naked
Chapter 128: Chapter 127: Moonlight and Honey Traverse the Untraversable
Previous Chapter Next Chapter“Does this count as cheatin’?” Honey asked for what seemed like the tenth time as she anxiously looked around at the surrounding ponies. It was impossible not to size them up for what was to come. “‘Cause it kinda feels like we cheated ta get here.”
“Stop being such a worry wart.” Moonlight almost waved a dismissive hand, but didn’t want to break her rhythm. She was in the middle of stretching, squatting down on one knee while the other leg stretched behind her. She held this for a count of ten before switching to the other leg. “We signed our names, the same as everypony. We’ve got no better chance than they do.”
“True, but Ah still wonder if we only got accepted ‘cause of you know who.” Honey had bent over to touch her hooves for a count of twenty, all the while her tail kept her modesty in check.
“I didn’t put that in the application. So if they found out, it was because they did their own digging and it wasn’t my fault.”
“Ah guess. Jus’ makin’ sure everythin’s fair ‘n’ square.”
“Fair, huh?” Moonlight smirked. It was a confident, slightly dismissive thing as she looked around at the competition. “Does that seem fair to you?”
The space was cordoned off with hanging sheets for walls while the night sky glittered overhead. Mares and stallions of varying ages were spread around the changing area, all in pairs. Some looked to be pretty young, perhaps in their mid-teens, but all had their cutie marks. Some pairs had significant age gaps, which Moonlight attributed to family members joining together. Whether they were siblings or parent and foal was difficult to say. That older stallion trying to straighten the protesting filly’s mane could easily be a doting father or a teasing older brother. All contestants also wore clothing: gym wear to be precise. Jockstraps for the males and sports bras for the females. The floppy parts had to be kept in check for the expected physical activities, after all.
In the middle of her arm stretches, Moonlight glanced down at her own bra covered chest. Her teats weren’t terribly big. She’d be lying if she said their bouncing never hurt when she got into a good run, although she’d hardly call it a distraction. Boot camp had put her through far more trying ordeals and it seemed silly how this precaution was considered mandatory.
Then Moonlight glanced over at Honey. That mare’s teats were something else. She’d seen the big mare run, and while she’d never seen it happen, it always seemed like those great orbs were in a constant state of imminent impact with her face. That would have definitely been a distraction. Moonlight rethought her stance about the clothes, that they were meant to even the playing field for the few mares with Honey’s ‘problem’. That would also explain why stallions had to tuck away their parts as well, to be equal. While Moonlight’s experience with having a dick like that was admittedly limited, she highly doubted that any stallion actually got distracted while running.
“Look at them,” she continued more quietly. “It’s like we’re an oasis in a desert of abs.” Moonlight sucked in a breath, flexing her abdominals and showing off their superb definition. “If any part of this is unfair, it’s that we’re some of the few who actually take care of our bodies.”
Although she seemed reluctant at first, Honey let her lips part in a slight smirk. Trying not to be too obvious about it, she flexed her own abs as well. Then she got a look at the others’ reactions and alternated between a few other parts to really drive home the point. Biceps, quads, and especially the glutes were tactically tightened to show off just what they were capable of. Other ponies turned, staring at the athletic pair with awed fear. It was clear, based on the looks in their eyes, that many were now reconsidering the competition all together. And Honey, though she felt a little guilty about potentially demoralizing them like this, she took a small bit of pride in having a body that could elicit such a reaction in others.
Then Honey’s kinder side said, “Yeah, but we’re jus’ here ta have fun, right?” She was facing Moonlight, but speaking loud enough so that the eavesdroppers could hear. “That’s what this is all about, right? Friends ‘n’ family comin’ together fer a good cause ‘n’ havin’ a good time doin’ it.”
Much of the pseudo room’s hesitation evaporated as ponies went back to more casual conversation. This made Honey even more proud for reminding all of the true spirit of the competition. “Well, Ah’m happy ya brought me along.”
“And I’m happy you’re here. This competition is only here for a few nights, and with our schedule the way it is, you were pretty much the only one who was free who’d actually enjoy something like this.”
Honey chuckled, continuing her stretching. “Yeah. Ah can see that. Silver ain’t much fer sweatin’, ol’ Blue could compete, but Ah’m not too sure she really enjoys this kind of exercise, ‘n’ Thomas…”
Moonlight nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think he’d have very much fun running around while a bunch of strangers watch. Plus I don’t think he’s even read the book.”
“‘N’ Surprise?”
“She already made plans she was really excited for.”
Honey scoffed. “So Ah was yer last choice, huh?”
Moonlight shot the taller mare a bemused smile. “You were actually my first. I’m just disappointed that I can’t try this out with the others.”
“Eh. Ah don’t think they allow repeat entries, anyway,” Honey offered. “Besides, we might be here ta have fun, but that ain’t no excuse not ta give it everythin’ we got!”
Moonlight rolled her eyes and replied, “As if there were any other option.”
Nodding her approval, Honey started running in place, putting her bra through its paces as it fought to contain her titanic teats in its tiny tethers.
“Aww. Isn’t that cute, dear sister? They think they have a chance just because they have a few muscles.” The words were nasally and somewhat self-righteous. Just the sound was enough to sour any mood.
“Yes. Most adorable, dear brother,” tittered the sister. Her voice could best be described as punchable. The way she laughed sounded like a beautiful songbird… being strangled to death while cursing out their assailant.
The concubines turned to face the obnoxiously pretentious voices, trying not to look too disgusted. They were unicorns, because of course they were. Stereotype or not, it was rare that a pony could be so full of themselves without a big ol’ horn coming out of their head, especially in this city. These unicorns were twins. They were the twiniest of twins with identical shades of beige fur topped off with identically short manes of white and pink. Likewise, both ponies had faces frozen in a perpetual state of scowling at some offensive odor. Both were stretching, but not really. Rather than pull on their muscles, it looked like the two were just going through the motions for the sake of appearances. Adding to their twinness was their androgynous features, making their genitals the most overt difference between them. Even their cutie marks were eerily similar, like dull metal ingots with only slight differences in coloration.
Suffice to say, they did not give off good first impressions.
But despite this, Honey had an obligation to be neighborly. “Howdy there, ya’ll. Enjoyin’ the night so far?”
“Oh indubitably,” the young stallion said.
Then the young mare added, “We shall be even better once we win, apple picker.”
Honey’s glare became dangerously narrowed, all while maintaining her friendly smile. The result was a rather dreadful expression that barely hid the fiery rage within. She had not like the way that mare had said ‘apple picker’. Not at all. Taking a proud and noble profession and reducing it to some sort of slur, and a rather weak one at that, was not something the apple picker from a long lineage of apple pickers took lightly.
“Typical commoners,” the stallion scoffed. “They think they can brute force their way through anything.”
“Indeed, dear brother. One might think they are blissfully ignorant of the trivia portion, where brains win over brawn.” That last part was said with a sneer.
“Ah’m gonna step on ‘em,” Honey said to Moonlight as a matter of fact. “Soon as this competition starts, Ah’m gonna stomp ‘em. There’s a slime path, right? Think Ah’ll enjoy rubbin’ their noses in that.”
Moonlight was about to say something to quell her friend’s temper, but the twins continued.
“Typical ruffian. I’d wager she’s never even read the book and just rushed in because some careless advertiser promised there would be slime.”
“I’ll take that bet,” the sister replied. “But let us not be too harsh. No doubt that unicorn brought her in to handle the physically arduous portions in the hopes that her public school,” she said in a contemptuous manner that would give even Blue Blood pause, “education might actually give her a chance.” And both twins started snicker snorting in that punchable way of theirs.
Moonlight blinked once, licked her lips, and then turned to bodily face Honey. “Try to make it look like an accident.”
***
“Good evening, mares and gentle stallions. And welcome to Echelon’s Retreat!” The announcer’s words were greeted by enthusiastic cheers from the stands. “This charity event was sponsored by Scribbler’s Digest, the publishing company behind your favorite book series, and mine: Red Ink’s Echelon!” He paused once more until the applause died down. “Because Scribbler’s Digest cares, the majority of proceeds from the night’s event will go to refurbishing small town schools, to ensure that every foal has a chance to learn the skills they need to one day become a terrific writer.
“As it says in your brochures, these trials will begin with our custom made obstacle courses.” From his place on the stadium, the stallion gestured to the elaborate series of props, pitfalls, and other assorted items commonly associated with high budget obstacle courses. “Those who come out on top will then get a chance to further prove their moxxy in the trivia round. The team that successfully triumphs over all of tonight’s trials will not only take home a cash prize of two thousand bits, but will also receive two signed, first edition copies of Echelon 5: The Rekindling.”
Another uproar followed. “And now let’s meet our contestants.” Two by two, the teams came out according to the numbers they’d been assigned as the announcer gave each of them a short summary. There was a mother and son looking to bond over their mutual love for the book, a young herd of only two mares looking to show off and possibly attract a stallion’s attention, and lots and lots of friends just wanting to have fun.
“And next we have contestant nine, Apple Honey, and contestant ten, Moonlight Shield,” the announcer continued. “Apple Honey works part time for Crescent Produce, ensuring that us city folk all get to enjoy deliciously fresh fruits and veggies. Moonlight Shield is a trained guard, specifically a night guard, stationed out of the castle.” An extra loud cheer followed, possibly out of patriotism, but most notably from the bat ponies in the stands. “So, you look like a couple of well-built mares. Feeling confident?”
A microphone levitated over to the pair, where it was promptly snatched up by Honey. “Ah’m more of a comic gal, mahself, but Ah’ve read Echelon one through four three times in jus’ this last year. Ah know the story back ta front, so ain’t no pony catchin’ me off guard.” That got a small laugh from the audience.
Moonlight took her turn. “I’ve loved Echelon for years. It’s exactly the sort of adventure every aspiring guard hopes to experience from back when we were just foals. Now’s my chance to finally live the adventure!” Short, but concise. The audience loved it.
Several more contestants passed before the snooty pair. “Next on our list is contestant eleven, Murky Silver, and contestant twelve, Murky Gold.” It wasn’t clear which twin was which. “This brother and sister pair are heirs to the Murky Mining Company. Why don’t you tell us what brought you out here?”
Murky – whichever one the male was – took the mic first. “Echelon is a delightful story, if a tad cliché at times.” His words were probably meant to be in good humor, but something about his tone was just downright insulting, to both the books and the fans.
“To be quite honest, brother and I were bored and thought a lovely way to pass the time would be with a bit of sporty competition. The prize money is but a pittance to us.”
“Although getting the books now will certainly save us a bit of time.”
“Right you are, dear brother.”
“Is this real?” Moonlight heard herself ask as she watched the twins snicker. “The way they talk… It’s like a caricature of snobby unicorn stereotypes. There’s no way that’s natural.”
“Would it actually be better if they was jus’ puttin’ on a show ‘n’ jus’ pretendin’ ta be asses?”
“I honestly don’t know.” Moonlight pinched the bridge of her nose, took an extended inhale, visualizing all of her frustration building up in her throat, and exhaled it all away. “Let’s just play the game.”
And play they did. Being set up in one of the larger parks, the obstacle course had plenty of room to spread out and give the contestants plenty of obstacles to face. The rules were mindful of the possibility that no pony might finish the course, so the judges would measure how far each contestant got and grant points, which would add up to the final teams moving on to the trivia rounds.
First on the list of self-humiliation for money and the entertainment of strangers were the balls. Contestants had to traverse a series of rubbery spherical platforms looming over a pool of slime of ‘nondescript’ origin. There was most likely nothing hazardous about the slime, but describing it as ‘nondescript’ added that extra bit of incentive not to fall in. Oh, and there were spinning wheels of padded arms that would slowly spin and knock out any players with poor environmental awareness. The whole thing was a far tamer version of Echelon’s training course from book one.
Following a brief demonstration of how everything worked, the first to take the field were the mother and son pair. The son ran ahead first, right into the spinning wheel and getting knocked into the slime. The mother was so distracted that she foolishly tried to pull him up, only to lose her grip and fall on top of him. They had failed, and terrifically so at that. It was unlikely that they’d progress to the next round. However, their refusal to stop laughing assured all that they were in good spirits. They’d had fun, and that’s what mattered.
When it came time for Moonlight and Honey to run, the pair shared a nod. Moonlight ran ahead first, careful not to rely on her momentum for an early lead. Other contestants had shown that such a strategy came at the cost of balance over a short gain in distance. Instead, she was careful, hopping from ball to ball, her focus ever shifting to the spinning arms that forced her to duck down, quickly stand back up, and then hop to the next ball. The key was timing, and she executed the first round masterfully, and cleanly.
Honey was more of a show off. She hopped between the first few balls the same as anypony else. But when the first wheel made its slow but threatening approach, the mare elected to jump straight up instead of ducking down. It worked, at first. Unfortunately, the second to last ball in line was less sturdy than its predecessors. She lost her hoofing and fell into the slime. *Splat* “Shoot!” She slapped the green ooze in frustration, and then licked her lips. “Kiwi?” She smacked her lips ponderously. “Gross.”
It seemed like the lineup of contestants was far from random. Based on their levels of performance, the first few were likely those that the judges figured never stood a chance, making them perfect as comedic openers. Moonlight and Honey, by their reasoning, were the start of those deemed to not be completely hopeless. Then again, this was purely conjecture, as plenty of seemingly fit ponies suffered terribly in the throws of the merciless slime that made one’s fur unbearably sticky.
“Ah hope there’s a shower when all this is done,” Honey said. She wiped off a large globule of the viscous substance and slapped it to the floor. It made a disgusting wet splat. When Honey saw one of the fallen male contestants walk by, she was filled with wrath for what she had only realized was a gross advantage given only to the males. This advantage was even grosser than the lingering taste of kiwi in her mouth, because the stallion’s jockstrap meant that his package was as clean as could be reasonably expected. Alas, the same could not be said for the earth mare, as the slime slimed its way into every nook and cranny it could reach, almost overwhelming her with the need to scratch and dig it out. But ponies were watching, so she’d have to wait. “Or at least a hose!”
When it was finally time for the twins, Moonlight looked at the crowd and guessed that she and Honey weren’t alone in hoping for this team’s total and complete demise. So, just like the rest of them, her jaw about hit the floor when she saw them move. Unlike literally everyone before who went one at a time so as not to fight over the limited space, these two leapt forward as one. They were in perfect synch, moving as though to a rhythm only they could hear. Jump, straighten, pose as if they expected pictures to be taken, and then jump again. When the arms of the wheel came whirling at them at speeds bordering on glacial, the twins locked hands and nearly dropped their bodies to either side of the ball. They’d have most certainly fallen if either of their grips gave out, but that didn’t happen. They held fast onto one another and then used that very leverage to pull themselves back up before making the next leap.
“D-did that jus’ happen?” Honey asked as she watched the pair touch down at the end of the course with barely a hair out of place.
“I… guess?” Moonlight wasn’t too certain, either. She was aware that Honey was using her as a wall to obscure her unsightly but absolutely necessary digging for slime from whence it had no business. And although she didn’t like it, she was careful not to move.
“They didn’t pull any secret magic, right?”
Moonlight shook her head. “Not possible. There are detectors all over the place. Something would have gone off.” She shook her head. “They must be using twin powers.”
“Is that cheatin’, or even real?”
“The idea that twins have some kind of mental link is still just theoretical, so probably not.”
“Oh well,” the green mare huffed as she ‘discretely’ cleaned herself out. “That jus’ makes it more of a challenge.”
Moonlight smiled back, appreciative of her friend’s spirit.
“At least one of you got out clean,” said a mare dripping with slime. She and her partner were white and blue based on the few dry patches of fur, although their manes looked distressingly beyond repair. Regardless, both were smiling giddily.
“Ah know you,” Honey said. “Yer that herd lookin’ ta catch some feller’s eye.”
“That’s not the only reason,” the white mare protested. “Sure, it’d be nice if it did, but we’re not actually expecting anything.”
“Speak for yourself,” countered the blue mare, giving the other a playful shove, which, based on the slipperiness of the slime, very nearly turned into an accidental slap. “Shoot! Sorry.”
“Eh, no big. I deserve it for letting you talk me into this.”
“Hey. Don’t talk like that in front of our new friends. They’ll think you’re all gloomy and won’t want to hang out later.”
“You want to hang out?” Moonlight asked.
“Well sure. This is actually our last night in the city before we have to catch the train, so we might as well live it up with a couple of cool mares like you.”
Honey turned to Moonlight and gave a half smile. “Well, they’ve got good taste.” Then she made a face after discovering a hidden deposit of slime in her mouth. “Which is more ‘n’ Ah can say. Yuck!” And she spat.
“Agreed.” With a smile and a roll of her eyes, the unicorn offered her hand to shake. “Moonlight Shield. And this is Apple Honey.”
“Blue Clover. And this is my herd mate, Fresh Air,” the blue mare introduced. “We’re tourists visiting from Baltimare.”
“You work in the castle, right?” Fresh asked, directing her question at Moonlight. “You ever see the Princesses?”
Moonlight knew this question was coming. She saw its approach from a mile away, which made it all the more disappointing how it still caught her by surprise. Her hand slapped over her muzzle to stifle her snorting snickers. Honey did much the same, only far more restrained.
“You could say that,” the orange mare said to the confused couple. “I see more of Princess Luna in one night than most ponies do in a lifetime.”
While Clover’s jaw hung in awe, Fresh had something to say. “That would probably be a lot more impressive if she’d been around for more than a year.”
Honey chuckled and bumped Moonlight’s shoulder, thoughtlessly spreading the sticky blight. “She’s got ya there.”
Fresh, after quizzically studying them for a second, pointed an accusing finger between the pair. “Hey. Are you two hiding something? You’re acting like there’s something you’re not saying.”
“Oh, a secret!” chirped Clover. “Is it a juicy one? Can you tell us?”
Moonlight thought it over a second, but decided there was no harm. “Would you believe were actually Princess Luna’s concubines?”
Fresh’s answer was to roll her eyes.
“Oh fine. Don’t tell us,” Clover pouted playfully.
“Be pretty cool if it was true, though,” commented Fresh. “That’d be the greatest job ever.”
“I would have to agree,” remarked Moonlight with a straight face, pretending not to notice Honey shaking with suppressed chortles.
Clover continued. “But you guys did pretty well in the first round. I’ll bet you take home the gold.”
“There isn’t any gold, Clover,” reminded Fresh.
“There’s first edition books. Maybe they’re also gold plated.”
“I hope not,” Moonlight said. “Gold plated books are just tacky. It would be like the author’s trying to flaunt their wealth instead of their writing skill.”
“Ah heard a rumor ‘bout the secret archives in the castle. They actually use really expensive lookin’ books with fake spells as decoys from the dangerous stuff.”
Moonlight chuckled. “If a thief manages to circumvent castle security all the way to the archives, only to fall for such a simple trick…” She laughed again. “They should be locked up, but not as punishment. With a combination of high skill and low wit, well, they need to be protected from hurting themselves more than anything.”
The four mares shared a laugh over that. They continued chatting away as the remaining contestants entered the waiting area. In short order a water hose was offered, but only for the hands and hooves. The slime was a mark of shame that needed to be worn until the end of the competition. Although Honey almost got into a fight in demanding her nether regions be cleaned.
Once everyone had had their turn and gotten rinsed off, the judges tallied up the scores and eliminated half of the contestants while the first course was packed up. The material was a magical construct that only remained sturdy for so long before it basically melted, making it very easy to clean. Likewise, it was easy to set up as the second course inflated before everyone’s eyes.
The second course also had spinning wheels, although these were not to be avoided. Three wheels with three platforms on their ends were arranged over the course. The goal was to stay on the platform of one wheel until you could jump to the next. Poles were irregularly arranged to sweep over the platforms as they passed, forcing contestants to keep an eye on their hooves. While at first this one seemed far simpler, the kicker was the addition of actors armed with slime hoses. These dastardly ponies had been worse than instructed to spray any hapless contestant to their heart’s desire; they were being paid to do it, and they looked exactly as happy as one would expect from such a profession. That is to say, they looked punchably happy. At least the first wheel was safe from being sprayed.
This time it was the young herd that got to go first. Poor them. Clover was tripped on the first wheel. Fresh had made it all the way to the third, keeping a low center of gravity to withstand slime shots. However, she didn’t see that one pole coming. She tried to climb over it, but it was too late. Her grip faltered, and she fell to her slimy doom. And with neither mare completing the course, their team was tragically eliminated.
When it was the concubines’ turn, Honey volunteered to go first. Much to everyone’s amazement, she had very little trouble this time around. She was so tall that she could easily step over the poles with next to no fuss. The slime hoses were precisely as icky as she’d feared, but the platform had some kind of anti-slime coating over it to help prevent slips. Honey took the full force of the hoses head on, posing like a super hero, and causing most ponies in the audience to think solid as a rock well before the announcer said anything. When the last wheel made its last rotation, the green mare in green slime casually stepped off and held up a fist in triumph. The audience cheered, and then she ran off to the resting area.
Moonlight guessed what her friend wanted, and hoped the staff would just let her have the hose and wouldn’t fight her for it. If they did, things would really get messy.
But back to her own turn, Moonlight hopped onto the first platform, mindful of her breathing. The principle of the course wasn’t too dissimilar from the last one. She just had to be mindful of her surroundings and jump when needed. She did that with the first tripping pole and leapt onto the next rotating platform. That was where the dastardly sprayers were allowed to do their thing. It was probably deliberate that it took so much work to get the hose ready, because the movements from the turret positions alerted her to incoming fire. Guard training helped her guess the trajectory of each shot and dodge accordingly. Fortunately, while the hoses were also very slow to turn, their numbers more than made up for it. Moonlight ducked, dodged, and had to carefully time her jumps so as not to be shot mid leap. There was a close call when some lucky ass grazed her scalp and completely drenched her mane. Icky sticky goo dripping down her back was a horrific distraction to endure, but endure she did until the end. Then she hurried over to the hose to aid Honey in its rightful seizure.
The next few contestants were largely hit and miss, just as before. It was clear which team members were the more athletic as most of the time, only a single member was able to make it through, and rarely unscathed. It wasn’t long before the ponies guarding the cleaning hose were outnumbered and overwhelmed, forcing them to retreat. The uprising of the sticky had succeeded and now Honey, having elected herself grand master of cleaning, began redistributing cleansing water amongst the proletariats. At least, that’s how the announcer described it. A unicorn who’d been watching the scene decided to project the debacle onto the course’s painted background. It was so entertaining that the next contestant in line was gently asked to wait while the audience watched everything play out.
When it came time for the twins, the audience and contestants were still optimistic for their downfall, but also intrigued if and how their twin powers might get them out of this jam. The rotating platforms were a lot smaller than the balls. Even a couple of shorties like them would have trouble moving freely. They seemed to agree, but in a manner that still showed off their brazenness. When the brother leapt onto the first available platform, the sister barely waited a second before jumping onto the second. It looked like the twins were being more careful this time as they let the wheel make two full spins. Clearly they were using the relative safety of the first wheel.
By the time of the third spin, the twins made their move. The wheels were so close that the platforms interlocked like the teeth of a gear. When the platforms were in precisely the right position, both leapt at once. The audience held their breath in the brief second it took for them to land, and a unanimous exhale was released when both hit their marks. This was followed by several shifting forward in their seats as they saw the goo hoses being readied. The first aimed at the sister and she easily ducked down. However, the sight of his sister being attacked by filth distracted the brother enough that he very nearly tripped over the tripping pole. He avoided falling, though with a notable lack of grace. Incensed by her brother’s embarrassing display, the sister also let herself become distracted when a second volley from the hose turret grazed her right arm. Offended unicorn noises sputtered out from her lips, very few of which were intelligible, but context suggested that most were swears.
The brother leapt to the third wheel next and motioned for his sister to follow. Alas, she missed her mark, too caught up with scraping her fur clean. Between her single minded persistence and the frustrating adhesiveness of the kiwi goo, she’d probably rub her arm bald before she got herself clean. However, it seemed like a far worse fate was in her future. Firstly, she didn’t notice the tripping pole. She tripped, but fell onto the platform instead of the ewey gooey ooze down below. Secondly, still targets were notoriously easy to hit, as the hose turret operators were all too happy to demonstrate. The sister, Murky – whichever – was blasted at full force with nasty green slime. She cried out and held up her hands in a futile endeavor to protect herself, deflecting goo in every direction, but it was all for not. Struggling after being slimed was a death sentence for good balance, even with the anti-stick coating on the platforms.
Then, just when it looked like she was doomed, her brother reappeared. He grabbed onto the least slimy part of her arm and, demonstrating a level of strength well beyond his apparent physique, yanked her back up and onto a neighboring platform. The twins weren’t given long to catch their breath before another volley was fired their way. They hurried along, indifferent to the absence of grace, and made it to the third platform. Both itched and scratched the whole way, but were far more mindful of their surroundings this time. This meant that they were aware of the snickering crowd. Their humiliation was on full display, the same as all other contestants. Gritting their teeth, they knuckled under and made the final leaps all the same.
No longer did they look like prize winning acrobats awaiting medals to be set upon their necks. Now they weren’t much different from the other contestants. Holding their heads high and mustering what little dignity they had left, the twins marched to the back where the hose of cleaning rested. Naturally, the unicorn that had been projecting the images from before had seen fit to restart the process. Mindful of this, the twins were the very picture of gracious nobility as they beseeched the grand master of cleaning for her precious gift. With the shit-eatingest of grins, Honey obliged, starting at full blast on their faces before moving down to the rest of them.
All but two were laughing their asses off at this before the winners were separated out to continue. However, before they could head back to the start, each contestant was given an arm band with their number on it. Mysteriously, the bands were random with their coloration and even patterns, though they were not unique. Each band had a duplicate, but belonging to ponies from different teams.
“We’ll be doing something a bit different for the next course,” informed the announcer as the stage finished being broken down behind him and the next was set up. “I think we’ve had enough of jumping for the time being, so this will be set on terra firma all the way through.” He grinned at the cries of gratitude from the remaining contestants. “I’m sure you all remember book three, when Echelon mad his daring escape from the Palace of Pain and through the city streets.” The ground of the course adopted a sandy appearance as blockish buildings sprouted up like daisies. “Instead of teams taking turns, this course will be a free-for-all! That’s right. Everyone plays together!”
The cheers of the audience were matched only by the hoots and hollers from the contestants. Walking on solid ground, and having your teammate by your side in a way that wasn’t a hindrance was like a dream come true. More so, having read the book and remembered the scene, the contestants already had a general idea of what would be expected of them before the announcer could say it. Feeling confident in their ability to meet this challenge, they were only mostly right in their predictions.
“Echelon needed to evade the city guard,” explained the announcer as ponies stepped out in period appropriate costumes. Bronze plates covered their chests while red loincloths were all that were afforded their genitals. The same shade of red capes fell half way down their backs, adorned with the spikey sigil of the Palace of Pain. Each was armed with a shield and club, both covered in patting. “But he didn’t do it alone. He was accompanied by the then nameless prisoner he’d met in his cell. Though he knew nothing about this stranger, Echelon took a chance and the both of them worked together to finally reach freedom. And in the spirit of trusting in strangers…” The announcer turned to the contestants with a cruel and sphincter clenching grin.
“I’d like to direct your attention to those fashionable new arm bands you’re sporting.” At the announcer’s cue, the projector unicorn gave the audience a close up. “These bands not only bear your number, but also signify your new partner!” There came an audible gasp. “That’s right folks. We’re mixing up the teams. Now how about you lovely fillies and colts see which stranger you’ll be taking to the finish line.”
It was with great trepidation that friends and families split up to seek out their new partners. Some were more satisfied with others.
“Well this isn’t so bad,” Fresh Air said while offering her hand. “At least on my end. Sorry you had to trade down.”
“Don’t worry,” Moonlight replied, accepting the shake. “You’ve done great so far. The two of us should be fine.”
“I wish I could say the same for my old partner.” An uneasy grin was turned towards Clover. She’d been reassigned to a stallion about a head shorter than herself, but still very handsome and well-built. However, based on the way they were giggling and whispering to one another… “Yeah, I don’t think she’s gonna make it,” Fresh observed, resigned to the inevitable. “Cute boys are her weakness.”
“Well at least they look cute together,” added Moonlight helpfully. “You’ll probably walk out of this with a date. As for me,” she smiled flatly at her fellow concubine. “We’ll be lucky if we don’t end up being hauled off in cuffs.”
Honey was currently engaged in a standoff with the male twin. Her arms were folded huffily as she bore down on him with her mightiest sneer. The lighting had been arranged perfectly so as to completely cast him in her shadow. Murky whichever, however, had his hands on his hips. He was posing as if to show off, as if he believed that his physique were somehow comparable to Honey’s Amazonian musculature and intended to intimidate her. Also, his nose was scrunched as if he’d detected some offensive smell. Though few would ever admit it, everyone watching was hoping that the short prat would mouth off enough to provoke the lean, mean, muscle machine mare. It would be terrible if that happened, but also funny.
“Watch yourself, peasant! I’d hate for you to get your stink upon me anymore than-” Doomed by his own words, the tiny unicorn was hefted up in Honey’s arms. In any other context, this would have been a friendly bear hug. Here, Honey was discretely trying to use the stallion’s body as a wash rag, pressing him against every dirty sticky spot along her person in order to share the wealth. Her grin was downright sadistic as she clamped a hand over his mouth to quiet his protests. The audience found this hilarious while Moonlight sighed her relief, thankful for her friend’s self-control.
“Now, now. Let’s play nice, everypony,” chided the announcer. “If you wish, you may return to your original pairings after this match is over. However, the purpose of this particular match is to test team work under less than ideal circumstances. That means that if you and your new partner fail to pass, then you are both disqualified!”
Hearing this, Honey ceased in her harassment of the stallion and set him back on his hooves. Fortunately, nothing untoward had arisen for either of them. They were too busy trying to make the other spontaneously combust with their eyes. The assault upon Honey was two-fold as the Murky sister glowered at her from beside her partner, a random stallion of average build that none of the others recognized.
“Truce,” Honey finally offered, hand extended.
Looking like he’d rather stick his hand in a wood chipper, Murky eventually accepted. His handshake was obscenely weak to the point of actually offending the earth mare. It was clear that he wasn’t even trying.
“Now I’ll bet most of you are looking at those buildings and thinking to yourselves, ‘Hmm. I could probably jump on those buildings to evade the guards.’ And you’d be right,” the announcer informed gleefully. “The guards aren’t allowed to climb over the buildings, not that they’d want to.” He let his words hang a second before elaborating. “You see, a variety of booby-traps have been set up throughout the city. Some buildings you can stand on without a care. Others, well…” He signaled a guard at a corner to bash the side of a building. It cracked like an egg and icky green goo oozed out like puss from an infected wound. “Let’s just say you ought to be careful.”
The contestants shuddered in revulsion.
After a few final well wishes from the announcer, the contestants got into position at the starting line. Ahead of them was the sandy cityscape of Pain. The buildings averaged at chest-high for unicorns with some looking more like overly decorated chairs than places of business or residence. The ‘guards’ were split with about a quarter forming a line in front of the city while the rest were interspersed throughout the city. On cue, all bashed their clubs to their shields in a display of dominance and intimidation, though the effect was lost with the sound of foamy pillows hitting equally soft surfaces. Additionally, there were ponies dressed as peasants pushing carts of rotten vegetables through the disproportionally wide streets of the city. They were designed as mobile but non-confrontational obstacles. Collectively, the actors on the field outnumbered the contestants about three-to-two, which meant that things would be far from easy.
“You’d better make it,” Honey stated firmly. “Ah’d hate ta embarrass ya by tellin’ the others ‘bout yer shameful loss.”
“Don’t worry,” assured Moonlight. “When I win the book, I might lend it to you some time.”
“On your marks,” began the announcer. “Get set.” He paused for far too long, both he and the audience utterly eating up the tension as the contestants fidgeted in anxious need to move. Would there be a false start? That would have been excellent. Alas, when it seemed like that wouldn’t happen, the announcer finally signaled, “Go!”
Everyone erupted from the line at once, charging headlong into the first squad of guards. The guards spread their ranks thin and picked out targets to block. One guard could only effectively block one pony each, but that’s where teamwork kicked in; such as it was. Some pairs tried a very basic double team on the nearest guard, tackling him or her and then running past. Most of the time, however, they’d just trip over themselves and fall, whereupon they would be mercilessly clubbed by the padded sticks. Moonlight decided to show off what a real guard was capable of by jumping sideways into the air and rolling under her obstacle’s hooves. Her opponent fell right on her face and Fresh cheered as she ran by the incapacitated guard. Honey approached her opponent with all the grace and poise of a runaway truck, barreling through and knocking the guard aside, all while dragging Murky by his wrist as if he were a sack of potatoes.
Now that they were entering the city, the remaining teams had to be careful. Between the guards and cart pushers patrolled the narrow streets, it would be obscenely difficult to get past either if they were blocking the way. Common sense dictated that leaping over the miniature buildings would be far easier. That’s what Echelon did, after all. But therein lay the issue of booby-traps. They weren’t all the same, either. The lead team was blasted back by a burst of magical force while another lost their hoofing upon a building that was entirely empty, but nowhere strong enough to support their weight. Thusly, unless it couldn’t be helped, the safest approach would be to navigate the maze of the city streets.
Honey’s and Moonlight’s teams reached the city at different times and entered at different points so as not to get in each other’s way. The latter had a hard time seeing over the buildings and was thus denied the advantage of seeing and assessing the path early. With no option but to guess, Moonlight led the way left, then left, then right, and into a dead end. She swore and doubled back, almost running into another team and having to awkwardly side-step one another. All of this was complimented by the ambience of contestants screaming and cursing, guards hooting, audiences either laughing or flinching in sympathy, and the various sounds of booby-traps going off.
Honey’s team wasn’t fairing much better. Experimentally she kicked at one of the buildings. It cracked like an egg and released a cloud of stink that smelled worse than asparagus farts. She and her hapless teammate ran more to escape the gas than to progress through the course. This took them to one of the carts. It was slowly moving away and would, in time, leave the next turn open for them to take. However, whereas Murky was ready to turn around and try another route, the impatient Honey tightened her grip and leapt onto the cart’s contents. The old cabbage stank to high heaven and squished repulsively under any amount of pressure. However, these were familiar sensations to the farmer, and a far cry preferable to the gas or slime. Murky merely whined like a useless prat as he was dragged along and through the cabbages, until finally Honey leapt clear over the cart puller. The cart puller whistled how impressed he was, which Honey acknowledged with a playful wink.
When Moonlight and Fresh came upon a guard, there wasn’t room for her to try rolling again; not without risking scraping her horn, which simply wasn’t an option. The armored mare was almost as big as Honey, meaning that squeezing past was unlikely. It would be one thing if she were allowed magic. If she had Honey, Surprise, or any other pony with a modicum of combat skills, this would be no problem. Alas, she was stuck as a civilian, which meant she was worse than alone. She was dragging along a burden.
“Hey, watch this!” announced Fresh. She’d picked up some errant bit of debris and chucked it at the guard. Wait, no. Not at the guard, but at the building to her left. The building cracked open and unleashed a burst of putrid gas right in the guard’s face. With their opponent now coughing and gagging, Fresh grabbed Moonlight’s wrist and led the charge. Breaths held and mouths covered, they muscled their way past the gassed guard and onwards into the maze.
“How did y-”
“Red marks.” Fresh pointed at a red symbol on a building they passed. “Booby-trapped buildings all have different markings. Red means gas. Purple is extra sticky goo. And,” as she spoke, a team on the far side of the maze screamed as they were rocketed backwards, “I think the blue project the magical force. Still not sure about the rest, though.”
Now that she knew what to look for, Moonlight blinked in awe as she reexamined the surrounding buildings. “How did you see that?”
“Hey, I might like Echelon, but I love me some Daring Do. She knows how to make puzzles fun.”
Unfortunately, Fresh hadn’t been all that quiet as in the first part of her explanation. Word quickly spread so that even those who couldn’t immediately crack the code at least knew of its existence. Though that did little good for the slow and careless who were still subject to the roaming guards and cart pullers. By the end of it all, only six of the remaining contestants actually made it to the finish line.
Old team members rushed to embrace one another, regardless of if they’d won the last round. Honey and Moonlight were no different. Neither were bothered by the grotesque smells or offensively squishing substances that coated their bodies. They were together again and that was all that mattered. The reunion between the twins was far colder as they, after having been dragged through the muck, maintained a respectful distance and exchanged curt nods. Fresh gave a forlorn sigh at seeing Clover wave in departure, though she did manage a grin at how her mate was hand-in-hand with the stallion.
“And let’s hear it for our final contestants,” began the announcer as he walked down the line, mic in one hand and the other wafting at his nose. Behind him, the course was quickly being replaced. “Goodness gracious me, did we put these guys through the ringer or what, folks?” The audience found that funnier than the contestants. “Well lucky for them, because this brings an end to the physical portion of the challenges. Lastly, but certainly not least, we have the trivia challenge!”
The stage area had morphed to a more traditional gameshow setting with gaudy colored floors, booths for the remaining teams, and a big score board up top. When the teams – old and new – were directed to their respective booths, their faces appeared up on the board, along with shiny gold numbers representing their scores. The twins held a solid lead on first place with Honey and Moonlight at an uncomfortably distant third. Second place, surprisingly enough, went to Fresh and the stallion – Side Step – that the Murky sister had been paired with.
“Alright then, folks,” the announcer continued, now stepping to the booth on the far side of the stage. “This last portion is very simple. Each team has a buzzer. When I ask a question, the first team to hit their buzzer gets a chance to answer. You answer correctly, you get ten points. You answer incorrectly or not at all after hitting the buzzer, and you lose twenty points. There are fifty questions. The team with the highest score at the end of the questionnaire wins the game. Not to mention,” he motioned and a cloth was lifted from a display case containing the coveted books, “these fabulous first editions!”
All regarded the books with a longing hunger. They looked very much like starving people eyeing the first piece of good food they’d seen in months. Even the twins looked to be on the brink of salivating. Then they all turned to one another, eyes alight with fire and competitive fervor. This was it. The last leg of the journey. Now was the time for the winner to be selected.
“And without further ado, let’s get this ball rolling,” informed the announcer as he held up a card to his face. “Question one.” He paused as all three teams moved their hands to hover over the buzzers. “Who was Echelon’s mother-”
*Bzz*
“Gracious song!” Fresh blurted.
The announcer tutted. “Ah, ah. Let me finish.” He pointed up to the scoreboard where twenty points were subtracted. “Who was Echelon’s mother… trying to impress during the dance of…” The announcer took his sweet time in watching all three teams sweat. All seemed to think they knew the answer, so it was all a matter of who could try first. “… blades.”
*Bzz*
“The Octoberist Cult!” declared Moonlight.
“That… is…”
“I swear he’s getting off on this,” Moonlight whispered, to which Honey nodded.
“Correct!” A bell rang and ten points were added to the board.
And on it went. The twins maintained their lead, but were quickly put on edge. It had become apparent that the twins’ self-professed superior knowledge was largely hot air as they answered the fewest questions correctly. Moonlight and Honey had surpassed Fresh's team in no time, though all three were soon neck-in-neck for the win. By the time of the final question, all six ponies were sweating bullets. Between that and lingering slime, it was a dreaded possibility that somepony might slip and fall while attempting to hit the buzzer.
“Now some might question the fairness of this final question,” the announcer explained. “However, it was insisted by Red Ink, himself. You see, this last question isn’t based on anything from the previous books, but is actually set there.” He pointed at the encased prizes as the audience gasped in shock. “To test your mettle as true Echelon fans, will you be able to figure out what’s coming before even seeing the first page?”
In answer, the remaining contestants became a lot less confident. Some even relaxed their buzzer pushing hands entirely. The twins looked up to confirm that they were still in the lead, if only by five points. Though they were whispering, their competition could hear their plan to simply do nothing. Answering questions from a never-read book was surely impossible, so as long as no pony answered correctly, the twins would come out on top. It was a lazy strategy to be sure, even cowardly, but it might just work. The others weren’t so comfortable in their position. If either of them answered correctly, they would take the win. However, an incorrect answer would drop them down to third place and a far less valuable prize.
“So here we are, folks. The very last question,” the announcer explained, drawing things out as much as equinely possible. “Our final question actually has nothing to do with Echelon, but his brother, Cube.” The announcer relished the confusion on everypony’s faces. Cube was a secondary character in the first book that had disappeared early in the story, only to reappear half way through the fourth book to join Echelon’s rebellion. Overall, the guy’s impact on the greater story barely qualified as a footnote. He could tell that they were all thinking this, making him all the more excited for having the truth in his very hands. “For the win, here is the final question.” He cleared his throat. “In book four, it was hinted that Cube was off on his own adventures during books two and three. In particular, he said that he’d joined a certain faction. Which faction was it?”
“Well spank me hard ‘n’ call me a Pear,” Honey swore. “How the hey am Ah supposed ta know that?”
“I’d actually forgotten who Cube was until just now,” confessed Fresh. “What could he have done that’s so important?”
“There’s something we’re missing,” said Side. “A good author knows how to set clues to properly foreshadow these things.”
Fresh nodded. “Ok. So let’s piece things out. What do we know about Cube?”
“He’s a quiet one,” answered Honey. “Never said much. We’re told he did stuff, but it was never actually shown.” She clucked her tongue. “Even Echelon wasn’t sure anythin’ really happened.”
“So it’s a secret,” inferred Moonlight. “Maybe he joined a faction that’s good keeping secrets?” Her brief moment of optimism fell as quickly as it began. “Which narrows it down to about twenty.” She hissed and impotently stomped her hoof in a low-key tantrum.
“Cube was an earth pony, so he probably didn’t go to any of the magic factions.”
“He could have been an assistant or an alchemist,” Moonlight argued. “Maybe they even used him as a spy.”
“He does have a knack for blendin’ in,” agreed Honey.
“But wouldn’t that be too obvious?” Side asked. “Red Ink wouldn’t go for the obvious trope of the quiet stallion learning to properly use his quiet for good. I think it’d be more likely if Cube learned something completely new and is now only pretending to be quiet.”
“That does sound like something Red would want to do,” allowed Fresh. “But what? We still don’t have any solid leads.”
“You hear that, dear brother? They haven’t a clue.”
“Yes indeed, dear sister,” he chuckled. “Though I suppose this would be a familiar state for riffraff such as them, wouldn’t you say?”
“Ah shut yer yaps!” Honey barked, her booming voice making the twins jump in fright. “Like ya’ll know any better.”
“Yeah! If you knew, you’d just say it and guarantee your win,” added Fresh. She then turned to the others and muttered, “Like they’d miss out on the chance to run their mouths and show off.”
“Show? Show…” Moonlight hummed as she looked out over the stage. “Show. Run their… That’s it!”
“What is?”
“The courses! They-” Moonlight lowered her volume so that only the four of them could hear. “What if the courses weren’t random? What if they were chosen because they were somehow relevant to this last question?”
“That’s also something Red would do,” agreed Side. “So we got three action packed running scenes; all three are basically escapes, but the first two are through the wilderness while the last is in the city.”
Honey snapped her fingers. “Ah got it! In all those scenes, Echelon kept stumblin’ across some random pedestrians. They all seemed ta be on the slow side ‘n’ didn’t understand what was happenin’.”
“Which made them into obstacles for Echelon’s pursuers,” added Moonlight. “Well except for the first time where Echelon actually helped the poor old guy out and he ‘accidentally’ showed off that secret escape tunnel.”
Honey nodded. “Right. What if that weren’t all a coincidence? What if they was all connected?”
“They were mares and stallions,” corrected Fresh, “so I doubt they were all Cube in disguise. Though I guess they could all be part of the same faction.”
“But which faction?” insisted Side. “Of all the factions in the kingdom, which one was already widespread enough to help Echelon so early in his journey, and have the motivation to do so?”
“Not the Octoberists or the Midnight Fang,” Moonlight began, listing off the least likely candidates now that they had some solid criteria to work with.
“Sorry folks, but this is getting a little long,” informed the announcer as he clicked a button. Panels folded out just below the score board to reveal a timer. It started at one minute, and quickly flipped to 59 seconds. “Let’s make this a little more interesting, shall we?”
“Ticking clock, ponies!” Side informed urgently. “Who would want to be helping Echelon so early?”
“Merchant Guild? No. Fighter’s Guild? No again,” Moonlight listed. “Dammit! Who are we missing?”
45 seconds.
“Cube is quiet, which, uh, means he’s a thinker?” Fresh proposed. “Cube sounds like a thinker kind of name, right?”
Side hissed and shook his head. “No. That just brings us back to everypony. Everypony keeps secrets, and any faction that doesn’t just ends up destroyed by the others. There’s got to be something more.”
“Thirty seconds, ponies,” teased the announcer.
“Ah’m gonna slug either that guy or the twins,” Honey stated matter-of-factly.
“Echelon’s trying to prevent the war that’s been foreshadowed from book one, the one that’s supposed to devastate the region. Everypony else is trying to win, so who would want to stop fighting entirely?”
No pony answered. Some were rubbing their heads or bent over their podiums in brain-racking thought. This was that nightmare of a test they’d all forgotten to study for, only worse because the likely passers of the test were a couple of stuck-up jerks.
“Ten seconds!”
“Ah screw it!” Honey slapped her hand down on the buzzer. The clock continued ticking down, but all attention had been foisted onto the earth mare. None of them knew. A sure thing or even a reasonable guess was beyond them. But since she’d be remiss not to even try, the only option remaining was what the humans would call a hail-Mary pass. Just try something and hope for the best. “Cube joined the, uh… Hunters of Harmony?”
It was all or nothing now. Even the twins had lost the last of their cockiness as all heads swiveled with an audible grind of bone and flesh to face the announcer.
“Well let’s see here,” he said, pretending to adjust nonexistent glasses. “With only five second left, I’d have to say… that your answer… is…”
Honey’s fist raised in righteous anger. “Ah swear ta Luna! Ah’ll shove that mic down yer throat ‘n’ break mah hoof off in yer-”
“Incorrect!” finished the announcer urgently, clearly fearing for his physical wellbeing. The timer finally ticked down to zero and a bell rang.
And just like that, the earth mare’s bubbling fury fizzled flat as she collapsed onto the podium. Her buzzer buzzed nonstop as the wood creaked beneath her weight. The remaining contestants, her fellow fighters for the cause of great justice, weren’t much better. Every part of their bodies drooped in solemn defeat. Moonlight was the only one able to stand without support as she patted Honey’s back.
“You did your best,” she whispered and kissed her fellow concubine on the cheek.
“B-but you’ve all done so well to come this far, I’ll tell you the correct answer,” the announcer offered, hoping to ward off the earth mare’s wrath should it reappear. “Cube actually joined the Equilibrium in the hope of mitigating the conflict between the kingdoms of Dusk and Dawn.”
“Well, obviously,” said the Murky brother, his words more nasally and stuck up than should be possible without magic. Honestly, it was a little impressive.
“Well of course,” agreed the Murky sister. “The signs were clearly there from the start. Brother and I simply wanted to give the plebeians a fair shot at-”
*Skree*
*Thud*
“Ow!” Rubbing her temple, the sister looked around until she found an errant mic on the floor. “Who threw this?” She looked to the other contestants, but the mics on their podiums were still present.
“Congratulations to our two winners,” informed the announcer, definitely wielding the exact same mic from before and not a spare. Walking across the stage to the glass case, he pushed a seemingly seamless panel that opened up the front of the case. He reached in to extract the books and further said through clenched teeth, “Now come and get your prizes you lucky – so very very lucky – winners.”
The Murky twins strode across the stage and waved as the audience actually cheered them on. Winners were winners, it seemed. And after a bit of coaxing from Moonlight, the other contestants also joined in. It was just good sportsmanship. The twins accepted their rewards as the cinematography unicorns displayed highlights from the competition.
“Thank you, thank you,” said the brother as he took his copy from the announcer. “Yes, we did win. But really, is that such a surprise?”
“Indeed, brother. After all, the truest indicator of success lies in destiny; that which is determined long before we are born. And as for you and I, we are-”
“Winners! Yes, such fine, humble winners you are,” cut in the announcer, rightly worried that these two might set somepony off; particularly somepony big, green, and mean. “But let’s not forget our other contestants, and especially not our finalists. You all came here for a good cause, or just to have fun. Either way, how about you all get out here for an encore.”
Seeing no harm in it, the finalists marched out to center stage while their fellow contestants came in from the back. They stood in a line across the entirety of the stage and, without prompting, all clasped hands and took a singular collective bow. The twins, alas, elected not to participate. When all was said and done, the twins were held back for a few more pictures, the finalists were given their runner up prizes of Red Ink’s autographs on stickers, and everypony began to disperse.
“Ah still don’t get those two,” Honey said, not caring who heard as she regarded the twins with incredulity. “Ah always thought the stories folks told about Canterlot unicorns was jus’ a bunch o’ hooey, but there they are. How does somethin’ like that even happen?”
“I’ve spent my share of time with that sort,” Moonlight explained. “Most of the time they’re just putting on a show. They’re embracing the stereotype just for funsies,” she added in annoyance. “Mostly they’ll break character the moment things get serious. You wouldn’t believe how many rookies in the guard tried mouthing off to their instructors about demanding servants be present or whatever. They thought it was reaaal funny, which it was, right up until it wasn’t.” She snickered at the memory of those fresh recruits being put in their place. “Though if I’m being honest, the pegasi were actually worse in terms of attitude.”
“In general, maaaybe,” Honey acquiesced. “But Ah still don’t get those two.”
“Alternatively, I guess it might be real. They definitely didn’t go to any of Celestia’s schools, I can tell you that much. That kind of attitude gets you an automatic paddling.” Moonlight smiled at Honey’s chortling. It always felt good to lift her friends’ spirits. “Maybe homeschooling or some private school that focuses more on appearances than actual schooling. Either way, They might have come out here because they were bored and wanted to show off their specialness or whatever.”
Honey snorted. “Whoopty-buckin’-do. They get some fancy-shmancy books they probably won’t even read. Bet their servants read to them.”
“That… is scary how much it makes sense,” admitted Moonlight. “That’s so pathetic I don’t even know if I should laugh.”
“Eh, whatever.” Honey clapped her hand on her smaller friend’s shoulder and pulled her in close. “Ah got a sexier prize than they’ll ever get right here, no matter how much o’ mommy’s money they spend.”
“Aww. That’s really sweet of you to say,” cooed Moonlight as she rested her cheek on her friend’s ribs. “I almost said something about my sexy prize being back at the castle, but nah. Even if they could afford you, it’d be just like them and their books. You’d be too much for them to handle without help.”
“Darn tootin’! Say, we should check in on Fresh ‘n’ Clover. See if that stallion o’ theirs is a keeper.”