It was almost a rule that Saturdays had to be lazy. Luna sat herself up, yawning as she gave a satisfying stretch. In so doing, she unintentionally knocked Silver from her perch between the alicorn’s breasts, yet the bat refused to so much as stir. Luna beat her wings lightly, just enough to lift her out of bed without disturbing the others as she made for the bathroom. Her entire body stank, her fur was matted in several places from yesterday’s fun, and even the feathers of her wings felt sticky.

Alas, being a light sleeper as well as an insomniac, Thomas was awakened. He too was surrounded by unpleasant odors, and a very clingy unicorn who he had to carefully extract himself from. Making his way to the bathroom as well, Thomas heard what vaguely sounded like an amateur practicing with a tuba and performed an about-face, the human decided that his bladder could wait. Instead he sought something to distract him on the balcony. He was naked, but the cool air of the twilight hour took care of his morning wood as he leaned over the railing. Although he never cared much for the cold, he did have an appreciation for cold weather. It had an almost indescribable smell that always put him at ease.

The sun still looked odd to Thomas, or at least it felt like it should, which in turn just made him feel even more odd just for thinking it. The sun was the same as it had always been: a ball of light and warmth, possibly of a magical nature, actual size indeterminate, and slave to the whims of a nudist horse god with tattoos on her ass. Come to think of it, maybe ‘odd’ was an understatement. Even so, as pretty as the sun was at this time, he found he really didn’t miss it all that much. He’d made an almost complete adjustment to the night life.

Hearing the bathroom door open, Thomas darted past the haggard looking alicorn and began pushing her out. She smiled at what they both knew was a futile effort; their difference in strength being painfully obvious.

“My. Some human has certainly been eating his vitamins,” she humored him as she walked forward, allowing her ass to be pushed. The way his fingers sank into her ample flesh tickled a bit and she giggled.

“Someone,” he corrected gruffly. “It’s called someone.” He knew she was just playing along, but it became annoying after she started slowing down.

“I had thought so, but thank you kindly for the reminder.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and slammed the door behind her.

“Somepony had to go,” she nickered.

Moonlight and Silver awoke soon after, blinking blearily as Honey and Surprise arrived. After the alicorn, her harem, and the attendants had run through their morning routines at a considerably lethargic pace. Even the way Luna had raised her moon seemed like it took more effort than usual. The attendants disrobed of their maid uniforms for the morning bathing, but Luna had forbidden them from redressing.

“There is no need,” the alicorn said contentedly as the mares scrubbed her. “Tonight your Princess desires to look upon you in your natural states.” That might have sounded a bit more profound if she hadn’t been staring intently at Surprise’s breasts the entire time.

Afterwards, Thomas and Silver were the only ones to wear anything at all as the group returned to the room’s living area.

“So what’re we gonna do tonight?” Surprise asked with a chirp.

“Who says we have to do anything?” Moonlight countered. “I’ve certainly developed an appreciation for a do-nothing-day.” She smiled at Thomas.

“Well Ah haven’t,” Honey stated plainly. “We already do a lot o’ nothin’. Ah wanna do some kinda somethin’ so Ah don’t sit on mah flank all the time ‘n’ get lazy.”

“Very well,” Silver replied evenly. “What did you have in mind?”

“Ah don’t know,” Honey admitted. “Jus’ so long as it’s somethin’. Ah need some kind o’ workout or Ah’ll be jittery all day.”

“There’s an idea,” Thomas suggested.

**********

There was nothing quite like watching a woman on a treadmill. This was one of those infallible truths that most people didn’t generally think about in their daily lives, yet still believed it instantly upon hearing it.

In Canterlot Castle’s gym, the magically powered treadmills were arranged in rows facing one another to encourage sociability, though most still focused on their running. Thomas ran on one side of the row while the other mares ran side-by-side on the other. Granted the experience was slightly hampered by the gym’s policy of lending sports bras and jock straps the same way bowling alleys lent shoes, but it was still a sight to behold.

The mares had arranged themselves in ascending order of size, though whether that was intentional was anyone’s guess. Silver was the smallest in pretty much every way and her top kept her silver chest puppies firmly in place. That isn’t to say her chest wouldn’t get stared at if she was on earth, but she was still first on the list. Next were Moonlight’s orange bosoms, which had noticeably more bounce to them. Given her military background, Thomas couldn’t help but make the comparison of a fresh recruit who mostly followed orders, but still tested their boundaries by occasionally stepping out of line the way her breasts tested the strength of the bra. Honey’s green mamma jammas had very nearly touched her chin more than once as she jogged along. Despite the bras seemingly being designed exactly the same and tweaked for the different sizes, Honey’s bra looked like it was straining not to break under the raw power of the working mare’s muscle. Next were Surprise’s tig ol’ bitties which… well… Her bra was on strike. It was fed up with working conditions around here and decided tonight would be the night that it simply wouldn’t work. That was the only logical conclusion Thomas could conceive as he watched her marshmallowy baby feeders flop all over the place with no rhyme or reason. More than once the human likened the display to a pair of elephant seals slamming their bodies together in a show of dominance, only way sexier. And lastly was the glory of the glorious boobies of the night. Despite being larger than Surprise’s in both overall size and proportion, Luna’s boobs behaved more like Honey’s in how they looked like they were enjoying their play time, but didn’t want to overstep.

The unicorn directly opposite Honey lost her balance and fell, narrowly catching herself on the treadmill’s handles. She accepted her disqualification gracefully and stepped off. Ever since the stallion opposite Luna had first slipped, everypony on Thomas’ side of the treadmills had engaged in an unofficial competition to see who could last the longest while staring at such beauty as Luna and her mares. Most had wiped out in the first ten minutes. This latest loss left Thomas with only one other competitor.

“Give up, human. There’s no way you can outlast me,” Blade Grace declared.

“Says you,” Thomas confidently shot back. “I see this on a daily basis!”

“Nightly,” Grace corrected.

“Down to our last two contestants, our finalists daringly square off,” Surprise narrated. “Blade Grace, the proud night guard, is clearly relying on her tribe’s natural endurance and reputation as warriors to beat her opponent. However, despite his relatively weaker build, Thomas correctly points out that this is more a test of concentration rather than endurance. Who will be the victor?”

“Just remember to not stare directly at them. You might go blind,” Thomas warned.

“What’s this?” Surprise asked. “Is Thomas so sure of his own victory that he’s actually giving his opponent advice?”

“Trying to psych me out, huh?” Grace panted. “Well it’s not gonna work.”

“Your funeral,” Thomas bemoaned. “But I’m telling you, when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares right back.” It was hard to keep a straight face.

“Poetic,” Silver mused.

“And more true than you care to imagine,” Luna added seriously.

Confused by what they all were talking about, Grace couldn’t help but do exactly what she was told not to. She stared directly into Surprise’s chest. Her mind instantly focused on the swinging breasts, at first appreciating their generous bounce like any healthy red-blooded Equestrian would. However, as time passed, something began to niggle at her mind, something that said there was a wrongness to what she was seeing. Desperately her evolved, civilized, and ordered brain attempted to impose logic where none seemed to exist. The mounds of flesh moved as if of their own accord, sometimes seemingly going places that should not have been equinely possible, all in complete disregard of the bra’s supposedly ample support. Her face contorted as she felt a pressure behind her eyes, like a migraine was coming on. Grace was starting to feel lightheaded as her breaths became more labored. It was a fascinating sight, like watching a wreck, but also vaguely offensive in how impossible it was and… Hello ground.

“Gah!”

“And there she goes!” Surprise announced as Grace was flung backwards by the treadmill. “We have a winnah, folks!” She motioned to Thomas, still jogging.

“A-boo-ya!” Thomas crowed.

“Zons!”

“Yippee!”

“I had a feeling you could.”

“Ya’ll can never accuse me of bein’ foalish again,” Honey deadpanned as she craned her head to speak over Moonlight. “This was jus’ plain silly.”

“I’m afraid you are right,” Silver bemoaned while working her hardest to keep a straight face. “Such are the hazards of this job.”

“So what do I win?” Thomas asked.

“Had it been one of the others, I might have thought an entire night spent with the Night Princess would prove sufficient,” Silver suggested.

Luna hummed thoughtfully. “Niece Cadence spoke of how she occasionally auctions off dates with herself for charity purposes. It sounded intriguing.”

“Aren’t we kinda doing that anyway?” Thomas pointed out as they all began to wind down on their runs.

“Also it’s kinda not fair,” Honey added. “Like the little guy said, he sees this,” she gestured down at her bare body, “all the time. Like ‘n art critic who gets bored of seein’ masterpieces,” she added with a proud, self-indulgent smirk. “Everypony else was fightin’ an uphill battle.”

“Honey speaks true,” Luna noted. “‘Tis not a fair competition unless all participants begin on equal hoofing.”

“Oooooh!” Surprise squealed as she and the others stepped off their machines. “A Booby Hypnosis challenge! Concubines only. We’ll take turns to see who can last the longest.”

“A little too complicated,” Silver dismissed tiredly. “For now we should just think up some arbitrary reward to satisfy this petty competition.”

“And the nomination for biggest buzzkill in the land goes too… Silver,” Thomas announced as he handed her the imaginary nomination, only for Surprise to swipe it.

“Wow, Silver!” she awed as she held the invisible parchment in front of her. “I didn’t even know they gave out rewards for this.” She handed it back to the bat, who took it uncertainly. “Hope you win.”

I really hope you’re just fucking with us, Thomas thought.

The other mares just smiled good-naturedly at the pegasi’s antics.

As Thomas considered a suitable reward, Surprise led the group to the kitchens for a surprise cooking lesson. None commented on Surprise’s presumptuous attitude regarding her and Honey joining in Luna’s special lessons before being officially inducted. There was also no complaint when Honey took over as lead chef and began barking out orders. Lunch time was just around the corner and after such a workout, the group’s grumbling stomachs were all the motivation they needed to work their hardest.

“Say, Luna?” Honey asked.

“Yes?” The Princess of the night was currently beating the eggs into the mixture, but she appreciated Honey’s informality. It was a good sign of the earth mare growing more comfortable with the diarch.

“Just out o’ curiosity, but why haven’t ya, ya know, had ta take any breaks?”

Luna tilted her head curiously. “Breaks?”

“Ya know,” she jerked her head in the direction of Thomas and Moonlight and made a crude gesture with her hands, “breaks.”

“Oh!” Luna’s look of understanding quickly fell back to confusion as she considered. “I suppose that is a reasonable question,” she admitted.

“What’s that like, anyway?” Surprise asked as she prepared the fruit. “I mean, I know what it’s like ta get that special itch, ‘specially during mah heat. Is it like that fer you all the time or somethin’?”

“A most fair comparison,” Luna agreed. “It is much like a regular mare’s heat, but year round.”

“That can’t be easy,” Honey said sympathetically, clenching her thighs together from the phantom sensation. “Guy’s don’t really get it, but when a mare starts feelin’ that itch down there, there’s jus’ nothin’ else ta be done but scratch.”

“But that still leaves the question unanswered,” Silver noted. “I am also curious why you have not solicited us to satisfy your urges yet?”

Luna hummed as she thought. “‘Tis truly a quandary, but an alicorn’s libido is a dreadfully unpredictable thing. Sometimes ‘tis a night where I must summon the whole of my harem every hour on the hour.” She smiled at the way the others blanched at her words. “Other times, like tonight, my mind is clear and my body is free of compulsion.”

“It can’t be entirely random,” Thomas interjected. “Like, if you’re connected to the moon, then maybe your moods change with the phases or something.”

“Were it so simple.” Luna rolled her eyes in amusement. “That was the very first thing I had considered so many centuries ago. I even asked ‘Tia to monitor my moods, but alas there was no connection. We tried something similar with ‘Tia and solar activity, but that proved equally fruitless.”

“Unfortunate.” Silver sighed. “Though I suppose that accounts for why our schedules are so loose. There is no way to plan, so we must simply have as many of us as possible on standby at all times.”

“‘Tis as you say,” Luna agreed with a dash of sorrow. “Although, ‘tis often the case that a night of ease, such as this one, will either directly follow or precede a night of intense craving,” she finished with a slight chuckle and licked her lips.

“Yesterday was normal,” Moonlight said in dread.

“So tomorrow…” Silver continued.

“We probably won’t be walking much,” Thomas finished.

The remainder of cooking time was passed with much lighter conversation as Luna and her harem finished baking their pies. They then proceeded to destroy the pies in a fit of grotesque savagery that would make a starving wolf blush.

**********

“Now calm down, puddin’,” Thomas said in fright. “And then she picks up a stuffed swordfish from off the wall,” he described as he acted, “and pointed the sharp end out like a weapon.”

As the man backed away, he spied the mares watching from the bed. They were huddled close to one another, many of their mouths hanging open in awe as they hung on his every word. In his humble opinion, moments like these, when he held his friends’ attention so utterly captive, were almost better than sex.

“And then the Joker…” Thomas turned around, bracing his shoulders back to look as intimidating as possible as he scowled at the subject of his character’s ire. “He’s stalking forward and says: ‘You’ve forgotten what I toldyou a long time ago; one of the painful truths of comedy.’” Thomas adjusted his voice for his best impression of Mark Hamill. “‘You always take shots from folks’-, and he snatches the fish from her while she’s backed against the window,” he explained as he made a yanking gesture. “-‘who just don’t get the joke!’ And he slams the tail end into Harley, knocking her right through the window.”

The mares gasped in abject horror as Thomas mimed falling to ‘her’ death.

“And then he’s leaning out the window, staring in absolute contempt as he watches her make the long fall, only to hit the ground with a thud. Cur-chow! And he doesn’t even blink when he says: ‘And don’t call me puddin’. And he skulks away, dropping the swordfish.”

“Contemptable cur!” Silver shouted.

“And what about Harley?” Moonlight demanded urgently.

Thomas held up a finger, silently asking for her patience as he continued. “Meanwhile, atop a very conveniently place pile of trash in the alley, Harley lays broken, but still conscious.” Thomas briefly smiled as he noted the way he saw many pupils widened and many heads leaned forward. “She cries to herself: ‘My fault. I didn’t get the joke.’”

“Bwaaaahuhuhu!” Surprise wept as twin fountains of tears erupted from her eyes. “Why is he so mehehehehean?”

“Th-this gets better, right?” Honey demanded. “‘Cause if Batman don’t escape ‘n’ finally give this bucker what he deserves, Ah don’t wanna know.” She folded her arms and pouted like a petulant child.

“That is what happens, yes?” Luna asked shakily. “The day is saved and Harley finally leaves that… that monster?”

Thomas could only smile as he continued his episode recap. Each reaction from the mares as he recounted Batman’s escape, the fight, the taunting, and Joker’s seeming demise made his heart swell. It was the satisfaction of a job well done. Still, he hurried along to the parts his audience wanted most.

“Back in Arkham, Harley is being pushed along in a wheelchair and returned to her cell. The doctors help her into bed as she narrates to herself. ‘Never again. No more obsession. No more craziness. No more Joker.’ And the doctors seal the room as they leave.” The mares looked ready to cheer, but stopped as he continued. “And she just lays there with a look of solemn resolve on her face as she leans back into her bed. ‘I finally see that slime for what he is; a murderous, manipulative, irredeemable…’ But before she can go on, she turns her head to the side and spies a vase containing a single flower and a note tied to it.”

“No,” Silver gasped in horror.

“You better not,” Honey growled.

“And upon the note reads a short message.” Thomas paused, taking sadistic glee out of building the suspense. “Feel better soon… J.” There was an audible sucking sound of five mares inhaling deeply, only to hold their breaths. “And she just smiles as she rests her head against the pillow. ‘Angel.’”

All the mares swore and shouted their frustration, but all were drowned out by Luna’s, “NOOOOOO!”

Just then the doors burst open as the door guards charged into the room, brandishing their weapons. “What happened?” the lead stallion demanded as he surveyed the situation, hesitating when he saw the state of his Princess and most of her concubines in a naked pile.

“Him!” hissed Surprise, eyes red and puffy from crying as she pointed at Thomas.

“Me?”

“He tells terrible endings to stories. Take him away!”

“Belay that,” Luna quickly cut in, though she still fumed in anger. “I simply,” she breathed deeply, “had an emotional reaction to my concubine’s story.” She took another calming breath to collect herself. “Return to your posts.”

Thomas was overcome with a mix of emotions. On the one hand, he was brimming with pride at earning such a profound reaction from his audience; such was the wish of any performer. On the other hand, he was actually a little afraid of what might come of this, whether he be taken away or be left alone with his irate audience.

The guards hesitated, looking from the angered Luna, to a frightened Thomas, to anywhere else in the room that might have better explained what had happened. When nothing was found, the lead stallion nodded to the others and they filed out, slowly. He gave one last peak inside, returning Luna’s affirming nod before closing the doors behind him.

“Holy crap,” Thomas sighed in relief as he fell to his rear. “That was-”

“What you get,” Honey finished venomously. “After what you did to poor Harley-”

“I didn’t do crap!” Thomas countered. “I’m just telling you how the episode went.”

“Well it went wrong,” the apple mare growled.

“Now hold on,” Silver interjected as she straightened up. “I think this ending was for the best.” This earned her lethal glares from the other mares, minus Moonlight who looked curious.

“How so?”

“Well, it just seems to fit the character,” Silver explained. “The Joker has always been a self-serving, demented, lunatic. He’s funny, but also rather frightening. Thinking back to their prior interactions, it actually makes perfect sense that he views her only as a pawn and not a companion.” That seemed to get the mares to calm down somewhat.

“I see,” Moonlight said as she made her ‘I’m-inspired’ face. “So I suppose it’s actually our fault for equanizing a monster.”

“I-if it helps,” Thomas spoke up cautiously. “This is only one interpretation of the character.”

“How so?” Luna asked.

“Like with comics. The same character is interpreted different based on whoever’s writing them. Harley might have first appeared in the show, but she’s made all kinds of appearances in the comics and other shows, doing all kinds of stuff.” Thomas’ relief grew as his explanations led the mares to slowly calm, though Surprise was still taking it pretty hard. “Like in another show, she sought him out while she was still a psychiatrist. So the Joker sicks his hyenas on her, but she just yells at them, proving she’s the alpha dog until they back off. Then the Joker agrees to let her follow him on his crime spree so she can write about it, but only if she participates. She does,” he shrugged, “and one thing leads to another until she falls for him.”

“I still don’t like it,” Surprise sniffled, wiping her face clean as Luna held her comfortingly. “No pony should be together if it doesn’t make them happy.”

“Sorry, but the world just doesn’t work like that,” Thomas apologized as humbly as he could. “Dysfunctional relationships are a thing and, as bad as it might sound, they can be pretty engaging to watch.” That explanation sounded weak even to him, and it was getting harder and harder to see how much pain Surprise was in. “Wanna hear the one where Harley beats the absolute shit out of him?”

Surprise perked up and blew into the handkerchief Moonlight gave her. “Yeah. I don’t care if it’s bad to hit guys. That sounds nice,” she said softly.

**********

“No way. It can’t be done,” Moonlight declared flatly.

“I’m telling you that’s what happened,” Surprise insisted.

“That’s how we learned,” Honey offered.

“I fear I must concur with Moonlight. Such a thing does not seem possible,” Luna added.

Thomas just buried his face in his hands and laughed. “Oh god.”

“Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it.”

“Surprise. You are my friend and I love you, but don’t make a fool of yourself,” Silver implored.

“But I’m telling you that’s what happened. I was renting the room for seven days at thirteen bits a day. Seven times thirteen is twenty eight, so that’s what I paid her,” Surprise insisted again. “How much ya wanna bet I can prove it?”

Silver crossed her arms under her chest and frowned up at the taller mare. “Fair enough. If this is how you care to proceed, then twenty eight bits seems an apt wager.”

“Alright then,” the pegasus cheered. “Anypony got something to write with?”

Luna conjured up a marker and a board in the middle of the room. “Your certainty is palpable, Surprise. I confess eagerness to see how you will achieve this feat.”

You’ll be soooooryyyyy!

“Who said that?” Thomas sat up and swiveled his head around, searching for the source of the voice.

“Who said what?” Moonlight asked.

“You didn’t hear that?”

“Hear what?’

“You feelin’ alright, sugar?” Honey set her hand over Thomas’ forehead to check for fever.

Seeing all the mares staring at him like he’d gone mad, Thomas threw up his hands in frustration. “Oh forget it.”

“Alright then. Let’s get started,” Surprise declared as she and Silver moved up to either side of the board. “Now first I put down the seven.”

“Right,” Silver agreed as Surprise drew a rather large seven.

“Now I’m gonna divide the seven into twenty eight.” Surprise drew a slash by the seven, followed by a rather diminutive twenty eight. “Isn’t that cute?”

“Okay.”

“Now here we go. Seven into two?” Surprise asked as Silver shook her head. “Seven will not go into two.”

“It will not.”

“That’s a very big seven to push into that lil’ bit o’ two.”

I don’t know whether to hope this is all a coincidence or… what? Thomas bemoaned as he struggled to keep his laughter in check.

“And so it is,” Silver agreed with a smug grin, equal parts certain that Surprise was about to make a mistake, but also curious to see where this was going.

“We ain’t gonna hurt that little two, are we?’

“Of course you will not.”

“So we take the two,” Surprise grabbed hold of where the two was. “Now open your hand.” Silver did as instructed. “And I’ll put that two there for safekeeping. Don’t drop it and don’t lose it.”

Silver blinked, taken aback as she looked into the fist Surprise had closed.

“Now seven into eight?”

“Once.”

“Once,” Surprise agreed. “So I put the one over here.” She drew a one beside the twenty eight. “Now we carry the seven, because it’s very big and it’s gettin’ very heavy on my shoulders, and I’m gonna drop the seven under there.” She drew a seven beneath the twenty eight and added a line under that. “Seven from eight?”

“Is one.”

“Is one. I put the one down there.” Surprise drew the one beneath the line. “Now comes… would you open up the palm of your hand? I’d like to use that two. Now open it up,” Surprise bubbled as the uncertain Silver opened her hand and she extracted the two. “Give me that two, you had it all along,” she said with a rather whimsical laugh and slapped the two on the board before drawing it in front of the one below the seven. “Seven into twenty one?”

“Three times,” Silver said with a scowl.

“That’s right.” Surprise drew a three beside the one that sat beside the twenty eight and across from the seven. “Seven to the twenty eight,” she explained as she tapped the marker to each number, “thirteen.”

Staring up at Surprise’s ‘math’, Silver had to scratch her head in speechless disbelief.

“Makes sense ta me,” Honey chirped.

“I… don’t… know,” Moonlight strained to say.

“What hath become of Equestria’s education,” Luna bemoaned.

The mares’ reactions were proving too much for the human as he had to bury his face in the sheets.

“Alright. Pay up,” Surprise chirped and offered out her hand.

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute,” Silver urged as she grabbed Surprise by the arm. “You have to prove this even better than that. You can prove this very easily by multiplication,” she chided the much larger mare.

“Ya mean ya want me to mulsify it?”

“No. Not mulsify, mulTIply,” Silver stressed, releasing a bit of spittle.

Surprise wiped her hand over her snout. “Mulsify?”

“Mul-TI-ply!”

“Alright. Alright. Alright,” Surprise agreed. “Muslify.”

“Seven times thirteen is twenty eight!”

“Aright.” Leaving the first equation intact, Surprise moved over to the middle of the board. “Now first we gotta put down the thirteen,” she explained as she drew the number.

“Times seven!” Silver bellowed.

“Right.” She drew the seven beneath the thirteen. “Seven days times thirteen, right? Seven times three?

“Twenty one.”

“Twenty one.” She drew the twenty one below the seven. “Seven times one?”

“Seven.”

Surprise drew a seven below the twenty one and then a line under that. “Seven and one?”

“Eight.” She drew an eight below the seven. “And two to carry.” And she added a two beside the eight, leaving a very fine looking twenty eight.

The mares looked like they were in varying states of pain as they tried to wrap their heads around what they’d just seen. Luna had even conjured her own pencil and paper to try and work the math herself.

“Now wait a minute. Wait a minute,” Silver said again. “I am still not convinced. There’s one sure way of proving this. One sure way, and that is by addition.”

“You want me addition it up?”

“I want you to put thirteen seven times on that wall, put a line under it, and add them up,” Silver ordered, sounding like she was on her last nerve.

“You want me to put thirteen down seven times?”

“That’s right.”

Surprise chuckled under her breath. “It’s gonna come out right.” And she moved over to the last part of the board. “There’s one,” she listed off. “Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Now we’re gonna add ‘em up, right?”

“Alright. Go ahead.”

“Alright.” Surprise tapped the marker up each of the threes and listed off. “Three. Six. Nine.”

“Wait a minute,” Silver said as she grabbed Surprise’s shoulder mid count. “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me do the adding this time,” she declared smugly, certain she would not be bamboozled this time.

“Heh, it’ll come out right,” Surprise stated as she resumed counting. “Three. Six. Nine.”

“Just a minute.” Silver tapped on Surprise’s shoulder again. “I will do the adding, then there will be no mistake,” she declared with a laugh.

“Yeah?” Surprise asked and handed over the marker.

“Twenty eight bits,” Silver laughed.

“Go ahead. You add it up,” Surprise said as she gave the bat an encouraging slap on the back.

“Three. Six. Nine. Twelve. Fifteen. Eighteen. Twenty one!”

Surprise then pulled Silver back to pick up where she left off by counting the ones. “Twenty two. Twenty three. Twenty four. Twenty five. Twenty six. Twenty seven. Twenty eight!” And she finished by writing out the number before Silver could counter.

Stunned, Silver quietly mumbled the numbers to herself as she held out her fingers to try and count. Honey had joined Thomas in laughter at the expense of the others while they agonized over the ‘math’ on display.

**********

Luna had asked Surprise and Honey to excuse themselves for a bit so that everypony could ‘relieve some stress’, which was such obvious innuendo that most of them wondered why Luna even bothered, and the applicants made themselves scarce for a short time. The pair did, in fact, find things much calmer upon their return; so much in fact that all began to wonder what else there was to do to pass the time.

“Luna,” Silver inquired. “How would you rank yourself in audio-based illusion magic?”

Luna raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Fairly adept. What did you have in mind?”

Silver’s smile grew. “Could you, perhaps, play us some music, the sort we might all sing to?”

Luna shifted her weight as she sat on the bed and gave the smaller mare a wry grin. “Am I correct in assuming that you mean to propose a night of karaoke?”

She nodded.

“Who-hoo!” cheered Surprise, throwing up her hands in celebration. “Karaoke! I love karaoke! It sounds so fun!”

“What’s kara-o-ke?” asked Moonlight, carefully sounding out the word. “Sounds foreign.”

“It’s this delightful pastime recently brought over from Neighpan,” beamed Silver, quietly noting the way Honey shook with giddy anticipation. “It’s quite popular in Prance, although it has yet to catch on in other provinces. The idea is…” she trailed off, hesitating. “How do I explain this? It’s like a singing competition, but without winners.” She frowned at the confusion her words caused.

“Karaoke isn’t about sounding good,” Thomas chipped in. “It’s about sounding bad together.”

Silver laughed softly. “I would have preferred a more elegant explanation, but I suppose that fits.”

“So we just sing whatever we want, cutting loose in a soundproof room with no fear of judgment?” asked Surprise.

“Indeed,” said Silver.

“Basically yeah,” Thomas added with a nod.

“Music mare!” proclaimed Surprise as she spun around, arm and finger outstretched as she booped Luna right in the snoot. “Let’s music this place up!”

Giggling at the pegasi’s antics, Luna clapped her hands, dimming the lights, and set the stage. A digital looking screen manifested in the middle of the room. It glowed with bright pink light as multi-colored text appeared, listing a large variety of songs.

“The spell will play the music automatically,” Luna explained. “And you may watch the screen if you are unfamiliar with the lyrics.”

Thomas had seen enough karaoke in anime to figure that, minus the microphones, Luna had set up all the essentials they needed. He stepped forward, finding the screen to be a touch screen, and scrolled through the list of songs. He recognized many from MLP’s soundtrack, spotted a few human songs that only he would know, and rolled his eyes at just how painful some of the horse puns on display were.

“Rock paper scissors ta see who goes first?” suggested Honey. An excited whinny escaped her mouth, which she tried in vain to hide.

Honey and Moonlight won the first round, granting them the distinct pleasure of butchering ‘Winter Wrap Up’. Honey kept stumbling over the larger words and Moonlight’s attempts at hitting the high notes sounded like someone was slaughtering a pig. While initially nervous, a gentle word from Thomas reminded them that sounding bad was the point, and the pair began to cut loose in the second half, singing their lungs out and grinning from ear to ear.

Next on the chopping block was Luna and Surprise, doing a ponified version of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’. The melody was subdued and the lyrics were just as out there as the human version. Both mares swayed their bodies to the easy-going beat, pausing every now and then at some reference Thomas didn’t understand but assumed was dirty.

Then Thomas and Silver got their turn with Mulan’s ‘A Girl worth Fighting For’. Silver’s talent allowed her to easily pick up on the lyrics, but the reversal of sex roles on display still gave her pause in places. Thomas did his best to mimic the voices of the original singers, earning many chuckles from his audience and partner. Much to Silver’s chagrin, her efforts to ignore the comedic overtones and play the song straight only served to make it funnier.

They gave up on any sense of order after that. Instead they rigged the screen to pick songs at random and the singers would jump at whatever sounded fun. Singles, duets, trios, and more, the gang sang them all, laughing at how terribly they sounded and cheering whenever someone other than Silver managed to sing on key. Silver earned her cheers after giving in to peer pressure and being as silly as the rest of them, heightening her pitch to sound like her lungs were full of helium.

With dinner fast approaching, they knew they had time for only one more song. But when the shuffler had made its final selection, the normally timid Thomas immediately assumed control, donning a serious expression.

“Alright. Everybody line up. We’re doing this right,” he ordered, surprising the chipper mares with his sudden onset of seriousness. “Okay. For this, I’m gonna need everybody to sing like you’re doing an impression of a guy. We can’t afford to desecrate this song with anything short of absolute manliness.”

“Like this?” Silver asked, making the others flinch with her striking imitation of Flutter-Guy.

“Uh… sure. That works,” admitted Thomas as he got everyone into position before turning to Luna. “You got this from my head, right?”

She nodded.

“Any chance you can bring the visuals, too?”

Luna grinned and nodded at the screen. It flashed to life as the title appeared, blasting those assembled with pure, concentrated 80s mega hype. Bodies tingled and shook as the music began to take its hold in what the mares recognized as harmony magic in song form; tonal magic, the same ethereal force that allowed impromptu musicals to go off with perfect coordination, no matter the size of the assembled group.

The screen rolled down to depict New York City, the Statue of Liberty in the forefront as fireworks went off all around it. Balloons of many colors rose through the air, climbing across the beautifully rendered detail of Lady Liberty’s stoic visage. Higher and higher the balloons rose as the full moon was partially eclipsed by an aircraft and Thomas read the first lyrics.

“Crashing through the sky. Comes a fearful cry.”

“Cobra-cobraaaa,” the mares sang, “Cobra-cobraaaa!”

At the same time, Luna’s ear twitched when Gemini whispered to her. There were intruders in the castle. They’d broken in just a few floors down, bypassing all regular security wards except for the simulacrum itself. Three hostages had been taken. While the intent of the team of two dozen was unclear at the moment, Gemini, being the playful sort, not only redirected a nearby squad from their regular patrol, but decided to channel the song into invaded area.

Back in Luna’s room, the mares’ bodies collectively tensed as the villainous “armies of the night” made their descent, terrorizing the hapless civilians. The song demanded action, demanded that the evil be stopped, but, paradoxically, it also demanded that they stay put. The more military minded mares were the most harshly affected by this conundrum, with Moonlight even grinding her teeth as she sang.

“Who can turn the tiiiide?”

And when that first shot was fired, when the jet pack was shot down and the blond commando stood with his smoking gun upon Lady Liberty’s torch, the mares’ singing changed from frustrated growls to cheers of victory.

**********

There was a quiet melody floating in the air, and it was making Shining’s blood boil. After an especially late night, he’d met up with three rookies on patrol and decided to impart a bit of wisdom as their superior. He hadn’t, however, expected to come across intruders in the lunar wing, holding three servants hostage no less. Feeling the call to action, Captain Shining armor sounded out what, at the time, sounded like the most appropriate battle cry.

**********

“G.I. Jooooe!” the harem sang in triumph.

“Real American herooo.”

**********

“Yo Joe!”

By their very nature, ponies were not a violent people. Few actually enjoyed violence and fewer actively sought it out outside of a bar scuffle or friendly sparring. Even their military went to great lengths, greater than most races, to psychologically brace recruits for the horrors of true combat, relying primarily on sense of duty and patriotism rather than the thrill of the fight. Yet despite this fundamental truth, fists were raised and hooves stomped as the Joes began their attack, the plethora of violence on display exciting rather than horrifying.

**********

Shining was the first into the fray, charging with his signature shield spell around him right into the largest concentration of thugs. He knocked them down like a bowling ball with pins. In the confusion, the pegasus guard swooped in and snatched up one hostage and flew off to safety while the unicorn guard winked in, grabbed the two others, and winked back out. This left shining with only one rookie earth pony to guard his back while the remaining thugs picked themselves up and readied for a fight.

“Good,” Shining mumbled to himself as he looked upon his means of relieving stress. “That evens things up a bit.”

The unicorn thugs threw volleys of poorly aimed spells at the guards, which ricocheted off the seemingly non-reflective walls and bounced right back at their casters. Punches followed as Shining and his subordinate stayed shoulder-to-shoulder, taking out their assailants two or three at a time as they got in close. All the while the quiet, energizing melody continued to play. When some of the winged intruders tried to make a break for it, they flew smack dab into the pegasus guard who took out three at once with a single tackle. The unicorn guard winked back in and, not having as much trouble aiming as the intruders, hit his mark every time with an accuracy he’d never experienced before. All the while the music played, giving the necessary cues as the conflicting parties went at it.

**********

Without needing to be told, Silver volunteered to speak the narration, her deep base fitting seamlessly as she read out the group’s advertisement. And when it came time for Cobra Commander to sound the retreat, Moonlight somehow knew to give her best wheezing voice to sound extra pitiful.

It was at the song’s crescendo, when they all crowed the songs final lyrics, that they remembered the balcony door had been left open. They remembered because a group of bald eagles, who at some point had assembled along the balcony’s railing, all threw up their wings and mightily crowed their triumphant screeches.

When the moment passed and the adrenaline was starting to fall, the mares and man stared awkwardly at the eagles. The eagles stared back, twitching their heads curiously as they took in their surroundings. Dawn was on the horizon and they took off, wanting to return to their nests before the sun rose. Once they were out of sight, Luna and her harem looked at one another before bursting out in laughter at the absurdity of what had just happened.

**********

Meanwhile, down below, Shining and his escort of rookies had just finished off the last of the thugs just as lunar reinforcements had finally arrived. There hadn’t been any fatalities, but the groaning intruders sounded like they wished they were dead. With the music finally ended and his mind clear, Shining realized exactly what had just transpired. He narrowed his eyes accusingly up at the ceiling, knowing without a doubt that Gemini had just done something.

**********

Luna was thusly informed about the neutralization of the intruders. Still no word on what they’d hoped to accomplish, but she was given a brief summary of the performance of Shining and his rookies. Said rookies performed with the coordination of veterans and even the Captain, despite his mental fatigue, was at peak performance. Luna made telepathic contact with her sister and both agreed that the song would be making its home in their private arsenal.

All in all, it was a stellar night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS2aEfbEi7s

I admit I have never been much of a social person, likely in part because of my autism. In college I had two friends in two semesters, and one of those was a surprise reunion from middle school. We hung out a little between classes, did our homework together, and so on. Yet I’ve always been fascinated by depictions of friendship in media, mostly because they were experiences I quietly longed for. Sure they sometimes go out and have adventures, but most of the time it’s just this group of people who entertain each other by just hanging out. That’s what I wanted to capture here: people who don’t need to necessarily do anything in order to have a good time together.

Except for that last part. The karaoke thing just sort of took on a life of its own towards the end.