When one of her guards rushed in, out of breath and sweaty, and told her how the Element bearers and the princesses and the turncoat griffons were out in the castle’s front garden calling for mercy, Nightmare Moon didn’t believe him.

The time she gave them to surrender had been used up, so why would they do so now?

Yet when she exited the castle and stepped out into the garden, she was shocked to find that, yes, they were all there. They were all there and on their knees, heads touching the dirt.

Celestia and Luna were at the head of the group – the latter waving a small white flag – the Element bearers were behind them, and the griffons were behind them. They were the picture of subservience.

“What is this?!” Nightmare Moon charged her horn with magic and bared her teeth. “Is this a trick?” She cautiously looked around the garden, but aside from a few of her guards, Shadow, and the ponies and griffons that were supposedly ‘surrendering’ there was nopony else. That didn’t stop her from snapping at Celestia, “What game are you playing?”

“No game – we surrender unequivocally,” Celestia dared to look up, face drawn and miserable, like a kicked puppy. “Managing a rebellion’s too hard, and you cheat all the time, so what’s the point?”

“… Who are you?” Nightmare Moon prowled closer, primed to strike. “I know my enemies, and they wouldn’t do something like this.”

“Test us all you wish,” Luna spoke, but kept her gaze down and continued waving the flag in her tail. “And when you realize we are genuine, please show us mercy. All we wish to do now is serve.”

Nightmare Moon carefully formed a powerful Dispel and cast it over the group.

Nothing.

‘Could this really be…? Are they truly surrendering?’

As she cast it again, Nightmare Moon thought about how improbable this scenario was. Just five minutes ago she had been writing in her journal, brooding over ways to combat the Rouge Knights and the princesses, and then this happens? Her enemies of the same world just up and waving the white flag – metaphorically and literally in this case – on her doorstep?

She wanted to believe it was a trick, but no matter how many times she cast Dispel, there were no illusions to be unveiled.

It appeared to be genuine.

“Yes,” Celestia agreed with her sister as Nightmare Moon’s seventh Dispel washed over her and made her ears twitch in discomfort. “We only wish to service you… sexually.”

Nightmare Moon didn’t know how to feel about this or what she should do. For the first time in a while, she was shocked and unable to quickly form a plan of…

…

What.

‘What.’

“What.”

“If you would be so merciful to grant us this one request…” Celestia continued, now sporting a light blush on her cheeks. “Then we shall all do our utmost to bring you to untold heights of ecstasy.”

“… WHAT?!”

Nightmare Moon took a step back and looked around again.

Shadow was licking himself, the guards were nervously looking at each other as if she were the one acting strange…

Still no signs of an ambush or surprise attack.

“I would like to inform you, Empress,” Celestia began with a seductive smirk. “That every part of my body can be heated. Any…” She licked her lips. “Part.”

“What is…? How can…? Bwuh?!”

Completely blindsided by the turn of events, Nightmare Moon could only shake her head and struggle to form a cohesive thought, though her plight was ignored by the others, who suddenly stood from their respectful bows and chimed in with Celestia.

“Hey, you know how I’m the fastest pegasus in Equestria? Yeah, well I can totally make you see stars faster than you can say, ‘I can see stars’.”

“I don’t really know what sex is all about, but I bet it has something to do with a party! Watch how many balloons I can blow up in ten seconds!”

“While a lady would normally never discuss such elicit subjects in public, I will say that while my personal experiences are stagnant, I am confident that years of reading risqué literature will put me amongst the ranks of other more experienced individuals.”

“… Um… I take care of animals, so... yeah…”

Nightmare Moon spluttered dumbly for a few moments before finally shouting, “Do you think of me as a joke? Cease this… this… wh-whatever this is!”

“Empress?”

Ebony ran up from behind and Nightmare Moon felt a little more clear-headed at the sight of her loyal Right Hoof.

“Ebony, call the alarm,” Nightmare Moon ordered without taking her narrowed eyes off the group; they were up to something, she was sure of it! Otherwise, they wouldn’t be acting like this. “Prepare for an attack.”

“Attack? Is that how you wish for us to take you?” Luna questioned with the stony face of one who might as well have been discussing politics. “You will be most satisfied if that is the case.”

“M-My Empress…” Ebony gasped in outrage. “I thought we were supposed to get together first, not your enemies.”

Nightmare Moon’s eyes widened to dinner plate-size and she turned her head so fast her neck clicked. “WHAT?!”

“Is it really so surprising, pony?”

Nightmare Moon’s jaw dropped and she turned her head in the other direction. “No…”

“I am to understand your kind has a ‘herd’ approach when it comes to mating,” Knight Enforcer Caed stepped out of the glowing white tear in space with a few of his soldiers. The tabard on their fronts had their heraldry switched – a happy little rainbow sprouting from a white cloud instead of a golden oak tree. “Of course, it is usually a male equine surrounded by a dozen or so females, but what do I know? I spend my time looking up newer and more complex words to work into my courageous and heroic filibusters!”

“No, no, no.”

“Fear not, pony! The Rouge Knight Order comes in peace and tranquillity for we have discovered, through the magic within the ponies that we kidnapped, what is even greater than the virtues told in the Old Tales,” Caed pointed to the sky dramatically. “Our hearts beat in unison, and why do they beat so valiantly, my knights?!”

“No, no!”

The knights raised their arms into the air and cried in unison, “Because friendship is magic!”

“NO!!”

Nightmare Moon whinnied in rage and stomped her hooves on the ground, creating potholes and sending out violent tremors that made everyone stumble.

“This is insane! You’re all insane! Everything about this is INSANE!”

“Love is never sane, Empress,” Princess Cadance said. She and Shining Armor embraced lovingly, as if to emphasize her point. “It’s just what it is.”

“I have no desire for love or sex!” Nightmare Moon cried as she stopped her stomping. “And there’s no… Wh-?! Where did you come from?!”

“Nightmare Moon...”

“What now?” Nightmare Moon turned around as someone tugged on her tail and… well, a part of her pretty much just died inside when she did. “Oh for…”

“Your essence is inside of me, senpai~” Twilight blushed deeply as she fidgeted on the spot, looking very demure and moe even with the crystals bloodily sprouting from her flesh and bones. “Please do more l-lewd things to me~”

“Get in line, you hussy!” Ebony growled. “She was inside me before you.”

“She was inside me before any of you!” Luna announced with a shameful amount of pride. “Therefore, I am First Mistress.”

“Yo, Wolf – what’s happenin’?!”

“Rrrrggghh!!” Nightmare Moon frothed at the mouth as Vinyl happily trotted into the scene with Octavia at her side. “Vinyl, in case you haven’t noticed, there are some very idiotic things going on and I would really- is that a baby carriage?”

“Eeyup!” Vinyl nodded and preened like a proud rooster as Octavia pushed the carriage over to Nightmare Moon. “We had a baby, somehow, and we’d like you to be the godparent. Say hello to Serenade.”

The carriage rolled into range and Nightmare Moon stared down at the bundle of joy.

It was a girl, and had Vinyl’s mane style and glasses with Octavia’s colours; she was bubbling away in joy and smiled toothlessly at Nightmare Moon. She reached out towards her.

“W… Woo… Wolf…”

“She’s… adorable?”

Obviously, Nightmare Moon would have liked to question how this child was possible and when it happened and why Vinyl didn’t tell her earlier because now she felt very left out and upset because she wasn’t there for the birthing and…

Nope – not following that train of thought, there were important things that needed to be shouted at until they stopped being insane.

“You!” Nightmare Moon winced and carefully trotted around the carriage before pointing at Luna, her voice coming out a tad quieter. “You. This is your doing, isn’t it? You’ve somehow trapped me in some nightmare and are trying to drive me to the brink of insanity, aren’t you?”

“Bwuh?”

“Well, it won’t work. I spent a thousand years on the moon in complete isolation, so if I can survive that, then I can survive whatever ridiculous thing you can throw at me,” Nightmare Moon chuckled maliciously and bared her teeth. “Well, it was an admirable attempt, but I’m waking from this dream now. See you in the waking world, Lu-Lu.”

Laughing victoriously, Nightmare Moon stretched apart her jaws and bit down into her own foreleg.

…

It hurt.

…

Still hurts.

…

Everyone was looking at her.

…

No…

…

“No…” Nightmare Moon removed her teeth, the white-hot flash of pain in her foreleg all too real. “No…” She watched as the flesh knitted back together. “No…”

“Ah, so you’re into masochism and blood? Perfect!” Celestia giggled, brightly and evilly. There was a gleam in her eyes that Nightmare Moon realized was a near perfect reflection of the one she usually got. “I have much experience in that field.”

“This is real…” Nightmare Moon shook her head as she looked down, watched her own blood stain the ground. “This… insanity is real.”

…

There was one last thing she could do to set this right.

…

Discord was still trapped in stone.

His thoughts plucked at her mind, amused but utterly devoid of any deceit.

“My, my, Blanky – what’s happened to you to make such an expression?”

Nightmare Moon’s scream shook the castle.

“More tea, Lu-Lu?”

“Yes please, ‘Tia.”

“Mm-mm! Dang, sugarcube – these here cupcakes got a bigger kick than usual. What did ya’ll put in ‘em?”

“Uh-uh! That’s a super-special secret. Unless you’d be willing to tell ol’ Aunt Pinkie what’s the secret in your family’s cider?”

“Heh – not in a million years. And I’m older than you by the way.”

“Ebony, it’s my turn to sit next to the Empress!”

“You’ve had your turn, Crystal-face; it’s my turn now.”

“No, I haven’t! Right, Sunset?”

“You’re both wrong; it’s my turn.”

Sunset booted Ebony out of The Seat and cuddled up to Nightmare Moon, rubbing it in the others' faces. They went back to their meals, but continued giving death glares, all the while completely oblivious to their beloved Empress making a face like someone had just farted inside her skull.

Pony, griffon, and Rouge Knight – all broke bread in the castle’s banquet hall under the withered and fed-up gaze of Equestria’s ruler, and no one could be happier.

Well, except for Nightmare Moon.

‘Well…’ She thought with a sigh and rested her chin on the foreleg that wasn’t being subtly – a term that was loosely used – dry-humped by Sunset. ‘At least I'm still in power.’

She just had to ride this out until the heat death of the universe.

There were worse ways to spend several trillion years, she supposed.

Author's Notes:

Note 1: Believe it or not, this story was originally a comedy when I first started it, and went in a whole other direction than what it is now. Basically, it was about an alternate timeline where Nightmare Moon succeeded in the pilot premiere, and went through all the seasons attempting to deal with villains and friendship problems in her own way with the reluctant help of the Element bearers.

Also, in the earlier drafts, when I decided to make this story into what it is now, Nightmare Moon was supposed to be a lot more sympathetic - almost motherly - towards Luna. I took that out, as you've probably noticed, and now Nightmare Moon regards Luna with apathy and a slight hint of ire.