Author's Notes:

This is a crossover with the story Ponylands: The Pre-Sequel! . Be sure to check it out. Both writers were a lot of fun to work with.

[???]

A Scav’s head exploded as a bullet penetrated his air bubble and the sudden interruption of his atmosphere and violent disruption of his flesh allowed the vacuum to make quick work of him, sending his body floating in a reflex moments before it started being digistructed.

“Great, another one with a Priority Medivac Access. How many of these damn idiots have one of those?” Jack hissed as he walked through the hall, blood and bodies everywhere inside the atmosphere-filled building as he approached the doorway to the outside the idiot had tried to attack from. There’d be more, but a good number of them had Priority in the old Dahl Medivac system somehow. Jack scoffed as he wiped some blood from his sleeve, only succeeding in spreading it across the black leather. “There’s more blood in atmosphere, I keep forgetting that.”

“Hell if I know!” Wilhelm shouted as he shot yet another Scav that had dropped down from the ceiling with his glitching shotgun, the gun currently glowing yellow. He turned to shoot someone else, only to hear a click when he pulled the trigger. “I NEED MORE GUN FOOD!”

“Loot one of these idiots, I’m sure they’ve got some shotgun ammo.” Jack offhandedly said as he kicked a corpse with one of his blood-coated yellow hooves, bringing up his Vladof pistol to neurotically reload it.

“I found one bullet. One.” Wilhelm said as he looted the only Scav he saw with a shotgun. “The hell kind of moron only carries one extra bullet?”

“The kind saving a way out in a hopeless pinch. If it isn’t a shotgun round give it here, I’m pretty dry myself on my pistol ammo.” Jack mentioned as he noticed his pistol mag was one short.

“Here, take it. I’m full up on pistol ammo, anyways.” Wilhelm said, tossing the bullet to Jack.

“Thanks.” Jack paused for a second, his horn tingling and something telling him this bullet was different somehow, but he shrugged and slotted it into the top of his magazine, fitting perfectly with the other rounds before he slammed it home into the machine-pistol. “Now then, time for some EVA again.”

The rest of the crew, for their own reasons, were off doing something else, so only Jack and Wilhelm were working on getting access to Crisis Scar at the moment. “Why didn’t we just kill that claptrap and have Frag open the door?” Wilhelm asked, maybe for the fifth time.

“Because, the geniuses put the doorman on the wrong side of the door, it only opens from the other side. So we need the robot to tell us where an alternate entrance is. Now stop whining, geez, when you were just Wilhelm you weren’t such a little bitch. Did Trixie really bring out some of the old you?” Jack asked as he twirled his pistol in his hand.

“Shut up before I decide to shoot you instead.” Wilhelm warned, pulling out his Nukem.

“There’s the murderous psychopath I know and love.” Jack joked with a smile as he aimed at the nearest approaching Darksider goon now that they were outside on the top of the building, exposed to vacuum with his Oz kit springing to life and covering his head with the air-giving blue head-bubble. “Oh I love a good airless tumble.” Jack pulled the trigger.

[Vash’s Workshop, Vash’s PoV]

I was working in my forge as I was putting the finishing touches on repairing a rookie guard’s armor. I wiped my brow as I frowned a little at a particularly large gash in the breast plate.

‘Honestly, can’t Morning take it easy on the new guys just one time? I swear half of my job is fixing the armor she breaks during training.’ I was about to turn to Hammerfall and ask how he was making out on his own set of armor when I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. ‘What the hell was that?’ Before I could think more on that, my vision was filled by a flash of white light. Before my vision could completely clear up I tried to take a breath only to be met with nothing, my eyes widened as my vision finally came back to me as I was greeted by what looked like a massive gunfight. I didn’t have much time to wonder what was going on as my body screamed for me to find some air, the obvious complete lack of pressure on my body pulling me in every-which-way.

I stood there choking as two anthro unicorn stallions, one seemingly normal and the other being an actual cyborg traded fire with the Space-Balls dudes what with their familiar helmet designs and black outfits, until the yellow one noticed me and his eyes widened before he seemed to be shouting something towards the yellow-gray cyborg, which I couldn’t hear due to the vacuum, and they both rushed towards me, the yellow one holding a triangular box as I started blacking out, everything was fading.

Suddenly, I gasped I felt gravity fully reassert itself, and breathable air filled my grateful lungs. “What the fuck?!” I heard someone shout, but the voice was extremely distorted with a very deep and tinny robotic tone. “You know where the hell we are? ‘Cause this sure as hell isn’t Elpis.”

“How the Tartarus did you two get into my forge?!” I heard Hammerfall yell as I turned to see the two strangers from the previous gunfight. Hammerfall had the largest hammer in the forge leveled at them as his nostrils flared most likely due to the smell from the blood they were covered in. “Explain thyselves before I am forced to take drastic measures!”

“Word of warning, don’t threaten me.” Wilhelm growled, leveling the barrel of his Nukem at Hammerfall.

“Wilhelm, not inside. You’ll make a mess.” Jack quickly raised his pistol at Hammerfall, and before I could say anything, he shot the hammer out of the strong stallion’s grip at just the right angles to prevent actually hurting the stallion. The fact that it was with a burst of fire, rather than controlled individual pulls of the trigger, was even more impressive.

“Do I look like I give a crap?” Wilhelm said sarcastically, not changing his aim. “This guy just threatened us. I don’t take too kindly to shit like that, and you know it.”

“With a hammer? Wil, put it away.” Jack rolled his eyes. “Cyborgs and their toys.”

I pulled out my own gun without leveling it at either of the strange visitors and cleared my throat loudly to get everyone’s attention. “Excuse me, but I think that’s enough threats for one day.” They both whirled their attention to me, but the cyborg kept his very big rocket launcher aimed at my friend, and they froze more in surprise than worry.

“Wilhelm?”

“Yea Jack?”

“Is that Vash the mother-fucking Stampede aiming a Mateba .45 Long Colt Custom at us?”

“I think so.”

“Okay. AH~!” The stallion named Jack literally fancolt-squealed as he started dancing in place.

“GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!” Wilhelm said, smacking Jack upside the head. “I liked that anime, too. I’m not going to freak out about it, though.” Wilhelm changed his aim from Hammerfall to me. “Drop the gun, pretty boy. I’ll put this away afterwards.”

“Dude! It’s Vash The Stampede! You shoot that, he’ll somehow redirect the rocket with his dumb luck and we’ll die instead from our own hubris!” Jack screamed in fear as he tried to hilariously push the cyborg’s aim away from me, his average stature and apparently average strength not even budging the bigger, stronger, heavier stallion at all.

“Yeah, at least I’ll go out in a blaze of glory, though.” Wilhelm scoffed as his friend futilely attempted to change his aim. “Do you not remember the splash damage on this damn thing?”

I let out a sigh as I watched the two have their little fight. “How about this, we both put away our weapons on the count of three. Does that sound good to you Heavy Weapons Pony?”

“Sounds better than shooting you with a miniature nuke.” Wilhelm said.

“Oh fuck no! Dude, did you forget how FAST Vash is? We put away our guns, we’re good as injured!” Geez, whoever Jack is he needs to calm down, I’m not going to hurt them if I don’t have to….

“And do you remember Vash’s attitude?” Wilhelm reminded as he put away the very large, and very dangerous, launcher, it vanishing behind his back in a flash of blue light and pixels. “Since when did Vash kill anyone?”

“Legato? I mean, he was forced to, but I said injured, I don’t even know if our shields can take the kick of a .45 when almost all pistol types were made universal several decades ago.” Jack mentioned by summoning a bullet from the air in a similar flash of blue light, the bullet clearly being smaller than my ammo. “They just have differential impact force varying from the kinetic amplifiers of gun types these days.”

“Let me try again, since when did I care?” Wilhelm said, snatching the gun out of Jack’s hand and doing what he did with the launcher to it. “Either way, our shields can tank the occasional sniper shot or rocket. You forget that? There ya go, kid. Our guns are gone. Now put your stuff down.”

“Oh yeah….”

I let out another sigh as I watched the two bicker at one another as I did a little spin with my pistol before holstering it. ‘Something tells me these two are always like this.’

“Okay, now that we’re done leveling weapons of mass destruction at each other, let’s see if we can have a civilized conversation, okay?” I said as I smiled at the two. I then turned to Wilhelm keeping the grin up. “By the way. I’m the one with the biggest gun in the room so don’t even think about leveling a nuke launcher at my friends again.”

“Yeah, nice bluff. I see and sense that thing on you.” Jack gestured to the armband ensuring I don’t have any misfires. “I’m an arcanotech engineer with a degree from Eden-6 Mega University. You can’t exactly have something like that on display and not be noticed by me.”

“I can take this thing off you know.”

“Faster than Wil or I can blast you? No chance. We have all the cards dude, just accept it and we’ll get along just fine. Now then...is this an old-fashioned smithy? My gosh. I haven’t seen one of these since we were on Promethea.” Jack whistled as he walked around, examining things with a critical eye. “Good work.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, you used to be a backyard smith on Earth. Making things from smelted soda cans and repurposed car frames.” Wilhelm commented as he casually picked up a piece of armor, inspecting it. “Geez this thing’s been through the ringer.”

“Yeah, that would be the work of my marefriend. She’s the captain of the guard and is intense when it comes to training.” I answered as I took the armor from him politely.

“A ‘Captain of the Guard’? Just how backwards is this planet? I mean, I’m seeing nothing but medieval works here. Broadswords, shields, armor? Where’s all the guns, shield emitters and bullet presses? I don’t even see a-.”

“Jackie. This isn’t Elpis. I doubt this is even our universe anymore, got it?” Wilhelm interrupted. “I mean look at how they reacted to the Nukem. They looked like they were scared out of their wits and their meals.”

I frowned at Wilhelm’s retelling of events but ignored it. “Okay, it seems this is the first time either of you have interacted with another Displaced, am I right?”

‘Considering they summoned me in space, that’s a dead giveaway.’ I thought grumpily.

“The fuck’s a Displaced?” Jack asked bluntly.

“The hell’s a Displaced?” Wilhelm asked bluntly.

“Canst thee have this conversation elsewhere?” Hammerfall growled. “I wouldst like to be able to finish my work without the threat of two lunatics who reek of death.” Hammerfall waved a hand at his snout, indicating he didn’t like the stench the two blood-covered stallions produced which neither of them seemed to care about.

“Sorry Hammerfall, I’ll take them somewhere else.” I said as I motioned for the two to follow me out of the forge. Jack was more eager to follow me while I’m fairly sure Wilhelm was grumbling something disparaging about me and I swear he was ready to pull a weapon from behind his back, like he wanted to test my ability to dodge bullets. Or just treat me like a blood filled target dummy, either or. I stopped in front of one of the trick walls and turned back to the two as I looked them over. “Alright you two, first thing’s first, you two need to wash all that blood and miscellaneous gore off of you so you don’t freak out the rest of the staff.”

“Really? Geez, ponies in this place are squeamish. Let me guess, they’re herbivores too.” Jack mocked, and after a short silence of me not wanting to respond. “You’re kidding? Ponies here are grass-feeders? Ugh, I can’t imagine life without meat.”

“There’s still meat here. It’s just mostly used to feed foreign dignitaries and things like that. Also, they don’t seem to have a problem with eating eggs or things made with them, so it isn’t all that bad… the chef still needs to learn how to cook a decent steak though.”

“I hope we’re not stuck here, Trixie and I still have that date to resume at that steakhouse once we stop Helios from blowing up the moon.” Wilhelm grumbled, and both of them groaned as their stomachs roared in hunger.

“Uhh, I’ll have to get back to you on that one. I’m still not sure how the two of you got here. Now, let’s get you two cleaned up and annoy the castle chef for all the meat they have!” I beamed as I pressed on the trick wall causing it to rapidly spin and bringing us to a hidden spiral staircase.

“Is...is this made of actual wood?” Jack marveled at the spiraling stairwell banister, running his hands along the oak handrail as if it were a treasure.

“Uh yeah, it is. Don’t they have wood in your Equestria?”

“Pfft, no? Try almost the whole damn galaxy. Name a planet; it’s forests have been cleared. The only places you can find actual trees anywhere are rare little pockets of woods where nature nuts defend them from wood poachers.” Wilhelm informed as if it was common knowledge.

“That sounds awful. But who am I to say anything about the politics of another universe. I’m an engineer, not a political science major.” I said with a shrug as I started to lead them up the staircase.

“Well if any intelligent person found a seat of power, I’m willing to bet they’d actually try to restore the forests of the galaxy. I mean, one planet is bad, but every inhabited planet in known space? Idiots. Even the new colonies rapidly deforest their planets, the big-name companies most at fault for it are Jakobs and Dahl. They snatch up all the wood they can, fucking assholes. Good guns though.” Jack exposited as he noticed their hooves leaving a trail of bloody hoofprints. “Uh, sorry, just clean that up later. We usually aren’t this messy, but the fighting was in real close-quarters this time around.”

“Well, if your universe is anything like back home then I’d say those companies have the politicians in their pockets. And don’t worry too much about the mess. Only a handful of people in this castle know about these passages, they wouldn’t be a secret otherwise.”

“Good, don’t want any whining about the blood. Anyway, as for that bit about the politics, the companies don’t have them in their pockets, they actively run everything. Pandora and Elpis just happen to be a taboo for anyone to really touch thanks to Dahl, then Atlas, but now Hyperion is trying to pick up the pieces.” Wilhelm informed as we reached a stone door that was only visible from this side, and I opened it to reveal a public washroom with a line of curtained shower/tubs made of bronze and stone tiles.

“Ah, good to see you went the smart route and had bronze tubs instead of porcelain. That stuff was stupid.” Jack commented as he immediately started shucking off his clothes, getting me to blush in surprise.

“H-hey I’m still here!” I shouted indignantly.

“And?” Wilhelm asked as he was undoing the straps of his shirt. “You kill enough guys, you see enough dead bodies, nudity is nothing.”

“Alright, well not everyone has as cavalier an attitude about nudity as the two of you,” I told them as I turned away from them. “Give a guy a warning the next time you do that. The only naked thing I like to see naked is a woman… or mare in the case of this world. The last thing I want to see is your dangly bits.”

“Wow, preach like you’ve lived on Eden-5 your whole life. Most of our universe couldn’t give a damn, some of the poorest places are all in the nude. Anyway, since you’re too insecure to join us for some locker room humor, take these.” I turned slightly with my eyes closed to suddenly have a huge amount of wet, filthy, disgusting clothes slammed into my arms. “Door’s that way, if there’s no towels we’ll just walk out in the buff. See ya in a half-hour, washing blood out of fur is a task and a half.”

‘How do I get into these situations?’

[Royal ‘Tea’ Room]

I was sitting in front of Celestia and Luna, feeling incredibly embarrassed with my hands covering my face while Jack and Wilhelm casually reclined into the chairs they sat in. Celestia and Luna did their best to keep their eyes above their waist levels but with varying degrees of success.

“Vash, wouldst thou like to explain why we hath found two strange ponies wandering our halls nude?” Luna asked as she turned to me, eyes darting against her will towards Jack now and then.

“I honestly don’t know. You’d have to ask Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Boom Boom over there.” I answered still burying my head in shame.

‘I kind of wish I had just stayed in space. I’d rather be anywhere but here.’

“Hey, not our fault your staff can’t handle raw sexiness. Besides, there weren’t any towels or robes or whatever in the washroom and we weren’t going to just hide in there like cowards.” Jack casually stated as if his junk wasn’t on display for the rulers of the land. “You get your clothes destroyed during combat, you don’t have the luxury of modesty, so you get used to being exposed.”

I turned to them with a death glare leveled at Jack. “Didn’t I tell you to just wait until I could borrow some clothes from a guard your size!” I growled at them.

“And risk my servos getting too much moisture in them? Pfft, yeah, right. Moisture is killer on my joints. I’d rather give a show than have Jack have to perform maintenance on me again. I’m surprised you mares aren’t all turned off by my augmentations like most are.” Wilhelm commented as he flexed his diamond dog-like left arm’s claw.

“We art used to seeing someone with a metal arm.” Celestia answered with a shrug. She then turned to Jack with a bit of a smirk. “Though we aren’t used to speaking with handsome guests in private. Especially when they are disrobed.” She finished with a wink that caused a pang of jealousy to shoot up my spine.

“Well, being hit on so openly by an alicorn. I can’t believe it. Sure, normal beautiful ladies I’m used to but...this is new.” Jack sheepishly closed his eyes with a light blush and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “You wouldn’t believe the kinds of trouble my face alone has given me.”

“I’ve foiled thirty-seven attempted rapes on his person in the past year I’ve known him alone.” Wilhelm supplied with a sigh, getting us all to balk. “I wish I was exaggerating, but I’ve kept a tally.”

“That doesn’t count the several times I turned the tables right?” Jack asked and Wilhelm shrugged indifferently. “I’m not a prude, or cruel. Some ladies just really need a release. I’m not selfish enough to keep my handsomeness entirely to myself.” Jack admitted with a bit of confidence and also nervousness tingeing it. “Well, sometimes they just happen to be really persistent, or are my type to begin with and resisting all but becomes pointless. I love strong girls mostly, the take-charge type. That one politician we did a job for, remember Purrscilla?”

“That Jaguar? Oh, who could? She was scary. And not even the way she yowled when you two went at it on her desk-.”

“Okay, we get the idea you two, we all get the point.” I interrupted as I gritted my teeth at the two. “Oh and here, I actually did get you some clothes before everything went to hell in a handbasket.” I finished as I tossed them some clothes I managed to get from a pair of guards.

“Oh, thanks, it’s a bit drafty in here.” Jack commented as he accepted the trousers and I couldn’t help but notice with a pang of inner green fire of jelly how disappointed both Celestia and Luna were that the show was apparently over.

“Yeah, same here, I just hope this scratchy fabric doesn’t catch on my legs.” Wilhelm commented as he worked the pants on over his cybernetic legs, and soon only their upper bodies were exposed, I couldn’t grab shirts in time before the screaming and excited mares started raising a ruckus about two ‘hotties’ walking around in the buff.

“I’m sure you can live through scratchy pants.” I commented offhandedly.

“But we can’t live, or leave, without knowing how we got here.” Jack decided to cut to the chase now that his and Wilhelm’s nudity wasn’t encompassing all the focus I guess. “So Vash, how the hell did you end up on Elpis? In vacuum? A whole dimension away? And how did you pull us here when you were about to black out from asphyxiation?”

“I know how to answer one of those questions. You, Wilhelm and I are all something that’s called a ‘Displaced’. Essentially, a Displaced is someone who finds themselves pulled into a version of Equestria after interacting with a shady individual and getting something from them. For me, it was my gun.” I explained as I put my revolver on the table.

“W-wait...I remember this better than Jack, considering I wasn’t tranquilized on arrival.” Wilhelm said as he scratched his head. “I still can’t remember what we got from him, but both Jack and I bought something from some Resident Evil Merchant at GameCon, then I was suddenly standing at the Dodge Junction spaceport terminal with an unconscious Jack over my shoulder, about to get on a rocket to the moon.”

“Oh right~, I need to be tranqed for flying. I have violent panic attacks.” Jack admitted with a nod.

“Anyway,” I started as I ignored Jack’s admission, “once a Displaced finds themselves in their Equestria they’re able to send out a token that has a message on it that allows another Displaced to summon them for a while.”

Upon me holding up a copy of my bullet token, both Jack and Wilhelm’s ears bent back and they sheepishly pat my shoulders. “Sorry about that. Fired it from my pistol at the start of that shootout you saw.” Jack admitted. “For some reason, I didn’t hear any message, must’ve been too blase about it or something to notice.”

“Or it could be because that sound can’t travel in a vacuum,” I replied with a blank look.

“Well actually, no, we’re at fault. We were inside an atmosphere-filled building when I looted the bullet from a scav’s corpse. But I didn’t hear anything, and Jack didn’t either. Also, a point I’d like to ask you two ladies; why didn’t you mention our blank flanks?” Wilhelm asked seemingly off-topic, but held up a hand when I was about to protest, it was apparently important.

“We did not wish to offend thee. A pony’s cutie mark… or lack thereof can be a most personal topic.” Luna answered.

“Plus, we may have been distracted by something else in that area.” I heard Celestia mumble under her breath which caused me to grit my teeth again.

“This might actually be a reason for us not hearing the message, or some silly concept or whatever, but let me broach a topic. Have you ever heard of ponies...losing, their marks?” Jack asked with a hint of despair he was clearly holding back. “I mean...Wil and I, we used to have our marks. Then we were shoved mind and soul into these bodies, we don’t know where the original stallions are, or if we killed them or...but we ARE them now. Not having our marks is a sensitive thing, but not just because we’re blank now, but because we lost what told us for certainty who we are. I’m two people, so is Wilhelm. But who are we? Our marks vanishing just tells us that while we have their names, their memories, their bodies...we aren’t Jack and Wilhelm….”

Luna and Celestia exchanged a look for a brief moment and seemed to have a sisterly telepathic conversation. They then turned back to the two with an apologetic expression etched into their faces. “We art sorry Jack. We hath never heard of something that removes cutie marks. Even those that suffer from amnesia keep their mark if they had one. There may be a way through dark magic. But it is illegal to study it.”

Both Jack and Wilhelm groaned. “You guys actually illegalize ‘dark’ magic? The galaxy in our universe only has limitations on kinds of spells.” Jack’s horn lit up with shadows, and a dark copy of him rose from his shadow, giving a wave before dispersing harmlessly.

“Dark magic was made illegal because of its corrupting nature. It warps and twists even the purest of minds into a true abomination of depravity.” Celestia answered as she watched the figure disappear.

“Ha! You’re joking! It isn’t the magic, it’s the nature of the person wielding it being brought to the surface. Studies show that ‘dark’ magic is more primal, more chaotic than most types of magic. What you’re describing is more likely the person trying to resist, or refuse the truth. Those that accept it, like I have, don’t go crazy or ‘evil’ or whatever. Sure, I kill people. But you know what? I’m paid to. And it’s usually in self-defense anyhow. I was like this before I picked up ‘dark’ magic a few months ago and developed my Echo Replication spell.” Jack explained as he turned to Luna, his eyes making her wary as he seemed to look through her. “Yeah, but it isn’t for everyone.”

“Yeah. I remember I used ‘dark’ magic to help make Wolf and Saint. Gave ‘um personalities.” Wilhelm said.

“Art thou going to at least explain the process?” Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow, and Wilhelm quirked an eyebrow, as if he plainly told her he didn’t care to extrapolate.

“Anyway!” I interjected, tired of all the going-off-on-tangents these guys seem to be prone to. “So you’re saying your current indecision on your identities makes the message silent? Let’s test that.” I said as I reached into my duster, pulled out Jason’s Unitrix core and placed it on the coffee table for them. “Pick this up and see if you can hear the message. And don’t activate it. I don’t want to interrupt the guy on the other end of that thing in case he’s in the middle of something.”

Jack touched it first and furrowed his brows, before picking it up and focusing on it, his horn sparking a bit before he blinked. “Yeah, I could, if I forced it. It wasn’t saying anything off the bat.”

“Alright, that’s interesting. And I guess I can’t fault you for not closely examining it. I mean, you just found a bullet during a gunfight. Hopefully next time I won’t get summoned in space. It wasn’t fun being in space without a spacesuit.”

“Only scavs and EVA professions use spacesuits. Everyone just uses Oz kits these days.” Wilhelm commented as he held out a hand, and a triangular box appeared in his hand in a flash of blue digitization. “It needs constant refilling from Air Bubbles and atmosphere contained buildings, but they can have up to several minutes worth of air for the trek between air pockets.”

“We were going to slap one on you, but then you kinda sucked us along with you to here.” Jack added, and that made everyone pause in realization. “How do we get back?”

I froze, realizing all four pairs of eyes were on me, and I felt a sweatdrop go down my head at realizing the weight of the matter. “I have no idea.”