Just as the Summoner’s words departed from his mouth, the “Stat Display” screen began to dissipate, dimming itself out of existence. As the once-occupied space was cleared, another display screen popped up, lighting up the surroundings a bit.

This time, the display read “Equipment Terminal.”

The Summoner gasped as he shivered a bit, “You mean- you mean we get to pick anything?!” Just as the Summoner began to grin--mentally, mind you--like a madman, his eyes swivelled to a number displaying the figure “nine” at the bottom right of the screen. Beside the number were the words “Equipment Limit.”

“Dammit!” the Summoner let out an exasperated sigh of defeat as he yelled out. “Oh well. We can cope well with just nine, can’t we guys?” Malideus grumbled, though, not pleased.

The Fat Friar seemed to glare at the Summoner. “You just had to say it, didn’t you. Don’t jinx us too much.”

“My cap!” Vaati called out, rushing his way to the Summoner’s side--in fact butting him away from the display screen, actually. “My cap! Does this thing have my damned cap!?”

Suddenly, the search bar present on the top right corner of the display screen began to type itself. Engraving the words “Minish Cap” on the search bar, the list of items were narrowed to just one item--”The Minish Cap”.

“Yes!” Vaati cheered out, his triumph basically radiating from his echoing voice.

“Not so fast!” Malideus swiftly confronted Vaati, placing himself directly in front of Vaati. “Do you not have eyes, midget gnome?” Malideus promptly gestured towards the right of the Minish Cap. There stood proudly a figure of a “ten” alight with a red glow. “We can’t get it with just nine points!”

“No!” Vaati hovered downwards in an almost a butterfly-like flutter, but the depressingly slow descent coupled with his involuntary convulsions made it appear much less vivace. “NooooooOOOOOOOooooo! “Ah, whatever.” He suddenly calmed down in a strangely quick mood swing “We’ll get to break the game later on then.”

“With that settled…” Malideus commented, disregarding Vaati, as he made his way towards the “Equipment Screen”. “Let’s see…”

“Unlimited pizza machine!” the Summoner suddenly yelled out as he shoved Malideus out of the way of the display screen’s presence, causing Malideus to yelp out as he suddenly found himself careening out of control, courtesy of the Summoner’s shove. “Search for that!” the Summoner added!

“Nice thinking!” Audrey yelled out as well, blurring towards the display screen as well. “That’s the greatest thing in non-existence!”

“Morons…” The Overlord muttered as he followed them. One could almost see the impression of his glowing eyes glaring at the two from the otherwise featureless surface of his orb.

The “Minish Cap” typed in on the search bar became blue before it suddenly evanesced into nothingness. Replacing the cap was now the words “unlimited pizza machine”.

Soon enough, the “Search Results” page displayed an image, along with its respective descriptive name on its side, of a simple, cube like machine with a crudely drawn image of a pizza plastered onto its surface.

“Yes-’ the Summoner’s triumphant cheer suddenly fell flat as the Summoner inspected the “Equipment Cost” for the coveted item--it was infinity. “No…” the Summoner let out a soft, but harsh gasp as he began to crumble to the floor. “It- it can’t be…”

“Why, great cosmos, why?” The Fat Friar sobbed, floating down with the Summoner.

“Why is life cruel to us even when we’re dead…” Audrey too began to deflate, spiraling downwards towards the floor, soon joining the Summoner and Vaati in their defeated lamentative conditions as her aura’s color began to gray out, though Malideus just laughed at the three on the tile floor as he regained control.

“Hm… If the reasoning for that were to stand…” Ral muttered, taking his place in front of the screen. “Elemental Gauntlets.” He spoke, the words “unlimited pizza machine” being replaced by “Elemental Gauntlets” It showed of several variations of the item Elemental Gauntlet until it showed the one that he was looking for.

“Thought so…” He sighed, seeing the number read 50.

“Alright then, how about Personal Journal of Ral Zarek: Notes about the Multiverse and it’s Many Theories.” The long name was eventually inputted in and eventually came up with a worn out journal that was thick with notes and other tabs of reference. The number 1 was next to its cost.

“Excellent, I’ll be taking that then.” Ral grinned, the book magically appearing in the character's hand. Suddenly, Malideus butted Ral aside, a malicious air about him now that his turn had begun.

"Keh heh heh... oh, this should be fun..." Malideus laughed, searching the bar with the word 'Staff of Vodahmin'. Quickly, the picture of the staff appeared; a long, thick staff, with a metal coating, and at the tip, a long, sharp, red gem surrounded by four blade-like struts in the depiction of roaring dragons. The cost only read three, making Malideus flare and giggle like a schoolgirl.

"Aw, yiss. Come to papa..." Malideus said, downloading the weapon before anyone could stop him. Soon, the staff was also within the avatar's grasp, crackling with maddening and borderline horrifying energy.

“Eh… What’s that supposed to be?” the Summoner asked, his form still shaken by seething sorrow. Malideus, ever one to explain things, then turned to The Summoner, a sly air about him.

"Oh, this? Just a little something my uncle-in-law showed me once. Said it belonged to a really powerful sorcerer named Vodahmin the forgotten. Supposed to be super powerful, and double as a spear or something." Malideus explained, still giggling a bit.

“Whatever… now that we have a pointy stick,” the Summoner dismissed. “Let’s move on to the next concern, we’re lacking armor. Not that I’m complaining, though… Armor always made me feel too cumbersome. Something tells me that we’re going to need it, however.”

“Something light may work, anything heavier would dampen us… Perhaps we just have some enchantments placed on normal clothes?” Ral voiced. “I was originally able to cast whatever enchantments I wanted to before, but I am unsure as to our current ability when we’re just being born again.”

“Screw it, let’s just search “Armor” onto the search-bar-thing,” Audrey spoke, practically appearing out of thin air just behind Ral.

As such, the search bar was now displaying the text “Armor” onto it. A little loading loop popped up, circling in a set rhythm as the word “Searching” was shown below it. Soon enough, the loading screen had vanished, it being replaced with a number of search results.

Appearing on the display screen was myriad protective gear of various flourish and craftsmanship. Conveniently enough, the description of said armor along with their respective stats were shown as well in the side. Malideus quickly butted in, seeing the set he wanted: giant's armor, mask of the father, and grass crest shield.

"That one. Get that one." Malideus egged on, practically drooling.

“I feel that would be a bit expensive… We only have five points left to spend…” Ral hummed.

“Wait- look at that one,” the Summoner pointed at a lone, casual-looking silk-fabric hat. “Pyromaniac’s hat. Causes the wearer to combust randomly aflame. No additional penalties or bonuses… Minus one equipment cost?” He continued gawking at the off-putting hat. “I guess we get one point back if we wear this?

“And enduring the pain of being set on fire randomly would be worth that?” The Overlord growled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Easy! We just wear something that negates fire damage!” Malideus suggested, his voice brimming with prideful triumph. “How’s that for cheating the system, eh?”

“But then we just spend a point to negate it, and chances are the equipment to negate it will be more than one.” Ral mentally frowned.

“That is true…” the Summoner noted. “Hey- I wonder, are there any equipment that has no cost whatsoever?”

Without even acknowledging it, the Summoner inputted “No-cost Armor” into the search bar.

Suddenly, Malideus chuckled, and pointed the cursor at one of the items in question; the Speedo of incombustibility.

"Well, seems the universe is one step ahead... look, immunity to fire, +10 sex appeal, -10 dignity." Malideus noted, greatly amused.

“All this stuff either gives us nothing or a negative buff…”

“And the penalties are compensating us with more equipment points,” the Summoner noted idly. “Hey- look at that; negative five equipment cost.” Towards the Summoner’s gaze was a rather questionable piece of apparel that will remain undescribed as to avoid having this story being rated ‘Mature’.

“Wait, can’t we just drop the negative stuff when we start?” Vaati suggested, mentally arching his figurative eyebrows.

“Doubt it, those slots are probably permanent, so this’ll be the equivalent of having a pair of shoes but not knowing what to do with them and wearing them on your head.”

"Then what about the stuff that you DO wear on your head?" Malideus joked.

“You wear them on your feet-” The Summoner then cut himself off, “Screw it. We’re getting sidetracked here. Let’s scroll down for more equipment options…”

The Summoner began perusing through the wide dossier of armor. “Armor of the Dead… Dead Armor… Undead Armor- why the hell is there a crap ton of armor like this?”

“Isn’t that, like, the most massively known type of armor in the RPG genre?” someone said, mentally sighing.

“Alright, screw it.” Ral tsked. “We need something specific, let’s just request it. Mage Armor, Light Weight, Cost of five or less.” He listed, and Malideus butted in;

"And made of everlasting dragon scales and latex!"

“Belay that!” Ral shouted, headbutting Malideus to the side. “And bring up parental controls, block Malideus-”

“Don’t mistake me as a mere child!” Malideus bellowed, diving himself towards Ral, causing the both of them to bolt off into the ground with a resounding thud.

“Let’s see what we have here…” The Summoner absentmindedly hovered towards the display screen. “All of these ‘Mage’ armor are so generic… We need something with flair-” suddenly, something caught his attention--a grandiose piece of equipment with a cost of a mere ‘two’.

For the sake of being concise, it was a lightly plated, scale-vested robe, complete with cape, and fully-custom color scheme of red. Complimenting it was a scarf that flickered from one color to another. Appropriately titled ‘Rainbow Madness’ this piece of clothing shifted from color to color every few seconds.

“Got any in Izzet colors?” Ral glanced over The Summoner, causing him to recoil back, startled.

“Oh, uh-” Swiftly, the Summoner flicked the screen a bit, causing the ‘Rainbow Madness’ armor to go out of sight. “Um, nope. Nothing so far.” He let out a suspicious sigh of relief.

Ral stared flatley at him. “Uhuh...I was talking about a variation for the Rainbow Madness, quote unquote.” He mentally frowned.

“All of you guys this picky about clothing,” Audrey mentally burrowed her nonexistent palm onto her face, causing a reactive “hmph” from Malideus.

“Not clothing, woman!” Malideus protested. “Armor! Armor; there’s quite a difference there!”

“Hold on, let me skim this.” Ral then began to scroll at an impossible rate, the screening beginning to blur.

“Are you even reading it? We may be missing the funny armours.” The Fat Friar said, trying to get in closer.

“Uhuh.” Ral muttered, scrolling faster.

“You are not!”

“There!” the Summoner exclaimed, causing Ral to cease his absentminded browsing. “I saw something sick a few back! Scroll back!”

“Was it the apprentice Star Swirl robes?” Ral asked. “Because they were by far the best so far, but I wanted to see everything first.” He scrolled back up until the page became clear.

“Hell no!” The Summoner thrusted himself towards Ral, pushing Ral off the screen’s view. Scrolling a bit upwards, the Summoner figuratively grinned like a mad man. “Necromancer Robes! Not just generic Necromancer Robes, but the ones from Fire Emblem-”

“Bleh. Whatever; they still look generic,” Malideus commented.

“Guys, it only costs three--we’d even have two points left to allocate!” the Summoner jerked upwards. “Gives us a forte in dark magic, which I’m actually well-versed in, “Five percent increase in INT, a bit more power in summoning, and amplified dark magic damage output--I’d say that this is the one for us.”

“So the equivalent of Black mana… If I think on it like that…” Ral muttered, deep in thought.

“It’s decided then!” the Summoner yelled out. “It’s time to don this sick piece of armor!” The Summoner reared himself at the screen display. “Give us the power, oh glorious screen display; give us that sweet Necromancer armor!”

Once more, a haze of distortion enveloped the template character, causing him to blur out of view. The haze began to dissipate,

Replacing the human’s casual wear was now a much more drastic-looking cloak. Epaulets of white laced with gold was now apparent on the template’s shoulders. Endowing the human’s back was a cape of purple mingled with a padded, silvery fabrics that almost lengthed to the floor. Swathing the human was a robe of leather clothing that was dyed in purple that was also outlined in gold.

“Nice,” the Summoner noted.

“Hey, I got an idea for the last bit of points.” Ral spoke. “Bring up Izzet Keyrune.” The item list then brought up the item, the equipment cost being three.

“Ironic how its cost is the same as its mana cost, huh?” Ral muttered before changing his attention to the rest. “If we take this, then we should be able to access the magic that I could use when I was alive, and thanks to the robes we can also cast other spells that require black mana instead of only red and blue. Mind if we grab it?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“You’d be worthless without it, so yeah. Go ahead,” Malideus spoke.

“Humph, because of our natural abilities being added I already give us the benefit of using lightning, this just makes us that much more powerful in the end,” Ral remarked. “Alright, add that on. I guess put it on a chain as a necklace I guess since our hands are full…”

Rending the winds, the unforeseen entities shrouded the template in a haze of warped reality once more. Disappearing from view, the surroundings of the human reverted back. On the human’s neck was now a chain with a totem of a strange creature, or weird to be precise, colored in simple blues and reds. In the middle of the keyrune was the symbol of the Izzet League. The eyes of the weird glowed an eerie blue with magic.

“Finally. We’re set!” Audrey let out a cry of relief. “Let’s go blow stuff up already.”

“Not so fast!” the Summoner yelled out. “Terminal,” he faced at the display, “search freebies.” Once more, the screen went white with a little loading loop in the middle before displaying a menagerie of “zero cost” items. “There are still stuff here for free! You can’t go wrong with free stuff.”

“Used tampons… Nope, there’s everything wrong with free stuff!” Malideus retorted with an aggravated tone.

“Ugh… wait. Look at that one,” the Summoner pointed out. “Anime cat ears. Gives a subtle, and by that I mean exactly by one point, boost to DEX and plus a couple of points to Sex Appeal-”

“No!” Malideus roared out, causing tears of wind to turbulently shoot out from him. “I. Hate. Anime!” he added with a convulsive shake of anger.

“Gah!” The Summoner replied to Malideus with a convulsive irate shake of his own. “It’s free! And it’s somewhat helpful, so I say we get it!”

“You can’t be serious…” Ral deadpanned. “I’m all for getting free buffs, but if its something as meager as anime cat ears then I say skip it.”

“Damn all of you…” the Summoner began to deflate once more.

“Yeah, well, I feel that we’re good, the freebies are just stupid anyways.” (Enter someone here)

“Next phase, for whatever’s sake!” Audrey shouted into the sky. “I’m tired of waiting for all this crap!”

Suddenly, everything began to dim with an eerily red glow ominously eclipsing everything. Appearing in the form of a display were the words “Combat Training” with a countdown of five seconds below it.

“Eh… ?”

“We’re going to be thrusted into the body already?”

“About time…”

“This is…”

“This’ll be hard… Who’ll be controlling the body first?”

With the lack of attention on the display, the countdown reached zero faster than everybody anticipated. Suddenly, everyone felt nauseous as they were all plunged into one body. The template began to twitch and jerk back several times before everybody collectively said random curses.

“Fuck! Shit! What happened? Don’t move! I’m confused! I was sleeping--sorry!” the template spoke out in a weird mishmash of everybody’s voice.

“By whatever lunacy does this adhere to that our voices still retain their tone?” the “template” spoke in the Summoner’s voice. “We must have one messed up vocal chord…”