“Base four, I should have known it’d be base four,” Alex muttered as he ruminated on his recent failure of Twilight’s math tests. “I’m not learning base four, Fluttershy. I know damn well how to do math!”

“Alex, I know it must feel a little insulting, but you have to admit that there would be so much confusion if you forgot to convert from your math system back to ours.” Fluttershy was actually wearing a freakishly adorable little apron as she washed the various dishes of the day while Alex pored over the list of ‘remedial assignments’ Twilight had given him. “Maybe you can try to talk to her about it tomorrow when she comes over to help with the washing and that assessment she said she was doing for me?”

“Fine, fine.” Alex grunted, reading down the list. “I am not writing a five page essay on my chosen philosopher. I like George Carlin but not enough to do that.”

“Oh, was that the older man you showed me when you found your ‘phone,’ the one who was swearing almost nonstop?” Fluttershy’s ears actually perked up a little. “I know you’ve said that name at some point over the last few days.”

“Yup, my favorite comedian ever. Followed by Brian Regan.” Alex crossed that off the list, eyes moving down the paper. “So... do you guys not have gym class? I’m surprised I don’t see the ‘Princess fitness challenge’ on this thing.”

“Gym class? Well, I mean, I know what a gym is, but why would you need a class about them?”

“You know what? Forget I said anything.” Alex shook his head, not wanting to give society here any ideas. “So... how’s the stuff with the mayor going? Anything I have to sign yet?”

Her ears went flat almost immediately and her cheeks colored slightly as Fluttershy looked away quickly. “Well, um, about that...how would you feel about calling me ‘mom?’”

Alex blinked, gazing over at her. “Is that a requirement?”

“No. It’s more of a floating question to you, because they’re not willing to allow me to just be a guardian. I’m going to have to officially adopt you. I was going to wait until after the washing tomorrow so you’d have another day or so to just get used to being here.”

Putting his paper down, Alex rose up and made his way over to her. “You know, I wouldn’t mind that.” Kneeling down, he put an arm around her. “You already remind me of my mom. Hell, you’re already acting like you are my mom.”

Fluttershy stiffened up slightly at the unexpected touch, but she quickly leaned into the hug. “Alright, what else were the main problems that came up in all of the exams and tests Twilight had you take, or was math your one big stumbling block?”
“Well, there are a few words and phrases I couldn’t make heads or tails of,” he admitted, patting her head. “Just that and math.”

“Let me guess, the phrases that refer to pony body parts and such? I’ve heard that those have given some other beings trouble with the language before if they didn’t grow up learning it.” Fluttershy’s wings bent in a way that looked like it should have been painful before the apron mostly fell off to hang from around her neck. “Tree Hugger told me that the minotaur language has a few similar oddities.”

Alex burst out laughing, nearly falling on his ass. “Oh god, someone named their kid Tree Hugger? Wow, I feel sorry for them. What terrible parents.” He stopped laughing, cowed by Fluttershy’s stern gaze.

“As if my name’s any better, Alex? Could you imagine how odd that would be if I’d turned out to be outgoing and overly friendly rather than quiet and reserved? Ponies shouldn’t be made fun of just for their names, especially since many times parents seem almost prescient in regards to naming ponies for the talents they develop.”

“Well uh... ‘tree hugger’ is a pejorative where I’m from,” Alex tried to defend, rubbing at his neck. “Hippy types who do nothing but smoke weed and spout platitudes about environmentalism.”

“Weed? Which weed?”

“Cannabis.”

“Really? I mean, I know it can be calming when you’re really nervous, or it can stimulate your appetite, but what’s wrong about relaxing a little?” Fluttershy seemed genuinely confused. “I mean, sure if you’re young you might not know how much is safe to eat, but that’s what parents are for.”

“Because it has a really different effect on humans. It was banned in my country, mostly because idiots think its a gateway drug to harder stuff,” Alex replied, standing up. “Has a psychoactive effect on humans.”

“Oh, we’ll have to make sure to get that noted in your medical profile then. I wouldn’t want you to have a bad reaction if a doctor thought it might help if you lose your appetite and I wasn’t around to get it corrected.”

“You say that like getting high is a bad thing.” Alex gave her a cheeky grin. ‘I’ve used it a few times. Helped when the nightmares got really bad.”

“Still, it’s something the doctors should know before they prescribe it to you…” Fluttershy went silent for a minute before nodding. “Then again, it also sounds like something to keep on-hand if it helps with your nightmares. That way Princess Luna won’t have to expend as much energy keeping you safe after a bad one.”

Alex sighed, holding a hand up. “Don’t. As much as I would like to, I’m a teenager again. My brain isn’t fully developed yet. Taking it is just gonna screw with my head.” Snapping his fingers, he pointed at her. “Right, so, teenagers have some stuff going on besides all the sex stuff.”

“Did I hear someone stealing my distinctive ability?” A new voice called from the living room, one that caused Fluttershy to squeak cutely before fumbling to get the apron off.

“Oh dear, you stay here and stay quiet, alright. Let me talk to him first.” She headed for the doorway between the kitchen and the living room without really waiting for an answer, the first time she’d ever really given him an order aside from the incident with the screaming rabbit the other day.

Deciding to heed her command, Alex resumed his seat at the table. Lifting up his sheet of assignments, he went over the list again; reaffirming the ones he wasn’t going to do.

“Hello Fluttershy! I do hope I’m not interrupting anything. I did hear another voice after all, but it just feels like so long since I’ve stopped by.” The voice was becoming extremely familiar to Alex the longer whoever was in the other room talked. The sound of fingers snapping and something else happening was immediately followed by a giggle from Fluttershy. “I brought some cucumber sandwiches.”

Alex’s face scrunched up, the voice rattling around his brain. “Is that... John De Lancie?”

“There’s that other voice again. I don’t want to be rude, Fluttershy. Am I interrupting another guest’s visit?”

“Oh, no. That’s just my son, Alex.”

Alex quite literally heard the melody of a Windows computer shutting down, followed by glass cracking. “Y-your son? Okay, umm...I must have miscalculated the time, or else my old spikey-haired friend owes me an apology for dropping me off in a different dimension. Is...is he ours?”

Fluttershy sputtered, her words a incomprehensible stream of gibberish. “N-no!” she declared, finally getting ahold of herself. “H-he’s adopted! A-and technically not that yet either, but...”

“Oh thank Celestia’s stunningly sizeable flanks! I can’t imagine how hard it would have been for you to raise something that was part ME by yourself.” A clattering sound was followed by the classic cartoonish clang of an anvil dropping. “That is certainly a load off of my mind, but could I still meet him, or is there some stipulation that I not ‘infect him with the madness of chaos.’” Those last words were spoken in a completely different, and female, voice.

“Discord, you know I don’t like it when you imitate the princesses.”

“Ah, right. Sorry.” A few more snaps were heard, followed by a few panicked squeaks as some of the smaller animals scattered. “So, how many birthdays did I miss, or has it really only been a few days like I thought?”

“Oh, he’s only been with me for a few days,” Fluttershy explained. “We found the poor dear out in the snow way up north.”

“Really now? And you decided to take the colt in yourself? That’s just a little bit unlike you. Maybe if he was a lost puppy or something I could see it but not something that can talk and be understood by others.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, but I’m still glad I did it. He’s sweet in his own way, and I think the two of you would get along well.” She thought for a moment, humming softly. “Actually, you would probably understand more about him than I would, but you’d be better for him than Pinkie. He’s really averse to her for some reason.”

“Well, how about I meet him now?” Discord asked, his voice getting closer. “He’s in the kitchen right? I’ll just pop in and say hello!”

“He’s working on something for Twilight right now.”

“All the more reason to interrupt him, then. If nothing else, I’ll help keep him awake.”

Alex turned back to his paper, only to come face to face with a pair of yellow and red eyes. Yelping, he tumbled out of his seat, summoning his keyblade out of instinct. He pointed it forward, eyes wide in panic.

Those eyes blinked quickly, and soon rose off of the papers to sit in the air as a smile unzipped itself. “A human! I haven’t seen one of you in Equestria in ages! Let’s see if I still remember my manners from back then.” A body that was a hodgepodge of various animals thrown together at random slowly faded in as Discord spoke. “Ba weep grandma weep mini-gong?” His lion’s paw performed a few odd gestures and a wave before a snap of the talons on his eagle’s claw caused a miniature gong to appear and ring loudly.

Panting, Alex started at the claw. “Don’t... do that... asshole...” he muttered out, hold his arm up for another few seconds before letting it drop. “Scared me half to death...”

“Only half? Well, it looks like I’m getting better at judging the tolerance people have to shocking things. The last youngster I did that to had the get a pill from a zebra in a swamp just to start breathing.” Discord’s eyes drifted over Alex, and a frown formed on his features. “Fluttershy called you her son, but I know a female face...you’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?”

“Mock me again, and you’ll find out how much it hurts to get a giant key to the face,” Alex retorted, pushing himself to his feet. “Break your other buck tooth.”

“I think not. I’m already fully acquainted with the pain that oversized key can bring to bear, and you’re about half the size of the last person to threaten me with it.” He sighed and stood up fully while reversing the curve in his spine briefly. “Either way, I was making an observation and not mocking you. I might be able to reshape most of reality briefly on a whim, but every time I’ve tried to toy with someone else’s sex or gender to amuse myself it backfired on me, and that’s not nearly as fun. The one time I tried to do it as a favor nothing happened…”

Dismissing his keyblade, Alex stood up and brushed himself off. “That would be my luck, wouldn’t it.” He paused, eyeing Discord closely. “And who exactly had my keyblade before me, Q?”

“I haven’t gone by that designation in millenia, child, but kudos to you for knowing it.” Discord held out a granola bar drizzled with chocolate to Alex. “As for the previous wielder, it was old Sunbutt herself.”

“Discord…” Fluttershy’s voice came from the doorway.

“Fine, fine, Princess Celestia.”

Reaching out, Alex gingerly took the offered treats from him. “Right so... yeah... Fluttershy’s officially adopting me.” He eyed Discord before speaking again. “You make my head hurt, worse than the Pink menace.”

“Hmmm, well, I guess I’ll have to work on that a little if I’m going to be hanging around with dear Fluttershy...or getting more involved. You don’t have any food allergies do you? Nuts, berries, or orange rinds?”

“Uh... I used to be allergic to peanuts but that went away at some point,” Alex rambled off, taking a bit of his granola bar. “That’s about it.”

“Alright, so...I think we have an agreement. You don’t stick that key anywhere uncomfortable, and I’ll make sure to keep things quiet with your mother at night.”

“D-discord!”

“What? He’s obviously got a mind older than his body if he knows of old Q, and it’s not like I’m going to destroy his innocence…”

“That doesn’t mean you need to be so blatant about it, and he has nightmares so we might not always-”

“You guys are uh...?” Alex looked between them, his face scrunching up. “Welp, that’s an image I didn’t need to know. Rip me.”

Discord reached out and pulled on something at the side of Alex’s head. “I can take care of that if you want? No need to clutter your mind with thoughts like that right now when you’re going to have your own confusing issues soon enough.”

“Don’t be taking things from out of my head!” Alex slapped his paw away, frowning. “I don’t need you poking around in there and erasing my parents names or something.” He shoved the rest of his granola bar into his mouth, holding his angry face.

“Alright, alright, but my offer still stands if you ever decide to take me up on it.” Discord lets go while straightening up and looking down critically at Alex. “I think you and I will be able to come to an understanding soon enough. If nothing else I’ll be a hoot at parents day at school.”

“That’s still jumping the gun a little, Discord. Not that i’d mind, but let’s give it a bit more time first.”

Swallowing the last mouthful, Alex eyed him back. “Let’s just wait until I have a sense of home, ya?”

“Fair enough. Don’t be afraid to ask me for a few things you might need, as long as you don’t mind a funny twist or two.”

“So, that was a thing. That happened.” Alex stared after Twilight as the purple princess left him and Fluttershy at the fence. “Did she really have to nudge Angel into the mud three times?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her acting like that,” Fluttershy spoke, a deep frown on her face. “It was almost like she didn’t want to leave.”

“Has she ever acted crazy before at all, because that was pretty crazy.”

“Well... there was that time she brainwashed the town with that ‘want it, need it spell’...” Fluttershy mutters, fluffing her wings.

“So, that’d be an unqualified yes. Brainwashing an entire town seems pretty crazy to me. Was this anywhere near as bad as that time?”

“Ummm, not quite? Not yet? Back then she was all crazy about missing what she saw as an assignment and turning it in ‘tardy’ being one of the worst things she could possibly do.”

“Sounds like she needs to see someone about some kind of medication,” Alex commented, taking his seat once more. “Maybe a good talk with a psychologist. Might do her some good.”

“Well, we’ll be seeing the girls tomorrow morning at the pancake breakfast, and we can ask them if she’s been acting strange around them as well. Maybe she was just nervous about that whole compensation adjustment thing and...um, overcompensated?”

“If I had my way, you’d never, ever have to pay for anything ever again,” Discord said, petting Fluttershy’s mane as he faded in seemingly from thin air. “It’s bad enough you won’t let me conjure you up bits.” He snorted. “Destabilizing the economy my flank.”

“I make enough money to get by, Discord, and you got yelled at by Twilight about that too. Then she sent a letter to Princess Celestia and you had sunburn for a week that even you couldn’t wish away.”

Alex couldn’t help but let out a giggle. “You two really are like a married couple. Except one of you is an eldritch abomination.”

“I don’t have nearly enough tentacles to be eldritch. I’m an eccentric abomination, thank you very much, boy.” Discord responded instantly with a wicked grin. “And you’ll remember that well unless you want to go to school in a pink ‘Hello Cthulhu’ dress on your first day.”

“Discord, be nice to him. He didn’t mean anything rude by what he said.” Fluttershy fluffed her wings. “Oh um, since you’re here, Dissy, how about we all do some bonding? I’d like you two to get to know each other!”

“Well, I don’t see why not. What shall we do? I think I have a few board games around here in one of my pockets.” He reached into his fur and began to pull out boxes wrapped in clear plastic. “Khet...no. Mirrors and mouths don’t mix. Pac-Man the Board Game...no, marbles. Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence? I thought I gave that to Tirek when he was reincarcerated.” Each one was tossed over his shoulder and into a pile of shards as the boxes shattered. “Oh, maybe some Uno?” He sat down only to leap up with a yelp and reach under his tail and pull out a differently-shaped box. “Or Jenga, that one’s fun too.”

Alex tilted his head before speaking up. “You got 1313 Dead End Drive in there,” he questioned, looking back up at Discord’s face. “It’s a little obscure but it’s bar none my favorite board game of all time.”

“That’s the one that requires a billion tiny rubber bands, right? We’ll have to be careful so none of the animals gets tangled up or starts choking on them.” Discord reached back in and searched around for a few seconds before coming back out with a mint-condition box of the requested game and a huge bag of rubber bands.

“You are the best mom’s boyfriend as of this moment.” Tossing his ‘homework’ off to the side, Alex almost snatched the box from him. Humming a tune to himself, he set about getting the board set up.

“Oh, so what is this game exactly? It’s not going to be long and boring, like Peagsopoly, is it? I hate weather management games.”

“Oh no, it’s much better than that,” Alex began, not looking up from his work. “So, the set up is that a bunch of characters go to the estate of their recently deceased aunt for their share of her will. Each player gets a random assortment of those characters. The objective is to kill the other players characters to increase your share of the will.”

“Oh my, that sounds a little violent. I mean...I guess we could all give it a try, but if it gets to be too much for me I think I’d just prefer to end up watching.”

“It’s fine, you just knock over some cardboard cutouts,” Alex assured, standing one up and knocking it down. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“Wait...you...there I go again worrying about nothing after someone said the wrong word. You said ‘kill’ and I thought it was going to be more involved than that.” Fluttershy then began doing her best to help Alex assemble everything according to the directions. In the end, they only ended up using a few rubber bands after all.

“Who said we were going to keep it exactly the same? I do have a plan to spice things up just a bit, but well within reason. It won’t even involve rotating your home in midair, or giving that little white demon indigestion.” It seemed even Discord didn’t get along well with Angel.

“Right.” Putting the last touches onto the board, Alex beckoned Discord and Fluttershy over. “It’s been a while since I played, so, don’t get mad if I have to bust out the instructions.”

“I’ve never played either, so why don’t we all go over them together so we’re all on the same page with it?”

“Right, right.” Alex nodded in agreement, scrounging around in the box for the instructions. “Aha! Here they are!” Laying them out, he went over them first before letting the others look through them.

“Oh, we’re supposed to keep which heirs we are a secret. Well, there goes one way of spicing things up. Hmmmm, and another way would not go over well with Fluttershy...or Alex most likely.” Discord spoke to himself while holding up a copy of the instructions that was printed in mirrored font...upside-down. “But the fact that there’s three of us and sixteen playable tokens means we all have one completely guilt-free kill, because we’ll each have five characters.”

“Sounds good to me,” Alex replied, shuffling the character deck. “Five apiece.” Passing out the cards, he set the extra one off to the side. “No hard feelings, alright? I don’t wanna make things awkward.”

Discord mimed grabbing the deck of cards that represented traps and effects, lifting it up a good foot off the board without making contact with it and carefully removing the ‘clock strikes midnight’ card before shuffling that set up. “No hard feelings at all, and I think I still have one way to give a little flair to this game.” Once he was satisfied that that stack was well and truly randomized he put the clock card at the bottom and placed it on the board.

“It’s not going to be anything creepy, is it? I mean, I could tolerate a tiny bit, but not much in a game that’s already a little morbid.”

“Nothing intentionally creepy, dear. I promise.”

Alex giggled a little, placing all the characters on the center of the board. “I guess all that’s left is to roll for turn order.” Grabbing the dice, he cast a glance at Discord. “No weird die though. I don’t want you rolling an infinite sided die or something.”

“There’s only three of us here, we could just flip a coin.”

Snapping, Alex nodded. “Coin flip it is. Uh... anyone got a coin?”

Discord snapped as well, and a single bit fell on the table in front of Alex...and landed on its edge without rolling. “One coin. Do we flip three times and call it in the air or do we flip it once and whoever gets it right goes first?”

“The second one.” Almost hesitant to move the coin, Alex grabbed it and held it up. “I’m calling heads.”

“Then I guess I’ll call...edge.” Fluttershy spoke up after a moment.

“And that leaves me with tails.” Discord’s voice grew serious, but his face was still playful and smiling as he literally tied his fingers in knots. “No cheating.”

The coin felt entirely normal in Alex’s hand, without any kind of extra weight one way or the other no matter how it was oriented as he tested its weight in his hand. Taking a breath, he tossed it up, watching as it landed on the table, heads up with Celestia’s smiling face.

“Yes!” Alex fist pumped. “I called it!”

So he did, and so they played, with nothing remotely untoward happening until the first death. The little cardboard cutout popped to life for a moment and reacted much like a Looney Tunes character would as the suit of armor fell on them, followed by a middle finger raised to the sky in a perfect blend of macabre humor.

Another bit of Discord’s flair was made manifest the first time a character escaped from the house, with the piece once again aminating itself before assuming the form of the player who held its card while it ran out of the house and collected the moneybag tokens from its place on the will before dropping them next to it’s player.

“Hey, I thought the point of the game was in not knowing who was playing who? This isn’t really the same if you know who has what cards and can do weird things with them, Discord.”

“I don’t know which cards you have. I weaved that effect into the game and the pawns so they can read the aura of the player who has the card. My magic signature is different from yours, and vastly different from Fluttershy, so all it does is seek out the card, then poke the magic field of the player. It would work exactly the same if I were to play this with Luna and...nevermind. You get my point.”

The game continued on, with a few more characters escaping and many dying in ways made hilarious by the improbable manners that Discord’s special magic made possible while adhering strictly to the basic ideas of the game.

In the end, Fluttershy managed to squeeze out more money than either Alex or Discord; despite having done her best to avoid eliminating any characters. “Oh my, I didn't think I'd win. Dissy, did you put the odds in my favor?”

“Oh please. If I were trying to influence things to butter you up I’d have edged things in favor of the boy. You’d be happy no matter who won as long as we all had fun and it wasn’t too scary, so I tried to do my best to make even the scary aspect funnier.”

“I think you won because you were trying to move every character away from traps and such on your turns. It made it impossible to tell which ones you had,” Alex offered, starting to clean up the board.

“That is true,” Fluttershy agreed. Glancing at the clock, she gasped. “Oh my, it’s time to start dinner. Dissy, could you help Alex with his assignment list? He mentioned having trouble with some of the language.”

“Eh, why not. Hmmmm. Alex, how’d you like to learn some curses so old that your teacher would never know the meaning?”

“Only teach him those if you plan on sleeping alone tonight, Discord.”

“Well kreeblim.”