Alex groaned as he woke up, his body finally having started to feel more normal again after the last few days of hell. The few seconds before he opened his eyes told him there was someone in the bed with him, and the feeling of a fuzzy ear flicking against his chin told him it had to be Fluttershy, having come in to check on him in the night most likely. He brought the hand that wasn’t pinned down up to scratch between her ears. “Morning Fluttershy. You get worried about me again last night? I didn’t have any nightmares, and it wasn’t even because of training with Luna.”

The pony laying beside and on top of him shifted slightly, and Alex felt his blood freeze as they giggled. That wasn’t Fluttershy’s voice. “Funny pony smells more like a sister, but Mommy says I should call you a mister.”

A shrill cry escaped Alex’s lips,followed by a blind swipe of Aubade. “Screw mornings! Get the hell out of my bed!”

“Ohhh, you have Daddy’s keyblade?” The strange voice moved away slightly, and she giggled again. “No wonder she hasn’t been able to use it for so long. Are you going to give it back?” Despite moving far enough away from Alex to be off the bed, there was no sound of hooves hitting the floor or wings beating.

“Alex? Is everything okay in there?” Fluttershy’s voice came from the other side of the door, and was followed by a knock.

“Mom! Crazy stalker pony!” Alex shouted back, scrambling to his feet and holding Aubade in front of him. “Who the fuck are you!?”

Fluttershy opened the door quickly after Alex’s shout and immediately moved in front of Alex with her wings flared out in a full primal threat display; one that didn’t falter despite the fact that the other pony in the room was doing something impossible.

A light purple earth pony was floating about a foot off the floor. Her mane was a darker purple with a few sparse white stripes, and for some reason she was wearing a yellow and white beanie with a green propeller sticking out of the top. “I’m no stalker, I’m Discord’s daughter.”

“Discord’s... daughter?” Alex questioned, keeping Aubade level. “He has a daughter?”

The strange mare reached up under her hat, and far more of her foreleg vanished than should have been possible before she pulled out a large and old-looking piece of paper. She held this out to Alex and Fluttershy with a smile that was far too wide to be comforting.

“I-uh, he might have mentioned it a couple times, but he always sounded sad so I figured she’d had something happen to her.” Fluttershy didn’t back down at all, and actually flared her wings open further while ruffling her feathers to try and appear even larger as the strange mare floated closer briefly.

The mare seemed to get the message and came to a stop. “I won’t harm mister sister. Just want a nice visit.” She lowered herself down to the floor, and nudged the piece of paper forward with one hoof before taking a couple steps back.

Alex leaned forward and carefully picked up the piece of paper, then held it in front of Fluttershy’s face after reading the gilt lettering at the top of ‘Certificate of Royal Birth.’ The writing on the paper was old-fashioned, but still mostly recognizable as Equestrian/English on a basic level. The embellishments on the letters made the lines a little too cluttered for Alex to make out easily though. Fluttershy began reading it out loud after a few seconds. “It be hereby certified that a filly, henceforth to be known by the name of Pandemonium, has been born into the royal family on the fifth day after winter wrap-up in the fifteenth year after the unification of Equestria. The filly has a coat of pale lavender with a mane of purple hue with thin white stripes, and exhibits physical characteristics consistent with an earth pony despite her parentage...oh my that certainly is an old way of thinking. Let me see, sired by Prince Celestine Solaris and foaled by Dis...FOALED by Discord?” Fluttershy sat down heavily, trailing off completely at that.

“Discord pulled a Loki?” Alex questioned, letting Aubade vanish. “Huh, that seems completely in character for him. Where is Discord anyway?”

“Mom left after letting me in. Said he had to go clean up his old place a bit before turning it into a set of extra rooms for here.” Pandemonium seemed to have calmed down a bit, and at least sounded somewhat less excited. “C-can I hug little sister again? Little sister feels warm.”

“He did say something about doing some housekeeping last night.” Fluttershy folded her wings back up and smiled sheepishly at the other, much older mare. “I-uh...sorry. W-would you like some tea, maybe?”

Alex stepped off his bed and kneeled in front of Pandemonium. “Uh, sure. You can hug me. But, I don’t think we’re actually sisters yet. Fluttershy and Discord aren’t married.”

“Don’t care!” She laughed in a slightly disturbing way before floating up and latching on to Alex with all four legs in a strong hug accompanied by a nuzzle against his chest. “Wanted a sister or brother too long to care about silly things like laws. Mommy’s courting again, that’s all that counts.”

Fluttershy giggled softly before heading out of the room now that the situation had been explained, satisfied that anyone whose first real request was for a hug couldn’t be bad. “I’ll be back in a bit with some tea then, for myself if neither of you want some.”

“I could do with some tea,” Alex said, putting his hands on Pandemonium's shoulders. “Hey now, no need to glomp me. I get you’re excited but jeez, I’m not a teddy bear. And uh... don’t nuzzle there. Please.”

She let go and floated back a little with her head tilted slightly sideways. “Sorry? Yes, yes, sorry. It’s just...family, family that I don’t have to leave behind because... nevermind.” She shook her head and held out her right foreleg. “I’m Screwball. You’re Alex, right? Mommy said Alex…”

“Yup! I’m Alex Lionheart.” Taking Screwball’s forehoof, he gave it a shake. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Lionheart?” She tilts her head back the other way, then nods and smiles. “Fight to defend family and others, strong, brave. Why no nuzzle? Was just trying to be nice to new sister.”

Alex rubbed the back of his head. “You scared us both. I’m not very good with surprises. Especially not with the week I’ve been having.”

“So... no nuzzle because it was surprising?” She seemed confused, and she lowered herself to the floor again while her rear leg is brought forward like a dog to scratch behind her ear. “I’m not... not barking right? Trying to get things controlled, but... hard.”

“Oh. The nuzzle. Well uh...” Alex coughed into his hand. “On a human, the chest is where the uh... teats are...” he explained. “But uh. No you are not barking.”

“Oh, so it’s a sensitive spot.” She nodded and sighed as she finished scratching behind her ear. “Always sensitive on humans? Mine are only that bad if I’m nursing...which is rarer than I like.” She blinked a couple times and something in her eyes shifted. They became clearer somehow, and Alex could finally see a pupil in them. “Ohhhh, that’s better. Managed to kick the bugs out for a bit.”

“Yeah, it’s uh, sensitive,” Alex agreed. “And because I have body issues.” Clearing his throat, he reached out to scratch her ears. “So uh, whose ‘Celestine’? That Celestia’s big brother or something? Her dad?”

“Oh, no, Daddy got turned into a mare by Mommy, then got mad when Mommy couldn’t turn him back. Now Daddy goes by ‘Celestia’ because it was the first thing aunt Luna called him. Her... her now, keep forgetting. Daddy gets sad when I call her him now, or use her old name.”

Alex stared at her for a moment, unable to speak. “S-she’s like me?” he asked softly.

Screwball stares at Alex for a moment, then shakes her head. “No, even if you’re a colt who got turned into a filly, Daddy has been fine with being a mare for centuries now. She only gets sad because I tend to forget stuff when I go into one of my less stable phases. I think it’s more because my mind is warped than anything to do with being female at this point.”

“Do you think... she’d talk to me about it?” Alex asked, looking into her eyes.

“Oh, umm, maybe? I mean, if she knows about you already and hasn’t volunteered anything she probably thinks things are a bit too different for her thoughts to be of any help.” Screwball smiled nervously, and her eye briefly twitched.

Alex sighed, nodding his head. “Right, right. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I won’t bring it up.” Patting her head, he stood up. “So, wanna go get some tea? Shy makes some pretty good brews.”

“Oh, no, I mean that if she hasn’t volunteered anything to you she probably thinks she can’t help. If you ask her about it she might be uncomfortable for a bit, but if you explain and she realizes she can help she will. Dad’s gotten very... well, she feels like she’s everypony’s mother at times… It feels so weird to say that.” She walked over to the door as she talked, following along behind Alex.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Being that it was a lazy Sunday, Alex had decided to remain in his sleepwear; the shirt he had arrived in and a pair of underwear. “What made you drop by anyway?”

“I wanted to check up on one of my great-grandfoals here in Ponyville. Silly family chaos curse looks like it’s been broken for one generation since Spoiled Milk’s filly has a name that isn’t outright insulting. I heard in town about Mom’s marefriend adopting a strange foal and decided to meet the new family member.”

“I’m a teenager again, not a foal.” Flopping down on the couch, he let the usual animals join him. “I’d be in way worse shape if I had become a kid again.”

“Teenager, preschooler, there’s little difference when you’re my age, little sister... er, brother? Um, which would you prefer?” She hopped up onto the couch next to Alex, and the animals gave her a little space and a few cautious sniffs before some of them dogpiled her even more thoroughly than they did Alex normally.

“Whatever is easier for you.” Alex moved over to give her more space. “But, I lean more towards brother. At the moment. I think. It’s complicated.”

Screwball giggled slightly. “Complicated. That’s a word that describes our family perfectly. Lord of Chaos, Princess of Equestria, First Heir to the Solar Throne, keyblade user, and Element of Kindness... Yes.” She smiled and shook her head slightly, wordlessly and soundlessly getting the various animals to give her a little more space. “So, little brother Alex. I like saying that.”

“I didn’t have an siblings before,” Alex said, while petting a fox’s back. “It was just me... and my folks.”

“So we’ll both be doing something new. Hurray for new things.” She didn’t shout, but still managed to sound excited about the idea. “I’ll finally be able to do some things with family that I always wanted to do, but couldn’t.”

“Like what?” Alex asked, turning his head to see Fluttershy walking in with a tray of tea on her back. “What kind of tea did you make?”

“Oh, um, it’s a white tea with almond and vanilla. It doesn’t really have a specific name, but I like it.” Fluttershy slips the tray off her back and onto the nearby table without a sound coming from anything on it. “It’s a good, light, morning tea I think.”

“Well, ever since it started I’ve kinda wanted to do a family costume for Nightmare Night.” Screwball shifted her position on the couch, and the couch groaned softly as it extended slightly to make room between her and Alex for Fluttershy to sit down as well.

Fluttershy took the opening, pouring them all a cup of tea. “I don’t really celebrate Nightmare Night. It’s a bit too much for me.” Putting a wing around Alex, she gave a soft smile. “Don’t let that hold you back from having fun though.”

“Oh, um, okay. I guess I could try and have fun with it. What’s it like?”

“Oh it’s super fun.” Screwball did her best to keep her voice low. “Everypony wears costumes to hide who they are from the spooky Mare in the Moon and goes around collecting candy from houses. Most towns have a dusty statue of her that they bring out to a field or open area and all the fillies and colts are told a story about how they need to leave tribute to avoid the wrath of Nightmare Moon, and most of the time this candy is collected and brought to local hospitals for foals who were too sick to go out themselves.”

“Oh, so it’s basically Halloween then… that makes a scary amount of sense.” Alex lifted his cup, blowing on it before taking a sip. “Halloween’s all commercialized now but back when it was practiced by its original followers, it was a day of spirits. The ancients believed that one day a year, the barrier between the spirit world and the human world would thin. On that night, people carved faces into turnips to ward off spirits. They also took to dressing up like ghosts and monsters to blend in with the wandering spirits. Going from door to door for candy didn’t become a thing until the Irish brought the holiday to America and corporations realized they could make assloads of money off it.”

“I-I honestly don’t remember why it first came about. Aunt Luna wasn’t ever really bad, but I couldn’t do much as a foal to help her. I suppose she must have done a few horrible things when she lost herself, but I can’t remember them. I know she never ate other ponies though.”

“That’s just how legends go.” Alex shrugged. “You know, I’ve have a ton of books and stuff on my tablet. I’ve been considering transcribing them on paper. Give everyone a glimpse into my world. Make some money on the side or something like that.”

“Make sure you give credit to the original author, Alex. Even if there’s no way to get the money to them, ponies can be strict about proper credit if there’s any way to prove it.”

“Uh-huh.” Screwball sounded somewhat subdued. “I remember an artist tried suing me once for stealing his concept when I sneezed while walking down a Manehattan street and every building was covered in random colored blotches as a result. Tried to claim that me doing that all at once by accident made his works look ‘cheap’ in comparison.”

“Right, right. Be ethical, got it.” Alex nodded, letting Fluttershy snuggle against him.

Screwball simply nodded and floated over her cup of tea with a wave of her hoof and no overt display of magic otherwise. “That and don’t go outside if you have a cold.”

A knock at the door of the classroom interrupted Cheerilee in the middle of a response to a question on division. She walked over and cracked the door open before stepping back in surprise. “Oh, Spike. I’m in the middle of a lesson right now.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but this is from Princess Celestia herself for Alex, so Twilight told me to come right over and give it to him.” The young dragon’s voice was clear enough to be heard throughout the classroom, and a few other students were either stareing or glaring at Alex as a result.

“Oh, well, alright. You can give that to me and I’ll make sure he’s able to look at it as soon as he gets a chance, but this is already enough of a disruption as it is.” Cheerilee was firm in her response. “I’ll let you in so you can put it on my desk if you want, otherwise I’ll just take it for now.”

“Nah, I don’t want to take up any more time.” Spike passed the letter and gave a wave into the class. “Hope the rest of the day is good, Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee carefully gripped the very end of the scroll between her lips and moved over to the desk to place it down before returning to close the door. “Alright everypony, as I was saying, the reason we have to denote a remainder on any division problem that doesn’t come out perfectly even is because you can’t just pretend that inconvenient numbers don’t exist. If it helps, you can think of a remainder as the money you have left in your saddlebags after you finish paying all of your bills once you’re an adult.”

‘Or an adult again,’ Alex thought to himself, watching as Cheerilee drew a sample problem on the board. ‘And how many older people would tell me to quit complaining and enjoy the extra years? They can talk all they want, they aren’t being treated like a child again.’ The lesson continued on for a bit longer before Cheerilee stepped away from the board and assigned them all a page in the book to refer to and practice the problems on it and the next few similar pages as classwork and homework if they didn’t manage to finish.

A scroll being placed on Alex’s desk snapped him out of his concentration a minute or so into the self-paced part of the classwork, and he looked up to see Cheerilee smiling at him. “I know you know the basics involved here and it’s more our numbers that seem strange, Alex. Go ahead and read what the princess had to write you about and then keep going. Except for the occasional alien digit, your work is always perfect.”

“Thanks, teach.” Alex smiled, lifting up the scroll. “Remind me to snag you an apple or two for tomorrow, will ya?” Carefully breaking the seal, he unfurled it and ran his eyes over the characters covering its inner surface.

“Oh please don’t. I already get a small discount from the Apples on anything over a hoofcount at Granny Smith’s insistence. Oh, and tell Fluttershy I’m sorry about filing that report about your absences. Rules are rules, and ponies tend to take child safety a little too seriously sometimes.” She headed back to her desk quickly, leaving Alex to the letter and his own thoughts.

Dear Alex, I see that my daughter has seen fit to tell you about some history so ancient that I haven’t bothered correcting anypony in centuries when they assume that I have always been a mare. To be perfectly honest, I think I might enjoy speaking with you about the questions you brought up as well as any others that might come to mind over the next few days. Fluttershy may come and visit the gardens if she likes, and my daughter is always welcome, but please make it clear to Discord that I would still not be comfortable in the same room as him for the foreseeable future, and he is not invited at this time. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.

‘Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. Guess I know what we’re doing this weekend.’ Rolling the scroll up, he slid it into his pocket. Cracking his neck, he doubled down on his math problems, with the occasional bit of help from Snails. Diamond Tiara also shot him a few occasional glares over her shoulder, but kept her mouth shut for once.

“So Celestia’s still mad about it after all these years, really?” Discord sounded mildly upset as he slowly started to peel his flattened upper body off of the table, eliciting a few giggles from Screwball at his antics as he reinflated himself by blowing into one of the fingers on his lion paw.

“I mean, you turned her into a ‘her’,” Alex pointed out, watching the display in grotesque fascination. “So, you miss her that much?”

“We had a huge thing for each other, and I honestly wish I’d never just gone and done that without trying to reverse it on someone other than myself first. If it wouldn’t risk absolutely everything that’s happened over the last thousand years or so I’d go back and stop myself...but that’s far too much to risk, including yourself and Fluttershy, Alex.” He snapped his fingers and a small bottle of bubbling, multi-hued fluid appeared in his palm. “The best I could ever come up with is this potion, which only lasts a few hours unless the drinker becomes pregnant...which is very likely if the drinker is a stallion or other male gaining a female body since it induces heat as well in that case. Bringing Celestine back for only a few hours would just hurt her more at this point.”

Alex stared at the bottle, feeling his mind racing quickly. “Please take that away before I go to places I really don’t want to go,” he finally spoke, closing his eyes. “It wouldn’t help me either.”.

“Actually, I was hoping you’d bring it to her for me so she could have it examined for general medical use by the royal doctors.” Discord quickly made the vial vanish into thin air. “I suppose I could just put it in an envelope and have Screwball deliver it instead.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Alex said, leaning back into the couch. “Sorry that you weren’t invited.”

“I actually expected to not be invited. It’s the deliberate exclusion that hurts, Alex.”

“You’ll be fine, mommy. It’s better than being turned to stone and wept all over afterwards.”

“I deserved to be stoned after what I did. Our breakup fight was so bad she didn’t even let them write legends about how bad I took it.” He looked from Screwball to Alex and sighed. “She kicked me out of the castle, I took Pandemonium with me, and we went back and forth foalnapping her from each other for weeks before I lost control. I destroyed the wards around the gardens of randomness and the zoo of oddities my sister had created as gifts, and the end result was the forest in our backyard.”

Fluttershy looked up from the otter she was counseling and tilted her head. “Sister? You never told me you had a sister.”

“The less said about Eris the better. I’d rather not attract her attention after she went completely nuts. I’m sure she’s gotten better over the centuries, but she actually tried to kill Celestia and was banished to her own pocket dimension. She’s been sealed there for all but a few minutes a year ever since.”

Screwball whimpered softly and held her head between her hooves. “Please...don’t. I-I don’t want to talk about auntie…”

Alex didn’t think as he pulled Screwball into a hug. “Hey, it’s okay. We won’t talk about her, alright?” He soothed, petting her mane. “We won’t talk about anything that you’re not okay talking about.”

“I-I go see her every so often. She’s b-better sometimes.” The grown mare whimpered and hugged Alex back tightly with her eyes squeezed shut. “Brief... brief cheesecake…”

Discord swooped over and effortlessly wrapped himself around Screwball while being as gentle as possible to get her away from Alex. “Shhhh, not now dear, I’m here. Calm down, please. Did you bring your medicine with you?”

Screwball nodded and reached up under her hat. A distinctive blue leaf came out with her hoof, but she began to pull her head back and wrinkle her muzzle before she could get it any further than the edge of her mane. Discord wrapped himself tighter around her and managed to seemingly completely encase her moments before a cacophony of unidentifiable noises sounded out and Discord began to glow in various neon colors.

“Ugh...has anypony been turned into a frog, or animated muffin? Any random changes escape me before she could start chewing?”

“No, I think everyone’s good,” Alex said, patting himself down. “I’m still me, for better or worse.”

“I feel fine. What was that, exactly?” Fluttershy said while looking around the room that was suddenly devoid of animals. “Oh dear.”

“That was a burst of uncontrolled chaos magic. It used to happen all the time when she was a foal, and I’ve talked with her about it since I was reformed. She’s not even sure why she never grew out of it, but she did notice a pattern of warning signs. Headache followed by gibberish.” Discord slowly uncurled from around Screwball, who was resolutely chewing with a disgusted expression on her face. “Poison joke leaves helped mitigate the outward effects when she was a foal, and they should still work. I just reminded her the first time I saw her.”

“Wait...poison joke is a remedy for your daughter’s foalhood magic surges that just never went away? But it causes random things to happen to ponies, playing jokes on them.”

“My dear Fluttershy, most ponies aren’t my daughter or half-chaos half-alicorn hybrids. Of course there’s going to be different effects if you take someone else’s medication.”

Screwball skipped ahead of the guard escort every few seconds, humming happily and occasionally dancing in place as they walked through the castle halls. They were far away from the throne room area that Alex had been shown to the last time he was here for the hearing with the sirens. These hallways were no less clean and sparkling, but they were just slightly less glitzy and decorated.

The group of ponies, plus Alex, turned a corner to be greeted with a familiar-looking tall navy-blue mare with baggy eyes and a nebulous mane and tail. Her face twisted a little as she yawned and brought a hoof up to her mouth. “Oh, I didn’t realize palace tours came this far into the more private areas. Don’t mind me, just off to get some coffee. I’m told family will be visiting today.” She didn’t really seem to recognize Alex, just registering that there were ponies where there usually weren’t any.

“Auntie Woona!” Screwball shouted before running over and wrapping herself around one of Luna’s legs like an oversized filly. Luna looked down and blinked a few times before a smile grew on her face.

“Screwy? You’re here earlier than I expected. I’ve only had a short nap.” Her voice was still slightly slowed, as if she were struggling not to yawn again.

“We all came to see Daddy!” Screwball beamed, floating up to Luna’s face. “Shouldn’t you be asleep, Auntie? Night needs to sleep when day is shining bright!”

Luna giggled and nuzzled Screwball briefly before kissing the underside of her muzzle. “But I took a short nap so I could at least see you today instead of making you stay up late. I certainly couldn’t let my oldest niece visit without at least greeting her.” She yawned once more and gently nudged Screwball back a bit. “Besides, I’ve stayed up later in the day for official business recently.”

Alex stumbled, suddenly finding himself in front of Luna, and Screwball pointed back at him while exclaiming. “Little mister sister! Part of the family now!”

Luna looked at Alex, then back at Screwball, then groaned. “Oh no, I’ve been teaching him how to fight in his sleep, and he’s Fluttershy’s son, and she’s seeing Discord...I’ve been beating up a family member once a week!”

“Hey, you know, I’d much rather have you do it than...” Alex stopped, his joke dying in his throat. “Yeah, just, I enjoy the training sessions.”

“Alex, I do wish you’d talk to someone about the frequency of your nightmares, and the intensity. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I know there’s a therapist somewhere in Ponyville who could help you work things out. Sometimes it’s like your mind is fighting to keep me out when I try to change your dream or wake you up.”

“Now see, that would be a good idea if humans and ponies didn’t have different mental makeups,” Alex replied, looking away from her. It was an excuse, he had no idea how true that was, but it was the response he had ingrained in his mind to such suggestions.

“While my difficulty in entering your mind suggests that such may be true, I still assert that my suggestion is valid. If nothing else, it would at least help with the more mundane nightmares. That one you had of the hotel hallway and the elevators, for example.”

“Auntie, you’re talking silly stuff. Go to bed, therapists want to drill holes in heads.”

Luna patted Screwball on the back. “Perhaps they did once, but now they are much better. Dr. Clear Mind has been helping me adjust to the modern world. I doubt I would be in such a good place if not for her. Please, at least give it a chance, Alex.”

“I promise nothing, but maybe Screwball should see one too? I mean, she hasn’t always been like this, has she?”

“Don’t need help. Find time to shine while flying blind.”

“I think talking to someone about your nightmares would be good,” Fluttershy spoke, putting a hoof on Alex’s leg. “It doesn’t have to be me, or Discord, but it should be someone.”

“I, but...ugh, fine! I’ll go to one session if my big sister does too. Just one, and if it doesn’t help I’ll call it quits.” Alex crossed his arms for a moment before wincing and quickly adjusting the way he positioned them. “Damn stupid body…”

“I take it that’s what you’re coming to ask Celestia about? I will admit, it was interesting coming back from being banished and seeing her so comfortable in her body. I suppose a thousand years to adjust works wonders.”

“Luna, are you chatting our guests’ ears off?” Celestia asked, appearing from around a corner. “You should be heading to bed.”

“You conspire to keep me from my niece during her visit as well, Cerlestia?” Luna started yawning in the middle of her sister’s name and blinked a few times. “Bah, fine, I’m still exhausted as it is, but I want to see you after sunset, Screwy. It’s been months since we spoke.” She didn’t wait for a response, and quickly turned to head back to her room.

“I’ll bark at the moon!” Screwball assured before glomping Celestia. “Hai, Daddy! Mister Sister is here!”

The two royal guards looked at each other for a moment, then shrugged at Screwball’s antics. “I suppose we’re free to return to our posts, Princess?”

“Yes, please do, and make sure to let everyone know that I’m not to be disturbed today, at all, by anypony that doesn’t have a way of contacting me directly.” Celestia’s normal smile faltered only briefly, and she quickly gave Screwball an affectionate hug while nodding to Alex and Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, while I am fine with my old secret being known to you, I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread the word around, especially not to Twilight. I wouldn’t want her to go into one of her nervous moods about me again.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Fluttershy assured. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” It took her a moment to realize Alex was staring at her. “Oh, it’s just a silly promise Pinkie made up.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye,” came Alex’s reply, his face wearing a mask of confusion. “Shit’s gettin’ way too weird, and you already can fly.”

“Less talky, more walky!” Screwball giggled and finally released her deathgrip on Celestia to start floating down the hall. “Off to Daddy’s room, where we can sit or lay down comfortably!”

“She may have an odd way to say it, but my daughter is usually right about things like this. I have a feeling our discussion may turn to a few intimate topics. And an echoing hallway is hardly the best place for your privacy, or mine, Alex. Let’s follow her before she gets too far ahead of us.”

Alex followed after Celestia, putting his hands in his pockets. The walk was nice and quiet, filled with a comfortable silence. Thoughts popped into his head, ideas and questions bubbling into existence. He took a breath, trying to calm his nerves.

Celestia came to a stop in front of a relatively simple door decorated with only her cutie mark in slightly faded paint. Screwball was nowhere to be seen, but Celestia seemed to pay no attention to that as she rested her horn against the door for a moment. “Alex, Fluttershy, could you please place your hand or hoof against the door for a moment?”

Fluttershy looked up in confusion for a moment, but quickly moved to the other side of Celestia and lifted her hoof to press it against the door. Alex did the same, looking at Celestia curiously.

Celestia’s horn glowed briefly, and there was a moment of pain like getting a shot at the doctor’s office before the door opened up without anyone touching it further. The wood slid to the side, vanishing into a wall that looked like it was solid stone. “Sorry about the pinch, but the spell needed a quick sample to attune to the two of you. I’d rather not have any complications if Screwball randomly teleports into my private room with either of you one of these days.”

Visible through the now-open doorway was a room that was at once both simple and befitting a princess. A large bed dominated a good portion of the room, but it was only large in comparison to the only other beds Alex had seen in this world to compare it to. Screwball was bouncing on the mattress, having already tossed a few pillows to the floor nearby. The visible walls of the room had inset bookcases, and one wall was nothing but windows and a door to a balcony with a breathtaking view of Canterlot. Other doors were visible here and there, all decorated with either Celestia or Luna’s mark, some both.

“Wow, look at you, living the high life. Little girls would kill for a room like this. Me excluded.” Alex shook his hand, warding off the remaining pain from the door. “Surprised it isn’t just decked out in sun motifs.”

“Really? And here I thought I was depriving myself of some of the more decadent comforts that ponies seem to expect of me. I keep all the art in the public-viewable areas of the castle, and most of the books in here now are either on law or magic rather than anything to read for fun.” Celestia walked over to her bed and gathered up a few of the pillows, only for her to lay down on them rather than put them somewhere else. “So, did you want me to signal to the kitchen for some refreshments first, or would you prefer to talk a little and maybe figure out what you really want to ask me?”

“Uh, food is good.” Sitting down, Alex crossed his legs. The floor was a little confusing as it looked and felt like solid marble under his feet, but as he sat down he sank into it slightly, and found it quite like a couch cushion. “Some fish would be good.”

“Fish for you. I remember that Lady Aqua preferred steamed shrimp with something she called cocktail sauce, or fried clams, but I know we also have some tuna and salmon dishes for when griffons and hippogriffs visit. What would you prefer, exactly? You as well, please, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, um, I’d be fine with a salad with a little salmon on top, thanks.”

“Random sampler!” Screwball stopped bouncing for a moment, then dropped down to lay on the very edge of the mattress from where she’d frozen in midair.

“I’d take a cocktail.” Alex sighed, shaking his head. “But I promised Shy I wouldn’t drink. So, I’ll just take some tuna.”

“One salad with salmon, one random sampler,” Celestia’s horn glowed as she spoke, thought it was barely visible compared to when she was actively using it. “Make that random sampler from the special menu for my daughter. One griffon-style tuna platter, cooked medium, and one sunrise quiche. Send up a pastry tray for four as a compliment.” She closed her eyes and cut off the tiny amount of magic it had taken to send the order down to the kitchen. “How have things been for you since you arrived, Alex? I know that there was the incident with the sirens and the mirror, but other than that?”

Alex grunted, putting his hands in his lap. “I’d prefer if people didn’t treat me like I was glass. That and dealing with being blindsided by a particular quirk of human biology wasn’t fun.” He snapped his fingers. “Oh! And base four math. I could do without that.”

“You’ve been here less than a month, and you at least appear younger than Lady Aqua was when she arrived. There’s not a whole lot I can do to make ponies stop treating you like they would any other unknown child.” She paused and glanced at Fluttershy with a smile. “I can assure you, at least, that humans are quite resilient. I recall a few occasions back during training and in actual combat where Lady Aqua was able to fight on after being hit by an attack that had just knocked myself or Luna out of the fight for a time.”

“That’s nice, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m uneasy with the idea of Alex fighting. I know it’ll probably be inevitable, but that doesn’t make me a bad pony for not wanting Alex to be injured.”

Screwball smiled, spinning her propeller. “New Daddy is good at her job, Alex is already calling her Mom.”

Celestia turned to stare at Screwball in shock, and then quickly extended her wing to pull her daughter in against her side. “‘New Daddy?’ You know, just because you call Discord ‘Mom’ doesn’t mean you need to call Fluttershy ‘Dad.’” Her horn lit up in gold once more, and Screwball suddenly let out a shriek, followed by laughter from under her wing.

“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” Fluttershy said, smiling at the sight. “I’m used to Discord not making sense sometimes. If it makes Screwball more comfortable, then she can call me ‘Dad’.” A look of realization passed over her, making her look at Alex. “That’s right, you did call me ‘Mom.’”

“What? No I didn’t.” Alex protested, trying not to blush. “You must have just misheard things while I was yelling about someone in my room.”

Fluttershy smiled and leaned over to nuzzle Alex’s shoulder. “Maybe you’re right, maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Just make sure you remember that I won’t complain at all if it happens again.”

“Y-yes you d-did!” Screwball managed to gasp out during a reprieve, but was soon laughing again for a few more seconds before Celestia lifted her wing and allowed Screwball to tumble out from under it and onto the floor. “Ohhh, why does the room always spin after you tickle me, Daddy?”

“Because I barely ever let you breathe, because I know you don’t need it as much as normal ponies.” Folding her wing, Celestia smiled at Alex. “Now then, did you come up with any questions yet?”

“Well, yeah, the first thing that came to mind for me was to ask you if you’d even looked into ways to reverse it that don’t involve Discord. I remember him telling me that he’d tried to use it with good intentions a couple times only to have it either backfire or just not work.”

“Hmmm, well, I will admit that I had looked into some other options, but there’s simply nothing in any form of structured magic that can bring about that level of fundamental changes in a body. Even if Discord or others like him or empowered by similar means have a desired effect, they generally don’t use anything that could be documented to achieve this.” Celestia paused and rolled her eyes.

“Sorry, I’m going to have to go into ‘professor mode’ here, but unicorn magic either creates very simple telekinesis or highly structured spell effects that each do one very specific thing through a series of specific rules. Screwy, however, can just reach into her hat and pull out anything she wants as long as it isn’t already enchanted, and when Discord snaps his fingers he’s mentally just telling the universe ‘I want something to happen, make it so.’”

“Wish I could do that.” Alex looked down at himself, sighing. “How did you... deal with it? How’d you wrap your head around it? Get comfortable in your own skin again?”

“Well, a good part of it was talking with my sister in the immediate aftermath, but then things changed with her and I suffered for a few years struggling to adapt to myself. Screwball helped with that too, since caring for a growing filly didn’t leave me with a whole lot of time to mourn for my lost tes-” She cut herself off with a laugh and shook her head slowly. “And then there were her suitors, thinking I didn’t know what a stallion was thinking about doing and getting the shock of their lives.”

“Didn’t stop a few of them.” Screwball giggled and then sighed. “I miss Viridian the most. He was sweet.”

“I’m sorry, Screwball. I know it’s been hard for you, outliving husbands and wives, and foals. Someday there’ll be another male immortal that isn’t bent on world domination, I promise.” Celestia leaned over to nuzzle Screwball’s neck, and then pulled her in tight for a hug. “Another thing that helped was realizing that I was suddenly much more attractive to most stallions and other males rather than only a select few. I was able to take advantage of that a few times.”

Putting his face in his hands, Alex groaned. “I don’t think that last part is going to help. I’m pretty sure I’m still attracted to women but I can’t really know since I’m the only one here. And don’t suggest the mirror world because that place has a really bad case of uncanny valley all over it.”

“Oh, speaking of mirrors, there is more than one that leads to other worlds. Starswirl made a few of them, but I’ve only ever come across two. You, of course, know of the one that Twilight has in her castle now, but there’s another one hidden in a secret room in this castle. I used to visit the other side of that one fairly frequently after my change. I personally wouldn’t suggest that you use it, ever. Personalities are oddly shifted around over there, and you would find yourself facing enemies wearing the faces of your friends or family.”

Screwball stuck her tongue out. “That place is all wibbly-wobbly! Good is evil and evil is good. Mister Sister would meet Sister Mister.”

“I think it’s unlikely that there would be a copy of Alex on the other side of the mirror, Screwball. He wasn’t born here like you or I. I suspect meeting a cruel version of Fluttershy would be more than enough of a shock, though.”

“Like when Discord was still acting evil when he first broke free?” Fluttershy shuddered. “I agree, Alex isn’t going to be touching that mirror or going anywhere near it.”

Celestia fluffed her wings, an uncomfortable look on her face. “Discord wasn’t evil when he broke free. Things between us broke down in a spectacular catastrophe and he took it out on Equestria as a whole. All the while, I passed the problem onto you and your friends instead of just talking to him.”

“Still think you should talk to Mom. He was sad you told us he couldn’t come...OH!” Screwball’s face literally lit up with a glow from within before she pulled an envelope out of her hat. “Potion! Mom wanted you to have doctors check it out. It’s a temporary version of what he did to you, for couples like you were, or for mares who only like mares but want foals.”

Celestia stiffened again and quickly pulled the envelope away from Screwball. The envelope was torn open and the small vial of potion set aside on her mattress so she could read through the pages of documentation herself. “Sorry Alex, this would be a marvelous breakthrough for so many ponies…”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” Alex questioned. “Just because it can’t really help me, doesn’t mean it couldn’t help others.”

“Because it’s taking time away from your questions.” She responded immediately as she flipped to the last page, reading quickly. “Yes, minimal side-effects, stallions stay as mares until a foal is weaned and then change back. That one in ten chance of staying in a mare’s body until a second dose is taken is a little worrying, but...oh. He could only find ten volunteers to begin with. Right…”

“Is that a problem?” Fluttershy fluffed her wings briefly as she looked up at Celestia’s expressionless face.

“Sample size.” Alex idly scratched between Fluttershy’s ears briefly. “If he’d tested it on a thousand ponies and it happened to one in ten it would be a bit more conclusive, but testing it on only ten ponies and having one of the stallions not turn back until given a second dose is completely worthless. Depending on the stallion to mare ratio, it could be one in five stallions or it could be one in a million and it was just his bad luck…”

“Daddy will have to test, test, test, to get the best, best, best results,” Screwball added, rolling onto her back. “Don’t wanna mess, mess, mess.”

“Well, not myself directly.” Without even looking over, one of Celestia’s wings extended to wiggle a feather above Screwball as she lay on her back. “I will definitely hand this over to medical researchers, though, and see what variations can be made. A few hours is fine for couples, but possibly not long enough for someone who wants to just experiment a little.”

“Or fix my problem,” Alex sighed, shaking his head. “Not even sure it’s a problem. My mind’s all... screwed up.”

“According to what I’ve read from Twilight about you, this kind of thing is not as rare on your world. It’s common enough, in fact that you and the human version of Rarity were able to have a discussion about the subject, which suggests that there’s a reason it’s almost unheard-of here.” Celestia set the documentation aside and lowered her head so she could look Alex in the eye. “Is there a chance that maybe the universe was correcting some horrible mistake and you’re only fighting it because it’s different?”

Silence filled the room and Alex let himself fall onto his back. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.” He took in a shuddering breath, feeling his eyes moisten. “I just... I don’t know.”

Celestia and Screwball looked at each other for a moment while Fluttershy immediately draped a wing over Alex in a small gesture of comfort. After a few seconds he was surrounded by warmth as Celestia and Screwball joined in the awkward hug. “It’s alright to cry, Alex. Nopony’s going to judge you here. You’ve got the kindest mare you could ask for as a mother and two ponies who’ve seen far worse things in their lives. Go ahead and let it out.”

“Will, I don’t know why you think this is a good idea. Buying an airship to take ponies on a cruise? I thought your assertiveness lecturing was raking in the bits? Surely just one mare being dissatisfied isn’t a good reason to give up on something that was working so well for you.”

“Ha!” Iron Will laughed, slapping the younger minotaur on the back. “You worry too much about your big brother! Iron Will thinks you should just worry about finishing your training.” Standing proudly, he gestured to the airship around them. “This will be Iron Will’s great comeback!”

Steel Spine sighed and looked down at the clipboard in his hand. “Well, according to what I saw as I was going through this, you’re going to need every bit you’ve ever saved just to get this thing back in working order. You’re going to need to take out a loan to make enough improvements to bring it anywhere close to luxury cruise standards, and then you’re going to need more money to have it certified as safe enough to carry passengers all while hoping nothing else breaks while you’re repairing it, or between repairing it and having it inspected. This is just a bad idea.”

“You have to take risks to succeed!” Iron Will argued, flexing his muscles.

“You were already...ugh.” Steel Spine handed the clipboard over to his brother and started heading for the stairs to the upper deck. “I’ll go by the lumberyards to see if anyone’s willing to give you a good enough deal that you can replace all of the wood instead of just where it’s rotting away. I used to admire you for helping others feel confident, Iron, but if you half-ass this you’ll disgrace the whole family.”

Iron Will snorted grabbing Spine by the shoulders. “Iron Will never half-asses anything! Iron Will has a family to feed! Don’t you forget that!”

“Unhand me, Iron, or I’ll make sure your nose meets the deck hard enough to remove skin. I’m the one who you were sending the money to for them, the one who put all the extra money in the bank for you since you weren’t here. I’m the one who had to start taking money out of the bank when you stopped giving your lectures. I was using my own money for that too, since you also stopped sending letters for a while and we didn’t know what happened.” Steel didn’t move, waiting for Iron to let go instead of shaking him off.

Will snorted, releasing his grip on Steel. “Don’t question my love for my family,” he started, dropping his bravado. “I will do anything and everything I can to keep them happy and healthy. Even if it kills me.”

“Don’t go that far, Will, please. It was hard enough telling Golden Pipes and Brass Tacks that I didn’t know when you’d be home. Don’t make me tell them you won’t ever be coming home.” Steel’s shoulders sagged as he took a deep breath. “I do need to get going if you want me to see about those special deals. Eagle-Eyed is going to be mad at me for being a few minutes late as it is.”

Nodding his head, Iron Will gave Steel Spine and quick hug. “Much love, always, brother!” Pulling away, he stroked his chin. “Iron Will will stay here and inspect the rest of the ship. You go on ahead.”

“You make sure you get home before dark, Will. Brassie’s been looking forward to seeing his father all week.” Steel Spine walked away from his brother, and soon his hoofsteps stopped echoing through the otherwise-vacant airship.

“Iron Will will be home right on time,” the lone minotaur spoke, moving towards the bow of the airship. So much work, so much effort laid before him but he wasn’t going to... what was that?
Black masses seeped out of the seams between wooden planks, taking form. Diminutive black-imp like creatures stared up at him with glowing yellow eyes, their movements erratic and twitchy.

“Tiny little stowaways? Iron Will says go away!” He flexed his arms briefly to try and intimidate them along with his yell, and he pointed back towards the doorway he’d just walked through. To his dismay, they did not in fact go away.

One of them leaped forward, slashing at his chest. More and more appeared around him, each leaping and attacking him. Soon, a whole horde of them dogpiled onto Iron Will and their weight dragged him to the floor.

“Gah! Let Iron Will go!” he shouted, trying and failing to push the creatures off. “Iron Will has to get home!” His hands seemed to pass right through them, and there was an odd squirming under his back as the ones he landed on melted away.

A slightly larger creature, with strange, jagged horn-like projections sticking out of the back of its head, climbed up on Iron Will’s chest and stared down at him with those eerie, unblinking yellow eyes. It jabbed a hand into his head, reaching deep down into his soul. Iron Will felt a strange and deeply unsettling tug as it pulled its hand out, and a crystalline heart floated up out of the minotaur.

“N-no... no, please... Goldie... Brass…” Iron Will felt everything go cold around him, and could soon see nothing but endless blackness.