Chapter 9: An Awful Lot like Love

Twilight and Rarity, exhausted from their love-making, lay next to each other on Twilight’s bed, staring at each other and smiling.

“So,” Twilight asked, “what did you think of our little ‘experiment?’”

“Well, dear, it was ever more delightful than I imagined it would be. No offense to you, of course, I don’t mean that I didn’t expect to be as pleasured as I did. I just never thought a mare could do things like that to me before.”

“Me neither,” Twilight said, “but for me, at least, amongst all the mares I know, it’s only you who triggers my arousal. Do you even know what that means?”

“It doesn’t mean you’re bisexual?” Rarity asked.

“I don’t think so. If I were bisexual, then I think Playcolt would turn me on, wouldn’t it? Isn’t that magazine designed to turn on ponies that like mares, whether they’re colts or mares themselves?”

“Have you ever seen a copy of Playcolt?” Rarity asked. “Otherwise, how would you know?”

“Please don’t breathe a word of this to Spike, but I caught him sneaking one in once while wearing a disguise. I swore to him I wouldn’t say anything, and I know if Pinkie Pie were here she’d start scolding me fiercely, but I did take a look at it and nothing really interested me.”

“Oh,” Rarity said, “then I suppose you wouldn’t be bisexual then. That is odd, but I’m certain I feel the same way you do. I don’t generally find mares attractive either. But you…er…I mean, what you were doing was just…so incredible, honestly, it was. I don’t think any other mare could make me feel the same way that you can.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, Rarity,” Twilight said, “but I’m sure somepony can do way better than me.”

“What makes you think that, Twilight? After all, you are the most magical unicorn in Equestria. I’m certain that magic helped in the bedroom just now.”

“I might be more magical compared to Trixie, but her tricks are all for show, anyway,” Twilight said. “There are surely other unicorns that know way more powerful magic. I mean, you should have seen all the spells in the time travel section of the Canterlot library. No way a pony like me could have come up with all of that; it had to come from somepony more powerful.”

“Yes, dear, but you told me all those manuscripts were ancient, some even older than Starswirl the Bearded. When it comes to living ponies, I think you’re only bested by Princesses Celestia and Luna themselves, and technically they’re alicorns. That makes you the most powerful unicorn in Equestria.”

“That’s strange,” Twilight said, “because sometimes I feel so powerless.”

“Whatever do you mean, Twilight?” Rarity asked in shock.

“I don’t know…it’s just that I get really down on myself, especially when I make mistakes, and I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I mean, compared to you, I’m hideous! And don’t even get me started on my lack of social skills. I didn’t even have real friends before you and the others! I treated Spike like my servant instead of my assistant! My best friend growing up was an old rag doll named Smarty Pants! I mean, isn’t there something wrong with a pony who can’t make friends when she’s young? Doesn’t that mean there’s something wrong with me now?”

“Twilight, dear, you must stop this nonsense talk!” Rarity cried. “You are the Element of Magic. You admitted yourself that magic was your specialty. Look at everything you’ve accomplished! You helped save Equestria from eternal night and eternal chaos, you successfully organized Winter Wrap Up, you vanquished an Ursa Minor, you performed wonderfully as the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, and you saved your brother’s wedding from those dreadful changelings! Need I go on?”

“I think I get the point, Rarity, but don’t you see? Despite having accomplished all those things, I still feel like I’m worth nothing. I mean, what’s wrong with me that I can’t see everything I’ve done and be happy about it? I’m always driven to do more, to achieve more, but to what end? And why do I have to beat myself up in order to do it?”

“Twilight, Twilight, you’re getting far too much into your own head about this whole thing. Believe me, if you were as worthless as you said, you’d still have no friends, and you wouldn’t have accomplished such wonderful things. You’re Princess Celestia’s star pupil for a reason, my dear.”

“I suppose…” Twilight said.

“You ‘suppose?’ Twilight, you’re acting ridiculous, if I do say so myself. You need your self-confidence back!”

“And how am I going to get it back, Rarity? What can I do?”

“You can start by accepting that your friends all love you, that I love you, and that I am proud to be your lover.”

“Lover…?”

“We are lovers now, aren’t we?”

“I guess we are lovers by definition…”

“Twilight.”

“What?”

“Tell me we didn’t just share the most sacred of bonds and you felt nothing.” Rarity was trying hard not to tear up, she was so frustrated and sorry for her struggling friend, but being so bland about the lovemaking that they had shared was pushing it too far.

“Rarity, I…it’s so hard to explain. I…I really liked what we did together, but…I don’t know, in the middle I just got kind of…distant.”

“What?” Rarity asked, a teardrop sliding down her cheek.

“It was that voice I was telling you about, Rarity. It was trying to pull me away…”

“Yes, but we put a stop to that voice, did we not?” Rarity asked between sniffles. Twilight looked at her friend and started tearing up as well.

“I did my best to fight it, and I beat it this time and really did enjoy everything we did. But I just know it’s going to come back. It’s already starting to come back, even as we speak. That voice that tells me I’m not good enough has been there for as long as I can remember.”

“Twilight, that’s positively dreadful,” Rarity said. “Whatever shall we do about it?”

“‘We?’ What do you mean ‘we?’ It’s my problem; I should be the one to deal with it.”

“There must be something about this ‘lover’ thing that you don’t get, Twilight Sparkle. Whatever problems arise, we’re in this together, and we will solve our problems as a team.”

“I beg your pardon, Rarity, but aren’t you taking this a little far?” Twilight asked. “I mean, I thought this was all about having fun and releasing that heat of yours.”

“I thought so, too, at first,” Rarity said, “but I just feel so much closer to you now, Twilight Sparkle. Not that I wasn’t close to you before, but I can feel the difference in my heart. I want so badly to help you with this voice of yours, really, you’ve no idea how greatly it upsets me.” Another teardrop fell, and Twilight thought she had some idea how upset her friend was.

“Tell you what,” Twilight said. “Let’s distract ourselves from this whole ‘Twilight’s head is messed up’ issue. I’m all rested, and there was something else I wanted to try.”

“Ooh,” Rarity said, suddenly feeling a tingling sensation in her stomach. “What did you have in mind?” Twilight whispered something in her ear that made her quiver.

“Well, let’s not dilly-dally. Let’s get right to it!”

***

Applejack and Rainbow Dash, though they had fun, reluctantly had to part ways. Applejack had a family she needed to go home to, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t follow without arousing some suspicion. Therefore, the two ponies parted ways as the night grew dark, and both felt adrenaline pumping through their veins in response to their intense excitement and arousal.

Applejack sprinted as hard as she could towards Sweet Apple Acres for two reasons. One was the boundless energy she seemed to acquire after Rainbow Dash had touched her. The other was running, running away from the imagined judgments of her family. If they found out what she had done with Rainbow Dash! Applejack checked her front hooves to make sure they were clean of all juices, spicy or sweet. All clear, Applejack said to herself.

A fluttering feeling made her heart quiver thinking about Rainbow Dash. In truth, it had been there for a long time, ever since she had gotten to know the blue mare after the mare had crash-landed into an apple tree that fateful day of their first meeting. Applejack didn’t know what to think of it, and didn’t dare ask anyone aside from Rainbow Dash what it was. She didn’t want anypony to know of her new relationship, for fear of judgment and confusion from the other ponies. Sure, Rarity had kissed her and Pinkie Pie had kissed Rainbow Dash’s vagina, so her friends’ sexuality certainly transgressed most societal boundaries. But experimenting with friends in a Truth or Dare game was one thing; full-on lesbianism was something else entirely. Applejack knew this was more than just a game. This felt an awful lot like something else…

Applejack remembered a crush she’d had on a travelling salespony when she was a young filly. The pony, who for some reason traveled across Equestria to sell watches, had managed to swindle Applejack out of a lot of money as she bought watches for the extended Apple family. That salespony had taken advantage of her, and ever since that day she learned to think with her head over her heart.

Now Rainbow Dash was challenging everything she believed.

This was far more than just a crush on an older pony. This felt like something deeper, more compassionate, and more intense. Applejack hesitated to use the one word that perfectly described this resonant emotion. But the more she thought about it as she sprinted home, the clearer it became, until she finally greeted her family and went off to bed that night.

This was starting to feel an awful lot like love.

***

Rainbow Dash was flying so fast her eyes were watering, but this energy in her bounded through her and compelled her forward like a rocket. There was no way she could not fly, the way she felt right now. It was the only tool she had to express her feelings, aside from screaming into the night sky.

On the surface was the excitement of her fun with Applejack. It had been much sweeter and more satisfying than anything she had done on her own or with that colt from flight school. This newfound sexual excitement was a new experience that exhilarated and terrified her all at the same time.

But deep beneath the surface was something else entirely, something so haunting that her brain refused to delve deep enough to reason what it was. Whatever was going on within her, it was dark enough that her brain was telling her to fly, to fly fast and fly far. Rainbow Dash dared not sit still long enough to examine what it was. In fact, to some extent, she had been doing this her whole life, always trying to fly faster, always trying to go, always trying to be on, always trying to get attention, because if the world didn’t love her, than how could she love herself?

Don’t think about that, Rainbow Dash said to herself as she soared so fast that the clouds began to blur together. Over the cloud line she scored, higher and higher until she could clearly make out the moon in the upper sky above her. The sight of the moon, normally a calming beacon of light, now seemed to be mocking Rainbow Dash, so she decided it was best to sink below the clouds to avoid its penetrating gaze. Rainbow Dash shuddered at the illusion of being watched―no, more than just watched, but observed and exposed.

Rainbow Dash finally arrived at her cloud house, but she was so frightened to sit still and try to go to bed that she did laps around the house. Fatigue was overcoming her adrenaline, starting to drain her excitement and fear, and beneath that was not despair but exhaustion. She knew if she kept this up that she could just collapse onto her bed and pass out, and this was indeed the goal. Faster and faster she sped around the house, so fast she was worried that she might permanently disfigure its cloudy shape. She arched away from the house as she sped in circles, imagining Applejack’s tongue in her mouth and hoof in her groin, and the excitement almost made her want to slow and clop. But then the badness would come, and Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure why it was so prevalent all of a sudden, so she decided not to do that.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only minutes, Rainbow Dash flew into her bedroom, collapsed onto the bed, and instantly passed out. Her dreams were filled with dark images of Applejack pointing at her and laughing darkly, until a frightening caricature of Discord leaned back and attacked Rainbow Dash by clawing her eyes out. Rainbow Dash awoke with a start and, finally conscious and not running, felt that bad feeling overwhelm her.

She felt like a weight was holding her to her bed, and her thoughts were racing so fast that they didn’t make sense, and her heart was pounding as if she were speeding through the skies but she wasn’t moving a muscle. This overwhelming despair shook her, made her think she would never be good enough for Applejack or anypony else, and that she was a selfish lover who was taking advantage of her Earth pony friend.

It’s not true! Rainbow Dash told herself. I like Applejack!

You think Applejack is hot, that’s not the same thing.

But that’s what gets you in the door, isn’t it?

Tell yourself that, Rainbow Dash. See if that makes it better.

I promised myself I wouldn’t listen to you anymore.

As Pinkie Pie would say, promises can be broken. You’ve broken plenty of promises in the past.

I don’t want to think about that. You get out of my head and stay out of my life.

Silly, it’s just you, Rainbow Dash. It always has been.

Rainbow Dash groaned and fell into an uncomfortable sleep, secretly hoping she wouldn’t have to wake up and face her own thoughts the next day.

***

Fluttershy finally stopped licking Pinkie Pie and took her into her room so they could relax after their roleplaying. Pinkie Pie was giggling and snorting the whole time as she followed Fluttershy into her room.

“What’s so funny?” Fluttershy asked with a smile; Pinkie Pie’s laughter was infectious.

“Nothing. I just had so much fun today, and I was just thinking of doing that all again.”

“Well, I don’t want to do anything else right now,” Fluttershy said, “I just want to relax.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie Pie said. “Whatever you say, mistress.”

“Pinkie Pie, you don’t have to call me that anymore. We’re done having fun.”

“Oh, but it’s so nice to have somepony else in control of me. It’s relaxing for a change.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Pinkie Pie said, and she honestly thought that was true. In reality, something felt very off inside of her, but she was unaware of this issue. Fluttershy giggled.

“What was your favorite part?” she asked.

“Well, duh, obviously when you started licking my pinkie pie!” Pinkie Pie laughed at her own joke. Fluttershy laughed, too; it was pretty funny.

“So, do you want to get anypony else involved?” Pinkie Pie asked. “A threesome would be super-duper exciting, don’t you think?”

“What?” Fluttershy asked, not sure if she had heard Pinkie Pie correcting. “I thought this was our secret.”

“Oh, of course!” Pinkie Pie said. “Don’t worry; I’m good at keeping secrets. I guess I just thought it would be more kinky if we got somepony else involved, and the kinkier the better, don’t you think?”

“Kinky is good,” Fluttershy said, “but there are plenty of kinky things we can do alone, just the two of us.”

“Like what?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Like this,” Fluttershy said. Feeling emboldened, she kissed Pinkie Pie and wrapped her hind legs around her chest, thrusting into her as roughly as she could. Pinkie Pie started to laugh in between the kisses.

“That tickles!” she gasped. “What are you doing?”

“I’m chest-humping you, of course,” Fluttershy said. “It was in the book in the Positions chapter. It’s supposed to hurt a little if you do it right.”

“I don’t see how that could be,” Pinkie Pie said. “It just tickles to me. What other things are in that chapter about positions?”

“Oh, my, there’s all sorts of weird things. A lot of them require a stallion, but apparently there are stores that sell ‘strap-ons.’ I’m not exactly sure what they are, but they’re supposed to be shaped like penises. The diagrams in the book don’t look like penises at all, but that’s just me.”

“Can I see?” Pinkie Pie asked. Fluttershy left the bed and returned with the book. She flipped to the index, located “strap-on,” and flipped to the appropriate page in the text. Pinkie Pie saw the diagrams and chortled.

“Those are way too big to be penises! I mean, I’m sure Applejack’s brother isn’t even that big, and they call him Big Macintosh for a reason.”

“What do you mean?” Fluttershy said, her cheeks blushing. It’s not like she hadn’t noticed Big Macintosh’s hunky body before…

“Oh, those are just silly rumors. There’s all kinds of rumors about the Apple family, since they were the founders of Ponyville and all. Between you and me, some ponies think Applejack’s a filly-fooler.”

“What?”

“I know, right?” Pinkie Pie asked. “I think that’s a lot of hooey, myself, but it’s still an interesting thought, isn’t it? Imagine if it were true!”

“I don’t know if I can…” thought Fluttershy.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Applejack’s such a down-to-Earth Earth pony. It’s hard to imagine her marrying another mare, isn’t it?”

“It is…” Fluttershy thought, remembering that kiss Applejack shared with Rarity.

“Oh well! Mind if I take a nap? All that role-playing’s tired me out.”

“Not at all,” Fluttershy said. “In fact, I think I’ll join you.” The two lay down next to each other and snuggled as they fell asleep. Fluttershy had pleasant dreams about her friends, while Pinkie Pie’s dreams were, as always, completely random.

***

Spike had been quite impressed when he met Ruby yesterday. She reminded him so much of Twilight, the strong, assertive attitude, level of intellect, and kindness all resonated with him. These were odd traits in a dragon, as he only knew too well dealing with dragons the last time he had joined a colony.

Why did I even decide to try this again, anyway? Spike had thought. But after he’d met Ruby, those thoughts had disappeared. Was she going to be the cure for his heart struck pining for Rarity? Just thinking about Rarity filled his heart with a sore aching, and Spike quickly reasoned the answer to that question was still no.

Ruby’s cool and all, but she’s just a friend. I don’t think I really like her. Spike wondered about Ruby’s father, and whether he would approve of Ruby hanging out with him. He was considered the butt of the the dragons’ jokes, much as before, and he wondered if Ruby’s parents would have their daughter ostracize him.

That wouldn’t happen, Spike thought. Dragon parents don’t get involved with their kids too much. I learned that the hard way! Spike, remembering the time he had helped in a phoenix egg raid, knew that the lack of parental guidance in dragons was all too obvious. Spike then remembered Peewee, who had flown away in order to return to the wild, where Twilight had said he’d belonged.

I miss Peewee, Spike said. His mind drifted to Rarity, calling him “Spikey-Wikey” and messing with his hair. Spike smiled; though he didn’t normally like being treated like a baby dragon (especially by Twilight), he had always held an exception for Rarity. What else could he say? The mare was charming, graceful, and elegant. Not to mention absolutely gorgeous! Spike added.

These thoughts carried themselves into his dreams, where Rarity was watching Spike talk with Ruby. Rarity kept trying to get Spike’s attention, but Ruby kept pushing her out of the way. Finally, Rarity swooped past her and gave Spike a long, affectionate kiss that lasted a good thirty seconds. Spike desperately wanted more, but he was woken up by someone shaking his shoulder.

“Hey,” said an all too familiar voice.

“What is it Ruby? It’s the middle of the night.”

“The other dragons are asleep. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Does it have to be now?” Spike asked. “I’m tired.”

“I’m sleepy, too, but I don’t want my brother interrupting and embarrassing us again.”

“Fine, let’s go somewhere where there aren’t sleeping dragons to wake up.” Spike and Ruby went down the mountainside to a small cliff, the same cliff they had sat on earlier that day.

“So, Spike,” Ruby started, “tell me, why are you here?”

“Um…why do you want to know?”

“Because dragons don’t just show up in a strange colony that they don’t know. You’re lucky the other adolescent dragons haven’t challenged you to a bunch of contests yet.” Spike was reminded of Garble and his friends all too vividly.

“Forget about that, Ruby. It’s just Twilight thought I was getting too carried away about ponies and she wanted me to meet some of my own kind.”

“But why would she send you all alone?” Ruby asked.

“Beats me,” Spike said, honestly unsure about how to answer. “I think she trusts me to take care of myself this time around. I’ve done this before, and that time she supervised what I was doing and got me out of a mess of trouble.”

“Well that’s good to hear. Do you have a plan if things get ugly?”

“A plan? But things seem fine.”

“The other dragons really don’t like you, Spike. Who knows what they’ll do to you if you get on their bad side? I think you should go home. Tell her it didn’t work out.”

“But it is working out!” Spike said. “You’re the first dragon-friend I’ve ever had, and I can’t wait to meet some of your friends.”

“See, that’s the thing,” Ruby said. “You’re my first dragon-friend, too.”

“What?” Spike asked, once again reminded of Twilight.

“All the other dragons think I’m too soft and nice. They want me to be aggressive and me, to pillage gold and hoard it for ourselves. I hate that kind of lifestyle.”

“Me, too!” Spike cried. “I think you and I have a lot more in common than I thought.”

“I suppose we do…” Ruby said. “Will you stay?”

“I guess I have to. No way to reliably send Twilight a letter asking me to come home, and there’s no parchment or quills to write to the princess. Well, I really am tired, but it was nice talking to you, Ruby.”

“Nice seeing you, too, Spike. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

***

Once Princess Celestia had raised the sun, Princess Luna had decided it was time to figure out what was going on last night.

“So, tough day yesterday, huh?” Luna asked her sister. Since she wasn’t addressing a subject, she let her royal speech go in favor for a more casual, familial dialect.

“The summers are always harder,” Celestia said. “I always feel so tired at the end of the day.”

“Really?” Luna asked. “You don’t have a little bit of energy left?”

“Not really,” Celestia said. “I suppose the other ponies would find it odd that even we need to sleep! I was really tired yesterday, so I went straight to bed.”

“I see,” Luna said. “Are you sure you went right to bed?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Celestia asked, wondering how much her sister knew.

“I mean, you didn’t have a little bit of energy to spend taking care of myself?”

“Taking care of my…Luna, what do you mean?”

“Admit it,” Luna said, suddenly serious. “You sneak in dirty magazines and you don’t even bother to lend me an old copy.” Celestia seemed shocked.

“How dare you make such an accusation? Do you want to be sent to the moon again?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say that. I know that’s really sensitive for you.”

“It’s all right.”

“Well, it’s true,” Celestia said. “There. Are you happy?”

“No,” Luna said. “If you want me to keep quiet about this, you’ll give me your magazines when you are done with them, and you’re going to teach me how to pleasure myself.”

“You mean you don’t know how…?”

“No, I don’t. I never learned.”

“But shouldn’t it come naturally...? Never mind. It’s a deal.”

“Excellent,” Luna said, ready to make her sister as uncomfortable as possible.