Chapter 23: A Mare Possessed

“What’s bothering you, Spike?” Ruby asked. The two of them were stargazing out in the park. The night was growing long, and Spike had been moody and distant ever since picking Ruby up from the hotel.

“Nothing,” Spike said.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing to me,” Ruby said accusingly. She was getting quite irritated with Spike’s refusal to talk. She wanted him to be able to open up to her, but there was a barrier there she just couldn’t seem to crack.

“Well, it really is nothing,” Spike said, now irritated with her for pressing an issue he really didn’t want to begin to discuss. The memories of that night still flashed in his mind when he slept, and every thought of Rarity was accompanied by a squirming in his stomach that made him feel nauseated. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of her.

“Spike, baby, I–”

“Baby?” Spike asked. “Don’t think you’ve ever called me that before.”

“I don’t mean it like that,” Ruby said. “I’m just saying that it really hurts me to think you don’t want to open up. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Spike said. And I was supposed to be able to trust Rarity, but look where that got me.

“So can you please tell me what’s wrong so I can try to make you feel better?” Ruby asked.

“Forget it, it’s too painful,” Spike said, and even that little bit made him feel he said too much.

“Painful? All the more reason you should be talking about it and not shoving it all in!” Ruby cried.

“I didn’t mean that. It’s not that bad,” Spike lied.

“You did mean it, I know you did.”

“Can you get off my case? Geez, Ruby, you’re as bad as Twilight. This nagging is really getting old.”

“I have every right to nag when my baby’s hurting. I want to know what’s wrong and you’re going to tell me right now!”

“Well, now what’s wrong is your nagging.”

“Don’t be mean,” Ruby said.

“You’re right, that was out of line. I’m sorry.”

“I won’t accept your apology until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Look, I’m having a hard time with a friend of mine, okay? It’s kind of personal.”

“Well, I hate to be such a nag, but if there’s a problem with one of your friends, I want to know about it so I can help. Which friend are you having a hard time with? Is it Twilight?”

“It’s not Twilight, and playing a guessing game isn’t going to help you figure it out because I’ll just say no every time.”

“So it’s not Rainbow Dash?”

“No.”

“Applejack?”

“Definitely not.”

“Rarity?”

“Um…no.”

“You hesitated. It must be Rarity. What happened? I thought you really liked her. Not that I hope you still like her. That just wouldn’t be okay.”

“I get your point,” Spike said. “And the problem is really between Rarity and I, so I’d really appreciate it if you just dropped the whole thing.”

“Spike, you must not know me very well. I refuse to drop it because I know it’s upsetting you and I want to make you feel better.”

“I don’t think you can make this any better, Ruby. If you knew what happened, you’d know how helpless the situation really is.”

“Don’t be so glum about it,” Ruby said. “It can’t have been that bad.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Spike said. “If it wasn’t so bad, I would just tell you straight up what happened.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to belittle your problems.” Ruby tried to touch Spike’s cheek with her hand, but Spike pulled away and started to sulk. Ruby felt a burst of anger shoot up her spine despite herself. It wasn’t like Spike to be so secluded, and the more secretive he became, the worse her imagination ran.

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” Ruby asked.

“I’m positive,” Spike said.

“Then I’ll leave it alone,” Ruby said, “but don’t think this is over. I’m still going to find out what’s wrong eventually.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” Spike said, and for the first time in a while a small smirk crept up his face.

“Don’t start mocking me!” Ruby said, slapping Spike affectionately on the arm and chuckling.

“Ow, don’t hit me,” Spike said, laughing alongside his girlfriend.

“What are you going to do about it?” Ruby asked.

“I’ll hit you harder,” Spike said.

“You can’t hit a lady! Surely Twilight taught you that.”

“Twilight doesn’t care if I hit her.”

“That’s a lie,” Ruby said.

“Oh, is it now? Maybe we should go back to the library and ask her.”

“No way. I want to enjoy this gorgeous night sky,” Ruby said.

“Twilight has a telescope in her library. You can really see the stars through that thing.”

“That’s a little too scientific for me,” Ruby said. “I prefer the naked eye for this kind of thing.”

“You’d change your mind after one look through that telescope, I guarantee it,” Spike said. The two of them sat in silence watching the stars glimmer in the dark sky. Spike glanced over at the moon, and its brightness showed that Luna had outdone herself tonight.

“Do you still have a thing for Rarity?” Ruby asked. Her eyes began to quiver as she looked directly at Spike. Spike swallowed, knowing how important this question was to her.

“No,” Spike said. The disgust he had for that pony far outweighed any feelings of attraction that remained.

“Do you have feelings about anyone else?” Ruby asked.

“Well, when you put it that way…” Spike said, sneering.

“Don’t! I’m serious,” Ruby said.

“Come on, I’m just teasing,” Spike said.

“Well I don’t think it’s very funny,” Ruby said, and it was her turn to turn away and sulk. Spike sidled up next to her and wrapped his arm around her stomach.

“You’re the only one I really care about,” Spike said, making Ruby tremble with the weight of his words. “I mean it.”

“I know you do. I just get scared sometimes. When you won’t tell me what’s going on, sometimes I think you’re sneaking around behind my back. I’m sorry; I have a tendency to get jealous and paranoid about these kinds of things.”

“I know, and it was wrong of me to kid around with you like that,” Spike said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ruby said, and a tear shed down her cheek. “It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

“That I care about you?” Spike asked. Ruby nodded and cuddled close to Spike’s form.

“You know, I could fall asleep like this,” Ruby said.

“You’re so right,” Spike said, “but it’s not really a good idea.”

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Ruby said. “Why not?”

“Who knows? The Ursa Major might be lurking about.”

“I thought that was a myth,” Ruby said.

“Ask Twilight. She tamed an Ursa Minor once. It was ridiculously cool.”

“You’ve known Twilight your whole life, right Spike?”

“Of course. She practically mothered me when I was just a baby.”

“You don’t sometimes have feelings for her, do you?”

“Um…” To be honest, this was a tough question for Spike to answer. Until he had met Rarity, he couldn’t say he didn’t have some feelings for the purple unicorn, but they had a tricky relationship. Spike could still remember the one time he caught Twilight feeling herself and was surprised to feel how turned on he was at the sight of it. Even while Twilight was shouting at him to knock before he entered her room, the memory of his arousal remained pristine.

“I used to, but not anymore,” Spike said, feeling that it was a fair compromise, although it was a bit untrue. After all, he’d known Twilight for so long, and with the sour feelings towards Rarity, it was hard not to think of his closest friend in that light every so often.

“Are you sure?” Ruby asked.

“Positive,” Spike said.

“Good,” Ruby said. “I’m happy.”

“You’re welcome,” Spike said. The two of them lay beneath the night sky for a moment longer. Far too soon, the time came for the evening to end. Bugs were flying around them, and Spike didn’t want to get stung, so reluctantly he rose to his feet and helped Ruby onto her’s.

“I think it’s time to bring you back to the hotel,” he said. Ruby nodded and let Spike lead the way as he draped an arm across her shoulder and the two walked side by side. They chatted idly about the residents of Ponyville, particularly the Cutie Mark Crusaders and how nosy they’d been lately. All too soon, though, they reached the hotel and it was time to say goodbye for now.

“See you, Ruby,” Spike said.

“Goodbye, Spike,” Ruby said. What happened next felt so natural it was almost like it was meant to be. The two of them shared a soft, warm kiss which was so tender it lifted the two dragons as if they were floating on air. Embracing each other, they settled deeper into the kiss, and Spike could feel a warmness stir in his belly at the proximity of Ruby. When they parted lips, Spike looked into Ruby’s eyes, and she turned away and blushed.

“I’ll see you soon, Ruby. Don’t worry.”

“I know you will. And Spike…?”

“Yes?” Ruby hesitated, but then smiled sheepishly.

“Good night, Spike,” she said before entering the hotel door.

As Spike made to return to the library, the feeling of elation from Ruby’s kiss slowly ebbed and a gnawing feeling in his stomach quickly replaced it. It was hard to know what he thought of her now, and what he thought of his own situation with Rarity. It was this uncertainty concerning Rarity that was causing the unpleasant feeling in his stomach, and Spike grew angry that it was now robbing him of intimacy with Ruby. When he got about halfway to the library, Spike changed directions and started to walk towards the Carousel Boutique. He didn’t care how late it was; this needed to be settled right now.

When he arrived at the boutique’s front door, Spike made to knock, but he hesitated. It really wouldn’t blow over well to disturb Rarity’s sleep to say…what exactly was he going to say? Spike hadn’t thought it out clearly, and he was just beginning to consider leaving when the door opened and he saw Rarity standing in the threshold. Tension spiked within Spike’s stomach as he looked upon her. Something about her tired, ragged form seemed so naturally stunning that…stunning? Spike couldn’t believe he could still think that way about her, but he was now distracting himself.

“What are you doing here, Spike?” Rarity asked, and Spike could sense the timidity in her voice. Clearly this wasn’t comfortable for her either.

“I…don’t really know,” Spike said. “Can I come inside?” Rarity stared at Spike for a long minute.

“I suppose…” she said, inviting him into the boutique and turning on a light so they could see. Spike took a chair opposite Rarity, and the two of them sat and stared at each other awkwardly.

“Well…” Spike said, “I guess I came here to confront you, but I don’t really know how to go about it.”

“Spike, believe me, I understand your position and–”

“Really? You have no clue how I’m feeling right now!” Spike said in anger. Rarity winced, and her tender appearance instantly melted Spike’s anger in spite of himself.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Spike said. “I didn’t mean to lash out like that.”

“Why…are you apologizing?” Rarity asked.

“Good point,” Spike said. “You’re the one who should be apologizing to me!”

“Spike, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am and how sorely I regret what happened that night. I know nothing I can say can make the pain go away, believe me, I’ve been trying to talk my way out of feeling guilty ever since it happened.”

“Talk your way out of feeling guilty? You should be feeling guilty!” Spike yelled, but Rarity winced again and once again Spike’s anger ebbed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to work, was it?

“Oh, that’s not what I meant at all!” Rarity cried, tears slowly forming in her eyes. “It’s just been gnawing away at me for nights. I haven’t been able to sleep at all, Spike.”

“What makes you think this is about you?” Spike asked. “You’re not the one who was raped.”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake, can we not use that word?” Rarity asked.

“Why not? That’s what happened. There’s no way around that,” Spike said.

“Spike, seriously, tell me you hadn’t been fantasizing about it since the moment you met me.”

“Are you saying I was asking for it?” Spike asked, appalled at Rarity’s behavior. Now the anger was coming more naturally. This was not how he expected her to react to such a vile crime. “You’ve got some serious nerve, lady!”

“What is wrong with me?” Rarity asked, tears now streaming down her face.

“That’s a good question. Beats me!” Spike said. “Obviously something isn’t right. Why’d you even do it, anyway?”

“You really don’t want to know, Spike,” Rarity said.

“Why not? You’ve already damaged me enough. At least let me know why.”

“I can’t tell you. I’m terribly sorry, Spike, but I can’t tell you.”

“Don’t you think I deserve to know? After all you did to me, the least you can do is to help me understand where you were coming from.”

“Spike, sometimes it’s better to leave these things unsaid.”

“Easy for you to say,” Spike said, but he remembered his own refusal to explain his sullen mood to Ruby, and realized Rarity was doing the same thing here.

“Spike, believe me when I say it had nothing to do with you,” Rarity said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Spike asked. “Of course it had to do with me, or you wouldn’t have done it.”

“Oh, I can’t keep it from you any longer. The guilt is tearing me apart from the inside,” Rarity said.

“Again with the self-pity, but go ahead,” Spike said.

“I was trying to get revenge…” Rarity said.

“On whom?” Spike asked.

“Not you, that is certain. It…was incredibly wrong of me to use you like that, when it was never about you.”

“Well then who was it about?” Spike asked.

“I thought I was ready to tell you, Spike,” Rarity said, “but I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Quit beating around the bush!” Spike said. “Either tell me or don’t tell me!”

“I won’t.”

“Fine!” Spike yelled, and the two looked at each other in awkward silence, tears still falling down Rarity’s cheeks. The more Spike looked at her, the more he regrettably felt pity for her. Unlike what he thought, Rarity clearly did not have her act together, and the mess she had made of their relationship seemed too dauntingly large to clean up. But the pain wouldn’t go away until something was resolved, and that was the real reason Spike had decided to come. He wanted to resolve his pain so he could move on with his life, and knowing Ruby now, Spike could envision something onto which he could move.

“Look Rarity,” Spike said, “I don’t know why you did what you did, but I didn’t come here to yell at you. I was hoping for some closure, because we’re both clearly feeling a lot of pain here.”

“Spike, I would give anything to take it all back, you know I would. How could I have been so selfish?”

“I know you wish you could take it all back,” Spike said, “and I wish I could just erase the whole thing. I guess I need to know that you’re really sorry.”

“Spike, I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Just name it,” Rarity said.

“It doesn’t work like that, I don’t think,” Spike said. “But I don’t think we can ever reconcile what happened, and something tells me we can’t be friends anymore.”

“Spike, it would make me truly miserable to think I’ve lost a friend due to my selfishness,” Rarity said. “I love you, and I know you won’t believe me when I say it, because how could anyone who loves you do such a thing to you? You’re one of my closest friends, and it would be a shame to lose everything because of my mistakes.”

“Rarity, I don’t think there’s anything we can do. I should probably go now.” Spike rose from his chair and started to walk to the door. He stopped, realizing he had something left to say, the reason he felt a gnawing pain in his stomach.

“You know why it really hurts?” Spike asked, turning to face Rarity. She started to quiver in her chair.

“Why, Spike?” she asked, not ready for the answer.

“I still have feelings for you,” Spike said, and he started to cry. Rarity didn’t know what to say or do. That he could still care about her after everything she’d put him through seemed like far too much, and Spike’s confused feelings were clearly overwhelming him. She wanted nothing more than to give him a hug, but did not want to approach him for fear of frightening him. In a surprising move, however, Spike approached Rarity and hugged her, now bawling his eyes out. Rarity embraced him and started to stroke his back, unsure of what else to do or say.

“I’m so pathetic,” Spike said, sniffling. “I mean, how can I say that after what you put me through?”

“I’m sure it’s very confusing,” Rarity said. “To be frank, I don’t understand it either.”

“I wish I could understand it,” Spike said through his tears. “You know I kissed Ruby tonight, and it felt wonderful? Then I couldn’t get you out of my head, so I came here to talk and…I didn’t know I still felt this way…”

“Spike, I don’t know what to say…” Rarity said. It felt so wrong to be comforting him like this, especially when she was the one who had made him so distraught in the first place. But here she was, hugging the dragon she raped, trying to tell him it was going to be okay.

Rarity was shocked when Spike planted a kiss on her lips. She immediately pulled away and shoved Spike onto the floor. He lay there, still crying, mucus spreading from his nose.

“I think you need to leave now,” Rarity said.

“I don’t want to…” Spike said. “I love you, Rarity.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. Go home and go to sleep. You’ll be more clear-headed in the morning.”

“I guess you’re right,” Spike said, but he didn’t make any move to leave.

“Go now. Just go,” Rarity said, shooing him away as if he were a bothersome fly. Finally, Spike rose and slowly walked to the door. He took one last look at Rarity, who motioned for him to leave. Spike opened the door and walked out.

What just happened? Spike was even more confused now than he had been when he walked into the boutique. Obviously, trying to come to some sort of closure with Rarity had completely backfired, and the situation was so confusing now it was difficult for Spike’s brain to process his emotions. Clearly the time for secrecy was over. He needed to talk to Twilight about this or it was going to eat him alive.

Almost as if on cue, Spike belched a letter from Princess Celestia. He didn’t know why the princess was writing, but right now he didn’t care either. Dealing with his situation was at the forefront of his mind right now. He carried the letter with him to the library and placed it next to his bed before walking upstairs. He was surprised when he bumped into a magical barrier as he climbed to Twilight’s room. Awkwardly, he tried knocking on the barrier, but it absorbed all the sound so all he could hear was a muffled noise.

Really? Spike thought. This is the night you needed your privacy? Spike didn’t know how he was going to reach Twilight now, but he knew it was imperative to speak to her. He decided that maybe if he made enough noise, Twilight would be spurred outside her room to find out what was going on.

Spike went into the kitchen and gathered some pots and pans. He walked back up the stairs to Twilight’s room and started banging the pots and pans into each other and against the wall. That did the trick. Twilight, her mane frazzled, stormed out of her room and lowered the magical barrier.

“What are you doing, Spike?” Twilight asked.

“I really needed to talk to you,” Spike said. His curiosity led him to look behind Twilight into her bedroom, where he could see a mass underneath Twilight’s blanket.

“Who’s that in the room with you?” Spike asked. Twilight used her magic to quickly shut the door.

“It’s not important,” Twilight said. “What’s wrong?”

“Well, you know how I’ve been all moody lately?” Spike asked.

“Uh-huh, you said you were nervous about where things were headed with Ruby.”

“Well, that wasn’t true at all,” Spike said.

“I thought not, but I could tell you didn’t really want to talk about it,” Twilight said.

“Well, I’m ready to talk now,” Spike said.

“Okay, so what’s up?” Twilight asked.

“It…has to do with Rarity,” Spike said.

“Um…okay? I thought you were done being hung up on her,” Twilight said.

“Well…not exactly. She…she did something that wasn’t okay at all, and she wouldn’t tell me why.”

“What did she do?” Twilight asked, growing nervous and concerned.

“Rarity, she…” Spike said before mumbling something to himself.

“I can’t hear you, Spike,” Twilight said.

“Well, this might deserve some explanation,” Spike said. “The night you went out with Big Macintosh, I came into the library and saw Rarity lying on the couch. She was really upset.”

“Rarity was still here after we left?” Twilight asked.

“Apparently,” Spike said. “Anyway, maybe it was my fault for egging her on, but I was still confused about how I felt about Ruby and I kind of admitted I had feelings for her.”

“So? You do that all the time. I mean, sorry, Spike, but you make it kind of obvious. So what, did she turn you down again?”

“That’s just it, Twilight. She did the opposite.”

“What?” Twilight asked.

“Rarity started coming on to me…”

“That’s strange. You must have been excited though.”

“No, I wasn’t. I always thought it would be some fantasy in my head and that’s how it was going to remain, so I knew she wasn’t really feeling well and I told her to leave, but then she…she…”

“What did she do?” Twilight asked, feeling like she knew the answer but too scared to admit it to herself.

“Well, she forced herself on me,” Spike said.

“Meaning…?”

“She raped me Twilight.”

Dead silence filled the space between Twilight and Spike. This had been the answer Twilight had feared, and to hear it come out of Spike’s mouth was unreal. Slowly, though, the shock ebbed and was replaced by a furious anger at her friend.

“She raped you?” Twilight yelled. “She…Big Mac!”

“What?” Big Mac groaned. Apparently he had been asleep.

“We’re going to Rarity’s right now!”

“Don’t ya realize how late it is?” Big Mac asked.

“There’s no time to explain. Spike’s just told me something serious and it needs to be addressed right now.”

“What are ya talkin’ about?”

“You’ll find out when we get there. Now let’s move!”

“Twilight, I don’t think it’s a good idea to confront her.”

“Spike, this is far too serious to just let go.”

“You don’t even know the whole story.”

“I know enough! That bitch is going to pay for what she did to you.” If Spike hadn’t known how serious Twilight was about this, he certainly knew now. Twilight would never call a friend of her’s by that name unless she was supremely pissed. When Twilight dragged Big Mac out of the bed and stormed out of the library with him, she was like a mare possessed. Spike couldn’t bear to wait to find out what happened, so he followed her out the door of the library. Surprisingly, Twilight didn’t object.

“What are you going to say to her?” Spike asked.

“Exactly what’s on my mind,” Twilight said as she stormed down the road leading into the village.

“And what is that?” Big Mac asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Twilight said.

In almost no time at all, it seemed, the three of them had arrived in front of the Carousel Boutique. Shockingly to Spike, Twilight went up to the door and rapped on it with her hoof. Spike had expected her to break the door down, but Twilight still apparently had some reserve about her. It wasn’t long before an unsuspecting Rarity opened the door, and when she did and saw the look on Twilight’s face, she knew instantly what had happened.

“Rarity,” Twilight said sternly, “we need to talk.”