Chapter 13: Coeenkedinks

Even though Spike had only returned yesterday from his journey, Twilight had wasted no time putting him to work. She had sent him away with a list of errands that she told him hadn’t been accomplished since he had left. Spike shook his head, thinking about how quickly Twilight had sent him away from the library and wondering if perhaps there was a reason for it. After all, hadn’t she missed him while he was away? What was the point of sending him all over Ponyville?

Inquisitive as he was, he wasn’t curious enough to ponder it any further. He had just arrived at the Quills and Sofas shop to purchase quills for Twilight. Spike did so without event, but when he walked out of the shop he saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders messing around in the street.

“Hey, girls! How’s it going?” Spike asked, waving to them in a friendly manner.

“Spike!” Sweetie Belle cried. “Just the dragon we wanted to see!”

“Uh…huh?” Spike asked.

“Hey, no, we’re just really glad to see you,” Scootaloo said. She shot Sweetie Belle a dirty look. “So, how was the trip?”

“Oh, it was great!” Spike said, and he took a few moments to recount the trip for them, including especially the relationship he had with Ruby.

“But then ya left her?” Applebloom asked.

“Well…I really wanted to come home, so…there wasn’t much I could do,” Spike explained.

“Well, she seemed really sweet and all…” Applebloom said.

“That’s what Twilight said,” Spike recalled.

“But we’re really glad yer back, don’t get us wrong,” Applebloom said.

“Thanks,” Spike said. “Now, if you ladies don’t mind, I’ve got a lot of errands to run for Twilight.”

“Oh, can we help?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Um…I guess you can tag along, if you want to,” Spike said, wondering why the three young fillies were suddenly so interested in spending time with him. Sure, they were acquaintances, but they had never really had extended conversations before. Spike shrugged it off, saying to himself that fillies would be fillies.

“So how is Twilight?” Sweetie Belle asked. “We haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Um…she’s fine,” Spike said, “but I only just got home yesterday, so we didn’t really talk about it, but she seems okay.”

“That’s good,” Sweetie Belle said. “Um…”

“Did she catch you up on all the latest Ponyville gossip?” Scootaloo asked, hoping she wasn’t showing her hand too soon.

“What gossip?” Spike asked as he approached the bookshop to purchase parchment. The Cutie Mark Crusaders followed him into the small shop.

“Well…we don’t know!” Scootaloo explained. “Nopony tells us anything, because we’re young or something. But you’re Twilight’s assistant. I bet she tells you everything!”

“Not exactly…” Spike said, wondering what in the world these three fillies wanted from him.

“Oh, this is stupid,” Applebloom said. “Spike, we might as well cut to the chase. We know mah sister is up to somethin’ with Rainbow Dash, but we don’t know what it was and we were hopin’ Twilight told ya.”

“Up to what?” Spike asked.

“So ya don’t know…” Applebloom said in dismay.

“Don’t know what?” Spike asked. “I’m confused…”

“I can explain,” Sweetie Belle offered. “A few days ago, we accidentally overheard Applejack talking to Rainbow Dash about some ‘affair’ that they needed to keep secret. They found us before they talked about what it was and made us promise we wouldn’t tell anypony.”

“But, you’re telling me…” Spike said.

“Don’t be silly, Spike,” Sweetie Belle said. “You’re a dragon, not a pony.”

“Uh…” Spike started, but decided it was best not to argue semantics.

“So basically,” Scootaloo added, “we were wondering if Twilight knew anything about this. She is like one of their best friends, and everything she knows you probably know, too.”

“Well, shouldn’t we let them keep their secret?” Spike asked. “We don’t want to invade their privacy, do we?”

“Of course not,” Applebloom said. “As soon as we find out what’s goin’ on, we’ll leave ’em alone. But we gotta know what they’re hidin’ from us, we just gotta.”

“Are you sure you really need to know?” Spike asked.

“We thought you wouldn’t want to tell us,” Sweetie Belle said, “and that’s why we’re offering you a deal. You find out what Applejack and Rainbow Dash are up to, and I swipe one of my sister’s gems for you. She won’t even know it’s missing, she’s got a million like it.”

“Please, did you really think you were gonna bribe me?” Spike asked. Sweetie Belle looked crestfallen.

“I thought for sure that would work…” she said to herself.

“Look, if you really want to know what they’re up to, and if somehow Twilight lets something slip, I’ll let you know, but I’m not going to try to get it out of her. And you can keep the gem, Sweetie Belle. I don’t want you stealing your sister’s things.” Sweetie Belle looked like she was about to object, but Applebloom quickly spoke up.

“It’s a deal,” she said. “Thank ya kindly, Spike!”

“You’re welcome,” Spike said. “Now, I’m busy, so you girls should get going.”

“Sure thing,” Scootaloo said. “See ya!” Spike watched the fillies leave, shaking his head about how curious they were. Hadn’t they learned yet not to poke around in other ponies’ business?

Spike shrugged it off, figuring that there was nothing for it.

***

Pinkie Pie woke up and stared warmly at the sleeping mare next to her. Sleeping over with Fluttershy was just so much fun, a lot more fun than Pinkie Pie ever would have thought it could be. She prodded Fluttershy’s back in order to wake her, but Fluttershy mumbled in protest and snuggled further under the covers. Pinkie Pie playfully prodded her again, and this time Fluttershy opened her eyes groggily. She turned to see Pinkie Pie’s face and smiled; Pinkie Pie’s exuberant happiness was contagious.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Morning, Pinkie,” Fluttershy mumbled through a yawn.

“Did you sleep well?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Actually,” Fluttershy said, “I had some trouble falling asleep.”

“Good, I’m not the only one. You think it has something to do with…?”

“Without a doubt,” Fluttershy said.

“Maybe we should talk about it a little more,” Pinkie Pie suggested.

“Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked, dreading to delve any further into her childhood than she already had.

“Haven’t you ever heard?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Talking about your problems helps make them feel better.”

“I know, I know,” Fluttershy said. “I guess we can try to work through all this.”

“Great! I’ll start breakfast,” Pinkie Pie chirped in a singsong voice. Fluttershy followed the bouncing pony into the kitchen, where Pinkie Pie was already preparing cereal. They sat down across from each other at the table and began to eat.

“So, your father was a big meanie-pants,” Pinkie Pie said. “Why’d your mom put up with it?”

“My mom and I are a lot alike,” Fluttershy said with a hint of disdain. “We’re both much too accepting for our own good. She didn’t think very much of herself, and so she let in just about anypony who whispered sweet nothings in her ear. My dad was apparently the last of a long line.”

“Whoa…” Pinkie Pie said. “I never would have guessed.”

“Yeah, a lot of ponies up in Cloudsdale talked about her. It always used to bother me. It still does, actually…”

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t know. We lost touch.”

“And where’s your dad?”

“I’m not even sure if he’s dead or alive,” Fluttershy said, “and I don’t really care, either.”

“Oh, come on, Fluttershy, he’s your dad.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean much when he was so…”

“So what?”

“Nothing. What about your family? It doesn’t sound like they were abusive at all.”

“No, they weren’t…but like I said, they were always sad, sad, sad. Everything was so boring with them! It was really annoying.” Fluttershy could imagine a bouncing pink filly trying to engage her lethargic parents.

“I imagine it must have been. How bad did things get?”

“I don’t think you want to know…” Pinkie Pie said.

“Why wouldn’t I want to know?” Fluttershy asked.

“It’s really kind of sad. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Fluttershy said. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just thought since you were the one that said talking about problems made things better…” Pinkie Pie looked at Fluttershy with such hurt in her eyes that Fluttershy instantly felt guilty for pushing the matter.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie Pie,” she said, giving the clearly distressed pony a much-needed hug.

***

Applejack trotted into the library and greeted Twilight Sparkle.

“Hey, Applejack. What’s up?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I was wonderin’ if…ya know that cloud-walkin’ spell ya casted fer me yesterday?”

“Yes,” Twilight said.

“Well, ah was wonderin’ if…there was a permanent version.”

“Um…hmm,” Twilight said, thinking. “I’ll see what I can find. In the meanwhile, do you want a refresher for today?”

“Ah guess…” Applejack said, dismayed.

“Oh, I can’t say no to a friend like you, Applejack,” Twilight said. “Come on; let’s see what I have here.” Twilight found the shelf which carried all of her magic books. It was obvious from the lack of dust that these books were taken off the shelf more frequently than some of the others. Twilight pulled down one that specifically outlined spells that manipulated pony physiology.

“This is the book I used to get us to Cloudsdale to watch Rainbow Dash perform at the Young Flier’s Competition,” Twilight explained. “I’m sure there was something in here about permanent cloud-walking…there is! It involves a dramatic restructuring of the skeletomuscular system…requires a series of doses of a very complex potion…this looks more like Zecora’s specialty, actually…”

“Aw, forget it, Twi. Ah suppose ah can make do without fer today. Just give me that there refresher and ah’ll be on my way.”

“Okay,” Twilight said, casting the cloud-walking spell on Applejack. It took much less effort than it had originally, as Twilight was getting more proficient at it with practice. Applejack could feel a lightness rise within her that indicated to her the spell’s successful implementation.

“Thank ya, Twilight. Ah really appreciate it.”

“You’ve been seeing Rainbow Dash a lot lately, haven’t you?” Twilight asked, feeling giddy about the sauciness of their affair.

“Ya might say that,” Applejack said. “Let’s just say ah’ve been seein’ more of her back than her front lately.” Applejack gave Twilight a big wink. Twilight giggled.

“Spare me the details,” Twilight said. “But seriously, how is she…?”

“Ya mean like…in bed?” Applejack asked. Twilight nodded with enthusiasm.

“Well, I hate to fuck and tell, but…she’s a real buckin’ bronco.”

“Oh my goodness, you two are so cute!” Twilight said. “I hope it works out for you.”

“Me too, Twilight,” Applejack said. Applejack left and greeted Spike as he walked in with a huge pile of purchases for Twilight. Twilight levitated the pile out of Spike’s hands, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey, Twilight,” Spike said, panting. “What was Applejack doing here?”

“What? Nothing,” Twilight said, eyes shifting around. She wasn’t a very good liar.

“What are you hiding, Twilight Sparkle?” Spike asked.

“Hiding? What hiding? I’m not hiding anything!” she protested.

“Well then what’s the big deal then? And why was Applejack even here?”

“She wanted to…borrow a book.”

“I didn’t see her walk out with a book…”

“Well, you see, it was already checked out when she got here.”

“What was the book?” Spike asked.

“Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone,” Twilight said, blurting out the first book that came to mind.

“Really? But I see a copy right there,” Spike said, pointing to a nearby shelf.

“Okay, okay,” Twilight said, giving up, “she was here for other reasons, but it’s personal, so can we just not talk about it?”

Spike was reminded of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ request, but he decided it was best to play it cool for now. There was plenty of opportunity to dig for the truth later.

“Okay, Twilight, that’s fine. I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Thanks, Spike. Now, be a dear and put these away,” Twilight said, pointing to the pile of purchases Spike had made earlier that day. Spike grumbled and got to work.

***

Applejack whistled down from beneath Rainbow Dash’s house. The pegasus swooped down, picked her up, and brought her up to her house. As Rainbow Dash and Applejack entered her room, Rainbow Dash began to kiss her fiercely.

“Whoa, nelly,” Applejack said, “though ah usually don’t mind that right as ah come over, ah just wanted to sit and talk fer a second about us.”

“Oh, great, here we go,” Rainbow Dash said. “Not even a month after we start fucking and you want to ‘talk about us.’ Great.”

“What in the hay crawled up yer ass and keeled over?” Applejack asked.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I guess I’m just getting a little defensive.”

“Defensive about what?” Applejack asked.

“You’re calling me too horny, aren’t you?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is that what this is about?”

“Guilty conscience much?” Applejack asked. “That wasn’t even remotely on mah mind, but now that you mention it, it seems that’s all yer interested in doin’. We’ve only gone out once, and ever since I got that cloud-walkin’ spell yesterday, all you’ve wanted to do is jump mah bones.”

“Don’t say it as if I force you!” Rainbow Dash said. “You want it just as badly as I do.”

“I reckon not so much,” Applejack said.

“Well then prove it!” Rainbow Dash said.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t know,” Rainbow Dash said, suddenly looking tired. “I guess I don’t like being accused like that You know, the other students at my flight school called me a slut for sleeping with that guy.”

“Did they now?” Applejack asked, suddenly feeling terrible about what she had implied.

“Yeah, it was pretty rough,” Rainbow Dash explained. “I guess when you came in here accusing me of only wanting one thing, I kinda got defensive for that reason. It just reminded me of school and those tough times.”

“Well ah’m sorry fer hurtin’ yer feelings, RD, but ya gotta respect mah limits. Ah don’t always wanna bump uglies with ya. There’s so much else we can do.”

“Like get into arguments?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, yes, we both can be stubborn asses sometimes,” Applejack said. “But there are good things that we do, too. We help each other.”

“True,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Hey, ya know Twilight thinks we’re a real cute couple, ya hear?”

“She does?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Reckon so, least that’s what she told me. Ah was just at the library gettin’ the spell to let me up here when she told me. Also, Spike came in as soon as I left. That was a little odd, fer him to show up right when ah’m leavin’.”

“It is?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I think it’s just a coincidence.”

“Ah don’t believe in coeenkedinks,” Applejack said, her dialect affecting the pronunciation of the word.

“Whatever. I don’t think it’s anything,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Suppose yer right, partner,” Applejack said. The two sat and stared at each other for a long while.

“You have really pretty eyes,” Rainbow Dash said out of the blue.

“Why, thank you,” Applejack said. “Ah never get to tell you this, but yer mane is incredible.”

“Oh, I know,” Rainbow Dash said, fluffing it up and basking in Applejack’s admiration. “It’s really a gift.”

“Ah’d love to have a mane as gorgeous as that,” Applejack said.

“Your mane is gorgeous,” Rainbow Dash said, “if you’d take off that stupid hat and let it down, that is.”

“Stop it, Dash,” Applejack said, “you know how much ah like mah Stetson.”

“Yeah, but I like your mane down better,” Rainbow Dash said. “It makes you look so sexy.”

“Does it now? And what would that entice you to do?” Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash smirked and pounced on Applejack, attempting to wrestle the Stetson off of her head. Applejack kicked up in protest, but the hat soon ended up across the room, and Applejack’s mane was so tangled in the scuffle that she took out the ponytail.

“See? I told you,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just look in the bathroom mirror.” Applejack did as obliged, and she laughed when she saw her mane. Rainbow Dash joined in as Applejack returned to the bedroom.

“It looks like ah have sex hair!” Applejack said.

“It sure does!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Hey, while we’re at it, why don’t ah return the favor?”

“What do you mean?”

“How about ah give you sex hair the old-fashioned way?”

“Oh yeah, I could get into that.”

“Then come here, you.”

***

Before Applejack had visited Twilight for the book, Rarity had come over as planned. After picking a suitable book for Ruby, Spike had gone up to bed, and Twilight and Rarity had picked a better time to talk about the adjustments they would have to make on account of Spike’s presence. So Twilight had sent Spike away on errands, and during that time Rarity came over.

A quick kiss on the lips was her only greeting. They didn’t know how much time they had to themselves, and they didn’t want to get overheated too early.

“So, down to business,” Rarity said.

“What are we going to do about our little dragon?” Twilight asked.

“Well, he’s turning into quite the mare-blocker, if you know what I mean,” Rarity said. “As long as he’s around, I can’t enjoy myself with you like I want to.”

“What’s wrong with the Carousel Boutique?” Twilight asked.

“Twilight, Sweetie Belle is over frequently and if a client comes in for an emergency repair job then I have to take it. I’m afraid it’s part of the job. No, the library is our meeting place, it just has to be. So what do we do about Spike?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight said, thinking. “I can’t keep sending him on errands or it’d look suspicious. We obviously can’t tell him what’s going on, either, or he’d freak out. Maybe…we could meet somewhere else?”

“Like where?” Rarity asked.

“Like a hotel,” Twilight said.

“Oh, darling, no, it would look much too conspicuous. Rumors would start spreading, and naturally they’d reach the little dragon’s ears and it would only be a matter of time before he calls you on it.”

“Not if I use a spell to change our appearance.”

“Really, Twilight, why would I want to look like some uglier pony when I could look magnificent as myself?” Twilight rolled her eyes.

“You wouldn’t have to change your appearance,” Twilight said. “I could just look like a stallion.”

“Well then word will get out that I sleep around, and that would put a bad reputation on my business,” Rarity said.

“Oh, right…” Twilight said, still thinking about a solution. “Could we borrow one of our friends’ houses? Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash live alone, and if we told them what was going on between us then they might understand…”

“Dear, it would be more difficult to explain than that, you know that. We aren’t like Applejack and Rainbow Dash. We aren’t even real filly foolers! We’re just…just…”

“Fucking around?” Twilight suggested.

“Well, if you must put it so crudely, then I suppose,” Rarity said. “My point is that I don’t want to get into an awkward tête-à-tête with our friends.”

“Fine…” Twilight said, starting to get frustrated. She strained her head trying to come up with an ingenious solution, but her brain failed to respond. This was a rare occurrence for Twilight, as she explained to Rarity.

“I can’t crack this one,” she said. “You’ve got to help me.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Rarity asked.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Twilight said.

“Don’t be,” Rarity said, patting Twilight on the shoulder. “We’re working on it, and that’s all that matters.”

Twilight and Rarity had eventually come up with an ingenious solution, and she had left shortly before Applejack’s arrival. Now Twilight was eager to try her idea the next night to see if they could pull it off. It would take a bit of magic, but Twilight thought that she was ready to try what they had envisioned.

If all went as planned, tomorrow night was going to be fun.

***

While Spike had been running errands, a certain red dragon had caught him leaving the bookshop with a pile of parchment. She shied away, telling herself that Spike was too busy to be interrupted by her presence. She was afraid the shock would make him drop all the items he was barely carrying.

Ruby shrank into the shadow, embarrassed for being so shy, kicking herself for not trying to talk to him. When was she going to get another chance to see him? For her, it seemed unlikely.

Ruby felt a wave of melancholy pass through her as she considered the possibility of success in wooing Spike. She hoped the romanticism of following him to Ponyville would somehow melt his heart, but deep down inside she seriously doubted it. Spike had been clear about how he felt, and there was no changing that.

But while her head was telling herself these things, her heart refused to let it go. She watched Spike walk, pining for him from afar, eyes gaping at all of Spike’s features. She really liked his tail, as it was of an appealing shape to her. She sighed and hit the wall of the building she was standing near out of frustration.

There had to be a better way to go about this. Ruby just didn’t know what.

***

“Celestia,” Luna said as she walked into her sister’s room after raising the moon. “Forgive me for interrupting, but there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What is it, Luna?” Celestia asked. She had been reading a bit of The History of Equestria, specifically her and Luna’s confrontation with Discord. Celestia had been laughing all of the book’s inaccuracies, and then wondering why no historian had ever approached her to get the real details.

“Well,” Luna said, “it’s really hard to explain, but when you…teach me those things about my own body, I get really…well…excited.”

“Of course you do, that’s the whole point, Luna,” Celestia said. “Self-pleasure is all about positive stimulation and a sense of independence. What’s so confusing about that?”

“It’s not just the physical touch exciting me, it’s…somepony else.”

“Ooh, are you fantasizing?” Celestia asked.

“Sort of,” Luna admitted. This was getting stranger and stranger for her.

“If you don’t mind my asking, who?” Celestia asked.

“Well, um…”

“What was that?”

“Uh…”

“Come on dear, spit it out.”

“You, okay?” Luna said, starting to cry. Celestia looked at her with confusion, wondering if she had heard her correctly.

“Me?” she asked. “Why me?”

“I don’t know, you’re so regal and omnipotent and my only true equal in this land. I guess I’m just…naturally drawn to that.”

“Well, Luna, as you know, family members do not participate in those activities together. My teaching you how to, well, masturbate was strictly of an educational nature. You know how we teachers are, never missing an opportunity to instruct our pupils. But you must understand that this attraction is sinful and should be quashed. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia,” Luna said, disappointed that nothing more had come out of that conversation.