Equestria's Bad Dude

by Rainedash

Chapter 1: And He Has Attitude!

Flash Sentry – royal guard and all around badass – strolled past the guards standing at Celestia's door and into the throne room. She was surrounded by the usual petitioners and servants. “Prompt as always.” With the wave of her hoof the others left the room, leaving the two to talk in private.

Flash adjusted his sunglasses before speaking. “I thought I was suspended,” he said in a deep, manly voice.

“Yes, well that's what normally happens when one of my guards causes a hundred thousand bits worth of damage.”

Flash laughed. “Sorry about that, Princess. Next time I'll just ask the changeling terrorists to give themselves up nicely. Wouldn't want to inconvenience anypony while saving the day.”

His laughter was cut short as she stood up, and towered over him. “Yes, laugh it up, Flash Sentry. You were not the one that had to spend twelve hours with accountants going over where the money to fix that damage was going to come from.”

“Ahem, my apologies, your royal highness.” The list of ponies capable of intimidating him was rather short, but Celestia was right at the top.

After staring him down for a few more seconds, she seemed to relax. “Tell me, do you know of pony named Dapper Moon?”

“The crime king of Trottingham? He comes from an old noble bloodline that fell on hard times, and he turned to crime to fill his pockets. I also know he was recently picked up thanks to a sting operation. Heh, let me guess, he got away?”

“Hm... your powers of coming to the obvious conclusion certainly haven't dulled. Indeed, he has escaped, and he was spotted heading towards an old temple in the badlands with a band of henchmen. This seems to be the perfect job for you, as there's nothing around it to blow up.”

“And my suspension?”

“If you succeed the suspension paper work, the previous demerits, and the complaints from that one really angry cabbage salesman will all mysteriously disappear. After such a critical clerical error, I shall be left with no choice but to fully reinstate you. So, will you take the job?”

Flash Sentry snapped to attention, and saluted Celestia. “Consider it done, your highness.”

“Good. The chariot that will fly you there is already waiting behind the palace.” Flash Sentry turned around and walked to the doors, but just as he reached out for the handle, she added, “Oh, and I know it's pointless to ask you to bring him in alive, but would you kindly bring back his head? A lady can never have too many skulls of her enemies.”


Hours later he was sitting in a chariot flying over the Badlands as the sun sunk into the horizon. He looked over the side of it, and tried to spot the drop zone. “Almost there,” said the pegasus pulling it, Flash didn't bother getting his name. “Scouts say he installed a couple magic turrets on top of the building, so you'll be going in hot. Good news is that they can't hit targets on the ground. If you manage to make it all the way down alive you'll be safe. Well, safe from them at least.”

“Remind me again why we're flying to it if it has defenses against ponies in the air?”

“Because walking through the Badlands would take too long, and there's some messed up things out here you could run into.”

“...right.” The target came into view. It had likely once been a full town in ancient times, but now only bits of buildings here and there remained, aside from the large, rectangle shaped temple on a hill. Whatever they did in constructing it, the ancient zebras of the Badlands sure built it to last. The modern turrets stuck out in contrast against the old, grey stone of the temple. 3... 2... 1... Flash Sentry backed up, letting himself fall off the back chariot. His nose pointed straight down, and his wings were tucked in tight. The pair of turrets lit up the evening sky as they fired. The first shot came within inches, close enough for him to feel the intense heat of the laser. More followed, but he managed too change his speed and direction just enough to avoid them. At the last moment his wings opened, he pulled up, and did a running landing.

On the ground he was safe from the magical defenses, but a new problem showed up. As he neared the steps leading up to the entrance out ran Dapper Moon's goons, about twenty masked ninjas wearing bow ties – as was required by the official Dapper Moon henchman guidebook. A ninja wearing a green outfit instead of the typical black stood in the entrance way, behind the others. “Any last words?” he asked.

Flash Sentry calmly slid his sunglasses off his face, and gently sat them down onto the ground. He took a step forward and all the ninjas dropped down into a combat stance. “Yeah actually, there is one thing I'd like to say.” He cleared his throat and made sure to speak loudly enough for them all to hear him. “Ninjas wearing bow ties look really damn stupid!” With that the fight began.


After defeating about twenty ninjas, Flash Sentry walked into the temple. Anything that might have originally been there was long gone leaving behind a big, empty space. However, it did have a few new additions, such as the table in the back with the mountain of gems and bits on it, and the stallion standing in front it. “It simply never fails. Every time I try counting my money, there's always a distraction. Just name your price and be gone.” The stallion had a black coat and a slicked back white mane. A pencil mustache hugged his upper lip, adding to his smug look. Like his henchman, Dapper Moon also wore a bow tie, though his had a diamond in the middle.

“Price? Sorry, but taking down scum like you is priceless.”

“Tis a shame you can't be as enlightened as I. Guess I'll just have to lower myself to hooficuffs on this occasion. Do at least try to make this entertaining for me.”

The two stallions ran at each other in the center of the room. Flash Sentry swing his hoof but Dapper Moon quickly ducked it and countered with an uppercut knocking him back. “Don't tell me Celestia's lap dog is all bark and no bite!” Flash went on the attack again, but Dapper Moon kept moving just a hair too fast. After another dodged punch Flash found himself on the end of kick that knocked him onto his back. “Bad show ol' boy. I really did need new henchmen if you were able to beat them.” Another dodge, another counter; rinse and repeat. “If you surrender and beg, I might consider not killing you.”

Dapper Moon went in for another quick strike, only for Flash to reach up and catch his hoof at the last second. He stared into Dapper Moon's eyes with a renewed intensity. “You know, there's three things in this world that really piss me off.” He tossed Dapper Moon's hoof aside and connected with a jab, knocking him back. “One: people that get offended when you don't like the same things they do.” Flash went in for a swing and missed, though this time he dodged Dapper's counter, and then struck him with a headbutt. Flash had adapted to Dapper Moon's speed. “Two: when you really start to like a certain food and suddenly the store doesn't sell it anymore. And three: bastards who think a fight is over before the final blow.” Flash ducked down, and sprang up with an uppercut causing Dapper to stumble back and fall onto his side.

With this possibly being his best chance to finish the fight Flash rushed Dapper moon before he could get all the way back up, and jumped onto Dapper's back. He wrapped his forehoof around Dapper's neck. Dapper Moon ran to the wall and smashed Flash against it. However, Flash's grip only tightened. “W-why won't you just d-die?!” asked Dapper Moon, barely able to even get the words out.

“Because I'm a royal guard!” One quick snap, and it was over.

Author's Notes:

In next week's episode of Equestria's Bad Dude, entitled: Clones!

The main story I'm currently working on is taking longer than expected, and I wanted to get something up for the sake of the start of the new season, so here you go. Also, I have no clue how I got this idea. It just kinda happened.

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