“Hello? Mr. Cloud? Are you home, Mr. Cloud?”

The young colt knocked on the door, his saddlebags shifting ever so slightly as he moved. After a few moments, the door creaked open a bit.

“Yes? Who is-” a single eye peered out of the crack in the door, focusing on the young colt. “Ah, little Canvas!”

A silvery gray stallion stepped into the doorway, smiling down on Canvas as he did.

“What can I do for you?”

The colt reached into his saddlebags, pulling out a few envelopes and holding them out to the stallion.

“Oh no, did the mailmare deliver my letters to your house again? My apologies, Canvas. I was sure that I already talked to the Post Office about that.” The stallion reached out and took the letters from the colt. “Thank you, Canvas. And say hello to your mother for me!”

Canvas nodded his head, quickly turning and running back towards his house. Once he had made it a ways down the street, he sighed in relief. He never was the best at talking to older ponies. Not to mention Mr. Cloud always seemed kind of… off. With a shake of his head, Canvas started to trot back towards his house, ready to just sit down and draw with-

“Ksssh… this is the head of command, what’s going on?”

The colt stopped in his tracks. He glanced around, trying to find whoever had just spoken.

“H… hello?” Canvas said hesitantly, “Is somepony there?”

“Ksssh… sir, there’s a civilian here! He’s behind enemy lines! What do we do?”

Canvas turned once more, trying to find the source of the noise. But no matter where he looked, all he saw were houses, roads, and clouds. Lots and lots of clouds.

“Ksssh… well don’t just stand there, soldier! Go save him!”

Canvas started to step back, his heart beginning to pound a little faster.

“W-who’s there?”

“Ksssh… copy that! Commencing civilian rescue operation!”

Without warning, a greenish blur sprang from behind a nearby cloud, tackling Canvas to the ground. The colt screamed, trying to push away from the creature that attacked him, but the turquoise menace was too strong.

“Fear not citizen! For I-”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!” Canvas continued to scream, pushing as hard as he could against the vicious predator. “GET OFF GET OFF DON’T HURT ME I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!”

“H-hey, calm down!” the creature covered his head, holding his ground in an attempt to keep the colt under control. “I’m trying to – oof – to save you from evil unicorns!”

Canvas stopped screaming, finally looking at the thing that had pinned him down. He realized that it wasn’t a monster holding him down – rather, a colt, about Canvas’ age from the looks of it.

“U-unicorns?”

“Yeah, haven’t you heard? The unicorns have joined forces with the zebras, and they’re using their evil magic to take over the skies!” the turquoise pegasus stood tall, puffing his chest out and brushing aside a strand of purple hair. “But don’t worry, as long as I’m Commander of the Enclave, we’ll make sure the Equestrian Sky is safe from any zebra threat!”

Canvas stared at the colt, a single eyebrow beginning to raise skeptically.

“Really?”

The “Enclave Commander” stayed silent for a second, releasing an exasperated sigh.

“You don’t play pretend much, do you?”

The boy stepped to the side, helping Canvas up off of the ground.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before,” the turquoise colt neighed, tilting his head as he looked Canvas over. “Do you live around here?”

“Yeah… yeah, I live just down the street from here.”

“Cool!” The colt grinned, reaching his hoof out towards Canvas. “The name’s Windspeed. Nice to meet you!”

Carefully, the yellow pegasus reached out his hoof and bumped it against Windspeed’s. “I-I’m Canvas.”

Windspeed smiled at the colt. “Well, Private Canvas, we’ve got no time to lose! The Unicorns are coming close, we’ve got to hold them off!”

“Private? I’m not-”

“Come on, work with me. I need SOMEpony to have an epic last stand with.”

Canvas rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t keep a smile from gracing his lips. He didn’t really have anything better to do, and his mom WAS telling him he needed to go out and make some friends…

Canvas turned, charging at the invading unicorn forces.

“Alright, pay attention feathers. If you want to survive out here, you’re gonna have to understand a few fuckin’ things. Some… ‘Rules of the Wasteland,’ per se.”

As Temper began her lesson, I walked along in front of her, shiv held firmly in my mouth. It was a strange thing. It was like holding a big kitchen knife, the ones you use to chop vegetables. But the weight was off, more in the handle than the blade, and evenly distributed on the sides. Not to mention the mouth guard, which thankfully kept me from cutting my own tongue off.

“Now where the fuck was… ah, here, this is a good spot.”

I stopped at Temper’s command. Since she was behind me, she had to guide me to a field away from the town for my “training session.” It would have been easier to have her lead, but she insisted that I take the front, so as not to leave her sight.

And by “insisted” I mean she shot at me when I tried to argue.

“Now then,” Temper trotted around in front of me, gun still trained on me as she moved, “Let’s start with the most basic fuckin’ rule there is, rule number one: Kill, or be killed.”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Temper’s eyes glanced ever so slightly to my side, a smirk showing even as she held the gun in her mouth. How does she manage to talk while holding that, anyways?

“For example:”

BANG!!

Without warning, the mare fired her gun, causing me to jump away, only to feel some kind of liquid spray across my back. I jumped again, spinning around reflexively to look at the source of the splatter.

Mere inches behind my head, I saw a disgusting blob of a creature hovering in the air. I only managed to catch a glimpse of the thing before it sputtered and fell onto the ground. It looked like an oozing green ball of flesh and slime, with eerie, spindly legs dangling from the bottom of it. It dropped out of the air with a *SPLAT*, at which point I noticed a pair of slightly mismatched translucent wings attached to its back.

It also had a massive hole showing its insides, but I assume that was from the bullet.

“What the-” I gagged, trying to scrape the blob’s goo and juices from my back. “What the heck IS that?!?”

Temper chuckled, trotting around to the creature and poking it with a hoof.

“Bloatsprite. Nasty little fuckers, aren’t they?” Temper turned from her prodding, facing me once more. “That’s another lesson for ya; pay attention to your fuckin’ surroundings.”

I quickly glanced around, making sure there was nothing else ready to kill me. Temper let out another laugh.

“Now, that there is just ONE of the many ways the wasteland will try to kill you. Some days it’s bloatsprites, some days it’s enemy raiders… fuck, the plants will even turn on you if you’re in the wrong place.” I shuddered, remembering the plant monsters and wood beasts from the forest.

“Point is, every fuckin’ thing you see can, and probably will kill you. The only way to live is to beat ‘em to the punch.”

“A-alright…” I shuddered, reluctantly taking in what the mare said.

“Rule number two!” Temper stamped the ground with her hoof, smirking as I flinched away from her. “Trust nopony.”

I paused, before failing to stifle a laugh. Yeah, because the ponies I’ve met down here seem SO trustworthy.

“You fuckin’ laughing at me, feathers?”

“N-n-no, ma’am! I’m sorry!”

“Shut up. Yeah, obviously ponies that jump out of the fuckin’ shadows to shoot ya aren’t ones you’re gonna have trouble with on that front. What you gotta look out for are the ones that don’t.” Temper began to trot in circles around me, her voice taking on a more and more sinister tone as she spoke.

“The ponies that try to talk to you, try to get friendly with you… those are the ponies to keep your eyes on. They’ll sell you bullshit about how they just want to help, or how you could use some assistance, and then when you’re not looking… POW!” The mare jerked her head back, her pretend gunshot causing me to jump away. “They shoot you in the fuckin’ back.”

They can’t be trusted! They would turn on you in a heartbeat if anypony let them.

“Finally, rule number three!” Temper trotted in front of me once more, looking me straight in the eye. “Abandon your morals.”

Abandon my… wait, what?

Temper smirked from behind her gun. “Face it, feathers. You’re gonna be in some real fuckin’ shitty situations down here. If you’re gonna get through ‘em without a bullet in your ass, you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to survive. Otherwise, you’re just a waste of air.”

Temper went quiet, her speech finally done. She looked me in the eye, watching me intently as I tried to process everything she had said.

“Ya got all that?”

I was hesitant, but slowly I started to nod my head.

Bzzzzzzzzz… Bzzzzzzzz…

Temper turned her head to the side, looking towards the source of the buzzing.

“Well fuck me with Luna’s horn, looks like our little bloatsprite assassin had a couple of friends.” She turned her head back towards me, eyes locked on the shiv in my mouth. “Looks like it’s time for some combat training.”

What now? Oh god, no, please don’t, oh… My body tensed up, and I came close to hyperventilating. I turned, ready to make a break for it, only to come face to face with the barrel of Temper’s gun.

“Going somewhere?”

I smiled nervously, turning back to the task at hoof. Ok, ok, stay calm. You can do this. I lowered myself down, preparing to charge the creatures. Slowly, a few blobs began to appear on a nearby hill.

Then a few more.

And more.

It was at about the eleventh or so bloatsprite that I began to question all of my life decisions that had led me to this moment.

“Well go on then, feathers.” Temper laughed, stepping to the side. “They’re all yours.”

“Oh come on, feathers, stop pussying out! Put your fuckin’ back into it!”

FUCK YOU TEMPER, I’m barely managing to stay alive out- OH FUCK SHIT FUCK

My fight against the bloatsprites was going terribly, to say the least. Every time I got close enough to strike one of them, I either ended up missing my blade swing, wimping out on contact, or worse yet, dropping the shiv. And all of that was assuming I didn’t turn and flee as soon as one got close to me. The only reason I wasn’t dead yet was that Temper kept shooting the ones that came close to killing me, although she seemed to get a kick out of letting me get bit a few times.

I did get a lucky hit on one of them though, and I was honestly shocked that I managed not to vomit on sight. The moment the knife made contact, I could feel the blade sliding into the disgusting blobby flesh of the creature, and I could see its insides oozing out of the cut I had made. The cut didn’t look very deep, but I guess their skin wasn’t very thick, because the single cut split the creature open, spilling its juices all over the ground in front of me, like some kind of gory water balloon.

I stared down at the corpse of my first wasteland victim.

First… ugh, that makes it sound like I intend to have more. I hope not.

“Ok, ok, stop this fuckin’ bullshit.”

My attention snapped back to the battle of the sprites, only to notice there were no more sprites to battle. The ground was littered with the corpses of the bloatsprites, each one sporting a hole, through which their bizarre green insides were flowing out.

“All these fuckin’ bloatsprites, and you only managed to kill one? That’s fuckin’ pathetic.”

“I-I-I’m forr…” I paused, spitting the knife from my mouth as the mare approached me. “I’m sorry! I just… I couldn’t hit them! And when I did hit them, i-it felt like I wasn’t even doing anything to them! I don’t-”

“Gimme that!” Temper snatched the knife from the ground and made her way over to one of the bloatsprite corpses. In a single movement, she pulled the shiv to her mouth, reared back on her hind legs, and then slammed down, plunging the knife into the corpse, deep enough that her muzzle was practically touching the bloatsprite’s guts.

The mare let go of the shiv, reaching instead to grab it with her hoof. As swiftly as she had plunged the blade in, she ripped the blade out, tossing it to my hooves. I flinched as it landed.

“Your turn.” Temper pointed to one of the nearby corpses. “Go stab that one, over there. And for fucks sake, put some actual fuckin’ power behind it!”

I stared at the shiv, not quite sure that I wanted to grab it. They’re all dead already, why-

“NOW!”

I jumped, scrambling to pick up the blade and rushing to the bloatsprite corpse. Even though it was clearly dead, I could still see one of its legs twitching. I turned my head back towards Temper. She pointed again at the corpse, her gun aimed directly at my head.

Ungh…

I reared up on my hind legs, jabbing the shiv down into the flesh of the beast. I felt the blade resisting as it slid against the meat and organs of the creature, the feeling almost causing me to let go of the shiv as I gagged. I snapped my eyes shut, pushing against the knife as hard as I could, until I felt it stop moving. Hesitantly, I opened one of my eyes.

The blade was barely even a quarter of the way submerged.

I heard a sharp *SMACK* as Temper brought her hoof to her face.

“This isn’t working.” She neighed, “You’re too fuckin’ weak to use a knife.”

“Hey! That’s…” The mare raised an eyebrow at me, causing me to slam my mouth shut. I don’t need another injury.

“Alright then, new plan.” Temper reached down, quickly exchanging the gun in her mouth for the shiv. Without warning, she rushed around behind me and positioned the blade against the back of my neck. I started to panic, an image of my decapitated head already beginning to form in my mind. W-what are you-

I suddenly found the handle of the pistol being shoved into my mouth.

“Don’t mind me,” Temper sneered, “I’m just making sure you don’t get any fuckin’ funny ideas.” I swallowed hard, wincing as I felt the blade’s edge push against my neck. While I hoped she didn’t intend to kill me just yet, I was pretty sure she had managed to draw blood. Unless the drops of liquid I felt running down my neck were her saliva or something. Honestly, it wouldn’t have surprised me.

“This should work better. Don’t need to be strong to shoot a fuckin’ gun. You ever shot a gun before, feathers?”

“N-no, ma’am.”

Temper groaned, and although I couldn’t see her face at the time, I had a feeling she rolled her eyes too.

“Do you at least know how to shoot a gun?”

I thought back to some of the toy weaponry Windspeed and I had played with as a child.

“Fung pullth vu tfrigger, righ?”

Temper was silent for a couple seconds.

“What?”

“Fung pullth vu…” Damn it. Really, how does she talk properly with this thing?

“I can’t… fuck it, I’m gonna assume that meant yes.”

Temper began leading me further into the dead and open fields, blade pressed against my neck, searching for more innocent creatures to slaughter in the name of training.

Just once, I’d like to find something here that DOESN’T look like it could kill me.

The wasteland was turning out to be a surprisingly empty place. For a while, we didn’t find anything but rocks, skeletons, and billboards (I don’t know who this “Pinkie Pie” in all the ads is, but I wish she’d stop “watching me forever”). Eventually, Temper found some beasts she deemed suitable for target practice. Large, brownish discs, which I at first mistook for polished wood. Before I remembered that I was in the wasteland. Why would anypony down here polish wood? Oh yeah, and wood doesn’t usually move. The creatures had the same kinds of spindly legs the bloatsprites had, although much shorter. Same kinds of wings too, although these wings laid along the creature’s bodies, instead of jutting out at strange angles. I found myself disturbed, and yet captivated as they scurried around.

Temper called them Radroaches.

“Looks like there’s about six of ‘em. Easy pickings.” Temper edged forward, the shiv pressed against my neck causing me to whimper in pain. “And don’t even think of pussying out on these ones. Radroaches are practically harmless.”

R… really? That seems-

“Well, usually. There was this one time, but Stitch didn’t really need that leg.”

I turned, looking at my captor in horror.

“What? The fucker had it coming.”

Slowly, I shook the implied scene from my mind, focusing back on the Radroaches. We were fairly close, but I don’t think they had noticed us yet. I took a deep breath. The weapon in my mouth almost felt alien. True, I’d held toy guns before, but holding the real thing was a different beast altogether. The toys were plastic, and most of them didn’t even have the mechanisms in place to fire anything. I slid my tongue onto the trigger, the taste of metal washing over my mouth. I could see the barrel shaking, the sights moving wildly in and out of alignment. I closed one of my eyes, pointing the gun in the general direction of the roaches.

I… I should take my time, line up my shot. If I mess up, all the roaches will notice me, for sure. I don’t want them to attack me… I need to relax, and make sure I don’t screw this-

“Shoot, for fuck’s sake!”

BANG!!

Fuck.

In my focus, Temper had startled me with her sudden outburst. As I jerked my head back, my tongue had pulled the trigger, sending a bullet into the ground right in the middle of the roaches. Soon enough, all the brown discs had started slowly shifting towards me.

“Hah! Looks like you pissed them off now!” Temper snickered. “Better start shooting, before they tear you to shreds!”

FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK

I instinctively tried to turn and run, but Temper grabbed onto me, laughing and holding me in place as the roaches started to pick up speed. I didn’t have a lot of time to think, and with no other choices available, the next few moments of my life became a wild barrage of shots fired at the approaching mass of creatures.

BANG BANG BANG!!

The first shot missed, but the second and third punched right into the back of one of the Roaches, who fell behind the other five and, a short time later, stopped. That’s one! Maybe I can do this!

BANG!!

Shit, missed again!!

*click* *click* *click*

Crap, out of ammo!! That was the last thing I wanted.

“Houw vju…” I frantically spit the pistol into my hoof. “How do I reload?!?”

Temper said nothing, simply pulling out a long, small box and holding it in front of me. I stared at the object, a panic beginning to build, when I noticed that the same kind of box was attached the bottom of the pistol. Without even thinking, I grabbed the box on the gun, ripping it out with a sharp tug. I tossed the old box to the side, quickly grabbing the one Temper was holding out and locking it into place, shoving the pistol back in my mouth.

BANG BANG BANG BANG!!

Two more Roaches stopped dead, with another narrowly avoiding the fourth shot. That’s three! I took a second to calm myself, although my heart continued to race, adrenaline pumping through my body. My legs were trembling, nearly throwing me off-balance as I stared down the front most Radroach.

BANG!!

A lucky shot to its head caused the beast to explode in a cloud of gore. Before I could give myself the chance to dwell on that sickening event, I frantically turned my aim back towards the last two roaches, each now within a few feet of me.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!

I fired wildly, trying as best as I could to hit something, but my luck seemed to have run out. Of the shots I fired, only one hit, and even then all it did was slow one of the things down.

BANG BANG!!

Another two hits, finally dropping the wounded Roach. Only one left! He’s almost on top of me, just another couple shots!

*click*

Oh son of a-

The roach leapt at me, biting at me with fierce and vicious fangs. I yelled as the monster bit into my leg, its teeth sinking in just above my hoof. I desperately tried to shake it off, although… truth be told, I was kind of surprised by how little it actually hurt.

Well, compared to getting shot and stabbed and punched by Temper all the time anyways.

Speaking of, Temper didn’t bother trying to get it off. She just stood behind me, laughing as I got viciously mauled by a creature not even half my size. Once she’d had her fill of joy at my expense, she casually trotted around in front of me, her shadow looming over the roach. She watched the creature take another bite at me, before simply placing one of her hooves on top of the thing, pinning it to the ground. The radroach futilely writhed under her body weight.

“Well, that was better than with the knife. Although still pretty fuckin’ bad.” Temper turned, looking out at the dead roach corpses. “Seventeen bullets to kill six roaches. Six. Fucking. Roaches.”

She opened her mouth to say more, but suddenly paused, a small skritching sound interrupting from below her. She looked down. The roach had started to make a little traction, just slightly pulling away from the mare. With a roll of her eyes, Temper reared up on her hind legs and slammed down, bringing the full force of her weight onto the creature.

*crunch*

The roach practically exploded under her hoof, various liquids gushing out from it in a sudden burst. Temper stepped off of the corpse, scraping her hooves on the ground to get rid of the messy parts. I looked away, hoping that putting the scene out of sight would push it out of mind faster.

“Fuckin’ disgusting…” Temper sneered at the mess, before turning back to me, the knife still in her mouth. “Now since you went and wasted half of my fuckin’ ammo, I think we’re gonna stop there.”

Oh thank god.

“Now give me back my fuckin’ gun.” I thought briefly about making a run for it while I still had the gun, but Temper was too fast for me, ripping the pistol from my mouth before I could react. In one swift motion, she reloaded it and shoved it back into her own mouth, training the barrel on me once more. “Get moving! It’ll be dark before long, and I’d rather not fuckin’ freeze in the open wasteland.”

With no other options, I sighed, slumping my shoulders and letting Temper lead me around, searching for a spot to camp out for the night.

Oh boy. My old shackles. I missed them SO much.

A fire burned in front of us, thankfully not lit by the bodies of the dead this time. Once Temper had lit the wood I managed to collect, she pulled out the slaving shackles and chained me up to an old rusted sign by the fire. I guess she didn’t trust me enough to not run away during the night.

She wasn’t wrong, but still…

At the very least, Temper did let me have my saddlebags back (“nothing fuckin’ useful in them anyways,” she said). I pulled my one remaining apple from the bag, savoring the first bite of food I’d had since my crash landing. It was a pathetic meal, one I scarfed down in just a few seconds, but food is food. I was just thankful that it was actual food, versus… I don’t know, whatever it was the ponies down here ate. Did they eat hay? Dirt? I’d always heard there was so little food down here that they’d even eat animals… Oh god, what if they ate other ponies?!?

…actually, scratch that last one. Nopony’s that morbid, even in the wasteland.

The wasteland… I looked around the hellscape, the ambient light already beginning to dim, a sight that should have basked the land in beautiful rays of orange and red, but instead just left the land an even duller greenish-gray than before. I took in a deep breath, the faint scent of dust penetrating through the air. By now, I had spent two days in the wasteland. Two full days of breathing in toxic fumes.

Is the air really poisoned? Even a slow-acting poison should have killed me by now, shouldn’t it? So…

“Why aren’t I dead?”

I heard a sharp laugh come from across the fire.

“Now that’s the first fuckin’ thing you’ve said that I can agree with. The way you were swinging that fuckin’…”

I glanced over at Temper as she talked, clenching my teeth to avoid speaking out of line again. Do I envy or pity her for being immune to the air poison? On the one hoof, that means she doesn’t die, but on the other, she has to live in... I paused in my thought, turning to look at the barred fields around me. …this.

Slowly, my mind started to wander, reflecting on some other strange inconsistencies I had noticed. Like Temper’s fangs, or rather her lack thereof. I’d always heard that the ponies stuck down here had changed and evolved, to the point where they had more monstrous features – fangs for tearing ponies apart, horns for maximum ramming damage, claws on their hooves to grab hold of their victims. I’d even heard tell of ponies that had holes in their legs, for whatever benefit that could give them. But Temper looked like any other pony. She was terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but that was for entirely different reasons. She didn’t look like a monster, at the very least.

“…not to mention your shitty ass aim. By all accounts, you should have died back…”

I tuned Temper out. If we were wrong about the ponies and the air… I wonder what else we were wrong about. Maybe some of the ponies survived down here? Maybe the waters aren’t cursed by Zebra spells? Maybe the Zebras don’t even exist! That would-

BANG!!

I yelled out in pain, tensing up as a bullet passed straight through my ear.

“Hey, are you even fucking listening?”

I snapped my attention back to Temper, our eyes locking as blood began dripping down the side of my head.

“Y-yes! Yes, I’m listening! I’m sorry, I’ll listen better, I-I’m so sorry!”

“Good.” Temper nickered, holstering her pistol. “I hate having to repeat myself.”

As the night pressed on, I receded further into my thoughts. I needed to escape. I needed a plan. I needed to find some way to get away from this psychotic mare, and then find a way to get back home. But no matter what I thought, no matter what ideas came to my head, I couldn’t see a way out. Every plan was flawed, every hope slowly getting crushed.

Could I just run for it? She can’t just leave me locked to this post forever. Once she takes off my shackles, maybe I could make a mad dash to get away as fast as I could?

…no, she’d just shoot me. And there’s no cover around, so it’s not like she’d have any trouble hitting me. I’d be dead in a second.

I rolled onto my side, wincing as my injured wing brushed along the ground. If only my wings were healed, then I could just fly away. Although that doesn’t keep her from shooting at me, I suppose.

I… I could try to fight back? Stab her in the gut with the knife, or shoot her once I have the gun?

I squeezed my eyes shut, a frustrated grunt escaping my lips.

No, no, no! I can’t kill a pony! I don’t care HOW evil she is, I’m not gonna kill her! Besides, she’s obviously more experienced. She’d kill me first. And I KNOW I can’t just talk my way to freedom. All that did last time was get me chained with this psycho.

So I can’t run, I can’t talk, and I can’t fight… what does that even leave? Is this hopeless?

Am I really going to be stuck here forever?

I felt tears starting to well up. I didn’t want to accept it, the thought that I would never go home. It was too awful to be true. It had to be! In a bout of anger, I violently turned over, throwing myself back onto my other side.

*clatter*

My ears perked up, and my attention was drawn to a small clattering sound. Confused, I turned to look down at the source of the noise.

The holodisk had fallen out of my saddlebags.

I started to reach out for it, but the shackles kept my hooves just out of reach. Slowly, I began trying to pull it in my hind legs, inching the disk closer with every attempt. Eventually I was able to reach out with my front legs and grab hold of the disc, bringing it closer into view.

In an instant, the metaphorical light bulb sparked to life in my head.

This… this is Enclave data, isn’t it? Then… then maybe there’s something useful in here! Maybe there’s a, a-a scouting schedule, or a radio frequency or something! Something I could use to contact the Enclave! A smile began to form on my face as I clutched the disk tightly in my hooves. Then… then all I need to do is look at the disk! Get the data, contact the Enclave! It’s so simple!!

For a moment, I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like I could fly again. But as I sat there elated about this sudden breakthrough, reality reared its ugly head, sending me crashing down once more.

I need a terminal to look at the information on the disk. My heart began to sink, as I looked out over the barren fields. Where the heck am I gonna find a working terminal in this place? All the electronics from before the war have probably been destroyed.

I sat there, racking my brain. This was the closest I had come to finding an escape route, I couldn’t let it slip away! I can’t lose hope!!

There… there has to be one, somewhere! If I can just find one working terminal, then I can look through the holodisk, and hopefully find some way of contacting the Enclave. Then I just have to send them a message! They’ll come find me, they’ll rescue me from the wasteland, and I’ll be back in bed before the day is done!

“ZZZzzzZZZzzz…”

I jumped, a snore startling me from my thoughts. I turned to look at Temper, the mare deep in sleep at this point.

Right. Her. If I wanted this plan to even have a chance of succeeding, I’d have to do it all without Temper noticing. How am I gonna do that? She watches me like a hawk when she’s awake, and locks me up when she’s asleep.

I sighed. There was no way around it. When the time comes, I’m gonna have to find a way to distract her… I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll find a way.

It was a flawed plan, to be sure. Every piece of it relied on me being the luckiest stallion ever, something my current situation led me to believe I wasn’t. But it was still a plan. If I could find a terminal, if it was working, if I could distract Temper long enough to use it, and if there was any useful information on the holodisk… basically if I could manage to get every star in the sky to align, then it would all turn out fine.

I felt the wind rustle the feathers of my broken wing once more.

…if I can even survive long enough to attempt it.

I curled up as best as I could, trying to get comfortable as the fire slowly faded away into nothingness.

“Alright, get a move on, feathers.”

Morning had come, and Temper dragged me to my hooves to lead me further into the wasteland. We eventually found an old road, and at Temper’s command, began following the path it left. God, even the roads didn’t feel right. We didn’t have that many roads above the clouds, seeing as pretty much every vehicle just flew around anyways. The few roads we did have were just clouds that had been compacted down, just to visibly mark the path. But these roads down here were hard, flat black rocks broken into pieces. It looked more like shattered glass than stone.

We approached the remains of an intersection, when Temper stopped very suddenly. Her ears swiveled, pointing down the road. I looked in the direction she was look… erm, hearing… and I spotted a vague shape moving along the road. A smile steadily spread across Temper’s face.

“Get off the road.”

Without another word, Temper ran off to the left, ducking down behind a mound of dirt on the side of the path. I stood still for a few moments. “What are-”

“Did I fucking stutter?” the mare snapped, “Get the fuck over here!”

I jumped, rushing to join my captor behind the dirt mound. Temper said nothing as we waited, instead taking the opportunity to watch the figure from down the road as it slowly approached.

“Why are we-”

“Quiet!” Temper spat as she slapped me upside the head, her voice a harsh whisper. I winced, rubbing the spot where she hit me to try to ease the pain. It didn’t help.

“S-Sorry.” I too joined in whispering, hoping that lowering my voice would appease the mare. “Why are we hiding off the road?”

“Why the fuck do you think?” Temper said, pointing her hoof towards the approaching figures. “There’s a caravan headed this way.”

“Caravan?” I think I’ve heard of those…

Temper let out a frustrated sigh, bringing a hoof to her face.

“Of course. Why the fuck did I expect the guy who doesn’t know what caps are to…” Temper rolled her eyes, shaking her head in what I think was shame. “They’re traders. You give ‘em caps, they give you whatever you want, assuming they have it in stock. Could be weapons, medicine, food, you name it.”

I turned to look at the caravan, my eyebrow raising as they entered the intersection. THIS is where ponies buy things? I was stunned by how small the whole group was. There were only four ponies, they couldn’t have that many supplies on them, especially with the big one carrying everything like he was.

…no, wait. On second glance, the big one wasn’t a pony, but some other kind of… what the fuck?!? It’s got two heads! Why does it have two heads? What IS that thing?

I turned to Temper, ready to ask her about the creature, but Temper wasn’t even looking at the traders anymore. She had her back turned to the caravan, taking some time to reload her pistol. I… I guess that’s normal then? Just another wasteland thing to deal with? Ok. Sure.

“So…” I tried to shake off my confusion, getting back to the matter at hoof. “We can buy stuff from them? Then why are we-” I barely managed to dodge another punch from Temper, a feat which seemed to surprise the mare, if only for a second.

“I wasn’t fuckin’ done.” Temper sneered. “Sure, that may be how most wastelanders get things from caravans, but raiders… well, we have a better way.”

Raiders? Wait, isn’t that-

BANG!!

I didn’t have time to cover my ears as Temper fired on the pony in front, dropping him to the ground with a single shot. As blood began to pool around him, the other two ponies scattered, one running for cover behind some rocks, and the other diving behind an abandoned cart.

“Time for your first raid, newbie!” Temper quickly pulled out the shiv, dropping it at my hooves. “Go get the brahmin, I’ll get the others!”

“The what?”

Temper facehoofed.

“The big one with two fuckin’ heads! Now go, or I’ll shoot you instead!”

With that, Temper rushed out from the dirt mound, taking aim at one of the ponies as he ran for cover.

BANG!!

The pony didn’t even get clear of the road before tumbling to the ground, blood oozing from his gut as he tried to crawl to safety.

BANG!!

The pony froze, life draining from his eyes as his body stopped moving.

As Temper began her murderous rampage, I looked at the shiv. Hesitantly, I picked up the blade, peering out at the two headed brahmin. The creature seemed to be paying no mind to the battle at hoof, continuing to mosey along the road as I looked at it. It was a strange looking creature, even ignoring the whole “two heads” thing. It was a strange reddish color all over, as though its fur had all been shaved off and then burned, and it was much bigger than a pony. Its two heads were vaguely pony-like, although much wider at the snout.

Also it had a giant… thing hanging between its legs, but… The less I know about that, the better.

BANG!!

As the brahmin moved in closer, I was startled by the sound of another gunshot. I turned to watch as Temper cried out it pain, blood starting to rush from a hole just to the side of her cutie mark. I could just barely see the third pony, now having stepped away from his hiding spot behind the cart, smoke trailing from his gun barrel.

I felt sorry for that stallion.

BANG BANG BANG!!

Temper immediately turned, charging at the pony and firing wildly in his direction. It didn’t look like any of the shots hit him, but he still dove back behind the cart. Hesitantly, I turned my attention back towards the brahmin and carefully began my approach. One of its heads lazily turned to look at me as I moved in closer. It looked so peaceful, blissfully unaware of the danger all around it. I didn’t want to kill it, I really didn’t.

“Rule number one: Kill or be killed.”

But I also didn’t want Temper to kill me.

It’s… it’s only an animal, Canvas. It’ll be f-fine. It’s not like you’re killing a pony. You can do this.

I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths in preparation.

Okay, One… Two... THREE!

I screamed, lunging at the brahmin, swinging the shiv as I approached.

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

I snapped my eyes open, releasing the shiv from my grip as I did. The blade had stuck into the neck of the fattened creature, even if it was only an inch or so in. Nevertheless, that was more than enough to spook the beast into a frenzy. The previously docile brahmin seemed to jump to life, kicking at me and running off the road as fast as its legs could carry it, taking the knife along with it.

“H-Hey!” I called out to the beast, hoping in vain it would listen. “Get back here!”

I broke into a gallop, chasing after the brahmin as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the remaining caravan pony jump out from behind the cart.

BANG!! BANG BANG!!

I heard some wood splintering as a bullet embedded itself into the cart, followed swiftly by two shots from the caravan pony. Right around the second shot, I managed to catch up with the brahmin, and leapt forward to grab onto the shiv again.

I really wish I hadn’t.

At the same moment that I grabbed onto the blade, the brahmin jerked its body to the side. The combination of my weight pulling down and the brahmin pulling up and away caused the shiv to slide down the creature’s neck, slicing it damn near in half. Blood spilled onto me as the wound split open, momentarily bathing my world in a sea or red. The creature cried out in pain, running from me as blood continued to gush out of the wound. Slowly, the beast came to a stop, before lifelessly toppling to the ground.

I stood, horrified and sickened as the creature’s blood dripped down my body. My stomach churned, and soon enough I had violently thrown up on the ground in front of me.

BANG!!

I jolted my head towards the noise. The last pony finally dropped to the ground, Temper letting out a prideful roar. Yes, she roared. As if her sanity wasn’t in question already.

“Ah, I love a good hunt!” The mare grinned as she spoke. She turned to look at me, the brahmin’s blood already beginning to dry on my coat. “You didn’t do half bad yourself, feathers. Maybe you won’t be fuckin’ useless to me after all.”

I said nothing, too mortified to even move. The image of the brahmin’s neck splitting open was still fresh in my mind, the wave of blood… I threw up again.

Temper trotter over, rolling her eyes as she approached. “Oh, get over it. It’s just a little fuckin’ blood. It’s not gonna kill you.” She paused, tapping a hoof to her chin. “Well, except fire ant blood. That stuff burns like Celestia’s shit.”

I stared at Temper, horror still apparent on my face. She doesn’t even care…

“Well don’t just fuckin’ stand there, feathers, help me loot the bodies!” She smirked as she turned towards the dead ponies. “Maybe I’ll even let you keep some of it.”

Temper left, looting the dead once more, leaving me shell-shocked and disoriented. Slowly, I trotted to the brahmin, staring at the carnage I had caused.

Slowly, without even thinking, I started pulling supplies from the corpse.

I wanted to cry as I looked at items in front of me. And for once, they weren’t tears of sadness, but tears of joy.

Medicine. Actual freaking medicine. Healing potions, bandages, first aid kits. It had made me sick to take them from the dead beast, and I wish I could have gotten them without the mental scarring, but for now, I couldn’t have been more relieved to actually have a means of fixing my wounds. That alone had almost made the horrors of the battle worth it.

Almost.

I grimaced as I noticed some blood stuck to my legs, bringing a hoof to my mouth to keep from throwing up again.

While Temper was looting the ponies, I had downed about two healing potions. Immediately, I felt a soothing sensation over my entire body. The bruises faded away, the bullet holes healed over… even my broken wing realigned itself with my body, although it still hurt enough that I could tell it wasn’t completely fixed. I guessed that it would be at least a few more days until I could properly fly again, but that was miles better than before.

A short time later, Temper seemed to finish up with her looting, and started picking through the brahmin as well.

“Alright, slow down there feathers. Save that shit for the one who really needs it.” Temper grabbed a third potion, chugging it in a few gulps and stuffing the rest of the medical supplies in her pockets. “What else have we got here… beans, apples, stale bread, can of soup… ah, ammo!”

Temper tossed most of the food to me, keeping the apples to munch on while she began sorting all the ammunition the brahmin was carrying. I stuffed the food into my saddlebags, turning away from the beast as Temper cackled like the madmare she was.

Ugh, how can she… wait, what is that?

As I was turning away, I spotted a small square object, a short distance from the brahmin corpse. I approached it, noticing some hinges on it, and a latch. Once I was close enough, I picked it up in my hooves. It looked to be a small wooden cube, about as big as a horseshoe box. There was an engraved plate on the top of it.

Award? Who the heck gives out awards in the wasteland? Let alone receives them?

I was hesitant, but I cautiously opened the box.

Inside was a gun.

But there was something off about this gun. It looked like a revolver of some kind, like something from the old cowpony comics. But there were a few things wrong with it, most notably that it seemed to have two barrels, one on top of the other. The upper barrel looked like a regular barrel (I assume, anyways), but the lower one was much wider, and much shorter. Like it was intended for a much bigger bullet. As I lifted the gun from the box to inspect it, I noticed that the trigger was off too. It had the normal tongue-operated trigger, but it looked like there was a second trigger, one that activated by biting down on the grip really hard instead. As I turned the gun over, I saw an engraving on the handle, with lettering similar to the box’s engraving.

Huh. I guess they couldn’t fit it all in.

“Hey feathers, the fuck are you doing all the way over there? Not trying to abandon me, I hope.”

I flinched, turning back to face Temper, the box still held in my hooves. She glanced at the box, eyeing me suspiciously as she approached.

“What’s in there?”

“I-I… i-it’s a, um… I think it’s-”

“Gimme that.” She didn’t wait for me to answer, snatching the box from my hooves once she was in range. She lifted the lid, peering into the box. Her eyes widened for a brief moment, before a small smirk graced her lips.

“Well what do we have here?” Temper picked up the gun, casting the box aside, dropping it in the dirt. “Looks like the newbie found himself a LePat.”

Le-What? “What’s a-”

“Pistol. The pony that made it must have been fuckin’ crazy.” As she spoke, she pressed a button, and cylindrical chamber popped out. “I’ve only ever seen two others guns like it. The upper barrel works just like your regular old revolver. But you see this second barrel? The one on bottom?”

I nodded, unsure where she was going with-

“That’s for shotgun shells.”

I reeled back, my eyes widening in shock. They’re for WHAT now?!? Temper snickered, dumping the gun’s bullets into her pockets as I tried to process how that worked. All of a sudden, she tossed the gun back to me.

“Nice find, feathers. Now I don’t have to taste Pegasus spit whenever I use my gun.”

…wait, hold on.

“You’re letting me have this?”

Temper stopped, turning to face me.

“You mean you don’t want a gun? With all the things that could fuckin’ kill you?”

“No, I…” Ok, that’s a fair point. “I just, I mean… why?”

“Well, I don’t need it. I’ve already got a pistol, and shotguns are too messy for me.” She turned, smirking as she made her way back to the brahmin corpse. “Besides, it’s not like you can shoot me while my back is turned. I’m the one with all the fuckin’ ammo.”

I looked quizzically at Temper. I wasn’t sure that I wanted my own gun in the first place, but if she was just going to let me keep it… even without ammo, I’d be an idiot to waste that opportunity.

A short time later, Temper had pulled a holster from one of the dead ponies and (to my disgust and shame) made me put it on. It felt wrong to put on a dead pony’s clothes, but if I was going to have a gun, I guess I would need somewhere to put it.

I looked down at the Artisan, now firmly strapped to my leg. Disturbed, but satisfied, I followed Temper back to the brahmin corpse, watching her loot the creature for everything it had.

Author's Notes:

Level Up

New Perk: Swift Learner – With each level of Swift Learner you will gain an additional +10% to experience whenever Experience Points are earned.