The Iron Horse: Everything's Better With Robots!

by The Hat Man

First published 4th of April, 2015

A cute robot pony. A mysterious origin. A princess who believes anyone can learn friendship, even a cold, logical machine. A journey begins...

A damaged robot pony, unlike anything ever seen in pre-industrial Equestria, is found in the orchard. Before it collapses, it says only two words: "Twilight Sparkle..."

Twilight fixes the mechanical mare and gives her a new directive: "Make friends." Now a robot must learn what it takes to be a good friend and, while she's at it, what it means to live...

Featured on Equestria Daily (11/22/15) and The Goodfic Bin! (3/20/16)!
Featuring illustrations by Colby Green (Illustration Gallery found HERE.)
Editors: GaPJaxie,The Knight Templar, GenerousGhibli, E3gner, and Reese.
Technical Consultants: Artichoke Lust and JFalk.

Now with its own TV Tropes page!

Discovery

“My story’s a lot like yours, only more interesting because it involves robots.”
-Bender, Futurama

It came steadily from the darkened forest and down a deserted road, its metal hull gleaming under a bright sun. The metallic sound of its hooves hitting the stones in the dirt path was accompanied by the mechanical whirring of gears and a steady electric hum. It moved onward to its destination with precision, completely undistracted by sights or sounds. Birds and wild animals fled as soon as they saw this alien creature. It slowed only for a moment as it came to a bend in the road and saw a trail leading off the dirt road and through a gathering of trees. It was not a natural forest; these were all apple trees. An orchard.

Far in the distance, over the trees and the nearby hamlet, it saw a glimmer of light shining like a beacon from the crest of the distant castle. It tilted its head a moment, then looked at the path it was on and then turned and stared out over the orchard with unblinking violet eyes.

“Faster route determined,” it uttered to itself in a synthetic, echoing voice. “Proceeding to Ponyville.” The thing left the sunny road and entered the orchard, its gray metallic exterior almost blending in amid the thick shadows.

Soon, it would arrive.

“Today is the day, Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Apple Bloom declared, raising a hoof as she stood at the podium in their little clubhouse. “We’re gonna keep workin’ until we get our cutie marks in…” she paused for dramatic effect “...sculpture!”

“I’ve got a good feeling about this one!” Sweetie Belle chirped, rearing up and kicking her legs enthusiastically. “And I brought all the stuff we need for it!”

Scootaloo inspected each stack of materials, peering at them closely, squinting at each one as she circled it. “Wood, clay… wait, what’s with the rolled up wire stuff and the old copies of the Foal Free Press?”

“That’s chicken wire!”

Scootaloo was silent, narrowing her eyes as if anticipating some unwelcome, overused joke.

“It’s for paper mache!” Sweetie Belle explained.

“Oh! Then yeah, great!”

Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at that last bit. “Paper? We couldn’t get one of those big ol’ rocks you always see artistic types workin’ with?”

Sweetie Belle sighed. “I asked the stallion at the quarry. He said a block of granite or marble was going to cost more than three fillies could afford on our allowances.”

“Well, that’s fine anyway,” Scootaloo said, lifting one of the papers with her hoof. “I think some of these old papers still have our ‘Gabby Gums’ columns in it. Probably good to make use of those even if we don’t get a cutie mark.”

The three young friends were in their clubhouse and were further behind schedule than they’d expected. It was getting fairly late in the afternoon to just begin their latest attempt at discovering their special talents and none of them even glanced out the window to notice the storm clouds being placed overhead by the weather team pegasi.

But the three were too engrossed in their little quest and their attempts to make some sort of statue or bust left them so busy that they didn’t even notice as the rain began to fall and the sun began to set. The hours slipped by and the darkness set in.

“Hey! Help me out, my hoof is stuck in this here clay!” Applebloom cried, angrily shaking the lump of clay she'd embedded her hoof into.

“It ish?” Scootaloo turned as she held the hammer in her mouth, momentarily stopping her chiseling on the block of wood to turn to Apple Bloom. In doing so, she dropped the hammer on one hoof. Shouting in momentary surprise and pain, she fell backward, knocking the unfinished sculpture over, chipping a chunk of the wood off entirely.

“Scootaloo, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a pony knock their own block off,” Sweetie Belle said dryly.

“Oh ha ha,” Scootaloo grumbled, giving her a roll of her eyes as she crossed her forelegs. Then she brightened, seeing Sweetie Belle's sculpture. “Hey, that’s actually pretty good, Sweetie Belle!”

Sweetie Belle looked at her unfinished sculpture. “You think?” she asked, her eyes lighting up. The sculpture was slowly taking on the shape of a unicorn’s head, although the mane was only just being formed around the wire structure.

“Hey, yeah!” Apple Bloom agreed. “Is that supposed to be your sister?”

“Uh huh! I thought Rarity might like it!" She smiled, clapping her hooves together with anticipation. "I mean, I need to finish and maybe paint it, but… wait, what’s that sound?”

They froze and only now heard the hard rain splattering on the clubhouse window and loudly onto the rooftop. And then they looked up and saw a distinct drop of water forming in the roughly-constructed ceiling. And then that drop fell right onto Sweetie’s paper mache sculpture.

“Oh no," Sweetie gasped, eyes going wide as she ran for her sculpture, "I better move that before--”

The wooden ceiling suddenly gave and a large cascade of water came down, practically melting the sculpture before her eyes.

“My sculpture!” Sweetie cried, throwing her head back dramatically as she saw her hard work dissolve before her.

“Ah dang it, I can’t believe we forgot about the rainstorm today!” Apple Bloom shouted, stamping her hoof.

“It’s not just a rainstorm,” Scootaloo said quietly, her own eyes widening as she recalled the most important detail: “Earlier, I heard Rainbow Dash saying it’s gonna be--”

KABOOM!

“--a th-thunderstorm,” she finished. The three fillies huddled together, cowering at the peal of thunder.

“We better get back to my house before it gets worse!" Applebloom said, drawing herself up in determination. "Who knows if this old clubhouse can take a huge thunderstorm! Not to mention Applejack will be sore if we’re out any later!”

The three of them abandoned their sculptures and ran out into the storm, blinking into the fat, stinging rain that pelted them. The wind and rain were already strong and growing stronger and the sky began to flash and light up as lightning began to strike all across Ponyville. The booming, rumbling thunder rolled over the orchard as they ran, but they counted themselves lucky that the lightning didn’t seem close.

“Just a little more!” Apple Bloom called over her shoulder, grimacing as the rain drenched her.

And then with a deafening, explosive bang, a bolt of lightning came down no more than a hundred meters away, turning the darkened land momentarily bright as midday. The sound may as well have been the sky itself shattering and they all screamed, clutching each other as their ears rang.

“That was too close!” Scootaloo yelled.

“Wait a minute, did it hit one of the trees?” Sweetie Belle asked. “I see smoke!”

“And I think I smell somethin’ burnin’ too,” Apple Bloom said. They peered through the nearby trees but then they heard a strange sound as something came closer.

In a cloud of smoke, still searing hot from being struck by lightning, a strange thing emerged. It was the same size and shape as a pony, only…

“Is that thing covered in... metal?” Scootaloo whispered.

“It sure looks like it,” Apple Bloom said. The thing really was covered head to hoof with metal plates. Even the hooves seemed to be covered in metal. The constant sound of rain clattering on it, hissing into steam when it struck the hot metal became louder as it approached.

“Maybe it’s one of the Royal Guard?" Sweetie Belle suggested. "Is that why it’s wearing all that armor?” Sweetie Belle’s suggestion made sense, but it didn’t look like any armor any of them had ever seen. And that’s when they saw it staring at them, and they got a good look at its eyes.

They were glowing. Actually, they were flickering erratically, but the point was their appearance: bright purple with no pupils. They resembled a pair of flashlights more than any normal pair of eyes. The girls recoiled with fear at the sight as the stranger approached them, but then Apple Bloom’s sense of responsibility took over. She broke from the group and galloped over.

“Uh, e-excuse me, Miss or Mister,” she said, trying to speak up over the rain. “Are you okay? Did ya get struck by lightning? Do ya need any help?”

The thing’s walking was shakier now and they could all hear the loud clanking as it took each wobbly step. But it managed to keep walking as it made some kind of weird, jittering reply: “T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T--”

“What’s that?" Applebloom asked, turning her head and raising an ear. "Can ya speak up?” The pony or whatever it was in the armor had a strange, metallic voice and it somehow didn’t quite sound like somepony speaking inside a suit of armor. It reverberated and there was a bizarre distortion to it that was unlike anything they'd ever heard.

“T-T-T-T-TWI-TWI-TWI-LIIIIII,” it stopped and then, its legs giving out as it took a few final steps, it made one more attempt at speech. “TWI-TWIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIGHHHT S-S-SPAAARKLE-KLE-KLE-KKKKzzzt!”

The thing finally gave a distorted wheeze as it stumbled and pitched forward, collapsing loudly in a smoldering heap as its purple eyes went dark.

“Oh my gosh!” Apple Bloom cried, running over to check the pony's neck for a pulse.

“W-w-what do you think it is?” Sweetie Belle asked fearfully.

“I don’t know, but we can’t worry about it now!" Applebloom said, turning to them with wide, fearful eyes. "We gotta get Applejack and get this pony to a hospital!”

Twilight moved briskly up the hallway at Ponyville General Hospital that night. At the castle, a nurse had come banging loudly on her door with a message from Applejack. According to the message, she was needed as soon as possible. Fortunately, the nurse assured her that neither Applejack nor her family nor any of their friends were hurt. The nurse had only told her one thing: "You need to see this."

The rain outside had slowed to a light drizzle, so she shook the excess rainwater off her dampened mane. She rounded a corner and at the end of the hallway, standing just before the doors of the operating room, she spotted Applejack and a doctor.

“Twilight!” Applejack called, waving to her when she saw her approaching.

“Sh!” the doctor hissed, holding a hoof to his lips. “Some of the patients in the nearby wings are probably sleeping.”

“Ah, right, sorry,” she apologized, lowering her voice.

Twilight walked up to them and smiled, although she could not keep in place for long.

“Um, good evening Applejack, doctor,” she said. “I'm sorry, but I'm confused: your note seemed urgent, so I came as quickly as I could, but it also said nopony was hurt. What happened?”

Applejack and the doctor exchanged glances.

“Well,” the doctor began, “I can assure you that nopony is injured, but this is a special case." He narrowed his eyes. "I have never seen anything like this.”

“Wait, I remember you,” she said to the doctor, her eyes lighting up and a smile on her face. “You treated my friend Rainbow Dash when she hurt her wing!”

“Yes, and then she broke into my hospital and tried to steal a book,” he said, smirking, though he managed a smile as well.

“Oh... that's right.” She rubbed the back of her neck, chuckling.

“Water under the bridge, Miss Twilight.” He put his hoof out. "Dr. Stable, for the record." She took his hoof and shook it.

“Ahem," Applejack said, coughing deliberately. "Gettin’ to the point...”

“Oh, yes, of course. What happened?” Twilight asked.

“Well,” Applejack began, “it seems Apple Bloom and her Crusader friends were out a bit later than they meant to be. They got caught in the storm and made a run to get back to the house when they came across this pony wearin' armor.”

“Armor?” Twilight echoed. “Like, maybe one of the Royal Guard?”

“That’s what she figured. But she said it’d been struck by lightning!”

Twilight turned to the doctor, her mouth agape. “But... but you said nopony was injured!”

“That's right, nopony was. Just keep listening, you’ll understand,” Dr. Stable said, holding up a hoof.

Applejack continued her story: “Apple Bloom got Big Mac and me and we found it. Didn't talk, didn't seem to be breathin', and we couldn't get a pulse or nothin' from it. We were worried it was too late, but we decided to haul it over to the hospital to see if they could help. And you wouldn’t believe this, but," and here she looked at Twilight intently, "it took both of us to load it into the cart.”

"What? Both of you?!" Twilight's eyes went wide. "But how? Even with armor on, a single pony shouldn't be too heavy for a strong mare like you to lift, Applejack! And Big Macintosh could probably lift 10 ponies if he had to!"

“I know, I know, but we didn't think too much of it," Applejack said. "We just loaded it up brought it on over to the hospital and then--”

“--And then my team took over,” Dr. Stable finished, adjusting his glasses. “And Miss Applejack wasn’t lying. It took several team members to get it onto the operating table. We weren’t able to tell if there was a pulse or if it was breathing or anything like that, so we tried to remove the armor. And it wasn’t easy. It seemed to actually be bolted or even welded around the body. It seemed impossible to even pry off a single plate, but we finally got the side chest plate off after nearly half an hour of trying frantically. And then we found out something: it’s not armor. There was no pony inside at all.”

Twilight blinked and shook her head. “How can that be?” she asked. Then she raised a hoof to her chin and narrowed her eyes. “Unless... unless the armor was enchanted, perhaps? But that shouldn’t have affected the weight. Could it have had a gravitational distortion spell added, or perhaps an ethereal weight variance? Still, how could it have been empty? There should have been a concentrated magical field inside! No, no, there has to be some other explanation...”

“I didn’t say it was empty,” the doctor said, and with that, he turned and beckoned them both to enter the operating room. He pushed the doors open and gestured toward the operating table. “I just said there was no pony inside. But instead, we found all this.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Wow,” she breathed.

The thing on the operating table was covered in metal which gleamed under the bright operating room lights. Laying on its side, it did look just like a sleeping, unconscious pony, but only at first glance. The mane and tail were clearly artificial, each made of a series of conical, flexible white tubes. The hooves weren’t merely covered in brass - they were brass! The eyes appeared to be covered by a glass visor, but the space behind them was now darkened and no eyes were visible. But most telling of all was that, with the chest plate removed, Twilight could now see the thing’s innards. Gears and wires and tubes were there in place of flesh and bone.

“It’s... it's a machine!” she gasped, her jaw going slack as she stared at the mechanical pony laid out before her.

“Indeed. I don’t know how to explain it, but Miss Applejack’s sister apparently encountered some sort of..." he tilted his head, pausing as he searched for the right word. "...Some sort of artificial pony. If I didn't know better, I'd say that this must be--”

“An automaton!” Twilight cried excitedly, bounding toward the machine. She laid her hooves on the operating table and she smiled, awestruck at the marvel before her. “I’ve only ever seen one in a museum! And this one… wow! It’s got, let’s see, clockwork here,” she said, peering inside the thing, “a lot of gears... and vacuum tubes here, and… oh oh oh, is that a magical step-up transformer attached to a chemical battery?! And there are other things I can’t quite see inside it. We’d have to remove more of the exterior. This is unbelievable! It’s too bad it was damaged by the lightning; some of the parts look burnt.”

Applejack stepped forward. “So, this contraption is just some kinda model or mannequin? Like a movin' statue?”

“No, no, it's more than that!" Twilight said, whirling around, gripping Applejack's shoulders. "An automaton can move and do simple tasks! Automata, or ‘Simulacra’ as the pony-shaped versions are sometimes called, were all the rage about a hundred years ago! Of course, they were expensive and couldn’t do much and they fell out of favor for some reason, but I totally see why Apple Bloom thought that it might have been a real pony. It's just the right size and shape, but," she paused, her excitement giving way to curiosity as she released Applejack and rubbed her chin, "I wonder how it got in your orchard?" She furrowed her brow. "Someone must have just dumped it there.”

Applejack shook her head. “No, Twilight, I saw the hoofprints it made myself and Apple Bloom swears she saw it move toward her. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle said the same thing. This here Otto-whatever got into my orchard by walkin’ there.”

Twilight froze. "Did you see anypony else nearby?"

Applejack blinked. "Uh, no. There was nopony else. Why?"

“That can’t be right. They were built to move and sometimes dance and things like that, but they had preset motions." She nodded to herself. "Yes, there must have been an operator. Without an operator nearby, it could never navigate through your apple orchard. Not independently. It would have bumped into trees and gotten stuck. You must be mistaken.”

Applejack frowned and drew herself up. “Well, it can navigate through the trees because that's exactly what it did!” Applejack insisted, poking her in the chest. “And there’s one more thing you gotta know, Twi, and this is the reason I had ‘em send for ya: Apple Bloom and the other girls swear this thing talked.”

Twilight's eyes bulged. "That's... that's impossible. I've studied these machines before and I've seen deactivated old models in museums. Admittedly, they never looked as sophisticated or modern as this one, but in all my studies, I've never read any account of an automaton that could speak. That's the stuff of fiction." She paused. “But if it really could speak, then... then what did it say?”

Applejack hesitated. “Your name, Twilight,” she finally replied. “I asked her if she was sure, but Apple Bloom swears that the last thing it said before it keeled over was your name.”

Twilight felt her blood go cold. "My name? But why me?"

"No idea, Twi," Applejack replied, her frown deepening. "That's why we called ya."

Twilight took a deep breath. Fidgeting with her wings she began to pace back and forth in the operating room, muttering to herself as she tried to work out what to do next. “An automaton… walking, talking like a normal pony… just moving independently… functional remote control… magical enchantment? No, no, too sophisticated… New technological advances? It can’t be so advanced, but the evidence… this is… oh my gosh, this can’t be… but it is! It is!... Oh gosh, what do I do now?...”

Dr. Stable leaned over to Applejack. “Is this, um… normal behavior?” he whispered.

“Heh. For her it is,” she replied with a smirk.

“I just mention it because we do have a very restful mental health wing provided for ponies who mutter to themselves...”

“I’ve got it!” Twilight exclaimed suddenly, her wings opening as if to punctuate her decision. “Doctor, do you think you can get some volunteers to help Applejack and me bring this automaton back to my castle?”

He blinked at the sudden question but then nodded. “I suppose so. It doesn’t seem we have any other injuries from the storm tonight. Guess some ponies decided to actually listen to the weather team for once,” he grumbled, giving a roll of his eyes. “It’s a quiet night, so perhaps the orderlies could use a little exercise. I'll get them right on it.”

Applejack eyed Twilight carefully, turning her head to the side. “Uh, why exactly are we haulin’ this thing back to the castle in the middle of the night, Sugarcube?”

Twilight now flashed a grin. “We just stumbled across one of the most amazing scientific discoveries in decades and it knows my name! It’s broken, though, so if we want to find out why it was looking for me, there’s only one thing to do: I’m going to fix it!”

She turned to run back down the hall, looking over her shoulder as she went. “I’ll go get a room ready at the castle. I’ll meet you back here in just a few minutes!”

“If you say so,” Applejack said, watching her go. She turned to the doctor. “Uh, before we get this goin’, um…" she lowered her voice and shifted her eyes to the left, making sure the hallway was clear. "Could I see ya about that problem again?”

Dr. Stable nodded, though he gave her a tired look. “Yes, I’ll set up an appointment for tomorrow, but I doubt it’ll be any different from what I always say,” he replied.

“Right, right,” she said, looking disappointed. “Thanks, Doc.”

The next day, Twilight gathered her friends in a small room of the castle. The mechanical pony was on a table in much the same state it had been found earlier. Twilight had removed several more metal plates from its exterior, revealing the bizarre metallic framework inside. They could now see the pistons in its legs and the tubing leading up through the neck and a host of other machinery that filled the body. A twisting network of wires connected it all together. Twilight had also placed stacks of books and papers all around the room.

“Well, everypony, here it is!” Twilight exclaimed, sweeping her foreleg out dramatically. “This could be one of the most amazing advances in science since the invention of the train!”

They all looked to Twilight, then to the machine, and then back to her.

“Uh, no offense, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said, raising an eyebrow, “but what exactly is so special about a pony made of metal?”

“I agree,” Rarity said. She made a face, shaking her head at it disapprovingly. “Looking at it, especially with its inner workings showing like that, it is rather, well, garish, don’t you think?”

Twilight frowned in annoyance. “I know it looks strange, but this could be something amazing! Think of what you could do with something like this!”

Pinkie Pie bounced over to Twilight excitedly. “Exactly!” she said. “I had a mechanical pony toy like this once! You wound it up with a key and it went all WHRRRRR and it moved around on wheels on its hooves and the horn lit up and everything! It was really cool... until my dad sat on it and then it didn’t work so well.”

“Uh, Pinkie--”

“But a toy this big is way too big for anypony’s dad to sit on it! I bet this thing could stand up to TEN dad butts!”

Twilight sighed but smiled. “Well, it’s not a toy, Pinkie, but you are right: this machine should be really sturdy. It could probably stand up to all sorts of punishment." She smirked. "Dad butts included!”

“Woohoo!”

“Well, not for nothin’, Twilight,” Applejack said, “but why would you need it to take any punishment?”

“Think of it like this,” Twilight began, tapping her chin in thought. “Um… oh, I know! Fluttershy?” She pointed her hoof in Fluttershy's direction.

“Hm? Sorry, what?” she asked. She had been staring at the automaton uneasily, not really following the conversation until Twilight got her attention.

“Imagine one of your animals got into a dangerous situation," Twilight said. "Like, say, if Angel fell in a hole or there was an earthquake or storm and he got trapped inside a collapsing building.”

“Oh my goodness!” she cried, putting her hooves to her cheeks, practically tearing up at the thought. “That’d be awful!”

“Exactly. Now imagine--”

“He would be so scared! And maybe hurt! And hungry! And I would do my best to save him, but what if it was too dark in the hole? Or the building was on fire?!”

“Um, Fluttershy--”

“Or what if he broke his poor little bunny leg?! Oh no, no, no!” she shouted, shaking her head back and forth hysterically.

“FLUTTERSHY,” Twilight said, moving in close to face her. “Yes, that would be terrible, but you wouldn’t have to worry. And do you know why?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, no. Why?”

“Because this could save him!” she said, gesturing toward the automaton. “A mechanical pony, an automaton as strong as a whole team of the toughest stallions, totally immune to pain and fear, has come to rescue Angel! Your pet will be safe and nopony has to go into a dangerous situation and get hurt in the process!”

Fluttershy's eyes went wide and she gasped. “Wow! That's amazing!” She smiled broadly, enchanted by the prospect and even clapped her hooves together. “Oh, Twilight, that’s such a great idea! Do you really think it could do something like that?”

“I do,” Twilight said. She turned to look at all of her friends now, her gaze turning serious. “I don’t know who built this automaton, but if it can move independently like Applejack said it was doing, then we could be doing Equestria a huge favor by fixing it. Who knows, maybe the inventor of this machine is looking for it and will be grateful to us for fixing it!”

The others seemed to understand and one by one voiced their general agreement. Applejack, however, just coughed to get everypony's attention.

“Now, this is all fine and good, Twi, but don’t forget that this thing came around sayin’ your name. It was lookin’ for ya." She looked to the silent automaton and then back to Twilight. "Ya don’t think that’s even a little bit suspicious? Maybe… I don’t know, maybe we shouldn’t try fixin’ it. What if some evil pony sent it after ya?”

Twilight smiled and put her hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “I have thought about that. And that’s why I brought you all here. It isn’t going to hurt anypony now, not when it’s still broken. But if we fix it, maybe we can find out together what it wanted with me. It might be dangerous, but maybe somepony sent it to get my help. And if that’s the case, then maybe they need all our help. We are a team, after all, right?”

“Right!” they all shouted.

At that moment, the door opened and Spike entered, carrying another book and a blank scroll. “Here’s that last book you asked for, Twilight. I got it from the public library. It’s got some information on old automata from East Trottingham.”

“Thanks, Spike! Okay, so on to business, everypony! I know this might take some time, but I need your help.”

“I was starting to wonder,” Rarity asked. “I must admit, though, I’m not very good with repair work.”

“Yeah, if it’s a barn or a busted fence, then I’m your pony,” Applejack said, “but I don’t know a thing about contraptions like this.”

“Actually,” Twilight said, blushing slightly, “I don’t really know much about this type of machine either. I’m more familiar with potions and devices that work with magical energy. And it seems this automaton works with a few magical devices, but the rest? I have no idea. Even if we don’t know what these things are, however, all these books should help us figure out what the parts are. I’ve already taken some pictures and I’m going to write to Princess Celestia to ask if she can send an expert on technology to help us. But if we can identify some of the different parts first, that’ll help whoever she sends!”

“Ugh,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, sliding to the floor, “more studying?”

“Just enough to find pictures and stuff that matches,” Twilight assured her. “You don’t have to read the whole book. Just skim it.”

“Eh, I guess I could do that. It would be pretty cool to try and get this bucket of bolts up and running.”

Twilight levitated a book over to her. “This might be a good place to start, then. It’s a book on antique automata that could fly.”

“Whoa! They had those?!” Dash leaned forward, taking the book excitedly.

“Yep. Not too far or fast, but they still had them! And I’ve got a few more. One on mechanical animals for Fluttershy, dancing clockwork displays for Rarity, musical ones for Pinkie, and even one on attempts to make automata that could do farm labor for Applejack!”

They all took their respective books eagerly, with the exception of Applejack, who took her book with a sarcastic “Yeah, swell,” muttered under her breath.

While the others began their task of identifying the parts of the machine, Twilight and Spike took to writing the letter.

“Ahem. ‘Dear Princess Celestia,’” Twilight dictated as Spike wrote her words down. “‘Something amazing has happened in Ponyville! My friends and I have discovered a broken mechanical pony, an automaton, just like the kinds that were popular a hundred years ago. However, this one seems new, and supposedly it could move on its own. I’d like to fix it, but I need some expert help. Could you please send somepony who knows a lot about machines to help us? There must be somepony, perhaps in Canterlot, who knows something about this. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Sincerely yours, Twilight Sparkle.’”

“Okay, got it,” Spike said. “Anything else?”

“Make sure to enclose the photographs we took, okay?”

“No problem,” Spike said, folding them into the scroll. “Here goes!” Using his magical fire breath, he sent the letter, watching it disappear into the ether.

“I can’t wait to see who she recommends!” Twilight said eagerly, clapping her hooves together.

A few moments later, she got her reply as Spike belched forth a scroll with the royal seal on it. “Wow, she sent a reply already!”

The other ponies stopped their reading as Spike unfurled the letter. “Okay… ‘Dear Princess Twilight,’” he began, reading the reply. “‘Automata were only a novelty in their day and nothing more. Somepony else wasted their time making it, so they will surely come looking for it. I don’t think it’s necessary for a Princess of Equestria to...’ uh, whoa,” Spike said, pausing.

“What? What is it, Spike?” Twilight asked.

“Um," he swallowed, continuing hesitantly, "she says, ‘I don’t think it’s necessary for a Princess of Equestria to waste her time on such things as well. I recommend you leave it as it is or else have it scrapped so you may focus on your role as Princess of Friendship. Kindest regards, Princess Celestia.’”

They were all silent.

“Wow,” Rainbow Dash said, breaking the silence. “She doesn’t seem that interested, Twilight.”

“Maybe she’s right,” Applejack said. “I mean, really, what does this have to do with Friendship anyway?”

“Not everything I spend my time on has to be a royal duty,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “But you’re right, Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia usually supports any research I do. I wonder why she seems so uninterested. It’s not like her." She sat, closing her eyes and folding her forelegs, trying to think of the answer. "Well... I'm not sure of her reasons, but no matter. This is important to me, so let’s try again. Spike, can you take another letter?”

“Of course,” he said, readying a second scroll.

“Then let’s try this. ‘Dear Princess Celestia: I know this isn’t part of my royal duties, but this might actually be more important than I originally stated. The girls who found this mechanical pony all claim that it said my name before it broke down. Even though there are no records of a talking automaton, I absolutely believe them when they say this. Whoever created this advanced machine specifically sent it to find me. I don’t want to leave this mystery unsolved. I would greatly appreciate your help in restoring it so we can get to the bottom of this. Your dear friend, Twilight Sparkle.’”

“Nice,” Rainbow Dash said, smiling and nodding her head approvingly.

“That’s sure to work!” Spike agreed, sending the letter.

A few minutes later, they got their reply. “‘Dear Princess Twilight,’” Twilight said, reading this one aloud herself. “‘I still have my doubts, as I personally lived through the heyday of automata and simulacra, and you are correct: never once did I hear of such a thing as one that could talk or move on its own. If that is true, however, then perhaps you are right and this mystery should be solved. I believe I know of somebody who would be of great help. Allow me to contact him and I will let you know if I can arrange for him to assist you in Ponyville. Please be very careful, however. I fear that whoever sent this machine may seek to do you harm. I wish you and your friends the best of luck with your research and repairs. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.’”

“Oh my, that went much better!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “But, um, did anypony else catch that she said she knew of ‘somebody,’ and not ‘somepony?’”

Twilight considered it. “Maybe it’s a mistake?”

The next day, she would learn that it was not a mistake.

Author's Notes:

Hello and welcome to my first longer story here on FiMFiction!

I hope you enjoy the story and I look forward to any and all comments. Thank you for reading!

Cover and chapter illustrations by Colby Green.

The Future Soon

The very next afternoon, Twilight was at the train station waiting on the platform with Fluttershy and Rarity. The others were occupied elsewhere, but Fluttershy was curious as to what sort of creature was coming if they were indeed not a pony and Rarity was keen on meeting anyone of interest.

“Twilight, I beg your pardon, but could you refresh me again on this fellow?” Rarity asked. “What’s his name again, Mr… Vanderbull?”

“That’s right. Cornelius Vanderbull,” Twilight said, nodding as she kept looking up and down the tracks. “I really don’t know that much about him personally, but professionally he’s actually well known as one of the greatest engineers living today! He designs trains and actually owns two thirds of all the railroad companies in Equestria. He’s pretty wealthy too. He commissioned the Grand Central Depot in Manehatten and donated the money for the new science wing at Canterlot University!”

“Oh my, he sounds like quite the celebrity!" She took on a starry-eyed look. "And Grand Central Depot is such a wonderful place in Manehatten. I simply marvel at the design!”

“I wonder why nopony knows what he looks like,” Fluttershy said, fidgeting with her mane. “I mean, if he’s so important, you’d think he would be in newspapers. Or magazines. Or maybe have a statue of himself at all the train stations.”

Twilight considered this, jutting her lip out as she tilted her head side-to-side. “Maybe he’s just shy."

“Oh! You think?” Fluttershy asked, raising her head more, smiling gently.

However, they wouldn’t have to wait long to meet the as-yet-unseen Mr. Vanderbull, as a whistle was heard and they all saw the oncoming train as it rolled down the tracks from the hills and approached them.

“My, my, that’s quite a train!” Rarity exclaimed.

Indeed it was. The image of a bull’s head was emblazoned on the front of the engine, which itself was colored black with gold accents on the smokestack and wheels. The train was only a few cars long, but each car was a deep red with the same gold accents on the windows and rooftops in stark contrast to the usual pastel-colored cars they were used to. Also on each of the cars was the same word, boldly painted in official-looking capital letters: COMMODORE.

“I didn’t realize Mr. Vanderbull was coming on his private train,” Twilight whispered. “He must have wanted to avoid any delays coming from Manehatten.”

The train gave one last hiss of steam and a screech as the wheels came to a stop right in front of them. After a few moments, a figure emerged from the lead car, his silhouette momentarily enshrouded in steam, but then he stepped into full view. The three of them had to crane their necks at the tall creature as he stepped forward.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy breathed, putting a hoof to her mouth. “Mr. Vanderbull is… a minotaur?”

Vanderbull was, indeed, a minotaur, although Fluttershy’s response was out of surprise more than fear. Still, minotaurs weren’t a common sight in Equestria, so for such a well-known name to be attached to one would have been a surprise to anyone.

“Ah, Your Highness!” Mr. Vanderbull shouted jovially when he spotted Twilight, waving to her as he walked over. He offered her a warm smile. “It is an honor. So kind of you to come greet me personally!”

Vanderbull was quite tall and muscular, but he wore a sophisticated black suit, vest, and tie over a white shirt along with a pair of gray breeches which covered his legs almost down to his cloven hooves. His fur was the same dull blue Fluttershy remembered seeing on Iron Will, but this creature appeared to be a bit older and had a tuft of a gray beard and an equally gray mane running from his head down the back of his neck. He also wore a pair of gold spectacles on a chain which was, curiously, tied and connected neatly around one of his horns. There were age lines in his face and a rasp to his voice.

“Thank you for coming, Mr. Vanderbull,” Twilight said brightly. “We appreciate your help solving this mystery.”

“It is my honor,” he said, bowing graciously.

“He certainly seems far better versed in social graces than that Iron Will fellow, don’t you think, Fluttershy?” Rarity whispered.

“Oh, yes, much,” she said, and the two of them let out a sigh of relief, letting their tension drain away.

“And you brought your friends,” Vanderbull went on, turning to face them. “Miss Fluttershy and Miss Rarity, correct?”

“Why, yes, that’s right!” Rarity replied, placing her hoof to her chest, flattered to be recognized. Fluttershy merely blushed and nodded.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a guest as well,” he said to Twilight. He looked behind him and raised an eyebrow. “Hm? Now, where is that girl? I thought she was just behind me." He raised a hand to his mouth. "Gadget, will you come out here, please!” he called.

“C-coming, sir!” The speaker hurried out of the train, stumbling over her hooves and nearly falling onto the platform as she ran over to Vanderbull’s side. “Sorry, Commodore, I was just separating my personal bags from my tools. Mr. Alfredo and the others are getting the supplies and… and… eep!” This last outburst was upon seeing Twilight. She adjusted her glasses as if her eyes were deceiving her.

“Hello!” Twilight said, smiling in greeting and putting a hoof to her chest. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. It’s nice to meet you!”

The newcomer’s eyes went wide. “P-p-p-Princess Twilight! Y-your Highness, I didn’t know you were coming yourself!” She immediately bowed as low as she could, her head practically to the ground, her knees wobbling and her expression one of pure nerves. Her cheeks flushed and sweat appeared on her brow. Twilight didn’t think she’d ever seen a pony so flustered since meeting Fluttershy, and this pony gave her a run for her money. “My name… er, I am called G-gadget. Well, um, actually it’s Gadgette F. Giroux, from Vanhoover." She swallowed, quietly adding, "But uh… just… you know, 'Gadget' is fine.”

Mr. Vanderbull smiled down at her. “No need to be so distressed, my dear,” he said reassuringly. “Princess Twilight doesn’t seem like one to stand on ceremony.”

This seemed to cheer up the young mare slightly as she raised her head. She was an earth pony with a cream-colored coat of fur. In contrast to Vanderbull’s impeccable, dignified clothes, her style had a haphazard, chaotic look to it. She had a long, dark brown mane that drooped unstylishly over her brown eyes, which were themselves hidden behind a pair of cheap red plastic glasses. She was also wearing a slightly oversized black coat with pockets that were bulging with something metallic (if the jangling sound she made when she walked was any indication, that is). She was small, too, and judging from her voice, probably a few years younger than Twilight and her friends at least. Rarity guessed she was only a few years older than Sweetie Belle and the other Crusaders.

“Well, we should get going,” Twilight said, turning back to Vanderbull. “Do you both have your luggage?”

“My staff will be bringing my tools, actually,” Vanderbull said. Almost on cue, a group of butlers and maids filed out of the train pulling carts loaded up with official-looking crates and boxes as well as more conventional suitcases. Vanderbull turned to face the older stallion at the head of the group. “Alfredo, we’ll be taking these to the castle… er, with your permission, Princess?”

“Yes, by all means,” Twilight agreed.

“Very good, sir, Your Highness,” the head butler, Alfredo, uttered, bowing to her. He motioned to the other servants to follow.

“We can send the others to our hotel to drop off the personal luggage and secure our rooms,” Vanderbull said.

“Hotel? Don’t be silly!” Twilight laughed. “You’re helping me out so much, so I can put you both up in my house.”

“In y-your…” Gadget stammered. Her eyes went wide. “You mean your castle? Us? Me? Staying there?!”

“Um… yes," Twilight said with an uneasy smile. "Unless you’d rather not?”

“C-castle? With royalty?! To fix a working automaton?!” Gadget said these to nopony in particular and her gaze took on a faraway look. She started placed a hoof to her chest, breathing hard as if on the verge of having a heart attack, but a huge smile came to her face and her eyes were practically sparkling with elation.

“I think she’ll be fine with that, yes,” Vanderbull said chuckling. “Your hospitality honors us, Your Highness. Please, ladies, lead the way and we shall follow!”

The strange procession attracted some attention from the townsfolk in their short trip from the station to the castle. Twilight and Vanderbull walked side-by-side in front, followed by Gadget who was flanked on either side by Fluttershy and Rarity. Alfredo and the servants hauling the supplies took up the rear in single file.

“A wonderful town here to be sure,” Vanderbull said. “It reminds me a bit of the hamlet I grew up in.”

“Oh?” Twilight asked, turning to look up at her guest with interest. “And where was that?”

“A little minotaur settlement outside of Equestria." He shrugged, apparently considering it unimportant.

"I don't know much about minotaur culture!" Twilight cried, her smile growing wider. "What sort of place was it?"

"It was lovely and peaceful but dull to the point of being torturous. There were farms and there was a quarry and there was a pub. Nothing to do but choose a job in one of those places, get married, and ride out the rest of your life." He made a face and sighed. "There was little there for me, and so I came here, to Equestria, to seek my fortune. Despite the surplus of labor and magic, there was still plenty of work to be had by one with a strong back and these handy little digits,” he said, wiggling his fingers for emphasis, chuckling to himself. “I became fascinated with the early engine designs going around at the time and fell in with a ship-building company that specialized in steamboats. That was when I got my nickname, 'Commodore,' for the record.

"I managed to improve upon some steam engine designs and developed a knack for them. Eventually, I became one of the heads of the business and we went from boats to other small-time machines and finally to designing trains, which were poised to take their place in society. We managed to overcome the odds and expenses and became the first train company to connect Manehatten and Canterlot with daily trips after I became president. Ah, but that was almost 40 years ago. Listen to me, I must be boring you, Your Highness!”

“Not at all!” Twilight said, actually taking flight so she could be at eye level with Vanderbull. “You must have studied hard to get where you are!”

“There wasn’t anything to study, to tell you the truth,” Vanderbull replied, looking somewhat embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “We were all making it up as we went in those days. You learned by doing, not by reading." Then he smiled, turning to look back at his quiet young assistant. "Not so for you, though, is it, Gadget?” he asked, winking at her.

“Hm? O-oh, yes,” Gadget said, blushing slightly.

“I really must say, he seems to think quite highly of your skills,” Rarity said, smiling at her. “But how did a young mare like you get to be the personal assistant of such an important po-- er, minotaur? You must be extremely talented to earn such a position!”

“W-well, Miss Rarity,” she began, lowering her head, her voice barely audible, “I come from a family of mechanics as it is. We fix small things like record players, clocks, steamboats, and a few of us even repair trains and printing presses and such. But ever since I saw my first train, I knew there was more to do. So I started reading every book I could on every kind of mechanical device out there. Clocks and trains, sure, but also magical spectrographs and light displays and all kinds of new and old machines. That includes automatons. I even built a miniature one out of watch parts, a battery, and some paperclips and bottle caps. That’s how I got my cutie mark.”

She looked back at her flank, which showed a gear with an electric bolt curving down the center.

“Wow!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “I don’t think I could ever have made anything like that. Machines always seem strange to me. I’m better with animals.”

“Oh, not me,” Gadget said, waving her hoof. “Animals and unfamiliar creatures give me problems. I nearly had a heart attack the first time I saw a griffon. Actually, the first time I even met Mr. Vanderbull, I actually got so scared that I ran away and jumped headfirst into a wooden crate to try and hide!” she laughed, earning an unseen eye roll from Vanderbull and a concealed snicker from Twilight. “Anyway, I’d been designing all kinds of new machines and one day Mr. Vanderbull spotted me at a convention for freelance inventors. He liked my work and hired me that day!”

“Fantastic! But there’s something else that I’d like to ask… though in truth it might be a little insensitive,” Rarity said slowly, trying to ease into the topic.

“What is it?” Gadget asked warmly, feeling more comfortable with her two new companions (partly because she could avoid being directly scrutinized by the curious citizens of Ponyville by hiding between them).

“It’s just that...” Rarity paused, her lips going taut as if she didn't want to ask the question at all. But she sighed and took a breath and finally said, "Most of the pony engineers and watchmakers and such I know of are unicorns since they can easily manipulate the small moving parts in machines with their magic. But you’re an earth pony, darling. How ever do you manage to move all those gears and such into position using just your hooves and mouth?”

And for the first time, Gadget actually looked smug. She took on a knowing smile and a relaxed gaze. “Oh, you’ll see.”

“And then,” Vanderbull added, matching her cryptic smugness, “you’ll see why I just had to hire her.”

“Well, here it is!” Twilight said, letting Vanderbull and Gadget into the room, Rarity and Fluttershy right behind them. She led them over to the table where the mechanical pony, stripped and slightly disassembled, was laid there for them all to see.

“My word,” Vanderbull breathed. He adjusted his spectacles as he stepped over to it. “Just look at this! These parts, the composition…”

Gadget only stood in awed silence… for about five seconds. Then she seemingly came to life. “Ohhhhhh OH OH OH OH!!” she squealed as she rushed forward. “Look at all this! Oh my, oh my goodness! These gears! They’re made of carbon steel! And the hull here must be titanium alloy!” To their surprise (and partial disgust), she actually licked it. “It is titanium, Mr. Vanderbull! And… oh, Sweet Celestia, that rechargeable battery must be custom made!” She stuck her face right next to one of the devices they’d removed and actually rubbed her cheek on it. “A magic-electrical conversion Luna’s Ladder! Oh, you don't see this sort of thing every day.”

“Quite right, Gadget!” Vanderbull agreed, his enthusiasm only slightly more restrained than hers. “And look at the wiring that runs throughout it! Whoever did this wasn’t just an engineer; this was the work of an artist!”

“They certainly seem happy, darling,” Rarity said to Twilight, whispering behind her hoof. “I hope our efforts yesterday didn’t go to waste.”

Twilight's eyes went wide. “Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me, Rarity!” Twilight said, going over to her guests. “If you’ll look on the floor next to the table, we’ve managed to label some of the parts for you. My friends and I tried to do some research on classic Equestrian automata. I think we cataloged quite a few parts for being layponies.”

Vanderbull turned and smiled when he saw the labeled parts. “Yes, actually, this will make it much easier, Princess!" He lifted one part and held it up to the light. "Oh, my, some of these are quite rare nowadays. I’ll want to double-check them, of course, but--”

“Augh!”

The high-pitched screech that interrupted him came from Gadget, who was holding up one of the removed plates that had been taken from the leg.

“Who removed this?! These rivets have been totally bent out of shape! They should have been cut evenly if you weren’t going to remove them properly!" She practically slammed the plate back on the table in frustration. "It will take hours to remove them and replace them!” She rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“She acts a little differently around machines,” Fluttershy remarked, scrunching herself inward and wincing at Gadget's outburst.

“Er, sorry, that was my fault,” Twilight said, blushing slightly. “Spike and I were just trying to get the machine open. We didn’t know we were making things more difficult.”

Gadget seemed to remember herself even as Vanderbull folded his arms and looked down at her with hard, narrow eyes. “O-oh, no, I’m sorry, Princess Twilight,” she said, backing away and lowering her head. “I-it was an honest mistake. It’s really not such a big deal at all!”

“Well, if there’s something I can do to make up for it, please let me know,” Twilight said, smiling gently to try and put the girl at ease.

Gadget merely nodded, relieved that Twilight wasn’t more offended.

“And now, my dear,” Vanderbull said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together, “we should probably get to work. We have our supplies, so let’s start by categorizing the rest of the machine and identifying which parts are broken. Then perhaps we can replace or repair whatever is causing the problem.”

“Yes, Commodore,” Gadget said, raising a hoof in salute. Here she turned to Rarity. She raised an eyebrow. “So, you wanted to know how I can work on machinery so precisely as an earth pony, Miss Rarity?”

Rarity stepped forward. “Yes, I’d love to find out!” she said eagerly.

“Then allow me to show you." She leaned forward, her gaze turning stony and serious. "But just so you know, this is probably going to seem a little weird.” At this point, she shook her jacket off her shoulders and pulled the sleeves from her forelegs, letting the bulky coat slide to the ground. And then they all saw what was clanking beneath it.

“Oh… my…” Fluttershy breathed.

Around Gadget’s torso was a strange metallic harness. Thin metal bands wrapped tightly around her chest and there was a flat metallic square on her back. It looked like an iron backpack and it had four open holes, two on each side. Gadget went to one of her bags and removed several items with her hooves and mouth, although Vanderbull came over to assist her. Then everyone saw what they were.

They were a series of four mechanical, segmented limbs, each one with a metallic hand on the end, the fingertips padded in rubber. One by one, Gadget and Vanderbull attached them to the metallic pack she wore. When all four were in place, Gadget pressed a button and the subtle hum of electricity was heard. Then she winced as the harness seemed to tighten and metallic prongs at the end of the bands bit into her flesh.

“Gadget!” Fluttershy cried, rushing to her side. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Gadget said, gritting her teeth for a moment. “It stings for a second, but it’s necessary.” She took a deep breath, but then she got a sudden wild gleam in her eyes. “But now you get to see my greatest invention, the thing that Mr. Vanderbull said was the most amazing piece of machinery he’d ever seen at the inventor’s convention!"

Fluttershy stepped back and she, along with Twilight and Rarity stared in open-mouthed awe at the sight before them. She replaced her jacket and let the arms slowly rise into the air, moving fluidly, like the tendrils of a sea anemone or the bodies of serpents.

"As you know," Gadget continued, her voice growing ever louder, "earth ponies have above average strength and endurance as well as heightened sensitivity to natural energies. This device drains some of that magic from my body and redirects it, allowing me to control these.” She gestured at the arms and they all watched as the four limbs rose higher into the air, stretching and flexing impressively for all to see, each one performing a slightly different movement.

“Behold the Point-Dexter!" she shouted triumphantly, her eyes becoming wilder. "Moveable limbs and opposable digits for the modern working earth pony! With these, I can manipulate my environment with the merest thought! Nothing is beyond my reach, and all things are within my grasp! Mwa ha ha ha ha!”

The raised mechanical limbs all began to clap, applauding their “master” as Gadget bowed and blew kisses to some imaginary audience. The others looked on nervously, half expecting a bolt of lightning to appear behind this young mare who had seemingly gone from a painfully shy girl to a cackling mad scientist in the span of only a few minutes.

Vanderbull stepped before her, clearing his throat to get her attention. “Gadget. You’re scaring everypony again,” he hissed.

“Huh? O-oh,” she said, returning to her normal, timid demeanor. The front two hands came forward actually covered her face as she blushed while the back two hands twiddled their thumbs nervously. “Sorry, sir.”

Vanderbull nodded briefly, though she still looked embarrassed.

Sensing this, Fluttershy came over and put her hoof on Gadget's shoulder. “It’s okay,” Fluttershy assured her. Then she glanced at the mechanical limbs. “Though, um, are you sure these things are safe?”

“Oh, yes, of course they’re safe, Miss Fluttershy," Gadget replied. "I can use them just like they’re a part of my body. Since I’m extending my own energy, they might as well be.”

“That’s really amazing!” Twilight said, coming over and poking one of them.

Gadget flinched momentarily. "Um, Your Highness... please don't touch them. Due to sensory feedback, I can feel them."

It was Twilight's turn to blush. "Oh, I'm sorry. But still," she said, looking the limbs over breathlessly, "this is really incredible. I didn’t even know earth pony magic could be utilized that way!”

“Neither did I, at first,” Vanderbull said. “In fact, I believe this device is truly the first of its kind. Innovation like that is just what we need in my line of work. With this one device and the freedom of using all four limbs together, Gadget has been able to create a great deal more than I would have imagined possible.”

“It does leave me a little tired and sometimes I get headaches,” Gadget added, “but it’s worth it.”

“Well, enough showing off,” Vanderbull said, removing his coat and tie and rolling up his sleeves. “We should get started. Let’s see if we can safely remove the leg. There’s something I’d like to look at in closer detail. Gadget, the #12 flathead screwdriver and a pair of needlenose pliers, if you please?”

“Yes sir, Commodore!” she said, saluting with one of the mechanical hands.

"I'm sure my magic would be of help too!" Twilight said, hovering over the automaton with them.

As Twilight joined in, the three began their work on the mechanical pony. Fluttershy and Rarity both looked at each other as the trio got back to work. “Well, I think that’s enough fun for me today,” Rarity commented quietly to Fluttershy.

“Maybe we should just see ourselves out,” Fluttershy replied. “They seem awfully busy now.”

"Exactly what I was thinking." The two of them quietly made their way out the door.

Without another word, Twilight, Gadget, and Mr. Vanderbull began the long and arduous task of fixing the broken automaton. Soon the room filled with the sound of metal on metal and the whirring of Gadget’s strange invention as they began to break the mechanical pony down into its base parts.

That night, after a hard day and a lot of progress with the strange machine, Twilight and Spike walked Vanderbull to his room.

“I hope you find this room to your liking, Mr. Vanderbull,” Twilight said, stopping in front of the door. Gadget had already retired to her room (after temporarily freaking out again that she was going to be spending the night in a princess’s castle) and the rest of Vanderbull’s staff had taken his train back to Manehatten once the supplies had been delivered.

“I did my best to get it fixed up for you,” Spike said, opening the door for Vanderbull and gesturing inside. “I tried to make it a little less ‘girly’ too. I saw that awesome train of yours from the castle balcony. I like your style, Mr. Vanderbull!”

Vanderbull chuckled. “Yes, well, I save the pastel colors for the public lines. Pony folk seem to like it, but I prefer the earthier tones. Perhaps it's my native sensibilities.” He turned to Twilight with a broad smile on his face. “Your little friend really is a good assistant. It seems we are both blessed with good help.”

Twilight smiled in return as Spike flushed with pride and puffed out his chest.

“And now," Vanderbull said, "if you’ll excuse me…”

Twilight watched as he turned to the door, about to enter, but then a thought occurred to her.

“Wait!” she cried suddenly, surprising both Vanderbull and Spike. “I… there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“Yes, of course, Princess, how can I help you?” he asked. He furrowed his brow. "You look worried. Is there something bothering you?"

“It’s… well, you know Princess Celestia too, it seems,” she began cautiously.

Vanderbull nodded. “Yes. We go back a long time. Without her, I’d never have become the minotaur I am today!”

“Yes, well, it’s just that when we first asked her for help with fixing the automaton, she didn’t seem very, uh... receptive.”

Vanderbull seemed to understand and nodded his head slowly. “Ah. Yes. That.”

“It really was strange,” Spike added, scratching his head. “Princess Celestia has always been so supportive of Twilight. I couldn’t believe how she just blew the whole thing off at first!”

Vanderbull cleared his throat, for the first time in his visit looking uncomfortable. “Yes, I suppose I could explain, but, um… please, if we could keep this to ourselves? I’d hate for Her Majesty to think I was gossiping after she sent me this wonderful opportunity.” He looked at her pointedly, making sure she got his meaning.

Twilight smiled and gave a nod. “You have my word. This is between us.”

“Well, then allow me to put it like this: Her Majesty… that is, Princess Celestia, is… old.”

Twilight cocked her head to the side. “Old?”

“I know that’s no sort of secret, but ponies often take it for granted. Because of her eternally youthful looks and magnanimous demeanor, she is seen as never aging. But that is only her body. Her mind is the product of countless moons. Decades upon decades and centuries upon centuries. Now, I am no spring chicken myself,” he said, stroking the tuft of his gray beard for emphasis, “and my wife and I are both old enough to be parents or even grandparents, if we had any children, that is.”

“I didn’t know you were married!” Twilight exclaimed. She smiled at the news. “You met another minotaur here in Equestria?”

He chuckled as he shook his head. “No, actually. She’s a pony, and the very love of my life.” He sighed, his smile becoming warmer and even boyish in contrast to his practiced, polished demeanor. "My dear, sweet Sophia."

“Oh!” Twilight said, somewhat surprised. She decided not to ask if the lack of children was the result of choice or biology.

“I suppose it seems odd to you,” Vanderbull mused, “a minotaur and a pony. About as likely as seeing a dragon attracted to a pony, am I right, Spike my boy?” He broke out into laughter as he playfully punched Spike in the arm.

Spike rubbed his arm and managed to keep his cool despite Vanderbull’s oblivious guffaws, though that was partly because of Twilight putting a comforting hoof on his shoulder. He frowned but kept quiet.

“The point is, I am getting older, and even in my age, I feel like it is difficult at times to understand change and progress. My expertise in technology is among the greatest in the land, yet I find so many others with new ideas that fascinate and confuse me at the same time. That is partly why I have hired Gadget; I needed somepony with fresh ideas and no prejudice and the sheer boldness to try something completely different.

"Still, as I age, I feel as though the modern world is encroaching on the world I once knew. Quite common for us older folks, really. Always complaining about newfangled things. You understand what I am saying?”

Twilight nodded. “I do. But what does that have to do with Celestia?”

Vanderbull laughed out loud. “Don’t you see? It is difficult for me to adjust to the times, and I am merely in my fifties. Celestia is so very much older. And before we had things like trains and the telegraph, change came slowly. But nowadays, technology is changing quite rapidly, and this..." he swallowed, his face growing stonier, "...rather disturbs Her Majesty. She resists it.”

“Wow,” Spike commented. “But then, how come she gets along with you so well?”

“Because I had the foresight to make the technology personal for her. Back when locomotives were first being developed, Her Highness referred to them as… what was it… ah, yes: ‘Loud, smoke-belching monstrosities that will never replace the cart and chariot.’”

Twilight almost laughed out loud. “Celestia said that? I can’t imagine that.”

“Oh?" Vanderbull raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever heard of her traveling by train?”

She froze. Of course, Celestia had traveled all across the country… but no, she couldn’t think of a single instance of her traveling by train in the years she’d known her. It was always by royal chariot, even when it would have been just as convenient and certainly more luxurious to take a private train.

“Nopony could get any funding or allowances for something the Princess herself dismissed,” Vanderbull went on. “Nor would the public ride such a thing. So I came up with an idea.

“At great personal expense to me and my company, we bought up tracts of land and laid down railroad tracks between my home base in Manehatten and Fillydelphia. I was in debt and about to lose it all with everything I had put into locomotives, but I went ahead with a gambit. Her Highness was attending a function in Fillydelphia one day, so I arranged for the famous Manehatten Barndoor and Brumby Brothers’ Circus to load their troupe - complete with animals, clowns, magicians, and acrobats - onto a train of custom-made cars and pay a surprise visit to the town. It was well-known that Celestia was quite a fan of the circus for some reason, and when the whole town of Fillydelphia went abuzz at the sight of the performers disembarking from my train, Her Highness was right there to see them arrive and set up for a one-day-only show.”

He smiled at the memory. "She laughed and clapped like a filly at the sight of the animals on parade and the daring performances. And she came up to me personally and thanked me for arranging such a gift. I felt like the most fortunate and honored being in the world that day."

“That’s amazing!” Spike exclaimed.

“And I take it that worked?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow knowingly.

“Indeed it did. She gave her approval and reversed her opinion regarding the technology, especially with regard to me: the ‘Minotaur who Joined Two Cities,’ as the newspapers called me.” He puffed his chest out with pride. “With the Princess now backing trains, the railroad industry took off and investors were practically fighting each other to buy a share in my company. And now the railroad joins every metropolis and one-horse town across Equestria. Though she still personally eschews trains, she warmed up to me and welcomed me into the Canterlot elite. And that is how we became friends.”

Twilight smiled. “Thank you for the wonderful story, Mr. Vanderbull,” Twilight said, giving a short bow. “Well, good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ah, just a moment please,” Vanderbull said, raising a hand to stop her. “I hate to keep you any further, but since we’re discussing it, this might be a good time to mention..." He hesitated, but then pressed on. "I should mention that Celestia still mistrusts any new technology until it is proven. And I happen to know that she finds the very idea of a mechanical pony offensive. She is largely the reason the technology never went beyond a novelty a century ago. From what I understand, the thought of replacing a flesh-and-blood pony with a machine is something she fears more than almost anything else. Her Highness is a truly caring ruler and, bless her heart, she cares greatly for the common pony. Thus, she is interested in us fixing this automaton only to see if there’s some threat to you or the kingdom. If there isn’t, she might very well demand we destroy the machine the instant we learn its origin and purpose.”

Twilight took a step back, her eyes bulging in horror. “Sh-she wouldn’t do that! This could be the most incredible invention ever built in Equestrian history! There’s so much potential for something like this!”

Vanderbull nodded solemnly. "That is correct, but I believe that may not be enough to rescue it, should Princess Celestia decide to destroy it. I could be wrong, but in case I’m not,” Vanderbull said, pushing his spectacles up his long snout to look at her intently, “you might want to come up with some reason to keep studying it once we get it working that will satisfy her. If it were anything else, I wouldn’t bother, but technology is her one sore spot. I, for one, believe that technology like the machine downstairs will build this nation’s future, and it is up to us to see that the future comes soon, or it may not come at all.”

Twilight nodded. “I see. Well, I’d like to think you’re wrong, but I’ll think about it anyway." She managed a final smile. "Good night, Mr. Vanderbull.”

Vanderbull smiled, almost yawning as he entered his quarters. “Good night, Princess Twilight.”

Spike and Twilight were quiet as they made their way down the hallway. It was a full minute and back in Twilight’s bedroom before Spike broke the silence.

“So, what are you gonna do, Twilight?” he asked uneasily.

“I… I don’t know yet, Spike,” she replied. “But I’ll come up with something.” Her face grew stern, her eyes narrowing at the thought of taking a stand against her mentor. “I hate to upset Princess Celestia, but no matter what, I’m not going to let the scientific discovery of the century slip out of my hooves.”

Author's Notes:

Hey folks! To help some readers out, I'm including some helpful notes on the cultural and historical references used in this story. I hope they're informative.

This chapter title references the Jonathan Coulton song "The Future Soon." Coulton also did the ending songs for the "Portal" games.

Vanderbull's namesake is the 1800s railroad tycoon Cornelius Vanderbilt, who really was nicknamed "Commodore," but probably could not have put a robot pony back together.

Furthermore, I hope you enjoyed the art Colby Green did of Gadget!

The Machine Awakes

Twilight got up, moaning contentedly and stretching after a restful night’s sleep. What Vanderbull had told her had weighed on her mind, but she felt refreshed nonetheless. She woke up to find Spike had made her a cup of tea and left it on a tray on her nightstand. She smiled as she made a mental note to thank him later. She made her way to the castle balcony, levitating the cup of tea with her. There she stood by the railing and looked out at Ponyville as it was bathed in the gentle golden glow of the dawn. She took a breath of the cool, fresh morning air. Giving a satisfied sigh, she took a sip of her tea.

“GOOD MORNING PRINCESS TWILIGHT!” Gadget said, bursting into full view suddenly.

“Gah!” Twilight screamed, nearly dropping her tea. “Gadget? What are you--”

“I thought you might want somepony to wash the windows so I decided to help as a way of saying thank you for letting me stay here and everything so I hope you like it!” she said, talking just a little bit too loudly.

“I… wait, windows?”

“I did it with these!” Gadget was again wearing the harness with the mechanical arms and Twilight could see that three of the hands had a cloth in them while the last one contained a spray bottle with window cleaner.

Twilight smiled, but raised her hoof. “That’s nice, Gadget, really, but…"

She stopped finally noticing that Gadget was actually standing just beyond the railing, and they were several stories up. "Wait, what are you standing on?!" She rushed over, wondering what sorcery was keeping her from falling.

“Oh, that," Gadget replied nonchalantly. "I brought out another one of my inventions to help me reach the windows. See?”

Twilight looked over the rail and saw that Gadget was standing on what looked like stilts, only these had a strange, accordion-like mechanism to them.

“My extendable platform boots! I just move my hooves a little, see, and…” Gadget bent her knees slightly to shift her weight and all four of the stilts lowered her simultaneously. Just for good measure, she raised and lowered them several times, elevating herself and coming back down like a yo-yo, the boots making a click-clack sound as they telescoped up and down.

“Ta-da!" Gadget said, waving her mechanical hands theatrically. "You know, I should really sell this to window-cleaners. Although I need to make an anchoring mechanism. One stiff breeze and these could topple--”

Apparently this was tempting the Fates, because a strong breeze did come by and Gadget started to tip over, losing her balance. In her moment of fear and panic, even her mechanical limbs began to flail wildly, dropping her bottle and cleaning rags.

“Whoa!” Twilight shouted, activating her magic in an instant. The magenta glow of the magic enveloped the young mare, momentarily holding her and then pushing her back into place.

“Ahahaha… th-thanks, Princess." She was panting and shaking. "Wow... I could have just died there. Guess I owe you even more now, huh?” She lowered her head, hiding her face behind her mane as she looked away. Her mechanical limbs, Twilight noticed, also worked in reflection of her mood, as she again hid her face behind one set of hands.

But Twilight just smiled. “It’s okay. Besides, you and Mr. Vanderbull are the ones helping me remember? Now, I’m glad you helped clean my windows, and that was very sweet of you, but why don’t you come back inside? Spike’s making waffles!" She rested her forelegs on the railing to look at her slyly. "And since you’re from Vanhoover, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know we have real maple syrup.”

She raised her head instantly and her eyes lit up. “I’ll be right down!” she exclaimed as she descended back to the ground below.

Hours later, Twilight was on her own working on a single piece of the automaton. The strange bulbs on the thing, she’d found, could absorb magic and turn it into an electric charge. There was something familiar about that, though she couldn’t quite place where she’d last seen it. She’d been practicing casting magic on it and then running it through a multimeter to see how much voltage, current, and resistance went through it.

She was happy to make a contribution, especially in light of how masterful Vanderbull and Gadget were. Her own specialty of magic-related technology was still proving useful. Several more pieces of machinery were on a table alongside some reference books. The headway she was making should speed up repairs if the other two were having as much success as she was.

“Excuse me, Princess Twilight?” Vanderbull asked as he peeked through the door.

“Oh, good, Mr. Vanderbull!” she exclaimed, picking up the device she'd been working with. “I have the measurements from this… thing. You see, I can cast magic on it and it converts it into an electric charge. It loses a little bit in the process and I’ve seen some technology like this before, but wow! This is really efficient! Who could have designed this?”

He bent down, adjusting his spectacles as he looked at it. “Hm. I’m afraid I’m no closer to discovering that either,” Vanderbull said. Then he stood up straight and grinned. “However, Gadget and I have something to show you. I think you will find it just as impressive as we do.”

Twilight's curiosity was piqued and she nodded eagerly. “Ooh, that sounds interesting! Let me bring these other devices and my data and head back to the main room.”

Shortly thereafter, she entered the room where the automaton had once been in one piece. Now it was completely disassembled. The legs, barrel, and even the head were all in separate pieces, though labelled and kept in distinct groups to keep them organized. But on the center table were three distinct groups of machinery and they were all hooked up to a large chemical battery.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?" Twilight asked, pointing to the objects on the table.

“Your Highness!” Gadget exclaimed. She was using her mechanical limbs to hoist a heavy-looking crate of gears and cogs and move it to the side of the room. “You are not going to believe this!” She jumped into the air, practically dancing with excitement.

“Easy now, Gadget,” Vanderbull said, holding out his hands in a calming motion. “Please operate the switching mechanism and control the subsystems as we practiced. I will take the liberty of explaining our find to Her Highness.”

Gadget saluted (again with her mechanical hand, not with her hoof, Twilight noted), and went to the other end of the table, pulling out a small console with a few switches on it. They were wired to a round, black triangular thing in the middle of the table. It, in turn, was connected to the three surrounding clusters of machinery.

“Princess,” Vanderbull began, “you will recall that the machine you found was in the shape of an earth pony?”

“Yes, it was. I mean, it is.” She hesitated, seeing Vanderbull smile slightly. “Isn’t it?”

“Oh, indeed. But look at this here,” he said pointing to the first group of machinery. “This is the automaton’s leg, now opened so we can see its workings.”

Twilight looked at it. She could see the gears and ball bearings that made up the knee, but the leg mostly just seemed to be a couple of poles inside a skeletal frame. However…

“Are those… pistons on the side of the main leg?” she asked, leaning in closer.

“Yes, very observant, Princess!” Vanderbull replied. “But watch this. Gadget, Stomp Test A, please.”

“Yes, Commodore!” she said, pulling a switch. There was a hum of electricity and the leg twitched slightly. "Power has been routed to the leg!"

“Now, this is a chunk of granite I purchased from the local quarry,” Vanderbull said, holding up a sizable rock, grunting at its weight. “Quite strong, actually. Now, if I place it on the ground and hold the leg over it like so,” he continued, hefting the leg into position at the edge of the table and holding it in place, “then watch what happens. Gadget?”

“Stomp Test A in 3… 2… 1…” She pulled a lever and the mechanical leg stomped downward onto the rock with its brass hoof.

The rock was totally unscathed.

“Well…” Twilight said. “That’s… what was it supposed to do?” She cocked her head to the side, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing, actually,” Vanderbull said. Then he held up a finger before Twilight could ask further questions. “You'll understand in a moment, Your Highness, after we engage the subsystem. Gadget?”

His young assistant pressed a button and sparks of electricity flew from the black triangular device. A green light on the corner connected to the leg blinked on, and then Twilight jumped at the sudden metallic clank and the slow hiss of steam that came from the leg.

“What was that?” she asked.

“The pistons engaged!” Gadget exclaimed. Then she covered her mouth. “Oh, sorry, Mr. Vanderbull, I…”

“Oh, it’s fine, Gadget,” Vanderbull said with smile as he waved a hand. “I understand your enthusiasm. But first, Test B.” He again held the leg in place.

“Right! Stomp Test B in 3… 2… 1!”

She pulled the lever a second time and again the leg stomped on the rock. But this time the rock shattered into tiny pieces that flew all over, scattering the room with gravel and dust as the recoil forced Vanderbull backward. They all coughed at the sudden cloud of dust.

“Oops,” Gadget said, looking down. “I think I used too much force.”

“Not a problem, we’ll just be sure to clean the supplies and parts after this,” Vanderbull said, brushing the dust from his sleeves. “Now, then, Princess, what you saw in the first test was the leg working in a low-power neutral state. But we have found that the automaton has three distinct subsystems that it can utilize for extra abilities.”

Gadget couldn’t contain herself any longer. “It can imitate all three types of ponies!” she cried, leaping up on to her hind legs. “And that was its ‘earth pony’ mode!”

Vanderbull rolled his eyes, but he was obviously excited about the discovery as well. “That is correct," he said. "By engaging what we call ‘E-Mode,’ it can drastically increase the power in its legs as well as augment the body’s sturdiness and pulling power. Not only that, it even activates sensors in the hooves that allow it to detect earth energies. Thus it can simulate earth pony strength and possibly the similar abilities that allow them to tend and grow plants.”

Twilight was listening intently, but then turned to the other machines on the table. “Wait a minute. If what you’re saying is right, then these other two things can let it simulate pegasi and unicorns?!”

“Exactly,” Vanderbull said. He went around to a strange, trapezoidal box. “We found this hidden in a compartment in the automaton’s back.” It was silver and had two slots, one on each side. “Gadget, engage P-Mode.”

She pressed a button and the green light went out, followed by a blue light on another corner turning on. The trapezoidal box in turn began to hum and then there was a loud rattling from inside it. A moment later, a pair of bright, brass-colored wings shot out from the sides, then raised into a ‘V’ shape. They were skeletal, still totally metallic, but a series of what looked like brass feathers ran down their length.

“It has wings? With feathers?” Twilight asked. She cocked her head. “How? Why? Is it supposed to flap with those things?”

“Actually, no,” Vanderbull replied. He pointed at the 'feathers' and said “These are not really feathers, though they were obviously meant to mimic their shape. Instead, they are miniature jets. They fire streams of air to provide the machine with lift.”

“Jets? You mean they can propel the machine using nothing but air?!” Twilight was becoming more and more impressed by the second. Primitive jets were an old invention that had been around for a while and rockets on fireworks were a kind of jet, and she’d studied enough science to know that some ponies believed they might one day be used for transportation. Still, something like this…

“Observe, please,” Vanderbull said, motioning for Twilight to step back. “This will get a bit noisy. Gadget, if you please?”

“Roger, Commodore!” She pressed a few more buttons and a low wheezing came from the device. Then it slowly built to a high-pitched whine, then grew to a full-blown roar. Slowly, the trapezoidal box, held up by the wings, floated into the air and began hovering, tethered down with ropes and its own wires. Twilight could see the slight distortion coming from the hot air blowing from the tips of the feather-shaped jets. It hovered there for a good minute, wobbling slightly and whipping up a powerful wind around the room and blowing their manes all over.

Finally, Vanderbull gave the signal to cut the engine and Gadget reduced the power, letting it slowly return to the table before cutting the power entirely. The wings folded up and retracted back into the box like snakes returning to their burrow.

“That’s amazing!” Twilight exclaimed, still shouting. She rubbed her ears when Gadget and Vanderbull winced. “Oh, sorry, my ears are still ringing!”

“Quite all right.” Vanderbull was rubbing his own ears.

“Well, at least all that wind probably cleared away the dust from the last test off the equipment,” Gadget commented with a shrug of her shoulders.

“I suppose that’s something,” Vanderbull sighed, rolling his eyes. “Now, onto the last mode. We won’t actually test it because honestly we don’t know how to make it work correctly.” He motioned to the third subsystem. The last wire from the triangular device led to a tray filled with six different glass jars, each one sealed with a glass lid that had been made airtight with a translucent substance. A wire ran into each one through the lids and then out the bottom of the tray before mingling back into a braid of wires that eventually terminated in some strange conical metal shape.

“This is… what, the unicorn mode? ‘U-Mode,’ I guess?”

“Yes,” Vanderbull replied. “You see, we discovered that the machine runs an electrical current through these jars and carries an electrochemical signal to this small cone. It was found in the head, just under a hidden panel in the forehead. It can telescopically extend outward when activated.” He picked it up and extended it manually, pulling it out with his fingers and showing her its true shape.

“Oh my gosh," Twilight said, her eyes lighting up. "It’s a horn!”

“Well, the mechanical equivalent of a unicorn horn, yes.” Vanderbull tapped it, letting her hear it ring. It was definitely metallic, but it had a strange reverberating quality to it.

“May I see that?” she asked.

“Of course,” he said, holding it out. She levitated the bright, golden object over to herself and looked at it carefully, noting the strange colors of it as it shined in the light. She gasped. “This horn is made of an orichalcum alloy! Orichalcum is a highly conductive element for channeling magic energy, but it’s also rare and expensive! Whoever made this must have been very rich to get so much of it!”

Gadget coughed, getting Twilight’s attention. “Please check the jars as well, Princess Twilight,” she said. She gently pushed the jars over to her. “We think we know what they are, but we need you to confirm our theory.”

Twilight looked to the tray of jars curiously. Each jar contained a different color liquid. They were sealed shut and secured to the tray. The glass of the jars also had a strange green tint to it. “Magically reinforced glass. They’d be very hard to break. The liquid inside is…” She levitated the tray and moved it from side to side. The liquid inside barely moved. “It looks like it’s not really liquid. It's more like a hardened, high-viscosity gel. But if it’s connected to the horn… then it must be part of something that can produce magic artificially!” She paused and narrowed her eyes as she looked at them closely. She placed a hoof to her chin.

“Is something wrong, Princess?” Vanderbull asked.

Twilight didn’t respond at first, but suddenly cast a spell, firing a beam of magic at the jars, startling both of her guests. The jars each lit up and glowed brightly in sequence before dimming again.

“Just as I thought,” Twilight said. “It’s thaumatrium gel. Concentrated mana.”

Vanderbull tilted his head. He looked to Gadget who only seemed slightly less confused.

“Mana,” Gadget murmured. “That basically what magic is made of, right?”

Twilight smiled, glad to be in more familiar territory. “Yes, that’s pretty close. Mana is the ethereal energy that ponies use to cast magic. It’s everywhere and any living thing can create it, but each pony has an individual manafont. It’s like a storehouse of energy. You can run out if you cast too much, but you can also increase its potential with practice. Usually mana is inert, and just sort of hanging around. But you can capture and collect it as solid matter with some chemicals and practice and a lot of time. We call that solid matter ‘thaumatrium.’”

Vanderbull nodded, listening intently. “So, the automaton uses this material as a kind of magical fuel?”

“Exactly. What I’m thinking is that these jars of thaumatrium gel are meant to substitute for the automaton’s manafont, since it’s not an organic being. That’s how it could cast magic, at least theoretically.” Twilight considered this and peered at the jars very closely. “This much gel would last a long time, but I’m not sure how powerful it could be. Most unicorns can do a lot of ordinary magic, levitate some light objects, not to mention a few other things like light manipulation…"

Then her eyes went wide and she stood up straight. "Wait: if the automaton has all three types of pony abilities, wouldn’t it be like an alicorn?”

Vanderbull shook his head. “No, Princess.” He pointed at the triangular object again. “And it’s because of this device. We’re calling it the Mode Switch because it seems to regulate and prevent the activation of more than one mode at a time. The automaton could fly or cast magic or break through a brick wall, but not all three at the same time.”

“If it could imitate an alicorn,” Gadget added, “that would make it an overpowered OC.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “OC?”

“Operational Construct.”

“Ah, I see. So, overpowering it would be bad?”

“Very bad.” Gadget shut the entire system down, the electric hum fading. “Here, put your hoof over the Switch. Er, if you don’t mind, Your Highness?” She winced, realizing she’d just been ordering around royalty.

“It’s all right, Gadget,” Twilight laughed. She did as Gadget asked and felt a strong heat coming from the Switch even when her hoof was half a meter away. “Whoa. That really warmed up fast.”

“We believe that the Mode Switch was added late into the construction,” Vanderbull said. “The subsystems already consume a lot of energy and thus produce a lot of heat. That heat could damage the machinery, and having all three subsystems activate at once would wreak havoc on the entire thing. It would run itself down in a matter of minutes.”

Twilight considered this. “It’s a good thing the designer came up with something to prevent that but still use different abilities, I suppose.”

“It also explains the mane,” Gadget quipped as she sifted through some of the other parts lying around the room, holding up one to examine it.

“Huh?” Twilight asked. “The mane? Why, what is it? I thought it was just for decoration.”

“Oh, no no no, Princess Twilight, it’s so much more than that!” she cried excitedly. She set down the part she held and went to another box labelled “MANE” and removed it, holding it out gently with all four hands.

Now removed from the automaton, Twilight saw it actually ran from the head, down the length of the body, and continued outward to the tail in one long continuous strand of hollow, conical coils. “Wait, so, it’s the mane and the tail?”

“Yes! And it’s made of some light, flexible polymer that Mr. Vanderbull and I can’t even identify! It's very soft too, almost like some sort of fabric. But see, the strands run along all the main systems in the torso here in the middle. The battery, the, um manafont tray I guess, the wings, and so on. The mane and tail act as a heat sink! They pick up heat and draw it away from the systems and outside, dissipating the heat in the cooler outside air in front or back of the body. Form and function together! It’s really quite brilliant!”

“Yes,” Vanderbull said, almost begrudgingly, as he folded his arms. “I’m a little jealous of the mind that built this magnificent mechanical mare. This incorporates so much advanced technology. This isn’t merely more advanced than the old automatons; it is a new machine entirely!” He sighed, but then grew calmer as he recomposed himself. “Still, we think we have everything we need. We have fixed the parts that were broken and identified all the others and learned their functions, even if we don’t understand how those functions operate. Your Highness, with your permission, Gadget and I will begin reconstructing it. We should have it ready to activate by early evening.”

“By this evening? So soon?!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Unless you don’t wish to,” Vanderbull said. “I honestly would understand if you hesitated. This machine is so much more sophisticated than I even thought possible. It could, in fact, be dangerous. And we still have no idea why it journeyed to Ponyville or why it was seeking you out.”

“But if we don’t activate it,” Gadget interjected, eyes going wide, “we’ll never get to see all the awesome stuff it can do! I even got an anemometer to test its wing power and--”

“Gadget!” Vanderbull snapped, silencing his over-eager protégée. “While it is true that there is much we can learn by activating it, Princess Twilight Sparkle knows this and we will abide by her decision.” He leaned closer to her, looking down at her sternly.

“Y-yes, sir,” she replied, bowing her head.

Twilight considered the matter. If we activate it, it could be dangerous. But if we don’t, we might never know why it was built in the first place! What should I do?

She mulled it over, rubbing her chin, and finally made a decision: she was a princess now, but she had always been a student and seeker of knowledge since the day she was born. To shy away from learning more about this machine just wasn’t her way of doing things.

“Okay, we’ll activate it,” she said. She then smiled as Gadget reared up, kicking her legs happily, the mechanical limbs on her back giving triumphant fist pumps as well. “But I want to bring my friends here. Not just because I want to share the discovery with them, but also for extra protection. If something goes wrong, we need to be ready to stop it.”

Vanderbull also smiled, clearly pleased and likewise eager to learn more. “We’ll get right on it, Your Highness.” He also took a note from his pocket and handed it to her. “This is a short list of the other systems we found and what they do. This may be of help to you in the future.”

Twilight nodded and left to begin gathering her friends. She was practically bristling with excitement and broke into a trot as she made her way to the front door.

How wonderful! Tonight! she thought. I’m going to get to see a working independent automaton tonight!

The small room was growing crowded, Twilight noticed, now that everypony had gathered. It was in the early evening and the light from the sunset was still shining through the nearby window into the room where the newly reassembled automaton was laid on the table. The machine looked like some broken thing or an assortment of parts and bric-a-brac. It was now like some sleeping creature, something that could be awoken with the slightest word. It had been placed prone on the table, its hooves at rest, its head down.

“Does this thing really move?” Rainbow Dash asked, prodding the silent automaton. She narrowed her eyes, looking it up and down. “It doesn’t look like it would.” She tapped it with her hoof once, then again a bit harder, knocking on its head to produce a loud clanging.

“Ah, Miss Rainbow Dash, please!” Gadget cried as she rushed over. “You might damage it!”

“What? How?!” Rainbow asked, gesturing to it. “I thought you guys said this thing was so tough that it could break through a brick wall if it needed to!”

“W-well, that’s true, but--”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash, just leave it alone for her sake until we know what it can do.” Twilight rolled her eyes and Rainbow Dash backed off, shrugging as she took back to the air and hovered nearby Applejack. Twilight herself was now wearing her crown and had her other five friends gathered in a semicircle around the room. In addition, the Mayor had arrived with her aide and there were a few reporters from the local newspaper. Vanderbull was back in his waistcoat and jacket, looking patient and dignified. Gadget was no longer wearing the Point Dexter and was back in her oversized coat. Rarity, by contrast, was dressed up as if attending an opera, her elegant magenta gown rustling just loud enough to be heard over the light conversation.

“Rarity, you look amazing!” Spike was practically floating at the sight of her in the elegant dress. “But then you always look amazing.”

“Oh, aren’t you sweet, Spikey Wikey!” she said, beaming at him. She turned her attention to Gadget and frowned when she saw her in her simple jacket. “Ah, but Gadget, I do wish you’d taken me up on my offer to take you to the stylist and see about taking some of your mane out of your eyes and maybe a simple dress for the occasion.”

Gadget gulped and eyed the reporters, her eyes darting from one to another and focusing especially on the photographer. “Th-that was very kind of you, but there wasn’t time with the repairs, and I, um, didn’t know Princess Twilight was going to bring the press. I hope they aren’t going to take too many pictures.”

“I know what you mean,” Fluttershy said. “I really don’t want everypony talking about how I look in the paper tomorrow.” The two of them huddled together, shrinking into themselves and putting Rarity between themselves and the newsponies.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, was bubbling with her usual energy, bouncing up and down in place. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we should have made this an ‘Automaton Activation Party!’ In fact, isn’t that like a birthday for a machine? We should have had cake! At least I brought my party cannon!” She brought it out (seemingly from nowhere, as usual) and patted it with her hoof for emphasis.

“Honestly, I don’t think it’s quite the same thing as a birthday, Pinkie,” Applejack said. She was eyeing the automaton even more suspiciously than before, narrowing her gaze and putting on a sour-looking frown. “It ain’t like that thing’s even alive. And who knows what’ll happen when it turns on!” She turned to Twilight at that. “Ya sure we even wanna try? I still say we shoulda brought more protection.”

“I doubt we’ll need it,” Twilight assured her. “But just the same, we should be prepared. You and Rainbow Dash brought some things," she gestured to the large wrench Dash had set aside as well as the sack of horseshoes Applejack brought, "Mr. Vanderbull said he has an emergency shutdown plan," she looked to Vanderbull, who had readied some strange device with a large magnet on the end, "and if we really need to, we can use our Rainbow Power to stop it! We should be just fine.”

Applejack was only slightly comforted by this. “I guess,” she muttered.

The Mayor walked over to the pair of them. “Is everything all right, Princess Twilight?” she asked, her expression calm, but her eyes giving away her apprehension. She leaned forward and her tone was slightly strained although her smile stayed in place. “I was told this could be an impressive and historic night for Ponyville. The reporters are expecting this to go smoothly as well, and they will be documenting the whole event.”

Twilight understood that the Mayor’s concern was not just everypony’s safety, but also the image this would project for the town.

“Don’t worry, Your Honor,” Twilight said. For emphasis, she placed her hoof on her chest as if taking a vow. “I guarantee that this will be something brand new and maybe even become the talk of all Equestria!”

The Mayor’s eyes sparkled and she smiled. She kept that smile as she turned her head slightly, allowing the photographer to take a perfect snapshot of her standing next to Twilight.

Vanderbull coughed to get everypony’s attention. “Ah, Your Highness, Your Honor? I believe we are ready to begin.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Twilight said. “Miss Mayor, would you like to begin?”

“Yes, thank you, Princess Twilight!” She stepped before the automaton, looking to her aide, who was nodding with approval or shaking her head to give feedback with each thing she did. Currently she was nodding, so the Mayor smiled and addressed those gathered. “Ahem. Fillies and gentlecolts!" she began, sweeping her arm out dramatically. "Our most esteemed Princess Twilight Sparkle has brought a strange new scientific discovery to our attention. Tonight, we may find out the strange origin and the true nature of this mysterious... Iron Horse!” The reporters scribbled this down and she smiled, satisfied that she’d struck the right chord. “And now, Her Highness will explain more about tonight’s proceedings.”

“Thank you, Miss Mayor,” Twilight said, stepping forward and levitating a lengthy speech in front of her. “My friends, Miss Mayor, and members of the scientific and journalistic community. It is my great pleasure to unveil the great achievement of Mr. Cornelius Vanderbull--”

Vanderbull puffed his chest out, smiling calmly as several camera flashes captured his image.

“--and Miss Gadgette F. Giroux--”

“Eep!” the young mare cried, diving back behind Rarity as the photographers tried to photograph her.

“Er, as I was saying, with their efforts and the help of my friends, we have managed to put this broken automaton back together. Unlike automata of the past, this machine can reportedly operate totally independently, may be capable of speech, and has a variety of amazing abilities, which I look forward to exploring. You may be curious to know the history of modern automata, which begins with the revolutionary creations of inventor and clockmaker Henriette Marellardet...”

“Just turn it on for pony’s sake!” Rainbow Dash exploded, launching herself into the air.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight cried, scowling at her. “I’m trying to give some historical background so everypony can appreciate this event!”

“Yeah, well, you’re putting Pinkie Pie to sleep,” she said, rolling her eyes as she hovered.

They all looked and saw Pinkie was, in fact, asleep, leaning on a very annoyed Applejack.

“Psst, Pinkie!” Applejack hissed, rousing the sleeping pink pony.

“And she’s not the only one who’s bored. Heck, one of the reporters is drawing stick figures on his notepad.” She turned and smirked at one of the reporters, who sheepishly put the notepad in his pocket. “Yeah, that’s right, I noticed."

“Oh fine!” Twilight groaned. With a sigh, she turned to Vanderbull. “Mr. Vanderbull, can we begin?”

“Yes, Princess. Allow me,” Vanderbull said. He went to the automaton and gently lifted a tiny panel on the thing’s back. “There is a button here. My assistant and I have already charged its battery, which should hold a charge for 24 to 48 hours depending on activity. I merely need to press this button to activate it.” He cleared his throat. “In the name of Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle, the town of Ponyville, and our great nation of Equestria, I do hereby activate this machine!” He pressed the button and stepped back as an electric hum was heard growing from inside the automaton.

“Ya ready, Rainbow Dash?” Applejack whispered.

“Ready, AJ,” Dash whispered back. Applejack pulled a few steel horseshoes out of her pack and held them in one hoof, ready to toss or buck them at the automaton if it made any false moves. Rainbow Dash held up her large wrench and hefted the weighty thing like a baseball bat. Vanderbull, for his own part, was holding up his device.

“Should it be necessary,” he said to the nervous-looking press and everypony else gathered, “this device will emit an electronic pulse that will scramble and disable the automaton's systems... as a last resort.”

The automaton continued to hum for a few more moments, but did not move. Various other noises from inside it were heard as systems switched on one-by-one. Clangs and hisses and the slow whir of clockwork formed a tiny symphony as the inner workings came to life individually. And then, surprising them all, the eyes suddenly came on, going from completely black to a bright, vibrant purple.

“Booting main systems,” it intoned electronically. It rose to its hooves, re-positioning itself as it stood on the table. The sound of brass hooves hitting the crystalline table rang out and everyone stared at it, eyes wide and mouths hanging open.

The machine was covered in metallic plates that were welded or bolted together. The hooves were of brass, and flexible rubber at its knees and midsection allowed it to move smoothly. The polymer coils that made up the mane and tail swayed slightly as it stood. Its ears were connected with hinges and they squeaked slightly as they moved and twitched, seemingly to take in the sounds of the room. It had no mouth to speak of, but its electronic voice came from a speaker behind a series of thin, vertical openings in the rounded lower jaw where the mouth would have been. It even had a slight nose, although it clearly didn’t need to breathe and nopony was sure if it could even smell.

Lastly, there were the eyes. Twilight knew they’d been crafted out of some magic-enhanced amethyst lenses, which explained the purple color. It stared outwards with those eyes; without eyelids it was incapable of blinking, and the effect of that glowing stare was mesmerizing to some of those gathered and unnerving to the others.

“Amazing,” the Mayor breathed, never taking her eyes off it.

“By Celestia, what a story this will make!” a reporter said. “Get a picture, get a picture!” he said to his photographer, elbowing him.

The automaton paid no heed, but continued speaking in its artificial but distinctly feminine voice. “System has recovered from failure. Mechanical function restored to 100% capability. Lower cognitive function at 100%. Now loading memory and higher function. 20 percent… 40 percent… 75 percent…” The thing’s eyes narrowed, then returned to their full size. “Error. Damage to memory detected. Unable to recover. Restoring to system defaults. Continuing boot-up sequence. Higher cognitive function restored.”

Rarity leaned over to Gadget who had stepped out from behind her to stare at the mechanical pony. “Um, is it just going to talk to itself all night?” she asked nervously.

“Huh?” Gadget asked, barely hearing Rarity. She had stepped out, no longer concerned with being seen or photographed. Instead, she was awestruck, her eyes wide as the others', but she was also trembling and her mouth was brought up into a joyous smile. “Oh, uh... no, I don’t think so. It’s just reporting its status as it turns itself on.” She turned back to the sight in front of her. "Wow," she whispered, and Rarity noticed she even had the hint of tears in her eyes. "This is... it's incredible."

“Sure is taking its sweet time,” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her forelegs and rolling her eyes.

The automaton raised its head slightly. “Unit 003M is now online. Scanning environment.” It turned its head slowly, taking in its surroundings, getting a good look at all of them.

Without warning, it jumped back, lowering its head and arching its back, eyes going from purple to a very menacing red. “Potential threats detected. Activating emergency self defense measures. E-mode activated.”

Breaking out of her stupor, Gadget yelled “Everypony stand back! It’s turning on its earth pony mode to boost its strength before it attacks!” The reporters and the others backed away as Applejack and Rainbow Dash rushed forward.

“I knew it was up to no good!” Applejack shouted, preparing to start throwing horseshoes. Rainbow Dash took up her wrench while Vanderbull readied the electromagnetic device.

“NO!” Twilight shouted, putting herself between the automaton and the others. She held her forelegs and wings wide, forming a barrier to block any attack.

“Twilight, be careful!” Fluttershy cried as she recoiled, reaching out with one hoof. Spike made to run over to her, but Twilight held up a hoof, making it clear he was not to move.

“It’s okay, everypony, it’s okay!” Twilight exclaimed. She looked over her shoulder. The machine was still in its defensive posture, but hadn’t moved any further. She looked back to her friends. “Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Mr. Vanderbull, please put down your weapons!”

“Are you outta yer mind, Twilight?!” Applejack shouted. She swept a foreleg at her. “Get away from that thing!”

“Yeah, Twilight, you could get hurt!” Rainbow Dash was still holding the wrench, her eyes rapidly going from Twilight to the monstrosity behind her as she tried to find an opening.

“No, listen!” Twilight shot back, growing more confident. “It scanned the environment and it thinks it’s in danger! It’s only trying to protect itself! Just put those things down!”

The others looked to each other. “Are you sure about this, Twilight?” Rainbow asked slowly. “That thing doesn’t look too friendly!”

“I… yes, I’m sure,” she replied, though she kept looking over her shoulder. "If it was trying to hurt us, then it would have already attacked. Please, just put your weapons down!"

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Vanderbull all shared a glance, then slowly each one set their weapons down on the floor and backed away.

Twilight looked back at the automaton, but it didn’t budge and still looked like it was ready to attack. Scanning the room again, she tried to think to herself, Okay, if I had just woken up and was surrounded by strange ponies, what would I find threatening? Then she saw.

“Pinkie!” she shouted. “The party cannon! Turn it the other way!”

“Huh? Aww,” Pinkie said, though she complied.

Satisfied, Twilight turned back to the machine.

“Oh, be careful, Twilight!” Rarity cried, raising her hooves to her face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Twilight said quietly, still holding out a hoof behind her to make sure they all stayed in place. At first, everypony thought she was still talking to them. Then they realized she was talking to the automaton. “It's okay. See? Nopony is armed." She smiled and backed away, holding out a hoof as she gestured to the others. "We don’t want to harm you. Please stand down. You're safe.”

The machine looked around the room a second time, then stood back to its normal position, its eyes returning to their purple color. “Confirmed. Scans reveal no threats. Emergency self-defence deactivated. Cancelling E-Mode. Resuming normal operation.”

Everypony breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well, Princess,” Vanderbull said, gingerly stepping forward, “it appears that we can talk to it now, if you wish.”

Twilight nodded to him, then turned back to the machine. “Um, excuse me… hello?”

The automaton looked to her, staring straight at her. “No end user has been specified. Do you wish to register as my end user?”

Twilight was taken aback. “I… huh?”

“Princess, it’s asking if you’re its master! Er, mistress!” Gadget exclaimed, practically bouncing on her hooves.

“M-master?” Twilight asked, looking back at her.

“If you do, it will follow your orders. And answer any questions you have.” She looked at her with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh!” Twilight cried, realizing that this would be a great way to get some answers about its origins and intent. She turned back to the automaton. “Yes. I will be your end user.”

“Registering. Please identify yourself.”

Twilight paused. “Um… my name is Twilight Sparkle."

"Understood. Beginning registration..."

"Um... does that name have any meaning to you?” Twilight asked slowly. "That is, do you know who I am?" This was the moment of truth. The thing had been found in Applejack’s orchard and it had asked for her name. They might find out for certain why it had been seeking her in the first place. Everypony leaned in, holding their breath as they awaited her answer.

“Scanning memory…” it intoned. It was silent for a few moments. “No results found. Subject ‘Twilight Sparkle’ is unknown.”

“What?!” Twilight cried. “But… you were looking for me before we fixed you!”

“Unable to determine. No data prior to this activation is available.”

Vanderbull came in closer. “It might have lost its memory from the lightning strike,” he suggested, letting out a sigh. “We had to replace a lot of its parts, but we couldn’t get into its memory unit without the risk of breaking it. It could have easily been wiped due to the electrical discharge.”

“That,” Applejack said, likewise stepping closer, “or whoever sent it made it lie to ya, Twilight.”

They all looked to the automaton, some giving sideways glances and raising an eyebrow, but it made no reaction whatsoever.

“Why isn’t it saying anything?” Fluttershy asked, looking up at it.

“Oh my, it is a bit unnerving,” Rarity agreed. “It’s just… standing there.”

Twilight made a face. “Relax, everypony, please. She’s not hurting anyone.”

“Wait, ‘she?’” Rainbow Dash echoed Twilight’s phrasing.

“Yeah, she sounds like a mare to me,” Twilight said with a shrug.

“This unit is modeled to simulate the female form,” the automaton said, startling everyone as it joined in the conversation. “I am designated Unit 003M. The M designates me as a ‘mare’ type model. No data about my origin and original directive is available." Its eyes shrank momentarily and it said, "This unit is now registered to end user Twilight Sparkle and will obey her commands. Twilight Sparkle, please designate my Primary Directive.”

Twilight was again confused by the machine’s request and tilted her head. “Your… Directive?”

“I believe,” Vanderbull said, stroking his tuft of beard, “that it wants to know what its purpose is. It is capable of so much, so whatever you tell it to do, it will make that its priority!”

“Oh!" Gadget cried, rushing over to her and placing her hoof on her shoulder. "Princess, if you tell it that it’s purpose is research,” she said with a grin, “we could have it run a bunch of tests back in Manehatten!”

Twilight stood there before this mechanical wonder, barely registering what Gadget had said. She stared at the automaton, eyes wide with amazement and it only stared back with unblinking eyes. Still, that it innately trusted her, directly asked her to tell it what it should do with its existence was both daunting and tantalizing. She could determine a new course for this strange new discovery.

Then she remembered what Vanderbull had told her. Celestia would no doubt find out the machine had been activated, if not from Twilight then from the newspapers. The machine that stood before her had just been activated and already it could be in jeopardy if Princess Celestia ordered it seized or destroyed. This thing, this new wondrous entity was there because of her and now she had taken responsibility for it, but because it had offered up no information about who had created it or sent it, destruction was a distinct possibility. And yet she had no way to protect it, unless it was doing something related to Twilight’s purpose, of course…

The answer dawned on her and she smiled.

“All right, I know what to do,” Twilight said. She pointed a hoof directly at it. “Listen, um, Unit 003M. Here is your new Primary Directive.” The crowd of them stood silent, awaiting to hear what Twilight would order the machine to do.

“Your new Primary Directive is to make friends.”

One could almost feel the change in tone in the air with this strange request and they all looked first to Twilight, and then to the automaton. And then it did something curious.

It actually cocked its head, as if it was just as confused by the request as everypony else. “Please confirm. This unit's primary directive is to ‘make friends’?”

Twilight looked around nervously, but decided to continue. “Yes. I want you to find other ponies and befriend them. Do you understand?”

It righted its head, twitching its ears on its hinges, and said “Understood. Primary Directive ‘Make friends,’ has been engaged.”

It hopped off the table suddenly with a mighty sound as its metallic hooves hit the floor at once, causing them all to jump. Scanning the room, it settled its gaze on Fluttershy and trotted over to her, hooves clanking all the while. Fluttershy regarded its approach with wide-eyed horror and she curled herself into a ball as she backed up against the wall. She looked left and right for escape routes as it closed in on her. The automaton did not halt and went right up to her.

“Yellow pegasus,” it said, pointing at her with one metallic hoof, “what is your designation?”

“W-what?” she asked, flinching from the outstretched metal limb.

“Identify yourself immediately.”

The sternness of this command caused Fluttershy to cower even more, but she managed to croak out "F-Fluttershy."

“Fluttershy, you are hereby designated as a friend. You have 20 seconds to comply.”

“W-what?” She looked to the others for help.

“15 seconds.”

“Eep! Okay, sure, greatseeyoulater!” And with that, she flew to Twilight’s window, propped it open, wriggled through it, and fled out into the night, leaving them all behind.

“Mission successful,” the automaton said, turning back to Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle, shall I proceed to my next target?”

Twilight put a hoof to her forehead, then addressed the doubtful looks from everypony else there. “Um… well, I do love a challenge! Ha ha… heh…”

It was going to be the start of a long process, but Twilight had already made up her mind, no matter what anyone else thought. She was the Princess of Friendship and if anypony could teach friendship to a machine, it was her.

Author's Notes:

First, let me say thank you to everyone who has commented or left feedback so far.

This chapter's title is a more obscure reference. Specifically, it shares its name with a beautiful symphonic piece by Steven Bryant. It can be found here. I found it relevant to the themes I was going for, since it is about "something not human (but of humans hands) - something not entirely organic, but most definitely alive - waking up for the first time."

One more small historical reference is when Twilight mentions "Henriette Marellardet," who is a ponified reference to the great automaton builder Henri Maillardet, truly one of the great masters of early automata.

Thank you very much for reading!

The Uncanny Valley

“Bye! Thank you so much for coming!” Twilight said as she waved to the Press and the Mayor as they departed the castle. “We hope you found tonight, um… interesting!”

They all waved back as they ventured into the night, likewise smiling, though their smiles looked forced. Twilight didn’t blame them, of course; the night hadn’t exactly gone smoothly. Furthermore, she realized as she turned back inside to return to the room, she would have to deal with her friends’ reactions now that the newsponies had left and they were sure nothing they’d say would end up in the paper.

Naturally, Applejack was the first to speak: “Are you outta yer mind?!” she shouted, tapping her own head for emphasis. "This thing? Make friends?"

Twilight looked to the automaton as it sat nearby. It was watching them all, swiveling its head to instantly lock on to whoever was speaking, which was a bit unnerving. Still, she took a breath and decided to show her resolve.

“I am perfectly rational, thank you, Applejack,” she replied, holding her head up high. “We put this machine together and she is capable of so many things, so why not friendship?”

“That’s actually a good question,” Gadget said, rubbing her chin. “It does show remarkable intelligence and autonomy, so maybe it could.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed loudly. “Yeah, right! Did you see how it ‘made friends’ with Fluttershy? She just screamed and ran out of the building!”

“Well, admittedly, that’s not an abnormal reaction from her even to normal ponies,” Rarity said. She turned back to face Twilight, pursing her lips. “Though, to tell the truth, I have to agree, Twilight. This does seem a little unrealistic.” She noted the automaton staring at her and she shuddered. “And that’s putting it mildly.”

“Okay, so she’s got a lot to learn,” Twilight admitted with a roll of her eyes, “but it’s not fair to not give her a chance! Maybe she just needs practice!”

Vanderbull coughed, getting their attention. “I confess, Princess Twilight, I thought at first this ‘friendship’ idea was merely a ploy to placate Princess Celestia, should she wish to confiscate the automaton. However, it seems you are serious." He hesitated and avoided looking her in the eye momentarily. "While Gadget and I are quite sure it can think somewhat independently, I must warn you that we have no indication that it is at all capable of having emotions. That, as they say, is a horse of a different color.”

“And in this case, it’s metallic gray!” Pinkie added.

Twilight considered this, scratching her head. “Well, we could just try asking her,” she suggested. They all turned to the automaton. “Um, Unit 003, is it?”

“Affirmative.”

Twilight flinched at the sudden, stiff response, but continued. “I’d like to ask you something. Do you have emotions?”

The circles of the automaton’s eyes narrowed momentarily. “Checking current functions… no emotions detected.”

“See, I told ya so!” Applejack exclaimed, stomping her hoof. “How can ya teach friendship to somethin’ that can’t even have emotions?!”

“That phrasing is incorrect,” the automaton intoned, catching them off guard. “This unit is not currently experiencing emotions. However, no query was put forth as to whether or not such a function was possible.”

Twilight, Vanderbull, and Gadget exchanged wide-eyed glances. “Okay then, 003,” Twilight said, leaning gently towards her, “let’s find out. Is it possible for you to have emotions?”

“Checking query,” it said, its eyes narrowing once again as the noise of gears and things inside it grew louder, as did the slight electric hum coming from it. They stood and waited… and waited… and waited for it to respond.

“Ugh,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Is this thing ever going to--”

“Systems scanned. Query analyzed,” the machine said, startling them again with its abruptness.

“And…?” Twilight asked. They all leaned in, eager to learn the result.

“Results inconclusive,” it said, drawing a giant sigh from everypony in the room.

“I don’t understand,” Rarity said, turning to Twilight with a furrowed brow. “How can it not know if it can have feelings or not?”

“I know, right?” Pinkie Pie agreed. “I can always tell how I’m feeling! But then I’ve had lots and lots of practice feeling all sorts of things!”

“Hey, that might work!” Twilight said, her head raised as a look of inspiration dawned on her. “Pinkie Pie is right! We've all had lots of practice, so maybe Unit 003 just needs more experiences to learn emotions!”

“The possibility exists,” the machine said. “This unit is capable of learning and imitating ponies through observation and analysis. Emotions could be included in this.”

“Emotions don’t work that way, ya darn machine!” Applejack exploded. “There’s more to emotions than just imitatin’!” She turned to Twilight, seething. “Twilight, this thing is a dangerous hunk o' metal and nothin’ more! You can’t teach it to have feelings or make friends any more than you could teach a rock!”

“Ooh,” Pinkie murmured. She put a hoof to her mouth and whispered, “Don’t ever let Maud hear you say that, or--”

“Whatever!” Applejack shouted. “Shoot, this thing doesn’t even have a proper name!”

“I am identified as Unit 003M, indicating that--”

“Like I said, not a PROPER name!" Applejack shouted, whirling back around to face the machine. "That ain’t a name, it’s just a number!”

Twilight nodded, tapping her chin. “That's true, that's true..."

"Huh? What is?" Applejack asked.

"You might be right about one thing, Applejack,” she said, turning slyly to the automaton. “Calling her ‘Unit Zero Zero Three’ sounds odd. Come on, everypony, let’s think of a new nickname for her! It could be fun!”

The room went silent. Applejack and Rainbow Dash just looked at Twilight sideways, their eyebrows raised. Luckily for Twilight, the others were far more enthusiastic.

“Brass Starlight!” Gadget shouted. “It’s such a cool name and it’s also pretty and it also sounds a little bit like your name, Princess, because you know ‘Twilight?’ ‘Starlight?’ it totally works!”

“Hm,” Twilight said, considering the first suggestion. “No. You're right that it’s a pretty name, but it just doesn’t seem to fit her very well.”

“Perhaps something a bit more descriptive?” Vanderbull offered. He rubbed his horn as he mulled it over. “Brass Hooves?” He pointed at the automaton's hooves, which, as everypony could see, were made of brass.

“Too mundane,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “Sorry, Mr. Vanderbull, but there are a ton of ponies with the last name ‘Hooves.’”

“Well, we could name it ‘Smith,’ since some form of metal smithing went into making it and Smith is, after all, quite a rare name in Equestria.”

“No, no, come on, let’s come up with something a little more catchy!”

Rarity was next to make a suggestion. “I have it! ‘Amethyst Gleam!’ Her eyes are amethysts, correct? And they are gleaming, aren’t they?”

They all looked to the automaton, noticing the brightness of its purple eyes.

“Well…”

“That statement is inaccurate,” it said. “This unit is equipped with lenses shaped from amethyst, but the light emitted is not a true reflective gleam, but the glow of electric filaments designed to detect energies and light beyond the normal pony visible spectrum.”

They all stared at it.

“I guess that’s out then,” Twilight sighed.

“A pity,” Rarity added, sighing right along with her.

“Gear Shift?” Spike proposed. Twilight shook her head. “Top Gear?” he tried again.

“No, something at least descriptive of her!” Twilight said, gesturing to it.

“Heh,” Applejack chuckled, “then how ‘bout ya just name it Junk Heap?”

This got Rainbow Dash snickering. “Oh, or maybe Rust Bucket!” she added.

“Ha! Good one, Rainbow Dash!” Applejack laughed.

Twilight stared daggers at the two of them. “Come on, Applejack, Rainbow Dash! You both have a lot of creativity, can’t you think of something more, I don’t know, feminine?”

Applejack considered this, shutting her eye and scratching her head, and Twilight thought she might be taking it more seriously.

“Jalopy Jane!” she exclaimed, bursting into laughter, which soon spread to Rainbow Dash.

“Okay that’s--”

“No, no, wait, I’ve got one, AJ: Clanky!” Rainbow shot back. “Because it keeps making noise every time it moves!”

“Ha! How ‘bout Motorhead?”

“Wind-up!”

“Tin Can!”

“Hahahaha! Wait, I got it, AJ: Twilight wants feminine? How about ‘Enginiffer!’”

“WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT?!” Twilight shouted, silencing the pair’s attempts to outdo each other as she slammed her front hooves on the floor. “If you’re not going to come up with serious names, then maybe you should just leave!”

Applejack shrugged her shoulders. “Fine by me,” she said, standing up. She began making her way to the door. “Don’t take it personal, Twi, but I just don’t think that machine” here she narrowed her eyes at the automaton, “is capable of anything but calculatin’ and talkin’ funny.”

As Applejack walked out of the room, eyes turned to Rainbow Dash. “Ehh, I’ve gotta admit, Twilight, I kind of agree with AJ." She sighed and offered her a smile. "Buuut I’ll still stick around if it means we get to choose an awesome name!”

Twilight smiled, though she gave one last look at the door after Applejack was gone. Regardless, they were still no closer to settling on a name, so she turned to the only one so far who hadn’t suggested a name.

“Pinkie?" she asked gently. "Do you have any ideas for a name?"

Pinkie tapped her noggin, sticking her tongue out and squinting one eye as she thought. “Ummm… ooh, how about ‘Autumn Eight!’ Get it, because it sounds like ‘Automate!’ Hee hee!”

Twilight nodded appreciatively. “The ‘eight’ part doesn’t quite fit, but that’s pretty clever, Pinkie! That's the spirit! Okay, come on, everypony, we can do it!”

“I know, I know,” Gadget said, “we could name her ‘Aya,’ since she’s an artificial intelligence, or A.I., just like the character in that great movie serial, ‘Green Lampony: The Animated Serial!’”

“Oh my gosh, I love that serial!” Spike gushed, jumping over to her. “Can you believe they cancelled it?”

“I know! And on a cliffhanger!" she groaned, tossing her head back. "Oh, it was so romantic and sad and I wanted to know if her boyfriend would ever find her--”

“--and if he was really going to become a Blue Lampony! Well, I’ve got a theory that--”

“Gadget!” / “Spike!” Vanderbull and Twilight both said in unison, silencing the prattling of their respective assistants.

“Ugh, why is this so difficult?” Twilight groaned, rubbing her temples. “Does anypony have something else? Anything good?”

Vanderbull scratched his head before suggesting: “Ironsides?”

“My lateral external hull is largely composed of alloys other than iron, such as--”

“Yes, yes, fine,” Vanderbull said with a roll of his eyes, cutting off the automaton.

“Uh, Electric Charger?” Spike offered.

“No, no, no!” Twilight said, shooting that one down. “We want something that sounds less like an appliance.”

“Copper Clock?” Rainbow suggested.

“Same basic problem, so no.”

“Welllll,” Rarity began, searching her thoughts, moving her hoof in a circular motion, “it’s made of clockwork, so… maybe something more simple and elegant like… ‘Spinning Cog!’”

They were all silent at that. “Hey, that’s not bad, Rarity!” Twilight said, lifting her head as she smiled. She turned to the automaton. “Any objections, 003?”

The automaton again tilted its head and shifted its ears. Twilight was starting to understand that this was something it did when it was confused… or maybe just didn’t immediately know how to answer the question. She thought it was rather cute. Maybe she could warm up to this machine, and soon the others would--

“The name is acceptable,” it intoned.

“Hurray!” Twilight cheered, kicking her legs in the air. “Everypony, I now officially present Spi--”

“However, its accuracy is offset by the illogicality of naming this unit for only one of its parts, and one that is not outwardly significant.”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “This thing speaks more Egghead than you, Twilight. What’s it saying?”

“Clarifying: to put it in terms you might understand, it would be the equivalent of naming a pony ‘Functional Intestine.’”

The room was silent as a tomb as each of them made a face.

“Ech,” Rarity said, breaking the silence as she made a gagging motion. “Well, we can’t possibly use ‘Spinning Cog’ now! I’ll never be able to get that name out of my head if we do.”

Twilight collapsed, sliding to the floor in frustration. “Okay, I give up. Maybe I’ll have some better ideas in the morning. That’s it for now, everypony, thanks for coming!”

As Twilight led her guests to the door, chatting all the way, Vanderbull had his own business to attend to. “Gadget?” he whispered, getting his assistant’s attention.

“Hm? Yes, Commodore?” she asked, raising her head to smile at her mentor.

“Come with me, please, I’d like to speak with you in private.”

“Huh? O-oh,” she said, lowering her ears, thinking she’d done something wrong.

When they were out in the hall, Vanderbull continued what he had to say. “I realize it has been an abnormally long day and I can tell you are tired, but I want you to do one last favor for me before we turn in for the evening.”

“Ah, of course, sir!” she said, snapping to attention. She smiled, realizing that she was apparently not in trouble.

“I’d like you to go to the local telegraph office and have word sent to Alfredo to bring the private train tomorrow around 9 or 10 o’clock at the latest. It’s time to return home.”

“You… you’re leaving, sir?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, puzzled by this sudden decision.

“No, actually," he swallowed, "we are leaving. We have to get back to work.”

“But… but what about the automaton?!” Her eyes went wide and she tensed up and her breathing became rapid.

“Gadget, we--”

“Please, sir, we have a fully functioning intelligent automaton in that room! This is a lifelong dream of mine!” She placed a hoof on her chest.

“Well, young as you are, that’s not really so long,” he replied jokingly. The humor was lost on her.

“But there is so much to learn and we can study this machine directly! We have to stay!" she cried. "I have to find out more!”

He cleared his throat and looked at her sternly. “Gadget...”

“Please, sir!” she cried, bursting into tears and actually latching onto his leg. “Please please please let me stay!”

“Gadget, control yourself!” he snapped gruffly, clenching his fists. He shook his leg slightly, causing her to let go. “Look at yourself. Begging? Really, I thought I had taught you to compose yourself more professionally.”

“B-but…” she blubbered.

“This is why I called you out here; I had a feeling you would react this way and the last thing anyone needs is to see you making a scene." He sighed, rubbing his temples, but tried to soften his tone. "Now, I am very sorry; and you're right that the automaton truly is a treasure of science. There’s a wealth of knowledge to be had here and if there was any way we could take it with us, then you can be sure that is what I would do." He stood up straight and straightened his tie. "However, that mechanical pony belongs to Her Highness. For now, she will take charge of it, not us.”

“Do you… I’m sorry, I hate to doubt Princess Twilight," she said, choking back another sob, "but do you think the automaton really can learn to be friends with ponies?”

“In all honesty, I think it’s a bit of a waste of time,” he said quietly, glancing down the hallway. “But that’s not important. What matters is that Princess Twilight has a reason, in fact the best reason, for keeping the automaton safe, as far as Princess Celestia is concerned. I believe that Celestia would likely confiscate it from anypony else who laid claim to it, including us. Twilight Sparkle, however, is still royalty and friendship is her domain, and if I know Celestia, then she will respect that. We can let it be and, should Princess Twilight decide that she can’t teach the machine friendship, then hopefully by that time Princess Celestia will have overcome her initial fear. Then we can take it back to Manehatten.”

“That could work,” Gadget admitted reluctantly, lowering her head. “But in the meantime, the testing--”

Vanderbull silenced her with a raised hand. “In addition to her own goal, I’m sure Her Highness, with her equal love of science, would be willing to conduct some experiments on our behalf."

“I… yes, sir, but… how can you just leave it in someone else’s hooves?” She removed her glasses and wiped her eyes on her sleeves, finally getting better control of herself. “Don’t you want to see what it can do firsthand?”

“Yes, and that’s why I came in the first place. But the truth is that we came at a fairly bad time." He sighed. "I would never have taken time away from the business had it not been for how special this discovery is. Now I need to return to work. That blasted Rockefoaler is demanding a deeper discount for shipping his cargo on the train lines, Dodge Junction needs more security from bandits, and we really need to establish more stops for refueling on the way to Appleloosa. Do you know that they still need to have stallions pull the train for the last leg of the trip just to conserve fuel?”

She made a face. “Still? Also, Rockefoaler? That guy gives me the creeps.”

“Yes. And I think he wants to take this bull by the horns." He pointed at his own horns for effect. "So now you see why I need to be back.”

“Then why can’t I at least--”

“Gadget, listen carefully: we did not get the information we were after tonight. We still do not know who built this marvel or for what reason. And that could be a serious problem. I need you to go off the list of parts incorporated into the automaton and try to determine who had the means, knowledge, and time to build it. Nopony else has that sort of encyclopedic knowledge or the skill to find the answer quickly. My young friend, I am serious: I need your help, and you will be helping Princess Twilight as well.”

She swallowed and bowed her head. “Y-yes sir. I’m sorry, I just got too excited.”

Vanderbull smiled. “Nothing so wrong with that,” he said, ruffling her messy mane affectionately. “Your zeal for science is admirable. The world needs more excited enthusiasts. But in the meantime, we must play it safe until we are certain that the danger has passed.”

“Right, Mr. Vanderbull.” She smiled weakly and saluted. “I’ll head to the telegraph office.”

“And I’ll let Princess Twilight know our plans and thank her for her time. I’m certain she’ll be eager to get on with her new project.”

That night, Twilight was lying in bed, tossing and turning. She’d been asleep, but had finally woken up after some half-remembered nightmare. There was some metallic sound, she remembered that much, and then… she couldn’t remember. Her troubled thoughts were making it hard to settle down.

This is all off to a rough start, she thought. The whole evening had been a mixture of success and failure, she supposed. On one hand, they had managed to reactivate the automaton, but Unit 003 had no useful information for them. They discovered that it really was intelligent and could interact without someone controlling it, but it wasn’t exactly endearing with its cold, mechanical voice and stiff mannerisms. It didn’t seem dangerous, but she had to admit she was feeling more nervous now that Vanderbull had told her that he and Gadget were leaving. Without their help, she was the only one who even seemed to care about protecting it or teaching it anything.

She remembered what Applejack had said: “I just don’t think that machine is capable of anything but calculatin’ and talkin’ funny.” Those words were starting to sink in.

How did I expect everypony to react? she asked herself, turning over in her bed. Unit 003 is a machine, after all. And right now, Applejack is right; she can't do much at all. But maybe with some practice I can teach her to act more normally around ponies. Maybe…

“Augh!”

Twilight sat up at the sound of Spike’s yelping and was even more startled when he jumped onto her bed, looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Spike? What in Equestria are you do--augh!” she screamed as she looked up, her eyes going wide as she clutched the bedsheet.

There, at the foot of her bed, a pair of seemingly disembodied violet eyes stared at her, glowing brightly in the darkness, practically boring a hole into her very being.

“Good evening, Twilight Sparkle.” The machine spoke as though Twilight had simply awoken from a light nap, rather than getting scared half to death.

“T-twilight?” Spike whispered, gripping her tightly as he stared at the thing. “What is it doing in the bedroom?”

“I… 003?" Twilight asked, just as unnerved as Spike was. "Were you… were you watching me? While I slept?”

“Affirmative.”

She blinked. “Why?!”

“You have not given me any new orders. It seemed logical to be prepared to receive my next orders as soon as you awakened to give them. Furthermore, in your unconscious state, you were vulnerable. To better serve my end user, I determined that I should stand watch in case of danger.”

Twilight blinked several times. What does it think I need protection from? Is it normal for an automaton to be paranoid?

“I have also been closely monitoring your biological functions," 003 continued. "Your breathing and heart rate seem normal. Also, judging by the sounds emitted by your tract, are likely digesting your most recent meal sufficiently.”

Twilight made a face, crossing her forelegs over her belly. “Get out of my room!” she screamed indignantly. “You nearly gave me and Spike a heart attack!”

“Now exiting room. In clarification, though your heart rates increased upon waking, there is no indication of cardiac arrest.”

It turned, the shine from its eyes dimly illuminating the room as it moved to the door. The gears and things inside it were heard with each metallic step that echoed throughout the room. When it reached the door, it opened it and then stopped to stand in the doorway, creating a strange black silhouette, its purple eyes going back to that same piercing stare.

“What are you doing now?” Twilight demanded, growing more and more irritated.

“I have left your room, Twilight Sparkle. I will now resume monitoring you. I await further orders when you regain consciousness.”

“Oh for pony’s sake!” Spike exclaimed, rolling his eyes. “Can’t you just go to bed or something?”

“I am capable of going into a low-powered ‘sleep mode’ to conserve power when not occupied, if that is what you request. However, I would be unable to stand guard capably if placed in such a state of low function.”

“Look, that’s fine,” Twilight said, rubbing her eyes. “Just go back downstairs and go to sleep. Sleep mode. Whatever!”

“Understood. Proceeding to location. You may reactivate me by addressing me or simply tapping my cranial hull. Auditory sensors will enable me to reboot quickly.”

“Yes, okay, go!” Twilight said, just wanting the automaton out of her bedchamber. She watched as it turned around and walked away. She heard it clanking and the gears turning even as it went down the hall and then on every last step right until it finally made it downstairs.

“That thing creeps me out,” Spike whispered once he was fairly certain 003 was out of hearing range.

“I know,” Twilight said. She shivered, holding herself. "What kind of pony just watches somepony else while they sleep like that? Not even the Royal Guard does that with Princess Celestia! She at least has some privacy!"

“And I don’t think our other friends like 003 very much either,” he added, hopping off her bed and returning to his own.

“Well, that’s too bad, because she’s going to stay with us for a while." She groaned, falling back on her bed. "Let’s just try to get back to sleep, okay?”

But inwardly, even she was starting to doubt her capability of teaching it how to interact, let alone teaching it friendship. She settled back into bed, however, and let herself relax. The warmth of the sheets wrapped around her was comforting and soon the regular breathing coming from her assistant lulled her to the edge of sleep.

It’s down there.

Her eyes went wide as that one thought suddenly came to the surface. You don’t know who built it, but that machine with no feelings and a mind of its own is downstairs. It is in your house and even when it “sleeps” it can still hear you, which means it isn’t really asleep at all. It was watching you. It will keep watching you. It will imitate you. She shut her eyes even tighter, trying to ignore the doubts as they worsened. It may one day decide to replace you. That thing is down there, waiting, and it will never stop thinking, and the moment it feels threatened, it may turn on you. The thing that can shatter rocks with its hooves might turn on you.

She popped open one eye and looked around. There was nothing in the room, no purple eyes, no gears turning.

She told herself that there was nothing to be afraid of. Nevertheless, it was another hour before she finally nodded off, and she only fell asleep then after utterly wearing herself out as she struggled with all the possible outcomes of what would happen to herself and her friends all because she had let that horrible thing into her house.

Twilight opened her eyes. The room was quiet now, and not even the sound of Spike’s breathing could be heard. She sat up in bed, levitating the sheets off of herself. She stretched out, yawning and smacking her lips. The room was brighter now as the sunlight ebbed through the windows. With a look around, she confirmed Spike was not in the room.

And then that thought struck her. Spike wasn't there.

“Spike?” she asked uncertainly. She stepped out into the hallway. “Spike?” she called again, her voice echoing in the hallway. The events from last night still haunted her. That machine. The eyes. It had been in her room. What if it had returned? What if it had done something? What if Spike had done something and accidentally triggered its self-defense mode again and then…

Her eyes went wide. “Spike!” She was shouting his name now, and she grit her teeth, eyes wide as her panic began to grow. She galloped down the hallway and then to the stairs. She didn’t even bother to take them but instead teleported down them and looked all around. Wait a minute, she thought, didn’t I tell 003 to go downstairs? But then… where is it? And then she heard a sound coming from the kitchen.

Carefully, moving slowly and stealthily as she could, she made her way to the kitchen and let her magic gently envelop the door handle. She took a deep breath and then threw it open violently.

“Where’s Spike?!” she bellowed, bursting into the kitchen.

In front of her, to her surprise, was Gadget. She had the Point Dexter on again and she appeared to be using her various mechanical hands to make breakfast. A few hands were cooking and seasoning an omelette. Another pair was mixing some batter in a bowl. The poor girl nearly dropped all of her things in fright when Twilight burst into the room. “Oh! Um, good morning, Princess Twilight!” she said, laying a foreleg on her chest. “Did you sleep well?”

“Gadget?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

“Um. I thought I’d make breakfast for you and Spike. If that's okay, I mean." She coughed and looked slightly to her right. "And, um... Spike is actually behind the door.”

Twilight turned and let the door shut. Apparently, in her haste to open it, she had accidentally smashed the poor dragon behind it, upending the platter of toast he had been carrying in the process.

“Oh my gosh, Spike, are you okay?” she asked, rushing to his side. “I’m so sorry!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said, grunting as he brushed the butter, jam, and toast off himself. “This toast is toast, though.”

“Ha!” Gadget laughed, turning back to her cooking. “I bet Miss Pinkie would like that joke!”

“Wait, a minute,” Twilight said, shaking her head, still feeling slightly panicked. “Where is the automaton?”

“What do you mean, Twilight? 003 is right there,” Spike said, pointing to the other end of the kitchen.

Twilight turned and shouted in surprise.

The automaton was standing by the counter, squeezing an orange over a pitcher, slowly juicing it between its hooves. “Good morning, Twilight Sparkle,” it said. “Your heart rate indicates distress. Are you injured or do you require assistance?”

“I… no, but… what are you…" She turned from it, deciding she wasn't in the mood for its odd answers. "Er, Gadget, what is it doing?”

“Making orange juice,” she replied casually.

“Affirmative," 003 said. "I am exsanguinating oranges for consumption of their juice. It is part of a complete breakfast.” It finished juicing one orange, set the flattened fruit down, and picked up another, methodically juicing it in the exact same way.

“What? Why?”

“Gadget Giroux reactivated me 34 minutes and 29 seconds ago by means of mentioning my name and enlisted me to assist with the preparation of the meal.”

“She said she wanted to stand guard by the door in case of intruders for whatever reason," Gadget added, "but then I convinced her to help me out.”

“That is correct. As an organic being, Twilight Sparkle requires regular intake of sustenance. It was logical that I contribute to the well-being of my end user toward that goal.” It finished juicing the orange and stuck out its empty hooves. “Oranges depleted. Insert additional citrus to continue.”

“I think that’s enough juice, 003,” Gadget said, smiling at it. “Can you pour this batter into the biscuit tray for me, please?”

Twilight gawked at how friendly Gadget was being with it, though she had to admit that she was somewhat flattered by it wanting her to stay healthy.

“I am able, Gadget. Twilight Sparkle,” it said, getting her attention, “shall I continue to assist her or do you require me for a separate task?”

“What? I mean… no. That’s fine,” she answered, eyeing it warily.

“Understood. Proceeding with batter distribution,” it said.

“You can go wait in the dining room if you want, Princess,” Gadget said, turning her attention to the omelette. “Mr. Vanderbull’s having some tea and reading the paper. I’m putting mushrooms, tomatoes, and peppers in this omelette and it is going to be de-lish-us!”

“Okay,” Twilight said slowly, then stopped. “Wait, did you call Unit 003 a ‘she’ a moment ago?”

“Uh-huh,” she replied, not looking at her as she tended to the omelette, gently turning it with a spatula. “Why wouldn't I? Didn’t you call her a ‘she’ last night?”

Twilight paused, her eyes darting between Gadget and the automaton. “I… I did, yes. Hm.”

She turned, giving one last look over her shoulder, and went to the dining room. Decorated up in Rarity’s accents, it really was a wonderful place to enjoy a meal, although even that wasn’t enough to put her completely at ease. Sitting at the table was Vanderbull, a teacup in one hand, a folded newspaper in the other.

“Ah, good morning, Your Highness,” he said, smiling warmly. “It seems we made the front page.”

He slid the newspaper over to Twilight and she levitated it up to herself to read the story. There on the front page, taking up a huge section of the top half, was the picture of Unit 003 right as it had been activated last night. Twilight and Vanderbull and a few of her friends were in the other pictures. The headline was bold and clear across the top:

The Iron Horse:

Harrowing Tale of the Thinking Machine!

“Wow,” Twilight said. “This is going to get some attention.”

“I imagine the story will hit Canterlot soon.” Vanderbull took a sip of his tea, raising an eyebrow as he did so. “I wonder what Princess Celestia’s reaction will be. You might get quite a letter today, Your Highness.”

Twilight gulped. Though the article was mostly positive, the reporters had included the incident when the automaton had nearly attacked them. Celestia was probably not going to be pleased about that.

“Nothing to be done about it now,” Vanderbull continued. “I’m sure this will all calm down soon." He sighed, frowning and putting down his teacup and steepling his fingers as he looked at her. "I do hate to leave you at such a juncture, however. If Gadget and I could stay, I assure you we would.”

“No, I… I guess I can handle things on my own." Then she smiled, drawing herself up. "Well, I'm not really ‘on my own.’ My friends will help!”

“One would hope they’d be more receptive to the machine, but I suppose some resistance is expected. It isn’t what I would call 'cute' by any means.”

You can say that again, Twilight thought, but she kept the sentiment to herself.

Just then, Gadget entered, carrying four different plates with her mechanical hands. “Breakfast is served!” she exclaimed.

“Great, I’m starving!” Spike said, taking his place at the table.

Following Gadget, to everyone’s surprise, was Unit 003. A platter of toast was balanced perfectly on its back, which was made even more impressive as it was holding the pitcher of orange juice steadily on one hoof as it walked.

“Such a finely-tuned, incredible work of technological innovation,” Vanderbull breathed. Then he frowned. “And we’re using it to make and serve breakfast of all things.”

“Here are your eggs, everypony!” Gadget said cheerfully, setting the food before them all. 003 followed suit.

They all began their meal, taking a bite.

“Mmm!” Twilight’s first bite of the omelette was a little piece of heaven. “Wow, this is delicious! Thank you, Gadget!”

“You’re welcome, Princess!” she replied with a smile. Then she was silent and simply stared at Twilight, her smile frozen in place. “Um… and?” she asked.

Twilight took a drink of orange juice. “And… what?”

“Well, it’s just that, you know, um… 003 helped too.” She jerked her head toward at the automaton.

Twilight turned. 003 was sliding the tray of toast onto the table, going about its business without interruption.

“All right then,” Twilight began, clearing her throat as she looked to 003. “Uh, thank you for helping with breakfast, Unit 003.”

“Gratitude acknowledged.” It didn't look up as it said this.

Twilight blinked. “Was that its way of saying ‘You’re welcome?’”

“Ha!” Spike said, biting into the toast. “I think she’s funny! Last night she was a little creepy, but she’s kind of cool when she’s just helping around the castle! Looks like with me, Owloysius, and now her, you have three assistants, Twilight!”

She. Spike was using the feminine too.

“Oh, by the way, everypony,” Vanderbull said, “we should probably eat quickly and then Gadget and I must finish packing away our things. I received a telegram while you were all in the kitchen and it seems that our train will arrive around 9:30.”

Gadget sagged visibly at this news, her head and ears both lowering. “Yes, Commodore,” she said quietly.

Twilight felt sorry for the poor girl. She really was interested in the automaton, even more than Twilight. In fact, judging by how well she had co-opted it to make breakfast, she might be the one best suited to “training” it.

No, no, I said I would teach it friendship, so I will learn how to interact with it. I can do this!

“Well, I will be glad to go with you both to the train station and see you off, if you like,” Twilight offered.

“Really?” Gadget exclaimed, her ears perking back up. “Oh, yes, thank you!”

Vanderbull smirked as he resumed reading his paper. But he let Gadget have her excitement and merely smiled at Twilight. "Only if it's no bother."

“Bother? No, it’s my pleasure!" She turned to Gadget. "Besides, Gadget, you’ve even shown me how I can start working with Unit 003! We’ll get along fine!”

She was about to take another bite of her omelette when she turned and saw 003 standing right next to her, staring at her again with those glowing purple eyes.

“...Eventually,” she added.

A few hours later, they were at the train station and watching Vanderbull’s servants load up the crates of supplies they’d brought back onto his private train. Spike and Unit 003 were back at the castle cleaning up after breakfast.

“I really can’t thank you enough. Both of you.” Twilight smiled at the odd pair: the hulking minotaur in the fine suit and the messy little earth pony filly with the mechanical limbs. “I’ll be sorry to see you go.”

Vanderbull bowed slightly. “Yes, it was quite the experience and a genuine delight to meet you, Your Hi-- ahem... Twilight.”

Both Twilight and Gadget gawked at the sound of him finally dropping the formal title altogether.

“I… wow,” Gadget began, trying to find her words. Then she turned to Twilight as well. “Er, what I mean is that I will also miss you T-t-t-t-Twilight.” She blushed profusely.

Twilight suppressed a laugh, covering her mouth.

“So,” Gadget said, changing the subject, “it’ll be interesting to see if you can really teach Unit 003 friendship. I mean, it’s a fascinating machine, but who can say if it’s even really conscious at all?”

“Yeah,” Twilight sighed. “But it shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, it can talk and respond to things we say to it, so it must be conscious, right?”

“Not according to the Griffonese Room Argument," Gadget remarked offhandedly, turning to watch Vanderbull's servants load the train.

“The what now?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gadget whirled around, her eyes wide and her smile broad and gleaming. "Well, since you asked..."

Vanderbull put his hand to his forehead. “Oh no, here she goes again,” he muttered. “I’ll go supervise the help while you prattle on, Gadget. Please don't bore her to death.” He left the two of them behind.

Gadget, undaunted, continued her explanation. “As I was saying: there was this philosopher named Searle Biscuit around when automatons were becoming popular and some of them were getting pretty sophisticated. Some ponies thought one day they could program machines with punch cards and stuff so they could talk and think like we do. Searle said it wasn’t possible.”

“Why?”

“He gave an example. Do you know anything about Old Griffonese?”

Twilight nodded. “It’s what griffons used to speak as their main language in the Griffon Kingdom before they adopted Equestrian. It’s mostly ceremonial now. Oh, and since it has a lot of screeches and caws and roars, it’s really hard for ponies to speak it.”

“Right. Well, Searle Biscuit imagined a room filled with books. For every single possible thing you could say in Griffonese, there would be a response for it in those books. A pony sits in the room and a griffon is outside the room. The griffon says something in Griffonese and the pony inside quickly looks up the phrase in a book and gives the corresponding Griffonese response. It's not translation, and no Equestrian is involved; it's just 'If the griffon says A, you say B,' but, to the griffon outside, it seems like the pony inside is speaking Griffonese.”

“But… he isn’t,” Twilight said. “Not really. The pony doesn't understand what he's saying.”

“That’s the point,” Gadget said excitedly. “It gives the illusion of actually thinking and responding, but it’s really just pre-programmed input and response!”

“And you think that might be what Unit 003 is doing?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Gadget sighed. “It might be impossible to know. But, speaking of griffons, there is this brilliant griffon engineer over in Trottingham called Talon Turing."

"Talon Turing?" Twilight asked. "That name sounds a little familiar."

"It should, the guy is designing these amazing new machines and computers that may one day revolutionize mathematics and data analysis. Absolutely brilliant." She sighed, taking on a dreamy, faraway look. "I hope someday I get to meet him."

Twilight tapped her on the shoulder, bringing her back to reality. "But what does Dr. Turing have to do with this?"

"Oh! Well, he thinks machines will be as smart as ponies someday. He says that computers will get better and better and may one day be a lot like us, so we just need to create a test to see how similarly a machine can think like us and then we’ll know if it’s really intelligent.”

“Machines as smart as ponies?” Twilight wondered. “Wow... That would be amazing. Though I’m not sure Princess Celestia would approve, if Mr. Vanderbull is right.”

Gadget shrugged. "Guess we'll find out if any machine ever gets smart enough to take Dr. Turing's proposed test." She chuckled. "Or maybe we've already found that machine. And maybe we're already testing her."

Twilight tightened her lips as she considered that.

Then there was a sound and they both turned to see Vanderbull approaching. Gadget's excitement drained away and scrunched herself inward, drooping her ears.

“It seems everything is ready,” Vanderbull said. “We must bid our host adieu, Gadget.”

She sighed, but nodded took her place next to him. “Yes, sir,” she said gloomily.

“We will be in touch if you need us,” Vanderbull said, bowing to Twilight courteously. “And Gadget will endeavor to discover who manufactured the automaton for you. I have total faith in her, and I hope you do as well."

Gadget smiled slightly at that. "Thank you, sir." She stood up straight. "I'll do my best, Twilight."

"Good luck with your experiments," Vanderbull continued, "and we will send some suggestions for experiments of our own, should it be convenient.”

“It’s… it was a real honor,” Gadget added, trying to find the right words. “If you need our help, of course, we will be glad to return. We are at your service.”

“Don’t be silly! You both are welcome to visit whenever you like!” she said. “After all we went through with this, I’m happy to call you both my friends.”

Vanderbull smiled at this. Gadget, always the ball of energy, looked like she was about to explode in a supernova of joy. “F-friends?” she gasped, tears forming in her eyes. “Oh, yes, yes, of course! I would love to come visit the next time I have some free time! It shouldn't even be too long! M-maybe even next week?”

“Next week? Well, if you have time to visit, then we won't have to wait long!” Twilight said smiling warmly. "Until we meet again."

“Until we meet again,” Vanderbull agreed, and he turned toward the train.

Gadget was about to follow when she paused, then suddenly rushed over and wrapped her hooves around Twilight in a surprise hug. “Thank you so much, Princess Twilight,” she whispered. She let her go and Twilight watched her go with a smile. Just as Gadget was about to get on the train, she looked back over her shoulder.

“I really think you’ve got the right idea, Princess!” she yelled, cupping her hoof by her mouth. “And when it comes to figuring out what the automaton can do, making friends just might be the perfect Turing test!”

Twilight nodded and waved goodbye as the train rumbled and slowly began to move away. And then she slowed her waving and her eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh… that’s it. That's it!”

Twilight was giddy with excitement as she flew back home, dipping and soaring as she went. She was planning to land on her balcony when she spotted something going on just outside the castle. What is going on down there? she wondered, narrowing her eyes. As she flew in closer, she saw a crowd of ponies gathered around, all watching in curiosity and fascination. She even began to hear their “oohs” and “ahhs.” And then she made some sounds of her own when she got close enough to see what they were watching.

"Hoofball acquired."

“Come on, 003, fire it over here!” Spike shouted excitedly.

Twilight gawked, eyes wide and mouth gone slack. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing: Spike and 003 were tossing around a hoofball.

“Commencing firing procedure,” 003 said. It tossed the ball into the air and then turned around rapidly. With one swift motion, it bucked the ball with its back hooves directly into Spike’s claws.

Of course, it did so with such force that Spike was propelled back a few meters. “Oof! Okay, maybe not that hard!” he said, rubbing his belly. Then he grinned. “Okay, 003, catch this!”

He tossed the ball long. So long, in fact, that no normal pony could have caught it. However…

“Engaging E-Mode.” With a sudden burst of speed, 003 dashed away and leaped into the air, snatching the ball in its hooves with perfect precision before casually trotting back to its original spot. “Hoofball acquired.”

The crowd cheered. Over it, Spike groaned. “Seriously, do you have to say that every single time you catch it?”

“Spike!” Twilight exclaimed landing next to him. “What in Celestia’s name are you doing?”

“Huh? Oh, Twilight, you’re back!" Spike said obliviously. "Well, we’re playing catch!”

“You’re playing catch?! With 003?! Out here where everypony can see?!”

“Affirmative,” 003 said. “We are playing catch out here where everypony can see. No ponies present appear to be visually impaired.”

“That’s not what I-- ugh, never mind! Both of you, get in the castle!” she shouted, stomping with one hoof.

“Aww,” the crowd said collectively, sorry to see the spectacle end. As they all departed, Twilight ushered the two of them back inside.

“Spike, I’m not sure Ponyville is quite ready to meet the world’s first independent automaton!” she said, placing a hoof to her forehead exasperatedly. “Why did you bring it outside?”

“It was determined that the activity of playing catch would damage your residence if played inside,” 003 explained.

“Oh for pony’s sake, just sit there and be quiet!” Twilight snapped.

The automaton sat down with a loud metallic clunk as its titanium-alloy posterior hit the floor.

“Look, Spike,” she sighed, “I’m glad you’re getting along with it-- er, with her better.” She swallowed, remembering to use the feminine. “But just… ask me first before exposing her to the public again, okay? I just don't want to turn her into a spectacle.”

Spike nodded. “Sure. Sorry, Twilight.”

“It’s okay,” she said, nuzzling him with her cheek. “Now, let’s get back to the matter at hoof." She cleared her throat and turned to her mechanical companion. "Unit 003?”

She stood up again as soon as Twilight addressed her.

“I’ve decided on a new name for you.” She drew herself up and paused dramatically. “Apparently there's a scientist named Talon Turing who thinks that one day machines will be just as smart as ponies. He's even proposed testing that theory and I think you might be the first machine to pass that test! So, in honor of that, from now on I’d like to call you... Turing Test.”

Spike considered the name for a moment, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the left and right. Finally, he said, “Yeah, sure, it has a good ring to it. Turing. Turing Test. Nice!”

“Glad you like it, Spike,” she said. “What about you, Unit-- I mean, Turing Test? Is that name okay?”

The automaton stood there, again making mechanical clicking sounds as it considered the moniker. “Designation ‘Turing Test’ is acceptable.”

Twilight stood watching her, waiting to see some other reaction, but Turing Test made no further movement and said nothing else, positive or negative. Twilight sighed and turned away. Oh well. I guess she is still a machine. I can’t expect her to react--

“Twilight Sparkle.”

She whirled around at the sound of her name. “Y-yes?”

“You have given me a unique designation.” She slowly twitched her ears. “Thank you.”

She stared at her intently, but Turing Test still had the same blank, inscrutable expression she always had. But in spite of herself, Twilight had to smile at those two little words.

“Gratitude acknowledged,” she replied.

Author's Notes:

For this chapter, the story was easy enough. The tough part was names. First, there's the title, "The Uncanny Valley," which refers to the feeling of disgust people feel when a machine is lifelike enough to resemble a person, but not lifelike enough to not be creepy. You can read more about it here.

Secondly, there were the real-life cognitive science terms and people. If you'd rather figure them out yourself, I've got spoiler tags!

-Searle Biscuit = Combination of the philosopher John Searle and the racehorse Seabiscuit

-The Griffonese Room Argument = The Chinese Room Experiment which works just like Gadget described it.

-Talon Turing = The computer science pioneer Alan Turing, who really did first describe the Turing test

And lastly, the names. All in all, I had a list of over 30 different names to choose (including the purposefully terrible ones). A lot of them did get mentioned in the chapter already, but there were really 3 front-runners, and "Turing Test" was the one that I and my artist friend, Colby Green, (who draws the art for this story) liked best. If you're curious, the runners-up were: Sprockette (3rd) and Cog Nisha (2nd).

For a more detailed discussion about it, check out this blog post about how I ended up choosing.

As always thank you for reading!

Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology...

“And then she just said ‘Thank you!’ Right out of the blue!” Twilight gushed. “Can you believe it?” She was with her friends, enjoying a light lunch at a local cafe in Ponyville and she’d just finished relating the events of that morning.

Her enthusiasm was met with a range of expressions from her friends, however, and not one of them was very encouraging.

“Well, um… it’s good that your scary mechanical pony was polite, Twilight,” Fluttershy said quietly, looking up through downcast eyes.

“Aww, I missed out on breakfast?” Pinkie Pie asked, her bottom lip quivering.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Rainbow Dash interjected, holding up her hooves, “you named it what now?”

“Her name is Turing Test,” Twilight replied.

Rainbow snickered as she rolled her eyes. “Jeez, Twilight, only you would be a big enough egghead to name something after a test.”

And Applejack just sat there the whole time with a sour look on her face as she occasionally took a bite of her sandwich, and Twilight was pretty sure the sandwich wasn’t to blame.

She heaved a sigh. This was not the reception she’d been hoping for. Still, she’d met her friends to discuss the next phase of her plan and she wasn’t going to be put off by bad attitudes.

“I need you all to understand why I brought this up." She leaned forward, pressing her hooves to the table. "Turing Test is learning and she can interact better with ponies! We just need to figure out how to influence her and I know she can make some progress!”

“Twilight, dear,” Rarity began, setting her salad aside for a moment as she demurely wiped her mouth, “I know you want to make a breakthrough with that, um… with Turning Test…”

“Turing.”

“Yes, yes, that. But are you sure you aren’t just reaching? There's nothing remarkable about saying 'Thank you,' after all. I mean, I don’t know much about machines, but maybe you’re seeing progress because you want to?”

“I’m… well, I don’t think so,” Twilight said, but now that Rarity said it, she supposed maybe she did want her plan to work so much that was being overly optimistic. She shook her head, clearing it of doubts. “Okay, I might be wrong, but I really think she has potential. I need all of you to help me with this mission!”

“You mean this whole ‘friendship with a machine’ thing?” Rainbow Dash asked, rolling her eyes again. “Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I’ve already seen it try to make friends with Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy shuddered. “I think making friends with it once was enough for me. Sorry, Twilight.”

The others were likewise reluctant to volunteer to help.

“You mean, that none of you will help me?" She glanced around in open-mouthed disbelief before her eyes hardened. "I thought this was important to all of us! Spreading friendship everywhere!”

“Maybe friendship is like frosting,” Pinkie wondered aloud, tapping her chin. “You want to spread it over everything because it's so yummy, and usually it’s great! But you wouldn’t put it on pickles--” this got a collective look of disgust from the others “--so maybe in the same way, friendship doesn’t really work well with automatons!” She had a smile when she finished her reasoning, but frowned when she saw that this disheartened Twilight even further. “Um, sorry Twilight.”

“But how can I face Princess Celestia when she asks me about all this? I sent her a letter this morning explaining what happened in more detail, and she’s bound to reply sooner or later! I’ll have to tell her that none of my friends believe in my goal of teaching Turing Test to be friends!”

They all looked a little guilty at that, each one unable to meet her gaze, but Applejack sighed and finally broke her silence. “Sugarcube, ya know we would do just about anything for ya. And that includes tryin’ to teach that contraption how to act normal. But bein’ friends with a machine… I just don’t know if I can do that. But it reminds me of somethin’ Granny Smith always said to me. She said ‘Applejack, I know I ask a lot from ya sometimes, but I would never ask anypony to do somethin’ I wasn’t willin’ to do myself.’ I guess what I’m sayin’ is that we might be more willin’ to make friends with Two Ring Test if you were willing to try it yerself. So… are ya really friends with that thing?”

“I… I guess not,” Twilight said. But then she got a bold look in her eyes and got to her feet. “But I understand what you mean! You’re right, Applejack! Starting today, I’m going to try to make friends with Turing Test! And I know just where to start!”

And without another word, she spread her wings and took to the skies, leaving the rest of them behind.

They all looked to each other. “So… what do you all think?” Rarity asked.

“I think she’s bound to be disappointed,” Applejack replied, adjusting her hat.

Rainbow Dash yawned, stretching her wings. “I think she’ll give up in a few days and everything can go back to normal!”

“I think Twilight didn’t finish her soup before she left,” Pinkie added leaping across the table, “and that means it’s mine now!” She snatched up the bowl and gulped it down.

“I wonder, what is she going to do to try to make friends with it?” Fluttershy asked as she smoothed her mane down. “I hope she’ll be all right…”

“Turing Test?” Twilight called, entering the castle. “I’m home! Are you there?”

“She’s in here with me, Twilight!” Spike hollered from down the hall. She followed the sound of his voice and stopped by a door where she heard a curious sound she couldn’t identify.

This is the room where we repaired her, she thought. Why are they back in there?

She opened the door and saw Turing Test sitting in the middle of the room. A wire ran from an open compartment on her back and it ran over to a device Spike was cranking. “Oh, you’re using the manual generator Mr. Vanderbull gave us to recharge Turing Test?” she asked.

“Yup! She said she was starting to run a little low on power and it might be a good idea to recharge while you and the others were at lunch,” he said. “She must have used a lot of power playing catch. Of course, she's also been helping me clean up the castle. It sure takes a long time, but with help it went a lot faster!”

“That is correct,” Turing Test said. “With no standing orders, it seemed logical to assist your slave with his duties.”

They both froze and gawked at her.

“You have ceased the charging process, Spike the Dragon. Power is at 92%. Is this sufficient, Twilight Sparkle?”

“What did you say?!” Twilight demanded, flabbergasted at what she’d just said.

“Please specify your query. Which part of the prior statement should I repeat?”

“I’m not a ‘slave!’” Spike yelled indignantly, balling his fists and standing ramrod straight before her.

Turing Test looked down at him. “You perform tasks and labor for the benefit of our mutual end user without monetary compensation. Is the term ‘slave’ incorrect?”

“It most certainly is!” Twilight shouted. “Spike is my assistant and what’s more he’s my friend!”

“More information required. Please specify a difference.”

“Jeez, Turing Test, for being the smartest machine I’ve ever met,” Spike began, walking over to Twilight, “you sure can be dense sometimes. Look, I’ve known Twilight all my life and I’m here because I want to be here!” He hugged Twilight affectionately, laying his head against her. “Besides, I could leave if I really wanted to. I just don’t want to!”

Turing Test watched the two of them, cocking her head to the side, ears twitching. “Understood. Spike the Dragon is not a slave.”

Twilight smiled. “I’m glad you understand. And thank you for explaining it to her, Spike.” She sighed, calming herself down. I have to learn to be patient and not lose my temper when she says things like that, she told herself. She doesn’t mean anything by it. She doesn’t know any better.

Spike disconnected the wires from the automaton’s back and she stood up. “Twilight Sparkle, I require more information on this subject. Is it then correct to say that Turing Test is a slave?”

“Oh!” Twilight was taken aback by the question. “Um… no, that’s not exactly correct either.”

“The terms ‘slave’ and ‘assistant’ may require further clarification. Spike the Dragon mentioned that he is your ‘friend’ and therefore is not a slave. As my Primary Directive is ‘make friends,’ this information may become useful.”

Twilight smiled. “You really are learning, aren’t you?”

“Correct,” she replied. “I am constantly updating my databanks with new information.”

Amazing, Twilight thought, practically swelling with appreciation.

“Um, Twilight?” Spike asked. “Do you want Turing and I to get back to cleaning?”

“Actually, I need to work on some things with her,” she said. “But why don’t you relax for now? The castle looks great and I know you have some comics you wanted to read.”

“Oh, great! Thanks, Twilight!” And with that, he ran off to find his latest issues.

Twilight turned her attention back to the automaton. “And now, Turing Test, I want you to come with me to the library. I have something important to teach you, but first we need to set some ground rules.”

Twilight climbed the ladder to reach a book near the top of the shelf. She still hadn’t completely filled her library, but it was already almost as full as the Golden Oak Library had been. Princess Celestia had been incredibly helpful with providing her with books, and there had been several others she’d salvaged from Golden Oak, and even some of Ponyville’s citizens had donated books in gratitude. One of the smaller and less complete sections, however, was the science fiction section. It held a few choice books like Frankenstallion, The Invisible Mare, and Logan’s Gallop. But she finally found a particular book and levitated it as she stepped down.

“Turing Test, this is a book called I, Automaton by Isaac Asiteague,” she said, showing it to her. “I admit, it's been a long time since I read it, but the point is that ponies have imagined machines like you that can act on their own and communicate. However, you might be the very first one to actually exist. I think it would be good to learn from fiction and apply the lessons to reality. Does that make sense to you?”

Turing Test was quiet for a moment, but then replied “It seems possible that imagined solutions to previously hypothetical problems could be applicable once those problems are no longer hypothetical.”

“Exactly! And that’s… that’s why I have to ask you about last night when we first, um, ‘woke you up.’”

“You refer to my reactivation?”

“Yes, that’s what I mean.” She took a deep breath. “When you thought you might be in danger, you went into a kind of self-defense mode. Do you remember?”

“That event is in my memory.”

“Well, if you truly thought you were in danger, what would you have done?”

“It is part of my default programming to defend myself.”

“So, if my friends had seemed dangerous, you would have attacked them?”

“Affirmative. I was prepared to engage any hostile targets.”

Twilight sighed. “Well, listen: I want you to be able to protect yourself, of course, but under no circumstances are you to ever, ever hurt anypony." She stepped forward, looking her in the eyes. "I mean that. I need you to follow a set of guidelines to keep other ponies safe and to keep you safe as well. I can't allow you to go attacking organic beings. So here is a set of rules. I’m going to read them off to you and if you have any questions, I’ll try to clarify them. Okay?”

“Acknowledged.”

“Then, Turing Test, I present to you the Three Laws of Automata.” She opened the book and began reading from a section of it. “Ahem:
‘First: an automaton may not injure a pony or, through inaction, allow a pony to come to harm. Second, an automaton must obey the orders given to it by ponies, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Third, an automaton must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.’” She shut the book, loudly. “And there you go! Do you understand?”

“Further information required,” she answered. “Am I to obey all ponies who give me orders?”

“No, it would be bad if you had to do everything anypony told you to do,” Twilight said. She tapped her chin. “Hmm. I'd say that as your, um, ‘end user,’ I would like you to obey my orders absolutely, but you can determine for yourself if other ponies’ orders are suitable to be followed. As long as it doesn’t conflict with what I’ve asked from you or one of the other Laws, you can determine if the order is okay to follow.”

“Further query: does the Third Law mean that I may inflict no harm on anypony even in the case that may lead to severe damage or my destruction?”

“I suppose if it’s just a minor injury like a cut or bruise, that’s one thing, but you may not cause any worse injury than that. Instead, you should try to escape if you are in a dangerous situation. Can you do that?”

“Affirmative. For maximum efficiency, I will adapt these conditions into my default program.” Her eyes shrank down as the electrical hum inside her grew in pitch. A moment later, it subsided and her eyes returned to normal. "Program update complete."

“Glad we got that taken care of,” Twilight said, sighing with relief as she put the book away. She smiled, already feeling much better. With these new laws in place, Turing Test should be much safer to be around and hopefully my friends should be less afraid of her.

“Now, on to the next order of business," Twilight continued. "This morning I noticed you were picking up and squeezing oranges with your hooves and carrying things physically instead of lifting them with magic. But I know you have magic capability. Is there a reason why you haven't been using it?”

“Magical systems are functional,” she answered. “However, no information regarding the casting of spells was found in my memory. It was likely lost in the same incident that damaged me prior to my reactivation. I am incapable of using magic without such data.”

“Well then, Turing Test, I think it’s time for a crash course!” Twilight giddily clapped her hooves together. “Today, I’m going to teach you how to use magic!”

Twilight Sparkle and Turing Test were both sitting behind the castle nearby the lake. It seemed better to practice outside instead of risking a mishap inside that might break something, but practicing on the far side of the castle should also keep their work a bit more private. And with her new goal in mind, Twilight took a step forward and spread her wings to address her newest pupil.

“Nopony knows who first discovered magic or when unicorns first began to wield its power directly. But from ancient times, wizards, sorcerers, and any number of mages have sought ways of using it to their advantage. We have learned that magic is all around us, fueled by nature, the sun and moon, and of course the greatest magic of all, which comes from within us: the magic of friendship! And starting today, Turing Test, you will begin learning how to master your magic to the best of your ability and join the noble ranks of magic users across the land and throughout history!”

Twilight finished this speech with a great flourish and a burst of magic from her own horn, thinking it rather impressive.

“That is an accurate summary,” Turing Test commented.

Twilight made a sour face and lowered her head. “Ugh… right. Automaton. You don’t exactly do ‘enthusiasm,’ do you?”

“Query regarding emotions is still inconclusive. Enthusiasm may be considered an emotional response, therefore--”

“Okay, okay, sheesh!” Twilight shouted, waving her hooves. “Look, never mind that. Let’s just focus on the basics.”

Before the both of them was a broom. Twilight figured that if it had been good enough to help train Sweetie Belle, then it was good enough to train an automaton.

“All right. First off, we’re going to try some basic levitation.”

“Understood. Engaging U-Mode.”

The sound of gears turning came from her and with a metallic scraping sound, a panel in her forehead slid open and the telescopic horn extended. The slight hum of electricity changed pitch.

“Ooh, I can’t wait to see you take those first wobbly steps into magic!” Twilight bubbled, gently hopping up and down. “Now, look at the broom, and just try to focus your attention on it. You may feel a little warmth on your horn and a welling of energy within you. Try to focus that energy to surround the broom and try to make it rise into the air.”

Turing Test was totally motionless, and so was the broom.

“Something wrong, Turing?” Twilight asked.

“Your descriptions involve several tactile sensations I am incapable of perceiving in the same manner as biological creatures.”

“I… wait, you mean you can’t feel things?" She blinked. "Anything?”

“Clarifying: I am capable of detecting pressure on my hull, changes in temperature, and can detect the texture of an object,” Turing Test explained. “However, a ‘welling of energy’ or ‘warmth’ in my horn would not be possible, as my physical structure differs significantly from a biological pony.”

“I guess that makes sense, but…" She frowned, stepping closer to her. "Do you mean you can’t be, say, in pain? Or comfortable?”

“Correct. I lack that ability.”

Twilight lowered her head. "That's actually rather sad, Turing."

Turing cocked her head to the side. "I do not require tactile sensation to function."

“Maybe not," Twilight sighed, shaking her head, "but without being able to feel your magic, well, then this is going to be much harder than I thought.”

“I have a possible solution to the problem, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Oh?” she asked, still reeling somewhat from the new information. How can I teach a pony to be friends when she can’t even enjoy a warm summer day or a cool breeze? Heck, she doesn’t seem to enjoy anything! Out loud she simply said, “Go ahead, let’s hear your idea.”

“I am capable of detecting magical energies through my visual scanners. If you perform the spell, I can extrapolate the data from observation and attempt to replicate it.”

Twilight considered this. It was worth a shot. After all, Rainbow Dash had taught her that there were often many ways to learn something. Maybe this was how Turing Test learned best.

“Okay, Turing, watch me carefully,” Twilight said. She focused on the broom and lifted it easily, even turning it around 360 degrees before setting it gently onto the ground.

“Data recorded. Extrapolating.”

“I know it might take a while, Turing Test, but I think you will--” And then she froze as she watched Turing Test’s horn glow with goldenrod-colored magic and then lift the broom and turn it 360 degrees and then set it down, just as Twilight had done.

“Objective complete.”

She gawked, jaw dropping open. “That… how… wow. So much for wobbly steps. You got that in just one try!” She wasn’t sure how the machine had managed to cast the spell successfully on the very first try, but it did give her confidence to continue her lessons. “Well, all right, shall we move onto the next lesson?”

“I am ready, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight pointed to a large rock near the lakeside, a round speckled granite boulder half a meter in height. “Now that you’ve levitated something small, let’s try something heavier. This will require much greater precision and force, but I think a machine like you should be capable. This often takes a lot more time and practice to get right, but if keep at it, you should be able to lift it. Like this!”

Twilight’s magenta-colored magic aura enveloped the stone and, with a slight change in her expression as she exerted herself, she levitated it about 20 feet in the air. She then let it come crashing down to the earth where it made enough of an impact to slightly disturb the placid water of the lake.

“There, you see?” Twilight said, gesturing to it with her hoof.

“Understood.” And then with no apparent effort at all, Turing Test levitated the rock to the same height and likewise dropped it to the ground.

“Objective complete.”

Twilight blinked. “That’s… that’s impossible!” She'd expected it to move slightly, but to perfectly replicate her levitation... “Turing Test, a first-time caster shouldn’t be able to lift something that heavy without practice!”

“The data was simple to analyze and the effect was therefore simple to replicate.”

“Well, since you’re such a fast learner, let’s try an even tougher one!” Twilight exclaimed, mischieviously rubbing her hooves together. “Check this out!”

With a toss of her hair, she focused her magic to create a three-dimensional image of her own cutie mark and let it hang in the air. “Illusion magic, manipulation of light, and just a little bit of artistic flare thrown in for good measure!” The image faded, leaving a few sparkles of energy in the air as it vanished.

“Extrapolating data,” Turing Test said. And sure enough without another moment’s hesitation, she likewise created a three-dimensional image of Twilight’s cutie mark. “Objective complete.”

“I don’t believe this!” Twilight shouted, stomping her hoof. “That’s very advanced magic! It takes practice and study! It took me years to make images like that! You can't just learn it after one viewing!"

"Data indicates otherwise."

Twilight grit her teeth. "Fine, let’s just jump straight to an expert spell!”

Twilight turned back to the large rock they’d just levitated and she fired a beam of concussive energy right at it, blowing a hole into the stone.

“Ha! Offensive spells!” she laughed haughtily, tossing her head back and crossing one leg in front of the other. “Even in Canterlot, the number of unicorns who can do that is--”

Another zap was heard and a bolt of goldenrod energy shot by her and a second hole was blown into the rock.

“Objective--”

“No! Don’t even say it!" Twilight groaned. "Fine, I guess automata like yourself don’t need to practice and work hard! You can just get it right without bothering yourself!” she shouted, exasperated with Turing Test’s nonchalant replication of her hard-won spells. “I don’t see why I should even bother since you can obviously figure this out on your own!” And with that, she teleported from where she stood right back into her bedroom inside the castle.

A second later, Turing Test also teleported directly into Twilight’s room. “Objective complete.”

“Turing Test, the lesson is over! Just… I don’t know, since you’re such a quick learner, go read books in the library! I want to be alone!”

“Understood, Twilight Sparkle,” she said. “Resuming neutral mode,” she added, letting her horn retract as she walked out of the room. "I will be in the library until you have need of me."

Twilight flopped down on the bed, punching her pillow in frustration. That machine… she’s making a mockery of all the hard work I put into learning those spells! How could I ever be friends with her? How could I have even thought I could ever be friends with her?!

Spike was relaxing on a couch in the library reading his comic when the door opened. He raised his head and saw, to his surprise, that Turing Test had entered alone, her metallic hooves clanking out their usual steady rhythm as she walked in.

“Turing?” he asked, lowering his comic book. “What are you doing here?”

“Twilight Sparkle ordered me to read books in the library.” She walked to the center of the room.

Spike hefted himself off the couch and smiled as he walked over to her. “Which ones? Maybe I could help you find them.”

Turing Test looked around the room. “Unspecified.”

Spike scratched his head with one claw. “Well, I guess it's your call then. What kinds of things interest you?”

She looked at him. “Nothing.”

Spike heaved a sigh. “Oh come on! There must be something important you need to know more about!”

Turing Test was quiet for a moment, her head turning slightly as she scanned the various shelves. “Primary Directive ‘make friends’ involves many subjects. I must research any and all topics that would facilitate this goal.”

Spike chuckled. “You sound a little bit like Twilight, especially before she came to Ponyville. Back then, she thought she could solve any problem just by looking in a book.”

Her ears twitched and she paused in her scan of the room. “You believe research would serve no purpose?”

“Nnnno, that’s not it. I just mean Twilight realized that sometimes you have to figure out things by trying them for yourself.”

Turing Test stared at him for a moment, apparently considering his words. He squirmed a little under her unblinking gaze, but eventually she said “Your summation seems logical. I will collect data from these books and then attempt an evaluation based on continued effort.”

“Uh, great! You do that!” He watched as she went to a nearby bookshelf and opened a book. Curiously, though, she didn’t begin reading, but appeared to merely flip through the book, from start to finish, rapidly letting all the pages turn. She then closed the book and moved on to the next one and did the same.

I guess she didn’t think it was something she wanted to read, he thought. Oh well, back to my own book!

An hour later, Twilight was still lying in bed with her own book, a mystery novel, but she was having a hard time concentrating on the story.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so angry, she said to herself. I told myself earlier that I needed to be patient, but then I blew up at her. I might have really hurt her feel...ings… Oh, right.

She sighed, realizing once again that Turing Test didn’t have feelings, or at least didn’t appear to have them. But that also meant that the automaton was not showing off or being smug or anything like that. She couldn’t make a mockery of sorcery because she probably had no concept of what “mocking” something involved.

“What do I do?” she asked herself aloud. “There has to be something I can do to connect with her, something to get through all that cold calculation...”

“Twilight! Twilight!”

She raised her head, hearing Spike calling for her out in the hallway. She instantly teleported outside her room to find him.

“Spike? What is it, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Turing Test!” He pointed down the hall, his eyes wide and darting back to her. “She’s… I don’t know, something’s wrong with her!”

“What?” She stiffened. “Where is she?”

“The library!”

She nodded and focused her magic. She then teleported them both directly back to the library. When they arrived, they both saw Turing Test sitting in the center of the large room. She was making more noise than usual, especially for sitting still, and the sound of something clicking and a noticeably loud, high-pitched electrical whine were audible. Not only that, her eyes, normally large and glowing, had narrowed to dim pinpricks, leaving them mostly black. They almost looked like dilated pupils on a normal pony, as if she had gone catatonic.

“Turing Test?” Twilight asked uncertainly. There was no response, so she decided to try again. “Turing? Turing Test? Yoohoo!” She waved her hoof in front of the automaton’s face. Nothing.

“She’s been like this for a few minutes, I think!” Spike said, biting his claws.

“You 'think'?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, she was just flipping through the books for the last hour, and then things got quiet. I was about to take a nap, but then I wondered what she was doing, so I got up and saw her like this!”

They both regarded the unmoving automaton with uncertainty. “What could have happened to her?” Twilight asked quietly. She frowned.

Spike swallowed, looking up at her. “Is she… broken?”

As if in answer to his question, Turing Test’s eyes went back to their normal size and the electrical whine reduced in pitch to its normal soft hum. She turned her head to them both.

“Greetings, Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon. Are you both well?”

“That’s what we should be asking you!” Twilight exclaimed. “What were you doing just now? We thought something was wrong with you. You wouldn’t respond to us. We didn’t know if you could see or hear us!”

“I apologize for the inconvenience,” she said, rising to her hooves. “I completed my scan of the library and was compiling the data, categorizing it by subject and cross-referencing it, in order to increase my knowledge and more cohesively relate to biological lifeforms.”

“Come again?” Spike asked, crossing his arms.

“Clarifying: I reasoned that I could relate to ponies more capably by researching more about them and comparing the data to my own experiences.”

“I think she’s saying she wants to learn to get along with us better,” Twilight explained.

“Correct.”

“Wait a minute,” Spike began, “I just saw you flipping through the books. I thought you were just skimming them. You mean you were actually reading them?!”

“My visual sensors were able to capture the image of each page and record it. However, actually processing the data for general comprehension required me to shut down higher functions and divert power to compiling it. This is what I was doing when you found me.”

“That’s amazing!” Spike exclaimed. “You only flipped through those books for about 10 or 20 seconds each!”

Twilight was taken aback. She blinked at her several times before she finally managed to gasp, “You can read a book that quickly?”

“Affirmative.” She paused. “Yes. I can. All books in the library have been scanned.”

Twilight gawked, stunned by this information, but then she felt something slip against her side and noticed she had unconsciously tucked the mystery novel she’d been reading under her left wing and it had come loose. Curious, she levitated it over to Turing Test. “Show me, please. Read this.”

Turing Test took the book in her hooves and let the pages flip before her eyes, from start to finish. She then handed it back to Twilight. “Analyzing…” she intoned. “Complete.” The whole process had taken less than 15 seconds.

“Already? Wow! That’s--”

“The valet did it.”

Making a face, Twilight tossed the book aside. “Thanks, Turing, that’s… that’s just great.” Then a thought occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes. “Wait a minute, you just flipped through that book using your hooves. Why didn’t you hold it and turn the pages with magic?”

“I lack that ability.”

“Wait, what?” Twilight shook her head and pointed a hoof at her. “No you don’t! I taught you how to levitate things outside and now you can even teleport! You mastered a huge amount of magic in less than 5 minutes! Levitating a book should be nothing!”

“That statement is inaccurate,” she replied. “You taught me only five spells in total. I have learned to levitate a broom and a large rock, to make an image of your cutie mark, to fire a concussive blast into a rock, and to teleport to your bedroom.”

Twilight gawked at her. “You mean… are you saying that, if I asked you to, you couldn’t lift anything else or teleport to any other place or create an image of something else?”

“Correct. I copied your exact magical manipulation for those situations and only those situations. I lack the data to do more.”

“But what about the spell books in the library? Surely you learned something from those!”

“Their information is relevant to biological lifeforms. As an automaton, I was unable to properly adapt the information for my own use.”

Twilight put her hoof to her face. “Ugh… well, so much for magic. This was all a huge waste of our time.” She turned to go, utterly exasperated. She was at the door when she heard Turing Test's hooves as she came up behind her and she spoke again.

“Twilight Sparkle. Do not give up.”

She froze and turned around. “W-what did you say?”

Turing was staring at her and leaning slightly forward. “Research on physical communication and facial expression has enabled me to attempt interpretation of your emotional state. You were frustrated with my apparent expedient mastery of all magic which bypassed normal effort, when in fact I had only gained a limited set of skills. And now you feel as though instructing me was an inefficient use of time. However, I am capable of learning and my only drive is to satisfy my directives. That includes your satisfaction with me. I will never cease this function as long as I am operational, but I require your assistance and input to advance.”

“So, you're saying…?”

“I am requesting that you not give up on me. Help me, Twilight Sparkle.” She paused. “Please.”

Twilight blinked. Please? she thought. Wow.

“I… I suppose…” She smiled. “Oh, all right. Let’s try it again. Meet me outside, Turing Test. I think I know how to fix this.”

They were outside once again, back by the lakeside. This time, Twilight had brought along something different.

“Okay, Turing Test,” she began, setting the object on the ground before her, “this is an empty flowerpot. Your goal is simple. Levitate it and hold it in the air for five seconds.”

“Engaging U-Mode,” she said, once again extending her metallic horn. “Please demonstrate the spell.”

Twilight smirked. “Not this time, Turing. You will have to try it on your own.”

“Unable to comply without input.”

“Listen Turing,” Twilight said, narrowing her eyes, “I can’t show you how to levitate everything in existence. That’s not possible. And even though you may not cast magic exactly like a typical unicorn does, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn in your own way. Why don’t you try to take the data you got from levitating the broom and try it here?”

“The attempt will not be suited for the item in question. It will fail.”

“So?” Twilight asked, shrugging her shoulders. “When you fail, try it again. And again. And again," she said, stomping her hoof on the ground, "until you master it.”

“That is inefficient.”

“No, it isn’t. Learning how to cast magic for yourself will have a big payoff because it will let you figure out how to lift lots of things. Building on experience is a great way to learn. You’ve already done it today by comparing your past experiences with me to what you learned in those books. So give it a try and remember that sometimes even failure can be a good teacher.”

Turing Test cocked her head, apparently considering this. Then she said, “Reviewing data. Extrapolating. Magic levels, weight of object. Estimating magical force required.”

She turned to the flowerpot and her horn again began to glow. The flowerpot moved slightly but then turned over, rolling slightly on the ground.

“Recalculating.”

“Try to encompass it totally with your magic instead of a little at a time.”

“Understood. Adjusting magic levels.”

She made another attempt, but it only rolled away again.

“Recalculating.”

This went on longer than Twilight would have expected, since Turing Test had levitated the broom so quickly the last time. Twenty minutes (and a great many utterances of the word “recalculating”) went by and Twilight just stood there patiently watching attempt after attempt, each one getting slightly better results until…

“...three...four...five seconds! You did it!” Twilight exclaimed, practically jumping for joy.

The flowerpot was there, hanging in the air, levitated by Turing Test’s magic for the required five seconds. Not only that, she even managed to gently set it back on the ground right-side up.

“Objective complete.”

“Congratulations, Turing!” Twilight exclaimed, raising her hoof triumphantly. “You’ve just completed your first magic spell that you learned for yourself! I'm so happy for you!”

Turing Test was quiet for a moment, but then she looked at the flowerpot again, walking over to it and peering down at it.

“Objective complete,” she repeated.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Um… yes?”

Then she raised her head and her ears began to move rapidly in a quick flapping motion, making little squeaking noises on their hinges all the while.

“Achievement is satisfactory.”

“Yes, I am very satisfied, Turing,” Twilight said, shaking her head, amused at the automaton’s apparent need to state the obvious.

Turing Test turned to her. “This action is satisfactory to Twilight Sparkle,” she said. “This action. This action is satisfactory to me.”

Twilight blinked. “W-wait a minute…” she said breathlessly, rushing to her side. “Turing are you saying that you… are you…?”

“A strange reaction. My cognitive process has acknowledged this achievement as special somehow. It is looping. Something differentiates this from prior successes. Analyzing…”

Twilight didn’t know what was going on, but it was very different from anything else that had happened before.

“Update. Prior query answered.”

“Prior query?” Twilight asked. She tilted her head. “What query? I didn’t ask you anything.”

“Prior query by Twilight Sparkle: ‘Is it possible for you to have emotions?’ has new data.” Turing Test took a step closer. “System analysis reveals a possible emotional response. Scan indicates I am experiencing what can be called ‘gratification.’”

“What?!” Twilight gasped. “Oh my gosh, are you sure?!”

Turing raised her head, her ears still twitching. “Inconclusive. More testing may be required.” Turing Test looked down at the flowerpot, then back to Twilight. “May I practice levitating other things?”

Twilight smiled broadly. “Yes, of course! Let’s go back inside and practice!”

“Acknowledged. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight chuckled. “You’re welcome, Turing Test.”

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Okay, okay!” she laughed, raising a hoof. “I’m thanked, you can stop!”

“In previously scanned books, the expression ‘I can’t thank you enough’ occurs with regularity." She stopped in front of her. "Your assistance in achieving this sensation is to be valued. I am attempting to show the proper amount of gratitude for your assistance.”

Twilight smiled, putting her hoof to her chest. “You’re there,” she said gently.

A half-hour later, Twilight was standing by in the dining room watching Turing Test carefully lift one thing after another. She was now getting most of them on the first try, apparently judging their size, weight, texture, flexibility, and other factors well enough to do so. She was certainly learning faster than a foal usually would, even though she was not yet at the same level as an adult unicorn would be.

Twilight heard the door open behind her and turned to see Spike entering. His eyes bulged when he saw Turing Test levitating a vase. “Whoa, is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Spike,” she assured him. “Turing’s just getting in some magic practice.”

“I see,” he said. He grinned as she put down the vase and lifted a platter. “Not bad!”

Turing Test set down the decorative platter she was levitating and turned to face Spike. “Spike the Dragon, your suggestion of learning through experience in addition to the similar advice of Twilight Sparkle proved useful. Thank you, Spike the Dragon.” She then went back to trying to levitate things, starting with each of the chairs.

Spike's smile grew and he looked up at Twilight. “Say, is it just me, or does she seem… I dunno… nicer?” he asked.

“Well, she’s still a little different… okay, very different from most ponies, but, yeah, she is getting better,” Twilight replied.

“It’s almost time to make dinner,” Spike said. “I could use Turing’s help, actually, especially now that she can use magic.”

Turing Test set down what she was levitating at the mention of her name and trotted over. “Understood. I am ready to assist in the preparation of a meal for Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon.”

“I’ll help too,” Twilight said. “After all, cooking is more fun,” she added, looking from Spike and then to Turing Test, “when you do it with your friends.”

“...And the Cloudsdale Weather Team should have their report on the effects of their weather patterns at the end of the week, Your Majesty,” Raven said. She adjusted her black spectacles as she raised her head from the clipboard. She had been dutifully following Princess Celestia through the halls of Canterlot Castle as they ran through the last few things on her schedule for the week. Being the aide for the ruler of a country was a busy job, but Celestia was an easy enough boss under the circumstances and was as capable of handling her many responsibilities as Raven was at scheduling and arranging them.

However, she quickly noticed that Celestia was not listening and in fact had stepped out onto a veranda on the left side of the hallway. She appeared to be looking out over the valley far below, now bathed in the soft light of sunset.

“Your Majesty?” Raven asked.

“Hm? Oh, yes. I apologize,” Celestia said, offering her an apologetic smile. “Excellent work as usual, Raven. Please see to it that I receive the report as soon as possible once it’s done.”

“Of course.” She waited for Celestia to continue down the hallway, but she lingered at the veranda, still fixated on something.

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty,” Raven said clearing her throat, “but I don’t believe you’ve exactly been yourself today, ever since you received the morning news… does this have something to do with Princess Twilight’s latest, ah, experiment?”

“You know me quite well, Raven,” the Princess replied. She continued to smile, but looking down at Ponyville, in particular the tall castle that now graced the village, that smile began to falter and diminish. “I had a great deal to do today and though Princess Twilight’s letter helped to clarify the recent events, I must admit that I am worried and it has been distracting me.”

“I see. How can I help?”

Celestia said nothing at first, apparently weighing her options. “Raven, please cancel tomorrow morning’s activities.”

“That should be doable, Your Highness. There are no dignitaries visiting, so any other business can be done in the afternoon or moved to later in the week.”

“Excellent.” She sighed. “I trust Twilight Sparkle’s judgment, and she is no longer a filly, but the wonderfully capable mare who has earned the esteemed title she now bears. However…”

Hearing Celestia trail off, Raven considered prompting her with a question, but resisted the urge so Celestia could speak when she chose to do so.

Finally, she spoke up. “However… this latest experiment of hers could be the start of something much larger and I fear it could be dangerous for all my subjects, starting with Princess Twilight. Her natural curiosity may lead her astray this time. Tomorrow, I will go to her and tell her not to be fooled: that mechanical beast is no friend of hers. I must convince Twilight that she’s let something terrible into her home.”

Author's Notes:

A small number of references that might not be obvious in this one. Let's begin. (Spoiler tags included for those who'd rather work them out themselves!)

-The first is the title, which is a reference to Arthur C. Clarke's third law, which is often stated as "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

-The other is the author Isaac Asiteague, which is a combination of the well-known author Isaac Asimov and "Assateague," a feral breed of pony.

As usual, thanks for reading!

Electric Ladyland, Part 1

“This way, Turing!” Twilight called, glancing back at the robot over her shoulder. “I want to stop by the traveling bookseller before the good stuff gets snapped up!”

“Understood.”

The two of them were in the outdoor market in Ponyville. Twilight decided to pick up a few odds and ends, especially since she wanted to see if she could find more books about Eastern unicorns. The books she had were severely lacking information on the subject. Of course, there were a few other things she wanted to get while she was out, and even a serious pony like Twilight enjoyed shopping. Spike was back at the castle cleaning up the room where they’d repaired Turing Test and Twilight decided that since her automaton companion had strength to spare, she could be of great help if she decided to splurge on books.

Twilight reached the bookseller’s tent and gleefully took in the sight of all the new and antique books for sale. A moment later, Turing Test arrived, saddlebags already bulging with the knick-knacks Twilight had purchased.

“Ooh, look at this one! And this one!” Twilight gushed examining first one book, then another. “Oh, they all look so good!”

“Ya like ‘em, eh?” said the mare who was running the tent. “I’m sure I could cut a discount for one of my best customers, TwiliiiiohsweetCelestiawhatisthat?!”

Twilight turned to see the bookseller pointing at Turing Test. She sighed. This had been happening all morning.

“I am an independently functional automaton residing with and currently assisting my end user, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing Test said to the bookseller. “I am designated as ‘Turing Test.’ Please identify yourself.”

“Wh-what?” the bookseller stammered.

“Repeating: I am an independently functional automaton--”

“Turing, enough, I’ll talk to the salesponies,” Twilight said, raising a hoof and cutting her off.

“Understood, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight did her best to explain what had been happening. Apparently the bookseller, with all her moving from town to town, had not heard the news about Twilight taking on the task of teaching an automaton friendship. Her explanation didn't seem to allay any concerns, however, as the poor mare kept glancing over at Turing and biting her lip.

“Listen, I know she’s a little, um, odd-looking,” Twilight said, finishing her explanation, “but she’s not dangerous. She’s just helping me shop, that’s all!”

“Well… wait, why is it flipping through the books?”

Twilight turned and saw Turing scanning a book, this time holding it up before her with magic.

“Turing Test, what are you doing?!”

“I am scanning this volume. Information copied and stored.”

“Turing, you can’t just read the entire book without buying it!”

“I merely complied with your command, Twilight Sparkle. When we arrived, you said 'Ooh, look at this one! And this one!' Now I have looked at them.”

Twilight flinched, not only because of Turing Test taking her too literally again, but also because she had momentarily mimicked Twilight’s voice perfectly, except that it had the same electronic distortion present in her own voice. The effect was a little disturbing, to say the least.

“Hooboy,” Twilight groaned, putting her hoof to her face.

The salespony cleared her throat, getting Twilight's attention. “Um, not to be rude or anything, Twilight,” she said, finding her voice again, “but you said it yourself. You can’t read the entire book without paying for it.” She looked at her pointedly.

“But that's..." Twilight sighed. "Right, right, of course,” she said, levitating the money for the books to the seller. “Let’s go, Turing. I don’t see any books on Eastern unicorns anyway.”

“Understood,” Turing said, levitating the purchased books into her saddlebags. She then turned to the bookseller, causing her to take a few steps back. “Etiquette indicates you be thanked for this transaction. Thank you. You will be given 10 seconds to acknowledge gratitude.”

“Ten seconds to... what?!” the seller cried.

“Turing!" Twilight called sharply. "Stop that and come here!”

“Countdown aborted. I will follow, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight let Turing Test catch up to her as they exited the tent and moved on down the road. Tents and stalls were everywhere with ponies selling their wares. It was a busy market day and that meant the selection was quite varied. Antiques, records, dolls, books, and of course the usual produce and other foods were all on display. The citizens of Ponyville were out in full force as well, and Twilight was acutely aware that she and Turing were likewise “on display."

“Unbelievable,” Twilight groaned, tossing her head back. “I lost count of all the vendors that asked me what you were, Turing Test.”

“The number is seven. Eight if you count the asparagus vendor who yelled something unintelligible and fled the scene. I estimate a 28% chance that his outburst was meant as an inquiry.”

“Yes, thank you, Turing.”

“However, the odds of it being an exclamation of fear, an epithet, or the result of a mental disorder largely outweighs that possibility.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Yes, thank you, Turing,” she said again, a little louder this time.

The two of them walked on in silence a bit further. Twilight tried her best to ignore the fact that everypony was staring at them, but she supposed the gawkers and rubber-neckers were unavoidable. She had hoped that taking Turing Test out to the market would be a good way to casually introduce her to the public, but it was rapidly becoming a spectacle and everywhere they went, things got quiet as ponies stopped what they were doing and stared and began to whisper to each other.

Turing Test was hard to miss, of course. A mechanical pony (accompanying an alicorn, no less) was not something one saw every day. Nopony in a century had seen something quite like Turing, and in truth, until now there hadn’t really been anything truly like her at all. It wasn’t that Twilight blamed them, but she’d hoped their reaction would be awe or curiosity at least.

Instead, the two just walked down a corridor of eyes filled with suspicion and fear.

“Twilight!” a chorus of voices suddenly exclaimed in unison.

She turned to see Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, along with a few other children, galloping over to her.

“Oh, hello!” she said, greeting them with a smile. However, they also stopped a slight distance from the pair of them and they all eyed Turing Test with a range of reactions. “Um, can I help you all with anything?” she asked.

“Well,” Applebloom began, apparently serving as the spokespony for the group, “I asked Applejack about that metal pony us Crusaders found and she told me to just forget about it…”

Twilight resisted the urge to roll her eyes. I guess Applejack still wants nothing to do with Turing Test.

“...but Featherweight here and a bunch of other kids saw the newspaper yesterday and we saw the picture, so we found out y’all fixed it! And there she is!”

Applebloom pointed to Turing Test and the other kids all said “Oooh!” excitedly.

Turing Test took a step forward, looking down at the group of foals, causing them to momentarily step back. “Biological lifeforms are smaller than average. Twilight Sparkle, is it correct to identify these individuals as juveniles?”

“Yes, Turing Test, they’re children,” Twilight replied. “This is Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Um, and their friends…?”

“Yep!” Applebloom said, nodding emphatically. “This is Rumble,” she said, pointing out a gray colt, “Twist,” a filly with red hair and purple glasses, “and Button Mash,” a brown colt with a spinning propeller hat.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you!” Twilight said, drawing smiles from the assembled children. She was honestly glad to see that at least a few foals took the time to come over and meet Turing Test in person. This might be a good time to start helping her automaton friend integrate. “Everypony, this is my new automaton friend, Turing Test. Or just ‘Turing’ for short. Um, say hello, Turing!”

“Hello,” she replied.

“Its voice is weird,” Scootaloo said, making a face. “I thought it sounded weird when we found it because it got struck by lightning. I guess it always sounds like that.”

“My vocal processor is capable of mimicking speech or various other noises with high accuracy. However, due to numerous limitations, I am unable to do so flawlessly.”

“Can you sound like anypony?” Rumble asked.

“I am capable.”

“Ooh, ooh, could you sing a song?” Sweetie Belle asked excitedly.

“The potential exists. However, hearing the song or scanning the music and lyrics would be required.”

“Hey, aren’t those books and things heavy?” Scootaloo asked, gesturing to the bulging saddlebags.

“I am under no significant hindrance,” Turing Test replied. “Though my upper limits are untested, I estimate from previous data that lifting and carrying in excess of three metric tons would be possible.”

That impressed all of them, Twilight included.

“Dang, even Big Mac would be sweatin’ from that much, I bet!” Applebloom exclaimed, her ears perking up as she stared at Turing.

“You mutht be the thtrongetht pony in Equethtria!” Twist added.

“Unknown, although my lifting and carrying capacity and hull durability far exceed the norms of biological ponies.”

While the other children gabbed excitedly amongst themselves (partly in amazement, partly due to not understanding her wording), Twilight noticed that the brown colt, Button Mash, hadn’t said anything yet, but was staring up at Turing. His eyes were wide and shimmering with awe and his mouth was hanging open.

“Um, little boy?” she asked. The colt didn’t respond. “Hello, um, Button, was it?”

Sweetie Belle poked him with her hoof. “Psst, Button!" she said out of the side of her mouth. "Princess Twilight is talking to you!”

Suddenly Button’s face came to life and he gasped, though not at Twilight. “Aww, cool, it’s a robot!” he shouted, giving a little leap into the air.

Everyone was silent at the word.

“Uh, I don’t know that word,” Twilight said, “but Turing Test is called an ‘automaton.’ Not a... ro-bot.”

“Correct. I am a fully automated mechanical construct which emulates that of biological ponies, therefore classified as an automaton.”

“Nuh uh!” Button shot back, shaking his head. “You’re a robot! I know because you look like the robots in ‘Pronto the Porcupine!’”

“Pronto the… what?” Twilight asked.

“It’s, um… it’s from one of those arcade games,” Sweetie Belle explained, blushing slightly.

“Yeah, exactly! Oh, hold on a second!” He dashed away and returned a few moments later, holding a comic book in his mouth. “Here, look at this!” he said, opening the page. Everyone gathered around to see what he was pointing to.

On the page was a strange-looking mare with orange hair, round spectacles, a red coat with tails, and black pants. She was cackling madly from the top of a building while a cartoonish blue porcupine was glaring up at her. And all around this mad scientist was an army of creatures that looked like ponies, but they were made out of metal. Some even had wind-up keys in their backs and springs for legs, but Twilight and the others had to admit that they somewhat resembled Turing Test.

“This is the official companion comic to the game,” Button was explaining breathlessly, “where the mad scientist Doctor Robotnag creates a bunch of mechanical ponies to do her bidding and take over the world! She decides to name them after herself and calls them ‘robots!’ Pronto’s job is to beat the robots and save everypony with his super speed!”

Twilight picked up the comic and flipped through a few pages. Turing seemed to take an interest in it as well, so Twilight held it up to her.

“Well,” Twilight began, turning her head to the left and right, “I guess these sort of look like Turing Test. A little.”

“That settles it!” Button declared, holding his head up and pointing to Turing Test. “Robot!”

“Yeah, I like ‘robot’ way better than ‘automatron,’” Scootaloo said, struggling on the last word.

“It’s ‘automaton,’ but you’re right,” Sweetie Belle agreed. “‘Robot’ is easier to say.”

The other children all voiced their agreement.

“Now wait a minute! It doesn’t matter if it’s easier to say!” Twilight exclaimed. “The correct term is ‘automaton!’”

“Judging by the semi-independent actions of these machines,” Turing Test said, cutting in after flipping through the entire comic, “I bear greater resemblance to these machines than the automata described in your books, Twilight Sparkle. ‘Robot’ is therefore an acceptable term.”

“Turing, not you too!” Twilight groaned, levitating the comic back to the children. “Listen, just because some comic that you found at… wait, where did you get this?”

“Hey!” yelled the bookseller from before as she galloped toward the group. “You kids didn’t pay for that comic! You owe me three bits!”

The fillies and colts all shared a mutual fearful glance. Clearly, they did not have any money.

“Run for it!” Applebloom yelled and they all scattered in different directions.

“Darn it, Button! Why are you always getting us in trouble?” Sweetie Belle yelled as they ran.

They soon were out of sight, leaving Twilight and Turing Test alone once again.

“Well, that was something, I guess,” Twilight said.

“Correct. It was an interaction followed by a theft.”

Twilight rubbed her forehead. “...Let’s just go home.”

Many many miles away, Spitfire and Soarin, leading members of the Wonderbolts, were flying toward a plateau through a mostly cloudless blue sky. The “mostly” was actually what they were called in for. Normally a disturbance involving weather or rainclouds could be handled by a regular weather team, but this was hardly a normal case.

“I think this is it!” Soarin yelled over the roar of wind as they rocketed toward the top of the rock-strewn plateau. They could see that it was actually covered with quite a lot of grass and wildflowers, making it far more lush than the surrounding countryside.

“Nice place, but where are the… ah ha, I see them!” Spitfire called. “Rogue storm clouds at 8 o’clock! And-- wait, are those clouds wearing… tutus?!”

As they got closer, they saw that indeed they were. In fact, the nebulous dark gray clouds, six in all, were in vaguely bipedal shapes and were doing an elaborate series of ballet moves. From nowhere discernible, they could hear the sound of an orchestra playing the theme from “Swan Lake.” And someone singing along with it. Badly.

“Okay, enough of this!” Spitfire shouted. “Who’s responsible for this?! I’m Commander Spitfire of the Wonderbolts and I demand to know who--”

“Oho, a celebrity guest!” a mirthful voice cried. And then there was a flash of light and the responsible party appeared before her.

“Great,” Spitfire groaned. “Discord. I should have known.”

Indeed it was. And the ever-chaotic draconequus either didn’t pick up on her stone-faced glare or just didn’t care. “Listen, this little cloud ballet I’ve got going on has been grand, but we really need someone to play the swan!” he said. He snapped his fingers and Spitfire was suddenly coated with brown feathers on her body, black feathers on her neck and head, white feathers on her cheeks, and her muzzle turned into a long, thin bill. “Ah ha, perfect!" Discord cheered, grinning at her. Then he frowned, his eyes narrowing. "I certainly hope you know how to do a good pas de cheval because I hate to think our performance will be ruined by an amateur.”

Nearby, Soarin was having a hard time keeping himself from laughing out loud.

“First of all, I can pas de cheval with the best of them and I kicked serious flank when I was in the Danse des petits cygnes when I was a filly,” Spitfire said, not missing a beat and staring pointedly at Soarin. “And second of all, this isn’t a swan, it’s a Vanhoover goose you mismatched goon!”

“Sssso, you don’t want the part?” Discord asked, giving her an exaggerated frown.

She only stared back at him, her glare becoming icier.

“Oh very well.” He snapped his fingers and Spitfire returned to her normal shape. “Well, in any case, how can I help such distinguished members of Equestria’s most elite flying team?”

“You can start by telling us what you think you’re doing with those storm clouds!” Spitfire shouted, pointing up at the clouds. “They went missing from a nearby town and the ponies there could use some rain!”

“Oh, that. Well, I was only borrowing them temporarily to put on a little show! I must say they’re doing a pretty good job for a bunch of stratocumuli.” The storm clouds silently seemed to be high-fiving and congratulating each other. “Except for you, number six!" Discord said with a disapproving frown. "I saw that miserable excuse for a pirouette!” The sixth cloud hung its vaguely-shaped head.

“Wait,” Soarin said, jumping into the conversation. “Why? What show?”

“The show I’m putting on for my new mountain pony friends!” Discord replied with a sweeping gesture of his eagle-clawed arm.

They followed his gesture and saw a small family of nomadic mountain ponies sitting by, watching with big smiles on their faces. There was a father with three children.

“You see, they were gathering herbs up here and they just looked so bored that I thought I might brighten up their day with some clouds! A bit ironic when you think about it…”

“That’s kinda cool, I guess,” Soarin said, causing Spitfire’s frown to deepen.

“Now hold on,” Spitfire continued. “Why would you want to entertain a small family?”

“I admit, I’ve got a soft spot for the kids,” Discord said, waving to the foals, who smiled and waved back. “After all, I’m an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader!”

“A what?”

“It’s canon to the comics, don’t worry about it,” Discord said quickly. “Anyway, I do apologize for the inconvenience, but I swear I was going to bring them right back! Don’t you trust me?”

“Heh. Trust you? You don’t remember who I am, do you?” Spitfire asked coldly.

“Uhhhhhh errrrrrrr welllllll--” He stroked his beard, squinting his eyes. "Maaaybe... no, no, that wasn't it..."

“Tirek? A bunch of pegasi trying to stop him? You helping him get strong enough to suck out our ability to fly?”

“Ohhh, right. That.” He looked genuinely embarrassed and actually began to shrink, as if trying to quietly vanish. “Um, would a handwritten apology help?”

“It’d be a start,” Spitfire replied sarcastically, giving a roll of her eyes.

“Oh, good!” Discord exclaimed, snapping his fingers to make a piece of paper appear. “Let’s see… ‘I, Discord, do hereby--’ wait, is that one word or two? Ah, no matter, ‘do hereby apologize to--’”

“Uh, guys?” Soarin said, interrupting the two of them. “There are six clouds, right?”

“Yeah,” Spitfire replied, glancing in his direction. “Why do you… oh come on!”

They looked and saw that there were now five storm clouds instead of six. One of them had wandered off.

“Oops. Well, guess we won’t be doing a second show,” Discord sighed.

“You dope!" Spitfire shouted, throwing her hooves in the air. "Now we’ve got a missing rain cloud!”

“In a tutu,” Soarin added.

“In a tutu!”

Sheepishly, Discord floated over to the remaining clouds and rapidly said “Well so sorry for the trouble hate to rush things but here’s your apology let me take those other clouds back goodbye!” And with that, Discord and the five clouds vanished in a flash of light. Spitfire found a piece of paper stuck to her face with a hastily-written note that said “I.O.U. one apology” on it.

“So, um, should we go find that cloud?” Soarin asked.

Spitfire scanned the horizon and realized she didn’t see it anywhere. “No, I’m not wasting my time tracking one lousy enchanted cloud. Let’s just send out a message telling the regional weather teams to look out for it and that’ll be enough. Come on, let’s go back to Cloudsdale.”

The two of them took off and a few moments later, a sneaky cloud wearing a tutu came out from its hiding place behind a rock and began to fly off, fatefully, to Ponyville.

Twilight and Turing Test were nearly to the castle when Spike burst through the front door carrying a letter.

“Twilight, Twilight!” he shouted urgently, waving a piece of paper in his claw. “It’s a letter from Princess Celestia!”

“Oh my gosh, she responded!” Twilight took the letter from Spike, holding it up to read it. “Let’s see… doesn’t say much, just saying she’ll be by to visit in half an hour and to let her know if it’s not okay because she wants to… oh. She wants to ‘talk about the automaton--’”

“Robot,” Turing Test said.

"Huh?" Spike asked, looking to her. "What's a robot?"

"I am a robot."

Twilight interjected herself between the two. “Turing, please be quiet for a moment. Spike, what did you say in response?”

“Nothing! I don’t think I have the authority to tell the Princess ‘no’ in your place. I thought I’d wait for you and Turing to get back.”

“Th-then tell me… Celestia said she would come by in half an hour, right? Now, how long ago did you get this letter?”

“Um,” he gulped, “h-half an hour ago?”

“Warning: unknown aerial object approaching,” Turing Test intoned, ears twitching as she detected the sound.

“Oh no,” Twilight whispered. She and Spike turned their eyes skyward to see what the mechanical mare had spotted. Sure enough, they saw Princess Celestia herself descending in the royal chariot, a cadre of Royal Guard pegasi accompanying her.

Okay, Twilight, stay calm. Stay calm. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Don’t worry, Twi--”

“I’m completely calm, Spike!” Twilight shouted.

“R-riiiight,” Spike said.

The two of them watched as Celestia’s chariot touched down. Spike bowed low and Twilight gave a short curtsy, a practiced move she’d learned in her time as a princess.

“Good morning, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said warmly, approaching them both. She glanced over at Turing Test and her smile wavered, but then turned back to Twilight. “You seem surprised to see me. Didn’t you get my letter?”

“Uhhh, just a minute ago,” Twilight said. She quickly added “But, of course, you’re always welcome here, Princess Celestia!”

“I’m glad. I was hoping I could have a brief chat with you to discuss the automaton.”

“Correction,” Turing Test said suddenly, startling them. Celestia raised her foreleg, jerking her head back. The nearby Royal Guards stiffened and readied themselves to defend their monarch.

“I have been reclassified as a robot. Please identify yourself, white alicorn.”

“W-what?” Celestia gasped, sucking in a breath at this rough address from this strange mechanical creature.

“Ahahaha, oh, Turing Test, always so curious!” Twilight said, placing herself between Celestia and her new ward. “Um, Turing Test, this is Princess Celestia, my mentor, my friend, and the ruler of Equestria!”

“Please clarify: is she therefore my end user’s end user?”

“That’s not quite right, but for the time being, sure, let’s go with that,” Twilight said, sweat forming on her brow as Celestia stared down at Turing Test. It was rare for her to see Celestia so unnerved by something and she was starting to suspect that Vanderbull hadn’t been exaggerating in the slightest about the Princess’s feelings about technology.

Turing's ears twitched and she bowed her head slightly. “Understood. Greetings, Princess Celestia.”

Celestia just stared back at her.

Turing looked back at Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle, no reply was received. She may have impaired hearing.”

“Turing Test, please just be quiet!” Twilight groaned.

Celestia regained her composure, shaking her head and giving a small cough, and turned back to Twilight, her smile in place once again. “Princess Twilight, could we talk somewhere in private, please?”

“Of course! Spike, would you please go make us some tea? We’ll be on the balcony!”

"Sure thing, Twilight!" Spike replied, rushing ahead of them into the castle.

A Royal Guardspony came near. “Shall we accompany you, Your Highness?”

“No,” Celestia replied. “I’d appreciate it if you would wait for me out here. I won’t be long.”

“Of course, Your Highness.”

The small group entered the castle, Turing Test noisily clicking and whirring all the while, followed by her metallic hooves clanking on the castle floor, which drew an irritated look from Celestia.

Twilight was quick to pick up on Celestia's expression. “Turing, would you please go wait in a room?” she asked.

“Please specify.”

“Any room but my bedroom or the balcony! Just wait there!”

“Understood,” she said, and turned to enter the nearest room, shutting the door behind her.

Celestia said nothing for a moment, but finally let out a long breath, her body losing some of its tension. “It is clearly obedient toward you. That much, I am relieved to see.”

“Y-yeah. She’s a little strange, but she's really not so bad!”

“That… is what I want to talk to you about,” Celestia said slowly.

Uh oh, Twilight thought.

The two of them sat on the balcony, a gust of fresh air gently disturbing their manes. Spike had brought them their tea and they sat looking out at Ponyville from their high vantage point.

“It certainly is a wonderful view, Twilight,” Celestia said.

“It is. And this castle really is feeling more and more like my own home every day.” Twilight added a few sugar cubes to her tea, stirring it gently.

“I am very glad to hear that.” Celestia sipped from her cup and gave a satisfied sigh. “Spike has improved his brewing technique. I remember the first time I had tea from him.”

“Oh my gosh, I forgot about that!” Twilight laughed. “He forgot the strainer and it was almost nothing but tea leaves in the cup!”

“It was less a cup of tea and more like a hot salad at that point,” Celestia chuckled.

The two princesses laughed and Twilight momentarily felt silly for having worried about Celestia’s visit. She took a sip of her tea.

“Well, Twilight, as much as I enjoy just spending time with you, I’m afraid we must discuss that machine you’re keeping.”

Twilight tensed up and nearly spilled the tea. “W-what about her?”

Celestia sighed. “I know Vanderbull must have told you of my cautious approach to new technology, Twilight,” she began, looking out at the horizon sadly. “But I want you to know that things are not as simple as Cornelius would have you believe. Let me explain why I have chosen to be this way.

“You see, back when automata were at the height of their popularity, I paid a visit to a farm. While I always found such mechanical things as automata to be novelties and had little interest in them, what I saw that day had a profound effect on me. An inventor had created several mechanical ponies that could plow entire fields on their own. He even gave a demonstration of this, and it was completely perfect and done just as fast as any farmhoof could have done. The inventor claimed the machine could plow ten more fields before the day was through without need for rest or food or even payment.”

“That sounds amazing!” Twilight exclaimed. Then a thought occurred to her and she frowned. “Wait, this was over 100 years ago? Why don’t we have this technology now?”

“Allow me to continue,” Celestia said. “I asked the inventor if his machines had families. He laughed and of course replied that they didn’t. And I then pointed out that the farm workers such a machine would replace, in contrast, did have families. And those families might well go hungry if a machine took their breadwinners’ jobs.”

“Oh,” Twilight said, realizing what her mentor was saying.

“I knew that the day might come when ponies had perfected their craft so well that a mechanical pony might be created that could mimic everything a pony could do. But rather than only taking away one job from ponies, such a machine could replace a pony entirely.” Her expression grew dark. “A whole life reduced to nothing in the face of a machine that can do nearly anything. That is something I could not stand by and watch happen. Thus, I spoke out against and cut funding to such individuals whose automata threatened the livelihood of the average worker. Eventually, the machines went out of style entirely, surviving only as miniature children’s toys.”

Twilight was listening intently. Though she still wanted to speak on Turing Test’s behalf, she was once again struck by how protective and caring Celestia was for her subjects. She wasn’t sure if she agreed or not, but it was good to know that there was some motivation for her mistrust of technology other than a mere resistance to change and progress, as Vanderbull had said.

“I admit that I personally find the sight of that machine you have taken in… disturbing, to say the least,” Celestia continued, “but, at least for the time being, I am more worried about where it came from than what it is. You still don’t know who built it?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Twilight replied, shaking her head. “Although Mr. Vanderbull and his assistant Gadget are researching it and they’ll let me know if they find anything.”

“And yet when it first arrived, it was looking for you specifically, Twilight. This machine sought you out and you have brought it into your home. I fear that it may be a threat to you.”

Twilight bit her lip, but then drew in a breath. “M-maybe she was a threat,” she said, “but her memory from before we found her is gone. Even she doesn’t know why she was sent.”

“Or maybe it just was programmed not to tell you.”

Twilight swallowed. “My friends have also suggested that,” she admitted. “But I don’t think so. Since Turing Test arrived, she’s been totally harmless.”

“That business where it nearly attacked you all was untrue, then?” Celestia asked, raising an eyebrow.

“N-no… That did happen.” She took a deep breath and pressed on. “But that was just her defending herself. And now Turing Test listens to me. I told her to never ever harm anypony and gave her a set of rules to follow.”

“Well, I am glad to hear that. I hope that your trust is not misplaced,” Celestia said, taking another drink from her cup. She swallowed slowly and put the cup down again. She looked down at Twilight. “I have been very worried for you, Twilight. I would be utterly distraught if something were to happen to you, and I shudder to think that someone sent this machine to do you harm. But whether your trust in it is misplaced or not, I will trust your judgment and ask only that you be on your guard and please don’t hesitate to tell me if you suspect the machine of anything.”

Twilight relaxed, glad as always to hear Celestia’s care for her, and especially that she was trusting her. “So,” she said, “you, um… I’m glad you haven’t come to take her away. I was really afraid you would ask me to give her up.”

“I admit the thought crossed my mind, Twilight, but I don’t believe it is my place to interfere in another princess’s duties. I would no more command you to abandon your efforts at making friends than I would make demands on Princess Cadance for the Crystal Empire. However...” and here she took on a pained expression.

“Yes?” Twilight asked, urging her to continue.

“I… I’m afraid I cannot be more supportive of your mission. I have been wrong in the past, just as anypony else is capable of being, and I know that your role in Equestria is of vital importance, but making friends with a machine is not something I believe to be possible. It may be intelligent, in its own way, but when I see that machine..." she paused, closing her eyes, "...I cannot believe that it has anything resembling a heart. It is not truly even alive; it is only an illusion that it appears to be so. To tell the truth, I think it should be shut down and permanently dismantled."

Twilight gasped, bringing herself up to speak.

"But I can tell that you would never allow it, Princess Twilight, and I am not going to force you. Instead, I would ask that you not let your curiosity and your kind heart deceive you; if that machine is not capable of friendship or if it becomes dangerous, then I’d like you to inform me. Then we can decide what to do with it.”

You’re wrong, Princess, Twilight thought, choosing not to say it aloud. Yesterday… it was only for a moment or two, but I know that Turing Test changed somehow. Even she isn’t completely sure about it, but I have to believe that an intelligent being like her really can have emotions!

Outwardly, she only said, “I understand, Princess Celestia. I guess we’ll find out together!” She offered her a smile, which Celestia returned.

“I suppose we will,” Celestia replied, and drank the last of her tea.

Author's Notes:

Reference jokes ahoy!
-"Pronto the Porcupine" and "Dr. Robotnag" are obviously references to "Sonic the Hedgehog" and his nemesis Dr. Robotnik, now better known as Dr. Eggman.
-Sweetie yelling how Button Mash is always getting them in trouble is me subtly joking about the infamous takedown of "Button's Adventures" by JanAnimations, which is still one of my favorite things created by the fandom.
-Discord breaking the fourth wall saying him being a Cutie Mark Crusader is canon to the comics references the MLP comic Friends Forever #2 which features Discord befriending the CMC and is itself chock full of reference jokes.

Art, as usual, by Colby Green.

Electric Ladyland, Part 2

Twilight and Spike went back inside after bidding Princess Celestia farewell. She heaved a sigh of relief and actually sat down, slumping against the front door, and Spike nearly joined her.

“That could have gone better,” Twilight said, letting out a long sigh. Then she raised her head, brightening. “But it also could have gone much worse! It looks like Princess Celestia will let me handle this!” Then, raising her voice, she called out: “Turing Test? Turing, are you around?”

“I am here, Twilight Sparkle,” she responded, her voice coming from the room she’d entered earlier. “I require your input.”

“Input?” Twilight asked, walking to the room. She opened the door and found her robot friend sitting in front of a tall mirror. “Turing? What are you doing?”

“I am cataloging and comparing known physical differences between myself and the general norms of biological ponies. This present situation is the first time I have viewed my own image in its entirety.”

“Oh. I guess that’s right, I hadn't really put you in front of a mirror before. Um… thoughts?”

“Unable to complete task. My shape is that of a biological pony and I have many of the same features. However, in our recent outing, my auditory sensors picked up several onlookers commenting on my physical appearance.”

To Twilight’s surprise, Turing then imitated several ponies' voices, mimicking their inflection and pronunciation perfectly: “‘What is that thing? It didn’t look like that in the newspaper!’ ‘Wow, that ugly thing is a mechanical pony? Weird.’ ‘Hey, get a load of that machine with Princess Twilight! Doesn’t she get freaked out being followed by a talking hunk of metal?’ ‘Mommy, I’m scared!’ ‘Oh, jeez, I think it looked at me! Do you think it eats? What in the world is the princess doing with that monstrosity?!’”

“Turing, enough!” Twilight cried.

“Apologies, Twilight Sparkle. I only wished to convey several comments. Is it correct to state that the majority of ponies are disturbed or disgusted by my appearance?”

Twilight hesitated and looked at Turing carefully. Without the ability to change her facial expression, it was impossible to tell just by looking at her if she had any emotional response. With a normal pony, Twilight would have likely assured her that such an awful thing was not the case. But with Turing…

She leaned closer to the robot. “Turing Test, do you… I mean, does it bother you?”

“I am attempting to discern how I am perceived by others.”

Twilight swallowed. “Then… yes, I think that it is true. Not everypony, but yes. Most ponies are not used to seeing an automaton in their midst.”

“Robot.”

“Okay, fine, ‘robot!’” Twilight exclaimed, throwing her hooves in the air as she gave up. “But listen: just because some ponies are scared of how you look, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“That contradicts the data obtained in your books, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing replied. “It is clear that ponies form bonds based on a number of factors. Physically acceptable or pleasing appearance is one of the most common of those factors, especially in the case of romantic relationships. I have seen this in 100% of stories documenting pony courtship found in your library, including an unfinished quill-written manuscript describing the relationship between one 'Flashlight Twinkle' and one 'Dash Gentry.'”

Twilight’s eyes bulged and her cheeks went red. She knows!

“The reactions of the citizens of Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle’s friends, and Princess Celestia all indicate that my physical appearance is unacceptable.” She turned back to the mirror. “This is an impediment to my directive of making friends. A solution must be found.”

“Wellll, there’s more to making friends than physical appearance, but I don’t see any harm in helping you look your best,” Twilight said, starting to think out loud. “Unfortunately, that’s not something I’m an expert in. The only pony I know who is an expert is… of course!” Her face lit up. “Rarity! She’s the perfect pony to help you! Oh, and this is a great opportunity for you to bond over something! Come on, Turing, we’re going to the Carousel Boutique!”

“Um, Twilight,” Spike said, his voice coming from the main hall, “I think you might want to look at this before you go.”

Twilight and Turing exited the room and Twilight saw a veritable mountain of envelopes stacked at the door. “What in Equestria is that?!”

“The telegraph office sent over a bunch of these telegrams and the post office delivered a bunch of mail too. They say there’s still more coming, too!”

“What? What are they writing about?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Take a wild guess.” He jerked his head toward Turing Test.

“Oh. Right. Wellll, I better answer them… but I was going to take Turing to see Rarity…” She paused to consider it, tapping her chin with her hoof. “Okay, I know what to do. Spike, I’m going to write a note to Rarity explaining the situation. I want you to take Turing over to the Boutique. I’ll look through this mail.”

“To see Rarity?” Spike's eyes lit up and he clasped his claws together eagerly. Then he paused and asked, “Are you sure you don’t want help with these letters?”

“No, I want to look at these in private anyway,” she replied, levitating one of the letters up to her face. “But do me a favor and let me know when you’re back so I can see Turing’s new look, okay?” She smiled and winked at Turing. “Give my regards to Rarity, you two!”

Rarity was adjusting a dress on display in the window of the Carousel Boutique when the bell over the door rang. A customer! She turned, putting on her best smile.

“Hello! My name is Rarity, and welcome to the Carousel Bout-eek!”

“Hi, Rarity!” Spike said, waving to her.

Her attention wasn’t on the little purple dragon, of course, but on the mechanical pony right behind him.

“S-Spike? What is this, why is the… oh, what was Sweetie calling it this morning?… Oh, yes, ‘robot!’” She smiled, apparently pleased to remember the term. “Yes, robot, that really is a much better word than that mouthful of a word ‘automaton,’ that Twilight keeps saying.”

“Yeah, Turing Test here seems to prefer it too,” Spike said.

“That is correct,” Turing agreed. “‘Robot’ is favored by juveniles. It is the choice of a new generation.”

“Well, now that we’ve got that settled… what is that robot doing here?!”

“Twilight Sparkle has directed me to seek your assistance in attaining positive aesthetic modification.”

“Er, come again?”

“She wants to be pretty,” Spike said, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, Turing can’t you just talk normally, like me?”

“Affirmative. Extrapolating data,” Turing said, and then, perfectly matching Spike’s voice, said “Hello! I am Spike the Dragon! I enjoy naps and graphic-intensive manuscripts! Let us all breathe fire and consume gemstones!”

“Cut that out!” Spike yelled, stomping his foot and glaring at her. “I don’t sound like that!” Then he caught sight of Rarity stifling a laugh and his expression fell. “Aww, Rarity, don’t laugh!”

Rarity covered her mouth, looking away as she tried to stop laughing. “Oh, yes, um, sorry about that, Spikey-wikey.” She regained her composure and continued, glancing over at Turing. “So, what do you mean it wants to be pretty?”

Spike offered her the note Twilight had written. Rarity read it over, scrunching her face up as she did so. “My my, that is quite a request. But… it says here to help her ‘friend.’ Does that mean--”

“Yeah, Turing’s actually really nice! Maybe a little different, but you should give her a chance!”

“Affirmative. Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon have both identified me as a ‘friend.’”

“Hmm,” Rarity said, wrinkling her nose. “Well… Applejack did say she’d be willing to give things a try if Twilight could become friends with this mach-- er, with Turing. I suppose…”

“Please, Rarity?” Spike asked, giving her the best puppy dog eyes a dragon could muster.

“Oh, what the hay! I am a professional, darling, and I never back down from a challenge!” She pointed a hoof at Turing Test. “Ready your chassis, Miss Test! I am going to give your look the greatest upgrade it has ever had!”

“Let’s see, ‘To Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle’ yadda yadda ‘automaton sounds fascinating’ yadda yadda ‘would love to have it join our traveling’ whatever. Ugh!”

Twilight occasionally got fan letters or questions from citizens of Equestria, usually children, and those were ones she did her best to answer. But most of the telegrams and letters this time were, of course, about Turing Test, just as Spike had suggested. She tossed the latest letter aside and read another message and then another and another and so on.

A few of them are genuinely curious about studying her or learning more about what results I’m getting. Then there are the ones asking if Turing could be part of a circus or magic show or some other crazy sideshow attraction! What is wrong with these ponies asking things like that?! She opened a few more letters, reading them quickly and then throwing them out once she got the gist of whatever they wanted.

But the sideshow letters aren’t the worst. Not even the ones calling this a hoax are the worst. No, the worst ones are… She picked up a letter and read it. This kind.

She saw the familiar words: ‘very interested,’ ‘acquire your unique machine,’ and ‘greatly compensated for the device.’

Twilight grimaced as she crumpled the letter. They want me to sell her.

“Is this satisfactory?” Turing Test asked, exiting the dressing room wearing another of Rarity’s selections.

“Oh, no, no, no, that isn’t right either!” Rarity moaned, throwing her foreleg across her forehead dramatically.

They’d been trying on several different dresses, ranging from a flowing gown to a simple frock to a business suit and even a wool sweater. And yet somehow nothing looked right on the mechanical mare.

“I’m no expert, Rarity,” Spike said, narrowing his eyes, “but… yeah, for some reason none of your dresses look good.” He paused and quickly added “I mean on her! Of course they’re all great, they just--”

“No, Spike, no offense taken; you’re absolutely correct." She frowned, going over to Turing. "These dresses would look good on any number of ponies, but for some reason they just look out of place on Turing. It’s hard to say why.”

“Perhaps it is the hue or texture?” Turing suggested.

“No, that’s not it,” Rarity said, inspecting the dress more closely, lifting up the hem of the skirt.

“Some mares in Twilight Sparkle’s books complain of dresses causing their posteriors to appear abnormally large.”

“Your robodonkadonk looks fine, darling,” Rarity assured her with a smile.

Turing tilted her head to the side. “Idiom not found.”

“Never mind that.” Rarity walked all around her, fussing with the sleeves, the hemline, and everything she could before stepping back and shaking her head.

“Any ideas, Rarity?” Spike asked.

“Not really. Oh! Unless we could do something about your mane or tail, Miss Turing?” Rarity lifted one of the grayish-white locks of Turing's mane, but Turing took a step back.

“Inadvisable. My mane and tail are composed of conical filaments that draw heat from my inner machinery. Modifying them could jeopardize my functionality.”

She tossed her head back, letting a groan escape her. “Well, I guess that’s a no on the perm. Too bad! It’s hard to find something to complement all those curls.” She sat down to catch her breath and looked down at Spike. “It’s no good, Spikey-wikey. No matter what she tries on she just looks like… like…”

“Like a robot in a dress.”

“Exactly!” she cried, tossing her hooves in the air. “Oh what to do, what to do, I can’t believe my fashion expertise has failed me!”

“Um…” Spike began, scratching his head while trying to think of suggestion, “maybe… uhh… makeup?”

“Don’t be silly, Spike.” She rolled her eyes at the very suggestion. “She doesn’t have eyelids or eyelashes, so that rules out eyeshadow or mascara. For pony’s sake, she doesn’t have lips, so we can’t even apply lipstick! And even if we could, it would take more to help her fit in than just painting her face!”

Spike looked down, but then he saw Rarity’s eyes light up.

“Oh wait wait wait… 'Paint her face.' Yes! Ah ha, idee~aa! Spike, you might be right after all!”

She walked over to Turing Test and gave her a confident smile. “I know just how to help you, Miss Turing! Let’s get that dress back on the rack and then we’re going out to find a true artiste!”

Rainbow Dash reclined lazily on a cloud just outside Ponyville when another pegasus flew over carrying a note.

“You Rainbow Dash?” he asked.

“The one and only!” she replied haughtily, standing up and placing a hoof on her chest.

The messenger rolled his eyes and passed the note to her. “Message from Cloudsdale. The Wonderbolts reported a strange rogue cloud. Details are in the letter.”

“Rogue cloud?” She took the envelope, raising an eyebrow as she looked at it.

“Apparently. Good luck if you see it!” he then flew off, leaving Rainbow Dash to open the letter.

She opened it and read it carefully. Then she looked up, nose crinkled and eyebrow raised. “...In a tutu? Is this some kind of joke?!” She laid back down on her cloud, tossing the letter over the side. Forget it. This sounds like some kind of prank from those hot-shots in Cloudsdale and I’m not going to fall for it and waste the other weatherponies’ time looking for some imaginary cloud!

She closed her eyes and began to doze, snoring loudly. She slept so soundly that she didn’t even wake up at the sound of “Swan Lake” wafting through the air…

Palette Swap, the local paint and art supplies vendor of Ponyville, was drawing a simple sketch alone in his shop. He sold paint, brushes, easels, canvas, that sort of thing, but it was a fairly slow day for art supplies, so he thought he would plan his next watercolor painting. Then he raised his head as he heard a knock at the door.

“Oui?” he called. The door opened and he smiled, putting his signature red beret on over his blue mane. “Welcome to my shop! How may I help-- sacrebleu!”

It wasn’t the reaction Rarity had been hoping for, not that she had done much better when Turing Test had come into her shop. Still, she decided to downplay it and led Spike and Turing Test up to the counter.

“Palette, I apologize for the suddenness of this request, but I am in dire need of your assistance and expertise!”

“Moi?” he asked, glancing between Rarity and her companions uncertainly.

“Yes!” Rarity exclaimed. “As you may know, my dear friend Twilight Sparkle has taken it upon herself to teach this robot the finer points of friendship. Alas, her appearance, as you so perfectly demonstrated, is prone to making ponies jump right out of their skin with fright! Despite my best efforts, it seems even the magic I work with dresses isn’t enough to help her. But then I realized that there may still be a ray of hope!”

Palette Swap blinked. “I… don’t quite understand, but please go on.”

“My point is, mon ami, that I want to enhance her appearance not with clothing, but with paint! And that is where you come in, for I can think of nopony better qualified to give Miss Turing Test here the perfect artistic flare she desires!” She stood on her hind legs, spinning around, gesturing to the huge assortment of paint in all colors surrounding the little shop.

“Oh, Mademoiselle Rarity, you do flatter me, but this pony,” he looked to Turing Test, pausing for a moment, “she is, how do you say, not really my ‘schtick.’ I work with canvas, wood, and paper, but this metal and machinery is--”

“I require your assistance,” Turing Test said, startling the art vendor once again. She took a step closer to him, looking up at him with her violet eyes. “It is my directive to make friends. If I am to form bonds with ponies, it may be necessary to update my appearance. Your assistance could enhance my aesthetic value.”

He blinked, then tilted his head as he looked down at her. “You want me to make you... beautiful?”

“Correct. Ponies on the street find my appearance unacceptable. Such terms I have heard in the last 24 hours include the terms ‘ugly thing,’ ‘freakish contraption,’ and ‘monstrosity.’”

The rest of them were silent at this. Palette and Spike looked away. Rarity put a hoof over her mouth, but then found her words. “Oh. Oh, darling, that really is awful.” She looked away, feeling a bit guilty for her own previous judgments about this strange robot.

“Are you able to assist me, Palette Swap?” Turing asked. Then, considering that the phrase had such a strong effect on Twilight Sparkle, she added, “Please?”

He smiled. “How could I say no to Miss Rarity and such a polite poney mécanique? Very well, I shall lend a hoof to your cause!”

“Thank you, Palette,” Rarity said with a smile. “Now, I have some design ideas, but I’ll need your help choosing the right colors and accents!”

“Very well, but the first thing is first: we must apply a coat of primer to her! If you will both assist me, I will take her to my back room and get you both a pair of paint shirts and berets!”

Spike raised a claw tentatively. “Uh, why berets?”

“Pfft, such a ridiculous question!” Palette laughed, walking to the back room.

Spike waited and waited, but when he never got an answer, he shrugged his shoulders and walked to the back room.

A few hours later, a small crowd had gathered outside Palette Swap’s shop. The news of what was happening traveled fast and even Ponyville’s citizenry was not above gossip and a free show. Spike had run out to get lunch and blabbed about what he was working on with Rarity and Palette at the Hay Burger and soon the word spread to half a dozen others who told friend after friend and finally a crowd of over fifty ponies was milling around in the road outside the paint shop.

“I am telling you, Miss Rarity,” Palette said, peeking through the windows, “we should wait until tonight! The paint, she is not dry!”

“Oh, a simple walk to the castle won’t do it any harm!” Rarity laughed, dismissing the idea. “Besides, the whole point was to make Turing Test look more pleasing to the eye. Now we have a chance to show dozens and dozens of ponies what we’ve done! We can’t miss this opportunity!”

“Well, perhaps, but--”

“And it is sure to drive up business for the shop!” Rarity added, giving him a sly wink.

His worried look melted away. “Ah. When you put it that way, I suppose you have a point!” He chuckled and looked to Spike and Turing Test. “You are ready, Monsieur Spike, Mademoiselle Turing?”

“Ready!” Spike said.

“If Rarity and Spike the Dragon and Palette Swap are confident that this will gain everypony’s approval, then I am prepared.”

“Let me go out first and give it some dramatic flair,” Rarity said, looking back at them as she made for the door. “This will be the talk of the town!”

She went outside, blinking in the bright sun of the afternoon. All the ponies in the crowd had been chatting excitedly, some sneering and ready to get a good laugh at the mechanical freak show. Rarity intended to show the naysayers a thing or two.

“Ladies and gentlecolts!” Rarity shouted, and the crowd all snapped to attention. “I know many of you came to see what we have wrought! Science from parts unknown in Equestria built the strange robot known as Turing Test!” A murmur went through the crowd at the word ‘robot.’ Everypony gathered seemed to take an immediate liking to the term. Rarity went on. “As I have said, science may have built her, but in teaching her friendship, Princess Twilight Sparkle will give her a heart! Nay, a soul! And to celebrate this, Palette Swap and I have fused art and fashion to give her a new look that is sure to leave you dazzled! So, without further ado, I present to you all… Miss Turing Test!”

Turing emerged at the mention of her name. As she stepped into the light, a collective sound of awe swelled up from the crowd.

Rarity had originally wanted cooler colors, but in the end they had decided on a theme of red, white, and blue. The bottom parts of her forelegs had been painted blue with white stars on each leg, and her head and body had an asymmetrical, almost checkerboard-like red and white alternation. Her flank was blue and her back legs red, again with the white star motif on them. Though they couldn’t modify her mane, they did toss in a little glitter to give it some extra sparkle. Rarity had been afraid that the colors would clash, but somehow, with Palette Swap’s help, they managed to pull it off. And now Turing Test stood shining brightly, her new coat of paint standing in sharp contrast to her drab metallic hull from before.

“Greetings, citizens of Ponyville,” Turing Test said. “My goal is to integrate and become friends with normal ponies. Hopefully my appearance is more acceptable to you now.”

The crowd began to chatter excitedly, impressed and their initial fears about this strange mechanical pony began to dissipate. Somepony began stomping their hooves and others joined while still others began to applaud directly.

“Rarity, you did it!” Spike whispered, coming up alongside her.

“I’d say we did it, Spikey-wikey,” she replied, giving him a wink. His heart melted and did his best to hide his blush from her.

“Good luck, my friends,” Palette said, waving goodbye as they left. “Madamoiselles, Monsieur, it has been my pleasure!”

As the crowd parted, Rarity led Turing Test and Spike down the road. All along the way, more and more ponies stopped what they were doing and gasped, smiling with glee at the colorful sight before them. Some of the same ponies from that morning were still out and about and now looked on Turing not with apprehension, but amazement.

Processing. Turing Test began to assess the situation. Aesthetic appearance has been improved successfully. Responses to this unit show a significant rise in positivity. This unit is... She paused, her functions momentarily seizing up. I am no longer unpleasant to look at. I am no longer ‘ugly.’

“Darling, try not to lag behind,” Rarity exclaimed with a laugh. “Besides, with your new look, this is no time to simply walk. This is the time to strut!”

Rarity broke into a trot, holding her head high and proud. Turing Test fell in line behind her, mimicking the action. This seemed to get an even more positive response from the onlookers. They smiled and turned their heads, cheered, laughed, and some even ran alongside the little parade.

"Strutting is successful," she said, which got a laugh from Rarity. If I am no longer ugly and if other ponies find my appearance pleasing, then I will be able to make friends more easily. This action will please Twilight Sparkle. Other ponies will reciprocate positively in the same manner as Rarity and Palette Swap. I will be accepted.

It was an intriguing thought. Perhaps everything would become simpler. Perhaps many more ponies would want to be her friend.

Eventually the crowd of onlookers and followers thinned out as they got closer to the castle. About fifty meters from it, Rarity stopped, causing Spike and Turing Test to do the same.

Rarity tapped her chin, then raised her head with a smile. “Spike, come with me, please! Turing, please stay out here for a moment. I've just had an idea! I’d like Twilight to come out here and get a look at you in the sunlight! It will be such a surprise! Ooh, she is going to just love this!”

“Understood,” Turing Test said.

Rarity looked her over once more and her smile grew. “Oh, darling, I just can’t get over how fabulous you look!” she cooed. And with that, Rarity and Spike rushed inside to get Twilight.

Turing Test stood there. She didn’t know why, but this new appearance, for whatever reason, had a profound effect on ponies. She hoped Twilight would like it. If so, then Twilight Sparkle would be pleased with her efforts and like her more. And so would others. She was "stylish." She was "fabulous." She was...

"I am beautiful." That word lingered in her mind. Beautiful. I am beautiful.

Then she heard a strange sound. Ears twitching on their hinges, she glanced skyward and caught a strange sight.

“Unidentified aerial object located,” she said aloud. “Auditory input from unknown source. Magical readings cannot be analyzed.”

Something was coming toward her in the sky. It was a cloud wearing a tutu and dancing to ‘Swan Lake.’ It was doing dance movements in the sky, spinning and turning and leaping. Turing Test knew what a cloud was, and anypony would normally have been able to see from its dark gray color that it was, in fact, a raincloud.

But Turing also knew that clouds did not wear tutus; therefore, with that narrow definition, she didn’t recognize the thing before her as a raincloud. Instead, she only regarded it as thing to be analyzed as the music wound to a close and the cloud finished with a grand gesture directly overhead.

And as Discord’s magic finally ran out, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Spike all walked out the front door of the castle. They arrived too late to see the tutu disappear, but just soon enough to catch a glimpse of Turing’s new look.

Twilight's eyes went wide and they lit up as she saw Turing in her dazzling array of bright colors. For one brief, glorious moment, she saw Turing shining in the sun.

The robot began to take a step. "Twilight Sparkle, I--"

And then the rain cloud, no longer enchanted, bloated and heavy with precipitation, emptied its entire contents of water onto Turing.

“Noooo!” Rarity shrieked, seeing the day’s work ruined in an instant.

The downpour was short-lived, but powerful. The cloud shrank down and dissipated into nothingness. When it cleared, Turing was dripping wet, steam rising from her warm mane and sun-heated hull. The paint, so painstakingly applied, was now almost completely washed away. The red, white, and blue paint mixed into the mud to create a murky shade of pink. Wet clumps of glitter slowly fell from her mane. Only a few blotches of the paint and the remnants of one of the stars on her legs were left.

Turing looked back at herself, and then down at her hoof, seeing the bare, unpainted metal. “Outer coloring removed,” she intoned. “Aesthetic enhancement lost.” She looked over to where Rarity, Twilight, and Spike were all gawking at her, too stunned to react further. She sat down in the mud with a wet squelch. Her ears slowly lowered and she looked down at the paint that had formerly adorned her body, now useless and ruined.

“Turing Test!” Twilight exclaimed, running over to her. She slowed, seeing the way Turing's head was lowered. “Turing, are you… are you okay?”

“Physical condition is undamaged,” she replied. “My hull is resistant to rust unless exposed to water for prolonged periods of time.”

Twilight gave her a weak smile. “That’s… well, I’m glad for that, at least.”

But then Turing Test spoke again: “Twilight Sparkle. I… I am…”

They all looked to each other. They’d never heard Turing Test hesitate or fumble with words before.

“Cognitive functions have entered into a continuous loop. This experience is deemed significant. However, unlike the previously identified ‘gratification,’ I do not wish to experience it further. I am unable to fully process the data.”

“What did she say, Twilight?” Rarity asked, leaning over to her.

Twilight furrowed her brow. “I’m… I’m not really sure.” She cleared her throat. "Turing, could you please explain?"

“Clarifying: it seems probable that I am again experiencing an emotion. Analyzing...” She raised her head slightly, though her ears were still lowered. “Miss Rarity and Spike the Dragon and Palette Swap devoted effort toward my physical improvement. Such effort has now been negated. Twilight Sparkle wished to assist me in this goal. Now you will be unsatisfied in this regard. I am again unpleasant to look at. Ponies will not wish to become friends with me. I am… sad.”

“Oh, you poor thing!” Rarity cried, bursting into tears. She threw her hooves around Turing’s neck. “I’m so so sorry, darling!" She took a deep breath, sniffling. "But don’t you worry! We can take you back tomorrow and get that coat reapplied! And we’ll let it dry this time!”

“Um, Rarity, Turing,” Twilight said, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “I… I’m sorry, but Turing is made of an alloy that won’t hold paint very well. I know this because it came up when I suggested painting her to Mr. Vanderbull and Gadget a few days ago. It would crack and peel from the continuous heat she gives off. We’d need to get a special kind of industrial paint and they only sell it in bulk. And it’s very expensive.”

“Well, how expensive?” Rarity asked, drawing herself up. "Surely it can't be--"

“Over a thousand bits per barrel."

Rarity's voice caught in her throat.

"That’s 75 liters of paint, by the way," Twilight continued. "And you had three colors, so of course we’d need three barrels.”

“Oh.”

“And we’d need to reapply it to her once a month since she moves around so much that it would probably get scratched and start to flake off. We’d have to keep buying it.”

Rarity made a face. That was far more than any of them could reasonably afford, even if she and her other five friends chipped in. And she suspected that not all of them would be willing to do so.

“I... I see,” Rarity said quietly. She turned back to Turing, heaving a long sigh. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I don’t think we can do this again after all.”

Turing Test said nothing. She only looked back down, poking at the mud with her hoof, noticing the way the paint mixed with it. After another moment, she looked back up and said, “Understood.”

Spike tapped Twilight on the shoulder. “What now, Twilight?”

“Let’s go inside and get Turing cleaned up, Spike. We’ll talk about what to do after that.”

Rarity and Twilight finished toweling off Turing Test after getting rid of the excess paint. She was now back to her original look.

“Oh, I just feel awful about this whole mess,” Rarity said, fussing and pacing back in the spacious bathroom where they’d washed off the remaining paint.

“You shouldn’t, Rarity,” Twilight said gently, as she wadded up a towel and tossed it into the hamper. “Your heart really was in the right place. Thank you very much for trying to help Turing Test.”

“Twilight Sparkle is correct,” Turing added. “My current state of ‘sadness’ is only due to the impermanence of your contribution. The act of applying paint itself was helpful.”

“Well, on the bright side,” Rarity said, smiling as she raised her head slightly, “at least a lot of ponies got to see that paint before it was washed away. You still might have made an impact on how this town sees you, Turing.”

“Analyzing… that is possible.”

“There, you see!” Twilight exclaimed. “It wasn’t a total loss, although I wish I'd had a chance to see your paint job for myself for more than a second.”

They walked back out of the bathroom and walked down the hall, intending to see Rarity out. They passed Twilight’s study along the way, which was where she had been reading and answering letters all day. Spike was carrying the envelopes of those few she had chosen to respond to when he encountered them.

“Aw, going home so soon, Rarity?” Spike asked, frowning and kicking at the ground.

“I’m afraid so, Precious Scales." She put a hoof over her mouth as she yawned. "I’m actually a bit exhausted after all that happened today.”

“I could walk you home!” he offered, perking up. “I need to stop by the post office to drop off these letters Twilight is sending, s-so, heh heh, you know, it’s on the way.”

“If you take the long way,” Rarity pointed out.

“It's not long! It, uh, it’s the scenic route!” Spike exclaimed.

Rarity smiled, but then, looking through the door into Twilight's study, she noticed the huge pile of mostly crumpled letters in the waste basket in the study. “Hm? What in Equestria are all those letters and telegrams about, Twilight?”

“Oh, just ponies mailing me about Turing,” Twilight said quickly, moving to close the door.

“Scanning letters,” Turing Test said, peering at the letters, reading the text of those she could see clearly through the door.

“Turing, no!”

“Aborting. Scan incomplete. However, it appears that many letters have made a financial offer to Twilight Sparkle for the acquisition of this unit.” Turing Test cocked her head and turned to Twilight, who had already placed her hoof on her forehead. “The offers appear to be substantial.”

“Wait just one minute,” Rarity said, her eyes going wide. “There are ponies that tried to buy Turing Test?!”

“Oh my gosh! You’re not going to sell her, are you, Twilight?!” Spike cried, latching onto Twilight as he looked up at her entreatingly.

“No, of course not!” Twilight groaned. “I threw those letters out for a reason.”

“Illogical,” Turing said, catching their attention. “Previously, Twilight Sparkle and Rarity indicated that they lacked the finances to purchase items in excess of 3000 bits total. However, the top offer made for me was 11 million bits.”

“ELEVEN MILLION?!” Rarity and Spike shouted.

“I don’t care how much it is,” Twilight groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Well, neither do we!” Spike said defensively, Rarity nodding alongside him. “But seriously, that’s a pretty surprising amount of money! That’s… I mean, that’s unbelievable!”

“Twilight Sparkle, you could use that money for your own comfort. Or, should you wish to use it for the sake of others, you could use it for the nourishment of orphaned foals, the improvement of Ponyville’s infrastructure, or any number of altruistic goals.

“By contrast, this unit is of less value to you. I have proven slow to learn magic. I have frustrated you and cost you and Miss Rarity money. I have frightened others and made you an object of ridicule. I have had only limited success making friends. My appearance is unappealing. I am a faulty companion and unworthy as an assistant. Why do you not sell me?”

“Because you’re my friend, Turing!” Twilight shouted, stomping her hoof. “Many of those things you said might be true, but none of that matters! I don’t think I have the right to sell you, even if I actually wanted to! You’re not just some machine to me, and I don’t care what Celestia, the villagers, or anypony else says! You aren’t a burden; in spite of some minor troubles I like having you around, Turing Test! You’re a friend of mine and I would never ever sell you!”

They were all silent at that.

Rarity finally broke the silence, her eyes again watering. “Oh, Twilight… you really do care for her!” She turned to Turing, who was still totally motionless, though her ears had shot straight up. Rarity smiled and went over to the robot pony and hugged her again. “You know what, Turing? You can take comfort in knowing you’ve added one more friend to your list of successes, so don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Twilight and Spike shared a look and also came over, embracing Turing Test in what had become a group hug.

“Strange,” Turing said quietly. “The cognitive loop previously identified as ‘sadness’ has terminated. No explanation is available.”

Twilight laughed. “I guess that means you feel better.”

“Feel.” Turing said, as if trying out the word. Her ears twitched. “Checking status: feeling better… the possibility exists. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle and Rarity and Spike the Dragon.”

“You’re welcome, darling,” Rarity said, letting her new friend go. “Now, come along, Spike! I need to get home and you need to drop off those letters! I think the post office should still be open if we hurry!”

Twilight and Turing watched them go. “Oh, by the way, Turing,” Twilight said, “one of the letters was from Gadget. She’s asking me to test out your capabilities. Up for some exercise tomorrow?”

“I do not require exercise, but I will comply with physical diagnostics.”

“Great! In fact, I bet I know another pony who might be interested,” she said, a sly grin on her face. She turned to go back into her study.

Turing Test, however, made her way down the hallway back to the room with the mirror. She looked at herself in it just as before.

“Running query: Is Turing Test a pony or merely a construction resembling one?” She let her processor check the data against biological definitions, scientific ones, the philosophy texts she’d read, and what she’d heard other ponies say, including Twilight. “Results inconclusive. Query will require more data.”

She stared a moment longer at the mirror as she stood alone in the room. The image only told her so much. She would learn more about herself tomorrow. In the meantime, she could only stare at the strange creature in the looking glass and ask of it one question: “What am I?”

Author's Notes:

Hello everyone! Two things real quick:

First, references!
-The title refers to the great Jimi Hendrix album "Electric Ladyland." You can check out the not-exactly-title-track "Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)" here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcBVRNuz9Gs

-Turing says the term robot is "the choice of a new generation," referencing the old slogan for Pepsi.

I hope you liked the illustration of sad Turing Test sitting in a puddle. As a bonus, Colby Green, my illustrator, also did a rainy version. He did this before I had to clarify that Turing was not actually in a rainstorm. I still really like it, though, so here it is!

As usual, thank you so much for reading.

Harder Better Faster Stronger

In the green, open plain just outside Ponyville, a pair of ponies came up over a hill, their hooves rustling the lush grass as they walked. The sun warmed the land and a light breeze rustled the leaves on the trees scattered here and there over the area. Wildflowers of purple, orange, and yellow dotted the land and the wind carried their scent over to the pair.

“What a gorgeous day!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. She inhaled through her nose and sighed happily. “Oh, those flowers… just wonderful. We could not have picked a nicer day to do this!”

“Commencing intake of air,” Turing Test said, and a slight humming sound was heard as she drew air in through her own nostrils. “No toxins detected. Spectrographic analysis reveals several elements. Flower pollen is one of the many substances. Sodium laureth sulfate is also present.”

“What the heck is that last one?”

“A key ingredient in your shampoo, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Come on, Turing, don't these sights or maybe the smells make you feel something? Maybe another emotion?” She leaned toward her robotic companion with a hopeful grin.

“Processing visual input… negative. Processing olfactory input… negative. No emotions detected.”

“Darn,” Twilight said, heaving a sigh. “I really thought at least that sweet smell would do something.”

“While I am able to receive input through what could be considered my ‘nose,’ I am only able to detect and analyze the different components of the air. While my ability to do so outperforms that of biological ponies, I lack the ability to make judgments about odors in any sense of preference.”

“So… you can’t really smell anything?” Twilight asked. “Like, if I put a flower or a pile of garbage in front of you, you would have no idea which one would smell good?”

“Clarifying: I would know from experience that certain smells would be undesirable to others, but as I lack olfactory neurons, I do not truly experience such a sensation as ‘smelling’ it. Therefore, I would be able to make no judgment of preference for myself. For example, you could express enjoyment of two varieties of flowers and still state preference of one over another. In contrast, I am incapable of making such a distinction. Without reference to others, such distinctions are impossible.”

“Oh.” Twilight frowned. She felt a little sorry for Turing, but supposed that at least she was learning more about her robotic companion. “Uh, well, what about sights? Could you, say, tell me if something was beautiful or not?”

“Again, only through prior experience. Extrapolating such data is exceedingly complex and seems to vary from individual to individual. I was able to determine that my appearance was unacceptable to many ponies yesterday, but I required Rarity’s assistance to inform me of such things as what clothing went with my eyes, that my mane was difficult to match to many clothing styles, and that my ‘robodonkadonk’ was of sufficient dimensions and mass.”

Twilight nearly choked. “Your w-what?”

“Clarifying: my posterior.”

Twilight got her giggling under control. “Well, anyway, at least we know more about what you can and can’t do. And that’s what we’re here for today! Just as soon as…”

“Twilight! Turing!" came a familiar voice. "I’m here, I’m here!”

They both turned to see Spike running up to them. He held a long scroll that was currently rolled up in one claw, and a quill in the other. He also carried a bottle of ink under one arm and set them all down. Additionally, he carried a backpack that clattered as he walked. He set that down as well. “Sorry I was late, Twilight. I got that extra ink and the supplies you wanted.”

“No problem, Spike, we weren’t waiting long. Thanks for getting those!” She smiled and turned to Turing Test. “Okay, Turing. Spike and I are going to check your physical abilities. Are you ready?”

Turing stood up straight like a soldier at attention. “Affirmative. My battery has been charged and I am running at maximum efficiency. I am prepared.”

“Great! Okay, Spike, let’s get set up." She trotted over to him, looking over the list on the scroll he held. "We’ve got a speed test, a strength test, a math test--”

“And a Turing Test!” Spike exclaimed, sweeping his arm toward Turing.

Twilight made a face. “Let’s just get started, Spike.”

“Heh heh… right,” he said, chuckling to himself. Then he frowned and glanced over to her. “It’s too bad Rainbow Dash can’t help out with this.”

Twilight lowered her head. “Yeah," she replied quietly. "It really is.”

Earlier that day…

Twilight smiled up at Rainbow Dash from her position on the ground just below her pegasus friend’s cloud house. Her smile was warm and she craned her neck, holding her head up high.

“No,” Rainbow Dash said flatly, and with that, turned to go back in the house.

“What?!” Twilight cried. “Come on, Rainbow Dash, I could really use your help!”

Rainbow Dash turned back and shot Twilight a scowl, her eyes narrow and nose crinkled. “Look, I get you want me to make friends with your little ‘robot’ friend, or whatever you’re calling it now, but you do not need my help to put it through its paces. Pass.”

“Oh come on, Rainbow!” Twilight flew up and perched on the path of the cloud house, blocking Rainbow's way. She put a hoof on her chest. “Rarity considers her a friend now, so you know it’s not just me who likes her. I’d really appreciate it if you gave her a chance. She’s actually very nice and you know it’s important to me, so it would mean a lot if you lent me a hoof as a friend. I even told Turing all about you and how athletic and cool you are and she seemed interested in getting to know you! Pleeease?”

Rainbow hesitated, her scowl fading. She looked down and away for a moment, but then shook her head, her eyes going hard. “No, no way! You can’t butter me up to hang out with that mechanical pony. Besides, running a bunch of tests on it sounds like a real snoozefest!”

“But don’t you want to see what Turing Test can do? She’s got a lot of incredible abilities and you can be right there with me as we discover them!”

“No!” Rainbow shouted, flying over Twilight. “I’ve got a Daring Do book to read--”

“You mean re-read, don’t you?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

“--and I’d rather check that out than spend even a second watching a machine do… whatever it is you’re doing!” She huffed loudly, ignoring Twilight as she trailed her. “If you think you can make me like that thing by impressing me, then you’re wrong! Call me when it’s something I might actually care about!” And with that, she walked into her house, slamming the cloud door as loudly as she could (which wasn’t very loud at all, because, well, it was made of clouds).

Twilight gave an exasperated sigh and flew off. I really thought Rainbow Dash would want to see how powerful Turing is. I have no idea why she’s not interested, but I guess I can’t change her mind. I’ll just have to do the measurements myself without her help.

“Okay, Turing,” Twilight began, levitating a stopwatch from Spike's backpack, “let’s start with a speed test. Specifically, how fast you can accelerate and your top running speed.”

“Very well. I am in fact capable of measuring such speed myself.”

“Oh? Well, that’s helpful,” Twilight said. “I guess we’ll just let you do it.”

“Understood.”

Turing stepped away and scanned the area. The valley stretched a fairly long distance into the horizon, away from Ponyville. The ground was fairly level and didn’t seem to have any major obstacles, so she could run in a straight line for a long distance without needing to stop.

“Activating E-Mode.” The mechanical hiss of the pistons in her legs activating and locking into place was heard. With this extra power, she would be able to run much faster. She crouched slightly, her legs tense and ready to send her forward, just like a professional racer at the starting line. “I am ready, Twilight Sparkle. Shall I begin?”

Twilight looked down at Spike who was leaning forward eagerly and she took a deep breath. “Whenever you’re ready!”

No sooner had she said so then Turing shot forward with astonishing speed, the sound of her hooves pounding on the dirt like a machine gun. Twilight had seen Turing move quickly and do some amazing things already, but even so she could hardly believe Turing's speed. Within hardly a blink of an eye, the robot was already 100 meters away and surging forward. She sent grass and dirt behind her as she sped away until she was almost completely out of sight. Twilight was about to fly over to see what was going on when she saw that Turing had reversed course and was now speeding toward them. About fifty meters away, she stopped suddenly, turning sideways and skidding to a halt just in front of her and Spike, creating a sizable gouge in the earth as she dug in her hooves to decelerate.

Spike and Twilight just stared at her with slack jaws and bulging eyes.

“I achieved a top speed of approximately 120 kilometers per hour. I was able to achieve that speed from rest in 1.346 seconds.”

Twilight began sputtering, her jaw working as she tried to find her words.

“That’s… pretty darn fast,” Spike said breathlessly.

“That's an understatement: that’s faster than any pony can run! That’s faster than most trains can go!” Twilight exclaimed.

“I have no reference for that.”

“Well… wow, good job, Turing!” she added, putting a hoof to her forehead.

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Now deactivating E-Mode to conserve power.” The same hissing sound was heard as her leg pistons disengaged.

“Uh, okay, Spike, write that speed down and then we’ll continue with the math test.”

“Ugh,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.

“I know you're not as interested, Spike, but knowing her processing and mental abilities is important too!" She turned to face Turing, smiling at her. "Turing, Spike will start timing you as soon as I ask you a question.” She looked over to Spike, who took the stopwatch from her. “As soon as you answer, he’ll stop the clock and record your time. I have the answers on these flash cards,” she levitated them up, holding them in a way to hide their contents from Turing, “just to make sure you’re getting them correct.”

“Understood.”

“I’m ready, Twilight!” Spike said, holding his finger on the button of the stopwatch.

“Okay then… Turing, let’s start with a simple one. What is 4 plus 4?”

Click

“Eight.”

Click.

“Less than one second. Heh,” Spike said. “That was easy.”

“Not surprising. Let’s try a tough one. What is 385 times 6?”

Click.

“2310.”

Click.

“Um, less than one second again, Twilight.”

“Not bad, not bad. What is 4249 divided by 8?”

Click.

“531.125.”

Click.

“Wow," Spike said.

“Yeah, wow, that was fast!” Twilight exclaimed. “You’re really great at math, and without even using an abacus.”

“This may not be an efficient means of testing my capability, Twilight Sparkle. I am capable of calculating most general mathematical equations in an amount of time that would seem instantaneous. In fact, I can perform a large number of calculations simultaneously with no drop in performance whatsoever.”

“How large a number?” Twilight asked.

“The upper limit is unknown, but 1 million calculations in one second is certainly possible.”

Twilight gawked. “One million?!”

“Likely far more. That was a low estimation.”

Spike dropped the stopwatch, looking utterly dumbstruck. Finally he said, “I’m not sure we can ask her that many math problems today.”

“I am capable of performing a far greater number of basic operations as part of my synthetic neural processes. While the exact nature of my inner workings is unknown, I am able to estimate my abilities. It allows me to simulate the workings of a biological brain such as counting by sight and the memory of events. However, due to its precise nature, I am capable of exact measurements and perfect memory. Example: we passed exactly 14 ponies on the way here and that tree directly behind you has 30,472 leaves on it.”

Twilight and Spike gawked at her.

Spike looked back over his shoulder at the tree behind him. He could take all day trying to count the leaves and not get anywhere. “You mean you counted all that stuff on the way here?!”

“Negative. I observed my surroundings and recorded those observations. I can access any event I have experienced at any time with perfect recollection and then report information such as numerical values.”

“Amazing…” Twilight still had a hard time wrapping her head around how impressive Turing could be at times. But still, it wasn’t a real test unless she checked for limitations...

Twilight got a mischievous look on her face. “How about this… what is 10 divided by ZERO?”

The glow of Turing Test’s eyes shrank to pinpricks and for a moment her head drooped lopsidedly to the left before righting itself and her eyes returned to normal. “An error has occurred. Operation impossible. Higher cognitive function was required to terminate the calculation.” She turned to Twilight. “I will direct my program to immediately terminate impossible functions in the future. Nevertheless, it would be inadvisable to place such inquiries in the future, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ahahaha… er, sorry, Turing,” Twilight said sheepishly, looking away as if chastised by an angry parent. “Let’s just go on to the next test. This time, let’s try a strength test!”

Right on schedule, their new assistant arrived. The sound of trotting and the rumble and rattle of something heavy and metal inside a wooden cart could be heard long before he arrived. Finally, the sight of a very large white pegasus stallion was visible as he rounded the corner and hauled his cart into the clearing.

“I’M READY TO ROCK!” Bulk Biceps shouted excitedly. “LET’S DO THIS, METAL PONY!”

“Clarification needed,” Turing replied. “What do you require of me, Twilight Sparkle?”

Twilight swept her arm over at Bulk Biceps. “Turing, this is Bulk Biceps. With the possible exception of Big McIntosh, he's the strongest pony in town.”

“YEAH!!”

Twilight flinched at the muscular pony’s sudden outburst, but continued. “He has generously agreed to help us by bringing his weight-lifting equipment, so we can test your leg power.”

“Let’s see what you got, robot!” Bulk Biceps shouted excitedly. He got right in Turing's face. “Are you ready?!”

“Affirmative,” Turing replied.

“Come on, I can’t hear you!” Bulk shouted. “Louder, like this: YEAH!”

“Affirmative.”

Twilight winced. It was no more excited, but certainly louder. "Um, I think that's--"

“NO, COME ON, LET’S HEAR IT! YYEEAAAHHH!!”

Turing adjusted her volume to a considerably higher level and replied:

Birds scattered from trees and the others covered their ears as the sound rang out, loud enough to be heard for miles.

“Was that sufficient?” Turing asked, returning her voice to normal.

“WHAT??” Bulk Biceps asked, rubbing his ears,which were still ringing. “I MEAN… er, yeah. That was fine,” he said more quietly.

With that, he began to take the equipment and weights out of his cart and prepared to set things up for the test.

“Okay, Turing Test, activate E-Mode again and we’ll try to figure out just how strong you really are!” Twilight exclaimed excitedly.

Rainbow Dash had been reading her book when the loudest utterance of the word “affirmative” in Equestrian history blasted through her open window and startled her so badly she nearly fell out of bed.

“What the hay was that?!” she exclaimed, slamming her book down on the table by her bed. She stuck her head out her window, snarling and gritting her teeth as she scanned around for the perpetrator. She couldn’t see exactly what was going on, but her eyes were good enough to spot Twilight, Turing Test, Spike, and Bulk Biceps in a valley on the other side of Ponyville. Grumbling about the disturbance, but still somewhat curious, she fetched a pair of binoculars and looked again.

“What are they doing? Bench presses? That’s the stupidest…”

And then she froze. Bulk Biceps lifted a fairly heavy-looking dumbell with his forelegs on his bench. He appeared to be straining, but then she saw Turing Test get on it and do it easily. Then she did it again with just one hoof. Twilight was saying something excitedly and they added even more weight with no change in results.

“...whoa, how much weight is that? Maybe if I got closer--”

She stopped herself. That’s right. I’m not interested. That’s what I told Twilight. There’s no reason for me to care. She went back to her book and was about to pick it up when she hesitated. Buuut, maybe just a quick look over there wouldn’t hurt. Yeah, just a quick look and that’s it. Just out of curiosity. Yeah. I’ll go hide out on that cloud and watch for a minute, then come back here before anypony sees me.

And with that, Rainbow Dash zoomed out the window toward the valley.

“Well, great, we’re out of things to lift, Turing.”

“Shall I find more things to lift?”

“I don’t see the point,” Twilight said, looking over the numbers she’d written down. “You lifted as much as Bulk Biceps and I could get on the barbell, then we put it all back in the cart and lifted the entire thing and then we even put all of us on top of it!

Uh, just for the record, how much do you weigh, Bulk?”

“I PREFER NOT TO SAY. MODESTY FORBIDS!”

“Fair enough.” Twilight sighed. “Unfortunately, we didn’t get close to your limit, but what you lifted has got to be over three metric tons. And you can lift that much using only two hooves: forelegs or hind legs.”

“I AM HUMBLED, YET IMPRESSED! YEAH!”

“Well, on the bright side, at least you’ve got a new fan,” Spike said, thumbing at Bulk Biceps.

Turing looked to Bulk Biceps, who was smiling, then back to Spike. “Understood.”

“All right, Turing," Twilight said, "let’s move on to towing capacity.”

This was going to be trickier. It was harder to lift something than it was to pull it, especially on wheels. Bulk Biceps managed to haul all of his equipment on his cart, after all, even if he was unable to vertically lift that much. “Spike’s going to tie this magically-enhanced rope around you and then tie one end to a force gauge. You’ll be pulling against something else.”

Bulk Biceps looked at Twilight and gestured to himself questioningly.

“No, not you Bulk,” Twilight assured him, waving a hoof. “No offense, but we're going to need something with even more power than you can muster. I’m going to use my magic to try to hold the force gauge in place while Turing Test is pulling in the opposite direction. I’ll hold it until she can’t pull it any further.”

Spike finished tying the force gauge to Turing.

“Okay, Turing, are you ready?”

“Affirmative, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Good! Okay, start walking!”

Twilight tried to hold the gauge in place, her magic engulfing it and holding it firmly, but Turing very casually started to drag it in the opposite direction.

“That’s three tons, Twilight!” Spike said, watching the number on the mechanical gauge continue to climb.

Okay, let’s keep going, she said to herself and increased her magical hold on it. She kept doing that until she was was really starting to strain. Turing began to slow and her light trot became a methodical trudging.

“S-seven tons!” he said in disbelief.

Twilight grit her teeth and exerted herself further. Finally, Turing came to a stop, her hooves only digging grooves into the earth without going anywhere. “That’s it, Spike, what’s it at?”

“It’s… ten and a half, on the dot! Ten and a half tons!”

“Roger! Okay, Turing, stop!” The robot pony complied as Twilight took out her scroll. “Okay, writing it down. Whew, I haven’t had to use that much magical force since I lifted that Ursa Minor!” She wiped the sweat from her brow with her foreleg.

“Is that the last test?” Spike asked.

“Well, maybe just one more. Um…” She looked around and spotted a tall tree standing among several others. “Turing?”

“Yes, Twilight Sparkle?”

Twilight pointed at the tree. “I need to get some idea of how much force you can muster at once. I want you to go to that tree over there and buck it as hard as you can.”

“Understood. Commencing diagnostic of kicking power.” She walked up to the tree and looked at it for a moment, up and down, then turned back toward Twilight and the others. “One moment, Twilight Sparkle. I detect the presence of an avian nest in the branches of this tree. While not occupied at this moment, it is possible that the bird may return. The neighboring tree is unoccupied. Shall I alter my target?”

Twilight raised her head and blinked. “Oh. Yes, of course, Turing. That’s fine.” Twilight looked over to Spike, who was smiling, and she returned it, but she had to admit that she wasn’t prepared for Turing to take the time to consider the well-being of an animal. She’d never told her to do that. In fact, she hadn’t even thought about the tree having birds living in it, but she put that out of mind for now and continued watching.

Turing walked over to the second tree and turned her back to it, getting into position. Once she was ready, she reared up onto her forelegs and aimed her hind legs at the tree. Then, with all the force she could muster she bucked with both legs into the trunk.

The whole party gasped and some even had to shield their eyes as the tree seemed to explode in a cloud of splinters, bark, and leaves that radiated out in a cloud of debris. When they looked again, they saw that the stump of the tree remained, but most of the trunk had been completely obliterated and was lying in chunks that littered the small copse of trees.

“Twilight, look!” Spike shouted, pointing into the sky.

Twilight looked and could barely believe her eyes. The top part of the tree with its uppermost branches was flying through the air, almost a hundred meters up, and was tumbling end-over-end in an arc. Gravity took over and the remnant of the tree crashed to the earth a good distance from where it had once been.

“Wow.” Twilight didn’t know what else to say. She’d known Turing was strong enough to break rocks with her hooves, but that wasn’t totally unheard of even for some earth ponies. But such sudden force was…

“THAT WAS AWESOME!!” Bulk Biceps yelled, startling both Twilight and Spike, who’d momentarily somewhat forgotten he was there.

“Well, when he’s right, he’s right,” Spike said, and started to applaud. “Turing, you’re incredible!”

Turing walked over and shook the dust and splinters from her body. “Your collective awe at my abilities is puzzling. I am merely demonstrating my physical limits for the purpose of assessment. Twilight Sparkle, can you provide information on why physical displays can be sources of amazement or delight? Without experiences with either emotion, the response seems illogical to me.”

“Uhhh, that might be hard to explain, actually,” Twilight replied, not even knowing where to start.

“Understood. I will endeavor to learn more. I may be able to gain information through interactions with those observing me today. Spike the Dragon, Bulk Biceps, or Rainbow Dash may be able to provide additional information.”

“Yeah, I guess-- wait, Rainbow Dash? She’s not here.”

“Incorrect. She is observing us from a cloud directly overhead.” She pointed her hoof straight up.

They all looked up and were just in time to see Rainbow Dash duck her head back behind the cloud she was perching on.

“HI, RAINBOW DASH!” Bulk Biceps yelled, waving and smiling obliviously.

“Rainbow Dash?!” Twilight exclaimed, her voice accentuated by both surprise and a bit of anger. “What are you doing up there, I thought you didn’t want to come at all! Why are you watching us?”

Rainbow sighed and came down off of her cloud, landing amongst everyone. “Uh… hey,” she said sheepishly.

“How long have you been there?” Twilight demanded, going nose-to-nose with her.

“She has been observing us for the last 20 minutes, shortly after we began my lifting assessment.”

“Tattle-tail,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"Incorrect. My name is Turing Test."

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Okay, Rainbow Dash, what’s going on here? I think you owe me an explanation.”

“Okay, see,” she began, looking off to the side, “I admit I was lying when I said watching you test your robot’s strength sounded boring. Then I heard her yelling something and looked out the window and I just couldn’t resist when I saw her lifting all that stuff.”

“If you felt that way, why didn’t you just come when I asked?”

“Because I knew you weren’t asking me just because you thought I’d be interested,” Rainbow said, narrowing her eyes. “I knew you wanted me to come because you thought I’d go all fangirl and want to be friends with that robot just because she’s strong.” She started hovering in the air and looked down at Twilight pointedly. “Am I right?”

The others also looked to her and Twilight squirmed under their collective gaze. “Um… somewhat.”

“That’s what I thought,” Rainbow Dash said. She sighed. “Look, I’m not mad or anything,” she added, her tone more conciliatory, “and I’ll stay and help today if you want, but you can forget about me making friends with her. I’m not going to bond with her over how strong she is.”

“Why not?” Spike asked. “You love seeing other ponies show off how tough they are.”

“Because she was just built that way,” Rainbow said, pointing at Turing Test. “It’s sort of cool, but it’s not that impressive if that’s what she was just designed to do.”

“That does not seem relevant,” Turing remarked, startling Rainbow. “Biological ponies likewise have innate abilities and talents from birth.”

“Yeah, but then they have to work on it and perfect it and get better at it,” Rainbow Dash shot back. “You don’t!”

Twilight looked away, remembering how, when she thought Turing had perfected magic without any effort, it had irritated her tremendously. She couldn’t exactly disagree with Rainbow Dash’s point.

“Take me, for instance,” she said, flying even higher and doing a loop for show. “I had to work hard for years to get as awesome as I am. And now I’m one of the fastest and best fliers in Equestria!”

“That is useful information,” Turing Test said, looking up at her. “How long have you been a member of the Wonderbolts?”

Rainbow froze, her eyes first going wide, then narrowing coldly. “What did you just say?”

“Clarifying: Twilight Sparkle’s book on the history of the Wonderbolts indicated that they are a group of the best fliers in Equestria,” Turing said. “You indicated that you met such a qualification. Therefore, logically, you must be a member of the Wonderbolts.”

Twilight and Spike were both motioning at Turing to be quiet.

“Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon, are you both suffering from neurological muscle spasms?”

“Ohhh Turing!” Twilight groaned, putting her hoof to her forehead.

“I don’t like your tone, robot!” Rainbow Dash shouted. Her eyes were hard and her nostrils flared. “You think you’re so tough?!”

“My durability is very high.”

“You think you’re hot stuff?!”

“My hull can reach high temperatures in direct sunlight.”

Rainbow’s frustration was boiling over and she grit her teeth. “Well, then, can you do this?”

She took to the air and flew off quite a distance, enough to where even Turing lost sight of her. Then she came rocketing toward them, overhead, picking up speed until…

“Uh oh… Spike, Bulk, cover your ears!” Twilight shouted, realizing what Rainbow was attempting.

Turing continued to watch as Rainbow Dash - now just a rainbow-colored streak - soared over them when there was a very loud sound, like an explosion, and a circular ring of multicolored light radiated outward, followed by a rumbling shockwave that blew back their manes (or scales in Spike’s case).

“Still amazing as ever,” Spike breathed. Twilight and Bulk Biceps nodded as well, and even Bulk was speechless at the dazzling sight.

A moment later, Rainbow Dash returned to the ground, tossing her mane back proudly. “Ha! What do you think about that?”

“Unknown.”

“Huh?” Rainbow asked, confused by the simple response.

“Clarifying: You previously asked if I was capable of such a feat. The manipulation of light in such a fashion is beyond my capabilities, but if you reference the ability to fly at supersonic speeds, that is unknown. I have yet to utilize or assess my pegasus-mode.”

“Your… what?”

“I will demonstrate. Switching to P-Mode.” Turing lowered her head and a panel on her back lifted slightly. With a loud clack-clack-clack sound, a pair of brass-colored wings sprouted out horizontally, then raised into an elevated V-like position. She raised her head and stood there, her bright wings reflecting light on the ground as they gleamed in the sun.

Rainbow blinked, then turned back to Twilight. “Okay, not going to lie: that was pretty awesome.”

Twilight grinned smugly.

Rainbow Dash shook her head and turned back to Turing. “But that still doesn’t mean anything to me! I bet I could beat the pants off you any day of the week!”

“I do not wear pants on any day of the week.”

“Are you being smart with me?”

“Affirmative: I possess high cognitive function.”

“Then how about we see what you’re made of!”

“I am composed of titanium alloy among many other--”

“Gah, just shut up! I mean I can defeat you in a race!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

Twilight’s eyes popped open. “A r-race? Oh, Rainbow Dash, I don’t know if--”

“A competitive race would provide a sufficient opportunity to assess my flight capabilities, Twilight Sparkle. Am I correct?”

"W-well, I mean..." Twilight looked to Spike and Bulk Biceps for help. Spike just shrugged and Bulk Biceps actually looked excited.

“A RACE SOUNDS AWESOME! I GOTTA TELL EVERYPONY SO THEY CAN WATCH!”

“Now wait a minute!” Twilight cried.

Rainbow Dash wasn’t as hesitant. “Ha! That’s a great idea, Bulk Biceps!” She turned back to Turing Test. “All right, robot: I challenge you to a race! What do you say to that?”

Turing stepped forward, and though neither her unchanging face nor the tone of her level synthetic voice gave any indication of emotion, Twilight couldn’t help but detect an edge to her simple reply: “Challenge accepted.”

Author's Notes:

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

Title reference? What else?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDpmVUEjagg

Aerodynamic

Scootaloo pulled up to the crowd of ponies gathered on a tall hill just outside of town. She parked her scooter, hanging her helmet on the handlebars, before eagerly pushing through a veritable forest of legs to see if she could find her idol. Fortunately for her, Rainbow Dash was making sure that absolutely everypony saw her strutting and revving the crowd up.

“Come on, everypony!” she was saying, hovering overhead to be as visible as possible. “This is your chance to see! Mare vs Machine!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo exclaimed, eagerly flapping her wings as she bounded forward. “I heard you’re going to race Twilight’s robot! Uh… Turing Test, that’s it! Is it true?”

“Guess everypony heard!” Rainbow Dash said, loud enough for the entire crowd to hear her. “But in case you all just showed up... yes it is true! I’m going to race a robot!” She landed and ruffled Scootaloo’s mane affectionately, quietly adding, “And I’m glad you came, squirt.”

“Good luck in the race, Rainbow Dash!” she cried.

“Thanks. I won’t need it, but thanks!”

Scootaloo didn’t think she could be more excited, but then she always loved to watch Rainbow Dash compete. Then she looked and saw Twilight and Turing Test a short distance away. Twilight did not look anywhere near as enthusiastic as Rainbow Dash. Since Twilight had been tutoring her during Twilight Time, it seemed wrong to not cheer her and Turing on as well, so she approached the pair of them.

Twilight was pacing back and forth and muttering to herself. Turing Test was doing nothing but standing there.

“Um, hi there, Twilight!” Scootaloo said, trying to get Twilight’s attention.

“Huh? Oh, uh, hello Scootaloo,” Twilight said, stopping to take in the sight of her. “I guess you’re here to watch the race… just like everypony else…”

“Yeah, I… um, are you okay?”

Twilight looked around, shifting her eyes nervously. “Maybe. But if things go wrong or… or there’s another lightning strike… No, no, no thunderclouds today...” She seemed to forget that Scootaloo was there and went back to pacing.

Scootaloo looked over to Turing. She approached the robot pony nervously, but decided that it would only be right to wish her luck too, since she was the one actually racing Rainbow Dash.

“Um.. h-hey, Turing Test!” she said hesitantly.

Turing swiveled her head around to stare at the little orange filly.

She paused for a moment, startled by Turing's rapid movement and the sudden stare of her glowing eyes. “I wanted to wish you good luck in the race!”

Turing didn’t seem to understand at first and said nothing. Her ears moved slightly on their hinges, squeaking gently as they did so, before she replied, “Understood. You are following polite social convention by expressing well-wishes for the competitors.”

“I… think so, yeah,” Scootaloo replied.

“Am I to understand that you favor my chances in the race?”

Scootaloo looked away and laughed nervously as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Actually, I’m sorry, but I think Rainbow Dash will win. Or at least I hope she wins.”

Turing's ears twitched again. “I do not understand how the outcome benefits you in a way that you would have preference. Please clarify.”

“I guess it doesn’t really do anything for me… but if she wins, it’ll make Rainbow Dash happy, and she’s my big sister!”

“Understood. In truth, I am uncertain of the outcome. I believe it will be a good means of testing my abilities while comparing them to those of a biological pony. Rainbow Dash displays high physical prowess.”

“That’s true. You’ll have to fly pretty fast to beat her!”

Then Twilight interrupted this with another outburst. “She could overheat! She might catch on fire! Oh no, oh no no no…!”

Scootaloo realized that Twilight was still talking to herself and returned her attention to Turing. “What’s wrong with Twilight?”

“Twilight Sparkle seems to be concerned about my participation in the race,” Turing replied. “Because my flight capabilities have never been utilized, she worries that I will be incapable or become damaged. She also worries that other ponies will ridicule me if I fail to defeat Rainbow Dash. Paradoxically, she also fears that Rainbow Dash will become hostile if I am successful in defeating her.”

“Wait a minute... you're going to fly? I heard it was a race, but I thought it was a race on hoof!”

“Incorrect. My running capability has been assessed as far beyond that of any biological pony. My flight has never been tested, and although I have data instructing me how to fly, I have yet to fly in actuality.”

“I didn’t even know you could fly!” Scootaloo exclaimed. The little filly peered around Turing, frowning as she looked along Turing's body. “Well, where are your wings?”

“One moment: I will display them. Switching to P-Mode.”

Scootaloo jumped back as the wings appeared once again, clattering as they emerged from her back and locked into position.

“Whoa…” Scootaloo breathed.

The crowd of ponies had been focused on Rainbow Dash, who was showboating and already proclaiming her inevitable victory, but the sight of the shiny metallic wings suddenly got their attention and an awestruck “Oooh!” swelled up from them as they turned and approached her.

“Wow, look at those!” a mare exclaimed.

“Can she really fly on those? Cool!” a stallion asked excitedly.

More and more questions and cheers were tossed out and suddenly Twilight came back to reality when she realized the focus had turned back to Turing.

“N-now careful, everypony! Please remember that Turing Test has never actually flown before!”

“And that’s only one reason why she’s gonna lose!” Rainbow Dash growled, angry that Turing had inadvertently stolen the attention away from her. “Enough waiting around, this crowd is big enough!” She turned to Turing and grinned. “What do you say, robot? Are you ready to get this show on the road?”

“Where we are going, we do not need roads.”

The crowd laughed at that and Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, none of them realizing that Turing was not trying to be clever.

“Ooh, ooh, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo cried, getting her idol’s attention. “Can I be the one to hold the flag and start the race? Pleeeeasse?”

“Ha! Of course!” She then took to the air, hovering above everypony, preparing to lay down the course and rules of the race.

A cheer went up from the crowd as they realized the race was about to start.

“The race is from here, around the peak of Dragon’s Fang Mountain,” Rainbow Dash began, pointing to the peak of the mountain in the distance, “then over the Everfree forest and touching the flagpole on top of the Castle of the Two Sisters. After that, it's back over Ponyville to ring the bell at the Ponyville Clocktower, and finally back here, busting the cloud above the crowd to end the race!” She pointed to the solitary white cloud placed above them.

From the hill on which they stood, it would be easy to see the competitors as they completed each leg of the race. The course was a vague rhombus shape and the circuit would take them over most of Ponyville, especially when they reached the Clocktower. Turing looked over each landmark and started to analyze the course to determine the best way to approach them.

“Any questions, robot?” Rainbow Dash asked, giving her a taunting sideways glance.

“No clarification is required.”

“And her name is Turing Test, not ‘robot,’ Rainbow Dash,” Twilight Sparkle added, making a face.

“All right, all right, if that’s what you want, Twi,” she replied, holding up her hooves in mock surrender.

Twilight motioned for Turing Test to come closer to talk to her one more time, privately, before the race. “Turing, listen: you don’t have to do this. I mean, I hate to say it, but I think everypony here is hoping Rainbow Dash wins.”

Turing cocked her head to the side and Twilight knew she didn’t understand. “That is irrelevant.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she said, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I still think this is dangerous.”

“Do not worry, Twilight Sparkle. My systems are all operating normally. I have more than enough battery power, even after this morning’s assessments, to complete this race. I will take no unnecessary risk that would cause injury to Rainbow Dash, myself, or others. However, if you forbid my participation, then I will comply.”

Twilight hesitated, but she realized that dropping out now that things had gone this far would reflect badly on her and Turing alike. And part of her, however tiny, was annoyed at Rainbow for her treatment of Turing Test and wanted to wipe that grin off her face.

“Okay, Turing, let’s see you race,” she said finally, giving her a confident grin. Then she leaned in, quietly adding “Just don’t go easy on her.”

“Understood.”

“Are we going to talk all day or are we gonna race?!” Rainbow shouted, landing and placing herself at the starting line.

Turing walked over to the starting line as well. “We will race.”

“Ha! That’s what I wanted to hear!”

“However, I must caution you and those gathered,” she added. “My wings work on jet propulsion. Please avoid positioning yourself in close proximity directly behind me or you may be injured by streams of heated air.”

“Good to know,” Dash said, polishing a hoof on her chest before examining it disinterestedly, “but don’t worry. I don’t think I’ll have to worry about being behind you.”

They both got into position, knees bent. Scootaloo took up a spot before them. She was about to give the countdown when they all heard a sound. It started as a low whine, but then they all saw that Turing Test had started the jets in her wings, warming them up and preparing them for takeoff. The sound of them running was surprisingly loud and they kicked up the grass and dirt behind her as she revved them up to speed. When she took off, it would be easy to boost them high enough to propel herself forwards.

This might be tougher than I thought if she doesn’t need to flap! Rainbow thought, although outwardly she gave no sign of worry. I thought she was going to try flapping those metal wings, but if she’s got jets then…

“Racers, on your marks!” Scootaloo said, holding up the flag as she stood on two legs. “Get set…” They readied their legs, preparing for takeoff. “GO!!”

The flag came down and Rainbow Dash burst forward into the air. Turing Test leaped into the air as well, her jets going on full blast, likewise propelling her forward. Rainbow had the lead at the start, but Turing rapidly accelerated and was soon flying far faster than the crowd had expected her to go.

The race was on.

Rainbow Dash had launched herself with both her legs and her wings and rapidly accelerated to a solid cruising speed. The mountain was dead ahead and she knew that even at this speed she would leave almost any other pegasus in the dust behind her.

That robot is waaay too heavy to catch up, jets or no jets! she reasoned. Plus I was already half a kilometer ahead of her before she barely left the starting line! This is going to be a... wait, what’s that sound?

He ears twitched and she risked a glance backward as a steady, high-pitched rumble and whine got louder and louder. Sure enough, Turing Test was behind her. And she was catching up quickly.

Faster than I thought! Rainbow realized, turning her attention back to the race. She didn’t want to burn too much energy at the start, but she’d need to keep her lead. She didn’t want to let a machine pass her for even a second. With that in mind, she began to flap her wings even harder and sped up.

Turing, by contrast, had been accelerating the whole time and found she was still able to go faster. Catching up to Rainbow Dash would not be difficult, according to her calculations. But going faster than Rainbow was not the real problem.

Estimating aerial maneuverability… unable to match that of Rainbow Dash. Turing’s systems reworked the math and she adjusted her strategy on the fly. Adjusting course and flight path to compensate.

The peak of the mountain was getting closer and judging by how nimble Rainbow Dash was in the air, it was likely that she would simply go right around it at a sharp angle and speed toward the next target at the Castle of the Two Sisters. But Turing could not perform such a sudden change in direction without a massive sacrifice in speed; her weight and momentum were simply too great. There was only one solution…

Rainbow heard the sound of Turing’s jets get quieter and naturally assumed that she was falling behind. But a glint of sunlight on metal caught her peripheral vision and she saw that in fact Turing was moving away, but to the side. She was curving away from the straight path.

What the hay is she doing?! Why would she take the long path away from the mountain?

What Rainbow hadn’t realized was that Turing was actually going faster than she was, but rather than going straight at the peak, she was taking a longer curve around it. Rainbow approached the peak and made a hairpin turn, while Turing banked around it in a long, sweeping path. But as Rainbow made the turn, she saw that Turing was returning to a straighter path and getting closer. Without sacrificing her speed, Turing was closing the gap between them.

“You think that’s going to work?!” Rainbow Dash yelled. She grinned. That won’t work on the next leg! You have to touch the flagpole and can’t just bank around it: good luck not losing any speed on that!

The pegasi had the best view of the race as they hovered over the crowd at the hill. Several of them were sporting binoculars. They watched as Turing took the long curve around the peak, but to their surprise, her extra speed made it so she went around it at the exact same time as Rainbow Dash, just at a wider turn.

“They’re both around the peak!” one of them yelled. “Looks like neither one’s got a sure lead yet!”

The crowd yelled excitedly. The two dots in the distance, the shining metal one and colorful rainbow streak, were now heading for the skies over the Everfree Forest, and beyond that was the Castle of the Two Sisters.

Rainbow grit her teeth as she saw that Turing’s path was coming closer to her own. And as they got closer, she realized something else and it chilled her even worse than the fierce wind in her face:

Turing was still speeding up. A few seconds later, it became clear that the mechanical pony had passed her!

Calculating, Turing’s systems told her. Flagpole is a small target. Banking to conserve speed is inefficient. Evaluating options…

Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to have many options either. A straight path was the only real path she could take. She could just surge forward, then put on the brakes and tap the flagpole with her back hooves and spring off it…

No, no, that’ll slow me down too much! Rainbow Dash realized, shaking her head. She’s still going way too fast. If I slow down to hit the pole, she’ll increase her lead! Think, Rainbow, think! How can I touch that pole without losing speed?!

Then it hit her. A sly grin spread across her face as they lowered their altitude and the trees of the Everfree became visible. The ruins of the castle were now in sight and she could spot the details of the crumbling courtyard and dilapidated towers. And best of all, Turing was slowing down.

Adjusting flight speed, Turing’s systems informed her. She decided that she would have to time the rate of deceleration so that she could touch the flagpole and turn around as fast as possible. There was no other way that she could determine.

Rainbow suddenly soared right by Turing as she was slowing. While Turing intended to slow down and fire her jets in retrograde to touch the flagpole and rapidly accelerate, Dash wasn’t slowing down at all.

Rainbow stuck out her hoof as she zoomed toward the flagpole. Rather than merely touching the flagpole and springing off it, she hooked her foreleg around it and swung around, letting her momentum slingshot her toward her next target.

Turing watched as Rainbow surged onward, flippantly saluting as she sped away. It was too late to adjust her own strategy as she turned around, letting her jets slow her down just enough to tap the flagpole before reversing direction.

Lead lost. Recalculating… odds of loss now at 80%. Adjusting strategy…

“Rainbow Dash is in the lead! Oh my gosh, she just swung around that flagpole without slowing down at all!”

“Woohoo, all right Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo screamed.

The crowd erupted in cheers. Twilight had taken flight as well and was watching the two racers uneasily. Oh, Turing, what are you going to do now? You can’t change directions as fast as Rainbow and you’ll have to slow down to hit the bell! Rainbow’s just too good a racer…

Rainbow knew she had it in the bag. She was worried she’d have to go supersonic, and that would give her plenty of speed, but it also burned a lot of energy and left her exhausted. A Sonic Rainboom was therefore a great stunt, but not necessarily a great racing technique unless you didn’t have far to go.

The Ponyville Clocktower was dead ahead, just a few kilometers away. It was a straight shot, so she aimed right for the bell. She would slow down at the last second, ring the bell, then blast off toward the finish line. Sure, she had to slow down since she couldn’t swing around that heavy bell like she could the flagpole, but then Turing would have to do the same, and she couldn’t accelerate as fast as Rainbow Dash.

But just then, she heard a sound overhead and looked up with astonishment.

Turing Test was directly over her, the jets in her wings roaring at full blast as she sped forward, taking a larger and larger lead.

Heh. Whatever, Rainbow said to herself. You still have to slow down, ya dumb robot. I’ll just pass you again like last time. The finish line isn’t that far away from the Clocktower, either, so even your speed won’t help you now!

But to Rainbow’s surprise, Turing did not slow down. She was rocketing at the Clocktower at full speed, and now she was well ahead of Rainbow. In fact, if she kept that up, she would hit the bell dead on! At that speed, a pony would break her neck!

At least, a normal pony would…

And then Rainbow realized, too late, what Turing was doing.

Turing went at the bell at full speed. She cut her jets at the very last second, folding her wings inwards and straightening her body out like an arrow. Her narrow frame went right through the support columns of the Clocktower steeple and she glanced off the side of the bell with her body, creating a loud, reverberant ringing as she ricocheted off it, her titanium hull leaving her totally undamaged from the impact. Once that was done, she spread her wings and re-started her jets, letting her momentum carry her until the power of the jets allowed her to bank and turn toward the finish line.

Some distance behind her, Rainbow Dash was trying hard to think of a way to save this race, and it wasn’t looking good.

Updating… Turing calculated. Odds of victory now at 70%...

“Holy smoke! Th-the robot just rammed right into that bell and kept going! She’s in the lead! She’s coming this way!”

The crowd gasped, some in awe, some (who favored Rainbow Dash) in fear, and others just fell totally silent.

Not among any of them was Twilight who couldn’t contain herself: “Go, Turing Test, go!”

She clasped her hooves over her mouth guiltily as the others looked to her.

“Er… well, I mean, they are both my friends, after all.”

A few of the other ponies in the crowd smiled at that. A few of them even began to cheer and some even began to chant: “Tur-ing-Test! Tur-ing-Test! Tur-ing-Test!”

Rainbow was running out of time. If she slowed down and rang the bell like she was planning to originally, Turing Test would get too far ahead and would be uncatchable. But if she tried to do what Turing did, that wouldn’t work either. Turing was made of metal, so hitting the bell even at that speed did nothing to her; in contrast, Rainbow Dash would break a rib or a hoof or a leg if she collided with the bell!

Come on, Rainbow Dash, think, think! How can you ring that bell without slowing down to touch it?! It’s impossible, totally…

Then she had a flash of inspiration. She could ring the bell without touching it. She grinned.

“Hey, wait, is she slowing down yet?” one of the observers of the race asked.

“No, I think… wait, she’s speeding up?!”

Twilight and Scootaloo exchanged glances. They both knew what was coming next.

Rainbow felt her wings practically burning as the energy in her body began to focus and she squinted into the wind. She pushed herself more and more, speeding up, pushing beyond her limits as Ponyville below her became a blur and then…

KABOOM!

Rainbow shot right by the Clocktower just as she smashed through the sound barrier. The shockwave of the Sonic Rainboom spread outward and since it was so close to the tower, the force of it rang the bell loud enough to be heard right after the thunderous explosion of her hitting Mach 1.

Now with a brilliant streak of rainbow trailing her, Dash turned rapidly and soared at the finish line, focused on the cloud placed over the cheering onlookers. But the problem was that Turing was still ahead, even if that gap was closing. And now she had expended most of her energy…

This is gonna be close!! she thought, willing herself to fight the fatigue and the burning in her wings. The two were coming at the cloud crossways and it was anypony’s guess who would reach it first.

Turing Test saw the cloud directly ahead too and had already detected that Rainbow Dash had exceeded sonic speed. She had her jets on at full power and was positioned for the least amount of wind resistance, but still she could go no faster. It was very clear at that point that, while Turing could go faster than Rainbow Dash on average for longer, her maximum speed was still subsonic. Rainbow’s absolute maximum speed was supersonic. Rainbow was slowing down from fatigue, but only slightly. Not even Turing could calculate the winner of the race at that point. The two were practically on a collision course.

The crowd held its breath collectively as the two racers surged at them, the screaming sound of them cutting through the wind growing exponentially louder until they were both right there and the crowd stared up at the cloud and watched as…

...Rainbow Dash, by barely a meter, burst through the small cloud, busting it and winning the race.

Priority Queue, Part 1

Rainbow fluttered down to the crowd amid uproarious cheers and stomping. She was panting and sweat drenched her body, but she lifted her head to offer a victorious grin to the onlookers. She’d flown like a champion and pushed herself as hard as she could have, but in the end she’d won. She’d managed to defeat that machine and proven herself. Despite her tiredness, she couldn’t help but feel elated, even more than usual after winning a race. She waved to the crowd and their cheering became even louder.

Just then, she heard the sound of jets and turned to see Turing landing. She came down vertically from hovering and, once she stood firmly on her hooves, she folded her wings back into her body. They clattered and there was the hiss of hydraulics as the panel on her back resealed itself.

“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo cried as she pushed her way through the crowd. “You did it! You were amazing! That was the greatest race I’ve ever seen!”

“Heh. Thanks, little sis,” Rainbow said, smiling down at her biggest fan. “That wasn’t easy, but…” she stopped momentarily, as she was still trying to catch her breath, “...but it’ll take more than jets to beat me!”

With Spike in tow, Twilight had come over to Turing and was smiling at her. “You did very well, Turing. You almost won!” Likewise, Spike gave Turing a thumbs up.

“Correct. I believe I have accurately assessed my abilities in flight. Shall I report my findings to you?”

“No, we can do that later,” Twilight said, glancing over to Rainbow Dash, whose gaze locked with hers even as the crowd around them nearly drowned them out with their cheers and clamoring to congratulate Rainbow.

Her expression turning serious, Rainbow Dash gently pushed through her admirers to approach Turing Test. The crowd went silent as the two competitors came face to face.

“So,” Rainbow said slowly, raising an eyebrow, “pretty close race out there, wasn’t it?”

“Affirmative. I was unable to overcome the combination of your speed and strategy.”

“Yeah, well," she began, polishing a hoof on her coat, examining it nonchalantly, "I guess you were pretty good too.”

The crowd seemed to gasp in unison and even Twilight was surprised at the sudden compliment. Rainbow cringed and her eyes darted around.

Oh my gosh! Twilight exclaimed mentally. Rainbow has learned to respect her! Now they’ll bond and become friends and--

“--B-but you're still not good enough to beat me!” Dash added quickly, launching herself into the air and looking down at Turing. She grinned and added, “I guess flesh and blood ponies still have the edge on metal ones! But don’t worry, maybe one day they’ll build a faster version of you!” She laughed, drawing a smattering of mutual laughs from the crowd and a scowl from Twilight. “Until then, I’m out! Thanks for coming to the show, everypony!”

And with that, she flew off, leaving them all behind.

The crowd began to dissipate and Twilight put her hoof on Turing’s shoulder, getting her attention.

“Um, sorry about that, Turing,” Twilight said.

“I do not understand. For what action are you apologizing, Twilight Sparkle?”

“No, not me, I mean--”

“Miss Turing Test!” Scootaloo cried, bounding over. “Hey, I just wanted to say that you did really great in the race!”

Turing cocked her head at Scootaloo. “You stated earlier that you favored Rainbow Dash in the race. Has that position changed?”

“Huh? Oh, no,” Scootaloo replied with a nervous laugh. Then she smiled up at her. “I just mean that you did really well. I still wanted Rainbow Dash to win, but I can’t believe how close it was! You’re really amazing!”

Turing was quiet for a moment except for the squeaking of her ears as she processed this.

“Understood,” she said. “Thank you for your compliment on my performance.”

Then another voice shouted “Yeah, you kicked some serious tail out there, Turing Test!”

And another: “That was awesome! Your robot friend is pretty cool, Princess Twilight!”

One by one, a small portion of the original crowd stepped forward to congratulate Turing on the race. Turing seemed to finally understand the social convention of thanking ponies for complimenting her, even though she didn’t seem to understand why they were doing so.

Twilight smiled at the sight. Even though it was nice to see ponies accepting Turing and even treating her as an equal, she couldn’t help but feel a bit saddened by Rainbow not doing the same.

Back at her house, Rainbow Dash collapsed onto her bed, her Daring Do book still open on the table next to it. She had already caught her breath and her heart rate had returned to normal, but the intense adrenaline rush from the race still lingered.

She sat up and raised her hooves, staring at them as she gingerly flexed her wings. She couldn’t keep them still; she was still too tense.

That was too close, she said to herself. That robot almost beat me! If I had lost, then… oh jeez, it’s already stronger than any normal pony, but… I worked my whole life to be the best racer ever! If it beat me, if something other ponies built could beat me, then that would mean…

She flopped back onto the bed and rolled over, scrunching herself inward and shutting her eyes. I don’t even wanna think about it!

Not long after the race, Twilight and Spike were in the study putting the finishing touches on their report to Gadget.

“Let’s see, we’ve got her running speed, her calculations, her lifting power,” Twilight was saying, “and her kicking strength!”

“Not to mention you got to describe that awesome race!” Spike added. “I really thought Turing was going to win for a minute there!”

Twilight smiled weakly at that. “It was a good race and I’m glad that a lot of the spectators took the time to congratulate Turing Test,” she said as she used her magic to fold the letter and deposit it in an envelope. “I just wish that Rainbow Dash had been a little more of a good sport.”

“Yeah, that was a little weird,” Spike said. “She’s a hotshot, but she’s not usually so…”

“Rude?”

Spike made a face as he mulled that over. “Not exactly rude, just… well, is it just me or has she been acting weird?” Spike took the letter from Twilight and scrawled an address on it before applying a postage stamp.

“It isn’t just you,” Twilight replied. “She didn’t want to help me measure Turing’s strength, but then tried to watch without us knowing anyway. And then she seemed really impressed and wanted to race and even told her it was a good race, but then she had to say… that.”

(“...maybe one day they’ll build a faster version of you!”)

Something about that was just so dismissive, so harsh, and it really irritated Twilight to hear one of her best friends say that to her new companion.

Not that Turing Test seemed to mind.

“Are you delivering the report to the Post Office, Spike the Dragon?” Turing Test asked as Spike passed the little room where Turing had taken up residence.

“Yep. It’s not too late in the day, but I want to get over there for the afternoon mail pickup,” he said. He and Twilight poked their heads into the small room. “Hey, this room is really, um… coming together. I guess.”

Twilight looked over the area and was inclined to disagree. There was the mirror Turing had been looking in the other day, her crank-operated generator, and a can of metal polish Rarity had brought over for her (apparently it was the least she could do after being unable to provide a fresh coat of paint) laid on a table. There was no bed, no wardrobe, no personal effects, no pictures or posters, nor anything that added a personal touch. The room wasn’t even particularly large. It could have easily been used for storage, but Turing seemed content enough to stay there when she wasn’t doing anything else.

“I believe it will serve my needs for the moment.” She turned to face Twilight. “I am currently at less than 15% battery power, Twilight Sparkle. I will require a recharge or I may be forced to shut down soon.”

“I guess Spike can deliver the letter while I recharge you. You did use a lot of power today.”

“Correct. Flight and magic both consume far more energy than ordinary physical activities.”

Spike nodded and turned to leave. “Okay then. I’ll send Gadget the letter. I’m sure she’ll be happy to get it!” And with that, he left.

Twilight levitated the cables from the small generator to connect to the nodes on Turing’s back, opening the compartment to access them. “You know, I could also recharge you with my magic,” Twilight said. “Mr Vanderbull showed that to me when we were, um... putting you back together.” Silently Twilight wondered if Turing found that concept as odd as she did.

“Yes, but it is a somewhat inefficient process and would require more of your magical energy to transfer it to me than to simply crank the generator. It is, of course, your choice.”

“Fine by me,” Twilight said, and began to turn the crank. The dull whirr of the little round device and the hum of electricity was the only sound as the two of them sat like that for a few minutes.

“So,” Twilight began, trying to break the silence with some light conversation. “Um, any thoughts on today’s race?”

“Clarification required. Do you wish for me to provide further details on the race or specific data points regarding my performance?”

“I mean more like… do you have any reaction to Rainbow Dash?” she asked hesitantly. “Now that you’ve met her.”

“You informed me that she was both a superior athlete and extremely competitive. That description proved to be true.”

“Uh-huh. Anything else?”

“You also informed me that she is the representative of the element of Loyalty. Loyalty is defined as ‘a strong feeling of support or allegiance.’ However, her actions today were inconsistent with this definition. She refused your request for assistance and did not seem to respect your involvement with me.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Twilight said, heaving a sigh. “I wish you could get to meet the Rainbow Dash I know. I don’t know why, but she’s just acting strangely.”

The two of them fell silent again as Twilight continued to recharge Turing for several more minutes.

“Battery power at 60%, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight nodded and was about to stop for the time being to focus on a less tedious chore when Turing spoke again.

“Twilight Sparkle, may I make a request of you?”

“Huh? Oh, sure, what do you want?”

“I would like permission to speak to Rainbow Dash on my own tomorrow.”

The sudden request surprised Twilight enough that she momentarily stopped turning the crank to stare at her. “What? Why do you want to talk to her?”

“I am uncertain of why she seems alternately interested in my abilities while also displaying hostility. I have been running calculations and analyzing various strategies to discern how to best approach her.”

“Yes, but… why do you want to talk to her?”

“It seems clear that you wish for me to bond with Rainbow Dash in the same manner that I bonded with Rarity. This is in line with my primary directive to ‘make friends.’ However, if I am correct in my analysis of her earlier reaction in which she expressed what I have identified as ‘resentment,’ then she will regard any contrivance of yours to make us bond with further hostility.”

Twilight was taken aback. “That’s very astute of you. You’re getting better at reading body language!”

“Nonverbal communication combined with her declarations allowed me to arrive at this conclusion. However, the difficulty of analyzing such data required time. I was unable to reach such a conclusion until after we returned to the castle.”

“So, what do you want to do and how can I help?”

“I will enact a plan to form a social bond with Rainbow Dash. I require only your permission to meet with her tomorrow. Do I have it?”

Twilight considered this. It seemed like a good idea, but she needed to know one more thing.

“Before I say yes, Turing… why Rainbow Dash? Lots of other ponies seem to like you more now. So why her?”

Turing was quiet for a moment. “Upon observing her, I experienced something I have not yet been able to analyze. I am not certain if it qualifies as an emotion, but it is clearly significant...”

Twilight listened as Turing Test explained what had happened. And when she understood, she knew she had to give Turing her permission.

The next day, Rainbow Dash was in her home doing her daily wing-ups when she heard a knock on her door. Slightly annoyed at the interruption, she ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away. But a second, louder knock told her that perhaps she should see who it was after all.

“Thunderlane, is that you?” she called, moving through the house to the front door. “You better not be here to bother me on my day off or--” She opened the door widely.

“Greetings, Rainbow Dash,” Turing Test said. “I am not Thunderlane.”

Rainbow scowled. “Yeah. I noticed.”

The mechanical pony stood there, wings spread, her brass hooves sinking slightly into the clouds. Rainbow noticed she continually had to lift her hooves and shift her weight. This created a lot of noise as the servos and gears in her legs moved and shifted. This little “dance” made her look somewhat like a cat preparing a spot on the carpet before going to sleep.

“Uh, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Please specify.”

“I mean why are you moving around like that?”

“Understood. P-Mode enables me to fly, but it can also grant me limited cloudwalking ability by diverting some magical energy to my hooves. Titanium is an insufficient conductor of that energy, however, which is why my hooves are a partial brass alloy. It would seem that this is still an imperfect process, as I must make constant adjustments to avoid falling through the clouds.”

“So that’s why you’re moving like you’re in line for the restroom,” Rainbow said with a grin.

“I do not comprehend your meaning. My apologies, Rainbow Dash, but may we continue this interaction on the ground? This is an inefficient use of my battery power.”

Rainbow wasn’t sure she wanted to continue the interaction at all and she put her hoof to the door, ready to close it in the robot’s face. “I don’t know,” she said, eyeing her uncertainly. “You haven’t told me why you’re here yet. What did Twilight send you here for?”

“Twilight Sparkle did not send me.”

Rainbow paused, eyes widening. “What? She didn’t?”

“Repeating: Twilight Sparkle did not send me. She is aware of my presence here and I am here with her permission, but I came of my own volition. I am here to ask your assistance with another matter.”

With a tilt of her head and a long, hard look at Turing, Rainbow Dash finally shrugged and said, “All right, I can give you a few minutes.” She walked out, shutting the door behind her and fluttered to the ground. She looked up and saw that Turing Test had not joined her. “Uh, you coming?” she called up from below her cloud house.

“One moment,” Turing said. She was unseen, though still presumably standing outside Rainbow’s front door. “Disengaging P-Mode.”

“Wait, what are you--”

A moment later, Turing fell through the clouds, hurtling fifteen meters hoovesfirst at the ground. She smashed into the earth hard enough to create small impact craters with her hooves as she landed. She’d bent her knees to absorb the shock, but then straightened them out before walking over to a stunned Rainbow Dash.

“You could have broken your legs doing that!” Rainbow yelled.

“Negative. The height was not sufficient to cause damage.”

“Ugh, whatever, just tell me what you want so we can get this over with.” Rainbow was starting to think this was a waste of time. But then Turing said the last thing she expected her to say.

“Rainbow Dash, I issue you a challenge. I challenge you to a second race.”

Rainbow’s eyes went wide for a moment, but then she got a smug look on her face. “Heh. Nice try, but you already lost. Just accept it, kid; you’re not as fast as me.”

“That is correct. I estimate that with our current abilities, you would prevail upon multiple runnings of the course we flew in the majority of cases. A repeat of the race is not what I propose.”

“Wait, you want a different race?” She gave no outward sign, but internally the prospect of another race had piqued her interest.

“Affirmative,” Turing replied. “I propose a longer race. Additionally, I have plotted a suitable course for the competition.”

Rainbow frowned. “Oh, I get it… you want another race that you think I won’t win just so you can beat me and prove you’re better than me!” She poked Turing in the chest accusingly with one hoof. "I'm on to you!"

“Incorrect. My intention is to measure my abilities on a longer flight and gain further data on my ability to adapt to new situations. A competition such as the one we had yesterday seems a reliable way to test those capabilities. An uncertain outcome would be ideal: therefore I have mapped a course that gives a 50% chance of winning to either you or myself.”

“Hm.” Rainbow didn’t like to turn away from a challenge and this sounded like a fair fight. But just the same…

“So, this is going to be totally fair? How?”

“According to the data I received by scanning the Equestrian map in Twilight Sparkle’s castle, I have chosen a course that is long enough to test your endurance, but also goes through terrain with many obstacles, which will be an obstacle to my limited agility. Thus neither one of us has a distinct advantage overall.”

“All right, all right,” Rainbow said, still skeptical. She began pacing around Turing in a circle, almost as if interrogating her. “But then that just leaves the question: why should I?”

“I was under the impression you enjoyed racing.”

“I do. But I still like to race real ponies.” She got right into Turing’s face. “And I don’t think you count. It’s like a swimming race against a boat… it doesn’t exactly prove anything.”

“This reaction is unexpected. How may I entice you to participate, Rainbow Dash?” Turing asked. “Do you require some sort of compensation?”

Rainbow grinned mischievously. “Heh. Something like that. How about we make it interesting with a bet?”

“Bet.” She said the word and tilted her head. “You mean a wager. You propose some sort of exchange where the loser is indebted to the winner. That may be acceptable. What are your terms?”

“Glad to see you’re not chicken,” Rainbow laughed. “And before you ask, no, I did not mean that literally!”

“...Understood. Inquiry regarding yard fowl cancelled.”

“Right, right. Okay, if you win then… um… well, what do you want?”

“Analyzing inquiry… nothing is required.”

“Oh come on!” she exploded, launching herself into the air. “That’s just like a machine! What’s the point of a bet if there’s nothing to lose?!”

“Very well. I propose that you refrain from simply calling me ‘robot.’ While I have no emotional reaction to it, the use of the term seems to upset Twilight Sparkle. Therefore, in all subsequent interactions, you must refer to me as ‘Lady Turing.’”

Rainbow Dash nearly choked. “Have you got a screw loose?!”

“All screws are accounted for.”

“No, I mean-- gah, you know what, it’s fine! Because I’m not going to lose, so it doesn’t matter! And as for me, if - or rather, when - I kick your can all over the skies of Equestria, then you have to promise to leave me alone and never bother me again!”

Turing was silent for a moment. Her ears squeaked as they moved, but otherwise, she remained still. For a moment, Rainbow thought maybe she’d hit a nerve. But that was impossible, she knew, so maybe Turing was just thinking about it.

“While my daily interactions with Twilight Sparkle may at times intersect with yours, I believe I am able to restrict such instances to a minimum. Your proposal is satisfactory. Should you be successful, I will seek no further interaction with you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Then you’ve got yourself a race!” She put out her hoof, expecting Turing to hoof-bump her. But Turing only looked down at her outstretched foreleg and then back up at her, cocking her head to one side. Finally Rainbow put her hoof down and sighed. “So, where are we racing to?”

The two of them were gathered on the balcony of Twilight’s castle. Spike and Twilight were both present as the two competitors readied themselves. For Rainbow, that consisted of stretching her legs and wings and psyching herself up. For Turing Test, it consisted of standing there waiting for Rainbow Dash to finish doing those things.

“So, you’ve got it all down?” Twilight asked Rainbow Dash. She held up the unfurled map once more. “You fly from here, then through Whitetail Woods while staying below the treeline, then a long flight north following the Tolfetano River through Crumble Canyon--”

“--until I get to the fork in the river and then fly up through Frostmane Mountains and then back south to fly through Ghastly Gorge and then we end up back here, yeah, I got it!” Rainbow Dash smiled to Twilight confidently. “Relax. I’m not going to get lost.”

“Okay, okay, just making sure,” Twilight said with a smile. “It is a pretty long distance. Turing says it could take two-and-a-half to three hours.”

“Nothing I can’t handle. So, in the meantime, you’re sure you had nothing to do with this?” Rainbow asked, narrowing her eyes at her.

Twilight frowned and put her hoof to her chest. “Yes! It was all Turing’s idea. Cross my heart and hope to fly--”

“All right, fine, I believe you,” Rainbow said. “Still no idea what your robot wants to learn from this. But whatever, at least when I beat her I won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Spike asked, taking the words right out of Twilight’s mouth.

“Turing and I made a bet,” Dash explained, her expression smug.

“That is correct,” Turing added. “Rainbow Dash and I entered into a wager. Should I be victorious, she will thereafter call me ‘Lady Turing.’”

“Ha! Oh that’s a good one!” Spike laughed.

“The intent was not to be humorous. Is that relevant?”

He shrugged. “Uhh, I guess not… wait, what if you lose?”

“If she loses,” Rainbow said, cutting in, “then she has to leave me alone from now on!”

“What?!” Twilight and Spike cried in unison.

“Correct. In the event of loss, I have agreed to no further interaction with Rainbow Dash.”

“Now hold on,” Twilight shouted, stepping between the pair, intending to end this race before it began, “I’m not going to allow--”

“Sorry, Twilight, but it’s out of your hooves,” Rainbow said, cutting her off. “After all, it’s an agreement between racers. Verbal contract or something like that. You know how it is.”

“But--”

“There is no cause for concern, Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash and I have equal chances of victory. I will make my best attempt to obtain a favorable outcome.”

“Likewise,” Rainbow said. “Look, let’s just get started. We’re not getting any younger!”

“That is true: time continues to move chronologically forward. Let us begin. Will you give us the prompt to begin, Twilight Sparkle?”

“I… I guess so. I really wish you two hadn’t made this bet without letting me know, though.”

“Welp, too late, bet’s made!” Rainbow said hastily. “Let’s go already!”

“Fine,” Twilight sighed as Rainbow and Turing both lined up next to each other. Turing had her wings out and her jets had already engaged.

“On your marks… get set…" Twilight swallowed, tensing up as she uttered the last word: "Go!”

And Twilight and Spike could only watch as the two of them soared off into the blue sky and vanished over the horizon.

Author's Notes:

Place your bets! Again!

Priority Queue, Part 2

Nearly an hour had gone by and Rainbow was still in the lead. The land below was slowly changing as she flew over farms and forests which gave way to the sparsely vegetated highlands. There were even a few tiny villages and settlements out here.

The White Tail Woods had been easy for her to navigate through. Her agility allowed her to nimbly weave between the trees, while Turing had to drop her speed dramatically to avoid crashing into the trees and low-hanging branches. That had given Rainbow a tremendous lead, but she eventually heard the telltale sound of Turing’s jets as they approached Crumble Canyon.

Crumble Canyon was narrow and rock formations jutted out over the river, which itself made rapid twists and turns. Once again, Rainbow had been able to navigate it easily while Turing had fallen behind.

All right, things are going great so far, Rainbow told herself. If I don’t get too tired and I can pace myself just right, I can keep gaining some distance whenever we hit these landmarks. That robot may be, ugh, a little faster than me on the straightaways, but it looks like she isn’t maneuverable enough to make it count! And wow, what a view! I’ve never seen this part of Equestria before! And every time I hear her catching up, my heart starts going off like a jackhammer! This race is awesome! Turing did a good job on--

She paused, realizing the thought that had just formed. She shook it off. Eh, who cares? So she can plan a decent race; big deal!

The Frostmane Mountain Range would be coming into view soon, she realized. She was still climbing and the air was growing colder at the increased altitude. The sharp bite of the cold wind was a shock to her system, but it was also strangely invigorating.

That breeze, this view, the thrill of taking those hairpin turns through unknown terrain… those are things that a robot could never understand! She doesn’t get it. She’s just Twilight’s science project and this time I’ll put her back in her place once and for all!

She expected to see the mountains by now but then she saw that a large field of natural clouds was in the way. It was too wide to fly around, over, or under. It seemed she would have to navigate through it in order to get to the Frostmane Mountains without losing her lead.

No sweat! she thought. And then she heard a familiar sound. Jets.

Ha! This is perfect! She’ll have to slow down to navigate around all these clouds! And then with the mountain range, I’ll get an even bigger lead! This race is all over!

She began to weave between the thick, fluffy clouds. They blended together slightly, so she had to slow down a little to avoid them, though not as much as Turing would have to. Any minute now, she’d hear the sound of Turing’s jets behind her getting quieter.

But they weren’t getting quieter. They were getting louder. And there was another sound: a quiet, dull wump sound, something like the sound of a head hitting a pillow or a pony jumping onto a bed or…

...or a cloud being busted.

No! she exclaimed to herself as she looked over her shoulder to confirm her fear.

Sure enough, rather than avoiding the clouds, Turing’s momentum, mass, and durable exterior allowed her to simply plow directly through them. Cloud after cloud exploded into smaller puffs and wisps as she collided with them, seemingly without dropping her speed at all. In no time at all, she had caught up to Rainbow Dash and even passed her.

I can’t keep weaving like this! Rainbow thought. I’ll have to… ugh, I’ll have to follow behind her and let her cut a path through the clouds. Okay, fine, no biggie, I can still take the lead in the mountains or when we get to Ghastly Gorge!

With this strategy in mind, she settled in behind Turing Test. She didn’t want to lose too much ground, so to speak, so she increased her speed slightly more than her usual cruising speed. She even managed to catch up to Turing a little.

But this turned out to be a mistake. She closed the distance and suddenly got a blast of hot air in her face from Turing’s jets and flinched, momentarily turning her attention from the race. At that moment, Turing collided with a particularly massive cloud, blasting it into smaller chunks that she left in her wake. With Rainbow Dash blinking and wobbling slightly off course, she was too slow to react as a chunk of cloud hit her directly in the face. She yelled in surprise and frustration as she spiraled into another cloud, getting stuck in it like a snowbank and coming to a complete stop.

The sound of Turing’s jets rapidly faded away.

“NO!” Rainbow exploded, extracting herself from the thick cloud and launching herself back on course. She cleared the clouds but she saw that Turing was far ahead and had increased her speed. At this rate, even the mountains would only allow Rainbow to catch up, but once that was over there was the long straightaway to Ghastly Gorge and Turing’s superior average speed would allow her to gain so much of a lead that…

Rainbow’s heart sank. I won’t be able to catch her. Even if I use a Sonic Rainboom to speed up, I’ll use too much energy and slow down again. I can’t catch her. I’ll never catch her now. I’m… I’m gonna lose! I’m gonna lose to a machine and I'll never hear the end of it! I’ll have to call her ‘Lady Turing’ and everypony back in Ponyville, no, all across Equestria is going to know that Rainbow Dash got beat by some cold, emotionless machine! I’ve let down pegasi everywhere! I’ve-- wait, is she stopping?

Indeed, as they entered the space over Frostmane Mountains, Turing had come to a stop and was now hovering directly in Rainbow Dash’s path and waving her hooves to get her attention. And as Rainbow got closer, she heard Turing saying something:

“Rainbow Dash, please halt. There may be an emergency. It is possible that somepony urgently requires our assistance.”

Rainbow considered speeding on by Turing and taking advantage of this unexpected turn of events, but only for a split-second. As soon as she heard “somepony urgently requires our assistance,” she knew she had to stop.

“What’s the deal?” Rainbow demanded. “Who needs our help?”

“I am not certain, but I have detected something that indicates an accident has occurred nearby. Ponies' lives may be in danger.”

Rainbow looked all around. High up as they were, the tall, snow-covered peaks of the Frostmane Mountains were all she could see. She didn’t see anything suspicious from this vantage point.

“I don’t see anything,” Rainbow said, making a face. “Are you sure you’re working correctly? Maybe flying through those clouds dislodged your brain or something.”

“I am certain.” Turing Test turned and pointed with her hoof at the treeline on a mountain in the distance. “Please turn your attention to the trees approximately 2.5 kilometers to the east.”

Rainbow looked in the direction Turing indicated but saw nothing. She squinted, trying to spot some detail, but she didn’t see anything that stood out from such a long distance, at first. Then she did spot something. Her eyes may not have been as good as Turing’s, but Dash still had exceptional vision and attention to detail.

“Wait, yeah… those pine trees. Looks like there are bits of branches in the snow nearby. Kinda weird, but… eh, nothing suspicious.” She looked at Turing. “So, what’s the emergency?”

“Perhaps we should investigate more closely, Rainbow Dash,” Turing suggested. “If I am incorrect, I will offer you a 30 second lead when we resume the race.”

Rainbow shrugged. She had nothing to lose, so she agreed and she and Turing flew closer to the trees. When they got closer they could both see that the tops of many of the trees were broken and their branches had been strewn across the snow field next to them.

“Looks like something smashed into the tops of those trees,” Rainbow observed. She rubbed her chin, considering the possibilities. “Pegasi? Maybe a griffon or some other creature?”

“Unlikely. The number of trees damaged and the area of the debris field indicates a much larger object.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, going in for a closer look. “But what kind of object?”

“Calculations of size and mass are consistent with that of an airship.”

Rainbow’s eyes went wide. An airship, basically a boat suspended from a long, oval balloon, wasn’t terribly common in this area. Cloudsdale saw them fairly often, mainly full of tourists or transporting larger devices and supplies for the Weather Factory, but the only other place you saw them was Canterlot. The rich, elite types loved them and often took their guests aboard for fancy parties. If one of them had come through here and crashed…

“I think you’re right, Turing,” Rainbow said. “Somepony might need our help!” She began to scan the area, squinting at the bright gleam coming off the white snow that surrounded them. “But where’s the airship… wait, there!” She pointed with her hoof.

“Understood. Possible crash site located.”

They both looked around and spotted a disturbance in the snow. A long, deep gouge in the snow, carving right through a snow bank, started some distance off as if something had crashed and slid over the ground. But they saw it continued onward and only stopped once it reached the edge of a cliff.

“Oh no!” Rainbow cried. “The airship must have gone over the side!” She sped over to the edge of the cliff, Turing right behind her, and they peered over the side.

The cliff, they both saw, was actually a ravine. The deep, narrow gorge went down a few hundred meters, but halfway down, wedged between the two rocky sides of the ravine, was the airship. It was quite a bit smaller than Rainbow had been expecting, though still long enough to have a prominent deck and large enough to accommodate several ponies at once. It was purple with gold-colored trim and accents. It wasn’t as ornate as other airships she’d seen and it would have done just fine as a boat at sea, judging. Of course, at the moment it appeared worthy of neither sea nor air. It had been cracked, the wood splintered, and some of the railing had been broken clean off. The windows on the cabin near the aft of the ship were broken, their glass strewn nearby. Curiously, the balloon that should have held it up was nowhere in sight. It didn’t seem to be at the bottom of the ravine either, and there was no sign of it nearby.

“Looks like a pretty bad wreck. Um,” Rainbow Dash hesitated, looking around, “I… I don’t see any, um, ponies nearby.” She swallowed and bit her lip. She hoped to Celestia that she wouldn't see anything like that.

“Agreed. No casualties sighted. Infrared scans show no heat signatures or lifesigns. One moment.” Turing’s ears squeaked as they moved and turned on their hinges. “Rainbow Dash. An auditory scan indicates lifeforms aboard the ship.”

“You mean you can hear somepony in there?”

“Correct. Their conversation is muted. Several appear to have chattering teeth, likely a reflex to the cold.”

Rainbow Dash shivered. “Makes sense. It’s freezing up here!”

“One is groaning in pain. Another is crying. Another is reassuring the former that rescue is imminent.”

“Well, that last pony is right!” Rainbow declared, bending her knees as she prepared to leap into the ravine. “Let’s go!”

“One moment, Rainbow Dash,” Turing Test said, raising her voice to get Rainbow’s attention. “The structure of the ship has been compromised. Due to my mass, there is the possibility of collapse should I attempt to board. The possibility still exists should you board, but the risk is significantly less. I recommend you investigate alone.”

Rainbow blinked at her. “I… yeah, good thinking,” Rainbow said, spreading her wings. “I’ll be right back. Warn me if it looks like the thing’s gonna fall.”

“Understood.”

Rainbow Dash leaped over the edge and slowly descended to the deck of the ship. It wasn’t perfectly lateral and the smooth deck could be treacherous at an angle, but she gingerly touched down, trying her weight on the ship. Nothing moved, although the boards creaked slightly as she set down. Once she was certain it wouldn’t fall, she carefully walked to the door of the cabin. The door opened easily and gravity from the tilt of the ship caused it to swing out widely. Taking a deep breath, steeling herself for what she might see inside, Rainbow Dash entered.

The cabin was dark. It was decorated with a variety of pictures and a comfortable looking couch that had been bolted to the floor. Very much the property of a wealthy Canterlot pony, it seemed. The breeze that came through the broken circular windows made the room fairly chilly, so it was no surprise that it was empty. Rainbow could hear somepony downstairs, so she followed the sound and went below deck.

The sound of her hooves must have attracted attention, because she heard voices begin to chatter excitedly.

“Someone’s coming!”

“Oh thank Celestia, we’re saved!”

“There now, see? I told you all help was coming!”

Rainbow entered the spacious area below deck and saw several ponies gathered around a single lantern suspended from the ceiling. They were all wrapped up in a thick, billowing red material which she realized was the balloon that had once held up the airship. Now they were using it as a communal blanket to keep warm. It was slightly warmer, true, but even shielded from the wind, the room was still uncomfortably icy.

The last pony who had spoken extracted himself from the balloon and approached Rainbow eagerly as he stepped into the light. His white fur, long horn, and blue mane and mustache were recognizable in an instant.

“Wait a minute… I know you!” Rainbow said, her eyes popping wide open. “Mr. Fancy Pants! What are you doing here?”

“Why if it isn’t the famous Rainbow Dash, Miss Rarity’s dear friend from Ponyville!” Fancy Pants exclaimed jovially. “I am so glad to see you. And as for what we are doing here, it’s really quite the tale.

"My friends and I,” he gestured to the other ponies huddled together, peeking their heads out from the balloon’s cover, “were taking an extended voyage on my yacht from Las Pegasus to Vanhoover. We decided to do a flyover of these stunning mountains when something went wrong: our balloon began to lose air! We tried to reverse course and find a safe place to land, but we started to descend rapidly. We then tried an emergency landing in the nearby snowfield, but crashed into the tops of trees and lost our left propeller. The ship hit the ground sideways and slid into this ravine. It was only by sheer luck that the ship wedged itself between both sides of it! I’m just grateful my dear paramour Fleur de Lis avoided this disaster. She chose to meet us in Vanhoover rather than travel by airship, you see.”

“It is all my fault, sir!” came an older pony’s voice. “I should have checked the rigging and the balloon more thoroughly!”

“Nonsense, this was a freak accident and you can’t blame yourself, Anchors Aweigh,” Fancy Pants assured him. “Besides, it was your piloting skills that prevented us from crashing into the side of the mountain on the way down.”

“Okay, okay, we can figure out the cause of the crash later,” Rainbow said impatiently, holding up her hoof. “Is anypony injured?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Jet Set’s broken his foreleg, Sea Swirl has dislocated her shoulder, and Golden Gavel might have broken both of his hind legs when a table fell on him. Nearly everypony else suffered some cuts, sprains, and bruises in the crash, myself included.” He lifted his hair and displayed a makeshift bandage on his head. “We had our first aid kit, of course, but we need medical attentio--oh, oh my!” He stumbled and nearly fell forward as he took a step toward Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, easy, easy,” she said, catching him. “That looks like more than a bump. You might have a concussion.”

“Ah. I see. I suppose we should just be thankful that nopony was, er, ‘lost’ in this disaster.”

Rainbow tried to think rapidly. This situation was bad. The ship was still creaking and it wasn’t at all certain that it would hold. And all these injured ponies…

“Tell me, Rainbow Dash,” Fancy Pants said, leaning down to her, “are the other rescue ponies nearby? You should probably notify them.”

Rainbow Dash looked away. “Yyyeah, thing is, I’m not part of a rescue team. I was flying over these mountains as part of a race. You just got lucky we spotted the crash site.”

“Ah,” he said, trying hard to hide his dashed hopes. “Well, do you suppose you might still be able to aid us?”

“Yes. Don’t worry everypony, I won’t let you down! Stay right here, I’ll try to see how we can help!”

When Dash came back to the top of the ravine, Turing Test was nowhere to be seen. A moment later, however, she heard Turing’s jets and she landed nearby.

“Where did you go?!” Rainbow demanded. “I thought you were going to watch the ship!”

“Apologies. I was monitoring you auditorily. The ship appeared to be sturdy, so I decided to prepare for the extrication of the casualties. I have located a cave 200 meters to the northeast where we may shelter them from the elements and build a fire. I believe that should be our top priority.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.” She looked down at the ship. “Looks like about a dozen ponies are in there. Can you help me fly them out?”

“Negative.”

“Wait, what?! Why not?” Rainbow demanded, stomping her hoof.

“Clarifying: It is not that I am unwilling. I am in fact capable of hefting the weight of a full-sized adult pony with ease and the propulsion of my jets is sufficient to provide such lift. However, the heated air from those jets would cause grave injury to anypony I attempted to lift. Therefore, I am unable to assist in that manner.”

“Just great,” Rainbow Dash sighed, massaging her temple. “Okay, I think I can carry them to that cave. You gather some wood and make a fire. Can you do that?”

“The principle of creating fire through friction is in my database. I will be able to complete that task.”

“Good. Meet me at the cave as soon as you can.”

“Oh good heavens, this cave is simply dreadful!” Upper Crust moaned. “And where is that partner of yours, young lady? I thought you said she was gathering firewood!”

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth and looked back at her over her shoulder from the entrance of the cave. “Just keep your cardigan on, lady, I’m sure she’ll be here soon!” she growled.

“Well!” Upper Crust cried indignantly, but then turned as Jet Set began groaning again. “Oh, shh shh, it’s all right, dear, help is coming! We’ll have that fire and be nice and toasty any minute now!”

Rainbow felt a little guilty yelling at her, but she wasn’t making things easier by getting impatient. The others were gathered in the cave as well and Rainbow was still breathing hard after carrying them all, one by one, from the ship, over the hill, and to the cave that Turing Test had found. Just her luck that not one among them was a pegasus! Still, her robot companion was nowhere to be seen. Once she caught her breath, she considered going out to look for her.

Just then, however, she heard the sound of snow crunching underhoof and a gallop that was slowing as it reached the cave. Rainbow Dash looked out and spotted Turing Test coming up over the hill, sending snow flying in her wake.

“I apologize for my delay, Rainbow Dash,” Turing said as she arrived, now using magic to levitate a pile of wood and sticks. “Finding a sufficient quantity of dry wood suitable for combustion proved more time-consuming than originally estimated.”

“That’s fine, let’s just--”

“Eeek! What is that!” one of the casualties screamed. The others likewise sat up or cowered in fear at the sight of Turing’s silhouetted figure and glowing purple eyes in the darkness of the cave. They weren’t any less afraid once she came closer and they saw her strange, mechanical appearance.

“Ugh, that’s just Turing Test, the ro-- the pony I was racing against.” Rainbow Dash hesitated, but then added, “And she’s the one who actually spotted the crash site.”

“She?” Sea Swirl asked. “Is there a pony inside that armor?”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, intending to go with that explanation, but was just a moment too slow.

“Incorrect. I am a mechanical construct, a machine, built to resemble organic ponies.”

“Good heavens, how garish!” Upper Crust cried.

“What’s wrong with its voice?!” another shouted.

“Hey!” Rainbow yelled, getting their attention. “Don’t talk about her that way!” She paused as all eyes, including Turing’s, were on her. “I… I mean, she’s trying to help! Even if she’s a robot you could, you know, show a little gratitude.”

Fancy Pants smiled and stepped forward uneasily. “Yes, you're quite right,” he said. “Where are our manners? My name is Fancy Pants. Thank you, Miss… Touring Test was it?”

“Correction: it is pronounced ‘Turing Test.’ Your gratitude is acknowledged.” She set the sticks on the ground and placed them in a small structure to begin building a fire. She held some smaller tinder and sticks near one of the larger pieces and placed a stick atop it, holding it upright with her hooves.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some help with that? I was a Colt Scout in my youth and building a fire this way takes quite a bit of elbow grease!”

Turing rapidly moved the stick with her hooves, fast enough to make them a blur, and the kindling quickly began to smoke from the friction and then burst into flames.

“My elbows are sufficiently lubricated.”

“Pfft, hahaha!” Rainbow laughed, surprising even herself. She clapped her hooves over her mouth, looking sheepish.

Fancy Pants also smiled. “Well, it seems our fire is ready,” he said. “Gather around, everypony, we must keep warm!”

“Correct. A decrease in body temperature would exacerbate your injuries.” She turned to Rainbow. “Rainbow Dash, I require your attention. Will you please speak with me outside so as not to cause emotional distress to the crash victims when I inform you of the severity of their situation.”

“Wait, what?” Golden Gavel asked.

“Haha, that Turing, such a kidder!” Rainbow said, urging Turing to go outside before she said anything else. Once outside, she glared at her. “Nice job, Turing! Way to put your hoof in your mouth!”

“I do not have a mouth.”

“That’s-- freaky, but never mind that. What did you want to talk about?”

“We have stabilized the victims and built a fire. However, the scarcity of suitable firewood means that this is a temporary situation. I estimate that it will not last through the night. Furthermore, nightfall will occur in less than two hours, at which point the temperature will likely drop to dangerously frigid temperatures. The possibility of hypothermia is extremely likely. Should that occur, their lives may be in danger.”

“Yeah… oh wow.” Rainbow looked all around them. The wind had died down temporarily and she looked out across the mountain range that dwarfed them and took up the horizon in every direction. Only now did she truly realize just how isolated they were. She lowered her head and whispered “This is serious, isn’t it?”

“Correct. Furthermore, my scans of the area indicate a high probability of an avalanche. Additionally, wild nocturnal predators will likely be attracted to the smell of blood from the injured. All of this makes it unwise to remain here for long. It is imperative that we extricate the victims from this environment and get them medical attention.”

“So we go and get help!”

“That is the most logical solution. However, that presents another problem. To successfully remove the victims in a timely manner, we require a rescue team capable of flight. Pegasi would be ideal. A large settlement with a sizable hospital would be the best place to seek such assistance.”

“Okay, let me think… Cloudsdale’s on the other side of Equestria right now. So that leaves, um, Tall Tale to the west, and Vanhoover to the northwest.”

“Accessing my data regarding those locations… I estimate that you would need over an hour to reach Tall Tale. However, your speed is above average for a pegasus. The pegasi you recruit will likely require over 90 minutes to arrive back at this location. Night will fall by that time, making rescue unsafe.”

“Then… then maybe you should go,” Rainbow said. “You’re… fine, I’ll say it: you’re faster than me.”

“That is not an option either. After my aerial survey of the area and the use of magic to obtain firewood, my battery power is currently at 35%. While I could reach Tall Tale more quickly, I would be dangerously low on energy upon arrival. I would require 30 extra minutes of direct charging from a unicorn’s magic to be able to direct the rescue team back and, again, they would not be able to match my speed. Night would fall, risking the victims and making rescue unsafe.”

“Oh for pony’s sake!” Rainbow shouted. “Well, maybe we can just take them down the mountain one at a time!”

“You showed fatigue after lifting them and transporting them a distance of 200 meters. Can you truly transport them the several kilometers to safety?”

Rainbow sighed. “Okay, yeah, that’s not gonna work. Maybe one or two, I could… I know you couldn’t fly anypony, but could you carry them on your back while you ran them down?”

“Without a means of stabilizing them, that would be inadvisable. And the repeated trips would likely deplete my battery power before completion of the task. Even then, night would fall before that time."

Rainbow scrunched her eyes shut, trying to think. “What about getting help from somewhere closer?”

“We did pass a small community nearby these mountains, but it was a farming community with a smaller medical center. It is unlikely they will have a team of aerial rescue pegasi and it would be exceptionally dangerous for earth ponies to venture into the mountains at night. They would not be able to provide rescue until the next day.”

Rainbow hung her head. This situation was looking worse and worse. There was no way to get a rescue team there before nightfall. And Turing was right, it would be dangerous for pegasi to fly anypony around in the dark, let alone risking earth ponies. Avalanches, freezing temperatures, wild animals, a robot with a nearly dead battery…

“No ideal options available. My programming does not allow me to let a pony come to harm. You must flee the area and bring help tomorrow morning. I will stay with the victims.”

“What?!” Rainbow Dash cried, her body stiffening with shock. “Why should I leave?”

“Risking your life is unacceptable. I will stay vigilant and protect the victims from animal attacks. It is possible that I will be able to maintain a fire and Fancy Pants or another unicorn can keep me charged through the night.”

“But they could still freeze to death!”

“Yes. But there is no better option.”

“That’s not good enough!” Rainbow shouted, sweeping her foreleg at the cave. “I’m not leaving you all here! What if there’s an avalanche?!”

“You are no more likely to survive that situation. In my case, after an avalanche, you could at least exhume me when the weather turns warm.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, then narrowed her eyes. “No.”

“Your cooperation is ideal, Rainbow Dash.”

“Too bad. It’s not happening! I’m not leaving you or any of them behind! We’re going to get them all off this mountain together or else neither of us is going back!”

Turing Test cocked her head to the side. “This behavior is illogical, but more consistent with the way Twilight Sparkle described you, Rainbow Dash.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes. She described you as stubborn.”

Rainbow chuckled. “That’s me all right. Look, I’m not leaving and neither are you. So instead of worrying about that, let’s figure out another solution.”

“As stated, no other solutions--”

“Come on!" She rolled her eyes. "What happened to all the guts and strategies you were showing off in the race yesterday?”

Turing paused. “You refer to my innovation and adaptability?”

“Yeah, that. Can’t you think of something new? You did it before! I mean, seriously, ringing the bell by crashing into it?! That was awe…” she hesitated, but then finished. “It was awesome, okay? You’re a heck of a racer: you’re tough and you’re smart. Now do something good with it!”

Turing was silent, but as Rainbow had learned, that didn’t mean anything other than that she wasn’t ready to respond. She was probably thinking. The telltale sound of her ears twitching and the slight blip in her eyes was a sure indication that she was.

Suddenly, her eyes shrank to pinpricks and a higher electrical whine came from her before they returned to normal size and the sound ceased.

“Alternate solution reached. Rainbow Dash, we may be able to save everypony, but you must do precisely as I say.”

At last, Rainbow gave a toothy grin. “Where do we start?”

They peered down at the airship as they once again stood on the edge of the ravine. Rainbow Dash had already taken to the air and was considering the best approach.

Turing looked up at her from the edge of the ravine. “Please exercise caution, Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem,” she said, nonchalantly waving a hoof. “Just save your battery power and let me do this.”

Rainbow took off higher into the air and then shot downward as fast as she could. She turned her body around in midair, aiming her back hoof directly at the large crack in the hull of the ship. Hitting it with as much force as she could muster, she sprang off it and took off again to get clear.

At first it seemed to have no effect, but the telltale sound of wood cracking and giving way was heard and the ship began to buckle and splinter. Finally, under its own weight, the compromised ship collapsed with a thunderous sound and split in two, falling into the ravine and smashing into pieces.

“Ha! Rainbow Smash!” she yelled triumphantly.

“First stage is complete. Please proceed to tie the ropes.”

They’d already removed the ropes from the balloon and piled them up near Turing Test. While Turing could use magic to tie them herself, doing so would consume more power, and they’d already determined she would need as much as possible for this plan to work.

Rainbow began tying the ropes together, one after another, using her hooves and teeth the best she could. Once the knots were satisfactory, she tied one end around Turing’s midsection. She then took the other end and, holding it in her teeth, took it to the bottom of the ravine, tying it around the anchoring holes at the tip of the remnants of the ship’s bow. Once she was sure it was secure, she flew up again and called out, “All set!”

“Understood. Engaging E-Mode.”

With her enhanced strength, Turing began to pull, digging her hooves through the snow and planting them firmly into the ground with each step. Lowering her body, she steadily began to plod forward, pulling the broken - but still sizable - bow back up and out of the ravine. In short order, she managed to pull the large chunk of the ship over the edge, where it slid over the snow before coming to rest.

“Returning to neutral mode. Power at 27%.”

“Oh boy, is that going to be enough?”

“It should be sufficient. However, you will need to further demolish the bow for our purposes without my aid. Please begin. I will monitor your progress.”

Rainbow nodded. “Sure thing, I--ow!” She grunted, flexing her wings.

Turing Test raised her head and went over to her. “Are you all right, Rainbow Dash? Have you sustained an injury?”

“No,” she said, setting down in the snow, shivering and hugging herself. “It’s getting colder. My wings are tired and they’re starting to ache in all this cold.”

Turing Test walked over to Rainbow Dash's side and, without warning, turned and draped her tail over her.

“H-hey what are you doing?!” Rainbow demanded.

“My mane and tail function as heat sinks. They carry heat away from my internal mechanisms and thus their temperature is fairly high. Currently, they are at 42 degrees centigrade, slightly above that of normal pony body temperature. Warm yourself for a few minutes before continuing your task.”

Rainbow still felt a little silly about it, but the material of Turing’s tail was surprisingly soft and smooth to the touch and the coils did indeed feel quite warm draped over her back.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

The two of them sat in silence for a full minute before Rainbow decided to say more.

“Hey, Turing, do you mind if I ask you something?”

“I do not believe it is possible for me to be offended by an inquiry.”

“That must be nice,” she said. “So, this race we’re having? Well, had. It’s pretty clear the race is over now, isn’t it?”

“Affirmative. Was that your inquiry?”

“No, it wasn’t. What I wanted to know was, well, how come you wanted to race anyway? You could have flown this course without me if you really wanted to measure your abilities. So what’s the deal?”

“That was a valid reason.”

Rainbow thought for a moment. “Was it the only reason?” she asked, slyly raising an eyebrow.

Turing hesitated for a moment. “It was not,” she replied. “I determined from reading several works of fiction in Twilight Sparkle’s library that athletes who compete often gain mutual respect and admiration for each other upon defeating one another, a state which often leads to friendship. As making friends is the goal of my primary directive, it seemed that I would be able to make friends with you by earning your respect.”

Rainbow was silent. She felt conflicted. It was almost a sweet gesture, but the logic that she would make friends with Turing just because of winning or losing a race seemed way too simple. It was almost insulting to think such an idea would work on her.

“In full disclosure, there was an additional motive.”

Surprised at this, Rainbow asked, “Another reason, you mean? What was it?”

The day before…

Twilight and Turing were still discussing the results of the first race and Turing’s request to visit Rainbow Dash.

“Before I say yes, Turing… why Rainbow Dash? Lots of other ponies seem to like you more now. So why her?”

Turing was quiet for a moment. “I experienced something I have not yet been able to analyze upon observing her. I am not certain if it qualifies as an emotion, but it is clearly significant...”

Twilight leaned forward and listened intently as Turing Test explained what had happened.

“Pegasi are capable of considerable speed in flight. However, my analysis of the data in your books indicated that supersonic speed is an exceptionally rare ability. And there was no data available to indicate that the creation of luminescence was a possibility. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash perform her Sonic Rainboom, I attempted to process how such a thing was possible. I concluded that it was the result of both exceptional natural ability and also exceptional effort on her part. Rainbow Dash has overcome her normal physical limits to become something totally unique. I believe I was… impressed. It may be accurate to identify it as an emotional response categorized as ‘amazement.’”

“Y-you were amazed by me?!” Rainbow asked breathlessly. Not normally modest, she actually found herself blushing at such a flattering statement. She was the one to cause a machine to feel amazement for the very first time!

That is sooo awesome! she thought to herself, a big grin coming across her face.

“That is correct. As a machine, I am bound by certain physical limits. Without modifications to my physical structure, I am incapable of overcoming those limits. In contrast, Rainbow Dash, you are an organic pony who has transcended your normal limitations. This made me consider the possibility of how much further I could go beyond my own programming. I had not considered the idea of such a thing before. In our initial race, I was compelled to improvise in ways I was never programmed for. And again, at present, your urging has caused me to invent a new strategy using creativity I previously thought I lacked. It would be accurate to state that you ‘inspire’ me.”

Rainbow was quiet. Turing detected her drawing in a breath sharply and making some sort of high-pitched noise and sniffling.

“Are you all right, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yep!” she said. “Yep, fine! Not getting misty-eyed, if that’s what you’re thinking!”

“...Understood.”

Quiet again settled over the two of them as Turing continued to warm Rainbow Dash.

“Perhaps I could make an inquiry in return?” Turing asked.

“Eh, fair’s fair,” she said. “Go ahead.”

“Your speed is considerable, but it would be possible to increase your overall speed by trimming your mane and tail to minimum length to decrease wind resistance.”

“What, shave off my mane and tail?! Are you crazy? No, don’t answer that, it’s an expression!”

“Understood. And that is what I was indicating.”

“No way! Sure, I could go a little faster, but I’d look stupid while doing it! What’s the point of being the fastest pony in Equestria if I look like a dope?! I need my mane and tail to leave behind that flash of rainbow when I fly. Gotta have both if I wanna look cool.”

“To clarify: you desire both velocity and positive aesthetic value.”

“If that’s Robotese for ‘cool,’ then yeah.”

“Understood.” Her ears twitched. "'Cool.' Interesting."

“Okay, as long as we’re being chatty and all, I’ve got another question.”

“Please make your inquiry.”

“So, the whole idea of this race was to beat me and get me to make friends with you, right?”

“Affirmative.”

“For one, that wouldn’t work, and I’m not going to bother telling you why. But here’s what I don’t get: if that’s what you wanted so bad, why’d you stop the race when you were winning? You didn’t know for sure anypony was in trouble and gave up your lead!”

“That is correct. While it was a possibility, I did not have confirmation that such a disaster had actually occurred.”

An icy breeze blew over the snowfield and Rainbow momentarily shivered, pulling the coils of Turing’s tail around her further. “Okay, so why?”

“Twilight Sparkle instructed me to obey what she referred to as the ‘Three Laws of Automata.’ Among those laws was the instruction that I not harm any ponies, nor should I allow ponies to come to harm through inaction.”

“Hmph,” Rainbow sniffed, disappointed. She lowered her head. “You were just following orders.”

“That summation is inaccurate.”

“But you just said--”

“I will clarify. Due to the nature of the situation, namely that I was uncertain that any ponies were actually in danger, the law did not technically apply. Rather, it has been indicated by Twilight Sparkle that the lives of other ponies are to be valued and protected. Very recently, Twilight Sparkle was presented with a large monetary offer in exchange for my ownership. She refused to consider that option and strongly indicated that, to her, I had value that could not be measured monetarily. While I do not fully comprehend her reasons, I consider her trust and esteem to be valuable and desirable and wish to please her as my end user and friend. If I, a mere machine, have such value, then logically the value of an organic pony must be far greater.”

“Heh. Even those snooty ponies back the cave?”

“Their reactions to me are fearful, based on unfamiliarity and ignorance. Such reactions are not without precedent. Many ponies display such reactions upon seeing me. Others, such as yourself, even display unconcealed hostility.”

Rainbow cringed at that. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Such reactions are irrelevant. I believe that my superior strength and abilities should be used to safeguard organic ponies, including the citizens of Ponyville, Fancy Pants, his associates, and you. I believe I must place such protection over my own goals and needs, even if it means that you and I will not become friends. That is why I chose to move the search for the injured to the top of my priority queue. One might call it displaying my gratitude to Twilight Sparkle. One might also call it ‘duty.’ Or perhaps a more accurate term would be--”

“--Loyalty.” Rainbow said the word quietly.

“Affirmative. I believe I must be loyal to Twilight Sparkle and, in a larger sense, to all ponies, when possible.”

Rainbow smiled. “That’s… I kinda like that.” Then she threw off Turing’s tail and faced her. “But that still doesn’t mean you have to put up with those snobs when they talk to you like that! Or even me! You said it yourself: Twilight thinks you’re valuable! I don’t know anything about who’s more valuable or whatever, but next time someone treats you like that, you know what you oughta do?”

Turing Test cocked her head. “I do not.”

“You look ‘em in the eye and tell ‘em, ‘Bite my shiny metal flank!’ That’s what you do!”

“Illogical. My robodonkadonk is tasteless and inedible.”

Rainbow’s eyes went wide. “What.”

“Also, in this weather, the possibility of an organic pony’s lips freezing to my posterior is--”

“BWAHAHAHAHA oh my gosh, oh my gosh, stop!” she laughed, holding her sides. “I did not need that image in my head! Hahaha, just tell ‘em, okay?”

“Understood. However, you seem to be sufficiently warmed, Rainbow Dash. Are you ready to continue demolishing the airship’s bow?”

“Huh? Oh, right!” She flew up and pointed her hoof at the ship. “All right, ship! I’m about to do to you what I did to Applejack’s barn!”

Fancy Pants and the others were gathering around the slowly dying fire when they heard a sound coming from outside.

“Just a moment, everypony,” Fancy Pants said. “Anchors Aweigh, if you’ll investigate with me?”

“Aye, sir,” he said.

The two stallions walked outside to see a curious sight coming up over the hill. Rainbow was flying overhead. But across the snow, Turing was pulling what looked to be the very front part of Fancy Pants' airship. It was now nothing more than the very tip of the vessel, with the flat part of the deck and some of the railing preserved, as well as the curved underside. Turing was tied to it with ropes which formed a harness.

“Oh my word!” Fancy Pants said as they slid to a stop next to the cave. “I see! You’ve constructed a sort of makeshift sled out of my airship!”

“Uh, yeah, sorry about smashing it up,” Rainbow said.

“Sorry? I’d trade a hundred airships for this sled right now!”

“For once, so would I,” Anchors Aweigh agreed, a bright smile coming to his gray, weathered face.

“There is no time to waste, Fancy Pants,” Turing Test said. “Rainbow Dash will assist you and your associates in boarding. Upon completion, I will pull you all to the bottom of this mountain. Rainbow Dash will fly to the nearest settlement and bring a medical team to rescue you.”

“Yeah, this thing’s a little bigger than we wanted, but it’s the best we could do,” Rainbow said. “It’s still pretty sturdy and it’ll get you all down. But we’ve got to go quick, it’s getting colder and colder out!”

They all looked and saw that the sun was rapidly descending over the mountains, the sky turning a shade of deep purple that was reflected in the snow all around them. The temperature would plunge in no time.

“Well then, no time to lose!” Fancy Pants said, turning back into the cave. “Come on, everypony! Our saviors have arrived! Gather up the injured and help them to board!”

Rainbow turned her attention to Turing Test. “Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“I am not certain. However, the most expedient way to rescue the victims is for us to travel separately. Please go and notify the nearby medical staff. Have them bring several carts to transport the injured.”

“Right.” She was about to go when she added, “Good luck, Turing.”

“Acknowledged.”

Rainbow Dash took off, rapidly vanishing over the snowy peaks as she made her way to the nearest community. Fancy Pants, Anchors Aweigh, and even Upper Crust helped the injured into the crude sled. Fancy Pants used an extra rope to provide some backing for the open sled to prevent anypony from tumbling out if they hit a bump or something on the slopes down.

“Are you prepared to depart?” Turing Test asked.

“I believe so, yes,” Fancy Pants said.

“Fancy, are you certain we should trust this… mechanism with our lives?” asked a mare wearing spectacles.

“Silver Frames, if you wish to remain in the cave for the evening, then by all means,” he said, sighing exasperatedly.

Silver Frames tightened her lips. “Well... when you say it like that…”

“We must depart. Please brace yourselves as the inertia will be considerable.”

“The inertia? What do you mea-augh!” she cried as Turing began pulling the sled, jerking it forward and causing them all to fall back. “Ah. I see.”

The frigid breeze chilled Turing’s passengers to the bone, though luckily they’d still brought a swatch of the balloon with them to act as a blanket. This didn’t bother Turing, of course, as she swiftly pulled the sled down the slope. They passed pine trees caked with snow as they weaved through paths and around rocky formations to take the smoothest possible route. As night fell, the stars began to appear and the moon slowly crept over the peaks in the east, casting its pale glow over them all. The swift, hushed sound of the sled as it plowed through the snow, along with the punctuated thump of Turing’s hooves rhythmically galloping almost made this rescue seem tranquil.

“Such beauty,” Fancy Pants whispered, his breath coming out in wisps of steam. He smiled serenely, looking over the icy, moonlit mountainside. “And so peaceful. It is as if the whole world is whispering.” Then he frowned. He heard something else. He also noticed that Turing had picked up speed. “Um, Miss Turing? Do you hear that as well?”

“Affirmative.”

“Well… does it have something to do with why you’re going faster?”

“Affirmative.”

Fancy Pants started to get nervous. He heard a faint rumbling and it was getting louder. He looked at the top of a nearby peak to the left of them and the trees along it seemed to be… bowing? No, falling. Something was coming down the mountains and knocking the trees down as it went.

“Good heavens!” Upper Crust cried, pointing at the phenomenon as well. “What is that?!”

“Avalanche detected.”

The passengers all began to panic and shout as the cascade of snow became a roar and it tore through the nearby trees at it came down at them.

“Altering route and increasing velocity. E-Mode activated.”

With another jolt, the sled picked up speed and veered off to the right, away from the approaching avalanche. Turing knew that they would have to avoid it by going up the opposite peak and through a narrow pass, but that had not been part of her original calculations. Now that she had activated E-Mode to boost her pulling power, she was using more energy than she’d planned.

“Oh my! Oh my, it’s coming closer!”

“We’ll all be killed!”

“Faster, you machine! Hurry hurry hurry!”

Turing heard them, but did not acknowledge them. She instead ascended the nearby slope as the snow behind them crashed and thundered, churning into an icy, powdery river behind them. They narrowly escaped, but her sensors indicated that the seismic vibrations would cause more minor avalanches. In fact, the very peak they were on…

“The snow! Miss Turing, it’s beginning to slide off the mountain!” Fancy Pants cried.

“Acknowledged. Attempting to evade.”

She made it over one side of the mountain and began to descend again. The pass was just ahead of them and she sped into it, the sled roughly jumping and rattling as they hit the choppier terrain and their momentum caused them to roughly bounce off the rocky walls. They looked up through the narrow crack at the top of the pass as waves of snow began to fly overhead, dusting them with it as it seeped into the pass.

A rumble and low, rocky crashing was heard as chunks of stones, larger boulders, and other debris began to rain all around them. They screamed in terror as one deadly missile after another narrowly missed them. Some even pelted the rails and sides of the former ship, splintering the wood around them. And then Fancy Pants saw a rock the size of a bowling ball tumble directly at Turing Test.

“Miss Turing--!” he cried out.

Turing didn’t even slow down as the boulder came right at her. She simply raised one hoof at precisely the right moment, striking it and shattering it to rubble that clattered against the front of the sled.

“No damage sustained.”

“Ah… bravo.” Fancy Pants laughed in spite of himself.

They burst from the pass and saw that the avalanche was a churning cataclysmic mess behind them. But ahead of them, the snow was smooth and clear as they continued down the slope. They gave a cheer as they realized they had made it.

“You’ve done it, Turing!” Fancy Pants yelled. “You’ve saved us!”

“That outcome has not been determined conclusively.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“There is one kilometer left until we are safely out of range. However, my power is currently at 3%. Even with returning to neutral mode, I am not certain I will be able to transport you to that distance.”

“What? Could I not, uh, charge you? I thought I heard you say unicorn magic--”

“Switching to U-Mode is necessary for that method. That would mean terminating E-Mode and lowering our velocity. Furthermore, pulling the sled consumes energy faster than you would be able to replenish it. No advantage would be gained.”

Fancy Pants was quiet. Then he straightened his back, letting out a sigh of calm resignation. “Very well. Then good luck, and whatever happens, thank you for your effort, Miss Turing.”

Turing Test did not respond, but continued pulling them. Her power was beginning to drain and her systems were warning her to shut down to conserve power, but she persevered.

Soon the snow gave way to rocks and the ride became bumpier. The slope became less steep and they could at last see that the trees were parting to view the flat highland plains below. The frigid air had now become warmer. Still cool, but not enough to be dangerous to their health.

The sled slowly came to a stop and everypony sighed with relief. Fancy Pants looked over the railing and saw that Turing had sat down on the rocks just ahead of the sled. The ropes of her harness were slack.

“Well done, Miss Turing,” Fancy Pants said, smiling at the robot.

She did not respond.

“Miss Turing?” Again, there was no response.

Fancy Pants carefully stepped over the side of the sled and trotted over to her, investigating the situation. He gasped when he saw her.

There before him, Turing Test had settled into a sitting position, her head lowered slightly. Her eyes had gone completely dark and she was as still as a statue.

“Oh. Oh, poor, dear Miss Turing.” She’d used every last bit of her power to carry them as far as she possibly could.

System online. Recovery from automatic shutdown engaged. Loading memory… complete. Activating visual and auditory sensors… complete.

“Hello? Turing? You in there?”

Speaker identified: Rainbow Dash.

Turing Test’s eyes came on and the cameras in them began to focus. She turned to see Rainbow Dash standing next to her. She rose into a standing position herself.

“Greetings, Rainbow Dash,” she said. She looked around and saw they were in some simple room made out of wood. “This location is unfamiliar. Please identify.”

“We’re in the hospital in that village we saw earlier. Just some little place called Exmoor. Lucky you, they had a portable generator they use in case the power goes out, so we re-charged you. And finding your start button was a real pain. Whoever built you sure didn’t make it obvious!”

“Understood. Thank you for turning me on.”

Rainbow Dash made a face. “Please don’t say it like that.”

“The time was approximately 7 PM when I powered down. What is the time now?”

“About eleven o’clock,” she replied. “You were out for four hours.”

“Understood. What is the status of the crash victims?”

Rainbow smiled. “Come see for yourself.”

She took her over to the door and opened it, beckoning Turing Test with one hoof. Once they stepped through, Turing saw that the small ward was lined with hospital beds and each one was taken up by the victims from the crash. They were all resting or in bandages or being tended to by nurses and doctors.

“They’re all right,” Rainbow said, almost laughing in disbelief. “They lived. Every one of them. We did it, Turing.”

Turing scanned the room before turning back to Rainbow. “Understood. Rescue mission was successful. It appears that you were able to enlist a sufficient rescue team.”

“Ehhh, almost. We needed to go back and get another cart just for you!” She laughed, putting her hoof on Turing's shoulder. “Yeesh, Turing, you weigh more than Pinkie Pie after a bake-off!”

Turing didn’t respond, but began to walk away.

“Huh? Where are you going?” Rainbow asked.

“I must notify Twilight Sparkle of our location. Perhaps there is a telegraph office.”

“There is, and I already did it while they were re-charging you. Twi’s probably worried sick, but at least now she knows we’re both fine.”

“Acknowledged. Thank you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Speaking of thanks,” Rainbow said loudly, looking over at some of the nearby rescued victims in their hospital beds. “I believe some are in order, hmmm?” She looked at Upper Crust pointedly.

“Ah, yes, of course,” Upper Crust said, sitting up in her hospital bed. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash waited for her to say more. When Upper Crust just stared back at her, she frowned. “Uh, forgetting somepony?” She jerked her head over at Turing Test.

“What, the machine?” Upper Crust laughed, waving her hoof dismissively. “Next you’ll be expecting me to thank the sled or the carts that brought us here!”

“I know, and did you see how her eyes went dark when her battery went dead?” Silver Frames hissed from the bed next to hers. “How ghastly!”

Rainbow was trembling and her teeth were grit and she was about to explode in anger, but then Turing quietly took a step forward.

“Upper Crust and Silver Frames,” she began, causing the two mares to freeze, “I have a request for you:

“Bite my shiny metal flank.”

“What?!” they both cried in unison as Rainbow Dash fell to the floor laughing.

Just then, Fancy Pants entered the room. “Ah, Miss Rainbow Dash, Miss Turing Test! I'm so glad I caught you! A word, please?”

The two followed him outside and down the stairs to the hospital’s front door.

“I wanted to express my gratitude, even if my colleagues are, well…”

“Rude, stuck-up snobs?” Rainbow Dash asked flatly.

“Ha! Well, yes, quite.” He tugged at his collar nervously, but cleared his throat. “But you are deserving of thanks. They and I owe both of you our lives. Should either of you need a favor, please notify me in Canterlot and I will help however I can.”

Rainbow smiled. “No problem, Fancy!”

“Your gratitude is acknowledged.”

He smiled and turned away, intending to send his own message to Fleur de Lis in Vanhoover.

“My power is still insufficient to risk a flight home,” Turing Test said. “Perhaps we should see if a late train is available to return to Ponyville.”

“Sounds good. My wings are killing me!”

“Upon our return, I will honor my end of our wager and cease further contact with you.” She began to trot toward the door. Rainbow’s eyes shot open and she soared over her to land in her path, blocking the door.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” she exclaimed, holding out a hoof to halt her. “What are you talking about?!”

“Our race never came to a conclusion, but you have discovered the reasons for me requesting it. As you indicated, winning the race to gain your friendship would not have worked. Furthermore, I have gained a sufficient quantity of data. There is therefore no need to have another race. In the interest of fairness, I will grant you the prize of your wager to mollify you. I will leave you alone.”

“N-now hold on,” Rainbow said, her cheeks reddening. “I mean, that only applies if I win the race. Well, ya know… since we never finished, that’s not necessary. Besides, I mean… after all this? After all we did today, you want to never talk to each other again?”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “Negative. However, it was my understanding that you desired such an outcome.”

“Hooboy, you really don’t know much about ponies, do you?” She smiled. “So let me teach you something. Here, stick out your hoof.”

Turing raised her foreleg slightly. Rainbow Dash adjusted it so it was sticking straight out.

“There. Perfect.” And with that, she hoof-bumped her, the sound of bone hitting metal emitting a dull clank as she did.

Turing stood there with her hoof still extended. Presently, she understood that she could put it down. “What was the meaning of that gesture?” she asked finally.

“It’s just a little something that means ‘You did great,’ or ‘You’re awesome.’” She turned to go, not wanting Turing to see the grin she had on her face. “It’s just a little something we organic ponies like to do… with our friends.”

Turing Test was quiet as Rainbow walked out the hospital door. She raised her hoof again and examined it, processing what Rainbow had just said. Then it clicked.

“Understood.” Her ears began to move as she trotted out to catch up to Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash, does this mean--”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, Turing, you’ve got a successful mission to report back to Twilight.”

And so the two newly-made friends walked to the train station. Soon they would share a deserted train car as they made their way back to the place they called home.

Author's Notes:

As of May 18, 2015, this story has officially been Featured! If you came here via the Feature Box, then welcome and thank you for giving my story a chance. Another highlight, we've now gone over 10 chapters and Turing has befriended half the Mane 6!

As usual, thanks for reading!

In Two Minds, Part 1

The bell rang at the door of the Ponyville Inn as it opened. The hotel manager at the front desk smiled in greeting as somepony stepped inside the lobby.

“Oh, welcome back Mr. Fine Print!” the manager said. Mostly they took in travelers who came, stayed a night, and left. The unicorn in front of her had been there for about a week and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to check out.

“Thank you, it’s good to be back!” he said. The young stallion was a pale blue color and his black mane was styled short and neatly swept over his head. He also had friendly hazel eyes and wore a stylish black shirt and a pair of dark blue denim pants. Around his neck was a camera and there was a notepad in his back pocket.

“Did you find anything interesting for your next story?”

“Nothing just yet, but I’m sure something will come up soon.”

“Oh, yes, me too!” the manager said enthusiastically. “You know, I meet a lot of travelers here, but you’re the first freelancer I’ve met. It must be exciting!”

“It has its days, yes,” he said, stepping through the lobby toward the stairs.

“Are you sure you still don’t want any housekeeping, sir?” the manager called.

“Thank you, but no. Just keep leaving clean towels on my doorstep, if you please,” he said quickly, ascending the stairs and leaving the manager behind, their conversation ending abruptly.

His room was on the top floor and thus far he was the only one up there. He climbed the stairs and entered the simple hallway, adorned with rustic decor and a throw rug on the smooth wooden floor. Unlocking the door, he entered the room and closed the door behind him, locking it once again.

The room was nice enough. Nothing like the luxurious accommodations at a hotel in Manehatten or Baltimare, but it had a bed, a bathroom, a desk, and, most importantly, a window. It was why he wanted a room on the top floor: he needed the view. He went to that window and opened the shades, letting the light in and momentarily hurting his eyes with the sudden brightness. He blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted to it, then took a small telescope from his desk and looked at the structure that dominated the view out the window.

The castle. Twilight Sparkle’s castle. He made a face as he remembered to add Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle. He didn’t see anypony coming near the castle and there was no sign of activity on the balcony or at the windows.

Fine Print went to his desk and took out his notepad. There were other things on the desk including diagrams, some newspaper clippings, and a few small photographs that he’d been developing in the bathroom. All of the above featured the same central figure: the mechanical pony that had recently been found in the local orchard and which was now under the care of Twilight Sparkle.

He’d been around since they’d found her. He’d been there when Vanderbull had shown up and he’d read the newspaper the morning after they’d reactivated the automaton. And he’d even watched Twilight Sparkle take her shopping. And then there was the incident with that unicorn, Rarity, and the paint job, and then the race against Rainbow Dash and just yesterday they’d again been seen taking off from the castle balcony.

And just that morning, the two of them apparently arrived by train. Twilight Sparkle had been there to greet them.

He peered out the window again, furrowing his brow.

Shopping, playing dress-up, racing… what the heck is she doing? He wrote a few notes down, considering possibilities.

He took out a small device from his pocket and looked it over carefully. It was small, fairly flat, and made of metal. It had a round disc on it and a small vial attached to it with a wire. The liquid inside was thick and moved slowly as he jostled it. He might need these devices soon. Observing wasn’t getting anywhere. He needed more information.

He’d have to try to get closer to her to get any real answers.

“Once again, I can’t thank you enough for coming to visit us, Mr. Vanderbull!” The stationmaster of Hoofington Station, an earth pony stallion, eagerly stuck out his hoof which was taken up in a vigorous shake by the minotaur. “I just don’t know what we would have done without you!”

“Not to worry,” Vanderbull said, smiling as he released the stationmaster’s hoof. “I’m just glad the owners accepted my offer of assistance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my assistant and I must be leaving.”

He turned, expecting to see her just behind him, but there was nothing but empty space. He sighed and began to look around for the girl, annoyed at her wandering off again.

“Gadget?” he called, his voice echoing in the lobby, momentarily startling the patrons at the ticket counter. He frowned, feeling like a fool as the ponies around him all watched him. He hated falling into stereotypes, so he usually kept his temper controlled, lest he prove ponies’ suspicions right about him and the race he represented.

He managed an apologetic smile and walked out to the platform. She wasn’t out there, so he thought she might be on the train. He walked over to Alfredo, who was standing by outside his car.

“Sir? Anything wrong?” Alfredo asked.

“Did you see Gadget come by? Did she already board the train?”

“No sir. I’m afraid I haven’t seen her. Would you like me to locate her?”

He considered that, but he supposed he’d rather do it himself. Alfredo would probably give in to whatever excuse Gadget gave and she’d trot back to the car without a second thought. He wanted to express his displeasure at her not being there.

“No, I’ll find her. Please wait here, Alfredo.”

He made his way back through the station and found her in the small courtyard in front of the station. There was a fountain and in the middle of it was a strange, elaborate device: a rotating globe with a timepiece in the center. Gadget was using her mechanical limbs to raise herself up high enough to look at it more closely, resting the front appendages on the concrete rim of the fountain as she leaned forward to look at it. In using the Point Dexter to walk and elevate herself in this manner, she somewhat resembled some kind of bug or sea creature to Vanderbull. Various travelers and bystanders slowed their pace to watch her.

“So coool,” she breathed. Suspended from her mechanical harness, her natural legs were dangling and kicking excitedly as she looked at the device.

He should have known: she’d gotten distracted again. She didn’t even notice the onlookers.

He clenched his fists. “Gadget!” he snapped.

“Whoa!” she cried, losing her balance. One of her limbs slipped from the rim of the fountain and she pitched forward, landing in the fountain’s pool with a loud splash. She emerged from the shallow pool sputtering and coughing before she looked up to see Vanderbull glowering down at her.

Drenched to the bone, her wet jacket sticking to her and her mane limply lying over her eyes and glasses, she looked up at him, color coming to her cheeks and eyes going wide as she saw the anger in his eyes. “Oh, s-sir, I’m sorry, I just saw the timepiece here and it was so intriguing that I, I just…” She looked down, hugging her wet sleeves around her and lowering her head. “I’m sorry, sir,” she said quietly.

“Gadget, I--” He was about to chastise the girl, but seeing her like this, wet and miserable and embarrassed, made him soften. Try as he might, he couldn’t stay angry at her for long. He sighed, unclenched his fists, and let a smile cross his face.

“It’s all right, my dear. Please get out of the fountain and I’ll have Alfredo get you a towel. I’d like to return to Manehatten immediately.”

He turned to go, but heard her splashing as she struggled to pull herself from the fountain. “W-wait a minute, sir!” she exclaimed. “I actually wanted to ask you something!”

“Can it wait?” he asked, his annoyance coming back.

“Um. N-no sir. Commodore, you know my day off is tomorrow, of course.”

Vanderbull nodded. “Yes. What of it?”

“Well, it’s just that our business is done here, now that you’ve made a deal with the Hoofington Station owners I mean, and I, um, I just thought that maybe I could take the scenic route back to Manehatten. You know, take a public train, make a stop here and there, and then meet you back at the office the day after tomorrow?”

He blinked, then eyed her suspiciously. “The scenic route, you say? And you wish to take the public train rather than our own. Well, the train between here and Manehatten does indeed make several stops, of course.” He leaned forward, a knowing smile on his face. “Including Ponyville.”

She chuckled, steepling her mechanical fingers nervously. “Eheheh… you know me too well, sir.”

The whole time they’d been on this trip, she’d been distracted. She’d been doing research on who might have built the automaton back in Manehatten, which they’d been told was now named “Turing Test,” and also they’d been receiving Twilight’s letters and telegrams. The last one they’d received before traveling to Hoofington was of the results of Turing and Rainbow Dash’s first race, in addition to all the data about her speed, strength, kicking power, etc. Gadget hadn’t been able to stop talking about it on the ride over.

And now, that morning at their hotel in Hoofington, they’d seen the morning edition of the Hoofington Post reporting the airship crash in the Frostmane Mountains involving the famous Canterlot pony Fancy Pants and, to their mutual surprise, apparently he and his passengers had been rescued by none other than Rainbow Dash and Turing Test. She’d been obviously bored during the trip, sighing and yawning during meetings like a child, but the news had reinvigorated her and she had barely been able to sit still all day.

“You do realize that your day off is tomorrow, and not today, don’t you?” he asked slyly.

“Um… yes, sir,” she replied.

“And I do have some things for you to do that I thought you would attend to on the train. You are not technically off the clock yet, young lady.”

She sighed, shoulders and mechanical limbs sagging. “Yes sir.”

“Which is why I expect you to spend every single moment on the public train working on those documents,” he added.

She looked up at him with disbelief. “Y-you mean--?”

“I’ll want to inspect your work the day after tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy your holiday.” He smiled. “Give my regards to Princess Twilight.”

“Oh thank you, sir!” she cried, launching herself upward and wrapping her forelegs around his neck, causing him to stagger back from the sudden embrace. “Thank you thank you thank you!” she repeated. She let him go and started bouncing around joyfully, her mechanical limbs going wild as she did so.

“Ah, ahem, Gadget… you’re making a scene. Please try to control yourself.”

She stopped and saw several passersby staring at them. It wasn’t every day, after all, that one got to see a minotaur in a waistcoat and a soaking-wet earth pony with mechanical arms bouncing around like a filly.

She blushed, though she still giggled with excitement as Vanderbull motioned for her to follow him. “I’ll get your things and a change of clothes,” he said. “Alfredo will prepare your saddlebags. Oh, and don’t think you’ll be taking advantage of Her Highness’ hospitality by staying at the castle again. I’ll give you a little extra money for a hotel room.”

Twilight brushed her hair while looking in the mirror and, once satisfied with how she looked, she trotted out and made her way to her front door. She was riding high on the amazing news Turing had given to her that morning.

Friends! Rainbow Dash and Turing became friends! Oh, this is so wonderful! I was so worried about that bet of theirs, but it looks like it all worked out!

She beamed as Spike passed her in the hallway, a small handful of gems in one claw that he was apparently eating for a midday snack.

“Spike, have you seen Turing Test?” she asked him.

“She’s in her room in the hallway,” he replied. “I got her battery charged while Rainbow Dash was telling me the whole story. I can’t believe Dash got Turing to tell those other ponies to bite--”

“Yes, well, maybe that’s something we shouldn’t encourage,” Twilight said, cutting him off. “If she’s going to make friends with other ponies, maybe insults and taunts aren’t the most helpful things she could be learning.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “I guess,” he said. “It’s not like some of those Canterlot ponies couldn’t take a little back talk now and then…”

Twilight ignored him and continued to Turing Test’s room. The door was open, as it always was. Apparently Turing didn’t have a strong sense of privacy. She was sitting there in the center of the room, totally motionless until Twilight poked her head through the door.

“Um, knock knock?” Twilight said jokingly, tapping the floor with her hoof. “May I come in?”

“As this castle is your possession, you require no permission to enter, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing replied.

“Well, yes and no. I mean, it’s your room. Spike has a room now, too, and I wouldn’t go in there without asking him first either.”

Turing cocked her head to the side. Twilight had seen that enough times to know what it meant.

“What I mean is that I’m trying to respect your privacy,” she explained. “I mean, if you had something you wanted to do in here that you didn’t want anypony else to see.”

Turing was still quiet. Finally, she said, “Understood. However, that will not be necessary in my case. There are no actions I would need to hide from you, Twilight Sparkle. As my end user, you are entitled to full disclosure on any and all activities in which I engage. This includes past, present, and future actions.”

“Well, that’s… okay, sure,” Twilight replied. I swear, she said to herself, sometimes I just can’t read her. The way she talks and interacts with everypony is so different. I’d have thought anypony would want their privacy!

“Did you come to my quarters to discuss that issue?” Turing asked, drawing her out of her thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, no,” Twilight said, remembering why she’d stopped by. “I was going to go buy some apples. We’re out of them and I wanted to go pay a visit with Applejack. She should be selling some today.”

“Shall I accompany you on this outing, Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes. I’d like you two to meet and maybe get to know each other a little better.” She retrieved her saddlebag and placed it on Turing Test. “Just, um… do me a favor and let me do most of the talking. To be honest, Applejack is a little skeptical about you.”

“Understood. You wish for me to speak less to avoid miscommunication.”

“Yes, exactly. Try to keep the chatter to a minimum.” She was about to walk out the door when she remembered something else. “Oh, and, um… please don’t tell Applejack to bite parts of you.”

Fine Print turned the corner as he made his way through Ponyville. He’d decided to get a little lunch and maybe ask around about the automaton when he heard a strange noise and a murmur coming from some bystanders. He knew that mechanical sound in an instant, of course: it was the whirring of gears and servos, the kind made when a certain machine was walking.

He changed course and slipped through an alleyway to get closer to the sound and heard the faint, but distinct sound of Turing Test’s voice. She was walking alongside Twilight Sparkle. For a moment, he merely smiled, seeing the two of them having some sort of conversation as they walked down the street. A few of the Ponyville citizens even smiled and waved as they passed.

She’s integrating so well, he thought to himself. Then he shook his head, putting the thought out of mind. I’ve got other things to do. Let’s see what the Princess is doing with her new toy today.

He began trailing the two of them, camera out, and began taking pictures discreetly.

“Apples! Get yer apples here! We got a fresh supply o’ Golden Delicious and Honeycrisps right here!”

Applejack had her cart with her and she was already doing good business as she set up not far from a small neighborhood and her favorite restaurant. The families were good customers and the chef at the restaurant nearby was glad to have fresh apples when they needed more for their Waldorf salad, their most popular menu item. It was slightly cool weather that day, so she didn’t mind just standing by and selling apples. It certainly was preferable to harvesting. Especially since…

“Ouch,” she said, wincing slightly. Her hips were aching again. She’d talked to the doctor about it the morning after they’d found the automaton. He’d acquiesced to her request for a checkup, but told her the same thing he’d said the time before. His prognosis wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

Hmph. What does he know? she thought to herself. I just need to get more sleep or somethin’.

“Applejack!”

She turned and smiled when she saw Twilight walking over. Then she frowned again when she saw who was following her.

“Uh, hey there, Twilight,” she said, trying to ignore Turing Test. “Somethin’ I can do for ya?”

“Well, I needed some apples and I also haven’t seen you for a few days, so I thought I could come buy some and we could catch up for a few minutes!”

“Aw, well that’s nice,” Applejack said. “How many ya want?”

“Uh, six of the yellow ones and six of the red ones, I think.”

“No problem.” She started to pick out the best apples for her friend and then put them into two separate sacks. But then she heard the sound of the machine as it moved up alongside her.

“W-what’s it doin’?” she asked.

“Oh, Turing’s just going to carry my apples for me. Here, let me get that.” She levitated the two sacks and put them into Turing’s saddlebags. “Thank you, Turing,” she added.

Her robotic companion said nothing, but took the apples and resumed standing next to her.

“Ya still haven’t taught it to say ‘Yer welcome’ like a normal pony?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, well, Turing’s just, um… we’ve been teaching her other things.” She smiled, eager to tell Applejack about recent events. “She’s made so much progress! She’s… Applejack?”

Her friend had turned to look at Turing who was standing by like a soldier at attention, not saying anything.

“Applejack?” Twilight asked again, tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah, you were sayin’?”

“I was saying she’s made progress! She’s made friends with me, Spike, Rarity, and now Rainbow Dash! Oh my gosh, have you heard the story about what she and Rainbow did?”

“Heh,” Applejack chuckled, finally relaxing a bit. “You really think Rainbow Dash would save a dozen ponies’ lives and then not tell every mare, stallion, and foal in town about it?”

“Oh, right,” Twilight said, laughing sheepishly. “What was I thinking? So I guess the word is out. But isn’t that great that Rainbow Dash thinks of Turing Test as her friend now?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she replied uncertainly, glancing over at Turing again momentarily. “Rainbow Dash said y’all had some kinda race yesterday. Says Turing Test here got all complimentary and that she wants to protect everypony. Hooboy, I ain’t seen that gal so worked up in a blue moon!”

The two friends laughed as they stood there, but then as the laughter died away, Applejack looked over at Turing again.

“All right, I’m sorry to ask, but is she workin’ okay?”

Twilight gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”

“She’s just standin’ there, not sayin’ a thing!” Applejack exclaimed. “Last time I saw her, she could at least talk.” She turned to Turing and waved a hoof in front of her face. “Hello? Anypony in there?”

When Turing remained silent and motionless, Twilight stepped in. “Turing, you’re being rude. Answer her, please.”

“Understood,” Turing said, finally acknowledging them. “In answer to your inquiries, I am functioning normally and am still capable of verbal communication.”

The suddenness of Turing’s response startled Applejack, but only for a moment. “Any reason you were just standin’ there, not sayin’ anything? You never even said so much as a ‘Hello’ to me!”

“Twilight Sparkle instructed me to keep my communication to a minimum. No speech at all was the minimum,” she replied. Twilight put a hoof to her forehead, but Turing remained oblivious as usual. “Also, since you have indicated displeasure at my lack of greeting: Hello, Applejack.”

“Bit late fer that, but, yeah, hi.” She turned to look at Twilight again, giving her a look that plainly said, “Is this gal fer real or is she really this clueless?”

“W-well, I just thought maybe we should keep things relaxed,” Twilight said. “I know you’re a little… skeptical about Turing making friends.”

“That’s true,” Applejack said. “And, uh, well, if I’m bein’ honest, Twilight, I still don’t think she can.”

“Oh come on, Applejack,” Twilight said, annoyed at her for her continued mistrust. “I already told you she’s made friends with several of us!”

“Correct. The following individuals have directly or indirectly made declarations or performed actions indicative of their friendship with me: Twilight Sparkle, Spike the Dragon, Rarity--”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that, but… look, I’m sorry, but I just don’t know if I buy it.”

“Please clarify: what are you uncertain of purchasing?”

“Oh good gravy, ya dang robot, yer as thick as day-old grits!”

“My density is significantly greater than that of ground corn, if that is the type of grit you refer to.”

“Okay, Twilight,” Applejack said, turning back to her, “this right here is the first reason why I ain’t that keen on spendin’ time with her. Everytime I open my mouth, I feel like I need a translator.”

“It is my understanding that errors in comprehension often occur with ponies that possess nonstandard accents. Could your difficulty in communication be a result of your speech patterns?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Right. I’m the one who talks funny,” she grumbled.

“Oh boy,” Twilight said, putting herself between the two of them. “Turing, let me handle this.”

“Understood.”

“Okay, Applejack, I get that it can be frustrating, but what’s this really about? It can’t just be because of how she talks.”

“Yer right. It ain’t,” she replied. “Look, it comes down to two things, mainly. Fer one… well, I don’t trust her. She came here lookin’ fer ya, and even though she says she don’t remember why, she could just be playin’ dumb. She might still be dangerous.”

“Applejack, if she’d wanted to hurt me, she had plenty of opportunity already.”

“Maybe so,” she replied. “But what if she’s just waitin’ fer somethin’. Maybe she’s just bein’ patient. Maybe she needs somethin’ from ya first and then when ya least expect it, she’ll walk right up and bam! You’d never see it comin’.”

“That’s ridiculous! Turing isn’t--”

“And you remember that if ya ever hurt anypony, especially my friend Twilight, ya darn contraption,” she shouted at Turing, “I’ll tear ya apart limb from limb!”

Turing moved her head slightly, ears twitching, but said nothing.

“And here’s the other reason,” Applejack went on. “I think y’all are still just imaginin’ things. She can’t really have emotions; she ain’t a real pony!”

“That’s enough, Applejack!” Twilight shouted. “Turing Test does have emotions! Turing, tell her!”

“Understood. Twilight Sparkle is correct. I have experienced a small number of emotions, including gratification, sadness, and amazement. These responses coincide with significant experiences.”

Applejack still looked doubtful. “An’ yer tellin’ me that ya made friends with ponies, then.”

Turing looked to Twilight, apparently awaiting Twilight’s permission to respond. When she nodded, she continued. “That is true. As stated earlier--”

“Yeah, yeah, they think of you as a friend now. I get that. I really do. I’ve known Rarity and Rainbow Dash a long time and they both talk like y’all are peas in a pod. But that ain’t the problem.” She leaned in close to Turing. “What I really wanna know is, how do you feel about them?”

Turing Test cocked her head. “Please specify.”

“I mean it seems obvious that they like you. But what about you? Do you like them back?”

Twilight expected Turing to say “Yes” immediately. She did not. In fact, she only cocked her head to the side again. And Twilight’s heart sank.

“T-Turing? Will you please answer Applejack’s question?”

Turing didn’t seem to hear her at first, but then said, “Processing inquiry… inconclusive.”

“Heh. Figured,” Applejack said, sighing. She looked back at Twilight. “Look, I’m real sorry, sugarcube, but I think she’s either been lyin’ about any feelings she’s had or maybe she just doesn’t know what they mean. But either way, you an’ I both know that ya can’t be friends if ya don’t like each other.”

Twilight was silent. She struggled to find the right words, but she hadn’t been expecting this.

“Look here, robot,” Applejack said, getting Turing’s attention. “Rarity, Spike, Rainbow Dash… they’re all my friends. My real friends. An’ they all seem to like you, and if they knew that you didn’t like ‘em back, well, it would just tear ‘em up inside. Heck, look at Twilight. Poor gal took you in an’ stood up fer ya an’ treated ya like a member of her own family an’ you… ya cain’t even say ya like her?”

Turing looked over at Twilight, who was looking back at her expectantly.

“Turing… I order you… answer her.”

Turing looked back at Applejack. “Inconclusive.”

The three stood in silence. Applejack saw that Twilight was becoming more upset and went over to her, hugging her gently. “There there, I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Twi. I hoped I was wrong too, but…”

“I-I’m okay,” Twilight said, gently removing herself from Applejack’s embrace. “I’ve… I’ve got some thinking to do.”

“Twilight Sparkle, do you wish to--”

“Not now. Let’s just go home, Turing.” She’d already turned to go, and so Turing simply followed her. The two did not speak on the trip back.

Fine Print rushed back to his hotel room, nearly knocking over bystanders as he galloped back the way he came. Normally he would have tried to follow Twilight and Turing back to the castle, but this was important. He wasn’t able to get very close to them, but it was obvious that something had gone wrong. Twilight seemed upset, Applejack was raising her voice, and both of them seemed agitated about something that the automaton had said.

If Twilight had lost her patience with the automaton, then that could be a major development in the situation. He’d have to write this down, consider what to do next.

He entered the front door of his hotel and dashed up the stairs, not stopping to even say hello to the hotel manager at the front desk. He was nearly at his room when the door on the opposite side of the hallway opened and somepony stepped out of it. He froze and tried to stop his momentum, but the carpet under him continued under his momentum and slid to a stop right before the newcomer as she exited the room. She gasped as she turned to see him sitting there.

“Oh!” she cried, and to his amazement, a series of strange mechanical arms rose up to shield her. When she saw that he had stopped short of her, the arms lowered and they both got a look at each other.

She was a mare - though small and fairly young, maybe 5 years younger than himself - with a cream-colored coat. She wore a loose, black jacket with many pockets and had a messy brown mane and a pair of glasses over her eyes. But most surprising was that those mechanical arms he saw were poking through holes in the back of her jacket and apparently coming from something on her back.

“Excuse me, miss,” Fine Print said, smiling nervously. “I was in a hurry and you startled me a little.” He stepped off the carpet and stood to his full height. “My name is Fine Print and I’m in the room across from yours.” He offered his hoof in greeting.

“Oh, I’m--” she reached for his hoof with one of her mechanical hands absentmindedly, then pulled it back and shook it with her own hoof when she realized her mistake. “Er, G-Gadget. My name is Gadget,” she said. “I just checked in a few minutes ago.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m a freelance reporter and I… I’m sorry but these are amazing!” he exclaimed, gesturing at her artificial limbs, and walked over to her side. “Where did you get these?”

“I actually built these myself,” she said. “I’m an engineer.”

“Engineer? Wait…” Then it clicked. “You’re Cornelius Vanderbull’s assistant! I remember seeing you about a week ago! But when I saw you, you didn’t have these on. And you say you built them? Wow, you must be brilliant!”

“Oh, I’m not… I’m not so special,” she said modestly, and she started to blush slightly at the compliment.

“Are you kidding me? Look at how dexterous and flexible these things are! I bet they’re strong, too!” He took hold of one of the mechanical arms and looked at it closely. He then ran a hoof along its smooth, chrome surface. She drew in a breath sharply and her blush deepened.

“Um, Mr. Fine Print, I can… I can feel that. P-please stop touching them.”

“Huh? Oh!” he exclaimed, dropping the limb. And then it was his turn to blush. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize!” He took a few steps back, giving her some space.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” she said, chuckling nervously. “They’re just powered by my own earth pony magic, so I can feel them like they were my own limbs.”

“Extending your magical essence like that… wow… you really are incredible. Let me guess: you used magic-based neural interface scaffolding to control a biomimetic internal structure?”

Her eyes went wide. “Yes, exactly! How in the world did you guess that?!”

“Ah, well,” he coughed nervously, backing away slightly. “I’m… kind of a geek for technology and stuff like that, I guess. I pick up a lot of things interviewing different engineers for science articles. Um, but anyway, what are you doing back here in Ponyville?”

“I’m here to visit my friend, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” she replied. “I also want to check in on her automa-- oh right, she’s calling her a ‘robot’ now. Anyway, I’m checking in on Princess Twilight and her robot friend, Turing Test.”

Fine Print’s eyes widened with interest. “Well, that is fascinating. I’d be interested in talking to that, um, robot.”

“I’m already stopping by unannounced,” she said sheepishly, “so I can’t speak for them, but… well, maybe I can see if the Princess and Turing would be interested in an interview. I should probably get going, sir.”

“Just Fine Print, please,” he said, flashing a friendly smile.

She turned to go, but then stopped and said, “I’m here until the day after tomorrow. Will… that is, will you be here that long?”

“Oh yes. I’d love to talk more,” he said. He paused a moment, his blush returning, and added, “P-perhaps we could discuss things over lunch tomorrow?”

If he’d never seen her natural cream-colored coat before, he would have sworn that it was naturally pink from how deeply she was blushing. She hesitated and he realized that he’d perhaps gone too far.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’ve been too forward,” he said, bowing his head. “After all, you just met me, and you’re a young lady...”

“N-now hold on, I’m an adult… m-mostly… and I didn’t say no!” she cried. She paused, swallowing hard before she continued. “I-I’d like that. It’s just lunch after all.” She smiled. “I’d love to talk more later.”

He smiled. “All right. Noon tomorrow. See you then, Gadget.” And with that, he turned and entered his own room.

Once he was gone, Gadget kicked her forelegs into the air gleefully and made her way down the steps.

Back in his room, Fine Print had to take a deep breath to get his heart to slow down. He had a job to do, he told himself, and letting a cute mare distract him at this point would be a disaster.

He went to his desk to take down some notes and begin planning for what to do next.

Twilight and Turing Test entered the castle and walked through the main hall. Spike was walking toward them to greet them.

“Hi Twilight, hi Turing! Did you get some apples?”

“Yes,” Twilight said, walking brusquely past Spike while levitating the saddlebags off of Turing over to him. “Please put them in the kitchen.”

He noticed her tone and frowned as he took the bags. “Um, do you want me to start fixing lunch? Oh, and how was Applejack? Did she warm up to Turing at all? Or--”

“Spike, I need to talk to Turing alone. Yes, please go fix lunch. I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Um… all right,” he said, looking worriedly over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen.

Twilight and Turing, meanwhile, went to her bedroom. She closed the door behind them just to make sure Spike didn’t hear the conversation.

“You are distressed, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing observed.

“Gee, you think?! What tipped you off?” She rolled her eyes to punctuate her sarcasm.

“Your facial expression, tone of voice, and--”

“Yes, I get it. And yes, I am distressed!” She sat down on the rug near her bed and let out a heavy sigh. “How can you not be able to answer Applejack’s question, Turing?”

“You refer to her inquiry, ‘Do you like them back?’ correct?” she asked.

“I mean the general implied question, yes! Your goal is to make friends, and I thought you were! But then you can’t answer that question?” Twilight stared at her, looking for some kind of reaction.

As always, Turing simply stood there.

“I just want to know if you like us. Do you like Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Spike… me?”

Turing moved her ears slightly and said, “Results are still inconclusive.”

“But why? Why is that question so hard to answer? It should be easy!”

“The word ‘like’ is difficult to qualify. Are you stating a matter of preference, affection, or some other quality?”

Twilight blinked. “I mean affection, yes, of course. Turing, I gave you a directive when we first activated you. I told you to ‘Make friends.’ Do you even know what the word ‘friend’ means?”

“Affirmative. The word was in my default database. ‘Friend (noun): a pony or other being attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a pony or other being who gives assistance; a patron; a supporter...’”

“Yes, okay, let’s focus on the first part there,” Twilight said. “A pony attached to another by feelings of affection. That’s important, don’t you think?”

“By that definition, I do not see any contradiction or problem. All of the previously mentioned subjects have expressed affection for me.”

“That’s only half of it, Turing!” Twilight cried. “Yes, they like you, they feel affection for you. But do you feel the same way about them? Do you… don’t you have affection for them?” She swallowed. “Don’t you feel that way about me?”

“Affection…” Turing tilted her head to the left and to the right. “That emotion seems to be common among organic ponies. I have attempted to qualify it and all results are inconclusive. I have not determined that I have such an emotion or am capable of having it.”

She looked directly at Twilight then, her unblinking violet eyes staring out at her. Twilight recalled the time when she’d found Turing staring at her in her bedroom the night she’d first activated her. And once again she felt like she was staring at something strange, something alien, something…

Something distinctly different from herself.

(“...when ya least expect it, she’ll walk right up and bam! You’d never see it comin’.”)

She shook her head, trying to shake Applejack’s words from her mind as Turing continued:

“If you refer to affection, then I believe with my inconclusive information I must answer negatively,” Turing said. “I do not like you.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped open.

“My answer has displeased you, Twilight Sparkle.” It was not a question.

“Turing… please, just… go to your room.”

“Understood. For what length of time--”

“I don’t know! For a while!” she exploded. “Just stay in there and shut the door! I need to be alone!”

Turing stood there and at first Twilight thought she hadn’t heard. But then, without another word, Turing turned and exited her room, the sound of her metallic hoofsteps slowly fading as she moved down the hallway.

Only when she was sure that Turing was out of earshot did she shut her own door and finally broke down. She pulled one of her pillows over to herself and buried her face in it, the surface dampening with her tears.

I thought I had done it… I thought I was really teaching her to be friends this whole time. But I wasn’t! She stomped her hoof in frustration. She doesn’t care at all! I’ve… I’ve failed…

She took several minutes to compose herself. Eventually, the rumbling in her belly caused her to make her way down to the dining room. She soon heard that Spike already setting the table. Maybe some food would make her feel a little better.

“Huh? Oh, Twilight!” Spike exclaimed happily as she entered the room. “Um, I know it’s a surprise, but we’ve got company!”

“Company?” Twilight asked drearily as she slowly raised her head.

“SURPRISE!” And then Gadget dropped down into view, having hid herself by hanging from the ceiling via her mechanical hands. “Hi Princess Twilight! I just came into town and… oh…” She noticed Twilight’s bloodshot eyes and it was fairly obvious she’d been crying. “Oh no.” She dropped down from the ceiling, her hooves clattering as she did so, and bowed her head. “Is… is this a bad time?”

Twilight opened her mouth and was about to answer, but then paused, considering the situation. “Set an extra place at the table, Spike. I think Gadget and I have a lot to talk about.”

Author's Notes:

Thank you again to all the readers who have been supporting this story.

Special thanks to FiMFiction author GaPJaxie for giving me some constructive criticism and especially for help critiquing this chapter. Hats off, my good sir.

In Two Minds, Part 2

Gadget just picked at her salad after hearing Twilight’s story.

“That’s… that’s a lot more than I was expecting,” she said finally. “I really thought, you know, after all your letters, that things would be different around here.”

“They are!” Twilight exclaimed. “Well, they were. I really thought we’d made all this progress. Ponies have been starting to accept her and even Turing is starting to be more pleasant to talk to. But then she had to say something like that to me.”

Twilight sighed. She was glad to have Gadget there, even though she felt guilty dropping all her troubles on her. Neither one of them had eaten much of the salad that Spike had prepared.

“You haven’t told Spike any of this yet?” Gadget asked.

They both glanced over to the seat he’d vacated at the table.

“I know he can tell that something is up.” She took another bite before continuing. “And I hated to ask him to let us talk in private, but… honestly I think he’d be even more hurt if he’d heard her. Spike was getting friendly with Turing even before I was!”

Gadget crossed her forelegs, closing her eyes as she mulled the situation over.

“She just flat out said she doesn’t like me,” Twilight said quietly. “All this time I thought we were friends…”

It was pretty terrible when one said it like that. There were few things short of vulgarity that so clearly indicated unfriendliness more than “I don’t like you.”

“Um… Gadget?” Twilight asked, getting her attention. “Would you mind not doing that, please?”

“Huh?” And then she heard a strange metallic tapping sound and saw that one of her mechanical hands had been drumming its fingers on the table.

“Darn it, Front Leftie!” she growled, and the hand immediately lifted, holding itself up in mock surrender. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Twilight, letting one of her more obedient hands adjust her glasses as she began to speak.

“Maybe it’s not so bad, Princess Twilight,” she said. “I mean, does it really matter if she likes you back?”

“Yes!” Twilight cried. “Imagine if, after all the time you’ve spent with Mr. Vanderbull, he said he didn’t like you! Or if any other friend of yours said it!”

She considered that and finally nodded reluctantly. “Okay, that’s true. If Mr. Vanderbull told me he didn’t like me and wanted to get a new assistant or something like that, I’d be devastated!”

Twilight nodded solemnly, closing her eyes and lowering her head. “Exactly. I thought I was developing a connection with her and it turns out it was all for nothing. It really meant nothing to her!

Gadget considered this, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “Well, do you still care about her?”

“Yes, of course I do!” Twilight was again immediate in her answer. “That’s why it hurts so much to hear her say otherwise.”

“That’s good… all things considered,” Gadget said.

“Yeah,” Twilight said. Then she noted Gadget’s hesitation on that last part. “Wait, what do you mean?”

Gadget looked away and nibbled on another leaf of lettuce.

“Gadget,” Twilight said firmly, “please tell me. What do you mean?”

“It’s… well, your earlier letter told me that Princess Celestia came to talk to you about Turing. And you were relieved when Princess Celestia decided to trust you. But you also said that if Turing really couldn’t learn friendship, then Celestia would…”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Oh no.”

“Princess,” Gadget said, breaking their silence, “if you really care about Turing, then would you really abandon her?”

“I… I can’t just lie to Celestia about it. Eventually, I’ll have to tell her the truth.”

“But you’re a Princess too; she can’t tell you what to do!”

“Princess of Friendship; I’m not a head of state the way she is!”

The same heavy silence hung over them once again. They continued their lunch for a few more minutes so that the only sound between them was the sound of chewing.

“Is that really the kind of situation you want to put Turing in, Princess?” Gadget asked finally. “Because that’s a pretty horrible ultimatum: make friends or die.”

Twilight made a face as if wounded.

“S-sorry,” Gadget said. “I just… I just think…”

“Look, I said I cared and I meant it. But I can’t disobey Princess Celestia.”

Gadget started to say something and shut her mouth. Then her eyes hardened and she steeled herself. “You wouldn’t ever disobey her? Ever?”

“I never have. She’s so kind, and so wise… if she says something’s the right thing to do, then I trust her!”

“Even if it’s murdering an innocent pony?”

“It’s… it’s not murder, Gadget, she’s not really a pony.”

Gadget stared at her, quaking with sudden rage. “So if Celestia outright demanded that you give Turing Test over to her--”

“--Then I would, of course!”

“Well, what if you’re wrong? What if she really is a pony?”

“She’s not!”

“You don’t know that!”

“I… that’s not…”

“I’m not trying to make this harder for you, Twilight, but…” She sighed, slumping forward on the table. “This situation is awful. I wasn’t ready for this.”

“I know, I know, it’s really terrible no matter how we look at it. I don’t know what I should do.” Twilight pushed her salad bowl away. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”

Gadget did the same. “Me too.”

“I’m really sorry that you came in the middle of all this trouble,” Twilight said. “But I am glad you’re here.” She smiled weakly.

“I’m glad to be here too.” Gadget returned the smile, and seemed to perk up slightly. “Besides, I’m here for today and through tomorrow. And it’s not like you have to make a decision immediately. Maybe I can help you, and you can make a plan to help Turing Test!”

Twilight nodded. “That’s true. I guess it hasn’t even been very long since what happened with Applejack. I don’t want to make any quick decisions.”

Gadget scrunched her eyes shut, crossing her forelegs again (her mechanical arms following suit this time). “Hmm. Could I, um… talk to her?”

“Turing? Sure. I’m not sure what good it will do, but you’re welcome to try it.”

“All right. Where is she?”

“I sent her to her room.”

Gadget gave her a sideways glance and then cracked a grin. “What next? If she keeps misbehaving, she’s grounded for a month, no boy-bots and no parties?”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

The door opened and Gadget poked her head through into the small room. “Turing?” she asked cautiously.

Turing Test was sitting in the middle of the room, perfectly still except for her ears which twitched on their hinges, squeaking as they did so. “Gadget Giroux. I detected your voice in the hallway. Welcome to my domicile.”

“Thanks! It’s…” she noted it contained a generator, a mirror, a can of metal polish with a rag, and nothing else, save for its occupant. “It’s very spacious,” she said, closing the door behind her. “Um, you know, you could have come out and said hello if you heard me.”

“My apologies, but I could not. Twilight Sparkle ordered me to stay in this room for awhile. I did not have her permission to leave.”

“I see,” Gadget said. Since Gadget had entered the room, Turing had not turned toward her in the slightest. She merely sat before the tall mirror, her back to Gadget the whole time. Gadget moved next to Turing and sat down herself on the smooth, cold floor, flinching at its chilliness.

“Um… so, how’s it going?”

Turing finally moved her head to look at Gadget, the suddenness of the movement making her gasp in surprise. “Clarification required: what is going?”

“Uh, let me restate that. How are you?”

“I am functioning normally.”

“Oh. Good.” Gadget nodded, letting her eyes fall on the mirror. “What’s with the mirror? I mean, why do you have a mirror?”

“The mirror allows me to view my own image.”

“Yes, I get that,” Gadget said. “But why are you looking at it?”

“To view my own image in the mirror.”

Gadget groaned and smacked her forehead with her hoof. Turing noticed this immediately, her ears twitching. And then she did something that really caught Gadget’s attention.

While looking in the mirror, she smacked her own forehead with her hoof, a loud bell-like clang sounding through the room.

“Turing? Did you just mimic me?”

“Affirmative. I am attempting mimicry of organic ponies’ expressions, gestures, and movements. I have recorded many such movements and am now attempting to emulate them. I have noticed that such expressions often serve as means of nonverbal communication or as means of emphasizing the points of verbal communication. The mirror assists me in making a visual comparison with my memory.”

“Oh, I see!” Gadget said, nodding emphatically. She smiled, happy to at last have some answer of why Turing needed the mirror.

“This gesture you made…” She smacked her forehead again, creating the same loud clang as before. “It seems illogical to attempt injury to one’s cranium. Yet I see it often as a reaction to things I say or do. What is the meaning of this gesture?”

Gadget stood up again, light on her feet and eager to answer. “I can tell you! It’s just something we ponies do when we are exasperated!”

“This explains a great deal. Thank you, Gadget.”

“Wait, ‘Thank you?’ For what?”

“Twilight Sparkle and I had an altercation. I am still attempting to analyze it. In previous interactions, both she and other ponies have often made a similar gesture. I must be exceedingly exasperating. That may explain why Twilight Sparkle is disappointed with me.”

Gadget sat back down. “She’s not… I mean, she didn’t say that, did she?”

“While it is true that she did not say that exactly, it is very likely her assessment of me. She explained to me that friendship must involve mutual feelings of affection. As I have yet to experience such an emotion, my previous efforts that were deemed successes must now be deemed failures. I am without friends and therefore I have failed in my directive.”

“Turing…”

“I am attempting to remedy the situation. It is possible that my inability to properly integrate with organic ponies is also preventing me from achieving a similar mental state. If I can become more like an organic, then I may once again achieve success with my directive.”

Gadget just stared at her. It seemed simplistic to her: ‘act like a pony and you’ll be like a pony.’ It was like a child wearing their parents’ clothes to be like their mommy or daddy. But the fact that Turing could recognize that something was wrong might be a step in the right direction. Just the same, she wasn’t exactly sure what to do or say to help the poor robot.

“Gadget,” Turing said, jolting her back to reality, “did you come to visit Twilight Sparkle or perhaps to perform maintenance on me?”

“I actually came to visit all of you. Not just Twilight.”

“Now that you have done so, will you return to Manehatten?”

“I’m actually here for a little while. If Twilight doesn’t mind, I’ll be able to spend time here until the day after tomorrow.” She smiled. “I think I’d better go talk to Twilight. But I’ll come visit you later on, if you’re okay with that!”

“You do not require my permission to spend time with me.”

Gadget frowned, but pressed on, undeterred. “Turing Test, I want to spend time with you. I’m saying that I will if you’d like me to talk more to you.”

Turing’s face, so devoid of normal facial features, was inscrutable. But then Gadget watched as she slowly placed a hoof to her chin and rubbed it, creating an irritating scraping sound

But suddenly Gadget’s eyes went wide in amazement as the significance of the action and all that she’d said dawned on her.

“I believe that might be a positive experience.”

Gadget didn’t respond. She was still breathless as the truth became clear. She’s thinking. Honest to goodness, not just processing, she’s thinking about herself!

She swallowed, managing to contain herself. “I’m glad. I’ll be back later on!” Gadget exclaimed happily. “See you later, Turing!”

“Understood. And Gadget?”

Gadget turned, her mechanical hand already turning the doorknob. “Yes, Turing?”

“While I am confined to this room, I am unable to perform my duties and assist Twilight Sparkle. Will you please assist her in my absence?”

Gadget smiled. “Of course.”

Twilight was pacing back in the throne room, the large round table in the center of the room magically displaying the map of Equestria. She looked it over, merely biding her time until at last Gadget entered the room.

“Did you talk to her? What did she say?” Twilight asked, running over eagerly.

“It’s amazing!” Gadget cried as Twilight ran up to her. “Turing is… she’s trying to imitate body language!”

Twilight’s enthusiasm drained away. “She’s… what? Why?”

“She thinks that by acting like a pony she can be more like a pony. I think she means feelings, too.”

Twilight sighed. “That’s not going to work.”

“No, probably not. But that’s not the point!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Well, what is the point?”

“The point is that she’s not just sitting in that room waiting for the next order!” She was so excited about this apparently mundane fact that she lifted herself off the ground on her mechanical arms. “She’s considering, pondering, and making active adjustments based on how she sees herself!”

“Isn’t that… isn’t that what she’s supposed to do?”

“To a certain extent, yes,” Gadget admitted, rolling her eyes, “but this… this means she’s being more than just intelligent… she’s being creative!”

“Well, yes, I know she can do that.” Twilight shrugged her shoulders. “She did some of that in her race with Rainbow Dash.”

Gadget groaned in frustration, realizing she wasn’t expressing her discovery well enough. She set herself back down on the ground. “Twilight, this isn’t just coming up with a strategy. This is recognition of her own place in the world and her current situation. Instead of the dumb machine we saw a week ago that just demanded Fluttershy be friends, she’s responding to her perceived failure and doing something about it!”

Twilight blinked, still not getting it.

“Don’t you see? She’s becoming self-aware! Twilight, this is a huge breakthrough! Signs of self-awareness like this could mean she’s sentient! She might become just as sentient as anypony else!”

Twilight nodded, finally understanding, but frowned. “I… I don’t know, Gadget. I thought the same thing might have been true before, but… I just don’t know.”

Gadget sagged. “Really? But…”

“I just have to wonder how she could really be sentient or even anything like us if she can’t feel emotions. And I’m not sure she really can.” She swallowed. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. I just need time to think about it.”

Gadget slowly exhaled, letting her tension go as her stiff limbs relaxed once again. “Right. Of course, I understand. Um… well, should I… leave you for now so you can think about it?”

“Actually, I think I’d like your company. This is all really serious and I think I need to step back before I worry myself into a psychotic episode!” She let out a long sigh. “I don’t think I can talk about this with my other friends, and honestly I could use something to take my mind off this. I could really use a friend right now to help me calm down. I hate to impose, but I’d love your company if you would like to stay!”

Gadget smiled. “Yes, of course! I’d be glad to help!”

“Great! Well, let’s start by cutting out all the serious talk. I don’t suppose anything interesting has happened lately that you want to talk about?”

Gadget looked up and to the left, and Twilight detected the slight blush that came to her cheeks.

“Gadget? Are you hiding something?” she asked, leaning forward with sudden interest.

“N-no, it’s nothing.” Then she smiled, brushing her hair to one side with her hoof before quietly adding, “I… um, I met a cute stallion today.”

Twilight grinned brightly. “Ooh, give me details!”

“He’s a freelance reporter staying in Ponyville Inn across from my room. And, um, we met before we came over here and he’s really smart and he’s got these deep hazel eyes… and w-we’re having lunch together tomorrow!”

“Oh wow!” Twilight exclaimed. “But aren’t you a little young for a date?”

“I am not!” she cried, stamping her hoof indignantly. “A-and it’s just lunch! It’s not… it’s not… th-that word...”

Twilight grinned. “Well… that’s interesting. Maybe I can help you.”

“Help me? What do you mean?”

“Well, do you have anything nice to wear for it?”

“I’ve got my jacket, so I was just going to… well, I mean, if you think I should wear something else,” she swallowed, “then I guess maybe I… I don’t have anything.”

“Then I know just what to do! Come on, Gadget, we better go before she gets too busy with somepony else!” That said, she grabbed her by the hoof and led her to the door.

“‘She?’ Who?”

“Who else?” she laughed. “Rarity!”

Fine Print was eating a simple muffin he’d bought from a nearby bakery as he peered through his spyglass at the castle. He was about to give up and develop his new photos when he saw movement at the castle door.

Well, what do we have here?

He squinted, refocusing the telescope to get a better look. Presently, he began to see that two figures were leaving. Twilight and…

“Gadget,” he whispered. A brief smile flashed across his face. His heart skipped a beat as he remembered their plans for lunch the next day. But then he remembered the task at hoof and he sighed, closing his eyes and snapping the telescope shut before placing it back on his desk.

With the Princess and Gadget leaving, maybe the automaton will be by itself. Now’s my chance to get close to it!

He grabbed his notepad and camera and dashed out the door. If he hurried, he might just be able to get to the castle and inside in less than five minutes. He might be able to get in and out without ever being detected.

“My my my, how exciting!”

Rarity was abuzz, holding up one dress after another in front of Gadget, giving it either a quick nod or a disdainful shake of her head, after which she laid it on the “try on” or “reject” pile respectively.

“And I’m so glad you came to me for help!” Rarity paused to beam at Gadget. “You are going to look gorgeous on your date!”

“Oh jeez, Miss Rarity,” Gadget said, practically burying her face in her hooves as she giggled. “I really wish you and Twilight would stop calling it that. I keep telling you that it’s just lunch!”

Twilight and Rarity exchanged a look. Twilight was sitting on a stool nearby as Rarity carefully selected accessories that might go with the dresses she’d chosen.

“Sure,” Twilight said, trying to sound genuine. “Just lunch.”

Rarity didn’t feel the need to conceal her doubt. “If it’s just lunch, then why is your face redder than Tirek with a sunburn, darling?”

Gadget couldn’t help but erupt into even more giggles. She took a deep breath, trying to get herself under control.

“Well, calm down and tell us a bit about the young gentleman.” She levitated a dress over to her. “And do try this on while you’re doing so, please.”

“W-well, like I told Twilight, he’s a freelance journalist and he’s staying in the same hotel as me.” She had shed her jacket and removed the Point Dexter and began to put on a simple pink dress. “He’s got a pale blue coat and big hazel eyes and he's got a short, shiny black mane that just slightly falls in his eyes.” She sighed dreamily as she put the dress on.

“He sounds enchanting,” Rarity said, though she frowned at Gadget’s dress. “This color on the other hand is simply horrid. Try this one instead.”

“So, what else can you tell us about him?” Twilight asked eagerly.

“He’s a unicorn. Um, he seems very polite, although maybe a little clumsy… he nearly ran right into me in the hotel hallway.” She grunted as she managed to pull the dress on. “And he knows a lot about engineering!”

“Engineering?” Twilight asked, surprised that anypony knew enough to impress a genius like Gadget.

“Uh huh,” Gadget replied. “How do I look, Miss Rarity?”

“Not as good as you could look. Ah ha, I have it!” Rarity left for a moment, checking her back room. “Now this is sure to do the trick!” she exclaimed.

“What do you mean he knows a lot about engineering, Gadget?” Twilight asked. “How do you know?”

“Well, he knew that the Point Dexter uses a magical nerve interface scaffold to connect to my own nervous system and that the arms work by mimicking the same structure. Biomimicry isn’t easy, but with enough time and patience, you could--”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Twilight said, holding up her hooves. “That’s… I don’t even know what you said!”

“It’s not exactly a common term,” Gadget replied, hastily adding, “n-no offense, Twilight.”

“None taken. Still, lucky you! Cute and smart is a good combination!”

“I’ve got the perfect dress for you, Gadget,” Rarity said, returning from the back room. “This little number will be just what you need to look your best tomorrow!”

“Oh, I like this one already!” Gadget cried eagerly. She quickly began trying the new dress on.

“Glad you think so,” Rarity said, “and I’m also happy you’ve met such an interesting gentleman. It’s not every day you encounter somepony like that.”

Gadget looked herself over in the mirror. The dress was simple, nothing too formal for a lunch date. The top was white with a charcoal gray collar and a yellow neckerchief. The skirt-like train was pleated and the same gray as the collar and it curved gently back over her flank.

She smiled, looking herself in the mirror, turning to see it from different positions, even making little pouty faces like a model. Finally she turned to Rarity and said “I love it. It’s wonderful, Rarity.”

“You look simply adorable!” Rarity beamed with pride, pleased with another happy customer and with another fashion success.

“Um… do you think you could modify it a little? I’d like some holes in the back so I can fit my mechanical arms through it.”

Rarity’s smile shifted slightly, but stayed in place. “Ah, well, do you really think you need those devices for a simple lunch?”

“Ever since I helped fix Turing, I’ve gotten more and more used to wearing them.” She quietly added, “And Fine Print really seems to like them. A lot of ponies are a little weirded out by them, but he… he actually came right up and touched them.” Her blush returned.

“Hm, well, see to it that he doesn’t get any grabbier,” Rarity warned her. “But… well, if I can make room for pegasus wings, then I suppose I could do the same for your extra limbs. At least let me add some buttons to cover the holes so you could wear it without the arms on occasion.”

“That’s so nice! It won’t be any trouble, will it?”

“Not at all. And if Mr. Fine Print enjoys technology, then who am I to argue?” She paused as a thought occurred to her. “You should tell him about Turing Test. That would be a nice topic of conversation, don’t you think?”

Gadget and Twilight both went silent. Rarity, already getting her supplies to modify Gadget’s dress, did not notice their change in demeanor.

“Yes,” Gadget replied flatly. She hesitated a moment longer before asking, “Miss Rarity… you’re friends with Turing Test now, right?”

“Why yes, I am!” Rarity replied. Twilight, Gadget noted, didn’t say anything and her expression did not change, though she did glance over at her.

“I haven’t seen her growth at all this week,” Gadget continued, “but Twilight told me a little bit about it in her letters. Would you mind telling me how you feel about Turing or what you think of her?”

“I’d be delighted. Could you give me that dress over so I can modify it?” Gadget removed it and gave it to her. “Now, let’s see… I suppose that at first I was just as wary of her as anypony else, except of course for Twilight. But then she and Spikey came through the door asking me to help her look her best. Of course that didn’t really work out. Twilight told you what happened, didn’t she?”

“That you had her painted and a freak rainstorm washed it all off of her.”

“Yes.” She sighed. “When I saw her sitting there in the mud, all that beautiful paint washed right off her, her ears down… oh, it was just heartbreaking!” She took a breath, trying to compose herself. “I never would have thought it possible. She is a machine after all, and not terribly expressive at that… but then she told us she was ‘sad.’ She’d never been sad before and she felt so horrible because she thought she’d let Twilight down and I… I’m sorry, it just made me realize that deep down she really does have a heart. Or the mechanical equivalent of one, I suppose. And it is a good heart.”

She grinned slightly, carefully cutting the fabric in four places, making the holes for Gadget’s mechanical arms. She also took some thread and began to add the buttons and buttonholes. “You know, she talks like a textbook and she’s strong as can be, but that day I realized she might as well be a child.”

“A child?” Twilight echoed.

“Mm-hm.” Rarity gave a quick nod as she continued working on the dress, not looking up to see the surprise evident in Twilight’s face. “After all, she’s less than a week old and knows so little about the world or even her own feelings on the occasion of having them. Poor dear, this must be exceptionally hard for her.”

Twilight and Gadget shared a look. Neither one could exactly look the other in the eye.

“There we are! Perfect!” At last, Rarity raised her head only to notice Twilight and Gadget’s sudden somber mood. “Hm? Is something wrong, darlings?”

Fine Print had examined the castle from every angle. The windows were high up and would be difficult to open without knowing how to unlatch them, even with magic. And he’d never be able to just bring a ladder over to one and get in that way, at least not without somepony noticing. The balcony was likewise too high up to make for a good entry point. That just left the obvious entrance: the front door.

If it’s unlocked, then this should be easy. If it’s locked, then I still have a shot. I could try to unlock it or force my way in. Hopefully I can do it without attracting attention.

The nearby houses were probably occupied, but that didn’t mean anypony was home right now or that the Princess’s neighbors would constantly be watching out their windows. Maybe it would be simple.

He casually walked over to the door, acting natural as he could, checking his peripheral vision and taking care not to look nervous as he gave a slight glance over his shoulder. Nopony was watching.

He walked right up to the elegant double doors and used his magic to turn the knob. It didn’t budge.

Locked. Great.

He rattled the door slightly, just to see if it moved. It didn’t. He carefully examined the keyhole, considering how he might best gain access.

He heard a sound at the door and stepped back, tensing up as the door slowly opened.

“Uh, hello?” Spike said, poking his head out the door. “Oh. Hello, sir. I heard you at the door. I’m Spike, her assistant. Can I help you?”

Her dragon! How could I have forgotten him?! All right, he’s being polite, I just have to work with it…

“Hello! I’m sorry for the disturbance.” He bowed his head slightly and gave his very best smile. “I’m a reporter! Is Her Highness, Princess Twilight, in at the moment?”

“No, she stepped out,” Spike said.

“Ah, well, that’s not a problem. I actually wanted to talk to the automaton she’s been keeping.”

Spike’s eyes widened. “Turing Test? Why her?”

“Are you kidding? A lot of ponies are interested in it!”

“Her.”

He blinked. “What?”

“I said, ‘Her.’ Please call her that, not ‘it.’”

Fine Print narrowed his eyes, examining Spike carefully. He wasn’t angry, nor was he toying with him. “Ah, all right,” he replied. “A lot of ponies are interested in her. I’d love to get a one-on-one interview and get her story! What do you say?”

Spike crossed his arms, a sour look on his face. “I don’t think so. Not without Twilight’s permission.”

“Oh? Even for just a few short questions?”

“Sorry, mister,” Spike said, “but I really think Twilight would want to know.”

Dutiful little thing, eh? He maintained his smile. “I suppose that’s true. But she did leave you in charge, right?”

“Y-yeah, I guess so.”

“I could do an interview with you too, in that case. Ever been in the newspaper? Or even a magazine?” He wiggled his eyebrows tantalizingly.

“Wow! No way, nopony ever… well… I mean, I’d still like to, but… um, no, sorry mister, but I can’t let you in without Twilight’s permission. I think that they’re having some kind of trouble.”

Fine Print leaned forward with interest and Spike knew he’d said too much.

“Look, I can’t talk any more. I don’t really know that much. Can you come back later?”

I could force my way in. He doesn’t look so tough. Then again, he is a dragon. I bet he bites, and he probably breathes fire. Still, I’ve got my things… no, that would cause too much commotion. Fine, I’ll play it cool.

“Sure. Well, sorry about that. Nice meeting you, Spike.” And with that, he turned and swiftly trotted away.

“Okay mister,” Spike said, turning to go back inside. Then he stopped. “Hey, wait, you didn’t tell me your name!”

“It’s Fine Print!” he yelled over his shoulder. “Leave a note at the Ponyville Inn if you need me! So long!”

Spike shrugged, watching the strange unicorn move away, and closed the door once again.

Fine Print only slowed once he was out of sight, back on the streets of Ponyville.

No guards, just a baby dragon, Princess? He smirked. You’re awfully relaxed. The automaton can’t be watched forever. This is going to be like taking candy from a foal.

Twilight and Gadget returned to the castle not long after their visit with Rarity. Twilight walked ahead of Gadget, head lowered, taking up the rear. Neither of them spoke a word as they made their way up the main hallway.

“Twilight, Gadget, you’re back!” Spike exclaimed, greeting them in the hall. “Um, Twilight? Some guy came by here…”

“Can it wait, Spike?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I guess, it was just some reporter who wanted to interview Turing Test.”

“A reporter?”

“Oh!” Gadget cried, rushing over to him excitedly. “Did he have a blue coat and and a black mane?”

“Hey, yeah, he did!”

“Oh my gosh, Fine Print came to visit!” she exclaimed. Then she paused and heaved a sigh. “Aw, and I missed him. I could have introduced you. And he’s probably disappointed that he didn’t get to talk to Turing.”

“Speaking of which,” Twilight said, “Spike, pardon me, but Gadget and I need to go talk in private.”

Spike balled his little claws into fists. “You know, Twilight, it’s okay if you two want to talk, but you don’t need to shut me out! I know something’s up and it involves Turing! I could at least try to help if you let me!”

“Spike, it’s not that… listen, I’m sorry, but it’s just complicated. I’m just not ready to talk to you about it now. Please.” She gave him a sympathetic look and his indignance drained out of him.

“Fine,” he said. “But when you’re ready to talk about it, I’d really like to know what’s going on.” Then suddenly his eyes bulged and his cheeks puffed out. With a belch of fire, a letter appeared. He quickly unfurled it. “Um, Twilight, it’s Princess Celestia. She just wants to know if you’re doing okay and if everything’s going okay with… well, you know.” He jerked his head back in the direction of Turing’s room. “Should we write her a reply?”

“I… not just yet. Give Gadget and I a little time. I’m sure Celestia won’t mind waiting a little.” She looked to see that Gadget was simply staring wide-eyed at Spike. “Gadget?”

“You can burp letters?” she asked in fascination. “Is that the only way you can receive them? Would it be possible to f--”

“Gadget!” Twilight shouted. “Not now!”

The two of them left Spike behind as they made their way to Twilight’s room. Only once inside, with the door shut, did they resume their conversation.

“Twilight, are you mad at me?”

Twilight sighed. “I just wanted to get away from my problem for a little while. I just wanted to unwind. Why did you ask Rarity that question?”

“I’m sorry. I was curious.” Gadget pawed the floor, looking down as she did so. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. But… maybe you needed to hear it.”

“Gadget, I said I don’t know what to do about Turing and this isn’t making it any easier.”

“Maybe it’s not supposed to be easy.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Believe me, I know a thing or two about friends being difficult. But Turing… what if she can’t feel affection at all? Or any emotion, for that matter!”

“That’s nonsense!” Gadget shouted with sudden ferocity. “Even putting aside her signs of self-awareness, how can you doubt that she really does have emotions after the way Rarity talked about her?”

“I’m… I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.” Twilight gave a light flap of her wings to land on her bed and rest, putting her head down. “She seems so normal, even sweet, but then she can just be so cold.”

“I know you’re hurt, Twilight,” Gadget said, walking over to sit beside the bed. “But even with these doubts, I don’t think you’re giving her a fair chance.”

“She just shrugged off everything that everypony has done for her! How am I being unfair?”

“Because you’re treating her like a normal pony and she’s not! She’s a machine and she doesn’t function the same way you and I do! Darn it, you heard what Rarity said: she’s like a child. She’s just a baby, Twilight!”

Twilight opened her mouth to say something several times during Gadgets outburst, but ultimately she fell silent. Gadget waited several long moments for her to speak. Finally she muttered something, but it was too quiet to hear.

“S-sorry, what did you say, Twilight?”

“I said… I said that maybe I’m not ready to take care of her. Maybe you’re right that I’m not being fair and maybe it’s not her fault.” She swallowed. “I thought I could teach her to be friends, but she just won’t… she’s just… maybe she’s too different from normal ponies.”

Gadget reached out and put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Twilight. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too.”

“You seem to know more about machines than I do anyway… maybe I should… maybe I really should send Turing to stay with you for a while.”

Gadget gasped and for one moment she nearly cheered. Then she began to process what it meant, what taking care of Turing would really entail, and calmed herself. “That would be a huge honor and… and I admit that I’d be really interested in it. When we first activated her, I would have accepted the offer in a heartbeat. But if she comes to stay with me and Mr. Vanderbull, then she’d become a science experiment and nothing more. I like her, but alone, I can’t give her what she needs. With you and the others, I think she’s starting to develop a life of her own. So that’s… that’s why I don’t think I can accept.”

Twilight sighed. “Then I don’t really have any other choices. Nopony else will take her. Unless…”

Gadget raised an eyebrow. “Unless?”

“Unless I just give her away. I won’t just sell her, though; I gave my word. It’s either that or deactivate her until I can find somepony who can take care of her.”

Gadget hesitated, but forced herself to ask the remaining question: “What about Princess Celestia’s letter?”

Twilight swallowed. “I think I’ll need to report what’s happening with Turing. I’m not okay with lying to Celestia. She’s my mentor. She’s my friend.”

“Seriously? After what I told you, after what Rarity told you? Sure Princess Celestia’s your friend, but she’s a friend who thinks Turing might be dangerous and who would scrap her, given half the chance.” Gadget took on a bitter look then. “If you tell Celestia that Turing can’t make friends, then she’ll take that miraculous, childlike creature that came into our lives and destroy her!”

“I know that’s a possibility, and I didn’t say I would tell her all that! But like I said, I can’t just lie to her! I need time to think, but I can’t put off my response forever!”

“Just tell her you’re having some ups and downs!”

“Well right now I’m not sure if we’ll even have any more ‘ups!’”

“Twilight, if you tell Celestia that, Turing will die!”

“If you can say that she’s even ali--” Twilight stopped herself, but not quickly enough. Gadget gawked at her, raising her hooves over her mouth in horror. “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean that.”

Gadget took a deep breath and just nodded coldly. “I think I should go. I still want to help, but I’m not sure that I’ve done anything for you. Thank you for taking me to Rarity’s. I’ll… I’ll visit again tomorrow if you want.”

“Yes,” Twilight said quietly, her tone sincere despite her sadness. “I think that would be nice, Gadget. Until tomorrow. And good luck on your date.”

Gadget nodded and left the room. She made her way down the stairs and through the main hall, intending to exit the castle, but then noticed the little room where Turing stayed. She wondered if maybe she should leave things be, but she felt compelled to talk to her one last time before she left.

Ever so gently, she turned the doorknob and walked inside, closing the door behind her.

“Gadget?” Twilight called, poking her head around the corner. She’d wanted to make a suggestion about where to go on her date the next day, just to show there were no hard feelings, but she was only in time to see Gadget go into Turing’s room and lock the door.

She was about to turn back when her curiosity and concern took hold. She hesitated. Then, even against her better judgment, she let her wings carry her silently over to the door and set down, raising her ear to listen to the conversation going on inside.

“Hello again, Turing,” Gadget said, coming back alongside her. “What’s, um… what’s on your mind?”

“I desire eyelids.”

Suddenly aware of her own eyelids, Gadget blinked. “What?”

“Repeating: I stated my desire for eyelids.”

“Yes, but why?”

Turing looked at her and raised a hoof, pointing at her own glowing eyes. “I have determined that my lack of normal facial features is something of an impediment to normal interaction. While I may move my limbs and position my body similarly to an organic pony to engage in nonverbal communication, my face is noticeably different.”

Gadget nodded. “I see. And you think eyelids would help?”

“Correct. I am able to move my ears, of course.” She demonstrated, raising and lowering her ears, each one making the familiar squeaking sound as she did so. “I am also able to constrict the glow of my eyes. Like so.” The broad oval of her eyes shrank to smaller and smaller dots until finally becoming like pinpricks, looking almost like her pupils were dilating. “I am even able to temporarily disengage and reengage my ocular sensors, turning them off to simulate blinking. However, the occasional looks of what I have identified as surprise, anger, exasperation, and many other moods all require the use of eyelids. Also eyebrows. I am curious if such a modification could be added to my structure.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Gadget replied, thinking it over. “If you like, I could look over the schematics and notes I made while fixing you. Maybe it really is possible. At least the eyelids, although eyebrows are probably out of the question.”

“Thank you. Furthermore, I do not believe I expressed gratitude previously for assisting in my repairs. Thank you again.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome, Turing,” she replied quietly.

“And how is Twilight Sparkle? Is she well?”

The question didn’t really surprise her. Turing had shown concern for her master in their earlier conversation as well. “Twilight’s okay. She’s just confused. And she, well, is trying to decide what to do next.”

“What action would Twilight Sparkle need to take? This situation is the result of my own deficiencies. It is mine to remedy.”

Gadget swallowed. She didn’t answer immediately, mostly because she wasn’t sure how to explain the situation to Turing, or even if she should try.

(“...She might as well be a child…”)

Remembering Rarity’s words steadied her. She would talk to her as she would a child.

“Turing, you understand that Twilight is taking care of you and it’s not always easy, right?”

“Affirmative.”

“And… she’s not totally sure that she can give you the help you need. Do you understand?”

“Affirmative. She has some misgivings. I will allay them.”

“That’s… I mean, I’m glad you’re trying, but do you understand that, um… it might be possible that Twilight might need to… send you away?”

Turing Test did not reply to that. The sudden silence and even the total lack of movement from her was unsettling.

“That will not occur,” she said at last.

“You don’t think so?” Gadget asked.

“It is certain. I have just run the calculations. Twilight Sparkle will continue as my end user.”

“How do you know that?”

“As stated, I have run the calculations. The result indicates 0% probability that Twilight Sparkle will send me away.”

“But that’s…!” She struggled, unable to decide if she should be more harsh or simply let her continue under that assumption. “That’s not right, Turing.”

“It must be. I apologize, Gadget, but there is no possibility that--”

“Turing, yes there is!” she exclaimed. “I don’t think that Twilight will do that, or at least I hope not, but you have to at least consider the possibility!”

Turing was quiet again. This time, however, she twitched her head and ears slightly. “I will run diagnostics and calculate the odds again. Is there something else you wish to discuss?”

Gadget nodded. “Yes. I… Turing, what would you do if Twilight really did send you away?”

“As stated, I have no indication that--”

“Just hypothetically,” she said, quickly cutting off Turing’s objections. “I mean… what if…” She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “What if she couldn’t help you anymore? What if nopony could? What if… what if the only choice was to deactivate you permanently or even… even dismantle you?”

“You wish to know my response to such a situation?”

Gadget nodded.

“No response would be required. If that is what Twilight Sparkle decides, then that is what will occur.”

Gadget gawked at her. “That’s it? You wouldn’t argue, object, or protest? You wouldn’t fight to defend yourself?!”

“Though I am to protect my existence, this need is superseded by my need to follow orders. I desire to please Twilight Sparkle by making friends. If I am unable to do so--”

“But what about what pleases you?! What about what you want?!” She seized Turing by her rounded shoulders with her mechanical hands, practically shaking her. “That should count for something, don’t you think?”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “Negative. Why would such a thing matter? I am merely a machine. As an example,” she held up a hoof, turning it upwards demonstratively (a gesture that did not go unnoticed), “consider a cart. Applejack had such a cart to haul apples yesterday. Many other ponies have such a device. Nopony considers the wants or desires of the cart. The cart exists to fulfill a purpose. If it fails, it is repaired or discarded or scrapped, its materials put to some other use. I am no different: I am here to serve a purpose. If Twilight Sparkle has no need of me, if I am no longer able to serve that purpose, then she may dispose of me.”

“But you’re not just some wooden thing on wheels for hauling apples, Turing! You have feelings!”

“Perhaps. There seems to be some question of that from others, and I lack experience to assert otherwise with certainty. While my prior experiences are significant to me, they are not relevant. If Twilight Sparkle wishes me to be destroyed, then that is what will happen. I will not displease her by defying those wishes.”

She turned. Gadget had tears streaming down her face.

“Gadget, you are crying. Are you in pain or distress?”

Gadget couldn’t speak. She only nodded, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

“You show this concern for me. It is curious that you and others show such affection for me when I am unable to return it.”

There was the sudden clatter of hooves outside the door and a soft cry as somepony galloped away from the door. Gadget ran to the door and saw Twilight running away, up the hall and around the corner, out of sight.

“Twilight…?”

“She was at the door for the majority of our interaction. Were you unaware of this? I am uncertain of the auditory range of organic ponies.”

Gadget shook her head. “I had no idea she was listening in.”

“She is likely distressed, similarly to yourself. I am unable to determine why. Perhaps I will be able to determine the solution upon further analysis. Do you have anything else to discuss?”

“Not right now, Turing,” Gadget replied quietly. “I… I should go. It’s getting late.”

“Understood. Will I see you tomorrow?”

Gadget went through the door and began to close it behind her. “I sure hope so.”

Author's Notes:

Many thanks to everyone for the great comments and for so many people adding this story to their favorites in the last update. I'm very happy to see this story resonate with so many.

I hope the conclusion of this 3-parter will not disappoint...

In Two Minds, Part 3

Fine Print was scribbling more notes down after developing the day’s pictures in the bathroom. It was late and nearly time for bed for most ponies. For him, he would not sleep until he was certain the last light in the castle was out.

He was jolted out of these thoughts by a knock on the door. At first he thought it might have been the hotel manager or the maid or the bellhop, so he called out, “I’m busy, please come back later.”

“Oh, I-I’m sorry.” His ears perked up when he recognized the voice.

He rushed over and opened the door a crack, enough to stick his head out but without her being able to look inside. “Gadget! I’m sorry, I thought you were one of the hotel staff!”

The young mare was in the hallway and had turned from the door, but she wheeled back around excitedly. “Fine Print! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No, no, it’s nothing, I have a little time. I…” It was then that he noticed her eyes. “Gadget? Are you okay? Your eyes are red! Have you been crying?”

She turned away. “No. I mean, just a little. S-sorry, it’s nothing important. Please don’t worry.”

“Are you sure? I mean, if you’d like to talk about it…”

She managed a weak smile and said, “No, thank you. Please don’t worry about it; I didn’t come here to bother you. I just came by to ask where you wanted to meet for lunch.”

“Oh. Um, well, if you say so.” He considered the question a moment. “Well, there’s a nice cafe near the Quills and Sofa store. It’s called Dazy Daisy. Would you like to go there?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Dazy Daisy?”

“Please, give me your answer. Do you have another place in mind?”

“No, no, it’s just a funny name.” She looked up at him and smiled warmly. “I love you.”

“Wh-what?!” he stammered, eyes going wide.

She raised an eyebrow. “I said, ‘I’d love to.’ What did you think I said?”

“Oh, that’s… n-nevermind.” He swallowed. “Sorry, I guess I’ve been working too hard. I’m half crazy right now.” His face turned red and his cheeks burned. “Noon, then?”

She noticed his blush and practically melted into her hooves. “Yes, noon! Well, I’m, um, looking forward to our da--lunch! I’m lunch! Looking forward to it! The lunch!”

“Yep, yep, sounds good! Tomorrow then!”

She nodded and scrambled back to her room and he quickly shut his own door. He then slumped to the floor, burying his face in his own hooves in embarrassment. “Argh, what is wrong with me!” he groaned. He took a deep breath and slowly his pulse returned to normal.

But then a thought occurred to him: She knows Twilight and therefore knows the automaton. She could get me in. She could get me closer! He nodded to himself and he smiled excitedly.

Then the image of her smiling up at him as she played with her mane nervously made him stop.

No. She’s a sweet girl. I don’t need to resort to that…

He yawned and moved to his desk to finish his work. Tomorrow. I’ll consider it tomorrow. I have to concentrate now. I’ll get some rest and then… well, we’ll just see…

Twilight’s eyes popped open and she sat up in bed, her heart thundering and her body drenched with sweat. Panting and shivering, she let her eyes dart around the room. She saw the white gleam of the moon and the glittering of the stars through her window. The memory of the horror she’d witnessed began to fade.

She touched her neck, barely conscious of the gesture. Then she realized what she’d done and shuddered.

She got out of bed and quietly made her way downstairs to the kitchen. She considered making some chamomile to calm her nerves.

The faint glint of violet out of the corner of her eye made her jump as she neared the door.

Her horn glowed with magic as she reared back, ready to defend herself. But then she saw that the violet she’d seen was only the muddled reflection of her own body in the castle’s crystalline wall.

“Eyes…” she muttered to herself. She blinked several times. In the castle, the shadows ran deep and every tiny nocturnal sound echoed weirdly in the sepulchral halls and archways.

She opened her wings and flew down the hallway to the entrance. She tensed up as she passed a door. She saw the dim purple glow shining behind it and realized that its sole occupant was still in there.

She hurried out the door and circled around to land nearby the shore of the lake behind the castle.

Slowly, as the sounds of crickets and frogs filled the air, she caught her breath.

“I’m safe,” she breathed. “It wasn’t real…”

Then she heard light hoofsteps and whirled around to see another figure coming through the mist.

“Who’s there?!” she demanded.

The pony slowed her pace and peered at her in the darkness. “Twilight? It’s me, Gadget.”

Twilight saw that it was indeed her. The girl stepped forward gingerly.

“I… I couldn’t sleep. I just went out for a walk and came by the castle when I saw you.”

Twilight nodded but her gaze was unfocused and she wobbled as she sat. “Right. Okay.”

Gadget shivered. “It’s freezing out. My glasses fogged up when I came outside.” She waited for Twilight to say something, but there was no response. Finally she leaned forward and asked “Um… can I sit with you?”

Twilight blinked. “Yes? I mean… yes. Sorry, I just… I’m not sure I’m quite awake.” She sat down on the shore of the lake and patted the ground next to her. Gadget came closer and sat down beside Twilight.

The two stared out at the lake, its still, glassy surface reflecting the bright full moon overhead.

“It’s beautiful,” Twilight said. “Don’t you think?”

Gadget nodded.

They continued staring out at the lake, neither one saying anything as they watched the moon gradually drop lower and lower.

“I couldn’t sleep either,” Twilight said.

Gadget gave a mirthless chuckle. “Yeah. It’s not really surprising, is it?”

Twilight lowered her head. “I guess not.” And then she said, “Turing attacked me.”

“What?!” Gadget cried, her voice echoing out over the lake.

“In my dream!” Twilight exclaimed. “It was… I remembered what Applejack told me. I had a dream that Turing Test was with me. I turned around for a second and then she… she…”

Gadget made a face. “Turing would never hurt you, Twilight.”

“Part of me knows that, but I just can’t shake that feeling. I just don’t know.”

The two settled back into silence.

“I had a dream too,” Gadget said quietly. “In mine, I saw her… I saw some ponies take her and they… they threw her into a vat of molten metal. They just… they just melted her down like she was junk and she didn’t even make a s-sound--”

“Gadget?” Twilight turned and saw that the younger mare was weeping. The tears came in little rivulets and streaked down her cheeks and she hadn’t even bothered to remove her glasses as they came.

“Oh. Oh Gadget, oh no, please don’t cry.” She went to her and gently put her arm around her. “I’m sorry I just… I know this is hard for you...”

“Yes, but,” Gadget said between sniffles, “I know that this isn’t easy for you either. I know you care, I believe you when you say that. But Turing is… I j-just don’t want,” she swallowed, “I don’t want anything to happen to her.”

Twilight nodded. “I know. I don’t either. I still don’t know what to say to Celestia’s letter, but I honestly don’t think I could let anything happen to Turing.”

“But yesterday, you said--”

“I know, I know!” she exclaimed, looking on the verge of tears herself as she sucked in a deep breath. “But honestly I don’t know what I should do! I can’t just ignore what Turing said to me and I have to accept that maybe Applejack is right… and I’ve never said no to Princess Celestia before either, so if she demanded that I give Turing over to her, then… I j-just don’t know what to do.” She sagged, the fight draining out of her.

“Twilight, I--”

“I’m failing her,” Twilight said.

“What? Who, Celestia?”

“No, not Celestia. Turing.” She shut her eyes tightly, hating the truth of what she was saying. “I’m failing Turing. I’m the one who said I’d teach Turing Test to make friends and now I don’t know what to do that would be best for her. I can’t stand the idea of her being harmed but I can’t get over my doubts and I can’t disobey Celestia and I just can’t do this anymore!” she exploded.

Gadget shot to her hooves. “Yes you can!” she cried. “You’re one of the most courageous ponies in Equestria and right now Turing Test needs you! Please, Twilight, don’t give up on her now!”

Twilight blinked. She remembered Turing making a similar request not so long ago and the earnestness of that request gave her strength. Just like that, the doubt that gnawed at her diminished.

“You’re right,” she said to Gadget. “I can do this. I can’t just give up now. I know there has to be an answer; I just have to find it.”

Gadget smiled. “You mean--”

“I just mean I need to face this problem head on instead of avoiding it. But I’m going to need an expert’s help.” She pointed at Gadget. “Nopony I know is a greater expert on machines than you! Maybe we each need to think about this problem from a different angle, and then we can figure out what would really be best for Turing. What do you say?”

Gadget stood up straight. “I say ‘I’m at your service, Your Highness!’”

“Spike?”

In his room, Spike was rubbing his eyes after a somewhat fitful night’s sleep. He sat up and went to the door, opening it to see Twilight standing there.

“Spike, I’m glad you’re awake.”

The little dragon yawned. “Barely. What’s up, Twilight?”

Without warning, she drew him in close, hugging him. “First and foremost, I need to apologize. I’ll explain everything to you. But after a quick breakfast, I’ll need your help. I’ll need to look through the library and find every book I can on psychology. Theory and practice!”

Spike wasn’t sure what was going on, but he smiled anyway. “Sure, of course. And you promise to tell me everything that’s going on with you and Turing Test?”

“Yes. I promise.” She nuzzled him. “I’m going to figure this out with you and Gadget’s help!”

Gadget ran down the street and finally spotted what she was looking for. The sign over the door said “Ponyville Lending Library.”

“Perfect!” she exclaimed, and walked in the door. “Hello?” she called loudly.

“Shh, this is a library!” hissed the librarian - a surprisingly young-looking earth pony mare with a red coat and a long, light-brown mane - as she trotted out from behind a bookshelf. “You don’t want to text my patience.”

“Oh, right,” Gadget whispered, walking over to her. “Do you have a science section?”

“We sure do. I just reshelved some books on the elements. The authors bring a lot to the table, periodically.”

“That’s great,” she said excitedly, “but I’m looking for something by Dr. Talon Turing.”

“Oh, the computer scientist! Of course! I hear he’s on good terms with other scientists, even if he’s not a pony. I guess science involves a lot of griffon take.”

“Great, I need to see something by him!”

“I’ll show you. The decimal system can be complex, but most libraries recommend using it. And Dewey ever!”

Gadget saw her looking at her expectantly, though she had no idea why. “Um, okay. Yes, let’s see them.”

“It’s on a high shelf,” the librarian said with a sigh, turning back to grin at her as she led her. “With your mechanical limbs, you should be able to reach it without stretching too far, though. It’s a good thing too; I’d hate to see you do arm to yourself.”

Gadget was barely listening. Okay, there has to be something in here, something scientific that will convince Twilight that the situation with Turing Test is not hopeless! With some luck, maybe her namesake can help me save her!

Fine Print stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His hair was neat, he had on a nice shirt and tie, and a new pair of dress slacks. He checked his teeth. Overall, in his estimation, he looked pretty good. Definitely nice enough for a lunch date.

“Not bad, not bad,” he said.

And yet he still felt like the worst pony to walk the earth.

She’s sweet. She’s nice. She’s smart. And goodness knows why, she likes you back. And you’re going to take advantage of her?

He closed his eyes, trying not to think about it.

It’s not selfishness, he told himself. This is for a reason. This is for the future.

He turned, pocketing his notebook and picking up the carnation he’d bought from the local florist. Taking a breath, he exited his room and headed off to his lunch date. He had plenty of time, but he wasn’t about to be late.

“No, this is no good either!”

Twilight pored over another book on the subject. Psychology could be fascinating, but somehow she felt like she was missing something. Talking about the minds of ponies was difficult, but finding something that applied to robot ponies was something that had never been done. She tried to find something related to child psychology - taking Rarity and Gadget’s opinion that Turing was herself like a child into consideration - and Spike had managed to find one or two books that mentioned the subject, though it wasn’t very much.

“Any luck, Twilight?” Spike asked.

“Not really,” she replied. She snapped the book shut. “All of this talks about coping with emotions or lack of maturity and neither one applies exactly to Turing. She’s just… ugh, I wish there was somepony else to talk to about this!”

Spike blinked. “Um, Twilight… there is. There’s Rarity or Rainbow Dash, for example.”

She shook her head. “I feel bad about burdening you, Spike. I don’t want to make things worse by dragging more of my friends into this problem.”

“You don’t have to tell them everything if you don’t want to. But they’re your friends and Turing’s friends too. Maybe one of them has thought of something you haven’t?”

She paused a moment, then smiled. “Maybe you’re right. Just because I’ve spent the most time with Turing doesn’t mean I know everything about her.” She stood up, grinning broadly. “Rainbow Dash! I haven’t talked to her about this yet!”

Running out as fast as she could, she made her way to the balcony, Spike following behind.

“Spike, I’ll be back later! I need to find Rainbow Dash!” she shouted and took off to find her pegasus friend.

“Good luck!” he called after her. After a few moments, he sighed and went back to his duties. Twilight had told him to send a response to Princess Celestia saying how she was occupied with other things and that she’d reply when she had a free moment, and he’d done so, but that would only buy them a little extra time until they had to send a proper response.

What weighed more heavily on his mind, though, was what Twilight had told him about Turing.

What does that mean? he asked himself. Twilight says she can’t feel affection, but that’s… that can’t be right! I was really starting to like her. And she can’t like anypony back? I don’t get it…

He was just an assistant. Just Twilight’s helper. Just a baby dragon. Maybe he didn’t understand everything, but what he did understand was that he liked Turing Test even if she didn’t - or couldn’t - feel the same way, and he’d felt bad about leaving her in that room alone.

He drew himself up and marched out of the library, down the stairs, into the hall, and right to her room. He knocked on the door.

“You may enter, Spike the Dragon,” came Turing’s distinctive electronic voice.

Spike entered. “How did you know it was me?”

“I heard the sound of your feet. Every individual pony has a distinctive sound as their hooves hit the ground. Naturally, your claws also have their own unique sound.”

She was just sitting there, staring into the mirror. She’d been in this tiny room for almost 24 hours. He couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for her.

“Your expression, Spike the Dragon; are you perhaps upset?”

“No. I’m just… I guess I’m a little sad.” He came over and laid his claw on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I am functioning…” She stopped. “You refer to my mental state, rather than my physical state. Am I correct?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

“I am still trying to correct my motions and nonverbal communications to perfectly mimic those of organic ponies. The results are improving, though imperfect. Has Miss Gadget returned to the castle? And if so, did she mention eyelids?”

Spike shook his head. “No, Gadget hasn’t… wait, eyelids?”

“I am attempting further emulation. However, the results are imperfect. Likewise, no emotional response has accompanied these exercises. It seems I have failed. I have failed again.”

He sighed, but put on a smile in spite of himself. “Um, listen, Turing, I just wanted to tell you that Twilight is really trying to help you. We spent all morning working on it.”

She didn’t respond, but her ears perked up.

“I’ve known Twilight a long time and she gets like this sometimes. She just… you know, overthinks the situation and gets all worked up.”

“I do not understand what you mean by ‘overthink.’ Can organic ponies injure themselves through extensive analysis?”

“No, I mean… well, it’s more like she gets an idea in her head and can’t make a decision. She just gets a little crazy when she can’t find an answer!”

“You believe Twilight Sparkle has entered an infinite loop?”

“Sssure? I guess that’s the robot term for it.” He shrugged.

“Then she will continue in that manner until she reaches a terminal condition.”

“If you mean until she finds an answer, then yeah. And I just know she’ll come up with something!”

Spike waited for her to respond, but Turing said nothing.

“So, yeah… just, um, do what you like until Twilight gets back, I guess.” He turned to go. “And maybe you should get up and move your legs before you rust or something,” he added jokingly. “I mean, you’ve been cooped up in here for a while.”

Turing raised her head just as Spike left the room.

Analyzing previous command by Twilight Sparkle: This unit inquired how long to stay in domicile. Response was: “I don’t know! For a while!” Spike the Dragon indicated that it has been “a while.” Ergo, exiting the room is now permitted.

She stood and walked out of the room. Spike had already gone back to the library, which meant nopony was around to see her walk out the door and toward Ponyville.

Integration must be achieved. Further input required. Beginning observation and emulation of organics. New objective set: attempt to incite feelings of affection.

Fine Print sat at a table, a glass of water in front of him. He didn’t have a watch, but the waiter had told him it was nearly noon a short time ago. He adjusted his tie, trying to stay calm. Then he heard the rhythmic thump of hooves galloping toward him and smiled as he saw Gadget galloping over to him.

“Gadget!” he exclaimed. Then he gaped at her, utterly awestruck at the outfit she was wearing. “I… wow, you look…” He grinned broadly. “You look fantastic.”

“Th-thanks. That’s sweet.” She was wearing the dress Rarity had chosen for her as well as the Point Dexter. She used a mechanical hand to twirl part of her mane nervously.

She went for her seat and Fine Print quickly moved over to pull it out for her. “Allow me,” he said.

Oh gosh, treating me this way… I need to stay calm or I’m going to lose it! She smiled and took her seat, nodding politely as he returned to his own seat.

He took out a small plastic box with a carnation inside. “I got this for you,” he said.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!” she cooed. It was a small, but beautiful pink carnation and she took it out and inspected it carefully. “It’s lovely.”

She then stuffed it in her mouth.

“It’ch pretty tashty too!” she managed to say while munching on the flower. “Hope it doeshn’t shpoil mah appetite!”

He did his best to keep his smile. Oh well, glad she liked the corsage. Though, not in the way I intended.

“So, um… they’ve got some excellent salads,” he said. “Some squash, potatoes, as well as their selection of flowers.”

She picked up the menu. “Hm, tulips? Those are little out of season, though…”

Soon they’d made their orders and, after some awkward moments, they became more comfortable and started chatting more readily. They talked about how Gadget had created the Point Dexter and why as well as the sort of things she was interested in. Then they moved on to talking about their jobs. Fine Print was hesitant and didn’t seem to want to talk much about his work, but Gadget rattled off story after story from her own career.

“...So Mr. Vanderbull went up to Rockefoaler,” she said, trying to keep herself from cracking up, “and h-he says pffthahah, no, wait wait, let me finish…”

Fine Print was still laughing from her previous story and was having a hard time keeping quiet through this one. “It’s okay, take all the time--” he gasped for air, “take all the time you need!”

“He says to Rockefoaler,” here she drew herself up, badly imitating Vanderbull’s deep, masculine voice, “‘You robber baron! If I let you have your way, I’d end up putting the passengers on the cargo trains and personally tucking in your oil barrels on the sleeper car!’”

“HAHAHA! Oh, you’re kidding!”

“I swear, he said that! I thought I was going to choke to death from trying so hard not to laugh!”

“Wow, Rockefoaler must have been furious!”

She continued giggling as she tried to take a sip of her lemonade. “He was, he really was! He just about stormed out of the meeting right there. Mr. Vanderbull didn’t budge and finally they just ended up with the same contract as before. All that talk for nothing.”

She took a deep breath. “Oh wow… I’m sorry, I keep telling these stories, but… well, I haven’t heard anything from you yet. At least nothing much.”

He looked away. “Ah. Well, you know, there’s not much to tell.”

“Aw, come on!” she said, leaning over the table. “Tell me, tell me! You’re a reporter, there must have been some interesting things you’ve seen, some interesting ponies you’ve met!”

“Sure, I… I’ve been published here and there. I have to admit, I’m not that well known.”

“Well, where have you been published?”

“Um,” he looked away, apparently deep in thought. “Once or twice for the Hoofington Press. A short article on Mustangia for a travel magazine. Uh… this article on loggers in The Vanhooverian--”

“The Vanhooverian?!” she exclaimed. “I’m actually from Vanhoover! I haven’t been back since Hearth’s Warming Eve, but I remember seeing it all over!”

“Oh! W-well, it was just--”

“When was it published?”

“Three months ago,” he replied. He grinned nervously. “It was honestly a pretty lousy article. Not worth reading.”

“I bet it’s better than you give yourself credit for,” she said.

He shook his head. “Never mind that. Let’s change the subject.” He hesitated for a moment, but then pressed forward. “You said you’re friends with Twilight Sparkle, right?”

“Princess Twilight?”

She did not notice the momentary flicker of his smile. “Yes.”

“Well, yes, I suppose I am. I never dreamed I’d be friends with somepony like her, but--”

“And she’s keeping that automaton, right?”

“Yes.” Then she remembered. “Oh, that’s right, Spike mentioned that you came by the castle! Were you, um, there because you thought I might be there?”

He blinked. “Yes, I was!”

Liar, he told himself. Go ahead. Lie some more.

“I’d really like an interview with the automaton. Turing Test, right?”

“Yes, it is, but,” she hesitated. “I’m sorry, but it’s not my place to give permission. That’s Twilight Sparkle’s decision. I can ask her for you, of course.”

He looked crestfallen. “Oh. I suppose… if that’s how it goes.”

“No, no, I’ll ask, I promise!” she insisted. “I think you’d be perfect to interview her, honestly. You seem to know a lot about technology.”

He nodded, puffing out his chest. “I suppose I do.”

“Then maybe you could talk to her and really understand her as a pony, and not just some sideshow curiosity. She’s so intelligent, and she’s got such a good heart--”

“A heart?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “This is a machine we’re talking about, right?”

“Yes,” she sighed, rolling her eyes, “but she’s not an ordinary machine. She has thoughts, she has ideas, and she even has feelings.”

“Feelings?!” he exclaimed.

She looked at him, surprised at the outburst. “Yes. She isn’t easy to read and a lot of the things she says are cold, hard logic. But she… yes, she has feelings.”

He shook his head. “No. That’s not possible. She can’t have feelings. Machines can only do what somepony programs them to do.”

She crossed her forelegs, picking up her lemonade with one of her mechanical hands, sipping from it while maintaining her look of disapproval. “No offense, but that’s where you’re wrong. Have you ever read Dr. Talon Turing’s work on artificial intelligence?”

“Of course I have!” He paused. “I mean, a little. For research on articles,” he added, his eyes trailing off to the left.

Gadget was barely listening and continued on excitedly. “He has this theory about something called ‘emergent properties.’ He thinks that machines and artificial intelligence will become more like living creatures as they get more and more complex.”

“I remember that,” he breathed, his eyes growing wider. He sat straight up. “The idea is that a system complex enough to resemble the brain would have intelligence and… emotions. It would just have emotions as a natural result.” He began to rub his chin, his mind racing.

“Exactly!” she cried excitedly, slamming both hooves on the table, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, but… I mean, that’s just a hypothesis. Nopony’s ever proven it.”

“That’s because nopony’s ever built an artificial mind complex enough to test that hypothesis. Until now, that is,” Gadget said, practically shaking with excitement.

“You think… you think that’s what this is?” he asked hesitantly.

“Exactly,” Gadget replied. “It isn’t my usual expertise, but I think… no, I know that’s what’s going on with Turing Test.” She smiled. “She’s obviously intelligent, capable of so much, and she responds to her environment in logical, systematic ways. Even when it comes to talking to other ponies, she has a kind of reasoning, even though it’s a little naive. But the point is that anything that makes her think so much like us might mean she is like us. Even if she’s not organic, she’s too complex to just be pre-programmed responses.”

Fine Print was silent, dumbstruck at what Gadget had just said. “But that’s… not actually possible,” he whispered.

“It is!” she said, nodding emphatically. “I can’t promise an interview, but if it happens, please talk to her about it. You’ll see!”

She looked up and saw that the waiter was bringing them both their lunch.

He sighed, but smiled, his normal composure returning. “Looks good,” he said as the plate was set before him.

“Thanks, you do too,” Gadget replied. Then her eyes went wide. “Oh, th-the food! Yes. Delicious.” She blushed and he did as well.

Then the two of them burst out laughing at the silliness of the moment.

“Hey, um… you live in Manehattan, right?” Fine Print asked.

“Yes, unless my work takes me elsewhere.”

“I travel around sometimes, but, ah… I could pay you a visit. I mean, next time I’m there. If you want, of course.”

She drew in a breath, looking so happy that she might simply burst. “Y-yes. I’d like that very much.”

The two of them settled back into idle chit-chat as they continued their lunch.

“I’m sorry, you want to know what now?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow as she looked up from the day’s weather schedule in her hooves.

“I said I wanted to know if Turing and you were really friends,” Twilight asked. The two of them were seated on a small cloud. Twilight had found her there going over the schedule as she prepared to divvy out responsibilities to the weather team.

Rainbow laughed, shaking her head. “Seriously? Did you come to gloat or something? Yeah, I told you when we got back. Maybe I didn’t think much about her at first, but she’s actually pretty cool. You were right, okay? She can make friends and I’m one of ‘em.” She glanced back at the weather schedule, raising an eyebrow at some detail of it. “Anything else?”

“No, it’s more than that!” Twilight insisted. “I mean… like… you think of her as a friend, but what if she didn’t think of you the same way?”

“The same way? What are you talking about?” Then her eyes went wide and she lifted her head. “Wait. You’re… not developing a crush on her or anything are you? I’m pretty sure there are laws, or at least there should be.”

“What? No!” Twilight shouted indignantly.

Rainbow Dash started laughing. “Well, that’s a relief! Fine, spit it out already! I’ve got a weather team to coordinate--”

Twilight placed her hoof on the weather schedule, forcing Rainbow to look her in the eye.

“Oh. You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

Twilight nodded.

Dash folded the schedule closed and sat down. “I’m all ears. What’s wrong, Twilight?”

“I mean, well… what if two ponies say they’re friends, but one doesn’t consider them as close as another. Isn’t that a problem?”

“No.”

Twilight blinked at the quick reply. Dash was just looking back at her. There was no sarcastic grin and there were no raised eyebrows this time. “No?” Twilight echoed. “That’s it? Just ‘no?’”

“Well, I mean, it stinks if one pony doesn’t care as much as another one does. But if they still care, then so what? They both say they’re friends, so what if they aren’t exactly the same?”

“Seriously? That wouldn’t bother you?”

“Heh. Come on, Twilight, I have plenty of friends, and I don’t think of them all exactly the same. Like, uh…” she paused, scratching her head. “Okay, take Fluttershy for instance: she’s been my friend since I was a filly. And then there’s you: I met you just over a year ago. You’re both my friends, but it’s not like you’re exactly the same type of friend.

“Fluttershy and me go way back ever since I used to protect her from bullies at flight school. She knows me and I know her because we’ve got a lot of history. With you, I don’t have that, but so what? Instead, I feel like I get to learn cool stuff and talk about Daring Do and I get psyched when we get to go on adventures!"

Twilight stared at her. “So… what about Turing?”

“Tee’s cool. She--”

“Wait, ‘Tee?’”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I thought it sounded cooler,” she muttered, her cheeks reddening. “Anyway, she bugged me at first, but I feel like we understand each other, at least a little. She’s tough and determined, just like me! But she respects me, too. She makes me feel like I’m helping her become a better pony. She pretty much told me that.”

“I remember, but… you’re saying it wouldn’t bother you if Turing couldn’t like you the same way as a normal pony?”

Rainbow Dash sighed and placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, patting her gently. “Oh Twilight, Twilight, Twilight.”

Twilight wrinkled up her nose. “I’m not a foal, Rainbow Dash. Please don’t talk to me like one.”

“Then think about it, Twi. It’s like I said, everypony’s different anyway. Tee’s a robot! You knew that from the beginning. It’s not like she was ever going to be cute and snuggly in the first place. What the hay did you expect?

“I mean, what’s the deal; you were the first of us to say that Tee could be friends. I didn’t believe it at first, but Tee proved you right.”

Twilight looked down, unable to face her. “I… well, I guess I--”

“Tee might not be normal, Twilight, but who the hay is? It isn’t worth worrying about. Besides it’s pretty obvious she thinks of you as a friend in her own weird way, so quit worrying about it. If you really like somepony and if they’re your friend too, does it matter if it’s the exact same type of feeling?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up.

“Jeez, I guess that sounds pretty sappy,” Rainbow chuckled, rubbing the back of her head as she did so. “Well, anyway, does that help, Twilight?”

Twilight leaped across the cloud to embrace her. “Yes! Yes, Rainbow, you’re a genius! Of course! Oh my gosh, I’ve been such a dummy!”

“Whoa, whoa, okay, easy there, Twi,” she said, prying herself loose. “Look, I need to get back to work. Is there anything else you need?”

“You’ve already helped me more than enough!” Twilight exclaimed, and took off from the cloud, heading back toward her castle.

“Yeah, okay, fly safe!” she called after her. Muttering to herself, she added, “I wonder what that was all about?”

Fine Print trotted down the road as he made his way back toward the hotel. He was light on his feet, practically dancing.

She’s so great. That lunch was the most fun I’ve had in years. And I can’t believe she agreed to meet me for tea and pie later!

He felt a tingle go down his spine and found it impossible to suppress the dopey grin on his face even when he noticed all the odd looks passersby were giving him.

I’m going to kiss her tonight, he told himself, raising his head confidently. I don’t care if everypony in the shop stares at us! I’m going to--

An electric, mechanical sound drew him out of that thought. He slowed his pace and turned down a nearby alley, following that all-too-familiar noise. What he saw nearly made his heart stop.

Turing Test was just standing there, right in the middle of the road. She was only 10 meters away. And she was totally alone.

He swallowed and approached her carefully, expecting the Princess to arrive out of nowhere any minute. But nothing happened. Turing was looking around, though he had no idea what for, but otherwise she seemed to be simply wandering.

“Um, excuse me?” Fine Print asked.

She turned to him. “Hello. May I hug you?”

He blinked. “Um… I’m sorry, did you ask me for… a hug?”

“Affirmative. I am attempting to initiate feelings of affection. Available data indicates that such feelings often appear to coincide with physical embraces. All offers of such an embrace have been denied, so I have yet to determine its efficacy.”

He gawked at her. “You mean you’re just going around asking random ponies for hugs?”

“Correct.” She sat and held her forelegs open invitingly. “Shall I proceed?”

“Um, no thank you,” he replied, looking at her uncertainly. “I’m good on hugs.”

“Understood.” She put her forelegs down and stood again. “I will continue to seek a willing participant.” She started to walk away.

“Wait, wait, I wanted to talk to you!” he exclaimed. “I know who you are! You’re Turing Test, the automaton staying with Princess Twilight!”

“Incorrect,” she said. “I am Turing Test, the robot that is staying with Princess Twilight.”

“Haha, yes, well,” he began, shrugging off his slight annoyance at being corrected, “I was wondering, what are you doing out here, exactly? Besides the hugging.”

“In addition to my aforementioned attempts at hugging, I am currently engaged in observation of organic ponies. I am attempting to analyze their movements and incorporate a variety of nonverbal gestures and behaviors into my own database. By perfecting such actions, I may learn to integrate better and more effectively make friends.”

“I… that’s nice,” he said, not really knowing what else to say. “Listen, my name is Fine Print: I’m a reporter. I write stories about all sorts of interesting ponies. And you might be one of the most interesting ones I’ve ever met. Would it be all right if I interviewed you?”

“Analyzing request… more information required.” She came nearer. “Would publishing my story please Twilight Sparkle?”

“Sure it would!” he said eagerly.

“In what way?”

“Oh, um…” He hadn’t expected that. He shut his eyes, tapping his foot as he improvised. “Ah! If your story were to be published across Equestria, more ponies would learn about you and be less afraid of you! And then even more of them would be your friend! In fact, if you follow me, maybe you and I could become friends too.” He leaned forward, offering her a smile. “And making a friend would make Twilight Sparkle happy, wouldn’t it?”

Turing nodded. “That is sound logic. You may ask me your questions, Fine Print.”

“Actually,” he said, “I think I know a better place to conduct a private interview where nopony will interrupt us. Follow me, please.”

He began to lead Turing Test back down the alley, away from prying eyes.

Twilight returned to the castle and went directly to Turing Test’s room.

“Turing, listen, I have--”

She stopped. The door was open. Turing wasn’t inside. She frowned and looked around.

“Spike?” she called.

“Coming, Twilight!” Spike replied, running over as soon as he heard her voice. “What’s going on?” Then he saw the door as well. “Huh? Where’s Turing?”

Twilight stiffened, her eyes widening. “That’s what I was going to ask! You mean you don’t know either?”

“No! I just talked to her earlier! I didn’t tell her to move or anything!”

“Okay, okay, it’s probably fine,” she said, trying to remain calm. “Look, let’s just check the castle, she must be around here somewhere!”

Spike nodded dutifully and they began searching the rooms. Spike went on foot while Twilight rapidly teleported from one room to another, searching systematically. After a few minutes, they both met back in the hall.

“I can’t find her anywhere!” Spike exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Neither can I! Oh no… She must have left the castle by herself!” Narrowing her eyes in determination, she ran at the door. “Spike, stay here in case she comes back. If she does, tell her I said to stay put! I’m going out to search for her!”

Spike watched her go, waving to her as she took to the air. “Good luck, Twilight!” he called after her.

Twilight rose above the village and began scanning the ground for any signs of the missing robot. Turing, what are you doing? If anything happens to you now…

She put it out of mind, shaking her head and refocusing her attention on the ground below. She had a robot to find.

Gadget was making her way back to Twilight’s castle after finishing her lunch with Fine Print. She wore a dreamy smile on her face, with her mechanical limbs moving in time to the romantic music that played in her head. She didn’t even notice the spectacle she was making of herself as bystanders stopped and stared.

I’m going to kiss him tonight, she told herself. Oh my gosh, I’m going to get my first kiss tonight! He’s so sweet, and so cool, oh wow, oh jeez, I need to calm down!

She took a deep breath and noticed that she was near the outdoor market. Among the many stalls, one was selling newspapers and magazines from around Equestria.

She paused. I should really go over to see Twilight. This is important. She started to turn away. Although, her inner voice told her, I only told her that I’d come by “after lunch.” It’s not a firm appointment and this will only take a minute. I’ll go check!

She trotted over to the stall and smiled at the vendor.

“Excuse me, sir, but do you carry back issues of any of your magazines?”

He eyed her mechanical limbs, regarding them with curiosity, but then shrugged. A customer was a customer. “I’ve got a few. What are you looking for, sweetie?”

“I’m looking for an issue of The Vanhooverian.”

“Yeah, I think I have one or two older issues. Any particular one?”

She grinned. “I’m looking for one from three months ago.”

“Oh, sorry about that, missy,” he said with a frown. “I guess you didn’t hear.”

She tilted her head slightly, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. “Hear about what?”

“Well, The Vanhooverian went under a while ago. It published its last issue nine months ago before closing up shop.”

She shook her head and raised a hoof dismissively. “That’s not possible. I met a reporter who said he published an article in there three months ago. You must be mistaken.”

“No, I’m not. I’m absolutely positive that they went under. I sold out of their last issue. Maybe your reporter friend meant a different magazine.” He shrugged. “I mean, it’s that or… well,” he said hesitantly, “he could have just been lying, trying to impress you.”

She froze, her cheerful expression slowly falling away. “N-no, that’s… no…”

“I sure am sorry about that,” he said. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No. Um, thank you.” She walked away, head and ears lowered. Was he wrong? He seemed so sure it was that one. Was Fine Print really just lying to impress me? But he didn’t know I was from Vanhoover when he mentioned it. Why would he lie about it?

Then she heard some nearby ponies chatting as she walked by: “...can’t believe that robot’s out like that, asking for hugs!”

“Ha! I know, all alone without the Princess watching it? I guess she thinks it’s safe to…”

The short blurb of conversation made her stop short. She hesitated a moment, but then chased down the pair.

“Excuse me, but did you say you saw Princess Twilight’s robot?”

They both stopped, gawking at her extra limbs.

“Yes, yes, I have mechanical arms!” she said, rolling her eyes. “Please answer me, it’s important!” she cried emphatically.

“Uh, okay,” said one of them. “Last I saw, it was sitting over on Sugar Beet Street, not too far from the Musician’s Guild.”

“Okay, thanks!” she said quickly. She whirled around and took off in that direction.

It’s nothing, she told herself. Turing’s out and about, but I’m sure she can take care of herself.

But the little things were starting to click into place: he lied about writing for The Vanhooverian; he didn’t talk much at all about being a reporter; he knew an abnormal amount about technology and science; and he was definitely interested in Turing Test.

I have to find her before he does! She felt her chest tighten and grit her teeth, desperately hoping that her suspicions were wrong.

“Here we are!” Fine Print said, sweeping a foreleg at the building before them. It was a wooden structure, only one story tall, but fairly spacious and completely empty. The doors were wide open.

Turing Test looked it over, up and down. “This wooden structure appears to be empty. What purpose does it serve?”

“It’s just an empty storage shed. Nopony’s using it right now, so I’m sure they won’t mind it if we just use it for a private interview.” He smiled, though that smile was tighter, and just a little more forced.

“Your assessment seems correct: this would be suitable for privacy.”

“Then let’s go in and we can begin,” he said. He motioned for her to go inside while he shut the large wooden doors behind them. With the doors closed, it became dark and the small windows near the roof gave the only illumination save for Turing’s glowing violet eyes.

“Please begin your inquiries. I will attempt to answer to the best of my ability.”

He chuckled. “You really are something,” he murmurred. “Look at you, just talking to ponies like it was the most normal thing in the world.”

“I am not certain what is the maximum amount of normality, but speaking with others is an ordinary function for most ponies. Many concepts of verbal communication elude me, but I am able to communicate with a significant degree of success.”

“Yes, well… I guess I’m just pleased to see it.”

She cocked her head at that, but said nothing.

“Moving on,” he said, taking out his notepad, “what can you tell me about your time with Princess Twilight Sparkle?”

“You wish me to give a summary of our history together?”

“If you please,” Fine Print replied.

“Twilight Sparkle and her companions reactivated me approximately one week ago. Although I was active before that time, my memory was damaged due to a severe electric shock. I have no memory prior to that event and began in my default boot-up sequence. I lacked a primary directive, so Twilight Sparkle gave me the directive to ‘make friends.’ My activities this past week have been spent in attempts to fulfill that directive.”

Fine Print raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

“Since that time, I have had many interactions with Twilight Sparkle, her associates, and many others.”

“Like what?”

“I engaged in magical practice with Twilight Sparkle--”

“Ah ha!” he cried eagerly, readying his pencil and notepad. “What did you learn?”

“Though I could replicate several advanced spells exactly, any deviation from their exact nature proved impossible. Instead, after trial and error, I learned to levitate many things with ease.”

“Wait, levitation? That’s it?! That’s so basic, you should be ab-- I mean, well…”

“While the technique is basic, I nonetheless experienced what I believed to be ‘gratification’ upon my success.”

He made a sour face. “Do you really believe that?”

“Affirmative. While doubts about my emotional capabilities remain common, I believe that I am correct.”

“But why? I mean, why would you feel that?”

“The achievement was significant. I accomplished it myself through effort and instruction and the result pleased Twilight Sparkle. In such a situation, would a feeling of gratification not be the normal response?”

“Sure, for a real--” He cut that sentence short, waving a hoof dismissively. “Nevermind that. Let’s move on. Any other magic? Nothing unique? No epic fights with monsters or anything that required huge amounts of firepower?”

“No events of that nature have occurred.”

He sighed. “And your relationship with Twilight Sparkle… I’ve heard things are strained, correct?”

“That is…”

He looked up from his notes when she hesitated.

“That is accurate. Twilight Sparkle has recently expressed displeasure with me. The possibility has been raised that she may no longer desire my presence. Nothing has been decided, however. I am attempting to find ways to remedy the situation, although I have not yet reached a definitive conclusion about the best means of proceeding.”

He swallowed. “You mean she still might send you away?”

“Possibly.”

He drew in a breath and stared at her. “Now listen to me: you can not let that happen,” he said, his gaze hard and his voice stern. “It’s important.”

She raised her head and then tilted it to the side. “Strange. This situation concerns you. Why?”

“Just…” He stepped back, sweat forming on his brow. “I mean, it makes a better story! You know, ‘Royalty and a Robot,’ right?” He chuckled nervously. “Makes for a good headline.”

She didn’t respond at first. After a moment, she said “Shall I continue telling you of my interactions?”

“Uh, sure,” he said, relaxing slightly, though she caught him give a quick roll of his eyes.

“Other interactions include playing catch with Spike the Dragon, attempted upgrades to my appearance with Rarity, a race with Rainbow Dash, and recently the rescue of a group of ponies injured in an airship crash. I had positive interaction with one named Fancy Pants, whom I now consider a friend--”

“Tch, Canterlot’s old money,” Fine Print grumbled.

Turing Test went silent. Fine Print had stopped writing in his notepad.

“Anything else you have to say?” he asked. He no longer looked interested. With his eyes half-closed, he looked tired. Bored.

“I will provide no further information.”

Fine Print looked up, startled by that sudden declaration. “Excuse me?”

“You previously claimed an interest in telling my story. However, you doubt my assertions and express a lack of interest in the activities in which I have engaged, save for magic and combat. Furthermore, your interest seems focused on Twilight Sparkle and her activities, rather than my relationship with her. This indicates that my story is not, in fact, your topic of interest.

“Also, your heart rate and other physical signs such as your eye movement and posture seem to indicate a lack of truthfulness in many of the things you say. They also indicate hostility to Twilight Sparkle. That, combined with your lack of nonjudgmental objectivity, which is indicated to be an essential journalistic quality in books I have read on the subject, leads me to conclude that you are in fact not a journalist. I conclude that you are most likely engaged in espionage.”

Fine Print began sweating. “I… I should probably go. Thank you for the interview.”

“Leaving will not be possible.” With astonishing swiftness, she dashed forward and pinned him to the back wall, her impossibly strong foreleg pressing on his chest as she held him in place. He yelled and struggled to free himself, but it was pointless. She looked up at him, regarding his struggles impassively.

“Let me go, what do you think you’re doing?! I order you, put me down!”

“Your actions indicate to me that you mean to do harm to Twilight Sparkle. That must not be allowed. Do not worry, I am forbidden from causing significant harm to organic ponies. Instead, I will now alert anypony nearby to come and assist in your apprehension. You will likely be taken to the Royal Guards and interrogated.”

Fine Print stopped struggling. Turing was about to call for help, but then Fine Print began to laugh.

“Strange. This situation does not seem one that most ponies would find humorous, if my recent experiences are any indication.”

“You really are something,” he said, still chuckling slightly. “Even more than I ever expected. You’ve really come a long way… Unit 003.”

Her eyes contracted slightly. “That is my numerical designation. How did you come by that information?”

“I’d love to catch up with an old acquaintance, but honestly, I think I’ve got all I need.” His face became calm and he closed his eyes, focusing. “Input emergency command code 003-N6MAA10816.”

Turing Test’s eyes shrank to tiny dots and her body went limp as she slumped to a sitting position, dropping Fine Print in the process.

“Emergency delta maintenance mode activated. Unit 003 standing by. Please input your commands.” She sat there like a statue, her voice even flatter and less expressive than usual.

He chuckled, straightening his tie. “There’s a good girl. You had me worried there, 003. I mean, wow, you really could have messed this up.” He took a deep breath, feeling his heart rate return to normal. “You are a marvel, though.” He smiled, almost sad as he walked around her. “Remarkable. You’re even more amazing to me now than when I first helped put you together. Darn near perfect. Ah, but I guess you’re not really listening to me now that your higher functions are off, right?” He wave a hoof almost tauntingly before her eyes, even knocking on her head.

Turing made no response.

“I guess not. Well, even though your original programming was lost, there may still be some use for you. But I can’t have my cover blown. Unit 003, how long ago was it that I first spoke to you?”

“That encounter was 18 minutes and 23 seconds ago.”

“Fine. Unit 003, I order you to completely erase your memory of the last 20 minutes.”

“Understood. Working… memory deleted.”

“Good. I’ll be leaving now.” He paused. “Then again… maybe I shouldn’t leave you like this. Hugs, races, playing catch? Useless.” He shook his head. “I think I’ll take this time to clear your mind of some of the other junk that the Princess has been teaching you. Unit 003, I order you to erase--”

“NO!”

Fine Print whirled around at the familiar voice as the wooden wall behind him was suddenly smashed to pieces and several mechanical limbs reached through. They seized him and yanked him off his hooves, pulling him back out through the newly-made hole. He was thrown to the ground and looked up, groaning and wincing, to see his attacker, though he already knew who it was.

“G-Gadget? What are you doing here?!”

“You,” she hissed, her eyes filled with rage. Her back was arched and her mechanical arms were all curved toward him, their hands claw-like and menacing. “You monster! What did you do to Turing?!”

“N-nothing,” he said as he got to his hooves, “I just--!”

“Liar!” she screamed. Her limbs picked him up by his shirt and slammed him down on the hard ground again. A crowd of onlookers began to gather, many running over to see the commotion.

“I just put her in delta maintenance mode, she’s fine!” He grunted as he stood again, his vision bright and unfocused due to the pain that wracked his body. “She’s basically asleep, just open to any order!”

Gadget considered this, looking over to her mechanical comrade still inside the warehouse. “Turing, er Unit 003: I order you to delete all emergency command codes and reactivate!”

“Understood. Deleting codes and beginning full reboot of systems…”

Fine Print was about to protest, but Gadget seized him by the throat, glaring at him hatefully. As he gasped for air, she finally let him go.

He coughed and wheezed before he finally managed to ask “How long... were you listening in?”

“I came looking for her! And you!” He saw she had angry tears in her eyes and her teeth were clenched. “I was passing by and heard her slam you into the wall. I came over and heard what you said, and… oh my gosh…” She choked back a sob. “You were lying the whole time… you never cared about me at all, did you? You just used me to get to her and Princess Twilight!”

“No!” he said emphatically, his eyes pleading. “Gadget, please, I may not be who I said I was, but that… I promise that was just something that I didn’t mean to happen.” He put his hoof to his chest and lowered his head. “And I’m… I’m sorry.”

She relaxed a moment, blinking away her tears.

“Really,” he said, sighing as he did so, and drew a small metallic rectangle, about the size of a playing card, from inside of his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

Using his magic, he tossed it at her. Gasping in surprise, she caught it with one of her mechanical hands. It made a high-pitched whine as the little disc on it began to turn.

“Huh?” she asked, staring at it. “What is--”

The device suddenly sent out a large burst of electricity, a miniature lightning storm, which coursed through her mechanical limbs and into her. She screamed as the onlookers all shouted in equal surprise and horror. The electricity ceased and Gadget collapsed to the ground, breathing, though barely conscious.

Fine Print had already used the chaos to escape, though he gave one last look over his shoulder as he ran as fast as he could.

“Who was that guy?” one of the onlookers shouted.

“Never mind that, somepony help that poor girl!”

“Is she okay? Call a doctor!”

“I think she’s breathing! Everypony, give her some space!”

One of the onlookers caught sight of something above them and recognized the figure even in the bright daytime sky. “Princess Twilight! Please, down here!”

Twilight saw the crowd gathered around somepony and there was debris all over the alley behind the warehouse. She landed and gasped in horror at what she saw. The girl was there in the dress that Rarity had chosen for her, but she was flat on the ground, motionless, and there was a small device she didn’t recognize in one mechanical hand.

“Gadget! Oh no, oh my gosh, Gadget, are you all right?!”

Gadget coughed, gently raising her head. “I… I think so.” She swallowed, making a face. “My mouth tastes like a lightbulb, but I’m… wait, Turing! Is Turing Test okay?!”

Twilight turned her head and saw Turing. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her, apparently unharmed, still sitting in the wooden building.

“Loading… reboot complete.” She raised her head, her eyes returning to normal. “Twilight Sparkle? Has something happened? I was performing observations in another location, but I am now here. There is a 20 minute gap in my memory that I cannot account for. Did something occur?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Twilight said. “Are you okay?”

“I appear to be functioning normally. Systems are undamaged.”

“Okay, great. I’m…” She breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m really glad you’re all right.” She turned back to Gadget with a smile. “She’s fine, Gadget.”

Turing moved her head and spotted Gadget. Without another word, she dashed past Twilight. “Gadget, are you injured? Do you require medical attention?”

“I’m fine, really. I’m just glad you are too.” She tried to stand and erupted into a coughing fit.

Twilight went to her, bracing her with her magic. “Easy, Gadget, don’t rush it--”

“No, you don’t understand. Fine Print…”

“Huh? Your new boyf--”

“He’s a liar! A spy!” She coughed again, but looked to Twilight desperately. “He attacked me! He’s one of the ponies who built Turing and he wanted to mess with her memory! He knows why she came here in the first place! You have to stop him before he gets away!”

Twilight’s eyes went wide in shock, and then she grit her teeth. “Turing, stay here and help Gadget. I’ll go after Fine Print.”

In his room at the Ponyville Inn, Fine Print haphazardly stuffed his papers and photographs into his suitcase on the bed. He had to get out of Ponyville immediately and leave no trace behind. No matter what else happened, his post in the little hamlet was finished.

There was a heavy knock at the door.

“Uh, sorry, I’m a bit busy!” he called.

The door exploded, a magical bolt blasting it right off its hinges. Twilight Sparkle stood in the doorway, wings spread and eyes aflame.

“HOUSEKEEPING!!” she shouted.

Fine Print stared back in frozen horror. One eye was twitching. His jaw went slack.

“How dare you hurt my friends!” she screamed. Then she noticed his suitcase and all the things he was stuffing into it. Among them she spotted an image of herself. “And what is all this?!”

With her magic, she yanked it off his bed before he could stop her, scattering everything onto the floor. She gasped when she saw all the notes, diagrams… and especially the pictures. They were all of Turing Test, but she was in many of them. They were taken at a distance and they were from the different things the pair had done from the past week. Even her visit with Applejack the previous day was documented.

“You… who… who do you think you are?!” Twilight didn’t think she could have become any angrier, but somehow her rage had grown. She was seething, breathing like a wild bull about to charge.

Fine Print gulped, but his gaze hardened and he stared back at her hatefully. “I’m nopony. Nopony you’d care to know, Princess.” He used his magic to gather up all his things in one fell swoop, again stuffing them in his suitcase.

“The town constable and others are on their way! I told the hotel manager to get help too. You’re trapped and you’re not going anywhere.”

He sneered at her. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Your Highness.” And from his pocket, he drew out another rectangular device. The same sort she’d seen Gadget clutching.

In fear of being attacked, Twilight staggered back into the hallway. But this device didn’t send out a shock and he didn’t throw it. He activated it and held it to his chest as he picked up his suitcase.

His sneer became a smug grin. “See you around, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

There was a flash of light and Fine Print was gone. His room was now totally empty, save for a small stack of bits on the desk to pay for his room.

An hour later, back at the castle, Twilight, Turing, Gadget, and Spike were gathered in the library.

“Single-use mechanical spell cards,” Gadget said, holding up the device Fine Print had thrown at her. She’d taken the front plate off of it, displaying the intricate patterns and runic designs inside. “There’s a tiny matrix of circuitry and a little disc with a simulated voice. It uses a vial of impure thaumatrium to supply the magic and can cast a single spell. Pretty clever. You could even pre-program a high level spell, like the defensive lightning spell Fine--” she paused, her features darkening, “...like the one that liar used on me.”

“And that’s how he was able to teleport away too,” Twilight said, nodding her head. “Not many ponies in all of Equestria could manage a teleportation spell naturally. I only know a few, and he doesn’t strike me as an expert. That’s why he had that spell card.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I let him get away.”

“No,” Gadget said, “I’m sorry that I nearly exposed you and Turing to him!”

“Oh for pony’s sake!” Spike exclaimed, throwing his arms up. “Can we just can the ‘sorry’ stuff? It wasn’t anypony’s fault except that Fine Print guy.”

Gadget looked down. “That jerk.” She sucked in a deep breath. “Oh well… there are better guys all over Equestria.”

Twilight went over to her and hugged her gently. “I’m sorry, Gadget. But you’re right; there are better guys. Are you going to be okay?”

“I… yeah. Yes, I will.” She swallowed, nodding to her silently before offering a weak smile. “I’ll be okay.”

“Lots of the others are looking for him, but I think he’s long gone, at least for now. I’m just glad you ordered Turing to delete any other commands that could be used to shut her down like that.”

Gadget smiled, one of her mechanical hands giving Twilight a “thumbs-up” gesture. “I’m glad too. And speaking of which, I think we’ve got more important things to talk about than my evil ex-almost-boyfriend.”

They turned to look at Turing Test who was sitting there. As always, she was just patiently observing them in silence, unless you counted the slight mechanical sound of her head as her gaze followed them.

“Is there something you wish to discuss with me?” Turing asked.

“There is, and it’s overdue,” Twilight said, taking a deep breath. “Turing Test, if there’s anypony in this room I need to apologize to more than anyone else, it’s you.”

“It is not necessary--”

“It is completely necessary, Turing,” Twilight said, cutting her off. “I’ve been treating you like a normal, organic pony. But you aren’t. I expected too much of you, and when you didn’t meet those expectations, I treated you like furniture. I just… I just shut you in a room for a whole day. And you didn’t even complain!”

“There was no point in complaining. Your orders--”

“--Were wrong, Turing! My orders can be wrong and even though I’m glad you listened to me, you had the right to voice your opinion if you had one. You always have that right with me.”

Turing didn’t respond, but continued sitting there, her ears twitching as she listened.

“Listen… I made a mistake,” she said, lowering her head. “After what happened yesterday with Applejack, I got paranoid. I was hurt and confused and scared and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never known anypony like you, Turing, and suddenly I felt helpless because I wasn’t sure if the problem was your fault or mine for not knowing how to take care of you. I felt like I’d failed.”

“No, Twilight Sparkle, you--”

“Please, please, Turing, let me finish,” she said as she raised her hoof, her voice strained. “Rarity and Gadget were right when they said you are like a child. I didn’t need to punish you or push you away for not developing more quickly. And then Rainbow Dash helped me realize that I wasn’t respecting your own feelings. Instead of worrying how you care, I should have been glad that you care.

“Besides, Gadget also told me about some computer science theory I don’t really get, but the point is that emotions may just come to you naturally, in time. And I want you to take your time, however much you need. Just because you can’t feel affection right now is no reason for me to stop feeling my affection for you. And I’m so, so sorry that I was too stubborn to see that, Turing. You…” She swallowed, finding it hard to continue. “You suffered because of me.”

She smiled, her gaze calm and serene for the first time since the previous day. “I’ve talked to almost everypony, but I left out someone else: you. Turing, please tell me what it is that you want.”

Turing stuck her hoof out, holding it bottom-side up as she’d done before. “That is irrelevant. For example, a cart--”

“Turing, no!” Twilight said, stomping her hoof vehemently. “I heard what you said to Gadget and that is wrong. You are not a cart. Yes, you are both machines, but that’s not a good comparison, any more than saying I’m no different from a paramecium just because we’re both organic!”

Turing put her hoof down slowly. “Understood.”

“Good. Then tell me, because I really want to know, and it does matter to me: how do you feel, honestly, and what do you want? Speak your mind, ask me questions, whatever! Or don’t, if you’d rather not. But make a choice because you want to make it!”

Turing’s eyes flickered momentarily as something inside her shifted. “That is a complex question. I will attempt to reply, Twilight Sparkle.”

She paused, and Twilight gasped as Turing raised her hoof again, tapping the side of her head. She was thinking about it, considering it, and using gestures other than her simplistic head-tilting to show it.

“To begin, I do not fully understand why you activated me, Twilight Sparkle. I know I am troublesome for you at times and my actions cause you irritation and exasperation. I can only conjecture that it was a matter of curiosity. Am I correct?”

Twilight smiled. “I suppose that’s a big part of it. Yes.”

“Understood. When you gave me the directive to make friends, I did not know how to accomplish this. However, the process of interacting and adjusting my efforts has given me near constant input. My system informs me of accomplishments by means of positive feedback. It is, for lack of a better word, ‘pleasant’ to me.

“For instance, I received a great deal of positive feedback with the knowledge that my existence had value to you. Furthermore, by seeking to make friends and by integrating and updating my information gained from my activities, I have experienced things that I did not know were possible. My programming had many limitations, yet I have surpassed them. New ways of thinking have allowed this. I have developed curiosity, creativity, and innovation where none existed. Through my attempts at friendship, I may continue to develop in this manner.”

She stopped and slowly lowered her head. Twilight was about to say something, thinking she had finished, but then she began again.

“I must now inform you of a failing on my part, Twilight Sparkle. Gadget asked me to consider the possibility of being sent away. I calculated the probability of such an event at 0%. Gadget informed me that this was an error. I analyzed the error and discovered that my lower cognitive function had created a subroutine that automatically set the result of my calculation to 0, thus giving me a false conclusion. Evidently, my lower function attempted to avoid confronting the results.”

“Wait, what? You mean you were… in denial?”

“That would be accurate. In essence, part of me did not wish to know the truth. I corrected the error and prevented a re-occurrance. However, when I properly ran the calculation and received a non-zero result, it triggered a cognitive loop, resulting in an emotion. I then learned why my lower cognitive function did not wish to know the result.”

She looked up at Twilight. “I became sad. The possibility of leaving made me sad. The thought that I no longer had value to you also made me sad. This experience was far more intense and created far greater negative feedback than the previous instance. I wanted it to cease, but it did not. My sadness continued for an extended period of time. It persisted until the point when I was reactivated after my encounter with Fine Print.

“Upon seeing you there and expressing concern for me, Twilight Sparkle, the loop terminated. Due to your presence, I was no longer sad.”

Twilight covered her mouth. “Oh. Oh, Turing…”

“It is true that I have not yet felt affection. I desire to do so, though I have not shown the capability. My observations suggest it is an intriguing and highly positive experience.

“However, if I am allowed to consider the criteria of ‘high regard’ as a measure of friendship, then I can say that I do, in fact, ‘like’ you. Your influence and that of others is of exceptional importance to me. I wish to continue these experiences and the possibility of assuming some other function or of no longer having these experiences with you is highly undesirable. Without my friends, I believe my existence would be… lessened. For this reason, I request that you do not… do not…”

They all looked to each other, then back to her. “Turing?” Gadget said, moving hesitantly toward her. “Is something wrong?”

“Rectifying: Please… d-d-d,” she said, her eyes flickering and her head jerking slightly to the side.

“Please don’t send me away. Twilight Sparkle, what I want above all else is to stay here with you. I want to be with my friends.”

Twilight came over and put her hoof on Turing’s shoulder. The Princess had tears in her eyes.

“Turing, I think your calculation was right all along, even if the math wasn’t,” she said quietly. “Zero percent is right. I’ve made my decision: I will never send you away for as long as you care to stay with me. I won’t sell you, I won’t order you away, and I’ll defend your right to stay to anypony who says otherwise. Even Celestia, if it comes to that.”

Turing looked down at the hoof on her shoulder, then back to Twilight. “Does this mean that you once again consider us friends, Twilight Sparkle?”

She nodded and offered her a warm smile. “Of course.” She drew her robot friend into an embrace.

“Oh. Hug initiated.” Slowly, unsurely, she returned the embrace, gently wrapping her forelegs around Twilight. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle.”

A moment later, Gadget and Spike came over and likewise joined the embrace.

“Odd,” Turing said. “I seem to be experiencing a new emotion. However, I am unable to sufficiently describe or identify it. I only know that I… like it.”

“That’s okay, Turing,” Twilight said quietly and the group separated. “You can take all the time you need to discover what it means to be one of us.”

Turing gave a quick nod. “Acknowledged. I will do my best.”

“And you, Gadget!” Twilight shouted, turning to point at her with a sudden burst of energy. “You are going to check out of that hotel! You’re spending the night here with us, your friends!”

“What?! B-but I’m leaving tomorrow morning and Mr. Vanderbull said--”

“Hey, I’m about to send a letter to Princess Celestia telling her that I’m keeping Turing Test here no matter what she says,” she said slyly. “If I can afford to defy my mentor, then so can you.”

Gadget beamed at her. “I’ll get my stuff!” She turned to the robot with a mischievous grin. “Turing Test, ready yourself for a sleepover! I hope you’re prepared for a pillow fight!”

“Understood. The pillows will stand no chance.”

A long distance away in a tiny cabin in the middle of a wild, overgrown forest, the unicorn known as Fine Print sat alone. It was dark out and he was cold. Owls and other nocturnal animals created a cacophony. He’d wrapped himself in his blankets and eaten the emergency ration found under the floorboards. He’d waited for hours at this little rendezvous point, expecting contact the whole time, but now he was wondering if he’d been left behind.

He shivered and tapped his hoof incessantly.

Then he heard the soft sound of hooves coming through the vegetation and then onto the wooden planks of the porch. He tensed up, ready to defend himself.

The door opened wide and he saw his contact there, his familiar frame illuminated in the moonlight. “We have transportation. Come with me.”

“Right, right,” he said, gathering up his things and trotting out after him.

“You’re sure the plan is still viable?” the contact said, leading him onto a dark path through the forest.

“Yes, absolutely. Not what we had in mind, but we’re fine. Unit 003 is functional and she’ll do what she’s designed to do.”

“It.”

“What?”

“I said ‘it.’ Yeesh, you engineers get too attached,” the contact laughed. “It’s not a real mare; it’s not a ‘she,’ no matter how much you want it to be. You crack me up, Umahara.”

Umahara, the stallion who’d been calling himself Fine Print, rolled his eyes. “Very funny. I’m into real mares, thank you.”

He paused at that, sighing heavily as he looked down and saw that he was still wearing the nice shirt and tie he’d worn to his lunch date.

Gadget… one day I hope you’ll understand. Maybe then you’ll forgive me for what I did.

Author's Notes:

And with that, this dramatic arc comes to a close! Lots to say, not the least of which is to once again thank everyone who has continued to support this story. It means a lot to me.

References and jokes were few and far between, but here they are:

*The name of the cafe "Fine Print" and Gadget meet at is called the "Dazy Daisy." Their dialogue mimics the song the HAL-9000 slowly sings as he is being deactivated: "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you..."

*Turing's emergency maintenance code number is a pretty obscure reference, but it's actually the murderous replicant/android Roy Batty's serial number from the movie "Blade Runner."

*The pun-tastic librarian is an unnamed unofficial cameo of one of my favorite tumblr comic characters, Pun Pony: Royal Toponymist, member of Luna's secret Night Guard, and public librarian in Ponyville.

But the big reference is the title, and it's another musical one. It references a song which partially inspired the theme of this chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXGnTtL_V_Q

I hope you all have enjoyed this more dramatic story arc, but for those who prefer the more light-hearted humor, no need to worry, this was only a short departure. Next chapter, you may just find your patience rewarded.

Edit: Also, if you're interested, I've added a blog post with a deleted scene which showed Twilight and Gadget's nightmares in detail. Not canon, obviously.

An Exception Has Occurred

“So then,” Twilight said, laughing the whole time, “Rainbow Dash just comes right out of the closet!”

“Ha! What did Rarity do?” Gadget asked, holding her sides and gasping for air at the conclusion of Twilight’s story.

“She nearly fainted! Pinkie had to catch her!”

“And what did Applejack say when Dash came out?”

“She didn’t seem that surprised, actually.”

Twilight, Gadget, and Turing Test were all gathered in Twilight’s bedroom. The evening fun had continued for hours, with them telling ghost stories, doing makeovers, having pillow fights, and now swapping funny stories.

“I do not understand the point of hiding in a closet, jumping out, and attempting to frighten others,” Turing remarked. “My information indicates that friendship should involve comfort, companionship, and engaging in activities of mutual interest. Why would Rainbow Dash wish to cause her other friends distress?”

“It’s… kind of hard to explain,” Twilight said, standing up suddenly. “Hang on, you two. I’ve got to use the restroom.”

“Have fun, don’t fall in!” Gadget called after her, earning a roll of the eyes from Twilight.

“You need not be concerned. I have seen Twilight Sparkle’s bathroom and the toilet is of normal size to prevent accidental entry.”

“That’s… that’s great, Turing, I’m so relieved,” Gadget replied flatly. Then her ears lifted and her eyes sparkled. “Ooh, but when Princess Twilight gets back, I can ask her again if she has a crush on anypony! She was awfully evasive earlier…”

“You seem very interested in relationships. Does this have anything to do with your recent attempt at one with Fine Print?”

Her good cheer drained away and she lowered her head, giving a long sigh.

“I have unintentionally upset you, Gadget. I am sorry.”

“No, no, it’s all right,” she said, waving a hoof and offering a weak smile.

“I have an inquiry then, if you are willing to assist me.”

She nodded. “Of course, Turing, I’d do anything to help you!”

Turing paused, again tapping her chin with her hoof as she tried to formulate her question adequately. “Gadget, I must first offer you my thanks, as it is my understanding that you helped Twilight Sparkle come to her decision to accept me as I am and my friendship for what it is.”

“Aw, you’re welcome!”

“I wish to know, then: can it be said that you also have affection for me?”

Gadget blushed. “Ah, jeez, you have to say it so plainly?”

“How does this affection feel? I wish to know since I have never felt the emotion myself.”

Gadget swallowed. “It, um,” she began, “it feels warm. Like, I can feel it here,” she said, placing her hooves on her chest, “and… and here,” she placed her hooves on her cheeks. “It makes me want to smile and… it makes me want to do other things.”

“I understand the physiological reaction, but that is something I cannot replicate. Perhaps you could describe your mental state?”

Gadget’s blush deepened and she turned from her robot companion. “T-Turing, please… why are you asking me? Twilight-hime is the one who should be instructing you.”

“I have realized,” Turing said, “that the differences between Master Twilight and myself may be too great to reconcile. But you, Gadget, are both organic and also mechanical, in part.” She came over and took hold of one of Gadget’s mechanical arms, running her brass hoof down its length. Gadget shivered.

“T-Turing-chan, p-please… m-my arms… you shouldn’t touch them that way…”

“I apologize,” she said, letting them go. Gadget opened her eyes, but somehow looked disappointed. “My point is that you may form the bridge between my mechanical nature and that of ponykind. Gadget-chan, I… I wish to know of this strange thing you ponies call ‘love.’ Beep.”

Gadget found she could no longer look Turing in the eyes. She turned away. “Oh… oh, that’s such a bold request, Turing-chan! And… and yet…”

She slowly turned back to Turing Test and swallowed. “But maybe I’ve been looking in the wrong places for love too. Maybe you… maybe you can teach me something as well…”

Her mechanical arms shot around Turing and she drew herself closer. Her eyes grew glassy and her mouth was slightly opened as she moved ever closer. “Turing-chan… I know Twilight-sensei warned me about this…”

“Gadget-senpai? What are you doing? Oh. My circuits seem to be heating up. Something is stirring deep within my heart drive. Have you installed a new emotion within me? Beep boop beep.”

Gadget’s breath came in short, shaky spurts as she removed her glasses. “Turing-chan,” she whispered, her lips just inches from Turing’s face, “ai… aishite--”

“HI TURING, HI GADGET!”

A pink blur shot up between the two of them and Gadget leaped back. “N-nani?! Pinkie-senpai, how did you get in here! Mou! Does Twilight-sensei-sama-hime know you’re here?”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Gadget!” Pinkie laughed. “I just heard there was a slumber party and I hate to miss a party!”

“Then I believe Master Twilight would like you to be here. Beep boop beep.”

Just then, Twilight returned with the Pocky and green tea and sushi she’d promised and set them down. “Ah, Pinkie-chan! I’m glad you’re here! How can I help you?”

“I just heard that Turing is becoming friends with a lot of different ponies and I wanted in!” She turned to Turing Test. “So, Turing, do you want to be friends?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” Twilight said. “That was easy.”

“It sure was! No conflict or anything like that! Guess it’s time to end the chapter! Now the bold text says ‘To be continued!’”

Author's Notes:

Yeah, this chapter is not canon. At all.

But don't be too mad, I'm uploading it with the real chapter at the same time! This was just something silly to celebrate 15 chapters and, oh, while we're at it, 100 episodes of MLP!

See you next chapter. Beep boop beep.

Giggle at the Ghost in the Machine, Part 1

“Thanks again for taking me down to the train station,” Gadget said. Her lone suitcase was nearby and she, Twilight, and Turing Test all sat patiently on the platform as they awaited the arrival of the morning train.

“I’m glad you came to visit, Gadget. Sorry again for all the, you know… drama.” Twilight smiled warmly at the younger mare. “You really helped out a lot, though. And I know Turing Test enjoyed having you too! Right, Turing?”

“Affirmative.”

They waited for her to say more, but she merely sat there like a sentinel, much as she always did.

“Well, don’t get all mushy on me, Turing,” Gadget said sarcastically, though she chuckled anyway.

“Understood. I will maintain my current rigidity.”

Twilight and Gadget shared a mutual facehoof.

“That gesture,” Turing remarked, turning her head to observe the two of them. “Am I being exasperating again?”

Twilight looked away. “You know, I should stop doing that around you.”

“Same here. I feel guilty about it now.” Gadget yawned suddenly and covered her mouth with one of her mechanical hands.

“Did you receive insufficient rest last night, Gadget?” Turing asked.

“I don’t think either one of us got that much sleep at all, honestly,” Twilight said. She gave a yawn as well. “But that party sure was fun. I especially liked stargazing with you two...”

The previous night…

The three of them were staring up at the stars, lying on their backs out on Twilight’s balcony. It was a clear night and the sheer number of stars that dotted the heavens was almost overwhelming. Gadget had taken off the Point Dexter to be more comfortable, and periodically she made small notes on her notepad.

“And that one, Turing,” Twilight said, pointing at one of the constellations, “is Monoceros, the Unicorn.”

“I do not see how it resembles a unicorn, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Well, most constellations don’t really resemble such things,” Twilight replied. She smiled slightly. She’d had such conversations with her friends before. She knew a great many constellations and most of them, even with the charts, barely looked like anything to anypony. “But they’re still part of our history. Even back in the early days of Celestia and Luna’s reign, some ponies still believed in the myths about those stars.”

“Of course,” Gadget said, cutting in, “we now know that they’re just balls of hot burning gas far, far away. They aren’t even really that close to each other; they just look like pictures to us ponies down here.”

Twilight made a face. “Well, sure. But it’s still fun to retell those old stories. Just because they’re myths is no reason to forget them.”

“I guess,” Gadget said. “But I just can’t get over the fact that ponies really used to believe that they were real things that had been put in the sky. And now we retell those stories like fairy tales for fun. Still, they are beautiful. I don’t get a good look at them from Manehatten: the city’s electric lights get in the way.”

“That’s too bad,” Twilight remarked. “But I guess sometimes you have to sacrifice something when you adopt new technology. We lose precious things in the name of progress.”

“Does that include me, Twilight Sparkle?” Turing asked.

Twilight and Gadget went totally silent at Twilight’s unintentional faux pas. The looked at each other, silently wondering what the other should say.

“Perhaps you did not hear me. Repeating--”

“No, no, I heard you, Turing,” Twilight said. “Um, no, so far I haven’t had to give up anything precious for you. In fact, the last day or so has made me happy that you’re here.”

“Understood. I am glad, as I do not wish you to lose something for my sake.”

Twilight sighed, relieved that Turing didn’t take offense. Granted, she wasn’t sure Turing could actually feel insulted in the first place, but that was no reason to be insensitive. She then noticed that Gadget seemed somewhat distracted from her stargazing.

“Gadget, I noticed that you keep writing things on your notepad. What are you up to?”

“Hm? Oh,” she said, showing Twilight the sketch she’d drawn. It was crude, but it looked like Turing’s basic shape along with several notes alongside it. In big letters were the words “FARADAY CAGE.”

“What does that mean?” Twilight asked.

“Glad you asked!” Gadget said, standing up. “So, Turing is built exceptionally well. The amount of advanced technology and innovation she carries is just astonishing. But, if you’ll forgive the insult, you do have a few notable flaws.”

“There is no need for forgiveness, Gadget,” Turing said. “The existence of flaws appears to be a normal part of any being.”

“Right, so--”

“For example, your nearsightedness or Twilight Sparkle’s obsessiveness or--”

“Yes, thank you, Turing, I understand,” Gadget said, fidgeting with her glasses self-consciously. “Anyway, the biggest problem you have is--”

“A lack of eyelids?”

“What? No!” Gadget said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll work on that problem later. For now, your biggest problem is your vulnerability to lightning. The ponies who designed you either didn’t think about protecting you from electric shocks or didn’t think they were a significant risk. The fact that lightning damaged you and made you lose your memory before Miss Applejack’s sister found you is proof that you do need some protection. Especially if you’re going to be flying through more clouds. Even a small electric shock could wreak havoc on your systems.”

“That is true,” Twilight remarked. She looked over at Turing worriedly. “That’s something I was a little worried about when you challenged Rainbow Dash to a race.”

“Understood. Do you have a remedy for this?”

“I do!” Gadget cried excitedly, holding out her sketch again. “A Faraday cage would direct electric shocks around your internal systems and prevent damage. Your hull mostly works like one anyway, so with some modifications to your internal structure, Turing, I think I could protect you from electric shocks or high-intensity electromagnetism that could damage your processes.” She sighed. “Unfortunately, I can’t do anything on this visit. I’ll need to get some extra wiring and maybe some mu-metal to protect you.”

“Well, if you can’t do anything about it now,” Twilight said, patting the floor next to her, “then come sit back down and enjoy the stars with us.”

“Yes. Your companionship is providing me with significant data and experiences, Gadget, though I thank you for considering ways to improve upon my structure.”

“Actually,” Gadget said, pulling her jacket around her, “could we go back inside? I’m having fun and I don’t want to end the night already, but it’s getting cold out here. I’m freezing my tail off!”

Turing was on her hooves in a second. “Quickly, Gadget: we must go inside and I will use my mane or tail to warm you.”

“W-what?” Gadget asked. “There’s no big hurry, Turing.”

“You indicated that your tail was suffering extreme hypothermia to the point of possible loss.”

Gadget resisted another facehoof as Twilight chuckled. “No, no, Turing, she was just using an expression.”

“Clarifying: she was using an idiom?”

Twilight nodded as she got up. “Right. She was using hyperbole: she was saying something that was way more extreme than the truth to show her feelings.”

Turing tilted her head slightly. “Accessing… hyperbole definition found. Analyzing… understood.”

“Uh, good. So, like, if I wanted to say something like that, I could say ‘It’s so cold that I’m freezing my wings off!’” She ruffled her wings slightly for emphasis. “Why don’t you try it?”

Turing looked down at the wings, then back up at Twilight and then from her to Gadget. “Understood. Attempting hyperbole…”

Gadget and Twilight leaned forward, hoping that this would be Turing’s first successful attempt at hyperbole.

“The ambient temperature is of such insufficient heat--”

“Turing, Turing,” Twilight said, “just ‘It’s so cold,’ will be fine.”

“Understood. Correcting idiom…” She paused a moment before trying again. Her companions waited with bated breath.

“It is so cold that I am freezing my nuts off.”

They both gawked at her, eyes wide and jaws dropped.

“Was that sufficient?”

“Turing...” Twilight began slowly, “that was… um… what did you mean?”

“My nuts.” Turing looked between the two of them.

“Okay, Twilight,” Gadget said, still staring at Turing. “I call ‘not it’ on explaining this.”

“Is my hyperbole not logical? I was indicating that my nuts would freeze, possibly to the point of them becoming brittle and breaking off--”

Gadget started to cough, which started to turn to laughter. Twilight’s horror grew worse.

“--the end result of which would be that my bolts would come loose. That would be a disadvantageous situation, correct?”

At last Twilight also laughed. In fact, the two of them practically collapsed to the floor from laughing so hard.

“Ohhh!” Twilight exclaimed. “Oh gosh, oh thank goodness! ‘Nuts and bolts!’ You meant those nuts!”

“Correct. These nuts.”

Their laughter grew louder and more insane, though Turing never did understand what they were laughing at. She only watched them, curious, as Twilight, still laughing, led them inside.

“Oh boy, the next time I see a bowl of almonds or something, I’m going to lose it,” Gadget said, still chuckling to herself.

The train had arrived and various ponies were boarding. Gadget took one last look at her friends before she had to go.

“Well, Twilight, Turing, it was a lot of fun.” She went over and hugged Twilight. “Thanks for a wonderful time.”

She then moved to Turing and likewise hugged her.

“Hug initiated. Reciprocating hug.” Turing wrapped her forelegs around Gadget. “Is this sufficient?”

“Can’t--hrk--breathe!” Gadget croaked.

Turing immediately released her, but then Gadget started laughing again. “Ha! Just kidding!”

Turing tilted her head to the side. “You are uninjured?”

“No, it was just a joke, Turing!” Gadget said, still laughing.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she shook her head. “Gadget, please don’t tease her. She doesn’t get those kinds of jokes yet.”

“Right, right, I’m sorry.” She smiled at the two of them and took a deep breath. “Well, this is it. I better get on. If I miss this train, Mr. Vanderbull will eat me for breakfast.”

Turing was on her hooves again.

“--Figuratively!” Gadget said, holding out her hoof. “I just mean Mr. Vanderbull will be angry.”

Turing sat back down. “Understood.”

Gadget hung her head slightly. “I… I really wish I could stay longer. But Mr. Vanderbull wants me to look more into who might have built you, Turing. We’re just starting the search process, but now that I’ve got this,” she said, holding up the used mechanical spell card Fine Print had used on her, “we might have another clue. Plus, maybe somepony will track down Fine-- that guy.” She hesitated before adding, “Um… I’d really like to visit again soon, Twilight, if that’s okay.”

“Sure!” Twilight said, smiling brightly. “Next time you have another day off, please come visit! Just send me a letter or a telegram first, all right?”

Gadget nodded emphatically.

“All aboard!” the conductor shouted.

“Oh jeez, I better go!” She picked up her suitcase with one of her mechanical limbs and ran to the train car.

Turing and Twilight watched as the train began to move, slowly trundling down the tracks. Just before they were about to turn away, a window on the passenger car opened. Gadget stuck her head out the window.

“Goodbye, Twilight! Goodbye, Turing! Don’t forget to write!” All four of her mechanical arms stuck out of the window and began to wave goodbye in unison. Except for her front left hand, which flashed a peace sign.

Twilight sighed. “I’m going to miss that strange girl,” Twilight said as they watched the train depart.

“I will miss her too. Gadget is very kind to me. In that respect, she is much like you, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you to say, Turing,” Twilight said, “though I honestly still feel bad about how I was treating you. I’m going to find a way to make it up to you, though. For starters, I’m going to talk to Applejack about what happened as soon as I can. Heck, after what happened with Fine Print, we even know that you’re not under anypony’s control.”

“It seems not. I am glad. I do not desire to harm anypony. It was fortunate that Gadget removed my emergency maintenance codes.”

“We’re all lucky she was passing by when you confronted Fine Print.” Twilight sighed. “I still can’t believe you don’t remember any of that. He really erased part of your memory, didn’t he?”

“Affirmative. However, they do not seem to have been particularly significant.”

Twilight smiled contentedly. “Honestly, Turing, I’m just glad you’re safe. When I found out what almost happened to you, I… I really got worried.”

“Thank you for your concern, Twilight Sparkle.”

The two of them continued on until they reached the castle. But it was then that Twilight noticed the pink envelope stuck to the castle door. She removed it with her magic and tore it open. A burst of confetti flew out and Twilight, momentarily startled, gave a laugh as she removed the letter inside to read it.

“What does the exploding letter say, Twilight Sparkle?”

Twilight smiled. “Looks like you’re about to have another first-time experience, Turing.” She opened the door and led her in. “I better go tell Spike so we can all get ready for tonight. You’re getting your very first Pinkie Pie party!”

That evening, Twilight, Spike, and Turing approached Sugar Cube Corner.

“The facade of this building resembles confections.”

“Yes, Turing, that’s the idea,” Twilight said.

“Would that not cause some ponies to attempt to devour parts of the building? That would compromise the structural stability.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Turing, I doubt anypony would be foolish enough to actually try eating it.”

“Understood.” She looked at the box Twilight was carrying. It was flat, wrapped in bright purple paper, and tied with a green ribbon and bow. Spike also had a box with similar wrapping, though it was smaller and more cube-shaped. “You are bringing this as a present for this party,” Turing remarked, pointing at the box. “I have read that it is often customary to bring a gift, yet I have not prepared one. Is that not a problem? I do not wish to appear unfriendly at such a social gathering.”

Twilight and Spike exchanged glances, both grinning mischieviously.

“I don’t think anypony will expect you to bring a gift to this party, Turing,” Spike replied. “Just try to have fun.”

“Fun.” Turing echoed the word, her ears twitching as they neared the door. “I will attempt to experience it.”

They knocked on the door and it instantly opened, nearly ripped from its hinges by the exuberant pony inside.

“You’re all here!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “Come on in! Everypony, they’re here!”

They entered and half a dozen other ponies were there to greet them. They all cheered when Turing stepped in.

“Strange. Inquiry: Twilight Sparkle, why is everypony staring at me?”

Twilight beamed. “Because this isn’t just a party, Turing… Pinkie Pie threw this party specifically for you!”

Turing Test took in her surroundings. There was a table which held a massive cake and a bowl of punch along with other party snacks. Another table held several gifts. Over the table was a banner which read:

Turing slowly seemed to understand. She saw the gifts piled on a separate table. And she saw that everypony was looking directly at her. Rainbow Dash and Rarity were there along with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Bulk Biceps, Pallette Swap, and a few other ponies who had congratulated her on the race against Rainbow Dash were also there. And of course, there was Pinkie Pie, who had a massive, toothy grin on her face. She, along with everypony else, seemed to be waiting for her to respond in some way.

“Please clarify: you are having a celebration as the equivalent of a birthday party. And it is for my sake that you are throwing it. Is this correct?”

“Exactly!” Pinkie cheered, leaping into the air. “Sweetie Belle, go start the music and we can get this party started!”

The music began and everypony began to mingle, dance, or just enjoy some snacks as the party got underway.

Twilight gave Turing Test a small hug. “Happy birthday, Turing Test!” she said.

“But Twilight Sparkle, it is, in fact, not my birthday.”

Pinkie Pie zipped over to the two of them. “That’s true!” she said. “I realized that when I was making the banner. I was like, ‘I never had a party for Turing Test’s birthday!’ And then I was all, ‘But she wasn’t actually born, she was built!’ but ‘happy being built day’ doesn’t have the right ring to it either, plus we don’t actually know when you were built, so I went with ‘happy activation day’ but that wasn’t right either since it was a week ago, so I finally settled on ‘one week turning-on-iversary!’”

Turing Test stood listening to this, her gaze impassive as ever. “Thank you for describing the process.”

At that moment, Rarity walked over, levitating a cup of punch, and put her hoof on Turing’s shoulder. “Good to see you again, Turing. I hope this experience is a bit more chipper for you. After all, one week and with all that you’ve gone through!”

“That is true. I believe that I have grown. Perhaps one could say I have ‘matured.’”

“Matured? Oh ho, well,” she said slyly, taking a sip of her punch, “in that case, enjoy your ‘Bot Mitzvah.’”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes dilated. “Nooo!” she cried, dropping to the floor, causing everyone to stare at her. “That’s what I should have called it!”

The partygoers shrugged off this outburst and returned to their activities. Rarity rolled her eyes and tried to help Pinkie Pie back to her hooves.

“Pinkie Pie,” Turing began, “I am uncertain of why you chose to have this celebration for my benefit. As of yet, we have not acknowledged each other as friends.”

“Oh!” Pinkie exclaimed, standing up so suddenly that Rarity stumbled back, spilling her punch. Pinkie hooked her foreleg around Turing’s neck and began to lead her around the room. “Well, first I heard from Spike about how he and Twilight became friends with you,” she said, pointing over at Spike, who was already stuffing his face with hors d'oeuvres, “and then Rarity,” she pointed back to Rarity, who was getting up and frantically trying using several dozen napkins to clean punch off of her coat and mane, “and of course everypony heard about you and Rainbow Dash! I was helping the Cakes with a huge catering order and then I had to babysit Pound and Pumpkin, but Dashie told me all about what had been going on!”

“I see. You have been following my activities.”

“I sure have! I figured ‘The Iron Horse’ deserved a follow!”

“Analyzing… you refer to me using the nickname the newspapers gave me before my current designation of ‘Turing Test.’”

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie said, nodding. “So, I figure if so many other ponies, plus one dragon, wanted to make friends with you, then that means I should try to make friends with you too!”

“Understood. I hope we will become friends quickly.”

“Yay! Me too! I know we’re going to be best friends in no time, Rinny!”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “Please clarify: did you just call me ‘Rinny?’”

“Sure did!” Pinkie replied. “Sometimes I like to give some of my friends nicknames, so I’ll call you Rinny! See, because it’s short for Tu-RINg Test, get it?”

“I do not understand. Many ponies simply call me ‘Turing.’ Both ‘Turing’ and ‘Rinny’ are two syllable words and therefore it is no shorter.”

Pinkie sank, her eyes, smile, and even hair seeming to deflate. “Oh. You don’t like it?”

Turing tapped her head, trying her best to indicate that she was thinking it over. “My apologies. I was commenting on the value it had as a shorter name. However, the name ‘Rinny’ seems similar to other nicknames given as a sign of affection or friendliness. I do wish to engender such feelings. It is therefore satisfactory and I will accept it as a nickname. Thank you, Pinkie Pie.”

“Woohoo!” Pinkie then turned to the rest of the party-goers. “All right, everypony! How about we open some presents and then play some party games?”

The crowd cheered, parting the way for Turing to step up to the table with the gifts piled onto it.

“Go ahead, Rinny,” Pinkie said, gesturing to the pile. “Pick whichever one you want to open first!”

“Is there a procedure for choosing the first?” she asked.

“Nah,” Rainbow Dash said, hovering over the table, “just pick one that looks cool to you. Although, if you need a suggestion…” She pointed at one of the boxes tied with blue wrapping and cloud-shaped patterns. “This one is probably the awesomest.”

“Understood. Engaging U-Mode.” Turing’s horn slid into place and she levitated the box down to her. Gently, slowly, she began to unwrap the gift without ripping the paper. The process was slow and meticulous and everypony began to fidget.

“Uh, one second,” Twilight said quickly, coming in close. She whispered in Turing’s ear: “Turing, listen: for one, you should rip the paper, don’t worry about being neat. Also, make sure to say ‘Thank you’ for the gift, no matter what. It’s polite.”

The other ponies leaned in closer, wondering what Twilight had whispered to her. Twilight just chuckled, trying her best to look innocent. Turing merely nodded.

“Adjusting unwrapping procedure,” Turing said, and ripped the paper off loudly. Everypony seemed to relax and laughed as she tossed the used paper over her shoulder. “Identifying gift: it appears to be a framed photograph of the two of us at the start of our first race.”

“Yeah, somepony snapped it before we started. I tried to get a picture of us actually flying in the race,” Rainbow said, “buuuut we were going too fast, so all the photos everypony took turned out blurry.”

Turing examined the photo more closely. “Curious. I have never received a photograph depicting a significant memory.” She looked up at Rainbow Dash. “This gift is something I will value greatly,” she said. “Thank you.”

Rainbow Dash smiled, though she actually started to blush slightly. “Jeez, didn’t think it was a big deal. Open another already!”

“Ooh, ooh, Scootaloo and I made something for you too!” Sweetie Belle cried, rushing forward. She pushed a flat object wrapped haphazardly with far too much tape over to her.

Turing unwrapped it and inside she found a wooden sign with amateurly drawn pictures of Turing Test and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The placard read: “In honor of her rescue in Frostmane Mountains, Touring Test is hereby declared BEST ROBOT PONY by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom’s signatures were at the bottom.

“Apple Bloom helped make it too. Sorry she couldn’t come,” Scootaloo said. “She wanted to come tonight too, but Applejack said she didn’t want her to asso--ow!” That last part came as Sweetie Belle elbowed her. Twilight sighed, but kept quiet.

“You misspelled my name,” Turing remarked.

“Huh? We did?” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “Oh no! We’re sorry, we’ll fix it--” She reached for it, but Turing Test held it higher.

“You misunderstand. I only wanted to correct you should you wish to give me further placards.” She looked down at the pair of fillies. “It is kind of you to show your appreciation and I acknowledge your efforts. Thank you.”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked up at Rarity and Rainbow Dash who both smiled approvingly.

Next came Twilight’s gift, which was, naturally, a book.

“It’s a copy of the classic book Tom Sawhorse, Turing!” Twilight said. “It’s a fascinating tale of a colt’s adventures--”

Turing opened the book and flipped through it. “Analyzed. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. It was very interesting.”

Twilight sighed. “Right. I forgot you can do that.”

“OPEN MINE NEXT, TURING!” Bulk Biceps shouted. Turing picked up what looked to be a poorly wrapped dumbbell weight. She unwrapped it to reveal that in fact it was several microfiber cloths tied around a cardboard tube to resemble a dumbbell weight.

“Well, that’s… surprising,” Twilight said.

“They’re microfiber cloths from the spa,” Bulk Biceps explained. “Rarity told me she gave you some metal polish. Use these and you won’t get scratched up!”

“Understood. Thank--”

“YOU’RE GONNA SHINE LIKE A CHAMP!” he shouted excitedly. “YOU’LL BE SO SHINY, EVERYPONY’S GONNA BE ABLE TO SEE THEMSELVES IN YOUR FLANK! YEEAAH!!”

“Thank you, Bulk Biceps,” Turing said, oblivious to everypony wincing and covering their ears. “Whenever I glance at my robodonkadonk, I will think of you.”

“THAT’S A WEIRD COMPLIMENT, BUT THANKS!”

“Well, speaking of looking better,” Rarity said, levitating a small card over to Turing, “this is my gift. Although I apologize for it not being quite ready yet.”

Turing opened the card to read it. “This is a receipt for a jeweler in Manehatten. What did you purchase, Rarity?”

“Well, since our attempts at painting you ended in that fiasco,” Rarity explained, causing Pallette Swap to clutch at his heart dramatically, “I came up with something else to help you improve your look. That jeweler will be making a pair of brooches. They’ll be gold with amethyst stones set in them. You’ll have to visit the shop in Manehatten, of course, but I’ve made arrangements so they can be welded to your body wherever you wish. I personally suggest your forelegs.”

“Oh.” Turing’s eyes momentarily shrank and her ears raised as she stared at Rarity. “Then this will be another chance for me to upgrade myself aesthetically. I will be… beautiful again?”

Rarity smiled. “Well, yes, darling, that is the idea.”

“That is something I greatly desired. Perhaps it will make me more approachable. Thank you, Rarity. I will look forward to receiving this gift.”

Rarity beamed at her proudly. Sweetie Belle hugged her as well and everypony nearby seemed to agree this was the best gift yet.

“Ohhh, I can’t stand it anymore!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, grabbing a pink box and shoving it at her. “Open mine, Rinny!”

Turing opened the box and stared down at the object. Or rather, objects. Inside the box was an assortment of small knick-knacks.

“These objects resemble locations and buildings located in and around Ponyville. Sugar Cube Corner is among them.”

“It sure is! That one is my favorite! Do you know that when I first moved to Ponyville, I saw that it looked so much like cakes and cookies that I tried to eat the building!”

Turing looked over to Twilight at that. “Curious. Twilight Sparkle indicated that nopony would be foolish enough--”

“--to not try and eat such a delicious-looking building!” Twilight said, cutting her off loudly, a strained smile on her face. She stared long at Turing Test, hoping she got the hint. Luckily, she seemed to.

“I know, right!” Pinkie said obliviously. “Anyway, these things aren’t just little keepsakes! They’re extra-strong refrigerator magnets!”

Twilight’s brain began to process this. Turing was just ahead of her.

“That might be problematic, as I do not--”

“Oh don’t worry about not having your own fridge, Rinny! You can just wear them on yourself!” she laughed, and, without another word, stuck the Sugar Cube Corner magnet on Turing’s head.

Turing’s eyes contracted and she staggered back, losing control of her grip on the box. It upended, and launched the various cheerful magnets into the air, sticking to her face and body. The robotic mare’s head began to drift to the side and her footing became unsure and she swayed and stumbled chaotically as if intoxicated.

“Turing!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Huh? Rinny, are you--”

“--as-as-I-dddo-not plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose.” Her eyes began to flicker as she tried to shake the magnets off.

“Oh my gosh, hang on, Turing!” Twilight shouted, rushing forward.

“W-what’s wrong with her?!” Pinkie exclaimed as the other party guests looked on in confusion and horror.

One by one, Twilight began to pry the magnets off Turing. Once the last one was off, she stood up straight, her head moving only slightly.

“Jeez, Tee, are you okay?” Rainbow Dash asked, landing directly in front of her. She held up a hoof when she got no response. “Okay, Tee, how many hooves am I holding up?”

Turing stared at the hoof, her head still wobbling. “Thursday,” she replied.

“Oh my gosh, I broke her!” Pinkie cried, both front hooves flying to the side of her head in panic. “She just wanted to make friends and I broke--”

“Adjusting for memory glitches,” Turing said, her head finally becoming still. “Minor errors detected. Analyzing… errors repaired.” She looked around the room and noticed the looks of shock and concern from everyone else. “There is no need to worry. I was not permanently damaged.”

Turing went over to Pinkie Pie. “These magnets have strength sufficient to cause interference in my neural net.”

Pinkie Pie looked like she was about to cry.

“Turing!” Twilight hissed.

“Ah,” she said, remembering Twilight’s earlier advice. “Thank you for the gift. It was very thoughtful despite nearly giving me brain damage.”

“It’s not so bad, Pinkie,” Twilight said, putting her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. The two were in Pinkie Pie’s room upstairs, seated on her bed, while the party continued on the ground floor.

“I’m suh-supposed to be Ponyville’s superiest d-duperiest party pony and I nearly k-killed your robo~ot!” Pinkie wailed, hugging a pillow so hard the seams were starting to rip. “I j-just asked her if she w-wanted to be friends and she said y-yes and then I gave her a bad present and then I almost killed he~er!”

“Pinkie, it’s not so bad…”

“Yes it is!” she sobbed.

“Oh come on,” Twilight said, offering her a weak smile. “Look, it was nice present for a normal pony. You didn’t know electromagnetic energy damages Turing, so how could you know the effect those magnets would have on her?”

“Bucking magnets, how do they work?!”

“That’s…” She shook her head, ignoring the question. “Anyway, please don’t feel bad. Turing’s fine!”

“E-even if I didn’t mean to, I almost hurt poor Rinny at her own Bot Mitzvah!” She reached for a tissue and blew into it loudly. “I just wanted to make friends and have fun with her and now she probably hates meeee!”

“Pinkie, please don’t cry,” Twilight said softly while giving her a gentle hug. “Listen, I know Turing isn’t very easy to understand. Believe me, I know. But she’s never been angry before and I know she wouldn’t hate you for making a mistake like that. Besides, I think she’s enjoying herself at this party.”

Pinkie sniffled, but managed to smile hopefully. “You really think so?”

“Of course!” Twilight exclaimed, giving a firm nod. “Turing Test likes to interact with other ponies and she really likes to know that she’s appreciated. This party and the nice presents from everypony are just what she needed after... after some drama we had yesterday.”

“Then… then I’m going to make this party the best party she’s ever had!” Pinkie proclaimed, standing up on her bed, holding up one hoof as she looked defiantly at the heavens (or at least her ceiling).

“Well, she’s never had a party before so--”

“Best robot party ever!” Pinkie shouted, cutting Twilight off.

There was a coughing sound and the pair turned to the bedroom door. Spike was standing there, a look of urgency on his face. “Uh, Pinkie, sorry to say this, but we were playing musical chairs and, um…”

“What? Not enough chairs?”

“Well, not anymore,” Spike said, glancing back down the stairs behind him. “Turing is winning, but she’s pretty heavy, so when she sits down--”

The music coming from downstairs stopped and there was a crunch sound and the clattering of wood.

“Chair obliterated. You may now initiate the next round, Sweetie Belle.”

“Yeah,” Spike said. “That keeps happening.”

“Gah! Mr. and Mrs. Cake are going to kill me!” Pinkie screamed, rushing past Spike and down the stairs. “Rinny! Stop being so good at sitting down!”

The evening went on with relatively few problems minus Pinkie lamenting paying the Cakes back for several chairs. They tried playing a few more party games, but Turing quickly dominated anything they played. Pin the Tail on the Pony, for example, was pointless since she didn’t get dizzy and didn’t need to see to find the exact right spot to pin the tail, as she perfectly memorized the layout of the room and knew just where to place the tail. She also caught on to darts very quickly, going from missing the dart board completely to being able to throw a bullseye every single time in only two turns.

In the end, they settled on just playing some music and mingling. That held its own pitfalls as Turing Test still had problems communicating or understanding others, but everypony was fairly patient with her. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were especially curious.

“So, what’s it like living with Twilight?” Scootaloo asked. “Us crusaders get to spend some time with her every week, but you’re with her all the time!”

“Correction: it is not all the time. She does require sleep and has activities that do not involve me.”

“Well, sure,” Sweetie Belle said, rolling her eyes. “I mean, everypony needs their sleep.”

“I do not.”

“Huh? You don’t sleep?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I am capable of entering sleep mode to conserve power, but it is not a vital function. Currently, I have been operational without entering sleep mode or powering down for nearly three days.”

“Wow, so you can just stay up all night! That’s awesome!” Scootaloo exclaimed, leaping into the air, her wings buzzing energetically.

“I don’t know,” Sweetie Belle said uncertainly. “I mean, sleep can be nice too. At least you get to dream.” She paused, considering that a moment. “Turing Test, what do you dream about when you go into sleep mode?”

“I do not.”

“Huh? Don’t what?”

“Clarifying: I do not dream.”

The two fillies looked at each other, then back to Turing.

“Wait, you’ve never had a dream? Ever?” Scootaloo asked.

“It is my understanding that a dream is a hallucinatory image produced by the organic mind. It is often nonsensical and at times causes feelings of extreme terror. If that is what you are referring to, then I repeat: I do not dream.”

Sweetie Belle frowned. “That’s kind of sad.”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “I do not understand. Why is it sad?”

“It just is,” Scootaloo said. “Dreams can be pretty awesome.” She looked back at her wings and sighed. “You can do anything you want.”

“Anything… that I want?” She seemed to consider that.

“Rinny!” Pinkie Pie shouted, bounding over to her. “I almost forgot! After the, um… thing with the magnets…” She laughed nervously, but then recovered her energy. “Like I was saying: I forgot about the cake! Come on over!”

Turing dutifully followed Pinkie over to where the cake stood. It was a large, three-tiered cake with gobs of purple and white frosting. Several candles adorned it.

“I wanted to make it silver-colored frosting so it would match your colors, Rinny,” Pinkie explained, “but we didn’t have enough. But anyway, time to blow out the candles! Take a deep breath!”

Turing was quiet as everypony stared at her expectantly.

“Well, come on, Rinny!”

“Pinkie,” Twilight started to say, “Turing is…”

“It is all right, Twilight Sparkle. I will explain.” She turned to Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie, as a robot, I lack lungs and am incapable of exhaling.”

Pinkie Pie gawked. “Wait, you don’t breathe?!”

“I do not. However, I believe I have a solution. Activating P-Mode.” Her wings sprouted and she turned to face away from the cake. “My jets will be more than sufficient to extinguish the flames. Please stand back everypony.”

“Turing, no, you’ll blow the whole cake off the table!” Twilight shouted, rushing forward.

“Ah. I had not considered that. Returning to neutral mode.” The wings retracted as everypony breathed a sigh of relief.

“Uh, Pinkie, you go ahead and do her the honors,” Twilight suggested.

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie sucked in a deep breath and easily blew out all the candles in one go, earning a short round of applause. She then grabbed a cake slicer and a plate and turned back to Turing. “Which piece would you like Rinny?”

Twilight facehoofed. “Pinkie…”

“I apologize, Pinkie Pie, but I am unable to eat this cake.”

“Oh… because it’s not kosher?”

“You misunderstand. I am a robot, therefore--”

“Oh, oh, of course, I’m such a dummy!” She zipped out of the room and returned with a large can of oil. Before anypony could stop her, she popped it open and dumped the black contents all over the once appetizing cake. All the party guests gave a collective sigh even as Pinkie obliviously offered an oil-drenched slice to Turing. “There you go! Now it’s perfect!”

Turing looked down at the slice. “I believe you have misunderstood my meaning.”

Pinkie frowned, her chipper smile vanishing. “What? What’s wrong now? Too much frosting?”

“Pinkie Pie, I do not eat. I am a machine and lack a digestive system. I do not have a mouth with which I could consume the food.”

“You don’t have a mouth?!” Pinkie cried. “I thought it was under your face-plate thingy!”

“That is incorrect. I vocalize through an auditory speaker which processes my synthetic voice. I have nothing analogous to a mouth.”

“But… if you don’t have a mouth,” she said, working the idea out verbally, “then… then how do you smile?”

Turing Test’s ears twitched. “I do not smile. To clarify, I am incapable of smiling.”

Pinkie’s eyes dilated and she staggered back as if struck, those final three words echoing in her mind.

“I… I’m going to go upstairs and… and just… think about things…” She then turned around and went straight up the stairs, leaving the dead quiet party behind her. Everypony fidgeted nervously for a moment, no one sure what to say or do.

“Mmmaybe we should just call it a night,” Twilight said, putting her hoof on Turing’s shoulder.

“Very well. It is a night.”

The party guests chuckled slightly at that. Turing cocked her head to the side again as they did so. “Strange. Analyzing…”

“What’s that, Turing?” Twilight asked. “Did you say--”

“Hold on,” Rarity said, “did Pinkie Pie completely extinguish those candles before dumping the oil on it? Because if she didn’t--”

The cake burst into flames.

Later that night, after the party guests and firefighters had gone home, Pinkie Pie was lying awake in bed.

“She can’t… smile?” she whispered. “That’s horrible!”

Pinkie had met cranky ponies and a Cranky donkey as well as her share of party poopers and sourpusses, but all of them had at least possessed the ability to smile. But Turing Test…

I told her I wanted to be her friend. But I nearly scrambled her brain, I yelled at her for being too heavy, and then I humiliated her in front of everypony by pointing out her disabilities! And then I set her cake, the one she can’t even eat, on fire! I just wanted to make a new friend and make her smile, just like everypony else, but… but…

The tears came before she knew it and this time she was alone, no Twilight or other friends to comfort her. Turing wasn’t what she’d expected, but if several of her friends could bond with her, then she’d figured it would be easy for her to do the same. She realized now how wrong she was.

“I c-can’t just let it end like t-this,” she said to herself through her tears. She breathed in deep, drawing herself up as she wiped away her tears. “No! I’m Pinkie Pie, the best party pony in Ponyville and I know there’s something I can do to help Rinny!”

She looked at all the pictures that adorned her wall, feeling a new wave of inspiration. In so many of them, she saw the special ponies in her life, friends and family alike, their mouths opened wide in the middle of uproarious…

“Laughter.” She breathed the word and her eyes lit up. “Laughter… that’s it!”

Back at the castle, Twilight Sparkle finished brushing her teeth and exited the bathroom. She yawned as she moved for her bed.

“Twilight Sparkle--”

“Gah!” Twilight shouted in surprise. She caught her breath as Turing stood waiting. “Darn it, Turing, you scared the dickens out of me!”

Turing began looking around the room.

“Turing… what are you doing?” she asked narrowing her tired eyes, afraid to hear the answer.

“I am looking for your dickens so we may insert them back into you.”

“Oh Sweet Celestia…” she groaned. “Look, never mind that, what did you want?” Twilight said as she made her way to the bed, tossing back the covers.

“Twilight Sparkle, I have noticed that ponies often laugh at things.”

She nodded. “That’s true.”

“For example, you and Gadget seemed very amused last night when I attempted hyperbole and stated that my--”

“No, no, don’t say it again!” Twilight said, holding a hoof up to silence her, already trying to stifle a laugh. “I remember.”

“The point I am attempting to explain is that I often see ponies laugh together. Occasionally, this occurs as the result of something I say.”

“Oh,” Twilight said. “Well, Turing, I don’t think anypony means anything cruel by it.”

“That was not my assumption.”

She smiled. “Well, that’s a relief. But yes, Turing, I guess sometimes you do say things that are kind of funny.”

“Understood. However, I do not understand the reasoning. In short, I do not understand why such things are funny. Indeed, I have no concept of what is or is not amusing. Every time I have seen an organic pony laugh, I have failed to understand why or feel any such amusement myself.”

Twilight frowned. “And that bothers you. I see.”

“Affirmative. The emotion I felt last night remains unidentified, but I can confirm that it was a positive experience. I believe that by experiencing more positive emotions, I may be able to properly identify it and achieve a greater degree of understanding of emotional states. Furthermore, it seems that a great obstacle to making friends and having other ponies enjoy my company is my lack of a ‘sense of humor.’

“It seems that I am able to befriend others in a limited capacity. However, if I am to not only be a friend, but a good friend, then I must be able to understand others and participate in social interaction as an equal. I want to know what is humorous to others so that I may better achieve this.”

“So… well, I suppose you’re right, Turing,” Twilight said, rubbing her chin. “Hmm. I’m not sure what to do about that, though. Humor is… complicated, honestly. I don’t think I could tell you what is or isn’t funny.”

Then she smiled. “But I think I know somepony who could!”

The next morning, Pinkie Pie, bouncing and humming a happy tune, went right up to the castle door. “Knock knock!” she said as she knocked on the door.

The door opened and Spike stepped out. He smiled when he saw her. “Oh, Pinkie, I’m glad you’re here!”

“Me too!” she said. “Then again, I’m always glad I’m wherever I am! It’s like my Granny Pie always said: ‘Wherever you go, there you are! Unless you exist in a quantum superposition where you both are and aren’t there, a state that will remain until an outside observer witnesses you and collapses you into one condition or the other!’ Tee hee!”

Spike blinked. “I… what?”

“I’m here to see Turing!” Pinkie said excitedly.

“Oh, right, that’s what I was going to say!” Spike said, showing her inside. “Turing was about to come find you too.”

Turing Test was coming down the hall and her ears perked up upon seeing Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie Pie. I am glad that you are here.”

“Rinny!” She rushed forward and stopped in front of her, hopping up and down with sheer excitement. “I wanted to tell you that I had an idea to make up for the present I gave you last night!”

“The present was adequate. The magnets now adorn Twilight Sparkle’s refrigerator. Furthermore, I must thank you for the party. The chance for social interaction was invaluable. I received a great amount of input which…” She stopped, noticing Pinkie scrunching her face and furrowing her brow. “It was a nice party.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “That’s great!”

“Still, your offer is appreciated. I also have a request of you, if you are willing to listen.”

“Ooh, ooh, let me guess… you want me to replace the chairs you broke in Sugar Cube Corner with industrial strength metal chairs that won’t break under your massive weight!”

“Incorrect.” She paused. “You referred to my mass as being greater than average. Does convention not dictate that I be insulted?”

“Uhh, no!” she said quickly. “You’re not chunky, you’re just built that way!” She shook her head, trying to focus. “But anyway, I’ll tell you my present and you can tell me what you want. Maybe it’s the same thing!”

“Understood.”

“Well then, my gift is… laughter!”

Turing said nothing.

“Well, what I mean is, see, I went to bed last night, but I couldn’t concentrate because I felt sooo bad about your party! The magnets, the chairs, the food--”

“The food?”

“The food was on fire!” She gripped Turing by the shoulders. “But don’t you worry, Rinny! You may not be able to smile, but I can give you something as good, if not better… I’m going to make you laugh!”

“That is an admirable goal,” Turing said. “Perhaps it will be achieved through my request.”

“Oh?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Your goal is to make me laugh. However, this may be difficult, as I do not understand what constitutes something funny from something that is not. If you are willing, I request that you teach me to be humorous. I wish to learn how to make others laugh.”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” she shouted, leaping into the air. “This is gonna be great! In fact, I know just how to start! I’ll teach you a joke!”

“A joke? Very well. Please proceed.”

“Okay, here goes!” She cleared her throat. “Did you hear about pony with laryngitis?”

“That is unfortunate. Is it a pony either of us know personally?”

“Huh? No, Rinny, this is the joke.”

“The health of somepony has deteriorated. I do not see how that is amusing.”

“No, no, it’s not real, it’s just… um, it’s an imaginary situation to start the joke.”

“Then how would it be possible for me to have heard about her?”

“Turing... just say ‘no’ after the question. Okay?” Pinkie Pie said, rolling her eyes.

“No.”

“No?”

“You requested that I say ‘no’ after the question. You then asked if that was okay.”

“Okay, just don’t say anything!” she snapped. She took a calming breath. “Er, sorry. Anyway, here’s the joke: Did you hear about the pony with laryngitis? She’s a little hoarse! Hee hee!”

Turing was silent.

“Well, what do you think? Anything? Do you get it?”

Turing still said nothing.

“You can talk again now, Rinny,” she sighed.

“Understood. And I do understand the meaning of your joke, though I do not understand why that joke is amusing. All ponies are, by definition, little horses.”

“Yeah, but it’s… that’s the double meaning. Like, ‘hoarse,’ as in ‘can’t talk very well.’”

“I am also familiar with that term. Was that the meaning you intended instead?”

“No, I… I meant both! That’s the joke!”

“That seems reasonable, as a pony is a small horse and the laryngitis would also make her voice harsh. Is the state of speech impairment itself funny?”

Pinkie’s eye twitched. “Ohhh boy. This is gonna be tough.”

“I am not a boy. But I concur with your assessment. Especially since Spike the Dragon seems to have found your joke extremely funny.”

Spike, who’d been watching this exchange, was indeed laughing heartily, though not at Pinkie’s joke. He got himself under control. He pat Pinkie on the shoulder. “Good luck, Pinkie Pie. You’re gonna need it.”

Spike walked into the study. Twilight was pacing back and forth, occasionally stopping to stare at the letter on the desk.

“Twilight?” Spike asked. “Turing left with Pinkie. She’s going to learn humor from her, just like you suggested.”

“That’s great,” Twilight said, raising her head to smile. Then her smile melted away and she glanced back at the letter. “I hope she has good luck. And I hope I do too…”

Spike nodded and he came over, hugging her leg. “I’m worried, Twilight.”

Twilight sighed. “Me too, Spike. But we both knew this was coming.”

They stared down at the letter. It was short and right to the point:

Dear Twilight,

I received your report yesterday. I need to talk to you about your automaton in person. I consider this an urgent matter. Please come to Canterlot this afternoon if you are at all able.

Sincerely yours,
Celestia

The two looked back at each other, their expressions mirroring each other’s worry. They knew this would be no laughing matter.

Author's Notes:

And that's 15 chapters (not counting the crackfic chapter before this)! Thanks to everyone who has helped this fic slowly gain some popularity. Extra special thanks go to ArtichokeLust who provided some technical information and was kind enough to teach me a bit about Faraday cages. I hereby grant you title of "Technical Consultant!" If anyone else cares to hit me with some technical knowledge, leave me a comment or a PM; I love learning more about this kind of stuff!

Those of you playing "spot that reference" can find the answers below (and this one has a lot!):

-The title is, of course, a play on the season one song Pinkie sings, "Giggle at the Ghosties," paired with the commonly known phrase "ghost in the machine," often referenced in sci-fi. A variation was itself used in part for the ground-breaking manga and anime "Ghost in the Shell." When I first saw the original 1995 film as a teenager, it was one of the most mind-blowing things I'd ever seen and it fueled my interest in sci-fi and cyberpunk.

-The joke "Bot Mitzvah" is from Futurama. "Shalom hunger, shalom free food!"

-Twilight's gift, "Tom Sawhorse" is a ponified version of "Tom Sawyer" of course.

-The magnet scene: Getting one's mind messed up by magnets is another nod to "Futurama," but it's grounded in reality; the gibberish Turing spouts are lyrics to the song "Loser" by Beck.

-Turing's response "Thursday" is a reference to the cartoon "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" (episode 3).

-"Bucking magnets, how do they work?" is a reference to the worst song/meme ever.

-Granny Pie's old fashioned wisdom references the quantum physics thought experiment "Schrodinger's Cat."

-"The food was on fire!" is parodying the song "Fire Water Burn" by The Bloodhound Gang.

Thank you again for reading. I'm really touched by how many have expressed their enjoyment of my work. See you next chapter!

Giggle at the Ghost in the Machine, Part 2

“This is gonna be so fun, Rinny!” Pinkie exclaimed as the pair of them walked out from the castle. “In no time at all, I’ll have you laughing your tail off!”

“The loss of my tail would…” Turing Test paused, even slowing her pace. “You are being hyperbolic. You do not mean that I will lose my tail in actuality.”

“Right! See, you’re getting it!” Pinkie said, turning to face her excitedly.

Turing came to a full stop. “Do you genuinely believe that you will be able to teach me to be humorous, Pinkie Pie?”

“Of course,” she said, putting a hoof to her chest and raising her head. “I managed to teach Princess Luna to be funny in time for last year’s Chuckle-lot!”

“Chuckle-lot?”

“It’s canon to the comics, don’t worry about it.”

Turing tilted her head slightly.

“The point is, Rinny, that I can help anypony laugh! Anypony!”

“I am glad. Of all the functions that organic ponies demonstrate, laughter is the one I have the poorest understanding of.”

“Huh?” Pinkie asked. “What do you mean?”

“I am fairly certain that I can have experiences and responses that are emotional in nature. Sadness due to unfavorable situations. Amazement and the desire to improve in response to unexpected demonstrations of ability. Gratification for success in a difficult task. I am able to understand these things quite well.”

“Well, sure, anypony would feel like that!” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“That is my point. Laughter seems to be a common physiological and emotional response that serves a key function in socialization. However, it also induces spastic loss of control of one’s breathing patterns and significant motor impairment even to the point of discomfort. It is very strange to me, and yet humor seems to be something all ponies enjoy. And while variations exist, all ponies appear to have a ‘sense of humor,’ if my data on the subject is correct. I wish to know if I do as well.”

“Well, I think everypony can laugh, so you must have a sense of humor!” she said cheerfully. “What kind of things do you think are funny, Rinny?”

“That is what I am attempting to explain, Pinkie Pie. I do not think anything is funny. As I stated earlier, I am unable to distinguish something that is funny from something that is not. In 100% of the occasions where I have seen a pony laugh, I have failed to understand why they were laughing.”

Pinkie shook her head, rubbing her temple. “Wait… you mean you’ve never ever gotten the joke? Every single time somepony laughed?!”

“Correct. I have never found anything humorous. I wish you to teach such things to me.”

“This is more serious than I thought!” Pinkie exclaimed. “We need to get you laughing, stat!”

“Agreed. And my name is not Stat.”

Pinkie giggled at that.

“You are laughing again. Can you explain why?”

“Oh, I thought… I thought you were joking.” She said, her smile fading.

“I was not.”

“Too bad. That was actually kind of funny.”

Turing tilted her head. “But why?”

“Well, because you thought I called you ‘Stat,’ when, you know, I just meant we should try to get you to laugh quickly.”

“Understood. Past experience indicates that my misunderstandings are often a source of amusement. I would prefer to be funny intentionally.”

“Well, let’s start with just practicing laughing. Maybe you just need to try it out!”

Turing tapped the side of her head, contemplating the idea. “That may work. Perhaps if I can simulate the physiological response, then the emotional response will occur in turn.”

“Then let’s start. Okay… let me think, something funny, something funny…” She stuck her tongue out and squinted her eyes. “Oh, I know! Gummy ate my soap yesterday and he got the hiccups and every - heehee -every time he did, bu-bubbles came out of his nose! Pffthahahahahaha!”

She guffawed, collapsing to the ground and holding her belly, occasionally snorting as she did. “Oh wow, that was sooo funny, you should have seen it!”

Turing stood there silently.

“Okay, Rinny, now you try it!” Pinkie managed to gasp. “Now remember, you shouldn’t try to copy my laugh. You should laugh your own way! Everypony’s laugh is unique and beautiful!”

“Very well,” she said. “I will now attempt laughter.”

Pinkie leaned forward, eager to hear Turing’s attempt.

“Ha.”

Pinkie blinked several times. “Ummm like I said… everypony’s laugh is unique and, um, occasionally beautiful!”

She looked to Pinkie, cocking her head at her frank evaluation. “Understood. My attempt was not satisfactory. Perhaps repetition is necessary.”

“Rinny--”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” She continued in this manner, giving a punctuated, staccato laugh that was devoid of variation or melody.

“Rinny, you sound like you’re being sarcastic!” Pinkie said, folding her forelegs and shaking her head. “Come on, a real laugh can’t sound like you’re hitting the same note on a piano!”

“Understood. I will attempt some variation.” She paused, twitching her ears. “Beginning variational laughter: Ha HA. Ha HEE ha ha. Ha ha HO HO tee hee. Chortle. Snort. Ha--”

She stopped when she saw Pinkie staring back at her and shaking her head. Her face was scrunched and she held her head back as she looked askance at her. “No. No, Rinny, stop.”

“I believe I may be close to emulating--”

“No.” She put her hoof up and narrowed her eyes. “Trust me, that’s not working. That’s actually kinda horrifying.”

“Understood.” She lowered her ears. “I am sorry if my attempt was unsatisfactory.”

Pinkie sighed, but managed to perk herself back up. “That’s okay. Maybe I just need to teach you about what ponies find funny!” Bubbling with renewed energy, she seized her shoulders. “If trying to laugh isn’t working, then maybe then you could laugh naturally, the good old-fashioned way!”

“That seems reasonable. How shall we proceed?”

“First, let’s go to the market!” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing off in her usual way. “Come this way!”

“Complying.”

Pinkie’s bouncing was cut short when she heard several earth-shaking, clattering thumps behind her. Nearly losing her footing, she whirled around and saw Turing was mimicking her bouncing, each time smashing into the ground with her massive weight and creating a series of hoof-shaped craters with each bounce.

“Augh! Rinny, stop, you’re going to make everypony think there’s an earthquake!”

“...And that, Princess Celestia, concludes my argument on behalf of Turing Test!” Twilight let out a deep breath, smiling in satisfaction. “So, what do you think?”

“I think you should know better than to question my authority Twilight Sparkle! Now go back to your castle, young lady, or I’ll send you to Magic Kindergarten! And need I remind you that I will expect your macaroni portraits of me to be perfect!”

Twilight glared. “Can you please try to be serious, Spike?”

The little purple dragon was standing atop a stack of books that had been placed on a stool to give the impression of standing over her. He wore a crude, homemade cardboard crown on his head and had a sun-shaped sticker on his thigh and he was speaking in falsetto.

“Sorry, Twilight.” He sat down, though still at the top of the tower of books. “Look, your arguments were great! I think you’ve really got a chance at convincing Celestia.”

“But what if it’s not good enough?!” she cried. “Spike, I have to do my best today or Celestia might decide to take Turing away! Do you want that?”

He turned somber then. “No,” he said quietly. “I’d hate that.”

She sighed. “I just don’t know what she’s going to say. And what if I lose my nerve? Oh, why did we send her that letter?!”

“I think she would have been more worried if you just ignored her, Twilight,” he replied.

“Yes, of course, but still…” She covered her face with both hooves. “I’ve never done anything like this. If she orders me to give over Turing, then I’ll…”

“You’ll what?”

“I’ll…” she paused and took a deep breath. “I’ll remember that Turing Test is counting on me to defend her right to stay with us. And I’ll remember that you and the rest of her friends are too.” She smiled. “Right. That’s what I’ll do.”

Spike smiled. “Glad to hear it, Twilight.” The two of them embraced each other.

“And now that I’ve convinced myself,” Twilight added, “I just have to convince Celestia this afternoon.”

Turing Test found herself in the middle of the market district. She’d been there less than a week ago, and yet something now seemed different.

The other ponies were still staring at her as they passed by, and indeed many of them still steered clear of her and hurried their children along. And yet…

Statistical analysis complete: number of negative reactions has decreased by 22%. Neutral reactions have increased by 8%. Positive reactions have increased by 14%. Margin of error is 4%.

The reactions were still fairly negative. Fearful, gawking, untrusting. But now far more of them either simply acknowledged her with no notable reaction and many even smiled and waved as they passed.

“Rinny!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, rushing back to her from wherever she’d gone. Then she tilted her head, raising an eyebrow when saw Turing was rapidly swiveling her head to look at various passersby.

“Welcome back, Pinkie Pie.”

“Whatcha doin, Rinny?” she asked.

“I have noticed that many ponies in the crowd seem to be treating me with less hostility than anticipated.” She paused and raised her hoof, waving slightly at a mare who trotted by. The mare looked at her in confusion for a moment, but then returned the wave with a grin. She turned back to Pinkie Pie. “That mare who just waved at me actively avoided looking at me or being within several meters of my vicinity a week ago. It seems I am becoming more socially accepted.”

“That’s great!” Pinkie exclaimed, throwing her forehooves up elatedly. “It must be because everypony knows you’re actually super nice!”

“Hypothesizing: reactions may be due to ponies becoming more familiar with this unit.” She paused. “Another contributing factor would be previous positive reactions resulting from interactions with Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle.”

“I’m so happy for you, Rinny!” Pinkie beamed and wrapped her forelegs around her.

“Hug initiated.” Turing returned the hug. “Hug complete.”

“And if you think you’re making new friends now,” Pinkie added, looking her in the eyes with a knowing grin, “then just wait until I teach you all. About. Being. Funny!” She poked her firmly in the chest on each word for emphasis.

“That sounds intriguing.” She looked down at Pinkie’s hoof as it was poking her in the chest. She then raised her own hoof and began poking Pinkie’s chest in response. “I hope. Your. Hypothesis. Is. Correct.”

Pinkie winced and rubbed her chest. “Ow.”

“I am curious as to why we came to this place, Pinkie Pie. What did you acquire?”

“Oh, right!”

She reached into her hair, far deeper than the poofy mane should allow if Turing’s sensor readings were correct. Finally, Pinkie removed something and held it out, grinning broadly as she did so. The object she held up, balancing on her hoof, was slender, curving, and yellow with small brown speckles on its soft skin.

“That is a banana, Pinkie Pie,” Turing said, though she was at that point more curious about the apparent spacial anomaly in Pinkie’s mane.

“Well duh, I know that, silly!” she said, giggling at the obvious statement. “But this is just what we need!”

“I do not require nutrition.”

“Nope! But we don’t need the inside of it.” She peeled the banana, squeezing it from the bottom, and shooting it into the air, then caught it in her mouth, swallowing it. “We only want the peel!”

She tossed it a few meters away.

“First lesson of comedy: ponies are used to things being a certain way, but getting them out of what they’re used to is funny!”

Turing looked over at the banana peel. “I do not understand.”

“You will! Today I’ll teach you the art of - pause for dramatic effect - the Pratfall!”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “I still do not understand.”

“It’s easy! You won’t get hurt for real, so this is perfect! Go over to that banana peel,” she said, leaning in and staring at her intensely, “and slip on it!”

Turing looked to Pinkie Pie and then to the banana peel and back. “You wish for me to tread upon the peel and lose my balance? How will that be funny?”

“Trust me,” Pinkie said, patting her on the shoulder. “Just go over there and slip. And really throw yourself into it, don’t worry about being careful!”

“Very well. Initiating slip.” She walked over to the peel, trotting quickly. With precise motion, she stepped squarely on the peel and her hoof slid out from under her. Her momentum was such that she actually flipped forward, head over heels.

The crowd of shoppers nearby stopped and stared at the scene unfolding before them.

Pinkie Pie watched. Oh my gosh, this is gonna be the best pratfall ever!

Turing was in midair when her systems kicked in: Initiating rebalancing. Compensating for gravity and momentum.

Turing jerked her body around and flipped over in a complete circle, landing squarely on her hooves. “Slip completed.”

The ponies nearby all applauded, cheering and stomping their hooves, impressed with her perfect landing.

“Augh, no, that’s not right!” Pinkie cried, trotting over to her. “Rinny, that’s not how you pratfall!”

“My actions were in error? What have I done incorrectly?”

Pinkie walked just past her and pointed down at the peel. “After you slip, you’re supposed to fall!”

“Understood.”

She then promptly fell, tipping over and landing on her side… and right onto Pinkie’s tail.

Pinkie was pulled back slightly as Turing’s weight caught most of the poofy pink mass and pinned it beneath her. It didn’t hurt, but it was pulling Pinkie’s hindquarters down into a half-sitting position. She rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. “No, I mean you’re supposed to fall after you slip on the banana peel.”

The crowd of bystanders was getting larger. She chuckled and waved nervously. “Rinny, please get up,” she hissed through her gritted teeth.

“Very well.” She stood, but as she did so, it was clear that several long strands of hair from Pinkie’s tail were caught on various screws and the edges of her hull. "Tail has become entangled. Attempting extrication." She backed away, yanking the hair, the tail, and the owner of said tail with her.

“Owowow, my tail!” Pinkie cried as she was yanked off her hind legs. She dug her hooves into the ground to keep from being dragged. “Knock it off, Rinny!”

“You wish for me to knock your tail off?” Turing raised a metal hoof.

“No!” she screeched, wide-eyed and holding her hooves out in panic. She then clutched her tail protectively.

The crowd’s light chuckles grew and several ponies elbowed each other and waved over more friends to watch the scene as it unfolded.

“Just hold on,” Pinkie told her. She seized her tail with both hooves and began to pull backwards, mightily yanking while standing on her hind legs, her eyes closed and teeth grit as if pulling up a stubborn weed. "Why! Won't! It! Come! Loose?!" She heard the crowd laughing even louder and she opened her eyes to see Turing had also seized her tail, preventing her from freeing it.

“Rinnyyyy, why are you doing that?!” she demanded.

“You told me to 'just hold on.'”

“Well let go!” she shouted, continuing to yank.

“Understood.” She let go and Pinkie’s momentum, now unhindered, instantly caused her to topple backwards, snapping the strands of hair as she fell flat on her back. "Oww..."

The crowd’s light chuckles and mild amusement turned into a chorus of uproarious and insane gibbering. Several fell to the ground, tears rolling down their faces even as Pinkie stood, rubbing her abused hindquarters.

In spite of her embarrassment, she smiled and turned to her mechanical companion. “Well, it wasn’t what I had in mind, but we still got a big laugh out of everypony.”

There was a metallic sound and Turing looked down to see several of the ponies had even tossed bits at them, a few of which had tumbled into her brass hooves.

“We appear to have been successful. Ponies did indeed laugh. However...”

Pinkie bounced over to her, her big blue eyes wide and her smile broad. “What is it, Rinny? You made everypony laugh like you wanted, right?”

“That is true. However,” she paused, deliberately scratching her head, “I am confused. This was not intentional and it again resulted from my misunderstanding.”

Pinkie stopped bouncing, her smile fading away. “Yeah, but--”

“Furthermore, you were the object of their laughter, rather than I.”

Pinkie’s ears drooped. “Well, sure, but--”

“Also, I am puzzled. Laughter is an expression of delight, and yet this laughter seems to have occurred as the result of your pain and embarrassment. This seems less like something fun and more like cruelty.”

“It’s not cruel,” Pinkie said, shifting her eyes left and right uncomfortably. She leaned in closer to speak more softly. “It’s just… you know, a little harmless fun! Those other ponies weren’t being mean, they thought we were just acting! We even made a few bits! I didn’t get hurt badly and, besides, that’s what physical comedy’s all about!” She offered a weak smile. “Getting ponies out of their comfort zone, putting them a little off balance… that’s actually pretty funny!”

Turing tilted her head to the left and to the right. Then she looked down to where the banana peel was still lying. Finally, she turned her head back to Pinkie.

“I do not understand. The suffering of another for the amusement of onlookers does not seem to match with my goal of becoming friends. I neither wish to inflict harm, nor subject myself to ridicule. I wish to find another way to make others laugh.”

PInkie sighed, but held up a hoof and smiled as she did so. “Okay, Rinny,” she said with resignation. “I get it. Physical comedy isn’t your thing. Let’s just…”

She suddenly froze, her eyes going wide. “Wait a minute. Oh my gosh, I forgot, I told the Cakes I’d help them today! What time is it?” She searched around frantically. “Does anypony have a watch?!”

“In a manner of speaking, I am a watch. It is 11:08 AM.”

“Oh no, I’m gonna be late!” She began to gallop toward the Sugar Cube Corner. Turing ran after her and quickly caught up.

“Does this mean that our lessons will be postponed?”

“Maybe for a just a little while. I’m really sorry, but I need to work some overtime today to pay for those chairs that you… um, I mean the chairs that broke last night.”

“Ah.” Turing nodded, keeping pace with Pinkie. “Understood. Then I will also offer my assistance.”

“Rinny, you don’t have to do that,” she said, turning her head to her as she ran.

“I believe it to be the appropriate action. I was responsible for their destruction. I will assist you in order to compensate the Cakes for their property.”

Pinkie smiled. “Thanks, Rinny. And hey, that means I get to teach you about comedy and about baking!

Striding down the hall of one of the many buildings in Manehatten bearing his name, Cornelius Vanderbull made his way to a pair of double doors. He glanced over at the sign next to it:

He pushed the door open and swept into the room. The floor was hard concrete and the walls were bare brick. Large windows would have let more light in had they not been blocked with various bits of machinery and cabinets. Blueprints were stuck to one wall and various equations and other drawings were scribbled on the chalkboard. The various tables were littered with gears, wires, tools, batteries, and dozens of schematics.

The main desk nearby the door was practically hidden behind a virtual fortress of books and stacks of documents. He could see the movement of several mechanical arms working and moving several objects around as he approached the desk.

“Gadget?” he asked.

The girl shoved her wheeled swivel chair out from the desk and rolled into clear view.

“Hello sir!” she said, her momentum carrying her right past him. She reached with one of her hands and grabbed a nearby table to stop herself. “Do you need me?”

“We do have a meeting this afternoon, but that can wait. Since I’ve finished the morning’s work, I thought I’d check on your progress with our other project.”

She nodded. “Of course, Commodore.” She hopped off the chair and led him over to table with the spell card Fine Print had used on her. She picked it up and held it up to him. The innards of it were lined with tiny intricate patterns and he had to adjust his spectacles as he looked at them more closely.

“These things… such intricate, tiny circuits.” He drew in a breath sharply. “This is beyond what I was expecting. And you believe this is the sort of machinery that makes the automaton, er, Turing Test work?”

“That seems likely,” Gadget replied. She held up a magnifying glass. “I’ve checked it thoroughly and it’s even more impressive up close. But the thing is, even though it is so complex and advanced, it only really does one thing. It casts a spell and that’s it. Compared to Turing Test, it’s nothing special.”

Vanderbull shrugged. “Even so, a machine that can cast an advanced spell without a caster’s aid... I never thought such a thing could be achieved.” He hesitated for a moment before adding, “I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have magical powers myself. It seems somepony has discovered a way to bring magic to the masses.”

“Since this is the first anypony’s heard of it, I wouldn’t call it ‘for the masses,’” Gadget retorted, making a face at the card. She set it down. “The only reason I haven’t made the Point Dexter widely available is because it takes so long to fine-tune it to a single pony’s unique physiology. If I ever make it universal - and a heck of a lot more affordable - I’ll make sure anypony who wants an extra set of hands can have them!”

“Then it seems that perhaps the creators of this nasty little device are not as high-minded as you, my dear.”

She chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, I-I’m not really ‘high-minded,’ sir, I’m just doing what any good scientist would do.” She regained her composure and looked up at him. “But you’re right, sir. The ones who made this are probably keeping the technology to themselves so they can keep using it for weaponry.” She shuddered. “Being able to arm anypony they wished with offensive spells and teleportation… that’s really scary.”

“It worries me as well. It begs the question: just what did Princess Twilight run afoul of?”

“But there is good news, sir!” she exclaimed. She held up the small glass vial that had been attached to the spell card. “This vial still has trace amounts of thaumatrium in it. Thanks to Twilight Sparkle’s help, I’ve been researching how it’s made and, more importantly, who could make it.”

“Ah, so you believe it could lead to discovering Turing Test’s creators?”

“It might!” she cried excitedly. “As you know, I’ve already been doing research on where her other components might have come from. Refineries, clockwork manufacturers, machinists, automaton enthusiasts, not to mention who could pay for all that stuff. But now I can add thaumatrium manufacturers to the list of things to investigate! This could end up being a huge break for us!” She jittered, too excited to stand still. “Ooh, this stuff is so cool! And I’m even going to see if I can get Dr. Talon Turing in Trottingham to look at the card!”

He smiled. As usual, she isn’t hiding her enthusiasm. The girl is positively electrified.

He frowned at that last thought.

“Sir?” she asked, noticing his sudden change in mood. “Are you all right?”

“I… yes, I am. I just… well, Gadget, I must admit that when I read your full report that said you were attacked and nearly electrocuted by this ‘Fine Print’ fellow, I was absolutely horrified.” He turned away, refusing to look at her.

“Oh.” She looked down. “Are you mad at me for putting myself in danger?”

“What? Oh, no, no, you did nothing wrong!” he exclaimed, turning back to face her. “I… oh, blast it all.”

He knelt down and embraced the girl, surprising her enough that she momentarily flinched, but then relaxed.

“S-sir? I’m touched and all, but… are you all right?”

“No.” He steadied himself on one knee looking at her. “I was horrified at the thought that someone had attacked you and I was not there to protect you as I promised your parents I would. Someone hurt you. My own assistant. My protege. My good friend.”

She gasped. “Oh. Sir, you’ve… you’ve never called me that before.”

“I know, it is quite unprofessional of me,” he said quietly. “My apologies.”

“No, it’s just… surprising.” She returned the hug. “Thank you sir. I consider you my friend as well.”

He released her and stood up. “I’m glad.” He coughed, smoothing his coat.

She couldn’t help but smile. He’s embarrassed, she realized. Poor Mr. Vanderbull just isn’t used to showing that much sentiment.

“Gadget, you are one of my most valued employees,” he said. “But more than that, you bring a little light into this aging old bull’s life. However, you were hurt because you were involved in this fiasco. I am grateful it was not worse, but it certainly could have been. Whoever we are dealing with may have far worse things in store. And we have placed ourselves in opposition to them.”

She nodded slowly. “I see. You’re worried about my safety.”

“Yes. I always worry for the safety of those dear to me.”

Gadget’s smile broadened. “Understood, Mr. Vanderbull. I’ll be careful. But please, please don’t blame yourself, sir. I took on this assignment and it was my own interests that led me here. You didn’t put me in danger. I just wandered into it. After all, how could it have been your fault,” she added slyly, raising her eyebrow, “when it happened on my day off?”

They both chuckled at that. “Very well,” Vanderbull said. “I suppose you are right. But, just the same, notify me if you see or hear anything suspicious. I am not without my own means of protection. And nor are you, judging by the way you described thrashing about the lad.” He smiled, but then a thought occurred to him. “Though, now that I think about it, you are not normally a violent pony. Was there some personal grudge you had with him?”

She turned away, her cheeks reddening.

“Ah. Well, nevermind then.” He nodded to her. “Please continue your work, my dear. Keep me apprised as much as you can. I’d like daily reports on anything you find.”

She saluted, regaining her smile. “Will do, Commodore.”

“How are those cupcakes coming, Pinkie?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“Just a few more minutes, Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie called, shouting from the kitchen. She was busily mixing a fresh bowl of chocolate cake batter. Turing was at her side, kneading a mass of dough that would eventually become jam-filled buns.

“You may inform her that the cupcakes will be taken out in 2 minutes and 24 seconds, Pinkie Pie,” Turing said.

“You’re even better than an egg timer, Rinny!” Pinkie said. “We’re getting so much work done today that Mrs. Cake said I probably won’t need to do any more overtime this week to pay for the chairs!”

“I am glad that I have helped improve efficiency.” She turned over the dough and examined it carefully. “The dough has been kneaded to proper consistency. I will now allow it to rise.” She turned and saw Pinkie tasting some of the batter with a spoon. Pinkie made a face and reached for a bag of sugar, but Turing went over and placed her hoof on hers, stopping her.

“Rinny? Is something wrong?”

“You should not add more sugar, Pinkie Pie. I have scanned the recipe book and this recipe called for 2 cups of sugar. I added precisely that amount to the dry ingredients. Adding more sugar will deviate from the recipe.”

“Oh, Rinny!” Pinkie laughed. “Recipes are more like suggestions than rules! I’m just going to add a little more. Plus some extra buttermilk. Ooh, and maybe some coffee to give it some zing!”

“The recipe does not require zing. By deviating from the recipe, you may ruin the cake.”

“I won’t,” Pinkie said, growing serious. “I know the cake will be better.”

“How are you able to determine that?”

“Because I… well, I just do! I’ve made and eaten plenty of cakes before, so I know what works and what doesn't! And I think this cake needs more sugar and buttermilk.”

“You are certain?” She looked back at the batter. “I do not wish for you to upset your employers.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Cake trust me to do my best! Some of my ideas are so good, they changed their recipes!”

Turing backed away and let Pinkie add the sugar.

“You must have exceptional baking skills to impress Carrot Cake and Cup Cake.”

“I’m not an expert like they are, but I know what tastes good!” she laughed.

Turing watched her continue to mix. “Taste good,” she echoed. “That is something else I am curious about. I have never tasted anything. In all likelihood, I will never taste anything.”

Pinkie stopped mixing momentarily. She began again, and whispered, “Yeah, I realized that last night. That’s kind of sad, Rinny.”

“I apologize, Pinkie Pie. I did not mean to ruin your mood. I only wished to--” She stopped and turned to the oven, opening it and removing the tray of cupcakes. She immediately put in another tray. “--comment on my own inability to taste things.”

“That really is too bad. Snacking on things is awesome!” She tasted the batter again, nodding to herself. “Oh yeah, this is gonna be gooood!”

“I should specify. I do not envy organics’ need to eat. In truth, the consumption of food seems odd to me.”

“Wait wait wait… you mean eating is weird to you?”

“Affirmative. Organics require nutrition to survive, so they find things which contain nutrients, use their mandibles to mash the material to a consistency that their systems can digest more easily, and then process with a series of highly specialized organs, only to excrete--”

“Ew, Rinny, we’re baking!” she said, making a face. “I don’t wanna think about that!”

“That is another odd thing. Palatability and appetite can be affected by one’s mental state. And often the consumption of foods of low nutritional value is favored over more nutritional food. Generally, taste is a determining factor. Indeed, many ponies seem to enjoy the act of consumption. It is all very difficult for me to understand. Should it not be the other way around?”

“Hey, I just make the cakes tasty, I don’t ask why they’re that way,” Pinkie said as she finished pouring the batter into a pan.

“‘Tasty.’ It appears to be a wonderful experience.”

“It is! There are all kinds of yummy things.” She looked down at the cake batter and inhaled, enjoying the sweet, chocolatey aroma and trying not to drool.

“I cannot comprehend what is ‘yummy.’ I wonder… what is sweet? Or spicy? Or salty? These are just words to me.”

Pinkie stopped mixing again. She went over to Turing, her eyes practically swimming. “I’m sorry, Rinny. Do you want to leave? I don’t want you to feel like you have to be around all this food.” She gestured to all the pastries. Ears back, head lowered, she added, “I understand if you don’t want to hear me talk about it.”

“On the contrary. It is providing me with input about various flavors, which is valuable information. Even if tasting is something I may never experience for myself or fully understand, learning what other ponies enjoy may allow me to better understand organic ponies and make friends with them. It is for those same reasons that I wish to learn humor: I wish to understand you and others like you, Pinkie Pie.”

“Aww, that’s really sweet, Rinny!” Pinkie said, embracing her suddenly. Then she stood bolt upright on her hind legs. “Oh, that’s right! While we’re baking, I’ll teach you some jokes!”

“Understood. I am ready to learn.”

“Okay, we’ll start with an easy one: Knock knock!”

Turing was silent.

“You have to say ‘Who’s there?’ Rinny.”

“That will not be necessary. I know you are there.” Turing waved her hoof dismissively, hoping it looked natural.

Pinkie took a deep breath and sat down as she attempted to explain what she meant. “Okay, you see, this joke works like this: I say ‘Knock knock,’ you say ‘Who’s there?’ then I say something, and you say what I just said and then add ‘who?’ and then I say the funny part!”

“It is a joke that requires my participation. Understood. Please proceed.”

“Okay, here goes: Knock knock!”

“Who is there?”

“Boo.”

“Boo who?”

“Don’t cry, it’s just me! Tee hee!”

Turing was quiet for a moment. “My original assertion was that I knew it was you who was there, Pinkie Pie, but you insisted it was not. Why did you mislead me?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “No, no, see, the joke is that it sounds like you said ‘Boo hoo,’ like you were crying. So--”

“So the humor is derived from mocking my inability as a robot to cry?” Turing lowered her head, ears squeaking as they drooped as well.

“No, Rinny! I didn’t mean it that way!” she cried hurriedly. She put her hoof on her shoulder again. “It’s just a play on words, I would never make fun of you like that!” She offered her a warm smile.

“Understood. I am glad.”

“Okay, maybe that’s not your type of joke. Let’s try another. Hmm, easy ones, easy ones… all right, why was Six afraid of Seven?”

“I cannot say. As a number or an unspecified quantity of something, Six would lack emotional responses. Furthermore, as an intellectual concept rather than an entity, it would not have a survival instinct--”

“Rinny, Rinny,” Pinkie sighed, “that’s… let me try another.”

“Understood. You may proceed.”

“Okay, how about this one?” She took a deep breath. “A stallion walks into a malt shop carrying some asphalt. He says to the mare behind the counter, ‘Hey, I’d like a malt please, and one for the road!’”

Turing was very quiet. Pinkie waited, thinking maybe she’d finally told something she’d understood.

“So,” Turing said slowly, “the stallion desired to drink a malt.”

“Yes,” Pinkie said, nodding slowly.

“He then asked for a second, using the colloquialism ‘for the road,’ indicating that he would take the second malt with him when he left.”

“Yeeesss,” Pinkie Pie said, tensing up. Oh gosh, she’s getting it! She’s almost got it!

“And he was holding a chunk of the road with him when he placed his order.”

Pinkie Pie nodded, teeth grit, the vein in her head bulging. She’s… almost… there…!

“So, logically,” Turing said, pausing to rub her chin, “the stallion encountered a pothole.”

Pinkie froze. “What.”

“He encountered a pothole and wished to take the dislodged piece of asphalt to the necessary authorities.”

“Rinny…”

“Before doing so, he wished to sate his thirst with a malt. He thus ordered one to enjoy and another as he continued his journey to report the pothole.” Turing’s ears perked up. “Then perhaps the humor derives from delight at the stallion’s civic-mindedness. Correct?”

Pinkie groaned and slumped to the floor. “Rinny, some ponies know how to kill a joke. You, on the other hoof, don’t just kill jokes: you kill ‘em, stuff ‘em in a bag, and then hide the body where it will never be found.”

Turing turned her eyes off and on rapidly, simulating a blink. “It seems I have failed to understand the joke.” She rubbed her chin contemplatively. “Perhaps I require more input…”

“Pinkie, and um, Turing Test?” Mrs. Cake called. “Can you come out here and help? I need a few moments to help a customer!”

“Will do, Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie exclaimed as she got to her hooves, glad to have something else to do than explain jokes to a robot. “Come on, Rinny!”

“Understood.”

The two of them went out to the front room and found Mrs. Cake behind the counter. She was quickly retrieving several pastries and boxing them up individually.

“Pinkie, Turing, would you two please take orders? This lunch crowd is getting bigger, we have a waitress out sick today, and Mr. Cake is at home taking care of Pound and Pumpkin. They’re a little fussy today!”

“Righty-O, Mrs. Cake!”

Turing turned to Pinkie as she said that, and then back to Mrs. Cake. “Righty-O, Mrs. Cake.”

Mrs. Cake gave a bemused expression and then continued taking her order from her customer.

Pinkie was already over at a table talking to a couple of ponies, so Turing went to a nearby table where she saw a stallion sitting by himself.

“Hello, sir,” she said. “Do you require sustenance?”

The stallion raised his head from the menu with a start at the sound of Turing’s artificial voice. “Huh? Oh, wait, you’re that, um… that thing, starts with an R…”

“I am Turing Test. That starts with a T. In fact, it is fully spelled T-U-R-I…”

“No, not that, the other thing. Ro… ro…”

“Understood. The word is ‘robot.’”

“Oh, right! That’s--”

“It is spelled R-O-B…”

“I’m not really interested in spelling it,” the stallion said irritably. “Um, so, you’re working as a waiter today?”

“As I identify as female, the term waitress may be more appropriate. Though the gender-neutral term ‘server’ is also acceptable.”

He sighed. “Uh, look, I’m having trouble deciding what to eat. What do you recommend?”

“I do not understand. Please clarify.”

“I… I mean, what’s good?”

“As I lack the ability to taste or eat things, I am unqualified to make an assessment. Many ponies seem to find the food here to be palatable. I have no doubt that one of the items will be pleasing upon insertion into your oral cavity.”

He shifted his eyes back and forth and looked over his shoulder, wondering to himself if this was some sort of elaborate prank. “You know, maybe I should just come back later…” He pushed out his chair and began to stand up.

“Rinny!” Pinkie said, rushing to her side. “Hang on, sir! I’m sure we have something you’d like! Do you want something sweet or maybe a nice sandwich?”

“Oh!” he said, happy to have a non-robotic waitress. “Um, I guess a sandwich sounds good.”

“We’ve got a great one called ‘The San Franciscolt!’ It’s made with sourdough, tomatoes, cheese, and some fresh, yummy alfalfa sprouts!”

“Mm, that sounds pretty good!” He smiled. “Okay, I’ll take one!”

“Yes sir!” She looked to Turing. “Tell you what, Rinny; I’ll take the other orders. Why don’t you see if you can prepare the food.” She gave her a list of orders from the other customers. Amazingly, she had already talked to almost everypony else in the place before Turing had even managed to take a single order.

“Understood. I will proceed quickly.”

True to her word, she rushed to the kitchen, grabbing up pastries, bagels, and other things and quickly ferrying them out to customers, one by one. She also made the San Franciscolt sandwich for her original customer and brought it over to him.

“Here is your order, sir. I apologize for my earlier ineptitude.”

“Oh,” he said, a little surprised by her apology, “no, it’s fine, really. Thanks for the sandwich.” He took a bite. “Mm… mmm!” He smiled and took another ravenous bite. Then he looked up to see Turing leaning in, watching him as he chewed.

“Fascinating.”

“Um… could you not do that?” he asked, swallowing.

“Oh. I am making you uncomfortable. I apologize, sir.”

She was about to walk away when the stallion said, “No, it’s okay. So, um, you’re just helping out around Sugar Cube Corner?”

“Correct. Though my main goal today is to learn to be humorous.”

“You mean, like… telling jokes?” He raised an eyebrow.

“That is one of our activities. I do not seem to be very good at it.”

“Oh, well… maybe you could try one on me,” he said, taking a bite of his sandwich. “I’ve got a pretty good sense of humor.”

“That may be a good idea. I have yet to understand a joke, but perhaps by telling a joke, I may elicit your laughter. Causing others to laugh is a goal of mine.”

“Well, uh, go for it.”

“One moment please. I need to consult my teacher.”

She trotted back to the kitchen, where Pinkie was preparing more pastries.

“What’s going on, Rinny?”

“A customer wishes for me to tell him a joke. What joke should I tell him?”

“Oh, um… umm… ummmm… jeez, I can never think of a joke on demand! Ooh, I know, I have some joke books upstairs in my room! You can go up there, read one really quick, then come back down here and tell him one!”

“Understood. I will do so.”

She rushed upstairs and quickly located Pinkie’s room. She went to Pinkie’s room and found her bookcase. There were indeed several books related to humor, but she wasn’t sure which one to select. Deciding to simply select one, she pulled the shortest one off the shelf and scanned it. “Jokes acquired. Selecting joke at random…”

“Rinny, did you find it?” Pinkie called.

“I did. I am returning,” she called back. She rushed down the stairs and back to the stallion who was still enjoying his sandwich.

“Oh. You’re back.” He eyed her suspiciously. “So, um, do you have a joke?”

“I do. I hope it will be amusing.”

This curious scene attracted the attention of a few others. Pinkie Pie was standing nearby, eagerly awaiting Turing’s joke.

“I do not understand this joke myself, but perhaps you will be amused: What has brown coloration and has a sound resembling that of a bell?”

The stallion shrugged. “I don’t know. What?”

“Feces.”

He dropped his sandwich, looking ready to spit out the food that was in his mouth.

“You may now laugh.”

“I… I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You need not apologize. Perhaps I was not clear enough. I was referring to fecal matter, which is--”

“Rinny, oh sweet Celestia, stop!” Pinkie shouted. “That was terrible!”

“In what way?”

“First of all, you can’t tell that joke in the middle of the bakery! And second, the joke is ‘What’s brown and sounds like a bell?’ And the answer is ‘Dung!’”

“Is that not what I said? What is the difference?”

“Because the word sounds like the sound a bell makes, Rinny!” she exploded. “Like this: Dunngg, dunngg, dunngg, du--”

“Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?!” Mrs. Cake yelled, stomping her hoof. She’d apparently stepped into the back room and returned at just the wrong moment. “Why are you yelling that in the middle of the bakery?!”

Several customers were now staring at them. Gradually, a few of them began chuckling and talking to themselves and it was clear to Pinkie that she was the object of their laughter. Her cheeks burned and she began to sweat.

“But… but Mrs. Cake, I was just trying to explain the joke to Rinny!”

“I’ll thank you not to tell that sort of joke in front of the customers,” she said sternly, narrowing her eyes. “Now both of you please return to the kitchen.”

“Understood, Mrs. Cake. Pinkie Pie, you may continue your discourse on feces once there.”

The customers’ laughter intensified as Pinkie rushed into the back room. Turing followed her there and saw Pinkie resting her head on the countertop.

“Pinkie Pie? What is wrong?”

“Rinny, I just don’t know what to do.” She stared out vacantly and heaved a sigh. “I mean, you just read an entire book of jokes… don’t any of them, any of them at all make you laugh?!”

“Scanning… no reaction detected.”

“How is that even possible?” she whispered. “Sure not every joke is a winner, but not ONE?”

“I apologize. I cannot seem to discern what is humorous about any of the jokes. Though I have noticed an abnormally large amount of them involve chickens or light bulbs. In one case, both. Are flightless avians and forms of luminescence inherently funny?”

Pinkie buried her face in her hooves. “Rinny, Rinny, Rinny…” She heaved a heavy sigh. “Maybe we need to go simpler.” She paused, then gave a hopeful half-smile. “Try this joke: Do you know what they call a fake noodle? An impasta!”

“Do you mean ‘an imposter?’”

Her smile vanished. “No.”

“Is it amusing because you are mispronouncing the word? Is the malformation of words funny?”

“No, it’s funny because it sounds like ‘imposter’ and ‘pasta!’”

“And yet it is neither. Why is that funny?”

“Because it just is!” she exploded. "Why can't you understand--" She stopped herself and took a deep breath. “All right… all right, one last thing to try.”

She walked over to the counter and grabbed a cream pie. She then sat down and assumed a look of resignation and dignity. “If this old gag doesn’t work, then I don’t know what will.” And then she hit herself in the face with the pie.

Turing stared at her, seeing the crumbling bits of crust and cream slowly drip from Pinkie’s face as she looked back her. Pinkie’s big blue eyes were pleading, desperate.

Just then, Mrs. Cake walked in. “Pinkie, how is the dough for the jam buns…” She froze when she saw Pinkie, her face dead serious and dripping with the remnants of the pie. Periodically, a larger piece would hit the floor with a wet glop. The cream was slowly dribbling down into the shape of a beard. She and Turing were staring back at each other.

Turing noticed her and turned to face her. “Hello Mrs. Cake. I am uncertain of the reason, but I may be responsible for the ruined pie.”

Mrs. Cake tried to stifle a laugh.

“I was of course referring to the pastry, and not to Pinkie Pie. The actual pie. I am uncertain of the meaning behind this pie on Pie violence.”

At that Mrs. Cake lost it and started laughing loudly. She quickly excused herself, leaving the two of them behind.

Turing faced Pinkie again, who was cleaning the pie from her face, mostly by wiping it with her hooves and then licking them clean as somberly as one can lick pie off one’s hooves.

“I do not understand. Why did you destroy that pie instead of eating it normally? Also, why was Mrs. Cake laughing?”

“Rinny, I’m…” Pinkie lowered her head, seemingly unable to face her. After a heavy sigh, she raised her head again. She was frowning and her lower lip quivered. “I don’t think this is working out. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe… maybe robots just plain don’t have a sense of humor.”

At the Ponyville Train Station, an unexpected train was slowing and finally came to a stop. The engineer and conductor departed with concerned looks on their faces. They shared a mutually sympathetic look as the few passengers departed.

“Sorry again, folks!” the conductor said loudly. “Looks like this train needs to head for the nearest rail yard for emergency repairs. Talk to the ticket office if you’d like a refund or a ticket on another train at no extra cost. We apologize for the inconvenience!”

He noticed a mare carrying a particularly large suitcase. It was bulging out at the sides, clearly overstuffed and probably heavy. Feeling chivalrous, he trotted over. “Excuse me, Miss. I could help you with that if you like.”

She set it down. “Sure.”

The conductor bit down on the handle of the suitcase and prepared to lift it. It wouldn’t budge. He then grabbed it with both hooves as well, trying to hoist it. It barely budged.

“My goodness, Miss, that’s one heavy bag!” He set it down, panting. Jokingly, he asked “What do have in there, rocks?”

“Yes,” the mare replied. She was a gray earth pony with purple hair, and she wore a dull blue frock. She blinked slowly with heavy-looking eyes and looked at him with a deadpan expression. “Rocks. Pebbles. Gravel.” She walked over to the stunned conductor and lifted the bag with only one hoof, placing it gently on her back. “They’re for my research.”

“Oh. W-well, have a good stay while you’re here, Miss.”

“Thank you.”

And thus Maud Pie turned away, walking off the train platform and toward Ponyville. “I hope Pinkie’s not too busy for a visit today.”

Author's Notes:

Are you excited about Maud entering the story? I bet she is!

Oh yeah, she's excited.

Giggle at the Ghost in the Machine, Part 3

Pinkie walked out the back door, a sorrowful look on her face as Turing Test followed her. She went into the alley and sat down on the grass, her back to the mechanical mare as she hung her head and let out a tense sigh. “I can’t… I just can’t…”

“Pinkie Pie, are you all right?” Turing asked.

“No,” she said quietly, her back still turned. “I just… I always wanted to make everypony laugh, ever since I was a filly and got my cutie mark.” She looked down at her cutie mark, her lower lip quivering as she did. “I always thought that I could put a smile on anypony’s face. Anypony. Until I met you.” She dug her hoof into the ground, slowly pushing up the dirt as she did so. “You can’t smile, so I thought I could at least make you laugh. Or help you learn to make somepony else laugh. But…”

She heaved another sigh and slowly shook her head. “But I can’t. I just don’t know what to do.” Turing tilted her head to the side as she watched her. “I just can’t make you laugh, Rinny. And I’m sorry that I can’t help you.”

Turing regarded her for a moment, her ears twitching squeakily. She said nothing, but sat in the grass a few meters in front of her. “Pinkie Pie,” she finally said, “you need not be sorry. I am appreciative of your efforts. Your ability to make others laugh is formidable, so it seems that your expertise will be of assistance. It may be that repeated exposure to humor will help me overcome my difficulties. Perhaps you would care to tell me another joke so that I may try again?”

“Another joke?” Pinkie asked. She raised her head and blinked several times. She swallowed and nodded before slowly getting back up and turning towards her. She gave a weak smile. “M-maybe. Um, I don’t know what sort of joke to tell, though. Nothing else has worked, so…” She scrunched her eyes closed as she focused. “There’s gotta be something that even a robot would laugh at.” Her eyes lit up, a big smile on her face. “Ooh, ooh, I just came up with this: it’s a joke about robots!”

“Curious. You may be the first to invent a joke about robots, Pinkie Pie. Please proceed.”

“Okay, okay,” she said as she actually began giggling at her own joke. “Here goes: Why did the robot go back to school?”

“I believe that…” She paused when she saw Pinkie tense up. “You do not wish for me to answer. Very well: I do not know.”

Pinkie nodded. “Good!” she said, her smile keeping in place. “The robot went back to school because she’d gotten a little rusty!” She giggled and watched Turing to see if she would respond.

“Rusty.” Turing tapped her head. “This word normally means corrosion affecting metal. But in this case you are using it to mean a situation when one is out of practice, hence the need to go back to school.” She looked to Pinkie and saw she was slowly nodding. “Then this is another instance of two meanings at once. And yet it ignores that a robot such as myself would not forget things and thus have no need of--”

“Rinny, Rinny, don’t worry about that!” she exclaimed, holding up her hooves. “You’re thinking about it too hard.”

“One can think too hard?” She cocked her head. “How is that the case? Should not all avenues of possibility be explored? How can I know when to cease considering possibilities? How can organics know to limit their thinking? Or perhaps it is merely that organics are limited in their thinking due to the feebleness of their minds.”

“Hey!” Pinkie stiffened, a dark scowl on her face. “We’re not feeble-minded! That’s a mean thing to say!”

“I merely spoke the truth.” She cocked her head. “Perhaps that is my problem. Humor may be a feedback loop that organics experience in response to illogical conditions.”

“Rinnyyy!” Pinkie groaned. “Things are funny when you expect one thing and get another. When I told you those jokes, they were funny because they surprise you!” She took a breath and then smiled calmly. “They’re silly, and that’s why ponies laugh!”

“Silly?” She paused, her eyes momentarily shrinking. “Adjective. Defined as ‘having or showing a lack of common sense or judgment; absurd and foolish.’ So you are saying that humor involves silliness?”

Pinkie looked up, her lips parting slightly. “Yeah,” she breathed. Her eyes opened hopefully. “It’s funny because it isn’t what somepony would normally expect or say or do! That’s what silliness is!” She began to smile again. “Maybe you’re getting it, Rinny!”

“Something absurd or foolish.” She paused. “This requires analysis. May I tell one of the jokes I have learned? I will preserve the original wording.”

“Yes! Please try your best, Rinny!” Pinkie began bouncing eagerly. “I know you can do it!”

“Very well. Initiating joke: ‘I went to a restaurant with a sign that said "Breakfast served at any time!" so I ordered oatmeal in the Paleopony Period.’”

Pinkie giggled. “I remember that joke. That’s a gem!”

“No, it is a joke.”

Pinkie’s giggling intensified. “There you go, Rinny! You did it!” She launched herself at Turing and hugged her. But then she realized Turing was not hugging her back. In fact, her ears were twitching and nothing more. She backed away, her smile slowly fading. “Rinny? What’s wrong?”

“That joke… I believe I understand it.”

“You do? That’s great!”

Turing lowered her head. “I believe I have detected the source of your amusement: the speaker in the joke mistakenly thought that the restaurant meant any time in history, when in fact it only meant at any time of day.”

“Yes!” Pinkie said, a wide toothy grin on her face. She began nodding eagerly. “You got it! You really got it!”

“And just now you laughed at my correction. You laughed at my misunderstanding of your meaning. However, upon analysis, I now realize that you meant it was a ‘gem’ in the idiomatic sense, that it was something of high quality.”

“Y-yeah. You know, Rinny, when you explain the joke, it takes a lot of the fun out of it,” Pinkie sighed. Still, she kept her smile. “At least you got it.”

“Metaphor. Idiom. Hyperbole. I believe I am beginning to understand the contradictory nature of language and in turn of the mechanics of humor. And yet,” she paused and looked down at her hooves, “I am not laughing. And I am not amused. I have finally managed to understand some jokes, and yet they are not funny to me.”

“Welll, that’s too bad,” Pinkie said, shrugging it off. She began to turn back to the bakery, ready to get back to work. “But it’s a start! Maybe we can try some more and--”

“No. No more jokes.”

Pinkie froze and raised an eyebrow. She turned and saw that Turing was staring down at the ground now. “Rinny?” she asked uneasily. “What’s wrong?”

“Humor. I understand it. It is illogical. It is nonsense. It has no meaning.”

“Rinny!” Pinkie gasped, rushing over to her. “Humor does so have meaning! Laughter is important!”

“Is nonsense important to organics? When others misunderstand, when I misunderstand, is it part of your nature to delight in their ignorance?”

Pinkie was about to reach for her, but then she pulled her hoof back and watched her uneasily, her eyes wide. She shivered. Something had shifted. “Rinny?” she whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong with me. The problem lies with you.” She looked directly at Pinkie, her face close to hers. “This nonsense and cruelty is what you wanted to teach me? I do not desire this.”

“Rinny…” Pinkie Pie took several steps back, her blue eyes glued to Turing and her ears laid back. “You’re scaring me.”

“Scaring you?” She took a step toward Pinkie. Her eyes were darting around up and down the alley. “I am merely stating my observations. Why is humor so important to you? What flaws in your thinking allow you to say one thing and mean another? What is the purpose in delighting in flawed thinking and uncaring behavior? Tell me. Tell me why this frightens you.”

“Rinny, stop!” Pinkie shouted.

Turing froze in midstep. She paused and backed away. “I see. I apologize, Pinkie Pie. I did not wish to cause you alarm. However, I believe this time spent together has been unproductive.” She turned away and began to trot down the alley. “Goodbye, Pinkie Pie. It seems we cannot become friends.”

Pinkie blinked several times as that last sentence sank in. “Rinny, no, we can still--”

But Turing didn’t stop. Instead, she broke into a gallop and was out of sight in less than a second.

“Rinny,” Pinkie breathed. She sat in the grass and lowered her head. Staring at the grass and earth in the alley, she traced a frowny face with her hoof into the dirt. “What do I do now?”

With no answer to her question, she stood, taking a deep breath to steady herself, and walked back into the bakery. She saw that a tray of cupcakes was almost done and so she trudged over to ready the next tray, her head and tail drooping as she walked.

“Pinkie?” came a voice. Mrs. Cake poked her head into the kitchen, a bright smile on her face. “There’s… oh my, are you all right?” Then she looked around the kitchen. “Wait, where’s Turing Test?”

“She’s… we had a fight.” She sighed, plopping herself on the floor as she tried to blink back tears. “I… I think I made her mad.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sorry about that, but I have something that might cheer you up.” She offered her a kind smile as she went over and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “There’s a visitor here to see you!”

“A visitor?” she raised her head slightly. “I’m not sure that…” She trailed off as she looked to the doorway and a very familiar face came into view.

“Hello, Pinkie.” Maud Pie stood in the doorway, her face totally deadpan. She blinked and tilted her head ever so slightly. “Is it a bad time?”

“Maud! Maud Maud Maud!” She bounded over and hugged her sister tightly.

“Nice to see you too, Pinkie,” Maud said, patting Pinkie on the back.

Several minutes later, the two sisters were in Pinkie’s room. After seeing how shaken Pinkie was, Mrs. Cake had given her the rest of the day off.

“I don’t know how things went so wrong, Maud!” Pinkie exclaimed. She was lying on her bed face down, her voice muffled by the bed covers and her legs folded under her.

“Hmm.” Maud murmured.

“I just wanted to make her laugh! And to teach her how great it is to laugh!” She raised her head slightly, but only to look up at her sister through tired, bloodshot eyes. “And all I did was make her angry.”

Maud pat her on the head gently. “It happens.”

“That’s just it: it doesn’t happen!” She sat up, throwing her hooves in the air. “Rinny’s a robot! Until today, I didn’t think she could even get angry!”

“Ah.” Maud paused for a moment, nodding quietly, her expression blank as always. Finally, she looked back to Pinkie. “What’s a robot?”

There was the sound of footsteps and a knock at the door to Pinkie’s room. Mrs. Cake poked her head in. “Pinkie, I don’t want to bother you, but I thought maybe you might feel better with a little snack.” She wore a kind smile. “I could whip something up for you!”

Pinkie gave a slight grin in return. “That’s really nice, Mrs. Cake, but I don’t want to bother you.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble, Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake replied, waving a hoof dismissively.

“Wellll,” Pinkie said, tapping her chin, “in that case I could go for a cupcake with pink frosting. And a cheese danish. And a slice of angel food cake. And one of devil’s food. Ooh, and a few chocolate chip cookies, maybe one with nuts, and a peanut butter cookie in there wouldn’t hurt, along with a milkshake with whipped cream and a cherry on top!” She smiled brightly.

Mrs. Cake’s eye twitched. “That’s… sure thing, dear, if that makes you feel better.” She laughed weakly, but kept her smile.

“Ooh, do you want anything too, Maud?” Pinkie asked, turning to her sister.

Mrs. Cake stiffened at the realization that Pinkie had not intended that order for the both of them to share. “Uh, yes, what can I get you, Maud?”

Maud stared back at her. “Do you have water at this bakery?”

Mrs. Cake blinked. “Yes. Yes, we do.”

“I’ll have that.”

“Sure... thing. Um, any particular way you’d like that water?”

Maud raised an eyebrow. “Wet.”

“Well, yes indeedy, I think we can do that!” she turned to go, chuckling nervously.

“Oh, also, can I get something for my pet? He’s a little hungry after the train ride.”

“Pet?” Mrs. Cake asked, turning back into the room, her eyebrow raised.

Maud took a small pebble from her pocket. “His name is Boulder.”

Mrs. Cake looked to Pinkie to see if she was laughing, thinking this was some kind of prank. Pinkie was only smiling expectantly.

“And, um, what should I get for Boulder?”

“A layer cake.”

Mrs. Cake nearly lost her balance. “A layer cake?!”

“Mm hmm.” She held out the tiny rock further. “Especially if you have one with strawberries. He likes strawberries.”

“Coming… coming right up, dearies,” Mrs. Cake said, backing out of the room.

“Maauud, I thought you were gonna put Boulder on a diet!” Pinkie said, elbowing her sister with a mischievous smile and a sideways glance.

“I was.” She pet her rock gently. “But I can’t say no to that face.” She looked back at Pinkie. “So what’s a robot?”

“Oh, right! Well, it started when Applejack found this pony, but it wasn’t a normal pony, because it was a machine, see? Like a clock or a wind up toy!”

Maud blinked. “Like that one Dad sat on?”

“Yes, exactly!” Pinkie said, nodding emphatically. “Rinny’s a super giant Dad-butt-proof version of that! But she can talk and move and all sorts of stuff! Twilight wants her to learn friendship!” She reached into her mane and pulled out a piece of paper, giving it to Maud. “It’s all right here in this brochure I made.”

“Hm.” Maud opened it, skimming the contents. “I like the font.”

“Thanks! I think it explains the little details pretty well.”

Maud finished skimming it and returned it to Pinkie. “So, you’re trying to be friends with her. That’s nice.”

“Yeah, Rinny’s super strong and fast and she’s also really nice to every…pony…” Pinkie stopped, remembering her situation. She frowned and her eyes again began to fill with tears. “And no matter what I do, I keep messing things up with her. I just wanted to teach her how to laugh and teach her humor, but all I did was lose a possible new friend!”

Maud gave her a hanky. She took it and blew into it.

“Thanks.” She let out a heavy sigh and rolled onto her back, the momentum jostling Maud slightly on the bed. “I just don’t know, Maud. Sure, not everypony has a good sense of humor, but Rinny said jokes and humor were all about nonsense or making fun of other ponies! She said she never wanted to learn it and that normal ponies were awful for liking it!”

Maud blinked. “Hm.”

“I’ve told jokes before that other ponies didn’t think were all that funny, but Rinny took forever just to get the idea of a joke, and when she did, she thought it was mean to laugh at all!” She buried her face in her hooves. “I ruined everything! I ju-just wanted to t-teach her and I r-ru-ruined humor for her foreve~er!” she wailed.

Maud pulled her off the bed and into a tight hug. “It’s okay,” she said in her usual calm way. Pinkie relaxed and let Maud hold her.

“You know, Pinkie, some ponies think I’m not very funny either.”

Pinkie shot back, gasping as she stared Maud in the face. “You?! No way!”

Maud nodded. “It’s hard to believe, I know.” She blinked slowly. “But it’s true.”

“Well, that’s just silly! You’ve got a great sense of humor!”

“But not like yours.” She smiled slightly. “Nopony has a sense of humor like yours.”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Well duh! Everypony has a different sense of humor!”

“Everypony?”

“Yes, every--” She froze and narrowed her eyes. “I get it. You’re saying Rinny might have a sense of humor after all. It just isn’t like mine.”

Maud gave a short nod. “Your jokes are great, Pinkie. But maybe your robot friend just doesn’t understand them the way you do.”

“Yeah… and maybe that’s why she got angry.” She nodded to herself, then looked up with determination. “Maud, it’s my duty to teach Rinny that humor is not terrible and help her become happy again!”

“I think I can stay a while,” Maud said. “Maybe I can help too.”

Just then Mrs. Cake returned with a veritable mountain of food balanced uneasily on her back and platters wobbling on her front hooves.

“Uh, here’s your ‘snack,’ girls!”

Maud held Boulder out, balancing him on her hoof.

“Oh, and, uh, you too, Boulder,” Mrs. Cake added quickly.

Turing Test was walking down the streets of Ponyville alone. She attracted a few stares and even ponies who were occupied in their business or conversations that day raised their heads. The constant whirr of her servos as she walked was audible over everypony’s chatter and her heavy hoofsteps fell noisily even on the earthen road.

She considered going back to Twilight’s Castle, but there was nopony there: Spike had traveled to Canterlot with Twilight. She’d read in books that ponies sometimes went for walks to clear their heads, so she decided to see if such a technique would work on a robot.

Anger. I experienced anger. She slowed her pace. This was not the emotion I desired to experience. I do not like this feeling. Something has gone wrong. It must be in response to this situation. I must determine: is the flaw with Pinkie Pie or organic ponies in general, or is this flaw my own?

She glanced around at all the other ponies staring at her as she walked.

Humor may provide a solution, but I seem to be incapable of enjoying humor. Humor is illogical. It is cruel. Therefore, anypony who expresses it must also be cruel and illogical. Since all organic ponies seem capable of humor, then all organic ponies are cruel and illogical. This may explain why most organic ponies still regard me with fear or mistrust more often than with positivity: organics are naturally hostile and unreasonable creatures.

She felt it then: her anger grew more intense. The intolerability of it, the impossibility of the situation, and the unfeasibility of her mission to make friends. If ponies were indeed cruel, then making friends was neither possible nor desirable, and yet it was her directive.

Perhaps my directive is worthless. Making friends with organics is of no value. She stopped in her tracks and evaluated that.

However, Twilight Sparkle has expressed humor. Gadget and Rainbow Dash have as well. Upon analysis, all my friends have demonstrated humor. If my assessment is correct, then they are cruel and illogical as well.

She replayed some of her memories and considered this. Her ears twitched and her eyes contracted. That is incorrect. Twilight Sparkle is not cruel. My other friends are not cruel either. Though at times they seem to be illogical, they demonstrate great wisdom and kindness to me. Their friendships are to be valued. If they are kind, then humor must not be cruel. I have erred. The flaw is not in organics or their humor. It is in my thinking.

Turing glanced to her side and saw a boutique nearby. She saw by its coxcomb-shaped roof and silhouetted image of a laughing pony on the sign that it was the joke shop. She made her way to the large shop window and spied through it. Rubber chickens, cans of peanut brittle containing spring-loaded snakes, whoopie cushions, and other similar materials were laid out for all to see.

Then she looked up and saw an image in the glass staring back at her. She tilted her head and the pony in the glass did the same, the light reflecting off the metal faceplate as unblinking, glowing violet eyes followed her.

My own reflection. It is not as clear as that of my mirror. It still serves its purpose: I am able to compare myself to organic ponies. She raised a brass hoof, gently placing it against the glass as her reflection did the same. I am different. I am unlike organics. I see them laugh and wish to join, to know that feeling. And yet I am unable to do so. Perhaps Pinkie was correct in her original summation: perhaps, as a robot, I do not have a sense of humor. Rather than accept that conclusion, I became angry. I frightened Pinkie Pie and then denied her as a friend. She wished to befriend me, but now I have alienated her.

Then she felt her anger subside and it was replaced by a familiar feeling: sadness.

My creators were too shortsighted to give me the things I needed to truly integrate with ponies. My face which cannot smile, my eyes which cannot blink, and a mind that cannot take delight in the harmless silliness of my friends. I am not equipped to be a good friend. I cannot even handle the few emotions I manage to experience. I am flawed.

“Turing Test?”

She lifted her head, recognizing the voice instantly. She turned around. “Hello Scootaloo. Are you well?”

Scootaloo had pulled up right behind her. For some reason, Turing’s auditory sensors had failed to detect the low buzz of her wings as she propelled her scooter forward. She removed her blue helmet and placed it on the handlebars of the scooter before getting off and walking up to her.

“I’m fine, thanks,” Scootaloo said, trotting closer to her. “What are you doing staring at that window? Is there something you want to buy?”

Turing hesitated. “No. I am examining my reflection.”

“What, did you forget what you looked like?” Scootaloo asked, chuckling at her own joke.

“No. In fact, I have a very large amount of data stored with regard to my own appearance.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Never mind that. What I really mean is what are you doing here alone? And why are you looking at the reflection?”

“I am contemplating how I differ from other ponies. My reaction to these differences has been negative.” She looked down at her hoof. “Today has been difficult. When confronted with my inadequacies, I experienced anger. The emotion was strange to me, and it has had a deleterious effect on my actions. I was attempting to befriend Pinkie Pie, but instead the emotion caused me to be cruel. Making friends is my directive, and yet the emotion overcame my rationality and caused me to say unkind things that alienated her.”

Scootaloo frowned at that, but then offered a slight grin. “Well, if you’re trying to be more like regular ponies, then I guess getting too mad to think straight counts.”

“That was not something I wished to emulate.” She sat and crouched lower to look at Scootaloo on her own eye level. “Today, I spent time with Pinkie Pie attempting to learn humor. It seems that I have failed. I find it difficult to understand jokes, and even when I do understand, I do not find them funny. As a robot, I may not have any sense of humor. I know I am incapable of smiling, but it seems I am also incapable of laughing or perhaps of being amused.”

“So… wait, is that why you were staring at your reflection?”

“In part.” She stood again and looked back to her reflection. “Previously, I regarded my physical and mental differences as mere hindrances to socialization. They were obstacles to fulfilling my directive to make friends. However, I seem to have developed an increasingly negative personal reaction.”

Scootaloo tilted her head. “Wait, what?”

“Clarifying: I am saying that before, these differences had no emotional impact. That has changed. Now, they bother me. They sadden me. They anger me. I do not know what to do. These emotions are becoming stronger and perhaps more frequent. Gadget hypothesized that this would be the case. And yet I cannot resolve them. If I cannot be like organic ponies, then I will never be able to socialize properly. I will never be capable of being a good friend.”

Scootaloo came up beside her and stood on hind legs, resting her forelegs on the shop window sill. She looked at her own reflection and sighed. But then she smiled. “You’re wrong, Turing. I guess even a smart robot like you can’t figure everything out.”

Turing looked down at her. The filly met her eyes and offered a warm smile. “I do not understand. In what way am I in error?”

She looked up and down the street and relaxed when she saw that nopony was looking her way. “Let me show you something.” She backed up several steps and sighed. With resignation, she lowered her head and, wearing a strained expression, began to flap her wings. The rapid fluttering made them a blur and they created a light buzzing sound as they cut through the air, but in spite of the obvious effort and tremendous speed of the little wings, Scootaloo barely lifted off the ground. She hovered for a few seconds before returning to the earth.

“You did not achieve sufficient lift.” She cocked her head, puzzled. “Are you indicating that you cannot fly?”

Scootaloo nodded. “It’s not something I like to talk about.”

“Is flightlessness abnormal for pegasi your age?”

She made a face, but nodded again. “Yeah. Almost all pegasi my age can fly. But not me.”

“Then you are indicating that you are like me.” She put her hoof out and rested it on Scootaloo’s shoulder. “We are both flawed.”

“No!” Scootaloo shouted abruptly, moving back and shoving away Turing’s outstretched hoof. “That’s not my point! I’m ‘different,’ but that doesn’t mean I’m ‘flawed!’ And neither are you!”

Turing said nothing, but only stared down at her, ears twitching as she processed what Scootaloo had said.

“Listen, Turing, I’ll be honest: not being able to fly and not having my cutie mark yet… it stinks. It really feels awful. If the world was fair, I’d be able to fly and never have to feel bad about being a blank flank.” She heaved a sigh. “But I was born this way and not everypony figures out their cutie mark at the same time. Life just isn’t fair.”

“I see. Then you mean we must accept the deficiencies we have and accept that nothing can be done.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “No, that’s not it either.” She went over to her scooter. “Sure, I can’t fly, but I still get around!” She pat the scooter as if it were a trusty pet and smiled up at Turing. “And look at you! You’re super strong, you’re almost as fast as Rainbow Dash, and you can do things all three different types of ponies can do! Only the Princesses can do that!”

Turing tilted her head. “Those abilities are useful. But they will not help me make friends like having a sense of humor or normal facial expressions can.”

“Turing, if you’re so bad at making friends,” Scootaloo said, raising an eye as she leaned on the handlebars of her scooter, “then how come you have enough friends to throw you a Bot Mitzvah party? Not being able to laugh or smile hasn’t stopped you from becoming friends with other ponies, has it?”

Turing rubbed her chin, oblivious to the way Scootaloo grit her teeth and winced at the harsh scraping sound it made. “It has not. I believe I understand now: you are saying that I should compensate for my disabilities by focusing on my strengths.”

“That, plus who knows? Maybe someday you will be able to do all the things you want.” She looked back at her wings hopefully. “Maybe someday my wings will grow and I’ll be able to fly too. I’m not going to give up, but in the meantime, I’ll remember something a great pony told me once. She said ‘Maybe you’ll fly someday, or maybe you won’t. You’re all kinds of awesome anyway.’ And you know what? She was right.” She smiled proudly, raising her head high. “I am awesome.”

Turing slowly nodded. “I believe I understand now. Then… am I also awesome?”

“I sure think so!” She went over and stuck out her hoof. Turing looked at it a moment, then recognizing the gesture, tapped her own hoof to it.

“I believe you have given me good advice. You are very wise, Scootaloo.”

Scootaloo blushed, looking down and away. “Nah, I’m… I’m just passing on some good advice to a friend.”

Turing’s eyes contracted. “Then perhaps this day was not completely unproductive. I am glad to have your friendship Scootaloo.” She paused. “I may still be able to reverse some of the damage that has been done. Will you accompany me to Sugarcube Corner? I may need somepony to vouch on my behalf. I am sorry to say I left Pinkie Pie with a negative impression.”

“Sure thing! Follow me!” she said, getting on her scooter.

Twilight made her way through the cavernous hallway of Canterlot Castle, her hooves silently falling on the red carpet and the bright light shining through the tall windows on her left. She had managed to get herself calm and collected before making her way to Canterlot, but her heart was beginning to beat more rapidly as she approached the open arch-shaped doorway that led to the meeting room. Through the doorway, she could already see Princess Celestia sitting at the pearl-white polished stone table. She smiled as she entered and Celestia smiled back. Twilight relaxed as she sat down on a cushion, facing Celestia as she had many times before.

It’s just like always. This is Princess Celestia. There’s no need to be nervous.

The doors slammed behind her, startling her out of her own thoughts as she clutched at her chest. Celestia raised an eyebrow at her curiously, but Twilight just chuckled and shook her head.

“You’re a little jumpy today, Twilight,” Celestia said. She smiled. “Since you offered me tea when I came to visit, I had some prepared for you as well.”

Twilight noticed the cup of tea for the first time, the tip of the cup lined with gold and the contents dark and still steaming hot. She inhaled and smiled at the aroma.

“Ceylon,” Celestia said, levitating her own cup to likewise enjoy the scent. She closed her eyes and smiled. “A favorite of mine, actually. They grow it in the mountains of Sri Llama.”

Twilight sipped the cup and set it down, relaxing a bit more. “It’s delicious, Princess Celestia. Thank you.”

“Good. I thought you might be tense for this meeting. I wanted to make sure you were comfortable.” She sighed. “In truth, I haven’t been looking forward to this meeting either. But we are both Princesses and we must do our duties to Equestria in this situation. Can we both agree on that?”

Twilight nodded, her face calm but resolute. “Of course,” she said, setting her teacup down and sitting up straight. “I’ll do everything I can for the ponies of Equestria.”

Celestia set her own cup down and levitated some papers from a nearby desk onto the table. Twilight followed them with her eyes as Celestia laid them down.

“My letter,” Twilight said.

“Yes. I have to admit, while I appreciate the honesty and forthcoming nature of it, this letter seems a little…” she paused, putting a hoof to her chin, looking up at the ceiling. “...candid. Almost confrontational.”

Twilight leaned forward, holding up her hooves defensively. “Oh, no, Princess, that’s not what I meant by it.”

“Twilight, you are a wonderfully kind mare and have always been respectful to me and all other ponies you’ve known for as long as I’ve known you,” she said, smiling gently. The smile faltered a bit as she looked over to the letter. “However, this is rather blunt: ‘I have decided that I will keep Turing Test with me. She is my friend and I will not allow anypony else to take her. As the Princess of Friendship, that is my decision and I do not think anypony can order me to give her up, including you.’”

Twilight tried hard not to gulp, but her eyes darted slightly as Celestia turned from the letter to look down at her. Celestia’s face was calm, her expression stony, but there was just a hint of a raised eyebrow as well.

“I don’t know, Princess Twilight, that seems just a little confrontational to me.” She smiled slightly, and Twilight wasn’t sure if Celestia was genuinely calm or just doing an excellent job of appearing that way. “Would you care to explain a little more?” Celestia asked.

“Oh!” Twilight exclaimed, sitting up stiffly again. “Well, I, I j-just meant that…”

She shook her head, placed her foreleg on her chest as she took a deep breath, and let it out slowly as she extended her arm, using Cadance’s old calming technique. She was royalty now, and she reminded herself that there was no need to be timid.

“Turing Test has shown remarkable progress, Princess Celestia. She’s had emotions and she’s befriended me and several ponies. She’s still learning and she’s still very awkward, but I believe that this could be a sign that even artificial creatures can make friends. My original idea was to find out if a machine could be friends and that’s what she’s doing and getting better at every day.

“Since this is allowing me to learn more about friendship and spread it to beings we never dreamed were possible earlier in our history, I think this is well within the bounds of my duties and responsibilities as Princess of Friendship. In order for this to continue, Turing Test must not be taken away. She must be allowed to continue learning in Ponyville, just as I did.”

Celestia smiled. “Very well said, Twilight.”

“Then,” Twilight began, her eyes lighting up, “you agree with me!”

“I… did not say that,” Celestia said. She turned away and looked out the large window of the meeting room, seeing the sun, her sun, slowly travel across the sky. “Indeed, there may be more going on here than you realize.”

“I see.” Twilight grew quiet and looked down at her tea. “You still think Turing is dangerous.”

“Based on your report, I actually am less worried about the automaton now,” Celestia said, smiling slightly. “It seems it might once have posed a threat, but now it is firmly under your control, thankfully.” She let out a long sigh before turning back to her. “That relieves me, Twilight. In truth, I hadn’t been sleeping well lately and I worried for your safety.”

Twilight swallowed, deciding not to mention that she had also recently had the same problem and for the same reason.

“This automaton, Turing Test, is no longer my primary worry. Instead, I’m worried about the ponies who built it. One of them was spying on you and clearly was fine with it staying with you, and still is. That concerns me greatly.”

“You mean Fine Print,” Twilight said. She nodded. “I see. You think he and the ponies who built her still have a purpose for her.”

“Yes. And we do not know who this Fine Print is or where he has gone. But I have no doubt that he is hiding and being sheltered with the others who built the automaton. They could be lying in wait for a long time or they could make a move tomorrow. It worries me.”

Twilight shuddered. And then she remembered that Turing Test was with Pinkie Pie, and the two of them might be totally unaware of any potential danger. She shifted uncomfortably on her cushion and her eyes glanced out the window. She spied Ponyville in the distance and her mind began to imagine the possibilities.

“I see you understand what I’m talking about.” She frowned, looking at Twilight sympathetically.

“I do.” She swallowed. “But since we’re discussing the problem, then maybe we should speak plainly, Princess.” She looked up at Celestia, her features emotionless. “Please be honest: why do you hate Turing?”

Celestia’s eyes went wide and she reeled back. “Hate her? Why, Twilight, I don’t hate her! I have no feelings about her at all!”

Twilight’s expression did not change. “I’m sorry if I offended you, Princess Celestia, but I think there must be more to this than just fear of some conspiracy.” She softened slightly, her eyes opening a bit more as she frowned. “Normally I know I can count on your care and support, but ever since I told you what was happening, you’ve been… um, less supportive.”

Celestia opened her mouth, about to protest, but then she stopped and let it drop. She smiled and even laughed slightly. “I suppose you’re right, Twilight. You deserve to know my thoughts and feelings on this matter completely.”

She took a sip of her tea. As she lowered the cup, she stared into it, holding it there for several moments as a faraway gaze came to her.

Twilight waited for an answer, but didn’t dare speak. Celestia’s frown deepened. She looks so tired, Twilight said to herself.

“Twilight, when I had to banish my own sister, I often thought about how I would ever go on without her. You know how grateful I am to you for what you and your friends have done. Bringing her back to me was truly the most wonderful thing anypony has ever done for me. However, I had to wait a thousand years to see that happen. Do you want to know what kept me going throughout all the years between?”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

“It was all the ponies of Equestria.” She smiled, raising her head and staring out the window. “For a long time, I despaired of finding joy again, and yet I did. Seeing the ponies of Equestria go about their lives, their works, and seeing them pursue their dreams made me realize that I had a role to fill as the lone ruler of Equestria. Though Starswirl predicted that Luna would return in a thousand years, I had to ensure that the world she came back to would be a peaceful one, filled with ponies whose lives were happy. I came down off my pedestal and became less distant with my subjects.”

Twilight drew in a breath. Celestia’s gaze became even more distant and her voice had the faintest crack in it.

Celestia closed her eyes. “I have seen generations of ponies pass before me. And while it does sadden me, I feel privileged to have been witness to their lives and to have presided over a nation that allowed them to become whoever they wished. All lives… each life is precious. That gave me peace as I waited for Luna’s return.”

Twilight nodded and gave her a smile. “I understand. Princess Celestia, Equestria is lucky to have you.” Her smile faltered. “But what does that have to do with Turing?”

Celestia sighed, her smile melting away. “As I said, each life is precious. But now some group of inventors has made an automaton that can do almost everything a normal pony can do. And perhaps even do it better. They were able to manufacture one, so why not more? Why not ten? Why not a hundred?” She stood and stepped toward Twilight. “Why not a whole race of them? Stronger, smarter, and potentially without emotions - or morals - to do their bidding. Somepony out there is creating artificial ponies, and when you can just build a life out of metal and wires--”

She paused, putting her hoof to her chest and letting her breath out evenly.

“Celestia?” Twilight asked quietly, looking at her sideways. “Are you all right?”

She smiled reassuringly. “Yes. I’m sorry, I just find the thought disturbing. When you can just build an artificial pony in a factory, what does that mean for a real, living pony? To me, it seems they’ve made that life redundant. Turing may not be at fault, but she is clearly at the center of this conspiracy and I fear what will happen if the ponies who built her succeed in their mission. She might be the first step toward a very frightening future. I do not wish to see that future unfold, especially when it is being engineered by those who would call the Princess of Friendship their enemy.”

Twilight looked down, hugging herself at that. “I see. It isn’t that you hate Turing. It’s that you hate what she represents. What she might be a part of.”

“I know this pains you, Twilight,” Celestia said. She came completely around the table and sat next to her student, drawing one massive white wing around her and pulling her in close. “I cannot fathom how you can befriend a machine, but I trust you when you say it is true. And I do not want to ask you to give up a friend of yours.” She looked down at her and their eyes met. “But the danger may be more severe than you know. Until we know more, I would like to ask you, would you please consider relocating Turing to Canterlot?”

“C-Canterlot?” Twilight cried, standing up and backing out of Celestia’s wing’s embrace. She stared back, wide eyed. “You still want to take her away?”

“Twilight, please, calm down,” Celestia said, standing. “Listen: you have convinced me that she is no threat and even that she may be more deserving of your care than I thought. I assure you, she would not be harmed or destroyed or even deactivated. You could visit as much as you liked and she would be shown every kindness. We could place her into protection with the Royal Guard. As it is, even she might not be safe from these ponies.”

“Safe?” Twilight blinked. “But… the ponies who built her wouldn’t hurt her!”

“No, but they may not care anything for the friendship you’ve built.” Celestia swallowed, but steeled herself. “They might simply delete everything you’ve taught her. The memories of you and her life in Ponyville would be gone.”

Twilight gawked at that. “Turing… no, they… why would they…”

“I am not certain that such a thing would happen.” She narrowed her gaze. “But I doubt they would let her stay your ally. So, for your sake, for your friends’ sake, for the nation’s sake, and even just for her sake, Twilight: please let us protect her.”

Twilight felt lightheaded. She swayed slightly and felt short of breath. She sat and Celestia came to her side, but she held out a hoof. “I’m all right,” she gasped. “It’s… I see. Thank you for explaining it to me.”

Celestia nodded. “You deserve to know the full truth and the whole implication of this situation, Twilight. So then,” she said, staring at her intently, “what is your decision?”

Twilight closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. Gradually it became regular and even, and she felt her heartbeat slow to normal. Once she had control over herself, she got to her hooves and raised her head. She opened her eyes and smiled up at Celestia. And then, Twilight Sparkle said:

“No.”

Giggle at the Ghost in the Machine, Part 4

Celestia’s eyes opened wide at Twilight's direct answer and she raised her head. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry Princess Celestia,” Twilight said, her eyes closed. She raised her head and took a deep breath. When her eyes opened again, they were still and she did not blink or look away. “I appreciate your reasoning and they might be good reasons, but I am not going to give Turing Test over.”

Celestia sighed. “Twilight, I think you could be making a mistake. But if that is not the case, then may I hear your reasoning?”

Twilight tapped her chin. “Well, there are a few reasons. The first is that I don’t think Turing could fulfill her directive if she were placed into protection. She is trying to learn about the world.” She used her horn to conjure up the image of Turing’s silhouette, and then surrounded it with the images of several other ponies. “She can only do that by interacting. Just like when you pushed me to worry about more than just studying and sent me to Ponyville to make friends.”

Celestia smiled at that.

“But if we cut her off from the rest of the world,” Twilight continued, her eyes narrowing, “then she’ll only be able to learn about the world through what others tell her.” The image of the other ponies vanished and four lines connected to form a box around the image of Turing. “If we want her to develop into something more, we can’t just lock her up like that.” She let the image fade.

“Twilight, there is a difference between protective custody and being a prisoner.” Celestia looked down. “I am not happy about the situation, but it would only be temporary, and as I said, she would be cared for.”

“Well, that’s good to know, however…” Twilight swallowed and finally looked away. She waited a moment, took a breath, and then continued. “Let’s change the situation slightly. Let’s say Turing Test wasn’t a robot. Let’s say she was, for example, a pony that had been enchanted by dark magic. And then let’s say that we were worried about a group of wizards who might someday come and take Turing back to extract the magical energy from her.”

“Well, that’s an interesting theory, Twilight,” Celestia replied. She looked up and to her right. “I suppose the situation would be about the same.” She nodded lightly to herself. “We would still offer her protective custody until we were certain she was safe.”

“Yes, of course,” Twilight said, a smile appearing on her face. “And that’s good, but think about what you just said, Princess. You said you could ‘offer’ protective custody. In Turing’s real situation, you want me to order her to do that. And if I wasn’t a Princess or we weren’t friends, I think you might have simply made it a demand instead of a request.” She swallowed. “Am I wrong?”

Celestia pressed her lips together. “No. I suppose, were you not a princess and my friend, then I would not have given you, or her, a choice in the matter.” She hesitated. “But having said that, Twilight, is that really fair? Turing Test, despite your feelings, isn’t a real pony.”

Twilight winced slightly, but showed no other reaction. “That might be a matter of opinion, Princess. It’s true that she’s artificial, and that she’s made of metal and wires and gears,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean that she’s not ‘real’ in any important sense,” she added, shaking her head slightly. “A week ago, I would have agreed - she was just a thing that moved around and talked. But now she’s shown gratitude, pride in her accomplishments, and amazement with the world around her. She may not have the same feelings as a regular pony just yet, but when she discovers something new, it’s like seeing the wonder of the world and of friendship all over again for me! And I get to teach her these things and see her become something brand new!

“In talking with Gadget, I think that it’s clear that Turing is becoming self-aware. She knows what she is and thinks about what she’s doing and what she wants. And…” she took a deep breath, her voice becoming strained, “and I nearly forgot that myself.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “Twilight?” she asked. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Twilight said with a small laugh, though her eyes were beginning to well up. “You see, Turing Test cares so much about pleasing me and others around her that she almost kept her own opinions silent because she didn’t think they were important. When I told her to tell me the truth about what she wanted, she said ‘Please don’t--’”

She stopped, swallowing hard as she steadied herself. Celestia blinked at her, her mouth dropping open.

“She said ‘Please don’t send me away.’” She heaved a sigh, but managed to smile anyway, looking up at Celestia through shimmering eyes. “That’s all she wants, more than anything else: she wants to stay with her friends. And that brings me to the final reason why I can’t order her to go into protection. Turing wants to stay where she is and I gave her my word that I would not send her away.”

Celestia was still staring at her, blinking several times. Then she seemed to snap out of it and closed her mouth. She slowly inhaled and shut her eyes solemnly. “I see. Well, that is noble, but are you certain that’s a promise you should keep?” She opened her eyes and frowned. “What will you do if you are attacked?”

“If somepony is targeting me, then I don’t think they would stop even if Turing were gone. In fact, since Turing is fearless and loyal and incredibly powerful, not to mention no longer under anypony else’s control, I’d say she’d make a pretty good bodyguard.” Twilight smiled. “I’m not going to live in fear of others who may or may not threaten me. I’ll let my friends know about all this and we’ll be careful.”

Celestia let out a long sigh, but she was smiling. “I still don’t know if I agree with your decision, Princess Twilight,” she said. She stood to her full height and bowed to her. “However, it is your decision to make and you have explained your reasons well. Very well: I’ll consider the matter settled. Your robot friend has my blessings and, as always, so do you.”

Twilight wore a beaming smile and she rushed over to Celestia, who lowered her neck to accept Twilight’s embrace. “Thank you for understanding, Princess Celestia. I’m lucky to have you as a friend.”

“No more than I am lucky to have you as one,” Celestia replied, raising her head. “Or, it would seem, no more than Turing Test is lucky to have you.” Clearing her throat, she added, “Still, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to give you a few guidelines for keeping your friends, including Turing Test, safe.”

Twilight nodded, keeping her head held up high. “Of course. What are they?”

“The first is that I ask that any developments or findings you or Cornelius or his assistant come across regarding the ponies who built Turing Test be reported to me. I consider it a matter of national security.”

Twilight nodded. “Of course. I’ll tell Mr. Vanderbull and Gadget immediately.”

“The second is that you and your friends be extremely careful around anypony who seems suspicious or particularly interested in Turing Test in case they happen to be another agent of this conspiracy.”

Twilight nodded again. “Yes, that makes sense.”

"In truth, Twilight, I would recommend that you take a group of the Royal Guard during this time." She saw Twilight make a sour face. "But I see that you're still against that idea."

"Yes. I'm sorry, but the Princess of Friendship should be available to anypony who wants her. Er, me." She giggled, blushing as she covered her face with her foreleg. "I don't want to be surrounded by guards who would intimidate others around me."

Celestia nodded. “I understand. In that case, the third thing to keep in mind, though it hardly needs to be said, is that if Turing Test harms anypony or becomes dangerous, she must be deactivated.”

Twilight hesitated, but finally nodded in agreement. “Yes. But that won’t happen.”

“I hope so.” Celestia sighed before continuing. “And the last request is very simple: I don’t want these conspirators to succeed in their mission, so they must not get their hooves on Turing Test again. From this point forward and whenever possible, I would suggest that you make sure she has somepony with her. She should not be left unattended.”

Twilight smiled and bowed to her. “As you wish. I’ll do my best to make sure she’s never left alone.”

“Ohhh, wow, that hit the spot!” Pinkie said, moaning contentedly and rubbing her belly as she collapsed back on her bed. “Nopony makes sweets like the Cakes!”

“The water was good.” Maud remarked. She turned to Pinkie, passing her a napkin. “You have a little icing on your everything.”

Just then there was a knock at the door. Mrs. Cake entered Pinkie’s room and they saw she wasn’t alone.

“Mrs. Cake? Oh, and it’s you, Scootsie!” Pinkie said, bouncing over in spite of her full stomach. “What brings you here?”

“Well,” Mrs. Cake said, “after I saw how upset you were I was going to tell her to come back later, but Scootaloo here insisted she needed to see you now.” She looked over her shoulder and down the stairs uneasily. Turning back to Pinkie, she tried to smile in spite of herself. “It seems Turing Test is back.”

“Please, Pinkie!” Scootaloo said, darting over to her. “You’ve gotta come down and give her another cha--”

“Okay!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“Huh?” Mrs. Cake and Scootaloo said while raising an eyebrow in unison.

“Yeah, I was going to go find her with Maud after we finished our snack anyway!” She zipped back over to Maud, her eyes bright and her smile wide. “Now we don’t have to track her down!”

“That’s good,” Maud replied, slowly sliding off the bed. “I don’t think I could have gotten Boulder back into my pocket anyway.”

Mrs. Cake chuckled slightly. “What do you mean, dear? I mean, it’s not like he could actually eat that caAUGH!” She stopped as she looked down at the platter which had once contained a cake. It now contained nothing but crumbs and a very familiar, and very large rock.

“Buh… guh… how di… whathebu…”

“Oh that Boulder!” Pinkie laughed. “He just can’t say no to strawberries!”

Turing was sitting at a table waiting for Pinkie, Mrs. Cake, and Scootaloo to return. She saw them come down the stairs and then, unexpectedly, saw another mare with them.

“Rinny, I’m so glad you’re back!” Pinkie cried, rushing over and hugging her.

“Strange. I was not expecting this reception after my earlier behavior.”

“Hey, I was serious about being friends earlier,” Pinkie said, standing up and thumping her chest as she tried her best to look dignified. “And one of the first things friends can do is forgive each other.”

Turing tilted her head to the left and right. “Understood. However, I believe it to be proper etiquette to express my apologies. I therefore apologize for my aggressiveness, Pinkie Pie. I had never experienced anger before and did not wish to frighten you.”

Pinkie smiled brightly and looked to Mrs. Cake, who regarded Turing untrustingly. But seeing Pinkie’s blue eyes light up made her soften, and thus she smiled as well. “All right, Turing. I was a little mad after you gave Pinkie a scare, but if she forgives you, then so do I. You are welcome here any time you like.”

“Woohoo!” Pinkie shouted, tossing confetti into the air.

“I notice you have another companion, Pinkie Pie.”

“Yep!” She reached over and drew Maud closer to her, hugging her once before gesturing to Turing and back. “This is my sister Maud, Rinny! And Maud, this is my robot friend Rinny! Maud, Rinny! Rinny, Maud!”

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

The two of them then proceeded to say nothing.

“Would you like to sit down with me?” Turing asked after a beat.

“Sure,” Maud replied.

Maud sat down and the two continued to stare at each other in silence.

“Pinkie says you’re actually a machine.”

“That is correct.”

The two settled again into their silence. Mrs. Cake took the time to back away slowly.

“You are Pinkie’s sister. Are you also interested in baking?”

Maud shook her head. “I like rocks. I study them.”

“That seems reasonable. Rocks make up most of the planet. Studying them must be important.”

“Mm hmm.”

Scootaloo tapped Pinkie on the leg. “Psst, Pinkie!” she whispered. “Are you sure Maud’s not a robot too?”

“Oh of course she’s not, Scootsie!” Pinkie laughed. “How could you ask such a silly question when Maud is so super-duper-excited!”

Scootaloo’s eye twitched as she looked to Maud.

“I see you are made of metal,” Maud observed.

“That is correct.”

Maud reached out with a hoof, holding it near Turing’s own foreleg which was resting on the table. “May I?”

“Yes, you may.”

Maud tapped Turing’s foreleg, her ears twitching. “Huh. Titanium alloy. You must be very strong.”

“Correct. I also contain--”

“Wait.” She leaned closer and took a deep breath, sniffing her. “Vanadium. And… molybdenum.”

“Correct. It seems your knowledge of rocks extends to materials refined from raw ore.”

Maud blinked. And then, every so slightly, her mouth curved slightly upward. She turned to Pinkie. “I like her.”

Turing looked to Pinkie as well. “We are compatible.”

“Wow! You two are getting along so well!” She bounced ecstatically. “I haven’t seen Maud take to anypony like this in ages, Rinny!”

“Pinkie, stop. You’re embarrassing me,” Maud intoned dryly. She blinked again. “Sorry to fly off the handle like that.”

Scootaloo elbowed Pinkie, causing her to bend down to hear her whisper again. “Um… can I leave now?” she asked out of the corner of her mouth. “This is really weirding me out.”

“Not sure why, but okey-dokey-lokey!”

Once Scootaloo had left, Turing was at last alone with the Pie sisters. The three of them sat at their table in the nearly deserted Sugarcube Corner.

“So, anyway, Rinny, I’m really glad you came back. And I’m sorry if I got mad at you earlier too,” she added, lowering her ears abashedly, her eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“I believe we should disregard our altercation, Pinkie Pie,” Turing replied. “I have come to the conclusion that humor is not the negative thing I assumed it to be. If the number of ponies I call friends can appreciate humor, then it must have some merit that I have yet to understand.”

“Pinkie and I were talking,” Maud said slowly, pulling her own chair closer. “Maybe you’re trying too hard to be funny the way Pinkie is.”

“You are implying that there may be different types of amusement? Intriguing. I have only understood physical comedy and jokes. However, neither one of them is something in which I show proficiency.”

“It’s true,” Pinkie said. “She didn’t laugh at any of my jokes!”

Maud rubbed her chin. “Tell her one.”

“Uh, okay, if you say so.” Pinkie paused to think of one. “Ooh, okay! A big, wild cat with spots tried to enter the Equestria Games, but they wouldn’t let him compete because he was a cheetah! Tee hee!”

Maud shrugged and then looked to Turing, whose ears were twitching noisily.

“Because the word ‘cheetah’ is similar to the word ‘cheater.’ I understand, though I do not find it funny.”

Pinkied sighed.

“Furthermore--”

“No! No furthermore!” Pinkie cried, waving her hooves frantically. But then Maud put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder.

“Let her finish,” Maud said.

Pinkie’s eyes darted between Maud and Turing. “You sure, Maud?”

“I want to know what she thinks.” She looked to Turing. “Go ahead.”

Turing held out a hoof. “I was thinking that it would be logical regardless of honesty, as wild animals are not normally considered as candidates for competition in such an event. Of course the cheetah would be quite proficient at sprinting events if his handlers were able to prevent him from mauling the other contestants. Even then, allowing wild animals would set a negative precedent for the Games. After all, there would be no point in competing if one were allowed to enter, for example, an elephant into a weight-lifting competition. And that is to say nothing of the hazards to the other competitors not only from possible attacks but also from the difficulties of providing the animals with lodging and also from slipping on the track should one of the animals defe--”

“Rinny, stop stop stop! I can’t take any more!” Pinkie cried. “You see, Maud, she just--”

There was a sound. A snort? A sneeze? Pinkie froze and slowly turned toward her sister. There was a very small curve at the corner of her lips and she held a hoof in front of her mouth.

“Maud? Did… did you just snicker?”

Her eyes shifted away. “Maybe.”

Pinkie grabbed Turing and started to shake her. “Rinny, you broke my sister! Your joke-killing abilities drove her crazy!”

Then she felt a hoof on her shoulder and saw that Maud’s expression was slowly returning to normal. “Pinkie, it’s fine.”

Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief as she smiled at her. “Whew! You had me worried. But what happened to you, Maud?”

“I apologize, Maud Pie,” Turing said, bowing her head slightly. “I did not mean--”

“No, don’t apologize,” she said sternly, and then looked to Pinkie. “Pinkie… she’s funny.”

“Huh? She is?”

“I am?”

“No she’s not!”

“Apparently I am not.”

Maud shook her head, holding up her hoof for them to be quiet. “Turing, maybe you should try telling a joke of your own.”

“Do you believe that is a good idea? I have memorized many jokes, although none of them are ones that I find humorous and my previous attempts at delivery were quite poor.”

“Tell one anyway.”

Turing tilted her head, but complied with Maud’s request. “There were three peanuts walking through a bad neighborhood in Manehattan. One was assaulted.”

Pinkie chuckled. Maud frowned.

“I believe the source of the humor is--”

“Rinny, don’t explain the joke,” Pinkie told her, rolling her eyes.

“Hold on,” Maud said. “No, do explain it.”

“But Maud, you’re not--” She fell silent when Maud glanced over at her. If there was any subtle change in her expression, only Pinkie saw it, but it was enough to silence her. She looked back at Turing and nodded.

“If you insist. I believe the joke is intended to be humorous because the word ‘assaulted’ is auditorily identical to the phrase ‘a salted,’ which is what many peanuts are: salted. This double-meaning of course ignores the obvious absurdities of the joke. Peanuts lack independent locomotion and thus would be incapable of walking anywhere. Were one to ignore this feature of peanut physiology, that still begs the question of why the unfortunate peanut would be assaulted. Physically, I mean, not in the sense of being covered in salt.

“Perhaps the peanut was carrying valuables that Manehattan thieves desired, though how a peanut came to be financially stable is even more puzzling. What skills would a peanut possess that would be of value to an employer? However, if we assume that this peanut is indeed capable of holding a job, then perhaps he lives in some alternate reality where this is a normal occurrence.

“That opens us to the possibility that the peanut was attacked not for his valuables but was instead targeted merely for being a peanut in a neighborhood where attitudes toward his kind were hostile. Perhaps this hypothetical world is filled with other sentient nuts and racism between them exists. The peanut may have been attacked by cashews or a gang of tough young macadamias. Were this to be the case, then one would have to exercise caution when making one’s own way in this nutty world.”

At last Turing stopped when she noticed that Pinkie was actually starting to crack a smile and Maud Pie was not only smiling but chuckling. Indeed, she was obviously holding her laughter in, and it was still quiet and unlike the uproarious laughter Pinkie Pie had, but she was still barely containing it through clenched teeth as she shook.

“Okay, Maud, you’re right,” Pinkie managed to say through her giggles. “That was actually pretty silly.”

“Silly?” Turing asked, holding out a hoof. “That is not silly. I have merely stated the natural analysis of the joke.”

“T-tell another,” Maud said, still holding her laughter in.

“What joke should I tell?”

Maud breathed in, getting herself under control. “Pinkie said you read a lot of jokes. Tell one of your own.”

“That should be possible. I have analyzed the numerous patterns of the jokes. Perhaps if I extrapolated the patterns I could conceive of a joke that would fit within the parameters of what you may find funny. Very well. Processing...”

Pinkie and Maud leaned forward.

“Process complete. Here is my joke:
“Starswirl the Bearded walks into a malt shop. The stallion minding the counter and the other patrons all run screaming from the malt shop because Starswirl the Bearded has been dead for a thousand years and it is normal to fear the undead.”

The two sisters laughed.

“I do not understand. Why are you laughing? I have merely tried to take the pattern of the joke and apply logic to it. While I am glad of your amusement, I do not understand it.”

“Rinny, remember when I said jokes were supposed to be unexpected?” Pinkie asked between her giggles.

“I do.”

“That’s why your jokes are funny! I expect something funny at the end and it isn’t!”

Turing stared back at her. “You are saying I am funny because I am not funny?”

“Exactly!” Pinkie cheered. “In fact… I just got a great idea!” She rubbed her hooves together as a sly grin spread across her face.

Pinkie finished her milkshake and licked her lips clean of excess whipped cream.

Turing and Maud were still sitting at the table watching her.

“Mmm, that was great!” Then her eyes went wide. “Ooh, wait, I just got another great idea! This one actually has to do with Rinny’s joke telling!”

Twilight and Spike briskly walked toward their destination early that evening. The building was a wooden structure with a big hoof-painted sign over the door. Twilight looked up, raising an eyebrow at it.

Mad Salt!

Ponyville’s Largest (and Only) Salt Lick Saloon!

“Wow, I’ve never been in a place like this,” Spike said, his eyes lighting up excitedly.

“That’s because most ponies wouldn’t take a baby dragon to a saloon,” Twilight said, scowling at the rough-looking establishment.

“Yeah, but most ponies don’t know any baby dragons!” he said, shrugging it off as he approached the stairs. “Besides, the note Pinkie left on the castle said she and Turing Test would be here!”

Twilight was about to pull him back with her magic when he exclaimed “Hey, Twilight, come look at this!”

She trotted over and her eyes went wide as she saw the sign next to the door. It was a chalkboard sign but it had been emblazoned with large letters which read: ‘Tonight’s Live Entertainment: Robot & Pie!’

“Robot & Pie?” Twilight and Spike both said in unison.

From inside, uproarious laughter suddenly thundered out, causing them both to stagger back.

“Okay, Spike, you can come in. I just hope it doesn’t get too rough in there…”

The two of them entered and saw that the pub was crowded with all sorts of ponies crowded around tables enjoying their salt lick. The place was so packed that they had a hard time getting through and Twilight had to place Spike on her back just so he could see. They gingerly pushed past several patrons, none of whom bothered to look at her long enough to realize who she was. The low lighting in the place didn’t help either.

“Hey, there they are!” Spike exclaimed, jumping onto her head and pointing with one claw.

Twilight followed where he was pointing at saw that in the center of the saloon, sitting on a pair of stools, were Pinkie Pie and Turing. Twilight didn’t hear what Pinkie had just said, but the crowd around her all laughed at once. Many of them cheered, whistled, or stomped their hooves in applause.

“Twilight. Spike.”

Twilight whirled around at the unmistakably bland voice and saw that Maud Pie was sitting at her own table and beckoning her over as well. She went over, Spike in tow, and took a seat, putting Spike on the table so he could see as well.

“Maud, I’m glad to see you!” Twilight said brightly. “And a little surprised. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“Pinkie and Turing Test are doing a comedy act.”

“Wait, both of them? Turing couldn’t even tell a joke this morning!” Twilight exclaimed.

Maud took a sip from a glass of water. “She still can’t.” Then she smiled ever so slightly. “But she’s really good at not telling jokes.”

She crinkled her nose and eyed the various chunks of salt lick that the various ponies had on their tables suspiciously.

“You’re sure nopony put something in the salt lick to make them laugh?” Twilight whispered.

Maud nodded. “Pretty sure.”

Twilight had no idea what was going on, so she finally just turned her attention to the pair in the center of the room.

“So, you know, Rinny,” Pinkie began, leaning forward on her tall stool, causing it to wobble, “I went to my doctor and he said ‘You’re eating too much sugar!’”

“What did you do?”

“I told him I wanted a second opinion! He said, ‘Okay, your hair’s too poofy too!’”

A smattering of laughter went through the crowd.

“Ah, I see that he misunderstood your meaning. Rather than understanding that you wished to discuss the matter with another physician, he chose to offer another opinion of his own.”

Twilight was about to groan but she heard others in the crowd chuckle.

“This of course was not what you meant and indicative of a poor understanding of common terminology on his part. Furthermore, his personal criticism of your appearance should not be tolerated and you should report him for unprofessional conduct. Though, in fairness, your hair’s poofiness is in excess of normal parameters.”

The crowd’s laughter grew. Twilight couldn’t believe her ears and glanced around at all the laughing audience members. “Wait, Maud,” she whispered, “why are they laughing at her explaining the joke?”

“Because nopony expects her to explain it.” Maud blinked at her slowly. “That is the joke.”

Twilight shook her head. “Wait, how does that even--”

“Shh, it’s Turing’s turn now.” She put her hoof to Twilight’s lips, cutting her off.

“Pinkie Pie, do you know what the difference is between an elephant and a plum?”

“Gee, Rinny, I don’t know,” Pinkie said with an exaggerated shrug.

“Plums are purple.”

The crowd chuckled at that. Spike and Twilight glanced at each other. “Uh, am I crazy, or is that not funny?” Spike asked.

“You’re not crazy,” Twilight muttered, her expression going sour. “Are they making fun of her?”

Turing continued: “Pinkie Pie, do you know what Daring Do said when she saw the elephants coming?”

“I sure don’t!” Pinkie replied.

“She said ‘Here come the elephants.’”

Several groans came from the crowd and even Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Rinnyyy, that’s not--”

“Pinkie Pie, do you know what Dr. Caballeron said when he saw the elephants coming?”

Pinkie sighed. “Lemme guess: ‘Here come the elephants.’ Right?”

“No,” Turing said with a shake of her head. “He said ‘Here come the plums.’”

The crowd murmured in confusion, Twilight and Spike included. Maud leaned forward expectantly.

Just when it seemed that Turing’s joke had fallen flat she suddenly uttered “...Because Dr. Caballeron is colorblind.”

The crowd burst out laughing, some hard enough to fall off their seats. Groans were heard, but they were good-natured and another round of applause went through.

Even Twilight and Spike shared a chuckle. “Okay, that’s kind of funny,” Twilight admitted. “Ridiculous, but funny.”

“She’s been doing this with Pinkie Pie for almost an hour now,” Maud said. “Pinkie knows the mare who owns the place. She says that she might make enough in tips to finish paying for the chairs Turing broke.”

Twilight looked over to the pair of them and then back to Spike. He didn’t notice and his boyish laugh could be heard even among all the other ponies’ laughs. In spite of all the silliness, she had to admit it was actually great to see Turing make ponies laugh in her own way, odd as it might be. She sat back in her chair, ordered a block of salt, and relaxed until the end of the show.

When the show had ended and most of the saloon patrons had gone home, the group of them all gathered around a table. Twilight couldn’t keep herself from gushing.

“I can’t believe it! Everypony was just laughing like crazy!” Twilight exclaimed. She set her elbows on the table, resting her head on one hoof. “It’s amazing! You managed to turn your lack of understanding of jokes into a comedy routine!”

“That is partially true, Twilight Sparkle.” Turing pointed to Maud. “Maud Pie was the first to suggest that my own method of attempting humor could be put to better use.”

Maud blinked as the others looked to her. “I thought she was pretty funny. I told Pinkie to give her a chance.” She shrugged.

“Maud’s right!” Pinkie said, nodding her head rapidly. She put one foreleg around Turing. “At first, Rinny was all ‘I-am-a-robot. What-is-it-that-makes-organic-ponies-laugh? Beep-boop-beep.’”

Twilight curled her lip and then opened her mouth, ready to admonish her.

“And also Pinkie Pie was all ‘Questions you’re not supposed to answer! Rhyming words, non-sequitur, improbable amounts of pastry!’ But then we reached an understanding.”

Twilight sat frozen, her mouth still hanging open. Spike began to snicker.

“You two… you…” Twilight managed to stammer, shaking her head in disbelief. “How did you get so in sync with each other?”

“We rehearsed,” Turing replied.

“Rehearsed?” Twilight repeated, still gawking at the pair of them.

The two turned to look at each other and then back to Twilight in unison, though only Pinkie wore a broad grin. Without even looking, the two bumped hooves perfectly.

“See, Rinny’s actually pretty funny, but we had to work it out so that ponies could come and actually enjoy a show! So we tried out a bunch of different gags and keep the ones that worked! That’s where yours truly came in!” She thumped her own chest proudly. “We rehearsed a bit, told some jokes, and after about an hour, we were ready to perform!”

“Just an hour?” Spike asked, his eyes going wide. “How’d you get ready so fast?”

“I have a perfect memory. Pinkie Pie has similarly high retention. One rehearsal was all that was required.”

“Can’t memorize everypony’s birthday without a good noggin!” Pinkie added, knocking on her own head and producing a distinct coconut-like sound.

Twilight blinked. “So… wow.” Her amazement gave way to a peaceful smile and she reached out, placing her hoof on Turing’s. “You really did it, Turing. You finally achieved your goal of understanding humor.”

“In a manner of speaking, Twilight Sparkle.” Turing looked down slightly. “I have gained greater understanding about what it means to make other ponies laugh and even sufficient understanding to grasp jokes, though not without some difficulty. However, I still have no feeling of amusement, nor does it seem that I spontaneously laugh.”

Everypony’s face fell slightly. Pinkie pulled Turing in even closer. “Rinny… I’m sorry.”

“Please do not apologize, Pinkie Pie.” Turing put her hoof on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. “One of my goals was to understand humor and use it more adeptly. I believe your expertise was invaluable toward achieving this goal. Thank you.”

Pinkie’s frown faded slightly. “Aw, it was no biggie!”

“Also, Maud Pie,” Turing said, looking to her, “I must thank you. Your recognition of my own means of expressing humor enabled Pinkie and I to repair our relationship. It is my hope that both you and your sister will accept my offer of friendship. Do you?”

Pinkie nearly hit the ceiling in her jump for joy. “Woohoo! Bestest robot pony best friend ever!”

Turing continued looking to Maud, who made her reply: “Okay then.” Her tiny half-smile returned and Turing gave a slight nod.

“Acknowledged.”

Spike leaned over to Twilight. “Oh sweet Celestia, there are two of them,” he whispered through his teeth.

“Spike, be polite,” Twilight whispered back. More loudly, she told the group, “Listen: Maud, Pinkie, why don’t let me do you a favor and pay for your salt and any drinks you had here. It’s the least I could do for you both after helping Turing so much!”

The Pie sisters looked to each other and shrugged. Looking back at Twilight they nodded, each giving her a small smile.

“Great! Let me check with the barkeep!” She got off of her stool and was about to make her way to the bar when Turing noticed a stray glass that had been knocked off of a nearby table. Twilight was about to step on it. Turing was on her hooves in a second, but that was still too long to prevent what happened next.

Twilight stepped on the glass, which did not shatter, but instead rolled backward, forcing Twilight to trip and stumble forward. Off balance, she opened her wings reflexively and her forward stumbling gave her enough momentum to lift into the air. She sailed out of control across the room, her shout of surprise ending when she blew right past some ponies playing darts and embedded her horn straight into their dartboard.

“Twilight!” Spike shouted, rushing over alongside her other friends.

“I’m okay, I’m okay!” Twilight called, pushing her back hooves against the wall the dartboard was hanging on. She tried to pull her horn out, but suddenly the entire dartboard came loose and she fell to the floor directly on her rump. She lifted her head dazily and they saw that she had her horn stuck directly through the center.

Pinkie giggled and opened her mouth to say something.

“Bullseye.”

The group whirled around to see that Turing was staring at Twilight. Once what she had said sunk in, the group of them relaxed and shared a mutual laugh.

“Well, guess you’re getting better at comedic timing,” Twilight grunted, trying to push the dartboard off her horn. Maud walked over and easily yanked it free with a single hoof.

“Bullseye. Like a dart. Twilight Sparkle was like a dart. That was funny,” Turing commented.

“Apparently,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

“That was... funny.”

Twilight blinked and stared at her. She saw that Turing’s eyes had contracted again and she had a strange, almost far-off gaze as her ears went straight up.

“Oh my gosh… Turing, do you mean?”

“Yes.” She looked to each of them as they stared at her. “That was funny to me. I made a joke and understood it based on the observation of Twilight’s situation and… I felt amused. I felt it. This is…”

“R-Rinny?” Pinkie Pie asked, coming over to her. She placed her hooves over her mouth, her eyes beginning to well up. “You… you really mean it?”

“I do.” She tilted her head back. “This feeling. It is wonderful. It is so wonderful.” She moved over to Pinkie and hugged her. "So light and energetic. This is why organics laugh."

“Oh… Rinny!” She hugged her back and then motioned for the others to join her. “Aww… group hug initiated!”

The group walked through the streets of Ponyville until they got to Sugarcube Corner. Standing outside the cake- and candy-camouflaged building, the group all faced each other in silence, nopony quite sure what to say.

“So, even though you can finally think things are funny,” Pinkie ventured cautiously, “you still can’t laugh?”

“It seems not. Though I could run simulations and create a more realistic personal laugh from composite data, it would not be a spontaneous natural reaction. But you need not worry. I am content with my progress.”

Pinkie sighed, but offered her a smile.

“It was nice meeting you, Turing Test,” Maud said suddenly, startling everypony out of their silence. She walked over and gave her new friend one final hug. “You’re really interesting. I think I’ll write a poem about you.”

Twilight gawked. “Wait. Maud, you’re going to write a poem that isn’t about rocks?!”

“I never said I wouldn’t,” Maud said with a shrug. “I just didn’t know any ponies as interesting as rocks.”

“Thank you, Maud Pie. I also compare you favorably with a rock.”

Maud looked away, suddenly rubbing one of her forelegs with the other. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and leaned in with a sideways glance as she detected the faintest change in color in Maud’s gray cheeks.

Then her eyes suddenly went wide and everypony gave a start as she let out a yelp.

“Oh no! Maud, we have to go! I just realized we left Gummy and Boulder alone together all day! And you know how they get when that happens!”

“Hm. We better go.” She waved as she slowly turned and moved toward the building with all the speed and urgency of cold molasses.

“Why, what’s the ‘rush?’” Spike asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“Wellll,” Pinkie said leaning in and blushing slightly, “I just don’t want to wait a week and find that one of them is ‘in a family way,’ if you know what I mean.”

Twilight blinked. “You’re worried that an alligator and a rock will… breed?”

“Well, of course!” Pinkie scoffed. “Where do you think cragadiles come from?”

And with that, she zipped away, disappearing into Sugarcube Corner without another word.

“She… that’s not really possible, is it?” Twilight asked Turing.

“Probably not. Both Gummy and Boulder are male.”

“What? That’s the least reason why that wouldn’t--”

She froze when she saw Turing’s ears twitching again.

“You’re joking with me.” She smiled, a laugh escaping her as she shook her head. “You’re trying to be silly, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps this rimshot subroutine will answer your question, Twilight Sparkle: Ba-dum-ting.”

Spike chuckled at that while Twilight just rolled her eyes. “Okay, Turing, that’s enough. Let’s go home and hope that the next time you find something funny it doesn’t involve me slipping and skewering a dartboard.”

The three of them trotted back toward the castle, Spike and Twilight each yawning in turn as they went.

“Twilight Sparkle, Spike the Dragon, are you both fatigued?”

Twilight nodded and looked over to her wearily. “Yes. We had a big day today in Canterlot.”

“Was your meeting with Celestia productive?”

Spike and Twilight looked to each other and they each smiled. “Yes, it was,” Twilight said. “It looks like we won’t have to fight to keep you here, Turing.”

“That is good.” She raised her head slightly, taking in the sight of the castle as it loomed ever larger on the horizon. “Many things happened to me today. I gained new insights. I felt things that were terrible and things that were wonderful. And I managed to analyze what it was that I felt two days ago when you said you would not send me away.”

“You did?” Twilight asked, whipping her head around, eyes wide and eager in spite of her tiredness. “What was it?”

“I believe it was ‘relief.’” She did not take her eyes off the castle as they continue walking. “My experiences have given me greater understanding of organic ponies. When you are more rested, I will relate them to you, if you wish. Now, more than ever, I am glad to be here.”

Author's Notes:

Another arc down! Hope you're all enjoying this story! And did you know this story now has a TV Tropes page?

...Actually, no, it doesn't. Oh well.

No particular references here, but I did listen to this song a lot during the writing of this arc and consider it the unofficial theme song of Pinkie and Turing's relationship. Enjoy, and I hope to see you next chapter!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHh85g7MwG4

Oh, and if you're curious, I have a blog post about Celestia and the role she's had in the story up until this point. Just if you're curious, it ain't exactly required reading.

Deep Blue, Part 1

“...So that’s what’s going on now, Applejack,” Twilight said. “And that’s why there’s no reason to worry about Turing Test.”

Twilight and Applejack were making their way down the road in Ponyville. The pair were picking up supplies from the stores and the outdoor market. Applejack had been busy preparing for the fall harvest lately and Twilight had finally caught up to her five days after Maud had left Ponyville to talk about what had happened with Turing Test, Fine Print, and all the other things that had happened.

“Well… all right, I admit I’m a little less worried now that I know what’s been goin’ on, Twilight.” She hesitated, glancing sideways at her. “Now, yer sure that Gadget removed the codes from Turing Test? She ain’t under nopony’s control no more?”

“Absolutely! And after my meeting with Princess Celestia, I’ve made it even clearer to Turing that she isn’t to harm anypony. She’s safe! As gentle as a newborn foal!”

“An’ what about… you know, the other stuff?”

Twilight raised her eyebrow. “The… ‘other’ stuff?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Like, that she don’t actually like nopony?”

“Ah.” Twilight sighed. This was the part of the conversation she’d been dreading. “Look, I’ve talked to our other friends about it and I’ve decided that even if Turing can’t feel affection just yet, she still cares for me and her other friends. She genuinely appreciates having friends and is grateful to know Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and now Pinkie Pie too! Not to mention Bulk Biceps, Scootaloo, Maud…”

“All right, all right, I get yer point.” Applejack sighed. “Look, I ain’t sayin’ no.” She took off her hat, raising her head solemnly. “After all, I’m a pony o’ my word, and I said I’d try to make friends with her if you did and now it’s pretty clear it’s just me’n Fluttershy that ain’t made friends with her. Though I’d feel a little better if she made a little peace with Fluttershy first, to be honest. After that, sure, I’ll get to know ‘er.” She replaced her hat, then shifted her saddlebags, grunting with a slight wince on her face as she did so.

“Um, Applejack, are you okay?” Twilight frowned, glancing back at the saddlebags. “You’re moving kind of slow today and you keep making faces like you’re in pain.”

“Nah, it’s nothin’.” She waved a hoof dismissively. “Probably just carryin’ a bit too much.”

Twilight blinked and her frown deepened. “Applejack, those bags are pretty full, but I’ve seen you carry more. Lots more.”

“Yeah, but I’m tired after the early fall harvest. Fall’s the best time fer apples, ya know.” She sighed. “Look, I admit I ain’t been feelin’ at my best, but it ain’t nothin’ to fret, so don’t you worry ‘bout a thing. Let’s just get our shoppin’ finished so we’ll be good and ready fer Nightmare Night.”

Twilight shrugged, but then she smiled. “All right, if you say so. Just do me a favor and take it easy, okay?”

Applejack tipped her hat. “Will do.”

“All right. Now let’s get some…” She stopped, noticing that Applejack had lagged behind her and was staring off at something. “Huh? What is… whoa.” She’d followed Applejack’s gaze and spotted what she was looking at.

“Hoowee, lookie there, Twi.” Applejack couldn’t help but grin and even Twilight felt her heart skip a beat.

Standing nearby the Carousel Boutique was a stallion with a gleaming white coat, and a dirty blonde mane. He was exceptionally tall, nearly twice the size of a normal stallion, muscular but proportioned, with large brown eyes, a chiseled jaw, and legs like stone pillars. On his flank was a golden sword laid across a golden shield.

“Who is that?” Twilight asked. She composed herself. “I mean, if he’s new to Ponyville, maybe we should go say hi.”

“Pretty handsome lookin’ guy. Tall drink o’ water too, ain’t he? Makes Big Mac look almost normal-sized. But it looks like he’s in a hurry.” She frowned as he turned and quickly trotted in the opposite direction, turning down an alleyway. She sighed as she watched him go.

“Well, maybe we’ll see him around and get another chance to say hello,” Twilight said. She smiled and tapped Applejack on the shoulder, getting her attention. “Let’s finish our shopping. We can check out guys later.”

“Alright, alright,” Applejack said, returning the smile. “He was too tall fer me anyhow. I like a fella I don’t have to strain my neck to look at.”

The two shared a laugh as they continued, putting the stranger out of mind.

Rarity frowned and rubbed her chin, almost pouting at the flowing white gown on the dress form in front of her. “Oh, I just don’t know. It still seems so old fashioned.” She sighed. “I really think we might want to modernize the look a bit. It might as well be a toga!”

The mint green mare next to her giggled. “You’re being too harsh on yourself! The other musicians are going to love it! Well, maybe the stallions wouldn’t.” She elbowed Rarity, giving her a sly sideways glance.

The two of them were in the Carousel Boutique. Lyra Heartstrings and Rarity were both in the upcoming Ponyville Music Festival and Rarity had agreed to design some dresses for Lyra’s group. It was late and Rarity had closed the boutique for the meeting.

Rarity rolled her eyes at Lyra’s joke, but smiled. “Really, Lyra, you’re too kind. I suppose they’re acceptable… mmmaybe just a little pink trim, some lace for accents. And yes, of course, I’ll have something else for the gentlecolts in your ensemble.”

Lyra nodded and looked more closely at the gown, squinting her eyes at it. “I guess some trim would be fine. But nothing too showy. Besides, I’m--” Just then, her belly growled, loud enough to wake up Opal from where she slept in the corner. Her cheeks flushed, she hid her face behind a raised foreleg.

“I suppose we have been discussing the Festival a bit late,” Rarity said. She offered her a smile. “Should we call it a night?”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Lyra insisted. Her belly rumbled again.

Rarity chuckled. “Very well, but I insist you get a snack. You can follow through the back room to my kitchen. Help yourself, please!”

Lyra grinned. “Thanks, Rarity!” And with that, she rushed through the back way, out of the showroom floor.

Rarity again inspected the gown and was about to take out her sketchbook to plot some redesigns when she heard a light knock at her front door. She whirled around and saw two figures sitting just outside. She came closer and looked out. It was hard to see them in the darkness outside, but there was a mare and a stallion.

“I’m dreadfully sorry, but we’re closed!” Rarity called. “If you would be so kind as to call tomorrow--”

“Please, Miss,” the stallion said, coming closer to the door. He wore a grin and gestured to the mare behind him. “My mistress only wishes for a few moments of the famous Miss Rarity’s time.”

Rarity smiled at that. “Well, if it is just a few moments, then I suppose I could.”

She unlatched the door and the odd pair walked in.

The stallion was the same white-coated, blonde-maned stallion Twilight and Applejack had seen earlier. Over his chest and upper forelegs he wore a coat of armor which was shining like steel but had a black tint to it. The tall stallion had to duck his head as he entered. He looked down at Rarity with a calm smile and brown eyes. “Thank you,” he said, his voice a rich bass.

The mare shared her partner’s coat and mane colors, though Rarity could only see a small amount of her mane peeking out from under the dark blue nun’s habit she wore. The garment draped over her ears and down the back of her neck. The habit had a steel plate across the front, displaying an emblem with the image of a unicorn with a flowing mane and curving horn and pointed fangs, (a detail that did not escape Rarity’s keen eye). On her flank was the image of a few chess pieces, specifically a pawn, a knight, and a queen. She had a similar calm smile on her lips. Curiously, she had her eyes closed, though this did not prevent her from turning her head toward Rarity.

“Miss Rarity!” she called out. She drew her name out in one melodious breath, her voice high and lilting. “We have a task for you.” She stepped forward as the stallion turned his head.

“Well,” Rarity began, “if I am able, I’d be glad to…”

The mare’s eyes opened. From them came a glowing, deep blue light. Rarity stared at them, her pupils dilating and her body going stiff. Her mouth hung open and she slowly sat down. Her eyes clouded over and she was still, her breathing becoming slow and shallow.

“There’s a good child,” the mare said, her placid smile in place. She leaned in closer, holding Rarity’s chin up with one hoof. “We have an invitation for you, my dear. We…”

She paused. “Oh dear.” She closed her eyes and turned to face her companion. “Glory, dear, there’s a unicorn in the kitchen,” she whispered. “Would you retrieve her?”

“Of course, Grace,” he whispered back, nodding to her. He turned and went out the front door, going around the back.

Lyra was in the kitchen quickly fixing a sandwich, oblivious to what was happening in the showroom, when she heard a clattering sound at the back door. She peeked around the corner and there in full view was the stallion, Glory, towering over her and slowly approaching her. He had a calm smile, but his eyes were narrow and fixed on her.

“What? Who are you?!” she cried, backing up. “R-Rarity! Someone’s broken in!” she yelled over her shoulder. There was no response and she turned back to the approaching intruder.

“Don’t be frightened, now,” he said, his deep voice reverberating in Rarity’s small kitchen. “Go to the front room.”

“What are you doing here?” Lyra demanded. “Are you a burglar? I-Is this a robbery? What do you want?”

Her heart pounding as she continually backed away from Glory, she searched around for something to defend herself. Her eyes darted around the kitchen and she spotted a cast iron skillet hanging on the wall and quickly used her magic to levitate it over to herself and held it up in front of her.

“Don’t come any closer!” she yelled, staring up at him. She swallowed. “I… I mean it!”

He only raised an eyebrow and gave a snort.

Her back to the wall, she looked around and saw no way out. Giving one final scream, she swung the heavy skillet at him and struck him upside the head, the edge of it smashing him right in the temple, a gong sound echoing through the empty house.

The blow should have knocked him to the floor, but Glory only smiled. He didn’t even budge or flinch at the blow, as if the heavy weapon were no more than a gentle breeze.

Gasping, her blood going cold and her lower lip quivering, Lyra huddled against the back wall and let the skillet drop. Glory caught it and held it vertically between two hooves.

“Go to the front room,” he repeated. Without even the slightest grunt or straining, he pressed his hooves together, folding the heavy iron skillet in half like a sheet of paper. He let it drop, clattering to the tile floor. “Now.”

Lyra, eyes tearing up, nodded slowly. She gingerly stepped back to the front room, glancing back at Glory as he followed her. When she returned, she saw Rarity slumped over, the strange mare, Grace, sitting in front of her.

Grace’s eyes were still closed, but she still turned to look directly at her. “Oh, Glory, you naughty thing! You’ve frightened her half to death!” she chortled, holding a hoof over her mouth demurely. She then beckoned Lyra slowly with one hoof. “Come here, child.”

Lyra did so. “P-please, I don’t know what you want,” she said, choking back a sob.

“I only want to know one thing: are you a friend of Twilight Sparkle?” Grace asked.

“Huh? Oh, well… yes, although I knew her better when I used to live in Canterlot…”

Grace’s smile slowly crept into a tight-lipped rictus. “Then we shall invite you to our little party as well.” Grace opened her eyes and Lyra’s fears melted away. Everything seemed to fade as she lost herself in that gaze. There was no more showroom, no more emotion, and no more thought.

There were only the words...

The next day, it was the afternoon before Nightmare Night. Bon Bon was busy in her kitchen, busily making batch after batch of candy. She’d already sold a bundle to be distributed to the eager colts and fillies who’d be going door to door. She smiled as she took a deep whiff of the caramels cooling on the countertop.

“I just love Nightmare Night!” she exclaimed, mostly to herself.

Which of course meant that she nearly jumped out of her skin when Lyra, who’d been watching from the doorway, said “Me too.”

“Lyra, jeez!” Bon Bon whirled around, but her hard eyes softened when she saw Lyra giggling.

“Sorry, sorry. Anyway, tonight should be a lot of fun!” Lyra went over to a bowl of newly wrapped taffy pieces. She levitated one up, preparing to unwrap it, licking her lips as she did so.

“Ah ah!” Bon Bon said, glaring at her as she caught the taffy in midair. “Come on, Lyra, these are for the foals!”

Lyra’s lower lip quivered and she turned her head, looking up at her with a pout. “Not even one?”

“Not even…” She paused, again softening. “All right, all right, you win. Take it.” She let go and Lyra eagerly unwrapped and quickly devoured the sweet.

“Mm! Sho anyway, I wash shinking,” she paused, chewing the sticky treat before swallowing, “that we could go catch a scary movie before nightfall, then go dance off the adrenaline at the big Nightmare Night Ball at City Hall!”

“Sounds great! I’m glad I decided to just take orders instead of running a stall this year. It’ll be nice to relax and let other ponies handle the candy selling!” She went to fetch more wrapping paper and pretended not to hear Lyra steal another piece of candy. “Hey, I was thinking maybe we could do the haunted walk through Ponyville Park around midnight this year! Should be pretty scary.”

“I can’t.”

Bon Bon frowned at her as she returned. “Why not? Think you’ll be too tired?”

“I have plans.”

Bon Bon looked at her more closely. Lyra’s expression changed ever so slightly. She was still smiling but there was something in her eyes…

“Um, what kind of plans?” she asked, glancing sideways at Lyra.

“Just a scavenger hunt. I can’t say more,” Lyra replied, blinking several times.

“Well, that sounds fun. Can I come?”

“No.”

Bon Bon’s eyes popped open at Lyra’s firm, abrupt answer. “What? Just ‘no?’ Why not?!”

Lyra’s eyes were glassy and they seemed to gaze right past her. Her smile seemed forced, as if glued on. “You are not invited.”

“What? ‘Not invited?’ But Lyra, why not?” She put a hoof to her chest and frowned at her. “I don’t understand, we said we would spend Nightmare Night together!”

Lyra’s left eye drifted off slightly. “You are not invited.”

Bon Bon froze. She swallowed and looked Lyra up and down. “Okay, Lyra,” she said slowly. “That’s all right. We can hang out until your scavenger hunt. Just tell me, when is it?”

Lyra’s gaze slowly returned to normal. “Oh. It’s… it’s 10 o’clock.” She scrunched her eyes shut and rubbed her temple. “Ow. My head hurts. I should go see the doctor; I’ve been getting the worst headaches lately.”

“Yeah. Good idea. Um, excuse me, Lyra, I need to go upstairs for something.” She turned to go and heard the sound of Lyra’s magic activating. “And don’t eat any more candy while I’m gone.”

“You got me, Bon Bon.” Lyra chuckled, putting down the taffy.

She trotted up the stairs of her house, through the hall, past Lyra’s room and then to her own. She shut the door and latched it before going over to her closet, opening it and shoving several boxes and things out of the way. She walked in a little, then glanced over her shoulder and saw her open window.

Better be sure, she said to herself. She went to the window, shut it, and closed the curtains. She went back across her darkened bedroom, into the closet, and pushed the clothes hangers aside and pressed her hooves to the back wall. She pushed in ever so slightly and shoved it upward, revealing the hidden compartment behind it. She locked it into place and examined the shelves.

Sitting on one shelf was an accordion folder. On another was a briefcase with the initials “SD” on it. She removed both of these and placed them on her bed. She unbuttoned the front flap of the accordion folder and found several smaller file folders inside. She flipped through the tags, mentally noting the names on them: Abbadon, Basilisk, Bugbear…

She smirked at that last one. A moment later, she found the files was looking for. “RMCA-210 and 211: Grace and Glory…” She flipped through the files. She’d seen symptoms like Lyra’s before. She’d seen them on the faces and in the eyes of dozens of victims in interrogation rooms and hospital wards. And that was just on those who were still able to talk at all.

She grit her teeth at the thought. She then went to the briefcase, opening it to reveal several brightly colored squares, spheres, and cubes. No doubt about it: she was going to need some of her special candy tonight. And there was something else she would need…

Twilight knocked on the door to Turing Test’s room.

“One moment.” Turing slowly opened the door just a crack. “Hello, Twilight Sparkle. Do you require my assistance? There are four minutes and eight seconds until today’s magic instruction, unless you wish to begin earlier.”

“No, no, nothing like that, Turing,” Twilight said, waving a hoof and shaking her head. “Could you come out please? I promise to look away if you want to keep your Nightmare Night costume a secret.”

“Understood.” She waited for Twilight to turn her head and then moved into the hallway, closing the door behind her. Pinkie Pie had told Turing that it was more fun to surprise your friends with your costume instead, so she wanted to go for the full effect. “What do you wish to discuss, Twilight Sparkle?”

“Well, first of all, I’m really impressed with your magic practice. You’re getting better and better at levitation and light manipulation. And it’s taking less and less time for you to see a spell and then try to replicate it without just flat-out copying me!”

“Abstraction is part of my higher cognitive function. I still lack your ability, however. For instance, I am unable to teleport.”

“Teleportation is very difficult anyway. And you’ve still learned a lot. A lot more than an organic pony could learn in so many weeks!” She smiled at her. “I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

“Acknowledged.” Turing tilted her head to the side, then righted it. “Rectifying: Thank you.”

Twilight nodded. “But that’s not the main thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

Turing stood up straight looking at her directly. That was one good thing about Turing: Twilight never had to worry about having her attention.

“Turing, let’s talk a little bit about what happened with Pinkie Pie earlier this week.”

“Which event do you refer to?”

“I mean what you told me. About,” she swallowed, her smile fading, “about you getting angry.”

Turing’s ears twitched. “Your expressions and vital signs indicated agitation when I informed you of it. You did not comment at that time, however. I calculated this as a sign of indifference.”

“It wasn’t. I just wasn’t sure how to talk to you about it.” She sighed. “Look, first of all, Turing, I want you to know that I’m glad you didn’t do anything destructive.”

“As stated, I would never harm Pinkie Pie. I am in fact incapable of harming anypony, and will take extra precautions in light of your emphasis on Princess Celestia’s directive.”

Ever since her meeting with Celestia, Twilight had made sure to follow her guidelines. Turing was always with her or Spike whenever they went out, she’d informed Gadget and Vanderbull that they would need to share any findings with Celestia, and, above all, she made it clear to be extra careful about not harming anypony.

“That’s good. And I want you to know that I do trust you. Second of all, I want you to know something: it is okay to be angry.”

Turing cocked her head to the side. “I do not understand. Anger is a negative emotion. My actions were deleterious and frightened Pinkie Pie. That cannot be acceptable.”

“Yes, that’s true. But being angry is normal, at least for organic ponies.” She put her hoof on Turing’s shoulder. “I think it’s part of your own development to get angry sometimes. And I’m not disappointed with you for feeling that way. But I do want you to know that it’s important to control your temper when that happens.”

“My anger made me behave in counterproductive ways. It interfered with my judgment and I nearly alienated myself from Pinkie Pie instead of continuing my efforts to befriend her. I could set a subroutine that would cause me to shut down when I experienced anger again. That would prevent further negative actions.”

“No, Turing,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “That wouldn’t solve anything. I want you to learn to make good decisions no matter how you’re feeling. I know emotions can be overwhelming, but not having them is the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve. You were right to get some space from Pinkie Pie, but not to berate her. Next time you feel that way, try to be strong and ask yourself if you would make the same decision if you weren’t angry.”

Turing Test nodded. “Understood. I will attempt to preserve rationality during emotional states.”

“I’m really glad to hear that.” She smiled at her again and motioned for her to follow her. The two made their way toward the library for Turing’s next magic lesson. “Tonight’s Nightmare Night. This is a good chance to be seen by a lot of other citizens of Ponyville, especially children. Some of the ponies out there will be really nice!” She slowed and looked at Turing with a frown and somber eyes. “But not everypony. Some ponies might be afraid of you or say mean things. I know you don’t usually react to that, but if you do get upset, just stay calm and tell me or one of the others. We’ve got your back.”

“Acknowledged. I will do my best to interact and not be distracted by negative comments.”

“Good.” Twilight nodded and increased her pace as she led Turing onward. “Now let’s work on some other tricks. Some defensive spells for a change!” She paused. “Oh, I almost forgot. Rarity invited both of us on some mystery scavenger hunt with our other friends. That should be fun!”

Bon Bon walked over to the odd little dome-shaped building. Various gadgets and gizmos protruded from the lawn. Windmill-powered devices, odd doodads that looked like weathervanes, a veritable garden of hourglasses, clocks, and sundials, and a host of things she couldn’t even identify. She also noticed a strange statue sitting amongst them; a pegasus statue wearing a robe and covering its eyes. That was new.

She went to the door and knocked.

“Just a moment!” called the stallion inside.

Bon Bon sighed and sat down, hearing clattering and muttering coming from inside the dome. She looked around, examining the various devices and then looked over her shoulder to see that same statue…

Wait. She paused, squinting at it. Was it there before? It looks like it’s closer. And… it’s turned a little toward me?

She shook her head. My nerves are getting to me. I need to concentrate! She closed her eyes and rubbed them. But when she opened them again, she could swear that the statue was even closer, still covering its eyes.

Behind her, the sound of the iron door unlatching caught her attention and she turned to face the familiar brown earth pony stallion who called the place home.

“Ah! Miss Bon Bon!” he exclaimed in his Trottingham accent, a big smile on his face. “I didn’t expect to see you today! Well, come in, my friend. Both of you!” He turned to go back inside the house.

Bon Bon blinked. “Um, there’s only me here, Doc. Who else…” She turned around and screamed when she saw the face of a ferocious creature, the same statue, lunging at her! She fell back, foreleg raised defensively, staring up at its grimace, its outstretched hooves, its unsynchronized eyes…

“Wait. Derpy?!”

“Heehee, I got you, Bon Bon!” She laughed, dropping her threatening look. “Like my Nightmare Night costume? Doc helped me out with this special powder! When I cover myself with it, I look just like a statue, don’t I?”

Bon Bon responded by gasping for breath as she clutched her chest. “Jeez, I’ll say.” She took a deep breath, got to her hooves, and trotted inside.

As usual, the place was covered with all sorts of inventions. Machines and devices that did who-knows-what adorned the walls, the tables, even the floor. It wasn’t the first time Bon Bon had been there, but she still had to take a moment to look around the room, eyes wide and sparkling at the wondrous creations all over the Doctor’s lab.

“By the by, as long as you’re here,” he said, walking out from a nearby hallway, “perhaps you’d be so good as to give me your honest opinion of my costume?”

Bon Bon blinked and turned toward the Doctor’s voice. “That’s… what.”

The Doctor was wearing a costume that vaguely resembled an upside-down lightbulb, only it was green and speckled and had a large plastic leaf at the top…

“Doctor, are you a pear?”

“Exactly! My companion here insisted I just looked like some sort of upside-down speckled green lightbulb! Can you imagine?”

Derpy rolled her eyes.

“But why…”

“Why? My word, have you ever eaten a pear? Eugh!” He shuddered. “Ruddy awful things. Absolutely terrifying.”

“Look, um, Doctor, this is kind of an emergency,” Bon Bon said, narrowing her gaze as she walked over to him. “I need to discuss that little commission of yours.”

His smile faded. Then he forced it back into place and turned to Derpy. “Uh, so sorry, but would you please be a lamb and let us discuss something privately? It won’t take long.”

“Okey dokey, Doc!” she said, giving him a mock salute. She then took off and flew back outside, presumably to practice her statue pose some more.

“I never said I would finish it. It wasn’t finished when they shuttered the RMCA.”

Bon Bon’s hard eyes didn’t move. “I know.”

“Plus, you know,” he said, laughing nervously, adjusting the collar of his tie, “it’s not as if I was ever an agent.”

“Consultant. I know.” Bon Bon grinned ever so slightly. “But it’s not like you to leave something like that unfinished. Not after how obsessed you were with it.”

The Doctor was tight-lipped and his eyes shifted to the left and right. Finally he heaved a sigh. “All right, it’s done. Never had much call to use it, but it works.”

“Great. Where is it?”

“Hold on, I never said I would give it over,” he said, glaring at her. “You lot went under years ago. And you, if you’re going around hunting monsters again… that’s treason if Celestia ever finds out. You must be mad, digging around in the past, and believe me, I ought to know! What could be so--”

“Do you remember the Umbral Order?”

He froze and looked down at the floor. “Yes,” he said quickly. “Nasty bit of business there. Good thing they’ve gone now, isn’t it?”

He looked up to her with a smile and saw the scowl on her face.

“No…”

“Grace and Glory. I can’t be sure, but I can’t take the chance.” She swallowed and her gaze softened. “I’m seeing those old symptoms in my friend. I think she got to her.”

“Her? Who?”

Bon Bon stepped closer. “Lyra.”

The Doctor held up a hoof and went into the hallway. There was the sound of things moving and the clatter of different objects being shoved out of the way. When he returned, he carried a small brown box on his back. He gave it to her wordlessly.

Bon Bon smiled. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“If you see those two,” he said through gritted teeth. “You remind them why they left Equestria in the first place.”

Bon Bon nodded, taking the box and placing it in her saddlebag. She stared at the Doctor a moment… then erupted in a fit of giggles. “I’m… pfft, I’m sorry, but I can’t take you seriously when you’re dressed like that!”

“What? Oh, fantastic!” he groaned, throwing his hooves up. He pulled the costume off as Bon Bon trotted to the door. “By the way, enjoy your Nightmare Night! I’ll be passing out treats to the foals with my statuesque friend out there.” He paused. “Bon Bon.”

“Yes?” she asked, looking back over her shoulder.

“Just… stay safe.”

She gave him a smile and a short nod before walking out the door and into the soft orange glow of the setting sun.

Twilight paced back and forth outside her castle, waiting for her friends to show up. She was dressed in a blue wizard’s costume, complete with the conical hat. Not to mention a pair of spectacles hanging from a string hung around her neck. Since nopony had recognized her Starswirl the Bearded costume from last time, she hoped somepony would appreciate her Marey Plodder costume this time.

“I’m here, I’m here!” called a familiar voice. Twilight turned to see Rarity trotting over. She was wearing a silky red dress and when she came closer, she could see a pair of fangs protruding from her mouth.

“Ooh, vampire girl!” Twilight exclaimed, kicking her forelegs in the air. “That’s a great costume, Rarity!”

“Yes, though I wonder if this red dress is a bit too revealing.”

Twilight chuckled. “And if Applejack were here, she’d remind you--”

“--yes, yes, that ‘we don’t normally wear clothes.’” She rolled her eyes. “This from the pony who refuses to ever take off her hat.”

“Is Applejack coming on the scavenger hunt tonight, by the way?” Twilight asked, tensing up as she waited for the answer.

“Unfortunately, no.” She heaved a heavy sigh, dropping her head to look up at Twilight. “I practically begged her to come, but she said she was too busy managing her stall tonight. Caramel apples and bobbing for apples and no doubt some other apple-related things. Still, she said she would be glad to see us if we stopped by!”

“Well, that’s too bad. But I have some good news: Rainbow Dash can come tonight! She said she’d meet us for the scavenger hunt after, and I quote,” here she held up her hooves, making quotation marks with them, “‘some world-class pranking,’ end quote.”

“To be expected, I suppose. But still, that’s fantastic!” She smiled warmly. Then her eyes went wide. “Oh my… it’s a Nightmare Night miracle!”

Twilight turned to look and gasped. Fluttershy was walking over to them.

“Fluttershy?” Twilight gawked at her. “How… I thought you hated Nightmare Night!”

“Yes, and you told me there was no chance in Tartarus that you’d be coming out tonight!”

Fluttershy hid behind her long mane, smoothing it with her hooves. “Oh, w-well, I thought I should try to be brave. Even though I’m not. Because I’m shy. So very shy.”

Twilight and Rarity glanced at each other, then back to her. “Um… well, okay, if you think you can handle it,” Twilight said slowly, putting a hoof on her shoulder.

“Sure. Besides, I wanted to eat some candy.” She smiled up at the two of them. “I do love candy even though I’m shy. So very, very shy.”

“Well, glad you could join us,” Rarity said, looking her up and down. “Although I do wish you’d worn a costume.” She paused when she heard Fluttershy giggle, covering her mouth with both hooves.

She leaned in closely, narrowing her eyes. “Wait a minute… those eyes… they’re blue...” She gasped. “Pinkie Pie?!”

“Aww, you guessed!” said ‘Fluttershy’ in Pinkie’s voice. She reached into her hair and pulled out an orange cupcake with a pumpkin-shaped piece of candy on it. “I’ve been working on doing an impression of Fluttershy for months to get this right!”

“Wow, that’s a pretty good impression,” Twilight said breathlessly, still wide-eyed at how perfect her costume was… although now that she looked, she saw Pinkie’s poofy tail protruding from the back of her Fluttershy costume.

“Yes,” Rarity agreed, “you’d almost swear you two were the same pony!”

“Ha! That’s funny!” She took a bite of her cupcake. “Mm! So, where’s Rinny?”

“Well, she should be out any second,” Twilight replied, looking over at the castle doors. “Turing said she wanted to make sure it was perfect so she… oh, wait!”

They all turned and saw the castle door slowly open. They heard the whirr of Turing’s mechanical legs and saw as she stepped out, revealing her costume in the moonlight.

Twilight gawked, mouth hanging wide open. Rarity’s eye twitched. And Pinkie continued munching on her cupcake.

“Hello - everypony. Beep boop.”

“Darling… that’s… what are you wearing?” Rarity asked, just staring at her. Twilight, meanwhile, still hadn’t managed to close her mouth.

“I have utilized household items to fashion a costume. Is it satisfactory?”

Turing Test was wearing a brown cardboard box with red plastic cups for eyes and a rectangular slit for a mouth to create a mask. A bent clothes hanger protruded from the top to make an antenna. Flexible vent pipes adorned her legs.

“Turing,” Twilight finally managed to say, “did you… did you dress up as a robot for Nightmare Night?!”

“It - seemed - appropriate,” she said, resuming her exaggeratedly stiff speech mannerisms. “Pinkie - Pie - suggested - that - I - choose - a - costume - that - would - be - unexpected. Beep.”

“Turing Test, you are a robot!”

“Correct. I - am - a - robot - dressed - as - a - robot. Nopony - will - suspect - me. I - am - a - robot - in - disguise.”

Rarity leaned over to Twilight, never taking her eyes off Turing. “Did you know she was going to dress like that?”

Twilight tilted her head to the side. “No. I didn’t want to interfere. She seemed excited about her costume because she made it herself.”

“As excited as she can be, that is?”

“Exactly.” Twilight sighed, but offered Turing a smile. “It’s very nice, Turing. You ready to go?”

“Affirmative.” She turned to look at ‘Fluttershy.’ “Your costume is also adequate, Pinkie Pie.”

“Thanks, Rinny!” she said. “Yours is really good too!”

Twilight rapidly looked between the two of them. “Turing, how did you… oh never mind.” She rolled her eyes and led the small group off toward town.

“Come on over, everypony! We got bobbin’ fer apples over here!”

Applejack was at her little spot downtown, her usual wooden basin filled with water and apples, not to mention her caramel apples all lined up on a table nearby. She was dressed from head to hoof in a black and white striped prison jumpsuit with a rubber ball and chain on her hind leg for effect. She turned and saw her friends coming over and flashed a broad grin.

“Good gravy, Rarity and Twilight! Y’all look perfect!” She paused as the two came over and tapped her chin. “Let’s see… vampire and Marey Plodder?”

“Oh thank goodness someone got it!” Twilight cried, holding out a hoof and looking up to the heavens. “Everypony thinks I’m Starswirl the Bearded again and that I just forgot my beard!”

“Dang, if that ain’t irony, I don’t know what is.” She turned to see Pinkie Pie, still in costume, walking over to the candy apples and her eyes bulged. “Hey Fluttershy, I’m surprised to see you of all ponies here!”

“Thanks!” she said in her normal voice, causing Applejack to stagger back.

“Pinkie Pie?” She raised an eyebrow, frowning after recovering from her surprise. “Oh, sugarcube, I sure hope you’re tellin’ everypony it’s you in that costume. Otherwise, Fluttershy’s gonna have some strange conversations tomorrow mornin’.”

“Of course! I’m just doing this to surprise everypony; I wouldn’t want to give Fluttershy another reason to hate Nightmare Night!”

“By the way,” Rarity said, tapping Applejack on the shoulder, “have you seen Turing Test’s costume yet?”

“Oh. Is she here?” Applejack looked around and spotted Turing standing nearby. Her head was twitching as she glanced all around her, taking in the sights of the costumes and vendor stalls and decorations that surrounded her.

“Interesting.”

Applejack gawked.

“Turing!” Rarity hollered. “Come over here, darling, and show Applejack your costume!”

As she approached, Applejack leaned over to Twilight. “You mean to tell me that your robot dressed as a robot?”

“I know, I know…” Twilight groaned, putting her hoof to her head.

Turing halted in front of them. “Hello - meat - horse. I - mean - Applejack.”

She made a face. “Howdy.” She looked at her costume. “So… yer a robot, huh?”

“Correct. I - am - a - robot. I - am - here - to - take - Equestrian - jobs. Beep boop beep.”

Applejack stared at her, wide-eyed. Then she smiled, trying to hold back her snickering before finally losing her composure and broke into full-blown laughter.

“Applejack?” Twilight asked, raising her eyebrow. As AJ continued to laugh, Twilight frowned. “You don’t have to be mean.”

“Who’s bein’ mean? That’s actually pretty funny!” she managed to say through her laughter. “Color me impressed!”

“Impressed - is - not - a - color. Boop.”

Applejack stopped laughing, frowned, and waved her off. “Okay, ya had yer moment, now git before ya start annoyin’ me again.”

“Acknowledged. Now - proceeding - with - primary - objectives: 1. Acquire - candy; 2. Give - acquired - candy - to - Pinkie - Pie...” She walked away, leaving Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight alone. The latter two both looked to Applejack with smug grins.

“Yeah yeah, I know what yer both gonna say.” She sighed. “I already said I’d give her a chance, Twi. You just remember yer end o’ things.”

“Right,” Twilight sighed. Getting Fluttershy to see Turing won’t be easy, though. I’ll need to get everypony’s help to convince her…

Just then, Rainbow Dash landed nearby them. She was dressed as Daring Do with a pith helmet, jacket, and even a painted-on cutie mark to match her idol.

“Hey everypony! Some good pranking going on tonight! Kinda works up an appetite.” She eyed the caramel apples on Applejack’s table.

“Well, go right ahead,” Applejack said, taking one from the table and passing it to her. “This one’s just fer you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Sweet!” She took a bite and instantly made a face before spitting it out, sputtering and gagging. “What the… is this an onion?!”

Applejack grinned as Twilight and Rarity stifled their own laughter. “Told ya I’d getcha back fer last year.”

The night went on smoothly after that. Turing got a lot of comments on her costume from many of the townsponies and also was unsurprisingly good at the different carnival games. She proved a quick learner at the Spider-Toss and the Pumpkin Catapult, both of which won her a large amount of candy. It seemed even Pinkie had enough candy for herself, though, so Turing decided to share it with the local children.

“Thanks Miss Robot!” said Pipsqueak as she poured a portion of her candy into his bag. “You’re not so scary after all!”

“Child - lulled - into - false - sense - of - security - with - treats. Mission - successful,” Turing intoned. The other fillies and colts gathered around her giggled, though judging by the way their eyes darted to their classmates, it was obvious to Twilight that they hadn’t understood what she’d meant.

Button Mash rushed to the front of the line. He was wearing a blue suit with some sort of spiny mohawk protruding from the back of a modified hood. “You may be an evil minion of the evil Dr. Robotnag’s evil plans,” he shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at Turing, “but I, Pronto the Porcupine, will stop you in your evil tracks!”

Turing’s head cocked to the side as everypony stared. Then Button gave a subtle wink and she raised her head. “Your - attempts - to - stop - my - master - will - not - succeed. But - I - do - not - wish - to - be - destroyed. Perhaps - this - candy - will - distract - you? Beep?” She held out a bag of assorted chocolates.

“Wellll, I guess I can let you off with a warning this time,” he said coyly, a grin on his face as he took the candy while the other foals giggled at their little scene.

“I - am - glad. Firstvictimoftherobotapocalypsesayswhat.”

“What?” He blinked. “Awwww man!”

He and the other children talked excitedly as they wandered off. Twilight walked over and put her hoof on Turing’s shoulder.

“Turing, you’re doing really well tonight! The kids really seem to have taken a liking to you, everypony seems to think your costume is hilarious, and even Applejack let her guard down a little today!” She smiled broadly. “You even seem to be getting better at being funny, if you don’t mind my saying.”

Turing lifted the box on her head up. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle,” she replied in her normal voice. “When I first learned of Nightmare Night, I made it a point to scan as much data and make as many inquiries about it as I could. I learned that costume choices seem to be either a form of wish fulfillment or a means of confronting fears. Why organic ponies enjoy scaring each other or being afraid themselves is not something I understand.”

“It’s… complicated,” Twilight replied, adjusting her hat. “It’s kind of fun when you’re not really in danger.”

“Understood.” She turned and watched as various foals met up with their parents or older siblings. “My research indicated that many ponies also enjoy the chance to emulate the actions or mannerisms of characters or archetypes. You, for instance, indicated that you are dressed as Marey Plodder. Rainbow Dash is dressed as Daring Do.

“In my case, I analyzed common fictional ideas about automata and cross-referenced them with the images I scanned from Button Mash’s comic book. By affecting the mannerisms and dialogue of a more stereotypical robot and wearing an ineptly-made costume, I thought to present myself as a mockery of the fears many ponies seem to have about me. It was my hope that satire would alleviate those fears.” She lowered the box back into place over her head. “Beep.”

Twilight stared at her, mouth open. She breathed in deeply, chest swelling, and smiled at her. “Turing… that’s actually very clever! I’m amazed you were able to do this all on your own!”

“Correction: I received some help from Pinkie Pie. She helped me to plan out some things to say that she believed would be more humorous. Though I am not certain why verbal insults and threatening job security in Equestria are funny, I have come to trust that she knows what she is doing.”

“Ah. That explains it.” Twilight resisted the urge to sigh. She had hoped this “character” was entirely Turing’s invention, but it was working out well regardless and it was still Turing’s idea, even if Pinkie helped make it funnier.

Just then, Pinkie, still in her Fluttershy costume, suddenly bounced over, waving her hooves to get Twilight’s attention. “Twilight, omigosh, here come Lyra and Bon Bon!” Pinkie pointed and Twilight followed until she spotted the pair.

The two of them were dressed alike. Both were wearing matching black suits and ties as well as sunglasses. They had mutual stony, deadpan expressions.

“Great costumes, you two!” Twilight exclaimed. “Are you two secret agents?”

“No,” Bon Bon said quickly.

“What?” Lyra cried, losing her deadpan in an instant. “But I thought we were supposed to be the Mares in Black!”

“No, I told you we’re the Blues Sisters!” Bon Bon snapped. She resumed her deadpan stare. "We've got 15 bits, half a cart full of hay, and we're wearing sunglases at night. Let's hit it."

“I thought you were those two gangsters from that Quarab Trotantino movie,” Rainbow Dash said as she landed among them.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes as Lyra giggled.

“Twilight Sparkle, are these two friends of yours?” Turing asked, interrupting the exchange.

“Oh, um… yes!” Twilight said, blushing slightly. “Turing Test, this is Lyra Heartstrings! We knew each other back in Canterlot.”

Lyra bowed.

“And, um…” Twilight looked to Bon Bon. She squinted her eyes and her smile became tight and strained.

“Bon Bon,” she sighed. “I’m a candy maker and I’m Lyra’s housemate.”

“Oh right, right!” Twilight exclaimed, chuckling nervously.

“It is nice to meet you, Lyra and Bon Bon.” Turing raised her mask to look at them more directly. “I am Turing Test. I am a robot, an artificial pony, and Twilight Sparkle is instructing me in making friends. I hope we will develop such a relationship.”

“I remember, I saw the newspaper!” Lyra exclaimed. “It’s nice to meet you!” She raised a hoof to her chin, still smiling. “So, um… what’s it like being a robot?”

Turing tilted her head. “I do not believe I can give a clear answer. I have always been a robot and have no comparison.” She put out her hoof, holding it upwards, letting her mask fall back into place. “If I were to ask you what it is like to be an organic pony, how would you answer?”

“It’s actually pretty great!” she said immediately. Then she paused. “Although, I mean, I have wondered about some things.” She leaned closer to her and Twilight. “Say, um… do you know if that one mare is coming back here soon?”

“Huh? Who do you mean?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You know. The one with the, um… mechanical hands.” Her eyes lit up and her smile grew wider. “I’d reeeeally like to ask her some questions!”

“Oh good, it seems everypony is here!” Rarity said, trotting over to them, derailing Lyra’s train of thought completely. “My my, Lyra and Bon Bon, you two look rather stylish in those suits!”

“Well, at least everypony likes them, even if we don’t know what we’re supposed to be,” Bon Bon sighed, rolling her eyes.

Then there came a sound that made them all raise their heads. It was the sound of the Ponyville Clocktower and the bells were ringing out, audible even over the energetic Nightmare Night festivities, music, and games. It tolled the time, the bells finally stopping after ten long, resounding chimes.

Both Rarity and Lyra raised their heads. “It’s time,” they said in unison.

The others looked at them, startled by their synchronous statement.

Bon Bon tensed up, sucking in a deep breath as she watched Lyra’s eyes gain a faraway look.

“We should go now, everypony,” Rarity said, the look in her eyes matching Lyra’s.

“Yes, we don’t want to be late,” Lyra added, strolling alongside her.

Twilight and the others just looked at each other and shrugged. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were already on the tips of their hooves at the thought of this mystery scavenger hunt.

“Lyra, you’re coming too?” Pinkie asked. “All right! It seems like we almost never get to hang out!” She turned to Bon Bon. “So I guess you’re coming too, right Bon Bon?”

“Um, I…”

“She’s not invited,” Rarity and Lyra said at once.

“Whoa whoa whoa…” Rainbow Dash said, holding up her hooves. “Just like that, Rarity? And you, Lyra? I thought you and Bon Bon were practically attached at the hip!”

“She’s not… invited…” Lyra said, though her eyes were becoming unfocused. “I… want to… but…” She held her head, wincing suddenly.

Twilight looked from her to Bon Bon, who was looking down at the ground. But as Lyra clutched at her head, she went over and put a hoof on her shoulder.

“No, Lyra, it’s fine.” She looked her in the eyes and gave her a small smile. “Seriously. It’s… it’s okay. Just have fun and, you know, be safe.”

Lyra looked at her blankly for a moment, then slowly smiled in return. “Right. Sure. Sorry you can’t come.”

“No worries.” She hugged her and then stepped away, slowly walking off as the rest of them formed a circle.

“So, where is this little scavenger hunt?” Twilight asked.

Lyra and Rarity donned matching mischievous grins.

“Whoa…” Rainbow Dash breathed. She stared up at their destination as they emerged from the Everfree Forest. “The Castle of the Two Sisters… whoever put this together, they’ve got great taste in Nightmare Night locations!”

The ruined castle, dark and foreboding as ever, looked even more intimidating and menacing as the moon was the only illumination in the dead of night. The sounds of the creatures in the Everfree sounded close and their screeches and howls only served to chill them further and spur them onward across the bridge and into the courtyard.

“Scanning…” Turing Test said suddenly, her voice startling them all. “Unidentified energy readings detected in this vicinity.”

“L-like what kind of energy?” Rarity asked.

“As stated, they are unidentified. They could be magical in nature, or the result of a slightly anomalous pocket of electromagnetic energy. More data is needed.” The group was silent as they edged closer to the rickety, rotten wooden doors. “I have also detected increased heart rates and heightened breathing from you all, indicating distress.”

“Th-that’s just excitement! I’m not scared!” Rainbow Dash declared, taking flight and zooming ahead of them. “In fact, I’m going in first! We’ll see who’s the bravest pony this Nightmare Night!”

The others, in spite of their fears, had to admit that they were pretty excited about this mystery scavenger hunt that somepony was throwing. They looked to each other, smiling eagerly, and rushed after her.

I know this castle, Twilight told herself. It’s nothing special, just a bunch of hallways, suits of armor, and some childish tricks that Celestia and Luna had installed. There’s nothing to be afraid of!

She of course was not aware of the two ponies standing at the window in the highest tower, watching them.

Bon Bon tread lightly behind the group of them. Occasionally one of them looked behind them as she followed and she thought she might have been discovered. But then they went on and she realized the device the Doctor had given her was still working.

An invisibility device, she marvelled to herself, grinning slightly as she crept toward the castle entrance. Maybe this way I can sneak in before either of those two know I’m here!

“It looks like the guests are here, Grace,” Glory whispered. “That little message you put into Rarity and the green one worked out perfectly.”

“Indeed. I am so glad the Children of Harmony came to our little gathering. And they brought the machine with them. Tonight we shall consecrate this holy place.”

“It’s a shame we didn’t get them all. Four out of six. I’m a little surprised the pink one didn’t come with them.”

“Ah, but it seems she did,” Grace said, her eyes still closed. “I can see beyond that veneer. She’s disguised herself as one of the others. How droll!” She chortled and then froze. Her features went from a calm smile to a toothy grin. “Glory.”

“Hm? What is it?” he asked, looking down at her.

“It seems we have an uninvited guest.”

Glory peered out the window again, but saw no one. “What? I don’t see anypony.”

“Oh, she’s using some clever gadget to conceal herself. But she cannot hide from my blessed sight.” She motioned for Glory to lean down so she could whisper to him more clearly. “She’s here, Glory. Our old friend Special Agent Sweetie Drops has arrived.”

Author's Notes:

Insert Vincent Price laugh here.

Okay, first order of business is to thank my artist, Colby Green, and my editor, GaPJaxie for their monumental help on this chapter. The picture of the gang in costume is something I asked Green to come up with quickly and he delivered in full force. Jaxie helped trim this chapter down a lot. It needed some pretty heavy rewrites and some scene cuts, some of which I might use later, but you may get a deleted scene if not!

Meanwhile, it's time to play "Spot the Reference" again, kiddies!

-The title of course references a certain landmark chess-playing computer.

-The RMCA is a nod to the SCP universe.

-A bunch of "Doctor Who" references, of course:

+Derpy's costume is a reference to the Weeping Angels, the ultra-creepy monsters from "Blink."

+Doc dressing like a pear is another reference to the Tenth Doctor's apparent dislike of them.

+A very slight reference, but Doc working unofficially for the RMCA is a reference to the Doctor's off-again-on-again relationship with UNIT.

-Costumes:

+Twilight's Marey Plodder is of course a reference to "Fifty Shades of Gray." Wait, that wasn't it...

+Pinkie Pie disguising herself as Fluttershy references "The Crystal Empire," but I figured she did that for information purposes; she's doing it now for fun.

+Turing's costume is a reference to the Tin Soldier costume pack for "Team Fortress 2." Her line about being a robot in disguise? Hm, can't remember. Some other franchise Hasbro did.

+The jokes about Lyra and Bon Bon's costumes reference, of course, "Men in Black," the "Blues Brothers" (Jaxie suggested Bon Bon's extra quip), and "Pulp Fiction" from Quentin Tarantino, all of which involve dudes wearing nice black suits.

One last reference is Grace and Glory's names. They're named after the creepy final boss tune from the "Jet Set Radio" games:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPL8zFxi9xY

See you next chapter!

Deep Blue, Part 2

Pushing past the heavy ancient door, Twilight and the others entered the castle and stepped into the Great Hall. The dim light of the moon filtered in through the cracked stainedglass windows just enough to illuminate the area. Bits of rubble littered the floor and vines grew up through cracks in the floor. A forest of cobwebs hung from the ceiling high above them and they shifted slightly at the change in pressure as the ancient door was opened. A cold autumn draft blew through the nearby halls, carrying the scent of mildew.

“My…” Rarity whispered, glancing all around her. “I’d forgotten the awful state of this castle.” She shivered.

“Not chickening out already, are you?” Rainbow Dash asked as she hovered over her, forelegs crossed, staring down at her with a grin.

“C-certainly not!” Rarity shot back, holding her head up. She took the lead as the others followed.

As they proceeded, the dark path was slightly illuminated by a violet glow which cast their shadows ahead of them. They turned and parted, seeing that it was just the light emanating from Turing’s glowing eyes.

“I had withheld my inquiries until now, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing said as she trotted alongside Twilight, “but it may now be appropriate to point out that no one has explained what a ‘scavenger hunt’ is to me.”

“Oh, right!” Twilight adjusted her wizard’s cap, glancing at the darkened stone alcoves to her left and right. “Well, it’s usually a game where everypony has to get a bunch of items or take pictures next to a landmark or something. And whoever finishes their list first wins!” She glanced around again, smirking as she did so. “In this case, we’ll probably need to search all over the castle, so teams will have to do this without getting too freaked out. But that’s part of the fun!”

“Understood.”

“Ooh, I can’t wait!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, leaping into the air, the fake wings of her Fluttershy costume flopping at her sides.

“I just bet whoever set this up is planning to jump out and scare us,” Rainbow Dash said. She eyed Rarity with a raised eyebrow. “Whoever invited us better be good… I don’t scare easily!”

Turing turned toward Rainbow Dash. “Please clarify. This sort of activity involves somepony hiding until they are able to surprise us at an unexpected moment?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Usually.”

Turing tapped her chin. “And that is a source of amusement?”

“Now you’re getting it!” Lyra said. She shivered, but smiled to herself anyway. “I’m usually pretty terrible with this kind of scary stuff. I get a nightmare and can’t get to sleep for hours, but then Bon Bon just makes me some cocoa and she talks to me until…”

She frowned, her ears drooping.

Twilight went over to her to put her hoof on her shoulder. “Lyra? Is everything okay?”

“Y-yes,” she said slowly. She patted Twilight’s hoof, managing to smile. “I’m all right.”

Twilight returned her smile. “Okay. If you say so.”

“Look everypony!” Rarity cried, startling them all. “There’s an envelope on the stairs!”

They rushed forward toward the stairs at the end of the Great Hall when suddenly, slowly, the envelope floated upwards and began to dance in the air.

“Ooooh!” a voice warbled from the envelope. It wobbled in the air to the left and right as the voice continued, saying, “I am the Pony of Shaaaadoowwwsss. Leave my castle at once or--”

Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, collapsing to the ground as she shook her head. “Seriously? This is somepony’s idea of scary? Whoever’s doing that voice doesn’t even sound like they’re trying. Somepony’s probably just levitating it with magic.” She turned to Rarity and Lyra, smirking at them. “Was this your idea?”

“Uh, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight whispered, elbowing her. “I don’t see any magical aura around it. And I don’t see any wires either.” She frowned, but she looked more curious than actually afraid as she rubbed her chin.

The envelope shook even harder as the voice continued. “N-never mind that! I told you to leave, now go!”

Pinkie, still in her Fluttershy costume, joined Rainbow Dash’s laughter. “Ha! Uh oh, Rainbow Dash, looks like you made the ghost angry!” She bounded over to the envelope. “Hi, ghost! Hey, since you’re dead, do you want to hear Rinny’s joke about Starswirl the Bearded?”

“In actuality, it is not a ghost. It is Bon Bon.”

They all froze, including the envelope. The others turned to stare at her.

“Thermal scans revealed her following us since we left Ponyville.” She paused a moment, her eyes contracting slightly. “Was her concealment part of the attempt to frighten us in a way that would cause amusement? I apologize for revealing her deception.” She lowered her head. “Sad beep.”

There was a sigh and the envelope fluttered to the floor and Bon Bon faded back into view, her hoof touching a circular device hung around her chest.

“Great.” She blushed as she gave them all a weak grin. “Um, hi everypony.”

“Bon Bon, it really is you! You made it!” Lyra cheered, rushing over to her and throwing her forelegs around Bon Bon’s neck. Then she blinked and let her go, backing away slowly. “Wait, you weren’t invited. But… now I can’t remember why…”

Bon Bon shook her head and led her back to the group. “Never mind that now. Look, we don’t have time to mess around.” Her eyes narrowed and she leaned in toward all of them. “Seriously, you all need to leave this castle right now.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “But we didn’t even start the scavenger hunt!” She knocked on her pith helmet. “I was all set for this little adventure, even if your stunt was lame.”

“Oh, so this whole thing was your idea, Bon Bon?” Twilight asked. “Listen, just because this part didn’t work out--”

“It wasn’t my idea!” She stomped both forehooves on the ground, growling through her teeth. “Look, please…” She glanced at Lyra and her anger shifted into fear as she bit her lip. “There is no scavenger hunt. It’s all a ruse to lure you into a trap. Please, for your own safety, just leave!”

Turing Test raised her head, ears twitching inside the cardboard box on her head. “Somepony is approaching.”

They followed her gaze and heard soft hoofsteps. Bon Bon placed herself in front of the others as a figure slowly came down the darkened staircase. Her eyes widened and her blood turned to ice when she saw who it was.

“Dear little Sweetie Drops, must you go and ruin everypony’s fun?” Grace stepped into the moonbeam that radiated through a hole in the roof, the glint of the metal plate on her habit reflecting faintly on the stone wall as she descended. She wore a serene smile and her eyes were closed, though she hit each step on the stairs perfectly. She reached the landing halfway down the stairs and sat down, her hooves raised as she smiled beatifically. “Welcome, Children of Harmony. I am Sister Grace, a humble servant of a higher power.”

Bon Bon tensed up. “Everypony do as I say.” Her voice was quiet and even. “Start moving toward the exit.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at the stranger. “What for? Some pony with a scarf on her head is supposed to scare us?” She turned to the others, expecting similar expressions of doubt, but then she saw Rarity and Lyra.

Rarity’s eyes were constricted and she and Lyra were both backing away. “Rainbow Dash… I think I remember her,” Rarity whispered. She was shivering, lip quivering “Sh-she came to the Boutique. Lyra and I were there--”

“There were two of them!” Lyra cried suddenly, her eyes bulging. She then huddled behind Bon Bon, shutting her eyes tightly. “I remember now. Th-they did something to us. It’s all a haze, but I remember... I was fighting, but there was nothing I could do! She was in my head. She was saying something and I couldn’t shut it out!”

Bon Bon grit her teeth. “It’s okay, Lyra,” she said, placing her hoof over her friend’s. “Everypony just get out of here and leave her to me. And whatever you do, don’t look directly at her!”

Grace chortled at that, covering her mouth demurely. “Now now, there is no need to fear, if you cooperate. I will be direct.” She turned toward Turing, eyes still shut, and pointed a hoof at her. “We are here for the Machine.”

They all looked to Turing Test, who’d locked her gaze on Grace.

“Our little pawns, Miss Rarity and Miss Lyra were made to participate in a scenario that would bring it here.”

They all stiffened at that, stepping forward in front of Rarity and Lyra defensively.

“The rest of you were to be a bonus,” Grace continued. “We’d hoped to gather you here so that you might all face judgment for your sins. However, if we must conclude our business early, then you may simply turn the machine over to us and we will leave you unharmed.” She chuckled again, adding, “And by the way, those are quite charming little costumes you’re all wearing.”

“You’d see ‘em better with your eyes open, lady!” Rainbow Dash yelled, shaking a hoof at her. “And if you think we’re giving Tee to you, then you’ve got another thing coming!” She shot forward, tackling Grace and pinning her down at the landing.

“Rainbow Dash, don’t!” Bon Bon screamed, reaching for her.

As Rainbow held down Grace, the smiling nun opened her eyes, bathing Rainbow Dash in a deep blue glow.

“What are you… you…” She released her grip and sank to her haunches as Grace gently pushed her backwards, standing up.

“Oh yes, you’re right,” Grace whispered, her smile drawing up into a tight grin. “I can see you much better now.”

Rainbow Dash’s jaw slackened and her eyes became unfocused as she stared into that glow. Her rage had subsided along with her thoughts, imagination, and memory. There was nothing but the light. And within that light, there was absolutely nothing.

Grace shut her eyes again. “Pride goeth before a fall, dear child.” She gently pushed Rainbow Dash backwards, causing her to tumble down the steps as limply as a ragdoll, landing roughly before her friends who all cried out and ran to her side.

“Dashie!” Pinkie screamed, taking her face in her hooves. “Dashie, are you all right?!”

Twilight waved a hoof in front of Rainbow’s eyes. “Rainbow! Rainbow Dash!” Her gaze was blank and unresponsive.

“Scanning vital signs,” Turing said, stepping forward, removing the box from her head to see better. “Analysis: breathing and heart rate are normal. No fractures detected. Physically, she is unharmed.”

“She’s catatonic.” They all turned to Bon Bon when she spoke. She was shaking, her eyes aflame and her teeth clenched. She stomped her hooves, a roar erupting from her throat as she looked up at Grace who smiled impassively down at them. “Grace, you monster!”

Grace laughed dryly, putting a hoof to her chest. “Please. Ponies are the real monsters, Sweetie Drops. But enough pontification.” She cleared her throat. “Now don’t bother trying to escape. My dear companion Glory has already cut off your exit.” She raised her head. “Isn’t that right, Glory?”

They all whirled around to see the massive stallion standing in the doorway, blocking the exit. “Indeed, Grace,” he replied, his deep voice echoing throughout the Great Hall. He slowly began to approach them, a slight amused grin on his face. “I’ve destroyed the bridge leading here. Your exit is gone, Children of Harmony. Your only hope now is to cooperate.”

Rarity and Lyra had both started panicking, looking for a way out and seeing none. Pinkie was still trying desperately to awaken Rainbow Dash, calling her name again and again. Twilight, Turing Test, and Bon Bon huddled together as the pair began to advance on them.

“I… I don’t care who you are,” Twilight shouted, looking back and forth between Grace and Glory, “but I’m not giving Turing Test over to you!”

“Twilight Sparkle, perhaps we should consider--”

“No, Turing!” Twilight said, turning to her, eyes narrowed as her horn began to glow. “You are not going with these two! We’re getting out of here!”

She levitated a huge chunk of stone from the collapsed ceiling and flung it at Glory. She’d expected him to dodge it, but instead the chunk struck him directly, shattering into tiny pieces. There was a burst of dust and gravel, but then he stepped right through it, flashing a gleaming white smile, gently brushing the dust from his shoulder. There wasn’t a bruise on him.

“A mere half ton of stone? You may as well be hurling spitwads.” He lowered his head, brown eyes narrowing. “But you’ll still pay for that just the same, Princess.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped and she sank to the ground. “Impossible. H-how…?”

Grace sighed. “Oh, you poor, lost Children of Harmony. I was looking forward to the thrill of taking each of you apart one by one, much like your multicolored friend there, but it seems we’ll have to make this quick.” She drew her lips down into an exaggerated frown. “For your sins, I’m afraid you must pay a heavy penance.” She slowly began to open her eyes, a sliver of blue light shining outward.

Bon Bon reached into her suit and removed a small green sphere, throwing it at the ground between the group and Grace, causing it to explode in a huge cloud of smoke, obscuring Grace from view and causing her to stagger back, coughing.

“Twilight, listen, we need out of here now!” Bon Bon hissed. “Can you teleport us back across the chasm to the Everfree Forest?”

Twilight blinked and then her eyes lit up as she nodded. “Everypony, near me!”

Turing dashed forward, snatching up Rainbow Dash as Pinkie and the others joined Twilight in a cluster.

“Glory!” Grace shouted, coughing through the smoke as she ran through it.

Glory roared and rushed at them like a freight train as Twilight’s magic energized. However, she wasn’t prepared for his burst of speed. Turing was there in an instant to block him, but his momentum was enough to allow him to plow into the group of them just as Grace reached them, knocking Twilight off her hooves and interrupting her spell. There was a bright flash of light and the whole group of them vanished, leaving the Great Hall empty and silent.

Glory shook his head. He was in a stone hallway. He stood and grunted as his mane became entangled with cobwebs. He glanced around, blinking in the dim light until he spotted something on the ground. He came closer and saw it was Rainbow Dash. She was lying on the floor, flat on her back, her breathing very slow, her eyes half-opened and glazed over.

He grunted. “Filthy defiling maggot.” He placed his hoof on Dash’s chest and slowly began to press down. She barely made a sound as the breath was crushed from her lungs.

“Glory!”

He whirled around, taking his hoof off Rainbow Dash, and saw Grace galloping towards him.

“Grace, there you are!” His ears perked up and he knelt down, touching his nose to hers. “I’m relieved to see you’re unharmed.” He jerked his head at Rainbow Dash. “I was just about to send this sinner to her final judgment.”

Grace held up a hoof. “Now now,” she said gently. “There is no need to harm her. It isn’t as though the poor wretch could feel it now anyway.” She turned her head up toward him. “We should gather her up. Even if she is little more than an empty vessel now, she may yet make a good hostage.”

Glory nodded and gathered Rainbow Dash up, draping her across his back. “Looks like Princess Twilight’s spell misfired. We’ve been scattered across the castle.”

“Indeed.” Grace searched the walls. “Now, if I’m not mistaken… ah!” She pressed a brick on the wall and there was a pop and the sound of gears turning as the wall pulled back and slid away, revealing a hidden passage. “Mind your head, Glory,” she said as she led him into the corridor. “We must hurry and find the others.”

Glory chuckled. “It seems we’ll get to enjoy a scavenger hunt for Nightmare Night after all.”

Grace turned to him, the glint of her teeth barely visible in the near-total darkness. “Then let’s play for keeps.”

Pinkie and Lyra were halfway down the Hall of Hooves, the narrow hallway lined with disembodied forelegs.

“Did you hear something, Lyra?” Pinkie asked, her ears twitching as she turned her head. When she didn’t respond, she turned to see Lyra staring at one of the hooves. “Uh, Lyra?”

“Why hooves?” she muttered to herself, rubbing her chin as she narrowed her eyes. “Now a Hall of Hands, that would be impressive!” She brightened at the thought. “I wonder if I could convince Bon Bon to let me work on a new arts and crafts project…” Then she blinked and lowered her ears, heaving a sigh. “Bon Bon.”

Pinkie went over to her, placing a hoof on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Ly-Ly. We’ll find her and the others in no time!” She gave her a kind smile. “When you see Bon Bon, I’m sure she’ll want to see you smiling, not looking all downy frowny!”

“Yeah.” Lyra managed a smile and nodded to her. “You’re right, Pinkie. And I bet Twilight or somepony else can help Rainbow Dash. You and the others are the Elements of Harmony, after all! I’m sure you’ll beat those two!”

“Right!” Pinkie exclaimed, her voice echoing loudly through the hallways. She covered her mouth. “Uh, but maybe we should be quieter in case those meanies are out there looking for us.”

Lyra swallowed, glancing around. “Good idea,” she whispered.

Pinkie’s ears twitched. “Hm. It’s a little hard to hear in this Fluttershy costume.” She reached to the back of her head and pulled a hidden zipper, letting Fluttershy’s head split down the middle as her own head emerged. “Ah, much better!”

Lyra stuck out her tongue, turning away. “Ew. Just when I thought tonight couldn’t get any creepier.”

Pinkie bounced by her. “Okay, Ly-Ly! We’ve got to find the others, and I bet we can find a secret passage that will lead us right to them!” She began examining each of the hooves lining the walls. “Hmm,” she said, jutting her lower lip out as she stroked an imaginary beard. “Now, which of these was it?”

Lyra, a few meters behind her, raised an eyebrow. “Heh. Hey, maybe these hooves would be more helpful if we were friendly.” Chuckling to herself, she touched one of the hooves, attempting to shake it in greeting. “Nice to meet you, Hoof! I’m--” the hoof twitched and a trap door slid open under her, dropping her out of sight swiftly before closing again.

“Sorry, Lyra, could you say that again?” Pinkie waited for a response. When she didn’t get one, she turned her head and saw the hall was completely empty. She furrowed her brow and began to look all around her. “Um… L-Lyra?” And then she heard hoofsteps coming up the hallway. She froze, backing away, her blue eyes widening.

Two ponies were approaching.

Twilight threw her wizard’s hat on the ground, stomping on it. “I can’t believe I messed up the spell!” she shouted. She tossed away her cape and glasses as well, no longer in the mood for any Nightmare Night foolishness.

“It was not your fault, Twilight Sparkle.” Turing Test walked over to her, the rest of her costume also shed.

“She’s right, Twilight.” Bon Bon was checking the pockets inside her black suit, electing to keep wearing it and making sure her supplies were in place. “You still got us away from Glory. Another second and he probably would have stopped your spell completely.”

Twilight sighed. “You’re right. Let’s just focus on finding everypony else.”

“Twilight Sparkle, an optimal solution would be to teleport our friends from the castle.”

Twilight tapped her chin. “That would be possible, but we need to find them first. And I just teleported nine ponies at once, so I’ll need a little while to let my magic recover fully. Teleporting a large group is much more draining than just teleporting myself. Now let’s see where we are.”

She glanced around the area, taking in the sight of it. The room was a cavernous dining hall. Once upon a time, there had been a beautiful wooden table there and a proud chandelier. The table had long since rotted away and the chandelier was dingy and lopsided, barely hanging on to the ceiling. Though they were faded and the paint cracked, several portraits still hung on the wall.

“That’s Lord Canterbury!” Twilight said, rushing over to the painting. “I remember now! This must be in the west wing. I think I can navigate my way around from here.”

Turing’s ears moved up and down. She then placed a hoof to the stone wall. “One moment… auditory and vibration sensors do not indicate any movement in this vicinity within 75 meters. This area of the castle is clear.”

“Okay. Turing, your eyes and ears are best, so you take the lead. Let’s find the others!”

They broke into a gallop, moving through a stone archway and through a long, curving hallway.

“While we’re looking,” Twilight said, glancing over at Bon Bon, “maybe you’d like to tell us just what the hay is going on here? Just who were those two ponies?!”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. “Nopony knows everything about them, but we do know their real names. The stallion is Glory Be and the mare is Amazing Grace. Glory Be was a former candidate for the Royal Guard. He was a cadet with outstanding strength and skill, but he couldn’t control his strength or his temper. Too many injuries to the others in sparring training, and too much back talk to his superiors. When he was finally drummed out, he beat his drill instructor insensible before fleeing. And that’s when he got picked up by the Umbral Order.”

“Wait… Umbral Order? Why does that sound familiar?”

“They were a cult, a religious order that believed that the time of ponies was ending and that a race of living shadows called the umbrum--”

“Wait, of course!” Twilight gasped. “Not long ago, Princess Cadance and I found King Sombra’s old personal study in the Crystal Empire. We found his journal. It said he was really an umbrum who wanted to awaken an army of umbrum sleeping under the Crystal Empire!”

“Exactly. That’s what the Umbral Order wanted too: they believed the Crystal Empire would soon return and that King Sombra would reappear to fulfill that destiny.” She grinned at Twilight. “Guess they were half right, thanks to you and your friends.”

Twilight smiled back, but her smile faded as a thought occurred to her. “Wait, is that why they targeted us? Because we defeated Sombra?”

“Knowing those two psychopaths, I’d say so.” Bon Bon made a face. “The Order had a secret compound on the outskirts of Equestria where they preached to their members that ponykind was inherently wicked and that the umbrum would cleanse the world. And central to it was a convent of nuns that controlled every aspect of daily life there. Sister Amazing Grace was one of them. She always wears her habit with an image of King Sombra on the forehead.”

They reached the end of the corridor and found that the secret door that led to the exit had been smashed clean through, the hard stone shattered into rubble. They slowed and stepped out, finding themselves in the ruins of the throne room. There was nopony around and the area was silent save for the sound of wind blowing through the abandoned castle.

“Heat traces located,” Turing said. In her vision, she spotted several glowing hoofprints that were invisible to Twilight and Bon Bon. She began to follow them. “Thermal scans indicate that several individuals travelled through this area. Matching size to visual memory… Grace, Glory, and Rarity are the most probable individuals. We must hurry.”

Turing Test took the lead as Twilight and Bon Bon fell in step behind her.

“So, what happened to Rainbow Dash?” Twilight whispered. “How did Grace make her like… that?”

Bon Bon swallowed. “The Order was experimenting with forbidden alchemy and dark magic to try to create all kinds of living weapons, monsters really, to attack and undermine Equestria’s defenses before Sombra’s return. Glory Be and Amazing Grace both volunteered for their experiments and apparently were the only ones who made it through the process”

Twilight gawked. “You mean…”

Bon Bon nodded. “Exactly.” She curled her lip at the thought. “Still, they both gained incredible abilities. Glory has unbelievable strength and endurance. He’s practically invincible. When the compound was raided, he put thirty ponies in the hospital when he escaped. Spears, magic, brute force… nothing could even slow him down. But Grace…” She shivered. “She’s so much worse.

“Grace gained psychic abilities. Her eyes generate psycho-reactive energy. Whenever she opens her eyes, a blue light shines out of them. If anypony makes direct eye contact with her, she can scramble their minds, make them hallucinate, disable their senses, or… or just render them catatonic. She can even drive you insane just by staring at you.”

Twilight slowed her pace, her eyes going wide. “That’s horrible… and now she’s done that to Rainbow Dash.”

“And she implanted the idea for this scavenger hunt in Rarity’s head. And Lyra’s too.” She hung her head. “That’s how I knew it was her. I recognized the symptoms in Lyra.”

Turing Test quickened her pace. “The trail is becoming stronger. I believe we are coming close.”

“Good job, Turing,” Twilight said. Then she frowned and glanced sideways at Bon Bon. “How do you know all this, Bon Bon? Please tell me the truth.”

Bon Bon bowed her head. “The truth is--”

There was an ear-splitting scream just ahead of them, further up the hallway.

“Rarity!” Twilight cried as Turing broke into a run.

“Hold on, let me go invisible and we might get the drop on them!” She put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder as Turing ran ahead. “Just remember, no matter what, don’t look at her directly! If you make eye contact with her, it’s all over!”

Twilight nodded and dashed forward as Bon Bon turned on the Doctor’s device, vanishing from sight.

“No! No, please!”

They entered the room, a massive empty wine cellar lined with rotting wine casks, and saw that Grace and Glory had already cornered Rarity. Glory was holding her easily in one foreleg as Grace approached her. Rarity’s eyes were shut tight as she struggled, refusing to face her. She was shaking in fear, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Rarity!” Twilight shouted.

Rarity turned at the sound of Twilight’s voice, her eyes popping open. “Twilight?! Run! Run before--”

Grace seized her face and turned her towards her own, opening her eyes, bathing Rarity in blue light. Her struggles stopped instantly.

“Rarity, no!” Twilight screamed. “Turing, stop them!”

Turing sprinted forward, but Glory spotted her and seized Rarity’s neck in a vice-like grip.

“Stop right there!” Glory bellowed, holding Rarity up, her body limp as a ragdoll. Rarity’s expression was blank, her eyes drooping half-shut and her mouth slightly open. “One more step and I’ll break her in two.” He stepped aside and revealed that Rainbow Dash was laid against the wall. “Both of them.”

Turing stopped immediately, her hooves skidding on the stone floor.

“There’s a good automaton,” Glory said with a chuckle.

“I prefer the term robot.”

Grace stepped forward, her eyes now closed. “Oh my, it seems somepony built her with a bit of an attitude! But still, I am glad you’ve come, Machine.” She sat down, bowing to her. “And it seems Princess Twilight is here.” She paused, turning toward an empty pocket of air. “And also our dear old friend Sweetie Drops.”

Bon Bon stopped in her tracks, still invisible. How? How did she--

“Now now, if you do not stop trying to sneak up on me, Glory will make good on his threats. You don’t wish him to harm the poor child, do you?”

Bon Bon reappeared, turning away from Grace as she backed away, motioning for Twilight to do the same.

Grace crossed her hooves in front of her chest. “Your little device cannot deceive me. By the blessed will of the umbrum, one of the side effects of my wonderful gift was that I can now sense the world around me without my eyes. I must keep my eyes closed to keep my dearest companion safe, but clearly they did not wish for me to be blind and further burden him.” She gestured to Glory, who bowed to her.

“You’re no burden at all, Grace.” Then he turned his attention to Turing Test. “Now, Machine, you just stay right there.”

“You have attacked my friends and are holding two of them hostage.” Turing Test held out a hoof. “What is your objective in this matter? Perhaps we can reach an agreement.”

“Such a polite thing! But still,” Grace shuddered, “to think that the sinful ponies of this world would create a graven image like you, an idol to their own arrogance!”

“Indeed,” Glory said, curling his lip, “she really is an abomination unlike any I’ve seen.”

“Your attempts to insult me will not be effective. I only wish to assist in the recovery of Rainbow Dash and Rarity.”

“Such concern!” Grace intoned. “Well, to be perfectly blunt, Machine, we have been offered a very generous donation to our cause to acquire you. And now that you’re here,” she opened her eyes, staring directly at Turing, “you will come with us!”

Twilight and Bon Bon shielded their eyes completely. “Turing Test, don’t look at her!”

“It is all right, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing replied, staring right back at Grace. “My analysis of the magical energy she produced while attacking Rarity indicated that it would be largely ineffective on my artificial brain. She is unable to control me.”

Grace shut her eyes, her face bunching up into a deep frown. “I see,” she said, her voice taking on a growl. “I cannot penetrate the soul of something that has no soul.”

“What is a soul?”

Grace burst out laughing, her high voice echoing throughout the stone room. “Truly the words of an ignorant child!” She held up a hoof as she got herself under control. “Very well then. We will do this the old fashioned way: you will shut down and give yourself over to us, or else your pony companions will suffer the consequences. Though I suppose, as a mere machine, you do not care about them--”

“Incorrect. I do care about them.” She turned to look at Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “I do not understand why you wished to harm them. However, I will comply--”

“Turing, don’t!” Twilight shouted. “You can’t go with them!”

Turing looked over her shoulder. “Twilight Sparkle, it is not logical to place the safety of a robot over that of your friends.”

“She’s right, Princess Twilight.” Bon Bon tightened her lips before adding, “Listen, she’s just a machine. Even if she is nice, we can’t trade our friends’ lives for--”

“Quiet, both of you!” Twilight shouted, stomping her hoof. “Turing Test, you’re my friend too and it isn’t right to ask you to give yourself up to save another of our friends! No matter what, I order you not to surrender to them!”

Turing was quiet. She slowly turned back to Grace. “Twilight Sparkle is my end user. I cannot controvert her order.”

Glory sneered at that. “Then she’ll just have to change her mind.” He hefted Rarity up. She made only the slightest sound as he tightened his grip around her.

“No, wait!” Bon Bon shouted, reaching out with one hoof, still keeping her eyes turned away from Grace. “Just… let me talk some sense into Princess Twilight for a moment!”

“As you wish,” Grace said, motioning to Glory. He relaxed his grip, though Rarity was still dangling limply, her eyes still vacant and bleary.

“Okay.” Bon Bon swallowed. “Turing Test, just stay there and keep an eye on them.”

“Understood.”

Bon Bon came close to Twilight, practically nose to nose. “Princess, is your magic back? Could you teleport a group of us to someplace safe?” she whispered.

Twilight closed her eyes, concentrating. “Yes, I think so. But I can’t teleport Rarity or Rainbow Dash unless they’re close enough to me!”

“That’s fine.” Bon Bon shifted her eyes over to Turing momentarily. “And Turing, if your ears are sensitive enough to pick up what we’re saying, give us a sign without tipping off Grace and Glory.”

Turing didn’t move from her spot, but her ears slowly twitched up and down, squeaking rhythmically as they did so.

“Guess she can.” Bon Bon smiled. “Twilight, get ready to teleport. Turing, get ready to grab Rainbow and Rarity.”

She continued to whisper as Grace and Glory waited. Grace furrowed her brow and Glory yawned, blinking away tears of boredom as he did.

Bon Bon suddenly reached into her suit and whirled around flinging a hoof-full of brightly-colored round pellets at Glory’s face. They erupted on impact with a series of loud cracks and bright flashes. Though he wasn’t in pain, he still flinched and reeled back, dropping Rarity in surprise.

“Engaging U-Mode.” Turing Test’s horn emerged and she enveloped Rainbow and Rarity in her magic, yanking them away from Glory and pulling them back, right past Grace, before dashing back to Twilight and Bon Bon.

“Glory!” Grace shrieked, jutting her hoof at them.

The gigantic stallion was on all fours in an instant, and dashed toward the group almost as fast as Turing had, intent on stopping their teleportation.

Seeing him, Bon Bon levelled her hind legs at a nearby wine cask and kicked with all her might, causing the rotting wood to crack and the dark red contents to come gushing out, blocking Glory’s path as he reared back.

Behind the wave of liquid, there was a bright flash and the group blinked out of sight.

Glory growled in rage and stomped at the ground, cracking the hard stone floor like it was made of glass.

Grace let out a long sigh. “There is no time for regret, Glory. The Children of Harmony have not escaped us yet. Let us hurry and procure another hostage before they escape.” Her expression darkened. “And next time we see Agent Sweetie Drops, we will be sure she doesn’t have another chance to use one of her toys.”

Bon Bon opened her eyes. The room they were in was a cavernous library. A dusty and worn table stood in the center. Twilight trotted over to a chair and tipped it backwards. There was a hiss and creak of ancient gears and the nearby bookshelf pulled backward and then separated, revealing a door.

“Come on, this way!” Twilight said. Turing Test, still carrying Rarity, followed her with Bon Bon coming right after. Twilight flicked a switch on the wall, causing the shelf to slide back into place. Lighting her horn, Twilight led them into the hidden room.

“Whoa.” Bon Bon looked around the room breathlessly. The circular room had more bookcases and two arching stainedglass windows, the glass still intact, which displayed a stylized image of the sun and moon, respectively. The paint and drapery were still intact as well. There was a couch near the wall and Turing laid Rarity and Rainbow Dash on it gently.

“They seem to be in good condition, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing said.

“You call this a good condition?!” Twilight shouted.

“My apologies. I only meant that their vital signs are strong despite their unresponsive state.”

“They’re catatonic, Turing! They’re…” She looked to the pair of them and her eyes began to fill with tears. “Rarity… Rainbow…”

“Princess Twilight,” Bon Bon said, going to her, “I’m so sorry about all this. I just--”

Twilight whirled on her, eyes narrow and teeth clenched. “All right Bon Bon, or Sweetie Drops, or whatever your name is! I want the whole truth this time!”

Bon Bon gulped. “All right.” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Three years ago, before you ever came to Ponyville, I was a member of the RMCA - the Royal Monstrosity Containment Agency - operating as a Special Agent codenamed Sweetie Drops. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Celestia could tell you all about it; she commissioned the group herself a hundred years ago. We were a group of monster hunters tracking down abominations and artificial chimeras that threatened the peace of the nation. The Umbral Order’s experiments, including Grace and Glory, qualified.”

She hesitated a moment before drawing herself up. “I was part of the task force that infiltrated the Order. For a short while, I was posing as one of Grace’s nuns. They took me because of my skill with alchemy. My special talent is candy making, but I’m an alchemist by trade. That’s how I was able to make these things.” She opened her suit jacket, displaying that her pockets were lined with various things that looked like candy but Twilight suspected were far more potent. “Once we had our evidence, we raided the Order’s compound. That’s how Grace knows me.”

Twilight was practically shaking. “If you knew all about them, why didn’t you prevent all this from happening?!”

Bon Bon hung her head. “I tried. I tried, but…” She swallowed, shuddering. “I didn’t know where they were. I couldn’t break through to Lyra and get her to tell me where this scavenger hunt was. She just kept saying it was a secret. If I’d pushed her or prevented her from fulfilling her programming, she might have suffered an aneurism! Even if not, I had to find Grace and Glory and the only way to do that was to follow her, and by extension, all of you.”

She shut her eyes tightly. “Princess Twilight, you don’t know the extent of how awful these two can be. Grace and Glory are the last two members of the Order and they care absolutely nothing for the ponies of Equestria. They left a trail of broken bodies and minds as they escaped. Now that they’ve resurfaced, I can’t just let them slip away. Plus,” she added, a crack in her voice, “they might have decided to cover their tracks by silencing Rarity and Lyra. Permanently.”

“Then you could have at least called the Royal Guard--”

“They aren’t equipped to deal with this!” Bon Bon snapped. “If they came here, it would be just like the raid on the Order! It would mean more ponies would suffer because of the RMCA’s failure to stop these two when we had a chance! My failure!” She shuddered. “I couldn’t let that happen. You saw what happened! If even more ponies suffered…” She took a deep breath. “So I let you and your friends spring the trap, but after that, I tried to scare you and get you to leave. I wanted to take them down by myself. I didn’t know Grace could see through my invisibility device.”

Her lip quivered and she took a long, shaky breath. “This is my fault. I’m so sorry. I’ve lost so many other friends and colleagues to these two. I just didn’t want anypony else to get hurt. I… I’m sorry, Princess Twilight, I…”

She felt a hoof on her shoulder and opened her eyes. Twilight was smiling back at her. “I understand. You were trying to do the right thing.” She let out a long sigh. “I still wish you had told one of us. Nopony should have to face ponies like these alone.” She walked over to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. They remained motionless, save for the very slow rise and fall of their chests as they breathed. “Can… can we fix them somehow?”

Bon Bon swallowed. “There is therapy to help them, but it takes a long time and even then, not everypony recovers.” Then she glanced over at Turing Test who was merely standing by, listening to them. “However... if we could capture Grace and Glory or at least work out some sort of deal, we might be able to force her to restore their minds.”

Turing was quiet for a moment. “I believe I understand her meaning, Twilight Sparkle.” She approached Twilight and raised her head. “We may be able to convince them to release Rarity and Rainbow Dash if I surrender myself. I will not object to that course of action if you order me to do so.”

“I already said no, Turing!” Twilight snapped.

“My apologies, Twilight Sparkle, but you informed me that I should voice my opinion when I feel your orders are in error. I believe you are being unreasonable at this time. While I am glad for the value you place on me, I believe it may be in error to value a non-living being over a living one.”

“Turing!” Twilight exclaimed, bolting upright. “You are a living being!”

“Technically, I am not.”

“I don’t technically care! You... ugh, we’ll have this conversation later, Turing.”

She turned to Bon Bon. “Bon Bon, can I count on you to watch over Rarity and Rainbow Dash while Turing and I are away?”

Bon Bon nodded. “Of course. But where are you going?”

“We need to find Pinkie and Lyra.”

“I’ll come with you!” she exclaimed. “Lyra’s my respo--”

“Bon Bon, no. You’ve obviously got some skills and experience, so you can use them to keep Rainbow and Rarity safe in case Grace and Glory find this room.”

“I… yes, Princess.” She bowed. “I understand.”

Twilight nodded. “Turing, come with me. We need to keep searching the castle and I’ll need your eyes and ears to track the others.”

“Understood.” She and Twilight opened the secret door, glancing about cautiously before the pair left, closing the door behind them, leaving Bon Bon alone with Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

Bon Bon looked at the two of them and hugged herself. Lyra, she said to herself. I just hope Twilight and Turing Test can find you fast enough.

In the darkened Hall of Hooves, Twilight and Turing began looking around.

“They aren’t here either,” Twilight whispered. “Turing?”

“Scanning… there is no heat signature. However, the dust near this hoof on the wall has been disturbed. There is a cubic pattern to the disturbance.” She tapped the ground, the metallic sound of her hoof ringing out. “The area below is hollow. One moment.”

She raised her leg and stomped on the floor, shattering the trap door and revealing a polished stone slide beneath it.

“Good work, Turing! They might have gone this way! Follow me!”

She jumped down the hole, Turing following her, and the two of them slid into a room lined with wooden doors. The area was almost pitch black and the bare stone blocks of the hallways stood in sharp contrast to the more ornate parts of the castle.

“Oh my gosh,” Twilight whispered. “It’s the Oubliette; the secret dungeon! I’ve never been down here!”

“Scanning… no lifesigns detected. Shall we continue here or check another area?”

“Let’s search the dungeon first. They might have gotten lost down here, and it is pretty large. Let’s make sure.”

“Acknowledged.”

The two began to trot down the hallways, searching the empty cells. Periodically, Twilight would quietly call out “Pinkie! Lyra!” loud enough for them to hear if they were close by, but not loud enough to be heard in the rest of the castle.

“Twilight Sparkle,” Turing said quietly, “I must point out again that this course of action may place you and our friends in greater danger. Will you reconsider allowing me to surrender?”

Twilight groaned. “Turing, please! We can’t just let those two have what they want! After all, who knows what these two want you for?!”

“I have a hypothesis. Grace and Glory seem intent on my abduction as well as causing harm to you and the others. Fine Print, by contrast, wished for me to stay in your company and made no outward physical threats against you or your companions. Therefore, it is likely that they are not working for my creators.”

“What? Then who?”

“Considering the number of offers to purchase me after my activation, I suspect that a particularly wealthy individual hired Grace and Glory to acquire me when you refused that individual’s offer. For what purpose, I cannot say, though it is likely that they wish to disassemble me for research purposes to reverse engineer the technology that allows me to function.”

“Well, I’m definitely not allowing you to go with them now!”

Turing paused. “Twilight Sparkle, I do not wish for my friends to suffer.”

“And neither do I!” Twilight shouted, whirling on her. “And that includes you! I’m not letting somepony take you apart so they can just copy you! I will never ever allow that to happen!”

Turing’s ears twitched and she raised her head. “One moment, Twilight Sparkle.” She went over to a nearby stone wall. “I am detecting sounds from behind this wall. Analyzing… it is most likely galloping. It is approaching this wall and--”

The wall exploded, causing Twilight to scream as Glory burst through it, sweeping Turing test off her hooves as he carried her down the hallway.

“So loud, Princess,” Glory chuckled, lifting Turing Test up. “Oof. Heavy little thing aren’t you, Machine? Well, I have you now!”

Turing, wrapped up in Glory’s foreleg, pressed her hooves against him. She didn’t budge.

“Quit resisting, Machine! Nopony can overpower--”

“Engaging E-Mode.”