"Well don't worry there's nothing to be ashamed of here Twilight Parple!"

I put an arm around her shoulders and poked her horn with my other.

"Magically erectile dysfunction can happen to unicorns of all ages, though usually it doesn't happen to dragons, pegasi, and earth ponies as well!"

Parple, as I decided to call her, looked somewhere between confusion and anger, before seeming to recognize me.

"Wait  a minute! You're that other spirit sunbutt mentioned!"

Her eyes widened. All of her friends gasped and I fell over laughing. The previously pink one reared back and yelled.

"Hey! Don't call the name of sunbutt in vain!"

They all gasped again and Discord and I kept rolling around laughing.

"Okayokayokay! You- PFHA! You guys should know this, I sorta tweaked history a bit. Anytime one of you tries to say Sunbutt's name then it gets swapped out with sunbutt!"

I picked myself up and they all glared at me. Parple spoke again.

"What'd you do to the Elements of Harmony!?"

I looked at her with my cheekiest grin.

"Why, what ever do you mean? Maybe it's just your friendship that's broken!"

I was curious as to how long I could fool them. This seemed like a good way to do so, as Discord had successfully messed with them already seeing as they were all grayed out. Hmm. Except Parple and the dragon.

That may be a problem.

Of course my laughter resumed when she, and I kid you not, growled at me!

"Whatever you did to the Elements, we will fix it!"

I shrugged.

"Do what you like, not like anyone's gonna care enough to stop you. Oh yeah, I figured you'd want this."

I took out the mangled cockatrice, sans the head (I wasn't sure yet if necromancy was approved of in this time period but I refused to let Subutt get fixed!), and plopped it on her back.

"Eep! What... What is that!?"

I put on my most 'child acting innocent after doing something really bad to a hated sibling' expression, halo, wings, and all.

"Nuuuuuuuuthin! Anyway I suppose I should introduce myself... "

I floated a few feet back, took off my hat, and then took a bow.

"I am sir Frederick Fazbear the Golden, spirit of madness and psychopathy! But just for you guys, you can call me Freddy!"

I ended with a manic grin.

"Anyhoo, Dissy and I decided that since we both wanted Equestria that we would divide it! He has the south, I have the north, and the space between Canterlot and Ponyville is a neutral buffer where both of us can work together! Oh, and we also decided to do a little like the prick-princesses, so Dissy goes nuts whenever it's day and I..."

I went limp on the ground, sitting with a limp head and hanging jaw. As a faint, almost silent whisper...

"I get the nighttimes..."

I perked back up and tipped my hat to them.

"Welp, Imma leave Dissy to have fun with his elements!"

Parple got all half confused and scared again.

"What... What do you mean 'his' elements?"

I chuckled and then got a flat, dark expression.

"Well you see, you six, useless or not, are the ones Sunbutt chose to try and KILL us with! That means THIS!"

I waved my hand, clearing Discord's influence from the pink, blue, and yellow ones, and then pulled my hand back, summoning metal collars and chains onto their throats and making them gag and cough as the chains lifted them and cut of their breathing for a moment.

"See since you tried, and totally failed, in an attempt to kill us then I'm gonna take these three and have a little... Fun. Discord gets you other three to do with what he sees fit. See ya later Dissy, and see you later everypony!"

With a snap of my...

Y'know would it still be fingers even though I'm a bear? Huh. Never really thought about that. Anyway,

With a snap of my bear-fingers, me and my three ponies were away, and we were off to Cloudsdale. Of course, a bear that's a foot taller that Celestia holding three ponies by chains causes panic. Oh, and the fact that I summon hallucinations just by my presence other than the cases where I make an effort to hold it in. Upon landing, the three confused ponies flopped around on the ground for a bit. One of the hilarious results of my magic and Discords both entering a ponies mind, whether one was simply there to remover the other and then fade away, is the fact that for a few minutes afterward ponies believe that they are trout on land. They wouldn't die or any such business but they wouldn't realize that their breathing actually gave them air until it wore off. With a poke they all figured themselves out well enough and then got a look at me. First the little butterball.

"EEEP!"

And with that she collapsed into a black hole like a dying star.

Okay fine she just curled into a  ball, happy?

Yes!

Well that settles that. Anyhoo, with that the butterball went dead silent, shaking in terror. I decided I would break her last, just for the fact that she appreciated the situation. The pink one was at least stupid enough for me to pardon the fact that she started crawling on me like a monkey, asking incessant questions.

"HeyaI'veneverseenanythinglikeyoubeforearyoufriendswiththatmeaniepantsDiscordorareyouanicebearbythewaymyname'pinkiepiedoyouwanabefriendswithme?!"

I grabbed her muzzle with my paw and held it shut, as well as holding her in front of me.

"I don't doubt that, yes, no, whatever, no!"

"Wowie nopony has ever understood me when I talk all excited before!"

I shrugged.

"Well I'm not a pony. Of course I believe that you heard me before when I was introducing myself, but if you didn't I am-

WHUMP. The blue one attempted to knock me over, only succeeding in turning my head to the right slightly. I grabbed her tail and held her upside down.

"Well that was dumb. You wanna try again or should I start with the madness?"

"Bite me! I'm not gonna let you hurt my friends, or my name's not-GLCH!"

I cut her off as well, seizing her throat.

"Well in terms of biting I'm afraid that I'm not a pirate fox, I'm a bear. And also?"

I leaned in to her and whispered in her ear.

"You can't do a thing to stop me.. Now, here's how this will work. You two,"

I pointed at the Pink demon and the butterball.

"Will go there."

I snapped my paw and popped them into a floating glass box, trapping them there.

"And you,"

I pointed to the mouthy pegasus in my other paw.

"Get to be Player One of MY little game. See, I'm not Discord, even though he taught me a lot of what I know now. He wanted to make you behave like the opposites of your elements but me?"

I narrowed my eyes and her eyes widened ever so slightly.

"I don't reverse the tape. I tear it apart until there's just a mangled mess of clips from the original."

I let go of her with a cheery grin and she dropped.

"Let's get started." Next Chapter: Chapter Four: Gold Fluffy Freddy Bears Trashing On Rainbows! Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 23 Minutes