Have we counted the number of pigs in existence yet?

Yes

Have we tried to imagine a new color?

Yepperooni!

Discord?

Yes?

I think we're out of things to do.

FUUUUUUUUUU-

Hey who's that?

"Girls! Now these are some interesting statues here. What do you notice about them?"

Well then. It seems to be a field trip of little ponies...

Well should we keep trying to think of stuff or do you want to try and listen to them and th- HEY LOOK THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER US!

I looked down on the little pile of children in front of us. Normally I would simply be angered by the fact that these little ragamuffins were reminding me I couldn't move but they were being entertaining. I suppose I should explain, I am Goldenius Frederick Fazbear, but my friends (mainly Discord) call my Golden Freddy or just Golden. A while back I arrived in this world along with my good buddy Discord-

Hello!

That would be him. Anyhoo I arrived here a few thousand years ago in the state I bear today. Once I was but a man dressed as a bear of gold, but now I AM that bear! Of course that came with- say it with me Dissy-

PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!

But still, I arrived and befriended my pal Dissy here and the two of us whipped this world into a maelstrom of fantastical madness, but then...

Tragedy struck.

Apparently the little horses did not agree with us about chaos and so in a phenomenally dickish move the fattest of the two horses sealed us in stone with the-

Umm. What were they called Dissy?

The Hellements of Armoury!

Ah! Thank you.

Still, they sealed us up in stone for a bajillion or so years (being in stone Dissy and I don't exactly get many calendars) and then left us here to rot, though I'm unsure if rotting is a thing stones can do. Anyway this is the day that Dissy and I finally ran out of things to do (Somehow our brains were all connected by the Hellements so we already counted everything and then made up a good may things to try and do with ourselves when we got loose) when these little fillies came along. We were enjoying their feeble attempts to kill each other when suddenly-

CRACK!

Well how about that. A little web of cracks spread across both our chests and we stood. The two of us had gone down as champs in the position of playing a game of pool chicken, discord blowing a raspberry and me giving a twohanded middle finger salute. We watched the little fillies leave and I heard Dissy's voice leaving my mind. With a final shattering sound we both flopped to the ground. We both stood and dusted ourselves off silently before looking at each other.

"FREEEEEEDOM!!"

"Hey Dissy?"

"Yes?"

"LET'S GO RUIN CELESTIA'S DAY!"

"Okay. So we put the gas inducing medicine in all the cakes, itching powder into all the shampoo, scorpions into all the beds, hot sauce in all the drinks, and whoopie cushions in all the chairs. What else can we set up in Celestia's castle before we make it public that we got out?"

"Hmmm... We could curse her so that she has a massive handlebar mustache that she is incapable of seeing and regrows immediately whenever it is removed?"

"Perfect!"

Once Cholestria's castle was all filled to the brim we made our presence known.

By putting a brick through her bedroom window. After that it was a matter of waiting for her to-

"DISCOOOOORD! FAAAAAAZBEAAAAAAAR!"

"RUN DISCORD, RUN BEFORE SHE TRIES TO SIT ON YOU!"

As we ran we finalized our plans.

"Okay, so after we both go mess with the new Hellements then you take the north of Canterlot and I take the south?"

Discord nodded.

"I already sent out a little taste of our chaos, mainly some food from the sky and dancing buffalo."

I nodded and waved him goodbye.

The two of us regrouped at the little building with the Hellements, teleporting them out of their box. As Discord retrieved them I lazily floated around the room. I reached into the box and took out three of the Hellements, namely Kindness, Laughter, and Loyalty, and promptly put them inside my chest. Something I had found when I first arrived, my body was made up of an animatronic suit and a no-longer decayed Golden Freddy suit. For whatever reason I still could feel every part of the animatronics and suit as if they were a part of me. Of course the suit and animatronic were fused into one and couldn't be separated. I also had found out by trolling princess moon pie that my animatronic skeleton was indestructible, and even though my suit could be burned dissolved and obliterated that it would always regenerate to me, making me essentially immortal. This meant that unless I gave them back, these little elements couldn't be taken from me. As a little prank that would come into effect later I put fakes of the three Hellements I took back into the box. That'd give their bearers a little bit of hope that I would stomp viciously later. I thought over what Dissy told me about the new bearers as I floated around.  

Pinkie Pie, a voice of laughter that would be silenced.

Fluttershy, the bearer of kindness that would soon be abused.

Rainbow Dash, the loyal spirit that would be betrayed.

See, Discord and I both enjoyed chaos, but I was a tad more vicious with my enemies. Now, after a thousand years of training from Discord while in stone I was just as skilled as he was in illusions... chaos...and especially madness. Before I was in stone I was a tad more aware of myself... Back then I cared about mercy.

Last time I gave mercy to an enemy I was trapped in stone after all, so this time...

I was gonna have fun, of that I had no doubt. But by the end of the day today, the Hellements of Armoury would be no more. Next Chapter: Chapter Two: Well that's a Bummer Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 33 Minutes