After turning the knob, I opened the door and walked through it, only for my eyes to widen in shock, horrified by the sight before me. Ponyville...the town was in ruins; buildings were either reduced to ash or the skeletal remains of what they once were while ponies walked the streets in single-file lines, all linked to one another by heavy wrought iron chains cuffed around their hooves. With fear etched into their expressions, they walked with their gazes lowered to the ground, all of them covered in soot and dust as they hauled lumber and metal on their backs or by a wagon towards some kind of monument being built in the center of town.

Taking a few tentative steps forward, I walked towards a chain gang of ponies who were heading my way.

"Excuse me," I said to the mare leading the bunch, causing her, and the rest behind her, to stop. "What happened? How did Ponyville become like," I gestured around me, "like this? Who's responsible?"

The mare didn't answer, and neither did the others, but, moments later, with their gazes still to the ground, they all raised a hoof with the clanking of chains and pointed in one direction. Following their hooves, I discovered that they were pointing at...at...

I blinked.

No... No, this couldn't be right... They were all pointing at the Crystal Castle, where I spotted a familiar figure looking out from one of the balconies. This figure was looking down at everypony, baring an expression that was callous, lacking any emotion, and unsympathetic, giving commands as if they wielded an iron hoof.

It was Twilight, and she...she...had a pancake over her head? Also, I noticed that her hair was styled differently; I like it, very slick.

The mare I asked earlier finally spoke up, almost startling me. "It was her, she's the one responsible for all this...Baroness Flapjack..."

I straight-faced at the mare, thinking that she couldn't be serious. "Baroness Flapjack?" I questioned, turning back to Twilight, my face contorting in confusion. "What the fuc--"

"Ah, there you are!" a mare shouted, cutting me off mid-curse. Turning towards the voice, I saw that it was...

"Luna?" I asked, even more confused as to why she standing at the other side of the doorway that I came from. "What's going on?"

"Apologies, Maurice, I was a bit careless." With a sheepish grin, Luna shrugged. "I took ten minutes off our gaming session to go help some fillies with their nightmares, so I might have forgotten to close a few doors." She walked through the door, then looked around the ruins of Ponyville. "Ah, it appears that Ms. Sparkle is having that world domination dream again. What is it this time, sentient books again?"

As soon as she finished that sentence, I stood as still as a stature when a group of pancakes in the size and shape of ponies marched by; each one had sunny side up eggs for eyes, strips of haybacon for mouths, were adorned in armor, and wielded spears.

"Ah, I see," Luna uttered with an understanding nod, her eyes tracking the breakfast battalion as they turned the corner.

Wanting answers for what I just witnessed, I raised my hand like a student in class. "Ok, uh...question." I waited for Luna to turn back to me before I continued. "Why are you speaking like that? Since when do you say 'I' instead of 'We'? You don't sound like Venom anymore..."

Luna raised a brow at me. "Really? Sentient pancakes walk by and you question my speech patterns?"

I nodded. "Yeah diggy dog."

"Diggy dog?" Luna repeated, puzzled by my response before her face lit up in understanding. "Oh, of course; you're not one hundred percent there." With a short sigh, she lightly shrugged. "Well, I might as well tell you since you're not going to remember once you awaken. But first," she walked back through the door and gestured with her head for me to follow, "step back into the Dreamscape so I may return you to your own dream space."

"Awesomesauce," I said with a nod before walking through the doorway, stepping back into that weird star-filled hallway.

Luna closed the door behind me, then spoke as she began to walk down the hall with me following closely behind.

"As for why I'm speaking like this, I may have picked up a few lessons from your grade school memories."

Looking at all the differently designed doors we were passing, I replied with, "Uh-huh, wow that must have taken you forever."

"It has," Luna answered. "But time flows differently in the Dreamscape, so that decade or two worth of your memories translated to a few months in the waking world. Forgive me for prying to such a degree, but that human world of yours is...fascinating; I couldn't help myself."

I stopped, then placed my hands at my hips as I smiled at Luna. "Aw, well that's not cool... Now you know all of my deepest, darkest secrets...like how big my schlong is."

Looking away, Luna lightheartedly scoffed. "Eh...you can relax... Every mind has barriers that prevent me from seeing private things that one does not wish to share; I can only witness what the mind allows, so not once have I ever see you using the bathroom." Stopping before a door, she shrugged. "Besides, I was more interested in those 'pop culture' things such as shows, movies and video games--one of which we were making good progress on before I had to take off suddenly." Luna turned to the door behind her, then opened it with her magic, revealing a black abyss at the other side where the only items I could see within it was a TV hooked up to all the consoles I've ever played and a couch surrounded by all kinds of junk food. "Well, here we are," Luna said, moving around me before shoving me in through the doorway. "I still wish to defeat this 'Majora' character and stop him from destroying the land with his perverse moon, so in you g--"

I awoke with a jolt, raising my head by a few inches when I was startled by the sound of birds tweeting so close to the window. After discovering that the sound was just...you know, birds, I strained to open my drowsy eyes by a crack. Seeing that there was barely any light coming through the windows, I realized that it was the break of dawn--much too early for me.

Damn birds, I thought. Never been this loud before... Also...why am I getting that 'made it really far in a game but forgot to save' feeling? Eh...whatever...

Deciding to go back to sleep, I closed my eyes and flopped my head back down, the mattress creaking with my movements as I lazily ran my fingers through Vinyl's mane.

...Wait, what?

Ten seconds later, I quickly lifted my head again, my eyes splaying open before I took in the sight before me. Vinyl...she was asleep, resting her head on my chest, drooling on it even. I stared at her confused, wondering why she was in my bed, in my roo--

This isn't my room!

Suddenly, memories of last night began to flood back, causing my chest to rise and fall with my rapid breathing, Vinyl's head moving along with it. Panicking, my desire to go back to sleep was replaced by the need to just...to just get out of here. Being extra cautious with my movements, I began to slither out of Vinyl's bed, using my arms to carefully lift her off me and lower her onto the mattress, placing her head atop a pillow that she then hugged.

Now free, I began to walk around the room, quietly gathering my clothes, not taking the time to put them back on before I then slowly opened the door. After sticking my head out and seeing that no one was in the living room, I walked out of the room, then closed Vinyl's door behind me with a soft click before walking towards the bathroom. Entering it and locking the door, I tossed my clothes in the hamper and stood before the sink where I then turned on the faucet to splash my face with cold water.

Why did I do that?! I questioned, turning the faucet off and watching the rest of the water spiral down the sink. I get into a relationship with Octavia, and not an hour later sleep with Vinyl?! Observing the water drip off my face and land into the sink, I tried to make sense of it.

I...I was drunk...y-yea--

Another voice within me spoke up.

Drunk?! From half a glass of wine and one margarita?! Pfft, tipsy, yeah, but not drunk! We both know your Hispanic blood gives you plus five alcohol resistance...you knew what you were doing.

"Shut up," I said through gritted teeth, shacking my head in an attempt to silence that voice. "And where were you last night?"

The voice spoke up again. Uh, pushed out of the driver's seat by your boner...duh.

Slamming my palms into my face, I stopped fighting with myself and immediately became disgusted with my actions.

"Oh God...I'm no better than...than..."

I removed my hands from my face and looked into the mirror above the sink, then immediately regretted that decision when I saw who it was looking back at me. Tearing my eyes away from the mirror, I gazed into the sink as I hyperventilated.

No, I thought, shaking my head. No, do not start comparing yourself to...to HIM... I tried to calm down by taking a few deep breaths, then attempted to rationalize things. Y-Your situation is...is different...much, much different than his ever was, or ever could be.

And it was. Octavia said she wanted a sexless relationship, which I was fine with, really; I could understand why she wouldn't want to sleep with me, what with ponies perceiving me as the weird looking alien and all. I do click with Tavi, like her even, so I would love to pursue a romantic relationship with her, and I know very well that sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. But still...it is a vital part...which may have played a part as to why I accepted Vinyl's offer... Seeing that she offered meaningless sex with no strings attached, Vinyl was probably just looking for an exotic experience.

I gave a heavy sigh, as now I realized that I shouldn't have jumped into bed with Vinyl so suddenly. Instead, I should have given it some serious thought other than 'it might ease some of that Highground stress out of me.' Well...I guess I can say that it worked, as I no longer cared about Highground, but now there was a new matter causing me grief. This new matter happened to be the same question I asked myself last night. A question I was too stupid to fully think through before making my hasty decision.

Is it cheating?

Once again, I was conflicted, and Vinyl wasn't here this time to be the tie breaker. A part of me was saying that it was, that I shouldn't even think of touching another, while another part said that it wasn't, that because Tavi clearly stated that she had no intention of sleeping with me, I was free to sleep around with whoever, just as long as it remained purely physical and that by the end of the day, Octavia was the one I came home to, to share my love with--and only--her...

It was impossible for me to wrap my head around this; it was like they were both offering me one-half of a whole: a relationship with no sex, and sex with no relationship.

Unable to solve my dilemma, I gave my head a quick shake before deciding to risk another peek at the mirror. After slowly raising my gaze from the sink, I found that it was my own reflection looking back at me this time.

"Oh thank God," I muttered, breathing a sigh of relief before examining myself.

Still in my naked glory, I noticed that there were blue rings under my eyes--most likely because I never get up this early--and that one side of my hair was disheveled while the other half was flattened from when I must have slept on it for a long period. There was also a row of teeth-shaped indents on my shoulder, caused by Vinyl's bite, as well as a shimmering spot on my chest; after dabbing my fingers on it, I realized it was the cooling remains of Vinyl's drool.

"Eeeugh," I sounded, grabbing a bit of toilet paper to wipe it off my fingers and chest. After tossing the paper in the waste basket, I raised my arm and gave my pit a sniff, only to be instantly repulsed. Man I'm rank...I smell of sweat and...well...sex... I...I had to get rid of it...

Heading over to the tub, I moved the shower curtains out of the way and turned one of the knobs, causing water to spew out from the showerhead with a hiss. I sat at the end of the tub, outstretching my hand into the running water as I fiddled with the temperature. Once I had it to my liking, I was about to step in, but stopped when I heard a knock at the door.

After staring at the door for a while with wide eyes, I finally worked up the courage to say, "Uh...ocupado..." A few seconds later, a familiar, yet sleepy sounding voice came from behind the door.

"It's me...uh...Morgana Freehoomin, open up."

Now there were two possibilities: either it really is 'Morgana Freehoomin' at the other side of that door, or it was Vinyl manipulating her voice again. Ninety-five percent sure it's the latter, I walked over to the door, unlocked it, then opened it enough for me to look out.

"Vinyl?" I said, seeing that it was indeed her at the other side. She was sitting on her haunches, wearing a goofy grin on her face as she swayed a bit, her hair was just as disheveled as my own and her eyes were blinking in an unsynchronized fashion. I soon caught a scent in the air and instantly realized that it was emanating from Vinyl; it was the same odor that I was just about to rid myself of. Vinyl raised a hoof, then gave it a slow wave as she spoke in a tone that hinted that she could use some more sleep.

"Heeey... Mornin' Maaaurice."

"What are you doing up?" I asked, peeking around the door as my eyes shifted from Vinyl to Tavi's room. "I thought you were asleep."

Giving a slow nod and rubbing an eye with a hoof, Vinyl tiredly replied. "I was...but--" she yawned, "but I heard the water running and--" She yawned again, this time stretching like a cat. Now seeming a bit more alert, she ended her stretching with a shake of her head. "Anyway," she said as she rolled her neck. "I'm up now and I'm gonna need your help."

"My help?" I questioned.

"Yeah," Vinyl answered with a nod, pointing past me towards the shower. "I see you already got the water running, and as much as I would love to walk around all icky and sticky, I'm gonna need your help washing up."

"W-Why do you need my help?" I asked, fearful that she wanted another go.

"Okay?" Vinyl said in a puzzled tone, giving me a curious look. "To uh...wash my back an' all..." She shrugged. "But whatev's, if for some strange reason you feel shy of sharing a shower with me--despite what we did last night--then I guess I could just wait for Octy to wake up so I can shower with her like always."

Crap...now I just remembered something... Because it's almost impossible for them to reach their backs, ponies often bathe in pairs; of course a unicorn could do it if they held a brush or sponge with their magic, but they'd have to shower with two mirrors in order to know if they cleaned themselves thoroughly enough. It's weird--well, weird to a human, but perfectly normal for a pony--but they even have these public bathhouses where strangers will help wash each others' backs. ...Huh...ok, why did Japan, bananas, and Irish music flash through my mind just now? A-Anyway, I really don't want to risk the chance of Tavi discovering what happened last night just by Vinyl's smell and appearance alone.

"Wait," I said, causing Vinyl to pause just as she was about to return to her room. I opened the door wider. "I...I can help you out..."

"Sweet," Vinyl said with a nod, making a step towards the bathroom, only to stop when I spoke up again.

"But it's just a shower, alright? Nothing else." I already felt terrible enough for jumping into bed with Vinyl without giving Tavi so much as a second thought, so I had no intention of digging myself any deeper into this pit I've dug.

Vinyl raised a curious brow at me before shrugging. "That's fine. It's not like I was gonna ask you to jump my bones in the tub if that's what you're thinking. Besides, last night really worked it out of my syste--"

"Vinyl!" I said in a loud whisper, a finger to my lips. "Shush!" I pointed at the door across from the bathroom. "Tavi's room is right there!"

With a confused expression, Vinyl turned to Tavi's room, then back to me. Her mouth then formed into a smile as she rolled her eyes. "Oooh...I get it now. Nah, Maurice, it's cool, watch." She walked over to Tavi's door, then reached a hoof towards it.

"Vinyl?!" I exclaimed, thinking she was going to knock. Thankfully, that wasn't what she was planning, as the air around the door soon rippled once Vinyl's hoof got close enough.

"See?" Vinyl said, gesturing with her head at the door. "Sound barrier's still up, so there's no need to whisper like this is some funeral home or something."

With wide eyes, I ran my hand through my hair as I watched the magical rippling around Tavi's room begin to subside. Once it settled, I took a calming breath, thankful that at least Vinyl's barrier prevented Tavi from hearing anything from last night.

Yawning, Vinyl walked into the bathroom, then stepped into the tub. With the water drizzling over her, drenching her fur and flattening her mane, she turned back to me.

"So you coming or what?"

Ten minutes later, I sat cross-legged on the floor of the tub, sitting behind Vinyl as I lathered a soapy loofah all over her back; a constant torrent of water hitting us both as Vinyl rinsed the shampoo out of her mane.

"Thanks again for last night," Vinyl said after a short yawn. "Really needed that." She turned and looked over her shoulder, her mouth forming into a small grin as she eyed the bite mark she left me. "Heh...sorry about that; heat of the moment n' shit."

"It's fine," I uttered, my voice barely audible over the running water.

Seeming to have noticed something, Vinyl's ears flattened and her expression changed to one of concern. "Uh, you alright there Maurice? Ya seem a little down."

I stopped scrubbing her back, then brought a hand to my forehead and took a deep sigh. "It's...it's about last night...what we did... I'm uh...I'm starting to realize that maybe...maybe I shouldn't have gone through with it..."

Vinyl raised a brow, looking at me confused. "Wait...I wasn't terrible, was I?"

"Heh, no," I said, lightheartedly scoffing before shaking my head with the faintest of smiles. "You were great, really great. It's just...I feel like an ass for betraying Tav--" Vinyl cut me off.

"Hold on...you're not still on that 'cheating' thing, are you?" I remained silent, and in response, Vinyl rolled her eyes before saying, "We've been over this already: you're not cheating. Octy, for some strange reason, doesn't want to hit the sack with you, and I just so happened to have been horny. Remember, it was 'no strings attached', and I'm not really into the whole relationship scene anyway. Besides," she shrugged, "think of it like this: at least this way you can have both a love life and a sex life."

When she explained it that way, it did make a little more sense...but still... "I...I don't know, Vinyl..."

Vinyl released an exasperated sigh, shaking her head a bit. "Listen, if you still feel guilty for whatever strange reason, than just make it up to Otcy; take her on another date or something, go see a movie with her, eat at another fancy shmancy restaurant--I don't know, whatever it is that couples do. But hey, whatever man, if you still feel bad, then I guess I'll just have to convince Octy to take a roll in the hay with you--which shouldn't be that hard once I tell how just how good you were in be--"

"Whoa, hold on there!" I exclaimed, cutting her off. "Why would you tell Tavi?!"

"Uh...why wouldn't I?" Vinyl asked in an honest-to-God confused tone, much to MY confusion.

"Are you serious? It's freaking obvious why you shouldn't!" I closed my eyes and took a breath. "No, I...I'll tell her." If Tavi were to find out what I did, I'd rather it be because I maned up and came clean; hopefully that might succeed in getting rid of some of this guilt.

"Ok...uh...sure, you tell her then," Vinyl said in a confused tone, then muttered under her breath, "Hoomans, I swear; great in the sack but strange in the head."

I ignored that comment and chose to finish cleaning Vinyl's back, then myself.

"I-I can do this myself you know," Vinyl said as I vigorously dried her mane with a towel, making sure that there was no evidence of last night's ordeal left anywhere on her. Thinking that that was enough, I removed the towel from her head, then had to suppress a giggle when I saw just how poofy her mane now was.

Vinyl, seeming to have noticed my stifled laughter, inspected herself in the mirror, then said in an unenthusiastic voice, "Oh, ha ha..."

"What?" I said with a smile, making sure my towel was securely fastened around my waist before tracing my fingers over her poofy mane. "I think this can be a new look for you."

"Hmm," Vinyl hummed, trying different expressions and poses in front of the mirror before shaking her head. "Ugh, nah, gonna have to fix this."

Vinyl walked over to the door, opened it, then exited the bathroom. Following her out, I was about to head over to my room, but then heard a voice that made me freeze in my tracks.

"Oh, good morning you two." It was Octavia, and she was in the kitchen, cooking something over the stove.

"Yo, mornin' Octy," Vinyl greeted with a raise of her hoof.

Tavi nodded, then tilted her head to the side as she examined Vinyl's poofy mane. "Are...you trying a new mane style, Vinyl?" She broke into a smile. "If you are, I like it; I dare say that it's much more refined than that ruffian look you usually sport."

"Great," Vinyl said, face-hoofing. "Otcy likes it...even more reason to fix it!" She removed her hoof from her face and looked back to Tavi, saying, "And hey! I happen to like my," she imitated Tavi's accent, "'ruffian look'."

In response, Tavi merely shook her head with a light chuckle, turning her attention back to the stove. However, she soon returned her gaze to the both of us. "Ah, quick question, but I noticed that there was a barrier of some sort erected around my room, may I ask why?"

"Well," Vinyl said while trying in vain to fix her mane with a hoof, "I felt like having a margarita last night when you went to bed, and Maurice here brought up the fact that you might have come out here to murder me because of the blender." She shrugged, "So I sound-proofed your room by putting it up."

"Hmm, well that explains the mess you left in the kitchen." Tavi then turned to me and smiled. "And thank you, Maurice, for taking me into consideration."

I cringed internally.

Covering the bite mark on my shoulder with a hand, I turned to her and put up a smile in an attempt to hide my nervousness. "Uh, y-yeah...and uh, g-good morning to you too, Tavi."

"And a very good morning to you as well," Tavi replied with a smile and a short bow of her head, her eyes then moving over to my hand covering my shoulder. "Is something that matter with your arm?"

"Hmm?" I sounded, looking to my shoulder, then back to her. "Oh, it's nothing." I said with a shake of my head, then began to rotate my shoulder. "Just woke up with a cramp is all; must have slept on it wrong."

"Oh...well I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope it gets better soon." Tavi then eyed Vinyl and I for a bit. "Say...were you two showering in there together?"

"Yeah," Vinyl quickly answered. I immediately turned to her, and Vinyl, seeming to have noticed my erratic movement, returned her gaze to me. Possibly noticing the pleading in my eyes, eyes that were begging her not to mention anything about what happened between us, Vinyl turned back to Tavi and finished with, "Woke up early and saw that he was about to take one, so I joined him."

Well...that wasn't exactly a lie.

"Ah, I see," Tavi said, giving a confirmatory nod. "Well that's too bad, I guess I'm going to be showering alone tonight then."

Vinyl shook her head a bit. "I don't mind showering again, so I'll help you out later, alright?"

Tavi smiled. "Oh, well that's nice of you, Vinyl. Thank you."

"Eh, think nothing of it; what friends are for and all that jazz. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mane to fix." Vinyl then stepped into her room and closed the door behind her.

After I entered my own room, I stepped out minutes later, dressed in my tour guide uniform; it was still a few hours until I actually had to go to work, but I didn't want to wear something else when I knew I was just going to change back into these anyway.

Walking into the living room, I looked towards the kitchen and witnessed Tavi as she slid a pancake out of a frying pan and onto a plate sitting on the kitchen table where two other pancakes were.

"Breakfast is done," Tavi said, beaming a smile at me while gesturing with her hoof for me to take a seat.

"Thanks," I said with a light smile before approaching and pulling out a chair. Once I sat down, Vinyl, with her hair now styled in the way it usually is, walked out of her room and took a seat as well.

"Whoa," Vinyl uttered, pulling her head back as she eyed the streaming pancake before her. "It's your special pancakes," she turned to Tavi, "who died?"

Tavi smiled and rolled her eyes. "No one did; and if it's the occasion for the pancakes that your asking, then, well..." she walked around the table and stood beside me. "I'm not sure if Maurice has told you already, but last night after we returned from our date," she brought her head to my shoulder started to nuzzle my cheek, "we've decided to start seeing each other more.

Already eating before us, Vinyl poured more syrup onto the pancake, speaking as she chewed. "Oh yeah... Maur...Maurice already told me that you two are a couple now." She swallowed her mouthful. "Kinda explains why you look like you're in such a good mood; congrats you two."

"Y-Yeah, thanks," I hesitantly replied, returning Tavi's nuzzle and wondering how Vinyl could be so calm about this.

"Well," Tavi said as she broke away from me, moving over to one of the unoccupied seats. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so eat up, Maurice."

Nodding, I picked up a fork and butter-knife, then cut a piece from the pancake before plopping it in my mouth. Chewing, I realized that she remembered that time I mentioned that buttermilk was my favorite, and she cooked it to the point where the outside texture had a nice crisp to it, yet there was a bit of batter in the center. It was delicious, and...and... I don't deserve her...

I must have had a momentary breakdown caused by my guilt, because I then put the utensils down and buried my face in my hands.

"Maurice, are you alright?" Tavi soon asked, her voice full of concern.

I didn't answer her, and instead took slow, yet deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself.

Tell her, tell her right now, said the same voice from earlier this morning. Come clean.

I want to tell her, and because of the circumstances of the situation I found myself in, I still don't know if what I did was or wasn't cheating, but the thought of even risking to hurt this sweet and kind mare who just made me breakfast prevented me from doing so.

There was no way I could blame Vinyl for this, 'cause the way I see it, she's entirely faultless, and the blame is mine and mine alone. I should have remembered that thing about unicorn horns, I should have ignored Vinyl when she gave her reasoning as to why it isn't cheating, and last of all, I should have said no...

But I didn't...because I'm Maurice, lord and rightful ruler of the idiots.

"Nothing," I finally said after a quick exhale, my hands sliding down from my eyes to cover my mouth. "Just uh," I faked a yawn, "just really tired."

Coward.

"Oh," Tavi said. "Sounds like you should have gone to bed earlier."

"Yeah," I said with a nod, removing my hands from my face and picking up my eating utensils again. "Should've."

Half an hour later, after finishing breakfast, I sat on the living room's couch, much calmer than before as I stared at the dead space ahead of me, mulling over what I should so. I told myself that I'd come clean to Tavi, but seeing that I possessed neither the heart or the courage to hurt her, I figured that the least I could do was to make it up to her in any way I can.

"Alright you two," Tavi said as she stepped out of her room, walking over to the front door with Marchello in its case and strapped to her back. "I'm heading over to Lyra's and Bon Bon's for orchestral practice now."

"See ya," Vinyl called from the kitchen as she washed the dishes over the sink.

Spotting an opportunity, I got up from the couch and caught up to Tavi just as she exited the house. "Wait, Tavi, I'll walk you there," I said to her with a smile, standing under the doorway.

A few feet away from the door, Tavi turned back and returned the smile with a shake of her head. "That's sweet of you, Maurice, but it's fine. You know how far those two live, and I'd hate for you to be late to work because of me."

"Oh, uh," I uttered, my enthusiasm refusing to deflate. "Then...then how 'bout I walk you home from the Hoof Tapper tonight? I'll even carry Marchello for you."

Tavi looked at the case on her back, then back to me. "Y-You don't have to do all that..."

"No, I don't have to...I want to," I spoke with dedication etched into my eyes and expression.

Tavi's eyes widened a smidge before she averted her gaze from me. "If...if that's what you want," she spoke as she tried to hide a blush with a hoof.

I nodded, my mouth cracking into a genuine smile. "Great!" I then walked up to her and lowered myself a bit before planting a kiss on her forehead. "See you then."

Unable to hide her blush this time, Tavi flashed a flustered smile as she turned to leave, but before she left, she said, "I'll be looking forward to that walk home with you then, Maurice." Smiling, I waved to her as she departed.

Now that she was gone, and seeing that I still had some time until I actually had to leave for work, I stepped out of the house and checked on the little garden besides the door. There, I saw one thing that was growing from the soil: a watermelon. Two weeks after I moved in, I had a chat with Applejack by her stall and learned that she got some, as she called them, 'blasphemous' seeds by mistake instead of apple ones. Rather than have her throw them out, I offered to take them of her han--hooves. Soon, after I got the seeds, I decided to run a personal little experiment; I planted a seed here, and had Vinyl and Tavi plant one as well. What did it prove? Well...I'm looking at a watermelon that's growing out of season, which was planted by the only earthpony living here, so you tell me.

Heading back in and returning to the couch, I sat down and I looked into the kitchen where I saw that Vinyl was still doing the dishes, only now she was wearing her headphones, bumping her head to music that I could still hear despite the distance. Crossing off the notion of at least conversing with her, I decided to take a short nap since I really was tired after getting up so early.

Moving myself to lie flat on the couch, I stared at the ceiling with my fingers intertwined over my stomach. However, despite my weariness, sleep eluded me, as I kept thinking about my situation. Turning to lie on my side, I closed my eyes for a moment or two, and when I soon reopened them, I spotted something that caused me to blink more than once.

There, at the other side of the room, something was crawling along the floor...something white. Sitting upright, I focused my eyes on it and soon realized it was a spider. Now this spider wasn't your garden variety daddy long-legs or whatever, it was covered in white fur with some some sort of red ring pattern atop its abdomen, and it was large enough to be considered a tarantula!

Holy fuck! I thought as I stared at it. That thing is just...just scary! Seeming to have noticed that I was watching it, the spider halted in place, then turned to return the gaze I was giving it. For a few awkward moments, the spider and I just stared at each other, me with my regular human eyes, and it with its black and beady little ones, the only sound being heard was the faint music from Vinyl's headphones, running water, and dishes clanking.

After an imaginary tumbleweed rolled by, the Mexican standoff ended when the spider disappeared under my shoe that I threw at it; now this might be the lack of sleep talking, but before my shoe got it, it kinda looked like the spider was shaking its 'head' and was doing the 'wait a second' gesture with its front legs.

Petty sure that I got it, I scanned around the room, hoping not to find any more. Finished with checking the space behind the couch, I got up from it, then walked over to retrieve my shoe, mentally preparing myself for the gory little splat I would soon fin--

It wasn't there... There was nothing under my shoe when I picked it up...

Eyes widening, I searched around the living room again, being more thorough this time yet still failing to find it.

Shit, I thought as I scratched my head, rising off the floor after peeking under the couch. I just tried to kill that spider and failed...and that thing knows were I live... Welp...guess I have to burn the house down, seeing as that's the only way to be sure I got it...

Sometime later, after not burning down the house, I showed up for work. Currently, I was standing in the tour company's break-room, waiting for a handful of other tour guides to stop crowding around today's roster written on the whiteboard so that I could have a look myself. Sitting on the couch besides me was one of the two other guides I was familiar with.

"So how'd your date go?" Pierre asked, straightening his tie.

Leaning my back against the wall, I looked to the ceiling and took a breath before answering. "It was...it was great. I uh...I got myself a girl--eh, marefriend now." I chose to leave it at that.

Pierre's head and ears perked up before he turned to me, disbelief in his eyes. "What!? You?! O-Oh come on!"

"What are you on about now, Pierre?" Sora asked as she approached us, having just returned from shoving her way through the other guides to get a look at her schedule for the day.

Turning to her, Pierre pointed a hoof at me, exclaiming in a dismayed tone, "Maurice has a marefriend now!"

Upon hearing that, Sora tilted her head and smiled at me. "Sounds to me like your date was a success, congratulations."

"Uh, thanks," I said, averting my eyes and rubbing the back of my head as I gave her a quick nod.

Looking to Pierre, Sora then asked, "And you're upset because...?"

Gesturing at me, Pierre said in a near shout, "Because Maurice of all stallions managed to snag himself a marefriend, yet I'm still single!" Crossing his forelegs over his chest, he turned his head away from Sora and I with a humph. "S'not fair I tell you..."

"Have you ever considered that maybe you're single because you whine about stuff like this?" Sora added with a roll of her eyes.

Unfolding his forelegs, Pierre turned back to her, then grinned. "So are you saying that if I stop whining you'll finally go out with me?"

Pulling her head back and raising a hoof, Sora looked like she was going to say something, but instead remained silent for a few seconds before shaking her head and walking out of the break-room. Exiting, Sora said under her breath, "Aaand another reason why your hoof is your special somepony."

"Heh heh...yeah, that's a good one," Pierre said with an awkward chuckle, lazily waving a hoof at her as she left. Once she was gone, Pierre's expression immediately became frantic before whirling to me. "Ma-aurice!" he cried in a begging tone, standing on the couch on his hind-legs as he pawed at my chest.

"W-What?!" I asked, trying to get him off of me.

"I really like Sora, you know I do, but I can't help but say and do stupid shit when I'm around her! Help!"

"Wait, are you asking me for relationship advice?" I questioned, still trying to force him off.

"Yes!" Pierre shouted. "I-If you can get yourself a marefriend despite being of a different species, then you must be doing something right! H-How do you do it, man?! Is...is it some sort of sexy human magic? I got to know!"

"Pierre...we're starting to get weird looks," I whispered through gritted teeth, holding his forehooves inches away from my chest as I smiled awkwardly to the other guides in the room; they were watching us with raised brows and heads tilted in bewilderment.

"Let them see!" shouted Pierre. "This is a matter of love, dammit! I need you!"

Eyes widening, I turned to Pierre, then back to the other guides, shaking my head with a tense smile as I said to them, "No, guys... This...this isn't what it looks like--it's not me he loves!" Managing to grab Pierre's shoulders, I turned back to him, then gave him a quick shake. "Pierre, I really don't know what to tell you, alright?!" I looked away from him. "Besides...you're asking the wrong guy for relationship advice, 'cause when it comes to fucking them up, I wrote the best selling book about it that earned itself a freaking Oprah Winfrey Book Club sticker!"

Recovering from that brain rattlin' I gave him, Pierre shook his head, then gave me a confused look. "What you do mean by that? What'd ya do?" His face grimaced in confusion before asking, "And what's an Oprah Winfrey?"

Realizing that I spoke too much, I looked around the room for an escape. Seconds later, I smiled when I saw that the little commotion Pierre and I were causing had drawn most of the guides' attention from away the roster.

"Oh, look at that," I said to Pierre, gesturing to the roster with my head. "Guess I can check my schedule now. Toodles." I unhanded Pierre, causing his front-half to fall off the couch as I walked past the other guides.

Standing before the whiteboard, I skimmed through every guides' name, searching for my own. Finding it, I learned that I had a dozen or so tourists to guide around town for the morning tour, while only two had signed up for the afternoon one.

"Welp, see ya, Pierre," I said, waving to him as I left the break-room.

With his mopey face on the floor, Pierre raised a hoof, his voice muffled as he said, "Yeah...see ya..."

Sometime in the afternoon, after having just finished a lunch break with Sora and Pierre, I walked towards town hall were I was to meet up with the two tourists I had for the afternoon tour. Approaching the building, I soon walked past its doors and entered a large assembly room; naturally this place was where the townsponies held their meetings and such, but when it wasn't being used for that, it would serve as a waiting-room for the tourist to meet with their tour guides.

Scanning through all the other guides and tourist in here, I looked over to the seats labeled for the Spanish speaking tourists were I then found two ponies sitting there.

Straightening my tie, I approached the two. "((Hello,))" I greeted with a smile, standing in the aisle besides them.

Now that I was up close to them, I saw that one of them was an earthpony stallion with light green fur and a short chestnut mane. He was wearing some sort of vest that had black and white vertical stripes on it and his cutie mark was that of bubbles, just like Ditzy's, only his were a transparent tan and some of the bubbles looked as if they had popped. The other was a lightly freckled-faced pegasus mare who was dark purple with a long black mane that had a hot pink streak running through it and her tail; her mane was tied behind her head in a bun, and she was wearing a newsboy cap atop her head. Her cutie mark looked like three wheat stalks that were combined with arrows, the thistles resembling arrow feathers and the opposite end seeming to have arrow heads.

Strangely, they didn't acknowledged my presence yet, as they were still facing forward, seeming to be bored. Deciding to try again, I loudly cleared my throat before speaking again. "((Uh, hello...I'm your tour guide for the day.))"

My efforts seemed to have worked, as the pegasus' ears perked before she turned to me. Seeing that I was there, she nudged the stallion beside her, then gestured at me after getting his attention. Satisfied that both sets of eyes were now on me, I reintroduced myself.

"((Hi, I'm your tour guide for the day, Maurice,))" I said with a small nod and a smile. "((And I'd like to thank you two for choosing Sight-see's Sightseers Tours--name pending. Are you two ready to tour Ponyville?))"

The mare and stallion turned to each other and shrugged, then, moments later, the stallion spoke.

"Eh...sí?"

Nodding, I then gestured for them to raise from their seats. "((Great, follow me please.))" The two got on their hooves, then began to follow me out of the building.

Once we were outside, I started the tour by walking them towards one of the local landmarks, stating facts about some of the buildings as we passed them. A few minutes into the tour, I began to notice something strange. Whenever I would say something, the two tourist would simply nod and give an odd-sounding 'Sí'.

Deciding to test a theory, I stopped, then turned to the two as I asked, "((Do you two like moldy old cheese?))"

"Sí" the stallion answered, the mare looking around.

Raising a brow, I then asked, "((Wanna go burn down an orphanage?))" After receiving another 'Sí', I crossed my arms over my chest, then said in English, "You two don't speak Spaneighish...do you?"

The stallion gave an awkward smile as the mare simply grinned. "Heh, no," answered the stallion, playful rolling his eyes with a shrug.

"Well that's just great," I sarcastically and unenthusiastically muttered under my breath, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "Looks like someone in the office messed up..." I then looked back to the two. "You know...you could have said something earlier..."

"Sorry," said the mare with a coy smile, tilting her head to the side.

"It's fine, I guess," I said, shaking my head a bit. "Anyway, uh, we can still continue the tour. Follow me please." I turned and began to lead them down the street.

Moments later, once we got to a less busy part of town, I heard the mare behind me speak. "'Ight, nopony's around. Still got the burlap?"

The stallion replied. "Yeah, right here."

"Perfec', now lets do this quick-like."

Confused as to why I was now hearing their hoofsteps speed up, I was about to turn around, but was then surprised when something was placed over my head, obscuring my vision and darkening everything before something hard hit me over th--

"Tell me can you hear my heartbeat roar inside my chest~"

Huh...now this is strange; I'm sitting in an empty concert hall were some rock band is preforming on strange. Oh, and what's weird is that the band is composed of multiple Lunas and the one singing into the mic sounds like a dude...

Minutes later, after sitting through the entire performance that was actually pretty kick ass, I pulled a lighter seemingly out of nowhere, lit the flame, then held it up high and waved it as I cheered. Looking in my direction, the lead singer Luna's eyes widened, having just now noticed that I was here.

"Maurice?" she asked.

"Yo," I answered, lowering the lighter.

Giving me a quizzical look, the other Lunas vanished into a mist. "What are you doing in the Dreamscape?" the renaming Luna questioned in her regular sounding voice. "Your dream space should have been vacant at this time."

I shrugged. "I don't kn--"

"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled as I awoke, freezing and dripping wet, opening my eyes to blurry yet blinding light.

My eyes slowly adjusting, I noticed that I was in a pitch black room, directly below a cone of light coming from a hanging light above. Looking ahead, I spotted two figures, and once my eyes finally focused, I discovered them to be the same mare and stallion I was leading in the tour; the pegasus mare, who was hovering a foot or two off the ground, was holding a bucket in her hooves.

"Aw, look a' 'im," the mare said, speaking in some sort of cockney-sounding accent as she lowered herself to the floor. Setting the bucket aside, she then smiled as she walked around me. "So this is the 'uman that's been giving our boss so much grief?" She stopped before me, then scanned me top to bottom. "Hmm, bi' of a minger, bu' in that kinda cu'e sor' of way."

Shivering, I tried to speak through clattering teeth. "W-W-What's g-going o--on? Who--who are you two?" Now realizing that I was sitting in a chair, I attempted to get up, but found that my limbs were tied to the armrest and legs. "Am I...am I tied to this thing?"

Pulling her head back, the mare raised a brow and smiled. "Now now, you're in no position to be askin' anypony questions."

Before I had the chance to question what she meant by that, the stallion approached and placed a hoof on the mare's shoulder. "Easy there, lets not scare the guy," he said to her, lacking an accent before turning to face me. "Would you like a doughnut, maybe some coffee?"

"The fuck you doin'?" the mare asked in an agitated and questioning tone, her eyes looking from the stallion to his hoof on her shoulder before swatting it off. "Why are you offerin' 'im coffee and a fuckin' doughnut?!"

Looking down at his forehoof as he rubbed it, the stallion replied. "I'm trying to do the good cop, bad cop thing."

"'Good cop, bad cop'?" the mare repeated, looking at the stallion in confusion. "Now why the fuck would we do that?! We're the farthest thing from bloody cops, ya fuckin' twat!"

'Far from cops'? Wait...are these two criminals? Huh...that's kind of hard for me to believe, I mean, I've grown up in some pretty shady neighborhoods, so I know what real criminals are like; I'm picking up more of a Three Stooges vibe from these two...minus Curly.

Still rubbing his hoof, the stallion turned to the mare and spoke. "Geez, Amber, you don't have to be so mean."

The mare's expression changed to one of shock, her mouth agape as she turned to me, then the stallion before bopping him upside the head with her hoof. "Hops, you fuckin' idiot! You've gone and said me name in fron' of the 'uman!"

"Oh," Hops uttered, rubbing his head as he turned to me with an embarrassed smile. "Heh heh...whoops..."

Facehoofing, Amber shook her head. "Great...now we're gonna have to kill 'im..."

Upon hearing that, my eyes widened. Putting on a smile just as embarrassed as Hops', I then said, "Eh, really diggin' your spunk there, Mare-who's-name-escapes-me, but call me crazy 'cause I have an idea that I think might be just as good, maybe even better...how about we don't do that, hmm?"

Removing her hoof from her face and straightening her hat, Amber gave me a stern look as she shook her head, saying, "Nah, I like me idea bet--"

Just then, Amber was interrupted by a new stallion's voice. "You know, I prefer his idea."

Both Hops' and Amber's eyes widened before they frantically turned around. "Boss?!" they both called out in surprise, looking into the darkness were a doorway was being opened, allowing light to enter from a new room. Blinded by the new light, I squinted my eyes, trying to make out a figure standing in the now open doorway, yet all I could see was the silhouette of a unicorn stallion there.

"Wha...what are you doin' 'ere, Boss?" Amber hesitantly asked.

The figured stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, forcing us to once again rely on the single light above. Then, from outside the cone of light, he spoke with the voice of a much older stallion, maybe around his thirties or so, yet there was a youthful quality to it. "Amber Barley...Hops...ya mind telling me why you kidnapped the human Maurice?"

Wait? This guy knows me?!

The two looked down and fidgeted with their hooves until Amber finally spoke up.

"We...we was doin' this for you, Boss. Y-You kept complainin' 'bout this 'uman 'ere, so we--we thought we'd solve your problem for you by givin' 'im a li'le scare is all..."

There was silence for what felt like a minute or two, then I heard a deep sigh come from the darkness before the stallion spoke again. "Ah geez...well...I might as well deal with him now since he's here and all..."

Moments later, I spotted the stallion's horn glow blue, illuminating a folding chair sitting in the corner of the room with his magic before dragging it closer to the light. With the rear half of the chair now under the light, the stallion sat on it backwards, his dark blue legs and muzzle being the only thing of him I could see. Curious, I then watched as he used his magic to pull a cigarette and a lighter from somewhere, put the cigarette in his mouth, then began to light it with the lighter. Now lit, he took a breath from the cigarette, causing the burning end to glow brighter, the small ember momentarily reflecting off his eyes before--

"Ack!"

He started hacking and coughing...

"Boss!" Amber and Hops called out in worry, the both of them reaching out to pat him on the back.

After gesturing that he was fine and the two separated from him, the stallion pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and made disgusted motions with his mouth and tongue, then used his magic to offer the cigarette to me. "Eh," he cleared his throat, "smoke?"

With my brows furrowed in confusion, I looked to the cigarette, then to his muzzle before shaking my head. "Uh...n-no thanks; I don't smoke."

With the cigarette still hovering in-between us, he smiled. "Good for you," he praised in a singsong tone. "This really is a disgusting habit," he said after bringing the cigarette closer to himself and inspecting it. "Only tried it now 'cause I thought it'd make me look more intimidating; did it work?"

Confused, I answered. "Um...kinda? Well...until you started coughing and stuff."

"Hmm, well...never trying that again," he said as he released the cigarette from his magic, causing it to land on the floor before him, the ember still lit and wafts of smoke rising from it. "So," he announced, clopping his forehooves together, "sorry about my boys here."

"Oi!" exclaimed Amber

"And girls," the stallion corrected. "They're a bit rash...but loyal."

Looking to the ponies in question, I saw that Hops was giving me a shrug and a bashful smile, while Amber was gazing at me with slight animosity in her expression. Turning back to their 'boss', I cocked my head to the side and said, "Um...apology accepted?" Soon realizing that I'm tied to a freaking chair, I then shook my head to get back on track. "Anyway, what the hell is going on? And who are you guys?"

The stallion smiled. "What, do you not read the papers, kid?"

"Actually uh, no," I said, shaking my head. "Kinda hard to read them after your roommate burns them to cinders...even the funny comics..."

After lightheartedly scoffing, the stallion then answered with, "Heh, well allow me to introduce myself then." Still smiling, he pointed at himself with a hoof. "I'm Speakeasy, the 'alleged'," he was saying that while using his hooves to make air quotes, "head of Equestria's smuggling and bootlegging operations."

Hearing his name and occupation, my eyes widened as I remembered Octavia mentioning him yesterday. "Ah shit...pony mafia," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that?" Speakeasy asked.

"N-Nothing!" I quickly answered. "A-Anyway, what is it you want with me?"

Speakeasy pulled his head back a bit and smiled. "What I want from you? Kid, sorry if I made you feel like a special little princess or something like that, but this ain't about you." He then moved his head forward into the light, revealing his light blue eyes, short black mane, and white diamond-shaped spot atop his muzzle just bellow his eyes. "It's about that mare you started dating... Octavia..."

My hands gripped the armrest tight enough to turn my knuckles white. "How do you know I'm dating Tavi?!" I asked with worry in my voice. There was no way word could spread so fast since we didn't make it official until last night.

"Tavi?" Speakeasy repeated in a confused tone before rolling his eyes. "Ah geez, you've already got a pet name for her." He gave an annoyed huff. "See, that right there is what got you here, you dating her."

"Why?" I questioned, raising a brow. "Why does it matter if I'm dating her?"

For this first time in this entire conversation, Speakeasy frowned. "It matters because I've got plans for Octavia, plans that don't called to be muddled up by some human." Resting his chin on the back of the chair, he glared at me. "Listen very closely, 'cause this is what I want to happen, and I always get what I want: You're gonna break up with her, and you're gonna do it without ever mentioning that we've met, comprende?"

"What, why?" I asked, finding that to be an odd request. "Why do you care if she's dating me? And what is she to you?" Closing my eyes, I then brought up what I feared. "She...she isn't a member of your smuggling operation...is she?"

Silence, Speakeasy didn't answer, and when I soon opened my eyes, I saw why. He had his hoof over his mouth, so did Amber and Hops, all of them stifling their laughter before failing to contain them, shaking their heads and holding their guts as they laughed. After I sat there and waited for them to finish laughing, Speakeasy eventually wiped a tear from his face before speaking.

"Oh, man that's funny!" he exclaimed, shaking his head with a smile. "But no, no Octavia never worked for me." He cast a knowing grin towards me. "And as for why and what is she to me, well...lets just say that they're personal matters."

Seeing that that was as much as he was willing to share, I then asked, "And if I don't do what you asked?"

Immedieatly, Speakeasy gave his response, his expression turning neutral. "Oh, you will...otherwise..." He looked down to the still smoking cigarette, then stretched his rear hoof over it before stomping it, putting it out with a light hiss as he ground it under his hoof. Looking back to me, he smirked. "Well...that... See what I did there? It's a metaphor!"

With eyes shocked over what he was implying, I stared at Speakeasy. "T-There's no way you can get away with that! Ponies would notice if I'm gone! I can tell somepony--I know the prince--"

"Oh I already know that you're real chummy with the crowns," Speakeasy cut in, narrowing his eyes at me smugly. "But here's the thing, kid: Despite Canterlot P.D. somehow getting evidence that supposedly links me to being the 'head' of Equestria's smuggling operations, I beat the system, and I can do it again...easy. Besides," he said as he gave a dismissive shrug, "I'm one of Canterlot's most wealthiest and influential philanthropists, so even if you did tell somepony about our little conversation here...who'd believe you? The princesses? Pfft, maybe." He leaned in and beamed a cracking smile at me, then said in a near whisper, "But how would it reflect on them if they arrested me, going on nothing but the word of a creature who doesn't even belong to this world, and fail to convict me again, hmm?" A few seconds later, he perked his head up, almost as if he just remembered something. "Oh, and as for that 'Wouldn't ponies notice you gone' thing, well," running his hoof over his mane, he finished with, "who's to say that wandering off to never be seen again isn't a normal thing for humans to do?"

I was stunned, and after struggling to open my mouth to say something, I found no words.

Speakeasy, seeming to take satisfaction from my silence, then spoke. "Alright, I think you get the message." He looked to Hops and Amber, then gestured at me with his head, saying, "Take him back...he's got a mare to break up with."

"Right, boss!" Hops called out, both him and Amber nodding to him before approaching me. Once they got behind me, I felt them start to slip something over my head.

"Wait!" I called out when I remembered something, trying in vain to wiggle my head free from what I'm assuming to be a bag of some kind slowly engulfing my head.

"There's no waiting, kid," I heard Speakeasy say.

"I--I have a message from somepony!" I yelled.

"Heh, wow, didn't know you gave tours and delivered mail," Speakeasy joked. "Amber, Hops, you two mind hurrying it along?"

"We're tryin', boss!" Amber called out from my side. "He's a squirmer this one is!"

Managing to uncover my mouth from under the bag, I shouted, "It's a message from Highground!"

"Stop," Speakeasy said just as soon as I mentioned the name, causing Hops and Amber to halt. With my eyes still covered from the bag, I nearly jumped when Speakeasy spoke again moments later, sounding much closer this time. "You got a message for me...from Highground?" I nodded. "Highground, the sexy batpony mare?"

"Uh...batpony and a mare, yeah," I answered with a slow nod. "But as for sexy," I shrugged, "I really didn't get much of a good look at her since she had me pinned face-first to a wall an' all..."

Speakeasy chuckled. "Yeah, sounds like her... So go on, what's this message she has for me?" he asked with eagerness in his voice.

Since I was given this message almost a week ago under duress, it was difficult for me to remember her exact wording, so I just gave him the jist of it. "Um...something about being there the second you mess up again..."

"Aw...she still cares." I could just hear him smiling... "Right! Well thanks for the message, here's a tip for my little mailmare." I then felt something slip into my coat's breast pocket, followed by a playful pat to my cheek through the bag. "It's too bad you have to go now, right Amber?"

"Right."

Sensing what was coming, I shut my eyes tight and prepared myself for--

"Luna, why are you dressed like Batman?"

"I am the night!"

Huh...apparently she's the night...

Sometime later, I awoke with a killer headache. Rubbing the back of my head and forcing myself upright, I found that I had been napping on a park bench under the night sky. After scanning every direction of the deserted park I seemed to be in, I soon had a recollection of being tied to a chair and meeting the pony equivalent of a mob boss.

Was all that a dream? I hoped, raising from the bench. Now standing, I began to pat away the dust on my coat, only for my eyes to widened when I felt something in my coat's pocket. Cautiously reaching two fingers into the pocket, I overcome with dread when I soon pulled out a single bit from it. Shit, it was real...

After taking a minute or two to stare at the coin in my hand, I was interrupted by the loud sound of a bell being struck. Startled, I turned to the source of the noise and discovered the cause to be Ponyville's clock tower announcing the hour. Despite it being dark and a few blocks away, the tower was illuminated by moonlight and was close enough for me to study the hands on the clock in order to determine the time. Realizing that it was nearly time for me to pick Tavi up from the Hoof Tapper, I slipped the bit back into my breast pocket, then began my trek there.

"Well thank you, Maurice," Tavi said, the both of us standing in front of the house as I unstrapped Marchello from my back and handed it to her.

"You're welcome," I answered in a low voice, smiling faintly to her.

After balancing the cello on her back, Tavi looked up to me with slightly worried eyes. "Is something the matter, Maurice?" she asked. "You've been awfully quite tonight..."

She was right, I barely said a thing to her once I picked her up from the Hoof Tapper, as I kept thinking about Speakeasy and what he said.

You're gonna break up with her, and you're gonna do it without ever mentioning that we've met, comprende?

"Tavi," I said quietly, my eyes focused down to the ground.

"Hmm, yes?" Tavi asked, her voice curious.

I don't know why a mob boss wants me to break up with Tavi, or why he doesn't want me to mention him to her, but after giving it some thought...I'm starting to think that maybe I should. I mean, I slept with Vinyl, her best friend, and I did it without putting Tavi's feelings into consideration, and because I didn't, I've been left with this incredible, crushing guilt ever since. I know I don't have the heart to tell Tavi what I did, so the least I can do to make this as painless as possible for her is to just end it here and now, say that we're just incompatible or something. Besides, it's not like Speakeasy was giving me much of a choice...

"Tavi," I repeated, slowly raising my gaze to face her. "I think we should..." My words failed me when my view rested on Tavi, as I was admiring the way she was tilting her head cutely to the side while she waited for me to continue, beaming a smile and peered at me with gracious violet eyes, eyes that saw something in me when nopony else did.

I...I do have a choice.

Returning the smile she was giving me, I finished with, "I think we should go see a movie sometime," I cocked my head, "you know, make a date out of it."

"Well that sounds lovely," Tavi said with a smile and a quick nod. "I've heard that the local cinema is going to be playing the new Daring Do film; we can go see that."

"Ah, pony Indiana Jones," I mumbled as I rubbed my chin.

"What was that?" Tavi asked.

I shook my head with a smile. "Nothing! Eh...Daring Do sounds fine."

"Excellent," Tavi said, turning to the house's door and opening it. Once she took a few steps in, she turned back to me and seemed to have noticed that I haven't moved. "Are you heading in, Maurice?"

I nodded. "Yeah, in a bit. Just got to do something real quick."

After looking at me with a confused look and scanning the buildings' rooftops, Tavi nodded at me before entering the house and closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, I took a nice cool breath of the night air, then fished the bit from my breast pocket. Taking a minute or two to stare resentfully at the shiny coin sitting in the palm of my hand, I closed my fingers around it and clutched it firmly.

I fucked up right at the start of this relationship, I know I have, and if I can't admit it to Tavi, then I can at least admit it to myself and try to make it up to her, be the best damn boyfriend she's ever had if I have to; I know my reasonings seem weak, but she deserves as much. As for Speakeasy however...well, I'll do one of the things he asked and not mention him to Tavi; if I did, I feel that it'll be just be another Highground incident were Tavi will just beg me to drop it. Speakeasy did say that she was never involved in his smuggling operation, so I should be thankful for that at least, plus, he did have an unfortunate point about no one believing me and the princesses not being able to do much on my word alone, so if it is another Highground incident, then I'll just wait for this whole thing to blow over in a week or so.

Sorry to disappoint you, Speakeasy, but I'm not breaking up with Tavi.

Pulling my arm back, I tossed the bit into the alley across the street, only to be surprised when I then heard a familiar voice come from said alley.

"Ow! ...Oh hey, a bit!"

Face-palming, I then said out loud, "Go home, Lyra!"

Not giving her a chance to respond, I turned around and entered the house.

I know I'm probably making a mistake here by pissing off a crime boss, but this is Equestria, the most peaceful-est place I know! His threats were probably empty ones, I mean, what's the worst he can do?

I woke up the following morning, feeling hazy and dreary eyed in my own bed. Yawning, I stretched under the covers, warming up my muscles to--what the hell is that? I paused my stretching, as I felt something wet under my arm. Raising my head from the pillow and turning to my side, I saw that there was something under the cover with me...something round.

Curious, and with great hesitation, I began to pull the cover back, revealing...oh God!

It was the watermelon I was growing! It was eviscerated, its fruity gore staining my mattress and sleeping clothes! Clutching my head, I was about to scream about how delicious it would have been, but stopped when I noticed in the corner of my vision that the door--the door that I was sure I closed before going to bed--was moving. Turning to it, I spotted no one there...that was until I looked bellow the door...

My eyes widened and my mouth fell agape at who, or what, I saw there. It...it was the spider from yesterday! The spider that I failed to kill! It was somehow pulling off a resentful expression, using one of its legs to do the I-got-my-eyes-on-you gestrue as it slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind it.

After staring in shock and surprise at the space where the spider was, I soon yelled, "Holy fuck! Speakeasy's got spiders on the payroll!?"

Author's Notes:

Here's my patreon. Come on guys, I'd really like to go to my first ever convention. Babscon.