After bidding farewell to Fluttershy, I make my way quickly back home, my mind churning all the while. Fluttershy is in love with me? Why? How? I almost start running along the road back home, eager to hide what will likely be a dramatic breakdown from the rest of Ponyville. The moment I reach the Boutique, I dash into it, slam the front door, and slump to the ground, breathing heavily.

My breath eventually returns to a reasonable tempo, but my mind continues to race. I know that no rest or meditation will quell my churning thoughts; the only way I'll find peace again is if I answer the question in the forefront of my mind:

Fluttershy loves me. Do I love Fluttershy back?

. . .

No.

It's the answer my heart tells me is right, and yet it feels so completely wrong.

Fluttershy and I have always been very close. But now, with our mutual meditation hobby, we've grown closer still to each other. I still don't have a good term to describe what our relationship is together. We've transcended best friends, we're not really sisters, but we're certainly not lovers. Yet, we are as close as two ponies can be. I suppose I can understand how Fluttershy could construe our relationship as a romantic one; we spend as much time together as many married couples do.

And yet, despite this, I do not feel the same for her. I cannot feel the same for her because I cannot feel that way with any mare. I do not find her attractive or alluring as a potential romantic partner because my eyes have always been on stallions.

I am, and have always been, heterosexual.

And for the first time in my life, I wish that I wasn't. Fluttershy may not be my lover, but she means more to me than anypony but we could understand. Her happiness is my happiness. I wish that I could be attracted to her so that I could give her the love and happiness that she so rightly deserves. I wish that I was attracted to her so that I wouldn't have to respond to her advances with a soul-wrenching "no."

I love Fluttershy; I really, really do . . . but not in the way that she needs me to love her. A little something I said earlier comes back to my mind:

"Thank you, Fluttershy, for being such a good friend to me. I love you."

I sigh heavily, disappointed in myself. I meant it platonically, but that must still have been exceptionally painful for Fluttershy to hear. I wasn't even aware at the time that I was hurting her.

The worst part about it all is that I am the problem. I am reason that Fluttershy is hurting right now. There's not even anything I could do, save reconstruct my very nature, that would ease her pain. To love a pony who could never love you back is a situation I would bestow upon nopony. Cruel fate decided that Fluttershy should experience it now.

I want to love her. I want so badly to love her. I want to hold her close and kiss her tenderly and bring her to the heights of ecstasy. I want to give every part of my body to her. But my heart, the most important of those parts, staidly refuses to love Fluttershy merely because she is a mare, and I don't think it will ever change its mind.

Do I find Fluttershy beautiful? By Celestia, of course I do. She has such a perfectly maintained coat, and she has those well-preened wings that are so warm and soft. Her body shape is slender and elegant, and I know it's one that many mares would die to have. But I'm not attracted or allured by her beauty; I respect it. Like a model compliments a fellow model. I think Fluttershy sees me differently, however . . .

"You're smart and talented and . . . so gorgeous. Your confident voice, your smell after a shower, your fearless blue eyes . . . You're perfect, Rarity."

I sigh again. Fluttershy wasn't listing the things that make me attractive; she was listing the things that she finds in me that are attractive.

I've read many books on romance, so I know all the rules one should follow when pursuing it . . . or faced with it. One of the first rules I give to other ponies is to never date out of pity. One-way love never works, and you'll only grow more and more uncomfortable and spiteful of your partner over time. It's a relationship fraught with lies and deceit. It has never, and will never, end well.

Yet here I am considering doing just that.

Because the only alternative is to refuse her.

If I do, and I tell her that I do not love her back, it would devastate her. I would break her heart and shatter any hopes she had that I could somehow love her and we could be in a romantic relationship. She would cry for weeks, and I couldn't be there to comfort her. Our daily meditation ritual would be lost; she would be too miserable to practice it with me anymore.

I simply cannot bear to hurt her like that. Would it be better or worse if I lied and said that I did love her? Either I break her heart now, or force my own to conform to an impossible love. Both roads lead to misery.

I must make a decision, but I don't want to choose.

It has been a week since I first discovered Fluttershy's romantic feelings for me, and all I've done in that time was work on and ship out my commissions. Hearts and Hooves Day came and went, and ponies came to me to pick up their outfits, love on their minds. Love is on my mind too. It has been for the last week. I want to talk to somepony about this, but my go-to pony is normally Fluttershy, and she is obviously out of the question.

I'm in my parent's house right now, but they aren't at home at the moment. I'm here so Fluttershy doesn't come looking for me and I'm forced to say something to her before I'm ready. I told my parents that the boutique had suffered some water damage and I needed a place to stay. They obliged and said there was a sewing machine in my old room if I needed to use it. It's not home, but it gives me a quiet place to work on my orders . . . and to think.

I've gone through my head countless times the confrontation that will happen if I tell Fluttershy that I do not love her. No matter what I say or when I do it, I always see a pony in tears and a damaged relationship.

I've even tried learning to love Fluttershy; then, perhaps, we could be happy together. Her walk is seductive. She is cute when she twitches her ears to listen to something. She could look rather sexy if she dressed in one of my more adventurous outfits. Her buttocks are big and soft and . . .

No. It doesn't work. It never works.

I sigh and shake my head. Despite all the time I've taken, I have gotten no closer to finding a solution. I stopped going to Fluttershy for meditation and canceled our weekly spa visit when the scheduled day arrived. I can't talk to her yet. I can't even meditate myself anymore without being reminded of her and the choice I have to make.

I can't go back to our meditation and pretend that nothing happened, either. Now that I know, I can't hide it from her. Just because I know the tells of deception doesn't mean I can conceal them all. Hiding one will just emphasize another.

Even though Fluttershy is not as adept at recognizing nonverbal language in ponies as I am, she's seen me enough to know when something is amiss. I can hide this secret from other ponies, but not her. If I go back to her with this in my mind, she would eventually find out that something was wrong.

My hooves move mechanically as they work the sewing machine to hem up a seam to another dress. All I've been doing is busy work, sewing up orders, shipping them to the client, and doing other odd jobs around the house. I can't concentrate on anything else.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Coming!" I call. I put down the dress I've been working on and head to my parents' master bathroom. Mane in order? No tear tracks? Neat makeup? I survey myself to make sure that I'm hiding the turmoil that I've been in. No need to appear a mess in front of anypony. Once I'm satisfied with my appearance, I head to the front door and open it.

"Oh, Toe Tapper," I say, putting a salespony-smile on my face, "how lovely to see you again!" A quizzical look comes over my face. "But, how did you find me? This isn't the Boutique."

Toe Tapper looks at me askance. "Uh, you said that I could to pick up my outfit here if I wanted, remember? And that you'd be staying here for a while?"

I blink. How did I forget saying something like that? It seems that this situation with Fluttershy really disorganized my mind. I hide my thoughts. "Oh, silly me! I guess I forgot!" I try to laugh off. "In any case, you're here now, so come inside! Did your gift to Roseluck go over well?"

Toe Tapper steps inside the house. "You bet it did, Rarity! Roseluck was thrilled." he says, a silly grin on his face.

I chuckle into a hoof. "I'm glad I could help, darling." I notice that he is carrying himself with a good bit more confidence now. Whatever nervousness I saw in Toe Tapper in our first encounter is now gone.

"You should have seen the look on Rose's face when I showed her your outfit," Toe Tapper says. "I've never seen her speechless for so long before!" He drifts off, a dreamy smile overtaking his face. A moment later, he sobers up and looks at me earnestly. "I still don't know why you gave that outfit to me for free. I was willing to pay big for it, Rarity." He digs about in his saddlebags and retrieves a wallet.

I wave him off with a hoof. "No need, Toe Tapper; seeing young love flourish is payment enough for me. And besides—" I wink "—I always have discounts for my friends." I walk over to a low coffee table in the living room and gesture to it, inviting Toe Tapper to sit down. "Come inside, Toe Tapper, and stay for a spell." I walk off to my parents’ kitchen to prepare something to drink.

While Toe Tapper puts away his wallet and sits at the table, I boil water in a kettle in preparation for steeping some tea. My parents are not tea connoisseurs like me, but they have a respectable selection. There's even a fairly decent chamomile here! I open the tin of chamomile with my magic, releasing a strong waft of scent into the air. The smell is simultaneously relaxing and intoxicating. It reminds me of the tea time I normally have with Flutter—

I slam the tin closed. Perhaps tea isn't the best beverage to serve with guests. I turn off the kettle and opt instead to retrieve a couple bottles of pop from the refrigerator.

I sit down at the coffee table across from Toe Tapper and pass him a bottle. "So, Toe Tapper! How did you and Roseluck find love in each other? I do love a good origin story," I say while opening both bottles for us. With a fizz, the scent of . . . well, artificial flavoring permeates the air.

"It's nothing exciting," he begins. "She runs one of the flower stands in the Ponyville Market. Every time I went there to buy something, she always had something interesting to say. We became friends after a while, and I took her out on some friendly dates. After a month or so, I started to see her as more than a friend.

"I didn't want to tell her, though. It's not like she flirted with me a lot or anything. Not that I could tell." Toe Tapper rubs the back of his neck. "So I sat on my feelings for a long time. I wanted to tell her, but I was afraid of what she'd say. I'd never been rejected before, and I didn't want to find out what that felt like. I still don't.

"Then her birthday arrived, and it gave me the perfect excuse to get a gift for Roseluck. I got her some makeup, nothing special." Toe Tapper takes a sip of his pop and puts a hoof to his chin. "Then Roseluck said that I was off that night. Said that she caught me just staring at her for a long while, and asked what was wrong." A blush appears on his cheeks. "I mean, I couldn't help myself. You should see how gorgeous Rose is when the wind blows her mane at night. Especially when the stars behind her make it twinkle.

"So I told her what was wrong. Told her that I thought she was beautiful, and that I fell in love with her a while back. She didn't say anything for a long time." An easy and serene smile spreads over Toe Tapper's face. "But then she said that I was a good guy. That she wasn't sure if she could love me, but she'd be willing to go on a few dates to find out." He lets all his breath out in a happy sigh, his story finished. "The rest is history."

I smile, getting up from the table. "A delightful story, Toe Tapper," I say. "But, what do you think would have happened if, uhm . . . if Roseluck made the first move and asked you out first?"

Toe Tapper gets up as well and walks towards the front door. "That would've been nice, I think. We wouldn't have had to wait nearly as long to get together!" He opens the door and steps outside. "Thanks again for the outfit, Rarity, but I've got a date with Rose in a few hours. See you 'round!"

"Goodbye," I say. As soon as the door closes, I go back to the coffee table and discard Toe Tapper's pop bottle. I never touched mine. Once finished, I head back to my room to think on our conversation. I can't help but feel a little envious of Toe Tapper and Roseluck; they had a "happily ever after," after all, and I don't know if I can give the two of us the same.

Fluttershy's situation right now is rather like Toe Tapper's. But Fluttershy is too shy, too kind. While Toe Tapper waited a year to ask his beloved, Fluttershy will take much, much longer to ask, if ever. I don't know if she’ll ever find the courage to pursue romance at all.

I don't know how long she's had these feelings for me, either. Toe Tapper and Roseluck were friends for a few months when he asked the question, but Fluttershy and I have been together for far longer. If Fluttershy has had feelings for me all this time, she's been waiting for nigh on a decade.

I stifle a shudder. I know that the feelings of vying after someone at a distance, not knowing what their feelings are for you, are awful. That's why I always advise ponies in this situation to gather the courage to ask. All these weeks, months, years, Fluttershy has been waiting, hiding her affections and looking to me for love but never pursuing it. I can't imagine the pain that she's experienced.

I look to the floor guiltily. And now I've stopped seeing her for a week, hid in my parents' house, and skipped our meditation sessions and spa date. I never told her I needed any time off when I left that day; now, she might think that I've abandoned her. In trying to answer my own selfish questions, I've only caused Fluttershy more waiting and more pain.

I still don't know what I'm going to say: whether I'm going to reject her outright or go against my own advice and conscience and try and date her out of pity. But Fluttershy's been suffering for long enough.

I gather my saddlebags and trod out the door of my parents' house. I have a determined look on my face, but inside, my mind is still spinning with answers and situations and consequences and suffering and . . . and crying yellow pegasi.

I try and shake off the thoughts and continue my trip to Fluttershy's cottage.

Whatever may happen, this ends now.