"Did I somehow walk into Resident Evil 4 or something?" I asked, peering around a corner at the Merchant from RE4. He had his long trenchcoat and his fire-bowl-on-a-pole and everything.

I had been casually strolling through the castle trying to find Celestia's room and using Time Control to get past the guards unnoticed. Though I had to get pretty creative to get past them they were... surprisingly untrained. How those incompitents managed to get past training I'll never know. But, after an hour or two of wandering, I turned the corner I was just looking around and had a little fan-girl moment.... Yes it was little, stop asking.

Okay, it's not like approaching him will take me to a different universe.... I do need more film, and possibly a gun or two would be nice. With that in mind I went around the corner again and walked over.

When I was standing in front of him he said, "Welcome, welcome! Got some rare things on sale, Stranger."

EEEEEEEE!!! He sounds just like the Merchant!!!! Smiling broadly I said, "I'm no more a stranger than you are."

"True. Ah, a friend of mine said to give you these when you found me." He pulled a bag out from behind his back and tossed it to me.

"Um.... Thanks?" I caught the bag and looked in it. There was an odd assortment of items inside; a Metroid symbol, a black diamond the size of both my fists put together, some books, a few coins, a pair of gauntlets, a wierd tube with a double helix inside, a few keys and keychains, and a statue of Jehuty and Anubis locked in battle to name a few. ...Is that a Plumber's sigil there?

"He said that those are thanks for paying more than triple what he asked for."

"Oh, you're talking about that guy in a Moogle costume, though now I'm doubting it was a costume." Closing the bag, I said, "So how are we going to do this? I don't have money and I doubt you'll give me anything else for free."

The merchant nodded, "You can use those tokens to buy things from me. I'll even give you a discount: one item for one token. Ammunition I'll sell you in bulk for two tokens every fifty mags."

"That's nice, but how about I pay two for each item and three for every fifty mags?"

The merchant's eyes widened, "That's not how bartering works."

I rolled my eyes. "You're taking time out of your life to come here so I can buy things from you, either take it or get your friend to come here."

The merchant eyed me suspiciously. "Well, if you say it like that. Feel free to browse my wares."

One shopping spree later, I had ditched my camera bag for one that was smaller on the outside and bigger on the inside, a PDW-57 with a suppressor, fast mag, extended clip, foregrip, FMJ, EOTech sight, a stock, and a laser sight, five hundred mags for the gun, enough film for a thousand pics, and a better pencil case to put the remaining tokens in.

I kept about fifty tokens, most notable among them the Gravity Gem (Found out that the diamond could summon someone from Gravity Shifter or whatever that game was called and named it as such), the helix-tube (I CAN SUMMON THE GREATEST ENEMY FROM THE RE SERIES!!!!), some of the coins, and the token that could summon Samus Aran (EEEEEE!!!!!!).

"Come back any time!" The merchant said as I stuffed everything into my new bag.

"Don't you worry about that, you and your friend are the only two merchants I'll buy from for things outside of this universe," I said after I was done with my bag.

"See ya wherever, " I said as I turned away. Only now noticing the door that was across the hall that had an image of the sun on it. ... Nope, not even surprised. I should probably send out my token before I go in.

Taking out my camera, I turned it to face me and snapped a pic. Shaking it to help dry the photo off I said, "Time, the real final frontier. This is the token of Max Caulfield, the Master of Time. Its mission: to seek out those who would protect others and tear down tyranny; to boldly go before me so that I may be called when the time is right." With that I tossed it away, watching as it disappeared into a portal. An actual portal to somewhere else.... Gah! back on track, Max.

Before I could take a step the door opened as Celestia walked out of her room, took one look at me, and turned down the hallway saying with a yawn, "Too early, come back after I have my coffee."

.... What.... WHAT!?!? SHE IMPRISIONS ME IN STONE AND WHEN SHE SEES ME OUT ALL SHE CAN SAY IS 'LET ME GET MY COFFEE'!?!?!? Tears spring up in my eyes as I watch her walk off. Even as Max I'm not worth much trouble.... No, I WILL be recognized, I won't be pushed aside. I'm gonna fuck her coffee up.

Now let's see.... Where do they keep their spices? I mused, having found my way to the kitchen. I opened one of the numerous cabinets and found nothing but flour. Closing that one, I moved onto the next one, and searched until I had what I needed for my plan. I chuckled darkly, my prank taking form as I danced around ponies that had been trying to catch me.

Some garlic, pepper, a whole cube of salt, cinnamon, cilantro, oregano, wasabi sauce, some ghost pepper oil, jalapeno juice, a little drop of liquid rainbow, and to top it all off some crushed laxative chocolate went into that one pot of coffee. And no one was the wiser when I picked it up, rewound time, and then set it back down, rewinding time once I exited the kitchen into the dining room and hid behind a pillar. Now to watch. No one ignores Max Caulfield.

I didn't have to wait long as Celestia came in, her head almost touching the floor in her half-asleep state. As she sat down a waiter brought her the pot and a mug with "Warning: do not approach unless filled with coffee" on the side and poured a cup for my unsuspecting prey. I took out my camera, this was promising to be well worth it.

Celestia brought the mug to her lips when Luna walked in looking like she went five rounds with an Ursa Minor. "So what happened last night?" she asked as she lowered the mug.

"It seems that Discord was able to cast a spell, though how he managed that I have no idea," Luna replied, sitting down next to her sister.

"I think I know what it did."

Luna whipped her head around to face Celestia and said, "What happened?"

"I think that thing I stoned was standing outside of my door this morning," She replied, raising her mug again.

I smiled and raised my camera in anticipation.Oh yeah, this is going to be so sweet!

"Prophet-" Luna was inturrupted by a spray of coffee and a flash of light.