"Oh look, do these not look nice?" I looked down at Banshee who was dragging his paws through the thinning snow.

Most of the forest was barren of clearings lacking in snow, so I was quite lucky. As I stared at the bush and its ripe blue berries, I felt a quiet delight at the find. Gingerly, I plucked one and cradled it ever so gently in my hoof.

"'Tis edible, We have no worries, friend."

Banshee flicked his tail, knowing that my flora judging abilities were proficient due to years of foraging. Starswirl had often locked me out in my younger years, and there were times I simply wanted to escape to the woods. He was not entirely aware that his attempts to starve me were in vain, but he was a miser when it came to what little supplies that we did have in the Magicspire. Nothing he conjured could be trusted too.

The soft taste and delicate skin burst in my mouth when I tossed it in, giving way to a sort of implacable sweet tartness I found had no care for, and that would be no problem at all. The forest was full of safe things for me to eat, and many were much heartier than this, no matter how fond I was of sweets.

But mayhap another pony would... this would be a much better option than the mind-meddling mushrooms that Kawblance thinks as proper food.

I picked another hoof-full of berries and placed them in a wyrm-scale sack, tying the strings to my cloak's belt. That beast had never stood a chance against my might and magic. I would not sit idle when the self-styled 'Master' Starswirl, who was a master of none, was clearly not able to teach me enough of anything. The world was a far better substitute, and tomes were best read by oneself instead of that old sot.

"Mayhap We should give these to an acquaintance?" I muttered under my breath, my gaze searching for predator creatures. This guardian of the forest may be needing more wyrm-scale pouches, and there were always many beasts, both to be loved and to be reckoned with lurking in these deeper parts of the woods where the others would not venture.

Banshee scratched at the dirt.

"We know he is not very nice... but Kaw-"

Banshee tilted his head slightly and let loose a brief howl.

"Banshee, shhh! If Starswirl hears you, you know what he will do - he will kill you, Bannie, and make you into a rug. A very lifeless rug that he shall hang up in the Magicspire and crow about endlessly."

He huffed and blinked his large brown eyes, and I lay one forehoof on his head and gently stroked it. The statement was no exaggeration. Once, Solara's dear 'Mina had laid a clutch of eggs - oh, the surprise was so great that I wonder how she kept it to herself! She even let me see them... and for a single moment, we were able to share an awkward present before she shooed me away. This was before Kaw came, and Solara seemed herself, if only in shreds. I knew that she had begun to take care of those eggs with 'Mina, managing them alongside her feathery companion.

And then one day, Starswirl had Clover cook eggs for breakfast, and made sure that Solara got the biggest share. I left the table with a few new bruises, but her...? I had not stayed around to find out.

"We know that 'Kawblance' is not his real name, but We forget what his real name is. Everypony does, and We are sure that one day, he will too."

I turned back away from the thick frosty pines and reluctantly headed back, trotting towards the tip of a waiting tower, an unfortunate residence, but not a home.

Homes do not make dread blossom in the throat, the stomach full of stones, and the chest full of stone.

I may not be brave yet, but I am no coward. "We wish We could leave this place and go south to look for Our parents, or to simply live alone..." It was something that crossed my thoughts often enough.

As I let loose a deep sigh, Banshee ran up to my foreleg and nibbled at the edges of my thick cloak, and I giggled, "You, dear Bannie, make Our stay all the more bearable, indeed. We shall go check the runes before We are required to leave you."

I stroked his fur for a moment before trotting off through the pathless and evergreen realm, fur rimmed forehoof boots leaving silent marks as I prowled like a feral feline, exchanging banter with Banshee. It was one of the few times I would elect to speak when I felt I could. My voice was a strong one.

"'Tis remarkable how Kaw ran away in these woods and went even deeper than We go, and yet one as foolhardy and ignorant of the wilds as him stayed there for nigh five-and-ten days surviving on nothing, yet evading all pursuers - Starswirl's beard is long enough to make two. He looks so skinny now. If We give him these berries he might stop mocking Us."

I rubbed a hoof over my cheek where, a few cycles ago, he had stitched thorny burrs into my pillow and laughed while I screamed. The wound had fading to nothingness now, while I was not vain like Solara, I loathed to see my body bearing marks, and ones that were not earned at that.

Curse his merciless taunting. Just because 'Solara' berates us both does not mean he needed to perform such actions.

One day I will-

Find my family...?

I am not even sure any more, if I will ever go back south. 'Solara' split up the trio, never asking where our old friend had gone or searching. She split the duo too, and brutally.

But I will make my own duo! By the stars, I will make a party of one if needed, if-

If I didn't have anypony I would have to leave behind.

Oh, confound it all! Might I be trapped here forever? Starswirl will die one day, as will Clover and Kawblance... Surely, I might finally and successfully escape before then? I cannot stop trying. I cannot remain here for eternity. Those wards must fall, but what could fell them? Magic is touchy and complex, as it should be.

I will see Mother and Father again. There were clues in those years that I wandered, and I had so foolishly ignored them.

I stopped walking. Mother... I am starting to forget my mother, but not in the way that most do. The memories of her will never truly leave me, none of my memories do... but they blur and stray, becoming harder to reach but never impossible.

Resuming my trek again, I headed further into the forest. Tonight in my Grimoire I shall write all I remember of her. Nay, I shall carve her likeness in a tree. She would like that, she always loved trees, and I am certain that Starswirl has been snooping through my latest volume as he did with some of my previous ones.

I remember that Father always called her Lulu and how different her eyes always looked in the moon's light.

An angelic light radiated from the graceful colossus - at least when she was compared to me - that was my mother, only adding to the gentle feel of paradise in the cool stone halls elaborately carved as effortlessly as lace.

This was one of the rare moments before the travels that I was playing alone, something I took so much enjoyment in, although from foalhood onwards I was normally with my sister, though that did not make me her mirror. There was so much to hold my attention that I had little time for her, even when we walked together. I was but a wee tyke and stared up, watching as my mother's alabaster face smiled, a rare gesture from the regal mare, revealing the slightest bit of laugh-lines from long ago on her pale coat even though to a not-quite-filly like me she seemed ageless.

A warm breeze drifted by from the gardens outside the breezeway and I recall putting the kitten I was playing with down, even though he had been purring and clearly wanted my attention. How was I to ignore that?

Why were Mama's eyes worried?

"Do you know about Shadows, Luna?"

I gazed down at my faithful gray silhouette who never ceased with the irresistible rumble that just begged for one more pet. "We are unsure if you speak of the same shadows We are thinking of, Mama."

She chuckled, and her voice was like bells, soft and clear and with a sweeping gesture she sat down. Attempting to mirror her elegant gesture, I plopped down too, without any of her grace though, but I managed to sneak-pet my kitten, and the small victory was not ignored by either of us.

"A dear friend of Ours-" I called it, her mysterious 'friend' was always giving my mother advice, especially when it came to her visions. "-has reminded Us of the importance of educating you and your sister about Shadows."

"But not the kind that follow any of us around," I added in my most matter of fact tone.

"Exactly," she murmured, eyes distant as she tugged a piece of her luminous mane behind her ear in an almost nervous fashion. Very little made my mother anything more than slightly concerned, so what could make her worried of all things? It would have to be something... I do not know.

"Are these shadows mean, Mama? Will they steal Our butterscotch candies?"

As she spoke, the kitten, vying for attention, crawled into my lap and purred even louder. My will crumbled. I just had to pet him, and I did.

"Luna, these Shadows fall into two groups and nothing more: mean Shadows; you must stay away from them. Their hearts are a dreadful black darkness that mocks the glorious night with its evil notions and lack of Harmony. Every bit of them is merciless and will know no remorse. The second are good, they will be your guardians, your allies and your protectors. Despite their melancholy souls and pained lives, they will serve you more dutifully than any other below you, and that is a role that they will recognize. Mayhap you can bring them laughter."

The mist continued to march across her gaze.

"Mama, these Shadows sound like ponies and creatures of some kind," I said as I stroked the silver furred kitten whose fern colored eyes gazed into mine.

"They are, Luna, in some unfortunate ways they are. All of them are but some kind of demon."

"Mama, what if there is a Shadow who is not good or bad? Do they not exist as well?"

"Yes, my wise one, they do exist, We suppose." She sounded very little skeptical and was using the same tone that meant she was absolutely sure my sixteen cats and their babies could sing if I taught them and was extra nice and worked extra hard and ate all my vegetables. Any time that vegetables were brought up, I knew she was not telling me the whole truth because I do eat my vegetables, just not enough. Tia never eats hers.

"Do you think they have a sense of humor?"

"A Shadow with a sense of humor?" Her clouded eyes traveled to the window, watching as the sun set. Daddy must be tilting the axis of Midgard.

"Yeah, mayhap they tell jokes."

Her eyes lingered on me for a moment, no longer concerned for the orange-gold sun. "We do not think so, Luna. A Shadow like that would be a real rarity." I bet Shadows did not have to eat all their sister's vegetables when she was feeling 'sick'.

In a moment just as fluid as when she sat down, Mama rose in a single movement. Her curly tail seemed to sweep a protective circle around her.

"Mama, why are you not happy?"

"Luna, to-morrow your father and Us as well... we will be going on a trip... a long one out of our Everfree and you and Cellie... we need you to take care of yourselves after to-morrow, just for a while. And you will have to listen to your sister."

"Are you going on vacation like Aunt Corah and Uncle Ponn?"

She looked scared for a second, I could almost swear she was second guessing herself. "Yes Luna, we will be meeting up with them. There is something that We will need to be discussing with them."

"Can you bring Tia and I go see cousin Neptune?"

"No."

"What about Aunt Pani and Uncle Kami? Will they be there? Will Flora, Terra, and Fauna be able to come over and watch us both while you are gone? Terra was going to tell Us more stories and-"

"Yes, they will be there, and no you will not be able to see your other cousins. They are not between-aged anymore. So no foalsitting... they will be coming with us."

Why was she so frightened and even more serious than usual? Vacations are nice. It is not like you never see somepony who goes on a vacation.

"Luna, you will remember this, will you not? Not all Shadows are good."

I nodded eagerly. "Yes, Mama."

As she turned to leave, her face still set in a distant seriousness, I could not help but ask one more question. I loved to ask questions.

"Mama, you and Daddy will come back, right?"

She stopped walking but did not turn around.

"Luna, do not ask such a silly question. We have many more things to do, so be ready to say farewell to-morrow."

That was not what I wanted to hear.

That was one of the last memories I had of my mother. She had used my real name as well, not Starswirl's false name for me.

Banshee and I entered the clearing and I quickly trotted up to one of the ancient oaks, a rare sight amongst the evergreen.

Picking out the correct one, a knobby twisted tree, I whispered to it:

"Hidden in the glen, runes of the knight; when a-glow assist those who fight."

The runes hidden in the bark did not glow flashily but only hummed at the potency spell. For years now, I would come here and lay more layers of power enchantments to deepen the ability of the spell network I was weaving. To challenge myself, I would come up with complex spells, make my own alterations to runes, and do just about everything on my own. There was little to nothing to take pride in at the dreary Magicspire, but I was proud of my self-taught skill that enabled me to be a true prodigy, unlike Starswirl.

The ponies here, 'the three tribes' of this northern place were constantly feuding with pitiful militias that passed for armies, and it was only so that they might slaughter one another over imagined slights and other mortal folly. When I was younger, Starswirl would 'lend' me to the unicorn army for a hefty sum, so they might have one of 'Starswirl's Monsters' bound with an enchanted collar around her neck and fighting for them. The undying, unaging creature that was me, a filly they thought a beast, would stand out on empty plains in the silence before battle and know that she - that I was more than a foal-soldier, and unlike all the others of the Tribes, I would not end up a nameless face in stacks of emaciated skeletons that would be sloppily rolled into shallow pits of peat, at best.

If I had an army to myself, mine would be far from pitiful. My experiement here was based on the sights I had seen in those wars that were nothing short of an everyday and three way genocide that was hard to become used to, no matter how wrong it was - and I would not deny that. My sister saw the Court, and I saw battle.

This spell system would act almost as an 'army'. Obviously no ponies would be in it, nor would it have any equine shape, but it would be able to defend and fight for me at my command, but only in the most dire of circumstances. The mere armored brutes that pass for soldiers in this land would not stand against this well unless they were to grow intelligent and unite themselves, or something of the sort. The whole thing was still a work in progress.

Strange how so much was lost. These ponies have such a primitive culture. What exactly was the cause of them to take such backward strides? So much knowledge, inventions, tactics, crafts, art, music, maths, magics, and technology just seemed to... vanish, just as they did from the land that lies to the south.

Even the calendar system is changed. A night and a day used to be called a cycle but now are only referred to as 'days'.

'Solara' and I owe allegiance to no tribe. She wants to rule them for reasons she has never fully disclosed to me, but I suspect some of them, in part. I once brought up moving back south. Not only do they not know cardinal direction but the ponies here that do vaguely know this world even have a notion that the south was ravaged by unspeakable destruction and there are still others that say it does not even exist. I have been there, I was born there! 'Twas a lie!

'Solara' then told me to 'hold thine tongue', as she does quite often.

Even now nopony listens to me... yet, ponies will be ponies.

I add whatever trace of my mother my mother looked like that I can recall to the well etched runes and hold back tears. Meanwhile, Banshee is lolling his tongue out and makes a whimpering noise.

I can do this, I am an independent pony. None of 'Solara's' blathering about codependency is true, that has never been part of my nature. I really could try to leave without her, but she is my sister, and I just wish that she could come with me.

I emerged alone from the woods, Banshee still safe inside. I walked up the woodsy slopes until I came to the familiar clearing perched on a hill, Spire and all.

Outside in the surrounding yard of the Magispire, 'Solara' and Kawblance were engaged in a combat lesson with Starswirl overseeing it, when he really just needs an excuse to yell at ponies as they swing weapons at each other.

'Solara' was clearly frustrated that her barely dulled battleaxe was not striking anything. Kawblance could not perform any of the magics known to crystal ponies such as crystalkiniesis, which was something he had mentioned. He could however perform a limited amount of basic arcane spells.

I stepped into the perimeter, making little effort to conceal my woodsy exploit other than to brush pine needles from my thick fur-collared cloak, which was dotted with snow. Both duelers stopped. Kawblance's arcane aura-encircled dagger he wielded in his mouth lost all magical effects and reverted back to being a rusty piece of metal, and 'Solara' lowered her enormous battleaxe wrought with emblems of flame. Sol Ignis had always been too flashy.

Starswirl raised his head and gazed at me. "So the frivolous student, no better than a filthy mud-pony emerges."

I noticed a twig in my mane but didn't pull it out and firmly stood my ground trying to remain aloof, which was not too hard. I would not give him any satisfaction. Kaw who despite his earth pony appearance - the crystal ponies were reported, from what I knew, to glow like quartz and shine like crystal - took offense to this and spat at Starswirl's hooves before quickly dashing off to sulk somewhere, lest Starswirl strike him. He probably off to plan one of his sadistic excuses for a prank, which would distract him until he remembered Starswirl's anger - usually right when Starswirl had cornered him.

They always treated me like this! Starswirl with his typical unicorn racism towards all others, 'Lara with her vanity, and Kaw with his sadism and contempt that lacked all reason. I held Starswirl in contempt too, but it was not so wanton.

I unwillingly swallowed my anger: Soon 'Lara and I would graduate and be free to head back toward the south, I was sure of it. She would come with me this time, she just had to.

Feeling my anger rise despite the swallow, I knew I had to carefully choose my words. One of Clover's parables rang in my mind. The simple and homely sayings were mostly meant to tone down some of the darkness of the nature of these ponies and were some of the few things that she remembered about her family.

On occasion it is wise to guard thy tongue, lest around the neck a ring of rope be hung.

Sometimes I wish I could tell Clover a few of the secrets of the world that I have not forgotten. The ones that Starswirl will forever search in vain for. She isn't a bright mare in the least, but a good 'story' might cheer her up.

Is there really such a thing as to speak too little, like a mute?

Foolish question, of course there is. I should know better than anypony.

I am not mute.

Author's Notes:

Design Credit for Luna and Celestia's parents be here.

For those who cannot figure it out: These are flashbacks, not journal entries. Twilight is reading, yes, but not anything interesting.