Skipping stuff? Me? No, no, no... well, maybe a little. Look, you wanted my story, and that's what I'm telling. There's a few things, I admit, that I don't always remember perfectly, so I may gloss over a few details, but I do remember the big stuff. The party was fun, and laughs were had...

Oh, I know what it is you're wanting now. You're wanting to hear that story. It's the one everyone wants to hear. The one that's been repeated over and over and over again. The one that some say gets sillier and sillier with every retelling. Well, let me tell you this right now, tulip: No retelling will ever be funnier than the original.

Okay, here goes...
-------------------------------------

For a good bit of the party, I circulated around, talking to the mares, trying to get a feel for them overall. So far, I'd only really spoken with a small number of them, and while they might have been the leaders of the group, it wouldn't be right for me to associate only with them. I'd be granting the wishes of the entire lot of them, after all: If I didn't know anything about any of them, I'd likely bungle something spectacularly...

I noticed, just after the fillies were put to bed, a mare was examining the decorations with what I could only call an experienced eye, which immediately struck me as odd since she looked, at most, to be nineteen or so, although I was still a ways away from being an expert in pony ages. Still, that combination of seeming experience, her youth, and how she seemed so... intent when studying the decorations struck me as odd. Curious, I approached her, taking her measure as I did so.

She was an earth pony, and one with a straight pink mane. I know that sounds odd, but it is the only way I know to describe it: Her mane basically went from her head to the base of her neck in a straight line with a minimum of curve, in that style a lot of the mares these days are calling the 'Pinkamena', for some reason. I have no idea why. Anyhow, she had a slate grey coat, and green eyes. Unlike some of the earth ponies in the room, she wasn't very... fit, I guess you could say. A lot of the earth ponies were 'country mice', with bodies honed from work in the fields. This mare struck me as a 'city mouse', somepony who hadn't grown up on a farm, but rather someplace where she hadn't had to work quite so hard. I didn't notice her cutie mark at the time, which I should have, as it might have prepared me for what was to come...

"Find the decorations interesting?" I asked, curious. I had to admit, they were impressive: The world was at a medieval era culture, but the decorations that Pinkie Pie had put up were... modern. Another oddity that I feared investigating.

...I'll admit, while there are few things I fear, the actual truth about what Pinkie Pie actually is tops the list, and has done so for a long, long time.

Anyways, the mare turned back to me, smiled, and said, "Well, you know how it goes: One craftspony can't help but admire the craftsponyship of another."

"So," I asked, putting two and two together, "you're a party planner?"

"Oh yes," the mare said to me, a dreamy expression in her eyes. "I don't mind that Miss Pie helped with today's celebration planning, but back in the day, I used to be Princess Celestia's personal party planner. I was the one who managed her galas, her soirees, and her balls. Oh, how I adored Princess Celestia's balls..."

*Ambrose.*

'Oh come on, Sombra. I didn't say a word aloud about the tweaker fiends. At least let me have this. Please?'

*...Fine.*

With a smile, I requested, "Please, tell me more about Princess Celestia's magnificent balls."

I heard a few giggles in the background. It appeared that a few of the ponies in the room could hear us clearly, and while they might have been virgins, they at least knew that much about anatomy.

...Then again, in a society composed primarily of nudists, there's no way they couldn't know at least that much.

Her smile growing wider, she said, "Gladly, your majesty. Princess Celestia's balls were the most popular in the land. While many other ponies might have held balls, all of them secretly wished to hold balls as grand as hers. And who could blame them? They were the biggest, the grandest, the most legendary balls in the land. They were all that many ponies could talk about. I was more than happy to help Princess Celestia with her majestic balls: Such grandeur would be far too difficult for any one pony to handle. Even as skillful as I am, I could never have managed the burden of such tremendous balls on my own: It took dozens of ponies to aid me with Princess Celestia's balls."

I am not even going to start with all the images that put into my head. What I will say is that the room was now filled with giggling ponies. All other conversation had stopped, and the mare and I were now the center of attention as we continued on into what would soon develop into one of the most legendary comedy routines in all of history.

"A pity," she added, "that we will never see such balls again."

An eyebrow raised, I asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well," she said a little hesitantly, "it is well known that King Sombra of the Crystal Empire had no balls of his own."

The room went very quiet.

*No comment.*

'Heh, yeah, I bet. I can see your memories too, Sombra. I can see you now, sitting up high and watching your slaves at work. I bet they tell all kinds of jokes about 'The great King Sombra, with his tiny deck and no balls'.'

*That was a balcony, not a deck.*

'Same difference.'

"Evil tyrants, as a general rule, don't have balls," I said with a perfectly straight face. "It is a well known fact. Before I set on the road to rule, I had to choose between uncontested dominion over the kingdom, or having balls of my own. At the time, it seemed the choice was obvious, but I came to regret my lack of balls a great deal. In truth, I was intensely envious of Princess Celestia and her massive, magnificent balls. It just didn't sit right with me, that a princess could have balls where a king could not."

The laughter that filled the room was simply thunderous. I can't even begin the describe it. It was like a year's worth of stored laughter being let out all at once.

On a roll, I continued, saying, "But things are different now. I am a changed pony: I am passionate about having balls again. Once Equestria is free from the fiends, and the boarcs sent packing, then I promise you, all of Equestria will stand in awe of my balls. Every pony in the land will be able to say, without fear of contradiction, that King Sombra has the biggest balls in all of Equestria, if not the entire world."

The laughter grew even louder, and a few of the mares began rolling on the floor, clutching their sides.

"My word," the mare said with a smile. "You'll certainly need help with such spectacular balls as those. I don't suppose you'd be willing to take me on?"

"Milady," I said with a formal bow, "You may feel free to handle my balls any time you please."

With that last announcement, the mare's composure broke, and she started laughing out loud. That was when I noticed her mark: It was a jester's staff, complete with a goofy grinning head wearing a jester's cap. I'd previously thought that she'd been innocently making those references, using that one word on accident, when in fact...

...She'd done it all on purpose. She'd used me to run a comedy routine in front of dozens of mares.

When she finally regained her composure, the mare said, "Thank you, your highness." She placed a hoof on my shoulder and said, "My name is Slapstick, but most of my friends call me Slappy. In addition to being her majesty's party planner, I was also her court jester. I was also one of the first mares to join Sparkling Sunset on this campaign." Her expression turned a little sad as she said, "I was charged with keeping everypony's spirits up, a difficult task, as you can imagine." The way she said that made it sound as if sometimes she had failed in that mission. In a world filled with despair, failing a task like that can have fatal consequences.

Can ponies commit suicide? I've never asked that question, but at that time, I was reminded of a section of the book 'World War Z', where a film legend fought his own personal war against despair, which, through an ailment called ADS, claimed many who simply gave in, went to bed, and never work up. Even if ponies didn't have a concept of suicide, there were plenty of other ways to reach that big corral in the sky...

Slappy smiled, and admitted, "I thought I'd never hear the sound of a roomful of ponies laughing again..."

Even now, every pony, without exception, was laughing with wild abandon, as if they had not a single care in the world. Given that, through the course of a year, they'd lived in constant fear for their lives; lived with the grief of lost friends, relatives, and loved ones; lived with the constant knowledge that their world was on the verge of ending...

That made this moment of pure, unfiltered joy all the more magical.

With a giggle, Slappy said, "But this... even on my best day in the courts of Celestia, I never received a reaction quite like this one. Thank you, your majesty." She smiled at me, and I could see joyful tears forming in her eyes. "I cannot express in words how much this means to me."

Slapstick had fought her own personal war against despair, a force that could slay as surely as any arrow, spear, or spell, but could do so as stealthily as any ninja assassin. It was a foe without form, but one that could have easily ended the journey of the 108 well before they revived me. For nearly a year, she had fought it with the sort of determination, grit, and heroism that made any champion, clad in shining armor and wielding a magic sword, seem as nothing in comparison. While she might have lost some of the battles, today was the day that proved that, in the end, she had won that war beyond all doubt. The armies of despair were routed, and if I had anything to say about it, they'd never rear their ugly heads again.

I gave a short, polite bow, and said, "Happy to be of service."

Sometimes, the simplest gift, the gift of laughter, can be the greatest gift of all.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W-fIn2QZgg