The first stirrings of consciousness came to me hours later, provoked by the morning sunlight vengefully stabbing at my eyes as if in punishment for the previous evening’s sins. Slowly, carefully so as not to aggravate what would likely be a raging hangover, I began to stir. The blanket that laid atop me to shield me from the cold was unusually warm and rather lumpy ‒ to say nothing of how heavy it was. I wasn’t in any danger of suffocating, thankfully, but it certainly wasn’t the most comfortable of positions to wake up in, either.

Sensing the presence of another being in my bedroom, I eked out a gravelly, “Mom? That you?”

A female voice that didn’t sound like my mother at all let out a few shushing tones before replying, “There, there, now. Just relax.”

“Relax?” I demanded, only maintaining the pretense of sleep because the slight nausea and raging hypersensitivity was keeping me pinned to bed. Not to mention the not-insubstantial weight on my chest. “I just had this terrible nightmare. I dreamed that I was nearly killed, only to be saved by some alien pony princess who brought me to a world that operates like a goddamned musical. And some of the ponies were hitting on me! It was awful.”

The voice grew disturbingly husky. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

That, more than anything, derailed the replay of a familiar running gag from my childhood. While part of my mind was relieved at the prospect, the implications in the words of the pony playing Lea Thompson to my Michael J. Fox snapped me to full wakefulness in an instant.

Only to find myself face-to-muzzle with a certain polychromatic pegasus, who was gazing at me with the most sensual bedroom eyes she could muster. Then she arched her back in a languid stretch, her wings slowly extending out from her sides as a certain part of her anatomy oh-so-casually grazed across my groin. I had to suppress a shudder, noting with some dread that her actions were causing a portion of my blood to take a detour towards my pelvic region.

Well, this is awkward, I thought. And it’s about to get even more uncomfortable.

And indeed, it did, as Dash noticed my discomfort, which only seemed to add fuel to her fire. “Oooh,” she cooed, “Morning wood, just for me? I would’ve thought I’d have to wait longer for round two with you like I would with a stallion.” Her smile turned predatory. “I’m liking you humans more and more as time goes on.”

I fixed her with a deadpan stare. “Thermal expansion, I assure you. Seriously, Rainbow, it could’ve happened with anything rubbing up against my junk like that. Doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to want to stick my dick in the first mare that makes a pass at me.”

Unfortunately for me, my protests fell on deaf ears. If anything, the devilish smirk on Rainbow’s muzzle grew more sinister. “Funny,” she replied, “that’s not what you said when you were mounting me like a comfort stallion last night.” She then adopted a mock contemplative expression. “Of course, you were pretty out of it last night, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember the way you held me in your arms as you rutted my brains out.”

It was then that my brain fully registered what she’d said earlier about “round two.” Rational thought rapidly fled out the window, and my brain-to-mouth filter wasn’t too far behind. “I-buh-duh-wha… We did what?” My one coherent sentence was shouted at the top of my lungs.

Once again, I tasted blue fur and keratin as Rainbow’s hoof plugged my mouth. “Not so loud, Derren,” she protested, a strained expression adorning her muzzle. “Twilight and that cranky nurse are both still asleep. It’d be rather awkward if you woke them up and caused them to walk in on us, wouldn’t it, Der-bear?”

I glared at her as she slowly withdrew her hoof. “Oh, so we’re back to Der-bear now, are we? And thanks for filling me in on this fiasco.”

“Well, you sure filled me,” she replied in a deadpan tone, though the effect was ruined by the fact that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears of mirth, and she would occasionally nibble on her lower lip as if she were having trouble holding in the biggest belly laugh of her life.

My eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Dash, I’m too hungover for this shi‒”

“Oh, sure. You’ll give a single mare in heat the ride of her life, and then when the time comes to take responsibility for your actions, you claim you were drunk.” The most miserable expression I’d yet seen on a pony blossomed on her face. “Was everything we shared last night a lie? What am I going to tell our foal when she’s old enough?”

It was at this point that I belatedly noticed something. Or rather, the absence of something. “Dash,” I said with exaggerated patience, “I have two questions. First, how could you have possibly been in heat? It’s the dead of winter. Isn’t that more of a spring or summer thing? And second, if we had drunken nookie like you said, why are the sheets bone-dry?”

The facade cracked a little, and Rainbow began to sweat as my logic seemed to have stymied her. It didn’t last more than two seconds before she brightened, and the devious grin returned to her face for an encore. “I’ll answer your second question first. I cleaned up the evidence while you were asleep and used my patented Rainblow-Dry to dry you off.

“It’s my second favorite bedroom technique next to the Rainblow-Job,” she added parenthetically, barely able to keep a straight face as she did so.

“And the heat thing?” I supplied helpfully, doing my best to ignore the horrible pun she’d just made.

She merely smirked before waving her forelegs as if trying to zap me with a spell. “Maaaaaaaaaaaaagic,” she intoned in a spooky voice.

I merely rolled my eyes at her. Whether she was telling the truth or trolling the hell out of me, I was done putting up with Dash’s shit for the day. It wasn’t helping my rather delicate condition, as a wave of nausea that I’d had to bite back at that moment so graciously reminded me.

“One more thing, Derren,” Dash said with a hint of seriousness that was almost believable, “You should probably know that bedding a pony can cause transformations in low-magic species. You might want to check the mirror soon. Wouldn’t want to surprise Twilight, eh?” With that, she hopped off of the bed to let me up.

Okay, this is building up to something, isn’t it? I let out a long sigh. I suppose it couldn’t hurt to humor her, even though I’m sure this won’t end well for me.

Carefully, so as not to upset the delicate balance of my stomach into creating more involuntary personal protein spills, I made my way to the en-suite bathroom. Looking into the mirror as instructed, I was relieved to see no evidence of spontaneously developing fur coats or any other body horrors. What I did see there, however, wasn’t much better. Due to my hungover state, I spent a minute trying to puzzle out what the drawings covering every inch of my exposed body were before belatedly realizing I’d left my glasses on the nightstand near my bed. Cursing myself, I quickly retrieved the visual aids. Unfortunately, the resulting newfound clarity of vision only added to my torment once I’d taken more than a second to look at my new additions.

Horsecocks. Rainbow Dash had drawn horsecocks on me.

That proved to be the last straw. I slapped a hand to my forehead as a wave of irritation flashed through every fiber of my being. “RD, GAWD ‒” my rant devolved into mouthing a string of silent curses at the mare in question for a few seconds “‒ DAMMIT!”

A certain used weapons dealer in the fictional town of Tuna, Texas would probably be able to sympathize with me.

Unfortunately, the only thing it earned me from Dash was more of her hysterical laughter. Taking a moment to let out a low, animalistic groan as I ran my palm down my face, I walked back out to confront my prismatic tormentor.

By now, Dash’s amusement at my expense had died down to a few throaty chuckles. I raised one eyebrow at her before asking, “So, am I correct in assuming that nothing untoward actually happened last night, and that your earlier antics were just a setup to get me to look at these?” I held up a marked arm for emphasis.

Rainbow nodded briefly before descending into another round of uncontrolled laughter. I rolled my eyes and turned my back on her until her laughter subsided once more.

“And now we’re even,” she said smugly, which caused me to round on her again.

I glared at her for a moment, irritation rolling over me like a wave. “I oughtta spank you.”

“Ooh, kinky,” Rainbow cooed.

My glare hardened for a moment before an idea came to me. “Maybe I could see if Rarity has a riding crop or something similar in her stash of toys.” I paused for a moment, tapping my chin in thought. “Assuming, of course, that she even has such a stash.”

“Oh, she does,” Dash replied absently. She then let out an uncharacteristic squeak and shoved both forelegs into her mouth as her cheeks reddened slightly in anticipation of excruciating humiliation.

“Really?” A predatory grin sensuously stretched itself across my lips. “Do tell, darling,” I purred in a somewhat passable imitation of the fashionista.

My words must have had an impact, as Dash’s face exploded into a full-blown blush, and she began sputtering incoherently. A small measure of her earlier smugness alighted on my lips as I watched her attempt to reboot her brain, especially when I noticed that she had no small manner of trouble getting her wings under control. The stiffly erect appendages were proving to be about as cooperative as a cat getting a bath, much to my amusement.

It was perhaps fortuitous that at that moment, the door burst open and two familiar figures sprang into the room like the Spanish Inquisition. When Faran interjected, however, it wasn’t to inform me of the ever-expanding list of diverse weapons available to her and Twilight.

“What in the name of Luna’s furry rump is going on in here?” she demanded irreverently.

“Oh, you know,” I quipped, “Drinking, passing out, getting molested in my sleep. The usual.” I shot a sly gaze at Rainbow Dash on the last part. A metaphorical light bulb went off in my head as I thought about a way to press my momentary advantage over Rainbow. “Oh, and these, as well.” I drew one hand across the opposite arm to show off my new embellishments, courtesy of a certain prismatic mare.

Faran, however, was not amused. Not in the slightest, judging from the way her face resembled a thundercloud. “Mister Knox,” she said in a tightly controlled voice, “I know from our past conversations that you are well aware of the consequences of getting drunk, even if your knowledge is more academic than first-hoof. So if it’s not to much to ask, could you please enlighten me as to what is so amusing about having such consequences happen to you, especially when I’ve spent half the night trying to make sure you weren’t in any danger of alcohol poisoning?”

If I’d been thinking at the time, I would’ve wondered if Dash was becoming a bad influence on me, because a really dumb idea formed in my brain at that moment, and I couldn’t resist it. A look of mock surprise blossomed on my face. “Why, Faran, were you actually concerned for me? I’m touched.” I punctuated this statement by giving her a condescending pat on the cheek.

Time seemed to slow down as Faran’s expression darkened further and her head jerked towards my hand, mouth open. I barely had enough time to extract my hand from the vicinity of her teeth, making her clamp down on empty air.

“Sin go leor as duit!” she shouted, as though there were any hope of understanding her when she started ranting in her native language.

“I don’t speak freaky-deaky Capallian, Faran,” I replied with a bemused glare. Even though she hadn’t succeeded in biting me, I still massaged the hand that had been her target, never feeling more relief that I’d managed to avoid becoming the victim of a horse bite. Sapient or no, equine teeth can hurt.

Faran’s only response was to facehoof. “I said, ‘That’s enough out of you.’”

Unbeknownst to me, Dash had taken to the air on silent wings and was now hovering beside me. I could feel her breath on my ear as she half-whispered, “Wow, she’s a barrel of laughs in the morning. You sure know how to pick ‘em, eh, Derren?”

The sudden weight on my shoulder as Rainbow rested her forelegs on it caused me to stagger momentarily before finding my balance again. Between that and her words that were clearly meant to be heard by more than just me, it was no surprise that everyone was now glaring at the pegasus in the room.

“I’m going to pretend that I don’t know what you’re talking about, Miss Dash,” Faran replied primly, shooting Rainbow the stink eye, “because frankly, the idea is patently ridiculous.”

With an air of exaggerated coolness and a sly grin on her muzzle, Rainbow replied, “I dunno, Faran. That sounds like denial to me.”

Seeing that my nurse looked like she was about to have an aneurysm ‒ and not the funny kind, either ‒ I decided to intervene.

“Rainbow, I can assure you that my relationship with Nurse Faran is strictly professional, and that nothing untoward is going on between us.”

I began to tick off the points on my fingers as I went down my mental list of reasons why Faran and I weren’t an item. “First of all, despite the obvious sapience of the ponies here, I’d have to get a lot drunker than I did last night to become that experimental. Secondly, last night’s thaw in our relationship aside, Faran and I have been at each other’s throats from day one. I seriously doubt we’ll ever be more than friends, because we started off on the wrong foot.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to interject, but I held up a finger to forestall her.

“Besides,” I added simply, “As the idiot of record in this village, I’m the only one allowed to piss her off.”

Both Twilight and Faran were struck dumb by my last remark, and spent the next few moments merely standing around blinking dully as they attempted to form rational thoughts once more. Twilight’s recovery was marked by her burying her face in a hoof and muttering inaudibly to herself.

For her part, however, Faran developed an unreadable expression. It may have been a trick of the light, but for the briefest of moments, I could’ve sworn I saw the tiniest hint of warm appreciation in her facial features.

“Rainbow,” Twilight said with somewhat strained patience in her voice, “didn’t I tell you not to bother him while he’s recovering?”

“Well… yeah,” Rainbow reluctantly agreed, “but you didn’t say anything about after he’d recovered, Twi. Besides, this was too good of a pranking opportunity to pass up!”

Her exuberance died on her face as she saw the disapproving stares everyone was aiming at her. “Alright, alright,” she groaned, “I can take a hint.” She turned to face me, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof sheepishly as her ears drooped in apparent shame. “Sorry about that. I guess I went a bit overboard, didn’t I?”

“Just a little,” I replied in a totally deadpan tone, fixing her with a level stare. “But I suppose I can forgive you this time.”

“Now that that’s over with,” Twilight said, “don’t you think you should be going to work, Rainbow? I’m sure you don’t want to get Raindrops mad at you again.”

Rainbow buried her face in both forelegs as she hovered near me. “Oh, horseapples. You’re right, Twi. Gotta dash!” And with that, she zoomed out of the room at speeds I previously would’ve thought only possible in cartoons.

“She didn’t really molest you, did she?” Twilight’s flat stare melted into a look of concern towards the end of her sentence.

I shook my head. “Nah, she was just teasing me again. It was mostly to set me up to get a good look at these.” I raised my arms up for Twilight’s inspection. Her cheeks developed a pinkish tinge, and she looked away in embarrassment as I continued. “Apparently, some traditions regarding pranking someone who is drunk enough to pass out transcend the differences between our worlds.”

Faran snorted derisively. “Rather juvenile, if you ask me. But I suppose that’s par for the course with Miss Dash.”

Twilight let out a long-suffering sigh, her ears drooping along with her head. “I wish I could say otherwise, Faran. She’s a great friend, but her taste in pranks can sometimes leave something to be desired.”

Faran grunted noncommittally, then turned to face me. For several long seconds, she cast an appraising gaze over me, as if looking for any residual effects of my night of excess. At long last, she nodded to herself before speaking. “Well, just from a casual glance, I can see that most of your hangover has dissipated. Just to be sure, though, can you tell me if you still feel nauseous or if you’re experiencing any hypersensitivity?”

I massaged my temples as a wave of pain thudded against my skull. “Not especially so. I mean, I’m still feeling a tad more delicate than normal, and I still have a terrible headache, but nothing that would be more than inconvenient for a while.”

My nurse silently stared at me for a few moments as she took in the information. Eventually, she made a noise that sounded vaguely self-satisfied. “Nevertheless,” she said, “I’d recommend getting a good, filling breakfast. You’ll need to replenish the nutrients you lost from processing all the alcohol you drank last night. That will help to settle your stomach and lessen the headache better than any folk remedy.”

Twilight spoke up at that point. “Spike’s already gotten started on breakfast. I can let him know to fix something special for you. Just let me know what you need.”

My brow furrowed and a thoughtful frown formed on my lips as I thought about it. “Beans and eggs would be good. And avocados, if you have any.”

“We’re a little low on avocados, since they’re not especially in season at the moment, but I think we may have enough on hoof to suit you,” Twilight replied, dutifully scribbling notes on a piece of paper held in her telekinetic aura.

“You may as well indulge your carnivorous side, as well,” Faran added, looking at me. She then turned to Twilight. “You wouldn’t happen to have some fish on hoof, by any chance?”

Twilight thought for a moment, tapping her chin with a forehoof. Her face then brightened in realization. “I do, actually,” she said. “I managed to convince one of the caterers to give me some of the leftover salmon when you were taking Derren to Ponyville General for treatment.”

I shot Faran a questioning look. “You actually had me hospitalized last night?”

She nodded in response. “Thankfully, your blood work revealed that you had managed to avoid developing acute alcohol poisoning. However, we felt it necessary to hold you for a few hours for observation to make sure.”

“Then how did I end up here?”

“You were released a few hours ago. I brought you here as a courtesy. I was trying to catch up on my rest when Miss Dash came in and… disturbed you.”

“Ah,” I said.

My attention was drawn back to Twilight by the clearing of her throat. “If there’s nothing else, I’ll go down and tell Spike to make you breakfast, as well.”

I gave her a look. “Are you sure you should be putting that much responsibility on Spike?” When she gave me a questioning look in reply, I decided an explanation was in order. “I mean, you said yourself that he’s a baby dragon, right?”

“He just turned twelve a few months ago. He’s still a baby in terms of a dragon’s much longer lifespan, but he’s about as mature as Apple Bloom and her friends.” An embarrassed blush bloomed on her muzzle, and her ears drooped at her next words. “Besides, you really don’t want me to cook for you. I’m not nearly as good at it as Spike.”

I could have sworn I then heard her mutter, “At least I’m not so bad that I burn juice.”

“How exactly do you burn juice?” I inquired.

Twilight’s ears shot up at realizing that she’d accidentally spoken her thoughts out loud. A sheepish look adorned her features, and she laughed nervously. “I’m not sure. Even Rarity doesn’t know exactly how it happened, and she was there. It happened during that ‘particularly difficult week’ caring for her sister that she told you about.” Twilight then looked at the door, which lit up in her signature telekinetic aura and opened on its own. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I should go down and help Spike with breakfast.”

With that, she promptly trotted out the door. Once she was out of sight, the door closed gently, yet firmly, still encased in a magenta glow. As the glow faded and silence descended upon the room, I turned to Faran. “Should I be worried that she’s helping Spike with breakfast?”

“I think she meant that she would be helping with the non-cooking part of making breakfast,” came Faran’s bemused reply. I caught her trying ‒ and failing ‒ to stifle a loud yawn.

“How much sleep did you get last night, Faran?” I asked with audible concern.

“Not enough, between your antics last night and those of Miss Dash this morning,” she grumbled in reply. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get a little bite to eat, then catch up on my beauty sleep.” She turned her head, catching me in the middle of winding up for a derisive snort. “And if you wish to continue that love-hate relationship with your penis that you sang about last night, you will refrain from commenting on my last statement.”

“Aw, poopie. You’re no fun.”

Faran rolled her eyes, then grabbed the handle of the door in her mouth and twisted it. As she backed up to pull the door open, her rump collided with the lower portion of my solar plexus. She quickly let go of the door knob, and her head snapped up in surprise ‒ as did her tail, which whacked me in the face.

I was thanking my lucky stars that my reflexive flinch in response to the hirsute assault spared me from another look at her feminine charms. She would’ve really let me have it if she’d caught me looking at the chestnut fur surrounding her nether lips again.

“Do you mind?” she demanded waspishly.

“Sorry. I’ll get out of your way, and we shall never speak of this again.”

“I should hope not,” she replied stonily before trotting off, pausing only long enough to turn around and slam the door shut.

“Well, that happened,” I muttered to myself. With a sigh and a resigned shake of my head, I headed into the bathroom, hoping that a warm shower would help clear my head.

It turned out that the shower did have a modest effect on my condition. While I was still suffering from a lingering headache and nausea, I figured that I was about a quarter of the way to feeling human again. It was enough of a revival that getting dressed and attending to my morning hygiene had only taken a few minutes.

I made a mental note that I needed to thank Twilight for providing suitable toiletries for me as I finished putting my more comfortable walking shoes on. They had survived the trip from Earth intact, so I figured they would be better suited to the dirt roads of Ponyville than the mageweave dress shoes that Ruby Weave had crafted for me.

Given the time of year, however, I wouldn’t have minded a pair of boots like the ones I had in college. I would have to see if I could convince Twilight to commission Rarity to make me some at some point.

Fully dressed, I only slightly stumbled out the door of my room as the hearty smells of a disgustingly wholesome breakfast wafted up from below. I’d never really been a fan of eating breakfast as a general rule, even going so far as to frequently joke that it was against my religion to do so, but between the savory smell assaulting my nostrils and my stomach’s loud protest of the abuse it had suffered lately, it was hard to resist the alluring call of food.

Despite my elevated awareness from the shower, the best I could do was shamble blearily down the stairs towards the irresistible call of nourishment. And yet, said call proved to be not so irresistible when I reached the ground floor, as a faint, somewhat regular whinnying sound reached my ears. It was unusual enough for me to marshal my wits and creep in the direction of the sound as quietly as possible.

What I found in the main part of the library provoked a mixture of amusement, bemusement, and a slight warming in the cockles of my heart. A familiar form was sprawled out on one of the reading couches near the central table with the wooden bust, looking dead to the world. Faran’s preferred position of repose, from what I could tell, was one common to most quadrupeds ‒ lying on her stomach with her hind legs tucked closely to her sides, front legs stretched out in front of her with her head lying on them like a pillow. Furthermore, her tail was curled up against her flank for additional warmth ‒ not that she needed it, seeing as how the library apparently had some form of central heating that Twilight had failed to mention during the tour of my new home.

Despite feeling every inch like a peeping Tom, I couldn’t help taking a few moments to appraise Faran’s slumbering body. She may have borne a closer resemblance than the average Equestrian citizen to the non-sapient equines I was more familiar with back home, but I couldn’t say that she was completely repulsive, either.

In spite of myself, I was mesmerized by the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and the way a portion of her mane splayed out messily over her ears as she slept. All the stress and frustration that turned her tongue so acidic during the day seemed to melt away into nothingness when she tuned the world out for forty winks. Such a metamorphosis was at once jarring and strangely heartwarming.

I suddenly felt my heart skip a beat in response, and decided that I’d seen more than enough to brand me as a creepy pervert. Not wanting to wake her up, lest she take it the wrong way and banish me to the moon using nothing but her back hooves, I backed away as stealthily as possible.

I had managed to get mostly out of Faran’s line-of-sight when my stomach turned traitor, growling angrily at me for wasting time that would be better spent fueling up for the momentous day ahead of me. Faran’s near ear twitched once in my direction, and that was enough incentive for me to beat a hasty retreat in the direction of the kitchen.

It took some frantic faffing about, but I managed to lock onto the smells coming from the kitchen once more, reaching my destination only a couple of minutes later than intended.

Spike looked away from the stove as I stumbled into the room, my breathing somewhat elevated by my narrow escape from Faran’s notice. “About time you showed up,” he said with a sly smirk, “Your breakfast is getting cold.” He pointed towards an empty seat at the nearby table, where said meal was indeed laid out before me.

The little drake had apparently gone all out for my first home-cooked meal in Ponyville. The salmon, though reheated, looked every bit as delectable as it had the night before, and was accompanied by a dish that resembled a vegetarian version of huevos motuleños with a few slices of avocado added on top. The savory smells that floated up to my nose from the food before me hit all the right spots to set me drooling in ravenous anticipation.

Wasting no time, I sat down at the place that had been set for me. Twilight was already seated on the opposite end of the table, idly chewing on a floating piece of toast as she perused the morning newspaper. As I began to dig into my breakfast, her attention was drawn to me, a small smile settling in on her muzzle.

“Feeling any better?” she asked.

I barely managed to remember to swallow the bit of fried plantain in my mouth before replying. “A little.” A sly smile tugged at my lips. “I’ll know for sure when I’m done.”

“Good,” she said, pausing long enough to take a sip of what smelled like a strong cup of coffee, “I want to send Princess Celestia a message letting her know what’s happened once we’re done eating.”

“Well, I shouldn’t keep you waiting then,” I said before plowing into my meal once more.

“Take all the time you like, Derren.” I cast a glance at the speaker, only for an amused grin to appear on my face as I saw that it was Spike, who was just sitting down with a bowl full of turquoise gems in front of him. He promptly proceeded to shovel a clawful of the ornamental stones into his mouth, crunching loudly on them as he continued. “Wo weed to wush on myw accwownt!”

“Spike!” Twilight chided, “What did I say about talking with your mouth full?”

The baby dragon swallowed before responding. “I shouldn’t do it, because it’s not polite.” The monotone in which he spoke suggested he’d been lectured on this point more times than he’d care to remember.

I bit back my laugh at the familiar sight, opting to focus on breakfast instead. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Once everyone had finished, I gathered up the plates and deposited them in the sink for washing. Despite Twilight’s protests, I wanted to feel at least somewhat useful, if for no other reason than to avoid causing her to resent me for not doing my fair share.

In a very real sense, she was my landlord, after all.

Once the last dish was rinsed, scrubbed, and placed in the rack to dry, Twilight dictated a letter to her mentor, which Spike dutifully scribbled down on a piece of parchment. After a few minor tweaks of language, Twilight judged the letter worthy of the eyes of the Princess of the Sun.

“Okay, Spike. Go ahead and send it,” she said simply.

Imagine my surprise when the little dragon opened a nearby window and proceeded to incinerate the damned thing, the ashes floating away on the frigid morning breeze.

“Spike,” I deadpanned, “she said ‘send it,’ not ‘smoke it.’”

“Derren!” Twilight objected, outrage written on her features.

Spike blinked in bemusement at our little argument. “Umm, actually, Derren, I’m able to send and receive letters from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna by way of my magic fire breath.”

“How?” I said. My skepticism was well on its way to being beaten out of me by this world, but it wouldn’t go down without a fight. “I mean, unless Princess Celestia cast some sort of spell to enchant your fire breath when you were a hatchl‒”

“She did,” Spike interjected blandly.

“Oh,” I muttered, nonplussed. “So basically, you’re now a living fax machine.”

Twilight buried her face in a hoof. “As if I would ever treat my Number One Assistant in such a callous manner,” she growled.

I blinked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Twilight challenged. If looks could kill, the one she was shooting at me would've flayed the flesh from my bones.

I paused to carefully consider my next words. “As unorthodox as it may sound, given how I feel about all the unusual parallels between our two worlds, I thought it might help cushion the blow of any… surprises that this world threw at me by trying to come up with useful comparisons with more familiar things from my world.” I gestured towards Spike with a hand. “The analogy may be a bit crude, and the technology is a bit obsolete by human standards, but a fax machine is a communications tool that most closely replicates Spike’s abilities.”

“Well, you probably could’ve worded it better,” Twilight grumbled, her withering gaze unrelenting.

“Most likely,” I agreed.

My attention was then diverted to Spike as the young dragon’s cheeks suddenly bulged like he was about to barf. Thankfully, the only thing issuing from his mouth was a rather loud belch accompanied by his fire breath. A flash of light burst from the end of the flames, and when I could see again, a scroll had taken its place, falling neatly into Spike’s outstretched claws.

Easily snapping open the ornate seal that bound the scroll, Spike unfurled it with practised ease. He then cleared his throat loudly to make sure he had our rapt attention as he read from the missive.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

My most faithful student, I am rather troubled to hear about the issues Derren is having with his connection to Equis’ Harmonic Magic Field. You and Nurse Faran are most welcome to bring him to Canterlot at your earliest convenience to consult with Doctor Silverclaw, and to run any scans you may require.

Princess Luna has also been informed of your intention to come to Canterlot, and is in the process of arranging another meeting with the faculty at the Canterlot Institute of Applied and Arcane Science, so that Derren can make amends for his earlier transgressions. Unfortunately, at this point, the earliest we may be able to set up the meeting would be this Thursday. The three of you are more than welcome to stay at the palace until all of your business in Canterlot is concluded, of course.

I look forward to seeing you once again, my most faithful student. I hope your travels are safe, and that you find the answers you seek.

Sincerely,

HRH Princess Celestia

I stared blankly at Twilight for a moment. “Well, I know how I’m going to be spending my week. Think you’ll be able to keep yourself occupied while I’m appeasing the ivory tower types with a long, ritualistic apology?”

Twilight struck a contemplative pose. “I’ll probably just go see my parents.” A guilty look crossed her face. “I haven’t kept in touch with them as often as I should have after moving to Ponyville.”

I nodded sagely. “I can understand and appreciate that. Family’s important, after all.” This elicited a warm smile from Twilight. “Though if you get bored, you can always come watch me make a fool of myself for the benefit of the easily-offended.”

Twilight responded with a deadpan stare. “You know, for somepony who’s supposed to be his world’s de facto ambassador, you aren’t very diplomatic.”

A sigh that could’ve been interpreted as somewhat exasperated escaped my lips. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I could swear that with all the exaggerated importance the princesses are placing on this apology, you’d think that my dog had peed on one of their sacred trees.”

Twilight held me in a bemused stare for a long moment before shaking her head and responding. “Well, you promised to go through with it, so you should go ahead and get it over with.” Another pause, then Twilight walked over and placed a comforting hoof on my arm. “You’ll be fine, I promise. Just be as charming as you were at the welcoming ceremony, and there won’t be any problems.”

I graced her with a weak smile. “Thanks, Twilight. I could use all the reassurance I can get.”

Twilight’s eyes ran over me in an appraising fashion. “It would probably also help to get your mind off of it for a while, so you won’t be so nervous when the time comes.”

“I assume you have something in mind.”

Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Of course!” she chirped.”I’d like to review your progress on learning written Equestrian, if you don’t mind.”

Inwardly, I groaned. I was beginning to see why Rainbow Dash was not so enamoured with Twilight’s borderline obsession with studying. Outwardly, however, I merely shrugged. “Why not?” I replied. My eyes then shot open in realization as I remembered something. “Probably wouldn’t be a good idea to do it in the main part of the library, though, since that’s where Faran’s sleeping.”

Twilight hummed to herself as she thought it over. “I suppose we could use the study upstairs, if that’s alright with you.”

I nodded once more. “That’d be perfect.”

With that, she led the way to the stairs, the promise of a rousing morning of intense learning filling the air as we ascended to her private study.

Snow was falling once again as Twilight, Faran, Spike, and I left the library for our lunch date with Lyra and Raindrops. During our study session, I had caught glimpses of the sky growing slowly overcast as the morning weather team brought in their gray burdens, heavy with their frozen payloads. Each time, I was quickly brought back into focus by an annoyed clearing of the throat and the withering glare of my tutor. Eventually, she’d had enough of my wandering gaze, and telekinetically yanked the curtains closed.

As we walked in the general direction of the train station, I still had my eyes glued to the sky. I watched in silent wonder as the distant form of a vaguely familiar mare bucked a cloud, followed shortly thereafter by tiny flakes becoming barely visible as the cloud began to add its contribution to the day’s snowfall.

I could practically feel Twilight’s eyes rolling as she no doubt caught the goofy grin on my face from gazing upon the spectacle before me. I was certain she was recalling the same thing I was: our discussion of the physics of pegasus magic back in Canterlot, particularly as it applied to a pegasus’ ability to buck things in midair without anything to push off of.

At the time, Twilight had explained that a pegasus’ flight magic allows them to interact with the molecules in the air as readily as they might push off the ground during liftoff. It was the same effect, she’d said, that allowed them to manipulate and walk on clouds. Outwardly, I accepted her explanation at face value. Inwardly, however, I was formulating odd theories about pegasi being made of dark matter, or something along those lines.

My other pony companion was maintaining the stony silence she’d been subjecting me to from the moment we woke her up to get ready to go. There wasn’t much doubt in my mind as to why. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for the incident, and I wasn’t about to set off a Plinian eruption from her mouth by trying to talk to her.

Instead, I settled for satisfying my curiosity about something Twilight had said last night. Spike was riding on her back as I turned to her. “So, Twilight, you were saying something about a ‘Pinkie Sense’ last night when Faran and I were empathically communicating, as it were.”

Twilight merely nodded. “I believe I mentioned it, yes. It’s a precognitive ability that Pinkie has. Basically, it allows her to anticipate and react to vague and immediate events based on random body twinges she gets.”

I made a face at that. “That’s not normal.”

Twilight tilted her head nonchalantly ‒ the pony equivalent of a shrug when walking. “It is for Pinkie. I’ve come to learn most of the more common ones, too. For instance, when her tail shakes rapidly like a ‒” Twilight was suddenly subjected to an involuntary shudder “‒ rattlesnake, it means something’s going to fall out of the sky.”

She paused her explanation for a moment to look up thoughtfully as she walked. “On rare occasions, she even goes into a full body shudder, which she calls a ‘doozy.’ That typically means that something that nopony would ever expect is about to happen.”

I looked at Twilight as if she’d suddenly sprouted another head. “Well, that’s a little vague, isn’t it?”

A smile dawned on Twilight’s face. “Exactly.” She then fixed me with a thoughtful gaze. “You know, she was getting a lot of ‘doozies’ around the time you showed up in Equestria.” An involuntary giggle escaped her. “I guess nopony except Princess Luna was expecting a human to come here.”

“Right.” I shook my head in disbelief. “And that’s all you know about it?”

“Pretty much.”

Something about Twilight’s explanation wasn’t sitting right with me. “Wait a minute, Twilight. You’re telling me that you’ve known Pinkie for two years, and you still don’t know how this ‘Pinkie Sense’ works?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Faran had been listening in on our conversation, and was wearing a skeptical expression equal to my own. We shared a meaningful look for a moment before she jerked her head back and looked away from me in a displeased manner that only a true tsundere could manage. I gave a disappointed shake of my head before my attention was drawn back to Twilight by her response to my question.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Twilight,” I said, an exasperated sigh escaping me as I did so, “I know I’m not as gifted as you when it comes to science, but if I were in your shoes, I’d want to find out. In fact, I just might do that.”

Twilight stared at me with more than a little concern, her tone deadly serious. “Look, Derren. Let me save you twenty-two minutes and a lot of pain. Don’t. Just don’t.”

I looked at her, flabbergasted. “But, aren’t you the least bit curi‒”

Twilight silenced me by rearing up and jamming a hoof in my mouth, which caused Spike to wrap his arms around her barrel and hold on for dear life to avoid being unceremoniously flung off her back. “No,” Twilight said flatly. “No good will come of it. All you’ll get for your troubles is a headache and a hydra trying to kill you.”

I blinked owlishly as Twilight dropped back down on all fours. After a long pause, I had only one word. “Hydra?”

“It’s a long story,” Twilight replied sheepishly.

“Is that the one about the time Ditzy Doo and I almost flattened you with about half of the stuff in the moving cart hauling Merry May’s personal belongings?” a familiar voice chimed in from above.

“Yes, Raindrops,” Twilight said, a long sigh escaping her, “it was. How did you guess?”

I looked up to see the golden mare perched on a low cloud, laying on it as a cat might lay on a ledge. “Well, I heard you two discussing the Pinkie Sense, and you said something about a hydra,” Raindrops replied, punctuating the sentence with a good-natured giggle.

The gears began turning in my head at Raindrops’ statement. “Wait a minute,” I interjected, eyeing Twilight in puzzlement, “Is that what you were referring to when I mentioned that my meeting Raindrops was not without embarrassing moments?”

Twilight merely nodded.

“Wait a minute,” Raindrops replied in turn, her tone mildly outraged. “You mean to tell me that you told her about how we accidentally locked lips when I tripped on that stone?”

I tugged at the collar of my shirt. For some reason, it seemed it was getting rather warmish all of a sudden. “Actually, I sort of left that part out.” An odd smile turned my lips crooked. “That and your subsequent wingboners.”

“DERREN!” Twilight shouted indignantly, ears folded down in outrage.

“What?”

Twilight merely jerked her head backwards twice, indicating her draconic charge.

“Oh, sorry…”

“It’s a little late for that, Twilight,” Spike broke in, exaggerated patience evident in his voice, “I’ve heard ‒ and seen ‒ worse from Rainbow Dash.”

Twilight’s only response was to bury her face in her hoof, muttering darkly about her prismatic friend. Raindrops and I merely looked at each other. Her muzzle twitched, then I felt my mouth do the same. The pattern continued for several moments, and each time, the twitch in our lips would get more and more out-of-control.

Eventually, we both broke at the same time, our laughter filling the streets as the occasional pony passed by. No doubt they were pausing to stare at the spectacle before them, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I was having more fun with friends than I could recall in a long time.

It was Twilight’s unamused voice that brought us back to the present. “If you two are quite through, we should get going. We wouldn’t want to keep Lyra waiting for too long, after all.”

“Yeah, I’m good, Twi,” Raindrops replied, still grinning sheepishly. Somehow, on her muzzle the expression managed to look both ridiculous and adorable at the same time.

“Ready when you are, Twilight,” I added.

With that, we set out on our way once more. As we walked ‒ or in Raindrops’ case, flew ‒ our pegasus companion took great pains to explain to me ‒ in excruciating technical detail, even down to why they had used nimbostratus praecipitatio clouds for the day’s snow as opposed to cumulus congestus ‒ how she and her team had helped to create the weather for the day. Though much of the specialized terminology and bureaucratic nuances went over my head, I could tell from the way her eyes lit up as she regaled us with her tale of a day in the life of a weather pony that she really did love her job, just as she said.

She just wasn’t doing a very good job of selling me on a career in the weather service. It was rather strange, since I could recall through my hazy recollection of the previous evening’s festivities that she’d brought up a potentially interesting anecdote from the earlier days of her career.

“You know, Raindrops, as fascinating as that story is, I’m kind of curious about something you alluded to last night.”

“And that is?” Raindrops’ question was marked by a note of apprehension in her voice.

“Something about a fire tornado threatening Sweet Apple Acres. I guess I’m still not quite sure how a rapidly whirling column of air could catch fire.”

I had never seen a pony’s eyes get that wide before. Raindrops’ surprise didn’t last long, however, as her eyes suddenly narrowed dangerously. “No,” she said flatly, “I’m not telling that story.”

“Okay,” I replied, drawing out the vowel sounds, “I can see that it’s a touchy subject for you, so I won’t pry.”

Raindrops breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“I still wouldn’t mind hearing it someday, if you ever feel comfortable enough to tell it.”

“Maybe someday,” she half-heartedly promised. After a long pause, she continued. “I will tell you one thing about the incident, though. Ditzy Doo was to blame for the tornado catching fire.”

I barked out a short laugh. “After seeing her efforts to light the streetlamps last night, I can believe that.”

Raindrops gave a little chuckle of her own. “Let me guess, she accidentally set fire to her pet rat’s tail again, didn’t she?”

I nodded, unable to keep an amused smirk off my lips.

“Ha! I knew it!” she exulted. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s a wonderful, kind mare, but she can be a bit… clumsy. It drives the Boss up the wall a lot.”

I frowned. “Ditzy’s on the weather team?”

Raindrops let out a hum as if considering how to word what she was going to say. “Well, sort of. She serves more in an administrative capacity these days.”

“I can imagine, if she was responsible for that fire tornado.” I thought about it for a moment as a small cluster of restaurants ‒ judging from the decor and layout ‒ came into view. “I guess the Japanese concept of ‘being promoted to a corner office’ exists here, as well,” I concluded as a small laugh escaped me.

“I don’t get it,” Raindrops replied, confusion written on her features.

“Basically, they’re given a fancy-sounding title that doesn’t mean anything, and are assigned tasks that will do as little damage as possible.”

An amused snort issued forth from Raindrops’ muzzle. “Yeah, that sounds like Ditzy, alright.”

At that point, another familiar voice decided to join the conversation. “Ah, there you all are,” Lyra exclaimed, a partly-relieved, partly-playful smile fully evident. “I was beginning to wonder if something had happened.”

“Nah, we just got a bit sidetracked, is all,” I replied, prompting a knowing chuckle from the mint-colored unicorn.

“Still getting used to the differences from your world?” Lyra inquired, her voice filled with warm compassion.

“Eh, yes and no. There are a number of things here that are still familiar. Some of them are a little too familiar.” Seeing Lyra’s expression turn crestfallen, I quickly changed tactics. “I’ll probably get over the differences and similarities eventually, though.” I flashed Lyra a weak smile. “After all, if there’s one thing humans are good at, it’s adapting. It’s probably how we became the dominant species on our planet.”

Lyra’s resulting smile was like a ray of sunshine. “Good thing you have friends you can count on to help you through the rough times, then.” She waved a hoof to indicate herself, Twilight, Raindrops, and Faran.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “I suppose so. Now, let’s do lunch, shall we?”

“Indeed,” Twilight said, pointing a hoof at a particular restaurant. “Especially since we’ve reached our destination.”

“Right where the universe needs us to be,” Lyra added, shooting Twilight a playful wink.

I rolled my eyes at the interplay between the two unicorns, and I think Twilight was doing the same. I then turned my gaze in the direction that Twilight had indicated. The building had all the earmarks of a traditional “greasy spoon” restaurant. It was a small, squarish edifice painted in muted pastels. Through the slightly dingy windows, I could make out a lunch counter of sorts, at which several ponies were already seated. Even the name ‒ once I managed to puzzle it out after a minute of mental struggle ‒ struck me as evocative of the heart attack-inducing cuisine within: Crispy’s.

One thing about the restaurant was slightly unexpected ‒ though in retrospect, it shouldn’t have been, given my new place of residence. That difference was a second level that appeared to be made up of extremely low cloud formations that somehow managed to convey the same artery-clogging aesthetic as the rest of the place.

“I’m guessing this place caters to pegasi?” I asked, pointing at the strangely stationary vaporous structure on top of the building.

Raindrops nodded as the door lit up in Lyra’s amber aura and opened to grant us access. “Figured you might want to eat here, given your diet.”

I shrugged. “As long as it’s not hay, I’m good.” Raindrops shot me a quizzical look, so I decided to explain. “No offense, Raindrops, but I can’t digest hay, and even if I could, it’d probably be too bland on my tastebuds for me to enjoy.”

She merely gave a mid-air shrug as we entered and approached the hostess stand. “I suppose it can’t be helped, eh?”

An earth pony stallion standing next to the stand watched us approach, his steel grey eyes widening, then lighting up in recognition as they ran over me. Belatedly, I realized that his brown coat and black mane, tail, and mustache were familiar to me as well. He had been among the caterers that I’d spoken to the night before at the party.

“Ah, yes. Monsieur Knox and friends, oui oui?” he asked in an overly exaggerated French accent once we’d stopped in front of him. “We were wondering when you were going to stop by our humble little establishment. I did not think it would be so soon, no?”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one,” I replied, letting out a weak laugh that he shared in as he plucked a set of menus from the podium.

“You’d like a table for six, yes?” he asked somewhat rhetorically as he started to walk away from the entrance.

“Yes, we’d like a booth, please,” Twilight said, following along with the rest of our party.

“Very well. This way, please.”

Without further ado, we were led to a rather private-looking, but well lit, booth near the back of the restaurant. We sat down, and I couldn’t help but notice that I was sandwiched between two veritable walls of pony-and-dragon flesh: Raindrops and Lyra on my right, with Twilight, Spike, and Faran on my left. The little dragon had been given a booster seat so that he could reach the table like everyone else. Once everyone was seated, the host left, and a waiter came by shortly after to take our drink orders as we perused the menu.

I had to get help from Twilight, since I still wasn’t one-hundred percent literate yet. Granted, I had made great progress in the hours between breakfast and lunch, but I still had a ways to go before I could order for myself. As I studied the menu, Twilight had me attempt to read each option out loud, praising me each time I got a word right or managed to completely read a sentence of the description, no matter how long it took. She displayed an amazing amount of patience, given how long it took me to get through even half the menu before giving up and picking something seemingly at random.

It had only taken about ten minutes, but it felt like hours. By the end, Raindrops had clearly gotten impatient and was grumpily huffing intermittently in an attempt to get me to hurry up. Once Twilight had explained that I wasn’t used to reading and writing in Standard Equestrian yet, however, Raindrops had had the good sense to look suitably chastened and much more sympathetic to my plight.

The whole time, Faran had sat idly by, looking at her menu without really reading it. Though she was still pissed at me for my lack of discretion earlier, even she came to my defense, shooting a reproachful glare at Raindrops that had helped to quiet the irritable pegasus.

Lyra, meanwhile, had watched the whole scene impassively, though for some reason, every now and then a smile broke out on her face whenever she saw Twilight leaning in to help me and I caught a whiff of whatever mane care product she was using.

At least, I assumed it was mane care product. Either that, or lavender was Twilight’s natural scent.

Our drinks arrived just as I was making my decision, and we all placed our orders. I brought my Countess Gray Mare tea to my lips, and gently blew on it to cool it off before taking a sip. It just so happened that Lyra chose that moment to speak.

“You know, Derren, that was an interesting selection of music you regaled us with once midnight passed.” She paused for a moment, a sly smile adorning her muzzle. “You should probably be glad that all of the foals had gone home by then.”

“Yeah,” Raindrops added, her face matching Lyra’s in predatory deviousness, “If they hadn’t, we would’ve had you explain to them why you were singing about ‒” she paused for a long moment, looking at Spike circumspectly, “‒ a certain part of your anatomy no longer watching you shave. Awkwardly.”

I nearly choked on the tea that I had started to swallow. It took nearly a minute of loud coughing for me to clear my airways and regain control of my breathing. Faran chose that moment to add her own two cents to the conversation.

“You know, Derren, as your main medical care provider, I wouldn’t recommend breathing tea. It’s detrimental to your health.”

“Yeah, you’re just saying that because you don’t want to have to deal with all the paperwork afterwards,” I retorted.

Faran gave a derisive snort, but there was a ghost of a smile on her muzzle for the first time since this morning. “On the contrary. It’s my job to care about the well-being of all my patients.”

I merely rolled my eyes in response, which prompted a round of polite laughter from the rest of the group. “Alright,” I said with a resigned sigh, “I suppose you may as well just lay it on me. How badly did I embarrass myself with my selection of songs from Earth?”

Lyra shot me a sympathetic smile. “Well, most of them weren’t too bad,” she said. “That one about ‘the day the music died’ was kind of sad, though.”

I grunted. “Yeah, that one was basically about a famous singer from Earth who died in a plane crash when my parents were growing up.”

“Ah. That explains it.”

“Anything else?”

Twilight thought for a moment before replying. “There was one that interspersed some interesting facts about your world with a somewhat dismal view of human intelligence,” she said.

“And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space, ‘cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth,” I sang. “That the one?”

Twilight nodded.

“That one was done by a comedy troupe known for its surrealist humor. I suppose it wouldn’t work as well outside of its original context,” I explained.

“Ah,” Twilight replied, “I see.”

Lyra’s eyes suddenly lit up as she remembered something. “There was one other song that I couldn’t quite figure out the lyrics of. Something about ‘alligator lizards in the air.’”

Faran snorted. “Sounds like somepony was on some wacky recreational drugs when they wrote that.”

I barked out a laugh, causing all at the table to stare at me in surprise. “You’re probably a lot closer than you think with that assessment. A lot of bands in the era that song is from spent much of their time stoned out on various drugs, or so the stories go.”

“What sorts of drugs?” Spike piped up, causing the color to drain from my face. Judging from the look on Faran’s face, I would’ve seen something similar if it weren’t for the fur covering her face. Just to drive the point home of how badly we’d messed up, Twilight shot each of us a reproachful glare.

“The bad kind, mmkay?” I replied in my best imitation of the guidance counselor from South Park.

Our food arrived at that moment, giving me an opportunity to change the subject away from my social pratfalls ‒ of both the drunken and sober variety.

“So, now that we’re all here,” I started, only to pause as I took a bite of the poutine I had ordered. I’d never had the dish before, owing to the fact that I’d spent most of my life about as far south of Canada as it was possible to go and still be in America. My moment of culinary adventurousness was duly rewarded, however, because not only were the fries at the right level of firmness from the combination of the gravy and the hot oils they’d been fried in, but the gravy itself was creamy in a way that made sweet love to the taste buds and left them wanting more. Even the cheese curds contributed their own brand of ritual seduction to the experience, and cheese curds weren’t normally my fetish.

A shudder ran through my body, and I’m pretty sure I let out an almost pornographic moan. When I came to, I could’ve sworn Lyra and Raindrops were fanning themselves, while the others had goofy grins on their faces.

“Wow... It was that good, huh?” Spike inquired innocently.

“You have no idea,” I replied blandly. Then I shook my head to clear it of the heavenly, yet unhealthy, food I’d just consumed. “Anyway,” I said, turning my attention to Lyra and Raindrops, “like I was saying, I’ve known Twilight, Faran, and Spike for the better part of two weeks, but I’m far less familiar with you two. I wouldn’t mind hearing a few tales from your lives, if you’re willing to share.”

The two mares shared a glance, then gave the pony equivalent of a shrug. Raindrops spoke up first. “Not really much to tell about me. Born and raised in Cloudsdale. Moved to Ponyville as soon as I was old enough to live on my own. Got a job on the weather team here, and eventually became the morning shift manager.”

That seemed a little too pat for me. “No hobbies or anything like that?”

She hummed for a bit as she thought about it. “Some hobbies, yes, but nothing special. I’m a pretty simple mare in that regard.”

“Fair enough.” A teasing smile tugged at my lips as a thought occurred to me. “No stallion in your life?”

“No.” The vehemence with which she said it told me not to press further.

“Alright, so you’re a workaholic who only feels the need to kick back and relax every once in a while, and has no social life.”

Raindrops snorted. “You’re making me sound like Twilight,” she replied, eyeing the town librarian with a teasing grin.

“Hey!” came Twilight’s indignant reply, “I happen to enjoy an active social life! Just ask any of my friends.”

“Oh, relax, Twi. I was just busting your chops,” Raindrops countered with a lighthearted giggle.

“I will admit though,” Lyra broke in after swallowing a bite of her food, “it’s good to see you actually trying to make friends here in Ponyville, Twilight. You and Moondancer weren’t exactly the most social ponies back in Canterlot.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I said, turning to Lyra. “You mentioned knowing Twilight when the two of you lived in Canterlot. How far back do you two go?”

“It was Magic Kindergarten, I believe,” Lyra said, leaning back on her haunches as her eyes gravitated towards the ceiling in recollection. “Isn’t that right, Twi?”

Twilight nodded. “That’s where I first met the rest of you girls. Moondancer and I were probably the most studious of the group.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Lyra said with a warm smile.

Twilight let out a nervous laugh, “Yeah. We were both real bookworms back then, weren’t we?”

“But you still managed to come through for us when we were having trouble with our schoolwork.” Lyra then chuckled as a thought came to her. “Or to pull our heads out of conical flasks.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, but burst into a giggle of her own. “I swear, I think Lemon Hearts just did that to get my attention.” She suddenly grimaced. “Was I really that bad a friend?” she asked in a tremulous tone of voice, ears folded down and regret clearly written on her features.

Lyra took another bite, seeming to use the need to not talk with her mouth full as an opportunity to pause and collect her thoughts. “I wouldn’t say that you were a bad friend. But I do sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like if you’d been as invested in your friendships back then as you are now. I think you’d have been much happier.”

“Yeah, and maybe then it would’ve been you, Twinkleshine, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Moondancer, and me standing up against Nightmare Moon instead of my current friends,” Twilight said with a smirk before taking a bite of her own food.

Lyra shook her head and let out a sigh. “I’m sure I’d be up to the task, but I’m not sure I’d welcome the extra political attention I’d receive in response.”

My curiosity was piqued at that, but somehow, I got the feeling that it was as touchy a subject as the fire tornado Raindrops had mentioned. I eventually decided to let it go, knowing that if Lyra wanted to expand upon it at a later date, she would.

“You probably wouldn’t have to worry about that, Lyra,” Twilight said with a sympathetic smile. “So far, the nobles have been content to pretend we don’t exist.”

“The operative phrase there being ‘so far,’” Lyra murmured.

“Yes, I’d imagine that royal court politics can get pretty toxic,” I murmured, to which Twilight responded with an exasperated sigh before nodding sadly at me.

“Be that as it may,” Twilight said, turning her attention to Lyra, “you might have forgiven me for being a bad friend, but I can’t help but worry that my other Canterlot friends haven’t been as understanding. Especially poor Moondancer, since I blew off her party to‒”

“Save the world?” Lyra replied, cutting off Twilight before she could work up even a mild panic attack. At Twilight’s silent nod, worry still showing clearly in her eyes, Lyra continued. “Twilight, I’ve discussed this with Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, and Minuette, and we all feel the same way. While we wish the circumstances had been different, we understand that your duties as the Princess’ protege came first. The only one who might see things in a ‒” she paused for a moment “‒ less charitable light would be Moondancer.”

“Just one more reason for Faran and I to take Derren back to Canterlot this afternoon,” Twilight muttered.

“Why are the three of you going to Canterlot?” Raindrops asked, wiping the remnants of her lunch off her muzzle with a napkin.

“Long story short, my connection to the planet’s harmonic magic field is messed up, and I’m getting odd visions of things that I should be remembering, but aren’t,” I replied.

Lyra blinked. “That’s… odd.”

“It sure is,” I said. “That’s why we’re getting on the train to Canterlot as soon as we’re done here.” I turned to Lyra and Raindrops. “You two are welcome to come, if you can spare the time.”

“Wish I could,” Raindrops replied, though not very sincerely, from what I could tell, “but I’ve got to get back to the weather patrol office to finish some paperwork before my shift ends.”

“And I just got back from Canterlot yesterday,” Lyra said. “I’m not so fond of it that I’d turn around and go again at the drop of a hat.”

“The old hometown lost its charm for you?” I asked.

Lyra’s chuckle was just a tad bitter. “Just a little,” she replied with a weak smile.

I nodded sagely at that. “I can understand that. If I’d had the resources to do so, I probably would’ve left my hometown years before I wound up here in Equestria.”

“Why?” Raindrops asked.

I merely shrugged. “It was getting ever more expensive to live there all the time, and the attitude of the local politicians wasn’t exactly healthy for those at the lower end of the economic strata. I was barely making ends meet, even with the generous support of my parents. And they’d started hinting that their support wasn’t going to last forever…”

“Ah.”

An awkward silence descended upon our table, hanging over it like dense fog. Lyra eventually broke the stalemate.

“Well, on that happy note, let’s finish eating, shall we?”

Her motion was met with unanimous assent, and thus we proceeded to finish our meals in peace. We split the check, though Twilight paid for both Spike and me. At last, we emerged into the wan afternoon sunlight, parting ways with our companions after promising to “do this again sometime.”

Fifteen minutes later, Faran, Twilight, Spike, and I were walking up to the platform at the Ponyville train station just as the next train to Canterlot was pulling in. I hadn’t ridden a train in a long time, but the flurry of activity following the train’s arrival was still very familiar to me.

Ponies disembarked, some seeking out loved ones who had been waiting patiently for them to appear, some lone travellers collecting their luggage before moving on to greener pastures. All seemed a bit too preoccupied in their own lives to ponder the novelty in their midst, and for that, I was somewhat thankful. I was still processing everything that had happened at lunch, and wasn’t really in the mood to be gawked at.

It wasn’t long before the platform was clear once more, and we were being called to board the train. The four of us took our seats in a private compartment in one of the cars near the back of the train.

As the final calls of “All aboard” were being made, I couldn’t escape the sneaking suspicion that I’d forgotten something. Something rather important. I turned to my travelling companions.

“Twilight,” I intoned, drawing the mare’s attention. “You don’t suppose there was something I was supposed to do before we left town, do you?”

Twilight merely shrugged, uncertainty marring her features. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno… I mean, we turned off the oven before we left, right?”

She snickered in response. “Yes, we did. I have a whole checklist for whenever we go out of town to make sure I don’t forget anything.”

“And I have the claw cramps to prove it,” Spike grumbled.

“Fair enough,” I said with a slight smirk. It faded into a frown as I continued my rumination. “Still, I can’t shake the feeling that I forgot something important.”

A buzzing reached my ears a moment later. It gradually grew into an angry murmur. Eventually, I could clearly make out what was being said. Strangely enough, it sounded vaguely like Pinkie Pie, though almost as if her voice had been electronically manipulated to sound like she was ranting demonically in G major.

“DERREN! YOU PINKIE PROMISED!”

The bottom fell out from my stomach as I suddenly realized what I had forgotten. All I could do was groan out a weak, “Oh, shit…”

Author's Notes:

It's about time this thing went up. Only took four months.

In case you were wondering, part of Derren and Twilight's conversation about the Pinkie Sense was "inspired by" a comment from Lord_Nanfoodle on Equestria Daily during the run-up to the release of Friendship Games.

Also, while I can't link to "that song about Derren's penis no longer watching him shave" due to site rules about linking NSFW content, I can show off the other songs mentioned in this chapter:
1) American Pie by Don McLean:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

2) Ventura Highway by America:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjgCqbPGq2A

3) Monty Python's Galaxy Song... Which, come to think of it, may have some risque parts (at least in the clip from The Meaning of Life)...

Anyway, moving on! Faran's once again making a Capallian spectacle of herself. And just as she translates it for Derren, Google Translate gives us this:
"That's enough out of you!" = "Sin go leor as duit!"

Finally, Derren has welshed on a Pinkie Promise, and now she seeks retribution! Feel free to speculate on what form Derren's penance will take in the comments.

EDIT: Speaking of Derren's Pinkie Promise: it occurs to me that given how long it's been since this story updated, I should've had a reminder of what said Pinkie Promise was. Here it is:

“Parties are serious business, Der-bear, and I’m seriously serious about wanting you to enjoy yourself! Now, do you Pinkie Promise to have a good time and tell me all about it later?”