The Nightmare Saga

by LunarSlayer

First published 26th of April, 2015

What if the land of Equestria isnt as bright and magical as it looks. That the land is divided and darkness grows. Ponykind is a race of peace. But peace doesn't last.

Equestria was never a land of peace and harmony, chaos spreads across the world and threats of war shadow the ideal peace ponykind strives so hard to achieve. Rifts between dimensions are forming and magic long thought dead returns to the world.
Enter Aron, a man far out of his comfort zone hoping to make a life in the world he is now a part of. Under the rule of Princess Celestia he must gather together friends and allies who can hold the line against Equestria's enemy. This is the story of Equestria's fall. This is the era of The Nightmare Saga.

[Tags will be changed as needed]
[ Chapters with fights are marked with [gore], chapters with sex are [sex] and anything else I feel excessive will also be marked with a set of square brackets ]
[Crossover tag due to many references to other books/films/etc more than this being an outright crossover]

Prologue

Act 0: Nulla, Prologue: Before the Coming Storm

So here we are; on the edge of all things, with friends and family dead and lost, countless fallen to this enemy that bombarded our gates and seized our homes, we have loved ones to mourn and the hordes of the enemy to slay, but in this brief respite, what do we find ourselves doing? Not much, in all honestly. Here I am, writing this for you all to read and for the survivors we protect to read, so they know of our lives and so we can be remembered as the people, or rather, the ponies that we are. The times I have rewritten this introduction of this story go beyond counting, and one of you would have stopped me had I told you my plans. Giving me that old speech you gave me so many times before. But here I sit, ignoring it again whilst I write how everything began, and the actions that lead to this day.

Where should I begin? That is probably the real question, there is no way to keep every pony happy so whatever I say will most likely piss somebody off. Ha, after all this time, I still haven't gotten used to the proper pronunciations of this brilliant land. But I'm sure after our time here I will get used to it.

I suppose I should start at the true beginning, me on Earth, and how Our Princess came down from the stars and took me away to this world we once knew. Of course, not all of you were there at the start and even in our final days we still managed to gather allies. There will be times I will miss out parts of the story from then to now, and I am sure one of you will mostly take the reins, as it were, when my memory eludes me. There will also be times I keep things quiet; such as, my real name. It wasn't always what it is today and I am sure the oldest friends among you know that, I will keep that private due to my own personal preference. A few, mature scenes may be skipped as well, and only written down if either the secondary party agrees people, ponies, should know. If not, I will mention it, but not in the detail the perverts among you may agree with. I know the following chapters and words will get me into a lot of trouble with a lot of high-up ponies, socially or personally, but know. That even to this day, I am loyal to Equestria, and to you mostly.

So anyway, with the introduction done and the scene set for a pretty bumpy ride, I use my little experience I have in writing and hope this doesn't go to shit. Hell, none of you may ever read this, if I believe it too personal and just hide it from you. Where I would hide such a thing where we now hold ourselves I will never know. Anyway, let's start right at the beginning of this tale of adventure, at the time before The Fall and before I was even with any of you. Let us begin, on the day my life was thrown upside down and spun around. For better or worse.

Have you ever had one of those days, you know. One of those days where you would plan to just bum around and do absolutely nothing because you fucking deserve it. But then fate intervenes and you have to go to pick someone up or something? Yeah, well imagine one of those days, but times the 'wat' factor by ten. That was my day.

The plan was simple; wake up around one in the afternoon, turn my laptop on and piss about on games all day until I was hungry and have some microwave meal, yes I know my life sucks, but this is my life so shut up. So when I open my eyes, I do just that. Get up, still in the top from the previous few weeks and some pants. I must have looked really attractive right there. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and just lying in my pit I stared at the ceiling. Yep, still white.

Now, trust me when I say, I am not a morning person, but I am more of a computer person than a 'hating mornings so won't move' person. So when I stood up and almost passed out again from the dizziness that I received, my attractiveness level must have shot through the roof, but my rule was if I didn't have a girlfriend to impress, why impress everyone with shit that is holding me back from wasting my life?

Deciding it was best to just sit down; I picked up my phone and started checking all the sites that I used. Nothing, obviously. It was then I heard a very strange and very feminine cough from somewhere behind me, now. My room isn't very big, the apartment I am in isn't very fucking big, so when a woman coughs behind me, not only does that make me jump a little, but begins to make me question what the fuck happened last night? I just went to bed, the fuck happened between then and now? After a lot of pause and another awkward cough, I turned around and was face to face with what looked like a white horse. It, well, she, had pure white fur and sparkling multi-coloured hair, flowing unnaturally. There was a large horn coming out of her head and two white feathered wings at each side of the horse’s body. I just stared at the horse, rubbing my eyes slightly to refresh my vision.

"Good morning." The horse said, I just continued staring, standing here in a T-shirt that would walk to a washing basket if I took it off and some underwear, if I really was seeing shit then I think it was about time I changed my life views and goals. It was only when the horse spoke again did I do a double take. "Sir?" The horse asked, tilting her head at me. I continued to stare, until I needed to blink, then rubbed my eyes once more and looked at the pony. Fuck it.

“Is this real?” I managed to say, the horse stepped closer to me, I backed up as she did and I honestly thought it was going to bite me or something. She looked me over and noticed my obvious lack of trousers.

“I see you are prepared for the day. Yes creature; this is real.” The horse said eventually. I stepped back again, hitting something with my ass. Crap I was cornered.

“I could call you a ‘creature’ too, how would you feel about that?” Was my reply, smart, piss off a talking horned, winged white as snow horse, Shadowfax would be so proud. The horse did actually looked pretty pissed but said nothing more. Stepped back a little I was able to relax, and sit down on the leather chair I had near my bed, not the brightest ideas of mine either.

“Do you know why I am here, cre-” She cut herself of before she said it again and I felt an eyebrow raise. Folding my arms, my reply was simply:

“I presumed my sanity has finally cracked after living alone, working at home and eating cheap shitty meals for so long, but I suppose this is all real and you really are a magical talking horse about to tell me I done fucked up.” Again, the horse didn’t look overly impressed, trying her best at a poker face.

“My name is Princess Celestia, of Equestria. You have something from our world.” She replied. Ooh! I knew what Celestia meant, kind of. Thank fuck for foundation education and Warhammer knowledge!

“So what, Celestia like the sun or Celestial like a leader?” I asked, arms still crossed, the horse raised her eyebrow at me. Charming.

“It started off as one, then the other. Now, will you hear what I must say to you?” Celestia asked, okay, to be fair, despite the fact I raised my eyebrow, she’s talking about some shit right here. Right?

“Go on.” Was all I said. The pony coughed, clearing her throat and I leant back on my chair, raising my arms over my head and around the back of my neck, I was just noticing the golden necklace, crown and gold horse shoes on her person, or horse?

“For reasons that ponykind has yet to understand, a permanent portal has been opened between Equestria and...” She paused, waving a hoof. “Here.” She finally declared. I rolled my eyes but listened still.

Holy shit, I was listening to a talking motherfucking horse.

Meh, could be worse.

“Through this portal, parts of this world and parts of our world are swapping. Causing the gap between dimensions to collapse and shorten, dragging both worlds toward each other. If the swaps are not contained soon, then our planets will be forced into the same dimension and most likely collide, destroying both worlds.” Celestia said, I stood a little out of the chair, no I didn’t understand a word of that but that’s about a good of an explanation as I have ever gotten.

“So what are you doing here? With me I mean?” I asked. She looked at me and paused.

"It would be too hard to explain without me showing you, please, be calm." She said, I nodded and her horn began to glow a bright yellow, I had no idea what that meant so stepped back, falling into the chair I was floating against. She stepped closer and touched me with her bony horn.

What happened next I don't know how to explain, let alone want to explain. I saw everything this pony had seen. And more. I saw magic and spells and great battles between armies larger than anything I could imagine. I saw worlds burn and worlds begin. Life start and grow and evolve, I saw stars and moons all colliding and changing. It was unreal what I saw and I had a killer headache when it was over. I have no idea how long it lasted but I had seen more than enough of whatever she was trying to show me. When it did eventually stop I was coughing up blood, no joke. Fucking blood on my white bed sheets.

After the small, but fucking bloody, coughing fit I sat down and began to pant heavily, trying to catch my breath. Fucking hell woman. I just glared at her. Still breathing heavily.

"That wasn't supposed to happen." She muttered after I began to breathe properly again. I just looked at her, holding my forehead. "I suggest not touching another unicorn’s horn like that whilst you are in this form, and possibly not when you are a pony either. Magic can have. Wild. Effects on some ponies. However I moved of topic, now onto your question.” The pony princess said when she saw me gaping at her. She actually winked. “One of the only few things that made its way from your world to ours are some clouds, they are relatively easy to dispose of, so our side is safe. It is just something small keeping the portal open this side that is the worry. You see, in Equestria, as you have now seen, we have a lot of different magics, one of those is Wild Magic, the raw essence dropped from the atmosphere when too much magic is present in the world. It can’t harm anypony-.” She stopped when I began to laugh at that. “-I see no way in which this is possibly funny.” Celestia grunted, raising her voice a little, it shut me up at least, if you saw what kind of spells she could cast and half the shit I had seen in those few seconds in her mind. Hell, you would too. I coughed a little and chocked out; “Continue.”

“It would appear, some Wild Magic has come here. To you.” She said slowly. Pointing a hoof at me. “There are two ways to retrieve the magic from you, neither I fear you will like.” She added. I looked at myself, in my crap that I called clothing, I didn’t feel like I had any magic in me? Hell would I have known if I could feel magic? What a sudden tug at the chest every now and again or something. Damn boy, I must be a motherfucking wizard!

“And what would these two ways be?” I asked, Celestia’s horn began to glow again, but it stopped suddenly.

“One way is to force the magic out of your body, which will be extremely painful and will most likely kill you. There is also the added knowledge the magic will just take up another host on this world. And I would rather not have to clean up any gore or hunt down some wild magic to do it again.” I didn’t comment on the fact she basically said cleaning and murdering are on the same level of disgust to her. “Or, you can come to Equestria and live your life there, it won’t be here obviously, and you would get some unwanted attention for your looks. If doing this doesn’t close the portal, well either way you would be forced to stay. But we would also have to find whoever is responsible for opening the portal.” Celestia added after a pause.

"So what, die as a human or live in magical horseland as an outcast? What were the pros and cons here? Die now, not have to worry about the aftermath of the two worlds colliding? Fuck earth, bunch of wankers. But what of the horses? I mean, I owed them nothing, however, nor have they done anything against me.

“So if I come to horseland, it’ll be like a new start? I’ll have to stay there as an outcast, but will live nonetheless?” I asked, seriously, fuck Earth. Celestia nodded. “Alright then, let’s see if this really is real then, obviously that magic thing was a major point to you, but still, actually going to your horseland will completely prove it.”

“It’s Equestria. And the residents where you are staying aren't exactly horses as you would put it. There are horses on my world, but not where you will be going. In my land, most of the residents are ponies.” The princess horse replied.

“Most?” I asked. This could be interesting; Celestia changed her blank expression to a more worried or confused face. Gods they looked a lot like humans, well, this one did anyway.

“I know of at least one dragon taking residence in the town you will be staying in, a baby so you have no need to fear him. There is also a griffin outpost on the borders of Equestria; a few other minor races also live peacefully in Equestria, not many though. Most don’t come to Equestria.” She explained, I just nodded and stood again, getting to the same level as Celestia and not looking up at her.

“I see. When will we be leaving? As fun as this is, I’d rather leave now before I begin to react more at the fact a white horse is talking to me.” I muttered and I shit you not; this horse princess actually fucking blushed.

“We may leave now if you so wish, the spell may take a while to prepare so I suppose you can relax or use whatever that thing is.” She replied eventually, pointing a shoed hoof at my laptop. I turned and just stared at it, the thing had finally loaded and a bunch of icons were loading up of all the shit I had downloaded to use once and now didn’t like.

“Hey Celi?” I asked, she flinched at that but said nothing, just looking at me again. “Would I be able to bring anything with me?” I asked, what I was going to ask is if I could bring my computer, only realising I’d have no way to fucking charge it, unless I found a solar generator suddenly. So I shall just bring clothes and a toothbrush and such. She looked concerned again at that request and looked to my computer behind me, before raising an eyebrow.

“I fear such technology would unbalance harmony in Equestria.-” She began, I held up a hand and she stopped, looking pissed again. I looked back and laughed.

“No, not that. I would have no way to charge the battery in it unless you have electricity?” I replied, she went cross-eyed and twitched her nose around, it was adorable. “I guess not. Well then I really wouldn’t be able to maintain it. I was thinking more along the lines of clothing and something I clean my teeth. It would take me a while to get ready so I suggest you go and prepare this spell of yours.” I cut in, after a pause Celestia nodded and turned.

“Of course, come down when you are ready, I shall prepare the portal.” She muttered and left.

Now, when I said I would take a while, that was one of the biggest lies I could make, as soon as she left the room, I grabbed a backpack from my wardrobe, picked up half a dozen of my favourite tops, a couple jumpers, spare socks and such, a couple of books I knew I would never read, and some shoes. I ran into the bathroom still only half-clothed, cleaned up and shaved that bush of a beard I had and put some proper clothing on. Staring into my mirror I also pulled The Picture off the glass and put it in my pocket. Before laying on my bed, checking everything I had open, nothing important was seen, opened a chat up with a couple important people, but had nothing to say. How do you say you are going off world to another dimension? Hell I was probably hallucinating, I’d go downstairs and that white princess horse would be gone, or I would wake up from some really bazaar as fuck dream. I needed a fucking girlfriend. I heard a strange noise from downstairs and looked at the mirror once more. I’d managed to cut myself whilst shaving and had a small dab on blood on my cheek. I could easily clean it up, but fuck it. There wasn’t much there, just a small nick so it wouldn’t kill me if I didn’t clean it. I stared at the mirror with a smile on my face, some Hard Rock Café top on and a black backpack on, considering there was a lot of shit in there it wasn’t all that heavy. After checking everything was prepared again. I nodded. I was ready.

Let’s see what adventure awaits.

I totally had my DS...

Act I: Chapter I

I don't remember going through that portal, nor how it felt. So I won't go into detail about it. All I know is, I was standing downstairs in my house, standing next to a great white horse naming herself Princess Celestia, making strange faces and sending bright light out of her horn with some strange image of what looked like a castle appear before me. I'm not going to lie but I could see a couple of ponies standing around in gold uniform standing around. All had what looked like saddles with a long pole and a spear on. So these ponies knew war, and they knew engineering to make weapons like that. Maybe going to Ponyland wouldn't be so bad after all. As the portal grew more and more a few of the ponies began to get interested and walk, well, trot over to the tear.

Thinking of which, I suppose I should describe the thing, it had purple and black, swirl lines tearing through, reality I suppose, as the outline. Then inside the growing tear was this scene before me. A couple of ponies staring through, looking a bit concerned, again. A few of them started to bow once they saw Princess Celestia, or perhaps were bowing to the portal, I couldn't be sure. Looking closer I noticed that a good few of the guards looked the same. Either generic white coated, spear wielding horses with long feathered wings, or generic dark grey ponies with long unicorn horns on their heads. So, a guard contingent of unicorns and Pegasi I suppose. All the grey ones looked the same and all the white ones looked the same. Hopefully the normal populous wouldn't all look exactly the same.

After maybe a minute of Celestia casting the spell on the already large portal the thing was apparently a suitable size for me to fit through, I'd have to crouch down a bit, but Celestia would've had no trouble getting through, our sizes weren't that different, I was obviously taller but not by much and I think her horn reached past me. I'd certainly be taller than the pony guards though. I stared through the portal and reached out to touch it. Naturally. But Celestia coughed a little and I turned.

"Are you ready, sir?" She asked. I blinked, I wasn't sure why she paused or sounded so unsure until I remembered I hadn't given her a name. I thought for a moment.

"Aron." I gave hesitantly, she seemed to accept it as only a few microseconds passed before she nodded. It was a lie, obviously, I wasn't exactly sure what was going on still, and I'd used that name before in the past.

"Okay 'Ah-ron'. You may call me Princess or just Celestia. No need to use both together." She replied, looking through the portal at the growing number of pony clones. I nodded.

"Alright Sunbutt. Can I just go through?" I asked, Celestia did a double take and turned to me again, red cheeks and bewildered expression.

"E-excuse me?" She stuttered. I looked her in the eyes trying to read her emotions, I gave up quick enough and just replied with:

"Sunbutt. You know, you have a sun tattoo on your butt. So, Sunbutt." I explained, the Princess was a little less red after that but she still had rosy cheeks.

"The tattoo on my flank resembles my cutie mark, my special talent. All ponies get them eventually, do humans not get them?" She asked.

"We can get tattoos on our asses yes, but we don't have a natural talent or anything that tells us, we have to find out for ourselves and even then we don't get any special branding that tells us we found it."

"I see." She paused "And yes, it is ready. So, Aron. Are you ready?" She asked me.

"Of course." I replied and stepped through the portal into my new life.

I stepped forward and touched the portal. Celestia made a grunting noise and I went through. Then I was through, one moment I was on Earth. The next, I was in Celestia's kingdom surrounded by a lot of ponies all aiming spears at me. That only lasted as long as it took Celestia to come and join me, once she was through the portal shut and the guards immediately started to bow.

"Princess. You are okay. We wondered what was happening then this, creature. Ran through." One pony said without looking up, he had a very 'royal' tone to his voice. He was one of the white breed pony Pegasi for those wondering.

"I am fine Spearpoint. And this, creature, as you so bluntly put it, is my, our, guest until my student comes to take him to Ponyville. He is of no threat, or has shown no threat towards me or Ponykind. He is also sapient and will be treated as such. He may look different, but a lot of his culture and speech is a lot like our own." Celestia declared, the pony nodded to me and bowed his head to her and stepped back to what looked like a random spot in the room. A few other ponies followed in every direction but a couple stayed, spears now up not pointing at me.

Again, I suppose I should describe the place I found myself in; it was a fairly large room with marble pillars and huge glass stained windows showing all kinds of scenes, a couple had ponies casting spells or slaying creatures. The rest were mainly just patterns and artworks I didn't really get. At the end of the room was a very large marble throne with a second, darker coloured throne next to it. The second was smaller and had a crescent moon on the top of the chair, rather than the sun that was on the big one. This side throne also seemed a bit dusty and covered in cobwebs. I'd ask about that later, well. I told myself I would anyway, I doubt it will happen.

"Mirrors, Diamond, take Aron to any spare room we have in the castle and then spread word around the castle he is a guest. You are to guard him throughout the rest of the day. Get any off duty guard to watch his room tonight. I have Princess duties to attend to. So I must make my leave, I shall see you at dinner Aron. We shall talk more then." Celestia said, and then off she fucking went. Me standing here looking round the massive throne room we were in, and the two guards staring at me with fear and awe. I must've looked like a fucking retard.
After a few minutes of looking around in the spot, and a few more fake coughs from one of the guard ponies than need be. I looked down at the armoured ponies.

"Aron was it?" One of the guards asked, I nodded. He likewise had a pretty generic important sounding voice with some subtle changes to it, like someone just half ass putting on another voice. Clearly a voice actor not being paid enough. "Alright, if you could follow us we shall take you to your quarters." The pony said, I nodded and the two guards turned and walked, trotted, off. I soon followed, a lot slower than them. I was taking the fucking castle in. For a dream, it looked amazing. I sorted out my backpack a little as I walked and after a few more seconds of slowly walking through the throne room. I ran to catch up to the guards.

"So which one of you is Mirrors and which is Diamond?" I asked, they were both white Pegasi again, the grey unicorns hadn't moved since my arrival. Well, since they went back to their posts after throwing spears into my face. The two guards shared a glance before answering.

"I am Diamond." One white pegasus said, the one that spoke to me first as it happened.

"Annnd I'm Mirrors!" The other declared, much more cheerful than the other, higher voice as well. I just nodded and made a mental note to spend as little time as possible with Mirrors. Happiness burns my soul.

The corridors we went down were pretty spectacular but after a while everything began to look roughly the same. Nearly every other doorway on either side was open and was leading into a different room. Hell if I had thought up half the rooms I was seeing as we walked my gay-ass-guilty-pleasure-totally-disgusted-by Minecraft city would look a lot less barren. The only room I really took in all that much was the kitchen. I hadn't eaten anything yet and I was getting hungry. I turned to Mirrors.

"Yo am I allowed any food? Fuckin' starvin'." I asked, he looked at me and nodded.

"What do you eat? I'll catch up don't worry." He answered.

"I suppose since you're ponies you don't eat meat?" I asked, the guards face went a very fun shade of green and I looked away. Shit, no meat? They probably don't have a lot of Earth food so I was going to have to make do, at least for a while until I found out what they served.

"Alright, well if there is really a dragon in Ponyville, I'm sure he eats some sort of meat. Do you have anything in the style of bread and fruit? That'll do for breakfast." I added after watching the guards face colour shift a bit. He nodded quickly and dove into the kitchen. I stood for a second then realized I couldn't see the other pony. So ran down the corridor to catch up. It was an easy enough task. He was standing outside a closed door a couple down from the kitchen. If this was my room this fucking city was going to end up on rations with my eating habits. Which are simply, instead of eating set meals and such, I snack lots and have a lot when I do. So I eat loads throughout the day and meals shift a little dependent on the time, I barely ever made it up for breakfast, but today was clearly an exception.

"This will be your room. We shall both be outside should you need us, welcome to Equestria as well. For what it's worth, Princess Celestia told us the reason you were coming beforehoof." The guard pony declared suddenly. Opening the door to show me my room.

"I'll probably direct everything towards Mirrors, please tell me most of the guard are less... Hyper than he seems."

"Oh he is very much an exception, like I am an exception to how jaded guards are. Everypony here is a mixed bag."

"And why exactly am I being told to stay in my room?" I asked after a pause. Diamond looked me up and down.

"You can come and go as you please, just being new to Equestria and Equus Princess Celestia thought it wise you didn't go wandering about." He replied, I shrugged.

"Understandable, I suppose nobody trusts me yet either. Do you know if she did any research on my planet before, collecting me?" I asked.

"I am unsure, besides humans are sentient and you were the target in the operation. I do not keep up with information like that unless they involve me."

"Probably for the best. Also does Celestia have a sibling of some sort?"

"She does. But she is, not available right now."

"So the smaller throne belongs to her?" I asked, Diamond nodded. I saw a Pegasus holding a tray of various fruits on it coming out way, a Pegasus I presumed was Mirrors. "Where is she?"

"Nearly a thousand years ago, Princess Luna fell to a type of dark magic called Taint, she became Nightmare Moon and tried to overthrow Princess Celestia. They fought, Luna lost and was sent to the moon. Legend says that you can still see her trapped there when Princess Celestia raises the moon." Diamond replied. "Legend also says she will return after a thousand years and the stars will aid in her escape." He added.

"So when you say nearly a thousand years?" I asked. Mirrors finally joined us and said nothing. I grabbed an orange from the tray and started peeling it casually.

"The Summer Sun Celebration which will mark the longest day of the year is in five days and will be hosted in a town called Ponyville. It marks the reign of Celestia, the banishment of Nightmare Moon and as I said, the longest day of the year. But also marks the one thousandth year of Luna being away." Mirrors replied. I nodded.

"And you have been prepared to defend against the Nightmare Moon's return in what way?" I asked. Mirrors paused, even Diamond looked stunned. Before he face-hooved again.

"Celestia, is going to send her student, one Twilight Sparkle. Who you will be sent to tomorrow or whenever the Princess deems you safe, to one of the most dangerous place in Equestria to look for some ancient relics called the Elements of Harmony. With those. They can defeat Nightmare Moon." Diamond asked.

"How old is this student? And why weren't the Elements used before?" I asked. This plan was sounding more and more flawed. There was no hope of stopping the two worlds colliding was there?

"Twilight Sparkle. She is in Ponyville currently, been there a few days. You will be staying there with her for a while. But, she is still a young mare. Not old enough to go into the Everfree Forest alone. And I believe they were used before. They are what sent Nightmare Moon to the, well, moon." Diamond replied.

"Alright. So a 'young' mare, alone. Is, going to be told to go to some town, go into a dangerous forest to find some ancient weapon. And instead of trying to help Luna or Nightmare Moon or whatever. Who frankly, just has a major case of Multiple Personality Disorder? I know a guy, he can help her. You are going to just, send her back to the moon?" I asked. Mirrors nodded instantly. Diamond slowly followed suit.

"Apparently that is the plan." He muttered.

"It's a fucktarded plan." I replied, truthfully. I still don't really understand what the 'plan' had been. Fuck, without me. You would all be dead. Although, you have been of use at some points. I suppose.

"I do not understand?" Diamond asked, of great. They didn't know swearing. Yet.

"What fucktarded or what I think of the plan?" I asked back, that just confused matters. With Diamond now thinking on what to say and Mirrors getting dangerously close to my arm. Yes, he was slowly moving toward my arm that was sitting by my side, whilst the other one was scratching at my face from the recent shave I had done faster than I should have this morning and was now getting a rash to show it. Fucking Celestia, always ruining my day.

"Well. Both I suppose." Diamond muttered after a time. I moved my arm that I'm pretty sure Mirrors was about to molest and stepped towards my door.

"Well the plan. Sounds stupid. And as for swearing, they don't necessarily mean anything. Some people use them a lot as insults and the like. Me? I use them a lot as filler, swearing like I do is actually a fucking habit I've gotten into and need to stop. You could argue that those who swear are less educated, but I know about a hundred ways to tell someone to go away. But I still prefer saying fuck off." I explained, Diamond actually nodded in understanding. Mirrors was now going for my other arm. Stealth really wasn't his thing.

"So what swears are there? They all seem to revolve around 'fuck'" Diamond asked, for someone. Well, somepony who seemed like a total asshole. He may become a good friend if he keeps this up. I thought about that for a few seconds, possibly a minute or so passed before I thought up an answer. Diamond just looked at me.

"Well you'd be right that most are just fuck and something extra added, at least it’s how I use swears. But there is shit like, well. Shit, which is usually a replacement for 'stuff' and sometimes used like fuck would be. There are also things like bastard, cunt, and fag. Fag I don't use, just preference. Those I guess are the main ones. You'd have to be around me a lot more if you really wanna learn. But as I may have said. Swearing is a habit I have fallen into and I should stop; especially now I've been given a second chance here. But if you really want to learn, by all means we can hang out and stuff." I explained after a moment. Diamond began to mouth the swears as I said them and when I stopped. Nodded.

"Do they mean anything? You said fuck is just filler, but what of the others?" He asked. I shook my head and laughed a little.

"Swearing is strange enough for you I'm sure. If I went into what stuff like sit and cunt meant we could be here all day, and any thoughts you had on me would become much stranger." I replied, I would rather not a pony go round telling all his guard friends how the alien human had taught him how to say poo as a filler word. Or how many times I was saying sex.

Fuck that. Fuck that hard.
See?

After a long pause Diamond just accepted that and nodded. I wasn't sure what to do after that maybe he had gone back into his asshole form and wasn't going to talk. I suppose the only way to tell ponies apart here, at least the guards, would be through their personalities. That could be fun. Just as I stepped into my room I heard Diamond mutter.

"If you wanna go out, there is a great bar nearby a lot of the guards go to. Tell me later and I will take you to it." I didn't reply but nodded and stepped into my room. Mirrors followed me in.

The room was fairly bright, there was a rather large double bed, with four wooden posts leading up to a square above the bed, each with red curtains that could be closed and hide whatever was going on in the bed. Next to it was a chest which I suppose you could put clothing in or something. I'd use it for that anyway. There was also a rather tall, light wood wardrobe. Lighter colours than the bed's wood, and the same as the chest. There was also a table of birch wood with a single chair near it. Obviously this room was built for me; because there was no way in hell those ponies could sit down. Mirrors was about to prove me all colours of fucking wrong.
He walked over, holding the tray with one hoof and placed the food on the table. Then sat down in the chair, somehow.

"Wanna sit down?" He asked. I shook my head and walked over to the window, it too had red curtains and I began to notice the distinct lack of any colour in this room other than wood and red. Maybe it was Celestia's period room? Do horses even have those? Fuck I don’t even know how they work on women, let alone on horses. Mirrors shrugged, again. Somehow. And I shit you not. That fucker sat down on the chair like he owned the place and picked up an apple.

Then made one of the biggest mistakes a person, and now, a pony can do around me.

That fucker threw the apple at me.

I was renown on Earth to be shit at anything that had anything to do with sport. It got to a point where I went out of my way to take the piss out of anyone who thought it important. I still do to this day; there is no point to it. So obviously, with no respect and no experience with anything Sport-y. I sucked at throwing. And catching. Anything thrown at me I will panic and have a little panic attack and drop that shit, hard. Even an apple apparently.
Mirrors threw that shit and I went to catch it. My arm falling way too short for the catch. Mirrors just smiled and continued to sit there. I leant down and picked the apple up. Then began to eat it. It was alright, nothing special.

"Why are you really here?" Mirrors suddenly asked, his voice the same squeak as usual. That question actually surprised me. Out of all the guards I had met, that number being two. I would have thought Diamond would be the one to question shit. Although I did tell me I was fucking Sunbutt. Maybe that was where Mirrors was going?

"Would you hit me if I said it was magic?" I asked. Mirrors threw another apple at me; it hurt a lot more than my manliness will allow to admit.

"Go on." Was all Mirrors said. I looked at him but found nothing but a blank expression. Bastard.

"From what Celestia has told me I have some, wild magic inside me. Whatever that means, and if I stayed on Earth. My home, I would have caused the apocalypse, both here and on Earth. Celestia would explain it better. I'm just here for the free food and because everyone on Earth is an asshole." I said back. Mirrors seemed to listen with incredible intent. Until the last bit then he looked a tad angry. I wasn't overly sure why he was so fixated on that really short story. I had no idea what was going on. I hadn't even eaten yet. Give me a couple of days here and I might start realizing what's going on. (For those of you who know me now. No, I still don't know what was going on).

"So what, you're just going to stay in that form?" Mirrors asked. Fuck, Diamond and Mirrors scared me, when one was an asshole, the other was nice. What is it with the emotions of these ponies?

"What's wrong with my human form? It’s what I was born with. I could bitch about your form pony; you look exactly the same as any other fucker around here." I replied quickly. Mirrors stepped back.

"I'm not complaining about what you look like, just, it isn't a pony. Ponies will get confused, and scared about that. As for the second bit. I'm not a dog, I'm a pony. And all Canterlot Sun Guards are required to have a genetic enhancement so we look the same, confuses our enemies if they see an army of clones. Can't count our numbers." Mirrors replied.

"How many enemies does Equestria have?" I asked.

"Enough to send spies and such." He said back rather quickly, that was rather. Ominous much? I looked at the food Mirrors had brought in and walked toward it, Mirrors eating an apple, sitting somehow on a chair clearly designed for humans. Whilst I stared into the ponies green eyes. Wait, green? Weren't they blue? I took a closer look, and so I thought. They were blue, just my sleep deprived mind playing tricks on me. Bastard. I nodded and had had officially enough with Mirrors’ shit and walked out the room to the other guard. Mirrors started saying something but I ignored it and put my fist out to Diamond. Who in turn, lowered his spear.

"That's not what this means Diamond." I said, voice as neutral as possible, fist still out. Diamond looked at me in bewilderment and tilted his head, raising the spear above him again.

"Well Aron, what does 'this' mean?" Diamond asked, pointing his muzzle at my fist. I smiled slightly and Diamond backed up a step/hoof.

"You bump it." I explained, nodding to my fist. Diamond stepped closer to it. Mirrors was still barking on about how Celestia would have his head if another pony saw me outside my room without her permission and seemed to have reverted back into his annoying state and was poking my ass with the wood end of a spear. If I didn't know any better I'd say Mirrors was trying to piss me off. Or was retarded in the way of the spear. How the ponies were holding these weapons I had still yet to think up. Plus I didn't get how their army/guard system worked. They seemed to have just created a cavalry army. Which isn't very balanced in strategy turn based systems. Total War would cry at this. Diamond had yet to bump it.

"Bump, it?" Diamond asked. Now I face palmed. I reached for one of his white hooves and he stepped back again, clearly disgusted.

"Give me your fucking hoof or I swear to the Gods..." I muttered, Diamond kept his hoof down. I forget how stubborn horses can be. After a pause he raised his hoof into my open hand and I lifted it up to bumping height, and then proceeded to tap it with my fist. It felt a bit strange but it was just another way of telling me I wasn't insane dreaming. Diamond inspected his hoof after I bumped it and then put his hoof out again.

"Do-, do that again." Diamond said, clearly unsure of himself, after a second I did and Diamond smiled slightly. After a pause he nodded slightly as well. "We do not do that here. Interesting prospect, you shall have to show the other guards when we head out. If Princess Celestia will allow it." He said finally. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"How can you not do that here? Surely it would be a better greeting than a handshake, well hoof shake for you. Or a fucking hug." I declared, Diamond just nodded again. I'm already getting tired of the repeating things these ponies do. I unfolded my arms and then crossed them differently.

"Well first off, yes. This 'Bump' you have is a better greeting in my opinion, and secondly. I don't think Hoof shake means what you think it means." He replied, his voice neutral. I shuddered a bit at that prospect but said nothing. Before turning back and entering my room. Mirrors walked out and raised his hoof as he did. I fucking bumped that shit like the world was ending. I then proceeded to close the door and have a look around. First off, the window. It was pretty large, big enough for me to jump out of if need be and from what I could see it was double glazed. The glass itself was in a diamond shape pattern and had a red tint to it. Much like the colour scheme of the rest of the room. There was a smaller rectangle window above the larger one which seemed to open upwards and not sideways like the big ones. I quickly opened it only then noticing how warm I was. A cool breeze quickly entered the room and I took the jumper I had on off. Much better. One mistake I then made was to look out of the window. Surprisingly, like I nearly shit myself level of surprising, the view consisted of nothing. Like, a ton of mist in the distance and a sheer drop into an abyss of nothing. I jumped back and closed the curtains. I could hear my heartbeat without even having to touch it. One thing about me is, I hate heights. I passed out going on the London Eye once because of heights. So this random drop didn't help, especially after the idea of having to sleep over a misty abyss of fuck came into my head. Damn I hate my brain sometimes. Well, a good sixty percent of the time.
So with the little heart attack that was the window. I then began to open random draws and see what was inside them, nothing in most. Some bits of pony clothing in some. Nothing really special, one drawer labelled 'gentle-colts' had a couple suits and what many would consider 'royal clothing' another drawer with 'mares' on it had a couple pink dresses and some jewellery. Obviously none of it fit me. Not that a tried. So that was another empty road.
Next up was what looked like a bathroom, by that I mean I saw a mirror and a sink made for ponies and I guessed it was a bathroom. Stepping inside my queries were answered with a yes. The room wasn't red like the previous one which I was thankful for straight away and I was even more thankful to see they had a shower in here. It was a bit shorter than human showers but also had much more room, with the shower head on the ceiling, rather than to the fucking side like most of our showers. That was always a plus for team pony. The controls for it were fairly simple too. A rather large brass coloured lever, which to be fair was probably made of brass, with cold in blue on the left, and hot on the right in red. A lot like my own, I suppose. But fancier with the wording and the brass-ness. At least mine lit up. (One point to team human). Coming out of the bathroom and nothing else to do I wondered over to the door and opened it. To see what I hoped was Mirrors and Diamond, accompanied by some other pony. It was a unicorn for starters, had a white coat and a blue tail. As per guard I couldn't see his mane. So I guess he was just another guard, but what suck him out was his armour had tints of purple in it, as well as a purple and pink shield on the chest plate and how his tail was a different style than the other guards. This guy was probably important. Best act normal.

"Hey Mirrors, can you get me some paper, and pencils or something. There's fuck all to do here and I wanna colour." I declared, the trio turned and looked at me. The new guard suddenly had his horn lit in purple and I was pushed against the wall, not hard. But this guy was going to get a slap for it.

"Mirrors. What is this and why is it in a guest room?" The guard declared. Mirrors saluted, or Diamond? I don't know. I need a fucking pen to mark the two apart. Like. Badly. The pony stepped forward and in the squeak that was Mirrors. Said:

"This is Aron sir. Alien from another world. The Princess brought him here as a guest." The other pony looked at me for a few seconds and let me go with his magic. I stepped forward but caught the eye of Diamond who was shaking his head slowly. I backed off after that. This guy really was important. Even if the fucker deserved it, I doubt I'd be able to get out the castle alive if I did hit the fucker.

"I see. Now, Aron if that is your real name. What is it you wanted before you interrupted me." The guard muttered. I ignored that and looked to Mirrors.

"Could you kind sir, go get me some pens or pencils or even fucking crayons if you have any with paper so I can do something whilst I wait for Princess Celestia to call for me." I said, delicately, Mirrors nodded and ran off. I looked to the other guard.

"Why does the alien wish to colour I wonder?" The guard asked. I smiled and crossed my arms. Then began to turn to re-enter my room.

"And you shall spend the rest of your days questioning this. If you excuse me, I have to masturbate." I declared and closed the door behind me. Then waited for Diamond to walk in and tell me off, which, eventually he did.
After about a minute after that incident actually, he knocked on the door and I opened it. The guard walked in without a word and closed the door with his back hoof. He stared at me completely neutrally for a second before he said anything. I was really hoping for those colours. (Actually, before I progress, this colouring thing was genuinely because I was bored. I'm crap at drawing but it’s nice to try, if I didn't want to draw I could always write something, purely for entertainment purposes, not because I had a deprived childhood).

"Do you know who that was Aron?" Diamond asked. I just stared at him and stuck my middle finger up. Diamond nodded. "Moving on." He muttered. "That was the capital of the royal guard, Shining Armor. He is a bit of fucking a idiot. When he is without Princess Cadence anyway." Diamond added. I nodded.

"You swore wrong." I replied, then continued quickly. "It would be 'a fucking idiot.' I know I said swears are fillers, but you have to keep it grammatically correct otherwise you sound stupid. Obviously your learning, you shouldn't be, but you are. So I understand if you get it wrong. Secondly I can tell he is the life of the parties. Bit aggressive inne?" I asked. Diamond just nodded.

"He gets like this when Princess Cadence goes away on trips." Diamond muttered.

"How often does this Cadence go on trips?" I asked. Worried about the answer.

"Well she's the royal ambassador, so, a lot. Never for very long though. But long enough for him to get like this." Diamond replied. I nodded slowly and decided against asking more. I honestly didn't care. He was a cunt so why should I help him? Or even care. Just as an awkward silence came over us, Mirrors came down the corridor without a helmet holding a large amount of paper and pencils of different colours. I wouldn't actually colour anything I drew because I suck at drawing, why keep at something that looks like shit? The guard looked at both of us and Diamond let out a cough. Mirrors' look went straight to the other guard.

"What is it sir?" Mirrors asked. Diamond looked up at where his helmet was and Mirrors dropped at the materials and ran off down the corridor again. His face as red as my new room. Diamond let out a short, quiet laugh but stopped when I looked at him. Face going neutral.

"You must be the life of the party." I muttered picking up all the pencils and paper Mirrors had thrown down. Diamond let out a smile he didn't think I noticed and just muttered a reply.

"I try to be." I smiled slightly and let out a breath. When I looked up from the pencils on the floor. The door closed and Diamond was gone. Fucker. I then proceeded to walk over to a convenient table and placed some paper down.

I then spent the next four hours thinking of what to draw. Until the God Princess came to take me to dinner.

I was actually mid-way through drawing Celestia herself when she turned up, so you can imagine how well that went by, her walking in unannounced, me trying to draw her (It was extremely poor). Along with a couple armed guards. So I looked at her, she looked at my drawing, the guards looked straight forward. And Diamond looked at horror at the picture. Erm, it wasn't me?

“It’s dinnertime Aron.” Was all Celestia said, then turned and left. Diamond stayed behind. After all the guards had left he burst out laughing. I stuck my middle finger up but said nothing.

“What. Is. That?” He asked eventually looking at my picture. Holding back laughter.

“What, I was bored, decided to try to draw ponies, and whatever the fuck-this-is, is the result.” I replied. Diamond just nodded and turned.

“I am not sure how the Princess will think about this but she seemed to have, noticed it. “ Diamond muttered. “I am taking you to dinner, so whenever you are ready.” He added finally, I looked at myself and got up. Apparently that was wrong because the look Diamond gave me was one of evil. “You are going dressed in that?” He asked. Looking me up and down.

“Fuck off Diamond, you’re naked but armour, this is all I brought cloth wise. Well I have a couple other tops and shit but nothing nice, plus gotta keep shit clean as long as possible whilst I’m here, not gonna get another set of human clothing.” I replied. Diamond shook his head a little.

“Sorry, too used to being around royals, anything that isn’t white, blue or purple with a lot of gems and silk is, strange, to me. I hate this job sometimes.” Diamond muttered.

“Surely this job has to have some perks? Battles occasionally, assassination attempts, that kind of stuff?” I asked, Diamond shook his head and looked a bit sad.

“Nope, nothing like that, it’s parade around on a national holiday, but no one knows who you are because of this cloning stuff, or standing around guarding random parts of the castle. It’s a pretty dull life.” Diamond admitted, I looked at the clearly sad guard but said nothing. For a moment at least.

“Why do it then? Guard I mean?” I asked.

“Well honestly, someone has to do it, might as well be me, plus the pay is fairly good. And us veterans dig up or discover a decent amount of royal secrets. Some are rather strange.” Diamond muttered, staring off into the distance like he was remembering some long ago war. I shuddered and stepped back.

“Whoa dude, I've been here a day. I don’t give too shits about that. Also, is that how everyone feels about Celestia? Just, ‘she’s there?’” I asked.

“No not at all, most are very patriotic towards Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence, just I am not particularly.” He muttered. Then opened the door to my room and waved to hoof to let me go first.

“I have no idea where I’m going, don’t wave your politeness at me.” I grunted. Diamond laughed slightly again and stepped through.

“You are a strange creature alien.” He muttered.

“And you are a strange pony, equine. Bitch you know my name. As I yours. Don’t forget that.” I grunted in return, I didn't really care what he called me, I would get worse. Diamond just nodded and said nothing, inching forward again; I shrugged my shoulders and began to follow, as we exited the room a white pony with very rainbow hair. She was wearing a very French looking maid outfit and had a feather duster in her mouth. She seemed to be muttering some song I had never heard of, which wasn't hard considering the only music I knew was nightcore or older music, I hate modern music, its shit. Well she was happily muttering her song and then noticed me. How fun that was, she looked at me, looked to Diamond with her face dropping from clear happiness to major freak-out. Then she ran, screaming. I kept walking, as did Diamond.

"What a nice girl." I muttered as we walked. Diamond gave a sideways glance and waited for his reply. He was definitely acting more buff and stronger than he was. Inside at least, I'd never pick a fight with this guy. Or any of the guards to be honest. I had no combat experience, they might just have to stand around waiting all day, but they at least had some basic training right? Right?

"Sorry about that." Diamond muttered. "Most ponies of Equestria aren't used to anything... Not, pony." He added. This peaked my interest a bit.

"Most?" I asked. Diamond nodded.

"Those born further south or even north. Near the borders of Equestria. See a lot more travellers and traders come through that aren't pony races. Usually, which is why you don't see many around, these non-ponies drop off whatever supplies they have to trade and a pony courier sends it to here or the other towns who ordered it. And any traveller or adventurer usually turns around and leaves when they find put they are in Equestria. Nothing of worth here to explore." Diamond explained.

"I see. Is this place really that dull that travellers just give up?" I asked. After a pause Diamond just nodded.

"Some stuff of interest happens, but not recently. The only thing coming up is this Summer Sun Celebration and clearly the Princess' protégé has that covered. Although a few of Celestia's personal guards will be going. Not me though." Diamond replied. I nodded then.

"They all clones as well?" I asked.

"Naturally." Was the reply. Still a dumb ass idea if you ask me. But no one has so I don't care what happens.

"Wait so, this thing is in a, couple days yeah?" I asked, Diamond nodded. "And Celestia is sending me to meet her protégé tomorrow?" Another nod. Then it clicked. "That bitch thinks I'm going to guard her student." I muttered. Diamond looked pissed for a moment.

"Is bitch an insult, I remind you I am paid to defend Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence. Both in honour and valour." Diamond muttered.

"The way I used it just then. No. And that's very noble. I'm so glad I have you as a guide through the corridors. If you protect the Princesses surely you protect their invited guests?" I quickly replied. Diamond looked lost for a moment but nodded finally, shutting up. He did, however, only do that because we had reached a set of two large doors. A couple of guards stood outside. One was white with a pair of rather small wings, wearing armour and a noticeable saddle with a crossbow in it. The other was a grey pony with wings and a spear. So there's what? Four types of guards so far? Original.

"Through here. I'll await for you to return to your quarters. I'm sure Mirrors will show you to your room. He is usually on duty by the time you've finished." Diamond said. Then walked off.

"You won't actually stand outside my room like a perv whilst I eat will you?" I asked, Diamond didn't reply. Fucking hell man. Also, he knew what a pervy was. He definitely knew what a fucking perv was. With Diamond gone and the two armed guards staring at me, I just pushed open the left door and stepped inside. I found myself in a rather large room with tables are over the place and a long one with white coverings on the end, chairs had been stacked already on the rounded tables but the main one had all the plates and chairs still out. Food aplenty. Celestia was sitting alone. Staring down into a bowl of food, possibly soup? She looked depressed and I wasn't sure how to take that. So I just walked up to her, sat down next to her. And did the manliest thing I could think of. Started eating because I have no idea what I am doing with people like that, never have. So I just ate and hoped Celestia would enlighten me. She did eventually. (I did think about hugging her or some crap, but I had only just met the women).

"Luna is coming back in a few days." Celestia muttered, staring at her (yep, I guessed it) soup. I looked to her but she made no move to look back. I shrugged and took a bit of the vegetables in front of me. I was surprised to see chicken on the table and would probably eat all of it. Having not eaten much all day. Plus it was fucking meat!

"Isn't that a good thing?" I asked, having no idea who Luna was. Oh wait. Was she this Nightmare Moon person? Or this so-called protégé I am meeting?

"If only. Almost a thousand years ago Luna found herself to be corrupt. She turned against the ways of the world and tried to make it eternal night. She was, changed, into something... Something else. Nightmare Moon she called herself. I had no choice but to banish her to the moon, she would have destroyed us if I hadn't." Celestia explained, still not eating.

"So how come she is returning?" I asked, honest question.

"There was a prophecy, I left. That said when a thousand years were up, the stars would aid in her escape. After a thousand years I am hoping that Nightmare Moon is weak enough to be defeated and my sister comes back to me." Celestia muttered. I nodded.

"She's going to be damaged. Inside I mean." I grunted. Celestia finally looked at me.

"So-sorry?" She asked, almost offended.

"Well I knew a guy once, who believed he had failed the world. So he went away, secluded for ten years. By the end of those ten years. He was hearing a voice in his head, contradicting everything he said and trying too hard to get the man to kill himself and give up. I don't have experience with this kinda stuff, but Luna might be like that. A thousand years is a lot more than ten." I explained. The truth was that I had read a book about that story. I never knew him, the guy was just there. A pretty fucked up character from the start and definitely a proper asshole. No excuse for his failure and I'm glad he finally died. (Spoilers). Celestia sat for a moment and sipped some soup, the steam from it had stopped, provably some time ago. I had probably pulled a nerve with that last remark. She finally stood. I stopped her.

"I should go Aron." She muttered. A couple guards were converging on us. On me.

"You need to eat. Luna will be fine. Your protégé will make sure of that. And I'll be there to make sure your trainee is safe. I'll need a weapon or something though." I replied. That one definitely hit a nerve. But she sat down.

"So you know why I am sending you to Twilight?" Celestia asked. I nodded.

"I figured it out alone. Guard duty right?" I replied. She nodded. "I would have done it if you'd just asked, no need for secrets." I added. Celestia nodded and began to eat/drink her soup. I tore a chicken leg off the corpse and ate. Perfect behaviour around royalty. The guards stopped inching closer when Celestia sat down again. Celestia didn't say anything for a while so I started a conversation.

"How come there is meat here? Do ponies eat it?" I asked. Celestia shook her head and began to speak.

"No ponies don't, but when I came to your world to get you. I did some research, your people like meat. So I spoke to some griffon embassies and they sent this for me. They don't know who it is for but it isn't unknown for a meat eater to travel in Equestria." Huh, Diamond said nobody comes through Equestria. Or maybe not nobody, but still not many.

"I see. Well humans do eat meat but we don't need it to survive. So if it is too difficult to transport or trade." I began, then realised what I had said. No meat? A lot of it I could live without, but chicken, or ham? Shit son. If the worst came to the worst I would just hunt for my meat.

First though, learn to hunt.

I was probably gonna end up as a vegetarian then. Or dead.

Or both.

Act I: Chapter II

After Sunbutt's little moment dinner went pretty well. I would bring up a bit of small talk, as would she and we generally spent dinner getting to know one another. On topic that I did try to bring up was her age, Mirrors, or possibly Diamond, who knew, had mentioned it earlier and I wanted to know for myself how old this Goddess really was. But whenever I asked the reply was simply 'Too old some may say.' I did bring back the 'Some may say otherwise' but she was ready and just muttered something about how gentlemen aren't meant to ask a lady's age. Personally I thought that was bullshit and she was trying to hide something. But I let it go eventually, not really caring after the first two attempts. So I had dinner with her in near on silence, eating as much chicken as I could, not knowing when I would next see this beautiful meat and made myself feel sick and ill afterwards. There was a large jug of water and what looked to be wine appear somewhere during the meal, I instantly reached for the wine and was surprised to find it was a rose wine. The brilliant mix between red and white. Now, I am not very educated in some things, a lot really, but wine has always been a great alcoholic choice for me. And the mix always my favourite, so right now, chicken in one hand, a glass of wine in the other. I didn't care if this was a dream, I fucking loved this life so far. Taking a sip the wine tasted rather strange, it was good. Very good, but it was missing something, or something had been added I wasn't sure. Maybe, like the food (usually) here, the wine was vegetarian. Although I had the idea wine was anyway. I made a mental note to ask Celestia about it later, which I will forget. Forever. I would search it on the internet, but of course ponies don't have Wi-Fi. Anyway, I drank down the wine, more than I would have liked to have drank first go and sat the nearly empty glass down on the table and leant back in the chair. Which I was surprised when it held my weight. Yes ponies, at least, Celestia weighed more than me, most people do. Just these chairs would have been used to horses on them, with their bodies with a more spread out weight compared to the human body- I just went a little bit science-y didn't I? Fuck off science, no one loves you.

"Is dinner good?" Celestia finally asked. I jumper a little, looking over to her plate quickly I saw she was done, looking at mine. I wasn't even half way. I forget what a slow eater I am sometimes. What made me jump however, wasn't the fact she spoke. No, she had been thinking of something to say for a while, I could see it whenever I looked over. A goddess horse, bewildered as to what to say to a socially awkward human. Fun times. What actually surprised me was that nobody had ever actually asked how dinner was going. Because people usually finished before me, it was always how dinner was. I'm being a little nit-picky here, but my life was pretty dull before Ponyland, so I notice these things. Fuck knows why I'm not having a heart attack at the idea of talking horses yet. But I'm sure it will come.

The question itself came as I began to chew on a piece of chicken, and the British manners I pretended not to have suddenly kicked in and I was forced to not answer that until I had swallowed the food. By the time I did, Celestia was looking rather bored and disinterested.

"Sorry Celestia, it’s a human thing. The food is lovely and I thank you for it." I replied eventually, Celestia smiled a little at that and I cursed myself for being so fucking formal suddenly. My usual reply to that question being 'yeah foods nice.' People flock to my house to meet me. Honest.

"You may be disappointed by the fact I didn't actually cook the food. The chefs did." She replied after a pause. I smiled, sarcasm, now you've entered my playing field Sunbutt

"Well in that case I'm rather disappointed and think I want to leave." I replied back with a smile. Celestia was taken aback a little bit there.

"Few here understand the concept of sarcasm my dear human. So congratulations on that." She muttered after her recovery.

"I'd say it’s a human thing. But it’s really just a British thing. Britain being the country I'm from. Thinking about myself here. I'm renowned for using sarcasm, even when not really acceptable so do excuse that." I replied. It hadn't been a day and I was beginning to get sick of royalty, my natural speech patterns were just, wrong. This wasn't what I normally talk like. Just wait till I make a friend.

"Strange. It isn't very common here. I just picked it up from my mother. My sister-" Celestia muttered quietly, she cut off toward the end and I thought she was going to go into one again. But she didn't. "Luna, not so much." She finished, the paused for a second before levitating her wine up. I had finished mine. Twice. "Now, Aron. You mentioned countries. What did you mean by that?" She asked. I looked to the goddess with bewilderment. They didn't have countries here? Well shit.

"Well I'm from the country, or more, isle, called England. Which is connected to Wales in the west, Ireland with a small sea dividing the countries, and a much. Much, darker country to the north. Nobody talks about that one. That is the United Kingdom. A country once ruled by kings and queens, now we have a diplomacy, sort of. But still have a royal family. I won't go into detail there but everyone is divided between outright love and respect or following the idea that the royal family are lizard monsters. To the south of the UK, is the rest of Europe, which is a big cluster of countries all under the same name. Spain, Germany, Italy, France. A lot of countries all together to form Europe, then there is another group, well, continent, of Asia, which has China and Japan. Then west of Europe is America. Those are the countries of the top of my head but there are around three hundred odd on Earth." I explained, most of that was wrong or inaccurate but I never took Geography, so keep the hate low. Teacher was a prick.

"Funny. Some of those countries I know of, here we have Germaneia and Amareica. Near Germaneia is Cheval, maybe that is a twin to one of your countries?" She asked, I shook my shoulders. ,"And all of these countries and groups are housed by humans?" She then asked. I nodded.

"Exactly, humanity is the only sentient race on Earth, why. Besides dragons and ponies, what's sentient here?" I asked, innocent question. Innocent enough to get a fairly short answer, which, thankfully. I did.

"Well most creatures you see around have some form of sentience, most can talk and survive like ponies, some don't talk but can communicate much like us. Rabbits are a good example. Chickens too from time to time." She answered, looking down at my meat. My chicken meat anyway. The chicken breasts on the plate on the table. Pervert. Even with the strong hint towards them, I didn't feel bad for the chickens. Yes I understood why people became vegetarians, and yes I did respect their choices. But meat be the shit man.

"I see." Was all I said, personally I had run out of questions for now, I was never very good at this question and answer crap people are so in tuned with doing. Being socially awkward didn't help. Yes it’s a real thing, fuck you.

"How are humans?" Celestia asked. She was looking to me with big eyes, with wasn't hard as her eyes were massive. She had her crown on the table and a hoof on her chin. Her body movements made her look bored, but her face and speech patterns made her sound genuinely interested so I had no idea what the fuck she was thinking.

"Delicious." I instantly answered, Celestia cracked a smile but didn't laugh, nor say anything. Expecting an answer. I didn't have one for her straight away. Shit, what did I think about humans? Warmongering corrupt destroyers or loving, beautiful race with so much potential? Somewhere in between I think.

"That actually depends on who you ask." I replied, hoping to buy more time to think up an answer. Celestia genuinely looked around then stuck her tongue out at me.

"I see no other human to ask Aron." She said, smiling again. Shit. Damn it Celestia. Damn you to the sun!

"Well it’s complicated." I replied truthfully, Celestia waited. "Fine. On one side, all humans want to do is get at each other’s throats and kill each other over petty reasons like arguments or religion. We have world ending technology that people don't hesitate to use against each other and some countries build this stuff on mass. Then on the other side, we are a people of knowledge. Of great expectation and goals. To go out into the stars and expand our way of life, we build empires and great monoliths that are outmatched by nothing. The sheer imagination of the human mind is incredible. Views on the human race are split amongst ourselves. There is the war torn race of hate and chaos, then the side of good and peace and forward thinking." I finally answered. Celestia just stared at me for a good minute and I began to eat some more chicken, a little bit cold now but I was getting hungry again. After a piece I downed my wine again. I didn't actually know who was refilling the glass, it just seemed to be refilled whenever I needed alcohol. I would be stealing a glass if it was magic.

"I see. We ponies aren't as exciting as you are. Peace reins mostly, with a few wars and battles between neighbouring countries. And insane mages and the like. Ponies know war, but they have never tasted it on a large scale. Not really." Celestia replied. She didn't seem overly fazed by my description of my race. Maybe she was judging me in her head, or was giving me a chance before making her mind up on humans. I wasn't the best candidate for human-pony relations. But I was all they got. Ponies seemed alright so far.

"Insane mages?" I asked, that could be a tale.

"Oh yes, unicorns driven by magic who lose themselves to it. We have received a few 'good' mages out of this. None you will know obviously, but we've had Septern, Starswirl, and Densyr. Then a lot of bad mages bent on destruction and ruling. Kalmor is the most famous here, as well as a self-renown King. Sombra. Who has been missing for a thousand years." Celestia replied. Septern. I knew that name, vaguely. Just couldn't put my finger on where. I'd have to ask more later, for now though:

"You say missing. After a thousand years he should be dead." I replied. I knew Sunbutt was over a thousand but this Sombra dude must've only been a normal unicorn, even with magic he shouldn't have lasted a thousand years.

"Yes he should. If he was in a natural state, during his reign over what is known as the Crystal Empire, Luna and I went to confront him. We fought him and Luna eventually defeated him. She destroyed his body only. His mind, and his horn, remained. He managed to cast two spells on himself before he perished, one, to bring his body back into a mist state, then he cast a very powerful time spell. He froze the city in time and it vanished, gone without a trace, suck in one moment like a painting on the wall. Luna and I got out. But our honour guard are still in the city. Frozen in time." Celestia answered. She didn't seem too fazed by her memories, except when mentioning this Luna chick. So something certainly went down there. Deep down, so deep even Adele won't roll in it.

"I see, so some immortal mage is missing and stuck in time. Interesting." I replied after a moment, it wasn't really that interesting but lore was always nice to learn.

"Do you have magic in your world?" Celestia asked, I actually had an answer for this one. Coughing a little and chewing on scraps of chicken I looked to her.

"In a sense, nothing like your spells and mages. But some of the technology we have you would see as magic. Not trying to be patronizing, with either no magic on Earth, or nobody who can control magic. We focused on technology, we can go hundreds of miles a lot quicker than if we had to walk with these things called cars, just a big metal box really on wheels that is powered by a fuel. We can fly from country to country with planes, huge machines that can take off from the ground and fly above the clouds. As humans can't fly." I explained, that thing with magic was able. There obviously wasn't any magic on Earth but I've always had a fascination with fantasy and the like. Which is probably why I liked hearing Ponyland lore so much already.

"Interesting. So humans have far superior technology to use ponies but has no magical support? Not that I would ever wish that, but a war between our two races could be interesting." Celestia said. I looked to her in slight shock. That was a bit dark.

"Celestia, with all due respect, that was a terrible thing to say." I muttered. Celestia looked a little taken aback by that but eventually nodded.

"Yes. Yes I suppose it was. When you have lived as long as me, you find your mind. Wonders a bit. Excuse me, I have Princessly duties to attend to. I shall see you tomorrow Aron before you depart to Ponyville." Celestia grunted back, she sped her words up a lot towards the end of that and was already standing before she finished, various maids appeared as the Princess did and began clearing up. None dared touch my chicken and I just picked the tray up as Celestia left and stood up myself. Chicken in hand. After letting the Princess leave I noticed how all but one guard had left with her. He must be naturally posted here, the rest. Posted to the Princess.
Damn security was tight in the castle. Which actually made sense...

With the Princess gone and the maids cleaning the dining room up, and at the same time avoiding anything near me as well as avoiding gazes I was left alone to find my own way back. I was hoping Diamond, or, if need, Mirrors was waiting outside the double doors but neither were. Just two guard clones who stood at the door way in complete silence. One spared me a glance but neither said anything.

"Fuck it then, I'll find my own way back. I might find something I shouldn't but who cares." I muttered, one guard audibly grunted and stepped forward a little. He looked pissed when I gave a very sarcastic smile.

"Straight down the hall until you see the paintings, take a left. Then straight down, there are guards posted outside your room alien so you can't miss it." He grunted, I did a fake as shit bow and turned on my heel and left. Sticking my middle finger up as I did. What an asshole.

Walking down the corridor was actually easier than I thought, I'll be dammed if the fucker gave me decent directions too. I reached a cross road of sorts in the corridor and there was a wall of paintings to my left. So down I went. With nothing else to do until I reached my room I began to look at the painting a. They were definitely done by a well know painter and had been painted over a few months. The first ones were cliché backgrounds. A cloudy day with a huge grassy hill, some castle with lightning coming down on it, there was a small cliff with some ruins on it overlooking the ocean. Shit like that. These took up most of the wall, however the closer I got to my room the more ponified the pictures became. There was one of Sunbutt herself under a small waterfall stream thing bathing. That one I would ask about later. There was another picture of a dark blue pony standing on what looked like the night sky, but also water. It was a nice concept but I didn't understand it. She wore four really shiny shoes and had a small crown on. Her butt tattoo was some ink with a crescent moon in it, which looked a lot like the one above the small throne near Sunbutt. So I'm going to guess this was supposed to be Luna. Her hair looked the same colour, or near on, of her body and looked incredibly fluffy. I quickly found that I was standing still looking at this painting. Which must've looked great when Diamond turned up behind me.

"That's Princess Luna, before she was corrupted by Nightmare Moon though." He muttered, he sounded upset so for a moment, there was silence. It wasn't an awkward one but without alcohol it was borderline awkward.

"She looks very beautiful." I said. I had no idea if she was, this princess thing was a fucking horse, so who knows if she was or not. Either way, that put Diamond at ease, at least a little bit. Well, he nodded anyway.

"Indeed she is." Diamond paused. "Anyway, the Princess hasn’t given me any specific orders. So we can leave the castle at any time. However the bar won't be open until much later so I suggest getting ready." He added. I looked down on myself to see what I was wearing.

"Well I'll shower then change a top, put a jumper on then I'll be done. What about you?" I asked. Diamond laughed a little.

"Shower. Get armour off. Done." Diamond said, smiling slightly.

"Alright cool. Thank fuck we are both men." I replied, he nodded and turned.

"I will come back when I'm done." Diamond said and began to walk off.

"It'll be our date." I joked, smiling. Diamond turned.

"Fuck off." He said, I laughed back and began to enter my room. Remembering something, I ran out to see Diamond hadn't gotten far.

"Shit! Diamond." I called, the guard turned confused. "Tell me Mirrors isn't coming." I grunted. Diamond was about to answer when who else but mother. Fucking. Mirrors. Turned up.

"Going where?" He asked, practically bouncing down the corridor toward us. The death glare Diamond just gave me brought me to the idea that shit like this happens a lot with Mirrors. I face palmed and swore.

"Motherfucker."

With Mirrors now apparently coming to the bar with us I was taking my time in getting ready. Which as it turns out, was one of the worst things I could have done. I had just spent half an hour or so sitting around doing nothing and was now getting undressed for a shower. Just as I dropped my pants, was when Diamond ran in. He was panting slightly and looked out of breath. He didn't seem to notice me at first, but once he did. Fuck was that awkward. Diamond was naked, for whatever fucking reason. And I was too for a shower anyway. He actually looked at my crouch and I was going to fucking hit him if he made it anymore obvious. He stepped backwards towards the door.

"What." I said, no emotion. Just looking at the pony.

"Nothing, just interesting to see human anatomy" He muttered. I stepped forward and slapped the fucker, proper back hand and everything. He flinched when I stepped away and nodded. "I deserved that." He grunted.

"What do you want Diamond?" I asked. He was blushing slightly and coughed a little.

"Well I figured you would be done by now, and since Mirrors does not actually know where this bar is, I figured we should run for it. Then I will come with you to Ponyville and avoid Mirrors." Diamond muttered. His plan made a lot of sense actually. Avoid Mirrors and wait it out till he forgets. Brilliant.

It took a few seconds for that to process and then I ran for my clothes. As I began to get dressed Diamond looked at me confused.

"Do you not want a shower?" He asked. I looked at the guard with a blank look.

"Do we know the same Mirrors, Diamond?" I asked, Diamond nodded and began to gather whatever shit I had over the floor as I got dressed. Bit weird but alright. Normally, I would hate the fact anyone has seen me naked, but I honestly couldn't care less. Bitches shouldn't be running in my room without knocking. It didn't help he came out with the gay comment though. Bit embarrassed right there. I quickly got dressed in some random clothing I found. I wasn't sure what the weather was like outside so had a jumper as well as a short sleeve top, in case it was cold or hot. Inside the castle it seemed fairly warm, just over room temperature but that could just be magic for all I knew. I wasn't overly sure what to talk about whilst we walked so my mind began to wonder.

"What is society like here for stuff like racism and sexuality?" I asked, thinking back on Diamond's comment earlier, why I don't know but it scared me definitely.

"Well racism really depends on where you are in Equestria, smaller villages and towns don't particularly care what race a pony is, although some racism towards Zebra's is a small thing. Also any race that isn't pony isn't really well known to smaller areas so they hide away from anything abnormal." I was about to ask about me but Diamond beat me to the question. "Yes they will hide and be scarred of you in Ponyville, but none will actually take action against you. They have no militia to do such a thing. Anyway, so Zebra and non-ponies usually where you're going." Diamond replied.

"And here?" I asked. "Well, the big towns and cities and such?" I added.

"That's a different story. Most ponies who live up here, or in any of the major cities are either Pegasi or unicorns. The unicorns are usually incredibly wealthy and look down on any pony that isn't them. They have a major hatred for earth ponies usually, seeing them to be inferior. Some ponies are fairly decent, rich ones anyway, but most are terrible. The Pegasi don't really give or receive racism, but some hate other races which is a story that goes way back. Before the founding of Equestria." Diamond replied. "So racism is a very small factor in Equestria, but it’s only the rich and snobby that are overly. The small town ponies, usually racist out of fear."

"Yeah but fear can lead to a lot of things Diamond." I muttered, the guard just nodded but said nothing. For a time anyway.

"Sexuality is not really looked upon either way, I am sure some families disapprove of being homosexual but most accept it. The population of male to females is very broken here. There are three females to every male in Equestria, so many towns just end up becoming gay. Either adoption or magic produce foals." Diamond said, answering the second part of my question.

"You have magically created babies?" I asked.

"No. Just a lot of magic to do with sex, changing sexes here is a lot easier than you'd think. Temporarily or permanently, it happens. That is somewhat frowned upon but not as much these days." Diamond answered. I nodded, little bit creped out by that.

"So what about this Ponyville? How's the ratio there?" I asked. Diamond thought about that for a second and looked around, for what is anyone's guess.

"It’s about five to one. Maybe more. So I hope you are into mares." Diamond muttered. I smiled.

"I haven't been here even a day yet and you're trying to get me to be a xenophile. I'm barely a woman fucker on Earth, let alone a pony fucker here. I'm too damn shy." I replied. Diamond looked confused for a second.

"Yet you speak to me so easily?" He asked.

"It’s complicated, if I generally don't feel comfortable with people I get bad pains in my stomach and can't talk very well. I’ve got a very minor case of dyes, dyes-something. Dye-seem-ee-ah or something like that. And social anxiety, from my own faults nobody else's. But since I'm still in the phase of thinking I'm in a dream here, I can talk fairly well. If I'm still here tomorrow then ask me about it again, although I may be comfortable enough with you to talk fairly well. But going to Ponyville will put me into shock." I explained, Diamond looked genuinely concerned then but I raised my hand. "Figure of speech, I just won't be able to talk to anyone for a while and will need a lot of food to keep myself from throwing up."

"Was, was that a lie too?" Diamond asked.

"No, I need food to not throw up, it’s really weird and I don't fully understand it, nor care. But I have it so gotta deal with it I suppose." I replied. Diamond looked worried again for a second before going back to his neutral face.

After about a minute of silence and walking, I noticed we had now reached a large room. There were two stair wells leading up slightly to my left, and a hide open door to my right, the light of a setting sun poured through the open door and four guards stood watch at the entrance. In front of me was another corridor with another guard and there was also one directly to my left. Who coughed a little when we walked through the corridor entrance. The room was tall, much taller than the hall way behind us and had paintings huge all over the place. Even a painting of a small naked pony laying down on its back with a hoof outstretched- nope. Not describing that. Ponies tracking stole that human touching god picture we made! Bastards. Actually I didn't care that much it looked pretty cool. Diamond paused for a moment and muttered something to the guard, I caught a nod, a salute and Diamond continued. I followed, shrugging. Diamond began to walk out of the huge doors and I followed.
Outside the sun was incredibly low in its cycle, with the sky lighting up in various oranges and reds like back home. There were few clouds in the sky and the ones that were seemed very low and small. I didn't really question it, nor did I make a mental note to ask Diamond later. They were just clouds, nothing major. The castle seemed to be on a slight rising, or a hill or something, because the city seemed to be on a lower bit. There was a bridge connecting the castle to the main city. It was made of light grey cobbled stone with some pink wall around it to stop people falling off. Although it was obviously built for ponies as I could easily climb it. I didn't want to, and definitely wouldn't, but the height wasn't designed for humans, I didn't expect it to but you know. I was surprised at the showers though, the levers for control were at a right height. But the shower head was perfect height. Which I did want to ask about.

"How come the showers are so high up here?" I asked. Diamond looked confused as we began to cross the bridge, two banners were connected to the pink wall about half way across with two guards either side all holding spears. I couldn't see what was on the banners as they faced the other way. But no doubt they had the sun on it or something. I didn't look back to see as we walked past and continued onto the cobbled streets.

"They are for all creatures. The rooms in Canterlot Castle usually host a number of diplomats and merchants that come all over the world, usually they aren't pony. So the showers, as well as the beds and such, are designed for a bipedal creature. Like Minotaurs or Naga. The room you are in is actually for children or teenagers. Most Minotaur are much taller than you and require more head room. The Naga prefer baths anyway. Obviously ponies can and do stay in these rooms but struggle with showers sometimes." Diamond replied. I nodded.

"Celestia is into her diplomacy." I muttered. Diamond nodded then.

"Indeed. During, and a short time after Princess Luna's uprising there was a certain, tension, in the world. Many of the older races, Griffons for example. Began to question Celestia's leadership and there was even talk of war by some races. So Celestia tried her hardest to stay sane and deal with the loss of her sister, as well as send the best diplomats across the world to keep alliances fresh and growing. I suppose that habit never died down." Diamond replied.

"Well she needs to sort that shit out cuz Shining Armor won't get his shit together without his Princess wife." I muttered, Diamond let out a small chuckle but didn't say anything, for a while anyway.

"Oh they aren't married." He muttered. I paused in my stride, emotionless expression on. My mouth was agape a little.

"Well shit. Diamond. If you only take one other thing away from me besides the swearing. Never. Ever get fucking married." I said, putting my hand on Diamond's shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"I told you where the fuck am I going to get a mare as a pony who guards the royal toilets with a crossbow and spear all day." He replied sharply.

"Bitches could get off to that. Human girls, and guys, are into some freaky stuff." I said, thinking out loud really.

"I'm not into dogs. What did you mean by 'freaky’?” Diamond said, his monotone voice back slightly.

"Okay, when I say stuff like bitches or whatever. Think about me using it as a swear. Bitches, or bitch or whatever term you want to use, basically means a women you don't really like." I explained. Diamond really react, just had a blank expression on, he eventually muttered something which I'm sure was:

"Either bitch I don't really want, I want a pony who I like." I smiled but said nothing, deciding to go back to the scenery again. The city hadn't really changed that much, except maybe the cobble looked darker and the houses were closer together, the city walls were obviously closer and I could almost make out the guards on top of them patrolling, if they were ants anyway. There were a few bigger buildings around, since everypony but royal guards and night goers were out at the moment, most of the shops were closed, or closing. But luckily they all had wooden, medieval-like signs hanging from the doorways. Some were fairly clear as to what they were. A blacksmith was nearby, a cobble building with some smoothed stone and black glass. It was dark inside, with no lights on, but the fire of the anvil was still dying so various weapons and metal mechanisms lay about the store, door handles, window frames. All kinds of things, this blacksmith was very skilled.

"Toyar's Smithing." Diamond said, looking at the building I was unknowingly staring at. "One of, if not, the best blacksmith in Equestria, he provides the royal guard with all our armour and weapons, and we used to have a royal blacksmith. We fired him when Toyar moved in." Diamond added.

"Why don't you hire him as the Royal Smith then? You seem to use him a lot if he provides all your gear?" I asked. Diamond just shook his head and fucking neighed.

"He refuses the offer. Shining Armor has offered this guy four times as much as he would ever own as a public smithy but the guy refuses, says that if ponies really think he is the best, then why keep that skill private? Which personally I think is a good idea, we get the gear, and the public get whatever they need for a beggars price.” Diamond replied, I didn’t want to reply, still stuck on the fact that he neighed at me. Yes he’s a fucking horse but sweet mother he didn’t have to neigh.

“Whatever he wants I suppose, a man for the people I guess.” I muttered and laughed slightly, Diamond nodded again.

“He could probably make you something if you wished, armour for you or a weapon. Celestia may not be happy but you never know.” Diamond said after a pause. I let out a laugh again.

“Was that a hint for me to join the fucking guard? I would get bored and end up killing Shining Armor or something.” I grunted, that guy was such a prick.

“I would be obliged to stop you if you tried, he is the captain.” Diamond muttered, with his monotone voice I wasn’t sure if he would actually jump in to defend Shining, but I would never, ever, want to find out. My logic behind that was Diamond seemed like someone who was bored and dull normally, but fucking crazy in battle and stuff like that, hence why I wanted to go drinking with him, see if he was fairly outgoing.

The city seemed to get less and less fancy as we walked through it and the massive size of Canterlot really hit me, it had taken us about ten, fifteen minutes and weren't even at the bar yet, with houses and buildings all over the place, the city was very condensed but beautiful. The sun was still setting so slowly getting darker, less and less ponies were wondering the streets and Diamond looked a little shifty which seemed pretty odd to me, the big bad guard was afraid of the dark? I didn't ask.
We kept going for about a minute before Diamond lead me into an alleyway, at the end was a stairwell leading down into what seemed like the back of a building of some kind.

"Here we are, mind your head I suppose." Diamond muttered and walked forward, going down the stairs and stopping just short of the door. He raised a hoof and knocked once, then waited and knocked again. About a minute passed and he did two in a row, what a secret knock right? I heard a mutter but it was too quiet to hear.

"The moon and sun are beyond distance." Diamond muttered. Another whisper from the door. "Lieutenant Diamond, Solar Guard." Again, a reply. "Two, myself and Sir Aron of Earth." There was a long pause, really long. Diamond reached his hoof up to knock again but the door opened quickly and two ponies walked out quickly, armed. One was a typical white Pegasus, and the other was a grey unicorn. Fucking cloning again. The unicorn had a sword next to his head with a green glow and the Pegasus had a spear saddle on like the castle guards, neither had any armour on which was weird and their tails seemed too covered up their butt tattoos.

"This is the alien we've heard so much about?" One of the ponies questioned.

"How have you heard anything about me? I've been here less than a day." I muttered back. The first guard stepped forward towards me.

"Oh, it talks, I've heard about you like every other guard has heard about you, you ran out of a portal with our princess and was instantly drafted away to his room to colour." The guard replied, I didn't like him. At all.

"I drew your Princess and she seemed pretty happy with it. Too happy." I muttered, using the same tactic I used on Diamond when he was an asshole.

"Are you implying what I think you are?" Before I could answer, Diamond stepped in.

"Private Lightfall, stand down. We are entering the bar and you won't stop us. Do you want me to report this to the Princess? How you turned away and insulted our guest?" Diamond growled. "That's exactly how you lost your rank the first time, don't let it happen again." He added, oh burn. He then stormed past the second dude into the now open door and I followed, the glare of 'Lightfall' on my back.

Inside of the bar was basically just a generic medieval bar scene, tables all over the place with one big wooden table at the back with loads of bottles of wine and beer on various shelving units. There was a white unicorn with a red and white shirt on, he had green hair and looked fucking ridiculous, guard clones sat all over the place talking, drinking and eating, none seemed that fazed by my entry which was good, I was beginning to believe this place was real, so my anxiety would return soon. Better start drinking.

"Welcome to The Guards Rest Aron. Drink whatever, it's free for guards and knights." Diamond muttered, pointing a hoof towards the bar.

"That why you said I was fucking, sir Aron to the magic door?" I asked, he just nodded.

"They would've let you in had you not been a high rank like that, obviously we had trouble anyway but Lightfall can fuck off so still technically nothing big." Diamond replied.

"Alright, well, let's go get smashed." I muttered, smiling and walking to the bar, this would be a night to remember, my first night in a strange world. Here we go I guess.

"Eat a dick!" I shouted.

"I fucking will! Come at me!" A reply sounded.

I have no idea what happened last night, I remember the bar, some shouting at some point and then nothing. I hurt all over and the sunlight dripping into my room was blinding, with the curtains drawn and the lights all off, fuck knows how it was so bright in here but at the moment, I really didn't care. I had a killer headache and felt sick, and very dehydrated. I turned to my table hoping for that water glass crap to be there from films, luckily there was. A large glass of water with a note with really shit handwriting saying 'drink up, me'. I shrugged and grabbed the glass and downed the fucker.

...

Then proceeded to run into the bathroom to throw up, it was fucking vodka. I hate myself sometimes.

When I excited the bathroom with an empty glass after filling it with tap water and downing that a couple times, a very hungover Diamond stood before me, without armour and with a black eye. He had the same mundane look on his face but said nothing.

"Motherfucker." Was all I could muster, Diamond flinched and nodded.

"Princess Celestia wants to see you." Diamond grunted. I smiled slightly.

"Remember anything from last night?" I asked. He smiled slightly.

"I know you're the most light weight drinker in the world, you're a chronic alcoholic and the bartender is asking us to pay for damages, fuck knows what and fuck knows how I got this black eye. But nothing else. You?" Diamond asked.

"I think we got into a fight, or at least I did, and drunk me is an asshole. I gave myself vodka instead of fucking water last night." I replied, Diamond nodded.

"Well I'm coming with you to Ponyville, Princesses orders, and I suppose that was why you were in the bathroom?" Diamond said eventually, I just nodded and wiped my mouth again. "Shit." He muttered, I laughed slightly.

"Shame I don't have any sunglasses." I grunted, looking at the blinds for a second.

"Sorry?" Diamond asked, tilting his head.

"They are like glasses, you guys have those right? Anyway, it's just protection for your eyes, best to wear during hangovers cuz everything is dimmed out." I replied, Diamond nodded and smiled.

"Those would be helpful, so. SO helpful." He muttered and turned to lead me to Celestia. Obviously I followed.

The corridors looked a lot brighter than they seemed yesterday, and with considerably less activity for some reason, I guess it was still early. We both made our way to the same wedding meal like room as yesterday and again it was just Celestia, in a huge room alone. Diamond muttered something I didn't catch and closed the door behind me. The table cloths were the first thing I noticed. Yesterday they were a white cream colour, this morning they were crimson red. I walked over to Celestia and sat down next to her. Not saying anything for a while as I bit into an apple.

"Good morning Aron." Celestia said, a lot louder than she intended. I hope. I groaned but smiled at her.

"Mornin’." Was all I could muster. Shit, my anxiety. But I spoke to her yesterday damn it!

"Have a fun night?" Celestia asked, still smiling, immune to my social awkwardness. Thank fuck, it’s actually really annoying when people try to help.

"I think so. Most of it I can't remember." I muttered back. "Diamond got into a fight I think." I added. Celestia dropped her smile, but only for a second which was actually pretty terrifying. She came across to me as someone who was quietest when angry. Never shouted or used violence. But damn did you know when someone like that is pissed. Someone I'd like to be weirdly, but too much anger apparently. No subtly to me on that level.

"Oh I see." Celestia replied. "Are you fit for travel? You must meet my student today. It won't be a particularly long flight. But rough." She asked. I looked to her but said nothing for a while.

"When you say travel? And flight?" I asked carefully.

"Well Sergeant Foaly and Brandhay are going to be flying a chariot to Ponyville with you and Diamond. Diamond is to be your guide and guard as he has no doubt told you. And you are to observe my student and learn the ways of this world." Celestia explained.

"How long has your student been in this town? Surely you would want your student close at hand. Or hoof. So why so far away?" I asked.

"She did live her, in the castle for a while. But I sent her to Ponyville three days ago to make some friends. Plus the Summer Sun Celebration will be held there so I want someone like her to oversee the preparations." Celestia replied.

"The Summer what?" I asked.

"It celebrates the longest day of the year. The sun is kept up for the longest time."

"So a celebration, for you?" I asked. Celestia thought about it and nodded. Well that was a bit big-headed of her. Yeah she's the Princess and all, but a royal sends a royal student to oversee a project for said royal so it is of a high enough standard for them.
Celestia and the English monarch should get to know one another holy shit.

"So, when am I leaving?" I asked. Finishing my apple finally.

"Well as soon as you are ready." Celestia replied, I nodded and picked up some fruit for the trip and drank some more water.

"I shall get ready. I take it Diamond is waiting for me?" I asked.

"Indeed. As well as his friend, Mirrors I believe. They will take you to the chariot docks." Celestia replied smiling her smile. My face went pure white. Fucking Mirrors would be waiting? I did not envy Diamond right now. I just nodded and began to walk out. I hated the thought of seeing Mirrors, especially after we ditched him last night. But it was better to get this over with.

"Aron!" Celestia called. I turned.

"Don't get too close to Diamond, he won't be staying with you forever." She added, I wanted to face palm. He was my closest friend, already, in Equestria, but I wasn't gonna go gay with him if that's what she meant. I'm fucking straight as a whore's pole. Maybe more if said whore uses it a lot.

The journey to the chariot stand wasn't overly interesting, Diamond was waiting at my room with fucking Mirrors, who didn't say a word, but kept in the middle of Diamond and myself glaring between us both. I didn't have anything to say and still had a killer headache, Diamond seemed in no condition to be guarding anything. But I suppose it was his job so who am I to question it.

The chariot stand was outside, well on a huge balcony at the back of the castle. Six white chariots were lined up with two ponies saddled up and ready to leave, and one, in the corner of the balcony, away from the edge and in a state of disrepair. A blue and purple one, with moon crests all over it. Luna's chariot most likely. I wanted to ask to go on that, it looked cooler and it was freaking blue. But I said nothing, after a pause Diamond and I got onto the chariot, Mirrors didn't follow, nor did Celestia come by to say good bye, not that I cared too much. The two stallions saddled up and looked to me and Diamond, I only just noticed the spear saddle Diamond was wearing, as well as his obvious guard getup, how I missed that I don't know, but here I was, missing this crap.

"Are you ready sir?" The stallion asked, looking to me. I wasn't really sure what to say to that, fucking anxiety.

"Err, yep." I replied, not thinking, fuck knows if I was ready, though I'm prone to answering like that, people ask me if I want a drink with that order and so I don't have to talk so long, I say no. Then five minutes later buy a drink somewhere else cuz I done fucked up. The stallion nodded, but before he turned I found myself saying: "Why did you say sir?" I asked. The stallion looked confused.

"Would you prefer ma'am?" He asked, smiling slightly.

"Well no, I am a guy, just, I ain't no knight or lord or whatever my stature would be to make me a 'sir'." I explained.

"The Princess has put you in temporary command over protecting her protégé Miss Twilight Sparkle, giving you the title of Temporary Defender of Harmony." The stallion replied, Diamond instantly fucking saluted.

"What does that mean?" I asked, not wanting this responsibility. Whatever it was.

"One of the highest honours a princess can bestow upon a pony, err, alien. Well, if you weren't temporary. Though you still get the perks, like commanding us guards, except the captains, only full Defenders can do that." The stallion answered, shit.

"Brilliant, Diamond if you don't stop saluting right now I swear to the gods." I muttered, oh yeah, another thing about me. I say gods, not cuz of religion, because I read a lot of fantasy books and actually (try) follow some of the lore and rules certain Elven religions say. I'm such a fucking nerd.

"Of course sir." Diamond muttered and stopped.

"Don't start with the sir crap, I guess it's just a title so people don't ask questions, move on." I grunted, Diamond nodded. The stallion up front nodded too and we began our journey to Ponyville, me a fucking hero of Equestria and Diamond about to start a war with someone he shouldn't have. Me.

Act I: Chapter III

Ponyville was pretty shit in all honestly, from what I could see from the chariot there was a large circular building surrounding by loads of houses made of white wood and what looked to be fucking hay for their roofs. So what, they ate hay and used it as building materials? Damn, there better not be any hungry or homeless ponies or I'll be having words with the builders around here. Various ponies seemed to be walking around talking to other ponies. A normal town then, there was also a market placed to the left of the circle building, directly under the sun by the looks of it, so east? There was a large tree with a balcony just above the main buildings and homes, and a large, very dense and dark looking forest below the town. I wasn't sure what it was, but that forest looked, and felt, evil. I wasn't sure how a forest could feel evil, but this bitch did.

"Hey, Diamond, what's with the evil looking forest over there?" I asked. Diamond looked towards the tree line that seemed to span miles.

"That is an Everfree Forest. A dark, dangerous place and I wouldn't advise going inside." Diamond replied, oh I would be going in there, a lot.

"Dangerous? Right next to a town? Seems a bit stupid." I muttered. I didn't see Diamond nod, I was just staring at the forest.

"It wasn't always like this." Diamond muttered, then said nothing, for a time. "There are various forests like this all over the world, where the dark, twisted creatures go to survive. The largest, and most dangerous, is below Canterlot. Everfree Central. Nopony goes there. Ever." Diamond muttered, he sounded on edge suddenly.

"You seem, scared Diamond?" I asked, slowly.

"A lot of friends have gone into that forest after thieves or to fight a wondering Hydra or other beast, and never come out." Diamond muttered, his voice quieter than normal. I decided to say nothing and just waiting until we landed, which we did fairly quickly. The chariot flew over the town in a circle, the two pilots discussing possible landing zones, after about a minute the just decided to land outside the town hall, which I presumed was the big circular building.

"How come I didn't see it then?" I asked.

"Everfree Central?" Diamond asked back.

"Well, yeah. You'd think I would notice a huge fucking forest." I replied.

"We exited Canterlot at the back, facing away from the mountain. Had we headed west then you may have seen it but much of the mountain covers seeing the forest. Not many ponies, well, except any who come from the west. Really know about the forest, even the train doesn't go at an angle to see it."

"You lot have trains here?" I asked, Diamond nodded.

"You probably won't ever use it though."

"We had to do this with Twilight Sparkle, just land in the same place." One of them had said during their conversation, so I suppose these were the only two chariot drivers, or maybe the only two who made journeys between Ponyville and the capital.

The chariot came down and landed right next to the round building, the builders and whoever hired the builders obviously had a disagreement of how many flowers were needed to be planted outside, this shit was covered in roses and dandelions and crap. Hey, I only know two flowers, well tulips I guess, so three. I can flower.
I got off and instantly saw the large crowd of ponies that had seemingly instantly, and from nowhere, appeared. Many of them tried to get close, but after Diamond dropped his spear down in a straight line, straight at the pony crowd, they fucked off, well, stopped trying to get close. Murmurs were coming up from the crowd;

"What is it?"
"Is it a monster?"
"Why is it here?"
"Did the Princess send it?"

So apparently The God Princess of all of Equestria and Lady of the Sun, had forgotten to send a message to the town leader and tell the ponies I was coming, brilliant. Not that I cared, I was only here to protect Twilight or some shit, how Celestia had thought I could protect anything, let alone her personal fucking student. I was no fighter. Whatever her methods, I was only here for Twilight and until Celestia figures out this magic crap I apparently have inside me. I just looked to Diamond as the chariot drove off, oh good thing I didn't leave anything on there, might have left my wallet of something. Though I doubted ponies would accept pound notes. Being medieval looking they might accept coins, who knows though. I didn't bring anything but this little bag of clothes so it didn't matter anyway.

"Let's go find fucking Twilight already." I grunted seeing how the crowd hadn't dispersed. If Celestia wanted me to be smuggled into Ponyville subtly, she hired the wrong fucking pilots to do it, she shouldn't have sent me when I had a killer hangover, or during the day either. Though the fresh air of the flight seemed to fix my headache a little bit. Diamond's eye wouldn't get fixed by some fresh air though, I tried not to look at it. I really didn't want to learn what happened last night.

"Alright sir." Diamond muttered and began to trot forward, the sea of ponies dispersing as he moved, I followed closely, none of the ponies said anything I could understand, just, whispers.

"Fuck off Diamond, enough with the sir." I grunted, Diamond most likely smiled at that but said nothing. He was already less of an asshole then yesterday, still a cunt, but a decent one. What I was worried for was meeting Twilight, I felt ill being around this large of a crowd, but I hadn't had to talk to any. Twilight though, most fucking likely. We walked toward the town, deeper into Ponyville, between houses and shops.
Quills and Sofas, the strangest looking, and sounding shop I had ever seen.

We seemed to be heading for that huge tree that I had seen when we came in, at one point we had to cross the most pointless bridge ever, there was a river, well, stream. Like a single stream of water crossing through the town with a pink and cobble bridge going across. Honestly about ninety percent of this bridge was covering ground, not water. I stopped at the bridge and watched Diamond cross it, I laughed and just went over the stream, not ever touching the water.

"Was that necessary Diamond?" I asked, looking back at the bridge.

"What, the bridge?" He asked.

"Well no, being fair, there is a dip there so I suppose in the winter or when it rains heavily, there will be a full blown stream, but at the moment. You don't need to cross that fucking bridge do you." I replied, Diamond looked at it and nodded.

"I'm sorry sir, I will try not to." Diamond muttered, I punched his shoulder.

"You fucking stop that sir crap or I will keep hitting you." I grunted. Glaring at him.

"You threaten a stallion with a spear?" He asked.

"Good point, I still stand by my phrase, you can't wear that thing forever. Plus, would Celestia be too happy if she found out you murdered her favourite human." I replied quickly.

"Yes, if she found out you have assaulted a member of her royal guard. She would take that as an act of war." Diamond muttered, serious. "And you're the only fucking human she knows." He whispered.

"Well, it ain't no act of war of said guard is being a little bitch about it. Plus, I'd win." I muttered, laughing slightly, Diamond seemed to catch on I wasn't being serious and finally joined in.

"I have no doubt of that, I could see you as being Princess of Equestria." Diamond said.

"Oh god no, fucking Sunbutt can have that job. I wanna be the fucker who kicked the royal guard's asses and lived to tell the tale, only to get bitch slapped by Celestia for fucking up her country." I replied.

"You believe yourself to take on an army of armed, trained guards but as soon as Celestia comes into the picture it's too far. Maybe you really are her escort."

"I resent that, I ain't no slut, I don't really know what to do if it comes to that, especially with a fucking horse. Plus I'm sure she could fight if she wanted."

"She has guards for a reason."

"How much you willing to bet Celestia can kick more ass than your little guard army?" That got Diamond confused.

"Bet?" He asked. "Another earth word I presume?" He added.

"You don't bet here? Damn, you have fucking alcohol but not betting, well in the concept I meant it, I would give you something, like money, if Celestia really was useless in a fight, but if she isn't, and only has guards as a threat to her enemies, which she will have many of. You would give me money." I explained.

"Ah I see, well how much will we bet, and how would we know when the bet is over?" He asked.

"Well I don't understand the currency and how well your economy is at the moment, so I'll come back to you on that. But you will know if Equestria ever gets invaded or something, or if Celestia ever has to fight. If not, then the bet will never be complete since none of the variables have happened." I replied, Diamond nodded again and I noticed how we were right outside the massive tree, it had a huge red door, tones of fucking windows, a sign outside with a book on, so maybe a library? Which I suppose made sense, the personal student of Celestia has to study a lot. There was a balcony on the roof with a telescope on it, I wonder how useful that came in? I could just here a buzz of bees from, somewhere, but wasn't sure where.

"What should we do?" I asked. Diamond looked at me as if I was a child.

"Well fucking knock." He grunted. I nearly slapped the fucker.

"Good idea." I muttered, “Also, you're getting better at swearing, well done." I added, Diamond smiled slightly and I turned away from him to knock on the door. As I raised my hand however, the door opened.
In front of me, or more so, below me was a small, green and purple, creature. It had spikes down its back and two four clawed hands and two great big green eyes. It looked up to me and screamed the most girl-like scream I think I have ever heard.

"Twilight! That, alien, Celestia sent is here!" The creature shouted. It sounded like a child, more worrying, a dude.

"Cheers, can I. Can I come in?" I asked, quickly. The creature looked confused but got out of the way to let me and Diamond enter. I felt out of place already, what the fuck was that thing.

"Spike? Hold on!" A feminine voice sounded from a platform upstairs. I noticed the large amount of bookshelves around the place, as well as a couple doorways, one actually had a doorway, and fuck knows where that went. Another was opened and seemed to be some kind of kitchen. There was also a stairway up onto the wooden platform the voice had called from, that was about it for the library though. Or at least, this floor. Suddenly a purple face appeared over the platform, there was a horn protruding from the ponies purple and, slightly, brighter? Purple hair. She saw me and looked disgusted, only for a second, yeah I know I'm ugly as, but you don't have to keep screaming and throwing up. Not that I had the bravery to say that. Funny though, kinda.

"So you are that, human the Princess has told me about. You are to stay here until she understands your magical, condition? Correct?" Twilight (I hope) asked. I nodded.

"Yes." I said quietly.

"She didn't tell me you were so shy. You and Fluttershy would get along." Twilight muttered sarcastically, oh good. Another one.
Fuck.

"He has what he calls, Social Anxiety, a human trait I believe." Diamond explained for me, I nodded and smiled. Twilight nodded too.

"And you are?" Twilight asked, we had obviously interrupted, something here, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

"Diamond ma'am, Aron's protector." Diamond replied, saluting.

"I'll be having none of that, I am just a pony, like you. Well, not as armed." Twilight muttered, pointing a hoof at the salute. YES! Someone else who hated the salutes and crap. Diamond was far out of his league then.

"Of course, ma- of course Miss Twilight." Diamond muttered, nodding.

"No need for 'Miss' either, just Twilight please Diamond." Twilight muttered, smiling warmly, why did she seem nicer than the God-Princess who fucking everyone loved. Probably copying her mentor most likely. Maybe not though.

"So, Aron I presume. How are you for food?" Twilight asked.

'Well I mainly eat fish back at home but here you all seem to be vegetarians so anything that isn't horse food would be grand. So bread, apples and vegetables I suppose.' Is what I wanted to say, instead I got:

"Anything really, I don't care." Thankfully Twilight saw through the anxiety, or through, something.

"Well you probably don't eat flowers or hay or anything. Are you a predator where you come from?" Twilight asked. I silently thanked her before replying.

"If you mean, meat. Yes, if you have fish or something like that then I'd be happy, but honestly. Anything that isn't hay or flowers I can eat. Veg and fruit I can eat." I replied, wow, an actual answer, that was shocking for me.

"I see. Well my friend Fluttershy tends to a lot of animals, many I'm sure you would eat. So that is out of the question, however I'm sure i can get some fish from her, trout or cod maybe?" Twilight asked, damn this pony was on the ball. I liked her already.

"Yeah fish is great thank you." Oh gods, the politeness I had when I was shy, fuck sake me!

"Good good. I have some things to do in Ponyville today, perhaps you would like to come, it’s to do with the Sunset Celebration, I'm sure Celestia mentioned it to you, it's why I am here. Though there may be something else happening soon." Twilight began to drift towards the end but picked the sentence back up. "You are welcome to join me." She finished, I turned to Diamond.

"Wanna go?" I asked. Diamond shook his head slightly.

"I would like to rest sir, this hangover is killing me." Diamond grunted, he then realised his mistake and I punched him, then he panicked. "I mean, ignore the sir bit." He added quickly, too late.

"We would love to come with you Twilight, I can get a lay out of the town." I accepted, Twilight smiled, Diamond grunted, that creature Spike was gone, somewhere.

The town was so fucking boring, like there was nothing here, a couple shops, ponies fucking everywhere and more houses than what the food production should cover, but I suppose they still had trade, and were fairly well of being this close to the capital, though with from what Diamond told me and from what I saw, it seemed strange that Canterlot was even getting that much food and trade. Being on top of a fucking mountain and all, plus the fact a really evil and dangerous forest lay below. It seemed odd that the capital would be in such a high up and dangerous location, but I suppose it kept any invaders out. If Equestria had any that is. Well, enough to send spies from Mirrors, whatever that meant.

"First we need to go check up on the food again at Applejack's Farm, we may have to stay there for lunch, so I hope you're hungry." Twilight said from ahead of Diamond and me, he seemed to be pissed and said nothing. I just nodded and muttered 'alright'.

"You really are shy aren't you?" The purple pony asked, turning to me, I just nodded.

"Yep, I hate it." I replied, suddenly. Twilight jumped a bit, obviously not expecting that. I shrugged and kept walking. Twilight smiled slightly and turned back towards the outside of town, there was a large pink building that looked more like the town hall than the apparent town hall, it had a clock tower on it and white/pink ends on the roof as well as love hearts fucking everywhere.

"What is that?" I asked, Twilight turned to look at the building.

"Oh that's the schoolhouse." Twilight replied casually. Not saying much else.

"Why isn't anyone here?" I asked, wow that was a dumb question, but still, I could at least learn a bit about pony culture.

"It's Sunday, so the colts and fillies aren't at school. It's the weekend!" Twilight said, I nodded and slightly yay'ed. Thank fuck there were weekends here, gives me more reason to not work. "Plus with the Summer Sun Celebration coming up, it's a national holiday, they've had the whole week to prepare for this." She added.

"That celebration thingy is a massive thing isn't it?" I asked, Twilight nodded and smiled.

"Bigger than Hearth's Warming." She said, I gave a puzzled look but didn't want them to ask what that was, not yet anyway. It sounded like Valentine's Day. That was fairly big but there were a lot bigger, like Star Wars Day, or Christmas.

"I see." I muttered, and turned back to Diamond, who glared at me. "Bitch it's better than staying at the castle all day unmoving, plus you called me sir so do one." I grunted, Diamond smiled slightly and Twilight stopped to look at us.

"Did you just call your guard a dog?" Twilight asked.

"Swearing, it's a human thing. I'm teaching Diamond here." I explained quickly, well my anxiety was passing, for now.

"Can you teach me?" Twilight asked, curious sounding.

"Oh gods no, swearing is a terrible, terrible thing and ponies shouldn't be doing it." I replied, very patronising.

"Then why are you teaching Diamond, and why do you do it?" She asked.

"Because I'm not overly sure Diamond is a pony, and not some strange stone statue that came to life with the power of depression and sadness. As for me, force of habit." I replied quickly.

"Sir. Please." (Stahp) Diamond grunted, he didn't seem that pissed though.

"That's not a very nice thing to say about your friends." Twilight muttered, thinking slightly before her answer.

"Well whilst Diamond keeps up with this Sir bullshit, we aren't friends." I grunted. And hit the pony, lightly, I did actually like Diamond enough not to piss him off over the edge.

"Why does he call you a sir anyway? Were you a knight back where you come from?" Twilight asked, she seemed to have ignored the punch I gave Diamond.

"Celestia-" I began.

"Princess Celestia." Twilight grunted. I rolled my eyes.

"Sunbutt gave me this bullshit title of Temporary Defender of Harmony and Diamond has taken that upon himself to actually believe that and call me sir constantly even after telling him to shut the fuck up." I replied, looking to the guard, who was unfazed, just standing there looking so fucking done. After that sentence, Twilight fucking bowed.

"I had no idea you were a Defender, even a Temporary one. Twilight Sparkle, at your service." She muttered, whispering some prayer or something.

"Get up, you're worse than him, it's only so I have some authority if anyone tries to kill me or something. I was told I needed to protect you." I said, Diamond coughed a lot, major hint I had fucked up somewhere, Twilight stood up, confused.

"Protect me? From what?" She asked. I looked to Diamond quickly, who looked panicked.

"Well, from- err." I began. "From possible spies, Celestia was told that there may be spies, well, paparazzi looking for you, I am to discourage them, protect you from the media, so to speak." I fucking prayed to every God I knew that Twilight understood that, and Equestria had a media. Zeus, Yniss, Giant Spaghetti Monster, anyone? Luckily, Twilight got it and blushed.

"I didn't realise I was popular enough for security." She muttered quietly.

"You're the Princesses only student, if the whole world doesn't know you already they are idiots. Or cavemen, well, ponies." I grunted, Twilight smiled again and looked at me, blushing harder. She didn't say anything for a while and kept looking at me, I looked between her and Diamond, in silence. Diamond looked much less worried but still his mundane look remained.

"Applejack's?" I finally asked, Twilight jumped and shook her head a little bit, then nodded.

"Of- of course, she isn't far." Twilight said, nodding again and walking off, after a pause me and Diamond followed.

"That motherfucker, is how to get a mare, well, a mare interested." I muttered to Diamond who coughed a laugh, then went back to asshole look.

"Really? The Princesses student." He muttered finally.

"Nah, I ain't fucking no horse til I've been here longer, try and control my anxiety. Though it's being good thus far. Haven't thrown up." I replied quickly. Laughing slightly.

"You have really thrown up because of that 'anxiety'." Diamond asked.

"Don't quote that shit like you don't have it here, I'm sure someone here must have it. And yes, my first interview for a job I threw up because there were four of the fuckers and I had forgotten to prepare beforehand." I replied, truthfully.

"Did. Did you get the job?" Diamond asked carefully, I glared at him.

"Well luckily it was a fucking McDonalds so yes." That was a lie, though it would make a lot of sense with their food, fucking KFC all the way. Before Diamond asked what that was, I answered. "It's a fast food restaurant, so you go in, ask for food and get it within minutes. It's cheap, sort of as well, just most, like McDonalds. Are shite." Diamond closed his open mouth and nodded.

We walked along a little bit more and noticed how we were getting further and further away from what seemed civilization, though I could see a huge orchard of trees ahead, and a barn of some sort was beginning to come into view, I also noticed how many mountains there were around here, Ponyville as a whole was fairly flat, a couple small hills and mounds here and there. But nothing special, so how had the land formed like that for mountains to completely surround this place. How did anyone get in and out of this area without using Pegasi transport? Or maybe that's all anybody did. I decided to ask Diamond about it, since Twilight had found herself so far ahead.

"How come there are so many mountains around here?" I asked, a shit way to word the question, but I couldn't be bothered to think of another phrase.

"What do you mean?" Diamond asked. Looking around.

"Well, this town, except for some hills and stuff, is fairly flat. So how did such a flat area, end up surrounded in mountains. Was this a defensive location once upon a time?" I asked. Diamond, naturally. Looked pissed and bored.

"I don't know, the old capital used to be in the centre of The Everfree Forest, until Princess Luna became corrupt and the castle was reduced to ruins. That and the Everfree began to grow on all the Chaos." Diamond replied. "So with so many mountains, and back then the Everfree would have been a normal forest, so a forest as well so close by. I suppose you could call it a defensive location." He added, I just nodded. Probably something to ask Celestia about to be honest. But Diamond gave a good enough answer for now.

"Well! Here we are. Sweet Apple Acres." Twilight declared. Somewhere ahead, me and Diamond sped up a little and went over a small hill to be in front of that barn I had spotted earlier. There was a wooden fence running in both directions and a small archway with some more hearts on it with a sign saying 'Sweet Apple Acres' on it. Which anyone could have guessed after Twilight's declaration. There were ponies everywhere, most had a sort of western/cowboy get up with Stetson hats and everything. I could see where this was going to go and was done before I even entered the farm.

"Here be southerners." I muttered, Diamond grunted but said nothing, probably wondering what I meant. Twilight was deeper into the farm talking to some orange pony with three apples on her ass. I wondering in as casually as a human in Equestria could. Carefully, slowly, and following Twilight, almost like stealth I suppose. Until fucking Diamond just wondered in and trotted over to Twilight, the orange pony noticed me.

"Is this that alien y'all are keeping now?" The pony asked, how in the hells had my arrival been so highly known, well with a military escort and an armed guard would bring up a lot of attention straight away.
Noticing Twilight hadn't answered and was looking to me to reply, bitch. I did the natural thing. I bowed, as low as I could.

"Aron is the name, I'm a human of Earth, brought here because magic." I muttered, trying to sound fancy. Which sounded cooler in my head I'll say.

"Alright Aron, mah name is Applejack, I live here at this here farm and am at your service as long as you are Twilight's guest, though I expect the same kinda respect." The orange pony replied, ohh an honour system of sorts, this'll be fun.

"Absolutely Applejack, I'm sure Twilight is a decent enough sort so hopefully I'll be staying with her until I can get rid of this magic." I replied, which was a lie, from Celestia's little chat with me on Earth, I'd be here a long time. It seemed nice enough so far, I just hoped I wouldn't have to do any fighting or whatever Celestia expected of me.
As it turns out, life is a bitch, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

"I've known Twilight since she came to Ponyville, and she's already a good friend, right Twi?" Applejack asked, Twilight blushed and nodded. "She didn't have many friends when she arrived, but this Sunset Celebration has brought us together." The farmer pony added, I nodded. Diamond was talking to some other pony far off into the farm, some green coated blonde mare. What a guard Diamond was.

"Well I already have Diamond, but friends are welcome." I replied, smiling slightly and folding my arms.

"Yeah, he looks friendly." Applejack muttered, clearly unsure, looking towards the spear the guard was wearing.

"Don't worry about his spear, he knows how to use it." I replied, Applejack nodded but kept staring at it. "It's for my protection, wouldn't want Equestria's only human to be killed by a butterfly or something." I added.

"If y'all think that a butterfly is the greatest threat to your life. Just wait til you meet Pinkie Pie." Applejack replied, laughing slightly, it was a cute laugh I'll give her that.

"Yeah, Aron, you may want to prepare yourself for her." Twilight agreed, I then began to worry, these two actually sounded scared of this pony, oh gods.

"I'll miss out meeting her then." I muttered.

"You'll have to meet her one day, she probably knows your here already." Twilight replied.

"One, no I don't. I'll flee to Canterlot before that. Two, so does everyone in fucking Ponyland. I ain't prepared to meet whatever hell beast you are so worried about." I said quickly, breathing quickly.

"Whoa there Aron, she ain't scary, just, hyper." Applejack muttered. Fuck.

"Yep, that's what I'm afraid of." I replied. Diamond had come back over and was just staring at me. "Fuck I hate this anxiety." I grunted.

"Calm down Aron, I'll meet Pinkie first and tell her to keep it calm." Twilight muttered, she actually sounded genuinely worried so hats off for her.

"Alright, if she isn't though. I will have to flee." I replied, nodding slightly, which was a lie, if she panicked me to much I'd punch her, but I suppose that wouldn't go over well with Twilight, nor the new pony. Twilight just nodded and Applejack just stared, I preferred the nods really.

"Well Applejack, unless you need any help, we need to move on to check on the others." Twilight said, I smiled slightly and I swear I heard Diamond take a breath, he seemed done at the prospect of other ponies already, he wouldn't get a girlfriend by avoiding everyone. Same as I wouldn't gain any pony friends by hiding in a library, not the first time I've done it though.

"A'right Twi, I'll be seeing you around. You too Aron." Applejack replied, nodding to us both, not saying goodbye to Diamond, we began to leave the farm. One down.

"Well that was interesting." Diamond muttered to me, as we were making our way through Ponyville again, apparently going to see some shy pony called Fluttershy, I'd never remember all these abnormal names. Though many of the ponies names so far, besides the castle guards, had something linked to their Cutie Marks, so Twilight had the weird star thing, Sunbutt had the Sun, Applejack had fucking apples. I could bet on the fact this Fluttershy had Butterflies or something.

"Hey Diamond, do you wanna make a decent bet with me?" I asked.

"Sorry?" He replied.

"Well we had that bet about Sunbutt kicking ass, how much you wanna bet this Fluttershy chick has Butterflies as her ass tattoo?" I asked.

"I would prefer you didn't call the God Princess of the Sun Sunbutt, if you are so against saying Princess, use her actual name." Diamond replied.

"I would also prefer you didn't call me fucking sir but look where doing it got you, wondering through town hunting down random ponies." I grunted quickly, Diamond muttered something but it was too quiet to hear, finally he said something:

"Three bits that she has hearts as her, ass tattoo as you put it. Not Butterflies." I nodded and smiled.

"You're on, don't ask Twilight, we shall see ourselves. Obviously you'll have to wait til I have money to get yours, but still. The bet is on." I laughed slightly and sped up to catch up with Twilight. Diamond did as well.

"What are you two talking about?" Twilight asked casually.

"Just human stuff, I'm a bad influence on Diamond, don't join in." Was all I said, Diamond let out a small smile but said nothing.

Twilight just waved a hoof and said something about stallions, but I ignored it for the most part and continued walking at a lazy pace, Diamond seemed very relaxed considering he had a damn spear in his hooves. But I didn't say anything, eventually we came in view of that damned forest again and wondered whether Twilight was about to take us straight into the 'darkest, evillest place in Equestria' to see a pony called Fluttershy. Diamond kept staring at the forest entrance and flinched at any sound he heard come from the forest. After a minute of walking straight at it and me about to tackle Twilight to slap her for being so stupid, she turned, up a hill towards what looked like a fucking hobbit hole, some little grassy cottage with a few brown windows and a red-brown door. Everything was shut and I could hear birds signing from inside the house. We walked towards it and twilight knocked a couple times, there was a quiet eep come from inside and the birds stopped singing.

"Who. Who is it?" A very feminine, quiet voice asked. Twilight was smiling and looked through a tiny peep hole.

"It's Twilight, and my escorts." Twilight called back.

"Is. Is the alien here?" The voice of who I presumed was Fluttershy asked.

"Yes, but he really isn't dangerous, about as shy as you." Twilight replied. "Nowhere near." She muttered under her breath. I smiled but kept quiet. I didn't hear the footsteps but eventually the door swung open, in front of me stood a very small, curled up bright yellow pony with long pink hair, she had bright blue eyes and was staring up at me in utter shock, or fear, or both.

"Flutter-." Twilight began. I got this.

"Nice to meet you Miss Fluttershy, I am Aron, alien of Earth, Terra and here on Royal duties by Princess Sunbutt." I introduced, bowed slightly, a small squeak came from the pony and in a voice I could barely hear, and had to ask Twilight what she said later on, Fluttershy replied with:

"Nice to meet you too Mr Aron." She was shaking slightly but I ignored it, somehow I had managed to say something without fucking up, so maybe Equestria was already doing me well for my anxiety. Or I was still hungover.

"Now Fluttershy, how are preparations going for the song birds?" Twilight asked, Fluttershy kept staring at me, not even noticing Diamond who had stepped away from the cottage and was leaning on a fence of some kind from what I could see out of the corner of my eye. Just glaring ahead with his spear up as usual, every now and again looking into the forest.

"Oh the singing?" Fluttershy asked. "Doing much better than yesterday, the birds are all in tune and know what to do." She added, sounding a little happier to be talking about animals. I didn't look inside her house yet, figuring I'd have plenty of opportunity to be able to see inside when or if I was ever invited inside. Today just seemed to be running errands and shit and I was beginning to get bored and we were only two ponies in. Though Fluttershy seemed to be moving along quickly.

"That's great Fluttershy, well we will be off, good luck." Twilight said smiling, Fluttershy smiled and waved a hoof, and I rose mine up and smiled at her about as warmly as I could.

"Bye Fluttershy." I muttered, she muttered bye back and we left. As we stepped away from the door I turned to Diamond who had three bits in his hoof, I grabbed them and put them in my pocket. Fucking. Called it.

"That was easier than expected." Diamond muttered as we walked away from the cottage. I nodded.

"Indeed, but Fluttershy is very, secluded from other ponies and prefers the company of animals than ponies." Twilight replied.

"Mother issues." Diamond muttered, Twilight looked confused for a moment.

"Sorry?" She asked, bewildered.

"She had mothering troubles growing up." Diamond said.

"Her mother wouldn't never harm Fluttershy, you really think she did?" Twilight asked, panicking slightly, looking back at the cottage. Whoa, so child abuse is a thing here? Damn.

"I'm not saying her mother abused her, she was too kind to her, told her the world was evil and that ponies would do her harm." Diamond grunted.

"You really think so?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know, just an idea, I've known ponies like Fluttershy and that was their story." Diamond replied, Twilight just nodded and we continued. Without Twilight running to hug or confront her friend.

As we walked through the town looking for some pony called Rarity, I heard a whoosh sound pass by. A shadow shot past and I looked up, seeing a light rainbow trail above. I looked to Twilight who was looking into the cloudless sky but couldn't see anything, I tried to follow the fading trail but couldn't find anything either. Diamond gave zero shits.

I heard the zoom noise again and was suddenly on the ground with a heavy weight on top of me, I looked at the weight holding me down and saw a very cyan looking Pegasus with rainbow hair. She looked pissed off but didn't say anything, until Diamond lost his shit.
Suddenly I saw a spear appear over the rainbow pony's neck and Diamond began to shout.

"Relieve yourself from Aron pony!" Diamond shouted, a roar in his voice, the rainbow pony paused for a second and Twilight shouted.

"Rainbow! Get off him!" Twilight shouted, the pony did, blushing slightly, Diamond kept his spear on the horse as I stood up and brushed myself down.

"What is that?" The mysterious pony asked.

"The name is Aron, I'm from Terra, I am human, and I am no threat, nice to meet you." I grunted, my side hurt slightly as did my stomach, but I didn't complain.

"Why did you jump on him?" Twilight asked loudly, Diamond was giving the pony a death glare but it ignored him, as best it could with a spear lining ones neck.

"He looked weird, he could be a spy." The pony cried back.

"He is a guest of Princess Celestia and a Temporary Defender of Harmony, he is escort to protégé Twilight Sparkle and I am his personal bodyguard, Aron is no spy citizen." Diamond grunted.

"Jeez, I'm sorry okay?" The pony said quickly, looking to me.

"It's kay." I muttered, shrugging.

"My name is Rainbow Dash, nice to meet you." The pony said, calming slightly. "Would you mind getting this spear out of my face?" She added, glaring at Diamond quickly.

"What do you say sir?" He asked. Then gulped.

"Didn't you learn your fucking lesson last time, we're being assaulted in the streets cuz you call me fucking sir. I'd say shove that spear down your ass, but I'm in a forgiving mood, so yeah, at ease solider." I grunted back, staring at Diamond for a few seconds, he nodded and raised the spear to its resting spot.

"Now that that is over. Rainbow." Twilight grunted. "Is the sky ready for The Princesses arrival?" She added.

"Well, duh, have you looked at the sky, not a cloud to be seen!" Rainbow Dash replied, waving a hoof into the air. Twilight gave a done face but said nothing for a while.

"And well done Rainbow. We have others to see, so I'll see you later okay?" Twilight said. Rainbow nodded and smiled.

"I'll try not to tackle any random strangers eh big guy?" Rainbow said happily, winking at me, I didn't say anything.

"If you do again I won't be as restrained." Diamond grunted, Rainbow looked a bit scared for a second but kept her cool and just flew off, Diamond visually relaxed and we moved on, Twilight kept looking at Diamond in shock, as did I sometimes. Not too much though.
Which ended the shortest meeting of Twilight's friends, next came Hell...

We were still on the way to Rarity's and a blur went by, at first I thought it was Rainbow Dash again but I figured she would have learnt her lesson after Diamonds 'warning', I made a point to ask him about the aggression later but it was most likely cuz he had been ordered to protect me.
The blur went by again and Twilight stopped, fear in her eyes, she turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes.

"She's here." Twilight muttered, I looked around again and then it appeared. A very pink, very fluffy looking pony appeared before me talking incredibly fast and incredibly high pitched. I didn't catch anything the pony said so don't ask, it was just too much to process.

"You must be Pinkie Pie." I managed to mutter as she continued to talk. She kept going but I managed to catch.

"Of course it is silly, that's what I just said. What's your name? " After that the pony paused and looked up at me. Ponyville had a more hyperactive Mirrors. Holy shit.

"Aron." I muttered.

"No silly, you're real name." Wait what, I stared at the horse for a second but just stood my ground.

"Aron." I muttered again. The pink pony stared at me confused for a moment but her smile quickly came back.

"Okay doki if you say so." Pinkie said and began to bounce a little bit. "Then let me introduce you to Ponyville! I have to go start a party-" That's all I got out of her before she sped up a lot and became hyper once more. I stood staring at Twilight for a bit but she just smiled and nodded when Pinkie apparently asked her a question, I dunno what it was but it was nod worthy. About a minute passed and the pink pony slowed again and smiled up at me.

"We could have it tonight! At the library!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Will there be alcohol?" Diamond grunted, sudden interest was sudden.

"Alcohol?" Pinkie asked, Diamond gave a sigh of relief. As did I, the hangover from last night’s antics just about going. Plus it wouldn't look good for me nor Diamond of we got piss drunk and forgot what happened again. Speaking of which, Diamond's black eye seemed to have completely healed. Like, poof. Gone. No wonder Twilight, nor any other pony had asked about it.
To be fair he had been standing guard far from the other ponies except that random pony at the farm.

"Diamond, what happened to you black eye?" I asked, Diamond looked confused for a second and touched his now fixed eye, he went back to his default glare.

"Ponies heal rather quickly, well minor wounds anyway. We can't grow a leg back or anything." Diamond replied.

"Damn, much faster than humans. I would have had that for weeks. How is the hangover?" I asked. Pinkie had begun talking to Twilight in the absence of nobody talking to her but I didn't catch anything they said.

"Well humans suck for healing abilities. And yes, it’s still there. Was fading until, the pink one showed up." Diamond replied, whispering at that last bit looking to Pinkie Pie. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Yep, same here dude." I muttered. That ended that conversation and when I turned back to Twilight she was holding a large cake and Pinkie was gone. I stepped back for a second.

"The fuck did you get that cake from?" I asked. Twilight looked at it sitting in her hoof and she just shrugged.

"You want this cake?" She asked, staring at it, what the cake that materialised out of thin air? No thanks.

"Nope." I muttered, she looked to Diamond.

"I'm good." He grunted.

"Fine." Twilight grunted and levitated the cake into some seemingly random building nearby, a very pink building that ironically looked like a cake, so I guess that's where Pinkie lives or something. Twilight didn't even flinch just causally throwing a random cake into a store and she kept walking. I just shrugged and followed, Diamond looked on into the building for a couple seconds after but caught up after a few seconds.

"Why did you just throw that cake into that pony's home?" Diamond asked after a few seconds of being caught up.

"Well it's the cake store in Ponyville, run by Mr and Mrs Cake. That's where Pinkie got the cake from I presume." Twilight replied. I looked to her as we walked, she hadn't turned back to either of us but my face was so fucking done right then. The Cakes? Running a fucking cake store. Nope Nope, nope-e-de-dope.

"The, fucking, Cakes?" I asked, Twilight looked at me for a second with confusion.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" She asked.

"The Cakes running a cake store?" I muttered.

"Yeah?" She asked, keeping the word going for a few seconds. I gave up and looked to Diamond.

"Tell me you understand what is wrong with that?" I asked him, he just nodded but didn't say anything about it. I smiled and kept going. Twilight kept asking what was wrong with that paradox but I just shrugged it off and told her to drop it, eventually she did, and as she did she arrived outside a large round building of blue and purple, with large windows and a curved, high roof.

'Carousel Boutique.' Was written on a sign outside of the large building and I could already tell this would be a fun meeting. Twilight just opened the door to the building and wondered straight in, I looked to Diamond who looked like he wanted to punch me and wondered in after Twilight, I turned behind me just out of instinct and found there weren't many ponies following me, yeah a couple or so had been very cautious about following me, seeing if I was actually dangerous or maybe they were just racist, either way, as long as they didn't bother me, they wouldn't find out how much of a girl I was when threatened. I looked straight at some pink and green coloured pony which looked incredibly bizarre, I dunno why I looked at this random pony, just stood out more I suppose, had bright green like fucking neon hair and an almost salmon coat, no wings or a horn from what I could see but I didn't look very long, the pony looked away and started talking to a pony next to it to act casual, I just ignored neon pony and walked inside the boutique.

Inside was a very cliché bazaar shop, with horse mannequins, or horsequins? marequins? I dunno, horse shaped plastic figures like those models in Primark or something. A couple were naked but most had some sort of incredibly ugly, but incredibly posh dress on. A couple had like a wedding suit for a dude, but most were dresses I wouldn't be caught dead in.
Wait.

Bits of thread and silk flew all around the room covered in a light blue glow, on the other end of the circular room stood a pure white pony with purple curly hair and standing over some work station which made my room look, almost clean. Not that I'd see the fucker. I wonder how people would react now I am supposedly missing or kidnapped or whatever police would class my disappearance as. As far as I know Celestia just teleported her ass in so no forced entry, yet the doors and windows were locked, so I had gone at will.
Anyway, I digress, trying to solve my own disappearance. The inside of the room looked much larger than what it looked like outside, with a kitchen just to the side and a stairway to a second floor. Mirrors lined much of the room and I could see myself in most, my beard unkempt and my hair a mess. I looked like a homeless man, especially in somewhere like here. The white pony turned around as a bell went off above the door, declaring our arrival.

"Oh hello Twilight, I had hoped you'd come by. I have spoken to Crystal Melody and she has an answer to your pro-." The white pony began, turning with her eyes closed, smiling slightly and levitating some pink silk and some wrapped up thing that looked like a penis. She opened them when Twilight began to cough furiously and the white pony nearly screamed when she saw me standing there.

"Oh my!" She shouted, stepping back, I crossed my arms.

"Subtle." I heard Diamond mutter.

"Oh, err, hello dear. You're not from around here are you?" She asked me. I smiled slightly but Twilight answered.

"He is a friend of Princess Celestia and here for the Summer Sun Celebration. He is named Aron, or so he says. Not from Equestria obviously." She said, the white horse nodded and stepped closer, looking past me to see Diamond leaning against the door.

"You're a friend of the Princess?" Rarity exclaimed loudly, I just nodded.

"And Defender of Harmony." Twilight added, oh you bitch. Rarity lit up, her smile huge and wide eyed.

"Temporary, just whilst I'm on this job, and acquaintance is more appropriate." I muttered, the posh pony's face went back to normal for a second in disappointment.

"And who is your friend?" She asked, looking up at me, her eyes slightly wider than before and her nose scrunched up.

"A Canterlot guard named Diamond." I muttered, looking to the bewildered pony, she nodded and looked away, Diamond grunted but said nothing.

"Well Twilight, let's ignore that other thing-." Rarity began, hiding the dick present behind her and putting it into a draw, well, I presume so, cuz she dropped the silk and walked around with nothing behind her. "- I have completed preparations on the town hall for tonight and I am rather proud of my work, you should go down and have a look, and bring Aron. Though you could leave Diamond here if you so wish. I'll look after him." Rarity replied, looking back to Diamond, I could just tell his face lit up slightly there only to go back to depression mode. Oh hell no.

"Well our job for today is done, and as a Temporary Defender of Harmony, thus a higher rank than Diamond. I would know our orders, which were: to make sure Twilight checks up on progress for the celebration then report back to The Princess. And Diamond likes to write long reports." I replied. Rarity looked disappointed for a second but smiled again.

"It would really be no trouble, I could help if you wish. I'll give Diamond some insight to the locals." She muttered, holy shit she was as subtle as a fucking elephant. Diamond coughed a little bit.

"If you hadn't called me sir all fucking day, maybe. Wait til next time you desperate bastard." I muttered, Twilight turned at that, seemingly oblivious to her friend hitting on my guard. Suck cock-block, much asshole, wow.

"No you really don't want to see Diamond whilst he is writing, misses the pot so much, can barely ink his pen either." I replied finally, Diamond chocked slightly and began to cough, but still kept quiet, gods he was gonna beat the ever living shit out of me later wasn't he?

"Oh, that's a shame, well maybe next time. I'll see you later Twilight." Rarity muttered finally giving up, Twilight smiled and began to walk out, saying goodbye back. "Byyyyeee Diamond dear." Rarity said, smiling again and fluttering her eyelids, I practically threw Diamond out before he got a reply out. "Aron." Was all I heard Rarity say as I left. I fucking called it on that encounter being fun.

"I hate you sometimes." Diamond muttered as I shut the door.

"You were the one who keeps calling me 'sir'." I replied.

"Yet you used the rank card on me, asshole." He said back, I smiled.

"Obviously." Was all I said.

"Alright, so as you said, you're orders are complete, I'm going to go check out the town hall and go get some food for tonight, you can come with me if you wish or go back to the library." Twilight said, smiling.

"We'll head back, the town hall will look nice I'm sure, but if the celebration is tonight, then we will see it then." I replied, Twilight nodded and began to walk off.

"You will be able to find your way back right?" She asked.

"Twilight it's a huge fucking tree in the middle of brick or wood houses with hay roofs. If we miss it give up on us as any sort of guard. Or human being, well, pony being too." I replied, she just nodded again.

"See you two later then, if Spike asks you know where I'll be." Twilight said finally and walked off. I began to head back towards the centre of the town to look for the tree library, I was going to look like a right idiot when I couldn't find this fucker.

About a minute passed before Diamond said anything.

"Did you have to mention about the 'ink and pen' thing?" Diamond asked finally.

"Fuck you Diamond." Was my reply.

Act I: Chapter IV

Act I; The Fall. Chapter IV: Friendship is Bullshit, Part One

The rest of the day went by without a hitch, Diamond and myself got back to the library after only ten minutes of wondering around aimlessly, we had to cross another ridiculous bridge to get back into the real town, Rarity's shop being on the edge, with just a couple houses and some trees behind it. Nothing really exciting around her shop/home/whatever so we didn't stick around to have a look. Spike obviously turned up and asked about Twilight, I told him she was out shopping and we just had a conversation after that, wasn't overly exciting but I learnt a thing or two about dragons, or at least what Spike had learnt from Twilight and the few books on the creatures, which I found strange and made a not to talk to Twilight about it when she returned home. Whilst Spike learnt a thing about dragon lore in the human world.

"Basically Spike, Earth, as far as anyone knows, never had dragons, if we did we most likely killed them all." I had begun to explain.

"Why?" Spike asked.

"Because humans are cruel and assholes." I muttered, Spike tilted his head and gave a weird face but then went back to normal and sat still on the edge of Twilight's (maybe) bed, Diamond was also sitting down, but he was too busy cleaning his armour to really give a shit, I had tried seeing what his Cutie Mark was but his tail blocked it and I didn't feel like I knew him enough to pull on his tail to look at his ass. "Anyway, they are just stuff of fantasy and myth, many stories passed throughout the world of dragons and various bits of lore cropped up about them, their greed for gold and anything of value, mirrored races of dragon also became a myth, wingless dragons were a huge thing, still are really, in China. Believed to be Yin and Yang, good and evil, always a good dragon against a bad dragon, or as some stories would have you believe, they granted wishes because of their magic power." I said, trying to avoid as many Earth slurs as possible so I didn't have to explain what a TV was, I was pushing it with saying China but I'm sure Spike was more interested in the dragons themselves than the origin country. Chinese dragons traditionally symbolize potent and auspicious powers, particularly control over water, rainfall, hurricane, and floods. The dragon is also a symbol of power, strength, and good luck for people who are worthy of it. We even had myths of heroes who would either kill or ride dragons, usually kill sadly. Like a dude called Saint George, I don't even know if he was real or not, just. He told people he killed dragons for some reason. Also a guy called Beowulf, who went around killing mythical creatures because he was bored." I explained, Spike sat through all of that just nodded and smiling.

"What were they like? Size wise?" He asked.

"Usually the size of whatever city they were about to burn down from what I've read, huge fuckers who could easily burn places like Canterlot down, ponies don't seem at all ready for a war, no defences." I muttered.

"Oh we have defences, catapults, traps. You name it, I never took you onto the walls, and it’s a sight you might have enjoyed." Diamond grunted, I just ignored him.

"There were a couple stories I liked back in the day, can't remember the series name but I know the first was called Eragon, where some farmer boy finds a dragon egg and has to go fight an evil king who basically wiped out the dragons. Those were fucking amazing." I muttered.

"I'd like to have read those!" Spike shouted smiling.

"You would've got pissed, the dragons get wiped out from a stupid reason from what I remember and come back on an even dumber reason, plus the love story between the main character and an elf chick, just a human with pointy ears. Was utter bull." I replied quickly. "Plus the movie was utter shite." I added under my breath.

I continued telling Spike everything I could think of about dragons and even recited a couple short stories I knew about them, how I remembered after so long was beyond me but here I was, telling a dragon about, dragons. Diamond peaked up a bit of interest towards the end but after looking at a clock near the bed and noticing I'd been doing that shit for over an hour, I stopped. Spike seemed disappointed but after promising another session if and when I remembered anything we could do that again, that seemed to cheer him up for a bit but I had no intention to ever fulfil that promise. Spike wondered off downstairs and I just found myself standing at the window of the library looking out onto the town. The sun was beginning to set and the light of the dying sun bathed the world around me, I didn't realise how long I was looking out of the window but felt a couple tears forming for, some reason. Diamond was next to me, I couldn't see him but knew he was there. I'm pretty sure he tried to put a hoof on my shoulder but was too short. It made me laugh a little but just kept staring at the window. Neither of us said anything for ages, just, staring. The door downstairs opened and Twilight called up to Diamond and me. I turned slightly but then went back to the window. I was just so fixated watching the sun set for some reason, I didn't know it at the time, but this was the point I knew I would be in Equestria until I died, never to return home, it was all real. Everything was real. Spike, Twilight, Diamond. Celestia, all of it. Diamond wondered off when Twilight called again and I sat down on the bed, staring at the floor.

I didn't realise, but I had apparently fallen asleep at one point and as I woke I saw Twilight staring down at me from the side of her bed. She looked somewhat worried, with a slight sadness in her eyes but otherwise okay.

"Are you alright Aron?" She asked. I nodded.

"Ye-." I began and coughed. "Yeah I'm alright, just had the realisation that I'm here for good hit me finally." I muttered, Twilight nodded and stepped back, I leant up and noticed the lack of lighting in the room. "What time is it?" I asked. Twilight looked at the clock for a second.

"Almost eleven, Pinkie turned up for your party but I told her you were ill. Which by the sound of it, is technically true. The celebration is at midnight, so we can either go there now and be early, maybe see the Princess. Or wait around here, you missed dinner but there is some Pasta and cheese still left, as well as some remains of apple pie." Twilight replied. I nodded then thought about that, saying 'Apple Pie' now just sounded like a pony, mainly Applejack and Pinkie Pie mixed together, a hyper redneck? No thank you. I got up and began to walk down the stairs, looking out the window as I did and saw the moon was out, nearly at its highest. There was a strange sight on it, a bunch of creator scars in the shape of a unicorn. It looked like somebody had done a bombing run the size of the fan art, but I'm sure it was just some magic bullshit about that Nightmare Moon character.

Shit! She's returning tonight, I had to defend Twilight from whatever the fuck it was that was coming back. Shit.

"Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about night-time eternal." Twilight muttered, staring at the moon.

"That's tonight isn't it?" I asked, obviously Diamond and Celestia wanted Twilight kept in the dark that Celestia had a plan for Twilight, but if she already knew about Nightmare Moon, then I might as well play dumb to an extent. I was just worried what could be so dangerous that Twilight wouldn’t be able to deal with it, and need a guard. Let alone a guard with a guard. I was just beginning to pray that the whole 'guard' thing was just for show. Prayed so fucking hard, even to Nightmare Moon at some point. I didn't want to fight, I couldn't fight, let alone kill anything. Never. I wrong I was amiright future story me?

"Yes." Twilight muttered, I put a hand on her shoulder and she nodded. Smiling slightly. "But with my friends, and you two by my side, I'm sure we can win against her." Twilight added.

"Just, talk to your friends, tell them your plan." I muttered, Twilight just nodded and together we headed downstairs. I was greeted by Diamond who looked genuinely worried for a second, before noticing me and going back to pissed off look. Spike was also sitting at a table looking at me, chewing on what looked like a sapphire. Holy shit. Spike eats gems? Damn. Expensive tastes.

"Spike, go get the left overs will you?" Twilight asked calmly, the dragon nodded and walked into the kitchen, after a second he walked back in with a bowl of pasta. It looked pretty good, if slightly cold, but I really didn't complain, now I had seen food I was starving. I sat at the table and picked up a spoon that was already next to the bowl and began to eat.

"Are you alright now Aron?" Spike asked. I nodded.

"Mmm, yeah I'm cool, I think it was just the realisation of being here finally hit me, it's so different than Earth. But I'm sure I'll get used to it." I replied, Spike nodded.

"We have an hour to get ready for the Celebration, Celestia hasn't brought any guards apparently. Which means Mirrors isn't here." Diamond grunted, I smiled and laughed slightly.

"Thank fuck." I muttered after chewing a bit more.

"Mirrors?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, he is another guard who was tasked with 'looking after me' whilst in Canterlot, basically a male pinkie Pie, only, more unstable emotionally." I explained, Twilight nodded after a second.

"Bit mean." She grunted.

"One moment he was trying to lick my arms or some shit and was the most annoying fucker in the world, the next he threw a fucking apple at me because I told him I was here because of magic." I grunted back, Twilight shut up after that.

"Did he really throw an apple at you?" Diamond asked.

"Yeah whilst you were being a little bitch and waiting outside, he started eating my food and kept throwing it at me. Bitch hurt me." I muttered, Diamond nodded.

"Did you just call Diamond a female dog?" Spike asked.

"No Spike, it's a human thing I believe, called swearing, and it's apparently bad, so don't do it." Twilight muttered, I wanted to pat her on the head, well done Twilight, you win a cookie.

"Oh I see." He muttered and didn't say much else, the pasta was pretty good, pasta isn't really done right unless you're in like Italy or something, but besides that it was alright, the cheese was good too, I suppose it would have been freshly made, or at least fresher than Earth food, I had yet to see a Tesco or Walmart around here and since this was very medieval era of technology, I doubt they had long distance trade of food sorted out or anything like that. I quickly ate, not noticing how hungry I really was and continued to sit, Diamond had some book which I couldn't see the title of, Spike had gone, somewhere and Twilight was sitting on the other end of the table.

"So Aron, tell me of Earth." Twilight muttered after a couple minutes of silence.

"What do you want to know?" I asked. Twilight blinked a couple times there, obviously not expected that, for some reason.

"Well, humans, what are they like?" She asked, gesturing a hoof at me.

"Honestly it depends who you ask, I think we're all assholes and it's why I'm so socially awkward, and I hate people." I muttered, Twilight nodded but said nothing, waiting for me to add anything.

"Humans are flawed, we are one of many creatures of Earth, and yes we are the smartest of them, brain power anyway, but we have no respect for other animals nor the environment, we destroy the environment and cut down forests much faster than they can rebuild. We kill for the sake of it and a lot of us are generally idiots. There is much destruction behind our race, but also great beauty, some buildings and artwork that people made are utterly stunning, a lot of it is religious so doesn't count, but still. It's pretty good.
"Though we are never contempt with just having what we have and being happy, if I have a stick, and the man over there has a tree, I want a forest. That kind of logic, it's how war has grown as well, you throw a stick at me, I'll make a stick with a rock on the end, the weaponry we have now scares me and idiots are in control of it most of the time." I said, Twilight nodded and looked to be about to take notes by picking up a quill and ink pot, but she didn't have a bit of paper at hand apparently, fuck knows where the pen came from, but conjuring paper was just taking it to far.

"So why aren't you so violent?" She asked.

"I'm too cynical and sarcastic to really mix in with the violence of my race, and to be fair, it's only those in power who are war addicted, and certain countries, just a lot of people blend in together and are just carbon copies of each other, I'm one of many who try to be unique, but am probably a cliché in my own little way." I muttered, she nodded.

"I see. Ponies are quite like that as well, many of us blend into the background, but others seem to just have.-" She trailed of a little bit there but then continued before I could say anything. "-More colour to us I suppose?" She muttered, clearly struggling with her description. I let her of though because she clearly wasn't experienced in description.

"Alright, maybe we aren't so different?" I asked, smiling slightly.

"Except we don't know much about war." I heard Diamond muttered from the other side of the room, I turned to him and he was just staring at me.

"Do you have to be so fucking far away, you're meant to be a guard." I said sternly, looking at Spike and Twilight sitting at the table close by. Spike laughed a little.

"Which means that I have to guard the highest priority in my proximity, which is you and Miss Twilight." Diamond replied, well shots fires to Spike for not being guarded.

"You ain't in no proximity a mile away prick." I muttered, Diamond nodded slightly but kept where he was.

"I can see the window and doorway here, plus am against the door, so if anyone were to break in, I can see maximum entrances and can defend a point to a fall back zone if required." He said eventually, clever bastard.

"That's a good idea Diamond, but I don't think anyone is breaking in." Twilight replied, literally as she said that there was a huge crash and the window upstairs exploded in glass and a blue blur flew into the room. I was up in an instant, throwing the table to the floor with as much strength as I could muster and in the process knocking Spike of his chair, twilight jumped up as her furniture was thrown onto the ground, at the same instance Diamond ran forward with his spear down on top of the object that just bombed Twilight's house.

Turns out it was fucking Rainbow Dash.

"Surrender your weapons and come quietly criminal!" Diamond shouted, aiming the spear down on top of Rainbow's face. She cried out slightly and called for Twilight, when I heard the voice I came up from behind the table, there lay a very pinned down Rainbow Dash, and considering she just flew throw a fucking window, not a cut on her. Twilight also got up, holding onto Spike with a hoof, who seemed dazed from the fall, but no obvious injuries. I doubt a table would cut into dragon scales. If it could, why wasn't more weapons made of table.

"Waitwaitwaitwait!" Rainbow shouted. Diamond didn't stand down and just glared at her, a glare that would have made me piss myself if I was in Rainbow's shoes. She didn't however, proves how manly I am.

"Diamond!" I shouted, he looked up at me for a split second and I generally wanted to hide behind the table after the look.

"Stand down!" Twilight shouted, Diamond looked at her too and back to Rainbow. Then got off her but kept the spear aimed at her, even as she stood up.

"What the fuck are you doing Rainbow?" I shouted, holy shit that had scared me.

"I'm sorry!" She cried back. "I wanted to ask Twilight if she is still going to the Summer Sun Celebration." She added.

"You could have used a door!" Twilight shouted.

"I was flying closer to the window." Rainbow argued, Twilight hoof palmed and I could have ended Rainbow there and then, what a dick move.

"Well you best be repairing that shit. Of course we are going, I was eating and we still have like a fucking hour." I grunted, Diamond relaxed a little bit, seeing that Rainbow wasn't much of a threat, but his spear stayed down.

"I will, promise. I wasn't sure alright?" Rainbow said quickly, looking to Diamond for a second.

"Rainbow Dash." Twilight said calmly. "Calm down, go back to town hall, we will see you there." She added. Rainbow nodded and stretched her wings out, Diamond edged closer, making the tip of his spear touch her feathers and she put them back, trotting towards the door.

When she left, Twilight looked pissed.

"What was that?" She shouted. Looking between me and Diamond.

"I reacted as trained towards an unknown intruder." Diamond muttered, returning his weapon to its 'resting' spot and stepping back to his little corner.

"What he said." I muttered.

"You flipped my table." Twilight replied, looking at the broken plates and glass on the floor.

"I had no idea what it was." I argued, slightly louder than intended. Then calmed a bit, heart still racing. "I'm sorry, I shall clean it up." I muttered.

"Please do. Now, Diamond." Twilight said looking to said guard. "Why did you nearly kill one of my friends? Twice." She added.

"The first time on charges of assault of a high ranking officer, Temporary Defender of Harmony, Aron of Earth, the second time on charges of breaking and entering and threatening movements towards both Princess Celestia's personal student Miss Twilight Sparkle, and Temporary Defender of Harmony, Aron of Earth." Diamond replied calmly, not even a fault in his words. Twilight blinked a couple times after that and wasn't sure how to react for a bit, until she calmed down a little and nodded.

"Fine, just don't let it happen again. Rainbow Dash is a friend, not a threat." She muttered.

"Be fair, Diamond is a Royal guard, anything that isn't royal is deemed as a threat. They are elite troops. Right?" I said, defending him. I knew a couple army dudes back on Earth and honestly they weren't right in the head because of the shit they had seen. You hear stories where people will have panic attacks because they heard a drill and thought it was a gun shot or something. That would be hell. Diamond probably has to live like that, anything that isn't deemed a threat is a threat, and there is no way to deem something none threatening, I'd be surprised if he didn't stab me if I even made a move against a pony in the street without his say. It's how people like him live. Twilight nodded and her horn began to glow, lifting the table up and putting it back in its spot, then gathered the shattered plates and walking into the kitchen with them.

"Thank you." Diamond muttered eventually.

"That was interesting." Spike grunted.

"Yeah..." I muttered. "Are you alright Spike? Sorry 'bout that." I asked, Spike nodded and smiled.

"Yeah I'm fine, just try not to flip the table like that again eh?" He asked, I laughed slightly and nodded. Twilight came out of the kitchen with her horn of and a slight smile on her face.

"Shall we go to the celebration then Aron?" She asked.

"Are you hitting on me?" I asked, jokingly.

"Would you like me to?" Twilight actually replied, holy shit.

"My body is ready." I muttered.

"Kinky." Was her reply, holy shit. Never again. Diamond coughed after that and I laughed, getting up from the table towards the stair way up where I had left all my clothes. "Gimme two seconds, gotta get a jumper, dunno how cold it is outside." I muttered and ran up to grab one, some grey piece of shit, I didn't see what it was exactly, didn't matter really. Just a jumper. I put it on and zipped it slightly and ran down the stairs again.

"Alright I'm good." I muttered, Twilight nodded and began to walk to the door, Diamond stood up and Spike climbed onto Twilight's back and sat down, she didn't seem to notice, or care. I walked over to Twilight and the now open door, warm air coming in and Diamond was behind me fairly quickly. Twilight walked out and we all followed, a unicorn, a dragon, a human and a royal guard all walking towards town hall. I could hear the noise of ponies already and see the building, it was the only one lit up. How I wasn't sure, but lights there were. Orange, yellow and white banners were all over the building as well as what I presumed was Celestia's royal banner, the one I had briefly seen back in Canterlot but didn't have enough interest in actually looking at. They had her Cutie Mark in the centre with a cross of yellow strips on a white background with a slightly spiked bottom to the otherwise rectangular banner. They were dotted all over the town hall and pegged into the ground outside. As we got closer I could see some ponies stood outside or flew outside looking in the windows, just having some fresh air I presumed, and the air was fresh, warm too. Much warmer than I had anticipated. We got to the doors of the town hall and just entered without any issues or whatever, none of the ponies seemed to care much I was wondering around, which meant I was fairly grateful for that. Ignoring me would mean I wouldn't get self-conscious and Diamond wouldn't kick anybody's ass. Inside was packed, ponies had filled the entire room all chatting about one thing or another, silk and banners littered the inside much like outside and a couple of Diamonds brethren were dotted around unarmed, obviously there for ceremony not expecting a fight.

"How long do we have?" I asked. Twilight looked around and looked up at ceiling, well, a big clock above the stage. It had been about 20 minutes so we still had ages. I wasn't overly sure what to do for fucking 40 minutes so just stood and had some idle chatter with Twilight, Spike and Diamond. I was slightly tired but not too much, nothing overly interesting was really mentioned and the 40 minutes went pretty slowly, but it was a nice bonding moment between the four of us. Eventually the light dimmed and some cream brown pony with grey hair and glasses walked out on stage, there were a couple cheers from the ponies in the crowd but it didn't last very long.

"Ponies of Ponyville, in just a few moments Princess Celestia will raise the sun in celebration of the longest day of the year, so now. It is my great honour to welcome our Princess. Princess, Celestia." The mare called out, cheers erupted in the crowd again and I caught sight of Twilight looking at the bombed moon but I chose not to say anything, bird song began and I caught sight of Fluttershy hovering with a dozen birds or so on a balcony near the stage. Rarity stood to the side, just in sight and she pulled on a rope to unveil the closed curtains. They opened quickly and everyone cheered again, but instead of Celestia standing by waving a hoof or doing whatever Princesses do, there was nothing. Rarity looked into the unveiled balcony but nobody was there. She gasped loudly and murmurs began around the crowd, Diamond clicked his spear down and began to look around all over the room, the remaining guards began to do the same but it didn't look anywhere near as decent without any weapons. What were they gonna do if they found a bandit with a tied up gagged Celestia unarmed? Some were unicorns so I suppose they get magical support but still. What good would unarmed guards do against some guys who were trained enough and paid enough to kidnap, or horsenap a Princess? The Princess.

"This can't be good." Twilight muttered, I looked to her and raised an eye brow. "What?" She asked. Well done Sherlock Sparkles. You win another cookie!

I looked out at the window and caught sight of the moon and gasped slightly. The creator face of the unicorn was gone and it looked like an average everyday moon.

"You know what, I agree. We should leave." I muttered, if the whole idea was Nightmare Moon returning and Diamond and myself, mainly Diamond were meant to guard Twilight, maybe not in the general public where the crowd was beginning to panic, wasn't the best place to be. "Diamond, back to the library. Now!" I ordered, he looked around a bit more and saw the chaos slowly brewing and nodded. As we got to the door, they flew open and a dark cloud of blue and black flew in, knocking me to the ground and winding me. It flew over to the stage and began to transform in a pony. Another Alicorn, a black, skinny body with long curvy wings and a long horn. Bright blue armour on her hooves and chest, crescent moons all over it and a Cutie Mark of a purple ink stain with a bright blue moon in it. Well this wasn't Nightmare Moon or my name was Aron.

"Muhahahahaha! Your puny, pathetic Princess is far from here My Little Ponies. We am your Princess now. There can only be one in Equestria!" The newcomer shouted, a strange accent to her voice. "Bow down before your Princess of The Night! And say goodbye to your precious day!" She shouted.

"Who are you?" Some smart ass in the crowd asked, as they did the Pegasi among the guards began to fly towards Nightmare Moon, only for her to laugh again and strike them all with lightning. Diamond prepared to charge but I grabbed him when I saw the four guards drop to the ground burnt and smoking slightly. The rest began to charge but were equally thrown aside with a wave of her hoof and the glowing of Nightmare's horn.

"Does our image not ring any bells? Were we really gone so long for thy to have forgotten us truly?" The Alicorn asked, looking through the crowd, I stood out like a brick in a pile of flat sand, but she didn't seem to notice me. Until Twilight opened her big mouth.

"I do!" She shouted, a couple dramatic gasps from the crowd. "You're the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon!" She added. Taking a step forward. I crouched down a little but would still have been visible.

"Then you know why I am here?" She shouted.

"Yes. You're here-." Twilight paused suddenly, having to think. Did she forget her lines? "You're here to-." Another pause, oh the fucking anticipation.

"You're here to get rid of day time or some shit. Have everlasting night." I shouted, why, I don't know. The pony on stage looked at me and opened her mouth to show off an arsenal of fangs instead of teeth.

"What do we see before us? A mortal not of this world. Fuelled by Wild-kin Magic, but it lays dominate until its calling." She said, looking at me and walking around on stage a little. "Come here to watch The Fall. Only one creature alive could have brought this alien here. Only one." Nightmare muttered, smiling. She turned to vapour again and just flew out the front door and into the night without another word. Ponies began to lose their shit after that, running around screaming, calling out for Celestia, the Mayor, whoever that may be, maybe the cream pony from earlier. For any sort of help. A couple went to the downed guards and I'm pretty sure a pony had her hair ablaze, somehow.

We just left the building before it randomly collapsed under the weight of all the panic, because if a pony was randomly on fire, then a building could just fall down like that. Diamond was searching the skies for Nightmare Moon and Twilight kept looking back into the building, I caught sight of all of Twilight's friends running out in a big blob of colour. The only one who didn't look terrified was Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy looked like she was about to cry, though Rainbow looked more angry than scared. But I don't know if that was because of Diamond or not.

"Who in Equestria was that?" Rainbow asked.

"That, was the Mysterious Made in the Moon, Nightmare Moon. She has returned after a one thousand year banishment to make night eternal." Twilight replied, a couple gasps came from the five of them and Fluttershy did a weird whimper thing.

"Well let's go stop her. Where did she go?" Rainbow Dash asked, flying up higher into the air, besides when she was under Diamond, I had yet to see Rainbow on the ground. Her wings just get tired after hours of flight.

"I don't know. We need to go to the library and find out." Twilight said, I looked to Diamond who just nodded.

"She went to the old castle in the Everfree. There are some artefacts there called the Elements of Harmony which will stop her." Diamond muttered, everyone looked at him.

"How do you know?" Rainbow asked angrily.

"Princess Celestia told me, and Aron. We are here to make sure Twilight and her friends reach the castle safely." Diamond said. "Me mainly, Aron is here because he has been infused with wild magic and must stay in Equestria, I wasn't told why." He added, looking to me. If Celestia hadn't told him it wasn't up to me to spread that word around so I just shrugged. Twilight stood still for a second before nodded and smiled slightly.

"Alright then, let's go stop Nightmare Moon!" She declared and started walking, then turned to Spike. "Wait here Spike, it's dangerous where we are going. And I want someone here to keep check on things in Ponyville." She said to him, he climbed off but looked a little hurt. Honestly I was fine with that, meant we wouldn't have to watch over a baby as well. I'd argue his fire breath would come in handy, if he had it. But since we were gonna be in the Everfree Forest, the main word there being Forest. I didn't really want a fire breathing dragon wondering around surrounded by trees and shrubbery. So I didn't say anything and Spike fucked off and the eight of us began to walk towards the Everfree. Twilight seemed to know where she was going and everyone just seemed to follow her lead. We reached the edge of the forest and I heard Pinkie mention something about caramel apples or something just as random. We entered and the already dim light got dimmer under the tree coverage that the dark wood trees provided, everything looked incredibly eerie and I really didn't like how the forest looked, I had mentioned it felt weird to look at, it was ten times worse actually being in this place.
The one thing that just kept coming to mind was how ridiculously dark it was in this fucking forest, I wouldn't have been able to see anything if it weren't for the fact Twilight and Rarity had their horns glowing in an attempt to produce light. Though even with that I could barely see Diamond, Pinkie Pie was just, gone and Rainbow Dash was flying above apparently. So fuck knows where she went.

Not much happened to begin with, there were a lot of strange animal calls deep in the forest and a lot of worried sounds from the ponies every now and again, not that I wasn't scared though, this place scared the crap out of me. Diamond was on edge the entire time. Swinging his spear around all over the place at every slight noise. I was torn between feeling safe or not, I felt safe with Diamond here. But not without a weapon of my own. I did ask Twilight at one point if she could conjure a sword or something but she didn't know any spells like that. Which was a bit of a body blow but if the worse came to the worse, I knew which way to run.

We ended up on some really rocky cliff, trees behind us and down in the gorge below, but nothing up here except for some bushes and scrubs. Rainbow Dash was talking about something and slowly creeping towards Rarity and Pinkie Pie but I wasn't listening enough to care. Suddenly she shouted and I jumped suddenly, a second passed and the ground suddenly began to crumble under me and I yelled out. I saw the others fall down as well and heard a horn begin to glow behind me. I screamed out a little as I found myself falling towards the dark ground below me but was quickly engulfed in a magical aurora from Diamond and slowed, touching the ground slowly and safely. I looked around for the others and saw Diamond standing next to me panting slight and his horn dispersing its magic and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash carrying Rarity and Pinkie Pie, Twilight and Applejack were nowhere to be seen. Until Rainbow cried out and her and Fluttershy flew up and caught the falling unicorn, why she was so delayed in falling from the destroyed cliff is beyond me but after looking back up at where we had just been, I saw Applejack jumping down a convenient way down without as much as a scratch. The two Pegasi put Twilight down who was panting and breathing heavily, she smiled when Applejack regrouped with us.

"Ah told ya to trust me." Applejack said, Twilight nodded then said:

"Thank you." Quietly, we then moved on towards what looked like the opening of a ravine, some more fucking trees were on the other end and some storm clouds could just be seen far ahead. I supposed that was where we were going so once everyone was sorted with falling down a cliff. I started off in that direction and the rest soon followed. I wasn't sure why I decided I was gonna lead the group suddenly. But nobody complained. Twilight looked a bit confused but didn't say much. We managed to get to the ravine before shit hit the fan, some huge fucking lion thing turned up. Well, I thought it was a lion, when the fucker spread a pair of wings out and a huge red scorpion tail appeared behind it. Some Greek mythology knowledge rushed back to me.

"Manticore!" I shouted, the ponies stepped back and Diamond ran in front of me. I needed a fucking weapon. "Diamond, tell me you have a spare spear or something for me." I grunted. He didn't look back, just staring at the beast. Which just roared and looked to be about to charge.

"I can't do that sir. I don't have any spare weapons, nor would I be allowed to put you in harm’s way by giving you a chance to fight." Diamond muttered back.

"Fuck you." I grunted, Diamond took a step forward, locking eyes with the manticore, the creature raised a paw and gave off another roar. Diamond likewise shouted and looked to be about to charge. He growled a little and took a step forward, just as he did. Fluttershy shrieked.

"Wait!" She shouted. The manticore stopped growling and Diamond stepped back to his original position, not moving, spear aimed ready. Fluttershy ran forward towards the beast, I made to grab for her but missed. None of the other ponies did anything and Diamond was fixated on the beast to notice Fluttershy running right at it.

"There there little guy. It’s okay." Fluttershy whispered when she was close. Diamond shook his head a couple times and made a move toward Fluttershy. Slowly. The manticore didn't make any move against Fluttershy and actually whimpered at one point. "Come on show me what the problem is." The yellow Pegasus said. The manticore raised a paw and Diamond ran forward a little. But Fluttershy had the paw in her hoof, a thorn was poking out of the creature’s hand.

"Fuck me. That's some fucking bullshit right there." I muttered. I heard a roar and noticed Fluttershy had the thorn in her mouth and the creature was screaming again. Diamond rushed forward with his spear out, but was stopped again when the manticore start licking Fluttershy and make dog/puppy noises. Diamond stopped and raised his spear, looking at the manticore basically play with Fluttershy like a happy dog would. He turned to me with an expression just telling me he had had enough of this bullshit already. I just nodded.

We carried on walking, the lion beast thing just staying behind practically purring as we went by and Fluttershy with a 60s something hairdo after the manticure licked her as thanks. Nobody really said anything, Pinkie Pie was laughing at Fluttershy's mane and the others had at least referenced what just happened, so by nobody said anything. Diamond and I said nothing. Diamond probably thinking that boring guard life was a lot better than this shit, and I was thinking I was already done with ponies and wanted to go home. Fuck it.
The short peace didn't last very long as we reached a river, a very fast flowing, dangerous looking river with no visible way across. I actually thought this was going to be an issue until I saw a giant purple and blue serpent thing splashing around in the water crying. I heard a voice from somewhere reassuring the thing. But I wasn't sure where it was coming from, let alone how I managed to hear it over the splashing water and running stream.

"Oh no, my beautiful moustache! Not again!" the sea serpent yelled. He cried and tossed himself around like someone just broke his fucking arm or something.

"Steven, calm down. It will grow back like it did before." The strange, invisible voice I previously mentioned replied. The serpent didn't seem to notice us, nor the invisible voice. Diamond had his spear aimed down again and Twilight just staring up at the huge creature. Not saying anything. I did notice Rarity's reaction however and she looked like this serpent just sat on her cat and then made himself more comfortable on the chair on top of said now dead cat. That's shock for those who aren't used to shitty metaphors.

"But this time it was a strange purple cloud! How do you know that?" The serpent, who I supposed was called Steven, cried. Splashing again and a large tilde wave formed under his thrashing. I took a couple steps back but when I saw it wasn't so big we were in danger, I just let the water works start and after about a second under water I was a few steps back from where I was utterly soaked. Everyone else was and everyone else looked about as pissed off as I felt.

"Err, Steven... Visitors." The invisible voice muttered, the water began to calm as the serpent stopped screaming and looked down at us. I could properly see him now and noticed his light brown hair from Fallout or some shit, and half a moustache, one curly bacon-like thing on his left, and a cut off piece on the other. I honestly wanted to laugh but since this guy seemed like the gayest serpent in the universe, I didn't want to mention anything. Not cuz it was polite, obviously. But I knew many gay, even bisexual people who overreacted to no end with something they have this. fabulous. Hell, I knew of straight guys who acted like that, only swap fabulous-ness with sport.

"Evenin'." I muttered. Nobody else saying anything, all just glaring at him. Although when I looked back from the serpent, everyone. BUT ME. Was dry as a bone and their hair was back to normal. The fuc- Actually, I don't care. Moving on.

"What sort of monster are you?" Steven screamed and raised his arms up as if I was going to hit him or something.

"The name is Aron, I'm a human, not of this world. Here because fuck God, well. Goddess, apparently." I replied, bowing slightly. Twilight face palmed, but I'm not overly sure why.

"Ah-ron?" Steven replied. I nodded. "Ohh, okay. Well I'm Steven, Steven Magnet." The serpent said and bowed likewise. I heard a cry that legitimately sounded like someone cried oh fork. Which was properly what was said, since a small knife with black arms and legs like a shitty cartoon character fell out of this serpents hair and cut into the ground beneath my feet. It waved its arms and legs around a little bit before apparently giving up and just sitting their quietly. For all of two seconds.

"Any help?" The knife. Like, the fucking knife asked. I stepped back and wasn't sure how to react, I'd already seen talking ponies, a manticore, and a fucking serpent in the middle of a forest, so why not a knife? A talking, cartoon, sentient knife. It's probably best to just accept it and move on. I didn't care and if I could I'd bring him along to go bitch slap Nightmare Moon. Eventually it was Twilight Sparkle who helped him out, putting an aurora of purple magic around him and pulling him out of the ground. The knife brushed himself down and nodded. Somehow.

"Thanks Twilight." The knife said, mentioned pony jumped back slightly.

"How- how. Do.-" Twilight began, muttered.

"Know your name? Well I know you. My name is Nick. Or as Princess Celestia named me. Sir Knifely the Sharp." The knife interrupted. Twilight stepped back again, then thought about it and smiled.

"Sir Knifely? By Celestia. I remember you. What, happened to you?" Twilight asked.

"Twi. Why do you know this talkin' knife?" Applejack asked, clearly concerned, the rest of the background ponies nodded together.

"Well I was forged by a blacksmith in Canterlot, for Celestia. She lost me and I was thrown between griffons, ponies, alcoholics and a giant green lizard thing for seven years. Then Twilight here came into the bar I happened to be 'staying' in on a date with some mare. And threw me out the window with magic, somehow that brought me to life and I was impaled in a tree. I meet Steven here and we have been friends ever since." Nick explained. Twilight blushed at the mare thing and I smiled slightly, I barely knew her but wouldn't have expected her to like other women, I figured she was Twisexual. With all the fucking science time she seemed to have. Although how friendly she was to her friends. Her being at least bi wasn't too hard to think about.

"I see." Twilight muttered. "I'm not sure how panic spells would cause you to come to life, butttt. It’s happened." She added. "You know me, these are my friends Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Diamond, Pinkie Pie and Rarity." Twilight said, pointing to each mentioned pony as she said their name. Steven practically had a serpent version of a nerdgasm when Twilight pointed to Rarity.

"Oh my! What a mane!" He squeaked, smiling widely. Rarity looked at her ass for some reason and blushed.

"Oh this thing? It's nothing darling." She replied smiling back.

"Oh nonononoNO. It's marvellous, you must teach me how you do it!" Steven screamed back.

"Well I don't know how the local populace will react to a huge Serpent turning up, no offence dear, but with that hair. You would be welcome any day!" Rarity cried back. "But what happened to your moustache?" Rarity asked. Now, not to be one to skip a part of a story or any of that crap, but shit like this passed between the two of them for over ten minutes before (spoilers) Rarity just picked up Nick, mid conversation with me cuz we'd all shut off except Rarity and Steven. She'd cut of her tail and tied that to the end of Steven's ruined moustache, making it more ridiculous than it already was and giving the fucker another gleeful scream. They talked for a bit more before he seemed pretty cheered up and we were allowed to pass.

"I know!! I'll lay down and you can all cross." Steven said, I just shrugged as he lay down on the ground and Twilight and friends began to walk across.

"Well Nick, whenever Steven comes over for a fucking fashion trip to Rarity's, come over to the massive tree library thing, that's where I'm staying. We can continue this and since you don't seem like a guy to be dragged to that shit. We can just hang out if ya want." I said as I began to climb up Steven's face.

"Absolutely, I'll see you around Aron. Knife you later." Nick replied. I laughed slightly, that wasn't even a pun. Not really. Diamond was somehow already across and as I jumped off Steven I looked to Diamond, his legs were slightly wet but that was it.

"It's like two foot deep isn't it." I muttered. Diamond walked into the river quickly to prove the water was all of an inch deep, just very dark water. I face palmed and Diamond laughed slightly, his dry shitty laugh.

"You mentioned the pointlessness of Ponyville bridges, I wanted to see if the same logic was here. Apparently it is." He replied.

"Diamond, when we're done here. Grab a shovel and join me in purging the world of shit rivers by digging the streams at least two foot deeper so they have some use." I grunted. Diamond just nodded and we continued down the slightly boring forest.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact, in the original story line, Spike turns up twice in the whole series and has one line which is 'where do you think I've been' when twilight asks where he had been the whole series. He then disappears for the remaining story, he is presumed dead.

ironically this chapter was actually in FotW 2 originally and lasted about four chapters, so a lot of crap has been cut out and it's still longer than FotW 1 & 2, twice nearly (each are about 10k words)

Act I: Chapter V

Act I; The Fall. Chapter V: Friendship is Bullshit, Part Two

The short break we had with Steven and Nick was, as expected, short lived. Although the next little issue was so retarded I'm not even going to describe it properly. The issue we found were fucking trees. No lie, half a dozen trees had some freaky faces and everyone but me, Diamond and randomly Pinkie Pie started shitting themselves. The trees seemed to be illuminated by, something and just had some weird/scary faces on them, and that was it. Now I'm no fan of the dark, but even I didn't find this shit scary so just stood and let whatever was going to happen, happen. Diamond aimed his spear down again but just gave up and sat down. Pinkie started laughing and eventually everyone calmed down to ask what the fuck was up with Pinkie, she started going on about how her nan told her to laugh at scary shit. Which honestly is the smelliest bullshit I've ever heard. Some fucker with a knife is scary, you laugh at that guy you gonna get shanked. But obviously Pinkie started laughing then. No fucking lie, she started singing. I've no idea what the song was about and I didn't really care. She sang, started laughing and the tree faces disappeared. the others soon joined in and the tree faces just disappeared in a puff of orange smoke. We kept going after that, some giggles from the girls and some conversation so spirits were much higher than before. Which I suppose was good.

I could begin to see a clearing up ahead with a ruined castle nearby and smiled slightly. That looked like the place we were heading to so at least we were in reach of our goal, but naturally. Fate was a bitch and I began to hear quiet growls from the forest.

"Hold up." I muttered, the ponies were confused for a second but shut up when I didn't say anything. I heard another growl and turned in the direction, the bush I happened to be looking at moved a little bit and a twig broke somewhere nearby.

"Timberwolves." Diamond grunted, lowering his spear. I wondered if he actually needed to use it this time.

"Timberwolves?" I asked. Just to show off, a howl echoed through the forest and a wolf made entirely out of twigs and wood jumped out from behind the bush I had been looking at and snarled at us. I swore and stepped back. Diamond charged forward and stabbed the wolf in the eye with his spear, snapping the wood and causing the head too explode in fragments of wood. The headless body dropped and more howls were heard. I could see movement to my left amongst the trees and saw pairs of green eyes staring at us, moving along the shrubs.

"Get to the castle!" Diamond shouted. Everyone ran forward but were stopped again by a huge ravine appearing out of nowhere. There was a bridge on our side but the rope had been cut on the other and there was no way to tie it. A couple of the girls were whimpering now and any laughter had died off. So much for giggling at the ghosties. If that was the lyrics to Pinkie's song. I hadn't been listening. Much.

"Rainbow. Fly over and tie the bridge!" Twilight shouted. A couple more wolves appeared from the forest and Rainbow Dash flew over to the other side, as she did. A strange mist rolled in and I couldn't see the Pegasus anymore. Diamond jumped forward again and stabbed at a wolf, but the creature was too fast and swiped at Diamond. He screamed out slightly as a cut was formed above his eye.

"Twilight. Don't you have a spell that can help here?" I asked. She looked panicked but eventually nodded. Her horn glowing and she literally picked a wolf up and threw it back into the forest. There was a howl and it quickly ran back into the fray, joining the wolves in slowly advancing towards us. Diamond was fighting a couple and I felt horrible not being able to help him.

"Maybe into the fucking ravine behind us rather than into a tree!" I shouted. More suggested really.

"I'm trying alright!" Twilight shouted back. Applejack suddenly ran forward and kicked a wolf in the face, the wood splintering and more howls to be had from the remaining creatures. There were at least ten, maybe more. I so wished I had an axe. Wait. Wood.

"Have you got any fire spells or anything?" I asked. Twilight nodded but looked at me like an idiot.

"This is a forest Aron, you set fire to anything the whole thing will go up." Twilight replied. I just nodded and watched her throw a wolf up into the air and into the ravine. Suddenly I saw the bridge straighten and the weird mist disappear as Rainbow Dash tied the rope to the bridge.

"Across. Now!" She cried and Fluttershy sprinted across. Rarity and soon followed, as well as everyone else. Except me and Diamond.

"Diamond. Across. Now!" I shouted, he stabbed another wolf and stepped back.

"No." He cried. "They will just follow us. Go!" He added. Then more wolves ran out of the forest and began to snarl. He gulped and began to run. I followed across the bridge and as I reached the end Diamond cut the rope. Breaking the bridge once more and sending half a dozen wolves to the bottom of the ravine. The rest of the other side barked at us and howled. But eventually disappeared back into the forest. A couple of us were panting and Diamond had cuts and bits all over him, bleeding slightly. Rarity stepped forward with worry all over her face.

"Oh dear, you poor thing. How about I fix you up if you help me?" Rarity purred. Holy shit women we just survived a Timberwolf attack and you wanna runt Diamond?

"If you heal me then you will have Royal blessing for saving a member of the royal guard." Diamond grunted. He was either thinking the same lines as me or just wasn't interested in this pony. He didn't seem to care too much earlier. Though his constant blank expression didn't help.

"I suppose this is where we need to go?" I asked, pointing into the ruined castle. I saw Twilight nod and began to walk towards a set of large wooden doors. Somehow they had survived years of rot and decay, they didn't look normal, they had bits of moss all over them and the wood was damp and faded. But they hadn't fallen apart or collapsed. Diamond was soon ahead of me and was walking to the side of the doors rather than straight on. Probably a smart move after all the shit we had just been through in all honesty. I soon moved to the side, mainly thinking about what might be inside, then the memory of Nightmare Moon came back and I was definitely acting more cautious. Twilight and the others didn't seem to give two shits and just waltzed right into the castle, pushing the doors open with magic and going in. Again Diamond and I shared a look but said nothing. Before following the others inside.

The inside looked a lot larger than I had previously thought, large and empty. There really wasn't much in here except for a large pillar with a couple spherical stones on it.

"There! Those must be The Elements of Harmony!" Twilight shouted pointing at the pillars. The girls got to work pulling them away from their pedestals and lining them up around Twilight. Five were placed around her in a pentagon shape and I was waiting for the candles and chalk to come out so we could being (queue the dramatic lightning) The Summoning! I laughed to myself slightly at that thought.

"Now what Twi?" Applejack asked. Twilight actually looked lost but after only a brief silence nodded and looked to her friend.

"I suggest leaving the room. I don't know what is going to happen." Twilight declared. Wait what?

"May I suggest something as your body guard?" I asked as the girls actually turned around to leave. Luckily Diamond wasn't an idiot so stayed, spear down looking around. At this point he might as well keep it down. I didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "We still don't know where Nightmare Moon is so might I say that leaving you alone or splitting up at all is a retarded idea. We stay together." Diamond nodded.

"I agree." He grunted. I saw Applejack nod and smile.

"Yeah it's probably for the best ifin we stay together." She said. Twilight looked lost again but eventually nodded.

"Alright. I need to create a spark." Twilight muttered, her horn glowing. A laugh suddenly echoed. The same laugh Nightmare Moon made in the town hall. A couple whimpers from the mares of the group but Twilight looked unfazed. The laughed was heard again and a dark blue mist could be seen on the far side of the room. It began to shift and change into a solid body and before long Nightmare Moon was standing before us.

"The night shall last forever!" She screamed and began to cast a spell.

"Down!" Diamond shouted and I jumped to the floor. A sparking blue orb shot over me and a wall to my left exploded. A couple screams were heard and I saw the rocks Twilight was using get picked up and levitated over to Nightmare. Twilight cried out but there wasn't much any of us could do whilst taking cover from lightning being thrown at us. Plus they were already at Nightmare's feet so whatever she. Or it. Whatever, wanted to do to the stones it would already be done. Turns out, she wanted to break them. With the stones piled up in front of her. She roared slightly and raised her front legs up and smashed down onto the ground. The stones smashing into pieces and gasps echoing from everyone. Even I was somewhat shocked. Yeah she had tried to kill us. But I didn't expect magic rocks that were the embodiment of all things good would smash that easily.

"No!" Twilight shouted, a Darth Vader kinda vibe to it. Diamond was up and stalking forward again. His tactics of stalking slowly forward really didn't remind me of a royal guard. A force that I would presume fought organised and together. Not this stealth thing Diamond seemed to use. Plus when he did attack it was fast and direct. Id have to talk to him about that, maybe get a sort of Guerilla Unit together if there were more like Diamond. I suppose I'd have to ask Celestia first. She was in charge. Doubt she would like it if suddenly half of her forces disappeared to form a guerilla unit. Would be interesting though.

I began to stand back up and was instantly thrown to the ground again as another magic ball flew straight at me. I turned to see where it would land and the ball turned slightly. I panicked it was coming back for another go, but it harmless smashed into a wall, exposing a corridor that had been hidden away previously. There probably was a doorway, or had been a doorway. But the easiest route to this new corridor was through a smoking, sparking hole. Twilight stepped forward and Nightmare Moon laughed.

"You are powerless against me without the Elements of Harmony!" She screamed. Applejack shouted something but I didn't catch it. Too fixated on the pony in front of me we were fighting. Twilight seemed frozen in place for a second before taking another step forward.

"That's where you're wrong Nightmare Moon! We may not have the Elements of Harmony but I now know we have a power within us that will defeat you." Twilight began. "We have the magic of friendship. A power you do not have. We don't need the Elements of Harmony for they are within us already. My friends have shown their valour towards each element. And I now see the spark that was needed." Twilight declared. The shards of the rocks began to glow white and fly up, Nightmare Moon looked panicked for a second but stood her ground. The shards split off into five and began to rush towards us. I turned to see the girls were floating, their eyes glowing white and their bodies outstretched like people. Each set of shards began to circle round each of them. I looked down and saw a couple shards circling me. Rainbow Dash being the only one not floating and without shards.

"Oh hell no. I ain't joining your friendship magic. Fuck off." I grunted and no fucking lie, the shards flew around me once more and I dropped to the ground, the shards now connected to Rainbow Dash. Thank fuck for that. I saw each shard slowly shift and form into necklaces and Twilight began to float. Sparks of blue light appearing above her head, eventually a crown appeared and the six friends floated closer to each other. Diamond was shouting something that I'm pretty sure was "what the fuck is going on?" But I couldn't really be sure. Nightmare Moon began to scream and a fucking rainbow, but solid. Like solid colours rather than the see through rainbows that appear on Earth. A solid rainbow appeared and shot up onto the ceiling of the castle and shot back down onto Nightmare Moon, who was quickly engulfed by Rainbows. The screams lasted for a few more seconds and then. Just like that. The rainbow stopped and there was a cloud of smoke where Nightmare Moon had been. The girls dropped to the ground and began to mutter amongst themselves.

"So that happened." I grunted. Diamond was standing close to me and just nodded. Staring into the smoke cloud. Eventually, the cloud dispersed and a pony appeared. One looking like Princess Luna from that picture in Canterlot. A dark blue coat with dark blue hair, with some weird purple glow thing around it, and what looked like. Stars in her mane? There was a set of wings and a long horn, as well as a black crown and necklace/chest-plate thing with a white moon in-crested onto it. She had sparkly purple shoes on and an ink splat with a moon in it for an ass tattoo. Yeah that was Princess Luna alright. Diamond ran forward to help the Princess out and I wasn't overly sure what to do without my friend nearby so just stood in the middle of the room biting my nails. Yeah a bit of a disgusting habit and one I would like to get out of. But its still a habit and a hard one to break out of. especially in boredom or stress. So gimme a break yeah? I just witnessed a rainbow banish an evil being. I think. Light suddenly appeared in my eyes and the sun just shot up above the sky. Princess Celestia walked into the castle like she owned the place and I saw Twilight rush over to her and hug her. All most impaling the Princess in the eye with her horn. I turned to see Luna was in front of me. Staring at me, Diamond was next to her and he looked passed me to see Celestia and ran over to her. Leaving me and Luna alone.

"Who art thou? Strange creature?" Luna asked, her voice soft and bewildered. With a slight accent of, something.

"I'm Aron." I managed to get out. Instead of what I intended to say 'The name is Aron, human of another world. Bodyguard to this group who just saved you. From. Something.' But no. Luna stared at me for a few seconds before muttering:

"Quiet one aren't you." I nodded.

"I'm a human, from Earth. Brought over here by Celestia." I muttered. Luna suddenly looked very sad.

"Ce-Celestia?" She asked and her eyes began to water.

"Luna." A stern voice of Celestia said behind me. Luna looked past me and began to cry and ran to her sister.

"We art sorry sister. Please forgive us." Luna muttered, crying openly. She hugged Celestia and the two began to say sorry a lot and Celestia comforted her sister. It was really emotional, hence there is barely a description here. I went to find Diamond to talk about man shit and whatnot. When I found him standing besides Celestia I gave up and listened.

"-Back now. You can come home with me." Celestia finished. Luna sniffed slightly and nodded.

"I'd. I'd like that. Just. Where is home? This castle looks a lot more, ruined. Than how I remember it." Luna asked. I then got confused. Surely if Luna knows home as here. The old castle, why would she have a room ready in Canterlot? Unless Celestia never could let go of her sister and made one specially for her return. Which means Celestia knew her sister would return and someone would be able to defeat her and- ohhh. It was just a fucking test for Twilight and her friends wasn't it. Fuck sake Celestia.

"We have a new city, after the Old City got. Corrupted." Celestia muttered back, waving a hoof around.

"I do feel a dark presence in this castle. I presumed it was the remains of The Nightmare dispersing after the Elements were used. But if what you say is true. We should not linger here." Lunar replied, looking around the ruins.

"Yes, my power only weakens here, as will yours. Twilight." Celestia said, then called out to her student. "We shall be returning to Ponyville, and then Canterlot. Will you need an escort?" Celestia asked. Twilight nodded.

"Yes please Princess, it was a trial getting here. We would all be grateful for an escort back." Twilight replied, bowing, her crown pointing directly at the Princess. I looked around and noticed the gap in the wall again, it could be fun to explore. I noticed the others preparing to leave and saw how Luna was being swarmed by the girls. Diamond was standing at the door looking at me and Celestia noticed me standing still.

"Are you coming Aron?" Celestia asked, I smiled slightly.

"I'll head back to Ponyville later, I'm sure Diamond knows the way back, and this place looks pretty cool, would love to explore it, at least a little bit." I muttered, Celestia nodded and looked to Diamond.

"He seems to have taken a liking to you Diamond, stay with out guest and escort him home. Get Twilight to send me a letter once you are back in Ponyville." Celestia said, the guard nodded but didn't look impressed to be stuck here. I didn't really like it, there just seemed to be a, calling down that corridor. I wasn't sure what could possibly be in that corridor but there must've been something for whatever this calling was. I smiled and watched the others depart, both Twilight and Luna looked back into the room but I didn't make a move until everyone was out of sight. I then began to walk towards the opening. Diamond galloped to catch up.

"Why are we staying here Sir? You have seen how dangerous it is here and I still need my wounds to be healed more than what that Miss Rarity gave me." He asked. I grunted but said nothing for a second as I made my way down the corridor, there wasn't anything interesting, no doors or extra pathways. Just a few cracks and dead torches.

"Instead of punishing you I might just ignore if you keep calling me sir." I muttered eventually.

"Then I will just say things like 'are you a bitch. Sir'?" Diamond replied.

"Bitch is an insult to women. So fuck you. And also I'll be you're bitch if you be my pimp." I replied quickly.

"Pimp?" He asked. I laughed.

"Don't try and out human me. You still can't swear right." I muttered.

"That still doesn't answer my question sir?" Diamond asked after a short pause. When I didn't answer he tried again. "Why are we still here. Aron?" He asked.

"I'm not overly sure. I just seemed to get this. Calling." I muttered. Seeing a doorway ahead, just poking out in the darkness.

"A calling from an ancient ruin in the middle of the second most dangerous place in the country may not be a good thing. I suggest we leave." Diamond replied.

"Dude, there is a doorway right here. If there is nothing inside we can leave. But what if there is loot?" I asked. Obviously he asked what loot was. "Gold, gems. Treasure. This could be the doorway to the treasury room. It may not have much left since Celestia said they moved once the area got too, corrupt, but worth a shot right?" I asked, looking back to Diamond who nodded slightly.

"I suppose. Though I still feel this is wrong. Something evil is in the air. Something. Powerful." Diamond muttered. The big bad royal guard who is as hard as diamonds is scared of a feeling? Though I was walking towards a doorway too small for me because of a feeling so I shouldn't judge. I turned to Diamond only after I had reached the door, he looked unsure but just nodded eventually. I turned back and opened the door, beyond it was. Nothing.

Like, just a single circular room with nothing in it, I couldn't see much, but I could just make out various racks that would have held weapons like spears and swords, empty obviously. Well, mostly. Just to the left of the doorway we had entered from, was a sword just sitting there in a rack. It had a long hilt where one half was black, and the other was more turquoise looking, there was also a strange claw-trident thing on the end of the hilt, as well as a crescent moon sort of claw on the top of the hilt connecting to the actual sword blade. Both the top curve and the bottom curve were golden with red gems in them. The blade itself was incredibly long and thin, and was a weird green metal. Or at least dyed metal. I began to walk towards it and Diamond coughed slightly.

"Maybe you shouldn't touch that." Diamond grunted.

"Maybe you should eat a dick, it looks cool and it gives me a fucking weapon. Since you refuse to give me one." I replied, plus the sword looked fucking badass.

"It looks dangerous." Diamond muttered.

"It's a fucking sword Diamond." I replied, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Fine. Princess Celestia will hear about this." Diamond said eventually. Turning around.

"Dude really, it's a fucking sword. Get over it. Plus I'd tell her anyway, you don't need to bitch to the Princess, The Princess is in another castle Mario." I muttered. Diamond paused for a second before nodding.

"Fine, just make sure it's kept hidden from ponies. You look strange enough, you walking around with a sword will make it worse. I'll miss out mentioning this to the Princess. If you tell her eventually about how you found it on the way back and hid it or something."

"You think I'd be able to hide a fucking sword from anything. Let alone you?" I asked. Diamond laughed a bit.

"True. I'll think of something. Or you can. This is your sword." I smiled and nodded at that and we began to walk again. There really wasn't much else, this open room had fuck all but the sword in it and we couldn't really go much else but further into the castle. There was a lot of rubble in the way and many doorways cut off because of it, but we stayed in the main room for a bit. Diamond was looking at the centre piece where the Elements had been and I was busy looking at the ruined side, a broken stain glass window. Showing a white Alicorn rising up on two legs, shooting a dark blue ray. I presumed it was Celestia, but the top and right of the window was broken and gone, so the rest of the picture was a mystery. Shards of the glass were still under the window and I thought about picking it up or having a look, but not with the clothing I had on. There was also a banner nearby, faded, but somehow still standing. Connected to the wall somewhere, there was one of the other side but that wall had collapsed and I weren't moving the rubble of it to take a look. From the standing banner however, it had a black background, a really dim sun and a moon interlocking. It looked nice, but would be a lot nicer if someone repaired it. Well, re-sew it. I turned to check on Diamond and he was standing still and staring at what looked like the floor. I walked over and he was staring down a flight of stairs not previously there.

"What did you do?" I asked. He grunted something and looked worried for a second, then returned to normal.

"Nothing, I was looking at the pillar and nearly tripped down these stairs.

Coming back was easy, we didn't have any of the bullshit we had going there, I presume that was because of Nightmare Moon or some shit. We did pass Steven and Nick again and Nick seemed incredibly jealous at my new blade. I had to carry it around since it hadn't come with a scabbard. It was incredibly light even though it seemed to be a two handed sword. Plus it fit my hands fairly well, considering it was made by ponies. For ponies.
Though how would a pony hold a sword, surely as soon as you raised something like a sword, that even though this is light. It still has some weight, a pony would just fall over wouldn't they? Maybe unicorns could just hold them with magic. Though why would you need a hilt, especially so long?

Anyway, after passing Steven and Nick, we managed to find our way back to Ponyville and I noticed there was a lot of confetti and a 'Welcome back' banner on the floor, the whole town was empty and I began to wonder what was going on, until I noticed Twilight standing in the road staring right at me and Diamond, she ran over and was smiling. Though that was dropped when she noticed the sword.

"What is. That?" She asked, concerned.

"My reward for guarding you in the Everfree." I replied.

"He looted the castle." Diamond grunted, I turned and glared at him. He had a neutral expression on his face, as usual.

"You. Did. What?" Twilight asked.

"You generally sound pissed. I told y'all I was gonna explore. What did you expect to happen? If I came back with some gender changing stones or some shit?" I replied. Twilight said nothing for a time.

"Will you tell the Princess?" She asked.

"Why is everyone so fixated on me telling Celestia about a sword? It is literally just a sword." I muttered.

"Can't you, feel that?" Twilight asked. "There is something, something wrong with that sword. It feels evil." Twilight muttered, looking at the sword with fear.

"I feel it to. I have warned Aron about the sword, but until it provides evidence of being evil, I suppose we shouldn't judge. It was in the castle, so they had it there for a reason, in the general armoury as well. I think." Diamond replied. I smiled slightly.

"Plus I have already promised Diamond I'd tell Celestia, eventually." I said, Twilight stared at the sword for a bit before nodding.

"Okay Aron, i trust you." Twilight muttered. I smiled.

"Cheers, I will hide this whatever, in case Spike gets hold of it." I said, Twilight said nothing but just nodded again.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, after a brief pause.

"Huh? Oh well this the whole Nightmare Moon thing happened during the night, and everypony was up fearing for what would come from her return, plus being a holiday anyway, everypony is in bed. I was going to, but figured I would wait for you two to return." Twilight replied. I nodded.

"You don't seem too tired." I inquired, looking at the pony, she seemed fairly happy, hadn't yawned or anything like that.

"Yeah, I was thinking about that. It seems the Elements of Harmony, or at least activating them seemed to, rejuvenate me. It seems the others were affected the same way, as none of them wanted to sleep, but went home anyway to rest from all the excitement. What about you?" She asked, literally as she did I felt a yawn coming along.

"Yeah getting there. Probs head back to the library and go to bed. What about you Diamond?" I asked.

"Royal Guards are trained to survive with up to four hours of sleep a day. I will be fine." He replied.

"Dude. You ain't in the castle no more. You can have more than fucking Tesco workers get to sleep." I grunted back.

"Tess-co?" He asked.

"Nevermind. Just get some sleep you big bastard." Was my reply. Diamond very visibly yawned and nodded.

"Would be for the best." He agreed.

"If you don't mind Aron, I would like to do some studying on your new sword. Try and find it's origins, and what it is exactly." Twilight asked, again looking at the fucking blade in my hand. I almost forgot it was there, it was so light.

"What do you mean study?" I asked carefully.

"Well I'd get my books down on Ancient Equestrian Warfare and Royal Weapons to try and pin point what this sword is exactly. It is clearly old, just. Ponies don't normally use swords." Twilight replied. I nodded.

"Good luck, I doubt much from the old castle would have been spread amongst ponies." I replied.

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.

"Well, if you were ruler of a country for thousands of years and your home physically got overrun by veins and trees and become, corrupt as Celestia put it. Would you really wanna write books and tell people on how the taint started? Personally I wouldn't, in case my enemies found out." I replied.

"The Princess doesn't have any enemies. They have all been banished or defeated." Twilight said quickly.

"Clearly you don't understand how ruling works. Everyone has enemies Twilight. Diamond back me up here." I replied.

"Talking about the enemies of Equestria is classified." He grunted.

"There you go, anything classified means there is shit Celestia isn't saying. Don't call her out though, could be wrong." I said, Diamond coughed a little but didn't say anything. I smiled at that. Twilight wasn't sure what to say and I could already tell this was going to bite me in the ass later.

We walked back to Twilight's and the town looked really bizarre with nobody out, I could see curtains drawn and spotted a couple ponies inside their homes wondering around, I could've sworn one was just walking into a window like a trapped fly, so there was at least that going on. Twilight said she was going down to the basement so gathered up half a dozen books seemingly at random, covered in symbols and runes I couldn't read, grabbed the sword out my hand and wondered off down a doorway. I just shrugged and walked into my room. Diamond followed and went into his won bed, I just jumped into mine and fell practically straight to sleep.

Twilight was the one to wake me, I looked to her with eyes full of sleep but I honestly wasn't that tired, just looked it I suppose. She looked worried, and scared.

"What's up?" I asked, she removed a hoof from my shoulder, successful in waking me with gentle hoof. She gulped a little bit and looked out of the door of my room into the main room. The sword was on a table and various books were stacked around the table, one was open on the table.

"You should see this Aron." She muttered, I nodded and began to get out of bed. "Wait." Twilight said, I stopped, with the covers half off me. "You went to bed clothed?" Twilight asked. I smiled and blushed slightly.

"It's been a long day, I usually sleep nude or in a top or something, but I just wanted a nap honestly. I don't really care. I'll change tomorrow, rather than be walking around in dirty clothes." I replied. Twilight just nodded, though she didn't look like she understood. We both walked over to the table and I saw some purple runes had appeared over the blade of the sword.

"What did you do to my sword!" I asked, I heard a snore come from Diamond, or Spike. Someone made a noise anyway. Twilight looked generally upset.

"I didn't do anything, and honestly Aron, when you see what this sword is. You won't want it." Twilight replied. "I was just reading up on it and found a name, and it started glowing the runes.

"Alright, alright. What have you found?" I asked, Twilight pointed to a section in the book, more symbols and lines. Brilliant, I can't read horse. "That's great Twilight, it's a bunch of fucking symbols." I grunted.

"You can't read Equestrian, but you can speak it? Strange." Twilight muttered.

"Just read the fucking book Twi. I wanna know how fucked up this sword is." I replied.

"Okay, please calm down." Twilight said, I just nodded but said nothing. She began to read:

The sword of emerald and ebony-bone is a legendary sword retrieved from the third Demon-Dragon war four thousand years before Celestia and was given to the ponies as a symbol of an ancient alliance used mainly for immortals and creatures of great danger. The sword was considered corrupt and was lost when the taint Old Canterlot took over, supposedly hidden so nobody could ever find it again. The sword is unknown to be Demon or Dragon make but has an unknown magical property that makes it perfect for Godling battles. The sword has only ever been called
Spiritus Procellarum,No translation has ever been made nor the special properties of the sword, since nopony has ever needed to use it and there is no known dragon knowledge of the artefact.

"Wow, you think I wouldn't want a fucking dragon sword? You don't know me." I muttered once she had finished.

"But it is also thought to be corrupt, and it lay dormant in Old Canterlot for, nearly a thousand years surrounded by taint and darkness. This sword could be cursed! We don't even know what it does yet!" Twilight declared.

"If I ever have to use it and it stabs into whatever enemy I'm facing it at and said enemy dies, it works. Fuck enchantments and all that bullocks. I prefer actual training and practice to use a sword, rather than putting some fancy magic bullshit on it to get the sword to do it for you. How can a sword even be corrupt, what does that even mean?" I replied.

"It means it has taint in it. The Evil of the Everfree could be fused into the blade and it could mean anything." Twilight replied.

"Look, Diamond has already said it, until the sword gets up on it's own and murders a child, then technically it didn't do anything wrong." I grunted. Twilight took a deep breath.

"You're right. It just feels. Wrong." Twilight muttered, I nodded.

"It is way too light to be anything but magical, but honestly. it's the best weapon I have. I hate relying on others to help, especially how I'm meant to be your bodyguard and a fucking Harmony Defender or whatever. Diamond go messed up in the forest. If I had a weapon like this then, maybe he wouldn't have been hurt at all."

"Fine. Just, if you really want a weapon talk to the Princess. She will get you something I'm sure."

"I don't even know if she trusts me enough."

"I trust you Aron." Twilight muttered, putting a hoof on my shoulder.

"Why though?" I asked.

"Because you're my friend. You saved us going in the forest and you helped so much whilst we fought Nightmare Moon." Twilight replied, I smiled and nodded. "Speaking of which, Luna was asking about you." Twilight added.

"Really?" I asked. Why would a Princess do that?

"Yeah. You were the first to talk to her, plus you aren't exactly. Normal to us. She basically wanted to know what you are doing here, she seems interesting in getting to know you."

"Oh gods."

"What?"

"I don't even like ponies in that way, it would take years. Let alone get with a freaking Princess." I muttered.

"I don't think Princess Luna wants to get to know you like that. She means as a friend, since you are so unique here."

"I'm unique everywhere Twilight." I muttered and smiled.

"I believe that. Anyway, I'm going out quickly, I'll be back later. I won't wake you again unless the sword sets on fire or something like that." Twilight muttered. I nodded and smiled at her.

"I'm generally not that tired, I will probs go back to bed but whatever. Thanks for the thought though." I muttered. Twilight just nodded and I walked back into my room. I wasn't surprised to see Diamond standing at the doorway. He didn't look overly happy but when did he?

"So." He said. "What is it?" He muttered after a pause.

"Fuck sake Diamond, it's a sword that was used in a demon-dragon war but we're unsure what side it was used on. Apparently it has the magical property that is really effective against godlings. Whatever the fuck they are, I guess, 'baby gods'." I replied. Diamond nodded slightly.

"Godlings are things like Spirits, well, embodied spirits of The Elements, Equestria has one of each; Chaos, Order, Fire, Water, Air, Earth. Most are evil but the embodiment of Water and Air are fairly nice, apparently. None of the Element Spirits have been seen for thousands of years. Except Discord, but he has been entrapped for over a thousand years. Your sword can, I suppose, kill things like that. Which I suppose could be useful but it's also a threat to Celestia." Diamond said.

"Wow Diamond, I didn't see you as somebody who would know, or care about history." I muttered.

"My parents were historians, growing up was. Fun." He grunted, I smiled but said nothing. "Anyway, I suppose Twilight is going to tell Celestia about your sword now, since it's a threat and all."

"I dunno, she might do. But we've both agreed until it gets up and starts trying to kill people it isn't a threat. Guns, well, swords don't kill people, people kill people." I replied. Diamond thought about that for a second but eventually nodded.

"Fine. She will find out about it eventually Aron." Diamond said.

"Yeah whatever dude. It's a fucking sword." I replied.

"That can kill godlings." Diamond replied.

"Yeah bu-."

"And was used in a war, by either dragons or demons!" Diamond interrupted.

"Dude, are you okay with this fucking sword or not!"

"I hate the sword, but I trust you, if you are okay with it being around, and as long as it doesn't threaten anypony then I'll be fine. It feels wrong though."

"Fuck off." I muttered, smiling.

"I intend too." Diamond muttered and walked off towards his room. The fuck?

I woke up to darkness, it was dark inside so I could only presume it was night and Twilight had finally been warn out and went to bed. I decided to get up and grab an apple or something and began to get up. I heard something from my left that sounded like a whisper of some kind, and ignored it believing it to be Diamond. I kept walking and noticed the door to my room was shut, I opened it and continued through, the whispers continued and I turned around, the door to my room was gone. Just wood there now. This was getting weird. I turned back again and jumped back, a creature was standing before me. It had what looked to be a rotten dragon head, with a humanoid body of pale blue skin, with bright blue eyes. It had long arms and bulky legs, six fingers and long finger nails of a yellow-brown colour. There were two bits of ripped flesh coming out of its back, that looked like a pair of wings had once been there. In one hand there was a black sword that looked fused to the creatures arm. Spikes and curves were all over the hilt and blade. I could just see a small tail on the creature. I screamed out a little bit and noticed I wasn't even in Twilight's library anymore, just surrounded by darkness. The floor was a dark brown colour and the sky was just, darkness. Black. There was nothing here except perfectly flat floor and a black skyline. It looked so, bizarre, yet terrifying. I felt like I had been here before as well. Or had a connection to this place.
The creature spoke my name and I jumped back.

"What are you?" I asked. This was clearly a dream, but why did it feel so, real.

"What we are, doesn't matter. It's what you are Ahh-ron." The creature replied, it sounded like it had two voices, a high pitched voice, then one that sounded. Like. Her. That was impossible, this was definitely a dream.

"What do you want with me?" I asked. The creature started to flicker, like a shit hologram in a science-fiction film and disappeared, I soon felt the creature breathing down my neck behind me. Not. Creepy. At. All.

"We only want Ahhh-ron to do as fate requires of him. To, humour these creatures. These, Equines. Until Ahh-ron is needed." The creature replied.

"What's with the focus on my name. And what am I needed for?" I asked.

"Becausssse, it is not your name." The creature replied. Then said my true name again. "We know who you are human. We have been watching. And will continue to watch." It added. I kept silent. "As for what you are needed for. That will come in time. You are still young."

"I'm an adult, just the other day I brought a vegetable." I muttered.

"Humourous indeed. You shall not remember these events Aron. All but one thing." The creature replied.

"Which is?" I asked. The creature opened it's mouth in what looked like a smile, there was hundreds of tiny, sharp teeth and a huge black hole into the mouth of the creature, no tongue, just teeth and the void.

When all hope is gone and darkness reins
When the sky is aflame and A Hero Falls,
A Choice will be made.
One of destruction, and one of salvation.
Chaos shall grow and Harmony will Fall.
The Darkness grows, in the taint of light.
The sky goes black and the war begins.
The Void shall rein and a choice remains.
The Choice of One.
Who will lose it all before the End.

Author's Notes:

Aron's Sword

Act I: Chapter VI

I woke up with a killer headache and felt physically drained, everything ached and hurt, which lead to it took a while for me to properly wake up, rubbing my eyes and yawning a lot followed by the daily stretches that took way too long to be healthy for someone of my age. I still hadn’t quite gotten used to waking up in a strange place, after being taken from my home to Canterlot, and Canterlot to Ponyville I didn’t feel at home, but that would take months or years for me to feel normal in Equestria. I took some time to look around the room, my sword was now in the corner of the room, leaning against a corner, there were a couple bookshelves in here, none of which I could read. I would make a mental note to get Twilight to teach me Equestrian, just so I could read something. If I was staying here for a while then it would mean I’d have to do something to not go batshit insane. Though honestly I’ll just spend my time pissing Diamond off or something along those lines.
It took me a while, a lot longer than I’d have liked it to, but I did eventually notice Diamond and Spike standing in my room looking at me stretch and yawn. Celestia still wins with seeing me at my most unattractive.

“You what?” I grunted, staring at Spike, he had what looked to be a rolled up yellow-cream bit of paper. Spike looked confused for a moment and it was Diamond who answered.

“We have new orders.” He muttered. I had to rethink what he said in my still dazed state, but eventually I heard what he said. I slowly nodded, not sure how to feel about Celestia giving me orders. Sure gives me something to do but with the whole Timberwolves/Nightmare Moon incident, I would’ve figured Celestia noticed I couldn’t fight for shit. Well that was due to not having any sort of weapon or protection, now I’ve got God Killer or whatever the fuck that sword was called.

“Alright let’s hear them.” I said, nodding again. Spike began to unroll what I found out to be a parchment and began to read:

‘To Defender of Harmony, Aron; I brought you here on the premise that the Wild Magic inside of you would either disperse back into the Equestrian atmosphere with the rest of our stolen magic, or, it would stay inside of you and become inactive. Either way, the rift between Equestria and your world should have closed. However, this is not the case. The rift is still showing signs of activity and seems to have no intention of slowing or closing. You will still have to remain in Equestria and at present time it is best for you to stay in Ponyville where I know where you are for easiest access. You are always welcome in Canterlot and I will make sure a room is always ready for you if you wish to visit the capital. Your friend Diamond has also received a letter on him also staying in Ponyville with you to give you some companionship. If you do wish to leave Ponyville and Canterlot you are free to do so, I wish to put as much trust into you as you have with me. That said, please tell me the next time you find a dangerous artefact, and tell me if you intend to go travelling. Princess Celestia.’

There was silence for a bit, I just had nothing to say, thought about it and the logic worked. Was allowed to do as I please and Diamond was here to keep tabs on me to make sure I didn’t burn Ponyville down or some shit. What I didn’t understand was the last bit, it felt forced. Like it had been added last minute. She obviously meant the sword, so my guess what that Twilight had told Celestia about it just as she was writing the main bulk of the letter. But if Twilight was troubled enough by the sword, why give it back? And why didn’t Celestia want to take it off me, probably something to do with the whole trust thing.

“So I guess we are stuck in Ponyville.” Diamond finally muttered. I nodded, and Spike just stood switching between the two of us to stare at.

“Look at it this way Diamond, no more boring guard duty.” I suggested, Diamond nodded slightly but didn’t seem cheered up.

“Instead it is waiting around in some small town on the edge of one of the most dangerous places in Equestria.” Diamond countered.

“Hey Ponyville is actually fairly big, compared to other towns anyway!” Spike cried. “And there is plenty to do.” He added.

“Name one town that is smaller than Ponyville.” Diamond said.

“Ponyton.” Spike replied. I took over from here.

“Ponyton, Ponyville. Did you just name all your towns Pony-puns?” I asked, voice raised slightly. Spike looked lost again but Diamond laughed slightly.

“Besides Canterlot, yes. Manehatten, Las Pegasus, Fillydelphia, I think the only other place I can think of is Cloudsdale. And that’s got Cloud in the name!” Diamond said, he began to sound more and more desperate with each town he listed and started muttering to himself various other towns and cities. Many I recognised from America.
After a time I just got out of bed and walked over to him and began to pat his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Diamond, you deserved to have not been born a pony. You would have made a great human.” I muttered. Diamond nodded and stopped naming locations. He looked like he was about to cry.

"I am okay." He muttered, I smiled and nodded.

"It's not much better on Earth honestly, we don't name our towns human based puns. But we have some weird shit, there is a place called Eye nearby where I live, lived. It probably wasn't pronounced Eye, but fuck it, it's how I pronounced it." I said after a pause. "Also a place called Disappointment, I wonder if I was born there, can't remember where it is, not in England as far as I know."

"Why say that?" Spike asked.

"Say what?" I asked.

"You were born in Disappointment?" He replied, figures.

"I put myself down a lot, too much, I barely register when I do now." I muttered.

"Well you shouldn't. It's not healthy." Spike said, yeah he was trying to be helpful and maybe I should think about what he was saying, hell maybe I should-.

"Eat a dick Spike." I said. He looked slightly hurt but I doubt he knew what I meant, not that I did mean it. "A lot of things I do are unhealthy, I'm surprised I've survived this long."

"You are a pretty depressing stallion Aron." Diamond muttered. "When you are not cracking jokes and swearing." He added.

"Ninety percent of my life has been in and out of depression dude." I muttered. "Anyway, what we doing today?" I asked quickly.

"Well what is there to do? You have been told to fuck around in Ponyville until Princess Celestia gives further orders and I am to accompany you. She said to tell her if you intend to travel, so we should take that to the effect of something more towards; we can go between Canterlot and Ponyville at any time. Anywhere else is most likely off limits. Unless Twilight Sparkle wishes to take us anywhere." Diamond replied.

"Alright cool. Spike, what can we do in Ponyville besides hide in a fucking library all day. As much as I'd love nothing more than to stay indoors all day, I don't have my laptop so I'm fucked for stuff to do. What do you suggest?" I replied, then looked to Spike to ask the question. He thought about it for a moment before beginning to reply.

"Well Twilight has gone to help Applejack with the harvest, I was going to help but I asked if I could stay and help you find your way around the library when you woke up. I don't know much of Ponyville since Twilight makes me do chores all the time so I don't get out much. We can go explore, see what there is to see I guess." Spike replied, I nodded slightly and laughed.

"So you didn't want to help Twilight and Applejack and skipped out on being used as free labour?" I asked. Spike laughed a little bit and nodded.

"Something like that. So, exploring?" Spike said. I nodded and began to get up. Spike fucked off somewhere into the main room but Diamond decided to stay and watch me get dressed. It was a bit creepy but I really didn't care too much, I put on a blue top with the words 'Sarcastic comment loading please wait'. I found it pretty funny every time I wore it. It was short sleeved so I was a bit concerned about what the weather was going to be like but so far it seemed pretty humid here so even if it was cold, it still would be warm enough to not bitch about it being cold. Or at least, that's what I understood from humidity. I could be wrong.

"What is loading?" Diamond asked.

"It's a human term, we have a much higher technology level than Equestria and use stuff like computers, basically a book but they can hold much more and you can watch videos, moving images, I won't go too much into it cus I'd have to explain a lot more than just loading. But it basically means when something takes too long to happen the computer will 'load' so if I want to read a book on the computer when I go to said book it will take time to load up, time is lengthened or shortened depending on how good a computer is. Obviously you won't understand much of that sentence, it's a human term, and it means I take a while to think up a funny reply sometimes." I replied, Diamond just nodded. Spike came back in randomly with what looked like a cut emerald in his hand. A large bite mark was in it.

"You guys ready?" He asked, I nodded and Diamond picked up his spear and put it on. Using his wings to lift the saddle up and onto his back like an extra arm.

"Hey Diamond." I muttered.

"Yes?" He asked.

"During the Timberwolf attack, where we nearly died." I said.

"Yes." He grunted.

"Why the fuck didn't you use your wings to GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKERS!" I said, beginning to shout. Diamond didn't even flinch.

"Because then I would not be protecting you, as Defender of Harmony-" Diamond began.

"Temporary." I muttered.

"As Defender of Harmony, you were, are, the highest priority, I had to protect you. Flying away would not have helped you survive." Diamond continued.

"You're a prick, now I have a weapon I don't need any help." I said.

"Do you have much training in combat?" Diamond asked.

"I shot myself with a crossbow once." I muttered, then lifted my arm, showing off a large, deep scar that started at my hand all the way down to my elbow. "This was from when I was fighting in a re-enactment and decided to block a not-so-blunt-sword with my arm. Rather than the weapon I had been given." I added. Pointing at the scar.

"I still need to protect you then, and you should go through at least basic combat training." Diamond replied.

"Is the training program pony focused? Solely pony focused?" I asked. Diamond didn't answer. "I'll pass." I added after a long pause.

"You will need some sort of training Aron, you cannot just go around with a deadly weapon." Diamond argued.

"Well when you find me some human training then I'll train. Speaking of, are there any races like me?" I asked. Diamond looked confused for a second and looked at Spike who shrugged.

"From the proclaimed 'only human on Equestria' that's a pretty dumb question Aron." Spike muttered.

"I meant, creatures that walk on two legs. I'd say you're one of them but you're a fucking dragon, unless lore really is completely off compared to Earth legends, and if it is, ignore everyone I told you about dragons, if not; then dragons walk around on four legs. Eventually." I snapped.

"Oh, I see." Diamond quietly grumbled. "Well there are Minotaurs, Nāga; although they do not really use legs, more snake-like. Ahuizotl, Centaurs are fairly you-like; though those are incredibly rare. Miss Twilight might know more than me being a unicorn." Diamond added eventually.

"Alright cool, I'll ask her when we're back." I said quickly.

"Speaking of which...” Spike began. I smiled and began to walk to the door, the other two followed. I stopped at the door.

"The fuck am I doing leading, Spike get your ass in front of me, you're the one leading this trip. You know it better than me and Diamond." I declared, Spike quickly ran in front of us and opened the door to another bright summer day. The heat instantly rushed inside and the room felt so much warmer. "The fuck was that?" I asked. Spike turned around to look at me, obviously confused.

"What was what?" He asked.

"Temperature changed drastically." I replied, glaring at him.

"Oh right, Twilight has a permanent-spell over the library so the temperature is constantly the same." Spike replied, he paused after the oh right part, I guess so he could remember whatever the fuck it was Twilight had done.

"The same spell is used in many Equestrian buildings, as long as there are enough unicorns to maintain it." Diamond added.

"Oh really?" I asked. "What about the castle? That wasn't too different to outside, and most of the windows were open." I added. Smiling slightly.

"The castle does not have any temperature controlling spells in place unless it's winter. And since the Pegasi control the weather it is never too cold or harsh. Besides Hearth's Warming Eve and the days prior and after." Diamond replied quickly.

"You're a cunt Diamond. What about the bar we went too?" I asked.

"They turn the heating system at night, unicorns drunk can become interesting, so magic levels are lowered as much as possible. There are still, accidents. But a lot less when they can't leech off active spells as much." Diamond replied.

"Fucking magic. So unicorns cast spells when drunk? That sounds dangerous yet awesome." I muttered.

"You are sadistic Aron. But no they don't cast spells like you would see unicorns cast spells normally. Instead their magic goes somewhat wild. It tries to connect to active spells, so if a sober unicorn cast a spell, the drunk one would leech onto it. Meaning that if it is an offensive spell of any sort. The drunk unicorn could be in danger of getting burned. There are protections in place that unicorns have by default so they do not get too damaged, but it is still possible for a unicorn to get hurt badly." Diamond replied.

"Oh I see. Not as awesome then." I said. Spike was still standing at the doorway awkwardly. "How come you know so much about unicorns Diamond? You're a winged fucker."

"I am a royal guard, we have to be somewhat educated." Diamond said, staring at me blankly. Bastard.

"Good shout. Alright Spike where we going?" I muttered, looking at the baby dragon. He thought about it for a while before smiling slightly and nodding.

"Well there is apparently a bar near Sugarcube Corner. We can go there first, there really isn't much to do in Ponyville, unless you want to go explore the Everfree Forest?" Spike said. I looked to Diamond who stared blankly.

"Aright. Bar first. Then you can shove the Everfree idea up your ass. The Everfree Forest is fucking terrifying. Diamond nearly died, and I got some cursed sword." I replied quickly. "Then we just explore I guess because fuck it."

"You nearly died?" Spike asked, looking at Diamond.

"We were all in danger, not just me. I just happened to be the one in the front lines." Diamond grunted.

"I would've helped ya if you'd given me a fucking weapons." I muttered.

"Yes but you have a weapon now and as much as you clearly hate it. You are a high ranking officer, at least temporarily. So it is my job and duty to protect you." Diamond grunted. I'd pulled a heart string there a little bit. I felt bad.

"Alright good point. Let's just fucking go before anyone gets salty." I said.

"Salty?" Spike asked. Oh here we go.

"Means pissed off, annoyed, angry. All of that bullocks." I replied sharply, Spike nodded and walked outside a little bit more. Diamond and I quickly followed.

Again we basically just wondered around Ponyville for a while. I didn't see Twilight or the others all that much which was good. Twilight because she'd ratted me out to Celestia, the others because none of them I particularly liked. Applejack was alright. But I was terrified of saying y'all in front of her by accident. Well Rainbow was cool as well. I wanted to hang with her a little bit but didn't realise at the time how fucking obsessed with flying she was. Spike walked us towards some weird building that looked like a cake. Which honestly was pretty clever. There were even three chimney things that looked like candles. Spike slowed down a little bit when we got close, but I wasn't really sure why for a time.

"What's up Spike?" I asked. He turned to look at me, he was so confused.

"Can't remember where this bar is. Vinyl Scratch was talking to me about it a couple days ago saying it was nearby but Twilight didn't let me go so I don't actually know where it is." Spike muttered. Oh for fuck's sake.

"Damn it Spike. Just ask some random pony." I replied.

"Who would tell Twilight and I'd get into trouble." Spike said. Don't worry Spike, you weren't coming out with Diamond and I anyway. Because then I'd get into shit.

"Fine I fucking will." I replied, searching for some random horse to talk to. This could be fun. I found some very purple pony wondering around seemingly aimlessly wearing a saddle bag with three diamonds on it. Matching the ponies ass tattoo. It looked like a mix between Rainbow Dash and Twilight. I began to wonder over to it, Diamond on my flank (no pun intended). The pony quickly noticed me and looked absolutely terrified, she didn't run but did take a step back.

"Sup." I muttered, good start. The pony looked confused for a second before muttering a response.

"H-Hello?" The pony asked, looking around, she looked slightly less scared when she noticed Spike and Diamond beside me, but still looked pretty nervous.

"Hey, do you know where the bar is?" I asked.

"B-bar?" The pony asked.

"Yeah, apparently there's a bar somewhere in Ponyville but we dunno where it is."

"Oh, oh the bar. Yeah I know where that is." She muttered, and continued to stand completely still, staring up at me.

"Are you going to direct us there?" I heard Diamond mutter behind me. I pony blinked a couple of times and nodded.

"Yes, yes of course. I can just take you there if you wish." The pony muttered. "Oh, I'm Amethyst Star by the way." She added.

"Aright cool, I'm Aron, this is Diamond; he's a dick, and I presume you know Spike but he's a dick too honestly." I replied.

"Oh... Okay." Amethyst muttered. Diamond snorted slightly, but neither Spike nor Diamond said anything. Amethyst started to walk into town, we all followed the purple unicorn into town, ponies kept looking at us, well; me. I was used to stares on Earth and here it wasn't so different; besides the fact they were ponies not humans.
We started walking toward what I presumed was the town hall; the building had somehow been repaired from the destruction during the Nightmare Moon incident. I didn't question it, though Diamond did look pretty confused at the building but he didn't mention anything either. We walked around the building and came to a stairwell dipping into the ground.

"Wait what? The bar is underground?" I asked, looking down at the stairs, there was a black door at the end that looked really out of place in somewhere like Ponyville, well, just having something that looked like a shitty red light district was out of place.

"Err... Yes it is. Just under town hall. Ponyville is a peaceful little town and not many ponies thought we needed a bar, but tourists like it." Amethyst muttered.

"Y'all get many tourists?" I asked.

"Not really, a few come from Ponyton or Canterlot sometimes but the bar is usually empty. Filthy Rich was tempted to close it a while back but after seeing how he wasn't actually losing money on leaving it here he just left it."

"So what about the bartender. Don't he need a pay?"

"She, and she does but the bar is used just enough to pay her and get either a balanced pay or just brings in a profit. It wasn't Filthy's best investment but it’s part of our town now."

"Aright cheers. Dee we can come back here tonight if you want." The named guard glared at me for a second and raised a hoof and touched around where his black eye had been.

"I will pass for tonight. Is it not it a drinkers rule to skip a night to recover?"

"Alright. I'm not gonna complain about that. Least we know where the place is now. Though I've no fucking idea if that's a rule or not. I just drink because I'm an alcoholic."

"That's not very healthy Aron." Spike informed me. Looking genuinely concerned.

"Dude you shouldda seen the state I was in when Sunbutt-" Diamond coughed. "-picked me up. I was, am, in a bad place at the moment. The only reason I haven't had to consider suicide yet is because I was on a time limit this morning and had a killer hangover."

"If I'm not needed." Amethyst suddenly said. I smiled and nodded to her, she trotted off a lot quicker than I would have liked, and I wasn't that scary was I? I blame Diamond. No, Mirrors.

"Also Sir, do not call me 'Dee' you know my name." Diamond muttered after a pause.

"Sos mate. Though if you don't knock the sir shit off I’ll keep calling you it. Fucker."

"Understood. Aron."

"Outstanding." Diamond paused a lot longer than he should of before saying my name. "Anyway, we found the bar. Now what the fuck do we do?" I asked, looking to Spike.

"Well, err. We could go see if Rarity is in?" Spike suggested.

"The fuck is Rarity?" I asked.

"One of the Element of Harmony bearers Aron, the white unicorn." Diamond muttered.

"Oh right, the marshmallow looking one. Alright. We are not going to see her, I had to put up with her shit when Twilight dragged me to see all her butt buddies before the whole Nightmare Moon shit went down. Though I would like to meet a couple of the others though. Rainbow Dash seemed alright, bit of a bitch though, kinda reminds me of a girl from college but whatevs. Applejack could be cool too. Though my inappropriate use of 'y'all' might piss her off. Is there anyone that would be fun to meet? My social skills seem to be a lot better here than they were on Earth, either due to my mind refusing to believe this is real or that magic is effecting me or something I’ll never know."

"Do you like music?" Spike asked.

"When it suits me. I go to bars a lot so there is usually utter trash that cunts call music playing. But sometimes it’s good." I replied. The dragon nodded and started walking off.

"I think Vinyl Scratch and Octavia are in town if you want to meet them. They are basically the town musicians but they travel a lot on tours and to various clubs. Usually Manehatten. Or Canterlot."

"Alright cool. They famous?"

"Yeah I suppose. Vinyl has more, street cred I suppose, known a lot in clubs and bars, Octavia is the more famous of the pair. She gets invited to high end parties and the like."

"If Twilight Sparkle does not allow you into bars and parties like that of which this Vinyl Scratch likes. How come you know so much about them?" Diamond asked.

"I talk to Octavia a bit, whenever I'm not doing chores for Twilight or she is away. Plus Pinkie Pie knows them both and mentions them whenever she throws a Pinkie Party."

"You don't talk to Vinyl much then? Just you only mentioned talking to Tavi?" I asked.

"You could say that. Vinyl has made a rather mutual agreement with everypony." Spike relied.

"What?" I asked, somewhat stunned.

"She doesn't talk to anypony. I can’t remember the science side of it but you'll see when we get there." Spike said causally. Walking towards a lone house that looked pretty fucked up.
One half of the thing was light purple with various shades and shapes of different purples and dark blues, the hay roof was a darker shade than the other houses in Ponyville as well. The other half was brown and honestly looked pretty standard, the hay was lighter and there was a chimney on the brown side that looked like pipes from some old organ. When I say half and half it was completely true. There wasn't a single strand of dark hay on the light side and vice versa and even the fucking door was half purple and half brown. It was a pretty kick-ass house honestly. But at the same time was glad Twilights tree was far away from this structure.

"Well, here we are. Sounds like they're in." Spike said, waving a claw to cover the whole building in an arc that would only really work from his point of view. True enough I could hear a mumble of music coming from the home, I couldn't make anything out but it sounded, calming.
We got to the doorway and I honestly wasn't sure what to do. Knocking would be a start but would knocking on a different side of the door cause something to happen. Would they even know I was knocking with the music on? Why was I even here? If I moved to a new town on Earth I wouldn't go knocking on random peoples doors in a hopes of making friends. Well I could pull the whole 'new neighbour' card but they would most likely see through the bullshit. Me being an alien here and all.
After a few seconds the music dimmed down a little but didn't completely stop, almost like one half of a duo stopped which honestly made sense considering there were two of them living together. The door swung open and a white unicorn with really awesome blue hair was standing before us. It was wearing some cool purple sunglasses and had what I presume was a highlight in its hair of a brighter blue. This unicorn I wanted to get to know.

"Hey Vinyl. This is Aron, we're wondering around town so he can get to know the ponies of the town, can we come in?" Spike said from behind me. No introduction for Diamond then, fuck you too Spike. The unicorn looked me up and down, smiled and nodded. Then walked inside the house and we followed. Spike first, brushing past me, then me and finally Diamond. Looking around for treats that weren't there.

Vinyl was sitting on some sofa that matched the house, it was smack in the centre of the room. One side of it looked very bright and causal, something I would have if I could afford it, and the other half was much darker and brown. With a pattern on the sides and arms. Something you're grandmother would own. There were a couple doors leading to other rooms and the main room had two sets of musical instruments set up. On the dull side, was a cello and various cello-like accessories dotted around. I'm not that into music so I couldn't begin to describe everything. Basically a school music room if all they did was violin or something like that. The other side was equally as lost to me but looked hella cool. A huge set of speakers with a mixing table and various other fairly high-tech equipment. There was another pony standing around, Octavia I presumed, she was standing on the dull side with her instrument set down against a wall. There wasn't much else to this room besides the music equipment. No paintings or trophies. Though they could all be in other rooms for all I knew. This looked like a pretty big house, though much bigger than what outside had told me. The ponies probably harbour some TARDIS technology or some shit. It wouldn't have surprised me that much.

"Oh hello Spike." Octavia said, oh fuck no. She was British. Plus I didn't describe her; she was a weird shade of grey with very 'high-born' dark brown hair. She had a pink bow on and had a pink butt mark of what I guess is a music thing. Vinyl's was a music symbol as well. But I somewhat recognised hers. "Oh and you must be that alien that came to town a few days ago?" She asked, looking at me, obviously. Mo glance for Diamond again, these ponies are cunts.

"Yep. I'm Aron." I whimpered. Fucking shyness taking over. Bastard.

"You don't talk much do you?" Octavia asked. I shrugged. Then Spike jumped in.

"He just needs to get to know you first, he was pretty shy to me and Twilight when he arrived. He's fine with Dee though." Diamond growled slightly and I glared at Spike too.

"Dee?" Octavia asked, looking at me.

"He means my guard, Diamond. A name Spike should not be saying." I said, still looking at Spike.

"What did I do? You did it?" He grunted back.

"Yes and I'm Diamond's friend. He is a royal guard, a title you should remember and respect." I said. Much angrier than I intended but I respect the forces too much for Spike to think I'm joking.

"Oh does Aron have a special spot for royals? Do you have anywhere you are from?" Octavia asked, Vinyl hadn't said anything and was just chilling watching this all unfold. I was pretty pissed I had gotten pissed off in someone else's house but nobody had commented so I presumed social norms were very different here.

"It’s complicated. I give a lot of respect to those in the forces, so the military. Including guards, I don’t particularly like the royals I had more see a need for them but the people who give their lives to defend another will always have a space in my heart for respect. To me, to get respect you must earn respect. And members of the force have done more than enough. I don’t know if it’s the same here with a standing army but where I come from. We are at war a lot." I said. Octavia looked at me for a moment and then nodded.

"That was rather poetic Aron. Thank you."

"No problem. Now that I'm out of my shell a little I guess we can’t get to know each other if you would like. I dunno if y'all were doing anything important, Spike just suggested I come see you two being the town musicians."

"No no of course. We love having guests over, sometimes we get very focused in our music that we need ponies or remind us to go outside and socialise. We don’t get much time off as I'm sure Spike may have mentioned." Said dragon was currently talking to Diamond who had fucked off into a corner. Vinyl had buggered off somewhere as well.

"Yeah I heard you guys travel a lot."

"Indeed we do." There was an awkward pause before she continued. "So do you like much music Aron?"

"Honestly? Not really. There is some stuff that I could listen to forever but a lot of it I don’t really like and my world is more for the money than the music now so a lot of it is terrible. Again I don’t know much about here but you guys seem to prefer quality over quantity and entertainment over pay."

"Shame, we could demonstrate some pieces if you would like? Whilst you're here that is. If you stay in Ponyville I'm sure you will hear some of our work. Or if you ever go to Canterlot you'll see me a lot. Especially at the Gala." I almost flinched at that pronunciation. 'Garr-Lah'. Nah mate its 'Gah-lah'.

"If you are willing. We aren't busy but you might have plans."

"It wouldn't be a problem. Once Vinyl returns we can begin." Octavia pointed a hoof at the sofa and I took a seat, it was much lower than I'm used to and longer so it gave me an excuse to slouch. Diamond trotted over and took a seat next to me. Trying to copy me but eventually giving up and sitting like a dog would. Spike didn't sit on the sofa, mainly because there weren't any room. He instead sat on the floor.
Vinyl eventually came back in munching on a sandwich but when she saw Octavia standing at her cello she put it down somewhere I didn't see and ran to her mixing board.

"Music battle?" Octavia asked, I saw Vinyl nod with a huge grin on her face. I really wanted those sunglasses of hers but I didn't know her well enough to get away with stealing them temporarily.

"Alright ill start, then you. Then duo?" Octavia asked looking at the unicorn again. There was another nod and they began. Or better yet, Octavia began because they can keep shit organised.

We left probably an hour later. Octavia's music was pretty shit honestly. I really don't care for it that much. Though Vinyl's was a little more upbeat and interesting buy when the two of them were playing together it was amazing. They played one song each and repeated so it took about ten minutes each round I guess. I don’t really know we left when they finished a duo part. They were both pretty cool honestly but I'd love to get to know Vinyl a lot more than Octavia.

"You seemed a lot more polite talking to Octavia Aron." Spike said as we were walking back to Twilight's, there really wasn't much to do and I had gotten up pretty late. I had suggested lunch but Spike wanted to go back to the library for a bit. I didn't care for whatever reason he gave.

"Yeah well Octavia seems pretty 'high-born' or posh or whatever you lot use for rich types. I doubt she would’ve appreciated me swearing constantly and using the slang I do. I can be polite when I want. Well, when it suits me." I replied.

"So why not be polite all the time?" Diamond asked.

"Because fuck that. I prefer calling someone a cunt than saying please and thank you all the fucking time. If I had spoken to Vinyl I would be normal me. She seemed like the kind of chick who would prefer a more laid back style. Why those two live together I’ll never know. I didn't ask but whatevs. I presume they're dating?" I asked, looking at Spike. He just shrugged. "Whatever I don’t care that much. I do like them, Octavia could be cool to talk to when Diamond isn't his ever happy self-" I received a grunt from that "-and Vinyl could be cool to get to know more I’ll have to see. Only time will tell. Any other people I should get to know?"

"Honestly. In Ponyville? Not many others. I guess Twilight's friends but I guess you'll get to know them over time." Spike replied.

"Alright. What food you got at Twilight's?"

"Same as breakfast I guess. If you want something else we'll have to wait until Twilight's home since she doesn't tell me where the bits are kept"

"Probably for good reason Spike. You're a dragon."

"Sir that's racist." Diamond muttered, I somewhat forgot he was with us but he'd been talking to Spike at the music house and now Spike was talking to me. I may be able to multitask somewhat but talking to two or more people isn't one of them. I usually get kicked out of the conversation.

"Though I guess it’s true if what Aron said about dragons from his world is true here." Spike muttered.

"Exactly. I'm honestly looking forward to seeing what other fantasy creatures y'all have. Hopefully with either an army behind me or from the safety of some observation deck. This world don't seem too dangerous but if you guys have dragons that can just be claimed by pretty purple ponies whenever they wish I'm sure the world is darker than it seems."

"We do actually have a zoo with beasts like that. Though I doubt you'll ever see it." Diamond said.

"Why is it a non-civi site?" I asked. Diamond smiled slightly but shook his head.

"No it’s in Manehatten. I used to live there and there really isn't that much to see. It’s basically Canterlot but bigger and louder. I much prefer places like Ponyville and Applelousa."

"I’ve only ever lived in a village. Though even that was bigger than Ponyville. My home had around two thousand people living in it. Though that’s just a guess that I was never corrected upon honestly.” Diamond stared at me for a second before replying. I figured it was due to having so many people living in one place. But instead;

“You speak so clearly, so perfectly sometimes and then you resort back to your slang. Cus and whatevs. Why is that?”

“Bad habit.” I said, way too quickly.

“You sure it is just that? You seem to have developed a lot of things you call bad habits.”

“I’m a bad person I guess.”

“And yet you respect those in military service to the point of defending them against friends.”

“That I do.”

“You will not expand upon this will you?”

“Probably not, least for a while I guess. Gotta keep the mystery ain’t I?”

“I do not understand you humans sometimes.”

“Diamond cut the shit, I’m the only human you know.”

“That is very true.”

“Plus I’m a unique snowflake so the shit I do don’t make no sense to no human neither.” There was a long pause, one I had been hoping for. Eventually Diamond just face palmed. Finally Spike spoke up again.

“Aron that was like; nine negatives?” He muttered. I started to count on my fingers.

“Three Spike, I’m shocked you would miscount like that living with Twilight in a fucking tree-library.”

“I don’t read most of the books in there, usually too busy reorganising them.” He muttered something else which I’m pretty sure had swears in but I wasn’t overly sure. We’d finally reached the tree house so I didn’t ask. Spike was standing next to me when we reached the door and Diamond was similarly just standing awkwardly at me.

“Every time I reach a fucking door won’t it?” I asked myself, moving forward and opening it before stepping inside. Which was, it turns out. The exact wrong thing to do.

“Sir?” Diamond asked almost as soon as we’d walked in. Spike actually screamed, which considering the context and if it were to ever happen to me. I would have the same reaction. There were animals, everywhere. All running around with feather dusters and shit like that, being led by a rather bright yellow pony humming some shitty song I wasn’t familiar with flying around cleaning as well.

“Fluttershy?” I asked, hoping to every god ever I got her name right. From the squeak I received I figured I was right with the -Shy bit anyway. She jumped and nearly stopped flying before recovering and slowly floating down to the ground.

“I was wondering where you had gone Aron, would have been strange if you left without a goodbye.”

“Fluttershy I’ve known you for like two days. Maybe.”

“I know that, but all the fuss about an alien in Ponyville and he just leaves after a couple days.”

“Oh. Right.” I muttered, I barely knew this chick so I was resorting to what I’ll call FlutterAron which is totally not a shipping name.

“Why are you cleaning a public library Miss Fluttershy?” Diamond asked, saving me from me. I was confused when I registered what he had said, public? Then I realised this was a library.

“Well. Erm. Twilight.” She started muttered something which I actually caught.

“What ticket?” I asked, Spike jumped, I guessed from me knowing what she said. For those confused it was “Twilight has a ticket.” I only got more mumbles from that which were.

“To the Gala.”

“Oh not the fucking Gala again!” I yelled. F-Shy jumped at that, as did Spike.

“You understand her?” Diamond muttered.

“Guess it’s cus I’m as shy as she is sometimes, though not as much here weirdly.” Diamond just shrugged.

“Wait if Twilight has a ticket, why are you trying to get it? It’s hers?” Spike muttered after a really awkward pause.

“She has two.”

“Well the second can go to Spike.” I replied, the named dragon flinched.

“I don’t even wanna go.” He muttered. “Much.” He added under his breath.

“Jesus Christ Spike.” I grunted, face palming.

“My name is just Spike, who is Jesus Christ?” He asked.

“Some made up cunt, I’m using his name in vain.” I replied quickly. “The history is unimportant but he was created by an Empire about a thousand years ago in a last ditch effort to unify the world. Known world.”

“You’ll have to explain that in more detail.” Spike muttered, slowly.

“Yeah later. For now though. Fluttershy where is Twilight?” I asked, looking back to the yellow Pegasus, her animals had all but disappeared, somehow.

“I’m not sure, last I saw her she was in the market looking for food.”

“Awesome, that’s what we’re trying to do. See you later Fluttershy.” I said, turning to walk out. Spike pulled on my top.

“You’re just going to leave her here?” He asked.

“Fluttershy is a big pony. I think, and it’s a public fucking library Spike. And I’m starving.” I replied quickly and walked out. Diamond quickly followed, without his spear weirdly. “You not bringing your spear Diamond?” I asked.

“No Aron, we have not had any threats in this town thus far and it is only for lunch.”

“You sure you don’t want to be armed?” I asked carefully.

“No, the only worry close by that I have assessed would be the Everfree but since we are only going for lunch it will not be needed as we are only going into town, the centre as well.” I looked him up and down for a second or two and smiled.

“Sick of carrying it?”

“Aron, since I am not on active guard duty and you now have your own kind of weapon and refuse to accept a guard. Yes, I am fucking sick of carrying that thing around. The spear itself is fine, but eventually the saddle I have to wear for it chaffs and I do not want to deal with that, shit.”

“Aright. Seems fair enough, Spike where would a pony such as Twilight go for food?”

“I dunno where she would eat but she is coming this way now.” Spike said, pointing forward, and just like that, I saw a rather upset looking Twilight walking towards us. I just caught a glance of that Pink pony trying to hide nearby and wanted to leave as soon as possible. She scared me.

“Sup Twilight!” I called, the mare barely looked up.

“Where have you three been?” She asked quietly.

“Vinyl’s. Well, exploring but mainly Vinyl’s.” I replied, she nodded.

“She say much?” Twilight asked. If my theory was right, which I really hoped it wasn’t, that was a bitch move by Twilight just then.

“Nah not really, Octavia says hi though.”

“Anything else?”

“For the past ten or so minutes, looking for fucking food. Spike has no idea where you keep your money, I have no idea where food is, Diamond is a cunt and Fluttershy is cleaning the library.” Twilight paused at that for a second before picking up speed.

“Oh no not Fluttershy as well!” She wailed, running forward, it actually made my jump the way she lunged forward, didn’t look natural. She rushed inside the library leaving us three awkwardly outside, a small gathering of ponies were arriving outside the library, at first I thought it was due to me but I began to pick up whispers of the Gala. Spike quickly entered the library.

“Diamond go get your spear and my sword.” I said quietly, he nodded and joined Spike inside. I crossed my arms and saw Pinkie appear somewhere in the crowd. “Pink one. What’s up?” I asked.

“Hey Aron! Have you heard! Twilight has a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala.” Pinkie called back, the whispers turned into murmurs and the crowd inched forward. Diamond came back out wearing his spear saddle and my sword under one of his wings. I’m beyond relieved he didn’t carry it in his fucking mouth. I grabbed the sword and swung it around a little, the ponies stopped talking for a second, fixated on the blade.

“That’s what I thought.” I muttered. Pinkie had to ruin it though.

“Silly Aron you wouldn’t use that against ponies.” She said with a smile and ran up to me and hugged me. Stranger danger.

“Bitch. I’ve known you for two days.” I muttered.

“Then we need to have a getting-to-know-each-other-better-party!”

“Yeah sure, can y’all stop upsetting Twilight about those fucking tickets?” I said suddenly. Pinkie jumped back.

“Upsetting her?”

“Yeah, I’ve been pissing about all day so haven’t figured out all the details, and correct me if I’m wrong. But Twilight got a ticket to some Gala thing and now everyone is trying to get it off her?” Pinkie was silent for a lot longer than I was comfortable with, during this I saw the rest of twilight’s friends appear. Weirdly Rainbow Dash was flying next to me instead of standing in the crowd with the rest of them. Obviously Fluttershy was missing but it was close enough.

“Yeah that sounds right! Though she has two tickets!” Pinkie said. Diamond turned and walked inside the library without a word. I wasn’t really sure what to do after that so just looked at Rainbow hoovering next to me.

“Hey Dash. How’s your day been?” I asked.

“Bit weird. Been chasing down Twilight for her Gala ticket.”

“God damn it Rainbow.” I muttered.

“What?”

“Did you not hear me earlier? That shit pissed her off, it’s her choice who the ticket goes to. Why do you even wanna go?”

“The Wonderbolts are going.”

“The fuck is a Wonderbolt?”

“They are a group of Pegasi who perform acrobatics and aerial demonstrations like races and stuff. And one day I’m going to join them!”

“Aright, sounds pretty cool. I’m not into racing that much but I haven’t seen any Pegasi races so could be interesting. Still not a good enough reason to upset Twilight, y’all just made friends with her.”

“I know, I’ll say sorry as soon as I can Aron.” There was a pause for a second before she continued, “Do you know when you’re going to Canterlot next?”

“Not really, apparently I’m allowed to travel to and from Ponyville and Canterlot whenever I want, as long as Diamond is with me, and we wanna go there soon to research my sword. Why, what do you want?”

“Well, could you go to the racing track and get a list of Wonderbolt shows? I’d go but I have work.”

“Hold on now there. You’ve been asleep above my farm all day!” Applejack shouted. I smiled.

“Yeah… But if I’m needed for work I’ll be in Ponyville.” Rainbow replied.

“Meh whatever the reason I’ll see if I can get your list. Though dunno how long I’ll be in Canterlot. Or when.”

“Thanks Aron.” Suddenly Diamond walked out of the library, followed by Twilight and Fluttershy. Diamond was smiling slightly and Twilight was floating nine golden tickets in a purple aura, she seemed considerably more happy and upbeat now. But doing a quick headcount, I very quickly lost any happiness.

“Twilight. Why have you got nine tickets?” I asked slowly.

“Diamond suggested I contacted Celestia about my, problems, with tickets and she sent eight more. One for all of my friends.”

“But there are only six of you?” I asked.

“Don’t be silly Aron, you, Spike and Diamond have a ticket.”

“Diamond is a royal guard, he could just turn up and be allowed in, and I don’t wanna go to some crappy Gala.”

“Yeah but Diamond is guarding you and me currently and isn’t active service. And since I’m going to the Gala he’ll have to come. Or at very least you. Being my bodyguard. Also you’ll love the Gala.”

“You clearly don’t know me do you Twilight?” She just smiled at that, Diamond looked completely neutral at this engagement. I figured deep down he’d always wanted to go without having to stand completely still or some shit. “Ah whatever, at least this drama is cleared up. I’m going to go get lunch. Anyone coming?” I asked.

“I still haven’t eaten, wanted to sort all this out first.” Twilight said, smiling. I nodded.

“Let us go eat then. Also, do you want to go to Canterlot tomorrow Aron?” Diamond asked.

“Yeah sure, got something to do for Rainbow Dash whilst I’m there as well as the sword. Probably stay a couple days if you want.”

“May I accompany you?” Rarity asked suddenly. I looked to her and nodded.

“Yeah sure, will most likely be staying in the castle. Unless Celestia tells us to fuck off.” I said.

“T- the castle?” Rarity asked, overly excited. I ignored it.

“Speaking of which, do you have anywhere else to stay besides the castle?” I asked, looking at Diamond.

“The barracks, obviously. But that’s part of the castle and I used to rent a room with another guard friend who I’m sure wouldn’t mind letting out his house again. I know he has three spare rooms. Rich family, so if the castle is full we can go there most likely.”

“This wouldn’t be Mirrors would it?” I asked, slowly. He just glared at me.

“I said guard friend Aron.”

“Ouch. You don’t think he’ll hunt us down will he?”

“Probably not actively, but if he sees us we will have to deal with running off like we did.”

“Hey, I was sent off. You were the one who ran off.”

“I meant the bar.”

“Oh right, forgot about that.”

Author's Notes:

Since nobody cares anyway. My excuse was being abducted by the Dutch for this chapter taking so long.
I really don't like where this chapter started going but its 2am here and im contemplating killing myself so fuck you anyway

Act I: Chapter VII

The next day came fairly quickly after that, I wasn't really sure what had happened the previous day in the background. From what I knew and was told tickets were given out and drama ensued. I didn't really care that much, we were meant to be going to Canterlot today so Diamond and I were at Twilight's waiting for the train to arrive, Spike was with us again and seemed pretty down he wasn't invited to the capital. I hadn't even considered inviting him just from forgetting honestly. But I planned to get shit pissed again and didn't trust Spike enough to see me in a bar just yet. Twilight seemed pretty pissed as well, something about harvest season at AJ's. I didn't care that much as I really wanted to find out about this sword. Plus Canterlot is pretty cool, from what I've seen. Better than Ponyville.

"So who would we even go to for sword research?" I asked, I had the sword at my side, it was annoying that it didn't have any kind of scabbard and I wasn't overly sure how I was going to carry around Canterlot. I doubted they had any leather or alternate material for a makeshift one.

"Well it is supposedly enchanted is it not? So either the Castle Mages or Toyar. If neither of those can give us any answers then we could ask Princess Celestia. Though she may be busy." Diamond replied, rather quickly.

"A'right. I'm sure she'll make time dude, you're a guard and I'm an alien."

"Yes I suppose you are right." Diamond muttered, Christ everyone seemed pissed looking back.

"Also where would be a good place to get a scabbard for this thing?"

"Aron you don't even know if you can keep it. The mages or something might want to look at it." Spike muttered.

"Suppose that's true. Still, the question stands."

"You do not have any money to pay for one Aron." Diamond grunted.

"Fuck you Diamond."

"I doubt you could find something for it in Canterlot, most ponies use spears or crossbows, and it is only bipedals that use swords. I still do not understand why the old castle had such a sword on display."

"There you go, answering the fucking question. How long we got til the train?" Diamond looked around for a moment, trying to find a clock I suppose.

"About twenty minutes, the trip lasts a couple hours as well so I suggest getting some food before we leave."

"Bitch you got up before me why didn't you get food."

"So vulgar." Diamond muttered.

"I'll go see what we have." Spike said and got up. He had really added a lot to the conversation.

"What do you normally eat anyway?" Diamond asked, I just stared at him for a few seconds.

"Humans are omnivores.” Was all I said, Diamond nodded before replying.

“Not many in the world, none that are sentient either. Most are either one or the other, interesting to know that your people are omnivores.”

“Figured being a pony you’d be against any meat eater.” It was true, yeah he was a guard but I figured he would be somewhat against it. Not that I’d eat horse anyway. Well, unless Tesco gives it to me in the form of beef burgers.

“You have not eaten, or talked about eating me or any other pony and you do not seem to be any kind of killer, despite what you want other ponies to believe. I suppose you would only kill animals that do not talk back?”

“Back on Earth humans were the only sapient creatures so that wasn’t a problem, I’ve never tried horse and don’t particularly want to. I spoke to Celestia about it when she brought me here about my diet. Chicken I’ll eat, pigs, cows and rabbits. Birds if I have to, I was planning on hunting in the Everfree for meat but I can easily live without it. Hell if I ever earn money here I’ll just buy some meat. I’m not trained enough with any kind of weapon to begin with, let alone enough to hunt. Plus I don’t know the first thing about hunting so would fuck up more times than worth it.” I paused for a bit and Diamond just nodded. “So no, I wouldn’t personally kill anything that can talk back but not knowing much on this world if I was given meat from something that talks as long as I was unaware I wouldn’t cause an argument, and I doubt I’d cause much of one even if I did know. After eating it I mean.”

“You really put other’s lives before your own do you not?” Diamond didn’t seem happy with my reply, but wasn’t entirely pissed, he still sounded interested.

“Meh, not knowing shit is bliss. Or however that phrase goes. I ain’t gonna openly eat meat anyway and I’m not gonna go looking for it.” Well until I could find someone to teach me how to hunt.

“Okay.” Diamond muttered, and that was the end of that. Until Spike came back anyway. He had two plates with some cut up apples, sliced bread and what looked like oats on each, as well as a rather large gem of some kind.

“How can you even eat gems anyway?” I asked. Watching the tiny dragon bite on it like nothing. A very audible crunch sound followed as well as a flinch from myself.

“Dunno, I don’t know much about dragons, I presume it’s to do with our teeth.” He replied, sounding pretty unsure. His teeth were just like a humans, except his canines were more like fangs.

“What does it taste like?” I asked, Diamond was watching Spike eat now, though he had slowed considerably when Diamond and I started watching, he looked scared. Lucky I’m an adult.

“Err… Depends on the gem, the rarer the gem the better they taste. I can’t-” He took another chunk out of the crystal. “- can’t really describe the taste to any pony foods. Sorry Aron.”

“Ah dude it’s ‘kay, just curious, ‘nother world, all that bullocks.” I replied, waving my hand. Spike shrugged and went back to eating. I starting chewing on a piece of apple, the asshole of all fruits.

About an hour passed and we left for the train, Spike decided to accompany us to the station, since I had no idea where the fuck it was and Diamond was too proud to admit he didn’t either. Cunt. Twilight was still missing so neither her or any of her friends said goodbye. Though I doubt any would miss me. Diamond maybe, thanks to his bubbling personality. The train came and we got on with little issue, Diamond got the tickets because I was fucking poor. The train cart itself had few ponies on it, none of which even looked at me, trying to avoid my gaze.

“How long does the train normally take?” I asked, Diamond just looked at me like an idiot.

“I come from Los Pegasus, and spent most of my guard time in Canterlot or north.” Diamond replied.

“Go on.” I muttered.

“I have no idea how long the train takes Aron.”

“There we go.”

“Cunt.”

“Twat.”

“Fucker.”

“That one was a stretch but whatevs.” Diamond just shrugged.

“It. It takes about 3 hours. This one anyway.” Some mare across the way muttered. I looked around trying to find the owner of the voice and finally found a cream coated mare with purple hair who looked like she was going to start crying, I smiled at her.

“Thank you, see Diamond some ponies here are useful.” I muttered. He just huffed. I rolled my eyes and looked to the mare. “My name’s Aron.” I said, wanting to say more but couldn’t. More scared of her than she was of me. Well probably not but the point is there.

“I’m-, I’m Roseluck.” She whispered out.

“Nice to meet you Roseluck.” I replied, about as quiet as her, it was somewhat awkward.

“Your social skills are going to become legendary sir.” Diamond muttered.

“Fuck off.” There was a long pause of silence before Roseluck spoke up again.

“Did he just call you sir? You’re not a monster, under arrest by this guard?” She muttered.

“He did call me sir. I don’t want him to, but he does. No I’m not a monster, well to you I may look, strange. But I’m pretty friendly. Socially awkward, but friendly.”

“Oh. So you don’t like strangers either?” She said.

“No.” Again que the awkward silence.

“What are you?” Roseluck finally asked, I smiled slightly.

“A human, it won’t mean anything to you I’m sure. But I’m part of a species known as humans, Celestia brought me here for a reason I don’t fully understand.”

“Oh okay, where did you get the sword?” She asked, somewhat fearfully, I forgot I had it out honestly.

“The old ruins in the Everfree.”

“Y-You went into the Everfree Forest?” She stuttered.

“Yeah, it’s hella dangerous. Went in with Twilight Sparkle and some others to stop Nightmare Moon.”

“You stopped Nightmare Moon, the endless night? Is that why he calls you sir?”

“Well I didn’t do much, just fought some Timber Wolves and dodged some fireballs when Nightmare Moon attacked us, and got to talk to Luna when it was all over. Plus got this sword.” Most of that was a lie, everything would have gone down the same had I not been there honestly. Only Diamond really did anything. Roseluck seemed pretty impressed though, Diamond didn’t say anything.

“Wow that’s impressive.”

“Meh, Diamond did more than me, I was just there as a bodyguard to Twilight, was given the rank temporary Defender of Harmony.” Roseluck’s mouth dropped. “Which is why he calls me sir. Though it’s only temporary and I didn’t earn that rank so I’d rather he didn’t.” Diamond just shrugged.

“I have been trained to call those of rank sir or ma’am. I am a fucking guard Aron.” Diamond said, sounding pretty pissed. Looks like I finally struck a nerve.

“Anyway, so what are you going into Canterlot for Roseluck?” I asked, she was sitting properly now and seemed more comfortable, a couple other ponies kept looking at me and flinching when I spoke.

“Going to meet up with some family, my mother lives in Canterlot.” She said. Barely a mutter there. “What about you two?”

“Sword research. Apparently this is enchanted but no one seems to know why or what enchantment it has.” She nodded, smiling slightly. “Though I haven’t seen much of the city so will probably go exploring, depending on what Diamond wants to do.”

“I am following you sir. But I would not mind staying here a day or two. Ponyville is good but I have always been a city pony. Plus we should probably talk to Mirrors. We kind of abandoned him.” Diamond replied.

“You feel bad about that fucker? Mirrors was weird, I kinda forgot about him honestly.”

“Not bad, you had a job to do and I was your guard, but I know Mirrors and his hate might fester.”

“Might?”

“It is most likely that he will immediately forgive you, may not even have realised what you did. Or forgotten.”

“Yeah that fuckers got bipolar disorder.”

“Have you checked out the mage quarters in the castle yet, Aron?” Roseluck asked suddenly.

“Nope, I was only in Canterlot a day just about. Came here sometime in the afternoon, was sent to my room. Got drunk with Diamond and went to Ponyville.”

“You should, it’s amazing. The stuff those unicorns can do.”

“Please do not take this the wrong way Miss Roseluck, but the mage quarters are for castle members, guards or royalty only. How is it that you got in?” Diamond quietly asked. Roseluck looked at him and smiled.

“I used to work there of course.” She replied. Diamond said nothing, just staring at the mare.

“You are not a unicorn.” He bluntly said. Roseluck lost her smile real quick. She paused and took a deep breath.

“Not. Not anymore.” She muttered, moving a hoof over her hair and slowly moving it away from her forehead, showing of what looked like a black spot on her forehead, until I looked a bit closer and noticed it was the ruins of a unicorn horn, completely burned.

“I am so sorry. Guard reactions and all. I am so sorry I pried.” Diamond muttered, looking down, his wings dropping slightly.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.” Roseluck muttered back, letting her hair drop again, covering up any evidence she was anything other than a dirty mud horse. “Can humans do any magic Aron?” She asked, slightly smiling again.

“No, we prefer technology. Some believe certain people have a small level of magic, we have magicians who just use tricks as magic, some gypsy’s as well but they can fuck off. A couple spiritual people, my aunt was one of them, but they didn’t really have magic. They just believed in it, that’s where a lot of human influences come from, the belief of something. There were thoughts and rumours of people being able to do magic but no hard evidence.”

“Technology? So you all used things like carts and trains?”

“Yeah, though the level you ponies have is where humanity was about a thousand years or so, well, in some aspects. You have central heating and trains down, but still seem to be living in our medieval era, which was hundreds of years ago. If I knew more on your culture I’d say this is where humans would be a thousand years ago without religion holding us back.” This time Diamond spoke up.

“Could you not recreate some human technology?”

“And what is religion? Why did it hold you back?” Roseluck asked.

“I wasn’t, and aren’t an incredibly smart person Diamond, if I thought of it I could try it, Celestia outright told me no when I asked to bring over a piece of technology called a laptop, which is for the best because all that was on it were a load of games, some books and pictures. Nothing that could help me make anything. And religion is somewhat complicated, I won’t go into detail, the idea was that some people believed in a higher power, or powers depending on who they believe in. Religion held us back because religious leaders wanted power and to keep humans in check. Modern religion isn’t much better but educated humanity is better at ignoring it.”

“Did you believe in any higher power?”

“Oh lord no, I’m about as against religion as someone could get without being any kind of extremist.” Diamond looked at me for a second and just nodded.

“I’m honestly surprised you guys don’t have any kind of religion or cults.” I muttered.

“We have cults, and now you’ve explained it I suppose we have some kind of religion.”

“Well now you done got me interested.”

“Good grammar.” Roseluck said, trying to cover it up with a cough, I winked at her.

“I personally have come across two major cults, one with a dedication to the entity known as Discord, and one dedicated to Princess Luna, or the entity we fought; Nightmare Moon. There have been a couple other cults and groups sighted but those seem to be the largest ones.”

“Discord? I’ve heard his name before.” I muttered.

“Yes I mentioned it before. Discord is a being of pure chaos, he is the embodiment really and ruled with an iron fist before Celestia. Her and Luna, kicked his ass, and turned him to stone with the same gems that we recovered during the Nightmare Incident. He is also the spirit of Chaos, but has become corrupted over time, wherein he was born to keep the world in check he very quickly went insane from his own powers and destroyed balance for a long time.”

“Til Celestia stopped him?”

“No, he may have ruled Equestria and the surrounding countries before but that was after his first defeat when he destroyed Equus’ balance completely. Ponies call the Discord ruling with us a dark age but what he did before nearly ended the world, many think it actually did and this is the second cycle of the world. He was defeated by the other spirits in an attempt to fix the world.”

“Neat, so what happened to these other spirits? The ones that didn’t go batshit insane, and if Discord is stone where is he being kept? Somewhere underground? Some secret bunker that nobody knows about? Classified?”

“Either missing or unknown, many of the spirits thought their era was at an end after Discord’s first defeat, and simply left this realm of existence. The spirit of Fire is supposedly still active and somewhere in the dragon kingdom, I suppose there is another religion there, but I will get back to that. Some were corrupted in the battle with Discord and is a leading theory as to why many are missing or inactive. There are far too many unknowns.”

“That’s history dude.”

“I was unaware that Discord nearly destroyed everything.” Roseluck muttered.

“Many do not, it is rare history and not taught today as it is considered irrelevant.”

“No history is irrelevant, especially something as big as that.” I said.

“Did you learn about the past on Earth Aron?”

“Yes I lik-“

“Did you learn about every war?” That stumped me quite a bit, it was very well known at this point a lot of history had been censored and changed so people weren’t constantly depressed. At least I hoped it was well known.

“No, I get what you mean now.”

“Did you have any big fights where you’re from?” Roseluck asked, looking at me.

“Not me personally, but yes, humanity is not unified like you ponies seem to be. We have had countless wars and fights, the most known ones are World War One and Two, they fucked us up a lot.”

“The name alone says a lot.” Roseluck muttered, looking suddenly horrified again.

“My granddad fought in the Second World War, he was a great man, one I never managed to meet. Millions died in both of those wars and the world still hasn’t really recovered from them. When I left there were rebellions, riots and wars going on all over the world.”

“Looks like Princess Celestia got you out just in time then.” Diamond grunted.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if we turn into a military world, just all out wars constantly.”

“And- And were you in any wars?” Roseluck muttered, shaking slightly, fucking hell she was terrified. Bitch brought it up though so it’s her fault.

“No, I’m a coward, I have zero strength and zero courage. My dad was the first person in my family to not go to war, though he worked with a military organisation. As did I, illegally, for a while.”

“I see.”

“Listen Roseluck, I will bash humanity until the day I died but please don’t fear me because of the mistakes of my race, some of us are actually fairly smart and decent people. I’m not one of either of those things, but I’m not evil.” She looked at me for a second before nodding.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Awesome, how long we got til Canterlot Diamond?” I asked. And so we went, talking about this and that until reaching the big city. I didn’t bother looking for that Everfree Central place, and instead talked to two ponies and wondering where my life went to lead to this point.

We got to Canterlot a couple hours later, the train went all over the fucking place, which was honestly fair enough since Canterlot was on top of a damn mountain. We got off, said goodbye to Roseluck and started heading towards our first destination. Which was apparently the main walls.

“Dude I thought we were going to the blacksmith or some shit? Not outside the city.” I said.

“Yes we will be, but first, do you remember our first conversation about Canterlot, where you asked about defences?” Diamond replied

“Sure, you told me to eat a dick.”

“Not even close, I am showing you the defences we have.” He said, then we continued in silence. That was until some random yellow Pegasus walked up to me.

“Never seen anything like you before.” She said, I looked at the pony before me, she had awesome green and yellow spiked hair, which reminded me a lot of Vinyl’s hair, and what looked like a burning toaster as her cutie butt tattoo.

“Never seen a Pegasus like you before either. You have awesome hair by the way.”

“Ha-ha, thanks. Who, and what are you? Put bluntly.”

“Name’s Aron, I’m a human, a being of another world. Do you happen to know who Vinyl Scratch is?”

“I'm Glaze. Wow, exotic. Yes I do, lives in Ponyville right? We’ve done some gigs together.”

“Hey, everyone here is exotic to me. Ah nice, yeah I went by, poor girl doesn’t say much but she seems cool. Oh you’re a musician too?”

“True I suppose. Yes I am, was actually on my way to my setup now. It’s why I’m in Canterlot, usually based in Manehatten. You should stop by.”

“As much as I’d love to get to know you Glaze, you seem awesome, I am actually on business myself. Won’t be staying in Canterlot very long and it actually looks like I’m close to my first destination, hopefully I will catch you one day in the future though.”

“Way to lead a mare on.”

“I never lead you anywhere, except for whatever the fuck I am being lead.”

“Meh, I’m not into stallions anyway. I’ll see you around Aron.”

“None of the good ones are, see ya Glaze.” I said, as she walked off. I didn’t even ask what was with the toaster. “Nice girl.” I muttered.

“Thought you weren’t into ponies.” Diamond muttered.

“Fuck off. I said she’s nice.”

“I’m a stallion as well Aron.”

“Yeah but you’re not a real boy, you need emotion for that.”

“Ouch my feelings.”

“You’d be a great human Diamond.”

“Thanks.”

“And I’m not into ponies yet. I’m probably not ever going to see her again, and she’s a carpet eater.”

“Do I even want to know what you just called her?”

“She’s gay Diamond.”

“Yeah I knew that, she said she was not into stallions. But she never said anything about carpet eating.”

“Human term.”

“What does it mean then?”

“Don’t worry.”

“You will teach swears and talk about horrible wars but refuse to tell me what that means?”

“For fuck sake Diamond it’s just a term for lesbians.”

“There, simple.”

“Cunt.”

“Bitch.”

“I’m not female.”

“You are an ass-hat though.”

“I never taught you that?”

“No, it just felt… Right.”

“Diamond you’d be a great human.”

“You have said.” There was a short silence before Diamond lead me to some stairs connected to a section of wall, up we climbed and holy shit did they have some awesome shit up there. None of which I understood at the time.

“Damn, it’s full of, poles and catapults.” I muttered, somewhat unimpressed. Yeah the catapults or trebuchets looked pretty cool but I had seen those from a distance. There were a couple ballista that I hadn’t seen, but as I said, a lot of the wall was covered in weird spear things. Some bigger than others, all had circular runes around them and some had a strange claw on top of them.

“Trebuchets Aron, plus crossbow turrets. And, these.” Diamond replied, pointing to the nearest spear thing.

“Yeah what does it do Diamond?”

“Automated magical turrets.” Diamond replied, an actual smile on his face. It took me a second before I joined him.

“Really? Holy shit.”

“Yeah really. The taller ones shoot fire balls, the smaller ones fire icicles, the clawed ones shoot lightning. There are a couple other variations but the idea is that they kill whatever gets close to the wall that could be a threat.”

“Damn Diamond, back at it again with the awesome. Can you do a manual shot so I can see?”

“No, they are off at the moment, Canterlot is not under attack, and I am not a unicorn so cannot turn them on myself. Plus they would class you as a threat. They are magically designed to attack non ponies. Hence why there are not magical defences all along the wall, we have weapons for skirmishes and pony raiders.”

“What about the castle? Does that not have defences?”

“We are meant to hold the walls.”

“Jesus. You ponies are awesome and fucking stupid at the same time, ya know that?”

“I know. I was joking, there are turrets all over the castle, just are rarely used, thus invisible. Canterlot hasn’t been attacked in a long time. We also have some final plans if Canterlot is taken and ponykind is in danger of extinction.”

“Damn, like what?”

“You sound like someone trying to learn our weaknesses and invade.”

“Fuck off Diamond.”

“Noted. We have magical landmines that, again, are dormant until needed, meant to level the city and mountain in a last ditch effort to wipe out any invaders. There are tunnels all through the mountain for the Princesses to escape and teleport nodes in random buildings to allow military units to get around the city quickly. Though besides the royal guards most of the Equestrian military is off continent.”

“How come? Doesn’t that mean Equestria is open to invasion?”

“Yes it does, but they are dealing with an issue that, if is not resolved, would mean Equestria is invaded. Princess Celestia deemed it important enough to send the fight to our enemy.”

“So Equestria is at war?”

“Officially no, unofficially no. There are a few more layers where that answer would be no as well.”

“And yet you tell me this? Out in the open?”

“Oh this conversation is being monitored, we were being watched and listened to since we entered Canterlot, Celestia is far more paranoid than many think. I tell you this because I trust you and the Princess trusts you. You may not be a hero, but you have the aurora of a good person. Shit I was not told the information I have lightly.”

“And yet they give you shitty guard duty looking after me?”

“Everypony has a place, sometimes it is a shitty one. But you have not made me regret my life choices much, so I do not complain.”

“Alright then, well the walls are awesome, I know far too many state secrets. Where next?”

“Blacksmith or Mage Tower?”

“Which is closer?”

“Fuck Aron, you are lazy.”

“Deal with it Diamond.” He face hoofed, probably regretting his life choices.

“Mage Tower is closer.”

“We go to the blacksmith then.” There was a pause, like for a minute or so. It got awkward.

“Why go to the further away one?” Diamond muttered.

“Means we can go to the mage tower on the way back. If we gotta go further for blacksmith it means we will have to go back on ourselves to come back. If we went to the mage tower we would have to go further away and then back on ourselves. It’s broken logic just fucking deal with it.”

“Actually it sort of makes sense.”

“No it doesn’t Diamond, lettuce go.”

“Did you just say lettuce?” I paused.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Diamond face hoofed again and we continued. I looked around a lot more now he mentioned we were being watched, but I figured if Ponyland was this secretive then whoever was spying on us was probably a lot better at hiding than an untrained human was at spotting them. Hell Glaze might have been a spy for all I knew.

We didn’t have any more delays on the way to the blacksmiths, as we got closer I recognised the building.

“Oh shit this is where I threatened Shining Armor!” I shouted, a couple ponies jumping. I got a hatchet of face hoofs from Diamond.

“Is that all you remember?” He asked.

“No, but I figured it would be the funniest thing to exclaim. Toyota’s place or something right?”

“Toyar, yes. The blacksmith for the people you said if I recall.”

“I’ve never met the dude but yes I remember that convo.”

“Anyway, after you.” Diamond muttered after a short pause. I wanted to tell him to fuck himself but I just entered like a good noodle.

I walked in to see a small trail of smoke on the floor and an unfamiliar smell, there was a crackling of flame coming from another room. I held the sword in two hands like I was about to make a vow to someone or something like that. Diamond followed me.

“Toyar! You in?” Diamond shouted, making me jump slightly.

“Aye. Diamond that you?” The very Scottish accent of a voice cried back. Holy shit not the Scottish. I heard something clang against the floor and the familiar trotting of hooves. A door opened in front of me and more smoke bellowed out, followed by a very dirty orange pony, he had red hair and no visible wings or a horn, his eyes were yellow and a small nick in his left ear. He had some sort of saddle on with two golden claw things reaching forward, kinda like the fake hands that Bender had in Futurama. But the clamps instead. Christ that was a horrible way to relate something.

“Ah, this that human that I’ve been hearing about?” The pony asked, I noticed a couple scars and what looked like small patches of metal on his face, burned skin patches surrounded the specs of metal. Damn that’s hardcore. Fucker didn’t even have an apron on.

“Aron of Earth, at your service.” I said, smiling.

“Aye I doubt that, looks like I’ll be at your service. What’s with the sword?” He asked. I noticed I was still holding it like a complete twat and reached a hand out to give it to him, one of his hooves reached out and took it.

“We were wondering if you knew anything about it. It was found in the Old Castle and supposedly has magical properties. I was wondering if you had any personal knowledge of the sword.”

“Does it have a name?” Toyar asked, looking at the sword, he placed it down on a small table and started stroking the blade.

“Not sure, Aron you read the section on it?”

“Yeah but it sounded Latin, or at least the pony version of it. Spirit-us Pro-seed-ee-um or something along those lines.” I replied.

“You brought the extract with you Aron.” Diamond grunted.

“That I did.” I said, not forgetting about it, I pulled it out and skim read the extract. “Spiritus Procellarum.” Toyar looked up at that.

“Let me read that.” The blacksmith said, grabbing the page from me. His eyes followed the text in what honestly looked like fear. “Mr Aron, if this really is the sword of legend you are a very lucky man. I suggest keeping this safe and keeping it away from the mage tower until you have a chance to use it.”

“Why until then?”

“You will know if it is enchanted or not then. You will know the feeling of whether this is Spiritus or not.”

“Alright, thanks.” I replied.

“Now, can I help you two with anything else, you could do with some armour Mr Aron, and a weapon that isn’t a longsword.”

“I’m no fighter Toyar, it was just luck that brought me across this sword and I have kept it as a self-given reward for helping defeat Nightmare Moon.” Not that I did anything.

“I see. Well if you insist, you look like you would be great with throwing knives and light armour.”

“I couldn’t pay you even if I wanted to. Plus if I ever do become a fighter I would want to be trained enough to help out on the field, I’m no magic user so I can’t become any kind of medic, well any medic worth a damn when magic is around.”

“I agree to that, magic has made a lot of things obsolete but it helps the world more than it hinders it.” Toya said smiling, I nodded.

“Humans don’t have any magic, we heal our wounds ourselves.”

“Now that I can get behind.” Toyar said, rubbing a hoof over a piece of blue metal on his check.

“Do you work with chemicals at all?”

“Depends on why I need them, some weapon designs need certain dusts and some liquids I use have some chemicals in. Why?”

“Alright, do you know what Potassium Nitrate and Sulphur Powder is?”

“I know Sulphur yes, what about the nitrate?”

“Saltpetre usually contains it.”

“Ah yes I know that. Why?”

“I’m going to see if you can make gunpowder. You’ll need a mix of 75 to 15 to 10 to create it.”

“What do I need? Wait hold on.” Toyar said and ran into the other room, excitement plastered across his face.

“What are you trying to do Aron?” Diamond asked, concern in his monotone voice.

“Make a human weapon, or at least see if he can make one.”

“What does it do?”

“Well I couldn’t make a gun, maybe a bullet but I have no idea how to make the firing mechanism of a gun. I do however, know how to make a very basic grenade.”

“I do not understand half those words. Is this going to be dangerous?”

“Dude I’m making a fucking grenade of course this is dangerous. Right, do you know the-“ I paused. “-Things we were talking about earlier, the fail safes. Do any of them just explode?” I asked.

“Yes, some are not elemental.”

“Radius?”

“Pretty fucking big.”

“Huh, alright, well a grenade will explode like a mine but do far less damage, the one I know how to make is very old compared to what humans have now and aren’t used at all anymore. If they were it’s more for crowd control rather than killing.” That was a lie, the grenades I knew were from World War Two and were shit compared to modern technology, but would still kill someone. Honestly I was terrified of using an untested grenade but I figured it would be a great way to die.

“Well we shall see how these grenades turn out then, if they can be made. I trusted you with Canterlot’s defences, I hope you trust me with keeping this project secret from the Princess.”

“Tell her if you want, if she tells me to stop I will, well I’ll tell people to stop production if it takes off. After that I can’t do much. I’m honestly more interested in seeing if it can be pulled off rather than actually using these for destruction, I really don’t see myself as any kind of fighter.” Toyar walked back in with the sword and some parchment and a quill and ink. He made me write down some instructions for him and he immediately ran into his side room again without even saying goodbye. We let ourselves out.

“Well now what, Toyar suggests not to give this to the mage tower and that was our final destination, what’s the plan Diamond?”

“Is it not obvious?” He replied slowly.

“Diamond don’t play me like this.”

“We have to see Mirrors.”

“YOU BASTARD!” I shouted. He smiled slightly.

“Plus I am sure Princess Celestia will wish to meet you again.”

“Well I got that going for me, let’s go enter the heart of darkness then.” And so we did. The walk back to the castle was uneventful and was fairly short. I never noticed how big Canterlot was honestly, the walls looked fucking miles away and it had really felt that long earlier. We entered the castle without issue and one guard nodded to Diamond.

“So where would Mirrors be?”

“In front of you.” Diamond replied, I looked back in front and sure enough there was a carbon copy of every other guard standing in front of me with a huge shit eating grin.

“You came back!” Mirrors shouted, lunging at me and hugging me. It was awkward for about three seconds before he punched me in the stomach, I very nearly started crying. I held on because I probably deserved that and I really didn’t want to burst into tears. MANLY MOTHERFUCKER AIN’T I?

“Well yeah, we were only down in Ponyville to save the fucking world.” I muttered.

“You left me to go drinking!” Mirrors accused.

“Well, technically. Yeah, you are absolutely right Mirrors. We did piss off to go drinking, but only because I wanted to see if Diamond was a human underneath all the monotone.”

“He’s a pony Aron.”

“Fuck off.” There was a short pause.

“Anyway Mirrors, we came by to say hello to you but Aron has a meeting with the Princess.”

“It’s Princesses now Diamond.” Mirrors said, smiling still.

“Yes, that is going to take some getting used to. But it is a meeting with Princess Celestia.” Diamond replied.

“Of course, I’ll come with you, I was actually then going home.”

“Little early to be off duty is it not?” Diamond asked.

“Not for me, I’m a night guard now.”

“Night guard?” I asked. He still looked as white as snow white to me. Not good for night missions. Though he probably meant something else.

“Yeah, the royal guard for Princess Luna. With her return she needs her own guards and with our numbers down we had to split guard duties.”

“I was unaware of the changes.” Diamond muttered.

“You’ve been away from the capital saving the world Diamond, talk to Princess Celestia about it if you want.”

“I might, though I prefer being awake during the day and my current mission is accompanying Aron.”

“What are the differences?” I asked. “Like perks and shit?”

“We change coat colours and our wings look different. We get new weapons and armour, as well as staying up at night and sleeping during most of the day. I’m actually up fairly late for me.”

“Okay first off, you’re still white as snow so that seems bullocks. And secondly it’s been like two days, how have you organised all these changes already?” I asked. Mirrors quickly looked down at himself and I swear his eyes went green again.

“I- I haven’t received my changes yet.” Mirrors said rather quickly. “And I’m not sure, Princess Celestia seemed very quick with the changes yes but most are settling in nicely.”

“Alright whatevs, I don’t care too much, it’s her kingdom. Or Queendom I guess. Or Princestdom.”

“Monarch.” Diamond muttered, he then lead the way deeper into the castle, Mirrors asking a load of questions about what we’ve been up to and about the sword. Eventually we got to two big double doors that I recognised from my arrival here. Diamond just opened the door and wondered in.

“I’ll catch you guys later.” Mirrors muttered and wondered off to go torture someone else. I shivered a little when that thought came into my head, wholeheartedly believing that thought.

“Ah hello Aron. Long time.” Celestia said quietly as we walked in.

“Hey Princess, Diamond says hi to.”

“I’m right he-“. He began.

“Do tell him I said hello when you see him next.” Celestia replied smiling. I turned to Diamond.

“Celestia said hi.”

“I know I’m stan-“. He started. I had already turned back to Celestia.

“He’s in the bathroom or something, I’ll talk to him later.” Celestia just nodded, Diamond face hoofed.

“How may I help you two today?” Celestia asked. “I see you still have your sword.” She added, she didn’t even sound pissed.

“Honestly nothing, we just came into Canterlot for research on the sword and found most of what we needed and are now bored.”

“Oh, not coming by to see a friend?” She asked, faking hurt.

“I barely know you. But I would happily just come by to chat honestly. Diamond only has so much emotion he can give out. But we came here on a mission so I hadn’t really thought about coming by until earlier.”

“I’ll have to get a meetup sorted between the two of us, we could talk about so much.”

“Indeed Princess. How’s your sister?” I asked, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

“Luna is fine, still a bit traumatised about her time on the moon and is very fixated on meeting her saviour.”

“Twilight was busy with her fuck buddies or something.”

“I mean you Aron.”

“I didn’t do anything though. Just dodged some very deadly magic and was the first to welcome her back to the land of the pony.”

“Well either way, she wants to meet an alien that definitely wasn’t part of Equestria when she was here last.”

“She seemed alright. We barely spoke, she fucked off once I mentioned you.” Celestia muttered something that I swear was:

“Yes that has happened in the past a few times.” Before actually saying. “Again, she wishes to meet you, but it will have to wait, she is asleep right now and won’t be up for a good while. I have no real missions for you both. You may stay here if you wish or return to Ponyville. Well, you both may do as you please, go on a vacation if you really want to. I know how dreadfully dull Ponyville can get.” I nodded.

“Can we have a chariot back to Ponyville?” I asked.

“Of course, and now there is no immediate threat your Defender of Harmony title will have to be revoked. Maybe one day you can earn it for real?”

“If I earn it I might be more open to being called sir by Diamond, but until then I prefer to be an everyman and just watch from the side lines, I’m not a warrior.”

“Of course, I’m sorry I asked you to guard Twilight like I did, but you are both safe and Equestria is safer thanks to you two. And whatever you may say you helped bring my sister back.”

“Yeah suppose that’s true. Alright Princess I’ll see you soon for the epic meeting between master race and friend.”

“Goodbye for now Aron. Oh and Diamond?” Celestia asked, Diamond grunted something. “Don’t give out state secrets like that again, yes I am happy Aron knows and trust him as you said. But do not give them out for any reason again.” She said that with the same motherly voice as normal, I was terrified.

“Of course Princess.” Diamond replied.

“Good. Glaze wasn’t a spy Aron, she is a rather good musician and I recommend going to a party of hers. Also stallion doesn’t necessarily mean males.”

“Now you’re just showing off.” I muttered, not really that surprised she had already been informed of our conversations. Rather not be spied on but it seemed to be only in Canterlot.

“It’s what I do. She is a lesbian though, just seeing what your reaction would be.”

“Alright, see ya soon Sunbutt.” A guard coughed at that and Diamond gave me a quick glare before we left and went towards what I hoped was the chariot place.

“Celestia is fucking awesome by the way.” I said suddenly. Diamond nodded slightly.

“She can be fun at times, she tends to get bored a lot.” He muttered.

“Was that a non-positive sentence about your princess?”

“Many ponies forget she is just another pony. I do not. I respect her above any and am glad she is our ruler. But she has flaws as everyp- everyone does.”

“The best people have the worse flaws.” I muttered.

“That just means you’ve an upstanding citizen.”

“And you’re the happiest person in the universe. Look my metaphors or analogies or whatever the fuck that was don’t always make sense, I just quoted something I don’t really remember because it fit alright?”

“So angry.”

“Where I’m from what I am is salty.”

“Salty?”

“It’s a different word for pissed off, or angry-slash-upset. Usually used by gamers.”

“Your phrases intrigue me. I will use salty, I take it you can just use salt if the grammar fits? What is a gamer?”

“Depends really, ninety percent of the time you would just say salty. Like ‘Diamond is salty’ or ‘you’re so salty’ but you can change it to shit like ‘you’ve had too much salt today’, just use it in that context like it’s actually salt and the meaning will get across. With me anyway. Hopefully Spike when I start teaching him human phrases.” I replied. “And a gamer is someone who plays a lot of video games, those depend on who you ask, basically controlling something on a screen, and having to complete certain goals. People get addicted to that shit.”

“Were you a gamer?”

“Oh gods yeah, I was the most unhelpful-to-society person I knew, I was horribly addicted, I’m actually going through some minor relapses now, but I normally don’t until I’ve been away from a computer about a week.”

“What kind of games were there?”

“Christ Diamond, loads. I had a pretty large like of games so I’ll start with them. Strategy, sandbox, some shooters, open world, fantasy, survival.”

“Go on?”

“Alright, strategy games are fairly simple to explain, usually you get to be in control of an army or force of some kind and usually get the objective to wipe out another army with yours. There are two kinds of games in these, against AI, so the game itself plays against you, and you will have a campaign ahead of you with various missions and troop options. Say the first mission you can only use Earth Ponies to wipe out a base, but the second you have unicorns but have to do it quicker. Then you can play custom games were you will get to use everything against an AI that will use everything. I lost a big interest in them for quite a while until one game came out. Sandboxes are usually games that let you do anything, to an extent. Like this one game I liked the whole objective was survive, you could build a house, gather iron and other resources and make a better house, there were loads of options on that one and I’ve never really lost interest in it. Shooters are usually games where you go around with various human weapons, guns, and just kill anything the game tells you to kill. Open world games are usually also sandboxes but just give you a huge land to explore. Fantasy games are basically based on another world and are very surreal or grim dark, depending on the game itself with magic and unicorns and shit. Equestria to me is about as fantasy as you can get, but real rather than a game or some shitty kids show. Survival games just tell you to stay alive as well and some let you play with other gamers who will kill you and steal your baked beans.”

“Seems interesting, do you have a way to replicate any of them here?”

“I don’t have the parts to make the parts to make what I’d need. Without a computer to either use or reverse engineer I couldn’t do it, even then I had very limited knowledge of making games myself. I’ll talk to Celestia during our next meeting and see if she can send me back to get my laptop, or just send us both back so we can bum around in my house for a day or two. I’d like to go home just to say goodbye honestly. But I won’t be missing out on much if I can’t get back.”

“How many games, and gamers were there?”

“Millions, I couldn’t even guess how many games existed, many shit, and the gamer population was huge as gaming became a mainstream thing, people were getting rich from making their own games as well as playing them. I owned about two hundred I think, a couple copies and some early games that I got sent to test.”

“Two hundred? Is that how you became addicted?”

“No, I was addicted long before I got that. I played a lot as a kid, I had a horrible childhood and gaming was my escape and then went into a major depression about 5 years ago and used gaming as my escape again, whenever I got out of depression I realised how fucked I was because I’d wasted so much time on a computer so would go back to the one thing stopping me in life.”

“Why did you not get help?”

“The only person I could ask was my dad, who I hated so could never give him the satisfaction of asking.”

“Gaming sounds depressing.”

“Nah gaming is harmless, I just turned it into a weapon against myself, gaming alone won’t do anything bad to you.” It was at this point I wanted to get something alcoholic to drink, but also the time we reached the chariots, we boarded the nearest one and two Pegasi guards hooked up and e left, returning back to Ponyville. I talked a bit more about gaming, got back, talked to Spike about gaming a bit and pissed about in the library for the rest of the day.

Turns out Applejack went full retard, tried to harvest an orchard the size of Newark alone and ended up getting half the town poisoned on dirt cupcakes, sending Rainbow Dash half way across town in a freak stunt, and causing a rabbit army to invade Ponyville. Honestly I didn’t care too much and refused the cupcake Spike kept offering me. Especially after a worm crawled out of it.

Author's Notes:

gotta get that fandom reference in here.
fucking people

Act I: Chapter VIII

It took me until I had awoken the next day to realise I hadn’t asked for a scabbard for the sword, I was kinda pissed about that honestly but didn’t show it, it was my own fault. Diamond was missing when I got up for breakfast but Twilight and Spike were sitting at the table happily, Spike eating some blue gem and Twilight eating oatmeal. She smiled when she saw me come out of my room, I still wasn’t overly sure where Diamond slept but didn’t care enough to ask.

“How did the trip go?” Twilight asked as I sat down, pouring some apple juice into a glass.

“Alright, met a girl called Roseluck and some musician called Glaze, went to the city wall-” Was all I got up before Spike jumped up, with wide eyes.

“YOU MET GLAZE?” He asked, rather loudly. I flinched slightly at the noise.

“Yeah, green and yellow chick, she was pretty cool. Anyway-“

“Dude! Pretty cool doesn’t even begin to describe Gla-“

“Spike, please stop interrupting, let Aron continue. It won’t help his anxiety if you do.” Twilight said quietly, she didn’t stop him by being so calm, she stopped him talking his a hoof to the mouth. Now where interrupting can be a dick move to someone like me, but mentioning that someone like me has anxiety is about as helpful as interrupting to being with. I didn’t complain though, Twilight meant well and Ponyland had done wonders to my anxiety already.

“Anyway, we went to the city walls, I saw the defences and we went to go see Toyar the blacksmith about the sword, he basically confirmed it was enchanted but wasn’t sure if it was Spiritus or not, warned me against going to the mage tower until I knew if it was enchanted or not, meaning I had to use the thing. Which I won’t be too upset if I never get the chance to do.” I said, Twilight nodded a couple times.

“But think about what you could learn if it is!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah but ‘using’ a sword usually means killing someone and I really don’t want to do that.”

“Well I’m sure if you never use it you could just give it to the mage tower, sure about enchantments or not.”

“That’s the plan.” I muttered, well, the plan now that she had mentioned the idea. “We also went by the castle and saw Celestia for a bit, she is trying to plan a meeting between me and her. And Luna is confirmed to want to see me.”

“Wonder what she wants to talk about.” Twilight muttered, looking into her oatmeal for a second.

“Probably going to do the same thing everyone has done thus far, ask me what the fuck I am.”

“I meant Celestia.”
“Oh, she said something about wanting to get to know me more, she seems like a decent enough person, one I can trust. Plus she would be the best to ask about the history of this place, I’ve picked up some bits from Diamond and you so far. Seems pretty fascinating.”

“You can trust me Aron.” Twilight said, sounding a little hurt. Spike just randomly stood up and walked off somewhere.

“People keep saying I can trust them and they trust me after only being here a few days. But I know Twilight, I say ‘trust’, but it’s not like that, I wouldn’t tell her anything I wouldn’t tell you or Diamond.” Well besides the state secrets and maybe some of my own past.

“Alright. You two doing anything today?”

“Not that I know of, I fucked up and forgot a scabbard for the sword but I ain’t going all the way to fucking Canterlot just to get one.”

“We have a blacksmith here if you want to ask her.” I raised my eyebrows at that.

“Alright I might do that. Do you know if she works with chemicals at all, or if there are any chemical engineers around Ponyville?”

“Hmm. Not in Ponyville no. And Smith doesn’t work with chemicals that I know of, you’d have to ask. I’ll ask Spike to take you to her after breakfast.”

“What are you doing then?”

“Studying, I have a friendship report to write.” That stumped me.

“That sounds like an analogy for something.” Twilight let out a cute laugh at that, which brought a smile to my face. I suddenly heard Diamond say something behind me and turned in my chair to see him and Spike talking about boys or something.

“No Princess Celestia sent me to Ponyville to make friends and has asked that I send weekly reports of things I have learnt as a friend.”

“Oh alright, send something like ‘friends can be easy to trust as long as the trust is returned.’” I said, waving my hand around.

“That sounds like a good report, I guess my day has been cleared then.”

“If it is so hard to find something new to learn about friendship you are trying too hard, just relax and see what life brings.”

“But I don’t want to get tardy!” She shrieked.

“Tardy? Really?” She just blushed slightly and smiled. “Whatevs, don’t listen to me, I’m a lazy mofo.”

“Mo-fo?”

“Short for motherfucker.”

“What’s a-“

“A word not to be repeated, swearing is bad and you should feel bad.”

“You’re teaching Diamond!”

“Yeah and he knows the right time to fucking use it.”

“Just then seemed like a weird time to use it.”

“It was, I use swears for filler, not practically.”

“Why can’t I then?”

“Because you’re intelligent to use real works as filler and I only do it because I swear far too much.”

“Alright fine. Or, whatevs.” She scrunched up saying whatevs, it was adorable.

“You’re too smart to use slang Twilight, you look like you hurt yourself just saying that.” There was a short silence whilst I ate some apple slices before Diamond joined us.

“Morning.” He grunted, I continued chewing for a couple seconds before replying, it got awkward since I had just taken a bite.

“Sup.” I replied.

“Fascinating. You do not talk whilst chewing but you use such slang.” He said, leaning closer to me, Twilight actually did the same after that, Spike didn’t care.

“Yeah mate, I have manners, and I know when to use them, like talking with your mouth full and a couple others. My speech is another matter.”

“Any plans for today Aron?” Diamond asked.

“Was gonna ask you honestly, Twilight suggested we go see the blacksmith about a scabbard for me s-woord so that’s on my list of shit to do, after that I got nothing’.” He blinked when I pronounced sword wrong, it’s a way I’ve heard before from a friend and use it from time to time.

“Why did you not ask Toyar to make you one yesterday?”

“Forget din’t I?” Short pause for dramatic effect, well, apple eating. “Plus I got him working on those chemicals so didn’t want to overburden him when I can’t pay shit anyway. Which reminds me-.”

“I’ll pay for the scabbard if you explain the want for chemicals you have.” Twilight said, I looked at her for a second before looking at Diamond again.

“Trying to make a human invention, I need sulphur, charcoal and saltpetre, it might not work but I’m interested to see if it does.”

“Weird mixture, one I’ve never heard of, and what does it make?” I paused at that, I figured if Diamond knew and Celestia had spies in Canterlot she already knew what I was making, plus Twilight wouldn’t rat me out about something as dangerous as a grenade right? She totally didn’t with the swor- oh wait.

“Gunpowder, I know very little about it myself, except it is used in ammunition for some human weapons and in small explosive devices called grenades. I’m trying to replicate grenades.”

“When you say explosive?”

“I will be testing it far away from any other living creature and most likely won’t be the one pulling the pin.” Diamond blinked at that. “I’ll try and get a unicorn to float it far away and then activate it.” He visibly relaxed.

“I volunteer.” Twilight said, smiling.

“It might be dangerous, but as I said, just hover it as far away as possible before setting it off.”

“Why make something so dangerous then, isn’t that, dangerous?”

“Yes but again, interest is in seeing if it can be done, rather than making them on bulk and actually using them.”

“Alright. What did you mean when you said ammunition?”

“Do you guys have bows, or crossbows? I know you have ballista.”

“Yes some are trained in using crossbows rather than spears, not many though. Most ranged fighting is done by unicorn mages.” Diamond muttered.

“Alright, do you know what a crossbow is, how it works Twilight?”

“Y-yes, my brother showed me the principle once.”

“Alright, well the bolts that come out of the crossbow is the crossbow’s ammunition. What I would be able to make with gunpowder is ammo for what is basically an upgrade to the crossbow, called a gun.”

“Why not make a gun instead of these, grenades then?” Twilight asked.

“Diamond asked the same thing yesterday, I may be able to make the bull- bolts, ammo for a gun, and I can make very simple grenades. I don’t have the knowledge for making a gun, obviously I’m not going to make the grenade, just pass on the information, but I don’t have the information to pass that could make a gun. I know there is a small explosion that propels the ammo, as well as a mechanism that does this, but I don’t know how to make them.”

“I see, how would you get the information?” Twilight asked.

“By going home and finding it. Or seeing if anyone in Equestria already has the technology. But considering the fact you guys hadn’t invented gunpowder until I brought it up. I doubt any of you have guns. Plus it requires a trigger, which I doubt you guys could use.” Though if a pony invented a gun they probably found a way to change the firing mechanism for pony hooves, like a lever or button.

“I see. I might have a talk with Celestia about this.”

“Can you hold off on it then, if she does get a meeting ready between us two this is going to be a topic I bring up. I don’t feel too comfortable in brining weapons to Equestria but I will be the only one to use them and it would only be a test rather than mass production or using them against the living.”

“I understand that.”

“You’re much calmer than I thought you would be about this.”

“Well if Diamond knows what you are up to then Princess Celestia probably knows as well, and since she hasn’t stopped you I suppose there is no harm in it. And as you have said, it would only be a test, I would like to see some human technology and if you can even make the most basic things it would be a good start. Our cultures may be closer than we both think.”

“Guns would not be the link between our cultures, but yes, pony culture is fairly close to what European culture was like about a thousand or so years ago.”

“So you are trying to make weapons that may not be around us for a thousand years?”

“No, I couldn’t even begin to learn the information needed to make modern weapons; that shit definitely won’t be accessible to learn. The guns I would make are about three hundred years, grenades are about nine hundred but I think we could’ve made them around the same time as we did the first guns had we had a reason.”

“That’s not so bad then.”

“Yeah, I wish I knew more inventions but I never was much for tinkering.” Twilight shrugged at that and I began to eat again.

“What is the history of guns then? Surely they were not made overnight.” Diamond asked after a fairly long pause, Spike and Twilight had been talking about something in that time.

“I honestly don’t know a lot only that it was a group called the Chinese who invented the earliest guns, even had something preceding guns that used gunpowder, the fire lance or something. I presume I was basically a single shot gun or even a firework launcher or something but I don’t really know myself. They were hundreds of years ahead in warfare tech than the rest of world it was unreal. The rest of the world were still using bows and arrows and stone tools to kill each other whilst the Chinese were using guns and canons. Eventually a really intelligent invented reinvented guns for Europe and the rest of the world and they became much more of a thing, they could only fire one shot at a time for a very long time, much like crossbows. Until a huge war where they were used on mass. Machine guns were invented towards the end of that war, guns that fired very rapidly and didn’t need as much reloading. Then the Second War started and guns leaped forward again, and now modern weapons rarely fire once, most have a clip, or magazine of ammunition to fire, as small as a seven clip mag to hundreds. Some video games would have fantasy guns that would fire super-heated light or other science-fiction ideas that I couldn’t explain to you.”

“I see, the more you talk about your world the more I want to visit.”

“Diamond, you really don’t want to go there, I don’t miss it that much for a reason. Though I do wanna see your reaction to video games.”

“Yes I would very much like to play one someday. You need that talk with Princess Celestia.”

“Hey I’m not the only one who can appeal.”

“That is very true.” He paused and looked around the table, I had just finished my food, Twilight was cleaning up and Spike was staring at the ceiling. “It also appears we are all done, so we may go and greet the day if you wish?” He asked. Spike looked down and nodded. I smiled.

“Twilight you want some help?” I called, Spike looked at me fearfully and shook his head quickly.

“Yes I suppose this would go quicker with some help, Spike you there?” She called back. Spike gave a very defeated look and called back, before getting up to help. I think he spat in my next meal but I couldn’t be sure.

Once we had cleaned up and ready we all left, Diamond was lacking a spear and most of his armour, I left the sword at home and had a top on, and it was far too hot to wear a jumper so just went without. Twilight was naked, as was Spike.

“What is the ‘Fie-zone’?” Twilight asked as we left. I looked down at my top.

“Fee-zone. It’s a name of two people I used to like back home.”

“Go on?”

“Alright, people used to record themselves doing random crap and these two played computer games. One was in a big group who all played games and recorded a lot, and the other is the first’s girlfriend.”

“You have a top of a lesbian couple who play games together?”

“Yes.” I nodded and smiled.

“You thought that was appropriate to wear?” It took me less than a second to get where she was going.

“Oh god! Twi not like that, they would play games on a piece of human technology, like video games. I can’t explain it since y’all are so behind in technology, Diamond you’re up!” I shouted, more out of fear and confusion than anything else.

“What is it?” He asked, usual monotone overlapping the anger.

“Explain to Twilight what video games are. I did yesterday to you and can’t be asked to repeat myself.”

“I am honoured you would give me the opportunity to do this since you ‘can’t be asked’.” He replied.

“Huh, first time I’ve heard you shorten a word. Maybe I am a bad influence on you.”

“I was quoting you Aron, it does not count.” He replied, then began to tell Twilight what I had said yesterday. Then suddenly, Rainbow Dash. Like, she wasn’t there then the next second I knew we was flying next to me.

“Oh hey Aron, didn’t see you there.” She said, rolling onto her back and facing me, still in the air mind you. I was impressed honestly. I half expected Spike to come talk to me but don’t know why he would want to talk to me.

“Sup Dash.” I replied half-heartedly. “I’m the only human here that I know of, surprised you didn’t spot me from a mile away. Though I didn’t see you until you appeared beside me.”

“Yeah that seems to happen here, more so with Pinkie Pie than anypony else, but it seems to happen.”

“How does it feel, to just materialise?”

“Oh no, ponies don’t just appear, we tend to be doing something else and just end up with others.”

“Alright fine, I accept the cartoon physics there, y’all are colourful talking ponies so I’m game for anything. What were you doing beforehand?” She looked at me like an idiot for a rather long time.

“Looking for you of course!” She declared.

“You teleported to me, or felt a calling to me, whatever you’d call it, whilst looking for me anyway?” She just nodded. “Alright whatever, I don’t care anyway, I surprised you’re even up. Whatcha want?”

“I always get up early for days like this!”

“Days where you go out looking for me, how often do you do that?”

“Don’t be stupid Aron, days where me and Pinks go out and prank ponies, I wanted to see if you wanted to join in.” This time I gave her the idiot face.

“Dashie-” For whatever reason she flinched at that. “-I’ve been wondering around Ponyville with a Canterlotian, Canterlonian, Canter- whatever, I’ve been travelling with a royal guard since I got here and you thought I’d want to go pranking people?” She nodded. I thought about it for a second. “Honestly I would fucking love to do that, might be a great chance to get to know ponies other than Diamond and Twilight better. Though I am already owed a meeting with Celestia, I owe a meeting to both Vinyl and Glaze. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if those all put me off socialising for a while, can only do so much before I get a relapse.”

“You know Glaze, and Vinyl Scratch?” Rainbow asked, much calmer than I expected, mentioned both musicians only to get a reaction out of her, I expected nothing and was still disappointed.

“Yeah met Vinyl and Octavia my first day here, they seemed alright, and met Glaze yesterday, she seems awesome. I’m surprised that’s all you got from my little rant.”

“Meh something about you being shy. You wanna go pranking then?” She asked, wide smile and wider eyes. It was both adorable and terrifying.

“Again, I’d fucking love to, but I got some shit to do today. Well gotta hit the blacksmiths and then I’m free as far as I know, I’d hate to leave Diamond alone but fuck him. If I catch you guys later I’ll join. How far do these pranks normally go?”

“Alright Aron, why you got any ideas?”

“Oh Christ no, I don’t know the first thing about pranking, it would be cool to learn from the master, or masters if Pinkie is good at them as well.” For some reason Rainbow blushed at that.

“Well I am pretty good at them.” She smiled slightly and turned around. “Anyway Aron, I’ll catch you later hopefully.” With that she flew off, I kinda wanted to talk about Pegasi shit with her but figured she wouldn’t be up for a history lesson and I wouldn’t gain any favour with her talking about shit like that. Diamond it is then.

“Yo Diamond!” I called, running to catch up, Spike and Twilight were talking so I figured Diamond was done with video game masturbation, if not tough shit.

“What is it Aron?” He asked, monotone thick with monotone.

“Wow, you’re best friend and you talk to me like I’m interrupting something.”

“When you put it that way… What is it Aron?” Same monotone, I could’ve slapped a bitch.

“You’re a Pegasus.” I began.

“Well spotted.” He stretched out his wings to prove that he was, indeed, a flying pony.

“Fuck off, anyway. What you got for Pegasus history?”

“You have known me just under a week and it took you this long to ask about specific races?”

“Fuck off.”

“Charming.” To begin with I honestly thought he would ‘fuck off’. Instead he cleared his throat. “The Pegasi have always been the more aggressive race of the four pony kinds, and in the early days were the leading military force, and even after the founding of Equestria they made up the bulk of Equestrian forces. One would think it would have been the unicorns but they began very uptight and would focus on magic and research rather than combat, thus the Pegasi, with their speed and air superiority became the leading force. Most of the Pegasi cities are made out of a specially made cloud that is as strong as concrete or bricks, but with the look of clouds and still contains its floating properties, the largest being Las Pegasus but the capital of the Pegasi would be Cloudsdale.” I glared at him at the names. “I know, I hate myself sometimes.”

“What would be the capital for Earth ponies then?”

“Manehatten, Canterlot would be for unicorns, as well as the capital altogether.”

“Alright, I keep hearing about this Manehatten place, I’ll have to go one day.”

“There’s a huge unicorn research facility there. I used to know of a pony named Dawn Star there.” Twilight said from up ahead, fuck the blacksmiths was a trek away. Oh wait we’re here.

“Hold that thought.” I muttered to Diamond as we entered the blacksmiths, this place was much better looking than Toyar’s, I could even see the anvil and blacksmith area from outside so there wasn’t smoke fucking everywhere. Sure Toyar had a chimney but this place was ninety percent outside. Kinda weird we had to go inside to talk to someone though. There was already a pony at a table looking at us with a huge grin. She was bright pink with bright yellow hair, not a great combo. She had an anvil as her butt tattoo. I never did see what Toyar’s was. Probably a tree log or a kilt.

“Hi, I’m Smith welcome to Smith’s Blacksmithing!” The abomination of colour exclaimed.

“Sup.” I replied, her smile didn’t even falter.

“Hi Smith, We were wondering if you could help us with something.” Twilight said in her usual chipper self.

“I can help in whatever you need Twilight.” Now to my mind that sounded creepy, but I’d be single for a while so my mind was just porn and innuendos at this point.

“Yes, you see Aron needs a new scabbard.-“ Was as far as she got before I pulled out the sword as dramatically as possible to show it off, which in hindsight without a scabbard and me just holding it awkwardly didn’t do much. I basically lifted my hand up. “-For this, and we were wondering if you could make one.” Smith waved her hoof about in what looked like a ‘come here’ gesture, I just handed her the sword, well put it on the table. She looked over it and after a short pause nodded.

“I will need to keep the sword here until it is complete. What materials were you looking for me to use?” Smith asked, her voice calmer, she looked up at me for that. I very nearly outright said leather but thought on it for a second.

“Either steel or brass. Depending which is lighter. Or wood if that is even lighter than those two.” Smith looked me up and down for a second.

“Steel will be lighter, you don’t look like you could handle anything above. I’ll have to pad it with some foam and cloth. Don’t pull the sword out as quickly as you tried or you will scratch it or cut the cloth.” I nodded. “I take it you know how to use a sword right?”

“Absolutely.” I said, at the same time both Twilight and Diamond said. “No.” Smith just smiled.

“I suggest getting a trainer, I won’t make the scabbard overly decorative for your first sword.”

“First?” I asked. “Don’t most people just have one?” I wasn’t sure if that was actually a thing or not. Sure Skyrim and other games I was using about nine weapons at a time for different reasons, but most stories and shit I knew of people would only use one weapon, and keep one weapon. Though most stories the hero didn’t need to maintain their weapon or armour.

“Most sword wielders go through a couple swords before they become a master, obviously when, if you get a trainer you’ll be using practice swords an awful lot as well.”

“That is true enough.” Twilight then stepped forward.

“How much would this cost?” She asked. Smith lost her smile, looked me up and down again and smiled again.

“We can discuss that when I am finished, come back to me in say, three days and it should be finished.”

“Alright, thank you Smith.”

“No problem Twilight, we must catch up soon!” And with that we left.

“Alright Diamond back to history one-oh-one.” He coughed again and began. Twilight looked pretty interested, Spike was dead or something.

“Anyway, to begin with Pegasi had a very dark history, when ponykind was more divided Pegasi had two agendas; military prowess and weather manufacturing. There were, rumours, as to how the weather was maintained but no real proof was ever found except for a group of Pegasi, considered insane at the time and part of a terrorist organisation they were cast out and never heard from again. For a while the image of the brave, noble Pegasi race was tainted, but they slowly got their reputation back as invaders decided ponykind would be an easy target as they set up their new home in Equestria.”

“Why ‘new home?’ Where did you live before that?”

“Much further north, beyond the Griffons and Northern Wastelands. All ponykind got forced out of their northern homes when,-” He paused and looked at Twilight. “-Windegos attacked and turned the landscape into a harsh frozen wasteland. A few groups stayed behind, one forming the Crystal Empire and another forming a naturistic home just beyond the Wasteland called Fairlee, they eventually became their own race of ponies; the Sirens. Using the abandoned Heart of Equestria they gained far more magical ability than any pony now.”

“Alright, loads of history questions to ask but they can wait. I guess Celestia can tell me more.”

“Indeed she can, her and Luna taking power about a hundred years after ponykind found its way to Equestria.”

“I remember reading about the Sirens, weren’t they wiped out very recently?” Twilight asked, far more casually then I would be talking about genocide.

“It is unknown what happened to the Sirens. The Crystal Empire vanished after King Sombra’s defeat, but the Sirens stayed very isolated, one rumour suggests that the Sirens presumed the rest of Ponykind had perished fleeing south so just thrived alone. None have been spotted in a very long time, though unless they did any magic a pony wouldn’t know.”

“How come? Or is it just a feeling you guys get?”

“They, glow, is the best way to describe it. Or at least that’s how the old texts describe them. When a Siren does magic purple and blue symbols appear on their hooves and bodies, usually on their dominant side.”

“Neat, so are all Sirens unicorns?”

“Again it’s unknown. The leading idea is that any Siren race can use magic, unicorns get a boasted magical talent, Pegasi and Earth Ponies get a ‘ghost horn’ appear whenever they use magic, but are slightly weaker than the average unicorn at casting magic.”

“Cool. Wonder if humans could cast magic if I found a Siren?”

“Maybe, there is little known about them besides notes that explorers wrote. None have really talked to a normal pony and as I said, none have been seen in years. They may well be existence for all anypony knows.”

“Damn that sucks. But fuck could you imagine me with magic?”

“I guess you would just make shitty jokes or puns about magic and write swears in the sky.”

“I could do that?”

“Yes, Pegasi have the ability to change the cloud layer and form clouds how we wish, it is how we make cities out of cloud. I am sure unicorns could alter the cloud format if they so wish.”

“That sounds awesome, though I highly doubt I’m ever going to meet a Siren if they are so rare, let alone become one or whatever. Plus magic is OP.”

“Oh-Pee?” He asked carefully.

“Overpowered.”

“I see, that sort of works with magic.”

“Nice. I should teach you more gaming phrases but I suppose you’d count that as slang and never use them.”

“Most likely. I will not apologise for having proper grammar.”

“Yeah well, fuck you.”

“You cannot hold arguments very well can you Aron?”

“Nope, I blame Spike.” Said dragon turned around at that but said nothing. Then I noticed I was still aimlessly wondering with Twilight, and she was heading for Rarity’s. Which brought two things back.

“Yo Twi.” I called, she turned around really quickly. “A’right, two things; first. How come I can read sign posts but I can’t read horse books?” She scrunched her face at that.

“I honestly couldn’t tell you Aron, we still haven’t done any tests. Though knowing sign posts could be helpful data for later.”

“Alright, I don’t care that much, if I can’t read horse I can’t read horse.”

“Why do you do things like that? Saying horse rather than Equestrian, and ‘horseland’ or ‘Ponyland’ instead of Equestria, or even Equus. You like slang, Equus is easier to say than horseland.” Diamond asked

“Because I’m an asshole and know it’ll eventually piss someone off. Plus I’m not from this fucking planet so excuse me if I get the wording wrong.” There was a pause.

“… Alright I’ll give you that.” He replied, I think I ended up sounding far angrier than I meant to sound.

“Anyway, second thing. Where you going now? Cause I think El Dasho would be pissed if I didn’t show up for her pranking.”

“…” I definitely heard the silence there. “Di- did you just call Rainbow Dash. El Dasho?” Twilight asked, Spike obviously didn’t hear first time round because he burst into laughter at that. I just shrugged.

“Same. Wanna answer the question?” She neighed and huffed a little before answering.

“I was just going to Rarity’s, I got so caught up in your banter with Diamond I forgot you had any other plans.”

“Wow thanks Twilight, I guess you’re dismissed then Diamond. Do whatevs.”

“Alright Aron, guess I’ll see you tonight.”

“Hey we need to make friends other than each other, plus I’m an alien here, it looks weird travelling with a guard constantly, even if he isn’t visibly armed.”

“You keep saying you are no warrior but you seem to know military tactics and ideas a lot. How come?”

“My dad worked with the military, and as I said yesterday, so did I for a while, I pick shit up.” I shrugged and began to walk off before he could ask anything else, that was a fucked up time in my life and I don’t like thinking on it.

Finding Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash was much harder than I expected, a couple ponies who did talk to me when I asked for the pair seemed to point me in a direction but I found no hide nor tail of them. Which thinking back is a phrase I need to not say in Equestria. It took about ten minutes of inquisition before I found them, or more so found a rainbow streak with a Pink mud pony following at a gentle sprint. I swore a couple times figuring I would have to run to catch up to the pair.
Little disclaimer, when I did finally start running not only did I look like a complete twat but I also ran out of breath almost instantly, only keeping the pace up because I needed the exercise and it looked good to be out alone rather than with Twilight or Diamond. Otherwise I would’ve fucked off back to Diamond and tortured him more.

I discovered how badly I fucked up a couple minutes later when I finally caught up with the pair, both looking at me with huge grins on their faces. I should have counted that as a red flag when I panted closer to them.

“Jesus. Fucking.” Coughing fit. “Why.” Was all I got out, not due to lack of breath, but due to the lack of floor under me, I didn’t even register I was falling until I had already hit the bottom of a really weirdly perfect, square hole that had been covered with twigs and grass. There was no rubble and thankfully hay where I landed so didn’t get too badly hurt. As soon as I hit the ground I heard a very tomboyish and girly laugh come from above and saw Rainbow staring down.

“Have a nice trip?” She called down, the hole was a couple meters deep, just deep enough for it to be an issue if I were to try and get out.

“Hey I’m on your team!” I called back, smiling slightly, it sucked I was down here yes, but it was pretty funny and nothing of value was lost.

“We prank each other too Aron.” Rainbow called down.

“Alright fine, just help me out.”

“I dunno…” Oh you bitch.

“Plz?” I said, memes to the rescue.

“What do I get if I help you out?” Wut.

“What do you want Dash?” I asked, regretting that instantly.

“Get Glaze to meet me.” I paused at that.

“Da- Dash I can’t just get Glaze to meet you, I barely fucking know her. Probably not gonna see her again.” I’m surprised people were still on this, was she really that known? And yet Diamond seemed unfazed, though he isn’t a real boy anyway.

“Well, go to a concert and meet her then, then get to know her so you can just get her to meet me.”

“Fine whatever, help me out now?” She smiled and nodded.

“Pinkie get the ladder.” She said to the pink menace behind her.

“I dunno Dashie, he gave you something what about little ol’ mamma Pinkie?” Oh shit.

“The fuck could you want?”

“What else Aron? I wanna party!”

“You could do that without my blessing.”

“Oh I know silly billy, but I want to give you a party, for being a part of Ponyville.” Now that I could do.

“Will there be alcohol?” A pause.

“What’s, alcohol?” Oh shit son, maybe not.

“Go to the Ponyville bar and ask for some, get me a list of what they have and I’ll tick of the best ones.” I.e. the ones I personally liked, and maybe whatever Diamond’s poison was, which I still didn’t know, though I don’t remember anything from my first night so that’s not surprising.

“Okie Doki Aronie!” Pinkie called. I heard a small zoom sound and Dash face-hooved and flew down the hole with me.

“Okay, first of, is it wise to have Pinkie around alcohol?” Rainbow asked. I gave a very shocked face.

“Damn Dash, didn’t know you drink?” I asked.

“Cider mainly, Applejack makes some bucking great stuff every year after harvest. Though some other stuff I like.” She shrugged and landed next to me, figuring either Pinkie had abandoned me or gone to go get some ladder of sorts I sat down next to Dash.

“That’s fucking awesome girl. Cider is great. Though you haven’t lived until you do the tequila challenge.”

“The what?”

“Do you guys have tequila?” A nod. “Alright, you get a slice of lemon, and a pinch of salt, then you drink three shots of tequila, eat the lemon and lick the salt. There are more hardcore versions of that but that’s how I do it.”

“Ponies can’t eat salt, we can’t digest it.”

“Damn, alright, just the lemon then I guess.”

“I’d love to see you drunk Aron. You might actually be pretty lively.” Dash laughed at that and I smiled.

“First night I came here me and Diamond went to the guard bar, I have no idea what the fuck happened that night and I’m pretty sure I gave Diamond a black eye.” Dash looked at me with pure shock.

“Seriously?” She asked.

“Yeah, apparently the bar wanted us to pay for damages.” She started laughing again, it was adorable.

“So does that mean when you were in Ponyville you went through the day with a hangover?”

“Killer one yeah.” Dash very quickly gave me a hug, it was unexpected, but she was soft so I just returned it. It stopped much sooner than I would have liked.
What I’m a slut for hugs. “I’m sorry I tackled you then dude.” She said, blushing.

“Meh it was basically gone by then anyway. You should be sorry whatever, fucking Diamond nearly killed you.”

“Yeah.” She said, clearly unsure, and unhappy about that memory. “What’s with Diamond anyway?”

“What do you mean? He is so jaded because that’s part of his training, he is a solider and that’s how they work. It seems like Royal Guards are pretty elite here so if he is told to defend someone he will fucking do it. It happened to me be he was guarding and you happened to be a threat. Twice if I recall.”

“I meant why do you like hanging out with him so much?”

“Oh right, one reason is because I honestly haven’t had a chance to hang with anyone but him and Twilight since I got here, and another is that he was my first friend in Equestria, and I wanna hang with him because of that. Blame my anxiety or whatever but I end up getting stupidly trusting and close to people who come to me for friendship. And we have a lot of similarities.” There was a long pause before Dash put her head on my shoulder, I got a face full of rainbow hair but I didn’t complain.

“Well I dunno about the others but I’m your friend Aron.” She said after a moment.

“Thanks RD.”

“Don’t tell anypony I’m so soppy though.”

“Dash have you met me? That wasn’t close to soppy.” She laughed slightly at that.

We were down that hole for nearly three hours before someone came looking for us, we didn’t even notice. Just talked about this and that until a lavender pony appeared at the top of the hole. As well as a very bored looking white Pegasus.

“There you two are!” Twilight called down, we were talking about video games at that point and scared us both shitless when another voice echoed out. I looked up and waved, Dash was further away from me before I even saw her move.

“Sup?” Both me and Rainbow said.

“Don’t ‘Sup’ me you two! Ponies have been looking everywhere for you. Pinkie came back into town saying Aron was stuck down a hole and ran off to ‘go do something for you’!” Twilight shouted.

“Hey I’ve been waiting for her to come back with a fucking ladder so I can get out of here!” I called back.

“Why is Rainbow Dash with you then?” She asked back. I heard an ‘erm’ from Dash.

“Keeping me company? The fuck does it look like?” I asked.

“It looks like a lot of things Aron.” Twilight said.

“Fuck off. Now help me out of here, my leg is going cramped. How long we been down here?” Rainbow decided to just abandon me and fly up, Twilight’s horn started glowing and I suddenly found I was on my ass above ground, I very quickly got up and cleaned the dirt off me, more than a few rainbow hairs coming away as well.

“I don’t know, you left to find Dash and Pinkie about three hours ago.” Damn.

“Only took me ten minutes or so to find them. Then I was down there.”

“How. How did you end up down there?” Twilight asked.

“I done got pranked.” Was my reply, Twilight just nodded.

“Hey Aron I’ll see you-” Rainbow began.

“I’m not done with you yet Dash.” Twilight said with a rather scary tone, not even looking at her. “You and Diamond can go back to the library if you wish. Pinkie was waiting there last I saw with a piece of parchment.” I nodded, said bye to Dash and left, Diamond soon followed.

“So what actually happened down there for three hours?” Diamond asked pretty quickly.

“Honestly dude nothing, I found out Dash is fucking awesome and we were just talking. I didn’t even notice how long we were down there. How long y’all been looking for me?”

“About ten minutes, Pinkie told us fairly quickly but said not to worry about it for a while.”

“I take it you of all ponies was the first to come save me?”

“Sure.”

“Also you up for a party tonight?” There was a pause.

“Alcohol?”

“Yep.” Another pause.

“Fuck yes.” Getting back to the library was of little event, we just had some more small talk and I didn’t want another history lesson so quickly so just stuck to girls and shit like that. Well, I brought up the salt thing and we started trading food items. Some stuff Equestria had would’ve been great on Earth but they never came to be.

Inside the library sure enough Pinkie was running around chasing Spike and I saw a rather long list of alcoholic drinks on the dining table. I picked it up and read through, basic stuff. Tequila was there, as well as cider, wheat beer, something called Kvass, rum, vodka, cherry vodka, a couple wines and some other stuff. I went and found a quill and put a tick next to half a dozen.

“Diamond do the same for alcohol you like.” He nodded, grabbed the quill and ticked three or four more. I didn’t see what he ticked. I grabbed the paper and was ready to hand it to Pinkie but she grabbed it and it disappeared. Somewhere.

“Now, this might be costly-” I began.

“Silly Aron, any price is nothing compared to a party!”

“Yeah that may be the case but alcohol can get expensive and if more than a few ponies are coming you’ll need a lot of it. Maybe tell whoever you are inviting to bring some of their own, or be willing to pay for it. I feel bad eno-”

“I understand Aron, don’t you worry you’re pretty little head. Now I gotta go prepare, I’ll see you later with the invites!” She began to run off.

“Invite Dash for fucks sake!” I called. If the rest of the party was full of random redshirts or Twilight’s friends I wanted at least Dash and Diamond to go so I could get shit pissed with friends. Which reminded me of something.

“Spike how old are you?” I asked, the named dragon had been watching that conversation with a strange level of interest.

“Pony years or dragon years?” He asked. I shrugged. “Dragons age very differently to ponies, and from what I’ve read most races, when we are young we tend to stay young for a long time and as we age our age becomes much more balanced with ponies. Only, we live longer.”

“Alright, do you think you’re old enough to drink alcohol? Or what’s the age law here?” I asked, Spike shrugged.

“Probably not the best for him to be drinking Aron.” Diamond said.

“Yeah you’re right, give him a few years. Don’t worry Spike.”

“Aww but I wanna drink alcohol with you and Diamond!” He cried, yep far too young.

“Give it a couple years alright Spike, wait say-” I looked at Diamond, who looked Spike up and down.

“Three years.”

“-Three years and I’ll go drinking with you alright?” I asked, Spike looked pissed for a second before just nodded, neither looking angry or happy. He wondered off to go hang himself or something and I looked back at Diamond.

“Well I fucked that up.”

“Yes but he could become a good friend, when he matures.” I smiled and nodded.

“Obviously they are common here but back home I could become a god if I went back riding Spike wielding some enchanted godslaying sword.” Diamond smiled slightly.

“Even here if an alien like you managed to convince a dragon to ride them you would be pretty well respected. They rarely allow anything to ride them expect their young if the dragons are on a migration. To allow you a ride would be a pretty big honour.”

“Nice. You know anyone that’s ridden one?”

“There are rumours Celestia once rode a dragon into battle. Luna was supposedly friends with one long ago but never rode it.”

“So no.”

“Again, dragon riders are rare, I am sorry for not knowing someone who comes around once in a lifetime.”

“Hey now, you know me. No human has set foot here yet, that’s gotta give you some street cred.”

“Sure.” And that concluded that conversation. Twilight came back a few minutes later and seemed pretty happy about something.

“So I hear you promised Pinkie a party?” She asked me, Diamond fucked off at that and I looked Twilight up and down.

“She had me trapped in a hole, I had to promise I’d get Glaze to meet Dash as well.” I shrugged.

“Cute. This will be a great way for you to socialise. Hope you make yourself seen a lot.” Twilight muttered.

“My plan was to get shit pissed with Diamond and Rainbow. Vinyl if she is free. Though I figured she’d want to socialise or DJ if she did show up.”

“Come on Aron, I know you’re shy but you can’t keep hidden in a small group of friends, friendship can solve any issue.”

“Yes I am shy, incredibly normally. Ponyland has done wonders for me, I’m a much better person than I was on Earth but please don’t try and force this Twilight. The best way I know how to have fun is talking to friends and drinking an unhealthy amount of alcohol.” She paused at that, honestly I expected better from her but I saw where she was going, and she was right.

“That’s not a good thing Aron, you should talk to friends without being intoxicated.”

“Hey, I do that plenty. I’m talking to you now without touching any liquor and today I spent all day with Dash trapped in a fucking hole. I know when to be drunk and when not to be, and parties are a time to be drunk. I’m surprised Pinkie was so up for throwing one with alcohol, I had the idea she threw childish ones.”

“She does, normally. She seems to have taken a liking to you, a lot of ponies have.”

“I may not have had many friends but it was honestly like that on Earth, people trusted me. I have no idea why they did but I was always reliable I guess.”

“You just have an aurora around you.”

“Yeah a couple people have said before. What are you plans for this party? And when, and better yet, where is it?”

“Most likely socialise, though I am not as good as I’m sure you believe me to be. Spike will be going and he will not be drinking. As for the party itself, apparently starts at eight, Pinkie managed to book the town hall, sorting out the decorations with Rarity now.”

“Already had that conversation with him, I didn’t realise how young he was, Diamond said he still have three, four years before he should be allowed to drink, he seemed pretty upset about it, and it was my fault for bringing it up. But again I didn’t realise.” Twilight gave me a terrifying glare for a second but eventually just nodded.

“I don’t really want him drinking at all, horrid stuff. But I suppose everypony grows up eventually.”

“Exactly, if I can help it I won’t corrupt him, he’s too happy to be a dragon version of me. Or even Diamond.” Twilight nodded. Smiling slightly. “Also, when you say Town Hall, you don’t mean the same one that got blown up when Nightmare Moon attacked was it?” Twilight paused but quickly nodded. I face palmed. “Alright, I’ll give you that you ponies are quick builders, but fucking hell that was quick.” She just shrugged.

“Ponies band together much more than other races, I’m surprised you didn’t see, about half the town have been helping in rebuilding it since that night.”

“I was hella tired after that fight and I was in Canterlot yesterday and stuck in a hole all day today.” Twilight shrugged again.

“Oh well. Some griffon showed up today, asking for Rainbow but since Nopony knew where you two were she went back home. Hopefully Rainbow Dash isn’t too upset about it.”

“Oh shit you guys have griffons here?” I asked, to be honest Diamond had mentioned them before to me but it still shocked me. Twilight nodded. “And Dash knows one?” Or knows of one, or at least a griffon knows of Dash. Another nod. “Kickass.”

With Twilight apparently having nothing to do, Spike killing lady bugs or something and Diamond being his anti-social self we just spent the rest of the day in the library. Me and Twilight having a conversation and doing a couple tests on horse words. Turns out I can’t read book written words. Which we knew already. Diamond and I talked for a while and even Spike came down, we had a foursome with words. It was sexy.

Finally the time for the party arrived and I put on a top which I only brought in a very slim chance of ever needing it, the top itself was shit, just pure black. Except for a piece of Velcro with had some plastic panel on it that lights up in the beat of music. I hadn’t worn it in a while and wasn’t sure if it was solar or battery powered so wasn’t even sure if the thing worked. Twilight and Diamond both asked about it and how it worked but I honestly had no idea, plus I couldn’t be bothered with explaining electricity to them. Twilight wore some shitty white dress and Diamond wore some of his armour but left a lot of the leg armour off as well as his helmet and some cloth accessories. Spike was there too.

Author's Notes:

rip spike, he was there

Act I: Chapter IX

I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone somewhere wrote down the party as a historical event, the greatest party in Equestria. It seemed the entire town had been invited and most of them seemed to have shown up. When the four of us left the library to head to the party I very quickly noticed a stage set up outside of the town hall with all sorts of instruments set out. I noticed Vinyl was on stage, as well as Octavia who was currently testing the microphone. Ponies seemed to be everywhere around that stage, chatting and wondering idly to the many stalls that had been set up, many with food and other treats on show. Tables were everywhere as well as some archways covered in balloons and streamers. A huge banner was over the town hall entrance (Which I will say looked exactly as it did when I arrived) which said “ARON’S WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY” I smiled at that, Pinkie had gone all out, how the fuck she had managed this I will never know, but I guessed this was why she never came to save us from the hole. The sun was beginning to set but it still wasn’t quite dark yet, and it was stupidly warm as well. I was kinda worrying about having to bring a jumped and not show off my epic top but I doubt I’d have to worry about that much. The town hall’s doors were open with a small sign saying ‘Toilets’ and another saying ‘Bar’ my original plan was just to sit around drinking but I honestly wanted to get involved just by looking at this setup. I was honestly speechless as I took it all in and even Diamond was wide eyed.

“I think I just came confetti.” I managed after a very long pause of standing still taking in the environment. I saw a pink blur and saw the pink pony herself.

“Soooooo. Whatcha think?” She asked, huge grin just plastered on her face.

“I think I love you.” I muttered, she giggled a bit and ran off before I could say more, Twilight was pretty speechless herself.

“So much for this being half a dozen ponies in the library.” Diamond muttered. Still holding the grin. Almost put emotion in his muttering. Almost.

“Dude this is fucking kickass, just wait til this shit takes off. Ponies drunk, dancing and doing all sorts of shit. This is gonna go down in history bro.” I said, spreading my arms out and looking at him. He nodded with a grin.

“Well then, I do not know about you Aron but I am going to get a drink.” He said, I nodded then thought of something.

“Hey Twilight?” I asked, she closed her jaw and looked at me, nodding. “Do you know any spells that negate the effects of memory lose?” I asked. She looked confused for a second. “Like, I don’t want to forget a second of this but I will be drinking heavily. Is there a way to stop me forgetting?” She looked in thought for a second.

“Yes, it’s a fairly easy spell. You will feel a lot more tired tomorrow but I doubt many will want to go out tomorrow at all after this.” Twilight said, her horn glowing, she touched her horn to my forehead and I felt something, change, inside me. Like a lot of older memories flooded back to me. “It will feel odd to have a larger memory bank and you may remember more details in everyday life but nothing else really happens besides remembering everything whatever you do.” I nodded at that, Diamond asked for the same and she cast it on him. Then her horn started to glow once more and her entire body got surrounded by a purple aurora. Eventually it just stopped.

“There, now I can’t cast any magic for eight hours. I suggest tying your wings to your body Diamond.”

“I can handle myself drunk, do not worry about me Twilight.” He said.

“I guess I’ll see you around tonight, unless you’re coming with us?” I asked, Twilight shook her head. I shrugged. “Alright, see ya around Lavender.” She nodded and off we went, into the heart of darkness.

Rainbow Dash was the first to greet us when we entered the town hall, it was no surprise as the doors were already open but she still lit up very visibly when we walked in.

“This is-” She began.

“Fucking awesome?” I asked, she nodded very quickly. “How in the fuck did she manage to get this all ready?”

“Anything is possible during a Pinkie party!” Pinkie Pie said from behind me, she was gone before I even turned around.

“When do you think this is going to pick up more?” Dash asked, and if on que music started playing from outside, I didn’t recognise the song but it was a pretty cool sounding one.

“Well even with music it won’t really pick up until more people start drinking, so let’s show ‘em how it’s done eh?” I asked, Dash smiled. Diamond nodded.

“Wanna have a shots fight?” Dash asked. My eyes lit up.

“Lemme get a bit drunk, I have to drink so sweeter shit first before going straight into shots. But we will be doing that tequila thing. I’ll let you know when I’m ready, we can set up a table outside right in front of the DJ platform.”

“Tequila thing?” Diamond asked.

“Yeah, you take three shots in a row and then bit into a lemon slice. On Earth you also lick salt but you guys can’t eat that apparently.”

“No, well don’t drink too much too soon Aron, you don’t want to forget everything again.” Dash said laughing slightly.

“Shouldn’t be an issue, Twilight cast a spell on me and Diamond so we shouldn’t forget anything.”

“Nice, I should get me one of those, where is she at?”

“Don’t bother, she cast a nullifying spell on herself, can’t use magic for eight hours or so.” I said, the song finally ended and something else started playing, some stallion started singing and I swear it was a song I knew.

“Shame, make sure to tell me all about it tomorrow. Or the next day I suppose.”

“Probably next, apparently we are gonna be out of it tomorrow, since magic is helping our body fight memory loss so much. Plus hangover.”

“Nice. Well Whatcha, bars are on tap so it’s free. I heard talk that there will be a fundraiser soon to help Pinkie and everypony else pay this off. But most are just happy to be at a Pinkie party.”

“And here I thought they were here to see me.” I said, Dash stuck her tongue out and laughed. We then walked to the nearest bar. It was being run by a brown unicorn with black hair and a moustache. Good start, if a little clichéd. He had a white apron on and was cleaning a beer glass, which was doubly odd because we were the first to hit his particular bar up, there were a couple ponies in here already, some drinking, some just sitting at tables inside. Outside seemed to be getting louder now as the party started.

“Ah you must be Aron, the guest-of-honour. What can I get you?” I looked at the wooden sign he had floating behind him.

“Mixed berries cider.” I replied, he nodded and reached down below the stall, I say stall they were basically just mini bars set up randomly around the room. Why there wasn’t just one I don’t know. He pulled out a rather large bottle and popped the cap and gave me a glass that was maybe the same shape as my arm (well from my elbow to my wrist). I’ll be damned if he didn’t fill the glass either. This one glass was probably worth three or four back home. I was going to like it here. Dash ordered an apple version of what I had and Diamond ordered the same as me. We walked back outside with Diamond and Rainbow holding their glass with a wing and me holding mine with both hands. We found a table fairly close to the main party and sat down to drink.

“Don’t you wanna tie your wings around you or something Dash?” I asked. She put her glass down using her wing like a normal hand and sat down next to me, Diamond went on my other side.

“I usually get Applejack to do it for me, since she’s good with ropes and it’s awkward doing it myself.” She said. Then gulped down a rather large portion of her cider. I wanted to wait for a pause in the conversation, I suspected it would taste great. “But I dunno where she is at the moment so can’t ask her to tie me up.”

“Kinky.” I muttered.

“Pervert.” She said, tongue sticking out again, it was adorable. I took a big gulp of my own drink and after tasting it, very quickly downed more of it. This was the freshest anything I had ever had. The thing was perfect, no taste of alcohol, just all fruit. I ended up drinking more than Dash or Diamond had in one bit. They both looked at me with wonder. Dash more so.

“This is fucking amazing.” I muttered, drinking more. Already feeling it affect me.

“You said that your first night.” Diamond said, I just laughed.

“What’s with the sheet thing on your top Aron?” Dash asked suddenly, I looked down at it, the music was loud enough for it to be picked up so I grabbed the controller that was strapped to my jeans.

“Human technology, I brought it with me just in case a party like this happened.” I started to laugh and flicked the switch, immediately the square lit up and the six bars all went to their fullest height. I pissed about with the controls a little and eventually it matched the song. Conveniently a louder, more upbeat song started playing at that point so anyone that looked my way could see the top dance to the sick beats. Rainbow Dash had her mouth wide open and eyes wide again. Diamond looked pretty impressed as well.

“No idea how this is powered so if it suddenly switches off then it might never come back on.”

“How does it work?” Rainbow asked.

“I’ll explain later, for now though it’s-” I began. And was interrupted by the song changing tone completely to a dubstep song.

“TIME TO PARTY MOTHERBUCKERS ARE YOU PONIES READY?” I heard a very tomboy girl shout, more than Rainbow Dash, I looked up to the stage and saw Vinyl Motherfucking Scratch on a mixing board with a mic floating next to her. Obviously the crowd exploded and many were already jumping and dancing to the beat, I even had my foot stomping and Diamond was bobbing his head to the tunes.

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU, ARE YOU FUCKERS READY?” How she knew that word I would never discover but use it she did and again the crowd just exploded. I downed more of my heaven drink and cheered too. I heard Diamond shout as well. The music really picked up and my top went mental. I noticed Rainbow had finished her glass and Diamond was close. Not wanting to be left behind I downed the rest of mine, which took about two minutes of gulping and pauses to breath.

“One more of those Dashie and we can alcohol.” I said. She giggled at that.

“We already are Aron, wow you’re a lightweight.” She replied.

“Is that your normal size glass?” I asked.

“For alcohol like cider yes.”

“That’s why, this thing is probably the size of four or five normal glasses where I’m from.” She shrugged.

“Don’t give me excuses. Come on big guy, let’s go get the next round and let Aron clear his head.” Rainbow said, getting up with carrying two empty glasses, Diamond grabbed one and followed the cyan mare. In truth I wasn’t even drunk, but close. I had many triggers in place to know if I was.

“How are you liking my party so far Aron?” I heard Pinkie ask besides me. This time I looked at her before she escaped.

“Pinkie this is fucking amazing. The alcohol is great, the music is great, the people is great and Vinyl Scratch isn’t a mute. You may just well be best pony.” I replied. Pinkie’s grin got even wider and she hugged me.

“I’m glad you’re happy Aron.” Pinkie said, I hear Vinyl say something like “I’m Vinyliscious.” And stopped paying attention to Pinkie for a second, the song just spouted more random dubs so I turned back to Pinkie Pie.

“I really am.” I said, she nodded and began to walk off, but I grabbed her before she did. Then monitored her to get closer so we could talk again, she did. “You think you could set up a table either on the stage or near it so me, Rainbow and maybe Diamond can have a drinking contest? For about twenty minutes from now?” Pinkie nodded.

“Of course I can!” She said.

“I’m surprised you were so cool with alcohol.”

“If it’s what makes you happy and it’s the way you have fun I won’t force you to change.” She said, before her face went very serious and her usual puffy hair seemed to deflate like a balloon. “But it is unhealthy, and you can’t keep running forever.” She added, sounding very serious. Before I could ask on it though she ran off into the crowd. RD and Diamond came back soon after with three more glasses. I drank a bit of mine that barely scratched the volume as it was handed to me.

“Pinkie is hopefully setting up a drinking contest. Dunno where but keep an eye on the stage!” I said, the music and crowd was stupidly loud now and my top was constantly on the tip of full, whilst I waited for a reply I pissed about with the sensitivity again.

“Will do!” Was all Rainbow said, I smiled and looked at Diamond.

“You joinin’?” I asked, he just gave a very evil grin and nodded. I was about to get out drunk by a royal guard and a rainbow Pegasus.

“Hey Aron.” I heard someone say, I turned and save Octavia walking by, I smiled again and just decided to attempt to keep that expression rather than having moments of looking emotionless. I tried to spot any other person I knew but I figured by now I would never find Pinkie until she was in front of me. I thought I spotted Rarity but figured she would be very against something like this and especially wouldn’t be dancing to stuff like that, I turned in my chair and started watching the crowds. RD and Diamond both did the same, moving their chairs around me. I laughed watching them do it. Rainbow was becoming drunk as well, Diamond seemed the same. Only happier. We sat drinking and talking for twenty or so minutes until the music began to get quieter. There were a couple moans in the crowd and Vinyl stepped forward to a mic, Pinkie next to her.

“I know, I know. But this is a special party hosted by Pinkie Pie here and you are about to witness something special. Pinkie if you could?” Vinyl said, her voice was fucking awesome.

“Now some of you may know of Aron by now, our resident human.” Pinkie said, a spotlight fell on our table, it’s a good thing I was drunk or I’d be pissed at this amount of attention. “Him, Rainbow Dash and Royal Guard Diamond are going to have a drinking competition just in front of the stage.” Pinkie said, handing the mic back to Vinyl.

“I’m letting DJ Pinkious host the show for a while so you’ll still get music, but I for one want to watch this!” Vinyl shouted, the crowd started to cheer again and a song started to play.

“Every day I’m part-ee-ing!” Pinkie shouted. We three alcoholics began to make our way to a table, about a dozen ponies stood around it, the rest were still dancing. I didn’t much care about being in such a spotlight, just figured it would be fun to do it where people watched. Otherwise it would just be sad. I just turned my top off as we got closer to the speakers. Vinyl jumped down and nodded to us as we took seats, a glass was placed at each seat with a huge bottle with a really shitty tag on saying Troy’s Tequila. I poured a glass each, it was probably about two shots for me. There were sadly no lemon slices but this would do. Rainbow picked hers up with a wing, as did Diamond. We shared a look and downed it. I immediately felt the burn, much stronger than I was used to. I stuck my tongue out. Rainbow did the same, equally disgusted. Diamond just laughed and refilled our glasses. There was silence round our table. Didn’t help we were feet away from the crowd and sitting under a giant speaker. Not my best idea.

The second shot was actually much better, I took it down in one and didn’t react as badly, however neither did Rainbow and Diamond still looked fine. The third I really started feeling the burn and shouted out my trigger word, now knowing I was fucked I just passed the bottle to Rainbow Dash to pour, who gave it to Diamond, who gave it to Vinyl who happily poured for us, even taking a swig herself. The scar on my arm begun to itch after the fourth shot and the fifth I felt ready to throw up. Vinyl called for us to have a couple minutes break which I happily took, drinking so much so fast could fuck me up badly. I guess it was the same with ponies. Rainbow’s head was going round in circles and she looked totally out of it. I knew I was and my mind was just along for the ride, ready to party properly. Diamond started to spin as well, finally getting the effects of the drink. I really didn’t want Rainbow to pass out but she looked about ready too. I figured at least me and Diamond wouldn’t but the spell only helped our memory. I was scratching my arm for a while before I noticed the vision in my weak eye cut out. Half blind, itching myself and feeling beyond dizzy I was pretty fucked. About five minutes passed of us just sitting there, a couple ponies went off dancing and some more turned up to see our game. Rainbow started to sing along with whatever song was playing.

“Heyy Vinal?” I asked. My voice more slur than English.

“What’s up Aron?” She asked. Taking another gulp from the bottle.

“Do you. Do do do…” The do’s continued for a while, Rainbow burst out laughing, as did Diamond, and then I started. It took another minute to sort myself out. “Can you get Dashie on stage to sing?” I asked. Vinyl looked to Dash, then back to me.

“If you sing with her.”

“I don’t sing.” I muttered.

“Oh g-” She started.

“Alright fine fuck the lot of ya fucking bastard twats.” I interrupted. Rainbow looked terrified for a second before laughing.

“I know the perrrfect song pony boy.” She muttered, waving a hoof in what I presumed was to call Vinyl over but instead just threw one hoof into the air in what bad actors would do to over dramatise something. Fortunately Vinyl understood hoof waves and trotted over. Rainbow whispered something and Vinyl just gave her a look of pure confusion.

“I said Pony Waifu!” Rainbow shouted. Wait what. Vinyl burst out laughing and drank more tequila.

“Speaking of bitch. Heh. Gimme a shot. Gotta kick Diamond’s ass. Rainbow don’t pass out.” I shouted, much louder than I planned. Rainbow laughed.

“Alright Aron, I’ll call quits for now, though more alcohol later.” She declared back. I smiled. The new shots were already out and I gulped mine down before Diamond could, he just smiled and downed his. Another got poured, I’d lost count at this point and definitely needed some bread or food before continuing after this. I downed mine and smiled. My throat was burning and I couldn’t even taste the alcohol anymore, just liquid pain. Diamond drank his and kept his smile. Then it stopped, his smile went to confusion. And he passed out. Just smack, head straight onto the table with a loud bang, his shot glass going on the ground somewhere. With my victory I took one more swig and raised the nearly empty bottle in the air, a couple ponies cheered but most were still sober. Night was in full swing now but I still couldn’t see the moon so figured only about three quarters of an hour or so had passed. I tried standing up and immediately feel down, hitting my head on the table as I went. I barely felt it. Vinyl was holding me up instantly and used her magic to grab the bottle and finished it off.

“Someone, somepony get Diamond back to the Twilight’s.” I said. A few ponies looked confused at that. I knew the word I just couldn’t say it, my mind felt strange, like it was doing too many things at once, I presumed this would be the point where I would have blacked out and forgotten everything. I wasn’t sure if Diamond would forget since he passed out.

“Lie-bare-ary?” Rainbow asked, I nodded. A couple ponies dragged Diamond away from the table and took him back.

“He’ll be fine.” I hoped. Rainbow then walked forward and also feel on her ass. I was worse but I had also drank more. Vinyl then very slowly walked me to the stage.

“You sure you’re up for this?” She asked, her voice also slurring.

“Nope, you’re drunk.” I replied, she took me up the stairs and too a pair of microphones and a screen. The thing looked like it was made of wood. Vinyl’s horn started to glow and she shot a beam at the wood, but missed and hit the ground, some strange PowerPoint presentation of song lyrics appeared on the grass near some ponies.

“Heh opps. Techno!” Vinyl shouted, when nobody came she just shot the wood again, this time hitting and the words “PONY WAIFU LYRICS” appeared on it like an actual screen. Dash then stood next to me wobbling.

I won’t go into the actual song but damn it was soppy, sounded like a love song or some shit. After our song we basically feel off the stage, went to get new drinks and began to dance with random ponies. An hour and a bit passed with the two of us jumping up and down like idiots. At one point I lost Dash and ended up grinding with some random grey pony. More and more were getting drunk and my body was fighting me more and more as everything in my biology said I should have passed out or blacked out by now. The party had gone on for ages, some random DJ was now leading the songs as Vinyl had passed out on stage at her mixing desk through one song, she had grabbed a whiskey bottle when she went back on and was drinking it between songs. It was fucking hilarious. With more known ponies doing it, and the story of our contest going around more and more ponies were getting drunk, paper cups started appearing everywhere and I ended up stealing as many umbrellas and parrots from people’s drinks as I could and ended up covered in them. My top broke sometime in the night but I didn’t notice until I saw the music bars weren’t appearing due to the plastic sheet not being on my top. I didn’t even have the controller. I didn’t care. I saw Twilight at one point and we shared a rave dance together, Spike was missing but I didn’t care at the time.

And speaking of Diamond, about two hours later, me drunk beyond any human capacity and Rainbow Dash missing somewhere in the crowd I saw a very naked Diamond wonder back to the party. I left the pony I was grinding against with a very sloppy kiss on the mouth and went off to greet Diamond.

“Welcome barrack.” I said, barely understandable words coming from me.

“You win this round.” He said, I barked a laugh and grabbed a glass of cider of my table. I had no idea whose it was but it looked untouched. Diamond just shrugged, took it and downed it. “I still remember everything as well.” He commented, I just nodded and nearly feel over from the sudden movement.

“Shame there ain’t any orgies on.” I muttered.

“You are not attracted to ponies.” He replied.

“I’m beyond fucked right now mate, I doubt I will care if it’s a pony.”

“Morning you might.” I gave a disgusted look.

“That sounds like actual thought. Drunk more.” I commanded, Diamond just smiled and began to walk into the hall. I quickly followed. We came out with a tray of shots (not as strong as before) and I ordered half a dozen drinks I had never tried. Including some mead. I couldn’t actually taste anything now and even having an entire loaf of bread didn’t help much. I just downed the drinks and stood up again, kicking the chair over behind me. Diamond drank some of his as well and with no ceremony we went back to the party.

The next day all I wanted was to die. I couldn’t even move for hours after waking up and threw up more than once, into the bucket that someone had placed. And the drink at my bedside counter was actual ice cold water this time. I passed in and out of sleep that day, completely out of it and still drunk. Turns out that I woke up around two in the afternoon that day, the party ending at three in the morning, Twilight fed me (which I have no memory of) and then passed out again. I didn’t wake up until the next day, splitting headache but I could move at least. I drank the fresh water and very audibly asked for death to take me.

Those were the greatest night and days of my life.

I was out of bed around 1pm the second day and I found Twilight sitting at the table, a full breakfast of bread and apples ready, a very pained and worried look on her face. I walked past my place, poked Twilight and gestured her to stand up. Eventually she did and I just hugged her, holding tight.

“Thank you.” I said, Twilight sniffed a little.

“Diamond went out for a bit, he was less out of it than you, I am glad you are finally okay though.”

“Well, still got the mother of all hangovers, but alive.” I muttered, Twilight nodded into my shoulder.

“I don’t have anything to help so you’ll have to deal with it.” I just nodded. There was a pause for a while.

“How is everyone else?” I asked.

“The town looks like a bomb site, Nopony was out yesterday except for foals, Spike, a few other ponies and me, the town looked completely empty, the stage is wrecked and the town hall needs to be cleaned up again. There was talk yesterday about asking Canterlot for aid. Calling it a natural disaster. The Party of the Century.” I laughed at that and let the hug go.

“Could you imagine Celestia with a litter picker going around picking up plastic cups?” I asked, Twilight smiled and laughed at that. “Heard anything from Dash?” Twilight shook her head.

“I saw her briefly yesterday, she doesn’t remember a lot of that night, let alone your little duet.” I just shrugged. “Nothing?” She asked. Nothing. “Alright. Some travelling pony magician did turn up yesterday to put on a show but quickly left thinking only six people lived in the town. I didn’t really talk to her, I stayed in making sure you and Diamond were alright. But Spike saw her.”

“And for that I think you Twilight, seriously. I can see you didn’t like doing it and hated the fact we were in that state but for what you did increases you to second best pony.” She smiled at that.

“Only second best?” She asked.

“Yeah, Pinkie is first for setting that party up. Keep being awesome and adorable and you’ll be first.” She laughed a little.

“You think I’m adorable?”

“All ponies are, you’re soft, squishy and colourful. Plus y’all smile so much and seem generally happy creatures. Except Diamond but fuck Diamond.”

“Yeah we normally are, Ponies have known peace for a very long time.”

“Speaking of Diamond where is he, I know you said he’s out?” Twilight looked around for a second.

“He went with Spike, I presume to help the clean-up. Why you going to head out?” I paused for a second.

“Yeah, I gotta go find Pinks, Dash and Diamond, to thank her, ask her if she’s alright and ask him if he’s alright.” Twilight nodded.

“I think you might be a lot more welcome around Ponyville after the party. Some of the ponies you were with, and some of the things you did…” Twilight said, trailing off a bit.

“Oh I remember what I did, I was drunk to be fair but I’m pretty sure if I were to ask I would’ve gotten laid. Shame they are ponies. Though I would’ve happily joined an orgy or something. But again, I was drunk. I’m still not attracted to you guys.” I groped many a pony, and they did back. Plus I ended up kissing that grey mare and at one point made out with Vinyl when she woke up at about two. “Were there any injuries or anything? I know you blocked your magic and I saw more than one Pegasus with their wings tied, but people were fucking crazy.”

“Not that I know of, besides hangovers I don’t think anyone got majorly injured, luckily.” I nodded and stood up to go down, drinking some more water as I did.

“Alright, see you later Twilight. And seriously, thank you.” I said before leaving. I didn’t stay for a reply. The first target was Pinkie Pie. I was totally going to ask if she would make a thing of that party. Maybe yearly or something, pretty sure, despite the next day, ponies would be up for doing that again. Turns out Twilight was correct about the townsfolk, there were a few out but not nearly as many as usually and nearly every one of them said hello as I walked past like I was an old friend. A few even walked with me for a bit asking what I was doing and things like that. I was nice.
I didn’t find Pinkie, I did find that grey mare from the party though; she had long blond hair in the style of Rainbow Dash’s and a like-wise tail. Her eyes were orange and her butt mark was a collection of bubbles. She smiled and waved when she saw me and walked over, I saw two wings at her sides and quickly noticed she was actually cross-eyed. I had a fucked up left eye so didn’t judge.

“Hi.” The mare said, she had a pretty cute accent and sounded, bubbly.

“Hey, you must be that mare from the party?” I asked. She nodded and smiled.

“We danced a lot. Though I don’t know your name?”

“Yeah I remember the whole party, despite how drunk I was. Magic ya know?” She nodded and shrugged. “I’m Aron, clearly no pony. I’m not even from this world.”

“Well hi Aron, I’m Derpy Hooves.”

“Lovely name.” She smiled at that. I smiled back. “I’m actually looking for Pinkie Pie, have you seen her?”

“Last I saw she was at Sugarcube Corner. I can take you there if you want?”

“I actually know the way, but I’d appreciate the company.” I said, she beamed again and followed me as I walked towards the sweet shop.

“What happened to the guard you have been with?” She asked after a pause.

“Dunno, last I heard he was with Spike somewhere. If you know Spike.” She nodded.

“I do, isn’t he meant to guard you though?”

“No, he’s actually a friend, Celestia trusted me enough fairly quickly for me to not need a guard. He just travelled to Ponyville with me and I haven’t had much of a chance to socialise. I don’t really like doing it, though I think the party destroyed any anxiety I had.”

“Why are you in Ponyville?” She asked, confused.

“Celestia sent me and Diamond to guard Twilight Sparkle for the Summer Sun Celebration. I’m in Equestria because I have something Celestia called wild magic latched onto me and staying on Earth wouldn’t have been safe for me.”

“No offense Aron but you don’t look tough.”

“None taken Derpy, I really aren’t. I didn’t even really do all that much when Nightmare Moon attacked, got a cool sword from it though so I guess I did enough to be allowed to keep it.”

“Why not walk around with it?”

“For a couple reasons, mainly I see no reason too, I’m no fighter and highly doubt I will ever be attacked enough to need a sword. Plus it’s at the blacksmith’s at the moment having a scabbard built for it.”

“Oh Smith? Yeah she’s nice usually.”

“I don’t know many ponies yet but you all seem pretty friendly. I’m not even close to looking like you guys but I haven’t had much issues with discrimination or anything.” Not that they really have much to go on with discrimination, to them I am a unique race.

“You sure could have fouled me.” She muttered.

“Yeah sorry about the mouth assault, me and Vinyl actually ended up making out on stage at one point. She’s fucking nuts.”

“It’s okay. I don’t really drink but I definitely had the party spirit, I don’t usually go to raves or parties like that but I do like Pinkie parties.”

“Yeah a couple ponies have said the same thing, I wanna see if Pinkie will make a thing of it. Call it PinkFest or something.” Derpy just shrugged.

“I’d probably go again, Vinyl and Ponitatonix are always good.” That caught me slightly.

“Who?”

“Ponitatonix, they are a band, they performed quite a bit at the party did you not notice?” I had noticed some songs I thought I recognised but thinking back there were certainly some Pentatonix songs played. Weird.

“Oh alright, yeah I have something like them back home, a different name though. Pretty freaky but if they are around I wonder who else exists.” Derpy just shrugged. “You come to Sugarcube Corner often?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, making me jump. “Every morning for my lemon muffins. They are soooo nice.”

“Yeah I love muffins so much, though prefer chocolate or caramel inside.” Derpy looked ready to explode she was so happy.

“Caramel ones are my favourite!” She shouted. “Just I get the lemon ones for breakfast.” She said quieter, we just arrived at the cake shop as she said that.

“That’s awesome. Alright we are here, it was good talking to you Derpy.” I said, turning to enter the store, I felt a hoof stop me though.

“You’re the first pony to not ask about my eyes.” She muttered.

“I see nothing wrong with them, I look like that when trying to go cross-eyed and there are more imperfections with me and a lot of people I know than some cross-eye-ness.”

“Yeah but you didn’t judge, not even when you were heavily drunk.” Which was true, though even with remembering everything I didn’t even notice her eyes.

“Hey, you’re just a normal pony to me. And you like muffins so you’re already pretty cool in my books. I’ll see you around Derpy.” I said, turning to go. She didn’t say anything else. I stepped inside the shop and immediately got greeted by one of the owners. Some skinny looking yellow pony, one of the Cakes I think. Twilight had described him before.

“Oh hey Aron, what can I getcha?” He asked. No idea how he knew me, I didn’t see him at the party, but I guess me being around had spread and being the only human probably did me no favours in such a small town.

“Hey, I’m actually looking for Pinkie Pie? She in?” I asked.

“Yep she is, upstairs and the second door to your left.” He said, I just nodded and walked towards some stairs. If there is one thing I’ve learned about Ponyland yet it’s that the buildings are much bigger on the inside than they should be. It was pretty freaky but I just figured it was innate magic and stopped questioning it. No one seemed to notice it either, not even Diamond. I quickly found the doorway the dude was talking about and noticed how overly pink it was. I just knocked and before I even pulled my hand away the door swung open and I was tackle hugged by Pinkie Pie, knocked to the floor I yelped out a bit.

“Hey Aron.” Pinkie said, huge smile as always.

“Hey Pinks, looks like I’ve fallen for you.” I said, she giggled slightly.

“You wish. If your stage show was anything to go by you’ve fallen for Vinyl more.” She said back. I just shrugged, which was hard on my back with a pony laying on me.

“Meh you’re still horses to me, but I did far more with other ponies than I did Vinyl, was just talking to one when I got here. Just wanted to check up on best pony.”

“Awwh shucks. I’m always good Aron!” She exclaimed.

“Awesome, also a couple other things. First off, again, thank you for making that a thing.” She smiled and blushed slightly. “And also, are you ever going to do that again? Was thinking a yearly rave or whatever, call it PinkFest or something.” She thought about it for a second and nodded.

“Could be a good idea, ponies seemed pretty happy with it and Vinyl seemed more than up for hosting it, and even again. You aren’t the first to ask Momma Pinkie that.” She said. I laughed and put my fist out, she bumped it.

“Bitchin’. That was all, so could you get off me so I can go find Rainbow Dash and Diamond?” I asked, she pretended to think for a second, then leaned closer to my face, licked my face and then jumped off, sprinting downstairs. I just got up, wiped my face and walked downstairs. I didn’t want anything and despite not eating for over a day wasn’t really hungry so I just walked out, some pony said hi as I did but I was already out the door before I could reply. My next target was Rainbow Dash. She would be harder, I presumed she would be in her cloud house which would be awkward to get into to say the least. I figured unless I saw her on my way to Diamond I’d just get Diamond to fly up and bring her down. So off I went towards the town hall, and I could see the hell that awaited whoever was cleaning this up, bits of crap lay everywhere and most of the stage was still up, the instruments were gone as well as the lights and most of the important bits, a couple Earth ponies were tearing the thing apart. I caught sight of a whiskey bottle close to where Vinyl and me had kissed, probably the same one she had been drinking. I stood prone for a second just looking at the destruction, popped balloons and strips of party streamers lay everywhere, as well as empty bottles and cups. A couple ponies also appeared on the outskirts watching ground zero with me, all had a face mixed with shock and happiness. I took a breath and stepped towards the town hall, I walked straight in and saw the hall was at least clean, the bars had been put away and the place looked ready for a town meeting. Spike and Diamond were standing next to each other talking to some random pony. I didn’t recognise them and didn’t care enough to really register them. Just walked towards my pair. The pony walked off just after I walked in and the two just took awkwardly for a second before turning to see me.

“Aron.” Diamond muttered, I barely heard him, just kept walking towards him. I didn’t reply until I got closer and put my fist out. He immediately bumped it.

“Diamond.” I finally replied, he smiled and nodded.

“Well with you here we can stop pretending to help.” Spike said, I barked a laugh slightly and Diamond just nodded.

“A’right, I was looking for Rainbow Dash actually, y’all coming?” Spike and Diamond both nodded. There was silence as we walked out until Spike started talking.

“So what exactly happened? Twilight sent me to bed at about ten and she came in an hour later, but she hasn’t said much.”

“You’re probably too young to really be told Spike.” He just glared at me. “Hey, I’m horrible with people younger than me, I will tell you what happened, just a warning.” He shrugged.

“Alright, the highlights were a drinking contest, many many ponies passing out, me and Vinyl, me and about nine other ponies, heavy drinking and probably the greatest night of my life.”

“Now go into detail.” Spike said.

“Alright, Rainbow Dash, Diamond and I had a drinking contest, drinking shots and seeing who can hold the most. Rainbow went out first because I didn’t want her passing out since we were going to sing together.”

“Yeah I remember that, you know that was a love song right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Was all I said, for a second anyway. “Anyway, Diamond lost next, passed out after god knows how many shots and I got some ponies to take him home. Speaking of, I take it you were okay after that, since you came back then came home with me?” Which was true enough, with Vinyl either passed out somewhere or missing after our make out session Pinkie DJ’d for a while, then she fucked off and let who I figured were the ponified version of Pentatonix played until three when they declared the party over, the crowd had actually gotten bigger as the night went on and I’m convinced the next town over heard and joined the party. There weren’t many groans or shouts for more, most were kinda sick of the party at that point, myself including, everything hurt and I was coming down from the alcohol. May have been a mistake to grab another cider before leaving but whatever. I still kinda ached everywhere but that was more a whole day in bed over anything else. At least I think so anyway.

“Yes they actually put me into bed but I woke up after a while, I left it a bit though. I know my limits.” Diamond replied, I laughed slightly.

“Clearly not if I could kick your ass like I did.”

“I came back from it did I not?” He asked.

“Very true, if it weren’t for the fact I was under that spell I would have most likely passed out well before, and blacked out nearly as soon as we started those shots.”

“You are such a lightweight.”

“Hey, as I said, those drinks were double or triple what humans drink. I probably fucked my liver up after that night. Also Pinkie is going to make a yearly thing, up for that?” He thought about that for a second and did his incredibly evil grin again.

“I would like nothing more to do that again, though a year’s wait is enough to recover.” He said, I nodded and smiled.

“Anyway, so Spike. After our shot contest me and Dash sang that song together, then broke off to dance, I ended dancing with god knows how many mares and groped a couple. Though they did it first so only fair. That carried on for a while and Vinyl passed out on stage whilst DJ’ing, some random dude started doing it after that. Diamond came back at one point and we drank more. About twenty minutes later Vinyl woke up, walked off the stage and grabbed my top and dragged me onto stage. Then declared I was hers for the night and kissed me. I may not be attracted to ponies but damn she was good. So we made out on stage for what felt like half an hour.”

“It was close to an hour when she passed out again.” Diamond said.

“Nice. So after that I left stage, started dancing some more. Talked to some ponies, ate a bit, and danced more and that cycle continued until three in the morning. I’m missing some details obviously but nothing much really happened besides very sexual acts, drinking and I think I got drugged at one point but I doubt it. At three someone declared the party over and the crowd left, I never saw Rainbow leave and only saw her a few more times that night, she was one I kissed but I saw a couple ponies who looked similar so I can’t be sure. Diamond and I went home, went to bed and all of yesterday I felt like dying, I won’t even go into details. I was in pain, very sick and couldn’t even move. Twilight looked after us though and I will forever be thankful, til I do it next year. But then she’ll get two hugs.” Spike nodded.

“Well it sounds like you had a lot of inappropriate fun.” He said, unsure of that.

“Spike I won’t lie to you, that night fixed both my anxiety and probably any home sickness I will have of home for a while, that was one of the best nights of my life.” He nodded again.

“Anyway, you wish to see Rainbow Dash, I believe this is her home.” I looked up and saw a giant ass cloud, it kind of reminded me of a Greek structure, with the pillars it had and how curvy the whole thing looked, though that might’ve been due to it being made of cloud.

“How do you even know where she lives?” I asked. He smiled for a second.

“Twilight told me earlier today, she figured when you woke up you would want to see her. Though we made a bet you would see her before me.” Diamond said, I smiled at that.

“So you taught Twilight betting?” I asked, he nodded. “Nice. Who won?”

“I did, she said you would see Rainbow first, I said you would not have known where she would be and found me first to ask.”

“Ouch, I actually went to find Pinkie Pie first, both you and Dash were on my list of people to talk to but you were my first priority after Pinkie.” I didn’t want to admit that what he said was the case, wanted to at least attempt to look like a good friend. Diamond smiled and nodded, clearly seeing through the bullshit.

“Well you would have needed me to get her, you not being a Pegasus or anything.”

“As cool as you ponies are I don’t think I could stand being one, you’re just too different compared to humans. Though if I figure out how to do magic I guess I could conjure wings or a way to fly.” Diamond shrugged and began to stretch his wings.

“I am no unicorn so could not say.” He said, just as he shot into the air to fly I saw Rainbow Dash flying towards us, well probably her house but towards this direction. I managed to grab Diamond before he flew to an empty house and got pulled forward in his small boost and ended up flat on the group. Spike started laughing and Diamond landed next to me.

“Have a nice trip Aron!” Rainbow called from above me, I slowly started to get up and then suddenly feel back down as something landed on my back. I’d manage to turn slightly before it happened so I wasn’t just eating dirt.

“Motherfucker.” I muttered and heard Rainbow laughing on my back.

“You are so bony.” She said. She then sat down properly so I didn’t have four hard hooves sticking into my spine, still kinda hurt though.

“Yeah no shit, you’re sitting on a major bone.” I said, she flew up and as I turned over to get up she sat on my fucking stomach, I kinda saw that coming. Diamond had just given up and was talking to Spike about something.

“Better?” She asked.

“Not really you’re still sitting on me.” I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

“Sacrifices have to be made Aron.”

“Yeah but why am I the sacrifice?” She was pretty heavy but I could probably sit here for a while, I didn’t want to but could if need be.

“Because you’re easy to bully.”

“I’m meant to be a guard for Twilight Dashie.”

“Yeah but we both know you’re a terrible guard.” Ouch, my feel- actually she was beyond right. After that she flew up and I finally stood up. Wiping some dirt off Dash suddenly flew up and did what Pinkie did early, licked my nose, Dash’s was much longer and covered much of my face, she then flew back and was just hovering passively, giggling loads.

“That’s happened to me twice today.” I said, Dash burst out laughing even more. After that little moment I noticed Diamond and Spike had fucked off. Nice.

“Anyway, what’s up?” She asked.

“Hangover is over and I wanted to check up and see if you were alright.” I replied, crossing my arms.

“Awwh how sweet.” She muttered blushing slightly. “I’m fine though, yesterday was hell but from what Twilight told me you were worse off, how are you?”

“Yeah you wish I was sweet.” She rolled her eyes. “Yeah yesterday all I wanted was to die, I dunno if you remember or not but Twilight cast a spell on me and Diamond so we remembered everything, though that made the hangover far worse than it should have been. I was feeling like death yesterday.”

“You poor thing, is the great Aron okay now? Can he handle a little hangover?”

“Ouch, I may not be tough and I may have been scarred from yesterday but I’m up now and fine. I have an image to keep.”

“And image of a partying alcoholic?”

“Pfft, like you were any better. Speaking of, how much do you remember?” She rolled her eyes again and thought.

“Not much, I know we had a drinking contest and you told me to stop in case I passed out, but after that, nothing. I have blurs. I remember you on stage with Vinyl and I remember dancing with you and random ponies for a while. Then getting home but I don’t remember what time.” I didn’t see her leave, I presume she left when it ended but I couldn’t know for sure.

“Well I won the contest, Diamond passed out, then we did karaoke on stage and butchered some song, and the Vinyl thing was fairly simple. She pulled me onto stage and we totally made out in front of hundreds of people.”

“Hot.” She said.

“I know right. I know I made out with a couple other ponies as well. The party itself ended at about three, but I didn’t see you leave so couldn’t say if you left earlier or not. Though I would’ve loved seeing you fly into your house. As drunk as you were I’m surprised you even made it home.” I found out later that a couple ponies, mainly Pegasi had actually just passed out at the party and slept on the grass for a while. A couple had just stayed at friends’ houses and the like.

“I probably stayed until the end. So does this mean you finally find us attractive?” She asked, the second bit pretty awkwardly, she even rubbed the back of her head with a hoof.

“I was heavily drunk so no, I do see you guys more as humans than horses though, probably a sentience thing over anything else.” Dash muttered something at that which I didn’t hear. A blush formed though so probably something weird. “What was that?” I asked.

“Nuffin.” She said pretty quickly. “So what song did we sing?” She asked after a pause.

“Dunno, I didn’t recognise it and was too drunk to really think on the lyrics. I think you called it Pony Waifu though.” She looked very scared very quickly after that and spread her wings out.

“IHAVETOGO.” She shouted and flew off, I heard a door bang shut before even noticing she had gone, there was a small cloud of dust where she had been and a small rainbow trail heading towards her house. I just shrugged and began to walk back to Twilight’s.

“Nope. Not thinking on that.” Was all I said, then repeated it in my head until I got back to Twilight’s. Spike and Diamond were moving books around and Twilight was barking orders. I tried to leave as I had entered but Twilight turned around pretty quickly with a terrifying grin.

“Oh good Aron, you’re back. Do you think you could help reorganise the library?” She asked, and so I spent the rest of the day building a book fort, being told off by Twilight and then actually helping reorganise the library. I think I taught Twilight and Spike how to swear that day, and Diamond learnt some new ones.

Author's Notes:

i was up til 3am writing that party scene.

Act I: Chapter X

About a week passed and nothing of note really happened, I hung around with either Twilight, Spike or Diamond and went out a lot more aimlessly wondering. I didn’t see Vinyl at all but I wasn’t really looking for her. Rainbow Dash was missing for a day or so but eventually we started talking again and I hung out with her probably the most. After a few days we went to collect my scabbard, it was fairly dull, just enough to hold the sword, including a belt made of thick cloth. I tried it on and walked around a day wearing it and practiced putting the sword away and pulling it out. Nobody really noticed but I still made sure to do it away from other people anyway, that actually lead to one of mine and Dash’s talks, it was pretty good. We kept going to some park slightly out of town and sitting next to each other either on a bench or on the grass. The weather continued to be stupidly hot but never questioned it. Twilight told me one day that Rainbow was actually skipping work to hang with me but I didn’t care that much, if it stayed hot I was happy. I saw Diamond with a couple other ponies those days, and he seemed happy. He seemed to be getting pretty close to some teal unicorn but so far nothing had come from it.
My life was great until I woke up one day with Twilight and Diamond standing over my bed, Twilight was hovering a scroll above her head with a worried look.

“Mornin’.” I said, groaning slightly. I wasn’t hungover, just hadn’t slept well.

“A DRAGON IS ATTACKING PONYVILLE!” Twilight shouted, I jumped out of bed and rushed to the window without even thinking, sure enough the entire sky was covered in black smoke. I ran over to get my sword and scabbard and started getting dressed.

“Where? What’s the plan?” I asked, panicked. Diamond raised a hoof slowly.

“Princess Celestia sent orders to Twilight, and it is not as bad as Twilight declared.” He said, looking at the panicked pony. “A dragon has fallen asleep in a nearby mountain and the Princess has asked if we were to, get rid of it.”

“And she thinks a single guard and me can kill a fucking dragon?” I asked, in my panic I had put my top on backwards and started putting it on properly. My plan wasn’t to fight this thing, it was to book it and start a new life in the pony equivalent of Mexico

“No not kill. She wants us to try and convince the dragon to leave the cave.” I put the sword down on my bed and took a deep breath out.

“Oh thank fuck. Who is going?” I asked, slumping onto the bed. Diamond looked to Twilight who was re-reading the scroll.

“You two, Spike and all of our friends. Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.” She said after a moment.

“Bitchin’.” I said, grabbing the sword again.

“This isn’t an excuse to talk to Rainbow Dash like you have been.” Twilight muttered.

“Hey I’ve been hanging out with quite a lot of people this week. Including you. Rainbow Dash is just a good friend.” I replied.

“Yeah sure.” Was all she said.

“Whatever.” I muttered and walked out of my room, Diamond followed.

“Not a morning person Aron?” He asked.

“No, I’ll say sorry later, after we deal with this dragon. So tell me, what are our orders?” I asked, looking over the armour and spear Diamond was wearing. He paused for a moment at that.

“We are just meant to convince it to leave, but violence is allowed if needed, Equestria may be allies with the dragons but there are, agreements, in place if dragons become a threat to Ponykind, likewise with ponies in dragon lands.”

“Not that you guys could really be a threat. Unless it was a strong mage.” I muttered, Diamond nodded.

“I doubt we will be able to take it down with an untrained swordsman and a single spear guard.”

“Well this is enchanted, and I’m sure we can call for backup if needed.”

“Yes we can, Celestia is watching through my eyes so if things get hairy we have an evacuation plan as well as a battalion of guards ready.”

“Tell her I said hi then.” I said, I was going to make a joke but with Sunbutt watching I held back. I ate some oatmeal and drank some water and waited for Twilight. She eventually walked back in with Spike and smiled.

“The others should be here in a bit. Have you eaten?” She asked. I nodded.

“Yeah just had a quick bite.”

“You should eat more, it might be a long trip.” That I hadn’t thought about.

“Good shout, what’s the plan for climbing this mountain? I’ve got no experience so could take a long while.” Or I could die, but I figured if I were to die climbing a mountain to get to a dragon nobody would remember me anyway so didn’t worry much. If I died during the dragon fight that would be a bit better. I started biting into a raw carrot and wondered where I could store more food, then remembered my backpack.

“It’s a fairly easy climb apparently, I’ve seen ponies climbing it before and there is path leading to the top.” Twilight replied, I nodded and ran into my room and grabbed my backpack. There was still some clothes in it so I just emptied them onto the bed and ran back into the main room, before stuffing some apples and other fruits into the back. There was a knock at the door and Diamond went over to open it, Rarity and Applejack walked in. They were both silent except for a few hellos from them.

“Hello Diamond dear. How arrreee you?” She asked, the same flirtatious voice she had used before. Now, I’m sadistic and had been counting on Rarity flirting with Diamond, he seemed interested when we first arrived but he’d been with that teal chick for a while. So I wanted to see if that was going anywhere, and what better way than seeing if Diamond will flirt back.

“Hello Rarity, I am fine.” He said, usual monotone, he looked at me. Oh you bastard.

“Howdy Aron, Twi.” Applejack said, smiling, fuck you Spike.

“Sup AJ.” I replied, sticking my hand out, she bumped it.

“Reckon I’m fine thanks, well besides this whole dragon business.” She answered. I tapped my sword belt and nodded. Applejack looked pretty concerned for a second but said nothing. The next to arrive was Pinkie Pie, there wasn’t much ceremony with her except for a couple hellos. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash turned up last, Rainbow looked visibly pissed off and Fluttershy looked about ready to piss herself.

“Sup Dash.” I muttered, she had taken a while so I had sat down and started eating again, Spike had asked a bit more about Earth but nothing big, just about some of the food we had. Most foods ponies already had except for most if not all meat dishes and they rarely did anything with fish. I was no chef back home so all I really knew was what they entailed, and sometimes not even that. I mentioned rock candy and we had a conversation about sweets compared to Earth and Equestria. Pinkie joined in during that part.

“Hey Aron.” She said, clearly pained, she put a hoof out though so I bumped it. “Fluttershy was, reluctant to go, I had to practically drag her here.” She explained, I smiled and stood up. Rainbow moved forward and I noticed she was holding onto Fluttershy’s tail, Rainbow let the poor mare go who immediately feel to the ground and whimpered. Twilight and Rarity both went over to check on her. After a short pause Rainbow looked at me, blushed and hugged me. We’d been doing that for a while now, just random hugs. I didn’t think much of it, just figured it’s because she’s a cuddly pony or whatever. I rarely complained, though this was the first she had hesitated. I heard a collection of ‘awwhs’ from Pinkie Pie and Applejack but did the stupid thing and didn’t think on it. She let go pretty quickly and smiled slightly.

“Hey A-” She said before Twilight started talking.

“Alright, now we are all here, shall we go?” She asked, there was a collection of affirmatives and we left, Diamond was next to Twilight talking about possible ways to talk the dragon down, the biggest idea seemed to be the fact Celestia was watching and ready to step in. Though Twilight seemed to want to try and talk it down without using one of the biggest rulers of the known world as a trump card. Which I agreed with personally.

“So Sugarcube, Rainbow hugged ya?” Applejack asked from next to me, the mentioned cyan Pegasus was flying ahead much faster than the rest of us, whenever we hung out she seemed to do that but she seemed to prefer speed than being lazy so I never brought it up with her.

“Yeah Applejack, she’s been doing that a couple times recently.” I muttered.

“Hey I ain’t judging I think it’s mighty cute.” Her accent was so fucking stereotypical I never knew what to think when she spoke.

“Is someone jealous she don’t get human hugs?” I replied, smiling. Applejack blushed slightly.

“Now you know that weren’t what I was implyin’.”

“Yeah but it’s funny making you ponies flustered. It’s adorable, if you wanted a hug you could just ask.” I was very tempted to hug her to see what would happen but I didn’t have a death wish. Well, against Applejack anyway. I clearly had some kind of death wish if I was marching off to face a fucking dragon.

“Darn it Aron. I ain’t adorable.”

“It’s adorable you think that.” And with that Applejack walked off, an unsure look on her face, Pinkie was the next one to bug me.

“Can I have a hug?” She asked. I laughed at that a little.

“Sure, if you promise PinkFest will be a thing.” I replied quickly.

“Silly Aron, I’m already talking to ponies about it for next year.” She said, I immediately stopped, turned to face her and leant down with my arms out, she immediately took the hug and giggled. It only lasted a couple seconds before I let it go, though she gave much better hugs than Dash and damn did Pinkie smell like cotton candy. We sped up a bit to catch up with the rest and she skipped off to go talk to someone else. Diamond took a step in next to me.

“We’ve been in Ponyville for nearly two weeks now.” Diamond declared. Damn was it really that short of a time? I kept thinking, and feeling, like I had been here for years now. I really didn’t miss Earth all that much.

“We have, I feel so welcome in Equestria. When I first got here I expected it would take years for me to be used to this place. But I feel like I’ve always been here.” Diamond nodded at that.

“Well do you think you could survive without me for a few days?” He asked. I crossed my arms.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I do have ponies in the guard I know and I did not expect to be situated in Ponyville so I do not have many personal supplies. I have spoken with Lyra and she says she would be happy to accompany me to Canterlot. I would only be gone a few days.”

“Dude do whatever, I ain’t your superior officer or anything like that and for fucks sake never feel like you are tied to me. I mean, if you are I need a talk with Celestia, but still. Do whatever you need to do. Though do you think Toyar will have finished those grenades yet?”

“Alright good. I do not think he will be finished, I can make it a point of going to see him if you wish?”

“Nah don’t bother, I’ll leave it a couple weeks. I don’t wanna make him feel rushed or whatever.” Diamond nodded.

“I will probably go tomorrow then, well before asking Lyra.”

“Speaking of, what’s going on with you two? I’ve seen you together quite a lot.” He paused before answering and looked around a bit, we were coming up to the mountain now and I could the cobbled pathway that Twilight had mentioned earlier, the mountain got a bit steep but it was certainly climbable.

“I’ve seen you and Rainbow Dash around a lot. And you hug each other.” It was then I started thinking about what that implies but I’ve been wrong about things like this before and fucked up many a friendship because of me being a cunt so didn’t think much on it.

“Just answer the question Diamond.” I grunted.

“So salty.” I smiled at that. Good boy. “She is nice but I am unsure as to if this will go anywhere. I see her as a friend more than anything.” He paused again, just as I was about to reply he continued. “I am a guard above all else, I have been trained to hide emotion as much as I can, and it seems to have manifested in everyday life. Which is another reason I wish to return to Canterlot. I will talk to Shining Armor about how he deals with down time.”

“You’ve fought for far too long my friend. Seen too much, let Lyra in dude. If you can.” I replied, he looked at me and actually looked kinda, distressed.

“I will try. You are far wiser than you let on.” I laughed a bit at that and punched his shoulder lightly.

“Yeah people have told me that before.”

“What happened?” He asked, a question I didn’t see coming.

“What do you mean?” I asked back, carefully.

“You know far too much about the military life to just ‘hear things’ and you definitely know about emotional suppression and a lot of post military life. Plus you keep mentioned how you’ve worked with them, illegally but still.” I wasn’t sure how to react to that, any happiness I had instantly faded and whatever joke or quip I had planned died. It took me nearly a full minute of silence and him staring at me for me to think up a reply.

“My past, wasn’t exactly full of rainbows and sunshine. I’ve seen some shit and had to do some things that no civilian, hell, no military man should see or do. Most of my childhood was hell and my later life wasn’t exactly joyous either, there is a reason why I don’t miss Earth. Though now isn’t the time to talk about it.” I’m sure Diamond wanted more but it would have to wait until there was just the two of us and plenty of alcohol. He didn’t say anything else and we continued up the mountain in silence. Well, us two, everyone else were having conversations of their own. Applejack, Diamond nor Rainbow spoke to me the entire trip. Nothing much happened until we reached a rather flat area on the mountain, signs were placed all over the place about this being a major avalanche site. I immediately saw what was coming.

“Twilight.” I said, voice fairly low, she stopped and looked at me. “What spells do you know which will get us across here without triggering an avalanche?” I asked.

“None that I know of, we will just have to be quiet.” She whispered back. I gave her a glare.

“There are eight of us here, one of us will trip on a rock or a leaf will fall and someone will shout-” Which was as far as I got in my explanation of how situations like this normally go down, it was as far as I got because a very Fluttershy sounding like Pony cried out.

“AVALANCHE!” Immediately rocks began to shift, only ahead of us though, I took a few steps back as did Diamond, Rainbow Dash flew into the air above where the rocks were shaking. It took less than a second for the rocks to start falling and less than that more for me to notice Rarity had gone full retard and ran forward instead of back.

“Fall back!” I shouted and sprinted after Rarity, my plan was to tackle her and keep her away from any falling rocks, the other ponies were at a safe distance away and Diamond was there in case they weren’t. It was just me running towards Rarity who had stopped in her tracks as a boulder fell in front of her, but another was rolling and she was standing completely still. Everything in my body was telling me this was a dumb idea but still I ran. I dived towards the marshmallow pony just as the second rock feel and only when I landed, on top of a very terrified unicorn did I see how close to the edge I was. Rarity and I managed to share a look before the floor below us collapsed and we fell. I thought that was it, I was counting on both of us to die then, to fall onto the rocky ground below and never wake up. Instead, I acted far quicker than I thought possible for anyone, let alone me. I grabbed a piece of rock and swung round and grabbed Rarity’s outstretched hoof. She was screaming and flaying around and I could already feel my grip loosening.

“Rarity!” I shouted, a rock flew straight past me and I had to swing to avoid it, I felt a rip of flesh in my hand and cried out, still holding on somehow. “I’m going to throw you up okay?” I shouted, I didn’t dare look down to see a reaction and prepared myself. This would almost certainly kill me. As soon as I swung to throw her I would lose my grip. Over the rock slide and Rarity screaming I could hear how fast my heart was beating. My hand was very quickly losing grip now and I swung. Closing my eyes I threw Rarity up, it was beyond awkward and as I thought I lost my grip instantly. I saw Rarity grab onto a rock and begin to climb up before I feel.
For about a second before I felt someone grip my hand, looking up I saw Rainbow Dash flying above me and Diamond standing on the rock face with a hand out. Rainbow was clearly not strong enough to hold me and lost a lot of ground catching me. She was clearly straining but I put my good hand to grip onto Diamond. Dash got me inches away before I felt myself become much lighter, a purple aurora covered my upper half and I was flown up onto solid ground again with a mixture of Diamond, Dash and Twilight’s help. As soon as I touched down I collapsed again, looking over my hand I saw a large rip, blood pouring out and grit and other stones stuck in the flesh. I couldn’t hold back the screams after that and burst out crying. No more rocks fell though thankfully. It took Fluttershy less than a second of me screaming to run forward with a bottle of water and some bandages. She poured the water over my wound and washed as much blood out of my hand, most of the rocks going with it. She then bandaged my hand and I slowly lost the pain. I noticed Twilight’s horn glowing and figured she was healing me. I stopped screaming pretty quickly and just waited.

“That was too damn close.” I muttered after a minute or so had passed. I was standing up with Diamond and Rainbow Dash standing near me. The others facing me. A couple nods came from that and a wave of pain shot through my arm. A couple of my fingers were bleeding and my entire right hand was pretty fucked up. “Now.” I began, looking to Rarity. “The fuck was that.” I muttered, she looked down.

“I thought I could make it to the other side, as soon as I heard the rocks. I panicked.” She said, I nodded.

“Alright. It’s over now, we are safe. Ish.” I said, looking around, a couple signs had been knocked over and some rubble was covering the ground but most of the big rocks either went over or stopped fairly quickly. “Let’s just move on, we can talk about this later.” Again, more nods. I didn’t get far before Dash flew up and hugged me.

“You alright?” She asked.

“No, even with the bandages and Twilight’s healing my hand is fucked. I would need stitches back home but I figure Twilight can heal it. Right?” I asked, louder to the lavender pony. She turned and nodded.

“I can’t do it all at once with the rocks still in your hand but we can sort that out when we return home. You may have a scar but I can’t be sure.” I nodded.

“Well thank you. So there Dashie, I’m in pain now but will get better.” I said.

“I thought you would’ve been tougher than that. A little cut screwed you over that much.” She joked, I just raised by hand, and the bandage was more blood than cloth already. Stung like a bitch too.

“Dash I threw Rarity onto a rock to save her. I tackled her down in the middle of an avalanche.” I replied. Rarity was walking next to me now, Diamond had taken the rear somewhere.

“And I thank you for saving me, truly I may not be here were it not for your bravery. Thank you Aron.” She said. I smiled.

“Don’t worry about it Rarity.”

“Oh no no no no! I can’t just not worry, you saved my life. I must find a way to repay you!” She declared, I laughed slightly and felt a stab of pain again.

“Well unless you can give me some sort of pain killer…” I said, she just shook her head. “Then tell me when you think of something.” She smiled and nodded.

“I wouldn’t want my favourite human to die on me.” Dash suddenly declared, I turned and saw her blushing slightly.

“I am pretty great aren’t I?” She punched me gently at that and I just stuck my tongue out at her. We continued down the path and ascended a couple more times before reaching another fairly flat area. Twilight stopped us all close to a huge cave entrance which I could only guess was our destination.

“Alright everypony, this is it.” She declared. Thanks Twilight. “Alright, Rainbow Dash you clear the clouds.” She added, the named mare nodded and flew up into the black smoke layer. “Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack and Diamond, can you be ready in case the dragon tries to attack.” Four nods. Though I figured only Diamond was really needed on defence since he had the power to spawn a shit ton of support. “What do you need to do to bring in the guards?” She asked.

“I just have to ask, Celestia is still watching I presume so will jump in on her own if required.” Twilight nodded.

“Are you going to be okay?” She asked me. I nodded. “Good because you’re coming in there with me and Fluttershy and try and talk him out.” I froze up. I figured I’d have to do something but damn. Not that. There was fucking smoke everywhere so this cunt had to be pretty damn big. I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Alright whatevs. I’ve already almost died today, let’s get this over with.” I grunted.

“That’s the spirit.” Twilight replied. We walked into the cave and I immediate saw how big the fucker was, like the size of a plane. I wanted to run out but held my ground. I started twitching my hand over my sword. Though being right handed I would be fucked having to use the sword. Though I doubt I could even draw it with my good hand before getting incinerated by a huge fuck off dragon. I very loudly gulped and continued with Twilight.

“So what is the best way to wake up a dragon?” She asked, I looked around and noticed a distinct lack of Fluttershy.

“Fuck sake Fluttershy.” I muttered, Twilight turned to leave and I grabbed her tail. “Leave her, the longer we take here the longer the clean-up will take.” Twilight looked out of the cave and then nodded. She turned and we both started walking towards the dragon. It snored and a large black cloud appeared from its nose. I just nodded and gripped my sword awkwardly.

“Hello, Mr Dragon?” Twilight said, unsure of herself. I wasn’t overly impressed by that but had nothing better so just stood passively thinking of what to say. The dragon didn’t even react. She repeated herself longer and it stirred. I instantly drew my sword and stepped back.

“Maybe we should just get Celestia.” I muttered. The dragon moved again and then stopped. Sniffing the air. I took another step back and Twilight moved next to me. The dragon sniffed again.

“Not a pony.” It muttered, quietly, it had a stupidly deep voice, no accent. My left arm was shaking a bit and I felt ready to sprint out of the cave. The dragon’s eyes opened faster than I expected and I very nearly booked it. Nearly. “A wounded mortal creature, one I have never seen wonders into my cave? Interesting.” The dragon muttered again, sniffing out some more black smoke, I held the cough in, Twilight didn’t.

“Hi. I’m. I’m.” I paused and gulped. Lowering the sword. “I’m Aron. I’m a human, not of this world.”

“Aron. How are you here if you are not from this world?” The dragon asked. He didn’t even look at the sword, eyes both focused on me.

“The le- leader of the ponies, Princess Celestia summoned me.” I explained.

“To defeat me?” The dragon asked, then started making a noise that sounded like a deep laugh.

“N-no. No. I have wild magic latched onto me, and am now a resident in Equus. I was just asked to try and convince you to leave.”

“And why, Aron.” The way he said my name was fucking terrifying. “Should I leave, flee a land of weak, tiny ponies when I have a perfect treasure and a perfect cave to hibernate?” I didn’t really have anything for that, for a second.

“Because there is an alliance between Ponykind and Dragonkind, which you are breaching.” I muttered. He laughed again.

“I never signed that treaty. Why should I honour it?”

“For that reason dragon, honour. The Princess is standing by, as well as her best soldiers, and are ready if you do not comply.” The dragon slammed his claw down in a fist and I saw how much gold the fucker had around him, not Smaug levels but a lot.

“You dare threaten me!” He boomed, rising. I lifted my sword and I heard Twilight’s horn start to glow.

“No sir, just informing you. I wish this not turn to bloodshed, surely there are better caves. Better treasures out in the world.” I said rather quickly, the dragon seemed to actually calm at that. Then his eyes looked at my sword.

“You talk of better treasure and yet here you are. A species not seen before, holding an ancient relic. Why, human, should I not just take you?” I gulped again and changed my stance.

“Because. Oh dragon, I was given this sword for a reason. This is meant to defeat gods.”

“Now that was a treat.” The dragon said. Fuck it, I was dead anyway at this point. I swung the sword about a bit that must’ve looked cooler in my head.

“It was.” I said, looking the dragon in the eyes. There was a very long silence before the dragon nodded.

“Very well human, I know that blade and do not wise to feel its sting. You may be wounded but if what you say is true. I shall leave. I suggest keeping that sword close.” The dragon said, stretching its wings out and shooting out of the cave, I was knocked straight on my ass as was Twilight. She ran over pretty quickly.

“That could have gone better.” I muttered.

“You can say that again, but it worked.” She replied. I nodded and stood, then looked at the bounty before us. I heard confused voices behind me and turned to see everyone, even a very scared looking Fluttershy walk into the cave. Rarity squealed when she saw the jewels and gold. I even noticed a couple swords and helmets that might have actually fit me lying around.

“So you did it?” Diamond asked, I nodded.

“Aron is not a good diplomate though.” Twilight said, I shrugged.

“Again, that could have gone far better.” I muttered.

“What did happen?” Diamond asked. I quickly told him what was said. “Aron, you could’ve very nearly died.”

“It’s why I got cocky, I figured I was dead anyway.”

“That is a very morbid way of thinking.” I just shrugged and walked toward the treasure. “Celestia you can take some, you deserve it.” He muttered, I shrugged again and started searching for what looked like the coins that I had seen ponies use. I found a bag full of them eventually and put it in my bag. It felt heavy as soon as I put it back on and started searching for more loot, the others were as well. Even Diamond grabbed some gold jewellery and put it in his bag. I found a cool looking necklace with a cyan gem on it in the shape of a cloud. I grabbed it and stood up from where I was.

“Hey RD!” I called, fucking everyone turned to look at me, and Rainbow flew over. I extended my hand with the necklace in and showed her. Her eyes lit up.

“It’s beautiful. What you gonna do with it?” She asked. I smiled.

“Give it to you obviously.” I said unclasping it and putting it around her neck, it was hella awkward and I kept getting caught on her hair but she didn’t fucking help and neither did the others so I just continued, her now wearing some necklace and me pissed off about having to put a necklace on a horse without bleeding on said horse Dash blushed and hugged me.

“Thank you.” She said, voice stupidly quiet. She let go of the hug and I continued to search through the loot. I eventually came across a golden bag, I picked it up and noticed how light it was, even though it felt like metal, I could bend the bag pretty well. Like cloth. There was a strange glow to the bag and I put it in my backpack for later inspection. Then just gathered a load of gems, all variously sizes and a gold bar. My backpack was stupidly heavy at that point but I was happy with my loot. Another minute passed and everyone seemed happy with their loot. Dash was still wearing her necklace and the others had various jewellery around their body for better carrying.

“I guess Celestia is going to claim the rest?” I asked Diamond, he was silent for a moment and nodded. “Bitchin’.” I added. “Alright let’s get the fuck out of here.” I declared and started to walk out, the others followed me out.
So it was that day I became the first human to not only meet a dragon, but also the first to piss one off and survive. That day was a good day.

Getting back nothing of note really happened, a couple of our group seemed upset we had just left Fluttershy outside the cave whilst they set everything up but none really brought it up once Twilight and I explained we were under time constraints. Rainbow had done pretty well clearing the smoke layer but eventually the rest just disappeared on its own. We all went back to the library and after a small debriefing most left, except those who lived in the library, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Twilight undid my bandages and let Fluttershy clean the wound again, she kept saying really motherly sayings and making quiet, calming noises as she sorted me out. It sent Dash into hysterics and I just gave her the bird and tried to not wish for death too much. Most if not all of the rocks came out and Twilight pulled the rest out with magic, cutting my hand a bit more and making me yelp out a couple times. She then got to my favourite part of wounds. The ‘this is going to sting bit’.

“Can’t you just heal me with magic?” I asked, looking at the flannel Fluttershy was holding, I was still sitting down with my hand out but was ready to run if need be. Diamond and Spike were behind me, and Dash was floating in front of me still wearing her necklace with a huge grin on her face.

“Not until I know the wound is clean.” Twilight replied. I tensed up a lot at that.

“How bad will it sting?” I asked.

“Oh don’t be such a baby.” Twilight declared, I thought some very dark stuff at that. But finally just accepted my fate and nodded. Fluttershy then started dabbing the cloth on me, very slowly. I pulled back.

“MOTHERFUCKER.” I cried making the yellow pony jump. I felt my arm tug forward again and saw Twilight manipulating it. She grabbed the cloth from Fluttershy and started dabbing it, I didn’t cry out again but I did try and pull away, about thirty seconds passed and I didn’t need to. I felt my hand stop hurting and looked down to see it had completely healed. Twilight threw my hand at me and I feel back a bit, only to lean forward again and look over my hand. “That’s amazing.” I muttered. I looked up to Twilight. “Thanks.” She smiled at that.

“No problem Aron, least I could do.” She said.

“And sorry for being a dick this morning, I am not a morning person.” I muttered, she nodded.

“It’s okay.” She said. I leaned back in my chair and watched Dash fly for a second, she blushed when she noticed me staring.

“Anyone got plans for the rest of the day?” I asked after a pause.

“I am going to go find Lyra.” Diamond declared, he was looking down at a miniature golden harp which I believe was Lyra’s cutie mark. So he was going to pull a me, but romantic.

“A’right, see ya tonight.” I replied and watched the guard leave the library.

“What about you two?” I asked, looking between Twilight and Dash, Spike wondered to where Diamond had been standing.

“I have a report to write for the Princess.” Twilight said.

“Dear she was watching the whole thing.” Apparently. “I doubt she will need a report.” Twilight shrugged.

“She asked for one in her message to me. I guess she wanted to see if I would learn anything about friendship.”

“Alright whatevs, I’m no ruler. Did you learn anything?”

“Besides you are a big baby and to never let you try and talk your way out of anything ever again?” She asked back.

“Oh har har.” I muttered. “I doubt she’ll accept that.”

“Me neither weirdly enough. I’ll talk about your brave sacrifice.” She replied, putting far too much emphasis on that second bit. I rolled my eyes and she giggled slightly.

“Yeah you do that. I guess you’ll want Spike?” I asked, I could see the hope in his eyes that I would bail him out of this one but I had to help around the library as much as he did, more so sometimes.

“Yes, come on Spike.” She said, standing up and walking off, Spike gave me one last hopeful glance and I just directed my eyes towards Dash and he slumped down.

“So.” I said when they had both fucked off. “Guess it’s another day with Aron and Dashie.” I added. Said pony had flown down and was sitting next to me.

“I should leave you alone in boredom for asking me last.” She muttered.

“You wouldn’t do that to me would you?” I asked, she laughed a bit.

“Nah you’re too much of a wimp to leave alone.”

“You’re gonna ride on that for a while aren’t you?”

“Obviously.” I laughed and watched her pull the chair closer so she could lean her head on my shoulder.

“Whatevs, I’ll just have to find something to tease you with.” I muttered, she laughed again, a laugh I was beginning to really enjoy hearing.

“Good luck.” She muttered and I watched her eyes close and a smile form. That moment didn’t last long when Twilight started saying something to Spike upstairs and Dash sat back normally. “Hey wanna watch me practice for the Wonderbolts?” She asked. I smiled and nodded. We left the library and went off towards a bit of open ground where Pinkie and Dash had dug that hole. She had shown off some stunts before which I had thought were pretty cool. She’d also mentioned the Wonderbolts before, which were basically just the pony equivalent of sports car racers or athletic runners or something akin to that. I grabbed a jumped before we left and set it up as a make shift blanket and watched as Dash flew around doing all kinds of tricks and stunts. It was pretty cool, even did a barrel roll when I shouted it out.

“She’s pretty good.” I heard a voice from behind me, I jumped slightly, not expecting another person to be around and turned to see Vinyl already sitting down next to me.

“Yeah, I wish I could do half the shit she can.”

“Well you aren’t a Pegasus.” She replied. I laughed a bit.

“True that. What you been up to? Haven’t seen ya around since then.” I asked.

“This and that, hey Aron about the party…” She began.

“What about it?”

“Well, ponies have been saying. Things.”

“Vinyl spit it out.”

“Did we make out on stage?” I paused for a second and nodded.

“Yeah, it was kinda hot. You declared me yours and we made out for god knows how long.”

“Oh Celestia. I’m sorry Aron.” She muttered. Actually sounding pretty sad, I noticed she still had her glasses on but didn’t bring it up.

“Hey don’t worry, we were both drunk, at a party and as I said, it was kinda hot.” She giggled again as Dash did some cool loop that ended up making the shape of two rings that crossed over each other. I looked back at Vinyl.

“Yeah but I’ve heard you say you aren’t attracted to us.” She muttered. “And if rumours are true, you aren’t looking for anyone.” She added, looking up at the sky.

“Yeah but alcohol is a bitch. Also, what rumours?” I asked. She laughed again and stood up.

“Don’t worry, anyway if we’re cool. I’ll see ya around.” Vinyl said and wondered off. Rainbows flew down and landed on my jumper next to me shortly after that.

“What’d Vinyl want?” She asked causally.

“Talk about the party, she thought I was pissed we kissed.” I replied. “No biggie.”

“Yeah sure.” She said, unconvincingly. I just shrugged.

“Apparently rumours are being spread about me as well.” I added after a pause, Dash snuggled closer to me at one point but I barely felt it.

“Rumours?” She asked, sounding stupidly calm, tired almost.

“Yeah, Vinyl didn’t say what and I don’t really care, as long as they stay rumours and don’t affect me.” I said. I looked down at rainbow and saw her eyes closing a little and just leant back onto the ground, she shifted slightly and put her head on my chest, facing me. She looked about ready to fall asleep. “Don’t you dare fall asleep on me.” Says the man who deliberately leant down so she could sleep. “I’ll leave you out here so you fall asleep in public and look really lonely.” I added. She smiled and shut her eyes.

“No you won’t.” She muttered. And that was it. She fucking fell asleep on me. I ended up falling asleep as well. I wasn’t tired but I was comfy so just. Slept.

It was only the sound of a camera snap that woke me up. I opened my eyes to see the minty form of Lyra staring down at me, camera covering her eyes but a huge smile on her face. I don’t think I’d ever described Lyra, she had mint and white hair in a style alike Dash’s and a long, smooth tail with the same colours. Her cutie mark was a harp. Or Lyre I suppose. A fairly average size horn was protruding from her head and she was much smaller than Diamond.

“Sup Lyra, where’s Diamond?” I asked.

“Here.” He said from behind me, I still had a sleeping Dash on me so didn’t bother moving to see him. He was holding back laughter which was a first for him. Though Lyra seemed to be doing him well, even if he wasn’t taking it very far.

“May I ask why you thought taking a picture whilst I napped was a good idea?” I asked. Lyra giggled.

“Because you two make such a cute couple!” She declared. That hit me quite a lot and I very almost stood up but held back from disturbing Dash, I think they both counted on that and started laughing. Diamond stopping far before Lyra.

“Hey now we ain’t no couple, just good friends.” I said.

“Yeah sure, and I’m bright purple.” Lyra replied. I just glared at her and she took another picture.

“Diamond help me out here.” I pleaded.

“You have been acting like a couple for quite a while now.” He muttered.

“Oh fuck you Diamond.” I muttered, he laughed a little at that. “Aren’t y’all going to Canterlot yet?”

“We are not going until tomorrow morning Aron.” Diamond said.

“Piss. Means you’re going to bully me whilst I’m down doesn’t it.” Lyra laughed again, raising a hoof to cover her mouth.

“Obviously.” She said.

“I will get up and so help me.”

“Aron you aren’t going to get up until Rainbow Dash wakes up.” Diamond said, I heard him move and was suddenly looking up at Lyra and Diamond.

“I will fucking-. Nah you’re right. I ain’t going anywhere.”

“Aww that’s adorable.” Lyra squealed.

“Was there something else you wanted? Or is this it?” I asked, they looked at each other and both smiled.

“This is it. We were enjoying a nice walk in each other’s company, but then agreed torturing you was a greater cause.” Lyra said.

“You are a horrible influence on her Diamond.” He just nodded. “What can I do to stop you from being cunts?” I asked.

“Yes because you are the embodiment of purity when talking about influences.” Diamond muttered.

“We’re not going anywhere until you admit you and Dash are a cute couple.” Lyra said. I laughed slightly at that.

“I’ll think about it if Diamond says it.” They looked at each other again. “I just couldn’t imagine Diamond ever saying ‘cute’.”

“I see Rainbow Dash is still wearing that necklace you gave her.” Diamond muttered.

“I see you need to eat a bag of dicks.”

“Why are you so against admitting it?” Lyra asked.

“Because we aren’t no couple. Why are y’all pushing it?”

“Because you’re such an easy target.” Diamond muttered. Then asked: “Do you want to make a bet Aron?”

“If you next words out of your mouth are anything about my relationship with Rainbow Dash I will come into your room tonight and see if Lyra here is actually into mares.” I said with pure deadpan.

“Never mind.” He grunted.

“Awwh come on Diamond, stand up for yourself. You always talk about your chats with Aron but now I’m here you seem to be holding back.” Seeing a chance to change the conversation I jumped in.

“He is actually far worse than he normally is. I’m holding back because I don’t wanna swear.”

“How come?” Diamond asked. I looked at Lyra and then Dash.

“There are women present.” I muttered.

“Fucking bullshit Aron.” He said. I smiled.

“Yeah, Diamond explained swearing to me before. It doesn’t seem all that bad.” I shrugged, or at least tried to.

“It’s a human thing I guess, I never understood why it was so bad personally, just gotta try and keep some merits. Obviously I don’t feel too bad if I’m spreading it around and using them like I would at home.”

“How long does it take to learn?” Lyra asked.

“Meh you’d have to ask Diamond. It took me years to hear the ones I know and even I don’t know them all, don’t count it as a second language though. Just put them in the conversation. Like I do. Diamond is still learning the grammar but he’s getting there.”

“He said you use them as filler but you haven’t used many so far.” She said.

“Yeah PinkFest kinda destroyed my anxiety and a big reason for me to use the, I still fucking use them though. Like then, it wasn’t really needed for me to say ‘fucking’ but I did.” She nodded.

“Alright, I will have to get Diamond here to teach me.” She said, smiling.

“Eh that’s your choice. Though you’re being taught by a Novice.”

“Well then you teach me!” She declared. I smiled.

“Hey that’s not what I said, have fun with swears. They really put a point across sometimes.” She nodded.

“Well as fun as it was, we don’t want to be interrupting anymore of you date. Have fun.” Lyra said, turning around and walking off, Diamond went to follow but I coughed, stopping him.

“You need to date that girl Diamond.” I said, he smiled for a second and looked towards where she went.

“Noted.” Was all he said before he went off as well. I shut my eyes and went back to sleep.

I was woken up a few hours or so later by Dash moving around, I slowly opened my eyes and saw the sun was beginning to set, and figured I’d been out with Dash for about four or five hours again. She was looking at me with a cute smile.

“Hey beautiful, nice sleep?” I asked without really thinking, a blush immediately formed and she looked beyond taken aback. She started stuttering a reply.

“Y-you think I’m beautiful?” She asked. I smiled. Fuck it if everyone else thinks we are I might as well push, see where it goes, if she outright rejects me I can go into a depression and start missing Earth again.

“Yeah, well I dunno about pony standards but I look at you guys as people mostly, and you have a lot of traits that would make you beautiful there.” She blushed even harder and slowly stood up, I followed suite and we were awkwardly silent for a bit.

“Nopony has ever said that to me before.” She muttered, I just put a hand on her should and smiled a bit more.

“Well they’ve been missing out then.” So fucking cheesy the moon smells it.

“Th-thanks Aron.” She said, we shared a silence for a second before she was about to say something else. “Hey do you maybe wanna go-” She began, before being interrupted by one Twilight Sparkle.

“There you two are! Come on Aron, it’s nearly dinner time!” Twilight called. I nodded and waved at the lavender mare, Spike was missing but so was Diamond so didn’t really care.

“Alright Twi!” I called back. “I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?” I said. Rainbow was still obviously flustered but nodded, rubbing one of her legs, her wings were drooped a little too, as were her ears.

Act I: Chapter XI

Another week or so passed where Dash wanted to hang out far more than before and she seemed much closer to me than before, she fell asleep on my stomach a few more times and seemed to want to show off tricks a lot more than she did. I mentioned it to Twilight one day who just smiled and told me it was just Dash being Dash, I didn’t really care whatever the reason, I liked hanging out with her regardless. Diamond did as promised and he and Lyra fucked off to Canterlot for a couple days, when he came back me and him decided to bum around in the library for a day, until both Lyra and Rainbow Dash turned up, both looked like they had had their hair done up and Rainbow’s looked a lot more groomed and was in a scrunchie close to the end of her hair and tail, giving them a cute pony tail, no pun intended for the tail part of her hair. There wasn’t much hair on her head besides the top, the rest was all on one side, she had yet to take off her necklace I found for her and was now wearing a strange ear covering, and it looked like a bundle of leaves, or more so two golden leaves connected to each other. I wasn’t sure what the thing did but I presumed it held her hair to one side. She also had two golden shoes on that kinda looked like the equivalent of high boots, there were lines of gold going up a lot of her legs but I really didn’t know fashion or any of that bullocks so had no idea what it looked like or what she was wearing. She looked good though. Lyra was pretty much the same, her hair was straighten as was her tail, and she had a pink beaded necklace on and a bundle of mint flowers. Which on reflection were probably just mint rose or something akin to that. Diamond was cursing up a storm to Spike at the time who had been asking about swears so we men didn’t look amazing when the two mares wondering into the library. Twilight was out somewhere, I think she said with Fluttershy but I didn’t care enough to remember. Diamond was naked and I was wearing some short sleeve top and jeans. It was still pretty damn warm but was coming up to late July at that point, so was going to get colder soon and I wanted to go through the summer supplies I had brought before the longer, warmer cloths. Anyway we both immediately stood up to greet the two mares and me and Dash did the ritual of bro-fisting and hugging. She held it for a lot longer than usual and I noticed she was wearing some sort of perfume. She smelt like fruits, which was really nice compared to the usual smell of dead tree and books of the library. Which I suppose is just dead tree twice.

“Hey Dashie, you look nice.” I said when she finally let the hug go, she instantly smiled which looked adorable.

“Glad you like it.” She replied, trying to sound casual and failing, she put a lot of emphasis on ‘you’ and gave a glance at Lyra who was standing next to Diamond.

“What brings you two here.” Diamond said, he had begun to not mutter as much now and emotion to his voice was definitely a thing he thought about late at night.

“Well we know you wanted to hang out here today but it is such a beautiful day, we thought we would come over so we could do something together.” Lyra replied. I nodded, as did Diamond.

“Alright well what do you guys wanna do?” I asked, Spike fled as soon as more people arrived, terrified that Twilight would be told he was swearing, I’d already told her twice now to see what happened and the tongue lashing both me and Diamond got was not worth it. Though Spike had to do extra chores for every swear he knew. Honestly I’m surprised he was still asking me about it after I’d ratted him out.

“We were thinking we could go get lunch together.” Rainbow Dash answered. It was around lunch and I had been about ready to tell Spike to go make us all something, but going out seemed fine.

“Alright gimme a sec, Diamond?” I asked, nodded towards my room, he just followed without word. One thing I had learned since the dragon attack, with Twilight’s unasked for help, was that the golden bag I had picked up was like the pony buildings, it had far more room than I thought it should have, I even tried putting my sword in it just to see but it didn’t have that much room. It worked as a kind of scabbard but I still needed to give the sword a scabbard, sure I didn’t have to wear a belt, just tie the bag to a belt hook in my jeans, but why bother when I have to get the sword out twice if I want to use it. So instead I just emptied the bag of money I’d taken and put it in the gold bag instead. I also found out pony money was called bits, a weird name but we used pounds as our money, which is also a volume of weight so who the fuck am I to say what was weird or not. I figured I had about two hundred or so bits from the looting which was a pretty big sum for my first raid, the most food every being about ten bits, and that was pushing it. I usually just carried it all around just in case but hadn’t had the chance to find anything I wanted. I asked if Twilight needed help with food and shit once but apparently Celestia was paying for all that so I just gave up asking.

“Alright, you wanna wear anything?” I asked once I had the bag tied on the opposite side as where my sword belt would go, I rarely took it out anywhere and until I started training I felt no need to. Rainbow had asked I take it out sometimes when our chats had lead us towards the Everfree or anything like that, I pulled the ‘anti-hero’ speech where I would just book it if anything actually attacked us but she just replied saying that I wouldn’t abandon her. Which was true enough I suppose. Diamond looked down at himself and gave a very confused face.

“Why?” He asked.

“Christ you’re more obvious than me. There are two mares out there heavily beautified to go on a double date out there, you can’t just go naked.” I replied, pointing outside my doorway. Diamond looked back for a second and turned back smiling.

“So you admit to it?” He asked. “About Rainbow Dash.”

“I will kick you so hard in the dick Diamond.”

“Hey I am just asking.” He replied. “What would be good enough for a date then?”

“You’re older than me, and a pony, and have probably dated before. You fucking tell me, I just know enough not to go naked.” At least for the first date. Winky face.

“I’ll wear my armour, what of you?” He asked, looking me up and down.

“I’m lucky that I don’t have anything fancy to wear. I could change my top but it would be one improper teenager top to another.” He smiled again but just nodded.

“Alright, I’ll be out in a second.” He said and walked off, I still didn’t know where his room was and tried to follow, only to have a Rainbow Dash in my face, I didn’t see where Diamond went off to.

“So you really like it?” She asked, smiling. It was then I noticed both were naked besides the accessories and felt like a cunt for telling Diamond off for almost doing the same thing.

“Yeah you look great.” I said smiling, she really did too. Either I was insane for thinking a horse pretty or, well no. I’m just insane, but it was a good insanity.
Well that’s what I tell myself at night. She beamed at that and hugged me again. Lyra looked kinda awkward watching it but said nothing. When Rainbow let go I looked at the mint mare.

“Diamond’ll be out in a bit, putting his armour on.” I said, she nodded and looked me up and down.

“What about you, do you not have any armour?” She asked. I snorted a laugh.

“Gods no, I’m an alien here remember, and despite what Diamond told you of my greatness I ain’t no warrior. I don’t really have anything worth wearing to a public lunch so have to make do.” She smiled at that and nodded.

“Speaking of which, where are we going? I take it you two have decided?” I asked, they both nodded. Rainbow had the most ridiculous looking grin on.

“Oh nowhere special, just The Clos.” Lyra replied, Diamond walked back into the room in full armour, minus the helmet and spear saddle, it looked pretty funny without it. Him not having any real armour around his back or stomach. He nodded to me and I began to walk to the door.

“Alright cool, lead the way. I have no idea where we are going.” Well that was a lie, I think I had passed that place a couple times, it looked fancy as all hell and I felt like shit for not having anything to wear. I was glad I had two hundred bits on me. I held the door open for Dash and caught myself watching thy ass walk past me, Lyra then followed and I walked out, leaving Diamond inside to open the door. Until I got outside myself that was and held the door for him. He just smiled, rolled his eyes and went over to Lyra and put his hoof out for her. She took it and they started walking. Dash was flying at around my level watching the front pair. I just poked her until she looked at me and an outstretched arm, she blushed again and took it. Then hoovered next to me as we followed Lyra and Diamond.

“So, The Clos?” I asked, she nodded slowly.

“It was, er, Lyra’s idea, I was doing stunts at the time and she asked if I wanted lunch, then mentioned you two. Apparently she had to book this place out.”

“Yeah it looks that way, surprised there is such a fancy restaurant in a small place like Ponyville but whatevs. I feel kinda bad I’m so underdressed.” I replied.

“Aww don’t worry about it Aron, it was a bit of a spur of the moment thing, well for me. And apparently you two. Lyra had this all planned.”

“Well at least one of us looks nice.” I muttered, she squeezed my arm slightly.

“Thanks Aron. Seriously.” She said, I wanted to make a joke and say Diamond was the prettiest but didn’t want to ruin the moment. We continued in a collective silence for a second until Lyra turned around to look at us, being lead down the path by Diamond, it was pretty weird seeing that but I tried not to scream too much.

“Oh Aron, this is a couples restaurant, they make you share drinks and the like.” She said, smiling and looking between me and Dash. Oh you bitch. That I hadn’t thought of, I’d never been in this place so just presumed it was fancy and nothing else.

“Meh whatever, what they got?” I asked.

“Drinks wise or food?” Lyra asked, looking a bit confused.

“Food we can get when we get there, what about drinks?”

“Smoothies and old wine, you’ll have to see.”

“Alright coolio. Dash, you can decide what, I guess, we, have. I’m sure it’ll be fine, just try not to have flowers in it, or hay.” She beamed a little bit at that and nodded. We got closer to where I believed the restaurant was and found I had been correct in its location, the thing was decked out to fuck, with marble pillars and more Greek looking architecture and two big black stained glass doors with a Pony standing outside in a Tuxedo, he looked pretty threatening and knew instantly I wasn’t going to fuck around with that guy. He wore the most ridiculous fucking hat ever so I wasn’t sure what race he was. I presumed he was a dirty mud pony since those were meant to be the strongest. Though I don’t think I ever wanted to fight a unicorn who could kill me with magic, revive me and then kill me again with their fists. Or hooves I guess. There were a couple signs all over the shop with “NO SEATS FOR SINGLES AVALILABLE” Which I wasn’t sure how to take that, whether it meant no tables with one seat or they didn’t want singles here at all. I thought up a few loop holes to both scenarios but figured if this apparent date went well, I wouldn’t ever have to use them. Though I would never come here with someone, let alone on my own. We actually joined a line of ponies to get in the place, only two or three couples but it just increased my fear I was underdressed. There were copies of the menu attached to the wall and some stuck on the insides of windows. The first thing I noticed was that they served meat.

“I think I just came a little.” I said, out loud, much louder than I meant, I think I drooled a little as well. Obviously all three of the ponies with me turned to look at me. I coughed a little. “They serve meat here.” I explained, the reactions I got were mixed. Diamond looked unfazed, he already knew, Rainbow looked impressed and Lyra looked ready to throw up.

“Y-you eat meat?” She asked, quietly.

“Yeah, humans can, we are omnivores, can eat nearly anything. Well anything to an extent.”

“I was wondering why you had canines.” She muttered, then turned back and muttered something to Diamond. The line moved forward a bit and I got to a window that wasn’t covered in either a pillar or an empty table and got to watch some ponies eat, what Lyra said was very much true and ponies were sitting either next to or across from each other eating out of one large plate with a fairly large glass or something between them. I was pretty cute I’ll admit but again, I’d never come here willingly. I turned and caught Rainbow looking at me with an adorable smile.

“What’s up Dashie?” I asked. She blinked a few times but kept the smile.

“Nuffin’.” She said quietly. I just smiled back and gave her a quick side hug.

It wasn’t long after that when we finally got in, the guard gave me a glare that could kill lesser men but didn’t say anything besides a few replies to Lyra.

“Name.” He said, really deep ass voice. It scared me a little.

“Lyra Heartstrings, Rainbow Dash, Diamond and Aron.” Lyra said, then turned to me. “Sorry I didn’t know if you had a surname or not?” She asked, I smiled.

“Nah just Aron.” I confirmed, she smiled and nodded.

“Table for two, go right in.” The guy muttered after looking at me again. We just wondered in with little ceremony as I said. The inside was massive, but I wasn’t all that shocked at that anymore, the beauty of the place was amazing, pillars and leaves were dotted all over the place and there were paintings all over the place of various ‘cute’ or ‘romantic’ scenes on the walls. There was a small stand with photography lighting dotted around it and a couple ponies who looked very much like the cunt outside were standing in various areas of the restaurant. There was an overly happy looking white unicorn standing in front of us as we stepped inside and stood passively until we approached him.

“Your table is right this way.” The guy declared, in the gayest fucking accent I’d heard since meeting Steven. He lead the way to a table of four, the seats were fairly close to each. For each couple anyway, there would be a pretty big gap between me and Lyra but Diamond and Lyra would be almost touching for example. I pulled a chair out for Dash and watch Diamond do the same for Lyra. I was beyond tempted to dive over and take the seat so he pulled it out for me but managed to hold onto my sanity. I sat down and Rainbow immediately put her head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand with a hoof, it felt weird holding something with no fingers like that but didn’t complain, she held like that for about a minute before getting bored or uncomfortable and sitting like a big girl, still holding my hand though. The waiter came back and gave us some menus then looked me up and down.

“I’ve heard of you.” He said, his cheery voice almost failing.

“Not surprised, been living in Ponyville for a while now, recently helped send a dragon home and helped, vaguely in defeating Nightmare Moon.” I would have just said up to living in Ponyville but wanted to look more important than he was. The guy just looked me up and down and walked off. “I am so underdressed.” I muttered, Rainbow giggled at that for a reason, I heard Lyra and Diamond talking about meals. I still felt kinda awkward for coming into a couple restaurant considering I was still single. Dash was giving off strong hints of, something, but again I didn’t think much on them, I’d fucked up before and was holding back on flirts and stuff like that. Only hugging her when she brought it up. Hell I barely actually went looking for her, usually out alone or with Diamond when she would show up and ask to spend the day with me.

“So, what we having?” I asked Dash, I hadn’t even opened my menu and just spun it over to look at the drinks, turns out it was a good thing I was letting Rainbow Dash choose a meal for me because the menu wasn’t in English and just looked like symbols, except for the prices, where there was a picture of a bit and a number. The cheapest thing was fifteen bits but had no idea what the fuck it was.

“Can you eat chicken?” She asked, holding the menu, not looking at me. That caught me off guard slightly.

“Dash I ain’t gonna lie. If you order something with chicken in it I will love you forever.” I muttered, I saw a blush instantly form and she shut the menu, winking at me. “Though you can’t eat meat Dash, don’t be uncomfortable on my half.”

“That’s sweet. But I know what we’re getting and I will be fine. Just, eat the chicken quickly.” She replied, looking a bit ill towards the end.

“Dash just order something you’re happy with.” I muttered, she put her hoof around my arm and snuggled closer to me.

“I’m happy as long as you’re happy Aron.” She replied, I put my head on hers and almost immediately wanted to go to sleep, she was so fucking comfy and soft. I held it for a bit and then sat normally. She was blushing and I felt one forming as well.

“So what do you want to do in Equestria Aron?” Lyra asked, about a minute had passed and I blanked out, I just happened to be staring at Rainbow Dash and was actually stroking her hair and messing it up a little bit around her hair pin. She had her eyes closed and a cute smile on her face.

“Huh? Oh right. Honestly I dunno.” I replied, jumping a little, I turned to Lyra but didn’t stop stroking Dash. “It seems fate wants me to follow Princess Celestia’s orders a lot but it seems she doesn’t know what orders she can give me at the moment, Diamond and I are in Ponyville on an indefinite mission in Ponyville, I’d like to travel a bit, see some other towns and cities and stuff but I’m pretty sure my place is in Ponyville.” Lyra nodded.

“Would you ever want to leave, permanently?” She asked. Looking between me and Dash, the mare next to me was too into me stroking her to even register the question, I thought she was going to start purring.

“Unless I’m ordered too no, I don’t miss Earth all that much and except for returning with Diamond one day to gather some knowledge on human inventions and show him some human tech I intend very much to stay in Equestria.”

“You seem to expect the Princess to send you away?”

“Do I?” She nodded. “Oh, I don’t mean it like that, I’ve only met her a few times and she seems like a decent person. I just don’t think she’s completely sure of me. She’s getting reports about me from at least two people that I can think of but I haven’t really done much to prove anything. Like the dragon, yeah I talked it out of the cave but I nearly died and I very much screwed up so charisma isn’t a thing, she knows I’m weak and no fighter so strength isn’t a thing. I’m not exactly healthy either, nor willing to do much manual labour. Until I prove myself more I reckon the Princess’ll just keep giving me tasks that align with whatever Twilight or Diamond have.” Lyra nodded.

“But you are a hero.” Lyra muttered, I snorted a laugh and stopped stroking Dash then leaned forward.

“I ain’t no hero Lyra, just a man getting by and trying to survive.” I looked to Diamond and then Dash for a second. “And thrive in some ways.”

“You’re a hero to me, you may not have done much but you helped defeat Nightmare Moon, and even if you did, screw up, you still got the dragon to leave. Alone from what Twilight told me.” Rainbow muttered, then leaned against me again. I smiled at that.

“If you say so Dashie. Though I would have welcomed Twilight’s, or anyone’s help during the dragon talk. It could have been handled so much better, hell the only reason the fucker did leave was because of Spiritus.”

“Who?” Lyra asked.

“Oh right, after Nightmare Moon Diamond and myself stayed in the old castle to find loot, I found a sword and brought it back and if rumours are to be believed then it’s a very enchanted sword that even dragons fear. It’s meant to be called Spiritus, something.”

“I thought you didn’t believe rumours?” Lyra asked, looking at Dash for a second, I had started scratching her behind the ear without really realising I was doing it, though Dash had a hoof over my hand so I didn’t stop again. I wasn’t really planning on it.

“Hey I have some evidence, a dragon fleeing from it because it didn’t want to feel the sword’s sting being a big point.” I replied, then looked to Dash. Damn she was beautiful. “But.” I said, looking back to Lyra. “Push rumours enough and sometimes they can become real.” Lyra smiled slightly at that.

“I see.” Lyra said. Which ended a major conversation, the waiter eventually came to take our orders; Dash ordered a large chicken salad and a banana milkshake for the two of us. Diamond and Lyra had what they called a Luna’s Night Salad and a strawberry milkshake. The Luna Salad I found out was basically the Blue Moon salad from Earth but with some more grass and flowers in it.

“Will you be having any wines this afternoon?” The waiter asked, his gay accent was still gay. Diamond looked to me, as did Lyra, I’m pretty sure Rainbow Dash was close to sleep at that point. She hadn’t let me stop scratching her even when the waiter turned up.

“Nah it’s far too early to be drinking.” I said, I didn’t actually know what time it was, I think it was around half two or quarter to three or something at that point but I honestly didn’t care that much. It was a good day thus far. It probably wasn’t too early to drink in honesty, but I still couldn’t read the menus so had that lie ready in case anyone asked. The waiter dude nodded and grabbed out menus with magic and walked off.

“Wow waiting must be so easier here than back home.” I muttered, Dash just made a noise to affirmative that but I didn’t get anything else from her, her hoof was slipping slowly so I quickly pulled my hand away, she just glared at me. “Hey you might fall asleep if I keep doing that.” I said. She smiled and blushed slightly.

“Heh, sorry. Don’t wanna miss any of this.” She muttered.

“Do you not have any magic where you are from?” Lyra asked.

“Nah, figured Diamond would’ve told you that but I very much doubt you’ve talked about me much if at all.” The share they looked wasn’t helpful. “But no, humans don’t have any magic, we invent things without it. Some things could be classed as magic I suppose but there is a scientific reason behind most if not all things that we have discovered.”

“Like gunpowder?” Diamond asked.

“Exactly, you haven’t seen it in use yet but that I suppose would be magic to those who aren’t chemists or anything.”

“Gunpowder?” Lyra asked.

“Jesus Diamond the fuck do you two talk about?” They shared a look again but didn’t answer. “Alright I don’t care anyway. Gunpowder is basically an explosive, well not basically. It IS an explosive, by mixing a few dusts and chemicals together it causes a reaction that can be used in blowing things up, or causing a small controlled explosive to propel something.” Lyra nodded.

“Seems fairly simple. What can it propel?”

“Alright, this is where it gets a bit more complicated, humans have invented this weapon called a gun, the reasoning is bullshit and why we use them is unknown to me but it exists. The gun is basically an upgrade to the pony crossbow, it fires a bolt like the cross does, but instead of a long stick with a sharp weapon on the end, the entire gun bolt is a weapon. It can be very dangerous and very deadly and without upgrades makes a noise like a lightning strike.” She nodded at that.

“You use these to. Hunt?” She asked, I smiled slightly.

“We used to, I think that was the original purpose but I don’t know that era of history, my knowledge stops at around the invention of the gun up to modern day. Which is a few hundred years, I know a lot before though.” I paused. “Anyway we did use them to hunt and special guns have been invented specifically for hunting, called rifles. They allow quicker, cleaner and less painful deaths.” I wasn’t sure if that was a lie or not but I sure as shit wasn’t going to go into battery hens or any cruelty to animals to someone clearly against it, and I didn’t blame her.

“You say used to?”

“Oh people still do, again rifles are used a lot to this day, but our goals of hunting food quickly changed to hunting each other.”

“I see, do you own a gun?”

“No, humans we never unified and there is always a war going on somewhere, generally we are an okay species but can fall short at times. We are split into countries, a term you ponies don’t apparently use, but say I’m from the equivalent of the Griffon Lands and there is another group of humans based in Equestria. That kinda thing. Anyway, the country I’m from banned guns to an extent, you have to be incredibly training or incredibly corrupt to be able to have a gun. Our military uses them, though all militaries do. But civilians like me and most ranks above aren’t allowed to use them. I’ve fired training weapons as well as the real deal a couple times but I would never use them against anyone. I don’t want the sword to be used against anyone but it might come to that. One day.”

“One day.” Lyra agreed. It was then the food finally arrived and we dug in. The salad me and Dash had was pretty big, I saw tomatoes, lettuce and a carrots, all vegetables I could eat, and the important ingredient. Chicken, I guess the chefs knew they were serving both a herbivore and carnivore as the chicken was all on one side of the plate.

“Tell the chef thank you for spreading the chicken around like he did.” I said to the waiter as he handed Lyra and Diamond their meal, he smiled and nodded. Then dropped the milkshakes off for us. Lyra started sipping on her drink pretty quickly. I deliberately waited. I didn’t have to wait very long as Dash soon moved in to drink some of our drink, and I joined her and we drank together, I watched the surprise on her face form and tried to smile whilst drinking what was probably the best milkshake I had ever tasted. Next was the food. Dash stopped drinking before me and I drank nearly half of it on my own. I held in the burp forming and grabbed a fork to stab a piece of chicken. It was uncooked, which I figured and had some fancy herbs on it but damn did it taste good. I didn’t see any mayonnaise and didn’t dare to ask for some so just made do.

“Holy shit I think I came in my mouth.” I muttered once swallowing the chicken. The one back in Canterlot was better but I figured they would have the best, everything, on hand so didn’t hold chicken against Ponyville.

“Glad you like it.” Dash muttered and bit into a piece of lettuce. We ate in mostly silence besides small talk and about half way through the meal the idea of doing that cute couple thing of feeding Dash came into my head but figured she’d be against that and I was pretty sure I was on a role at the moment with her so didn’t dare go too far and fuck up. I realised I was more into the fact that someone as awesome and pretty as Rainbow Dash seemed interested in me over the fact a horse was interested in me. But I had said it to the ponies before, I saw them more as people than horses.
We ate for about thirty minutes, Diamond and Lyra clearing their meal and me and Dash struggling. It was meant to be shared between two but I had all the chicken and then picked at salad and Dash seemed to be picking as well, though she ate a lot of the shit I wouldn’t touch but I don’t know if that’s because she preferred it or was eating it because I didn’t want to. We decided against any desert and Diamond and I paid the bill, like any guy not expecting a date does, I dunno how much it was but the waiter watched me grab the bag out and count out the money. I wasn’t sure how they did tipping and didn’t really ask, so just paid the bill, Diamond put some money in and we left.

“Diamond would you kindly walk me home?” Lyra asked, the named guard just nodded and they walked off, I looked at Dash who was already looking at me smiling.

“Can’t exactly walk you to your door without wings.” I said, smiling, she laughed a big and flew up and looped her hoof in my arm, I then lead her in the direction that I sorely hoped was Rainbow’s house. She didn’t drag me off any other direction so figured I was on the right track, my thoughts were proven correct when I spotted the cloud house. I got about as close as I could without having to fly and looked at Dash, she looked somewhat sad.

“Today was a great day.” She said, taking her hoof from me and landing in front of me. I smiled, and held it for quite a while.

“Yeah it was, best in a while.” I muttered, she nodded and flew up to my face. And kissed me.

I hadn’t expected it at all and it was a full blown lip kiss, I didn’t really register it for a few seconds until I noticed I was kissing her back, holding her in place, she didn’t seem to want to escape. And neither did I, we held it for what felt like ten seconds but was more likely about a minute or two. I didn’t want it to stop and felt a huge blush forming on my face. It was weird kissing a horse but she was still better than some girls I’d known in the past. Eventually she was the one to pull away, I felt like shit when she did but she immediately filled the gap with a hug, which lasted not nearly as long. She pulled back, huge blush on her own face.

“I’ll, er. See you around Aron.” She muttered, I wasn’t sure what to say, I knew I didn’t fuck up and neither had she, but it just felt awkward enough to really talk about what just happened so I just nodded and watched her fly away. I hated myself for the next thought; I could love her. Like fully fall in love and stay with her. I always ended up like this with any affection I get, too lonely and too soppy. I stood and watched her fly all the way to her house and stood even after she had shut the door, I wasn’t overly sure what to do so just stood and thought, a million things were going through my head and I had no idea how to deal with any of them.

Eventually I came back to reality and just started heading back to Twilight’s, I caught Diamond walking towards me on the way back, he looked about as surprised as I felt, and probably looked as well.

“Aron.” He muttered, completely bewildered.

“Diamond.” I replied, exact same of tone.

“So, Dash?” He asked after a pause. I wasn’t sure what he meant but I figured he was just as shocked as me, that was, if Lyra had kissed him.

“Not yet, close though.” I replied, he nodded and we stayed in silence until we reached the library. Twilight was there when we got back, writing something down using her magic, she looked up when we walked in and smiled. Spike was in a ditch on the other side of the world after pissing off mobsters, or something.

“Hey boys.” She said with far more happiness and phrasing then I would have liked, if I wasn’t so shocked I would have dived out of the door we had just walked through.

“Twilight.” We both said, she laughed a bit.

“How was the date?” She asked, we both shared a look and I just shrugged.

“Great.” We agreed. She nodded and went back to writing. I just walked off into my room, not seeing what Diamond did and began to clean my sword. It didn’t need cleaning, I hadn’t ever used it, but I just felt like it needed the maintenance.

The next day I didn’t see Rainbow Dash, maybe it had something to do with the huge thunderstorm planned for that day because I didn’t even leave the house to find her, just instead sat at a window with Diamond and Twilight watching the rain pour down. Turns out Spike had been sent off to Canterlot sometime the previous day but I was never told why, something to do with never asking. We had had some conversations already and Twilight demanded details on the date. Diamond and I gave very different accounts of the date, though the only major differences are the conversations had between the dates and going home. Diamond could actually take Lyra home and as I had guessed she had kissed him and ran. I wasn’t sure what extra steps a pony made to get a girl but I know I was attempting to look decent, shaving and brushing my hair for once. It hadn’t grown too much and my fringe wasn’t too far down my face. I preferred short hair and a long fringe to give off the edgy teen look, but was thinking on getting it cut soon. If Ponyville had a hairdressers. I wanted to go see a doctor and dentist to see if they could do anything for my usual appearance, scar coverings and flavoured toothpaste and the like. I didn’t have many that were visible but had a few small ones on my face. I was just glad Dash hadn’t asked to go swimming with me yet. Twilight had been reading a scroll when I had gotten up that day and apparently had orders for a friendship report. So apparently Twilight wanted to have a girly sleepover. I figured me and Diamond weren’t needed for that so just told Twilight to invite some of her friends. Apparently Applejack and Rarity, the two most polar opposite ponies of Twilight’s friends would fit the bill. I didn’t really question it and started talking to Diamond for a while. Until she had sat down again and instead our echo was silence.

“Did you ever have sleepovers on Earth Aron?” She asked, I wasn’t sure why she called my name, she was looking right at me and anyone with a brain would know she meant me after saying my origin planet.

“I didn’t personally but they were a thing.” I replied.

“What were they like?” Twilight asked, pulling out a bit of paper and a quill and ink.

“Twi, there is no point asking me. I never went to any and I’m a dude, the best I can say is guys probably stayed up late and played video games, though I know ponies don’t have those. You’re best asking another pony.” She looked disappointed for a second before turning to Diamond. “A pony with emotions and isn’t a royal guard.” She looked disappointed again and stood up.

“Fine, I’m sure I have a book on sleepovers somewhere.” She declared and stood up to walk off. I looked to Diamond who seemed unfazed by it all.

“So Diamond, what should we talk about?” I asked.

“Mares?” He asked back. Jesus Diamond.

“Fucki- fine, whatever. What about girls?”

“Have you had previous relationships?” That I didn’t expect, after that I kinda expected questions on how to keep relationships going, which I sucked at.

“Yes I have, and am probably the worst person to ask about relationship advice to.” He snorted a laugh.

“I wouldn’t dream of it Aron. Just curious.” I smiled.

“That was slang mate.” I mentioned, pointing at him.

“Previous relationships?” He asked. I rolled my eyes and leaned back again.

“Fucker. Alright, I’ve had two technically and four unofficially.”

“Un, officially?”

“Yeah, there is a sort of unspoken rule that girlfriends don’t really count when you are younger. I was telling people I had two girlfriends, which I did, whilst I was in year three, er, about eight.”

“Two? Must have been interesting?” His eyebrows were raised.

“Humans from my country aren’t legally allowed to mate or have sex until they are about sixteen, and smart people don’t do it until much longer. But I knew a fair few idiots, where I was from had one of the highest teenage pregnancies in the world.” Which was probably a lie but it was full of scum so fucking sue me. “But yes, it was kinda interesting. I only remember really focusing on one and I still sort of think about what she is doing today, just curiosity ya know?” He nodded. “So there were those two, can’t remember their names really. So long ago. Then in High school, so around thirteen to sixteen, had one girlfriend for quite a while, she was a bitch. Should’ve seen my mistake far sooner than I actually did. We broke up on a bad note and I don’t really count her as a previous girlfriend to people who know me. Then I had another.” I paused, just thinking on her was hard. “Hold on.” I muttered and stood up, then walked into my room and grabbed the picture of her. Then re-joined Diamond, handing him the photo. “Then there was her, we weren’t together very long but it was my best relationship I’ve had and I will never stop thinking about her.” Diamond nodded and very gently put the picture on the table, I quickly snatched it up and put it in a pocket.

“What of mares, er, women that you liked on Earth?” He asked after a time, I had blanked out at that point and had to shake a little before answering.

“Oh gods yeah, plenty of girls I was interested in, I would, and do, latch onto any affection I get from people, I’ve somewhat done the same with Rainbow Dash but she either hasn’t noticed, doesn’t care or I’m holding it back enough for it not to be complete cringe.” He smiled slightly and nodded.

“She could do you some good from what hints you’ve given me of your past.” I smiled back and nodded myself.

“She really might. I’ll see where things go, but I have such a fear of fucking things up I’m going to let Dashie start anything, if she does want to start anything.”

“Aron. I may be fairly useless at things like this but even I know Dash is interested in you.” I snorted slightly.

“Yeah sure whatever. But just getting conformation from others ain’t gonna do it.” I replied. “What about Lyra?”

“I’m still unsure, she is a nice mare and all but I really don’t know. I don’t want to commit if I’m going to end up going back to Canterlot. I haven’t yet retired and am sure Princess Celestia will call eventually for something. Either with you or alone.”

“That is a good enough reason, how about this, I give Dash a chance, maybe even try and push for something. If you at least give Lyra a go, live a little. She is as healthy for you as Dash might be for me.”

“You still haven’t told me what happened to you.”

“Do we have a deal Diamond?” He paused for a while and leaned in to take me in.

“Alright, deal. Next time you see Dash you, do whatever you will do to court her. And I will let Lyra into my life more.”

“Awesome. It will just most likely be awkward flirting.” I muttered, he laughed a bit.

“Seems to have been working so far.”

“I mean, yeah, but now I can do more and it will be deliberate rather than the accidental shit like before.” He smiled again.

“Like calling her beautiful?” He asked, I flinched slightly and Diamond started laughing.

“H- how did you know that?” I asked, he burst out laughing even more.

“I- I did not know. Just seeing what I could dig up!” He declared, I wanted to punch the fucker but started laughing slightly as well. Twilight picked her time to walk into the main room and head towards the door, she smiled as she walked past.

“Glad you two are getting along, what are you talking about?”

“Girls. We’ve come to an agreement about certain females we both know.”

“This mean you’re going to give Rainbow Dash a chance?” Twilight asked.

“How did everyone know about that?” I asked. She held her smile.

“Rumours, and nopony hangs around with someone else and does some of the things you two have done together.”

“That’s true enough, Vinyl mentioned rumours going around but never specified and I wouldn’t normally any of the shit me and Dash have done, I wouldn’t sleep in public like I have been with her and probably wouldn’t hang around with the same person alone so long, especially the opposite sex.”

“I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to notice.” Twilight said.

“Well for one I’m beyond oblivious with shit like this, you people are horses and I haven’t quite got your facial features correct yet. Plus I’ve presumed things like this far more in the past and I don’t want to fuck up my chances.”

“Well I think you’re perfect for each other.” Twilight declared.

“What of Lyra and Diamond, can’t you ship them for a second and stop bullying me?”

“But it’s so cute!”

“But, Diamond!” Twilight started giggling at that, as did Diamond. There was a knock on the door and Twilight walked over to get it, in walk in a very soaked Applejack and Rarity. This’ll be good.

“Oh hello Diamond dear. I didn’t know you would be around for this, sleepover.” Rarity said, smiling. I leaned back in my chair and put a hoof out for Applejack to bump it.

“Hello Rarity and Applejack, we were just talking about Rainbow Dash with Aron here.” Twilight declared, looking to me with a huge shit eating grin.

“I think we were actually talking about Diamond’s relationship with Lyra.” I replied.

“I do not remember that Aron.” Diamond pitched in, smiling.

“Relationship?” Rarity asked.

“What do y’all mean about Rainbow Twi?” Applejack asked. I face palmed.

“Well you know there are certain, rumours, going around?” Both ponies nodded, looking at me, I felt a blush coming and wanted to run away.

“So you and Rainbow Dash are a, thing?” Rarity asked, I shrugged.

“Not officially but it sure looks like it’s gonna happen, though I’mma gonna leave it til Dashie says something before presuming anything.”

“Yeah sure Sugarcube, presume. This storm is a week late because of you two.” Applejack muttered.

“I don’t control the weather Applejack.”

“No I know you don’t. But Dash sure does and she’s been skippin’ out on it to be with you.” She replied, sounding kind of bored. “I ain’t saying it’s a bad thing, ah respect her decision, and honestly think y’all would be cute together.”

“We had a double date organised by Lyra yesterday.” Diamond muttered, oh you bastard. That queued the questions about what happened, mainly focused at me. I didn’t expect Applejack to be much for gossip, Rarity sure, Twilight maybe, but I found AJ asking a lot of questions. It got weird and I don’t like thinking back on some of the things said that night. Eventually they got bored of torturing me and went upstairs to be tortured by Twilight for this ‘girlz onli’ sleepover thing. Diamond and I just fled into my room. We didn’t really say much to begin with, just mentally repaired ourselves from the bombardment we, more me, had just received. Though Rarity had seemed pissed Diamond was on the verge of a relationship.

“You never told me what happened during you past.” Diamond muttered after a time. I was laying on my bed wishing for death when he said that and turned just enough to look at him.

“I didn’t, I’d prefer if we could sit at the dinner table and drink until it doesn’t hurt as much, but I figure I might as well explain some of it.” I said, getting up. I took my zippy jumper off and began to pull my top off.

“I feel like I need an adult. Should I be worr-” He started, he got interrupted when I pulled my top off and showed off the various scars across my stomach and chest area. I turned around and showed him more from my back. I’m surprised Celestia never mentioned them when we met but I guess she was so unsure of me.

“What. What happened to you?” He asked, actual fear and concern in his voice. I turned back and looked down.

“My mum was not a great woman.” I began, he looked like he was about to cry, or hug me. Or both. “She didn’t do this, well, most of it herself.” I added, touching a burn scar about the size of a cigarette butt near the top of my stomach. “The guy who did this, a lot of bad things happened to him apparently. I never saw it, just heard rumours. I didn’t really like my dad the older I got, but damn did he get shit done.”

“So you were abused?” He asked, quietly. I started pulling my top back on.

“Heavily. It was the first stain on my soul and hasn’t been the last, working for the military and/or government was another. But that is definitely a story for another time. I’m just gonna grab some food then go to bed dude.” I started walking to the door and was blocked by Diamond.

“You need to trust more. You need to let, at least, me and Rainbow Dash in.” Diamond muttered.

“What’s done is done, it left me a smoking mess and beyond fucked up, but I wouldn’t be where I was if it wasn’t for my refusal to talk about the past. But I’m safe here and in good company. I will try Diamond.” He nodded.

“For what it is worth Aron. And I figure very little. I’m sorry this happened to you.” I smiled slight and tapped his shoulder. It really wasn’t much, but it still helped.

“Thanks Diamond. I promise I’ll talk about my past with you soon, just. Painful ya know. If Dash wants to get involved with me I might be with her for a bit and drop the whole thing on you both. Just so you know and she knows what she would be dealing with. Baggage can be a deal breaker in relationships, and I carry more than some.”

“I understand Aron, now go get some food. I will be here when you’re ready.” I smiled slightly and nodded.

Turns out Spike had died in his sleep after being poisoned by a flying T-rex or something. Either way he was coming back tomorrow and Twilight wanted to take me and Diamond to pick him up at the train station.
Bastard.

Author's Notes:

dayum that got almost dark towards the end, though im not a good enough writer to have any kind of emotional manipulation in my stories. carry on.

Dash during the double not a date thing. well the hair style and shoeses anyway

Act I: Chapter XII

The next day I was woken up pretty early by Twilight, wanted me and Diamond to come with her to pick up Spike from the train station, why he was returning so fucking early in the morning I don’t know but as before, I didn’t care enough to ask why he was even in Canterlot, let alone why he was home early. Diamond looked pretty pissed as well but seemed to be much calmer when I got up, again we ate and got ready for the day. I decided to wear Spiritus that morning and looked about as kitted out for war as I ever wanted to be.

“Do you want to go see Toyar about your grenades?” Diamond asked. I smiled as I gulped down some juice.

“You really want to see those things get used don’t you?” I asked, he looked away for a second and nodded. “A’right, we can go once we’ve picked up Spike I guess.” He nodded.

“I’d like to see these weapons.” Twilight declared. I leaned back in my chair.

“We’re only picking ‘em up, if they are finished anyway. I won’t be setting off explosives in the middle of Canterlot, and I still need you to test them with magic. So yes Twilight you’ll get to see these things in action.” I said, she beamed and nodded. Then gulped down the rest of her drink.

“Well Spike should be here soon, you two ready?” Twilight then asked, I looked to Diamond and we both nodded then stood up. We left the table a bombsite. “Let Spike deal with it.” Twilight said.

“Nice.” I muttered and we left. There weren’t many ponies out, but I just shrugged that off due to being early still. We walked through the town with no real interruptions and reached the train station after about five minutes of walking. It was right on the outskirts and even had a small dirt track leading to it, turning around you could see into the whole town, the grassland surrounding Ponyville and even the Everfree Forest from here. I hadn’t really heard a train before nor saw any evidence of track around Ponyville so just guess no one wanted a steam train turning up every hour or whatever making a shit load of noise around the miniature horses. There were a couple tunnels and turns in the track so I didn’t catch sight of the train until it was fairly close, which was about twenty minutes of waiting. I knew how organised Twilight liked to be so didn’t hold our earliness against her. Still pissing annoying though. It was only Spike who exited the train.

“Sup Spike?” I asked as he walked over to us. He said hello to Twilight first then looked up at me.

“Hey Aron, nice to see you here.” He said.

“Meh, Twilight woke us both up to meet ya but you’re a good kid so I’m alright with it.” Kinda, not really though.

“I’m a dragon, not a goat.” Spike muttered.

“Fuck you.” Twilight gasped and ran over to cover his ears.

“If you swear once more in front of Spike I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.” She muttered.

“Whatevs, wouldn’t be the first time done to me, or the worst. Anyway, where do we get train tickets from?” I asked. She looked confused and scared for a second before pointing to her left. I just stared at her with a blank face, she just dropped her hoof after a second, unfazed by my natural face.

“To the left and round the corner.” Diamond said, I turned to him. “I made sure to check.” He added.

“Alright kickin’. We’ll see you later you two.” I said, Twilight smiled and nodded and lead Spike off. Me and Diamond just went around the corner to see a very bored looking light orange pony sitting in a small box.

“Hello welcome to Ponyville station, what ticket do you want?” The guy said, it sounded like he wanted to put effort into what he was saying but just couldn’t. I liked this guy.

“Going to Canterlot. I guess two adults return?” I asked, unsure. There wasn’t a board from what I could see saying times or destinations so was just trying to remember the rules when ordering shit from home. The few times I used a bus or train anyway.

“Five bits please.” The guy said, Diamond pulled out a bag of bits from a pouch on his chest piece and pulled out five bits with his hoof. Then paid the fucker. “Thank you and have a nice day, next train will be in an hour. It is currently being cleaned and supplies restocked so you may do whatever you wish until a conductor tells you to board.” The guys said, I just smiled slightly and nodded, then we walked off.

“The fuck do we do for an hour?” I asked, Diamond looked lost for a second and just trotted over to a bench and sat down.

“How can you hide your pain so easily?” He asked me, I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him.

“The fuck is this about?” I asked.

“Last night, the scars. How can you just, ignore those?”

“The same way you repress emotion.” I replied, I made to sound as dead as possible. I really didn’t want to talk about this with him sober. But I figured he wouldn’t drop it until I do. Probably not push but he’ll want some of the story. Plus we had nothing else to talk about.

“I had training for that.”

“So did I, well, eventually. I found a way to hide my feelings, otherwise it would get worse. Though eventually it didn’t work from personal training and ended up getting real help about hiding my feelings and keeping people away. I am, terrified of fucking things up with Dash. But I promised to try and damn it I will. I am not a good person and it’s not all from what happened to me.”

“I don’t understand why anyone would hurt a child.” Diamond muttered.

“Neither did I, until I was older, the power that some people get when given something weaker than them can be too much. Some can’t help themselves.”

“You defend those who did you wrong? Who, abused you?” He sounded disgusted.

“Oh gods no, I’d kill the fucker myself if I knew where he was, my mum too if I cared enough to find her. But I just wanted to find a reason, any reason that people would scar a child like they did to me. May be bullshit and may not have been the reason, but it’s the only thing that keeps me going. That and knowing that at least one of them got his justice.”

“Justice? How can you do justice to someone like that?”

“It’s no enough in my mind, but it was enough to keep me satisfied. My mum and dad were never married, I was a mistake, they tried for a while but broke up when I was one, my mum had me during the week and my dad at the weekends. My mum was a complete bitch, but how do you know that as a child? I couldn’t do anything about it. My mum had many boyfriends when she had me and all but about two were complete cunts. But this one guy, he was a piece of work. He abused my mum a lot. Hitting her, screaming, shouting, all that fun stuff. Until he noticed I was around, I went days without food, would be cut, burned and.” I paused, I had to count to ten and tried to hold back the emotion before continuing. “And, all sorts. This went on for months before he finally broke my mum enough that she did it, I know each and every scar she gave me and know how painful each was. Obviously I didn’t tell anyone out of pure fear and blessed every weekend with my dad. Until he found out I was being tortured. Then organised a trip out of the country and when we got back, the guy doing this to me was in hospital in a coma with nearly every bone either fractured or broken. My mum was single until she met a guy from across the world and ran off with him, leaving me with my dad.” There was a long pause before Diamond cleared his throat, I had to dry my eyes a little.

“Should have killed him.” Diamond muttered. I smiled at that and put an arm around his shoulder.

“I couldn’t agree more, but what’s worse. Living as a cripple, not ever working again and having the fact that not only do people know about you, but also how to find you and get at you. Or being dead, you may panic during your death, but after? You died knowing you had power over someone.”

“That is a good point.”

“There are always worse things than death. My life being one.”

“Will you tell Rainbow Dash any of this?”

“I dunno. I was going to come out and tell everyone my backstory, but you keep pushing and already know half. But I’m not sure if I could live after telling her how broken I am and then seeing rejection in her eyes. Or fear.” There was another pause.

“I am sorry I pushed you.” Diamond muttered.

“I know dude, don’t worry about it.” Another pause.

“Do you want me to tell her, so you give me a shout and we can gather together and explain things?” I thought about that for a very long time, I leaned back in the bench and just stared at the blue sky for a minute or so.

“No.” I finally decided. “I’d like you to be there if I do it, but I should be the one to tell her.” Diamond nodded and we sat in silence for a very long time. Until Twilight Sparkle and all her friends came running from the town towards the train station. They all had worried looks on their faces and I was up and standing before they reached us, both Diamond and I ran towards them.

“What’s going on?” I asked, panicked.

“Zecora is in town!” Rarity cried. I looked to Twilight.

“She’s like us, but different, she’s a zebra.” Twilight explained, I lost a lot of my panic then and nodded.

“What’s the problem?” I asked.

“She’s an evil enchantress!” Pinkie declared.

“Uh huh, you guys have evidence?” I asked, they looked at each other.

“You can’t seriously be thinking about defending her are you?” Rarity asked.

“Hey I’ve seen examples of shit like this before, she looks different to you guys yes?” They nodded. “You’ve made your own stereotypes of her and decided she ain’t allowed in town?” More nods. “Tell me you didn’t just run her out of town with little to no evidence before you talked to her?” The looks they gave were not the answer I was looking for. “Come on guys I didn’t see ponies as racist considering how different I am!” I declared, throwing my arms out so they looked at me, a couple looked away, looking ashamed. Fluttershy, Dash and Twilight. The others looked unfazed.

“But she could curse us!” Rarity shouted. I folded my arms.

“I could have cursed you when we met for all you knew! Fucking. Whatever, where is this zebra living? I’ll go say sorry and ask if she wants to return to town tomorrow or something. Diamond on me.”

“She lives.” Rarity started.

“In the Everfree!” Fluttershy shouted and then flopped down to a weird position, I guess trying to hide.

“Fuck. Whatever, who knows where?” I asked. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both raised their hooves.

“Huh, Dash with us, the rest of you. Go the fuck home or whatever, but just think on how racist y’all are being.” I muttered, there were a couple grumbles but they did eventually leave. Twilight looked the most ashamed. I turned to Diamond. “What do you know about zebras?”

“They live in Zafrica and are basically the same as ponies, except their race doesn’t have any Pegasi or unicorn variants, instead they use magic through potions and sometimes Voodoo magic.”

“Zafrica?” I asked, he nodded. “Fucking kill me now. Alright, is one zebra a threat?”

“If all it takes is six civilians running it out of town, no. I doubt it will be any kind of mage, may know potions but I couldn’t say. I say she is most likely just another civilian, possibly a hermit of some kind if she is living in the Everfree close enough to walk into Ponyville. How often does she come in?” Diamond replied, then looked at Dash.

“Every few months, she came in about a week before you arrived.” Dash replied.

“Alright, so getting supplies that she couldn’t get in the Everfree right?” I asked, Diamond nodded. “Awesome. Now, Dash. The fuck was that about?”

“Hey I wasn’t scared of her, I could take her on if I needed to!” She declared.

“Yeah that’s like, the opposite of my point. You shouldn’t have to fight her, you shouldn’t have that image in your head. How is racism even a thing here with all the races you guys have?” Diamond shrugged.

“Small towns like this don’t often see travellers, and as I said a while back. Equestria is generally very isolated.”

“True I suppose. But Dashie is from Cloudsdale, a capital city!”

“I er, wasn’t the best student.” She said, looking a bit shamed.

“Ah whatever, I doubt much will come from this anyway, let’s just go find this zebra and say sorry.”

“I’m sorry I joined the bandwagon on this one Aron.” Dash muttered, walking next to me rather than her usual hover. I laughed a little.

“It’s okay Dashie, I still love ya.” I replied, she looked up very quickly with a huge blush, I just smiled and continued.

We spotted the zebra pretty quickly, she had only just entered the forest so we caught up fairly quickly. We were pretty far from the station now and I hoped we didn’t miss it. I also hoped Diamond had the tickets still. We ran into the forest to catch up and ended up stopped in the middle of a small field of blue flowers.

“Hey!” I called, the zebra turned to face me and stopped moving once she saw me. “I just wanted to say sorry about earlier, the ponies are a bit racist, but you may return tomorrow for whatever supplies you need. Just wait here and I’ll meet you at eleven or so.” I added. The zebra was about to step closer and stopped.

“Be aware strange one, I suggest that you run.” The zebra said, with a very stereotypical accent.

“I ain’t a threat to you, I just want peace.” The zebra looked fearfully.

“I shall meet you, I believe you’ll have a flu.” The zebra replied. I just shrugged and began to step back.

“See you tomorrow then, I’m Aron.”

“I am named Zecora.” First sentence that didn’t have a shitty rhyme in it. I just turned and walked out, Diamond and Rainbow quickly followed.

“That was awkward.” Diamond said as we left the forest and started to head to the train again.

“Yep, I don’t want to talk to her for long, but I’ll go around with her tomorrow just to show ponies she is friendly.”

“What if she isn’t?” Diamond asked.

“I’ll bring my sword.”

“But won’t that make her look like a threat?” Rainbow Dash asked. I paused at that.

“Er, yes and no. I’ve been carrying my sword every now and again whatever, I guess it might but I will only be with her for about ten minutes I guess, just say hello, all that bullocks. I’ll just wear my sword for the rest of the day.”

“If you say so.” Dash muttered. Then lit up. “Oh, me and Applejack are going to have a sports contest, wanna watch?” She asked smiling.

“When?” I asked.

“Couple weeks, harvest isn’t ready and she wanted to hang out, so I suggested a contest of sorts. Pinkie is sorting out the events and stuff, just figured you might wanna go.”

“Yeah I’d love to watch you Dash. I don’t really like sports but I know you do and I know you’re good at them so sure, I’ll be in the library, come by when it’s gonna start.” She beamed at that and jumped up to hug me. I took it like the slut I was and smiled.

“Anyway Dash, we gotta catch a train, I’ll catch you tomorrow or something?” She nodded and began to fly off. We started walking towards the train and got told to board as soon as we arrived, there were a couple ponies on board but none really talked to us. We had some minor conversations on the way there about Dash and Zecora but nothing major.

Our only stop was to Toyar, but Diamond suggested we say hello to Celestia again. We moved through the city fairly quickly and came across the blacksmith’s place. We just walked in like before.

“Sup Toyar!” I called as we walked in, I heard something fall and hit something followed by a loud.

“Ouch!” From the other room, shit was gathered up and the blacksmith ran in pulling a small wooden crate on wheels behind me.

“Aron, Diamond! Friends!” Toyar shouted when he saw us, he flipped a piece of wood up and came closer to us, then pulled the crate off what I noticed as a dolly and placed it on the table.

“Just came to stop by, check up on things.” I muttered, the blacksmith smiled and nodded.

“Aye figured you might, was actually working on something else, trying to get a trigger to work for a, gun wasn’t it?” He asked, I nodded. “Aye, it’s a bastard thing, I see why you don’t know it lad. First batch of grenades are finished.”

“Awesome, how many.” Toyar winked and opened the crate, the whole thing was just full of circular balls with a small pin on them

“Fifty are done, I made sixty and tested a few. Outside of the city of course.” He paused far too long to add the outside bit.

“Fucking hell, fifty?” He nodded, holding the smile. “I figured it would take a while for you to figure it out, expected like six or seven at the most. I see why people call you the best.” I muttered, then picked up a grenade from the crate, it was stupidly light and cold to the touch but fit my hand pretty well. “What’s the timer on these?” I asked. “And radius?”

“Timer is just under three seconds, perfect for quick use I figure. Radius is pretty big, I reckon you could take out five or six ponies with one of these. If thrown right.” I nodded.

“Well Toyar you just made me a very happy man, how much do you want for them?” He shook his head.

“For first batch, nothing, the materials are fairly cheap and I had just been asked to scrap some armour and reforge it for Princess Luna so had more than enough metal. Though I will have to ask for bits if you want anymore made.”

“That’s fair enough, I figured making gunpowder would be pretty cheap, since I doubt there is much of a chemical industry.”

“Aye there isn’t. Would probably be 2 bits a grenade, I can buy the chemicals in bulk and the metal is just iron, which is everywhere.”

“That’s fine, I doubt I’ll need many, and if I do I’ll most likely have become a mercenary of some kind and will be ranking up far more bits than two a grenade.”

“Of course, is there anything else you need help with?” Toyar asked.

“Nah I don’t, if you’re pissing about with the trigger keep me updated, I’ll drop by whenever I come to Canterlot. I might need some armour one day but for now I’m not rich enough nor really need it. I’ve just been pissing about in Ponyville.”

“Ack, they sent you to Ponyville, waste of potential.”

“What potential? I ain’t a warrior and I ain’t a hero.”

“You could be with training and the want.”

“Yeah if I wanted to be, but I have people like Diamond to be heroes instead. Equestria doesn’t seem to be threatened by anything.”

“And the only threat Equestria has is halfway across the world.” Toyar muttered, I nodded. “But still, if you ever want to take the stand then you make sure you come to me.”

“Of course Toyar, I wouldn’t dream on asking any other.” As I said that I unclipped my golden bag and began dropping grenades in it.

“I doubt you could hold much in that lad.” Toyar said, unsure and watching me. I’d already put four in and the bag looked to be able to hold one at best.

“I’m pretty sure it’s enchanted, can hold almost all of my sword. I doubt it’ll hold all the grenades but it’ll be easier than moving the whole crate.” Toyar just shrugged and looked over to Diamond.

“How are you old friend?” Toyar asked, they started having a catch up conversation, Diamond mentioned Lyra a lot and what he’d been up to when he wasn’t with me. Not much apparently, he seemed to really miss active guard duty but did enjoy the peace time as well. Toyar had a pretty good reply with that.

“You are just conflicted Diamond, think of it this way, you have ponies to talk to and things to do other than pretend to be a statue.” I smiled at that.

In the end I managed to get forty something into the bag before it began to expand and weigh more. I just grabbed the last four and pocketed them. That done I tied the bag of holding to me and stood by the door whilst Diamond and Toyar talked. It was interesting to listen to and they had a lot of history together. I began to suspect it was Diamond’s doing that Toyar was the official blacksmith over the fact he was the best. Though making fifty grenades with shit instructions and little time might just prove he was the best. They finished pretty quickly and we moved on to the castle. Again we got straight there without my chat and went straight into the throne room.

“Ah Aron, welcome back to Canterlot.” Celestia said when we walked in, Diamond bowed a little and I smiled and nodded to her.

“Good to see you Princess.” I replied, she smiled and put a hoof up.

“Could we have the room please, you too Diamond.” She declared, he looked confused for a bit before walking off and joining the rest of the guard, the doors were shut behind him and after about ten seconds it was just me and Celestia, she stood and walked towards me.

“What’s up?” I asked after an awkward pause.

“I have some free time, would you like to get to know each other a bit more?” Celestia asked. I smiled slightly.

“Of course, I have no other plans today. What would you like to talk about?”

“This and that, be still.” I was going to question what she meant and suddenly found myself in the middle of what looked like a desert. The ground was crackling and dry and the entire land looked flat, there wasn’t a single cloud to be seen. “Give it a second.” She muttered, again I wanted to question it but instead felt a huge dizziness shot through me, I felt like I was going to be sick but managed to hold it in. I moved and lunged around like I was drunk, before just sitting down and watching Celestia spin for a second. “Usually ponies throw up the first time they teleport such a long distance.” She muttered, I shrugged.

“Why did you teleport us?” I asked. “Where even are we?” I added.

“Privacy.” Oh sweet hell above, she says privacy wrong. Like Priv-ah-see. Not Pri-vacy. “And north of Canterlot, this is what a lot of the world looks like Aron.”

“Why? It looks like an apocalypse, how is there any life?” I asked.

“Magic is the main reason, though it is a magic that was around far before I was born.”

“I guessed so. What do you want to talk about?”

“Oh a couple things really, I’ve had reports from Twilight and she has mentioned a couple things. The dragon for one, I heard there was a huge party, you are dating somepony.” I smiled at that.

“Heh, I’d do it chronologically then. The party started off as a suggestion really. I was hanging around with two ponies, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash and I ended up trapped in a hole during a prank of theirs, Pinkie requested that she throw me a party for rescue, I suggested having alcohol there and later that night the entire town showed up, including what I presume are well known pony musicians, Pentatonix, Vinyl Scratch and a couple others. Although I remember the whole day I don’t know what bands were playing. The next day Ponyville was pretty much abandoned, the party ending at three. I was completely out of it, as was most of the town. After that it was agreed that there would be a party like that every year.”

“You seem to have had fun?”

“Celestia you don’t even know the half of it, you should totally go next year, sometime in July I believe, I’ll get someone to send invites out.” She smiled.

“I don’t think it will be my setting, Luna might like to go, might do her image some good.”

“Whatever you two want I guess. I got incredibly drunk and that party actually broke my anxiety, so I am much more talkative than when I first got here.”

“That is good then. You’ll have to tell me about that night.”

“Depends if Diamond’ll get in trouble or not.”

“He knows when to act like a guard and when to let his mane down, I’ve heard rumours he is with a mare, though I’ve also heard so are you.”

“Later. But first, party. Diamond, a pony named Rainbow Dash and myself had a drinking contest, I won. I didn’t want Rainbow Dash to pass out because we were apparently gonna sing shortly after, Diamond passed out just before I was about to give up.”

“You outdrank a royal guard?”

“Hey don’t sound so offended, if the royal guards are trained to hold their booze I’d be disappointed and want to talk about the training policy.”

“As would I.”

“Anyway, after that me and Dash sang together.”

“What did you sing?”

“Pony Waifu or some bullocks.”

“You know that’s a love song right?”

“Yes people have made me very much aware of this. After that even with remembering everything the party became a bit of a blur, I danced with all the ponies and at one point kissed Vinyl, a lot, on stage for about ten minutes or something. It was hot.”

“Dash might have been upset.” Celestia started giggling at that.

“Fuck off. The party officially ended at three, the next day, or that day I suppose. I just wanted to die, the hangover and effects from Twilight’s spell made me very ill. That was the party in a nutshell.” She nodded.

“Okay now you and Diamond with mares!” She declared.

“Fine whatever, that’s actually kinda chronological anyway so I’ll give you that. A mare named Lyra Heartstrings seems to have taken a liking to Diamond, I told him to go for it, I reckon she will break him out of his guard training and let him live a little.”

“Be careful with that Aron, Diamond will have to become a guard again one day. He is just to keep you company and give me some more eyes in Ponyville.”

“Yeah I know, he knows that, everyone knows that. But making people bottle themselves up like Diamond does is wrong.”

“Speaking from experience? Thought you were a civilian?”

“Yes, and I am. Which is why I had to promise to let Rainbow Dash closer to me, see where things go.”

“Why would you promise? Do you not like her?” Celestia actually sounded kinda sad.

“Yes, very much so. I see you lot as humans rather than horses, keeps me saner. I honestly want a relationship with her to work but I have enough baggage to make to wonder what she will think of me when I tell her.”

“Baggage?” I paused.

“Yeah. I didn’t have a good life.”

“What do you mean?”

“Christ I had to explain this to Diamond today, it’s not been fun.”

“I don’t want to push, just want to make sure you are okay.”

“Ha. I’m far from okay Celestia.” I stood up and began to take my top off, once it was she gasped, much like Diamond has.

“Alright, let me tell you about my past.” And so I did, a bit more detail than I had with Diamond and with far more pauses. Eventually she sat down herself and pulled me into a hug. I just took it without pausing. She squeezed me tighter when I had finished.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, nopony should do that to another.” She muttered, I was silent and put my top back on, then went to the floor to hug her again. The dead ground wasn’t really that comfortable but Celestia sure as shit was.

“It happened, life sucks, and you move on, the guy got a level of justice.” I grunted.

“I will not let anything like that happen to you in Equestria Aron.”

“Heh, thanks Sunbutt.” There was a pause for a couple minutes and I shut my eyes, before she started to say something anyway.

“I don’t think Rainbow Dash will abandon you if you tell her.”

“I hope not. I’ve been very open about it recently. I told you and barely know you, I told Diamond because he kept pushing for answers, and I should have told him to stop more. I haven’t said anything obviously, but that part I want to keep, until I know Dash is with me.” I felt Celestia nod.

“Do you want to talk about the dragon now?” She asked.

“As long as I can stay laying on you, you’re comfy.” She paused for a second in mock thought.

“Deal.”

“Alright. It could have been dealt with far better and I shouldn’t have really spoke to the dragon, we should have convinced Fluttershy, but I knew we were on a time limit, I very much fucked up and was close to sprinting out of the cave to call you down. Should have brought Diamond in as well, but it was Twilight’s op.”

“Indeed, I would very much have liked to talk to this dragon, threatening to steal you like it did. Do you remember what colour it was?”

“Celestia. No offence but that dragon was fucking terrifying, I doubt I’ll ever forget it. It was huge, and red.” She stood up stupidly quickly, making me bang my head on the dusted floor. “Motherfucker.” I muttered, rubbing my head.

“Aron, that was a blood dragon. You’re lucky to be alive!” She declared.

“Yeah no shit. Whatever dragon it was I figured that much out.” She just rolled her eyes.

“If that is all, are you ready to return?” Celestia asked.

“Will I feel sick?” She nodded.

“Nopony really gets used to it, but it gets better.” I just closed my eyes and nodded. When I opened them a wave of nausea took over and I actually threw up, all over the marble floors.”

“Yes, throw up now.” Celestia muttered, trotting over to her throne.

“Fuck.” I said and spat the last of the bile out. “Never again.” I muttered. She laughed slightly and her horn lit up, a mare ran in after a few seconds, looked at me kneeling over, and then to Celestia. She ran back out and came back in with a mop and bucket. As she cleaned it the guards started coming back in, I stood next to Celestia’s throne, in front of Luna’s as a guard walked up to me and stood next to me. I presumed it was Diamond. They still all looked the same.

“If a diplomat walked in now they might think you were an advisor, or my escort.” Celestia casually muttered.

“Not with a mouthful of sick I ain’t. Though politics was never my thing and I ain’t that smart so fuck that.” She laughed slightly.

“I have a feeling if you ever got into it you would destroy the balance and end up with the world at pure peace.”

“Yeah I’m so lawfully good it’s un-fucking-real.”

“You have such a wonderful way to speaking.” She said.

“If there isn’t anything else?” She shook her head. “Chariots?”

“Of course, you could just send word to me whenever you came to Canterlot and you could get a pickup. Save you spending on the train.”

“That’s a great idea, thanks. I have money and Diamond got the tickets today, but it seems I’m gonna be coming backwards and forwards to Canterlot a lot. I need a way to earn money.”

“You could always become a solider.” Celestia said. “Training will be hard and long, especially since you’re a bipedal, but I’d be willing to hire a Minotaur or Naga.”

“I’ve said before Celestia I’m not a fighter, though if I am ever called to war then I’ll be happy to accept, if you have any sword masters I’d be happy for the training but I don’t want or need a military life yet, especially if I am getting into a relationship soon.”

“And yet you told Toyar you might become a mercenary?” She muttered.

“I did.”

“But you won’t become a solider?”

“Nope, nor a mercenary.”

“So why tell him? Would be my obvious question.”

“People like Toyar respect power and skill. I got the grenades of him for free because it is an untested, new weapon, he treated me, a stranger, better than he did Diamond, an old friend, for a time because I’m young and can be taught how to fight. I would buy weapons and armour from him. People like Toyar thrive off power.” I replied. “That’s not really a bad thing, it means he will be a valuable ally if he is called to a real war, I suggest you keep him paid, and close.”

“What if I were to respect power and skill?”

“Different principle. With Toyar nothing can come from it whether he respects me or doesn’t. I will give him reason to respect me as it suits me. So for example, the grenades. I told him I wouldn’t need more from him unless I became a merc, he will probably tinker with the grenades and make them explode bigger or better. With you, I don’t particularly gain much from lying and you seem to be someone who can spot it quickly. So if I told you I was becoming a merc, you would most likely know it was bullshit. Yes if you respected those with power and skill I would attempt to impress you just because you can make my life good or bad depending on how you feel about me. But for the foreseeable future there isn’t anything I can do.”

“Makes sense, sort of.”

“Again I’m not incredibly intelligent so my grammar is horrible, as is my explanations are nearly worthless.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You could be a good Politian or a good solider if you learned.”

“That’s the same with most things Celestia. I could be a good horse if I became one and learned how to be one.”

“Would you be willing to become a pony?” She asked.

“That’s possible?”

“It may take some research and tests, but I believe so.”

“That’s awesome, but no I prefer my human body and ponies seem to have gotten used to me already. Could you do it the other way around?”

“Yes but I would need to look at a human mare to change pony mares.”

“Ah alright hold that off, I suspect the best way is to look at my memories.”

“Exactly, you’ve told me of your past and I trust you so don’t see the need to, if you wanted to show me a memory of a human mare though?”

“How detailed would you need the memory?”

“As detailed as possible, so naked. If you wanted decent looks.” I shook my head.

“Yeah figured, only girl I have known naked was Danielle and I don’t want to think back on that.”

“I understand, I won’t force it, you just seemed interested.”

“Oh I am, humans don’t have magic so now I am around actual magic it’s interesting to me. I’d love to learn more but figured I’d need a horn or would need to be a Siren. If humans can become Sirens, however Sirens are made.”

“How do you know of Sirens?” She actually sounded somewhat put off.

“Diamond. State secret again?”

“No, just very rare history.” I shrugged.

“Apparently they are all dead so I guess I won’t ever become a mage or whatever. No big loss.”

“There hasn’t been a sighting of one in many years no.” I wasn’t sure what to say about that.

“Alright, well we can talk about this later if you want Celestia, we still need that meeting.” She smiled slightly and nodded.

“It was good seeing you again Aron. And Diamond, if you are bored or feel out of place you can return to active guard duty if you wish.” He looked at me and Celestia and looked between the two of us for a second.

“Why wasn’t I informed about the Lunar Guard?” He asked.

“You have been in Ponyville, you can join them if you wish, though you would have to re-join the guard, considering they stay up at night.” Celestia replied.

“And you wouldn’t see Lyra all that much, unless you convinced her to come to Canterlot I guess.” I added.

“Indeed, it is your choice.”

“Exactly, I’m still an alien here so it’s not my place to say, but if you want to return to duty I won’t judge, would just have to come to Canterlot more to bully you. I know you’ve been bored in Ponyville.” He was silent for a moment and just nodded for a second.

“All due respect Princess, but I would like to stay in Ponyville with Aron, as he has said, Lyra has helped me out a lot, and Aron has been helping me, chill out, a lot more.” She nodded.

“It is your choice of course. And you may return to Canterlot whenever you wish. You are a sergeant are you not?”

“Yes Princess.”

“Then you shall be paid as one still, Ponyville may be peaceful but you are more likely going to deal with monsters and threats so close to an Everfree than you are here.”

“Of course Princess.”

“If there is nothing else?” She asked, we both shook our heads. “Then I shall see you when you next visit, don’t leave it too long, and I will sort out some time soon for us Aron. Though my sister would still very much like to meet you.”

“Of course, I haven’t found a reason to stay in Canterlot overnight, but if you organise our meeting late in the afternoon I can just hang around in Canterlot, and if Dash asks me out or anything I can just bring her and we can do something together.”

“That would be nice, I’d like to meet this Rainbow Dash.”

“I think you’ve met her, she was one of the ponies with Twilight when we kicked Nightmare Moon’s ass. She’s an Element of Harmony.”

“Oh I see, I think I remember her. Which Element is she?”

“Fuck knows, what ones are there?”

“Magic, Laughter, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness.”

“Alright, if I had to guess she’s Loyalty or Honesty. I don’t think one person can be purely one trait like that but this is magical horse land so who knows.”

“Indeed, anyway, you’ll have to bring her next time.”

“Of course, everyone is acting like we’re together already, already been told me and her are a cute couple.”

“From Twilight’s reports you are.” I didn’t ask what she was implying there.

“Does she do anything but send reports?” Celestia’s smile didn’t fill me with confidence. I shrugged. “Fucking Twilight, I’ll see you later Celestia.” I muttered and walked out of the throne room, Diamond standing next to me.

“Thanks for sticking with me Diamond.” I muttered once we were aboard the chariot and heading back to Ponyville. There was a long pause and Diamond nodded slightly.

“Me and you are far too similar to be far apart Aron.” He replied. “And I was thinking on your past and you definitely need friends.” I smiled.

“If we’re similar you need them as much as me.”

“Which is why I’m staying with you, I never really had many friends in Canterlot and do not talk to my family all that much. You and Lyra are the closest people I have gotten to in a long time.”

“Well again Diamond, I appreciate you staying with me. You’re a good man.” He paused again.

“Was that actual praise?” I laughed slightly.

“Don’t get used to it, shitty jokes are what keep me going.” He smiled. We were silent again for a while until we landed, wherein I was tackled by a cyan Pegasus. I didn’t notice that to begin with, just suddenly noticed I was on the ground with Rainbow Dash on top of me smiling.

“Hey gorgeous.” I muttered, her smile grew and she kissed my nose.

“Hey Aron. You’re back!” She declared. The chariot immediately took off again and fucked off back to Canterlot.

“I am. Miss me?” She blushed slightly and hugged me.

“A little, Twilight said you were picking something up.”

“Heh, yeah you remember those grenades I mentioned? Well Toyar finished a load of them, where is Twilight, gonna go test them. You coming?”

“Yeah I’d love to see these things in use.” I smiled and pulled Dash down for a hug.

“I need to get up to get Twilight.” I muttered when she held the hug.

“I don’t want to see them that badly. We could hug for a while.”

“Come on Dashie.” I said, she smiled, leaned up again and bopped my nose with her own. She then got up and I stood, a couple ponies were watching but none said anything. I saw Lyra was next to Diamond but hadn’t seen her turn up.

“Sup Lyra.”

“You two are adorable.” She muttered. I smiled but said nothing. Then began to walk to the library, I found Twilight before I got there and she smiled when she noticed me.

“We’re back, with explosives. Wanna go blow something up?” She dropped the smile a little bit but still looked fairly happy.

“See when you say it like that…” She replied.

“Do you want to test some human tech Twilight?”

“Obviously, where do you want to try them?”

“Where is there a lot of open land?”

“There is some close to the Everfree, but-”

“Yeah no, I’m not setting off a grenade near a dangerous forest, try again.” She thought for a second.

“Think I know a spot, follow me. Also, hi Lyra, hi Dash, hi Diamond.” Twilight replied, the trio behind me gave their replies and we walked after Twilight. She continued out of town for about five minutes and we ended up in a pretty big flat area, Lyra and Diamond stood close to each other, I set the bag of holding down and pulled out the four grenades that had been placed around me. Twilight was staring at one with awe and Rainbow Dash was hovering next to me.

“Alright, timer is apparently three seconds, so float this over as far as you think needed, then a bit further, pull the pin and drop it.” I said, handing Twilight the first grenade. She floated it out of my hand and kept it in front of her.

“You are very paranoid about this. Do you really think it is worth it?” Twilight said.

“Yes, this could be awesome, I just don’t want us to get blown up. Once the first is tested I have three more to try out myself. I’ll keep the rest in case.” She nodded.

“Alright, if you say so.”

“Oh shit, this might be pretty loud. So prepare yourselves.” I added as Twilight started floating it away, eventually it stopped about ten meters away and suddenly dropped, the pin still floating in the air, the pin dropped and nothing happened. “Huh.” I muttered, before hearing, seeing and feeling a hug explosion fly up from where the grenade had fallen, I flinched a bit but didn’t jump back. Twilight did though and I felt a hoof holding on my arm to where Dash had been. The explosion finished and a huge scorch on the ground was there the grenade had been and I could see some shrapnel around the burn.

“That was awesome!” Dash said to my left. I smiled.

“The fuck it was, damn they fucking work.” I replied.

“And humans just, use those?” Twilight asked, her ears were flopping a little bit and there was still a ringing in mine.

“Nah, grenades like this aren’t really used, those other weapons like this are around, stun grenades are used a lot, which just explode but send out light rather than explosions, I dunno how to make them though.”

“Stun grenades could have been so much better.” Twilight muttered.

“Yeah but you would have to look away and close your eyes every time you threw one, with these you know what they do.” I said, she just nodded. I grabbed another grenade and gripped it a little. Then raised my arm, pulled the pin and threw it, the rush I felt holding a live grenade was something I will never forget, fear and power, excitement and strength. It was a strange and thrilling feeling. The thing didn’t go as far as Twilight’s magic but it was still far away enough for it to be safe, the thing exploded whilst still rolling and I started cheering. It looked fucking amazing. Once the aftershock was over I looked around.

“Do you guys think you could pull the pin without magic?” I asked, Rainbow Dash looked beyond excited for a second but Diamond spoke up first.

“I would not want to risk it.”

“Yeah good shout, I’ll have to talk to Toyar about how he set them off next time we see him, or see if can make the trigger a button rather than pin.”

“Aww but I want to try one!” Dash shouted.

“Yeah but if Diamond doesn’t think he could pull the pin I don’t want any of you to risk it, Lyra and Twilight could use them but I don’t want anyone else besides a trusted unicorn to use these.” She looked kinda pissed but didn’t say anything. I heard a shout somewhere and turned to see Applejack, Rarity and the Ponyville Mayor running towards us.

“Shit the fuzz, we’ve been found out.” I muttered. The trio ran towards us and the mayor gave a small scream when she looked at the burns on the ground.

“What happened? We heard explosions, are y’all okay?” Applejack asked.

“Yeah AJ, I was just testing some human weapons, nobody was harmed and the testing is over.” I replied, she looked calmed straight away but Rarity still looked terrified.

“You’re testing weaponry?” She asked. “Twilight were you involved?” She added.

“Yes Rarity, I threw the first one, as Aron said it was just a test and nopony was hurt.” Twilight replied.

“I noticed.” Rarity muttered.

“Well as long as you are all okay, no harm done, but please do this further away so you don’t send ponies into a panic.” The Mayor muttered.

“It’s why we came so far out, I didn’t expect them to be as loud as they were though, sorry Miss Mayor.” I replied shrugging, I never bothered to learn her name, hadn’t seen her round much. She nodded and walked off, Applejack followed. Rarity gave me a glare and just ‘huffed’ and wondered off herself. Twilight started giggling, as did Rainbow Dash, after a moment Lyra and I joined it. Diamond was there.

That moment lasted a few minutes before we calmed down, Twilight began to walk off towards Ponyville.

“Anyway, that was interesting but I left Spike alone to meet you up so will have to head back.” She said looking at me. I nodded.

“See ya in a bit Twi.” She smiled and continued.

“I was in the middle of something as well, would you like to accompany me back into the town Diamond?” Lyra muttered.

“Of course Lyra. See you later Aron.” Diamond said, and they two walked off. Leaving me and Rainbow Dash, and I had the perfect plan ready.

“Yo Dash?” I asked, she was staring into space and she jumped a little when I spoke to her. She flew down next to me and looked up at me.

“What’s up Aron?” She asked back. I smiled and knelt down to look her in the eye.

“Do you er. Wanna maybe…” I did have the perfect plan ready, but turns out I had some level of anxiety. “Fuck. What I’m tryin’ to say…” I lost the words again and felt like crying.

“Yes.” She muttered.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Do you want to be in a relationship with me?” She asked. I smiled.

“That’s what I’m trying to ask you.”

“You suck at this Aron.”

“I know, I blame Spike.” She giggled slight and flew up and hugged me. She then kissed me again, it was still kind of awkward and weird but I returned the kiss after a short pause.

“Yes, I’ll be your marefriend Aron.” I smiled and pulled her into a kiss again, she looked confused for a second but moaned and returned it.

“Awesome.” I muttered after taking a breath once the kiss was over. She laughed again. And that was the day I got to try out grenades and stopped being single.

It was a great day.

Author's Notes:

this chapter was kinda hard to write, sorry bout that

though aron's now a xenophile so theres that

Act I: Chapter XIII

The next day I woke up to the best sleep I had had in a while, went to meet Zecora stupidly early and showed her around town. It only took about ten minutes or so and the ponies began to actually talk to the rhyming zebra towards the end so I figured my job was done. Before I left the zebra she handed me two vials of blue liquid and said to give them to Rainbow Dash and Diamond because of a poison they had contracted when we met her. It took me a moment to figure out what she had said and just accept the potions and walked off. I went straight to the library and saw an image I never expected to see.

“If you say anything I will kill you.” Diamond said, with a very feminine voice. I looked over the guard and saw he was a lot shorter than he usually was, smaller than Twilight now, just. His hair looked fluffier and he had eye lashes now. It took me a moment when I took him all in to realise he wasn’t a he anymore. He was a she.

“Yeah Zecora said you got poisoned when we went into the forest. I guess whatever flowers we stepped on can switch genders or something. Wonder why I didn’t get infected?” I replied, trying to hold back any emotion in case I started laughing. I pulled out the first vial and looked it over.

“I believe what you stepped on was a plant called Poison Joke, it plays practical jokes on ponies, but doesn’t seem to affect anypony but ponies.” Twilight muttered from the table, she had a book in hand and was scanning over words.

“Alright makes sense, blue flower that is usually in a big field?” I asked, she nodded. “Oh yeah we stepped in those alright. How is being a girl FemDia?” I asked, she growled at me and stepped forward slightly.

“Do not tempt me Aron.” She muttered, I threw my arms up.

“Hey if I got turned into a chick after the initial shock I’d probably just masturbate all day.” I started walking back but FemDia just rolled her eyes.

“We are not all as perverted as you.” She muttered.

“Hey when have I ever been perverted in any way, besides that comment just then?”

“The way you are for one, once you are used to ponies more I do not doubt you will chase any mare that offers.”

“Probs, but that won’t be a problem for a while.” I muttered, both for not being really attracted to ponies and now having a girlfriend. Who happened to be a pony, so it was a bit of a paradox.

“Plus the party.” Twilight pitched in from the table.

“Yeah suppose so, but I didn’t do nothing without consent.”

“That may be true but it was still perverted.” FemDia said. I just smiled.

“Whatever, you want this vial or you gonna go test your new body out?”

“Fuck you. Give me the vial, fucking pervert.” She replied, I shrugged and handed it to an outstretched wing. She looked conflicted for a second before downing the whole thing. Nothing happened.

“That was anticlimactic, did you drink the wrong via?” I asked after about a minute of pause. FemDia looked visibly pained and opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a huge puff of lavender smoke that surrounded the pony. Once it evaporated we had everyday normal male Diamond back.

“Never again.” He muttered, shivering slightly.

“I thought you looked cute as a mare.” I muttered, the punch, or kick I suppose I received from that comment was not worth it.

My next target was Rainbow Dash, we had hung out quite a bit after agreeing to be in a relationship and agreed to tell everyone else later in the day. They all needed to go to Rarity’s for dresses to some Gala or something. I had kind of forgotten it was happening, all the drama about the tickets gone and me not being invited. I’m sure I could go if I wanted to but didn’t really want to. Plus I figured if the plus one date thing worked here I’d end up being dragged to it by Rainbow Dash if I mentioned it to her. I couldn’t find her to begin with until I found myself in a fairly open field close to where the grenades had gone off.

“Look out below!” I heard a cry, I dodged a falling Rainbow Dash for her to implant the ground, I very quickly noticed her wings looked pretty fucked up and ran over to check on her. She flipped over pretty quickly. “Hey Aron, looks like I’ve fallen for you.” She muttered in what I’m sure she thought was a seductive tone. I laughed a bit and pulled her up and hugged her, she was pretty heavy being a horse but I managed to hold her for a while. She eventually flew down to the ground with really out of time wings.

“Zecroa cursed me! We need to go find her.” Rainbow declared suddenly, I had the potion already out.

“Silly Dashie, we just stepped in a grove of plants called a Poison Joke, they turned Diamond into a chick.”

“Diamond got turned into a chicken?” She asked.

“No, a girl, female. Whatever, mare I guess.”

“You humans have a lot of names for things.” She muttered.

“Yeah but it means I have more compliments for my girlfriend.” I replied and winked, she blushed slightly and smiled. “This is the cure.” I said and handed her the potion, she looked at it with concern. “Drink the fucking potion Dashie, Diamond did and he’s a, he now.” She just grabbed it with a hoof and popped the cap and drank. Again nothing happened for a second before a blue cloud of smoke appeared around her and she had her wings back. We started walking to Rarity’s place after that.

“So, Diamond became a mare huh?” She asked after a pause. I smiled and began to scratch her ear as we walked.

“Yeah, I called him cute.” I replied, she stopped for a split second before continuing.

“Was he, she?” Dash asked.

“Don’t you get jealous Dashie, I just did it to piss her off. Though I’m still debating if the punch I received for it was worth it.” It so was.

“J- jealous?” She asked, I just laughed and continued with her ear. She started making adorable noises and slowed quite a bit. I wasn’t in a rush to get to Rarity’s so didn’t really care. After a minute her wings dropped and were completely limp at her side and she was barely walking.

“I am so doing this to you one day and seeing how long it takes for you to fall asleep.” I muttered, her wings popped back to her normal spot and she sped up. I laughed and followed.

“Why do you bully me so? You’re meant to be caring and nice and stuff.”

“Dash you’re adorable when I scratch your ears, and you know me now, what hint did I ever give that I was nice and caring? Plus would you rather have me, with all my faults, or someone who is just the embodiment of a perfect boyfriend. ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure if I was like that Rarity would be trying to steal me away.” She paused for a second and put a hoof out to stop me, then jumped up and hovering with her front hooves around my neck, she then kissed me again. It last quite a while and I ended up with my hands on my ass, feeling her kiss and her wings flap to keep her up. When she stopped it she kissed me quickly on the nose again and giggled.

“I’d rather have you any day, a perfect coltfriend would be boring.” She muttered and flew down. I was shocked for a moment, still unused to kisses and affection. She giggled when I didn’t say anything and started walking again, I followed.

We got to Rarity’s pad pretty quickly after that, everyone else was already here. Including Diamond and Lyra, I didn’t know at the time but apparently since Diamond was a fairly high rank he could just stroll into the Gala so had invited Lyra. We got some greetings as we walked in but most of the focus was on what dresses ponies wanted. It was pretty boring and I didn’t really pay enough attention to hear what people were saying, I found myself at the back of the room watching the ponies interact, Diamond and Spike soon joined me. I guess it wasn’t just human males who hated this crap.

“Hey Aron?” Spike asked, quietly, I looked down at him but didn’t move from leaning against the wall with my arms crossed.

“What’s up Spike?” I asked. He looked at Diamond for a second and gulped.

“Howdoyougetamaretolikeyou?” He asked. I blinked a few times.

“What.” I said, it wasn’t a question.

“How do I get Rar- a mare to like me?” He asked again. I blinked again and looked at Diamond, who was holding back a laugh.

“Fuck you Diamond. Honestly Spike I dunno. Me and Dash just kinda happened.” It was his turn to blink then and he doubled back, looking over to Rainbow Dash. He turned back to me.

“Wait, you and Dash?” He began, I nodded and tabbed my nose.

“Don’t say anything, gonna tell everyone after this shit is done with.” I replied.

“But. How?” He asked. Then looked me up and down. “You aren’t exactly amazing.”

“Fuck Spike, thanks. But again, I seriously have no idea. Who you after?” He paused. “You can duel me if it’s Rainbow Dash because I ain’t letting her go for a while. Hopefully.” I added, with a bit more venom than I meant. He gulped again.

“Nonono. It’s not Dash, she’s awesome but I wouldn’t do that to you.” He replied, putting his hands up to defend himself. “It’s Rar- Rarity.” I smiled slightly and shook my head.

“Don’t bother.” I said, he was taken aback again. “Seriously, I doubt she even registers you as a potential mate. You’re still a kid and she is very, prissy.”

“Prissy?” He asked.

“Yeah, formal, proper, whatever title you want to give it. It means she is going to be into rich, successful ponies and not much else. Her character only goes so far.” He looked pretty depressed at that.

“Oh.”

“Sorry to shoot you down so much dude, but it’s the way things are, I guess you can give it a try but I highly doubt it’ll do anywhere, if she even notices. You can ask Diamond if you don’t believe what I’m saying, I’m an alien remember.” I said, looking to Diamond who nodded.

“She does indeed seem to lust after those with power, she flirted with me without even knowing me, just because of my guard status I am thinking.” He muttered.

“There ya go.” I said, Spike still looked pretty down.

“Anypony you could suggest instead?” That stopped me for a second. I shrugged.

“Honestly dude I dunno. I’d say Twilight since you two are pretty similar but I figure you see her more as a sister or something rather than a friend. I guess you could try Pinkie Pie if she can even be flirted with or courted. If not Fluttershy.”

“Why those two?”

“Dunno, Pinkie Pie seems like she could be fun and sane if she ever had a reason, and Fluttershy seems beyond kind.”

“Alright, well, thanks Aron.” Spike said quietly and just stood next to Diamond, we were silent for a while.

“Oh Princess Celestia sent a letter for you, said she wanted you to go to Canterlot.” Diamond muttered suddenly.

“How many letters do I get that I never actually see?” I asked.

“All of them so far.” He replied.

“Alright, I don’t care anyway. She say what she wanted?”

“No, but she didn’t seem happy.”

“Think she knows about the grenades?”

“Of course, Twilight most likely sent a report on their effects as soon as she returned to the library.”

“Think she’s gonna tell me off?”

“I doubt it, she knew you were making them and isn’t pleased. I don’t think she approves but I do not think she will force you to hand them over. I suggest taking them in case.” I nodded.

“Any ETA of when she wanted me?” I asked.

“No, just sometime today.”

“She can’t be too pissed then, I’ll go talk to Dash, we can announce us and then I’ll try and order a chariot.” He nodded but said nothing. I pushed myself off the wall and walked over to Dash, she was standing idly talking to Applejack as I walked over, she smiled when she noticed me. Applejack tilted her hat.

“Dash, can we have a word?” I asked quietly, she looked to AJ and then back before nodding. We walked to the side of the room away from everyone else.

“What’s up Aron?” She asked.

“I’ve been summoned to Canterlot so I’ll have to make this a bit short. Can we announce now or you wanna wait til I’m back?” I asked. She thought for a second and nodded.

“Yeah alright, how you wanna do this?” She asked. I shrugged. “Pfft stallions.” She muttered and rolled her eyes. Then walked back towards the group, I followed and nodded my head to Diamond, who tapped Spike and they began to walk over.

“Hey everypony!” Dash called, Rarity immediately stopped talking to Twilight and everyone turned to us. I gulped a little and Dash stood closer to me. “We, Aron and I; just wanted to announce something.” She added. Then looked up to me. I looked at her and paused. Then looked to the others, eight pairs of eyes on me.

“We’ve agreed to be in a relationship with each other.” I managed to get out, the group exploded. Well besides Diamond, Spike and Lyra. They already knew. Well I hadn’t told Lyra but she obviously knew it was coming. I had all sorts of congratulations thrown at me. I didn’t want to stay for the gossip anyway so just threw my hands up.

“I’ve been summoned to Canterlot, Celestia’s orders. So I gotta make this short, yes Pinkie we can have a relationship party if alcohol is involved. Not as big as PinkFest, just the people in this room.” I declared. She gave a huge smile and agreed. “If you have any questions ask Dashie here. Or Diamond to make him uncomfortable.” I added. He gave me a glare. I knelt down and got a kiss from Dash, there were a few awwhs at that and I stood up.

“Spike can you send a letter to order up a chariot?” He nodded and grabbed a bit of cloth and a quill. Wrote a note and then burned it. Rarity looked ready to scream at that but quickly went back to interviewing Dash. I didn’t pay attention to what she said. Spike coughed up a reply and just handed it to me.

“Don’t move. Celestia.” I read aloud, then found myself in the middle of the throne room. I feel to my knees and a few guards actually ran up to me.

“Are you okay?” One asked, I was coughing up a lung so couldn’t answer. I eventually wiped the spit away and nodded. They stepped back and gave me room. I finally stood and faced Celestia, who was smugly smiling from her throne.

“Why?” I asked. She giggled.

“You’ll get used to it eventually. It saves time bringing you here so quickly.” She replied.

“Suppose so, what’s up?” I asked, she nodded to a guard next to her and they began to clear the room again. I stepped back.

“I won’t teleport you again until you go back to Ponyville.” She said. I didn’t move closer and tensed up a bit. Eventually the guards left and I began to walk closer to her, then stood in front of her. “Tell me about these grenades Aron.” She said. I smiled.

“They are human weapons, they cause an explosion and I recently received fifty of them from Toyar. I tested them out in Ponyville with Twilight Sparkle, Lyra something, Diamond and Rainbow Dash.” I replied quickly. She nodded.

“I received a report saying they are dangerous. And reports that two explosions went off near Ponyville.”

“Yes they are hella dangerous. I was, am more interested in the fact they work over ever wanting to use them against someone. And the reports are because they were much louder than I expected so we weren’t very far out of the town limits.” She nodded again.

“You say you are no warrior but make a warrior’s weapon. Without my permission.”

“You knew they were being made, you had the power to stop them being produced. Plus I had a royal guard with me at all times, if you were going to stop me you would have used Diamond to convince me not to produce them, I have to pay for the next lot anyway and the forty odd I still have will last a very long time, if not a long time they will never be used and I’ll have them destroyed if I think they will fall into the wrong hands.”

“And you say you don’t know how politics works. You certainly know military politics. I don’t agree with this little experiment but I won’t stop you making more, if you agree with letting me keep one in Canterlot, they could help Equestria’s military.”

“Of course, I brought them all with me, I suggest not setting on off inside the castle. But if you do give them upgrades or study them I suggest changing the trigger, the grenades now use a pin to explode so only unicorns or I can really use them. I guess Toyar used string or a personal invention to set them off, which I can guess you won’t have in a warzone.” She nodded.

“That will be our first priority then, do you think they would react to magic?” I shrugged.

“Hard to say, I don’t doubt you could do it, but I don’t understand magic, humans not having it, so I couldn’t tell you. I guess it would be possible to add elements to them, like the turret defences around Canterlot. But again, you’d have to test them yourselves.” Another nod.

“What other human weaponry could ponies use?” She asked.

“Well now with Toyar knowing how to make gunpowder you could make all sorts, better explosives, it could be used in industrial things like mining. I want to say you guys could use guns, with a pony trigger but I personally don’t know the knowledge and Toyar seems to be struggling even with experience in using gunpowder and the basic idea given to him. Most melee weapons that humans have you guys have and the ones you don’t would be pointless; like a baton or bat. Ranged stuff you have covered with crossbows, guns are the next level up. Actual machines are non-existent here so I won’t even begin to tell you about tanks and planes. You’d need to master gunpowder and guns before going onto shit like that.”

“How would you get this information? For tanks and guns?”

“Guns would be possible, I’d need to go back to Earth and make some notes from a computer, tanks and planes would be difficult without finding someone preparing for the end of the world and just happens to have those kind of blueprints around. Though I don’t really see any practical reason to bring true warfare to this world. I feel bad about inventing grenades here, and would feel worse about guns. But it might’ve happened one day without me and they can be used for more than warfare.”

“I can arrange a trip back to your home if you wish.”

“Maybe, it’s not top priority for me to make more weapons, but I’d be up for doing it if you asked. I’d like to take either Diamond or Rainbow Dash if that’s possible.”

“It would be, all it takes is opening a tear between dimensions.”

“Oh that’s simple then.” I replied rolling my eyes.

“My mother taught me the spell before she left.”

“Left?” I asked, carefully.

“Yes, it is a tale for another time perhaps. You keep bringing up this Rainbow Dash character, what is she to you?”

“Recently she was a great friend, until yesterday when we started a relationship.” Celestia paused for a second.

“So you are with a pony?” She asked.

“Yep, I see you guys as people, keeps me sane. And Dash has been giving hints about how she feels for a while now, so I figured it would be cool to at least give her a shot.”

“Do you think it will last?” That stumped me, I hadn’t really thought about it all that much.

“I dunno, eventually I’m going to have to actually pull my weight in Equestria and she’s training to be an athlete of some sort which I have very little interest in, she is a great girl and I don’t think we will ever stop caring for each other if this lasts a while. But eventually we will have to split up.”

“That’s a very depressing way of looking at it Aron, surely you should count your blessings when given?”

“I have had too much of a fucked up life to look on the bright side, I see the worst and hope it isn’t that bad but still try not to get more broken when it falls through.” She nodded slowly.

“You still haven’t met my sister.” Celestia muttered after a time. I smiled slightly.

“No I haven’t, I also haven’t stayed in Canterlot long enough to stay overnight.”

“Why not stay today?”

“Because I have shit to do today, like spend it with my girlfriend and bully Diamond about being turned into a woman.”

“What do you mean?”

“With what? On Earth we call relationship members boyfriend or girlfriend not colt and mare or whatever the fuck you guys use. Diamond got turned into a chick because we stepped into some poison joke.”

“The second bit, how was he as a mare?”

“Seemed pretty pissed off about the whole affair, but when isn’t he?” I paused, Celestia said nothing. “Whatevs, he was shorter and smaller than he normally is. Voice was still monotone but higher pitched, I called him FemDia whilst he was like that.”

“I presume that’s slang for female Diamond?” I nodded. “Is there anything else you wish to talk about?” She asked after a pause.

“Is there a way for a non-unicorn to learn magic?”

“No.” She immediately said. “All pony races have a level of magic, and even other races have their own kind of magic, but from what I have seen you require a catalyst to cast magic, unicorns have a horn, Pegasi have wings, Earth ponies are the most conflicted as to where they get their magic from, but it is usually passive. There are exceptions. But there hasn’t been an Earth pony mage in a long time.” I thought on Twilight’s friends and one pink horse came to mind.

“I think Pinkie Pie might be a mage without realising, she does. Things. Things that shouldn’t be possible, even by magical-colourful-talking-horses standard.”

“I highly doubt she is any kind of mage Aron.” Celestia replied then giggled slightly.

“Maybe, you should meet her one day. Then tell me what she does is natural.” She shrugged at that. “Is there anything else?” I asked.

“Keep Rainbow Dash close Aron.” She muttered. I huffed slightly and crossed my arms.

“See, a lot of people have been telling me that, or to let her in. Which is fair enough and I’ve repeated it a lot to Diamond, but it doesn’t fill me with confidence.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the more people bring it up the more I figure we are gonna end up breaking up.”

“But you will think that way anyway, if what you’ve said is true?” She asked, I was silent for a bit and just looked at her sitting in her little throne.

“That is very true. You know ponies, what do I do to be a decent boyfriend, or colt friend or whatever the fuck you call it.” She smiled slightly, I just rubbed the back of my head awkwardly.

“Do what you did to get her to want to be with you.”

“Yeah that’s all well and good Celestia but I didn’t mean it to happen, yeah I’m hella glad it happened but it was more of an accident than anything else. I guess flirting will help or hugs and shit but I’ve had history of going overboard with that.”

“Then talk to her, tell her your fears and how you can be better.”

“Christ Celestia you suck at this.”

“I don’t see how, but I haven’t been in all that many meaningful relationships.”

“Surely doing all that crap would be late relationship? Is on Earth anyway, I think.”

“Remember Aron, ponies are very different to what I know of humans.”

“Yeah but I see you guys as humans. I see you as people over ponies.”

“If it keeps you going…” She muttered.

“It really does.” I paused and took a breath. “So you think talking to her about my fears could help?” She nodded and smiled slightly again. “Alright, well unless there is anything else? Like jobs or some shit.”

“There is a group of Diamond Dogs close to Ponyville I need, disposed of. But they aren’t a big enough issue for troops to be needed.”

“You really want me to become a warrior don’t you?” I grunted, far more annoyed than I wanted to sound. She actually flinched somewhat.

“I’m sorry Aron, most bipedals, if not all in Equestria have a military upbringing and no matter how you put it, you have a military mind. Whether you are a fighter or not.”

“That I won’t disagree with, but just because I have the mind doesn’t mean I can fight, nor want to. The best thing would be to learn how to lead people, but with no experience I couldn’t just outright lead a force, even a small one. Plus with such a technological gap between our races my tactics won’t work as well as your tactics might.”

“But with guns?” She paused. “Could you lead a force?”

“Would still have no experience, but I could maybe advise your leaders. Teach them the ins and outs of guns, though if I get the knowledge I’m sure you will want it and can probably just spread that to your officers. Speaking of, I know Diamond mentioned Shining Armor as THE Captain, how does ranking work here?”

“See, no civilian would be asking those questions.”

“Yeah well fuck you.” She snorted a laugh.

“Diamond is a sergeant in the Royal Guard, and Shining Armor is a captain, the ranks for royal guard only go up to captain and there are only ever one, or two now Luna has returned, one for each guard sept. The Royal Guard are only ever composed of ponies, however the Equestrian Army is different, there are more tiers of rank and go up to High Commander. Shining Armor is just a pawn compared to some members of the army.”

“So what you have two forces? The Guard and the Army? Makes sense, we used to do things like that, have a standing army and a militia that defended the Homefront. There’s a lot of history to that but the point is still the same.”

“And indeed there is a lot of history as to why Equestrian forces are so split.”

“Does your navy count as a split force or are they just part of the army?”

“Part of the army. You know, the amount of questions you are asking could make one believe you’re planning an invasion.”

“Yeah but we’ve discussed that could never happen, I don’t have anyone under me, I’m no fighter. Plus with your magic alone you could wipe me off the face of the fucking planet. I’m no threat to you Celestia. Just curious.”

“Are you no threat out of fear though?”

“Celestia, I’m no threat because I’m no fucking threat. I wouldn’t give my enemies a mean to get even further ahead of me, the shit that you could probably do with guns and magic would put any human invention to shame.”

“I see, what are you going to do with this information?” She asked.

“Fuck all, I just wanna know your history and politics and shit. Plus if you really thought I was a threat you wouldn’t have allowed Diamond to tell me about your defences, you wouldn’t have allowed me to keep Spiritus, and you wouldn’t be telling me all this.”

“I see, then there is nothing more for us to discuss, you may leave.” Celestia muttered after a short pause, I looked at her for a second but eventually just shrugged and walked out, then headed toward the chariot docks. I didn’t make it three steps out of the throne room when I found myself on my knees coughing again, I actually spat out some blood that time. I looked up to see a piece of paper aimed at where I was looking.

“Sorry – C.” It said, I’ll give her something to be sorry about the fucking bitch. After my coughing fit I found myself in my room back in the library. I walked around my room for a bit, still feeling sick and wondering what the fuck I just coughed up before going into the main room, drinking some water and leaving the library.

Outside was much the same as it had been before I left, very sunny with a few clouds. I wondering through Ponyville before I realised I had no idea where the fuck I was going and went to ask directions to wherever the fuck Dash or Diamond might be.

I needed more friends.

I wondered around Ponyville for a few minutes looking for something to do but eventually just gave up and started heading towards Rarity's place. I made it about half way before spotting Diamond walking back my way. I kept the pace I had, not wanting the bastard to think he was loved or anything. Likewise he kept his pace and just started following me when we met. For a minute or so neither of us said anything. It was actually me who broke the silence.

"Celestia really wants me to meet her sister." I declared. He huffed slightly.

"Never met her, was that it?" He replied quietly.

"Nah course not, I got a bit of a lashing over the grenades but am free to do whatever with them, though she wants to test them with magic and see if she can enhance them. Also might be a trip home soon-" He looked up slightly with a half smile. "- For research, I need to find out how to make a gun, though we will be playing video games and I will kick your ass." I probably wouldn't. "Plus showing you some human shows or something."

"Awesome. Anything else?"

"Calm your excitement Diamond." He just glared at me. "She tried to get me into politics and the military again. Then as I said, wanted me to meet her sister. I'm planning on finding an event that me and Dash can go to so we have an excuse to stay over night. It's not my top priority though."

"What is your priority Aron? I did not see you as a stallion with goals."

"Fuck off, I suppose that is kinda my next goal. Just ain't gonna rush it too much, I have no idea why the fuck Celestia's sister wants to meet me so much. Yeah I'm an alien but come on now."

"You have complained about Princess Luna a few times now."

"Thanks Diamond."

"No problem."

"You got any thoughts?"

"About?"

"I will cut you."

"Yeah yea, it is just easy to annoy you. It is pretty fun. Lyra was right."

"I'd ask but I don't care. Have you got any thoughts on Luna?"

"Yes." He paused, I raised a hand to slap him and he started laughing slightly. "I think it's a mix between you being-" He looked me up and down. "- You. Being an alien and you being basically the first thing she saw when she came back from being practically dead for a thousand years.

"What."

"Well you know how Nightmare Moon was actually just Princess Luna but more of a cunt?"

"Go on?"

"Well Luna was not actually in control, Nightmare Moon was basically what ponies know as Taint, but manifested to control Luna, hence the difference in looks and voice. Luna was still alive but could not do anything besides internally fight against the Taint, though considering she was trapped in the moon for a thousand years she probably did not get very far. From what I have read about manifested Taint, whoever gets infected is basically dead, they cannot move or talk. Just have to fight inside their own mind for control of their own body." I wasn't sure what to say to that, and was silent for a good minute as we continued walking.

"That sounds pretty dark, trapped in your own mind, I hope Luna gets some mental help, she should not be sane." I muttered.

"Princess Luna was always meant to be the stronger willed of the two sisters. But after so long alone, I agree. Luna will need help." There was another pause. "Maybe that is why Celestia wants you two to meet? You are both 'broken'."

"She is more."

"I don't suppose it really matters. You could argue I am as well."

"You're a guard Diamond, and completely jaded, though I suppose you were full of life many years ago."

"I was, this is due to training more than shock or events like what Luna would be. Or you." He took a deep breath and paused again. "I was pretty sprightly as a colt, and my younger guard years."

"Meh we were all cunts when we were younger. Don't think too much on it."

"That is true I suppose. What were you like?"

"A complete cringe machine. I look back on shit I said say a year ago and hate myself. Times that by a few years and I want to go back in time and kill younger me. Though I'd probably just do that and save myself all the pain and shit that comes."

"You talk about suicide and hating yourself far too much Aron."

"And you talk like a prick far too much. Let me be me and let Dash fix me so I can be a better me."

"What."

"Same." And with that we got to Rarity's place, I stopped at the doorway and looked at Diamond. "So how come you went looking for me, or going back to Twilight's or whatever the fuck you were doing?" I asked, arms crossed. He shrugged.

"With you gone all I had was Spike to talk to, but he is far too immature and far too into all the dress talk that was going on. So I got bored, was going to go back to the library. I was surprised to see you back, usually takes an hour or so for chariot. As you know."

"Yeah, Celestia teleported me back to the library. I actually coughed up blood this time."

"Shit. I hate teleporting, you should get wings and be able to fly everywhere. You could probably go faster than chariots do, not having to worry about passengers and a second flier so close to you."

"How would I get wings?"

"Magic is a wonderful thing."

"Diamond I don't think it's possible for me to become a mage, and I sure as shit ain't becoming a pony."

"I don't blame you. Just looking at you i'd prefer being human." I smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you checking me out? Should you have gone for Lyra?" I joked.

"I'm not gay." He muttered darkly.

"Hey I'm just teasin'."

"I know. I don't take any of your insults seriously. You seem to be someone who when angry, shows it. So I'd know if you were actually insulting me." I shrugged but said nothing. "From what I've read, and seen, bipedals are the superior body type. Better balance, arms that were actually designed for holding weapons. Ponies aren't meant for war, but we manage."

"Ya know there is an old legend on Earth about things called Centaurs, they are creatures with the body of a human and the lower body and legs of a horse, they are pretty badass creatures. That's got to mean something. Ponies and humans together. I dunno."

"If you were a warrior maybe the legend could become true, sole human leading ponykind. Armed with guns." He drifted off a little at the end of that.

"Diamond do you know what 'Power Fantasy' means?" He laughed slightly and walked inside Rarity's. I just smiled again and followed him inside the place. I was immediately attacked by a pink fur ball known as Pinkie Pie and almost wished I hadn't gone back to there and just waited it out at Twilight's. But I couldn't read and Diamond wasn't all that sociable so would've got boring pretty quickly depending on his mood. Plus i'd have to go through this eventually anyway.

"I'm back." I muttered.

"I see that silly filly. You upset some ponies by running away like you did." Pinkie replied, giggling.

"I'm not a filly silly. Not my fault Celestia wanted to bitch me out." I got a glare from Diamond and a confused look from Pinkie.

"What's bitch mean?" She asked. I smiled and patted her on the head, it was kinda awkward since she was still hugging me.

"I'll tell ya when you're older Pinks." I muttered, she looked a bit upset at that. "You shouldn't hug me as much now either. I'm not a single an anymore. I got responsibilities. Or something." I shrugged and she let go after a quick squeeze.

"So. How'd it happen?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" I looked to Diamond quickly who looked bored and pissed. I winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

"You and Dashie silly!" She declared.

"I'll tell everyone, surprised none of y'all asked Dash, I deliberately said to ask her shit whilst I was away."

"Which is why I told them to wait on the questions." Diamond muttered. "That and you telling them to ask me as well." Oh you bastard.

"You bastard." I muttered, he shrugged. I stretched my arms behind me and cracked my knuckles quickly then walked upstairs where I presumed everyone else was. Pinkie just followed quietly so i presumed I wasn't going the wrong way or anything. My thoughts were confirmed when I walked in a room that looked pretty much the same as I had left: a load of mares standing in a circle talking. Though there was more mess: a load of cloth and ribbons and whatever else one would need to make a dress. I didn't know what half the stuff around the room was and didn't really care.

"Hey Aron!" I heard a cry from a cyan Pegasus, I smiled and waved slightly to Dash, she walked over and Pinkie hopped/bounced over to her friends. Dash stood next to me, I couldn't see where Diamond was but I presumed leaning against the wall or near the door. Spike was there.

"Sup Dash." I replied, she looked up at me and leaned on my leg, it was awkward but her hair was soft so didn't complain. Plus I'd have been more of a dick had I told her to piss off.

"How did it go?" She asked, she was looking up at me and I was just standing in the middle of the room. The rest of the mares in the room had gone silent and were just watching us. I wanted to cry.

"Meh alright. Celestia complained about making grenades, but allowed me to keep making them, tried to make me a warrior and a politician. Wants me to meet Luna soon, nothing major. Could've waited."

"Anything the Princess says is important Aron!" Twilight declared, I looked at her and she blushed slightly.

"She was acting casual but she is very obviously sizing me up." I muttered.

"Sizing. You up?" Rainbow asked slowly.

"Yeah, she isn't sure about me yet. So keeps asking about me subtly."

"What could she possibly be sizing you up for?" Rarity asked, I looked at her with a blank face. The others glared at her too. "Not offense meant." She added quietly.

"Dunno, just know she is. Diamond you got any ideas?" I asked looking behind me, he was, as I had thought; standing at the door.

"Whether you will be a valuable asset. After agreeing to the dragon job she wants to see your potential." He muttered. Shit.

"Huh alright. Just gotta avoid any dangerous jobs then."

"Depends what you want." Diamond muttered, I shrugged.

"Anyway, so me and Dash are in a relationship." I said after a small pause.

"Yep." Dash declared happily.

"So er, any questions?" I asked.

Christ the questions dragged on. As did the rest of the day when I kept answering sarcastically and they gave up on questioning how I'd bagged Dash and what our plans were for the future. Honestly I didn't know, I wanted to stay with her and wanted to make it work but with Celestia trying to get me into the military and the longer I stayed here the more I thought it was going to be my future I wasn't sure if it could work with Dash.
Only the future would tell.

And what a future it was.

Author's Notes:

This chapter dragged on for me, couldn't really think of where to go for it. Oh well. MOAR RELATIONSHIP STUFF
also i hate spike

Act I: Chapter XIV

With the thoughts of what Celestia had said and the apparent trip to Cloudsdale still a few days away I finally found a reason to take Rainbow Dash into Canterlot late. I had though of something like a romantic dinner or watching some sort of play. But the dinner could be done in Ponyville and from a quick talk with Diamond a lot of the plays were just bastardised versions of Equestrian history. Considering the ponies seemed such peaceful creatures a lot of their plays focused on war and the age of darkness that happened around the time Princess Luna went full emo. Hell one of the plays, considered to be the best, was about Luna's fall and supposedly balanced the whole ideal so both Celestia and Luna were technically the villains and heroes. Depending on whose point of view that scene in the play portrayed. I was thinking on watching that with her or even something else but Dash didn't seem to be a play kinda girl and frankly I didn't want to see any theatre shit anyway, especially with Diamond the Historian who could tell me what each play was about and what it actually meant in pony history.
I very quickly learnt that Equestria was basically a medieval America, during the Age of Darkness ponykind faced many threats, as did other civilized people; Horses, Cats, Dogs at the time. There was a huge war between one group of races and another. Dogs and Cats fighting together and the Horses of the world helping the fight against the Griffons, Naga and some race called the Fel. The war went horribly for everyone involved until Equestria joined and helped end the war. Diamond got very quiet about how they did this. Anyway, Equestria have ever since been straggling to find a real adversary and have always made themselves out as the weakened force even though they dominated in the Age of Darkness. Hell Equestrian history seems just as bloody and long as anyone's on Earth.

Anyway back to the day I found a date idea for me and Dash. She had mentioned a group of ponies named the Wonderbolts a lot and strived to join and be one in every way she could. Which I found adorable. Hell it was why she wanted to go to Cloudsdale to join some young-but-not-quite fliers thing. So I was wondering around Ponyville on some shitty errand for Twilight because she ran out of quills and couldn't be bothered to grow her own damn wings or just get a bird as a pet. So wondering through Ponyville trying to find the quill shop that I swear moves whenever I need it same just disappears from Ponyville into I've just about giving up looking for it. I suddenly saw a poster on one of the background shops advertising Wonderbolts race happening a couple days before Cloudsdale. Which I suppose made sense. After a quick run back to the library, a quick grabbing of Spike and a quick letter to Celestia I quickly waited for a quick ride via chariot to Canterlot. I quickly found directions to the stadium the Wonderbolts were going to be playing in and made my way over at a normal pace. Then booked tickets for Dash and I and back home I went, without even stopping in to say hi to Celestia, since I knew where that conversation would probably take me.

So back I went to Ponyville to get ready for a date, considering the Wonderbolts were meant to be such a big thing I was surprised that I managed to bag tickets for that day but maybe the fact I was an alien or was escorted to the stadium by royal guards because I suck at directions might have helped me get them. Plus I'd grabbed Spiritus before going out today just to wear it as well as a couple grenades so I could at least pretend to look cool. For someone who doesn't want to be a warrior I sure as hell walk around like one. Well my walk style is shit and nothing close to a veteran, my entire outlook resembled a drunk more than a solider though.

I had started talking with the two fliers that (as I had thought) flew between Ponyville and Canterlot, they seemed like pretty awesome people. A chick and a dude with the names Sunflower Daze and Grumble, the chick had the more girlish name. They apparently didn't get to fly much since nobody goes to Ponyville and most just take the train or fly in themselves, I was bringing in loads of business and bonuses for them and they honestly sounded full of joy, complete opposite to Diamond and more stable unlike Mirrors. Sunflower spoke more, and Grumble did follow his namesake and muttered a lot, but he still had the aurora of someone happy. It was a nice feeling talking to them and would be going into Canterlot more via chariot just to talk to these two. The whole talk was just small talk and my history, the excuse they gave for their own personal history was that they were guards and had basically the same thing: started off as a normal pony, joined the ranks, got put into guard duty and now wish for more. Diamond didn't seem that way, but Diamond was pretty pissed he was stuck in some backwater joint guarding me. I told them a lot about PinkFest and they told me they would try and make it for next year. Which was pretty awesome. I had a feeling PinkFest was going to be huge next year, and it was pretty big last time. Bigger bands, bigger crowds, better alcohol, hopefully sex and drugs too.

Anyway, Dash was weirdly waiting for me when the chariot landed, i hadn't seen her fly in or anything but she was just standing behind the chariot when I turned around to get off with a stupid grin on her face. I smiled at her and thanked the two drivers before they pissed off back to Canterlot.

"Sup Dashie. Guess where I've been?" I asked, smiling, holding the tickets behind my back with one hand and holding my sword hilt with the other. So I looked more 'at ease' or whatever rather than hiding something.

"Oh gee I dunno Aron. Applejack's farm?" Rainbow Dash asked back, rolling her eyes. I just laughed slightly.

"Well if I'm going to get a sarcastic answer I'll just go ask someone else to go see the Wonderbolts in Canterlot tonight. Maybe Rarity." As soon as I said that Rainbow jumped on me, throwing me onto the ground. She actually fucking growled as well.

"Don't. You. Dare." She muttered. I winked and licked her nose. She started giggling at that and I ended up tickling her side, just to see what would happen. Turns out that she is stupidly ticklish. "S-sto-Stop!" She shouted through laughs. I ended up rolling Dash over and laying on top of her. She was still having cute spasms even after I stopped and gently punching me with one of her hooves in a really shitty attempt to get me off her. I just stayed laying on her for a second with what was most likely a stupid grin on my face. Dash likewise had a stupid grin on her face.

"So. Tickets?" She muttered after a pause, I was still on top of her. I had no intention of getting off.

"Yeah, Canterlot Wonderbolts, tonight at six til eight. We're staying overnight at the castle."

"You got us tickets for the Wonderbolts and we're staying in the castle!" Dash shouted from under me. She nearly threw me off.

"Yeah tickets were easy enough to get, surprised it wasn't fully booked with how much you've been talking about them. Being in Canterlot was pretty easy as well, being an alien and everything. Celestia has given me pretty much free rein and free board in the castle." To make me feel like I'm trusted over the fact I'm welcomed or anything like that. But I kept that to myself.

"Aron. You're awesome." Rainbow muttered and kissed me.

"Best boyfriend ever?" I asked, winking. She rolled her eyes and just kissed me again. After a pause I started to kiss back and we made out for a while on the outskirts of Ponyville. A couple ponies walked past from quick glances up when we took a breath but nobody said anything. After a second she pulled back, smiled and then moved closer to me and put a hoof around my neck and actually bit her lip with an eager look in her eye. An idiot could've felt the heat between us, radiating, giving off a hot glow. She pressed her mouth against my own and started to kiss me with renewed vigor. For a second my brain completely shut down, sure we'd kissed before but this. This felt different, the pure ecstasy of our shape-shifting mouths swirling and puckering with each delicious smack of our lips. She squeezed me with another hoof and i hugged back, holding tight. I only ever had time for quick breaths through my nose. It was stressful trying to breath but I didn't want to stop this for anything. Let alone something as pathetic as breathing. Though I could hear Dash struggling the same and breathing through her nose adorably. I could feel sweat on my brow forming and cooling and the hairs on my skin stood up wishing to shoot into space. Her hoof behind my neck pulled me even closer trying to form us into one person pushing my head against hers. Her hoof started rubbing against my hair whilst my fingers started tracing her godly curves and horse body. The make out session lasted a good while and I completely lost track of time whilst we made out. Eventually though it was her who let go and pulled back, our mouths were connected by a single stream of saliva and Dash was blushing up a storm. I probably was as well to be fair on her.

"Hey. Aron." Dash started to say, her voice was quiet and calm. "Do you wanna take this to my pla-"

"Hey Aron! Rainbow Dash!" Twilight called from behind us somewhere." Dash shot up, pushing me off onto the ground, she put a lot of force behind that just to stand up for her friend. I glared at her for a second, pocketed the two tickets and stood up. Dusting myself off and standing next to Twilight.

"Hey Twilight, what's up?" Rainbow Dash asked casually.

"Not much, when did you get back Aron?" She asked, looking to me.

"Fuck knows, about ten, twenty minutes ago. Why?"

"No reason. Just went for a walk and found you out here. Wondering what you had planned for the day."

"Not reorganising your library. I got me and Dashie tickets to a Wonderbolt derby today so gotta go to that eventually. Was probs gonna hang with either Diamond or Dash until we had to go." She nodded and smiled.

"Have fun, staying at the castle?"

"Yeah, Celestia wants me to meet Luna and as much as I appreciate your library the castle is fucking great."

"Plus we will have the same room." Dash muttered. I smiled but didn't reply.

"So er, what were you two doing?" Twilight asked, Dash was still blushing and I probably looked a mess.

"I actually need to talk to you Twi." Dash muttered, then looked at me and blushed more.

"Oh?"

"Do you, do you know a cloud walking spell?" Dash said, she sounded unsure about that. She was so gonna ask me to go to her house. Hot.

"I do yes, do you need it-" Twilight looked at me. "-now?"

"No. Just something to keep in mind." Rainbow muttered, obviously disappointed.

"Alright, well I'll see you later, I will go carry on with my walk." Twilight muttered after a pause, then trotted off. Me and Dash shared a glance.

"Fucking Twilight." Rainbow muttered under her breath.

"Don't swear." I said, half laughing. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"So er, how are we getting to Canterlot?" Dash asked.

"Chariot most likely, just gotta send a message to Celestia and one gets here within an hour or so. The drivers are pretty cool. Sunflower and Grumble."

"You have been talking to ponies haven't you."

"Guess so, don't actually mean to. Jus' happens ya know?"

"Guess so. But you've been here near on two months and have met Glaze, got a marefriend, seen one End-Of-The-World incident, met Celestia on multiple occasions, have a meeting planned with Prncess Luna and Celestia knows what else."

"Yep. What's the problem?"

"No problem. Just you've done more than most ponies do their whole lives."

"Now calm down Dashie, I wouldn't go nearly that far. I've just been in the right place at the right time. Plus being human gives me some perks. I just need to actually make a name for myself now and I'll actually be known."

"How would you do that?" She asked, she sounded worried. Rightly so.

"No idea, probably become an inventor. I'll research as much shit as I can when and if I go back to Earth for the gun plans and see what comes from that."

"So you won't become a solider?"

"I'd have thought you would've liked a military life, the adventure and action and all that shit." She paused.

"My dad was in the military." She muttered.

"He is a good man then." I replied quickly, already regretting my choice of words.

"Was." Yep. I immediately internally face palmed and hugged her, she shrugged me off.

"I'm sorry Dash." She looked away.

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known." She trailed of a bit.

"Wanna. Talk about it?" I asked carefully. She looked at me with red eyes.

"No." She muttered after a pause.

"Alright." There was a silence for a second before I continued. "I don't want to be a solider Dash."

"But?" She muttered, she was rubbing one of her front hooves slowly and looking down slightly. i really struck a nerve.

"No buts Dash. I don't want that life. I need to do something with my life but I never want to be a warrior. I doubt I could ever kill if I tried." She looked up finally and looked into my eyes, I looked in hers. "Believe me Dash, I've seen war and have no intention of going back."

"I know Aron. I just don't want to lose you."

"Come on now, don't get soppy on me." She smiled slightly and after a pause nodded and smiled.

"I'll see you tonight Aron, Twilight's?" She asked. I nodded, after a quick hug and kiss she flew off. Leaving me in the middle of nowhere. I started walking back to the library.

The time for mine and Dash's date got here pretty quickly, Dash turned up about twenty minutes before we were scheduled to leave. Her hair was curved quite a lot and looked slightly thicker than it normally was, she actually wore a dress this time. She had an orange vest thing on and a back section that was purple with a piece of pale yellow at the bottom of it. She also wore that necklace I gave her and had some makeup on, not much. Just some blush and some weak lipstick. I had the most normal of tops on and tried to look somewhat smart. I really needed some decent clothes. But the only issue I had was that I'd have to go see Rarity for clothes. And fuck Rarity.

"Wow Dash. Back at it again with being beautiful." I said when Dash walked in, Twilight was with her and just face hoofed.

"What?" She asked.

"Dash." I paused. "You're fucking beautiful." I said, she smiled and blushed. Twilight still looked done.

"You have such a way with words Aron." Twilight muttered. I winked at her and she glared at me.

"Whatevs. Chariot should be here soon." I said. Dash rushed to the door and started flapping her wings out. She looked like a dog.

"Soon? How soon? Wonderbolts are on in two hours! Hurry up Aron." I laughed slightly and followed her to the door.

"Bye Twilight. Bye Spike." I said waving to the three ponies standing before me. Diamond just smiled slightly and rolled his eyes. I winked at him as I walked out.

"Why are you so mean to Diamond?" Dash asked as soon as we left. The chariot was already down and the two drivers were sitting quietly
looking around the town at the ponies wondering seemingly aimlessly.

"I'm not being mean to him. It's just banter. I don't hurt his feelings. Just a joke"

"You don't make it out like it's a joke Aron."

"Trust me Dash, it is. Though I'll ease up if that makes you feel better." I said as we got on the chariot. I instinctively grabbed onto the railing and Dash latched onto my arm.

"Lovely evening today sir." Grumble declared looking to me. That threw me off for a second but I caught myself.

"Been a pretty lovely day honestly." I replied. The horse nodded and looked away, the two Pegasi shared a look and began to gallop forward, spreading their wings and taking off. They didn't need to use much of a runway and was always pretty damn impressed when they took off. Though I'd see Dash take off from the ground so I just figured plan physics and magical talking pony flier physics was different.

"You're making a habit of this Aron. A mare might think you missed us." Sunflower said when we were in the air, Ponyville getting smaller and the Everfree showing the full expanse it had to offer.

"Well me and Dashie need to get into Canterlot, for that Wonderbolt show." I exclaimed. Sunflower looked back so quickly I thought she had snapped her neck. I actually jumped a bit.

"This is your marefriend Dash?" Sunflower asked quickly, and loudly. Huh.

"Yeah, she's great." I replied. I looked to named pony who was blushing slightly.

"I'm the fastest flier in Equestria!" Dash declared. The two guards shared a look and smiled.

"Fastest eh?" Grumble said, looking back at us.

"Sexiest pony too." I muttered, Grumble rolled his eyes but didn't say anything to that.

"Were you a mare killer where you came from Aron?" Sunshine asked suddenly. I was taken aback by that quite a bit, not expecting that question.

"He had social anxiety." Dash replied. I flinched slightly at that and glared at her, but at the same time I didn't overly care. I probably would've said the same thing eventually anyway.

"Social. What?" Grumble asked.

"Social Anxiety, means I was shy and a little bitch about it." I explained.

"Was?" Sunflower asked.

"Yeah, that PinkFest thing I was telling you guys about broke it. Can openly talk a lot more. Still kinda shy though."

"Huh. PinkFest sounds pretty legendary." Grumble said.

"Yeah it really was. I told y'all you should go to it. I'm going to be telling sunbu- Celestia about the party. So will probably need a lift to Canterlot when the party is closer."

"Alright. Thank you sir." Grumble said.

"Diamond used to call me sir. I like to think I beat that out of him." I claimed, smiling slightly. Dash punched me and I flinched at the feeling.

"Don't be mean." Dash commanded. Sunflower giggled slightly.

"Alright alright. Anyway Diamond used to call me sir. How come you guys are?" I asked.

"Force of habit." Grumble replied quickly.

"What he means is that we've been trained to give respect to creatures that are... different to ponies. And you're pretty different to ponies. No offence." Sunflower added. I nodded.

"Yeah that makes sense. Bit weird but fuck politics." I said.

"Well most who come to Canterlot or Equestria are diplomats." Grumble claimed.

"Well as cool as it is to be called sir or whatever I'll say the same thing I said to Diamond: don't call me sir or anything like that til I've actually earned it."

"You expect to 'earn' it?" Sunflower asked.

"Gods no." I replied quickly. Then thought back on Canterlot and got a random thought come up. "How come neither of you joined the Lunar guard?"

"Convenience for me. Probably the same for Grumble. Any time I'm not ferrying ponies between Canterlot and Ponyville my guard route is usually during the day. I don't have to do much but the bits I do have to do are during day time hours mostly. I had a nap last time you came to Canterlot between ferryings." Sunflower answered.

"Ferryings isn't a word Sunflower." Grumble said, the named Pegasus shrugged as she flapped her wings. "But she is right. It's more convenience. I don't think any guard cares more for either Princess. Even with Princess Luna's long absence. Some might have a stronger opinion to one but nopony will mention it."

"Huh, would've thought y'all would've all had a preference. What about that Cadance chick. She got a guard?" The two fliers looked back to me for a second with pure confusion on their faces.

"Surprised you even know of Princess Cadance." Grumble said quietly. I shrugged. "Well she isn't deemed... Important, enough for her to require her own guard. Whenever she is sent of for diplomatic missions a small squad is sent with her but they are, and will continue to be, volunteers. So either Lunar or Solar guard."

"Are all the Alicorns chicks then? Sorry, mares."

"Well there are rumours of Alicorns. One belief is that Celestia and Luna's mother was an Alicorn but has left this plain of existence. There are also rumours of a male Alicorn living in a town called Gift. But both are just rumours." Grumble answered.

"What like dead?"

"Again it's just rumours. There is a major magical theory about a thing called The Multiverse, the theories are all over the place. But many think that the Princess Mother left this dimension for one reason or another."

"A'right. Makes sense I guess. I think Earth had a theory like that. I'd say that me being here proves it but I'm pretty sure Celestia would share knowledge of a Multiverse if she had the knowledge. What about this male Alicorn?" I wasn't going to mention that Celestia was keeping secrets that was painfully obvious to me, she probably did know a lot she isn't sharing with researchers.

"Rumours, we haven't heard enough to ever send a guard squad out there. Gift is pretty far out, right on the borders or Equestria with the Badlands. Even further out than Appleloosa. Supposedly the stallion doesn't even have any powers. Can't use his wings or horn." It was Sunflower who answered that time.

"Dunno where Appleloosa is. I know where Canterlot, Ponyville, The Everfree, and Everfree Central is."

"Huh, surprised you haven't gone any further. You should go to Manehatten one day. Great mage college and the creature zoo is fun too." Sunflower said.

"Been told that by Diamond already. Going to Cloudsdale soon. Dunno when though." I replied, and looked to Dash, she was just staring at me with a cute smile and seemed a million miles away. She flinched and shook her head a bit when she noticed me looking back. "Cloudsdale. When?" I asked. She smiled deeper.

"Two days Aron." Dash answered. I kissed her on the nose and turned around to talk to the guards again.

"There ya go. Going off to Cloudsdale in a couple days. No idea how we are getting there, presume chariot or train then chariot."

"Aron you do know Cloudsdale is made of, well... Clouds right?" Sunflower asked.

"Yes, hence the chariot thing. And no I can't walk on clouds. I'm going to be getting a spell from a unicorn friend so I can walk on clouds." When Twilight had been looking up the spell she also happened to find one where the user would actually get a pair of wings. The book didn't say what kind of wings, like feathered wings or stupid butterfly wings or something. It could have been nice to actually fly but Twilight said it looked difficult so I just trusted her and suggested the walking on instead.
Not that I wanted to fly or anything.

"Pretty cool, magic can be amazing sometimes."

"You won't see me disagreeing with that. Humans don't have magic but after my time here, damn I wish we did."

"Don't have wings either." Dash said from behind me.

"No. We had to survive through brains and inventions. Hopefully going to be bringing some over one day."

"Hold on you two. Coming in for our landing." Sunflower suddenly said, I looked past the two Pegasi and saw we were indeed approaching Canterlot pretty quickly, the trip seemed like it had taken much less time than it normally did but I didn't complain.

We came in for landing and disembarked. I hadn't brought anything with me besides a few bits for emergency and the tickets to the Wonderbolts thing. So I didn't tip the two Pegasi, I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to tip and didn't ask. We still had a while to kill before the show so I started walking towards the throne room.

"So Dash whatcha wanna do til the show?" I asked.

"Ohhh I have some ideas." Dash replied with a menacing grin, just as we walked past a guard. "I'm happy to hang here. There a sitting room or something?"

"I can probably get my room if we go say hi to Celestia, can go there and make out for like half an hour if you want?" I asked her. She flinched.

"YES!" She practically shouted. "I mean, yeah sure." She added. Hot.

"Alright. I gotta talk to Princess Luna after dinner so will be a bit late to bed, but you'll see where we are staying in a bit."

"Why can't I come with you?" I paused at that.

"Because Dashie, as much as I'd love for you to be there, especially since Luna is a new person and all. But I don't know if this is going to be private or anything."

"Why would it be private?"

"No idea, but I don't know the Princesses enough for me to immediately know if it will be private or not."

"Alright. I trust you Aron."

"Good. I ain't gonna run off with another girl. Let alone one I've just met. Hell I'll never leave you Dash. You are stupidly out of my league to begin with."

"Le- league?"

"You're too hot for me. Too cool. All that shit. Surprised you went for me." Dash looked sad and blushed, clearly conflicted as to her feelings.

"Well. Er, thanks for saying that." I could tell she wanted to think it was sweet, but couldn't bring herself to pick one emotion. I may have upset her.

We got to the throne room with no other issues, the doors were closed as usual and two pony guards stood outside the double doors.

"Oh shit, we might see the Lunar guard later." I exclaimed. One guard was walking to the door to open it and I looked to the other. "When does the guard change? For the Night guards?" The guard just looked at me. "Whatevs I'll ask Celestia. Fucking people." I muttered once the door was open. The named Goddess was sitting on her throne as usual looking bored.

"Oh hello Aron. Nice of you to come by." Celestia welcomed.

"Sup 'Tia, got me and Dashie tickets to the Wonderbolts tonight so figured we'd stay over, I'd meet Luna and then you can stop bugging me about it."

"I don't bug you about meeting my sister. Also, Dashie?"

"If you say so. When she awake? Yes Dashie, I gave my girlfriend a pet name."

"Around dinner time, I presume you will be dining with us? Do you have one for him?" Celestia looked to Dash for that second question. I answered first.

"Yes. Didn't bring much so will have to leech off Canterlot supplies. No she doesn't. Not much you can do with Aron."

"You are always welcome here. We have some chicken in as well. Maybe if you hadn't picked Aron as your name she could find an easier one." Dash flinched at that bit.

"Nice, almost as if you planned it. Like say a royal guard hired to spy on me told you I was coming. Aron is my name Celestia."

"What's wrong, you seem tense?"

"Nah just tired, haven't done much today besides travel so was pretty bored too." Celestia nodded at that.

"You should try being a Princess." She muttered, I looked down at myself.

"I'll pass." I said, Celestia smiled slightly.

"Your room is now ready, would you like a room... Dash?"

"Rainbow Dash Princess, and no thanks. I'll stay with Aron if that's okay."

"Nice to meet you Rainbow Dash, you're one of the Elements of Harmony are you not?"

"Yes Princess. Loyalty."

"Good. Do you remember the way to your room Aron?"

"Kinda. Just post a guard outside it. I'll figure it out from there." Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Stallions."

"I'm no stallion. I'm human baby, my logic is even more backwards than stallions." She rolled her eyes again.

"Well have fun tonight you two. I'll talk to you both later." Celestia said. I nodded and started to walk out. Dash bowed to the Princess and followed me. How do I know she bowed when I'd already turned away? Well:

"Why don't you give respect to the Princess? Like bowing or calling her Princess?" Dash asked as soon as we left the throne room. I made a left down the corridor we had come down to begin with.

"Because she wants to look more like a friend, or mother, to people than a Princess. I give her my own subtle respect."

"That may be true but that didn't look like respect, that looked like you were talking to Diamond. And you shouldn't talk to them like you do!"

"Dash, calm." I muttered and grabbed the arch of my nose. "If they didn't like how I talked they would probs say something. Especially Celestia." She was silent for a second, long enough for me to bank right and walk down a corridor towards a positioned guard.

"Alright you're right." Dash said.

"I'll try and ease off but it's just how I talk." I explained. Then stopped in front of the guard.

"Sir Aron? Your room." The guard grunted. Then opened the door with magic, making his horn and the door glow a sickly green.

"Yeah cheers." I said and walked in, Dash followed. It looked exactly like it had done every other time I had walked in here. I walked straight to the bed and sat down. Dash shut the door and trotted over, swaying her butt nicely with a cute smile.

"So about that make out session?" She asked, winking. I rolled my eyes with a smile and crawled onto the bed more, she slowly trotted over and climbed up onto the bed with me. Then eventually climbed onto me.

"Well Dashie. Let's have some fun."

Our make out session lasted much longer than I expected but didn't ever want it to stop. We started groping at, bits after a while and my hand was pretty soaked by the time we finished. But nothing major or worth mentioning all that much. We walked out about 45 minutes later and found a lack of guard at our door. Thank fuck. Dash was walking funny and I very deliberately didn't wash my hand before we left so we walked down the halls of Canterlot Castle totally smelling of sex. Dash's hair was a total mess and her dress wasn't much better. I was just glad she was wearing a dress.

We made our way through Canterlot and got a street guard to lead us to the stadium. We entered the stadium and sat with no issues. I spotted a couple ponies walking around with 'stadium treats': popcorn and the like. I threw an arm up to get the attention of the popcorn bloke and after what looked like him holding back a vomit he started trotting towards us. I had deliberately picked some seats near the exit, so I had a bit more leg room and nobody was behind me bitching about me being too tall. It was kind of in an awkward spot but I had a slab of concrete behind me that lead up to the VIP area so I could lean on that instead of having to sit forward on the shitty wood benches the stadium had. The track itself looked like a regular running track but there was a huge swimming pool in the middle and a load of cloud formations above it with some hoops and benches sitting on them, a couple ponies were flying around or walking around on the clouds moving shit around. We had gotten to the stadium as it had opened and the place was filling up pretty damn fast. Ponies of all sorts of shapes and sizes were filling up the stands. I had been crowd surfing when I suddenly spotted a familiar pony. I smiled as soon as I was sure it was who I thought it was and stood up.

"Hey Dash, grab the popcorn. I'll be right back." I ordered, she grabbed my top quickly.

"Where you going?" She asked. God she looked hot flustered.

"I promised you something a while ago. I'm now going to complete that promise." I said, she looked confused for a second but eventually just let me go. I turned around and tried to spot the Pegasus again. I managed quickly considering the ocean of colours and she seemed to be making her way to the VIP box, which was convenient for me since an entrance was nearby. I didn't want to risk my target fucking off though so just started making my way through the crowd. I had a couple complains but just started flipping ponies off as I went. I managed to reach my target only because she got stopped for autographs. I managed to make my way through the small crowd and was next to Glaze.

"Sup Glaze." I said. The named pony was muttered to the pony in front of her and a couple gasped when they saw me. Eventually the Pegasus turned to face me.

"Who do you want it made out t- Oh hi Aron. Please save me." Glaze said, the fear increased a lot when she finally noticed me. I cracked my knuckles and looked at the closest pony.

"Come on, fuck off. Don't make me go violent." I grunted. I was completely unarmed at this, though the message went through and the pony ran off, the others muttered curses at me and walked off.

"Wow that worked. Thanks Aron. How can I repay you?" Glaze asked, her voice was adorable.

"Well you could come with me and help me repay a promise I gave to my girlfriend." I suggested.

"Girlfriend?" Glaze asked confused. I grunted and huffed out some air.

"Mare. Friend. We came to watch the Wonderbolts. Obviously, but I tried to catch you before you went into the VIP area."

"Well you needn't rush for little ol' me. I have plenty of fans."

"Hey if I didn't rush you would still be signing signatures and talking to people you don't know."

"What is your marefriend going to want to do?" She asked clearly done. I paused.

"Good point, would you mind?"

"Anything for you Aron, you're exotic, and haven't swarmed over me due to my fame."

"I knew some famous people back on Earth, or at least what I'd consider famous. You are just normal people with power honestly. Yes I respect the famous and all, but we all bleed the same."

"That is really weird, and poetic."

"Yeah guess so."

"Alright so were you guys sitting?" I looked into the ever-growing crowd and found Rainbow Dash looking over to me with a confused and somewhat sad look. I put a hand over my eyes to see better just to make sure it was indeed her. Then pointed in her general direction.

"Over there. Shall we?" I asked, putting my arm out. Glaze rolled her eyes.

"You're too tall for me."

"Well you're too short anyway."

"You seem. More confident than when we last met."

"Yeah, after we met and I was back in Ponyville there was a huge town wide party widely known as PinkFest. I got beyond drunk, danced with hoes, made out with ponies and all sorts of crap. It broke my anxiety."

"Ponyville you say? I've heard rumours about that. Couple big names went, one next year right?"

"Absolutely. A mare called Pinkie Pie is hosting, talk to her closer to the time if you're interested. I'd love you to be there."

"Awwh aren't you a gentlecolt."

"Gods no. I'm an asshole. But would still be pretty awesome if you came."

"What were the numbers like this year?"

"Well considering people were told literally that day, the whole town of Ponyville went. I think about 2000 odd. Maybe less. Can't remember who was playing. I didn't really care all that much who played. I was there for the alcohol."

"Well in that case I better go just so you can appreciate some real music." I rolled my eyes and started leading us over to Dash.

"Hey I liked the music, and danced to a lot. But was so drunk I didn't register it. Only reason I remembered any of it was because I was under a spell so I remembered. Though the next day... Christ I don't want to think about it."

"I've tried that spell before. I quit drinking after that."

"Quit quit drinking or the thing every alcoholic says during a hangover?"

"More on the second, but with my line of work I can't afford to be drunk. Maybe at PinkFest."

"Awesome. Well anyway. Rainbow Dash, this is-." I began, Dash shut up and squealed almost as loudly as when we were hugging earlier. Though this one was much cuter than the previous one.

"Glaze!" Dash shouted. Then looked to me. "You did meet her!" She added.

"Well yeah, why would I li-."

"I don't have anything for you to sign." Dash exclaimed looking over her body, her dress was still a mess.

"It's okay Rainbow Dash. I'll be going to PinkFest next year, I promise I'll give you one then okay?" Glaze said, her wings had drooped a little and she had a hoof out in what looked like a defensive move. I put a hand on Dash's shoulder and she began to calm down from her adorable thrashing thing.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm your biggest fan!"

"Hehe." Glaze muttered. How many people have told her that then.

"Thank you Glaze. I'll see you in July then. Ponyville remember. I know a lot of the places here are horse puns so don't forget." I said, Glaze smiled suddenly and looked visibly relaxed.

"Of course. I wouldn't want to go to Ponyton or something." Glaze turned to leave.

"Hey just quick question." I asked, she turned back. "You ever been to Gift?" Glaze looked lost for a second before nodding.

"Yeah, strange town. Their slogan is 'don't look a Gift horse in the mouth'." I face palmed.

"Fuckin-." I paused. "Whatever. Did you see a male Alicorn?" She looked lost again.

"No. Don't think so. Though I'd figure I would have remembered something like that, what's this about?"

"Eh, rumours. Just learning more of the world." Glaze shrugged.

"Alright. I'll see you around Aron, nice meeting you Rainbow Dash. Cute mane you have." She said and walked off. I sat down next to Dash and was handed a tube of popcorn much larger than what I was used too on Earth. Buttered too. I liked it here.

With all the run up to the show and the amazingly orgasmic popcorn the show itself was crap. I wasn't much for racing on Earth but it was worse here. Half a dozen ponies flying around shitting out black clouds going round in circles constantly. I found myself blanked out for most of the show but Dash enjoyed herself and she was adorable when she was cheering and jumping around. The show ended after a couple hours and the sun was beginning to set when we found our way back to the castle. Dash didn't shut up about the show the whole trip and I managed to hold a conversation enough to pretend I knew what had happened. I wasn't all that excited for Dash to join the Wonderbolts. Since I'd go to all her shows and all she would do was fly round in circles. They barely used the obstacles too.

Turns out Spitfire was the bestest Wonderbolt, and I presumed they were the leader. Being the best and all. I managed to get the names Soarin and Fleetfoot. Weird names but I was used to that by now.

We walked straight through the castle and I got us almost to the throne room before asking a guard where dinner was.

"Hey we're here for a royal dinner. Has it started, and is Princess Luna up?" The guard looked me up and down for a second before answering.

"Go down the corridor, left at the throne room, second right. It won't start for another twenty minutes or so. I believe Princess Luna is awake. She may still be in her quarters would you like to send her a message?" I blinked a few times at that. The guy had such a deep voice that made me believe he was faking it, probably to make up for something.

"Er. Er no, just asking. Thank you sir." I answered and walked off. Dash was next to me the whole way.

"Thank you for today Aron." Rainbow Dash whispered as we walked down the hall.

"No problem Dash, it was a great day." I replied, then put my hand through her hair and made her look even more messy. We then reached a pair of doors where dinner was being served. I stopped at the door, expecting the guards to let me in. I paused when they saluted.

"Ah." A new voice said from behind me. "You must be Aron, my saviour." The voice added. I turned around to see the blue Alicorn form of Luna behind me, she looked like that picture I saw my first day here.

"Princess Luna." I said, smiling slightly. The Princess nodded and smiled back.

Author's Notes:

got around 3000 words and got stuck, was going to say sorry for this chapter being so short. then i wrote more and basically split the chapter in half.

Dash:

Act I: Chapter XV

"Good to finally meet you properly Luna." I said; the two royal guards were still saluting and I was really hoping they would cut that shit out so they could open the door to the food.

"We are pleased to meet you as well Sir Aron." Luna replied; she looked past me to Rainbow Dash who was just staring awkwardly. "And you are?" Luna raised an eyebrow at Dash.

"Rainbow Dash Princess. I am an Element of Harmony. I was there when you... Returned." Rainbow Dash replied, very clearly scared. Luna paused.

"I see. Guards you may open thine own doorway to the feasting." Luna said, then looked past Dash to the guards. They looked at each other for a second and one shrugged before holding open a door to the dining hall.

"So how is Equestrian life treating you Princess Luna?" I asked about as casually as I could. I'll admit I didn't know much of her history besides that she had gone crazy and got sent into space with Wheatley. I was going to try and actually respect this Princess since I didn't want to be the reason for her going insane again. Or to relapse if she was still insane.

"It is very different to what we know. Our subjects talk so differently and creatures like you wonder our halls."

"Yeah times change, where I'm from our royals used to talk like you do, with thy and the royal we. Some still do but the common thing now is how I'm talking. I'm not surprised you don't know what I am, only been here a couple months now. Celestia told you anything about me?"

"So strange that rulers would sink to their people's level. But we, I suppose you are right. Times change and I have been gone a while. What of the Traditional Canterlot Voice?"

"No idea what that would be, you using it now?"

"No we are not. It is what many consider a shout."

"Oh, in that case no. We never used it." That I know of.

"And yes, 'Tia has mentioned you a few times. I have been very eager to meet with you."

"Yes she has mentioned." Just as I said that we reached the main table, there were half a dozen over tables out with some lords and the like sat down. I wasn't overly sure where I would be sitting so just scanned the room for a spare table out of the way.

"Ah hello Aron, Rainbow Dash, sister. Glad you could join us." Celestia welcomed from in front of me, the food was already coming out. The Princess herself sat on a long table with about a dozen chairs, two other ponies were sitting near here but the rest of the table was free. I recognised one of the ponies with Celestia, the guard captain or something. Shining Armor. I wasn't sure who the other unicorn was but he looked like a cunt. Luna trotted off and went round the table.

"Where we sittin'?" I asked. Celestia held her smile and held a hoof next to her, where a seat that looked like it could support me a lot more was. Then a normal pony seat was next to it. I shuddered. But if she wanted us next to her fine, saves me from being on a circular table with a load of other snobs that I didn't want to talk to. I started walking down the right of the table and Luna and I managed to reach our seats at the same time. Dash sat down without a word. After about a minute a couple more important looking ponies walked in and spread around the room. Dash ended up sitting next to a couple mares and started talking with them, it was kind of weird seeing Dash converse with lordlings or whatever the fuck they were but I didn't complain. Celestia's horn started glowing and waiters started pouring into the room with trays of all sorts of shit. I was blanked out when a waiter walked over to me with a trolley.

"Aron of Earth?" The dude asked. I flinched and shook my head a few times.

"Huh oh yeah that me." I answered, the guy rolled his eyes and floated a plate with one of those metal semi-circle covers on it onto my placemat and walked past and did likewise for Rainbow Dash. I noticed Celestia had a huge salad thing and had already removed the cover. "What's the protocols for eating Celestia?" I asked, both she and Luna had started eating but I couldn't see past to the other ponies on our table, the peasantry on the outer tables weren't eating yet. It dawned on me far too late that I could've looked to my left where Dash was.

"Do what you think Aron." Celestia said and started chewing on a piece of lettuce. Bitch. I just shrugged and pulled the lid of my own food and noticed Dash watching me and doing the same. I almost gasped when I saw my meal, it was some kind of fish platter. Muscles, prawns, a fucking lobster, some potatoes and some other bits of fish and vegetables. Was pretty awesome. I picked up a fish knife and a folk and just started eating. It was perfect.

"I love you." I muttered, Celestia giggled slightly.

"I'm glad you like it." She said, I saw her nose twitch slightly, so close to cooked fish must've sucked for a vegetarian. But she knew what she was getting into when she ordered it for me.

"Hey, Aron..." Dash asked; I turned to face her, chewing on a bit of lobster. "Can, can I try some." The mare closest to Dash actually gasped at that pretty fucking audibly. I very nearly let her.

"Not this Dash, you've never eaten meat before and it's probably not good for you. I am tempted to let you just to fill your curiosity but fish, and this fish, is a very divine taste. You might not like it at all. Added onto the reason some of this is salted." I replied, probably more reasons given than needed to convince her not to eat my food, and the salt thing was a lie. But I didn't want her sick or completely off meat if I had a meal she could actually try. She looked kinda sad at that. "I'll let you try some pork or chicken next time I have meat alright?" I asked. She perked up a bit at that.

"Okay Aron, it does smell kind of, funky." Dash replied and started eating her salad.

"Thou eat meat?" Luna asked from my right, I looked over to her and past Celestia who was just happily munching away, though I'm pretty sure she had moved away a little bit.

"Yeah, humans are omnivores. Can eat veg and meat. We can eat most things, to a limit. Can't eat grass and I despise some of the fruit and vegetables you guys have that Earth doesn't." Expanding on that, they had some fruit and veg that Earth didn't have, the most common one's I had found was this banana looking fruit, but was bright blue and tasted like a mix of blueberries and disappointment. It also had a weird leafy bush thing on the end of it. There was also what looked like a fruit but was apparently a vegetable that looked like a mix of a pear and a triangle of cheese. Yellow as well, that tasted horrible. They did have something called a Unigue that I quite liked, some fruit that looked like a purple crescent moon and tasted like a mix of pepper and apples. A very alien food.

"I see, ponies are technically omnivores but most never touch meat, and having it the first few times can make us ill." Luna replied.

"Makes sense. Our worlds have so many similarities. But you guys don't even have melons or peaches here." To name a few foods they didn't have. Supposedly the world here was rich in gems and gold but not so much with other metals. They didn't have stuff like titanium or magnesium. They did have a thing called blusteel which was a blue metal stronger than steel and much better to use than most materials but was stupidly rare.

"We shall have to talk after dinner in a more private area." Luna replied. I shrugged and broke a muscle in two to get at the meat.

"Thought that was the plan. Me and Dash have a room already so I can just wonder with you, nowhere to be." I said, then ate the muscle I had stolen from its shell.

"Aron I hear you have plans of going to Cloudsdale soon." Celestia said a few minutes later. I had devoured a lot of my meal already, the prawns and lobster were gone. I had started on the veg and finishing off the fishy remains.

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash is going to a young fliers thing. I'm going to be her support. I know Twilight is going and obviously Diamond but dunno anyone else who is going." I replied.

"How do you know that?" Dash asked chewing on a bit of food. I smiled slightly.

"She has Diamond spying on me, and Twilight sends reports on me as well." I answered for Celestia, she looked pissed at my answer but lost her glare very quickly.

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as spying. And Twilight sends reports on anything she finds important or worth my time."

"Fucking Twilight, I need a house." I grunted.

"Get a job then." Celestia replied quickly. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"I'm an immigrant here Celestia, I should benefits and a home and all that shit."

"Technically illegal immigrant. You haven't got a pass or any family in Equestria."

"True I suppose. I'll just keep leeching off Twilight and the crown then as a rebellion."

"Rebellions should be stopped before they take off too much though."

"My rebellion will be focused in Twilight's library stealing her food. I doubt many ponies would want to join my resistance. Let alone fit in the library for it to become a problem."

"It is good hearing banter again." Luna interjected. I smiled.

"It's my job to be a cunt to Celestia. A job that I'm not getting paid to do I might add."

"Keep it up and I'll hire you as the court jester." Celestia said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Nah I'll pass. I have a rebellion to run remember."

"is that why you are here? Discuss terms of surrender?"

"Of course Princess Celestia. I want an extension built onto my fortress where kitchen staff will be on call at any time of day. And I promise to stop throwing toilet paper around the royal gardens."

"I don't know if I can accept those terms. How about twenty hours of the day?"

"Twenty-one."

"Deal."

"Well there you go Celestia, you just stopped the shortest rebellion in the world."

"I shall write it in the history books." We started giggling at that, Celestia was kind of cute laughing but I'd noticed most of the ponies had adorable laughs, or at least the women did. Diamond's laugh was from Diamond. Though I hadn't heard FemDia laugh. "You need to come to Canterlot more often when I'm not busy." Celestia muttered after a second, wiping a tear from her eye.

"No offense Celestia but what is it you do all day?"

"Talk with lords, solve issues ponies may have. Paperwork. You're just lucky to catch me on basically a break most times."

"Or you clear the room when you hear I'm on my way."

"Or that yes." I carried on eating, and carried on until I'd finished, our meals were taken away and desert was served. Apple pie; was pretty great.

After dinner, most of the lords and ladies and whatnot pissed off and left Dash, Celestia, Luna, me and a load of guards in the room. Most of the stuff had been cleaned up but a few waiters were wondering around tidying tables and clearing plates. I was beyond full and felt kind of sick. None of the others looked all that much better.

"Well Aron, I'm going to head to our room. I'll see you later." Dash said and got to, kissed me and after a quick hug that I enforced. Left. A guard followed her out and I presumed lead her to our room.

"And with that, I'm going to go to bed. I will see you in the morning sister. And if I don't see you before Aron, goodbye." Celestia then declared and likewise left, without the kisses and hugs though. That just left me and Luna sitting a seat apart.

"So." I muttered. Luna looked to me quickly and smiled slightly.

"Tell me about yourself, Aron." She ordered.

"What do you want to know? Not much to tell honestly." I replied, shrugging.

"Well first, where are you from? Celestia mentioned another planet?"

"That's basically it. I woke up one morning in my pit I call a home. Celestia was in my room. Told me I had, wild magic, inside me and transported me here through a magical portal. I've been here ever since and have stopped believing this is some twisted dream. I come from a planet called Earth, or Terra. The only sentient race are humans, things like me. We have a lot of stuff you guys do, but our technology level is hundreds of years ahead of yours."

"I see. What of the, grenades you made?"

"Wow, Celestia has told you a lot. Those are a human invention from about six hundred years ago. You happened to have the materials and I hired a man to build some for me, and damn are they effective. I tested them down in Ponyville and had the town fuzz on me within seconds."

"Town, fuzz?" Luna asked slowly.

"Police, er, guards. Well, I had the town mayor on me along with a couple friends."

"Seems like you've had some adventures."

"Eh, not really. The highlights have been fighting, you. Talking down a dragon, a town-wide rave, and the grenades honestly. I haven't done all that much."

"Talked down a dragon?"

"Yeah, a dragon tried to fall asleep near Ponyville and I was asked to tell it to fuck off. Blood dragon I believe Celestia called it." Luna gasped.

"You're lucky to be alive!"

"I really am. I very much fucked up." I said, then started going into the story of the dragon, skipping bits but I really couldn't be asked to repeat it all that much. When I had finished Luna looked unsure of herself.

"We see what you mean when you agreed to still be alive. If you didn't have that sword you might have died."

"Oh fuck, I know. Speaking of, do you know much on Spiritus?"

"Bits. I remember when we received the sword but even back then not much was known about it except for the fact it was indeed Spiritus Procellarum. I don't remember who it was who gave us the sword. Strange it was just lying around Old Canterlot after all that time."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same when more of the sword was given to me. Something that enchanted should have been protected. Though I'm not sure how rare enchantments are here."

"Pretty rare, there are only a few metals that can be enchanted, gold, blusteel and a few other metals. Usually metals from Tartarus. Which is where the sword supposedly comes from. Or at least was forged there. Do you have it on you?"

"No, it's got some green, emerald looking metal as the blade, bits of a black metal and some gold on the hilt. I've never seen anything like it and it doesn't feel enchanted."

"How would something enchanted even feel?"

"No idea, no magic on Earth. We have nothing enchanted. I figured it would just make me feel stronger or faster or something. Hell, I expected the thing to pulsate in colour or glow."

"We have some things that follow that description. Gold enchants glow."

"Oh yeah, my bag of holding glows. Kinda." I should remember that bag more often, just sits in my room full of bits. I even made a trip up to the dragons hold to stock up a bit more. For anyone asking, the grenades were all over my room in various crates and boxes. All locked via Twilight magic.

"Bag of holding?"

"A gold coloured bag that holds a lot more than it looks like, it's about the size of my head but can hold almost all of my sword. Managed to hold forty-six grenades which are about the size of my fist." I held up my hand in a fist in case she couldn't visualise that.

"Sounds interesting." She didn't sound interested.

"So what of Princess Luna, what is there to learn of her?"

"My history is long and dark Aron."

"Then focus on the present, what have you been doing since you returned?"

"Do you not fear me?" I paused for a few seconds.

"Why would I fear you?" Luna looked down at that.

"Because of my past, because of what, what I become. Other ponies fear me."

"I'm not a pony. Plus I barely know the history as to why you turned into Nightmare Moon. I was there when you returned and yes you were a bitch. But once you got hit by that rainbow shit you seemed fine."

"...Bitch?"

"Being mean."

"I see. Well, thank you, Aron. And I apologise for shooting at you." I smiled and shrugged.

"Hey if you hadn't shot at me I would never have found Spiritus so I got something from that. The Timberwolves were more of a threat to my life than you were." Luna raised an eyebrow.

"You don't think I'm a threat?"

"I did. And do, I know Celestia can end my life without blinking so you probably can. Just at the time all you did was shoot magic balls at me, that traveled pretty slowly. But before we entered the old castle some Timberwolves attacked us and busted Diamond up pretty badly, had they killed him we would have probably all died."

"I am more prone to war and fighting than my sister. But she could hold her ground. The guards are pointless." I paused and thought back on something.

"Cou- could you write that down?" I asked.

"Sorry?"

"Could you write down that Celestia's guards are pointless?"

"Why would I ever do that? Celestia warned me you ask about Equestrian secrets but I didn't realise you were this bad!"

"Oh no no no! Princess, you get me wrong. You see, me and Diamond were discussing Celestia when I first arrived and I made a bet, a er, never mind. I discussed that Celestia could probably hold her own against most threats and her guards were more for show than anything else. This would just solve an argument. I'd destroy the letter or whatever as soon as I showed Diamond. Who is actually a royal guard." Luna was silent and just looked me over with an eyebrow raised. "Whatever. How is the Lunar Guard coming along?" She still said nothing. "Ah whatever I don't care. Anything else you wanna talk about or we done here?" I asked.

"You are dismissed, Aron." Luna said rather coldly. I shrugged and started to leave. "You do not bow before your princess?" I rolled my eyes before turning to face her.

"I bow for no one. I called you Princess a few times due to respect, the same with Celestia. But privately and mostly publicly? You're just Luna and Celestia to me."

"Be wary Aron, you do not want to make an enemy of me."

"Luna, you'd know if I wanted to make you my enemy. Good night." I said and walked out. Wow, that could have gone better. I decided to leave Canterlot pretty quickly the next day.

The next morning came pretty quickly, I had a great sleep and had been spooning a very flustered and tired Rainbow Dash the whole night, I had come in after my talk with Luna and wanted another make-out session. This time she wasn't wearing a dress I could mess up but it was still pretty fun. I wouldn't be surprised if she asked me to go down on her soon or even asked to go the whole way. Which I'd probably be up for. I got dressed in front of Dash who looked more disappointed the more clothes on, but damn was she up for me usually sleeping naked. She put her dress back on in the effort to not carry it.

"I'll do my hair when I get home." She said looking at the mess of hair she had, I was likewise. Though I wasn't going to sort it. I just brushed my hand through my head and moved on.

"Let's not get breakfast here, wanna get out as quickly as possible." I suggested.

"Talk with Luna that bad?"

"It started fine, she was obviously bored of me very quickly and then got pissy when I asked for Equestrian secrets."

"What would you even do with them?" Dash declared.

"Exactly. I made a bet with Diamond that Celestia's guards are useless and Luna outright admitted it. I asked that she put that on paper so I could prove it to Diamond. She got pissy."

"Oh so wasn't even proper secrets?"

"Nope."

"Well I want to get home anyway, I have some.. thin- masturbating to do." Dash said, I smiled and laughed a little bit.

"You have no shame Dash."

"You don't. I'm sorry my coltfriend has a dirty mind that I've taken bits from."

"Sure it's all me. Stupid sexy Dashie." She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. I just walked over to the door and opened it for her. I didn't expect Celestia to be standing outside my door with a small group of guards behind her, all armed. I audibly gulped.

"Luna spoke to me earlier." Celestia said, more monotone than Diamond. I took a step back. If it came to it I would just dive out the window and hope Rainbow Dash followed me and saved me.

"Did she? Sisters tend to do that." I replied carefully. Celestia nodded slightly.

"Spoke a lot about your little talk last night." I gulped again, and I felt myself pale a lot.

"Oh really? Well me and Dash need to get back to Ponyville, for a thing." I said. Then looked to Dash quickly and then looked to the window.

"Uh huh. Guards!" Celestia shouted. The five guards all lowered their weapons to me. I stepped back again and was shot forward by Celestia's magic. "My guards are here for a reason Aron. Don't question me again. You're cute when you're scared." Celestia whispered when I was almost touching her face with my own. She licked my nose and then dropped me. "Escort Aron and his, lovely marefriend to the chariot bay." Celestia declared, the guards raised their weapons and Celestia stepped out of the way so I could walk out. "Was lovely meeting you Rainbow Dash, you are always welcome in the castle." Celestia added as Dash walked past. Three of the guards started walking off but two stayed and tailed me on either side of me.

"What just happened?" Dash asked when we were fairly down the halls.

"I pissed off a very playful, powerful, sarcastic ruler." I declared.

"She's fine Aron don't worry about her, she pulls stunts like this with ponies she likes." One of the guards said. I turned to face the speaker.

"Oh hey, Sunflower. Didn't recognise you under all that armour." I said; the named guard smiled.

"And me." Grumble said.

"Sup guys." I replied.

"Hey Aron, have a good day?" Sunflower asked.

"Yeah was pretty awesome, had some time with Dash, met a friend, the show was great and dinner was even better."

"A friend you say?" Grumble asked.

"Yeah, musician called Glaze; saved her from some swarming fans. Wouldn't say friend being fair, but she seems great."

"When you say time with Dash here?" Sunflower asked, I looked back and saw Dash blushing.

"What we do behind closed doors is none of your concern." I said. Dash rolled her eyes.

"Hot." Sunflower muttered.

"You made friends with Luna too." Grumble said.

"You weren't there, she probably hates me honestly."

"No, she's talking very highly of you Aron." Sunflower replied quickly.

"Huh, unexpected. Suppose that's why Celestia didn't execute me for being a cunt to her sister."

"Sure that's why." Grumble said rolling his eyes.

"So y'all flying me home?" I asked.

"Yep, it's one reason as to why we volunteered to pick you up this morning when Celestia asked." Sunflower answered.

"One? And she planned that?"

"Yep, one reason. Yes, she did. Was pretty livid for a bit when Luna said what you had talked about, but was talked down by Luna pretty quickly."

"And Sunflower." Grumble said. The Pegasus mare stopped in her tracks for a second but carried on pretty quickly.

"Yeah I put a good word out for Aron, so what?" Sunflower asked. I rolled my eyes again and sped up a little bit.

The day we went to Cloudsdale was a pretty shit one, it was raining over Ponyville and very outcast, a couple ponies I talked to were saying it would be hard for Pegasi to fly through the cloud layer. I still found it strange at how low the clouds actually were in Equestria but I'd tried to understand the weather system already and just found myself not caring.

Twilight woke me up fairly early and cast the spell on herself and I. Diamond didn't need it being a Pegasi so just sat and watched. I was kind of glad Spike wasn't coming, none of the others were. Only Twi, Diamond, me and Dash. I figured Dash's friends would want to be there but they seemed busy doing one thing or another. Plus we wouldn't have all fit in the chariot that was coming to pick us up. I'd hate to burden the Pegasi pair that was transporting us. Diamond had decided that he would fly alongside the chariot rather than ride it. Once Dash arrived at the library she also agreed. Something about practicing her speed. I wasn't all that excited to watch Dash do some stunts and general flying around, I'd seen it all before and supposedly this was to impress the judges, who happened to be Wonderbolt members. So I guessed that most of her performance was going to be whatever the fuck they do. I had a pretty big breakfast, not expecting to eat for a while, apparently Cloudsdale was further away from Ponyville than Canterlot was and security around that city was meant to be mega.

"So Diamond, or Dash I guess, what's Cloudsdale like?" I asked whilst we waiting, Spike was already out with Rarity but the rest of us were sitting around the table.

"Pretty nice, nicest Pegasus city." Diamond grunted.

"It's 'kay." Dash said. I looked to Twilight.

"Cloudsdale is meant to be beautiful, I've only ever seen it from below. Being a unicorn, but the city is very beautiful, with water flowing by something the Pegasi call an aqueduct, the Weather Factory is a big tourist destination as well as the various war museums. A lot of the buildings are open with big pillars holding them up."

"Thank you Twilight. So it's like Earth ancient Greece?" I asked. Twilight looked confused. "I didn't expect an answer, I'll see what it's like when we arrive. What's travel like?"

"Couple hours. Canterlot is only twenty minutes at the most." Diamond replied.

"Huh alright. Y'all going to be okay flying for that long?" I asked.

"Aron I'm a guard, I'm trained for long flights, as are our drivers." Diamond said.

"I need the practice. Yeah practice." Dash said, she was shaking a little.

"Dash come with me." I said, standing up and walking towards my room, Dash quickly followed. I closed the door so the other two wouldn't see and grabbed Rainbow Dash in a hug, she accepted it and hugged back. "You got this Dashie." I whispered. "Just try to keep calm, you'll be fine."

"Ho- how did you know?" She asked.

"You're shaking and seem, out of it. Plus it's my job to see when you're worried or scared and the like."

"I don't want to screw up." She muttered.

"You'll be fine Dash, you're the best flier in Equestria remember." She smiled slightly and I knelt down, lifted her face up to me and kissed her softly. "You got this Dash." She looked scared again.

"You don't understand, I'm trying to pull off a sonic rainboom."

"A what?"

"Sonic rainboom. It's when a Pegasus fliers so fast they break the sound barrier, for me I'd send a huge rainbow to follow me and to explode outwards. It's only been done once."

"By who?" I asked, the logic being 'well if some dead pony can do it you can.'

"Me. When I was a filly." I laughed slightly and Dash pulled back from me looking pretty pissed.

"If you did it as a filly you can sure as shit do it now. With all the training and the like. Just fly up high so you get as much time as possible and pretend someone is falling or something."

"That's horrible Aron!" I threw my arms up.

"Hey it's a goal to aim for alright. Just fly high and go straight down."

"You're telling me this like you know how to do it?"

"Well no, just common logic, you need speed to break the sound barrier, so the higher you are the easier it'll be."

"Thanks Aron, but I'm still. Nervous."

"Would it help if I didn't go?" She shot up in a hug again.

"No please come. Just. Just cheer me on okay?"

"Obviously. If you complete the sonic rainboom I'll give you anything you want. Within reason." Dash perked up at that.

"Anything?"

"Obviously. I won't kill a man but you get the idea."

"Alright. I think I can do that." I heard a knock on the door as she said that and after another kiss and quick hug got up to open it.

"Chariot's here." Diamond grunted and walked off. I quickly followed. Then turned to Dash as I reached the door.

"You good?" I asked, she smiled and nodded quickly. I smiled again and let Dash leave first. Then as an after thought ran back inside and grabbed my sword.

The trip was long and boring, I saw a bit of the Wasteland that Celestia had shown me and spoke to our pilots but neither seemed overly interesting. I didn't even catch their names. Diamond flew next to us the whole trip and Dash kept flying really far away really quickly and then would hover somewhere and let us catch up. A couple times she would sit on clouds and the like. At one point she shut her eyes as we passed and I grabbed her tail and dragged a cloud riding Rainbow Dash along. Diamond was correct about time, the trip took just under two hours if my guessing of sun movement was on point. The city was as beautiful as Twilight had said, the whole thing seemed to sparkle in the sun and the cloud mass was full of huge buildings and an aqueduct that went around the city, with clouds at seemingly random intervals pouring rain down. Waterfalls were falling down into a huge lake below and rainbows had formed around it and turning into rain water as they arced down. The city really did resemble Greek architecture and I had never seen a more beautiful sight. There also seemed to be multiple layers, with a big building at the top that looked like a huge courthouse, it had clouds and rainbows flying out of it and a load of small waterfalls flowing around it much more than the rest of the city. All evaporating before touching the ground.
The city looked much bigger than Canterlot but also seemed more spread out.

"It looks beautiful." I muttered, eyes wide. Pegasi were flying all around the city as well as the ground being littered with them.

"Welcome to Cloudsdale." Diamond replied. Also looking towards the city.

"I never want to leave." I whispered.

"Me neither." Twilight agreed.

The chariot came into land and dropped us down on the outskirts of town, I noticed some ballista and catapults and the like all being manned by Pegasi, they wore armour quite alike the Canterlot guard but this armour was dark grey rather than gold, or blue like the Lunar armour. Most of the Pegasi had some sort of metal padding on their wings with what looked like a recreation of dragon scales, but what I later found out were actually tiny blades. Cloudsdale was beautiful but ready for war.

A couple Pegasi started walking towards us. One of them saluted at Diamond.

"Welcome to Cloudsdale sir." He said, Diamond saluted back.

"Thank you lieutenant. Good to be back." Diamond muttered, the other pony nodded and looked past him at first Twilight. Then me.

"You bring a unicorn and..." The guard said, staring at me.

"Aron of Earth, I'm a human." I explained, the guy didn't seem all that impressed, I didn't blame him.

"I see. Well welcome to Cloudsdale, don't make any trouble whilst you are here and we won't have any problems."

"I don't plan on it." I replied. The guard nodded and looked back to Diamond.

"Have a good day sir." The guard said and flew off with the other guards around him. We stood awkwardly for a moment before Rainbow Dash spoke up.

"I had forgotten what Cloudsdale is like." She muttered from behind me.

"I'd heard rumours that Cloudsdale was one of the more militarised cities. But they look like they are at war!" Twilight declared.

"It is much more calm towards the inner city, but most Pegasi higher ups never really moved on from war and control. There is more money in that, I am surprised none of the guards have outright kicked Aron or you out yet." Diamond replied.

"Racism big here?" I asked.

"Yes, blame that on the higher ups rather than the citizens."

"I intend to, how come it is them in charge and not Celestia, or at least someone under Celestia?"

"Because Cloudsdale, and many Pegasi cities are not under her rule. Technically the Pegasi race never joined Equestria, but most feel welcome anywhere in Equestria and only a few have the feeling that the Pegasi are the master race."

"Huh, Cloudsdale might really like UKIP, or Trump."

"What?" Diamond asked.

"Heh, nevermind mate." I saw him shrug and then turned to Dash. "So Dashie, where the fuck we going?" She looked up and smiled.

"We still have a couple hours before the fliers event so we could do a tour of Cloudsdale. Anywhere you want to go?" Dash replied.

"I don't know what is in Cloudsdale but if there is a history museum or whatever. I presume you'd be bored if we went to one Dash. And I guess you too Diamond so we don't have to." I replied.

"You want to go to a museum?" Twilight asked, weirdly taken aback.

"I don't care if we don't go. I'd like to learn more Pegasi history and it saves me from asking Diamond questions constantly. You shouldn't be as surprised at the fact I wanna go to a museum Twi, I ask peeps questions all the fucking time around you, especially history and magic." Twilight blushed slightly at that and stepped back with a really awkward smile.

"The history museum isn't very good here, Cloudsdale may be the capital but it's so far from where any action would have been, I suggest going to the inner cities for history, like Fort Skye or Rainbow Falls for more interesting history, only stuff you will have here you could get in any Equestrian museum and hints at interesting history." Diamond muttered. I shrugged.

"Alright no big, maybe one day. How close are either of those to Manehatten?" I asked.

"Rainbow Falls is the closest. Why?"

"Manehatten seems like a place to go to. Thinking on doing a road trip thing one day."

"What is a road trip?" Twilight asked.

"You guys have camping?" I asked, she nodded.

"Sort of like that, you go from camp site to camp site. Or in most cases, city to city or place or place. Whatever. Some people just go on long journey's for a celebration or wedding and the like. In this case I'd basically just go to this Falls place, piss about there for a day or so then move on to Manehatten. Do whatever there is to do in Manehatten and come home." Twilight nodded and I honestly though she was going to write it down, not that it was a great explanation. "Hey do you guys have the Statue of Liberty, Twin Towers and Empire State Building?" The three ponies looked at me like I was speaking an alien language.

"What?" Dash asked bluntly.

"Yeah bad question. Alright, do you have a massive green statue thing of a woman, or mare I guess, holding a tablet thing and a torch?" There was legitimate nodding. I wanted to die. "Fucking Gods above. Why?" I said after a long pause.

"What do you mean. Why?" Twilight asked.

"Why do you have a Statue of Liberty?" I asked. Twilight looked at me again and I expected her to glitch slightly and the universe would explode. She didn't. Weirdly.

"It's called the Statue of Unity Aron." Twilight replied.

"Oh that's not too bad, I know about the whole united Equestria crap when the three races came together or whatever. Still weird parallels in Equestria."

"What about the other two things you asked about?" Diamond asked.

"The Twin Towers and State Building?" I asked, he nodded.

"The Twin Towers on Earth were the trading hub of our Manhatten, weren't sure if you had anything like that. Dunno what the equivalent would be here. They were pretty generic tall buildings so wouldn't stand out if I described them. The Empire State Building was a huge building that was the tallest building in our world for a while. Massive fucker made of concrete and a lot of glass."

"First of, were? Secondly, I do not recognise either of those. We will need to go to Manehatten to see if there are equivalents. Maybe you could show me Earth versions when we go for researching?" Diamond asked. I smiled slightly.

"Might have to do a few trips to Earth, once with you and once with Dash, I wanna show her the glory of video games as well." Dash blushed but said nothing. Twilight looked confused. "I say were because a good few years they got destroyed in a terrorist attack. I don't remember it but it was, and still is a huge deal. I'll explain a bit more later, can't be asked to dwell on it much. To the second though, I couldn't exactly show you. I couldn't go to Manhatten or New York since it's in a different country to me. Unless Celestia dropped us in NY. But we wouldn't have a safe house or anything. Plus talking horses don't exist on Earth."

We stood around talking about this and that, despite my pleas I did end up explaining 9/11 in more detail and the 7/11 bombings and all the shit that came after. The show came pretty quickly and we made our way towards what looked like a gladiatorial arena. With the Greek pillars and the like. The city got pretty condensed closer to the center and I really did find myself enjoying looking through Cloudsdale. The Pegasi walking around gave me some odd looks and a couple children were ushered away from me, some got close and I just made funny faces at them before they would run off giggling before repeating. I noticed there was a high density of guards around Cloudsdale, more so than Canterlot, a lot more. With Canterlot there were loads in and around the castle but in the streets it was one every 300 or 400 yards or so. Here they came in groups of three, all visibly armed and in smaller intervals. Honestly saw more guards in places than I did civilians. Diamond didn't mention anything but looked at each of them with a strong intensity. Was pretty scary.

"Hi welcome to the Young Fliers Competition, which of you will be competing?" A very overly happy, warm mare asked when we entered the stadium thing. Dash walked forward slowing and I smacked her ass slightly as she walked in front of me, she looked back with a blush and a very conflicted look on her face.

"I- I am, Rainbow Dash." Dash replied. Diamond took a step back, presumable so the mare at the reception desk area didn't call him out for joining or something.

"Alrighty, you'll be number 5, if you could take this-" The mare said keeping her over the top smile, handing Dash a piece of paper that I didn't see her write anything on. "-And go through the left door. I presume you, three. Are watching her?" The mare almost faltered and lost her smile and welcoming aurora when she looked me up and down. but didn't.

"Absolutely. Here for morale support and shit like that." I replied, the mare still kept her smile but stood a bit straighter.

"Alrighty, door to the right, pick any seat that isn't taken." The mare said. I shrugged, cracked my knuckles (which did make her flinch) and walked off. The others following close behind.

"I am never going to get used to people behind put off by me." I muttered.

"I wouldn't say put off." Diamond muttered, I stopped, turned to him and glared at him slightly. "I am sure you will get used to it, or ponies will get used to you. You just have not had a lot of luck with being in welcoming towns or cities."

"Where are welcoming places then?" If the capital wasn't one and an over-sized military base wasn't one either...

"Border towns, places like Appleloosa, Edge, Hoofington, a few more that I cannot recall."

"Littlehorn Valley, Mustangia, Hoof City." Twilight said.

"Though Littlehorn is closer to Zebra territory and they have less traffic than Equestria does." Diamond replied.

"That's only one example that is out of the picture then. I don't care enough anyway, I'm welcomed in Ponyville and Canterlot ponies don't give a shit so I'll keep there." I said after a pause, we got to some seats about midway up and I looked around, instead of a sand floor where gladiators would fight lions and the like, there was no floor. Just a couple clouds and a massive fuck off drop. I felt kind of ill just sitting here staring into the void.

We sat talking for a little longer on towns and cities in Equestria and I discovered that only about two-thirds were horse puns.

I won't go into detail in what the first couple Pegasi did during the event, they all looks around Dash's age so at least my girlfriend hadn't signed up for the wrong event like I had previously thought. I barely paid attention to the show and didn't even register when Dash came on. Must've been horrible for her to come out and I was slouching on the bench staring up into space thinking on all the E3's I would miss. I only got jolted up when I felt a hoof jab into my side by Diamond. I jumped a bit and looked up, watching the cyan mare fly around dodging clouds like an expert. Which considering she was a weather pony kind of made sense, she went through all of them and didn't hit one. I started cheering her and clamping slightly, it wasn't all that amazing but I was there for support not to like it.

"Shit." Diamond muttered. I looked at him quickly but before I could open my mouth with a volley of swears and vulgar I saw what he was staring at. Across the stand in a little box thing say Princess "Motherfucking" Celestia and two Pegasus guards. My mouth dropped.

"Go on Dash give 'em hell!" I shouted, putting a hand next to my mouth. I doubt she heard me but whatever.

Once she was done with the clouds she flew up to a bunch and started flying round one at a stupid speed, that must have been really disorientating. She sped round one, then the other and I noticed the first cloud was spinning round really quickly like a spindle or something. Was pretty cool. I started clapping again and noticed Celestia was likewise cheering her on. She had this. I looked up again and saw she was flying up towards the sun, all three clouds spinning uncontrollably. She went right up there as well and almost became just a speck in my vision, if it wasn't for the fact I had to look away since she flew right into the sun. I lost sight for a bit but very quickly saw her shooting straight down. I almost forgot what she was trying to do and almost shouted for her when she zoomed through the gap in the arena. I stood and looked down and just saw her flying down towards the lush green ground below.

What came next I will never forgot. There was a huge, blast of rainbow explosion just appear from nowhere, the sound of what sounded like a bomb going off or a jet going past came next and finally a large burst of air came up and knocked me on my ass. I saw a huge, long Rainbow streak coming from something travelling extraordinary speeds towards us and it took me a second to notice the cyan form of Rainbow Dash leading the charge with the most beautiful, pure rainbow I had ever seen. Not the faded crap we get on Earth, a full on, blocks the view of the sky, rainbow. The thing filled me with emotions. Happiness, Sadness, Bliss. Love. I had never, nor ever, would ever see anything as beautiful as that explosion of rainbow was. The crowd just exploded in cheering as Dash slowed and landed on a cloud nearby, bits of rainbow flaking off her tail.

It goes without saying she won.

We spent the rest of the day with Celestia and the Wonderbolts. I never did find out if the bothered showing the other candidates after Dash's performance.

Author's Notes:

next chapter will be up tomorrow or monday
i wrote it before i wrote this.

Act I: Chapter XVI [gore + sex]

I knew I would never forget the day that came just two days after going to Cloudsdale, it was a day that would haunt me forever and would stay in my mind until death. It was the day that had been foretold and a day that lead me on the path to my future.
It was the day I first took a life.

The day had started out fairly normally, I woke up without a pony at the foot of my bed or any messages that people had opened for me, so actually it started pretty well. Diamond and Twilight were already up and Twilight was writing on a piece of parchment between spoonfuls of oatmeal. Diamond was eating likewise but just staring down into his food. I was honestly surprised that he hadn't moved into Lyra's place now or even asked Celestia for his own place in Ponyville but I figured he was still being tasked with guarding me secretly. I actually noticed a lack of Spike that morning.

"Yo Twi, where's Spike?" I asked as I walked past into the kitchen to grab my own breakfast. Twilight waited for me to come back in with a glass of milk and a sandwich. Well two buttered pieces of bread.

"He went out with Rarity, she wanted him to help her gather some gems for an order." Twilight answered once I'd sat down, she didn't even look up from what she was writing, I couldn't read it so couldn't translate for anyone what she was writing. Not that I looked at it or anything to see if it was about me.

"A'right. Diamond, plans for today?" I asked. He jumped slightly and looked up with a monotone.

"Lyra wanted to go for a walk in the park later but it's not for another couple hours."

"It's." I replied with a snicker. He rolled his eyes.

"Well fuck you then." He growled.

"I dunno where Dash will be but I'm pretty sure you're sick of double dates.-" He didn't do anything but stare at me. "-Whatevs, I'll find something to do." He nodded and went back to eating. I stared chewing on my bread and began to think on home. I was actually beginning to miss meat but at the same time didn't care enough to do anything about it. The occasional meal was meat but not stuff like ham slices for sandwiches or anything mundane like that.
Breakfast passed pretty quickly and I got up to go explore the town and meet the day. I didn't bother grabbing my sword or anything like that so after a quick teeth brushing and giving myself a mental note to shave that night I walked to the door. I opened it and was greeted to a very scared and winded Spike who was just about to slam into the door. He managed to stop himself so he didn't fall onto me thankfully.

"Sup Spike. Wanna ha-" Was as far as I got.

"Rarity! Diamond Dogs! Ponynapped!" He shouted between breathes. I heard something slam and turned to see both Twilight and Diamond standing.

"Repeat that, slower." I grunted.

"I was helping Rarity hunt down gems and three Diamond Dogs came up and grabbed her! I tried to stop them, but they got her!" Spike shouted, still far too quickly. I stepped aside and Twilight ran to him and grabbed him up in a hug, he was muttering something but I didn't care, instead just walked into my room to grab my sword. Diamond was already missing, presumably to get his own weapons. All I had to do was grab my sword and a couple grenades just in case and stepped back into the main room. Diamond appeared after a second in full guard armour and his spear ready.

"You good?" I asked, Diamond nodded and we stepped forward. I was immediately stopped by Twilight.

"You can't just go in there!" Twilight shouted.

"You're right, Spike with us, you need to show us where they took Rarity." I replied calmly, Spike nodded quickly and jumped down from Twilight. He got grabbed with magic, as did I.

"I mean, you two can't just walk in and demand Rarity back. Or." She looked at our weapons. "Hurt them." I rolled my eyes but couldn't do much else being held in the air by magic.

"We won't kill them Twilight, I'm sure they will just give her back when they see not only a rescue party show up within minutes of capturing her, but an armed one at that. With a Royal Guard and whatever the fuck they might think I am." I replied. Twilight just looked at me without a word. "We'll get Rarity back without bloodshed. This close to Ponyville these Diamond Dogs must know there is a militia or some level of protection ready to rescue captured ponies." She kept staring at me and finally let go.

"Fine, but send Spike back as soon as you find the dogs. I don't want him anywhere near this." Twilight grunted. I nodded and she dropped Spike too. We just walked out of the library without a word.

"Alright Spike where the dogs at?" I asked. He looked unsure and started walking in a seemingly random direction.

"You were telling the truth right? You don't want, bloodshed?" He asked, clearly unsure.

"Spike, how many times have I gotta tell people. I'm not a fighter, and I don't want to become one. This is just a show of force." I replied quickly. Though even I was unsure how this would go. Rarity may be pretty pathetic but she was a unicorn and the dogs wouldn't have known she was useless in a fight. These beings were confident enough to capture a unicorn with a dragon guard in broad daylight.

"Diamond, what are these Diamond Dogs like?" I asked. He had a very determined look on his face as we marched through Ponyville. We got plenty of looks but nobody tried to stop us. Thankfully I didn't see Rainbow Dash or any of Twilight's friends.

"Stupid, but can be fairly strong. Their strength is in numbers. Usually unarmed, but if armed they have scrap armour, weak spears or swords. No real threat. they are known to ponynap ponies from time to time but not much ever comes from it."

"Not much?" Spike asked.

"Some ponies have been killed."

"Oh Celestia, I'm coming Rarity." Spike whispered fearfully. I rolled my eyes and hung back from Spike. As did Diamond. Thankfully getting my hint.

"I don't want to do this Diamond." I croaked, he said nothing for a moment.

"I know. We can call Celestia for aid but there won't be any guards on hand like the dragon. It depends how many there are but I could probably take most alone."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Make sure Rarity is safe and I'll cover your retreat."

"Alright. I'm sorry."

"No matter what experiences you had on Earth, you are a civilian here. It is okay Aron." I nodded and we sped up to keep up with Spike.

"Should we inform Celestia anyway?" I asked. Diamond thought about it and nodded.

"Spike, when we get there. Go straight back to the library and tell Celestia what's going on." I ordered, the named dragon said nothing.

We reached a cliff face after a few more minutes of walking, there were some shrubs and similar vegetation on one side of the path, a big expanse of rock, and then a rocky hill on the other side. there were a couple small holes dotted around and a lot of bigger holes on a dirt plain.

"They. They were here." Spike muttered.

"Alright Spike, go back to Twilight, tell Celestia." I ordered, he paused but eventually just ran off. I drew my sword as soon as he was out of sight.

"Big holes are probably what the dogs use to get in and out of their cave system. By the looks of it there are going to be a lot of them." Diamond explained.

"Which probably means the holes are trapped or guarded." I declared back. He nodded.

"Except one, they usually leave a fall back hole, leads straight to their main base. The fall back is never far from the rest. These dogs are not smart."

"Which one though?" I asked, then started scanning around looking for, something. I really wasn't sure what. Eventually I spotted a pretty large hole a bit of a distance to the others. "There!" I called, pointing. I watched Diamond follow my finger and started running forward.

"That might be it." He declared, his spear falling down. We reached the hole with no issue and I looked down. The whole itself was a straight drop into a large chasm, there were some weeds for me to grab if I needed to climb down but it would still be a bit of a drop down.

"Shit." I muttered under my breath, then looked to Diamond. "How do we get down?" I asked. Diamond smiled slightly and unfolded his wings. "Bastard." I said smiling. He flew up and just shot straight down the hole, folding his wings back up against him and then spreading them before he hit the ground. He looked around with his spear down and eventually looked up.

"Clear! Climb down." He called. I rolled my eyes and put my sword away, then tried to awkwardly climb down. The weeds were, thankfully, pretty strong and I very quickly noticed that they could hold my weight. I had plenty of room down the hole but it was still dirty and dusty. I ended up pulling a piece of dirt out or kicking some down as I climbed and by the time I was down the hole I was covered in a lot of dirt, spider webs and all sorts of crap. I looked down and just let go, falling on the hard ground awkwardly but not hurting anything. The hole was just high enough for, with a boost, I could climb back out. The room we were in was huge, holes and small mine shafts were everywhere but nothing else was in the room. The only light was from the hole above us. I quickly saw a doorway leading down a corridor that was eventually lit up with medieval torches. The whole place reminded me of a Dwarven fortress or something.

"On me." Diamond whispered, I pulled my sword out and started following him, he trotted slowly and was pretty quiet for having four hooves. I took up a bit of a crouch and kept looking behind us. We followed the corridor for a good while, I could see pieces of gems and rock covering the floor and some bits of soot underneath torches. For a while the only sound was the quiet crackling of flames and the hooves of Diamond.

Eventually we came to another large opening with four corridors, three leading in other directions plus the one we had just come down. The room was likewise lit up with torches.

"Where to now?" I asked quietly. Diamond looked around, as did I. I noticed outright that one pathway had no torches and another had a lot of broken stone in it. The third was lit up like a city but didn't have much evidence of mining.

"This one." Diamond whispered, pointing to the mined out one that was to our left. I shrugged and followed. Only to stop where I heard a glass shattering scream come from the path we were going down.

"Good choice. Sounds like Rarity." I commented, Diamond looked at me and back down the mine.

"Stealth or full charge?" He asked.

"Why are you asking me?" I asked back, he shrugged and turned back to the hole.

"Let us just take it slow. Do not want to run into a trap." Diamond muttered. I nodded and we continued slowly down the mine.

Not thirty seconds passed and we came across out first living thing. Two bipedal creatures stood at ease at the end of this mine ahead of us. They had what I presumed was iron armour on and both had a grey coat. There was a spear leaning against the wall next to one of the creatures and the second held a sword at his side barely touching the floor.

"Two tangos ahead, one-thirty meters." I whispered. Diamond looked at me with confusion.

"Tangos?" He asked.

"Earth military has a different alphabet to normal, it's to communicate easier over radio and for quick orders. So Oscar Mike means on the move. Tango is for the letter T. Tango usually means target." I explained.

"And you just guessed their distance?" He asked.

"Nah, I have some experience with distances and shit like that." In truth I didn't even notice I said anything. Scary.

"Whatever, later we can talk. Let's try and sneak up. I might be able to take them with no sound." Diamond whispered.

"Wait." I hissed, Diamond looked at me for second.

"What?" He asked.

"Is there a way to avoid violence?" Diamond looked ahead at the two guards. He paused for a good while.

"No. Guards are armed, the amount of entrances mean there will be a lot of them. Plus taking a unicorn in broad daylight, these dogs are either incredibly big headed or incredibly stupid, neither of those options will mean they will negotiate."

"Shit. This is going to get bloody then."

"Indeed. Est enim gloria solis."

"The fuck did you just say?" Diamond grunted and glared at me for a second.

"Let's move out." He grunted.

I nodded and crept forward. We got pretty close without alerting the two guards and I tried to look past the two guards to see into the other room. There were loads of dogs wondering around or standing at guard around the room. I saw Rarity in the middle surrounded by three guards. She wore a really rusted heavy saddle and was saying something. But I couldn't hear what. I looked to Diamond and raised a hand to tell him to wait. When none of the guards turned or looked away I shrugged.

"Watching." I whispered. A dog grunted but thankfully didn't turn around. Diamond stepped back and closed one eye. I stood up fully just as I saw a spear shoot through the left dogs neck. Blood shot out of his wound and he grunted. The second dog turned and I back handed him, it probably hurt me more than him but it shocked the dog enough that Diamond had time to rip his spear out of the dogs neck and stab the other in the chest, cutting straight through the chestplate like butter. Blood started flowing from the wound and both dogs fell down grunting and bubbling blood. I felt like throwing up, being right in front of the second dog but held it down. I very deliberately looked away from the dogs face when Diamond stabbed him.
Somehow we hadn't been detected. I walked back and lent against the wall and spat onto the floor. I felt a hoof on my shoulder and turned to see Diamond flying at eye level, his spear was aimed down towards my crotch, blood dripping from it. Books and stories I had read wrote about how it was like any other liquid, but real blood was thick, crimson colour. It dripped down like caramel or wet glue. I wanted to vomit again.

"You okay?" Diamond asked. I looked at him for a second before nodded, he flew back down and did something with his spear that made the saddle flick it into the air and back down really quickly, causing the blood to splat against the ceiling, wall and floor.

"Now what. We can't get in undetected." I muttered. He walked up to the two dead dogs and knelt down, looking into the main room. After a minute he walked back.

"I'm counting fourteen idle guards, three on Rarity. Eight more patrolling. That's twenty-five. Far more than I expected this close to a town." Diamond whispered.

"Shit." I replied. He nodded.

"How strong are you?" I looked down.

"Not very, I slapped that guy and he only double back out of shock than anything else. I put force into that, my hand still hurts." I replied.

"So you can't knock the guards out on Rarity. Aron I hate to ask this of you..." Diamond began.

"I will try." I muttered, looking at the sword in my hand, my whole body felt weak and I wanted to cry, or pass out. Or run away.

"It is all anypony can do. Go for the three on Rarity. If we sprint straight to her it will take them a couple seconds to muster. If we start getting overwhelmed we just run and try to lose them in the tunnels." Diamond ordered. I took a breath, and nodded. Then raised the sword up. "Ready?" Diamond asked.

"Give me a second." I said, breathing deeply, then tip-toed forward. My plan was to run forward, cut a dog in the stomach and try and spin round to cut down the three without having to look at them or hurt them that bad, wounds that would allow them to live but not be a problem. I looked right at the left most dog who was shouting at Rarity. But I blocked out the noise. "Okay ready." I exclaimed quietly. I looked at Diamond who nodded, spread his wings and we both charged into the room.

There were shouts of intruders straight away and I could see a couple guards run towards us, they didn't even have their weapons ready. And it was far too late for me to notice that some weren't even armed. i reached my target without him really reacting, unfortunately another dog with him did and lunged at me with a sword it hand. I tripped when he jumped on me and we rolled on the floor for a second. I ended up on top and punched the dog in the face, he lunged forward and bit into my arm. I grabbed his sword arm with my own, Spiritus fallen on the floor somewhere. I managed to hold back but felt pain in my hand where the dog bit it. I slammed his sword hand onto the ground and he dropped it. I rolled us again and felt another stab in my hand. I grabbed his sword and let him lay on top of me. He spat my hand out and growled, showing bloodied teeth. I closed my eyes for a second and stabbed up with my free hand. Cutting into the dogs side and he howled in pain. His face was of pure shock and I managed to push him off and rolled to grab my own sword. I caught sight of Diamond pulling his spear out of the face of a dog, I turned to see one dog holding onto Rarity who was screaming, but I still heard nothing. I lunged at another dog with a shout and managed to block his own attack. I then sliced up and cut a couple of his fingers off, or whatever dogs have on their paws. He screamed again and I rolled out of his way. The final dog threw Rarity at me. Who cried out and I just side stepped out of her way. I saw her run away and turned to watch her. Then found myself on the floor again, the final dog on top of me. I tried punching him away from his mouth and poked him in the eye. The dog growled at me and lent back, holding a sword up to stab down onto me. I raised Spiritus to block him and managed to knock his sword away when he came down, I pulled my sword back to try and fight back and felt blood trickle down onto my arm. Only when I looked properly did I notice the throat that i just cut open. Blood sprayed out and dripped down. I saw the dogs face and screamed. He had pure horror on his face, all anger and all happiness gone, just pure shock and terror. His whole life probably flashed in front of him and in an instant it was over. the body slumped down onto me, blood still spilling down. I pushed his body off and and stood up slowly. I felt nothing, my body went into shut down and I couldn't do anything but stand over his body. His eyes still wide open, his tongue flopped out onto the floor and a small puddle of blood was forming under him. I heard a shout but didn't register it. I felt a kick and flew forward onto the floor. It was what brought me back and I turned to face my attacker. It was the first dog, his paws were out and the sword still stuck out of his side. I held my sword with both hands, ignoring the sting that i felt my from own wound. I looked at the dead dog again and rushed forward, stabbing straight through the dogs stomach and pulling back before he even noticed me move. I turned to see another dog rush at me and parried his attack, my sword bouncing back and pain shooting through my arm. I yelled out and suddenly saw Diamond fly forward and cut through the dogs head, the spear snapped as Diamond flew over and fell onto the rock in a crumpled mess. The dogs head was basically cut in half with a piece of splinted wood and spear jetting out of his skull, skin had been ripped away and a bit of brain was showing. I did actually throw up then, just as the dog feel his body got covered in bread and milk. I wiped my mouth and turned around, with Diamond out of the picture it was up to me to finish the rest, most were already down but four or five more were still up. I swung Spiritus round once and stepped forward to the first, blocking his attack and holding back a cry from the pain in my shoulder. I managed to slice down before he got another attack in, I saw the thing fall onto the ground just as another came at me, this one had a pretty long sword in it's paws and swung it round at the same level pretty damn fast, I stepped back and dodged one and had to repeat that another few times as the dog just wildly threw it's sword around. I managed to get in and stab at the guys arm, cutting into a bit of flesh, the dog barely reacted and just brought his sword up in an overhead attack. I dived down onto the ground and rolled out of the way. The dog ran at me just as I stood up and I blocked another attack, the jumped forward again and managed to get a slice into the fuckers leg as I dived behind him. The thing fell slightly and I turned around to see the other two dogs fighting Diamond, who was just flying around with a sword in his mouth. Rarity was in the corner of the room staring between us and the dead or dying dogs with pure horror. My attacker finally stood up again and I held my sword up in both hands, kind of awkward since it was a one handed blade. I blocked another attack that actually pushed me slightly backwards, I almost lost my footing, the dog was slowing now and blood trickled down his wounds. I jumped back giving the guy enough room to charge, he did and I felt a slight smile come to my face, I put a foot out and tripped him, the dog falling onto the ground in a heap or armour and flesh. The sword sliding far out of reach.
I froze a bit, the guy was trying to crawl to his sword and it was obvious the fucker wouldn't stop until one of us was dead. I took a breath and put a foot on the dog's back, stopping him. He didn't even struggle as I brought my sword down into his back, breaking the armour and only stopping when I hit the stone floor under him. I pulled my sword out with ease and rushed forward to the two dogs bullying Diamond, neither looked hurt and Diamond had lost the sword, instead just keeping them occupied.
The first didn't even see me until a sword was poking out of his mouth. The second tried to fight back but took a sword slice to the gut, exposing his insides and spraying me, the floor and his paws as he tried to cover the wound in blood.
I did actually throw up that time, covering the guy in milk and bread. Or what was left of it.

I didn't even notice my ears ringing until I felt a hoof on my back. I jumped back, raising my sword and saw Diamond standing behind me, he flinched when i turned and I immediately lowered my sword. Putting it away. Rarity screamed again and I held back tears.

"Celestia wants to see you. Now." Diamond said, far more sternly than I think he meant. I nodded and just shut my eyes. I felt something large and fluffy rush towards me into a hug and I just stood there and took it. Then after a minute hugged back and began to cry.

I don't know how long I stood in the hug but neither I nor Celestia said a word until I had stopped crying and pulled back from the hug. My hand wasn't bleeding anymore and a lot of the pain in my arm was gone too. I presumed Celestia had just healed me but I wasn't sure.

"I'm so sorry." Celestia whispered, looking into my eyes. She looked like she had been crying, or was ready to.

"No-. Not your fault." I managed to get out. I looked at Celestia but instead of the happy, motherly face she normally wore. I saw that dogs face. The horror as his life drained away. I didn't want to be a killer. I wasn't a killer. I couldn't take a life. I had taken a life. I had killed. I had ended the lives of some creatures just trying to survive.

"You should have contacted me straight away." She said. Then hugged me again, I just returned it.

"I killed someone." Was all I could say.

"And saved Rarity's life, and Diamond's had you not helped."

"I killed living creatures."

"You saved two ponies Aron." I looked down at my hands, one was cut up pretty badly with bloodied bite marks all over it. The other was my sword arm and had dried dog blood on it. "Look at me Aron." I couldn't. "Aron." I wanted to die. I felt a hoof life me up and I looked into Celestia's eyes.

"You're a hero." She said sternly. A hero to the ponies maybe, but those dogs. Oh Gods what if they had families? Or children. I may have orphaned some children.

"I'm not a hero. I'm a killer."

"Heroes save ponies Aron."

"Could've done it without violence. I'm a monster." I wanted to slump down. Crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Aron. Please listen to me, you are a hero and saved ponies today. Do not let this get you down. Even the best of us can fall. Go to Rainbow Dash, tell her."

"I can't face Dash right now." I muttered.

"You can't hide this away. You can't hide this at all." She declared back, she was right. Rarity saw the whole thing. She'd tell the others. Tell the others I killed.

"Send me back." I ordered. She took a step back.

"To where?" She asked.

"Diamond, Rarity." I replied. She paused and eventually nodded. I was gone before I could register her horn glowing.

Turns out there was a main door and Rarity had lead Diamond out of it, the pair of them now stood on the rocky plains where we had first entered waiting. When I turned up Rarity rushed towards me into a hug.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." She said into my blood stained top.

"It's 'kay." I muttered. I looked to Diamond who looked pretty unfazed, until he saw my face and looked worried.

"I need to find Dash." I pleaded. He nodded and Rarity stepped back. "I'll see you later Diamond."

"I'm not leaving you alone after that." He whispered, I smiled and nodded.

"Come on Rarity. Let's get you home." I grunted. She looked confused for a second and nodded, and we began to walk back to Ponyville.

"You saved my life Aron. I will never forget that." Rarity muttered after a long pause.

"Don't mention it." I grunted.

"It will be okay Aron." Rarity said. I nodded but said nothing. We got pretty far into Ponyville, whispers and mutters about our appearance was spreading around the townsfolk. Diamond with a broken spear, covered in sweat mud and blood. And me, hanging head low, covered in blood clutching my bitten hand. I saw Rainbow Dash standing outside of Rarity's place looking through a window. I felt like throwing up again. Twilight was standing next to her and it was the unicorn who spotted us first. They looked relieved for a second until they truly saw us. They looked sad and started running towards us. I looked away for a second before gulping and turning back.

"What happened?" Twilight shouted. Rainbow stopped short of us and the five of us stood facing each other. I didn't look into Dash's eyes.

"Aron saved me!" Rarity declared. "Oh he was so heroic. Charging in and distracting the guards so I could escape." She added. I wanted to kiss her.

"Why are you covered in blood?" Rainbow asked, carefully. There was silence for a while.

"I took a life today." I said. There was a gasp from Twilight but Dash looked unfazed.

"Diamond, can you help me with Rarity?" Twilight asked. Diamond looked to me.

"Go on." I muttered, he nodded and walked off with Rarity and Twilight. As soon as they were away I feel onto the ground in a slump. Dash ran up to me and caught me. Putting a wing around me and holding me up, I saw down normally and fought the want to hug her or pet her mane.

"Aron.." She started.

"I wanted to do it carefully, to knock them out or talk them down. But it went to shit. One lunged at me and I wounded him, another attacked and I slit his throat. Dash I killed people today." I said. She hugged me and i squeezed her close.

"Oh Aron." She whispered.

"Diamond saved my life. But I killed five of them. I'll never forget their faces Dash."

"Hush now." She was rocking me slightly and I just took it.

"I'm so sorry Dash." I muttered. She said nothing. "I didn't want to be a solider."

"I know Aron. I know."

"I don't know how to deal with this."

"I'm here Aron. Come on." She said quietly, I felt tears forming again and my hand started to sting a bit more.

"Dash." I started, I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, she pulled back and put a hoof on my lips.

"Hush now. Come on let's see if the others are okay." She muttered, after a pause I nodded and stood, my legs buckling underneath me. Dash held me up and I tried again, standing and nodding and walked forwards.

Rarity was telling Twilight how much of a hero both me and Diamond were when we walked in, she seemed completely unfazed by the slaughter that happened around her, or was deliberately ignoring it. Twilight gave me a side look when we walked in but said nothing. Diamond trotted over when we walked in.

"If you ever want to talk..." He began. I nodded and waved him off. He nodded once and stood next to me.

"What do we tell the others?" Twilight said once Rarity was silent. I didn't care to hear what she said.

"Tell them the truth." I said. That I'm a murderer and a psychopath.

"That you saved my life." Rarity muttered.

"And mine." Diamond grunted. How did I save his?

"How do you figure?" I asked, looking to Diamond.

"I would've run in alone had you not been there, we couldn't have escaped once we found out their numbers. They would have seen the guards and.-" He paused and looked to Rarity. "-Probably killed her in fear of an attack. It was a do or don't. Had you fled or not been with me. I may have died from their numbers." I just nodded and felt Dash grip my arm harder.

"Did you get hurt? Either of you?" I asked. Rarity shook her head.

"A bit from my fall. But nothing I cannot walk off. You?" Diamond asked. I paused and thought of my hand.

"No." He smiled and laughed for a second.

"That just proves you are still good. You ask about us and ignore your own wound. You got bit, and that parry you did was very awkward, probably pulled a muscle. Twilight." Diamond said. The named unicorn lifted my bad hand and flinched slightly. I looked away and felt Dash nuzzle my side. Twilight's horn started glowing and the rest of the pain and wound washed away, the blood stayed.

"This should have still been bleeding." Twilight muttered.

"I think Celestia healed it a bit when she teleported me." I explained, Twilight looked confused but nodded. "She tried to comfort me after the." Pause. "The battle." Twilight nodded.

"Which shoulder?" She asked. I paused.

"Right." Diamond answered, the unicorn nodded and I felt the pain wash away from my shoulder too. I nodded and smiled for a second.

"Thank you Twilight." I said. Then rubbed my shoulder for a second and moved my right arm around and clicked my shoulder joint a bit. Then nodded again.

"Well I should go tell Spike you are back." Twilight said eventually and began to walk out.

"I will go see Lyra, tell her I'm back too. Not that she knew I was away." Diamond also declared and trotted out.

"And you." I heard Dash say. "Are coming with me." She added and started to physically drag me out of the store. Outside she continued to drag me, I didn't complain. Just took it. Still trapped in my own mind thinking on that face.

"Dash where are we going?" I asked after a minute, I had just started walking then, following Dash and she pulled on my jeans.

"My place." She replied. "Hope you aren't heavy." She added. I then noticed her cloud house dead ahead.

"I can't walk on clouds without that cloud walking spell." I informed her. I didn't get a reply from Dash and suddenly found myself in the air, Dash was very clearly struggling.

"Wow you're heavy. Gonna. Need. Help." Dash muttered through clenched teeth. Turns out she didn't though and flew me straight to her house and dropped me. I screamed out grabbing at air and shut my eyes.

It took me less than a second to notice I wasn't falling, I opened my eyes again and looked down. I was on a cloud layer yes. But not dead.

At least I didn't think so.

"What." I grunted. Dash was laughing slightly and flapping her wings ahead of me, then landed casually and opened her cloud door.

"I got Twilight to give you a cloud walking spell earlier." Dash informed.

"And you didn't think to tell me before dropping me?" I asked. Dash shrugged and I felt a smile.

"You coming in?" I looked down at myself noticing the grenades on me. I was lucky I forgot I had those, throwing them around in that cave system could have ended terribly for everyone involved. I pushed the thought of the battle out of my mind and stepped into Dash's house. I had never gone inside before which was fair enough considering I couldn't fly or any of that shit. The whole thing looked a lot like Cloudsdale did, Greek looking pillars and various leaves and things like that but made of clouds. She had a small kitchen area, living room and a stairway up into what I presumed was her bathroom and bedroom. It had a pretty similar layout to the library but made out clouds and slightly bigger.

"Nice place." I said looking around the place, she had a couple Wonderbolt posters up and some other crap that I didn't recognise.

"Thanks Aron. My parents built this for me when I was younger, used to be under Cloudsdale but when I moved to Ponyville I brought it with me." Dash replied.

"Why move to Ponyville at all? Surely being in a great place like Cloudsdale would've been better." I asked. Dash paused and looked around her house.

"When my dad died. I wanted to get out of Cloudsdale as quickly as possible, and I heard Ponyville had an opening in a weather pony job. Been here ever since."

"How long you been here?" I asked.

"Six, nearly seven years."

"Alright. I had been living alone about three years before Celestia claimed me." There was a pause and Dash finally looked at me.

"I'm glad she did." I wanted to say so was I. I really wanted to prove I cared for Dash. But after today... After today I wasn't sure if I could tell her that.

"Yeah." I muttered. There was an awkward silence before Dash spoke again.

"Do you. Do you wanna stay over? Overnight?" She asked. I was shocked for a second then thought on that. I sure as shit wasn't going to sleep tonight, and better that Dash be with me when the nightmares came.

"I won't sleep well tonight Dash." I groaned, she blushed slightly.

"That's okay Aron, I'll be here." I was silent for a second and eventually nodded.

"Alright well I need a shower. Don't want to go to bed like this." I muttered, I could feel a lot of the blood had dried but I was still a mess.

"Upstairs to the left." Dash said.

"Towels?" I asked. She smiled slightly and I imagined my day was going to get much better. I didn't say anything and just walked upstairs. The bathroom was really weird and had the first thing besides posters in Dash's house that wasn't made of cloud. The shower was metal like every shower here with the same controls. The toilet was ceramic like most. Though I refused to think where the stuff went when flushed. There was a sink and a mirror with a load of hair products and hairbands and shit, like any female bathroom really. I didn't see any rainbow hair dye fortunately. I quickly stripped and jumped into the shower. The water took much longer than normal to heat up but felt amazing. Fresh is the best word for it. I presumed Dash's water came from some magic in her cloud house or something like that but wasn't sure and didn't care enough to ask her. The shower felt great, but felt bad about the blood that started trickling down my body and down the drain. I shuddered but tried to keep the fresh memories out of my head.

"I'm a hero dammit. I'm with Dash. I'm safe." I muttered to myself, I didn't even notice until thinking back that I was repeating that to myself over and over throughout my shower. Luckily there was a towel in here when I finished and I wrapped it around myself, making sure to cover as much of my chest as possible. It was a bit too small for me but I covered most of my honour and most of my scars. With it suitably around me I walked around, carrying my clothes out with me.

"You done?" Dash shouted from behind a door in front of me.

"Yep. Where you at?" I called back.

"Bedroom." She replied. I shrugged and walked forward.

"You know I don't actually know where rooms are in your-" I paused as the door opened. Dash was laying on her bed spread eagle with her hair tied back really adorably. She had some blue eye shadow on and likewise blue lipstick on. She was blushing pretty heavily.

"Remember that anything you promised me?" Dash asked in a sultry voice. I smiled.

[Sexual Scene Inbound. Chapter will be finished once scene is over. If you want to skip it. Just end the chapter now.]

"Wanna drop the towel and join me?" Dash asked in her 'sexy voice'. I smiled and started walking over to her slowly.

"You don't want to see my chest Dash." I muttered.

"I'm naked. Be fair on me." She replied with a smile. I stopped.

"You're always naked Dash. This is different, can I just put a top on?" I asked. She looked sad for a second but eventually just nodded. I walked out of the room and put my top on.

"Holy shit I'm about to fuck a horse." I said to myself and walked back it. I was beginning to stand at attention.

"Eager much?" Dash muttered looking at me. Then licked her lips. I smiled and climbed onto the bed and sat on top of Dash. She kissed me first and I started to taste, blueberry. I pulled back after a second and saw her lipstick was smudged. I licked her lips quickly and tasted it again. She giggled. "Flavoured, better appreciate it. Wasn't cheap."

"How long have you been planning this?" I asked slowly.

"Yes." She said and started kissing me again, I felt a hoof grab my neck and pull me closer, I didn't resist and just took it like a little bitch. I stuck my tongue in first and felt her fight it with her own tongue. I let out a loud, croaked moan and she did likewise. Though much sexier than my groan. Probably because she was a girl. We kissed for a good while before I suddenly felt my hand being pulled downwards in the clasp of a hoof. I tried to pull back for a second before I felt the kiss end and Dash pulled back. "Shh." She muttered and started kissing me again. I moaned and just let her pull my hand down. As soon as I figured where she was pulling it I started moving my own hand, her nether was already getting wet when I reached it and started slowly rubbing with two fingers over what I really hoped was a decent spot. I was rewarded with Dash pulling out of the kiss whilst arching her back and giving out a loud moan.

"Fuck!" She moaned, her eyes were shut and I smiled, then licked my lips, tasting the blueberry.

I started rubbing harder and felt her start dripping out much more and much faster. She was getting incredibly wet pretty damn quickly but I didn't complain. I really didn't complain. After a second of Dash muttering inaudibly and moving around a bit. I stuck my middle finger inside of her to see her reaction.

"Where have you been. All my life!" Dash shouted after a couple thrusts from my finger. I got laced in her juices and just looked down at her stomach and her thrashing around. God it was sexy. I started increasing my speed and put a couple other fingers inside of her. "Ah-Ah-Aron." She muttered. Holy shit. I really wasn't sure what to do after this point so just slid down towards her crotch. As I got closer I pulled out. She looked up with a glare but lost it when she saw where my head was.

"Fuck." She muttered. I winked and grabbed onto her thighs and started inching closer. I stopped just under an inch away, I could smell her aurora and could practically taste it already. It took far more control than it should have to not dive in straight away. It took Dash about two seconds to react, which was great for both of us. "Get in there then!" She shouted. Christ she got angry when she was horny. Fucking hot.

I leant into it and licked into her with a quick lap and then stopped. It was amazing. Her taste was beyond sweet and I honestly thought I was going to orgasm from the taste alone. I fought back to telling her or moaning or anything really. All I could really do was start licking into her, trying to get as deep as possible and trying to find her bean. Or whatever the fuck the actual thing was called that made grills go crazy. I found it pretty quickly and applied as much pressure onto it as I could. Dash was moaning a storm and thrashing quick a lot.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh." She was saying, stupidly quickly.

"You like?" I asked quickly, I felt her juices dripping down my face slowly and I licked my lips a couple times just to lap more it up. This shit was addictive.

"Shut up and keep going." Dash whispered. Lifting my head up I started again, sticking a couple of fingers into her as well. Trying to go as fast as I could, I held tight to her as she thrashed, it lasting less than five seconds before I felt her tense up and scream.

"Aron!" she shouted, drenching my hand and face. As she came fast and hard I lapped up as much as I could, keeping my hand still and letting her ride it out alone. My hand was instantly sticky as well as my face. It was a pretty strange feeling with my beard beginning to come through but didn't want to complain or stop.

"Shit." Dash groaned after a moment. I looked up at her.

"Looks like you're having fun." I said. She looked at me quickly and smiled, panting slightly. Her eyes went narrow and she crawled out from under me. I leant up a bit more and watched her move.

"Yeah. Only fair if I... Repay the favour." Dash muttered and spun round so we were in a sixty-nine position.

"Well. I won't complain." I said back. Dash started climbing under me and re-positioning herself. I had a feeling of what she was doing and started to place myself over her. I felt my manhood start to slide through her mane and across her face. I moaned a little bit and then felt her stop right under it. I managed to get my face over her own crotch again. Though it was hella awkward since she was smaller than me but by god I wasn't going to miss out on this. It only took a few seconds for me to moan loudly and arch like Dash had. I wasn't sure what she was really doing but I never wanted her to stop. She was licking around the tip and bobbing her head slightly as she went up and down the shaft. It took me a moment to gather myself but I eventually started to repay Dash for what she was doing. Though I didn't think I was skilled enough at every repaying this debt.

"Holy shit Dash." I muttered whilst taking a breath, I was trying to hold back finishing too early but wasn't sure if I could hold it. All I felt was just pure pleasure. Though with the awkward position I was in and trying not to fall on Dash I was having a hard time concentrating solely on her.

"Enjoying it Aron?" She asked from under me. She pulled out pretty quickly with a audible gulp. I didn't stop what I was doing for a good couple seconds. The only reason I did stop was because she pulled her legs away from me. "Oi." She said. I looked down under my stomach at Dash who was just staring up at my honour.

"Yes I do Dash." I said, she smiled and winked.

"Wanna take this the rest of the way?" She asked. I was stumped for a second. I held back on continuing my feast. I wasn't sure what I wanted. Sure Dash had came and I hadn't but frankly I was never one who really cared whether I finished or not. Just as long as the chick I was with had had a great time. "Aron?" Dash asked suddenly. I looked down at her again and noticed my top had fallen down slightly, exposing my stomach. I put a hand down and patted it back into place. Sweat managed to keep it in place. I mentally said 'fuck it' and prepared myself.

"Yes." I said and winked. Dash's face lit up, it was adorable. She put her mouth around me again and sucked a couple times. I moaned out and arched again. She pulled back far quicker than I wanted and started to crawl around again to face me.

"So Aron, do you consent to this?" She asked, she threw me back at that.

"Yes. Also you are so damn good at blow jobs." I replied. She just rolled her eyes with a big smile. She lost her smile for a second and just stared up at me.

"So er. Would you need, protection?" I paused again.

"I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant with me." I replied. I doubt I could catch any diseases from her but I wasn't about to tell Dash that, implying she might have any.

"Meh I was never overly careful when I was younger. Strict parents." Dash clarified, which filled me with confidence. I just shrugged it off. Fuck it.

"Alright." I said and continued. I put a hand over her area again and started rubbing at it. She was still soaked and I only did it for a second before bringing my hand up and then preparing myself. Turns out I didn't have to and Dash reached a hoof up and gripped onto me. It was a pretty weird feeling but after a second Dash moaned and I felt bliss. She moved up and down on the bed for a second and I started too, pushing forward and down onto the cyan mare below me. She arched up and pushed me further inside, causing a moan from me. I tried to arch myself to rub against her G-spot and from the scream that she gave off and the hooves that jabbed into my back proved I had probably hit it.
Hell I was lucky horses even had something like that.

I sped up my thrusts after that and started puffing and moaning a lot more. Sweat was forming much more and I very quickly saw Dash was flopping up and down and moaning back, she put a hoof on her head and I watched her mane become a huge mess. Her mane colours blended into each other and I could see some sweat forming on her forehead. Her eyes actually rolled up and she looked completely out of it as I continued to pound into her. I was getting a bit close but tried to hold back. Until:

"I'm go-g-going to cum!" Dash shouted, and cum she did. It was like a waterworks, I felt her spray out juices and I pulled out quickly to let her squirt them onto her bed. I almost came from that but held back. God Dash was hot. As soon as it seemed like she had stopped I pushed back in and she cried out in a moan. I pushed harder and even pulled all the way out. I was so close. After a couple more thrusts I felt it coming up.

"In!" I heard a cry from Dash. I smiled and shrugged then thrust harder. I shot out whilst close and grabbed onto Dash, she grabbed me back and held me in a hug as I filled her. She started whimpering as I did and I shut my eyes as I came. It felt amazing and I was panting beyond belief. I was covered in sweat and completely out of breath.

"Fuck." I groaned, shutting my eyes still in the after glow of sex. If my life was any more cliche I'd wish I could've had a cigarette but I've never smoked and fuck ever starting.

Author's Notes:

i really enjoyed writing that fight scene, shame the next one isn't planned for another long while.
also fuck is Dash very quickly going OOC..
i suck at writing

Act I: Chapter XVII

The rest of the day was just a cycle of hugs, sex and talking. Was a pretty great end to the day despite the events that lead up to this. I ate round Dash's and we just stayed in until the evening, only getting out of bed for food and drink. There wasn't much one can really do in Equestria, no TV or video games or whatever so down time was a bit boring. But I was with Rainbow Dash and whenever there was a lull in the conversation we just had sex again, I knew I would be sore in the morning and almost regretted it. But it kept my mind off the Diamond Dog fight so I barely complained.
The night wasn't as bad as I expected. I had one major nightmare about the fight and woke up in a cold sweat and what I presumed was the cliche scream that came with waking up from a nightmare. Dash barely stirred, just snuggled up to me more when I lay back down on the bed, I hugged back and got a face full of hair for my efforts. She smelt pretty bad honestly but I expected I wasn't much better, would be showering first thing in the morning.

Turns out I didn't really have a choice, I woke up to a very strange sensation and opened my eyes slowly to see Dash with her mouth enjoying a hearty breakfast of my dick. I didn't complain, fuck did I not complain.

"Mornin'." I muttered, She pulled off, a thick trail of saliva forming.

"Hey Aron, didn't mean to wake you." Dash muttered smiling.

"Honestly Dashie the way you're going I would've been disappointed had you not woken me up." I muttered, Dash smiled and started crawling up my body under her covers, it was cute.

"You don't ever have to leave you know." Dash muttered and kissed my nose, her breath smelt like penis.

"I really wish I could." I muttered back and leant up, she dropped onto my stomach with a thud, looking at me sadly. "But I got people to talk to today I'm sure and the cloud walking spell would run out eventually. I wouldn't feel all that right if we were fucking and I suddenly dropped out of the sky."

"The bed is solid Aron." Dash said, poking at my top slightly.

"Is your bathroom, or dining room?" I asked. Dash just rolled her eyes.

"Alright smart guy." She muttered and I smiled and started stroking her hair. She closed her eyes and rested on my stomach again. "You wanna talk about your scars?" Dash muttered, I flinched slightly and looked down at her. "Your top rolled up whilst you were sleeping. I didn't mean to look." She added sheepishly.

"Fuck sake." I muttered and shut my eyes, laying back.

"I'm sorry Aron!" Dash screamed in a very panicked tone. "I really didn't mean to, I figured if you kept it on it was for good reason." I wanted to be pissed at her but she legitimately sounded upset.

"Shh Dash, don't worry. I was going to talk to you about it, just didn't want to scare you." She sniffed and looked up.

"Yesterday you came to me covered in blood and hurt, don't think much else could scare me." She said, giggling slightly, that caused me to pause. I didn't even think about that, yeah I showered but I was still covered in blood and walking away from a fight that a lot more people didn't.

"Fuck. I am so sorry Dash. That must've been terrifying." I muttered, she hugged me slightly.

"It's alright." She whispered. Fuck.

"Alright I'll tell you about my past a bit." I muttered after a pause, Dash just kept staring at me as I went through my childhood again, I felt like shit as I did and felt like the previous days sexy events were going to waste. Dash said nothing when I was finished but just crawled up closer to me and snuggled up. We were like that for a good long while.

"Thank you for sharing." Dash muttered after a while. I kissed her forehead.

"No problem." I whispered.

"You won't lose me Aron. I'm here for you." She said, I smiled and hugged her tighter, hoping she was telling the truth.

We lay for about an hour before letting go of the hug. Dash slowly got out of bed and stretched really sexily. As I was watching her I noticed something. I could see her, womanhood. Normally walking around Ponyville I couldn't see anything like that but I could see all of it clear as day. I just blamed the fact that Rainbow was probably still horny or something and shrugged it off.

"I'm going to go shower, once you're done we can go meet the day." Dash muttered, I smiled but said nothing and just lay down, finally noticing how badly my body ached and how sore everything was. I felt like shit, my shoulder was hurting a little bit as well. Dash showered quickly and I took much longer, putting the water on a cold temperature and felt my sins wash away. As well as all the sweat and sex fluid.

"You know you could move in if you wanted." Dash muttered casually as I got dressed, I did it in front of her since she'd already seen my scars. She didn't say all that much as I did but flinched a couple times when she looked at my stomach. I basically put dirty clothes on a clean body but would change as soon as I got back to Twilight's. There was still a lot of blood on the top and jeans. I put my sword around my waist and realised something. I made a mental note to bring it up with Diamond later on.

Leaving Dash's place was much easier than entering and I managed to fuck up my ankle landing, since I supposedly the heaviest thing in the universe for Rainbow Dash, we walked back towards Ponyville together in near on silence. We came across a very angry Twilight pretty quickly.

"Where in Tartarus have you two been!" Twilight demanded.

"Dash's place." I muttered.

"Doing?" Twilight asked. I saw Dash instantly blush. I just put my hands out.

"Now Twi, you know that's a loaded question." I replied. Twilight grabbed me with magic and started storming back towards what I really hoped was the library. Dash just followed without a word.

"I have been worried sick about you, come back yesterday after promising no bloodshed and you go off with Rainbow Dash to have-" Twilight stopped herself, it was bad enough she was storming through Ponyville as is, but carrying a paralyzed human and yelling about all sorts of shit wouldn't have done her much good for her reputation or anything. Instead she just shut up and marched me into the library, Spike was in the middle of the room and actually dove off into a corner like he was jumping away from a grenade. Diamond was sitting at the table and jerked his head off towards Spike. There was also an unknown grey Pegasus wearing Canterlot Guard armour sitting with Diamond. I very quickly spotted a crate near the two guards.

"Hey Diamond, how's it going?" I asked, I was floating a bit and was almost at a forty-five degree angle when I asked that. Rainbow walked in behind me and Twilight slammed the door.

"Hey Aron. This is-" Diamond started.

"You went off with Rainbow Dash to have SEX?" Twilight shouted. Spike immediately started laughing and I saw the two guards share a look but said nothing.

"It was to cheer him up!" Dash pleaded.

"You told me you were going to kiss and hug. Innocent stuff." Twilight barked.

"It started off that way..." Dash muttered.

"Ponies were worried about him, we all gathered in the library to comfort Aron." Twilight said. "And he was off having sex!"

"Alright Twilight enough." I muttered.

"I can't believe you two, acting like a bunch of teenagers!" She yelled.

"Twi." I grunted.

"What will I tell the others? Celestia came Aron."

"Twilight!" I shouted. She jumped back, Spike and Dash both flinched too. "Put me down." I shouted. She released the magic holding me up and I dropped to the ground, awkwardly landing on my feet. "it doesn't matter what we did, yes we had a lot of sex. Fucking deal with it." I barked, Twilight flinched again. "I had to take lives yesterday and the last thing I wanted was comfort from a bunch of ponies I vaguely know. I wanted to spend the day with my girlfriend. Which I did. Yeah would've been nice to talk to Diamond, see how he deals with this shit. But fuck it. I can do that now." I added. Then walked over to Diamond and sat down in front of him.

"Aron." He muttered. "This is Spear Wielder, he was hired to be your trainer." Diamond muttered. I looked over to the unicorn who was just glaring at me. Fuck.

"Hello Spear Wielder, sorry about that, I'm not usually an angry person." I muttered.

"That's quite alright, any civilian being thrown into a battle like the one yesterday can 'mess them up' in many different ways. I suggest saying sorry to your friend whilst the anger is still boiling, otherwise it will hit harder later." The guy said, he had a brilliant accent, though I couldn't pin it down, sounded almost English but not quite. I nodded and stood, then walked over to Twilight who was just sitting on her ass staring into space.

"Twi." I muttered, she flinched. I knelt down and hugged her, slowly. She felt tense but after a second loosened up a lot and returned it. "I'm sorry." I added.

"I. I know, I just wanted to comfort you." She muttered. I hugged her tighter.

"I know, maybe tonight. If you can get everyone together again?" I asked, she sniffed slightly and nodded. "Spike make Twilight some food." I ordered, the named dragon stood from wherever the fuck he had dove and walked into the kitchen. I stood slowly and waved a hand through Twilight's hair then turned to Rainbow Dash. "I fucked up didn't I?" I asked. Dash looked at me with an unsure look.

"That was uncalled for Aron." Dash muttered, I felt my heart drop. "That being said after what you told me today and yesterday, i don't blame you. As long as Twilight forgives you..?" Dash added, I turned to Twilight to see her nod and walk into the kitchen after Spike. "Then we are all good."

"Still it goes without saying I feel horrible about that and am sorry, to both of you." Dash nodded and walked forward, then kissed me. I kissed her back and then pulled back quickly.

"I'll catch you later Aron, I presume this guard has something for you." Dash muttered and walked out. That settled I walked back over to the two guards.

"Now you mentioned training?" I asked.

"Yes Aron, please sit." Spear said, pointing a hoof to where Twilight normally sat, bit weird considering I lived here but I didn't question it and just sat. "I was hired by Princess Celestia to oversee training for you in case another call to arms like yesterday."

"Alright, makes sense. First though, I never wanted to be a warrior. But since fate has taken a shit in my hands I'm up for training."

"Of course, I have been debriefed by both Princess Celestia and Sergeant Diamond here. What weapons do you wish to become proficient in?" Spear asked.

"I have a choice?"

"I have been informed you already own a sword but I have skill in most forms of weaponry."

"Alright cool, no offense though but how do you teach me, a bipedal if you're a unicorn?" I asked.

"That's just it Aron, I'm a unicorn, I can summon magical constructs that will look like and act as any enemy you may face on the field, ponies, Changelings, Dogs, I could construct you if you wish to practice against another hue-mayn."

"Human. That's pretty cool. To answer your original question I guess swords and maybe something ranged like a crossbow would be a good start."

"Alright, so it is. What of those devices you got Toyar to produce? Grenades?"

"Fairly easy to master, just pull a bit of metal out and throw. I don't ever want to throw them too far and accuracy is never an issue since it's AoE. Er, Area of Effect. Plus I don't really want to train with them anywhere near civilisation. Last time I tested them the town leader told me off and I left scorch marks all over the ground."

"These things sound deadly, would love to get my hooves on some."

"Ah talk to Toyar, or I suppose Celestia. I'm meant to be going back to my own world and bringing other technology like grenades forward. I won't go into detail but it'll move the technology levels up by hundreds of years."

"Truly amazing."

"Training?" Diamond asked.

"Ah yes yes. Sorry. I usually suggest to novice recruits to train at least once a day for three hours, I have a room in a local hotel but will need to make trips between here and Canterlot a lot so you and Diamond will have to train when I am not here, so I wish to up you to four, maybe five hours a day whilst I am here, breaks on Saturday and three hours whilst I am away."

"That's a fair deal. I haven't been doing much anyway, but if I am called to do something I may need to do it." Like have kinky sex with Rainbow Dash.

"Understood. You're lucky I am as calm as I am, some trainers are very loud and angry, but I find that doesn't get the point across if the recruits are visibly shaking."

"Did not do me any wrong." Diamond muttered.

"Except you're dead inside and hate everything?" I asked. Diamond said nothing. "When will training begin?" I asked after a pause. The unicorn smiled and his horn started glowing a dark brown colour. I saw two wooden one handed swords float up behind the pony.

"Can begin today if you so wish, where is it you tested the grenades?"

"Fairly big, open area with a couple hills not far from town."

"Perfect. Let's begin."

"The first thing you need to know is that sword training doesn't just cover one handed blades, the same as crossbow training won't just cover hunting crossbows. To become a true master you need to know how to use a variety of tools and types of blade. Once you are a master at all you can choose what blade you want, the weight and balance of the sword and the like. There are three kind of swords, a one-hoof, or one-handed, bastard, half-hand or two-handed swords. The blades can alter the sword as well, such as rapiers, sabers and common swords. The most training you will get will be with common swords. Some suggest to train with shields and the like but unless you wish to train with sword and shield I won't bother since no force in Equus really uses shields. Not to say you won't be facing enemies in my training that use shields. The main thing to think about is stance, how you stand is how you fight. Stances vary from fighter to fighter and will take some time for you to find yours.
I will be taking you through different regimes of training from proper delivery of a sword all the way to weight training. I have been told you are not overly strong and thus struggle with actual melees. Some warriors can make do by being weak, they make that up by being fast and staying out of the line of fire long enough to get quick jabs at the enemy. However I wish to train you in being a real warrior and get you at a stage where you can keep allied rouges safe by drawing aggression of enemies away from them and likewise show you how to deal with rouges that aren't quite as friendly. Once your training is complete I will take you to Canterlot where you will forge a sword. We will start with wooden weapons, then blunts and finally real weapons. Do you understand?" We had gotten to the field pretty quickly and he had just started spurting out all this shit out of nowhere.

"Absolutely, seems fair and makes sense to me."

"Excellent. If you could gather a sword that has a good balance for you and then return here." The guy ordered, i nodded and walked over to a line of swords that Diamond had been getting out. All had different blade lengths and grip shapes. I picked one up on the far left and could barely lift it. I gave up pretty quickly, after a couple more attempts I figured the weight was lowered down the line to the left. I picked up another sword that had a similar blade length to Spiritus, it weighed a bit less that my own sword and I dropped it down and grabbed the one on it's right. The blade was much shorter and the weight seemed to be all in the grip which I liked. I gave it a swing around as a test and felt gravity bring the blade down as it should have and nodded to myself. Then walked back over to the trainer, Diamond was standing idly nearby just staring at me.

"Good choice, not as heavy as I was hoping but I wasn't sure if reports about you were exaggerating or not." Spear muttered.

"I have reports?" I asked.

"Everypony has reports." I shrugged.

"Were they exaggerating about my strength?" I asked. The trainer looked me up and down.

"No." He muttered. Well gee thanks. "Get into your fighting pose." He ordered. I tried to do as he said following video game logic, my legs were slightly spread and I put my sword outstretched following my arm and aiming towards the grass. My off hand was closer to my body ready to grab my sword in case of a block and I turned my body slightly to face my instructor.

"Close. Spread your legs more." I did. "Arch you back a bit." I did. "Too much, little less. Good, relax your head more, scan the environment rather than focus on me. Turn your dominant foot to face your sword. Make sure it follows your sword. Bend your offhand more for a faster reaction." I did all that and looked around slightly. "Good. Very good. Now let's see how you deal against a pony." The unicorn muttered and his horn started glowing, a ghostly dark green pony appeared in front of him. It was missing some major features, like a face for one. Just looked like a Pegasus guard, but an Earth Pony. The thing had some strange gas coming off it like it was actually made of gas or cloud or something. A spear saddle suddenly appeared on the ponies back and it crouched down slightly.

"This is the most generic combat pose most ponies take up, making them smaller targets, balancing weight equally and pushing out their weapon as far as possible." Spear explained. I nodded. "Are you ready Aron?" He asked.

"Yes." I answered, the pony lunged at me with determination to kill. I immediately jumped out of the way onto the ground, the rolled up and stood, getting my pose back as I watched the pony before me.

"Arms bent, legs out." The instructor demanded, I did just that as the pony ran at me again, he made no indents on the ground nor made any noise as he ran at me. The spear jabbed out and I side stepped, pushing my sword to my left and parrying the attack. I expected my sword to go straight through the construct but I was thrown back like it was real. "Always disorientating for first timers. You'll get used to it." I glared at my foe and tried to go in for the attack, the pony tried jumping back and I managed to get a slice into the things side, a load of white smoke started pouring from the wound and I rolled back as his spear came at me. I felt it tap me slightly and stood. The construct didn't disappear or the instructor call me out so I presume it wasn't a killing blow and readied myself for another attack. The pony started inching forward, much more carefully now and the white smoke stopped it's intensity. I spun my sword and instantly regretted it, the pony ran forward as I did and I had to really awkwardly block his attack mid spin. I jumped out of the way and rolled onto the ground and back up, only to block another attack, I immediately had to step back as the spear shot out to it's full length, I grabbed onto what was meant to be the wood and pushed down with all my strength, it was just enough to push the pony down slightly and I jumped up and stabbed down. Straight into the skull of the fake pony. Or what I hoped was the skull.
When I pushed down what I saw as my own strength was the construct just letting me push it down, so jumping up and giving the fucker more strength against me he just shot up and flung me into the air, I went straight over the thing's body, my sword flying off wildly across the ground. I hit the dirt, hard. I didn't even register the pony over me with a spear aimed at my face for a few seconds. The construct disappeared without a sound and I slowly stood up. Rolling my shoulders round and reclaiming my sword that was far out of my reach on the ground.

"Well Aron, the only human in Equus and you're dead." Spear muttered when i walked over to him. I looked down slightly. "Ah it's your first training bout, I don't expect you to be a master just yet, you lasted much longer than most though, and got a hit on the construct." He added, I felt a smile slightly. "That being said there were a lot of issues in that fight. You lost your stance a lot and just went into a generic pose like you were waiting for a train. You spent far too long on the ground and despite telling me you are weak you still tried to use strength to win the fight quicker, which was your ultimate downfall."

"Yeah I figured the last bit as soon as he threw me into the air."

"Please don't get sarcastic with me Aron." I put my hands up.

"No no, that wasn't meant to be snide or anything, I honestly figured that i'd fucked up almost as soon as I did it." The trainer paused but eventually nodded.

"Alright, I'm too used to unreliable trainees. Glad you see some mistakes then." He muttered. "Now you have two choices, physical exercise or another bout?"

"Which do you suggest?" I asked.

"Another bout, I will leave some weights with you so you can train with those outside of training whenever you wish to build up muscle mass. I hope they are to your fitting. I also suggest running a lot whenever you are not training."

"Alright that's fair, another bout it is."

"Excellent. Remember, don't roll and dodge onto the ground as much as you do, keep your stance and don't rely on something you simply don't have. Also don't spin your sword like you do whilst in a fight, yes I suggest doing it, it keeps balance incredibly well. But not whilst fighting, you got out of it last time but you might not be so lucky in future fights." I nodded and stepped back into my original spot and took up my stance again. "Legs out Aron." He grunted, I did. He spawned the construct again and equipped it with a spear again. The thing went into the generic stance again. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded. "I need audible confirmation Aron, it activates on your voice command." I looked at him quickly then back to the construct.

"Yes I'm ready." The pony charged at me again and I side stepped quickly and grabbed my hilt with my left hand. Then turned to face the pony and stood in my stance again. I easily blocked one blow of the spear and managed to get another parry on the second, the first was more of a thrust and I had to step back a little. I tried going in for the attack and got another thrust of the spear, I stepped back again and then side stepped. The spear shot up and back down over my head and I raised my sword up to block it, I got a hoof to the stomach for my efforts and fuck did it feel real. Guess I should've dodged that one instead.
I managed to get to the side of it but wasn't close enough to slice my sword out to hit it. The spear thrust out like it had been and instead of jumping back I dived forward and got a slice, deep into the constructs left foreleg. I sprinted forward behind the construct thinking on going in for a side slice too but kept my sword out and focused on getting out of the way for any hoof based attacks. Turns out getting the fuck out of the way because it kicked out with it's back hooves in an attack I wouldn't taken had I tried attacking the pony. The construct turned and had a thick stream of white smoke pouring from it's wound covering the whole front leg. It cleared up pretty quickly though so I could still see it behind the smoke. The construct actually limped forward and jumped up with it's spear shooting out, I couldn't really block that so dived to the left, ending up on the ground for a split second before I spun round and wildly sliced out with my blade, cutting into the side of the construct as it tried to gather itself. I figured I had this fight in the bag for less than a second, trying not to get ahead of myself. The pony limped up slightly and started to walk towards me stupidly slow. I almost went in for the kill but didn't want to get cocky. I gripped my sword and let my left hand fall slightly from the handle, just holding my sword up with on hand. The pony seemed to get bored to being injured and shot it's spear out at me again, I blocked one, two, three attacks and swung my sword in an overhead attack down onto the pony, it brought it's spear back and tried attacking me again, I pulled back my sword from the killing blow I was in and sliced down onto the spear, the thing shot down with my blow and stabbed into the ground, not disturbing the dirt at all. I stepped to the right side of the pony, closest to the spear and cut across the saddle. I barely cut the thing but it did loosen a bit and the spear looked like it was ready to fall off. I stepped back and let the pony try again to attack, like I had planned the spear shot out but aimed to the left and way off course. I ran forward and got another slice into the saddle and cut through the saddle binding and into flesh. I was rewarded by a face full of smoke. The construct seemed to glitch at that, faded in and out of existence a couple times. The thing was going stupidly slow now and I got another couple nicks onto it before it even launched it's weapon at me for a final attack. The saddle just slide off when the construct aimed towards me and the thing vanished before it even fell off fully. The pony, now naked actually paused it's attack, long enough for me to slice through it's throat and killing it. The construct vanished in a cloud of white and I stood in a strange stance, half crouching, sword in the aid and left hand covered my face slightly. I was panting pretty heavily and wanted to stop already, but it had barely been twenty minutes. I stood naturally after a pause and walked over to the trainer.

"That was brilliant, much better attempt. Not many recruits kill it on their second try, so hats off to you Aron. I did spot a couple problems, but did you see any?" Spear asked.

"It was shooting it's spear at me a lot and instead of using that as an advantage to get closer I was pushed back, in a tight fight that wouldn't have ended well. I did spot it and eventually used it for a free hit but not very quickly." I answered.

"Indeed, very good. Anything else?" He asked.

"I feel like I was too defensive, could have gotten away with a lot more hits than I did get, as well as breaking the saddle like that wouldn't be idle in a prolonged fight, since it'll fuck up the blade since in reality a lot of that spear has pieces of metal in it and if I miss it could damage my blade."

"The second point yes. Too defensive not so much. Being defensive is good, you will survive much longer if you are trying to survive, if you get what I mean?" I nodded. "Good. I'd say you wouldn't damage your sword hitting metal anymore than you would in a prolonged fight aiming for the saddle but it is still not idle to exclusively aim for the saddle to disarm a pony. I'll go into more detail as to why when we finish here. I'm now going to spawn a pony that is exclusively defensive so you can learn to break defenses if you come across somepony more defensive than you are. i'll be talking you through a couple rounds and then let you deal with one yourself. After that we can get on with some other exercises." I nodded and stepped back. Panting slightly. "I'll give you a ten minute break after this one, don't want to over exert yourself but at the same time I'll need to get you in better shape." Spear said. I just nodded again and tested the weight of my sword.

Training was long hard and horrible. I really enjoyed it. Spear spawned in a pony unicorn that used magic to block a lot of my attacks as well as genuinely be defensive, I was taught a few tricks as to how to break through defenses, I had a couple more bouts. Some I won, many i lost but after the three hours I had learnt loads and felt genuinely pleased with myself. Pleased I could take lives more efficiently. The fuck was wrong with me.
Spear stayed behind to clear up and Diamond and I started heading back to Twilight's. It was only midday at the time so had plenty of daylight remaining, I figured i'd try and find Rainbow Dash but wanted to get back to the library, shower and change before I did anything like that.

"You did well today Aron." Diamond muttered.

"Oh shit was that praise?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"I will take it back."

"Nah I'm joking, thanks dude. Wish I didn't have to train but I guess it's how life will be now."

"Suppose so, Princess Celestia wishes to talk to you when you are ready."

"Fuck really? I really don't want to see her right now. In fact I'd rather avoid it."

"Of course, which is why you were given the when you are ready on the end of that sentence."

"Alright that's fair enough, any news on Luna?"

"Not that I've heard."

"Alright I don't care anyway."

"I am sure she would be charmed to here that." I looked at him quickly but didn't say anything. "So are you going to do it?" He asked after a pause.

"Do it, can cover multiple events Diamond, you'll have to give me a bit more than that." He grunted some profanities that I barely heard.

"Are you going to move in with Rainbow Dash?" He asked after a second to compose himself more.

"How did you know she'd asked?"

"Lyra and Rainbow have been talking a lot whenever you're at training."

"Well we, you stand there and laugh at me whenever I get my ass kicked."

"I do not laugh at you."

"You do it in your head." He had nothing for that. "Cunt. But anyway I was honestly thinking about it, we're in a honest relationship rather than just sex and Rainbow's house is fucking amazing. That being said I'm a human who can't normally walk on clouds and she has to get either Twilight or Rarity to cast magic on me and carry me into her house, if it was on the ground it would solve the carrying but I'd still walk through the floor like it was actual cloud and get soaked or whatever, and I wouldn't ask her to move into a real house for me, neither of us have the income to really support it. Well Dash might but I don't want to rely on her constantly."

"You have all those bits from the dragon horde. And the place is still untouched besides the couple times you have resupplied, a stallion would be rich with all of it."

"Oh yeah shit, well I still have a couple problems with it, mainly I don't think we've been together long enough to move in together, maybe one day I'll bring it up. But for now leeching off Twi's supplies is nice enough." Diamond shrugged but said nothing. "What about you? Not moving into Lyra's any time soon?"

"No, mainly because I could get sent back to Canterlot at any time. Though I am under threats that Lyra will simply move there if I do."

"Ah if you got a house..."

"I stayed in the barracks with most guards, very few have real homes."

"Ah alright, well just move in with Lyra when she goes to Canterlot. I won't need to be guarded forever so you will get sent back to Canterlot one day."

"That is true enough, you are already proving your trust."

"Killing some dogs doesn't really prove anything besides I'm a killer."

"No but being a friendly creature, making a life here in Ponyville and saving a pony from dogs does."

"Well I hate to say it Diamond, but I'll miss you when you're gone."

"You could just travel to Canterlot to see me, or I could come here whenever I am off duty."

"Nah when you go back to Canterlot you'll be dead to me. That's it, poof. No more Diamond."

"I hate you."

"Yeah well you tried to use logic and sense in a joke so go fuck yourself." He laughed slightly and we made our way back to Twilight's in silence.

The rest of the day I spent inside with Diamond and Twilight, Rainbow Dash turned up around three and we just hung around the library talking about all sorts of shit. Then had a hearty meal between us four. Spike ate dry dog food in the corner or something, but wasn't allowed to add marshmallows.

The next day I found myself on a chariot heading into Canterlot with Sunflower and Grumble. I figured I'd have to deal with Celestia at one point and might as well make that one point today. The two hadn't said much when they landed and I found myself lost in thought, I'd put Spiritus on as well as pocketed a grenade or two just in case. Though I doubt I'd ever need my weapons anywhere around Canterlot. It was only when we got above the clouds and about half way to Canterlot that either guard registered me besides the hello they had given when I first boarded.

"So I hear you're one of us now, a fighter." Sunflower said, on the ground she probably would've muttered that but being in the air you had to shout most things, even at the speed we were going wind could be a bitch.

"Not by choice, got called into action and acted. I'm not proud of it and I will always have that blood on my hands." I replied. The sword at my side felt much heavier suddenly. Probably a metaphor.

"it happens, for what it's worth I'm sorry." Sunflower said.

"Not your fault, I really hoped we could get it done without violence. I really hoped I didn't have to be a hero."

"Being a hero can have it's perks."

"That's true, plus the ruler of Equestria gave me a hug straight after and was there for comfort. But there are plenty of cons as well."

"How have you been dealing with all of this?" Grumble asked. I smiled at that.

"First day I went into Ponyville, found my girlfriend and we had unhealthy amounts of sex all day and into the next."

"Sweet Celestia that is hot." Sunflower muttered, her tail flapped a bit and I noticed I could see her womanhood suddenly too. I still wasn't sure if that meant a pony was horny or (and less likely) I could actually see pony sex anatomy now I'd fucked one. As nice as the view was I had a Rainbow Dash at home so looked away almost immediately (after a few seconds, maybe a minute).

"Yeah, plus was given a trainer by the name of Spear Wielder, been doing all sorts of exercises with him."

"Ah I had Spear as my trainer, he is probably one of the best." Grumble said.

"I had Shining Armor, he is alright but it's obvious he wasn't cut out to be the guard captain, but I don't pretend to understand politics." Sunflower said.

"So Shining Armor was made captain due to politics?" I asked.

"Supposedly." They both said.

"Huh alright, a lot of rumours in Equestria, pretty cool."

"Yeah guess so. From an outsider maybe." Grumble muttered, I rolled my eyes. "How is training going?" He asked after a pause.

"I think pretty well, beat the construct on my second attempt, I kill it more than it kills me now but I still have places to improve."

"Ha! You always will. Second attempt you say? I'd love to see you in action." Sunflower replied and giggled to herself.

"Yeah suppose so. It's pretty hard going and I hate the physical exercise but besides anything it gives me something to do during the day." I said, shrugging.

"Besides travelling to Canterlot and having sex?" Sunflower asked.

"I don't have that much sex with Dash. But now I'm comfortable if I was single I'd probably be a slut. Well maybe." Probably not. Sunflower muttered something that I swear sounded like:

"Shame." But I couldn't be sure. The rest of the trip was in a controlled silence. Celestia was actually at the landing platform when we arrived, I got off and thanked the two Pegasi who just smiled and waved me off. I stood in front of the God-Horse with my arms crossed, my sword was pushed forward a bit covering the front of my leg.

"Hello Aron, good to see you again." Celestia said warmly. I paused for a second and nodded.

"Good to see you too." I replied, actually meaning it somewhat.

"Glad you could make it, no Rainbow Dash this time?"

"Nah she was busy with work." I didn't tell her.

"Ah of course. How are you holding up?" She asked, I looked around and saw at least four guards plus Sunflower and Grumble all standing around.

"I'm alright, training and Dash is keeping my thoughts of what I did."

"That's good. If you ever want to talk..."

"I got you I know, loads of ponies are behind me in this, pretty lucky I got dragged to a world where everyone is so fucking friendly."

"...Indeed. Not everypony is friendly but you are still right with being lucky on that regard at least."

"Suppose so, what did you want to talk to me about?" She smiled.

"A couple things, one was to make sure you were holding up, and some other, more private, issues."

"Issues?"

"Well things to bring up, none too horrible but I suspect you won't like the first."

"Well please, lead on, let's see how fucked I am." She snorted a laugh and walked off, two guards on either side of her. She lead me down a corridor and into what looked like a storage room, a couple bird cages were laying around, as well as some sofas and other random pieces of crap that a hoarder house might have. Very odd room.

"Please take a seat, guards leave us." Celestia said, waving a hoof, the two guards walked out without a word. I sat in a pretty big chair that was made for ponies. Celestia looked at me like an idiot and sat on the stool thing she wanted me to sit on. It looked beyond awkward and fucking hilarious.

"We can swap if you want." I suggested, she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out slightly.

"So the first thing I wanted to discuss with you was your reward." She said staring at me. I very nearly got up to leave.

"Don't need a reward for murder." I grunted.

"It wasn't murder Aron, I read Diamond's report. There was very few ways to finish that peacefully."

"A few ways are more than what we attempted." I was getting angry and I wasn't sure why.

"You said you were dealing with this fine."

"I am." I snapped. I paused. "I am, but you're talking about rewarding me for killing. I don't want that." I said, much calmer.

"I know, I expected as much, just there was a bounty on this particular group of dogs."

"Yeah I don't want any kind of reward besides friends being close by, I especially don't want any level of mercenary money." She nodded but didn't say anything for a time.

"The second thing is what are your thoughts on training?"

"I'll say the same to you as everyone else. I don't like the fact I am training to be a solider and never will. But the training itself is fun and gives me something to do during the day."

"Alright, would you be up for a bout in Canterlot? A couple guards have asked after you."

"Celestia I started training yesterday, and am late for training today so I could talk to you."

"Fair enough, I personally would've suggested against it had you agreed."

"Who even wants to fight me? I don't have that big of a reputation already do I?"

"Well I discussed with Spear Wielder that he would be training you in front of some guards and they talk to each other, rumours spread."

"Fuck. Alright maybe one day. What about going back to Earth?"

"Yes that, we may have problems with that."

"...Go on."

"The wild magic inside of you is still very much unstable, I have unicorns testing residue magic to see how it can be controlled but I fear if I were to send you back to Earth the magic could spread and push our worlds into a much larger danger than they already are."

"I thought you said you could control it when I came here? What do you mean a bigger danger?"

"The portal between dimensions is still open, I had to pull some of the Equestrian Army out of Tartarus to deal with rifts opening. I don't know if we are in immediate threat but something is keeping our worlds on a course of collision."

"Shit, anyway to stop it? Find out what is fucking over the worlds? I've made a life here Celestia."

"I know you have, I don't wish for you to give it up, just know we are possibly under threat but I have the best mages of our time looking into it."

"Alright, if I worried about everything that could kill me I'd never rest."

"That's the spirit." She said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well with that bomb shell, was there anything else?"

"No, I didn't expect you to want the reward or training so nothing has been set up, just checking."

"You could've done that via letter Sunbutt." She rolled her eyes.

"Yes but I can't physically make sure you are okay, plus I hear you can't read a lot of Equestrian."

"That's true enough, can't read emotion in writing. But seriously, I'm fine. Much better than I expected, bit of anger and a couple nightmares but nothing major."

"Alright Aron, good seeing you again."

"Yeah you too." I said, we both stood up and Celestia trotted over to me and hugged me, hugs with Dash were great yes, she was fluffy and warm. But Celestia's hugs were godly, she was warmer, more comfy, and it just felt right to hug Celestia. It was me who let go, I didn't want to but felt like I'd be more disappointed if I let her let go. I nodded to her and left in silence. She smiled and watched me leave.

Author's Notes:

really liked the training scene as well
i think i like fight scenes

Act I: Chapter XVIII

For the next weeks and months I fell into a repeating routine of training in the morning with either Spear's constructs or would do physical training with Diamond whenever he fucked off to Canterlot, which was maybe twice a week. Then would shower, change and go find Dash to either hang out with her, go to her house to hug and talk or go to her house and fuck. I had thought that our relationship was just going to turn into sex which I honestly wasn't all that against, but would still suck since I genuinely liked talking to Dash and was getting much stronger feelings towards her. I mentioned the whole sex thing to her and she just mentioned how we hang out and talk more than we have sex, so I dropped those thoughts pretty quickly. I almost missed my birthday when September rolled by, I was so into my life here and so used to not having a phone or calendar to look at. Twilight had one but it was in horse words so I couldn't read it. It was only when Twilight mentioned birthdays.

"So Aron, do humans celebrate their birthdays?" She asked one morning as I stood in the middle of the room stretching, I was getting pretty strong now as well as my reaction time getting much quicker. I was proud of the monster I had become.

"Yeah we do, though you need to learn that when asking shit like that you need to explain what the concept is." I replied with my arms outstretched above my head.

"But you knew what a birthday was!" She cried.

"Yeah you were lucky, do it even if I don't know what it is, saves an explanation later. I didn't know what a Unigue was til you told me to try it. If you'd just asked me 'do humans have Unigue' I would've presumed you meant a sex thing."

"That's fair enough then. Going back to my original question then, when is your birthday?" She asked.

"September fifth. Why?"

"Aron that's in two days!"

"Holy shit it's September already? Fuck back on Earth I would've had snow by now, it still feels like summer."

"Autumns in Equestria are always very tame and the warmth continues up until mid-November, then we have Winter Start-up. It gets pretty cold, I suggest talking to Rarity about a coat or something warm for you. I'd suggest you talk to Rarity about more clothes in general. I can only wash the 'Sarcastic Comment Loading Please Wait' top so many times."

"First off you don't wash my clothes. Spike does. Secondly it doesn't help that I am some clothes down since some are covered in blood and I refuse to even look at them."

"You seem to be taking that very well, besides the original reaction."

"Yeah a day of sex helps a lot in that matter, plus I've been pretty open about my feelings towards what I did. There are more subtle things, like hating myself at night or refusing to look at anything relating to the event."

"You still wear your sword every now and again."

"That I do, but I can clean swords and I doubt dog blood is the first blood that Spiritus has tasted. Swords are just tools. A T-shirt that I liked being covered in blood and having gone through a battle I never wanted to join reminds me of bad memories. Yeah Spiritus kinda does but not on the same level. It's fucked logic but when have I given you evidence I'm smart?"

"You can be intelligent. You have good morals."

"I can take things seriously too but fuck that noise right in the snoot." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"How do we get along like we do?" She asked.

"Conflicting personas, different opinions and mannerisms usually work well together since it is truly two minds thinking on one task. Though I seem to get on with everyone I meet, even the ones I piss off. So I guess ponies are just overly friendly creatures."

"Who have you.. er, pissed off?"

"Luna, thought you knew that?"

"I knew of that." I was the one to roll my eyes that time. There was a knock at the door.

"Probably Spear, speaking of, you seen Diamond this mornin'?" I asked walking to the door.

"He went out with Lyra yesterday did he not? Might have stayed over hers."

"Alright, he's a big boy I'm sure he's fine." I relied and opened the door. Sure enough Spear was standing at the door.

"Good morning Twilight Sparkle, good morning Aron. Are you ready for your training today?"

"Of course, just finished my stretches."

"Excellent. Where is Sergeant Diamond? I know he likes to watch and what we are doing today he might enjoy."

"Last I heard he was with Lyra, can find him if you want?"

"No no, his loss. Miss Sparkle would you like to spectate our bout today?"

"Wait what?" I asked. The laugh from Spear didn't fill me confidence.

"I feel like it is time to move onto blunt blades, you have had enough practice with wooden swords. To initiate you into blunt swordsponyship I feel like it is time for me and you to train, rather than a construct. I will be casting spells on both of us for smoke to rise from wounds to stimulate blood, like the construct." I gulped.

"As much as I'd love to watch that I have some errands to do today, I'm sure Aron will tell me all about it later." Twilight said and walked into the kitchen.

"You might want to make notes if that is the case Aron." Spear muttered with a horrifying grin.

Turns out the only note I needed was that blunt weapons hurt like a bitch and Spear was much stronger, faster and just genuinely better than any cloud construct. I very much hated training with him.

My birthday came next, it actually happened to fall on a Saturday so got the day off training to piss about at home, not that I would've gone to training on my birthday anyway but whatever. I was thinking about staying at Rainbow's the day previous but figured I wouldn't really want to leave once I got there, so instead stayed in the library most of the day. I woke up naturally without anyone at the end of my bed. I could hear muffled voices from the main room, one sounded like Pinkie Pie and I smiled and rolled my eyes. I tried getting up as quietly as possible but they stopped almost as soon as I touched the ground so I presumed there was a spell on my room to tell them when I woke up. I got dressed pretty quickly and decided against arming myself in any way. I cracked my knuckles and prepared for the door. I opened my door to see Twilight and Diamond sitting at the table eating, like any other day. Guess I imagined Pinkie.
Fuck I was full of myself. Still disappointed though.

"Mornin'." I grunted, yawning slightly.

"Hiya Aron." A disembodied Pinkie Pie said from next to me, I jumped quite a lot and looked around.

"Fuck sake Pinkie." Diamond muttered, Twilight's horn started glowing and suddenly the room was full of ponies, all of Twilight's friends, Rainbow Dash, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, Lyra, fucking Sunflower and Grumble.

"Surprise!" The lot of them shouted. I actually noticed a load of boxes on one of the kitchen counter, all in varying degrees of wrapping.

"Did we surprise you? Huh huh huh huh?" Pinkie asked. I tousled her hair slightly.

"This is nice, how long you lot been here?" I asked.

"Been here since last night." Pinkie replied.

"I live here." Diamond muttered.

"About five minutes ago." Vinyl grunted, she was hungover. The others gave me their answers, Dash walked over and hugged me slightly.

"Well I presume Pinkie is hosting this and I've only just gotten up, so I guess have fun or do whatever." I muttered, a couple nodded and then looked to Pinkie Pie.

"Well you two know what you gotta do, why don't you open some presents over breakfast?" Pinkie declared, the first was aimed towards Vinyl and Octavia, the second at me. I just smiled again and walked over to the table. Twilight floated over a plate of motherfucking pancakes drenched in maple syrup.

"Happy birthday Aron." Twilight muttered as she floated them over, most had started socialising amongst themselves, I saw Vinyl and Octavia set up a really small stage with some speakers and the like at the back of the room, Grumble was talking with Diamond. Lyra and Dash were talking and everyone else was mixed up all over the place. It was nice to see. I started eating my pancakes and very quickly noticed a small box with solid red wrapping with an orange bow, Pinkie was standing across the table with a huge grin on her face.

"Openitopenitopenit!" Pinkie demanded. I started to undo the bow and then ripped into wrapping. The box itself was a likewise red colour which seemed weird but i didn't complain. I opened the box and saw a dark blue ball with light blue strips on it. I wasn't overly sure how to feel about Pinkie's gift. I smiled and looked up at her.

"Thank's Pinkie." I said trying not to sound fake, she seemed to buy it, squealed slightly and ran off.

The next present to come came in the form of Grumble and Sunflower holding a pretty long, big present between then. Sunflower had an adorable smile and Grumble looked happy too. I'd finished my pancakes by then and had Twilight float the weird bouncy ball into my room so I didn't have to look at it. For some reason I just felt dirty looking at it, like it was satanic or something. I couldn't put my finger on one feeling I had towards it so just tried to hide it away.

"Hey Aron, happy birthday." Sunflower welcomed when I noticed the pair, they laid down their present and stepped back in unison, was pretty freaky to see.

"Good seeing you two here." I replied and pulled over the present, Twilight moved my plate with magic. I began to unwrap the thing, as I tore away the paper I noticed it was covering a pretty big, wooden box with a metal handle and flip lock, I moved the box around and clicked the lock up.

"You'll want to keep the box." Grumble said smiling. I looked at him then back down at the box and opened the lid.

"When you mentioned you had started training we looked it up and found out you were training with swords and crossbows. You already have a sword..." Sunflower started, I pulled out my present with wide eyes, these two guards I barely knew got me a legit, masterworked crossbow. It looked amazing, I was holding it out and noticed a small quiver with bolts had been lying under the weapon. The thing was primarily made of dark oak with hints of iron or steel all over it. I noticed Celestia's mark had been engraved on either side of the main body of the crossbow. I raised the weapon and looked down, only iron sights but the sight was still pretty damn good. I very much had to hold it in two hands, and the fucker was pretty heavy. But it would do the fucking job if need be.

"I'll test this later." I said neutrally. Then put the crossbow down, I pulled out a bolt from the quiver and noticed how long the tip was, there were hints of red in the metal but primarily it was silvery, like iron.

"Bolts are made out of Crimson Steel and iron." Grumble explained. Crimson Steel being an Equestrian alloy, a mix between steel and something called Orcrundium which is a bit of a mouthful. I wasn't sure of it's rarity, I was just glad they had not got anything with Blusteel in it or something, then I would have definitely owed them.

"I see." I muttered and put the bolt down, then stood up and walked over to Grumble and hugged him, he pushed back for a second but eventually just took it. I let go and did the same with Sunflower. She took the hug like a bitch and held tight. "You two are fucking awesome." I whispered, then pulled back from the hug and looked over the crossbow again.

"Will save Spear Wielder having to get you a crossbow to train with himself now." Diamond muttered, he just kind of appeared behind me, was pretty strange honestly but I didn't question it. The three of them so close together fucked my brain up. Sunflower was easy to spot, being a chick but still.

"That's true enough. Shouldn't you be with Lyra?" I asked.

"It is your birthday." Diamond muttered.

"True enough." I said and raised my glass, which was juice. "And there isn't a man or pony I'd rather spend it with than you lot." A couple people laughed at that but I just looked stupid not drunk. "Twi you got any alcohol. Or will there be alcohol?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"Later, bit early to drink isn't it?" Twilight asked. I shrugged.

"It's always time to drink somewhere. Do you guys have timezones?" I asked.

"Yes." Diamond muttered, I shrugged.

"Alright. Seriously you two, this is fucking awesome."

"We had to pull some strings with Celestia to get it here but your reaction was worth it." Sunflower replied, blushing slightly.

"I mean, hopefully I won't ever have to kill anything with this but if I get good at it i'm so showing skills off one day." I said lifting it in one hand looking down the sights, aimed away from anyone, though it wasn't loaded, Grumble laughed slightly.

"I'd like to see that. Though Spear is a primarily melee trainer, you might want to find a crossbow trainer."

"Eh if he can't train me at all maybe, but I'm sure I can learn myself, the iron sights look pretty good." I replied shrugging.

"Yeah improved iron sights. They are pretty rare." Grumble explained.

"Huh really? How come, use scopes more?"

"Scopes?" He asked, I just waved him off. "Most ponies never use crossbows for anything further than forty meters, unicorns do sometimes but they usually have spells cast by either themselves or others to improve their sight temporarily so they shoot more accurately at further distances. Gave you IS because it is easier to train with and not being a unicorn we figure this would be easier in general." Grumble said.

"Makes sense I guess. I appreciate the gesture for the sights, we can talk later about maintenance and the like."

"Actually we made a list for you, so you can look it over whenever you want." Sunflower said, arching her neck and head back unnaturally and pulling out a bit of paper that I chose to believe was from her vagina. I grabbed the list from her mouth and then put the crossbow away in it's case.

"Be-ar-be." I said. The blank stares made me giggle. "Be right back." I explained, the ponies waved me off, I took the crossbow and put it on my bed, then thought about it and put it in my wardrobe with my clothes. I really needed some more honestly, but the only person I knew who made clothes was Rarity and fuck that, she seemed to overdo everything. Before I left I noticed a gold ticket sitting in the bottom of my wardrobe, I picked it up and read over it, I'd complete forgotten about the Gala. I really did need some better clothes for that, can't just show up in extreme casual. It sounded like something major. I put the ticket on a cabinet so i didn't forget it again and walked out. Only to see Rarity, the pony I wanted to see ad at the same time didn't want to see. I hadn't been able to look her in the eye since the dog attack. I'd barely spoken to her. Always avoiding her, though she seemed to have done likewise.

"Aron, whilst you're in there, can we chat?" She asked. My heart instantly feel, I noticed she was floating a rather large bundle of presents behind her but that didn't help my feelings. I looked around the room but nobody was paying attention to me. I decided to bite the bullet.

"Sure come on in." I said and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. I sat down on the bed and gave a side glance to Spiritus sitting against the wall in it's scabbard. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked, she looked pissed for a second, it was a dumb question but fuck her.

"You've been avoiding me. Since the, fight." I opened my mouth to speak. I felt it forced shut. "And I have with you. That day was very, traumatic, for both of us. I know you've been dealing with your trauma in your own unique ways. But I have yet to really deal with mine." She paused. "Aron, what happened will never leave my mind, what you and Diamond took part in was barbaric and wrong, I hate to bring this up on your birthday but you have been doing a good job at hiding whenever I try and contact you. That all being said.." Another pause, I wanted to die, to cry and to kill myself. "You saved my life, I don't know what would have happened had you not showed up when you did, you two saved my life. I will always be thankful for that, now. Don't tell any pony about this, but.." She lent in and hugged me, softly, she was squishier than Dash and a lot warmer, not Celestia level of hug but I'd hug Rarity anytime with no issues.

"I.." I found myself saying, i paused only out of shock I could suddenly talk again. "I am sorry for what happened, and yes it will be with me for the rest of my life, I see their faces Rarity, when I am alone, in the dark or sleeping. They are there, when I close my eyes they appear. It's hell, I hate it."

"I know Aron, I've heard stories of warriors coming back, it is as far from glorious or honourable as one can get. I doubt this will help but I made you some new outfits, I tried following what your current clothes are like." Rarity replied after another pause and put about half a dozen packages on my bed.

"Thanks Rarity." I said, feeling a tear fall down my face. She reached a hoof up and wiped it away, which would've been nice if she hadn't used a fucking hoof, that shit hurt. "I'll open these later, I also need a favour or a commission from you." I muttered.

"Favour, I wouldn't charge you for my services. What is it?"

"I need a suit for the Gala. I actually forgot it was a thing, Twilight got me a ticket months ago when I was still meant to act as her guard, I know Dash got one so even if I lost my ticket I'd probably have to go."

"I will get on it right away. I'll need you to come by for measurements." I looked over to my presents.

"How did you make those then?" I asked.

"I got your bloodied top out of the trash and cleaned it." She muttered. I raised an eyebrow. "Well I got Spike to, but I know you wear baggy clothing a lot so if they are too big it won't matter as much, I don't like it but this was for you, not me."

"Y'know Rare, you can be pretty cool sometimes."

"Well thanks Aron, that means... A lot." She said, I rolled my eyes and stood up, then opened the door for her, she trotted out and after a glance at my sword, I followed her out.

My next chat was with Applejack, I'd spoken to her a bit but her accent and my way of speaking we didn't mix well. We got on great but just had mutually agreed to not talk to each other for more than twenty minutes. About ten minutes passed of me just wondering around talking to people, except Vinyl and 'Tavia who were still setting shit up when the orange farm horse came over to me.

"Heya Aron, happy birthday!" Applejack greeted.

"Sup AJ, thanks." i replied, she looked genuinely happy.

"Aron, ah know me and you get along well, despite our, Ah-gree-ment."

"Go on." I said, folding my arms. The library door opened via Twilight magic and in floats a huge fuck off barrel.

"Well we had an early harvest this year and distillin' ended a couple days ago. So you Aron are the proud owner of the first barrel of apple cider in Ponyville." Applejack declared.

"Well this is officially the best birthday ever. I should've found out I had evil magic in me years ago." I said, would've saved a lot of heart ache. The barrel floated onto the table and a shit load of cups appeared from the kitchen. I noticed a tap thing and really looked at the barrel, was taller than me and probably about four feet across. "Time to drink, fuck it." I said, grabbing a cup and pouring it out. I took a large gulp, knowing that Equestrian alcohol was like flavoured water and welcomed the stuff down my throat. It was godly.

"Glad you're enjoying yourself Aron, because this party is about to get EPIK!" Vinyl shouted suddenly, I could hear the 'k' in epic as well. It made me flinch slightly. "Now Aron, me and Octi weren't really sure what to get you but after PinkFest I figured what better than to write a song for you? Most of this was me but Octi helped a lot." Vinyl declared, wait a song? They started to play a song I knew I had heard before on Earth. Something very familiar. Vinyl's horn started glowing and she started to sing.

"I'm gonna fight 'em off"... Vinyl Scratch wrote Seven Nation Army. I think I came in my pants that day.

Most of the song was the same, the voice was a female and some of the words were changed around a bit but the song still worked and fuck was it amazing. There was an chorus of cheers and clapping when they finished, Octavia looked somewhat pained but Vinyl seemed happy.

"Happy birthday Aron, you beautiful bastard!" Vinyl declared, the music actually started then, they started playing background music and the like and I started seeing ponies drink. Even Grumble and Sunflower which I felt was odd.

"Shouldn't you guys not be drinking?" I asked. Grumble shrugged and downed his glass.

"If we are too drunk to fly back we'll just crash... somewhere in Ponyville." Sunflower replied. "Could probably sleep outside if we have to." She added.

"I'd say you're welcome here but it's not really my house. Ask Twilight, or Applejack, she lives on a farm so bound to have room." I said.

"Yeah will do." Sunflower replied.

"Though most aren't as lightweight as you are Aron." I heard a Diamond grunt. I turned to face the guard and the four of us formed a weird square thing.

"Hey the cups at PinkFest are like four times the size of glasses I'm used to. Hell that barrel could probably kill me." I said.

"Yeah sure. That barrel is overkill but there are a lot of ponies here." Diamond replied, I looked around and noticed that none of Twilight's friends had any alcohol, well Dash did but she was talking with Vinyl, who likewise had a glass floating next to her via magic.

"Most seem to be drinking, Octavia isn't, neither are many of Twi's friends. Fuck knows where Spike is. But he wouldn't be drinking either."

"Guess they do not drink, I am surprised you two are drinking." Diamond said, then pointed a hoof at the two chariot ponies. They both looked at me for a second.

"Well Aron is really the only one who we've been sent out to collect from Ponyville, we barely make trips to Ponyville without him, nopony comes here, it's a tiny town next to an Everfree." Sunflower explained to him. "And depending on how drunk we get, if Aron does require us to give him a lift into Canterlot I will most likely tell him no." She shrugged at that.

"I believe telling him to fuck off would also work." Diamond said. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"Shut up Diamond."

"Well if I do that I can't give you your present." I got stumped at that, unsure how to react. "Twilight." Diamond called after a second, with a slight smile. In floats in a pretty large chest thing. It got placed on the table and I walked over to it. There were two clips to open it and I started to open it up.

"This comes from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna more than I but fuck you." Diamond explained. I looked at him and noticed the other two guards had turned up at the table. I opened the lid and jumped back when a loud click sound came from it, two platforms shot out to the side of the box, followed by a third forwards. Inside was what looked like pieces of armour, like something that would go on armour to make it bulkier and heavier. Two shoulder pads, some leg armour or knee pad things and a chest plate that would cover a lot of my back and some of my chest. There were some bracelet things for my arms as well. All sitting in some kind of padding, I'd seen it on Earth a couple times, usually for holding miniature models or something. The metal was the same gold colour as guard amour and looked pretty badass. I grabbed a bracelet and saw some clips and padding, I unclipped it and put it on, fit really well, thought was a bit loose but I figured that was due to wearing a thin top that day. I raised my arm to inspect it and was pretty damn happy with it.

"Well thanks Diamond, I'll probably go to Canterlot soon and thank at least Sunbutt too, probably make an effort to wear this. Look like a true lil' warrior for her." I said, patting his shoulder and taking off the armour.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly, I talked to some people and got increasingly drunk as the day went on, Grumble and Sunflower did in the end get completely smashed and passed out together somewhere in my room. It was sweet but annoying, they just walked right in and passed out before even reaching the bed. I think Pinkie or Twilight ended up putting them in bed. Octavia got bored and left but Vinyl stayed, eventually just putting on a random playlist or something and started being a member of the drunk squad with everyone else. She also passed out pretty quickly, the cider barrel was drained fairly quickly but after a quick run to Vinyl's house the DJ came back with a lot more stuff. Most of Twilight's friends left at around four or so, well started leaving at four. Rarity fucked off first with the goodbye of:

"I'll see you later Aron, I left Sweetie Belle alone and I don't like leaving her for too long, I hope to see you soon for your measurements." I wasn't sure what to say to that, especially after our chat so before I could answer she just walked out. Applejack was next with basically the same excuse as Rarity but with her sister/spawn. Plus with looking after a farm and the like.

For anyone interested, there was a cake, just a generic birthday cake with some candles on it. Pinkie Pie apparently didn't know how old I was, and neither did I honestly, possibly twenty-three or twenty-four at that point but I really didn't know, this was the first birthday I'd celebrated in years.

Towards the end of the party, or at least by the time all of Twilight's friends had gone, all but Dash, Grumble, Sunflower and Vinyl were passed out or sleeping in various areas of the library and Diamond and I were forgetting the worries of the world at the dining table munching away at some food Dash walked over to the table.

"Hey Aron can I talk to you privately for a second?" She asked. I looked into my room, the door was open so I could see Sunflower and Grumble collapsed on my bed. The kitchen was where Vinyl had passed out with the now empty cider bottle and a couple empty glasses. I wasn't sure where Twilight was so I just turned to Diamond and stared at him.

"Would you?" I asked. Diamond nodded and walked off, I didn't see which direction he went. Dash sat down where Diamond had been sitting. "What's up?" I asked.

"Well it's your birthday." She started.

"That it is." She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I wasn't sure what to get you.."

"Jus' bein' here was enough hun." I replied.

"Well that's good, but I promise I'll make it up to you." She said, smiling, then kissed me on the check and walked off again.

Two days later found me out in the field again holding a dull sword, my new armour parts on and far too many spectators. Diamond, Lyra, Dash, Twilight and fucking Rarity had shown up to watch me get my ass kicked from Spear. As Grumble and Sunflower had said my swords trainer had no idea how to train me in crossbows and had suggested I make a trip to Canterlot to request another trainer from Celestia. I wasn't overly fussed on that though since I was still a novice at swordsmanship and didn't want another training regiment just yet.
Spear and myself were glaring at each other readying ourselves, the rule was that Diamond would start the fight so we both had time to prepare, which I thought was weird but figured I'd get my ass kicked whatever rule was in place. I had my sword outstretched and offhand ready like usual, Spear had a spear saddle on, the same thing I had fought so many times. Though this time was the real thing. My armour was pretty uncomfortable and the sky was full of clouds so it was actually fairly cold, not winter cold, but still cold. I barely blinked and just went through tactic after tactic in my head at the speed of a computer. I could tell Spear was doing roughly the same, only he probably had a tactic ready that would win the fight.
It felt like hours but eventually I heard a bark from Diamond that would start the fight, I immediately dodged to the left and parried a stab from Spear, he moved fucking fast when he wanted to, he was also actually fucking growling at me which was kind of freaky but it only took me a second to realise he was doing it in an attempt to freak me out. I was tempted to try and do the same but very quickly decided against it when the best idea I had was baring my teeth and screaming. I figured that would look stupid.
I blocked and parried a lot of Spears attacks and got a few stabs in myself, neither hit each other but we hadn't moved further than two feet from each other for a long while, our spectators were completely silent. Dodging a spear was stupidly difficult and parrying them was even harder, but I'd gotten a lot better at it with the training and just focused on keeping close to my trainer as he seemingly threw his spear around wildly, the tactic I'd picked up from my training and video games was basically to keep either close to enough for a spear to be no threat, or stay far enough away with a longer weapon. The logic of pikes out range spears and crossbows or guns out range pikes. Most of the time spears are focused on cavalry but since technically everyone here was cavalry the best thing to do was learn to deal with spears no matter the situation. I had tried thinking up logic one would use in Dark Souls, dodge a lot and use speed against the enemies, go in for back stabs and parry a lot of attacks, but considering I sucked at those games and could never afford 3 I quickly dropped those thoughts. I tried very hard to not think on tactics I'd picked up from video games since this was the real world, and no matter how nice the graphics or immersive the game, fighting in real life is a hell of a lot more lethal than video games.
I didn't really notice I was lost in thought, trying to think of a way to beat this guy until I felt a very sharp pain on my arm where the metal of a spear had smacked against me. I instinctively yelled out and almost dropped my sword, solely on the fact it fucking hurt. Spearpoint stepped back and either didn't immediately go in for the kill or considered that enough of a wound that I was dead. I gripped my sword again and stood up straight, ignoring the already growing bruise on my bicep. My whole left arm had gone practically numb.

"Continue, that wouldn't have been enough to kill." Spear grunted, smiling slightly. He was enjoying this. I gave Rainbow Dash a quick glance who looked slightly concerned and maybe bored. I wasn't overly sure, I looked down quickly enough and took my pose again. Spear started to circle me and I took the chance to charge him this time, which thankfully he wasn't preparing for, I managed to smack him across the head with my sword blade, the clang of metal on metal was actually a rather nice sound, very unique and elegant, despite everything. I spun round quickly enough and noticed my trainer was somewhat dazed. Spearpoint had made a point more times than naught that swordfighting would take at the minimum of two years for me to hold my own against training soldiers and at least ten before I was any good at it. Which matched with the stuff I knew from home, 2-5 years is good enough, 10-15 years to be actually amazing at it, and 15+ to master it, but it could never be truly mastered. From the fight with the dogs and from what people (Diamond, Spear, Grumble, Sunflower) had told me most races aren't training all that much, with shit like dragons and magic in the world, races like the dogs preferred to have the advantage of numbers to win fights. Send wave after wave of canon fodder against mages and they will eventually run out of mana, although here they just referred to it as 'magic' and 'unicorns', rarely saying mages, they didn't really have a lore as to where magic comes from. Which seemed weird considering mages definitely run out of magic here, so whether it was a stamina thing, a training thing or mana was a set amount here was unknown. Although since Celestia could supposedly move the sun and was thousands of years old, compared to say, Twilight who barely knew any combat spells, I believed it was a training thing, the more you use magic, the stronger it gets.
With Spear's head apparently ringing from that blow I tried going in for another attack, lunging forward and slipping slightly and stabbing into a piece of his side armour, which brought Spear back into the fight and he twitched to the side, making me fall further. I got a face full of dirt and rolled over quickly, avoiding a stab from his weapon. I jumped up quickly and managed to grab his spear as it flew past with my left arm, I quickly got my legs ready for a dive and pushed out as soon as he pulled the spear back. My left arm was most likely pulled from it's socket from the pain I got but I was determined to win, and my arm was already fucked from the hit it took earlier. As I jumped forward towards my target I aimed my sword towards him.
However doing so many things all at once kinda fucked with my head and I ended up swinging at nothing and falling on my stomach again, the sword flying off somewhere. I knew immediately that I shouldn't have tried to pull of that move but I really didn't care, I was ready to get healed and move onto the next fight so I could learn Spear's weaknesses. I didn't even get the chance to stand up before I saw the tip of a spear in my face.

"You're reckless today, get Twilight to heal you and we can try again, you really damaged your arm." Spear almost growled at me, I didn't blame him. Wasn't really feeling it today and was unsure why. I just stood up and walked over to the group.

"Twi think you can heal me? Huge bruise on my left arm and probably dislocated it." I muttered.

"Of course." She muttered and her horn started to glow. My arm lost all feeling in it pretty quickly.

"You've done better than that before Aron, what is wrong?" Diamond asked bluntly. I shrugged.

"Honestly dude I dunno, really reckless today. Not feeling it and unsure why. I just have this weird feeling that something's coming. I dunno how to explain it. Maybe I miss Earth, maybe I hate being a fighter more than I thought. Hopefully I'll improve."

Turns out after another bout I got a lot better, still got my ass kicked and once training was done Twilight was out of magic to heal me and I was told to stay in bed for a few days. Spearpoint was pretty fucked up too but not nearly as close as I was. Fighting sucked.

Author's Notes:

short chapter that took far too long
really want to get to the 'good/fighting' bits but still got to actually get there

Act I: Chapter XIX [minor gore]

Shit went south pretty quickly and pretty randomly sometime in October, I'd been training with blunts day in and day out with no sign of improving, but the crowd that came to watch seemed to grow each day. Either random ponies secretly liked watching fights or they openly liked to watch me get my ass kicked. Vinyl Scratch, Tavi, Derpy and a load of others I knew turned up frequently and a couple randoms too. Most had been around twenty or so. I had thought Spearpoint would get pissed and tell everyone to fuck off but he didn't seem to notice the spectators. I'd joked with Diamond and Rainbow a few times about building a stadium and make a proper spectacle about it for Ponyville but after a quick think about it made very sure to make sure people knew it was just a joke. I'd also been learning about the fact Equestria, or at least Ponyville celebrated something called Nightmare Night, which seemed like it was basically the pony equivalent of Halloween. Which I got right on top of almost immediately after learning about it. I found a Halloween store pretty quickly, it used to be some place that sold quills and sofas. Seriously, that's all it fucking sold. For October though it sold Halloween crap and sofas. Twilight was absolutely livid to hear about how the only store in Ponyville wasn't selling quills anymore and wrote up a letter to Celestia to order quills in bulk. Well tried, once she discovered she had no quills left I thought she would end up going insane. That problem was solve by me volunteering Spike to travel to Canterlot to personally ask the Princess. Twilight was happy, Spike wasn't. So Diamond ended up going with him.

And me. I fucking hate my friends.

But as I was saying, maybe a week after that shit went down, I had my Halloween costume sorted, pissed about with Diamond, Dash or Spear and genuinely just lived my life. That was until Twilight burst into my room one afternoon with pure terror on her face. I hadn't been doing anything lewd nor just finished doing anything lewd so was definitely paying attention to life.

"Aron!" She shouted, I would've jumped but since she slammed my door open with either her horse legs or magic I was already aiming at her with my crossbow on the verge of a heart attack. "Good you're in, we need you outside." When I didn't immediately move she added. "Now!" I jumped up and started to move towards her. She ran out of my room and went straight outside, nobody else was in the house as far as I could tell so I just followed her. The moment I left the library I heard the screams and the noise. Something was attacking Ponyville.

"Twilight!" I called to her, she turned around but looked like she wanted to continue. "The fuck's goin' on?" I asked. She looked completely terrified.

"An Enfield ran out of the Everfree, it's attacking Ponyville!" I froze, I had no idea what an Enfield was, besides the gun, but anything from the Everfree was bad news. "Well I gotta get armour on, weapons, shit Twilight the fuck did you expect me to do?" I asked. She paused slightly.

"We were evacuating Ponyville, Celestia and some guards are already on their way." Twilight said more calmly. Oh, she hadn't actually expected me to fight. There was a loud explosion noise and a cloud of smoke appeared from a far off building. I ran back inside the library and into my room. "Aron what are you doing?" Twilight asked.

"Go get Diamond, it takes at least twenty minutes to get to Canterlot at full speed. and with Celestia it will take longer. We wait for Celestia there won't be a Ponyville. Just one Enfield yeah?" She nodded. "Go get Diamond. And any unicorns that can use combat magic." She didn't say anything and ran out of the house.

"My fucking day off as well." I muttered, strapping the small amounts of armour I had on. I didn't expect it to really protect me, it was a guide for real armour and padding for light armour. But anything was better than nothing. I grabbed Spiritus and my already loaded crossbow, even bagged a couple grenades. I was somewhat scared how quickly I readied myself for battle, some of the armour was loose and my scabbard would fall off soon enough but it would do. I hoped. I ran outside again to see Diamond in full guard armour and two non-descript unicorns.

"Where is it?" I asked, another scream, close to the smoke. "That way then." I ordered and started to run towards the danger and probably my death.

"Plan?" Diamond asked.

"Unicorns stay back, use whatever offensive spells you have. Diamond keep it moving and use your wings to an advantage. I'll tank it, hopefully." I replied. There was another crash very close by, but I saw nothing of this creature. I was hoping it wasn't invisible or some shit.

"Enfield's can fly Aron." Diamond said.

"Fuck." I spat. "Alright, try and ground it as quickly as possible, that goes to everyone. But still, unicorns stay away from the fight as much as possible and check your fire. I don't want a fire ball shot up my ass." I ordered and turned a corner. I could hear pretty large steps now and what sounded like a bark. We ran out into an open area at the edge of town and the scene before me looked like a bomb had gone off. A couple ponies were bloodied or limping away and a few were still fleeing the area. A good four homes were in complete ruin and another three needed serious repairs.
The creature that did all this was already facing us. About three, maybe four times the size of a pony it dominated the landscape and homes around it. The main body looked like an over-sized fox, with light grey dog legs and tail at the back, and two huge eagle-like wings. It's eyes were a fierce purple and some of the fur was dead, exposing purple goo of some kind around the infected areas. The thing barked at us as soon as it saw us, showing off a lot of very sharp teeth. I was very much scared of this thing. The two civilians though got right in there however and started firing spells at the creature, both aimed for the wings thankfully. I didn't really have any kind of plan before I learned it was a ten foot beast, so whilst the unicorns were peppering the monster I just charged the fucker, Diamond took to the air and aimed his spear and roared. The Enfield started to run towards the unicorns, one of it's wings was actually on fire and frankly that was a terrifying sight. The flames spread to a bit of dead skin and seemed to... glitch about. Turning all pixel-like and shifting colours. All through the spectrum until it set on a dark purple.

"That can't be good." I muttered and stopped my charge. "Oi fuck 'ed! Over 'ere!" I shouted, shooting it with my crossbow, I didn't expect it to do much damage, and little damage it did, the bolt piercing into a piece of flesh near the fox head, but it pissed the creature off and instead started running towards me. Got distracted very easily it seems. One of the mages stopped firing once it began to run towards me but the second arched a lightning bolt of some kind around me in a semi-circle, burning a lot of the ground and striking one of the paws of the creature. It yelled out and paused it attack. I put my crossbow on the ground and drew my sword, like I had thought the scabbard just feel off my jeans into the dirt. I swung the sword around a bit and began to edge closer to the creature. Diamond took that chance to dive down and stab straight through the thing's better wing, which made it roar out with some really odd sound. A fox bark, eagle shriek and a wolf howl all combined into one, which was just.. wrong. I managed to run round the beast which was now aimlessly swiping at Diamond who dodged with the masterful level experience a Royal Guard would have. I got to one of the back legs and with no other plan in mind I stabbed into the leg. The blade went straight through into muscle, flesh. It broke through bone with no issue, the Enfield seemed to completely freeze up and stopped making it's horrible shrieking sounds, it was completely silent. Crimson blood started to seep out of the wound and Spiritus started to glow white. I felt, immense power. Like I could strike down Celestia herself and live, I could control the universe if I put my mind to it, My entire body felt relaxed and my mind was clear, for the first time for as long as I could remember. I felt everything and nothing, I could feel the now dying Red-Crossed Enfield before me, it's pain and memories. Yet felt no sadness myself. The blood stopped leaking out and the purple Taint of the Everfree began to cover my blade, Spiritus sucking it up like a vampire would blood. Diamond was flying overhead unsure of how to continue, the purple Taint Fyre began to change back into the normal red flame and I saw through the Enfield's eyes as life was drained away. I was completely still myself, unsure as to what I should do, just letting the power of Spiritus take control of me.
I pulled the sword out of the Enfield and the connection was lost. I just felt the power and bliss without knowing the creature. It slumped down in a cry and the weird purple goo continued to get sucked into the still glowing blade of my sword. The line of misty liquid stopped after a few seconds and the Enfield finally shut up again and died. I had learned so much from the beast yet as soon as I cut connection, a lot of it fled my memory. I suddenly knew what breed, age, gender of the creature I'd known about for less than a minute. I learned about something called Taint and had a glimpsing memory I knew a lot more about it than just the name. Out of pure shock, once my brain had processed everything I threw the sword onto the ground, the glowing stopped as soon as it touched the dirt and I took a step back from the dead creature. Diamond landed next to me with a fairly concerned look on his face.

"What the actual fuck just happened." I said, it wasn't even aimed to be a question.

"Spiritus is an enchanted blade. Apparently." Diamond replied. I nodded slowly.

"Let's.. Let's go find Twilight." I muttered, Diamond nodded slowly. I knelt down to pick the sword up and paused. After a brief hesitation I grabbed it, my scabbard and crossbow and started to walk over to the two unicorns.

"You did good today, let's let everyone know it's over." I ordered, the two unicorns smiled and nodded.

"Been a while since I have used any kind of destructive magic, what a rush!" One pony said, the fire ball one. Not that they are getting any kind of description.

"Don't let adrenaline overtake you dude." I replied, the unicorn said nothing and the four of us started walking in a direction I very much doubted was the right way.

Twilight eventually found us and was surprisingly situated in the direction we had been going, she seemed surprised, scared and very happy we'd made it out without any injuries.

"Is it.. Dead?" Twilight asked. Diamond nodded immediately.

"Turns out Spiritus is enchanted. Guess the Diamond Dogs weren't worth it's time. I stabbed it in the leg and the whole thing froze up. I kinda need to talk to Celestia, could you message her?" I asked.

"Wai- Wait what?" Twilight asked.

"It is true. Aron stabbed it and the Enfield basically turned into a statue, it ignored the pain completely and just, stood there. Eventually it just dropped to the ground." Diamond replied for me. I nodded.

"I'll get Spike." She said and wandered off, the rather large group of ponies started to trickle back into town, some with concerned faces. A good few homes were destroyed in the attack and people's belongings completely destroyed.

"So what exactly.. Happened?" Diamond asked. I paused for a second.

"I'd rather wait til Celestia gets here, though I have a bad feeling she might teleport me to Canterlot. I'll explain in brief just in case she comes here. If not I'll explain when I'm back." I replied.

"Fair enough." He grunted.

"I'm not overly sure, I seemed to, I dunno, fuse? With the creature. I could see through it's eyes at one point and felt every emotional, every memory it had ever had. I learned things I shouldn't possibly know. That thing was a, red-coated or red-crossed Enfield or something. I learned that weird purple goo shit is called Taint. Which is why I want to talk to Celestia about the fight. If Spiritus is the Spiritus then I want to know about demons and how-slash-if they link to this Taint shit at all." Diamond nodded.

"I'll admit a bit of a blank on my knowledge of Demons and the Everfree, besides it's an evil place." He said after a brief pause. "You seemed completely out of it though, I thought you had been stabbed by a claw or something to begin with."

"I was out of it. I felt immense power dude, I could've taken on freakin' Celestia in that trance. Though most feelings were cut off as soon as I let the Enfield die. I'm pretty sure the thing was in pure agony until I took Spiritus out. It seemed to drain the Taint out as well, no idea where the fuck it went. But the blood stopped and purple mist or goo started to shoot towards the blade." Another nod.

"I wonder why it didn't affect you this way with the dogs?" He asked.

"Like I said, I figured they weren't worth Spirituse, Spirituseses. The sword's time." I grunted the last bit, really struggling to say all the fucking s's. "If the sword is effective against godlings it's also clearly powerful against either Everfree monsters or Taint monsters." I added. I heard a weird pop sound behind me and turned to see Celestia. I almost started to laugh.

"Is that really the noise teleporting makes? Sounds like a wet fart!" I declared. Celestia immediately rolled her eyes.

"If I came all this way just for you to insult my teleporting finesse I can go back to Canterlot." She said with no emotion.

"Jokes and shit later. An Enfield just invaded Ponyville, destroyed a few homes." I reported.

"I am aware of that Aron, I was on my way here." She replied, more naturally.

"Me and Diamond dealt with it. We learned a few things from the fight; one is that Spiritus is very much enchanted, and the second is more of a question: what does the word Taint mean to you?" I wanted to add 'and not the sexual kind' but fuck sex jokes, and I was pretty sure Dash was somewhere nearby.

"You have some explaining to do." She muttered. I began to tell her the story back, how some fire had changed colour and pixelated on contact with the Enfield, and how Spiritus had just shut down the creature. I put a bit more detail than I did with Diamond and Twilight Sparkle decided to make herself known about halfway through. Still no sign of Spike though. Fuck Spike.

"I will have to borrow Spiritus for a time Aron, the unicorns in the Mage Tower will need to have a look at it. You say it sucked Taint out then killed the thing?" I nodded. "Alright. I shall also send some books for you on Taint, there is a lot of history and lore behind that substance, some of it very close to home. The basis is, it corrupts all and drives ponies and beings made, they change into something else." I nodded again and pushed the sword away from me. I wanted to object, to keep Spiritus close, but just the glimpsing thought alone made me more determined to hand it over. Celestia grabbed it with magic and floated it away from her.

"I still can't read Equestrian by the way." I said. Celestia nodded.

"You read signs though?" She asked, a third nod.

"Magical lettering, it is solely for any non-pony visitor. They can still read the basic things such as signs or maps no matter what language they speak. I will send a spell book to Twilight so she can translate for you." She answered a long dormant question of mine.

"Bitchin'. What's gonna happen to the now homeless ponies?" I asked.

"The guards that were meant to dispose of the beast are still on route, I shall leave a chariot here and give temporary housing to those affected by this attack in Canterlot until their homes can be rebuilt." Celestia replied.

"Alright, I'll be seeing you then." I said, Celestia nodded and turned to Twilight. I immediately blanked out and stepped away from the pair, towards Diamond.

"What's the time?" I asked him.

"Dunno, twelve maybe?" He replied.

"Let's go see if the bar's open." I muttered, he smiled slightly and nodded.

"Bit early, but fuck it." He replied. We started to walk back into Ponyville. Rainbow Dash ended up landing next to us as we walked away from the cluster of ponies.

"Where you two going?" She asked.

"Bar. Spiritus really put me in shock and I haven't had a drink in a while." I answered.

"Fair enough. Mind if I join you?" And so the three of us went down to the Ponyville bar and drank our problems away whilst Ponyville regrouped from the attack.

The next event was The Grand Galloping Gala: I still didn't want to go and I had forgotten about it, however I had a girlfriend as well as a getup which Rarity had made me so I didn't have an excuse.
But by christ was it horrible. It looked straight out of an Edwardian museum or something. The thing was made of very colourful cloth, greens, purples and blues. It was basically the embodiment of gay and in any other circumstance I would have just set fire to the thing. But I needed a suit and couldn't get out of going to the Gala, no matter how hard I tried. The thing that sold it fully was that Dash wanted to go, and I'd skipped out on stuff previous partners had wanted to do and it had never ended well. I'd also recieved a package from Celestia, which Twilight opened, following the tradition of other people opening my mail. She'd sent four pretty big books which Twilight translated. I had yet to read them except the titles: 'The Encyclopedia of Demons and Demonology', 'Starswirl's Book of Magic and Enchantment', 'History of the Dragon Wars', and 'The Book of Black Magic: Taint'. Each were fairly self explanatory as to what they were talking about. I had them all on a pile near where my sword usually sat in order of what I wanted to read first (the Taint one first). They were all cripplingly big but I'd read larger back home in the form of cringey fan-fiction because fuck my life.
The Gala was three days before Halloween so I presumed today was the 28th of August, but wasn't overly sure. Equestria has the same months as Earth but as far as I know, that could be the only similarity. Was weird Equestria had the same months but everyone here spoke English so what did I know. Turns out it's bastardised English as well, like with that guard captain I met a while ago, Shining Armour. Turns out they spell his name without the 'u'. As well as mom, honor and basically everything else the Americans fucked up. I wasn't sure what to expect from the Gala and frankly hadn't looked it up at all besides how it's posh. Fucking posh shit always getting in the way of my fun.
The original plan was by Twilight which was frankly the weirdest fucking plan I have ever been around to hear and discuss. Though the whole day was pretty odd.

It started out with Spike, Twilight, Diamond and myself sitting on the grass near Rarity's place. The idea was that we'd all met there since she had the dresses or whatever. I was in filthy casual clothes because I refused to be seen out in public with my gala suit for anymore time than I could help and was just laying down watching the clouds and pulling and grabbing onto grass with one of my hands, it was fairly cold out but I'd elected to use my jumper as a pillow rather than wear it, I preferred being slightly cold than really uncomfortable. It was safe to say I was kinda bored. Spike was talking to Diamond about something and Twilight was reading some book. I could only presume a spell book as the look on her face made me believe she was about to try out some human swears. Which was usually the look she had when learning a new spell, much like how I look coding. Fuck java.
We were outside for maybe half an hour before Pinkie Pie appeared and started jumping around, I swear this is true, but at one point I blinked and suddenly a trampoline was under her and she used that to bounce up and down. All she did was just shout: "The Gala's tonight! The Gala's tonight!" It got on my tits pretty fucking fast and if I still had a sword and had worn it today I would have made very threatening gestures of gripping the hilt and glaring at her. But instead I resorted to glaring at her and debating whether I should tell her to fuck off or not. One thing I had noticed about Equestria, or Twilight's friends I should say. Is that if you see one of them, there is a 50/50 chance the others would materialise out of nowhere. Since we were all meeting anyway I presumed everyone would start appearing out of nowhere.

"Pinkie! Stop shouting, I'm trying to concentrate!" Twilight shouted, Pinkie did stop but her bouncing didn't, and without her talking I noticed there was a very cartoon level boing sound ringing everytime she bounced. It was fucking freaky. Suddenly, Rarity:

"Pinkie Pie! Stop that right now, it's time to get prepared for the Gala and I refuse to let you try on your new dress if you're all sweaty!" She bitched. Pinkie suddenly ground to a halt.
Now I was barely paying attention to begin with and only looked to her when the entertainment began, but she physically skidded to a halt mid-air after Rarity said that and landed softly on the trampoline without disturbing it at all.

"I'm in a fucking saturday morning cartoon." I muttered. Almost surprised

"What's a cartoon?" Pinkie asked, laying next to me. Which was just too much for me and I jumped up and stood upright faster than I thought was physically possible, grasping at a sword that wasn't there.

"Fuc-Fucking hell Pinkie." I gasped. She didn't react at all and just stood next to me smiling. "It's a Earth thing, too hard to explain." I explained, Pinkie shrugged and bounced on over to Twilight.

"So whatcha doin'?" She asked. Twilight actually looked at me with defeat in her eyes before answering, which tipped me off it was something I would be against.
Before Twilight could answer the others decided to appear from nowhere, I presume it would've been off-screen since cartoon world and all. Applejack, Fluttershy, Dash and Lyra all kinda wandered over. Dash flying as usual and Lyra and AJ talking about something.

"Hold ya horses girl we're here." Applejack declared. I was unsure who she was talking to but I really didn't care. Twilight then stood up and looked over to Spike. She did actually say 'hold your horses' by the way. I wanted to comment on that but never got the chance.

"Alright Spike I'm ready." She said, he walked over and placed an apple onto the ground in front of her.

"Ready for what?" Dash asked. I walked over to the others and crossed my arms, Diamond did likewise and just stared ahead with a blank expression.

"Just watch." Twilight replied, closing her eyes and making her horn glow. The usual struggle of casting a spell was on her face and the apple started to shift and change, like someone trying to pierce a nylon bag or something, with the same ear raping sound. Eventually there was a puff of smoke and the whole thing turned into an actual full blown carriage. Gold wheels, a dark oak doorway, a stalk with a little apple based banner. A window at the top with yellow stained glass. The carriage received a load of 'whoas' and 'oohs' and frankly it fucking impressed me as well, Diamond seemed unfazed but he'd probably seen this shit before. I immediately wanted to know how far fruit based construction went. I wouldnt have been shocked if someone told me that the bakery Pinkie lived in was an actual magical cake. Only thing missing from the carriage was some horses to drive it, which would have been weird to say the least.

"That's not all." Twilight said, and turned to look at me. I stepped back and began to raise my arms, Twilight winked and turned again to face Fluttershy. "Did you bring your friends?" She asked. Four actual tiny mice appeared from F-shys mane and I quickly saw where this was heading. Fucking Disney fairtales man.

"Yes." The yellow one said quietly, moving her head down and letting them off her head, they all scurried onto the ground in single file and stood not far from the Pegasus. Rarity looked visibly disgusted and I was close to crushing the little fucks myself. If they were rats I would have. "Will they be safe?"

"You have my word." Twilight said. I took a glance at the book she had been reading that was just tossed onto the grass but naturally I couldn't read the title on the front. Again Twilight's horn started to glow and after a second there was another cloud of smoke and suddenly four mice-horse-things stood before me. All white, yellow manes and tails, some royal ornaments of some kind about them. I threw up my arms and walked off.

"I'm out. I'm getting the fucking train." I declared and continued to leave. I heard Diamond trot after me and the flapping of wings follow behind.

"Aron wait up!" Dash declared. I turned to see her, Lyra, Diamond and Rarity following me. I stopped and let them all catch up. "Don't leave, how are you going to get to the Gala?" She asked.

"The train, chariots, I'll fucking walk it. That disney-esk mice driven carriage was a bit too much for me." I replied.

"Disney-esk?" Dash asked.

"Something from Earth, they made entertainment based on fairy-tales, one was Cinderella. Some chick who goes to a Gala event in a carriage made from a pumpkin and had mice turn into horses to drive it." I answered. "That was just a bit too weird for me." I added.

"Honestly I don't know why Twi wanted us to go in a chariot anyway, that would take alllllllll day." Dash replied after a second, I smiled and nodded.

"Why'd you follow me?" I asked, looking at Rarity. She looked around for a second and blushed slightly.

"I-I don't know. Mice are vile creatures and I thought you were running away too." She stuttered out. I raised an eyebrow and she blushed harder.

"Well to send a letter I'll need Spike so I'mma head back, we ain't far from the reason of 'em." Then started to walk back to the others without waiting for a reply, turns out they followed me back anyway. Fucking sheep. I thought.

As it turns out the chariot thing Twilight had conjured was a dead end anyway, Rarity's cat had appeared and scared the mice off and apparently that was the end of the world so Twilight was having a bit of a fit.

"Who will pull our carriage now?" She cried. I walked over to her and knelt down, putting a hand on her back.

"Twilight." I said calmly, she stopped moving and stared at me, I made sure to look into her eyes and we shared a look for a solid thirty seconds. "We can take a fucking chariot." I said, I wanted to slap her for effect but held against that. She stared at me and eventually just nodded. "Spike send for a chariot will you?" I asked without looking away from Twilight. "You don't have to impress Celestia Twilight, you're her number one student. Calm down, and enjoy tonight." Again she just nodded.

"T-thank you Aron. I get.. Stressed, sometimes." She replied. I just shrugged and stepped back. I heard a burp from Spike and a few seconds later another came back.

"Alright Princess Celestia is sending some chariots." He declared. With that I just walked back to my spot on the grass and lay down. There was panic immediately since nobody was ready. I heard a minor stampede into Rarity's pad and just started giggling to myself, closing my eyes and relaxing. Not ten seconds past when the sun light was blocked by someone standing in front of me, I heard a slight cough and opened one eye. Rarity was standing before me.

"Waddup." I said. Not meaning it to be a question, I knew what she was going to say.

"Wad-up?" She replied. "Waddup?" She said again more angrily. I shut my eye and waiting for the storm. "You get Spike to call a chariot in NOW, before any of us are ready. You decide to then lay on the filthy grass and lie back like nothing is wrong, whilst you are also not ready. And you DARE ask ME. Waddup?"

"Dude chill, I'm just winding you up, where am I getting changed?" I replied. Opening my eyes and standing up. She rolled her own eyes and just turned around to walk inside, as I had heard everyone had fucked off and was inside the store. She had a sign on her door saying 'Closed for an event'.

"The men are downstairs, do try to be quick." Rarity replied as we entered the shop. Both Spike and Diamond were down here and had their getup on a table near them as well as a divider thing that people stand behind to change in some old films, or I presume old times in general. Rarity didn't say anything else and I decided not to comment how the guys won't be the issue in changing fast. I just wandered over to my ungodly spawn of a getup and started stripping down, it took me less than a minute to get everything off, then everything on again. I still felt fairly abused purely due to how horrible this suit thing looked like. I left my divider and found Spike wearing a shirt and blazer thing, fairly normal, and Diamond had his guard armour on and a kind of suit thing underneath it, looked pretty cool but not my style. As I expected the chariots arrived before any of the girls were done so us three men just hung out outside. Well me and Diamond did, Spike stayed inside in case they finished. Sunflower and Grumble were part of the five chariots that had come to pick the nine of us up. Once I noticed that I just walked over to them, Sunflower blushed slightly and Grumble saluted.

"Cut the crap Grumble." I said, he dropped the salute. "How y'all doing?" I asked.

"Oh you know, the usual, got ordered out to pick up some random town ponies and some jumped up human. You know how it is." Sunflower replied.

"Christ I do not envy you." I said smiling slightly.

"That's a nice out-" Sunflower started.

"Don't. This thing is god awful and you fucking know it." I replied.

"Not for ponies, not really. Our whole thing is bright colours and happiness remember?" Diamond said, I turned to him and crossed my arms.

"Alright, you wear the explosion of colour and I'll wear protective armour to a major event." Diamond just rolled his eyes, Spike then left the shop followed by all the girls. They all wore various kinds of dresses and looked pretty dolled up. I don't care enough to remember what they were all wearing though. "I'm on Sunflower and Grumble's chariot. Only sane people can join me." I declared, I was not riding the whole way to Canterlot with guards I didn't know and stuck with Pinkie or Rarity. Luckily for me Diamond and Rainbow joined me on my chariot.

It wasn't long after that where we took off and started our trip to Canterlot, there was silence for a while until we stopped ascending and were making a beeline to the city.

"So whatcha think?" Dash asked, bopping me in the back as she did. I turned to face her and actually took in what she was wearing. It was very ancient Greek for a start, I presume to follow the whole lifestyle that Cloudsdale, or the Pegasi as a whole, I couldn't remember. Her hair was done up in some cool plat thing so her back mane connected to itself more, looked pretty funky how the green, purple and blue of her hair mixed into itself. She had the necklace on from the dragon event and some gold accessories in her hair and around her body, a golden leaf looking thing curved around her ears, she had a gold saddle like thing on her back, holding up the dress, which was just plain white. Her shoes were also gold and the front ones had a bit more detail to the back. It was weird looking at a horse, that I'd fucked, wearing makeup but she did look pretty good.

"You look beautiful hun." I replied, smiling slightly. She smiled back and nodded.

"A little birdie tells me you have something prepared for Nightmare Night." Dash said after a short pause. I winked at her.

"I do." Was my answer.

"You going to tell me what it is?" She asked.

"I will. On Halloween."

"Aww come onnnn.." She beg, leaning against me.

"Dashie dear. It's a surprise for a reason, if it goes to plan it'll be awesome."

"Just a hint?" Pleassseee?" She asked. I said nothing. "Please."

"Fine. Me and the costume guy have a little plan in mind. With a bit of human intervention and some illusion magic I may actually scar some kids on Halloween."

"You think it's that scary huh?" She asked, unimpressed but holding the smile.

"Yeah, why what you going as?" I asked.

"A shadowbolt."

"A what?" I asked. Dash rolled her eyes.

"Remember when we defeated Nightmare Moon?" I blinked. "When you first got here, Elements of Harmony. Timber Wolves." She added.

"Oh right yeah, I got Spiritus that night. What about it?"

"Well when we reached the castle I flew over to fix the bridge, some dark, evil ponies appeared before me and offered to let me join them in something called The Shadowbolts. They looked cool, so I'm going as one of them."

"Fair enough, if it works for you."

"The Shadowbolts.." Diamond muttered. "That was the name of an elite force of Nightmare Moon cultists years ago." He added.

"Huh. So they're already a thing, cool." I said shrugging. Thus ending that conversation.

"You've mentioned cultists that followed Luna, or Nightmare Moon before. They still a threat?" I asked. Diamond smiled slightly.

"No they are not, history barely mentions them but from what I know the cult was forgotten eventually, Nightmare Moon fading into myth. Though since Luna's return there have been reports of cultists reforming." He replied.

"Celestia going to hunt them down?" He shook his head.

"Not with the numbers they have. If the reports are accurate. and they usually are, the numbers they have are not enough to do anything more than a usual band of bandits. Plus they are situated up north, if they are not already all we would need to do is chase them into the Griffin lands and it would be their problem."

"Speaking of, any griffins going to the Gala?"

"No, the Grand Galloping Gala is a solely pony designed party. There are yearly events that all races are invited to but most do not show."

"How come? I would've thought it would be great for race relations?"

"It is, but with Princess Cadence and the other delegates Celestia has under her most races have decided to stay as far away from Equestria as possible. We have many allies and many trade partners. But little friends."

"Seems, counterproductive?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well ponies are meant to be the race of friendship and magic, yet you have no friends outside ponies."

"That is the problem Aron." He paused. "Look at it this way, does Earth have griffins?"

"No. In myth yes but not for real, they were meant to be pretty powerful and majestic. I presume they would be a warring nation if they were sentient."

"Spot on. They are carnivores, which immediately puts a buffer in our relations with them. They see us as weak and small, that it is only our magic keeping us alive."

"Is it?"

"Without pony magic much of the world would be lost." Eerie but okay.

"So the griffins hate you because they probably see you as prey, and think your OP magic is OP. What about the others?"

"I would not say they see us as prey, but I also wouldn't doubt it. The Naga despise us for many reasons. Being cave dwellers they hate land based creatures, they hate magic, they hate fliers, they hate the quadrupedal form. Basically everything about us they hate for one reason or another."

"What do the Naga look like here?" I'd started to bite my nails a bit but was still paying attention. Horrible habit.

"What do you mean?"

"On Earth the mythical description of Naga was split in two. One, more used and common depiction was they were half human and half lizard, or half snake. We had a bunch of mythical creatures that were made of two of more creatures. Centaurs for example, half horse and half human."

"I see. I suppose they resemble humans. They resemble you at least. Muscular. Covered in scales and spikes, a snake-like tail. They are human-like I suppose. I haven't seen one in a while, nor have I seen one with a human, or many other humans." Diamond replied.

"Fair enough. Naga's dangerous?"

"Potentially, they stick to themselves but do not exactly welcome outsiders. Plus as I already said, they hate ponykind for many reasons. There obviously isn't any relation details on humans."

"Suppose not. Besides Equestria being under annexation by High King Aron of Earth." He rolled his eyes at that. "I've yet to actually see a map of the world, or known world. What's it like?"

"Known world, we know there are undiscovered areas, but do not have the resources to discover it. With the world as dead as it is there isn't much to discover."

"Fair enough. What's the known world like then?"

"Well there is Equestria, in the center. Or at least our maps say we are central."

"It's the same on Earth, you look at a map made in say, England where I'm from and we're in the center."

"There is the Griffon Kingdom above us, then an area of decay where the Horses live. Further north is Old Equestria. Then The Edge of The World."

"Sounds edgy." I said. "Wait. The world isn't.. Flat is it?" I immediately asked.

"No. The Edge is just the furthest north anypony has gone. On record anyway. An old unicorn once went north in hopes of finding answers."

"Answers for what?"

"I do not know, it's old history. Answers for magic I presume. A few have followed him, recently one of Equestria's top mages went to find his workshop, both of them studying the same school of magic."

"Which one?"

"Interdimensional travel."

"Heh. Call 'em back. Jus' wait 'til they meet me."

"Suppose it is too late for that, he left over a year ago."

"Eh whatever. I'm surprised I haven't been called to the mage tower or a museum or something yet since I'm so alien."

"I wouldn't know, you would have to ask Princess Celestia."

"True. So, the globe. We done up't'norf. What else is out there?"

"Far south is the dragon lands, there is one close to Equestria called The Badlands but there is a much bigger area for their central realm. Tartarus and the war is further. East of Equestria is The Great Ocean, a big landmass with the Cats, Dogs and Naga. West is mostly undiscovered. If you want excitement you either go North or East."

"Alright. I doubt I'll ever leave Equestria but you never know where fate takes you." I replied. "Especially with me being a fighter now."

"You know you could earn money from that, sign up to be a guard or something."

"Would I actually have to, guard shit?"

"Most likely." I snorted.

"Yeah fuck that noise." Diamond shrugged. Thus ended the conversation.

Canterlot was as beautiful as ever, ponies littered the streets and the city look much brighter than usual and more guards were out. Much of the population appeared to be in the castle gardens or around the palace. I couldn't see the front or the north side, but presumed the same could be said of there. We landed with no issue and began to gather at the front of the chariots. I fist bumped both Grumble and Sunflower, both of which accepted it like the sluts they were. Supposedly the whole thing of hoof bumping was spreading like crazy across Equestria, god knows why though.

"Have fun Aron." Sunflower said. I rolled my eyes and just booped her nose, she went cross eyed for a bit until Dash appeared next to me and she blushed and started unhooking herself from the chariot. I put an arm out for Dash.

"Shall we?" I asked. She smiled and flew up and meet my arm with a hoof.

"Let's." She replied and we walked into the party together. Well we got stopped at a door and had to hand over our tickets, then walked into the party together.
We were inside the main entrance way of Canterlot Castle for all of thirty seconds before Celestia walked over and welcomed us.

"I'm glad you could make it, flight wasn't too bad was it?" She asked. Now, I hadn't been paying attention but I found out later Rarity was having a total shit fit because the wind had fucked up her outfit. Before I could reply to the Princess, Twilight Sparkle appeared besides me.

"Hi Princess Celestia. I've been so excited to spend time with you-" She began.

"Yes me too Twilight, but first Aron and I need to chat. If you would excuse us, Dash. Twilight." Celestia said. I audibly gulped after that, her voice sounded normal but I was never sure what she wanted to talk about. I felt Dash grip harden on my arm but I eased it out from her.

"I'm following you." I said, Dash floated down but said nothing. "Go find the Wonderbolts Dash, it's why you're here innit?" I asked, she smiled and zoomed off without a word. Twilight looked pretty depressed but likewise said nothing. Celestia walked away and I followed, she went to the top of the main stairwell and stood next to Luna, was seemed to be greeting guests.

"Welcome to The Grand Galloping Gala Aron." She said with a smile. I nodded as I past.

"Hey Luna." I replied. Then took a position besides Celestia. She didn't say anything for a while and I took up an 'at ease' pose next to her, staring straight ahead, unblinking. When she did finally say something I jumped a little.

"I'm sorry if I gave you concern Aron. I just did not wish to deal with dear Twilight tonight."

"That's fair. I live with her, couldn't imagine her being my student." I replied.

"You could move out. The dragon hoard has given you more than enough money to build a house if you wished."

"One day. But not yet. I suppose if Twilight was my student my lessons would be far sexier." Celestia actually choked a little bit with that.

"I.. I didn't know you were that close." She muttered.

"We aren't. You should know I try and trip you up whenever we talk."

"Oh I see."

"Sorry."

"That was such good banter dearest sister." Luna said suddenly. I smiled slightly.

"Thank you Luna." Celestia muttered.

"So is there anything you wanted to talk about or am I just here to look pretty?" I asked.

"There are always things I wish to talk to you about Aron." There was an awkward pause where Luna greeted a few random ponies, they both gave me a weird glance but said nothing.

"Go on..." I muttered once I'd gotten bored.

"The sword is very much enchanted and incredibly dangerous." She said after a second. Her usual happy voice gone.

"I see."

"Spiritus was used in one of the most deadly and bloody wars in history, it can tear through most armour and... drinks the soul of it's victims, if they are considered worth storing. Which explains why the dogs weren't leeched. Their souls are too small. Spiritus has a corrupting power but it is small."

"When you say small?"

"You'd have to kill thousands for it to affect you."

"You say that like you're giving it back." She paused again.

"I am. You claimed Spiritus Aron, and you've seen the power of the blade. If you wish you can have it back now." That made me pause.

"Can you just send it back to Ponyville? I didn't bring the scabbard and I'd rather not carry around a sword in public."

"Of course." Celestia said, her horn lit up for a second and she nodded. "It is done."

"Awesome."

"How are you finding the books I gave you?"

"Dull." I replied. "But informative." I added. "Taint seems really fucking dangerous and I'm kind of worried that a Tainted being attacked Ponyville."

"As am I Aron. Taint is very common in places like The Everfree, more so in Everfree Central. But the afflicted rarely wander so close to civilisation. The theory is something in the forest bigger than Einfields spooked it or has attacked a breeding ground, pushing them closer to Ponyville. Then the Einfield picked up some Taint and just happened upon the town."

"Makes sense I suppose. That mean more of them are nearby?"

"Potentially."

"You should build a fucking wall around the forest."

"Do you know how big the Everfree is?"

"Hey I don't care how fucking impractical it is, I wasn't the genius that built a town right next to a fucking Taint filled evil forest. Full of motherfucking giant foxes and wooden wolves."

"Ponyville was built before The Everfree." Celestia said quietly.

"So where'd it come from?"

"A long time ago there were, complications." She said.

"I fell to the darkness, become Nightmare Moon. I had no idea it had spread so much though." Luna muttered. I didn't say anything at that. So it was Luna's fault, or Nightmare Moon's fault?

"It wasn't your fault Luna. Taint corrupts all, it is under control now..." Celestia trailed off for a bit before standing in silence. Luna welcomed a few more ponies before I spoke up.

"So is Nightmare Night anything to do with you Luna?" I asked.

"Nightmare. Night?" She asked.

"As far as I know it's like Halloween, er.. You dress up, scare each other and give out free sweets. Or candy since this is America." I replied.

"I.." She began.

"It was made after Nightmare's banishment sister. It is all in good fun." Celestia said quickly.

"Why do you ask Aron?" Luna asked.

"It's soon, or at least in Ponyville it's soon. Was just askin'." I shrugged.

"I would have thought you to be too mature for something like Nightmare Night Aron." Celestia said sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at her and flipped her off.

"That's funny that. I'll have you know not only am I going as something that might scar children, but I wholeheartedly intend to get as much free shit as possible."

"Please do not spread too much terror around Ponyville Aron. I'd so hate to send guards to calm down villagers."

"It won't be nearly as awesome as I'm hoping but y'know." I shrugged. I saw Rainbow Dash at the bottom of the stairs next to some other pony in what looked like blue latex. It took me a moment to figure out she was one of the Wonderbolts from the show. But I didn't know their name. Her hair looked fucking amazing though, like fire or some shit. "I don't see Twilight, am I free to depart?" I asked.

"I suppose so Aron, please stay close." Celestia replied.

"What, don't trust me?"

"I just wish to not deal with Twilight at the moment. I haven't given her a big assignment for a while now and I fear she may get.. Needy."

"Just tell her to make friends with everyone in Ponyville and send a report on them all. You'd get her off your back and you'd get to spy on Ponyville."

"You would be punishing me with that Aron. Twilight Sparkle is no spy and I would have to read each report."

"Fair point. I got nothing then.” With that I started down towards my girlfriend. I noticed that unicorn, or ex-unicorn I’d met on my first trip to Canterlot, Roseluck I believe in the line. I gave a ‘hey’ passing her but she didn’t react, was talking to some other chick. Once I reached Dash and Wonderbolt my girlfriend smiled.

“Princess Celestia let you enjoy yourself then?” She asked. I looked to Wonderbolt chick for a second.

“I’ll explain later.” I said, seriously.

“I see, that important eh?” She asked. I just nodded. I don’t think she caught on to what I meant and looked pretty worried. “Er.. This is Spitfire, she’s in the Wonderbolts.” Dash said, aiming a hoof at the random chick. I nodded to her.

“Sup.” I said, I put my fist out for her and she actually bumped it.

“Hello Aron, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Spitfire said. Her voice was disturbingly similar to Dash’s.

“That’s a surprise. I’ve heard a lot about you as well, Dash here is a bit of a fan.” I replied. I’d never heard of Spitfire before, or at least didn’t know anything of her. I just knew the Wonderbolts were a thing.

“News spreads fast in Equestria when something interesting happens. And you have caused quite an interest for certain parties.”

“Like?”

“Well us for one, none of us knew where you lived but were wondering if you wanted to come to some of our shows. Free of charge, just to show you some Equestrian culture.” Free advertisement you mean, the alien watches your show so people come to your show.

“I was never a man for racing on Earth. I could do a mean hundred meter sprint in the day but that was about it. I know Dash likes them though so if you’re ever in the neighbourhood we’ll come see. I don’t worry too much about cash, got my own secret dragon hoard.”

“That’s a shame. I assure you our races are nothing like whatever they were like on your world Aron.” She almost sounded full of herself.

“I kinda went to one show a while back, the Young Fliers thing in Cloudsdale. Dash won it.”

“Yes she was saying, I remember her, and you being there now you mention it. How were you walking around on Cloudsdale? I don’t think any race besides Pegasi can walk on clouds.”

“Magic, a unicorn Dash and I know; Twilight Sparkle, cast a spell that let me walk around the cloud layer. It’s been used on me a bunch of times now.” Usually to have sex.

“That makes a lot of sense. What did you think of Cloudsdale?”

“The city is wonderful. Stunning, beautiful. I’d live there if I could actually walk around and shit. Kinda makes me wish I had wings or something.” She smiled and nodded.

“Princess Luna.” Spitfire randomly said and bowed down, I side stepped and looked behind me, sure enough, the night mare was standing before me.

“We apologise for interrupting. But if we could steal sir Aron away for a brief moment.” Luna said, Spitfire just nodded, Dash did after a pause. I turned and followed Luna, followed her through the party and outside into the gardens. Fluttershy was out there looking pretty lost. “Is this mare a companion of yours?” Luna asked.

“Yeah I know her, lives in Ponyville, pretty shy and timid. Why waddup?”

“No reason, just making idle chatter.” The Princess replied and walked me over to a balcony, overlooking a huge expanse of nothing. Luna started to lean against it. I decided to stand as far away as possible without meaning to be rude. She noticed though. “Dost thou wish to join us?” She asked.

“Afraid of heights, I’m cool here.” I explained. She shrugged and stared out into the distance for a while. “Our last conversation ended on some sour words Aron.” She muttered.

“It did and I do apologi-” I began.

“No need. Celestia hast now informed me that was all in jest. Water under the bridge if you wish it.”

“Of course.”

“This pleases me greatly.” She paused. “I wish to learn more of you Aron of Earth.”

“Ask away Princess. I expect some knowledge of you too though.”

“Please, call us Luna. You do not respect titles so don’t use them.” Oh so she was still bitter about our last talk. Whatevs bitch.

“I never said I didn’t respect them, I just never grew up around those who did. But whatever. What do you wish to know?”

“What have you been up to since we last met?”

“I dunno where to start with that.I’ve killed since we last met. Some Diamond Dogs who kidnapped a friend of mine, and a Tainted Enfield that attacked Ponyville.”

“So I’ve heard. How does that make you feel? Taking a life?” I paused, she seemed like she honestly cared.

“Horrible. I never wanted to fight, but I got called to action and.. Took action. I have nightmares most nights about the dogs. Not so much about the Enfield, I don’t think that was sentient. I hope it wasn’t anyway.” I muttered.

“The first kill is always the worst.” Luna muttered. “My sister.. She doesn’t understand, she has killed, but not like me. After a while you start enjoying the rush.” She sounded strange towards the end, and I felt worried for my life. At least until: “I hate it. I hate what I’ve become.”

“It’s psychology, your brain adapts. If it didn’t and you killed and killed you would end up going numb to it all. Being able to look back and see yourself as a, as a monster. It means it’s adapted the correct way. I’m not a psychologist so I can’t fully explain it, but the best thing is to be able to hate yourself. It’s grim but it’s science.” She looked at me like I was an idiot for a second, which I very much was.

“Do you know how many you killed? Their names?”

“Five dogs. One Enfield. I don’t know any of the dogs names, or even if they had names honestly. I could describe them all though. Their faces when they died.” Luna was silent for another minute or two.

“I don’t know how many I have killed in the name of peace. Ponies, dogs, cats, naga. All gone. Whole blood lines destroyed…” She trailed of, looking down at the floor again.

“As long as you can regret it I suppose.”

“We suppose.”

“Do. Do you want a hug?” I asked. She looked back at me, she looked like she was about to cry and nodded. I walked forward and embraced her, she had the same level of perfection to her hugs that Celestia did, and likewise with her I never wanted the hug to end. Just for her to hold me until all my pieces stitched back together. “Hey Luna?” I asked. She murmured a response. “Have you ever gotten pissed?”

“Pissed?” She asked into my shoulder.

“Drunk?”

“A few times, why dost thou ask?”

“Depressing talk, alcohol doesn’t exactly help, you still have that guilt and shit. But for a night, it lets you put down whatever baggage you have on your shoulders for a time. Being blackout drunk is the closest to peace I’ve found.”

“What are you suggesting? We should become an alcoholic?”

“No. I’m suggesting we ditch this party and go get drunk somewhere.”

“I have a private sitting room.”

“Know any bars?” She let go of the hug and was smiling.

“The Night Guard bar has just opened.”

“Awesome, so Luna. Wanna go get drunk with an alien in front of your men?” I asked. She smiled and nodded. “Alright, wait here I gotta go tell Dash I’m ditching the party. This ain’t gonna get me in trouble with Sunbutt is it?” She giggled slightly at that and sniffed, wiping a tear away. I started to walk away, smiling slightly.

“No. We shall deal with our sister.” Luna replied. I nodded and continued to walk back into the party to find my girlfriend. In truth I didn’t give two shits if Luna wanted to go drinking or not, had she said no I would’ve bailed and found a bar myself. I hate depressing talk and my first instinct is to find alcohol until I pass out usually.

It didn’t take long to find Rainbow Dash, she had a pretty big crowd around her and she seemed to be enjoying herself. I smacked her ass lightly to get her attention and after avoiding a kick from a startled horse she turned to see me.

“I gotta do a thing for Luna, sorry I can’t stick around but Princess duties came up. I don’t think I’ll be back tonight, or most of tomorrow.” I explained.

“I suppose you have to do what you have to do. I was telling these ponies all about you.” Dash replied smiling. It was then I noticed Dash had gathered a bunch of young looking mares, all pretty flustered and giggling.

“I don’t want to know. Cya bae.” I said and kissed her cheek. Then walked off to find Luna inside watching me from the door. “A’right let’s bail from this shit.”

“You have a very interesting speech pattern Aron.” Luna muttered, we started walking through the party together, more than a few royals watching us.

“I have a very slang based speech pattern, I skip words or use shortened versions. On Earth it was used by lazy people and stupid people.”

“I see.” Was all she said to that. We made our way out of the castle and into Canterlot. Which just so happened to be one of the last things I remembered but was very much the start of an epic night.

Author's Notes:

this took a while

dash

Act I: Chapter XX

Halloween was a warm day, and a warm night. Not a cloud had been around all day and only a few were placed about as the sun began to set. I'd spent most of the day either in the library or with the costumes guy going over my plan. My costume was simple and just consisted of some old clothes I had; I tore them up to give myself an effect of a scuffle and a fight and was going to let magic deal with the rest of the costume. Which was just simply a zombie. Which were apparently a real thing here, and I very much intended to stick to role play, for a good while anyway.

The guy from the costume store was a unicorn that could supposedly do some pretty good illusion magic, as well as get fake blood and other shit that'll make me look dead. The plan was to meet him, change into my costume, get magicked so it looked natural and then suddenly change into a zombie. Hopefully it would be cool. And hopefully I wouldn't get attacked. I was pestered most of the day as to what my costume was by basically everyone who knew me and cared. Leaving Diamond and Twilight to not ask what I was doing. Besides people getting on my tits all day it went by fast, I watched the outside ponies as the sun began to set, increasingly ponies started walking around in costume and the town started to pick up with random stalls and games, they all seemed to be heading towards the town hall, where most if not all of Ponyville's events seemed to take place. I couldn't exactly see the building from Twilight's, she seemed to be a good distance from the hall, but I'd been around the area enough to know where it was. Being in Ponyville for as long as I had had given me a mental map of sorts. The town wasn't actually all that big. Probably ten, fifteen minutes’ walk from one side to the other. Though there were some landmarks out of the way or spread out from the proper village. Applejack's farm for example was a few minutes away from any kind of civilisation and her apple orchard about the size of the town and a bit more. The school was close to the farm and on top of a slight hill outside the town, I'd never been inside but from what I saw from a distance it looked like it had one or two classrooms at best, and I hadn't seen many kids running around. Forty-ish, out of the population, which was somewhere between two hundred and two thousand. Which is weird but my logic there was simple: on normal days I'd see a few, but enough ponies wandering around trading to make the town look busy, and other days; like Pinkfest, the town looked overpopulated. I had asked around for the general idea of the town’s population but everyone either told me to talk to the mayor or just didn't know. I tried the mayor but she's a busy woman and I couldn't be asked with hanging around town hall to get a meeting for something I didn't care about that much.

I was sitting with Diamond when the first trick-or-treaters turned up to the door, which I had been waiting on to take my leave into town. Twilight called down from her room for me to answer it and I just glared at Diamond until he got up and did it. It was obviously kids, one was dressed as a pirate but the others I didn't see.

"Yo Twi'. I'mma ready to leave you comin'?" I shouted up to her after a minute more of waiting. I hadn't made any plans with Rainbow, in truth I'd been avoiding that topic since I wanted my costume to be a surprise, I had no idea where the others were. Rarity maybe staying indoors, Applejack would be farming, Fluttershy wouldn't be caught dead in something as spooky as this. Twilight was coming out with Diamond, Spike and I. Dash was out, potentially. Pinkie worried me the most, this kind of shit is right up her alley, and that genuinely scared me. Pinkie in her element could be apocalyptic.

After not even registering a reply I heard hooves coming down the stairs and turned in my seat to watch Twilight walk down wearing some weird robe and a fake beard. Spike was in the dumbest outfit I think I've ever seen.

"Guess who I am!" Twilight declared with a grin. I stared at her blankly.

"Twilight Sparkle." I answered. She glared at me and stuck her tongue out.

"Starswirl the Bearded." Diamond answered seriously. Twilight smiled again.

"Yes! I hand stitched these patterns in an exact replica to Starswirl’s robes." Diamond and Twilight then got into a talk about this Starswirl fellow, which I wasn't too interested in, I wanted to go party and scare the town. Spike walked over to me and looked up at me smiling.

"I'm a dragon." He declared.

"Yes Spike. Yes, you are." I replied. He was wearing the equivalent of a dragon onesie. It was fucking disgusting.

"When are you dressing up Aron?" He asked. I grinned slightly and winked.

"Soon." I answered. "Diamond, why ain't you dressed up?" I asked. He stopped his nerd talk with Nerdlight Geekle and looked at me, then opened his mouth, he had fake vampire fangs in.

"I usually do not partake in such events." He paused, looking like he was counting to ten. "But." Another pause. "Lyra convinced me otherwise. The rest of my outfit is with her."

"Awesome, surprised I didn't notice the fangs earlier, you're speaking pretty well considering." He just nodded. I clasped my hands together and made Spike jump slightly. "Shall we go?" I asked. Everyone nodded, Spike tried to recreate the clap sound I had made but it sounded, wrong. What with him having hard scales and all. Sounded more like a drum, was kinda cool.

As we left the house I saw a couple of kids running around in varying degrees of costume, there were at least three just wearing white blankets to be ghosts, there was always one in a group with a ghost outfit. I also noticed Pinkie Pie in one of the larger crowds dressed as what I thought was a chicken. I decided against wondering why Pinkie was with a large group of unsupervised children and carried on into town.

There wasn't much conversation on the way into town and Diamond spotted Lyra and walked off to join her at some point. Spike likewise got distracted and pissed off, Twilight quickly after him, leaving me alone in town looking for my drug dealer costume designer. I quickly spotted him, unsurprisingly where we had decided to meet, he was wearing what looked like a Darth Vader suit, but instead of the Vader helmet he had a large tube helmet sitting in the grass next to him, resembling that of a long bucket. It looked pretty rad whatever the fuck he was trying to be.

"Nice outfit." I muttered as I reached the guy.

"Thanks Aron, the helmet is far too hot though." He replied. Before I could ask who, he was trying to be he continued. "Want to do this now?" I nodded, he smiled and gestured for me to follow, which I did. Down some alley he had been standing near between some shop I'd never been into and some house. The sign was in Equestrian so I had no idea what the fuck the shop was. So much for signs being in English for tourists. There was a bag laying in the dirt around a corner, out of view of anyone.

"Alright, I'll go back to where I was, you change and call me over when you're done." The guy said when we got to my shit. I never did catch the dudes name.

"A'right. Wanna go over the plan?" He nodded.

"You change, I'll put your makeup and illusions on, I'll run out screaming about a zombie then you follow."

"Yee." I muttered, he nodded again and walked off. Man of few words.

It didn't take me long to strip down and change, I just bagged my old clothes up and made a mental note of picking them up after this show. There was a bag of fake blood and some flour inside the bag as well. Once I was done I called the guy over and he used magic to make me look like a zombie. I hoped. He spent about five minutes doing all the shit he needed to do then flashed up a mirror. Or a spell resembling a mirror, one of the two.

"Good?" He asked. I looked fucking badass. My eyes were bloodshot and red, part of my cheek was missing and blood poured out of it, as well as various other places around my body, my whole skin looked dead and pale, a maggot was sitting on my shoulder, which felt weird since it wasn't actually there. My legs were covered in dirt, blood and grass and my top was completely fucked.

"This is amazing dude." I answered, smiling.

"Glad you like it. I'll run now." He said and turned and sprinted off out of the alleyway.

"Zombie! Zombie! Aron's been bit!" The guy shouted. A couple of replies came from ponies and I started to limp out of the alley into town. I started to make loud groans and moans as I walked. A couple of ponies gathered around the opening and looked puzzled about what was happening. Until I stepped into the light that was.

"Grrr! Errrrr!" I cried. A couple of ponies genuinely pegged it, a few stood their ground, one unicorn in particular looked ready to throw down. I made the mistake of aiming for him and his horn started to glow. At first, I thought I'd fucked up and would be killed like Bill Murray in Zombieland. The dude took a second longer of casting some sort of spell and then dropped it and ran. The town was thrown into chaos after that, all the ponies gathered ran in all sorts of directions, knocking over barrels and stands, tipping over buckets and bins. It was brilliant. Me and the costumes guy just stood in the center of the path in stitches. I'd never laughed so hard in my life.

We ended up sitting down as the chaos slowed and ponies left the area, laughing quietly, and picking up whenever a scream echoed out or something got damaged.

"Silly Aron, zombies don't laugh." I heard Pinkie say from somewhere. I looked around and finally spotted her alone standing proud to my left.

"Oh right, shit. Err... Graaarrr?" I said, deliberately unsure of myself. She giggled slightly.

"You're a terrible zombie Aron." She muttered.

"I scared the town din't I?" I asked. She shrugged and laughed slightly.

"I guess I gotta go find Twilight or something and explain all this huh?" I asked. Pinkie nodded slightly. I started to get up. "Well bro, as funny as that was, I'm in trouble now. I'll catch you around yeah?" I asked, the dude just nodded and Pinkie walked closer to me. "I gotta pick up my old clothes, be a dear and go into that dark, foreboding, claustrophobic alley and get 'em for me?" I asked, Pinkie just bounced off into the shadows making chicken noises. She quickly came back with a cloth bag in her mouth. I took it off her and flinched at the handles being slightly wet. I'll live. I thought. I'll also just dump this on Spike if Twilight bitches.

Turns out Twilight didn't bitch that much, thought it was quite funny. But I did have to apologise to the ponies who nearly had a heart attack. Weirdly didn't have to pay for any damages, either people didn't know I was sitting on a dragon horde or nobody cared enough to make me pay.

"You do look pretty good in that costume Aron, although I can see through a lot of the magic, who did you get to do your makeup?" Twilight asked, we were walking through town together, a group of children had been following us for some time and I kept making faces at them to stepping forward quickly like I was going to charge them if they got too close, was good fun.

"Eh I dunno the guy's name. The dude who runs the costume shop. Though I think it's something else the rest of the year." I shrugged.

"Yes, I know of him, nice stallion, I get my quills from him." Twilight replied. Looking back, I realised I never actually described the guy; he had a light brown coat, and a long brown hairdo, the tail resembled that of a shit, he usually wore a shirt and blue coat of some kind, which seemed pretty good damn weird to me, but I figured it was due to working in a store, a uniform per se. Bright green eyes and a fairly short horn. Like, I'm surprised he doesn't overcompensate it's that small, although I wasn't sure on the thoughts of horn sizes in Equestria. Alicorns had the longest, at around a foot or so. Normal unicorns seemed to vary from about three inches to seven, I'd never measured one so could be off, but that's what it seemed like to me. This guy was closer to two inches to three, poor bastard.

"Quills and Halloween shit huh. He sell anything else?" I asked.

"Sofas when it isn't Nightmare Night." Twilight replied.

"Christ." I muttered.

"What does that mean?" She asked.

"Christ?" She nodded.

"On Earth, we have a concept called religion, it's the belief of a higher power, or higher powers. Depending on the religion. One has a character in it called Jesus Christ. His name is used in vein a lot as basically a curse or like a swear. A more mundane and common swear, only really looked down upon by the people who believe in Jesus."

"How many religions are there?"

"Thousands, four thousand, three hundred? Two hundred maybe."

"Why so many?"

"People grew up differently, or cultures believed in other things. There is an old, now dead religion that came from an area called Greece, which made a god for every aspect of life. So, a god of thunder, god of the sun, and so on. There's also people, like me, who don't believe in any religion for one reason or another."

"I see. I'd love to learn more."

"I'll tell you as much as I know, and answer whatever questions you got later alright?" I asked, she nodded and grinned. "Y'know Halloween, or Earth Nightmare Night came from a religion. Celtic I believe." After a few minutes of silence and wandering around Ponyville Twilight stopped in her path and bowed, I immediately rolled my eyes and looked around to spot which Princess had arrived, turned out it was Celestia.

"Princess, what a pleasant surprise." I said; smiling smugly, I started to fold my arms and flicked a maggot off my arm that wasn't there, my finger just gracefully phased through the illusion like some sci-fi hologram thing.

"Aron, I am surprised you actually went through with dressing up tonight." Princess Celestia replied, looking me up and down, smiling slightly.

"I told you I was going to. I spoke to some pony in town a couple weeks back and he suggested I do this, I think I look pretty sweet."

"Unfortunately, much of your outfit is lost to me, illusion spells of this calibre are so easy to break through, but the effort is there and for many you appear terrifying I'm sure." She said that incredibly passive aggressively, it sounded strange coming from her but I never did find out why she was so neutral suddenly, she even lost her smile for a few seconds like she was thinking on something deep.

"Well I didn't have a Princess at hand to do my makeup, and as you warned me I wasn't to go too overboard with this." I replied, spreading my arms out slightly and smiling. Celestia did make a point of looking me up and down and nodded slightly.

"Twilight could you leave us." Celestia commanded, I didn't look at the named pone but did hear her start trotting away. "Now, Aron." She began glaring at me. "Would you like to talk about what happened at the Gala?" She asked, neutrally.

"It was a lot of fun and Luna and I had a nice chat." I replied quickly with little emotion.

"You and my sister, my little sister abandoned a public party and got drunk. The first event Luna has been to since she returned from the moon. She was supposed to interact with ponies, the lords. Not run away with some... Some..." She paused.

"Commoner?" I asked. Celestia just rolled her eyes.

"I do not mind if you spend time with my sister Aron, or even spending time with me casually. But you can't just... Leave like that."

"We ended up talking about our pasts. Mainly, taking lives." I replied. Celestia froze somewhat at that and stepped forward slightly. I raised my hands and just stood away more. "It's alright." I added. She nodded.

"I wasn't aware, when Luna came back completely out of it she could barely lower the moon. I was afraid of letting her try." She took a deep breath. "But she was as happy as I have ever seen a pony Aron." She added.

"We talked, a lot that night Celestia and she is hurt and grieving for whatever she did in her early years. A lot of it was cryptic and she outright and avoided a lot of questions and personal lore."

"Can I take you to the wasteland?" Celestia asked. This time I froze up, if people still hadn't guess by now I fucking hated teleporting. I just shut my eyes, clenched my fists, and nodded. The sound of her horn glowing started and the next thing I knew I was going through my usual pain and coughing fit.

"Fuck." I grunted after a few seconds. The night was much colder away from Ponyville so I could only imagine we were far north or something. Although this being a wasteland and just dry sand and dust it might work like desert laws. Hot during the day and bastard level of cold during the night.

"I had expected you to have gotten used to that by now." Celestia dryly said, not helping me as usual.

"Humans aren't made for teleports apparently. Just another way our species disappoints." I spat on the ground and wiped my mouth. I wasn't sure if what I spat out was zombie bile, blood, or just generic spit. Must've been a weird sight for anyone passing by to see a huge white Alicorn talking to a humanoid zombie.

"When Luna and I were born the world was in total chaos. Our mother was an incredibly powerful being and brought the world into creation. She left us for reasons I've never understood and has only returned twice since. Once to defeat a demonic race thousands and thousands of years ago. And again, to bring us into the world. Discord had been ruling with an iron fist over the world for over two hundred years and we were the last, best hope for ponykind. My mother trained us, taught us and cared for us as best she could but before the uprising she left." Celestia stopped. She was crying slightly.

"She explain why?" I asked.

"No. One night she was with us, then the next morning she was gone."

"You don't have to tell me thi-" she raised a hoof to silence me. I did.

"We defeated Discord with the Elements of Harmony, he turned to stone and was frozen in place, our prisoner. We became the rulers of Ponykind and that has been so ever since."

"How long ago was this?"

"Nearly six thousand years ago." I gulped. "Alicorns are truly immortal Aron, you must understand this. We have outlived everyone. Seen generations pass."

"Must take a toll on you." She nodded.

"It did. Lonely, even with each other it was lonely. The boredom we face is indescribable." She paused again and sniffed. "Any-, anyway. We didn't live in total peace, our home was destroyed, turned into an icy wasteland. The griffons tried to destroy us and the Changelings tried to feast on us. Both times Luna lead our troops. She didn't like it but it had to be."

"One of you had to lead..." I muttered. She nodded.

"I was the oldest, the one everypony looked up to. Luna was my adviser, a nightling and incredibly magically talented. It was natural for her to be the warrior princess. At first, she enjoyed leading troops, was a natural. But war takes a toll on everypony. I understand why she came to you now Aron. You are such an unknown to this world and she has never managed to fit in."

"You need to help her then."

"How do I help her. I have already lost her once."

"I don't know. I'm no therapist."

"How did you help her that night?" I paused again, that was a good question. We didn't do shit.

"We went out and got drunk. We had fun with the common folk I guess." I said, shrugging.

"Do you think I could help her by, drinking with her?" I shook my head.

"You could help her. Temporarily. I drink to avoid my problems, it's unhealthy and the worst thing you can do. I wouldn't ever recommend you drink with her constantly so she forgets her problems. Just, talk with her and be with her. Maybe stop that day-night bullshit you do and both be up and ruling during the day. Let some lackey or lord rule the night if you truly need to do so."

"Do you have siblings Aron?" She asked, seemingly suddenly.

"If I did do you think I would have come here so willingly?" I asked.

"I have seen a lot of families, they are all different."

"I suppose...No, I don't have any siblings." I answered. Not subtly enough because Celestia's next question was:

"Have you ever had siblings?" I didn't answer for a time, and avoided her gaze. Debating on what to say.

"I don't want any pity." I said, almost whispering.

"Of course." She answered far too fast.

"Celestia." I grunted.

"You shall have none unless you ask." She replied. Looking honestly concerned.

"I had a sister. A long time ago I had a sister." I muttered. Breathing heavily. "Older one, a half-sister really. We shared dads but that was it. Her mother died, I never met her. My dad met my mum and they made me. Life was great for my first few years. Then they broke up and I ended up with my mother most of the time. My sister made a point to come with me and in her words. Keep me safe. She failed, but fuck did she try and keep me safe." I paused again. "My mum was- is- whatever. My mum is a horrible woman and my childhood was beyond horrible. I've told a few here about it and I won't repeat myself. But my sister was there everyday, comforting me and taking abuse for me sometimes. She was the best thing in my life and one day she just... Went. She got internal bleeding one day and the next she was gone. Twenty-three years and her life went. That was the last time I saw my mother and the last time I spoke of my sister to anyone." As soon as I finished Celestia pushed forward and hugged me. I wanted to fight it, scream at her for giving me pity and love. But after only a second I gave up and just wept into her shoulder. I don't remember how long we were there but I made a point to ask to make a grave somewhere for my sister. She didn't deserve to be forgotten and pushed away anymore.

I woke up in a panic and in a lot of pain around a month later. I immediately knew I was in Canterlot but couldn't remember why exactly. I was sitting up slightly and could tell I was in a bed. Ponies in white overalls, all unicorns were either staring at me or wandering around casting various spells on what looked to be my clothing. Celestia and Luna were both standing at the foot of my bed glaring at me. Luna had a spear floating next to her and as soon as she noticed I was awake she aimed it down at me. I tried to squirm or move but found myself tied down by something.

"Leave us." Celestia commanded, the ponies all immediately evacuated the room, shutting the door behind them. The spear tip was worryingly close to my face. It took me a moment but I suddenly noticed how I couldn't see through my left eye, at all. And the area around it was burning.

"What the-" Luna pushed the spear forward and cut into my cheek. The blade was freezing and the cut started to hurt almost straight away.

"You will not talk demon." Luna commanded in a booming voice. Was spooky. I tried to move again but couldn't, I was panting heavily and could feel sweat pouring down my face. Luna pulled the spear away but left it aimed at me.

"What are you?" Celestia asked, horrified. I opened my mouth to speak and saw Luna almost growl at me and move the spear about more. I shut my mouth and just stared at Celestia, pleading with her. "Luna, look." Celestia muttered looking at me.

"We are looking dear sister. Why are we not removing this creature?" She barked back, not looking away from me. Celestia suddenly looked worried and galloped round the bed and looked at my cheek.

"Look at the wound!" Celestia cried. Luna looked to her right for a split second then went straight back to me. Her soul rendering glare dropped for a second and she looked back at my cut. She immediately dropped the spear and her magic cut off.

"What is this?" She muttered.

"A-Aron?" Celestia asked. I looked to her and raised a hand slowly up, and only my cheek to wipe the blood dripping down. My index and middle fingers were dyed with blood.

"Celestia what the fuck?" I cried out. Celestia's horn started to glow and the pain on my face subsided.

"Aron what happened to you?" She asked.

"What the fuck are you talking about? It's me. I was asleep in my bed in Ponyville and I woke up in pain here!" I shouted. Still panicking a lot.

"Aron." Luna said quietly. I looked to her. "Look me in the eye." I did, carefully. "Tell me you have no memory of what happened." She muttered.

"Luna, I have no idea why I am here, why my clothes are away from me and why you STABBED ME WITH A GOD DAMN SPEAR." I shouted, she flinched and stepped away slightly. Then looked to Celestia.

"Celestia." She grunted.

"Aron. You're human." Celestia said next to me.

"No shit." I said, and paused to calm down. "Can you tell me what the fuck is going on?" I asked. Celestia walked back to Luna and teleported a round wooden board into the room.

"Aron what do you know of The Void. Has anyone told you about that yet?" Luna asked. I'd heard of that, but where?

"I've heard that word, or that phrase. But I can't recall where." I answered truthfully.

"Perhaps in your books?" Celestia asked. "I haven't read them in a while myself so can't be sure."

"Those things are pretty damn big. Potentially." I replied. "Why Luna?" I asked, looking back at her.

"The Void is where all Taint comes from, a dark and dead realm that sits next to our own realm. Beings like the demons originally came from there and it is a horrible place. The only things that can survive are evil creatures hellbent on total domination and destruction of our world." Luna answered.

"And you landed in the middle of the throne room covered in liquid Taint speaking Demonic through a Void Portal." Celestia finished.

"What."

"Aron, we thought you were a demon, or being of the Void. How are you here, how are you... Alive?" Luna asked.

"I seriously don't know. Last thing I remember was going to bed. I'm not entirely sure if this isn't just a sick dream or something." I'd been having weird dreams since I got here, my mind trying to not go insane I presumed.

"This is no dream. But you shouldn't be here. Should be impossible." Celestia muttered.

"Indeed." Luna agreed.

"Have you checked Twilight's? Because if y'all think I'm your enemy then the best thing to do is just check if 'Aron' is where he last was." I suggested.

"You are okay now Aron, nothing from The Void bleeds red. Few creatures there even bleed at all." Celestia replied. I shrugged.

"Alright. So why can I only see through one eye?" I asked.

"That's what the mirror is for." Celestia replied, floating the board over to me and laying it on my lap.

"Whenever normal creatures, ponies, birds, dragons, anything gets in contact with Taint their bodies sometimes, change." Luna started to explain. "You were in the Void, where nothing lives or can survive. So, the Taint there came into contact with you." She paused as I looked in the mirror. My left eye was, in a word, fucked. The usual green colour to it was a dark purple, purple veins had appeared around the edges of my eyeball like I was bloodshot, a lot of skin around my eye was purplish, my eyelashes and eyebrow were gone. Thick, throbbing purple veins dotted the left side of my face, going up towards my hairline and almost touching my ear. I screamed a little bit I won't lie.

"We think we can treat the infection, stop it from spreading any further. But we don't know how far it has already gone. Your eye will most likely stay the colour and keep the look it has. The veins will eventually, hopefully, subside but we cannot promise anything." Luna explained after my second panic attack.

"How could you cure this?" I asked.

"Painfully." Celestia answered.

"I expected as much. Do it." The sisters shared a look.

"Get the tools." Celestia ordered, Luna vanished in a wet fart teleport. I giggled slightly.

"That will never get old." I whispered.

"Humour is good Aron. We will need to magically freeze the corrupted flesh and take the top layer away. This will be difficult so close to your eye but a lot can be done with magic. It will require time and-" I raised a hand.

"I don't want to know." I muttered, she nodded.

A few minutes pasted and Luna appeared with a worrying number of knives, what looked like a bowl of wet cement and some bottles of colourful lotion. To put a long story short those next few hours were the longest and most painful hours of my life and it was that day I learned to never fuck with Taint ever again if it could be helped. It goes without saying they had to restrain me again and rumours went around the castle that the two Princesses had decided to torture a demon. Something considered to have no fear.

The next time I woke sirens were blaring somewhere outside of the castle. At first, they didn't bother me, just background noise. But the more I thought about it the more the alarms started to panic me, I was in the relaxed state between awake and asleep but after some thought I got up in a panic. I threw the covers off me and looked around the room, light poured through the window and I finally noticed I wasn't in my usual room, it was more like a hospital, marble floors and white everywhere. A long table had a fresh pair of clothes on it, my crossbow without any bolts and my sword. I slowly reached a hand up to my left eye and felt a ball of cotton and some cloth keeping the patch in place where my left eye was. I could feel the throbbing come from beneath my eye patch. I flinched at that slightly but tried to ignore the pain.

After a few seconds I tried getting up, and found the process much easier than I expected, a drop of blood fell onto the ground from my eye patch and again I flinched. Getting dressed as fast as possible and arming up I walked to the door to find Celestia. Turns out she was looking for me because the door burst open with me not three feet away with a worried looking Alicorn running through.

"Aron, good you're up. Are you okay?" She asked. I kept my distance from her, seeing her standing over me with a knife cutting into my flesh was still a rather fresh memory.

"Bleeding a little I think. What's with the sirens?" I replied. She was quiet for a while before answering.

"It would be best if you just looked outside." She replied, then started to trot out of my room and down the hall. I walked out to follow and saw three other ponies flank the princess. They were a lot more armoured than usual, with full face guards on rather than helmets. Two were unicorns with full on halberds down instead of spears with a variety of knives and swords dotting their bodies, the other was a Pegasus likewise armed. None of them even gave me a side wards glance but one of the unicorns fell back and walked next to me when I caught up with Celestia. I didn't dare talk to him. We walked through the castle, that was worryingly empty; the alarms were still ringing and I'd yet to pinpoint whereabouts the noise was coming from.

We made it to some side door at the back of the castle that lead into the gardens, guards littered the halls and as Celestia passed they joined our convoy, we had a small army behind us by the time we got outside. I spotted Luna standing at the edge of some kind of circular canopy surrounded by guards, she was staring out into the sky. It only took me a second to see why. There was a ghostly outline of a planet sitting still in the sky much like the moon or sun does. But Equestria only has one moon or sun, and the silhouette was too big to be the moon. It didn't help that I could clearly see the outline of America from here.

"Earth." I muttered, as soon as it clicked in my mind.

"Are you sure?" Celestia asked.

"Of course, we're looking at America right now. What the hell is going on?" I replied. I hadn't noticed Luna walk over, nor did I notice the statue of Discord being moved over to us.

"Originally my sister believed that in my absence Nightmare Moon opened a portal between your world and ours, with the intent of destroying Equestria. When I, she was defeated the portal was believed to be closed. However, it wasn't-." Luna started.

"Yeah Celestia sent me a letter about that, at the time I thought nothing of it. As long as it wasn't causing any issues." I interrupted.

"Well Aron." Celestia began. "It's now a problem." She added. I was fixated on Earth, just sitting there, in its ghostly form.

"Recently another theory has come up." Luna said.

"How recently?" I asked.

"When you appeared in the throne room through a portal from the Void we knew two things could have happened. The Void spat out a demon of Aron to attack us. Or..." Luna answered.

"Something took you into the Void and spat you out as a warning or threat." Celestia finished, then they both looked to my left, I joined them and saw a large, stone statue of some... Creature? A goat head and miss-matched horns, a fang sticking out, miss-matched wings and was just all sorts of fucked up. A tail was wrapped around a pedestal and the thing looked like it was singing.

"Discord, the lord of chaos. Equestrian spirit previously known as Perdito. God of destruction, chaos, entropy." Luna said.

"He was believed to have been defeated long ago. We spoke of him during Nightmare Night. During his imprisonment, he should have been powerless, apparently this is not the case." Celestia explained, I started to walk over to the statue, all the guards had made an almost circle around him, aiming spears and crossbows at the statue all un-moving. They left just enough room for me to get close to the statue.

"Is it safe to touch?" I asked, not sure why I asked that. I just felt drawn to the statue.

"We believe so. He cannot escape that prison, the Elements of Harmony made sure of that." Celestia replied.

"Have you got the Elements here?" I asked.

"They are yes. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are on their way here right now. Should be here in a matter of minutes." I looked up at Earth again, it was obviously bigger.

"Do we have minutes?" The two princesses shared a look.

"Yes." They both answered with little assurance. I stepped away from the statue and stood between the two of them, Celestia put a wing around me and kept it there.

Less than a minute passed and the six ponies I'd gotten to know so well over the months appeared through the door we had used. All wearing their necklaces and for Twilight; wearing her crown, they all looked horrified and for good reason.

"Aron! What in Tartarus happened to your eye?" Rainbow Dash shouted, running over to me. I hugged her and shrugged slightly.

"I pissed someone, somewhere off." I answered, she stepped back and bowed before the princesses.

"Rise Elements." Celestia said, the six of them did. "Twilight do you have Aron's bolts?" She then asked, the named pony nodded and teleported a quiver of bolts into existence. I just grabbed them from the air and put them on my back, making sure my sword was reachable since I'd yet to master putting my weapons on my person.

"Princess what is going on?" Twilight asked.

"My little ponies-" Despite everything, I cringed. "The portal between Equestria and Earth has opened and through it-" She paused for dramatic effect and pointed her head towards Earth. "Has come Aron's home world, Earth. Our planets will collide soon if Discord is not stopped."

"Ah don't understand half of that Princess." Applejack muttered.

"Earth and Equestria are going to hit each other soon because statue boy is a cunt." I replied, the orange pony just nodded.

"How do we defeat him princess? He looks pretty... Defeated now." Rainbow Dash asked. This is where I come in. I thought.

"We will release Discord from his prison, hold him here and convince him to stop." Celestia replied.

"And... If he doesn't?" Twilight asked. I gripped my sword and looked at Celestia.

"Looks like Aron already knows what to do. You don't have to." She said sadly.

"Someone has to." I said, walking forward, and drawing my sword. "Ready when you are." I added. I heard a horn start to glow and after a few seconds a rainbow light, much like the one during the whole Nightmare Moon thing. The rainbow hit Discord and the guards around him eased off a little to give the blinding light some room. I could see cracks in the statue whenever the flashes stopped enough for me to see. Laughter started to echo from the light and eventually the rainbow stopped, and the light turned dark, and into a cloud. Discord was covered by a layer of dark mist or something.

"Finally, someone let me out of my prison." A voice echoed around me, dark, foreboding voice. Was pretty badass. I looked around to the others and my heart almost stopped. Everyone looked totally, frozen.

"Discord I presume?" I asked the mist. More laughter. I felt a cold presence behind me but when I turned to look there was nothing, I looked back but the mist was gone; and so was the statue. All the guards completely still.

"Now Aron don't presume anything. We've already met." The voice replied.

"If you say so. You need to stop this." I called.

"Now why would I do that?"

"You'll kill billions."

"And how chaotic would that be?"

"That's not chaos, that's evil."

"From your point of view. But we have had this conversation before. Lots of times actually."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Suddenly the God appeared in front of my, much taller than myself and glaring down at me with an evil grin. His yellow eyes burning into my very soul. I almost let go of the sword.

"Let's go on a journey, shall we?" He asked, clicking his fingers. Everyone around us unfroze and the guards immediately started to charge Discord. I heard Celestia cry my name before he clicked his fingers again and I was on ankle deep in snow, a second later and I was on my knees coughing up blood into the snow. The air was scarily thin and bitterly cold, around me was just snow and rock, with not much room to walk around. It was clear we were up high somewhere but I didn't instantly know where. I stopped coughing and stood again, wiping my hands on my top to try and warm up, but on top of a mountain in a long sleeve shirt and nothing much else is a horrible idea if one were to keep warm. I looked off the side of the mountain and could see the towers of Canterlot below, we were on top of the huge ass mountain Canterlot was hanging from. I stepped back as soon as I knew where I was.

"The Tip of the World, the tallest mountain in Equestria and the... Third tallest on Equus." Discord said from behind me. I turned to him and aimed my sword at him. I couldn't feel my crossbow or bolts at all. "Interesting." He muttered, looking at the sword blade. "No matter." He added.

"Discord you need to stop this." I grunted at him, shivering already. I could see my breath as I spoke and my courage was very quickly falling.

"Now now Aron, in due time." Discord replied, clicking his fingers again and teleporting into a rather plush looking chair with his legs crossed and some glasses on that were far too small for his face. "Do you wish to know what happened to your eye?" He asked.

"I guess this is thanks to you?" I asked, not lowering my sword. Discord just rolled his eyes and smiled slightly.

"Taint is a magnificent gift is it not? Why have dull, green eyes. When you could have a piece of me?" He said.

"I don't want to fight you, you can end this peacefully." I grunted, stepping forward. Again, he rolled his eyes.

"You just don't listen do you. Here, let me show you." He said, clicking his fingers, and appearing in front of me and touching my forehead with a claw. There was a flash of light and suddenly total darkness surrounded me.

"This, is your past." Discord said from next to me. I noticed I wasn't cold anymore, and my sword was gone. I saw myself laying down on a black floor with Discord standing over my body. I saw how both me and Discord from the present were ghostlier and slightly blue, whereas the other us were solid. "I brought you here to show you my power." Discord added. I looked to him with little emotion. "And send a warning to Celestia of course, no fun in this being a totally bias fight. I always give my enemies a trump card to play." The other me, or OM, stood up slowly and the other Discord, OD vanished somewhere. OM called out something but I couldn't hear what he said. OD reappeared behind OM and kicked him, making him fall to the ground with a thud. I heard OD shout his name but not much else. "You believed this to be a dream, wanted to know who I was." Discord explained. I crossed my arms.

"How do I know this is true, and not your magic?" I asked.

"I would never lie to you Aron." Discord replied, most likely all I was going to get. I saw OD vanish again and OM stand and look around in the darkness. OM mumbled something and after a second OD appeared again and grabbed OM by the throat and lifted him up above the ground. "This bit is good. Let's watch, shall we?" Discord asked, and we started to move forward. It felt beyond strange to move without any self-prompt but I knew I was along for the ride and would most likely die here. I could see the fear in OM's eyes and the obvious begging for release and air. I was being choked out in front of myself.

"You tell you dear Celestia. That I'm coming and your worlds will BURN." OD screamed at OM. I actually flinched at that, almost in time with OM.

"Fear is a wonderful thing." Discord whispered, giggling. With OM's lion paw gripped onto me he lifted his clawed arm to OM's face, one claw was glowing purple with purple goo dripping down from it.

"Have a taste of my power mortal." OD commanded and touched my left eye with his claw. OM screamed out and at the same time my left eye shot out a shock of pain and I fell down screaming, mirroring OM. I felt blood dripping through my hand as I held onto the patch, tears fell down my good eye and my teeth were clenched, hard.

"Beings like me Aron." Discord began, I was barely listening, my eye was on fire. "We are what you would call Inter-dimensional. We can change the laws of physics and mould the universe as we see fit." He added. I was full on crying now and fell onto my side rather than my knees. My cries echoed from OM and Discord's speech echoed from OD. "You and I have fought and talked billions, trillions of times already and shall do so until the end of time itself. Every action you take opens the doors to an unlimited number of universes. All born from choice. Every being and every creature has a doppelganger in every dimension." He paused. "Some however, like myself. Can see ourselves. What we do, how we do it." Another pause. "That is why Equestria and Earth will die today. Because seeing everything as it happens is boring. We have to mix it up. I will kill billions yes, but billions out of a billion, billion universes where life continues is nothing." I barely noticed the cold creep up on me and the weight of Spiritus come back to me as we entered the real world again.

"There was one version of you I do like though. A younger version, went by a different name. Hey, believe it or not he chose to live his life on Equestria as a pony. Light Gaze or something close to that. Made some very different choices that you have. Even defeated me. Somehow." He giggled slightly, laughing to himself, I was trying to stand by slipped on the snow, blood dripping into the ground. "His journey came to an end somewhere north of here. In some fort surrounded by friends and allies. Fought and died against a threat you will never meet." He paused and seemed to be in deep thought. "This doesn't really affect you I'm sure. Gaze was a renown warrior before his universe burned, it is a shame really. He defeated Nightmare Moon, me, countless other enemies that tried to kill him. But in the end, he fell like all the rest." Discord seemed too preoccupied telling me about some dead guy to notice I'd finally stood and was inching towards him. "Tell me Aron. Do you think Haze could have saved the world had he not been too late?" Discord asked, looking away from me. I was praying to every god imaginable that I could get this strike into Discord.

"Doesn't matter, does it? He died." I answered.

"I suppose. When we're done here I shall have to visit a universe where he succeeds." Discord muttered. I lunged forward.

"We're done here." I grunted. Spiritus was sticking out of Discord's chest, covered in blood that constantly shifted colour. Discord tensed up a little bit before raising his hands and looking down.

"Well played." He said. Spiritus started to suck a blackish mist out of Discord and just as the memories of the ageless God of Chaos started to play in my mind I shut my eyes and smiled.

The last thing I remember was being thrown to the ground by an explosion and passing out.

Author's Notes:

Arc 1 is over
hopefully future arc endings won't be as split as this one.

also on a side note. although most of you are new to my writing a while ago I did write a series of fics that went under the title of The Nightmare Saga, revolving around the pony Bright Haze. There was a pretty big reference to the 'old' series as well as a canon ending, this is mainly for y'all who read the first series. Dragon, Sithjjf, couple others.

Act II: Chapter I

I woke up in the dark. Everything hurt and I was unsure how I was alive, the last thing I genuinely remembered was Discord exploding, there were distant, vague memories of... something. I wasn't sure what exactly, a life that lasted a billion billion years, in multiple timelines and sometimes in two places at once. I figured it was Discord's memories after getting stabbed by Spiritus but just the fading glimpses of his memory caused me to get a headache. I remembered something about another me as well, a younger mind, different body. From a totally different universe, but again I couldn't really pinpoint exactly what was going through my head; it felt like it was on fire so much information flooding back. I wasn't even sure if I was alive for a while when I woke up, the area around me was pitch black and I couldn't move, I didn't try to be honest; I didn't want to, as I said everything ached and hurt. I was hungry, thirsty, and incredibly tired. The only thing keeping me believing I was alive was how much I hurt, surely the afterlife wouldn't be this big of a punishment. Plus, I didn't really believe in all the spiel about life after death. My left eye wasn't in blinding pain anymore however so there was one unseen benefit. I had no idea if I was still wearing an eye patch or if the bitch would start to bleed at any moment like it had been.

After a time, my eyes started to adjust to the poor lighting somewhat; I promptly worked out it wasn't just due to the fact the blinds were closed behind me, it was just genuinely night out, I had no idea what time but I just speculated it was somewhat late. I could just make out the figure of a cyan looking mare sleeping awkwardly in a chair close to the wooden door leading out of the room, I also recognised this was the room I usually stayed at whilst at Canterlot. I had no idea how long I was out for, I couldn't distinguish who the female in the corner was, her mane and tail were rainbow coloured and a pair of beautiful wings lay drooped out on either side of her.

"Nobody was sure if you would ever wake up. We started to lose hope." A voice mumbled from my left, I knew the voice but could not immediately put a finger on to where it was from. Someone from before I died was my best guess, the same with the blue mare. I tried to utter a reply but all that came out was a dry wheeze and slight cough. I was leaning upright slightly and my head was supported by multiple pillows.

"Do not try to talk yet Aron, your voice won't be working right now, you need liquid and healing." The voice said quietly, there was little emotion behind it and even took me a few seconds to register he had been talking to me; as well as the ponies in my room with me I had forgotten my own name, or chosen name. I knew I had been hurt due to an explosion against a being known as Discord, I knew I was in Equestria, mainly the capital city of Canterlot and I knew this was my room. Thinking anymore hurt too much. Despite the warning I tried to speak again, again there was a slight wheeze and a more violent cough, my throat filled up with liquid for a second and felt less dry; i figured I coughed up some blood but I hadn't seen any come out. There was a long pause before the voice said anything else, I thought I had dreamt it for a minute and was about to try to sleep.

"It's around three in the morning. Twilight, Rainbow Dash over there, and I; Diamond, have been watching you in shifts. As well as various unicorn doctors and both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. I have been told that were you to wake you may have some memory gaps." The voice, Diamond explained. The second he said out names I began to know who was who, my mind building itself back up. "I'm not sure on the exact date but it is sometime mid-May. You've been in a coma since December." He added after a few seconds. Five months I'd been gone. So much could have changed.

"I..." I finally managed to get out, fighting the pain in my throat.

"You defeated an actual God Aron. A Spirit of Equestria." Diamond said. "There has been some news that Princess Celestia wishes to speak to you about in light of that." He added.

"Diamond." I muttered, not getting anything else out and coughing.

"Do you remember me?" He asked. I nodded. "Good. I'd turn on the light but I would not wish to disturb Miss Rainbow Dash. She's been, restless, to say the least. And I wish to talk to you first."

"One. Sided." I grunted. He giggled slightly.

"That's true. Before anything though; Aron you are a hero. A true hero. You stopped genocide on two planets and defeated the demonic force that is Discord."

"And?" I asked.

"And..." He paused. "And destroying a Spirit of Equestria like you did caused some unbalance. We've talked about this before, the Spirit War that nearly destroyed the world."

"Are we safe?" I asked.

"The gap between here and your world has been closed, Earth disappeared and we can only presume it survived. But Discord was a very powerful being with powerful magic, I don't know much but what I do is not good. Princess Celestia will fill you in more, but whatever magic was inside you may be unstable."

"Meaning?"

"We... We do not know. It will either fade away or it won't. If it does not vanish then there will be a problem, but a problem for another time."

"Perfect." I grunted. "Five months?" I asked.

"Yes. It's been hard on many of us, ponies were worried. Rumours spread, especially after the Taint incident." Diamond replied. "Demons, The Void, Discord. It's all too much for some." Another pause. "We've yet to recover Spiritus, we believe it was thrown off the mountain in the blast. Could be anywhere."

"Jus' a sword..." I muttered, a sword that had killed a God. But that had sent me into a six-month coma so the balance was there.

"Do you remember the fight?"

"Wasn't a fight. Stabbed him in the." I coughed. "In the back. You got... Got any water?" I added once I'd calmed. I saw a wing move slightly and a glass of water came back with it, I grabbed it carefully and just downed the thing in one go. It was cool and was the liquid version of bliss.

"Did you... See anything? Like with the Enfield?" I wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about for a second.

"Yes, I think so... It's such a blur." I paused to stop myself from coughing. I was pushing my luck and knew it. "I don't understand much of it. Other dimensions, other Discords, other mes." I added finally.

"He lived a long life, and who knows what kind of information you received from that. Honestly losing Spiritus was probably for the best if you blacked out and went into a trance after every fight."

"Heh." I mumbled. Then started laughing quietly, sadly. "I suppose I really am a warrior now."

"You don't have to be, you can back out." Diamond grumbled.

"Go... Go get Celestia." I muttered after a time. I felt so weak, so tired. I supposed I would need a lot of help and support getting up out of bed and walking. I would need to get back into shape, the recovery would be difficult to say the least. In any other medium all that would be needed is a crap montage with upbeat music to sort myself out. Probably a chapter or so in a kind of book. Not that it would ever happen.

I didn't exactly see Diamond nod, but it felt like he had. The stallion stood up out of his seat and trotted quietly to the door, he opened it slowly and crept out, Dash didn't even stir, she was totally knocked out. I wandered whether that was magical or not for a second but figured nobody would have knocked Dash out against her will. Some light poured into the room but not too much, I didn't hear any noise out in the corridor nor see anyone. He didn't bother closing the door behind him and I welcomed the light pouring in.

A few minutes passed and the door opened fully, followed by a majestic white Alicorn, her horn was glowing holding a tray of what I could only guess was food and drink. Celestia looked sad, and incredibly tired, her hair was a mess and not as active as usual. Her horn glow expanded and flashed a light, the sleeping form of Rainbow Dash vanished and the door shut. After another spell a small orb of yellow light appeared and began to float aimlessly around the room, mostly following Celestia.

"You won't be accustomed to bright light yet, I do hope this isn't too bad." She said once she was closer, I had been watching the orb fly aimlessly fly around above my bed. "Drink, please." She added. She floated over a glass of water which I drank happily, downing as much as possible. It was clear I'd lost a lot of weight during my coma, I wasn't sure how they had managed to keep me alive but presumed it had something to do with magic.

"Thank you." I said, I drank more of the water then lay quietly waiting for the princess to speak.

"I am truly glad to see you finally awake Aron." She said, smiling slightly; a smile that dropped almost immediately. "But we have some issues to discuss."

"Yeah Diamond told me, bits." I replied.

"He doesn't know the full story yet."

"Oh."

"Discord is; was, a Spirit of Equestria. He was created along with others to keep the balance of the world in check. The last time a Spirit was killed the world was thrown into literal chaos, the world went through a dark age for thousands of years."

"The Wasteland?"

"A cause of the Spirit war, the world used to be lush Aron, green and beautiful. Now most of the world is dead and barren, the ground cracked and nothing living survives. This happened around eight thousand years and Equus has yet to recover."

"So, what have I caused?" I asked.

"You have caused nothing but our survival Aron, please believe th-."

"Celestia."

"Discord was a being of chaos, of Taint. Some of his magic has leeched into your own wild magic. We don't believe it will ever be an issue. If it was an issue you wouldn't be here for this conversation." I wasn't sure if she meant I would have been killed, in a permanent come or she would have been the one to kill me. "Most of his magic spread across the world, into the atmosphere. Tartarus is more active than usual, Equestria has received a threat of invasion from an old enemy, we've already detected some mega-spells that could become active at any point. And there is no telling what else is coming." I didn't say anything, just shut my eyes, and held back the want to cry. "This. Is. Not. Your. Fault." Celestia added. "Had Discord lived we would all be dead, you couldn't have contained him alone, and I think he knew it."

"And yet worse is coming. I've spread chaos rather than stop it."

"Whatever comes Aron we will find a way to prevail." She said, her usual motherly charm was suddenly gone and a military leader stood before me. Celestia had subtle changes all over her person, eyes darker, coat duller. The image only lasted a second before she returned to her usual form. I lay in silence for a while thinking on that. Wanting to know what to say to that, eventually; after too long. I had an answer.

"Whatever is thrown at us, whatever comes. I'll be here to face it with you." I said. Six months ago, I didn't dream of saying that, I hated the idea of war and fighting, I knew what it looked like. But something Discord had said, about multiple versions of me. How some other version had managed to fight and survive, so why couldn't I? I wasn't sure if he had been lying or what half the things he had said even meant. Either way I was dedicated to stop other monsters like him.

Just another pawn in the endless cycle of violence.

"T-Thank you Aron." Celestia replied, sniffing, and smiling slightly. She paused for a second. "You may struggle to walk for a time, you lost weight and strength. A lot of the reason you survived was magic, we weren't entirely sure how your body would react but a choice had to be made. You should be up and about in around a week."

"Such a short time." I muttered, she shrugged.

"Again, magic is a big reason, you can't sustain it but by the time it fades you will have healed enough regardless." She looked me up and down, which wasn't hard considering I was in bed. "But this wasn't exactly a normal coma." She added.

"Either way, hopefully I'll recover quickly?" I asked.

"Your voice seems to be back already." She replied, I weakly nodded.

"True. What exactly did I miss?" She blinked a few times and moved back in what I presumed was surprise.

"Well Spiritus has been lost, I sent multiple search parties out once we had recovered y- your body, but found nothing."

"Diamond told me. It's just a sword."

"An incredibly powerful sword." Again, I paused. Eventually I gave up on that sour topic.

"What about my, corruption?" I asked, my eye didn't hurt as much in truth, but I was still fearful of what had happened to it.

"The Taint did return after Discord, we had to remove it again-" I shuddered. "-you will have a few scars where skin broke and the purple will always be there, but as far as we know the Taint won't grow or spread anymore. The throbbing will always be an issue but never too much."

"Too much?"

"All... infected react differently to Taint and post-Taint. Some have pain forever, some have the corruption spread no matter what is done for them. Some completely heal, no scars, no evidence at all. This is all speculation Aron, there is no telling what will happen." She paused. "However, it has been months since the event, if it were to spread it would have already." Being called infected hit home hard, felt like I had already fallen to this corruption, or been oust as an outcast.

"Who sent this threat to Equestria?" I asked.

"What do you know of Equestria's enemies?" She asked back.

"Not much, nobody tells me shit." I answered, then added: "I know the dogs are an issue and vermin, rather than any viable threat. I know Changelings are a thing but that's about it. I know Griffons are north of us, but we aren't at war with them, the dragons are also an issue but aren't evil."

"Indeed. There are two groups of Changelings, the Southern Tribe, and the Eastern Tribe. The Eastern Tribe, are considered close allies; but we haven't heard from them for a while. The Southern Tribe are disgusting, vile creatures. Kidnap, assault, raids, and numerous other crimes against Equestria. But war would be devastating."

"You sound somewhat offended by their mere existence."

"My thoughts on them go back a very long time Aron. Both tribes can change form at will and feed on emotions, both do it differently but I am unaware of the science. The Eastern Changelings have orange eyes and wings, whilst the Southern Tribe have blue parts." She paused. "Chrysalis has never been so bold as to actually threaten my life though. Never by message anyway."

"Do you think this is to do with m- Discord's magic?" I asked.

"Possibly." She replied after a minute. "Not every event will be to do with Discord Aron, and this has been a long time coming."

"A'right." I mumbled. "Anything else? Light-hearted maybe?"

"You've been invited to a wedding." That stumped me, and obviously not like the others. I didn't know anyone who could possibly be getting married. Unless the HMS 'Lymond' had finally sailed and the guard and unicorn were getting together permanently.

"Who you marrying?" I asked, smiling. She immediately blushed and stepped back.

"No not me!" She declared, I giggled a bit and she rolled her eyes and walked over again. The magic orb she had conjured had changed to a weird shade of red. "Princess Cadence and Captain Shining Armor are getting married here in Canterlot."

"Not met Cadence, met Shining though. Once." And God what an asshole he was.

"Princess Cadence recently returned from the far east meeting with the leaders of Zafrica, and thought a wedding would be nice for her and Shining Armor. After she was informed of your escapades she believed it proper to invite you to it."

"Escapades like killing some dogs, a weird mutant fox thing, pissing off a dragon, killing an actual god and causing untold misery and sadness across the world?"

"Cadence also used to foal sit Twilight, which is how her and Twilight's brother met." I couldn't remember if Twilight had ever mentioned a brother or if I had ever been told she had a sibling. "Rainbow Dash and the other elements are also invited to the wedding." I smirked.

"Meaning I would've gone regardless of my wishes." Celestia just nodded.

"The wedding will be huge, a royal one with myself being the registrar, along will all the other positions for legal bindings." She replied. "Which is why I believe that will be the time the Changelings attempt their invasion, public event, plenty of ponies and plenty of love; which they feed off. Would be a perfect time." I should have questioned the feeding off love thing and literally everything else she just said to me but didn't.

"Alright, when is it and what will be my job?" I asked.

"Not for another month. I hadn't planned on you being there, which you can understand, but if you are healed enough I would like you to guard Twilight and her friends. They have all been asked with a specific job at the wedding and I'd like it to go smoothly, invasion or not." I nodded.

"Bitchin'. What about Earth, that trip still possible?" She didn't say anything for a second, but nodded to herself eventually.

"The breach has been closed, nothing will merge anymore. You could go to earth, even with a unicorn and nothing would go wrong. However, I would need you to go with a pony, and you still can't return to earth permanently." I was about to ask why before she answered for me. "When I came for you, Equus and Earth were following the same timeline, a day here was a day there. However, with the breach closed Earth travels much faster through time than us simply by being so far away. The way I would send you to Earth is through time travel, put you back just after you left and allow you to stay for a while. However, that spell doesn't last forever so I need a length of stay. I could repeat the spell but the more I send you back the more complicated the spell becomes since there is a larger time difference."

"Understandable." I somewhat understood it too. Somewhat. "I'd probably need two weeks to gather information, I might be able to get a prop as well, just to give some visual information. Still deciding on bringing Dash or Diamond. I'd likely do more work with Diamond."

"I shall keep that in mind, but we can discuss research before your trip. But you need your rest so I shall leave you. It has been a long five months. Goodnight Aron." She said, she walked away before I could reply, the small orb following her. She left through the door and shut the door on the orb, it floated towards the wall following her movements and smashed into pieces of glowing glass once it hit a wall. Most of the shards slowly vanished before they hit the ground and the rest did once they hit the carpet. Without any kind of entertainment and no other reason to stay up I very quickly felt the want to sleep. Drifting off was easy enough and I slept through the rest of the night.

The next time I woke up Rainbow Dash was still missing and Diamond was sitting in a chair next to me. Sunlight was finally bleeding through my curtains into the room, I blinked a few times to get used to the lighting and groaned. My whole body ached and I was sitting in the same position I had fallen asleep in, meaning my back ached like a real bitch.

"Afternoon." Diamond muttered. I coughed and smiled.

"Is it?"

"How are you feeling?" He asked. I didn't reply for a second, just thinking and staring into space.

"I'm alive. Aching though." I replied, Diamond smiled slightly.

"Understandable."

"There a mirror about?" I asked. He stood up and walked over to a table at the other side of the room, then grabbed what I very much presumed was a mirror, he came back and dropped it on my bed, I got an arm out and held it up to my face. My hair was messy and much longer than it was before the coma. I had a mess of hair resembling facial hair. My face had a few spots on them and the usual grease of not cleaning properly after an extended length of time.
My eye was where my focus was though. Celestia had been right about my eye. Most of the skin around it was practically white, dots of normal skin were scattered about in dots as well as multiple craters and cuts where skin had been peeled away. The colour of my eye was pure purple, and the usual white of my eye was either blood red or pinkish rather than pure white. Small purple veins were going across my eye and showing up on bits of my skin. My eye lashes and eyebrow hadn't regrown at all and only skin remained, the white skin just looked like a white burn on my face, with normal skin getting more obvious around the circle on my face. I blinked a few times and saw that my eyelids were incredibly thin, it was enough to keep light out like usual but was obvious a lot more worse off than the right, likewise with purple veins on it. I dropped the mirror in disgust and looked back to Diamond.

"Fuck." I grunted.

"It is not so bad." He replied, I rolled my eyes, then closed them and leaned back.

"Whatever. What have you been up to since Discord?" I asked. He blinked in surprise. "Anything going down with Lyra? Shit besides making me feel horrible I mean." I added.

"Ah. Well Twilight Sparkle has been in Canterlot a lot recently, so the library has been practically empty. When I go down to Ponyville we normally stay together either there or her place." He answered.

"So, what? Moving into together?"

"Maybe, getting there I suppose. I met her mother recently."

"Nice. You here about the wedding?"

"Heh. Besides-." He paused, looking me up and down. "-Never mind. That's all ponies are really talking about. Cadance got back three months ago and Shining Armor asked her then. Been either together or planning the wedding since."

"Real royal wedding then. Apparently, I'm invited."

"That and we think the Changelings are planning something, there is a shield over Canterlot now that only Shining Armor can control stopping anything that isn't pony from getting in. I wouldn't say the city is in lock-down, but the turrets are active."

"Shit. I better not leave the city then, not even sure if I can."

"You should be safe from them. Princess Celestia made sure of that."

"Fair enough. I am apparently invited to that wedding. Although Celestia wants me on guard duty."

"Not for another month, but it feels like every day is a wedding out there. There is a reason I stay in here a lot. I am on duty that day as well, however Lyra is going so-"

"You'd be going regardless." I interrupted, saying it at the same time as Diamond.

"Ah so Rainbow Dash is going."

"Yeah... Her, Twi, Pinks. All of The Elements of Harmony bearers are going. I guess they are considered Equestria's main weapons if they were used against an apocalyptic level event that was Luna's ego and now an invasion."

"The Elements of Harmony are the main weapons. They are the last line of defence against magical beings that threaten Equestria. They stopped Discord, they stopped Nightmare Moon twice."

"Where do they come from?"

"Nobody really knows. Some say it is from the Princess Mother, others say the Spirits of Equestria made them in case any of them turn insane." So, Discord.

"Does anyone else know that I'm awake?" I finally asked. Diamond then smiled for the first time since I had woken up and winked. "Everyone knew last night, didn't they?" I asked. He just nodded and stood up, then walked towards the door.

"Princess Celestia cast a spell on you last night so the moment you awoke proper ponies would be informed." He stopped at the door and put a hoof on the handle.

"I just woke up from a coma." I grunted, staring at him.

"That you did. You ready?"

"Of course not. Open the door." And thus, Diamond opened the flood gates, the door swung open and in poured my hell for the next few hours. Twilight and her friends, Dash, Sunflower, Grumble, both Princesses and another Alicorn I didn't recognise that I presumed was Cadance and a few others walked in and took positions around the room. I was immediately crushed by the forces of my girlfriend and the pink menace of Pinkie Pie hugging me on either side of my bed. Pinkie Pie cried out a flurry of words I barely understood, about people missing me and the expected stuff. But Dash just pushed her head into my chest and held me tight, not making a sound. I managed to awkwardly pull an arm out from under the sheets, seeing how weak it had gotten, muscle mass practically gone.
Ignoring that I started to stroke Dash's hair, still she said nothing, Pinkie kept going.

"It's good to see you all again, but I'm back now." I declared, with that most walked over and started chatting to either me or each other. It was so unorganised. Twilight, Cadance and Luna were probably the highlights that came up over the next three actual hours. Twilight was first.

"How do you feel?" She asked, it had been agreed after far too long people would just come in one at a time and either go do whatever or hang out in the next room if they wanted to talk to me. I was somewhat saddened to find out Rarity, Applejack and Spike just decided to bail. Rainbow Dash refused to leave my side but didn't say a word, nor did I say anything to her, it just felt good holding her again.

"I'm considerably weaker than when I fought Discord, my eye is totally fucked and this bed has become the most uncomfortable thing in the known universe. But, I'm alive and surrounded by friends so pretty god damn good." I replied. She nodded.

"I've been doing a lot of research whilst you were... Away."

"On?"

"Discord, Spiritus, The Spirits... And after you were brought back in and were talking in your sleep some more on other topics. Mainly a pony named Bright Haze, the Multiverse and The Void."

"What did you learn?" I wasn't sure about the last three, I'd never heard of a pony under that name but I didn't recall talking in my coma so I presumed it was an after effect thanks to Discord.

"Not much. All research on Discord leads to the fact you should not have won that fight alone." She replied.

"Well gee thanks." She rolled her eyes. "I knew that at least. The way I offed the fucker was stabbing him in the back. He seemed really... Distracted." I shrugged slightly, making Dash shift slightly. Pretty sure she had fallen asleep as her grip had loosened a while back.

"Spiritus is likewise a bust, there are no books in Canterlot or any knowledge here on enchanted weapons that are even close to Spiritus. I was tempted to go down to the old castle and try and look there but with you, my brother's wedding and the Princess warning me the Everfree was dangerous I left it."

"It's not that important Twi, the swords gone. Discord's gone and I'm here standing. Let's just move on." I wanted to tell her the Everfree was probably more dangerous now because of Discord's magic I'd unleashed but I wasn't sure if that was a lie or not.

"And besides the fact ponies sort of know the Spirits are real, thanks to Discord ruling over Equestria for so long... There is nothing on them."

"Fair enough. Knowledge we could have used but I think we'll survive without it."

"Now as for the next three. The Void is an incredibly dangerous place and after a chat with Princess Celestia I was told you already knew that."

"I did. It's how I got the eye."

"I know." She paused. "The Multiverse I found nothing on..." She paused again.

"Until?"

"Until I spoke to Princess Celestia." She took a breath. "Aron, I don't think we are the only 'universe' out there. I think that the reason Discord was defeated so easily was because he let you. Because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't actually matter what happens."

"Twi." She stopped. "When I fought Discord, he told me some things, he took me to The Void and showed me an event I don't remember, supposedly that was when I received the Taint and he didn't let me remember it. But during, and then after. He explained he was inter-dimensional. That he can see other versions of himself. I vaguely remember him saying how I had defeated him before, in a younger body." I added, unsure of myself, the memories hazy at best.

"That's what I'm implying. Aron what if you did, as this Bright Haze character, defeat Discord in another universe, in another timeline? That means time travel is a viable option, as is inter-dimensional travel!" Twilight declared. "Aron, we could learn everything there is to know if we can find other dimensions!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself Twilight. The Void is supposedly in-between a dimension so every time you go to one you go through there. And you don't want to go there." I said. She nodded.

"I understand that, but it's something to consider, isn't it?"

"I suppose."

"Do you know anything else about that Haze character?" She asked.

"Discord told me he died. Believe his exact words are 'somewhere north of here', 'against an enemy I'll never meet'." I replied. "But it doesn't matter if there are infinite dimensions, if I killed Discord here and now, or before and then I would have done it in countless timelines. We ain't lords over our fates." Twilight nodded.

"Well that's all I had for you Aron, I shall make a point on talking with the Princess more. It is good to see you awake again."

"It's good to be awake again. I suggest talking with Luna about all this, she might know more." Or give out more information. With that she nodded again and left. Sunflower Haze and Grumble came in next.

Sometime later I found myself looking at an incredibly pink pony, like if there were a toy line for my life this chick would have been wanted by millions of little girls and thousands of old bearded men. She had the horn and wings of an Alicorn, purple eyes, a small tiara, necklace, and golden shoes. Pink, purple, and yellow hair and looked like someone that liked hardcore BDSM in bed.

"Princess Cadance I presume?" I asked. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I know we haven't met but I used to be Twilight's foal-sitter. I've heard so much about you."

"Well you will forgive me when I say I haven't heard much about you. Just that you are a diplomat and are marrying Twilight's brother."

"Of course, I forgive you. Not being in Equestria for a long time I didn't hear about you until a few months ago. But what you've done for us is beyond measure."

"It wasn't much truly, I guarantee that whatever people are saying about me are very much lies. I have done minimal work besides this, last event."

"Either way Equestria, and I, are truly thankful. Which is why you have been invited to my wedding."

"You needn't have Princess. This one was invited anyway so I would've gone regardless." I said, pointing my head at Dash, both my arms were over her now and she really was asleep, bundled up on the bed. Cadance's horn flashed for a second and she smiled.

"She genuinely loves you Aron." She muttered.

"I know." I replied.

"Besides being Equestria's top diplomat I am also The Princess of Love." She explained. I just shrugged. "But you’re unsure of yourself, aren't you?" She asked. I looked away from Dash and to the Princess. "Your emotions are all over the place. You don't know if you can love again."

"I..."

"I know Aron. I can see how you feel and I understand. As much as one can understand anyway. I shall let your friends in to speak with you and stop using up your time. Welcome back to Equestria though." She said. Walking away.

"Thank you." I muttered as she left. It goes without saying whoever came in next got a very mixed bag of responses.

Princess Luna came in practically last, with only Celestia behind her. Spear Wielder had been in before her just to welcome me back. I had been surprised when both my trainer and Toyar had come to see me. Hell, Toyar brought me a new sword, it was a simple thing really. Long hilt I could get a hand and a half over, decent curved guard and a long shiny blade. The scabbard was proper leather as well and I made a point in not asking how he had made it.
Anyway, with Princess Luna came a new conversation I hadn't expected.

"Welcome back to Equestria Aron." She greeted, walking in much quieter than I expected.

"Thank you, Princess." I replied. Luna was quiet for a moment before she spoke.

"Do you remember the Gala, Aron?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yes, we spoke of each other’s past and then got drunk at some local watering hole."

"Do you also remember Celestia talking to you during Nightmare Night? Mainly what you suggested?" I paused at that, thinking back on what exactly I said.

"Not exactly. She told me off for getting you drunk."

"You suggested that the system we have in place, where I guard the night and she the day should come to an end so I could get help."

"Yes, I meant no offense-." I began.

"Good, you didn't create any. Do you know what I do, what I did during peace times at night Aron?" She asked. I shook my head. "I watch over the dreams of ponykind, making sure they are happy and safe in their slumber. Ponies work under Celestia's light during the day and rest under mine. That is what it means to be Princess of the Night." She said.

"I see." I muttered, not sure where this was going.

"Aron please do not fear me." She said. "I honestly wish to change for the better, I know I am behind everypony else and we- I, cannot change for the better alone. Last month my sister allowed me to take on a student and teach them the ways of safe guarding the dreams of ponykind. In turn I shall also teach some of my royal guards, so they too may assist in dream guarding."

"Where does that leave you?" I asked. She didn't say anything for a solid minute, then took a deep breath. She smiled.

"Free. I shall remain as Princess but rule alongside my sister. We have spoken and both agree it could work." I opened my mouth to speak. "Which brings you into the equation." She muttered, then stepped forward and put her forelegs under her body, kneeling down. "Aron of Earth. During my time off during the evenings..." She began. "Will you be my friend? Teach me the ways of being nice and calm. Help me heal?" She asked. That meant it was my turn to pause. I wasn't at all sure what to say, Luna could be a valuable friend, but did I want to spend my time trying to help someone even though I ignored my own issues? But thinking on it, it could work. Both of us were very much broken, her maybe more so. But just chilling with someone like her could do us both good. Hell get Diamond in the mix and it will be three depressed people going on adventures and trying to solve our issues. I was told that having people who are all depressed together would be a terrible idea but we were all in varying degrees of self-hatred. Diamond seemed happy with Lyra, I was coming out of my shell. Only Luna needed the major help and she would be spending time with her sunshine brightness sister. Fuck it.

"Of course, Luna. We can hang out sometime in the future. Maybe sometime after the wedding."

"I was going to suggest that, I still need to officially get a student and begin dream training. It will take some time for things to adjust enough for me to be truly free." She said. Then stood and began to leave. "Thank you, Aron." She said and left.

I spent about an hour after everyone had seen me with Dash. I agreed with Celestia to allow that, as well as a conversation with Dash before anything else be done with me. She wanted to try and get me in physical therapy immediately; which frankly I was all for. Dash was still asleep when I finally got bored of staring into space and I started to poke her slightly and whisper her name. She stirred with a grumble and looked up at me. Her necklace was on, her hair was a mess and she had clearly been crying. Either awake or in her sleep. She looked at me sadly, then as the realisation kicked in she dove forward and hugged me tight again and started to properly cry. I just started to stroke her and let her cry. She started to mutter something into my chest that I couldn't hear. All but one line: I can't do this. That stopped my heart and I stopped stroking her. She stopped crying and sniffed, feeling me tense up. Dash looked up and at me.

"Aron, I thought you were dead!" She cried. I felt my skin turn cold and pale. "You could've died! What were you thinking!" She yelled.

"I didn't expect him to teleport me. Something had to be done." I replied. She punched me with a hoof, no force behind it at all.

"I know. But why did it have to be you!" She yelled again. I had nothing to say so just stared at her. She started to hit me with both hooves now, still no force behind them at all, just tapping against the bed sheet.

"I love you!" She cried. "But I can't deal with you dying like that, being so... Selfless!" She paused. "I'm sorry Aron. I can't do this, the last few months have been hell. They've been... Been... Bullshit!" She was crying and I just continued to stare, waiting for the end. "What if you do this again! Celestia has been saying you're going to help fight against the Changelings! Why?" Now I never expected Celestia to just outright declare my loyalty to Equestria and would have some very choice words with her when I spoke to her. I had wanted to let the whole coma thing die down before talking to Dash about it.

"Aron, we can't be together anymore." And that was the sentence I was dreading.

"Dash..." I muttered, barely a whisper.

"Don't. Please. Don't." She grunted. "If you died I couldn't live with myself. This is for the best." She added. "If you want to play at war then fine. But don't drag me down with you." She said, then climbed off me and onto the ground. I watched her all the way down and watched her still as she walked to the door, still crying. I watched as she opened the door and turned right. Out of my life.

Not once did she look back.

As soon as she was out of earshot I began to cry.

Celestia never did turn up after that.