Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 6 - Part 3                                                                                                                    

“Spike…” Twilight was speechless.

Ditzy: Why did the author think this was a good way to start a chapter?

Her whole world crumbled around her as the sopping wet dragon, slicked with blood that washed to the ground stood at her doorstep.

Ditzy: Can he even fit through the door?

Doctor: Did the author even establish how large he is?

“Twilight…” he groaned. He sounded weak as he fell forward. The pony didn’t know what to do, and instinct told her to jump out of the way.

Ditzy: Um, what about your telekinesis?

Spike hit the floor with a loud thud, a groan following close behind.

Doctor: (Spike) Ugh, fell on my keys.

“Oh my goodness.” she gasped, proceeding to help him inside. Spike floated in the air, surrounded by Twilight’s magical aura. The pony herself rushed to her bedroom door and wasted no time levitating the weak dragon inside. There was a slight knock on the doorframe, followed by Spike’s annoyed groan.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Hmmm...you’re a bit too big to fit through the door. Looks like I will just have to force you through!

Doctor: (Spike) No! Just teleport!

“Ow.” Twilight winced as she realised her mistake.

“Sorry.” she said as she rushed to prepare the guest bed for him.

Ditzy: Which should be way too small for him.

Gently, and with renewed accuracy,

Ditzy: She rolled better this time.

she laid the dragon to rest with his head on the pillow. The covers had been forced to the end of the bed and as the aura faded from around Spike, it reappeared around the covers which floated above him, coming to rest over his battered and bleeding body.

Doctor: It barely covered his body, but it was better than nothing.

“You can have a shower tomorrow, right now you need rest.

Doctor: Sure, it’s not like he needs medical attention.

Ditzy: He probably won’t bleed to death.

What happened to you?” the dragon didn’t answer. He simply looked at his old friend with distant eyes. The room was silent, save Spike’s wheezing and it became clear to him that she was not going to leave him alone without an answer.

Ditzy: (Spike) I, uh, had a nasty run in with a...ketchup bottle!

“Gryphons.” Twilight observed the wounds not covered by the bedding, gently wiping away some of the blood around one of them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) This rag I used to clean the shelves yesterday should be perfect.  

“Looks like you’ll have a permanent scar over your eye. They say that mares like scars, but with Rarity, she might become that much more difficult for you to obtain.” she joked. Spike just huffed, a waft of smoke rising to the roof.

“Funny.” he muttered. Twilight leaned away from him, unsure what to do next.

Doctor: Check the severity of his wounds?

Ditzy: Get some disinfectant?

There was an eerie chill in the room as nothing was said for a matter of minutes. She searched for something to say; anything that could beak the wall of awkwardness between them.

Ditzy: (Twilight) How’s your sex life?

There was so much she wanted to ask him, but she didn’t want to pressure him into leaving again. Perhaps something casual would be a good start?

Doctor: (Twilight) So, have you read the latest issue of Equestrian Science Monthy?

“So how have–.” she was cut off by a light snore that escaped the dragon’s mouth. She inspected the noise to find he’d fallen asleep.

Ditzy: (Twilight) No, must resist pranking him for leaving without a word for years.

“Poor guy; he must have been exhausted.” she whispered to herself. She reached a hoof to his face and turned his head. She then proceeded to kiss his forehead, avoiding the blood that had begun to dry on his surface.

Doctor: You could clean him up right now. He’s out like a light.

Ditzy: I sure hope none of those Griffons had anything.

“I’m glad you’re home.” she left him to his rest and returned to her own fresh bed. As she relaxed herself, she thought about what had just happened and she smiled. Her best friend had come home.

This’ll be one hell of a friendship report to Princess Celestia. she thought as she closed her eyes.

Doctor: (Twilight) Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that contrived miracles can come true!  

The following morning, Spike awoke to the smell of cooked vegetables, hay fries and the sound of gems clanging together. He knew right away that Twilight had planned on trying to persuade him to stay by feeding him his favourite foods;

Ditzy: It was a devilish plan to be sure.

or what once were his favourites.

Doctor: Now it was fried rat.

As he suspected, a bowl of gems accompanied some hay fries and vegetables on a tray as Twilight opened the door. She’d gone out of her way to make this. Too bad it wasn’t going to affect him in the way she wanted.

Ditzy: Ha. Says the one cramming his face like he hasn’t eaten in months.

“Morning.” she said in a cheery voice. He knew it all too well. It was the voice she’d use whenever she was nervous about something. It was obvious to anypony or anyone what she was nervous about.

Doctor: She should be nervous considering you kill your friends with little provocation.

“Morning.” he replied in a not so cheery tone.

Doctor: I’m not a morning person either.

He sat up and leaned against the bed post as she placed the tray of food on his lap.

“        How did you sleep?” she asked. Spike ignored the question at first, sniffing the contents in front of him. Clearly, nature had made him paranoid to an extent.

Ditzy: He was worried she might drug him to drag him to her special basement for experimentation.

“Well enough… considering.”

Doctor: (Spike) It actually looks vaguely edible, you have improved quite a lot.

he took a few hay fries and wrapped his reptilian tongue around them. He then proceeded to pull them into his mouth where it closed. Twilight searched for any signs of chewing, but noticed none.

“Is everything alright?” she asked. Spike had torn the fries apart using nothing but his tongue, turning it into a few piles of mash as he constricted around the thin sticks. He swallowed, loud enough for her to hear.

“Of course not.” he said nothing else as he tried a gem next.

Ditzy: (Spike) How did you manage to burn gems?

A fire ruby, like the heart-shaped one he’d given Rarity was first on his list. He tossed the gem into his mouth and visibly chewed on it, more vigorously than necessary for a single gem the size of Twilight’s hoof.

Ditzy: And with his mouth open. Eck.

“You said Gryphons attacked you. Why?” she asked. Spike stopped chewing and rotated his eyes, pointing them upon her. Twilight felt as though they were a pair of canons about to go off at any second.

All: Space Ripper Stingy Eyes!

“My home was just beyond their border. They disagreed and claimed it as theirs.

Doctor: For some reason they were willing to sacrifice dozens of Griffons to get it.

Reasons led me to abandon it. It’s of no use to me now.

Doctor: (Spike) With my long time friends and allies dead and everything.

Which brings me here.” He removed the tray from his lap and hopped out of bed, ripping the sheets that had stuck to him from his body which had used the dried blood as a medium. Twilight kept at least a meter away from him as he made his way out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” she asked, worry filling her voice. Spike stopped and turned to her.

Doctor: (Spike) To Disneyland.

“To the shower. This blood isn’t a fashion statement,

Doctor: Actually I can think of several planets where blood is considered quite fashionable.

Ditzy: Please tell me you're joking.

I’m sure Rarity would agree.”

Ditzy: (Rarity) Nonsense darling. I think it looks quite fetching!

he closed the door after him, leaving Twilight to ponder his attitude towards her.

Ditzy: Yeah! No welcome hug or anything.

Doctor: Please tell me he gets over this soon.

Spike leaned against the door for a moment, bringing his hand to his face. As he dragged it down, the scars matched the path of his fingers, including the one over his eye. Fresh blood emerged from the scratches which caused him to curse under his breath.

Doctor: Maybe you should, I don’t know, cover your injuries!

He hurried to the shower and turned the knobs. As a cold blooded creature, the temperature didn’t bother him, but the hot water that touched his scars hurt.

Doctor: Much like his black, broken heart.

He crouched in the tub as the water sprayed all over him and he watched as the tub turned pink against the white porcelain.  He knew coming back was a mistake. He should have tried for another brood and a dragoness with colour dissimilar to Rarity.

Doctor: So he barely cares that his pack and lover are dead. What a great guy.

Ditzy: This is suppose to be Spike?

But he was here now and he would suffer the consequences… for a time.

Twilight sat on the couch, staring at the unused fireplace. She was off in her own little calculating world.

Doctor: She was planning her ‘What to do now that Spike is back’ pre-check list.

What had she done? She knew he was happy the day he left, but what caused all that to change? Did he realise some sort of truth that even she couldn’t fathom? All sorts of questions bubbled away in her head, each one dismissed as quickly as they came.

Doctor: (Twilight) Was it because it because I didn’t give him enough gems. Not enough break time? Did I work him too hard? I didn’t bring him along on enough adventures? I woke him up too early in the morning? I didn’t leave the toilet seat up? I didn’t feed him well enough? I let Owlicious do too much work? I didn’t….

Ditzy: Doctor.

Doctor: Sorry.

She was distracted by a knocking sound. She jumped as she realised she’d made plans with Rarity in the morning.

Ditzy: That’s convenient.

Doctor: Ugh, this is going to go over well.

.

“Oh no. If she sees Spike… Well she was going to see him eventually, right?” She hurried over to the door and opened it.

“Twilight, darling! So nice to see you again.” the white mare said.

Doctor: (Rarity) I was thinking we should look for Spike. I know he said he didn’t want to see us again, but I’m worried about him and I miss him. I don’t care if he throws us out, I want to see my Spikey Wikey again!

“We saw each other yesterday, Rarity.” Twilight muttered, stepping aside to let her in.

Doctor: (Twilight) I have set a predetermined amount of how many times we should see each other during the month. You’re breaking schedule!

“I know, but twice in one month seems so… rare these days, you know?” she stepped inside and waved her mane to one side. She’d changed it once again. It was now without curls and hung beautifully straight. A strand had made its way between her eyes and rolled into a curl.

Ditzy: (Rarity) You’re becoming a shut in again darling. Idea! We should have a spa season. We haven’t had one in ages!

“Are you alright, darling? You look positively distraught. Has that time of the year crept up on you?” Twilight blushed red and shook her head, messing up her own mane in the process, much to Rarity’s chagrin.

Ditzy: That time of the year?

Doctor: Twilight forgot her flu shot.

“Oh, nononono, nothing like that. It’s, uh… Something came up last night and I haven’t really… bounced back yet.” As Twilight spoke, she heard the sound of the shower stopping, which she hadn’t noticed until it was gone. She gasped and smiled at Twilight with a devilish grin.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Have you finally asked the Doctor out?

Doctor: For the last time Ditzy, I am not going to date Twilight Sparkle!

Ditzy: Come on! You two are perfect for each other!

“Oh, I see what’s going on. Twilight, you little minx. As our current youth says; ‘working it under those books and plain appearances’.” If Twilight could grow any redder than she already was, she would have.

Doctor: (Twilight) I’ll have you know I go on dates all the time! You just haven’t caught me on one yet!

“No, it’s not–.”

“You have nothing to hide from me darling, I understand you’ve got needs, as we all do. I’ll forgive your neglect regarding our meeting this time, and the next.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Bang that stallion until he can’t move anymore!

After all, it does take us time to… to. Twilight?” Rarity had noticed Twilight’s distant look. She waved her hoof in front of her, receiving no response.

Doctor: Oh no, Twilight just went through the Blue Screen of Death!

“What in Equestria…?” The shower room door opened, catching Rarity’s attention. Her eyes burst out of her skull as she laid eyes upon… her Spikey Wikey.

Ditzy: That sounds painful.

The purple dragon rubbed his head with the towel, avoiding the scars that he’d reopened and softened with the water. He stopped as he noticed Rarity standing there, with a look of pure absence. It matched the same look Twilight possessed for unknown reasons.

Ditzy: I blame aliens.

He removed the towel from his head and held it in his hand.

“Twilight, you done goofed.” he said, thinking of nothing better that could soften the situation.

Doctor: You’re such a poet Spike.

Rarity broke her stance first, spouting gibberish to the tall figure before her.

All: Thdapwjeiofnva kasandsa fewsplevsjin Spike.

“Wh-bu-you… I-whe…How? When? I… Is that you Spikey Wikey?” Rarity was speechless at first and Spike cringed at the familiar nickname that he’d outgrown long ago.

Doctor: (Spike) I want to be called Spikey-boo!

He turned his gaze upon Twilight who had hung her head in readiness for what she knew was coming.

Doctor: Let me guess, Spike murders everyone.

“Yeah, it’s me. What of it?” Rarity was uncertain about the question.

Doctor: Hello to you too.

“W-well… um… you’re back, you came back. This is amazing.” she was beginning to presume things again, which pissed Spike off to no end.

Ditzy: (Spike) She wants to be my friend again? That harlot!

“I’m not staying.” Rarity had begun to move toward him, but stopped at the sound of his words.

“What? Why not? What happened to you?” The dragon growled at her which caused her to retreat back beside Twilight who hadn’t moved from her spot.

Ditzy: (Spike) Take your stupid kindness and love and go to Tartarus!

“I’m between homes right now. My visit is temporary. So let’s get one thing straight. I’ve no intention of coming home and picking up where I left off. I don’t want to be your friend, I don’t want to have anything to do with any of you.

Doctor: Ah, and that is why you flew all the way to Ponyville. Specifically to Twilight’s house. Instead of going to say, Pillydelphia, which was probably closer.

I’m just here to get cleaned up, heal my wounds

Doctor: By not doing anything to treat them whatsoever.

and them I’m out of here. No amount of hay fries or gems can change that.”

Ditzy: What if we threw in a diamond encrusted muffin? I know you like those.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears well up inside of her. Luckily, she was facing away from him so he couldn’t see. Rarity on the other hand was speechless and shedding tears visibly in front of him.

Ditzy: What the heck.

Doctor: He’s dark now. That means he needs to be a complete jerk to everyone who loves or tries to help him.

“But… Spike. Why did you leave in the first place?” The young dragon ignored the question and walked around her.

“I’m going for a walk to stretch my legs. Perhaps I’ll get a job so I can pay rent.” he said.

Ditzy: (Spike) Twilight has a ridiculous high downpayment.

Twilight turned her head away so he couldn’t see her face. As soon as the door closed, she took a deep breath and burst into tears.

Ditzy: And now he made Twilight cry! Is he going to start kicking puppies and baby seals next?

Rarity hurried over to her side and caught her as the violet mare’s legs failed her. She held her friend tightly, mixing her own tears with Twilight’s.

“That wasn’t Spike… that’s not the same dragon we know and love.

Ditzy: No...no he isn’t…

Doctor: Are you okay?

Ditzy: I’m fine...it’s just a story… Spike would never act like that.

Spike wandered the streets, ignoring the glances he received from the ponies who thought they recognised him.

Doctor: I can’t possibly see why they would recognize a purple dragon with green scales.

He made his way to the market district and searched each store for a ‘staff wanted’ sign. Nothing, not even Sugarcube Corner was hiring.

Ditzy: I can’t see how that would be a good idea.

The dragon growled in frustration.

Doctor: How dare they try to show him love and affection!

“Perhaps I can assist Twilight like I used to in exchange for tenancy back at the Library.” He crossed his arms and thought the whole thing through.

Doctor: I thought you wanted nothing to do with her.

Ditzy: Old habits die hard.

“No, that should be a last resort. I’m smarter than that. Assistant Librarian isn’t a good enough job title for me.

Ditzy: (Spike) I should be a Princess! ….wait...

Ah, what do I care? It’s only temporary. Though I’d rather not spend the majority of my time around Twilight.

Doctor: Screw one the closest things you have to family.

I can’t afford to have her dissuade from leaving again.” Spike sighed and made his way to the Town Hall.

Maybe Mayor Mare’s got something for me. She was always looking for helpers when I was around. Spike walked in the direction of the town hall. It was hard to miss. The clock tower gave it away instantly.

Doctor: (Clock Tower) Darnit!

“Why do they never improve upon historical landmarks?

Doctor: Be...cause it’s historical and needs to be preserved?

That clock should have broken before Twilight and I even moved here.”

Doctor: Spike is too stupid to understand the concept of regular maintenance.

he said as he noticed the dusty surface of the clock’s face. He made his way to the front entrance, only to walk into Rainbow Dash.

Ditzy: It’s not Pinkie?

Doctor: Can’t wait for the scene when he makes her cry too.

“Hey, watch where you’re…” the turquoise Pegasus noticed the familiar purple scales and the design of his spines and frills.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I recognize the curves of those frills from anywhere. Spike is that you?

“Spike? My Celestia, you’re back. And you’re packin’ some serious scars.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) You look so awesome! How did you get them?

It’s good to see you again. How’ve you been?” Spike smiled for once. Rainbow Dash wasn’t the kind to get all teary-eyed over the past.

Doctor: Brag about the past however...

She was the type to quite literally pick up where they left off.

“Not too good, Dash. I think I made a mistake coming here. I should have stayed where I was.” Rainbow Dash shrugged.

Ditzy: Please tell me somepony smacks him. Hard.

“Well you’re here now. Might as well take care of any unfinished business you had when you left last time. I can tell you’re not here for keeps.”

Doctor: Right, his unfinished business of…um… alienating everyone that knows and loves him?

“Yeah… I think Twilight and Rarity will try to change that outcome though. And I don’t plan on rekindling the friendship with anypony. Sadly, that includes you.”

Ditzy: I don’t understand this. I get he is still upset with Twilight for...whatever, but why does that have to extend to everypony else?!

The Pegasus shrugged the comment off.

Doctor: If you really feel that way, why are you even here? Just leave for Canterlot or Manehatten.

“Whatever. It’s not my place to push your decision aside. We can be casual acquaintances, if you’d like.

Ditzy: That’s totally something Rainbow would say. Rainbow has always been perfectly fine with ponies abandoning their friends.

So what brings you to the town hall? Looking for the mayor?” Spike nodded.

“Yeah, I’m looking for some temporary work to keep me busy, and I’d rather not return to being Twilight’s assistant. You?”

“I just finished talking with her. I’ve placed an ad out for flyers. I’ve been named the Senior Manager of the ‘Weather Control Agency’.

Ditzy: What pony would be stupid enough to do that?

Doctor: Yeah, that is nothing that is going to end well.

And I’ve had to make improvements on the system,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Senior Managers get a 5 hour nap brake everyday!

which means letting a few of the staff go. I’m currently hiring.

Doctor: I see, removing political rivals and adding friends and supporters to gain total control.

It’s a shame you can’t fly. I think a dragon would make an awesome team mate

Ditzy: ...Dragons can’t cloudwalk or control the weather.

Doctor: He could work as an accountant or a secretary.

and perhaps a mascot.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) We could dress you up like me and show everypony how awesome I, er the weather team is .!

she began to laugh. Spike smiled and cracked his neck.

“Actually, I can fly.” Rainbow Dash stopped her laughing and looked at him.

Ditzy: Like he was an idiot.

“How?” Spike closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Unlike when he fought the gryphons, his eyes didn’t change colour and the purple mist didn’t appear. His scales remained as reflective as usual. A pink aura like Twilight’s magic emerged around his chest and a pair of wings sprouted from his back.

Doctor: (Laughing) Pink? Are we sure Spike is suppose to be a dark brooding bad boy loner?

Rainbow Dash stared wide eyed as the wings flapped once.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That..is..awesome!

“Uh, I think you did it wrong. They’re… upside-down.” Sure enough, Spike’s wings were the wrong way around. The wing membranes were at the top and the wing joints themselves were at the bottom.

Ditzy: (Spike) I, uh, meant to do that!

“No, they’re supposed to be like this. It works just as well as any other pair of wings. Plus it looks cooler.” he said, giving them another flap before folding them away. Rainbow Dash smiled.

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Laughing) You look ridiculous.

“Now that I think of it, yeah, it does look cooler. Normal wings buck the world, right?” she mused. Spike chuckled and nodded.

Ditzy: Wouldn’t it be a lot simpler and easier if your wings were the right way around.

Doctor: It does sound like a complete waste of effort and energy.

.

“Buck yeah.”

Doctor: So...is the author’s intention for us to totally loath Spike?

Ditzy: He is going to get better right? The Magic of Friendship will change him?

Doctor: For our sake, I hope so.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So what do you want to play next? I know! How about Hungry Hungry Hippos?” Ditzy asked.

The Doctor and Ditzy were debating what game to play next until dinner. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. He had no idea why Ditzy liked that game so much. She suggested playing it almost every day.

                “No thank you. I would rather play something more…” The Doctor paused to think for a good word. “intellectual.”

                “Clue?” Ditzy asked.

                “Anything but that.” The Doctor rolled his eyes. The Doctor couldn’t believe that some people had the gall to call that a “deductive board game”.

The Doctor was glad Dinky caved in and let them have some games to play with. Unfortunately, they were only board and card games. Already the Doctor had played enough board and card games to last him several centuries. A month of this seemed too much to bear.  The Doctor had to hand it to Dinky. She figured out a way to break him none of his enemies could have ever figured out, nonstop tedium and seclusion. Even Ditzy’s company was proving to be tiresome. He loved her to death, but this was too much. What made it worse was that Ditzy didn’t even seem to mind their situation much.

“I know! We should sing songs to pass time!” Ditzy interrupted the Doctor’s thoughts.

“No. I really don’t think that’s…”

“I thought a perfect one! It’s one Pinkie Pie likes to sing sometimes.” Ditzy cleared her throat.

“You gotta share

You gotta care              

It's the right thing to do             

 You gotta share              

You gotta care             

 And there'll always be a way through”

         “Just three more weeks Doctor.” The Doctor thought to himself. “You can do this!”

“You’ll pay for this. I’M TRULY ANGRY… YOU SCUM!!!” Next Chapter: Episode 7 - Part 1 - Darkness of Love - Chapter 4 Estimated time remaining: 26 Hours, 36 Minutes