Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 17 - Part 3

Chapter 3: Mass Surge

        Out in Equestria, the war waged on.

Ditzy: War. War never changes.

Celestia and Luna had once again come to terms with the situation and were now working together to fight for the continued safety of the civilian ponies they were charged with. The two sisters walked briskly through the corridors of their castle, headed to the front gate.

Ditzy: Celestia was a fan of power walking.

        “I can’t believe it’s come to this. I should have told Spike my plan. Perhaps it would have saved us all this turmoil.” Celestia said, shaking her head with regret plastered on her face.

Pinkie: It was a prank Luna played on her last night.

Luna nodded.

Ditzy: Retcon!

Doctor: Plan? Give me a break. You were crying and pleading like a small child.

        “Not to mention Mother’s throne.” the dark blue alicorn used her magic to force the large doors that blocked their path open. Guards stood ready to take their positions around the princesses in order to protect them.

Pinkie: You never know when pirates might try to invade!

Doctor: True.

        “So, what has Twilight’s research into this natural oil the Gryphons possess uncovered?” Celestia asked, changing the subject.

Doctor: (Pony) It doesn’t not mix well with water!

Ditzy: (Pony) They are very flammable. In fact, one platoon was wiped out because of a cigarette that wasn’t put out properly.

        “It’s not much to go on. I believe she was preoccupied with another project at the time,

Ditzy: (Luna) She had to finish the latest chapter of her My Little Human fanfic by Friday.

but it appears that the Gryphons developed this immunity after the last war.

Ditzy: Immunity that doesn’t stop bricks thrown in their face.

That is to say they’re not totally immune, but highly resistant.

Pinkie: (Luna) It gives them +5 resistance to magic!

Further studies show that it is only high ranking Gryphons who possess this oil.” Luna replied, levitating a report from the unicorn.

Doctor: Only the most elite Gryphons get to dip in cooking oil.

        “She makes it sound like Gryphons have developed their own magic.” Celestia commented, taking a deep breath as she entered the carriage that would take them to their next destination.

Pinkie: Off to Wacky Hut!

Luna stepped in after her and sat opposite her sister.

        “Or they’ve borrowed magic from the dragons.” Luna suggested. This caused Celestia to shudder.

Doctor: The dragons have exceptionally high interest rates.

        “A dreadful thought. But no, dragons aren’t the type to loan magic to creatures who have no prior experience with it.

Pinkie: They need a college degree at least!

They might loan it to ponies, but certainly not Gryphons.” Celestia concluded, but Luna didn’t sound very reassured.

        “Doesn’t rule out the possibility it was stolen.

Pinkie: Stupid library ninjas! I try to warn Twilight about them, but she doesn’t believe me!

Immunity is basic dragon magic, take their love of lava for instance, they adapted the immunity for lava into their evolution.” she said.

Pinkie: (Celestia) And they breed perfect IVs into their elite warriors!

Celestia looked at the dark alicorn with a slightly bemused expression.

        “Have you been hanging around those evolutionists again?” Celestia asked. Luna didn’t respond, but simply looked over the notes.

Doctor: (Celestia) Next they are going to convince you that you don’t really raise the moon!

        “The elites shouldn’t be a problem for us, but I worry about the king. If his subordinates have this kind of magic protecting them from our own, then he must have something much stronger protecting him.

Ditzy: Again, doesn’t stop you from throwing a building at him.

Pinkie: (Celestia) His final boss form might be too much for us!

He struck me as the high and mighty type, a bit like Trixie mixed with Chrysalis.” Luna said. Celestia tried to put two and two together.

Doctor: (Celestia) Wait, who’s Trixie?

        “A crude, but accurate comparison.” she commented. “You said Twilight was busy with another project. Do you know what it was?” Luna examined her paper for any indication.

Ditzy: (Luna) A lemon fic about two humans called Elton and David.

        “It mentions Spike and resurrection, but nothing else.”

        “Spike died? How?” Celestia urged.

Doctor: Good question. The fics never actually answered that.

        “Cadence mentioned in her letter that he…” Luna flicked through the pages, coming across one of her letters from their niece. “I can’t read that, what’s it say?” she revealed the letter to her sister.

        “Crapped out? What does that mean?” she asked.

Pinkie: (Celestia) He died of nasty diarrhea?

Doctor: Ah, cholera.

        “I believe it means he over exerted himself in some way, causing his body to fail.” Luna replied.

Doctor: And got a nasty infection in his bowels.

        Celestia frowned at the letter. “Shining Armour might be a bad influence when it comes to Cadence’s vernacular.”

Pinkie: Gazoontite.

        Twilight awoke a few hours after her tension relief session with Spike,

Doctor: Spike gave the best back massages.

feeling refreshed and… surprisingly chipper. She saw him sleeping peacefully beside her, his arms wrapped around her in a loose embrace. That made it easy for her to slip out of the bed and sneak out of the room. She’d planned to make him breakfast in bed, since the first time she’d done it since seeing him was a huge cock-up.

Pinkie: It was barely edible.

Ditzy: Didn’t we already do that joke?

She closed the door and made her way to the kitchen. With the war still raging on throughout Equestria, Twilight and the others had taken the time to rebuild the necessities of the ancient Castle of the Pony Sisters in the Everfree forest, where they now resided.

Doctor: After getting into wacky antics involving the various hidden passages and traps that reside in the castle.

        The lavender mare was surprised to see all her friends present, including Cadence, Big Mac, Cheerilee and the Cutie Mark crusaders.

Ditzy: Oh right! The only ponies in Ponyville you bothered saving.

Her circle of close personal friends had widened since the war. She considered that the silver lining.

Pinkie: Um, they’re weren’t already?

        Every pony turned to see her enter the room. “Good morning Twilight.” they all said in unison.

Pinkie: Creepy.

Twiight smiled, and chuckled nervously as she walked into the kitchen area to prepare breakfast.

Ditzy: Great, the Gryphons are probably using mind control on them or something.

        “Are you alright, darling? You seem rather… clumsy this morning. Everything alright with Spike?” Rarity asked. Twilight tripped and went head first into a few pots and pans.

Doctor: Finally, some actual humor.

Ditzy: I would savor it if I were you.

        “I’m fine! Fine!” she said. Her hindquarters were burning, but she liked it.

Pinkie: Spike was into spanking!

It proved to her that is wasn’t all a dream.

Doctor: Most people usually go with pinching themselves.

Rarity entered the kitchen and leaned against the entrance.

        “Twilight, dear. I do believe you have a certain glow about you. Could it be that our little bookworm has finally… forgive my pun… lost the plot?” Twilight smiled sheepishly

Pinkie: (Twilight) Yeah! I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

and giggled with foolish enthusiasm. Rarity gasped in glee as she found herself correct about her intuition.

Ditzy: They decided to go to Ponypedia latter to clear up their confusion.

        “Ooh, give me the details. I want to live vicariously through you when it comes to Spike.” she said. Twilight took a moment to process the statement before shrugging off the last bit as harmless.

Doctor: After slowly moving away from Rarity.

        “Let’s just say that if I don’t get pregnant, I’m infertile.” she giggled at Rarity afterwards.

Pinkie: Tisk tisk not using protection.

Ditzy: Little did Twilight know about Spike and Scalia’s long and difficult pregnancy troubles.

The white mare wore a look of pride as she flung her hoof over Twilight’s shoulder.

Doctor: (Rarity) I thought you would die alone darling.

        “That’s marvellous, Twilight. I’m so proud of you. What was it like?” Twilight knew Rarity was trying her best to be subtle,

Doctor: If you spell subtle with capital letters.

but her loins apparently wanted her to rush the job. Twilight indulged her and explained in detail every sensation she got from the experience.

Ditzy: (Twilight) And then he started crying saying that this usually doesn’t happen.

        When she’d finished, Rarity was staring at the other unicorn with dopey eyes and one ear lower than the other.

Doctor: I think her brain broke.

        “Whoa…” she said, trailing off as her imagination took her. Twilight lifted a brow.

        “I hope you’re not daydreaming about sleeping with my coltfriend.” she threatened. Rarity snapped out of her trance and blushed at the lavender mare.

Pinkie: (Rarity) I would rather watch you two do it.

        “So where is he now?” she asked. Twilight giggled once more.

        “Asleep. He was a busy boy after all.

Pinkie: Having to work 2 jobs to pay the rent!

But it’s funny, he has the most vivid dreams.

Doctor: Like the one where Twilight got him pregnant.

I remember he told me about this one dream; he was being chased around the library by a large pair of horse shoes.” Rarity laughed as she followed Twilight back to the room with Spike’s breakfast.

Pinkie: Hey! Don’t mock Spike’s fear of horse shoes!

Ditzy: How does the author even know about that?

        The two crept into the room, being careful not to wake the subject of their talk. Twilight placed the food down on the bedside table and smiled at Rarity. To their laughter, Spike awoke with a fidget.

Doctor: And accidently spilled his breakfast all over him.

        “I’m drownin’ in footwear!” he mumbled as his mind began to work around the reality.

        “Weird dream.” he said before noticing the ponies in the room with him. “Rarity, darling! It’s been far too long.” he began, holding out a claw to the mare. Rarity took it happily and shook it.

Pinkie: (Spike) Girl, we need to go to the spa later and catch up! You need to tell me every juice thing that has happened!

        “Well he’s certainly an improvement on the ass that came back to us. Boy never had an unexpressed thought.” she said to Twilight.

Pinkie: What? Who are they talking out?

Ditzy: I don’t know. There haven’t been any donkeys in the story.

        “Actually, I’m having one right now.” he replied. Rarity smiled at him and patted his head.

Pinkie: Good Spikey-Wikey. Good boy!

“Welcome back, Spikey-Wikey.” she said, leaving Twilight alone with him again. There was a moment’s silence between them. Oh Celestia! It’s weird. They thought to themselves.

        “Got you some breakfast.” Twilight mentioned, offering him the tray.

Pinkie: (Spike) Thank you! Nom nom nom.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Why are the eating tray?

Spike thanked her and patted the bed next to him. Twilight obliged and leaned into him.

Doctor: (Twilight) You’re using this cologne again? You smell like used dish towels.

Pinkie: (Spike) Hey! It’s a stalliony scent!

        “I suppose you should know, the war’s still ongoing. Both sides are losing numbers, but it’s too many one our side and not enough on theirs.” she said.

        “I wasn’t aware that by the end of the war, there had to be an even kill count.” he said sarcastically as he kissed her on the head and took a bite of his breakfast;

Doctor: (Spike) Mmmm….it’s..really…(cough)...good…(cough)..Twilight! Really.. yummy!

waffles, his favourite other than gems. Twilight huffed.

        “Oh, by the way, how did you figure out how to bring me back?” he asked with a mouth full of waffle.

Pinkie: (Spike) Why the hay do they taste like paint and rusty nails?

Twilight ignited her horn and a book appeared in a flash. She levitated it over to Spike who took it with interest. His eyes widened.

Ditzy: It was her latest fanfic.

        “Wingblade’s Grimoire?! Twilight, where did you find this? Wingblade was like the dragon’s Starswirl the Bearded.” Spike opened the book and read the first few lines in his head.

Pinkie: (Spike) I have been looking forever for this book on Ebay!

        “The book was in the castle. He’d hidden it here after the fall of Luna over a thousand years ago.”

Doctor: (Twilight) Ugh, I had to go through like 30 death trap to get this thing.

        “She.” Spike interrupted. Twilight looked at the dragon inquisitorially.

        “Pardon?” she asked.

        “She; Wingblade was a female.” he replied, flicking through the pages.

Ditzy: (Spike) It’s so sexist you immediately thought Wingblade was male.

Twilight watched him with mild amusement as he seemed at peace with himself, even after hearing about the war and its condition.

Doctor: It’s not like you gave him much details.

        “Can you understand the language?” she asked, looking at him with great enthusiasm.

Pinkie: (Spike) Language? It’s the hoofwriting that’s the problem!

Spike smiled and looked back at Twilight.

        “Let’s find out.” he hopped off of the bed, downed the rest of his breakfast

Pinkie: (Spike) Ugh, that was a mistake.

and rushed out the room with Twilight close behind. They ran together through the recently kempt corridors of the ancient palace until they came to a clearing. To their surprise, a Chimera was grazing down below.

Doctor: (Chimera) If you didn’t cause us to lose that deer we would have something better to eat!

Ditzy: (Chimera) Me!? It’s her fault! She’s the one that got caught in that tree!

Doctor: (Chimera) And that won’t have happened if you didn't play with our food!

Spike grinned at the creature as it looked up at them.

Pinkie: It was an old friend!

        “Alright, let’s see how this works… Here! A spell to improve magical intensity;

Ditzy: It was called Tarukaja.

I’m assuming that could be displayed mostly with shielding and attack based spells or possibly allow temporary self-sustainability.” he said. Twilight went over the script as Spike showed her the passage and nodded.

Pinkie: Uh, what?

Doctor: It makes it easy for things to go boom.

Pinkie: Oh, why didn’t you say so?

        “Looks legitimate. How are we going to test it?” as she spoke, another chimera entered their line of sight. Now with the attention of both chimeras, the couple smiled to each other.

Pinkie: (Twilight) I wonder if they like mustaches.

        “Daguam!” Spike said. A barrier appeared around the area the chimeras were in, preventing escape. “Okay, now you fire a spell at that one on the left, just enough to graze him.”

Pinkie: That’s not very nice!

Doctor: Our heroes! Attacking defenceless wildlife for no reason.

Ditzy: I have a bad feeling about this.

        Twilight complied with his command, her eyes shifting to the darkened and corrupted appearance that she had recently grown used to in her latest researches.

Ditzy: Again. Why they they using the same magic that got Spike killed?

Doctor: Sure, play around with dark magic. What could possibly go wrong!?

Pinkie: Aren’t they worried about getting Cholera? Or, whatever happened to him?

Twilight then pointed her horn towards the chimera on the left and fired a single bolt of dark magic towards it. The bolt struck true and bowled the creature over.

All: Strike!

Spike then held the Grimoire in his hands and recited the incantation with Twilight in mind.

        “Tairais wer arcaniss di nomeno drekim ini asildk.” he commanded.

Doctor: (Barely controlled laughter) The toilet paper is out, can you fetch me another?

Twilight’s body grew darker and her horn became sharper.

Doctor: (Spike) Ow! Watch where you are pointing that thing!

She tried the spell again and she almost ended up hitting the other chimera as her attack blast forth in an energy wave with an arc wider than the circumference of the palace’s towers.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Should we be standing in said tower while doing this?

        As the smoke began to clear, the chimera that was the primary target lay there as a husk of burned flesh and bone.

All: …

Doctor: Our heroes!

Pinkie: Wha, how could you do that you meanie!?

Ditzy: I hope Fluttershy rips them a new one.

It’s body had been so badly destroyed that it couldn’t even be recognised as a Chimera. Spike smiled as he watched the reactions of the others.

Ditzy: Remember he’s good now!

Twilight was surprised by her own power, while the remaining Chimera looked at what remained of its fallen comrade with terrified eyes.

Doctor: (Chimera) We just wanted to catch up with an old college roommate!

Spike snapped the book shut and chuckled.

Pinkie: You deserve a timeout mister and think of what you have done.

He then handed the Grimoire to Twilight who opened it again and searched for another page that could improve upon the dragon’s magic.

Ditzy: ...You don’t care?!

        “Tairais wer arcaniss di nomeno darastrix ini asildk.” she chanted. Spike grinned as he felt the energy within him surge and flow faster than his own blood. His body ached slightly as he leaned forward and extended both of his hands and opened his maw.

        Twilight watched him with fascination clear in her eyes. To her, he was starting to look like a charging Velociraptor.

Ditzy: One with an incredibly doofy look on this face.

She began to think about how much he had changed over the years. Once a goofy baby dragon with a crush on an unattainable pony,

Ditzy: Spike is not goofy! He’s perfectly fine the way he is.

now the love of her life who both scared and excited her more than anything in Equestria.

Pinkie: That’s a really good start for a healthy relationship.

His change forced her to look back on how different she had become.

        She knew she lost her sanity a few months back,

Doctor: She yelled at the pink elephants that lived upstairs in the castle to turn down their music.

just after he’d died, but it hadn’t affected their relationship in the slightest. If anything, it brought them closer;

Pinkie: See! Insanity should never get the way of friendships.

Doctor: And you would know.

Pinkie: Sure! Screw Loose and I are besties! We have the best chats!

for the darkness that Spike was revealing at that moment resonated with the dark magic Twilight had willingly adopted to bring him back. She knew that she would love him no matter what the outcome was.

Pinkie: It didn’t matter how many innocents he killed.

She was devoted, completely and utterly to him.

Ditzy: She loved that psychopath no matter what!

And it showed in her eyes when Spike’s energy flayed the ground beneath them, ruining the chimeras both alive and dead. The energy glowed with a dark violet that reflected in both their eyes.

Doctor: Energy that will eventually kill them with Cholera.

Ditzy: Yeah, what’s stopping that from happening again?

        “The Gryphon king can’t stop us now.” Spike said as the heat rose from beneath them, creating that rippling effect in the air. Twilight smiled at him as she closed the book and kissed him with the affection she felt for him at that moment. The scenery was perfect; two evil lovers

Ditzy: Read that as losers for a moment there.

kissing with a fiery background that physically showed their joint love. It was a marvel to behold; one which the others revelled in as they stood in the shadows, smiling at the happy two. Gilda and Dash stood closer to each other as they empathised with the scene before them,

Ditzy: Dead chimeras! They were sentient too!

Doctor: That was a few minutes ago, who cares about that?

Scootaloo sitting between the two. Fluttershy stood beside Big Mac, slightly afraid of the picture before her, yet still proud of her friends nonetheless.

All: …

Pinkie: I’m starting to think this story isn’t very good at writing us.

Ditzy: Grrr….I give up!

Rarity and Sweetie Belle looked at each other and smiled as if they were match makers and had successfully brought a couple together.

Doctor: Sure they’re both going hopelessly insane, but it’s a cute scene.

Applebloom stood on Applejack and simply watched as she found the scene cooler than anything she’d read in any book.

Pinkie: The best heroes pointlessly hurt things and enjoy the suffering of others!

Cheerilee stood in the background of the group, watching carefully. While she knew everypony besides Gilda well, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she may have been better off with the Gryphons that surrounded her the day the war broke out.

Doctor: I hear ya.

Pinkie: They’re probably less cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Ditzy: That remains to be seen.

        Twilight broke away from the kiss and stared into Spike’s moss green eyes.

“Nothing can.”        

Pinkie: Gee, why don’t you just say ‘What could possibly go wrong’?

Ditzy: Ugh.

Pinkie: That was not what I expected.

Doctor: It never is.

Ditzy: Ugh, this might be worse than the first part.

Pinkie: Oh cheer up Ditzy! It gives us more to make fun of!

Ditzy: I’m going to enjoy tearing this thing apart!

Pinkie: That’s the spirit!

Doctor: That’s one way to look at it.

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        “Come on Ditzy, don’t be so glum.” Pinkie exclaimed. Confetti shot from her hooves. “How about Aunty Pinkie gets you a cupcake and turns that frown upside down and then….a party!”

        Ditzy smiled. “Thanks that would be nice. But we should really have the party after we finish our work. We should really get this place clean before anything else.”

        “Can I at least get you a cupcake?” Pinkie asked hopefully.

        “Sure thing.”

        “Be right back!” Pinkie started dashing towards the kitchen.

        “Mind if I join you?” The Doctor cut in. Pinkie stopped midair and landed the ground.

        “Sure thing Timey!” Pinkie resumed towards the kitchen hopping all the way.

        “I’ll leave you two alone.” Ditzy gave the Doctor a knowing smile. The Doctor just rolled his eyes and followed Pinkie.

        “Now Pinkie I have been...” The Doctor was interrupted by a deep and hard kiss. His eyes went wide as Pinkie kissed him. They fell to the ground sprawled on the floor with Pinkie on top of him.

        “You’re a naughty boy luring me all alone.” Pinkie said seductively after she released her kiss. “Just think of all the things we could do!” She kissed him again.

When she stopped kissing him for the second time, she noticed he Doctor’s befuddled look and released him. “Oh, but that isn’t why you here. You want something else!”

The Doctor shook his head and regained his senses. He slowly stood back up. He was a little confused at Pinkie’s sudden turns. “Yes.” He started whispering. “I wanted to ask you about what you meant about giving us a way out.” He suddenly spoke louder. “I just wanted to know how thing were going on the surface. Things get interesting around Ponyville. There never seems to be a dull day.”

Pinkie gave a confused look until she gave the Doctor an exaggerated wink. He sighed at this. “Well, last month.” She suddenly whispered into the Doctor’s ear. “You didn’t find it? I hide it in one of the books. The one about gardening.” She suddenly spoke louder which hurt the Doctor’s ears. “We had a terrible termite invasion! They almost ate the whole town! Twilight accidently used a spell that made them giant!”

        “Really?” The two small talked as Pinkie pulled some cupcakes out of the refrigerator and put them on a plate. Pinkie took the plate in her mouth and walked out of the kitchen with the Doctor following.

        “Did you have a nice chat?” Ditzy asked when they entered the room. She was inspecting the Doctor’s old workroom. It was already cleaned and Ditzy was double checking it just in case.

        “We had a really fun time! Cupcake?” Pinkie pointed the plate towards Ditzy. Ditzy picked one up and ate it gingerly.

        “She was telling me about how Twilight almost destroyed the town with giant termites.” The Doctor said as he too took a cupcake.

        “Really? That’s a riot!” Ditzy laughed.

        “Timey, how about you clean the library while Ditzy and I work here?” Pinkie gave him an exaggerated wink. Ditzy tilted her head at this.

        “Fine idea.” He took off towards the library with a bucket of disinfectant in his mouth. Clean rags laid on his back with yellow gloves to protect himself.

The library was small with few shelves. It was a pretty simple room. There was a reading desk in the middle of the left wall. Fortunately, the shelves and desk were made of holograms, so no real damage was done to them. However, many of the book got damaged by the flood water and were in the right corner of the room in a box to be disposed of later. The Doctor saw the book Pinkie was talking about in the pile of destroyed books. It was called EZ Gardening. He put the bucket down and moved towards the books.

        “What a waste.” He said while skimming through the destroyed books. When he got to EZ Gardening he saw a small plastic bag. Inside it were a piece of paper and small microchip of some kind.

He read the note that was visible through the plastic bag. It said simply in neat articulate cursive writing, “Watch out. Not everything is what it seems. Dinky is just a pawn. Sorry, but that is all I can say. Spoilers and all that. Good luck.” It was signed “The Doctor”. He marveled at his future self’s foresight to put the bag’s content in a plastic bag. He wondered what the chip was and how Pinkie got her hooves on this. He quickly slipped the bag into his bowtie with his expert sleight at hooves. He doubted the camera would have seen it. His bowtie was bigger on the inside.

The Doctor pondered the message as he looked through the other destroyed books. The mysterious chip really bothered him. Why would he interfere with his past self like that? It has to be very important; otherwise he wouldn’t cross his own timeline like that. “Mysteries for another day.” He thought as he started cleaning the walls of the library.

“Twilight, dear. I do believe you have a certain glow about you. Could it be that our little bookworm has finally… forgive my pun… lost the plot?” Twilight smiled sheepishly and giggled with foolish enthusiasm.

Next Chapter: Episode 18 - The Spread of Darkness - Chapter 04 Estimated time remaining: 13 Hours, 57 Minutes