Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 15 - Part 4

Kill Stealing is Magic 

Rainbow Dash sped through the arena looking for kills. She found Rarity crouched low to the floor while trying to connect head shots from a distance with her Sniper Rifle. Rainbow Dash smiled a sinister grin at the easy kill. "Camping in this game gets you nowhere, Rarity," Rainbow Dash muttered to herself.

Ditzy: Not really. Have you seen Rarity’s score?

Doctor: At least she doesn’t stupidly kill herself in some reckless attempt to take out an opponent.

She hopped down from a nearby ledge, like a tiger springing into action to capture its prey.

Doctor: But landed with the grace of a drunken elephant on roller skates.

She unleashed a rocket that landed at the hooves of Rarity.

Rarity went flying into the air.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Rarity’s blasting off again!

She set her focus on Rainbow Dash and fired a shot at her from mid air, but she missed because Rainbow Dash had dodged away and it was rather awkward for her to fire down from mid air.

Ditzy: Who knew sniping someone while flying in mid air would be so difficult?

Rainbow Dash fired another rocket and waited as she watched. The rocket was going to be a sure winner for her and an epic kill.

Doctor: Epic? It’s only a hit from a rocket.

Rainbow Dash licked her lips as the rocket got closer and closer.

Bam! Right before the rocket connected to Rarity's body, Applejack had lobbed a flak ball into the air and stole her kill.

All: (Gasps)

Rainbow Dash blinked several times in disbelief. "What!?" she cried out. "That kill was clearly mine! Why you no good dirty kill stealer, you!"

Ditzy: This is coming from the pony that shot her defenceless friends for fun?

Applejack laughed and said, "She was fair game, Rainbow. I was just pickin' off the left overs just like I do at dinner time when Granny Smith leaves a bunch of goodies in the fridge.

Ditzy: Jello and prune juice?

That Flak ball was an epic shot, wasn't it?"

Doctor: I don’t think the word epic has any meaning now.

Rainbow Dash grinded her teeth together and then let out a battle cry in rage

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll harm you!

as she fired a rocket at Applejack.

Doctor: That was a bit childish.

Applejack tried to dodge away as she fired a shot back at Rainbow Dash. The proximity of the rocket sent her close to the wall in the corner, which gave Rainbow Dash more options to place her rockets against the wall near Applejack so that she could kill her with the splash damage from the explosion.

Rainbow Dash dodged Applejack's shot and fired another rocket at her friend.

Ditzy: Explosions are a great way to tighten the bonds between friends.

Applejack was trapped. There wasn't much she could do because she was in an odd position to be able to dodge the splash damage. Being backed up into a corner like this, she only had one option to be able to escape.

Ditzy: Somehow sonic them into not working?

A glowing light had distracted Rainbow Dash's focus that she had on her rocket. It would land the killing blow.

"Oh no!" Rainbow Dash cried out as she noticed a giant pulsing ball was also headed towards Applejack.

Ditzy: Oh the equinity!

Rainbow Dash watched her rocket and the pulsing ball from the Shock Rifle get closer to Applejack.

Applejack looked up at the pulsing ball of energy and then she looked back to the rocket. Her only chance to dodge away from the rocket was being blocked by the giant pulsing ball. "I guess I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't," Applejack said with a smile.

Ditzy: So she shot herself denying both of them.

Bang! Right before the rocket was able to finish off Applejack, somepony had connected their Shock Rifle combo shot and finished off Applejack.

Applejack's parts were sent flying and one of her front legs ended up whacking Rainbow Dash upside her forehead.

Ditzy: Do you get a point if you kill somepony with your body parts?

Rainbow Dash looked up and saw Twilight Sparkle giggling.

Twilight Sparkle waved at Rainbow Dash and then saluted her. Sure enough, she was holding the Shock Rifle.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What could it mean? I wonder.

This was getting ridiculous for Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: Not winning or being awesome for more than five minutes? Blasphemy.

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket at Twilight Sparkle, but Twilight jumped off the ledge.

Doctor: Excellent strategy.

As she was in mid air, a giant glob of goo flew across the arena and connected with Twilight's body. Twilight landed near the wall, where Applejack had recently been blown away as she watched her health points drop rapidly in her vision.

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket out of desperation and said a prayer that the rocket would connect before the glob of goo clinging to Twilight's body,

Doctor: (Heavens) We are busy right now. Your call is important to us, please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received. 

had the chance to finish her off.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Surely the universe won’t deny me the kill this time. Right, right!?

The rocket hit Twilight and she was killed.

Rainbow Dash waited to see the kill confirmation, but there was none. "What!?" she cried out. Why didn't I get that kill?"

Doctor: The game is a little buggy. Just bear with it.

"I guess you didn't get it in time, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "As they say, the early bird gets the worm!" Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash and noticed the very angry expression on her face. Fluttershy put her hoof to her mouth in shock. "Rainbow Dash! You're not angry are you?"

"I'm not angry," Rainbow said. "I am furious! This is the third time somepony stole my kill!"

Doctor: The chapter’s title’s name is ‘Kill Stealing is Magic’, so this sort of thing is expected to happen.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can kill me and I won't fight back. I don't want your feelings to get hurt, even if my shot would have killed Twilight Sparkle without you having to fire that rocket," the yellow meek mare said.

"I think I'll gladly take that offer, thanks!" Rainbow said as she fired a rocket at Fluttershy

Doctor: What?! You’re not suppose to take them off on their offer!

Ditzy: Some friend.

The rocket directly hit her body, but Fluttershy was still alive because she was a conservative player

Ditzy: In other words, she spends most the game hiding and not really fighting anypony.

and enjoyed collecting and timing the respawns of the power-ups and health packs. Taking care of boo-boo's and healing battle wounds was something Fluttershy enjoyed doing.

Doctor: Sounds like she really shouldn’t be playing this game at all then.

Ditzy: She should be playing Final Combat 2 instead. I’m sure she would love being a Medic

Rainbow Dash sent another rocket, but right before it hit her, a blue shard had come out of no where and went through Fluttershy's left ear and came out of her right ear.

Fluttershy was killed and her head was pinned against a nearby wall

Doctor: I thought it went through her ear.

from the powerful force of the secondary fire from the Stinger.

Doctor: Ugh.

Ditzy: That isn’t an image I ever wanted to see!

"Wow, Dashie! Did you see that shot? Right between the ears!" Pinkie Pie said in between her insane sounding giggles.

Ditzy: You would have to be insane to enjoy killing Fluttershy mercilessly like that.

Rainbow Dash let out a nervous little laugh and said, "Everything's working against me right now. This must be punishment for when I killed both you and Fluttershy when you were trying to comfort her in the corner, isn't it?"

Doctor: Yes, the heavens want retribution.

 She was starting to get really fed up. "I can't take it anymore.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I done with this game. I am outta here!

Pinkie Pie, you're going to die, NOW! Pinkie Pie, die!"

Doctor: Has it been established that Rainbow wants Pinkie dead?

Rainbow Dash fired a rocket at her pink friend.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Gee, it seems like somepony is cranky and need their nap!

Pinkie Pie easily dodged the shot.

Doctor: (Rainbow Dash) Oh, come on!

"Or more like Pinkie Die, but that is only if you can kill me first. You've got to work hard for your kills in the arena," Pinkie Pie said in a cheerful tone of voice. "What's the matter Dashie? Are you mad because you just got burned from that epic kill steal? Maybe they should call this game, Unreal Burnament for you!"

Ditzy: (Celestia) Good idea! I’ll write it down!

"This is so not cool!" Rainbow Dash yelled out

Doctor: (Rainbow) No terrible puns!

as she fired another rocket at her. Pinkie Pie dodged the rocket returned fire with the primary fire of the Stinger.

They both danced around and made some amazing dodges and movements.

Ditzy: All of which have been cut for time.

Rainbow Dash couldn't aim very well because Pinkie Pie was just incredible at being unpredictable.

Doctor: Understatement of the millennium.

Rainbow Dash figured that instead of trying to hit her, why not try something illogical

Ditzy: She started doing the Chicken Dance.

and aim away from her, since this was Pinkie Pie that she was dealing with? Rainbow Dash fired a rocket away from the pink pony, and Pinkie Pie accidently dodged directly into the rocket because she wasn't expecting Rainbow Dash to fire such a random shot.

Ditzy: Beating randomness with randomness I’ll have to remember that one.

Pinkie Pie went flying into the air and the armor that she was wearing absorbed most of the damage.

"Now is my chance!" Rainbow Dash said as she fired another rocket at Pinkie Pie. "What goes up, must come down, and hopefully it comes down in the form of cooked meat giblets."

Doctor: Argh, giblets refers to...oh forget it.

Ponies still had some kind of air control where they could move around slightly in mid air, but when being launched in mid air from the blast of a weapon, there wasn't really too many movement options for a pony to do.

Doctor: Except this is Pinkie Pie we are talking about here. I bet she’ll suddenly stop in mid-air and land safely on the ground.

Pinkie Pie continued to blast away at Rainbow Dash from the air.

Rainbow Dash tried to dodge around the shots, but Pinkie Pie's hit scan accuracy was disturbingly high. Perhaps she was so pumped full of adrenaline from this epic battle that they were having.

Ditzy: Epic battle? This doesn’t seem much different than the battle with Rarity.

The rocket hit Pinkie Pie, but Rainbow Dash had died from the many bullets that tore through her body.

Rainbow Dash respawned and waited for a kill confirmation. She waited for a while, but didn't see one. She cried out, "That rocket shot didn't kill Pinkie Pie? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Doctor: She broke down into tears.

Some giggling could be heard near by.

Doctor: She slowly turned to look behind her and gazed at Pinkie in horror.

Rainbow Dash turned to see Pinkie Pie standing on the ledge that spawned two health packs. "Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash cried out. "How many health points do you have?"

"Fifty one!" Pinkie Pie replied in a cheerful voice.

Rainbow Dash realized that she was standing where two health packs spawned and said, "No, no, no! I mean how many health points did you have when I hit you with that rocket earlier? You couldn't have had that many left! I know that you had armor, but I still can't believe that you survived."

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Luckily I brought my anti-rocket spray!

Pinkie Pie giggled madly

Doctor: I think the rocket dislodged something.

and said, "Oh, but what's the fun in knowing now? I was going to tell you later after the match, so that it could be more of a surprise."

"I need to know now!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

Doctor: She started shaking Pinkie.

"I had one health point left," Pinkie Pie said with a sly smile

"Unreal!" Rainbow Dash cried out.

"Unreal Tournament!" Pinkie Pie replied and then happily bounced away.

All: You walking into that one.

Ditzy: Wait, is that what this game is called?

Doctor: I guess.

Rainbow Dash grinded her teeth in sheer anger and then banged her head several times against the wall in an act of pure frustration.

Ditzy: It seems karma is paying you back with interest Rainbow Dash.

Doctor: It’s hard to say she doesn’t have this coming.

"This is worse and more cruel than the time when I waited hours for Applejack's home made apple cider only to find out that they ran out of cider when it was my turn to be served," she said.

Doctor: (Rainbow) ...Nah, the cider incident is worse.

The head banging was short lived when Rainbow Dash and all the other players heard a familiar voice and saw the message.

Ditzy: (Rainbow reading) Ha ha, Rainbow Dash suck? Hey!

"One minute remaining," Princess Celestia announced.

Ditzy: I’ve given up trying to read those.

Next Chapter: Episode 15 - An "Unreal" Day - Chapter 5 Estimated time remaining: 16 Hours, 53 Minutes