Hello again! Today we will be covering ‘The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash’ by  Chengar Qordath (original version), the humble beginnings of the popular Winnningverse. And it has a guest riffer, Pinkie Pie! I can’t say I cared for it very much. It wasn’t all that funny and the characters felt very flat and one note. But, we all have to start somewhere right? Not the worst place to start out.

This story has an alternate riff if you are interested. Atlas Nebula and Fallen Prime riffed this story too. You can find it here, and it done by someone that actually knows what they are doing!

A bit of news. I finally finished reading Spread of Darkness. And I have decided I am going to it. And no, I am not going to do the clop scenes. I think I will have a lot of fun doing it. So look forward to that sometime in the future.

The next story I am going to do is the The Legend of Starlight by twow443. The very creator of Twow’s Riffs. It is going to be so much fun doing that story. It’s the type of silly and bad that I love. I plan on doing books 2 and 3 too.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction account or my blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to Chengar Qordath for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 10

“Weeeeeee!” Pinkie screamed as she jumped off the high diving board into the pool below causing a huge splash. She giggled when emerged from the pool. She paddled around the pool happily. The Doctor watched this from across the other side of the pool. He was gently gliding across the pool just enjoying the coolness of the pool. He smiled at Pinkie’s antics. He relaxed and went into a back stroke. Pinkie got out the pool and dashed towards the giant, twisting waterslide. It funnest waterslide she had ever seen . She went down the slide with a squeal of joy and crashed into the water.

“Wow, you have a really fun super duper awesome pool!” Pinkie exclaimed after coming down the slide.  She started swimming towards the Doctor in a doggy paddle.

“No kidding.” Ditzy said in a purr. She was currently relaxing in the Jacuzzi with her wings extended. She did quite a bit a flying and exercising before coming in and this was exactly what she needed.

“Yeah! And the water is fresh too!” Pinkie said happily sucking water into her mouth then shooting it into the Doctor’s face much to his annoyance. “No icky chlorine or anything!”

“Quite.” The Doctor said simply. Pinkie dived under the water and pulled the Doctor under. He panicked for a second at the unexpected action.

“Come on Timey!  Play with me!” Pinkie exclaimed splashing around.

The Doctor glowered at her and smiled. “Fine.” He splashed water into Pinkie’s face. She laughed and the two got into a water fight. Ditzy watched them in amusement.

Somehow Pinkie was able to convince Dinky to let her stay the week, but in exchanged Dinky made Pinkie Pinkie Promise not to tell the Doctor and Ditzy anything about her, to not tell anypony about this place, its captive’s situation, or aid in breaking them out of here, much to the Doctor’s annoyance. It was an eventful week full of laughter, chatter, pranks, games, and parties. Though Pinkie got the Doctor’s nerves sometimes, he really seemed to enjoy having her around. And really, they needed this after that horrible month of being grounded. Somehow Pinkie always knew exactly when to show up when a pony needed cheering up.

Pinkie started wrestling with the Doctor and could barely fight off her grip. She pushed him under the water. She stopped pushing him under when she heard a bell. “What’s that?”

“It’s time for the experiment.” Ditzy said while getting out of the hot tub.

“Oooooooooooooooooo. Boy does time fly!” The Doctor emerged from the water and glowered at Pinkie after taking a much needed breath of air but she ignored him and started swimming towards the pools ladder.

“Hello My Little Test Subjects.” Said Dinky’s distorted voice over the monitor of the main meeting room.

“Hiya Dinky!” Pinkie cheered.

“Hey.” The Doctor said simply.

“I expect you be gone by the end of the day Pinkie.” Dinky said in a stern tone.

“Well duh.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I Pinkie Promised!”

Ditzy gave a sad look. She was going to miss Pinkie. The Doctor didn’t seem too happy about it either.

“Well, I suppose it can’t be helped.” The Doctor replied.

“Yeah, but don’t worry!” Pinkie said brightly. “I’ll be sure to visit!”

“No!” Dinky said in an annoyed tone. “This will be the last time you will see them!”

Pinkie blinked. “Don’t be such a silly filly. How else I’m going to have future adventures with Timey later?! We still haven’t fought the Autons on Rygal 5! Or defeated the Elder God Tefesquigerfkahihooo! Or……”

The Doctor and Ditzy blinked and stared at her in shock. Pinkie backpedaled and lightly smacked her face. “Uh, um, oh Pinkie, stop being so random!” She gave a nervous laugh. “Sooooo….what is going to be the experiment for today?”

“Uh, er. Um.” Dinky recovered. “Today’s experiment is…”

Ditzy groaned. “The sequel to ‘The Darkness of Love’ right?” She venomously spit out the name of the offending story.

“Uh, no. Today’s experiment is ‘The Incredibly Dense Mind of Rainbow Dash’ by Chengar Qordath. Dinky had a little trouble pronouncing the author’s name. “Enjoy.”

“This is going to be so fun!” Pinkie started hopping towards the theater’s entrance.

“And where do you think you are going?” Dinky asked annoyed.

“To join the riffing silly.” Pinkie said simply. “I won’t be here if I didn’t. Just think how silly it would be if I showed up and didn’t join in the riffing! There would be disappointment and complaining! And we can’t have that!”

“Uh….wha…fine.” Dinky relented.

The Doctor shrugged. “The more the merrier.”

“Let’s do this!” Ditzy said in a cheer. The three entered the theater.

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Pinkie: This is super duper exciting! I’ve always wanted to do this!

Doctor: Please stop bouncing Pinkie.

Pinkie: Okie Dokie Lokie!

Hearts and Hooves day is a pain in the flank.

Doctor: Indead. For some reason they never go right for me.

Ditzy: Oh yeah. You spent the better half of the last Hearts and Hooves day running away from Daisy.

For starters, it’s a holiday, which means everypony gets really picky about the weather being exactly right.

Ditzy: It comes with the territory.

Celestia forbid there’s a single cloud out of place messing up somepony’s perfect romantic sunrise, sunset, moonlit night, or whatever.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie. You’re too young to understand.

On top of that, everypony who crosses my path for the two weeks leading up to the day itself wants some little tweak to the weather schedule that’s going to make their day just a little more special.

Ditzy: That’s easy! Create a request box you’ll never read.

It’s not a big deal at first, but pretty soon all those favors start adding up.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) But it did give me all the cider I could drink!

And just to make things better, most of my normal weather crew wants the day off so they can get a bit of time with their special someponies.

All: Dear Celestia!

Doctor: What a shock.

Sure, technically I can call up any pegasus in Ponyville for weather duty,

Ditzy: Since when?

Pinkie: Oooo! Can she call Bulk Biceps?

but I like having pegasi who know what they’re doing. Last time I had to go a day without my regulars, I wound up having to call in Derpy of all ponies,

Ditzy: (Growls) How many times do I have to say that isn’t my name?

and that ended with Town Hall in ruins and me promising the mayor that unless it was an emergency I’d never use Derpy for weather work again.

Ditzy: Hey!

Doctor: You destroy a city hall once and suddenly you’re considered a disaster area.

So of course, I end up having to pick up the slack for everpony who wants time off, and when I’m not doing everypony else’s work I’m busy keeping an eye on whatever amateurs I’ve had to grab for weather duty.

Ditzy: So, is this fic going to consist of nothing but Rainbow Dash whining about her job?

I’m up before sunrise, don’t get to go to sleep until a couple hours after the sun’s gone down, and there’s no chance of grabbing a quick nap to help get me through the day.

Doctor: You poor thing.

Pinkie: Dashie needs her 15 hours of sleep!

Ditzy: I wish I got that much sleep.

Besides, if I stayed in one place for more than a couple minutes, I’m sure ponies would start finding me and asking for more of those tiny little favors to make their day just a bit more romantic.

Pinkie: Sonic Rainbooms for everypony!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) It’s a good thing I thought of building a safe house for just such an occasion!

Sure, any other day of the year everypony can go on a date without a nice little rainbow in the background, or live with there being one cloud blocking a bit of sunlight, but on Hearts and Hooves Day it’s gotta be perfect.

Ditzy: Hey, a pony needs to get laid.

And then there’s the fact that my wing had healed up from that nasty crash two weeks back just in time for me to get tossed right into the thick of one of the craziest working days of the year.

Like I said, the entire day is a huge pain in the flank.

Pinkie: To make it worse vampire ponies attacked!

“No no no no NO! What the hay is going on here Cloud Kicker? Did you even read the weather schedule for today? The sky is supposed to be completely clear over the park!” I thrust a hoof at the very much not clear sky. “What do those look like to you? ‘Cause they sure as hay look like a whole bunch of clouds to me!”

Pinkie: No silly! They look like bunny rabbits!

Doctor: I see a fish.

Ditzy: You’re all wrong. It’s a carrot!

By the time I finished, Cloud Kicker had gone from her usual unflappably confident self to seeming a bit shaken over getting chewed out.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ok, so maybe I shouldn’t have used the b-work 15 times and insulted her mother.

Maybe I was being a little hard on her, but I’d been up since an hour before sunrise, hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast, and things had not been going well all day. That’d make anypony grumpy. It wasn’t fair of me to take it all out on Cloud Kicker though.

Doctor: (Rainbow) But I did it anyway.

“Look, I know it’s one of the busiest days of the year and we’re short a couple ponies, but we need get the weather taken care of on schedule.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Don’t expect a smoke break!

“Sorry boss,” the lavender pegasus apologized, giving a mildly annoyed flick of her head to get her blonde mane out of her eyes. “I would’ve had it handled, but Flitter and Cloudchaser skipped out on the last second to go on a double date, and I can’t really clear all these clouds by myself.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Those two are so fired!

“What?” I buried my face in my hooves and let out a frustrated snarl. “Those featherbrains!

Ditzy: (Gasps)

Pinkie: Dashie language!

They’re supposed to tell me before they go running off like that! Argh! This messes up everything!”

Doctor: The perils of middle-management.

Well, now I felt like kind of a jerk for yelling at Cloud Kicker when the reason she was behind schedule was that the rest of her team had flaked out on her.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Not that I going to apologize or anything. That would be uncool.

I did some quick mental re-arranging of the weather teams.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) An error message?

“Alright, I’ll send Lightning Bolt and Wind Whistler to help you out.”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” Cloud Kicker pointed down into the park, and I spotted two very familiar looking pegasi, each snuggled up with a colt.

Pinkie: Dashie, you need to put your hoof down and lay down the law.

Doctor: Just ask them to help you out for a little while.

“Right, they’ve got the day off.” Well, so much for that. Great. That’s just great. “What about Thunderlane and Raindrops?”

“Also out on a date. With each other.”

“Darn it!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I had my eyes on him!

This is why I hate Hearts and Hooves Day, nothing goes smoothly, and I’m the one who has to deal with all of it.

Doctor: (Rainbow) One day I am going to quit! That’ll teach them!

“Maybe I could get Parasol … no, she’s got the day off too.” I sighed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Maybe I shouldn’t have given the day off to anypony that asked for it.

“I think Dizzy Twister’s free…” A thought struck me, and I frowned over at Cloud Kicker. “Actually, I’m kinda surprised you’re still around.”

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) I need to pay the rent somehow.

“I’m not a Hearts and Hooves day kind of gal,” Cloud Kicker answered breezily.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) I’m more of an Arbor Day filly.

“I don’t do romance.”

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I do enjoy empty one night stands!

“What are you talking about? Everypony knows you’re always running around and–”

“I said I don’t do romance, boss.” Cloud Kicker smirked. “I’d rather skip all that and just jump straight to the fun stuff.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Getting creamed if you know what I mean.

Doctor: Ju-just no.

Does kinda leave me alone on Hearts and Hooves Day, but I can always snag some single pony who’s feeling down about being dateless later on.”

Doctor: How charming.

Right. More than I wanted to know about Cloud Kicker’s love life.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) And there was this one time I found two stallions without dates and we…

Doctor: (Rainbow) No! Please! No more!

Luckily, somepony calling up to me yanked me away from that particular line of thought. “Hey Rainbow Dash! Need any help with the weather?”

Doctor: It was Princess Celestia to the rescue!

I looked over at the new arrival; for a moment, I was really tempted to fly over and hug the white pegasus flying up to the two of us. “Blossomforth! Thank Celestia!”

Pinkie: (Blossomforth in a heroic voice) It looks like somepony is in the need of my services.

“Hey Blossom.” Cloud Kicker gave a casual wave of her hoof. “I thought you had a date?”

“Yeah, but he turned out to be a jerk,” Blossomforth grumbled and gave an annoyed flick of her pink-and-green tail.

Ditzy: (Blossomforth) He made me pay for the meal and the drinks then ditch me!

“You alright? Need somepony to give him a buck in the head?”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Do you need me to whack somepony Blossom?

I tend to get just a bit peeved when someone’s a jerk to my friends. Well, I guess technically Blossomforth wasn’t a friend. We don’t really hang out together, so the only time I see her is when we’re on weather duty, but she is one of my best workers.

Doctor: (Rainbow) And it gives me the excuse to blow off some steam.

Guess that’s close enough to make me get mad when somepony’s mean to her.

Ditzy: That doesn’t give you the right to attack them! It was just a bad date. It happens.

“No, I’ll be fine,” Blossomforth assured me. “But if Cloud Kicker needs any help…well, you know, kicking clouds, I wouldn’t mind having something to kick for a while.” Blossomforth flew over to the nearest cloud and gave it one hay of a kick.

Pinkie: That put her back out.

“Stupid jerk,” she grumbled under her breath. “Why did that jerky jerk-faced jerk have to act like a total jerk on my first Hearts and Hooves day with a real date?”

Ditzy: (Blossomforth) That is the last time I use matchpony.com!

With Blossomforth’s help, Cloud Kicker and I managed to clear out the clouds that had been messing up everypony’s sunny day without taking too long. I guess Blossomforth must’ve really been mad at her date, because she was almost managing to keep up with me.

Doctor: A pinnacle of modesty that Rainbow Dash.

I made a mental note to find out just who she’d been dating, and ‘accidentally’ lose a rain cloud somewhere that would completely drench the no-good jerk that had hurt her feelings.

Pinkie: Maybe you could put itching powder in it too!

“Good work everypony.” I felt pretty happy about how we were doing until I did a quick check of the time. “Oh come on!” Just when I thought I was finally about to start getting a grip on things, the universe kicks me in the flank.

Doctor: (Rainbow) A giant monster attack? Really?

“We’re about to run late on the  rainbow the mayor wants, and I’ve only got five minutes to set up that rain shower I promised Lyra and Bon Bon!”

Ditzy: Oh, are those two on a double date?

I could probably get it taken care of if I flew my wings off, but then… “Aw hay, at this rate I’m never gonna have time to get to Sugarcube Corner, and I’ve been trying to get a chance to go there for hours!” Like I said, I haven’t eaten since breakfast.

Pinkie: Cupcakes make a great part of a balanced diet!

Ditzy: That’s why I always pack a few muffins with me before I go to work.

“Is it really that bad?” Blossomforth asked.

Pinkie: Is it ‘The! Worst! Possible! Thing!’?

“Let me put it this way. If Derpy wasn’t out on date, I’d be bringing her in.” Sure, stuff goes wrong around her all the time, but at least she’d be another set of hooves.

Ditzy: (Grumbles) Yeah, yeah. I’m useless.

Blossomforth winced. “Yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

Ditzy: Yeah! What can that stupid, useless Ditzy do!? She’ll probably accidently burn the town down or something by accident! That stupid stupid filly!

Doctor: There, there. It’s alright.

Pinkie: Wow, where did that come from?

“Well, I’m not gonna complain about Derpy being busy,” Cloud Kicker commented. “Maybe I’ll actually get a chance to eat a muffin while she’s not around.”

Ditzy: Er, what?

Pinkie: Muffins, watch out while Ditzy’s on the prowl!

“You should know better than to try and eat muffins around her by now.” Seriously, anypony who spent any time in Ponyville should have picked up on the fact that Derpy loves muffins.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) Ponies have lost their lives getting in the way of her muffins!

“But I like muffins!” Cloud Kicker whined. “I mean, not as much as Derpy does, but sometimes a pony just wants to eat a muffin! And I can’t! Every time I try to eat just one measly little muffin Derpy steals it and eats it in one gulp! It’s just not fair!"

Ditzy: What?! I would never do that! Muffins should be shared with everypony!

Pinkie: Just like cupcakes and parties!

Doctor: She gives them out like they are going out of style.

I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to listen to Cloud Kicker complain about Derpy stealing her muffins.

Pinkie: Grand Theft Muffin: San Aneigheas

I get that Derpy taking away your muffins could get on a pony’s nerves, but I really don’t wanna have to listen to somepony else talking about it. Besides, Derpy’s one of my friends; I get along with Cloud Kicker alright, we were in same year at flight camp and all, but I’m a lot closer to Derpy.

Ditzy: So you always turn a blind eye when one of your friends does something wrong?

Pinkie: That is not cool Dashie!

Yeah, she shouldn’t be stealing Cloud Kicker’s muffins, but it’s not like Derpy was doing it to be mean or anything. She just gets excited when it comes to muffins.

Ditzy: She once went on a city destroying rampage when she couldn’t get a muffin. She shot laser beams out of her eyes and everything!

I know Cloud Kicker wasn’t trying to be nasty, but it’s just kind of an instinct with me; if somepony’s talking bad about one of my friends, even if they’ve got a good reason to be a little upset, I start getting mad.

Pinkie: Gee Dashie! You’re just being a meanie head now!

Ditzy” (Rainbow) There is a good reason why I gained the nickname “Rainbow Death”.

There’s a reason I got Loyalty when the Elements of Harmony were being passed out.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) One time I decked a guy for accidently bumping into Twilight!

“Wait a minute!” Blossomforth cut in before I could tell Cloud Kicker to shut it. “Rainbow Dash, did you just say you haven’t had a chance to see Pinkie Pie all day?” Blossomforth was frowning at me, and sounded really worried considering the fact that I was just complaining about missing a chance to grab a snack.

Pinkie: Dashie, snacks are one the most important meals of the day!

“Well she does kind of work at Sugarcube Corner.” I pointed out the obvious.

Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth shared a look, and nodded to each other. “I can handle the rain,” Cloud Kicker declared.

“I’m alright with rainbows,” Blossomforth chimed in. “We’ll take care of the weather Rainbow Dash; you take a break and go see Pinkie Pie.”

Doctor: (Blossomforth) This fic needs somepony to lighten it up a bit.

Forget about Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie: Hey!

Don’t get me wrong, running into her would be cool, but right now my number one priority was to put some food in my belly. “Thanks gals. I’ll be back in five minutes, tops.”

“No need to rush,” Blossomforth assured me.

“Yeah, take your time boss,” Cloud Kicker added.

Well, kinda weird,

Ditzy: It’s like they are trying to set her up with Pinkie or something.

Pinkie: That’s silly! I like Dashie, but I don’t like Dashie that way!

but if they really wanted to handle the extra work in order to let me take a break, I wasn’t about to complain. Maybe they were just in a nice mood. Or maybe they’d heard that rumor that I was thinking about adding a couple backup shift managers to handle things whenever I’m busy.

Doctor: A.K.A. Napping.

Between some of the crazy stuff that’d been going on ever since Twilight moved here

Doctor: (Rainbow) It seems like every year the world is attacked by some bad guy now.

and missing two whole weeks ‘cause of my broken wing, I figured having one or two more ponies to handle things while I wasn’t around seemed like a good idea. Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth must have decided that running the show during one the crazier weather days of the year would prove they were up to handling the job. Hay, if they could manage to run things during Hearts and Hooves Day, I probably would end up giving them the job.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) The perfect patsies to push all my work on!

“You gals are awesome. Thanks.” I gave into the impulse to give them a quick hug before I shot off towards Sugarcube Corner. The siren song of delicious food was calling me.

Pinkie: (Food) Come to us Rainbow Dash. Eat out delicious goodness! Eat us!

Ditzy: No don’t! It’s a trap!

I’d have to find some way to pay them back for this. With Pinkie’s help, I could probably find a way to get some muffins to Cloud Kicker without Derpy finding out about it.

Pinkie: Operation: Muffins!

As for Blossomforth, her jerky date just got upgraded from getting rained on to getting a big nasty thundercloud after him.

Doctor: Why?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) That jerky date is going to have a little accident.

Maybe I could ask Pinkie about that too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) She knows good places to hide a body.

She’s good at knowing what ponies were up to, so she’d probably know who I needed to go after, and she might even have a couple ideas to add in. She was my number one pranking buddy, after all.

Sugarcube Corner was doing pretty heavy business. With it being sappy-happy love day, lots of ponies wanted to buy sweets and stuff. Lucky for my rumbling stomach, it seemed like most of the couples there had already gotten their food, since they were mostly sitting down and eating together instead of waiting in line. Having fewer obstacles between me and food was good.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Flying through hoops all the time to get a meal is really annoying!

On the downside, the entire place had been done up with decorations for Hearts and Hooves Day. Bleh.

Pinkie: Is their too much red and not enough pink!? Or maybe not enough heart balloons? Or maybe…

Doctor: (Coughs) Yes, we get it.

Pinkie Pie was working the counter, at least until she saw me. Then she wasn’t so much working as bouncing up and down while waving her hooves in the air to attract my attention.

Doctor: She pulled out a sign that said ‘Hi Dashie! Over here!’.

“Dashie! Hi Dashie! Rainbow Dash!” ‘Cause you know, I definitely wouldn’t have noticed her if she wasn’t making a scene like that.

“Hey Pinkie. ‘Sup?”

“Oh my gosh! I wasn’t sure if I was gonna see you at all today, but then I got an itchy back, and then right after it was an ear flop, knee twitch, and eye flutter, and usually when that happens it means you’re coming by! And you did!”

Pinkie: Don’t be ridiculous! That means bills are coming in mail. Knee twitch, back tingle, and ear flop means Dashie is coming by!

Doctor: ...Thanks for clearing that up.

“Awesome.” Pinkie Sense is just another one of those you have to learn to take in stride when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: (Sighs) Indeed.

“So anyway, you think I could get something to –“

“Well, except for when they’re completely unrelated,” Pinkie chattered right over me. Oh Celestia, tell me she’s not about to– “After all, there’s supposed to be a rainbow scheduled for today anyway so that’d explain the combo, and I guess the itchy back could’ve meant there were gonna be lots of leftover treats that we couldn’t sell.

Pinkie: No no no! That means we are expecting a big music number to start soon!

Ditzy: ...It could just be a normal itchy back.

Like cupcakes, or turnovers, or the chimicherrychongas and kumquat croissants or maybe even the–“

“Pinkie Pie!” I wasn’t quite shouting, but I turned the volume up enough to get her attention.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) Shhhhh. Couples are trying to have a romantic date! You’re being really rude!

“I’m starving here. Can I get some food?”

Doctor: I don’t know, can you?

“Okie dokie lokie wacky Dashie-washie!

Pinkie: What? How is that something I would say?!

Ditzy: Seriously, Dashie-washie?

Just sit down somewhere and I’ll bring you something yummy for your tummy!” Oh Celestia, that was even Pinkie-ier than usual.

Pinkie: Pinkie squared! Or Pinkie to the fifth power maybe?

I could put up with her usual level of Pinkie-ness, but if she was gonna start acting extra-Pinkie…

Doctor: (Rainbow) I knew I should have gotten Pinkie-lite!

Any worries about Pinkie being randomer than usual went out the window once I was sitting at one of the few unoccupied tables, and saw Pinkie trotting over with the world’s biggest cupcake riding on her back.

Pinkie: And it was riding on a saddle!

“I was hoping I’d get to see you today, so I made a super-duper extra special cupcake just for you!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) And it only contains 3000 g of sugar!

“No kidding.” Considering how much time I spend hanging out with Pinkie Pie, saying that it’s the biggest cupcake I’ve ever seen in my life means that it is one hay of a huge cupcake.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have seen tables smaller than it.

The rainbow frosting on top was an appropriately awesome touch. “Um, hey Pinkie? You didn’t do something crazy like make frosting out of concentrated liquid rainbow, did you?” Rainbows are awesome and all, but they’re not meant for eating. Most ponies would’ve figured that out after actually trying it once,

Doctor: Indeed.

Ditzy: Nopony can resist trying it at least once.

Pinkie: (Nods)

but Pinkie’s not most ponies. I can never figure out what’s going on in that head of hers.

Ditzy: Rainbow Dash kept half expecting to find herself tied to a table in a scary basement one day.

“Nopey dopey!” Well, that was a relief; the cupcake looked huge and delicious, but not so tasty that it was worth getting a mouthful of liquid rainbow.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) I just put super spicy hot sauce in it!

“I found a way to make zap apple frosting! It was tricky,

Pinkie: (Pinkie) You won’t believe how hard it is to learn how to tap dance while somersaulting and juggling at the same time!

but I wanted to make an absolutely perfectly perfect cupcake for you today, because you’re the coolest, awesomest, and radicalest pony in all of Equestria!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Darn straight I am!

“Thanks Pinkie.” Must be warm in here or something, ‘cause my face was feeling kinda hot right now.

Pinkie: Oh no! Dashie is getting a fever!

It’s not like Pinkie talking about how cool I was embarrassed me or anything; everything she said was just the truth, after all.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) But I’ll take the compliment anyway!

Without further ado, I dove right into the cupcake.

Ditzy: She did a cannonball.

It tasted like sugary apple-y awesomeness. Pinkie’s cupcakes are awesome. Zap apples are awesome. So, Pinkie cupcakes made with zap apples were double awesome. Not even Twilight could argue with perfect logic like that. “This is great, Pinkie!”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The type-2 diabetes was totally worth it!

“Yes!” Pinkie Pie started bouncing around the room in joy and babbling in excitement. Spend enough time around Pinkie, and you get used to that kind of thing. “I was worried you wouldn’t like it, but Mrs. Cake was like ‘Don’t worry Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash always loves your cupcakes.’ But then I was like, ‘But I wanna make her super-special one for today and it has to be the best cupcake ever!’ And then Mr. Cake was like…”

I mentally tuned Pinkie out. You wanna spend any time hanging with Pinkie, you’ve gotta learn how to just not listen to her when she starts babbling.

Pinkie: Hey! That’s just mean!

That, and you’ve gotta learn not to ask too many questions about all that weird stuff she does.

Doctor: (Grumbles)

Trying to listen to everything she says and figure out what’s going on in her head and how she does all those crazy things she does is just asking for trouble.

Ditzy: It’s like a story from H.P. Lovecolt.

Even Twilight figured that out, and she hates not knowing things.

Pinkie: She got so angry she bursted into fire and everything! It was soooo funny!

I took a couple more bites of the most awesome cupcake in the history of awesome cupcakes while Pinkie’s usual babbling faded into the background noise around me.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Hey! Maybe I could ask Vinyl Scratch to turn into a sick beat!

Hmm, well now that I had the food problem sorted out,

Doctor: Nutrition? Who needs it?

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Although I don’t think I will be able to sleep for days now.

I guess I needed to figure out what to do with the rest of my free time.

All: Nap.

I’d kinda figured I’d be busy all day with weather stuff, so I didn’t know if anypony had plans. They were probably all busy doing boring sappy-holiday stuff anyway.

Ditzy: Says somepony that has never tried it.

Pinkie: You have noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you are missing Dashie!

Practicing my stunts was out. After that crash a couple weeks ago, my wing was good enough to fly on and do my job, but I was supposed to give it bit more time to heal up before I did anything too awesome with it.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I wonder if I can do a sonic rainboom while on fire?

I guess I could just grab the next Daring Do book and find a comfy cloud. A nap would be nice, but knowing my luck as soon as I got comfortable something would go wrong, and I’d need to fix it.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Where did this blizzard come from!?

A five-minute nap would just give me enough time to realize how much I wanted a nap, but not enough time to actually get any real sleep. For that matter, napping and just taking it easy both meant staying in one place for way too long.  

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ninjas might come after me.

I wasn’t gonna get much of a break if I had a small crowd of ponies gathered around me, asking if I could just do them one little favor to help make their Hearts and Hooves day perfect.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Screw them and their desire to make happy memories!

My line of thought o n what to do with my free time trailed off as I noticed that something didn’t seem quite right. It took me a second to put my hoof on what exactly was going on; Pinkie Pie had finally stopped talking, and she was looking at me expectantly.

Pinkie; (Pinkie) Well? What would be more fun to swim in? Whipped cream or coleslaw?

Aw hay, she must’ve asked me a question or something while I was zoned out. “Run that one by me again, Pinkie.”

If she noticed or cared that I hadn’t been paying attention to her, she didn’t show it.

Pinkie: (Shrugs) You get used to it.

“I just wanted to know what you’re doing for Hearts and Hooves Day. Got anything planned with a special somepony?”

Ditzy: With a certain red stallion maybe?

“C’mon Pinks, you know I’m not into all that namby-pamby stuff.” Well, technically I’d agreed to do a Hearts and Hooves thing once, but I’d just used that as an excuse to get out of work and take the day off after I’d ditched my date.

Doctor: What? So it’s okay for you to be a jerk on a date?

That’s not to say I didn’t get offers, I just didn’t want to waste my time with boring stuff like that.

Ditzy: Rigghhhtttt. I’ve seen the type of magazines you have under your bed Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie: What about all the Sourin’ posters in your room?

Well, actually nopony had asked if I was free this year. Not that I cared.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Really! (Sniff) Not at all! Not that I wanted anypony to show any interest in me or anything!

It was probably just because everypony knew I didn’t wanna waste my time on stupid sappy lovey dovey day.

Doctor: Yet here you are wasting your time complaining non-stop about it.

If I’d wanted a date, I totally could’ve gotten one.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Really! I could get all the stallions I want! Not that I want to or anything!

Hay, I could’ve done something crazy awesome, like go out with Flitter and Cloudchaser at the same time, ‘cause I’ve heard dating twins is supposed to be really cool,

Pinkie: It’s two for the price of one!

so obviously it’s the kind of thing I would do. Or, you know, something else really radical. I just don’t wanna bother with it, that’s all.

Pinkie: Ohhhhhhh, so you’re shy! Don’t worry! Let Aunty Pinkie handle everything!

Doctor: That’s a scary thought.

Well, maybe if one of the Wonderbolts asked me out…nah. I’m the future captain of the Wonderbolts, not a groupie.

Doctor: Aiming a little too high there.

Ditzy: You can’t even manage a weather team properly! What makes you think you could lead the Wonderbolts!?

“So…” Pinkie was smiling, but that was pretty much her default facial expression. “You’re saying don’t have any plans for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Nah.” Wonder why Pinkie was asking anyway. Kinda a weird thing to talk about. Well, not really. Well, I guess talking about a holiday on the day of holiday isn’t weird, but…never mind.

Doctor: Is it really that hard to pick up that Pinkie is interested in you?

Ditzy: You know its bad when even the Doctor picks up on this sort of stuff.

Pinkie: (Giggles)

Doctor: And what is that suppose to mean!?

Oh wait. Holiday. Pinkie probably had some sort of party planned.

Pinkie: Oh course! Heart and Hooves Day parties are the best! It’s really fun helping loovy doovy ponies get together!

No wonder she’s asking if I’m busy, she probably wanted to invite me. “You got plans Pinkie?”

“Nopey dopey. I’m a completely free and unattached pony.”

All: Subtle.

Pinkie frowned thoughtfully and started tapping a hoof under her chin. “Although…if a certain somepony who shall remain nameless wanted to spend the day with me, that’d be A-OK!”

Pinkie: Fluttershy?

Yeah, whatever. I really didn’t need to know about my friend’s love lives. Anyway, moving away from that vaguely uncomfortable line of thought,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I really don’t want to know the sort of stuff an egghead like Twilight is into.

I still needed to figure out what to do with my free time. Napping and reading were out, and I couldn’t really fly around practicing my tricks when I was trying to avoid attention.

Doctor: (Rainbow) My triple sonic rainboom might attract attention.

if I went around being too amazing everypony would notice me,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Since I score an eleven out of ten on the awesomeness scale!

and then I’d be stuck with a crowd of ponies who all just wanted one tiny little favor. Sometimes it can be a real pain the flank to be as awesome as I am.

Pinkie: You poor thing! I didn’t realize how much she has been hurting. I will need to throw her a really super awesome party later!

So, if doing my three favorite things to do by myself was out, that left spending time with my friends. Obvious starting point was obvious. “Hey, you wanna hang out Pinkie?”

Pinkie was grinning at me wide enough that I was kind of amazed she could fit that big of a smile on her face.

Doctor: (Rainbow) It entered the uncanny valley.

“You want to spend Hearts and Hooves day with me, Dashie?”

“Well, yeah.” Sheesh, she can be a real weirdo sometimes.

Pinkie: Hey!

“That’s why I asked.”

Pinkie looked like she was about to explode in happiness.

Doctor: Her head started expanding like a balloon.

I guess she really wanted to hang out. She took a really deep breath, and then shouted back into the kitchen. “Mister and Misses Cake I’m spending Hearts and Hooves Day with Dashie gottagonowbye!” Somehow, she managed to cram all those words into about two seconds, while screaming at the top of her lungs. The fact that her shouting had gotten everypony else in the shop staring at us didn’t help.

Pinkie: I thought you liked attention Dashie!

“So, what do you wanna do?” I was in the mood for some pranking. All those ponies being all lovey-dovey totally wouldn’t see us coming until it was too late.

Pinkie: (Serious) That isn’t funny at all Dashie. That is really really really really mean!

Ditzy: Yeah! Jeez.

Doctor: Clearly why Heart and Hooves Day is important to some people has completely flown over your head.

Now, we’d have to be careful to keep things fun and all;

Doctor: And not get attacked by angry couples with pitchforks.

some ponies get real worked up about this Hearts and Hooves Day. I love a good prank, but making somepony cry ‘cause we just ruined their special day was undeniably, unquestionably, uncool.

Doctor: Maybe, just maybe, this might not be a good idea at all.

“How about we just go for a walk in the park?” Pinkie suggested, much to my surprise.

Pinkie: (Rolls eyes) And what is wrong with walks in a park?

“What, just going for a walk? Sounds kinda boring, but whatever.” I mean seriously, what’s the point of walking around slow and stuff when I could be flying around all fast and awesome?

Doctor: And crashing into things.

It’s not that I mind staying groundbound to hang out with my friends, but I’ve never really gotten the whole walking just for the sake of walking thing. Walking to somewhere? Sure. But just walking around to see the sights or whatever? Why would I wanna do that when I could fly around seeing everything instead? It was faster and cooler.

Pinkie: (Singing) Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, faster!

Still, I’d asked Pinkie what she wanted to do. Shame she can’t fly though. Wait…maybe I could get Twilight to cast that wings spell on Pinkie?

Pinkie: Nah, I will just use the jetpack I have been working on!

That way we could go flying together, which would be very awesome. Ever since the whole thing with Gilda, I didn’t really have anypony (or griffin) I could just go flying with. Most of the pegasi I knew were on my weather squad, and you can’t ever really be completely normal friends with somepony who works for you.

Pinkie: Dash, that makes absolutely no sense. You can be friends with anypony!

Of my really close pegasus friends that don’t do weather work, Fluttershy can’t keep up with me most of the time, and Derpy…well trying to do any sort of fast flying with her is just asking for trouble.

Ditzy: What did I ever do to you Chengar Qordath?!

But Pinkie…hay, when she wanted to chase me I couldn’t get away from her even when she didn’t have wings.

Pinkie: Duh, I’m a world champion at Hide and Go Seek!

Pinkie with some Twilight’s magic wings could totally keep up with me. Sure, Rarity’s wings had burned up, but that was because she’d gone all crazy and gotten too close to the sun. Pinkie wouldn’t do something like that.

Wait…this is Pinkie Pie I’m talking about. She’d do something way, way crazier than just fly too close to the sun.

Ditzy: Like roasting marshmallow on the sun.

And even if she didn’t…well I like Pinkie, but sometimes I need a break from her. She’s my best friend and all, but too much time around her will drive a pony crazy.

Pinkie: Really? I’m around Cakes all the time and they aren’t crazy. You’re just being silly.

If she went and got some magic wings from Twilight, I’d never get a moment’s peace for the rest of my life!

So yeah. Taking that idea, putting it in a lockbox, burying the box, and then destroying the key.

Ditzy: Too bad Pinkie can just borrow the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver.

I really don’t wanna spend the rest of my life waking up at two in the morning because Pinkie Pie had a crazy dream or a fun new party idea that she felt like she just had to tell me about.

Pinkie: Don’t be silly, I need the beauty sleep!

The park was still full of ponies getting all romantic and stuff.

Doctor: Their filthy, disgusting, not cool in any way romance!

Great, just great. I’m not quite as bad as Applejack when it comes to dealing with anything girly and frou-frou, but sappy love day was too much for me.

All: Okay, we get it!

To get my eyes off all the lovey-dovey pony couples infesting the park,

Ditzy: Quick, build a barricade!

Pinkie: There’s too many of them!

I made a quick check of the weather.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Chocolate rain?

It looked like Blossomforth had taken care of the rainbow we were supposed to get up; not quite as awesome as the rainbow I would’ve made, but pretty decent.

Doctor: Gee, It must be a tough life being the best at everything.

Let’s be fair, no way anypony could make a rainbow better than I could,

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I have a perk that gives me +5 in rainbow making.

because I was both the awesomest pony around, and I had ‘rainbow’ right there in my name. It wasn’t fair to expect anypony else to be able to match what I could pull off.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m bigger than Celestia!

That train of thought came to an abrupt end when Pinkie Pie bumped into me. Well, not so much bumped into me as just got really into my personal space.

Pinkie: (Pinkie) Does this bug you does this bug you I’m not touching you.

I was used to her doing that kind of thing by now though. I don’t think Pinkie Pie’s even heard of personal space.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie. Oh course I’ve heard of it!

Whenever we hang out she’s constantly hugging me, snuggling with me, stuff like that.

Doctor: You too huh.

Pinkie: You’re just so huggable Timey!

It’s just one of her things. I guess she must have been in an extra-friendly mood though, cause she was close enough to me that we couldn’t even walk through the park without our shoulders and flanks constantly brushing into each other.

Ditzy: Really? You really haven’t caught on yet?

Oh well, that’s Pinkie Pie for you.

We managed to spend almost half a minute just walking along before I got a Pinkie-hug. I’m surprised it took her that long to get around to trying to break my ribs.

“I like spending time with you, Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie’s forelegs tightened to the point where I could barely even breathe. “I like you, Rainbow Dash.”

Ditzy and Pinkie: Awwwwww. That’s so cute.

“Yeah, same here.” I barely managed to get the words out over the vise-like grip Pinkie had on my chest. “Can’t breathe, Pinkie.”

“Oops, sorry Dashie!” The pink jaws of death removed themselves from my ribs, and their owner gave a sheepish little giggle. “I guess I got a little too excited there. And … maybe I was just teeny-tiniest little bit nervous you didn’t like me back.”

“What the hay are you talking about?” Pinkie could get some really weird ideas in that head of hers sometimes. “Of course I like you. We’re friends.”

“Oh.” For some reason, saying that punctured Pinkie’s good mood as if I’d stabbed a needle right into one of her balloons. “Yeah. Friends.”

Pinkie: Oh, that’s sad…

Doctor: This is just getting depressing.

Aw darn it, I’d gone and said something stupid, hadn’t I? It happens every once in a while;

Ditzy: Once in a while? You have already done that at least 7 times or something already.

 I get annoyed at somepony, or I don’t watch what I’m saying, and next thing I know I’ve gone and said some dumb thing that makes somepony feel bad. I’m not good at the whole being sensitive and thinking about other ponies’ feelings thing.

Doctor: That’s an understatement.

Ditzy: It’s like other ponies are alien creatures to her.

It’s not like I’m trying to be a jerk or anything, but if I don’t take the time to think about what I’m saying, I’ve got a real knack for sticking my hoof in my mouth.

So, how do I make Pinkie stop feeling all sad about whatever dumb thing I’d said?

Pinkie: Oh oh oh oh oh! Treat me a super super sized cupcake with sprinkles!

I scanned the park, desperately searching for something fun and happy, and finding nothing

Doctor: All over couples were breaking out into violent brawling.

but a sea or lovey-dovey pony couples.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie! There’s no sea near Ponyville! As cool as that would be.

I even spotted Wind Whistler, Raindrops, and a couple other pegasi from my weather squad.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) The lazy jerks doing lovey dovey stuff instead of working!

That’s when I struck gold.

Pinkie: There be gold in them thar park!

Applejack and Rarity. Hanging out together. On Hearts and Hooves day. In the middle of the park.

Ditzy: Er, what?

Pinkie: (Shrugs)

Doctor: Not a coupling I was expecting.

I’d been hoping for fun, but this? This was pure gold.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Let’s ruin their day!

“Hey gals! What’re you up to?”

“We ain’t on a date!” Applejack hastily blurted out, giving me a broad and very obviously fake smile while nervously shifting her eyes.

Ditzy: Wow…

Pinkie: I’m getting the distinct impression she’s up to something!

“Just havin’ a friendly cup of tea with mah friend Rarity. As friends. Because that’s what we are. Friends. Why would you think we’re on a date? Nopony said this was a date! ”

Doctor: Um, we aren’t going to judge you Applejack. I think it wonderful you are out on a date with someone you care about.

Pinkie: That’s right! I think it is super duper neat that you two like like like each other!

“Right. Hello to you too, Applejack.” Oh yeah. This was gonna be good.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I wonder if I can get one of them to cry.

“Why’s everypony think we’re on a date?” Applejack continued on belligerently. “Can’t two ponies just go out on a nice day like this and have a friendly cup of tea without everypony thinkin’ there must be some kinda romance to it?”

Doctor: You’re holding hooves with her for one.

“Relax AJ, I’m with you.” And now for the next bit of fun. “I totally believe that you two are just having a friendly romantic date out in the park on Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Exactly.” Applejack gave a contented nod of her head satisfied that the matter had been settled. A second later the exact words I’d used processed through her apple-filled brain. “Wait, what exactly didja say there?” Applejack hastily brought her forehooves up in front of herself and waved them about in denial. “No no no! I ain’t datin’ her! Why would I wanna date Rarity? Me an’ Rarity datin’? That’s crazy talk, is what it is.” Applejack let out a very forced chuckle.

Pinkie: (Applejack) It sounds like plot of a bad fanfic.

“Well, I never!” Rarity turned her nose up at Applejack, before dramatically turning her back on the farmpony with a loud sniff of disdain. “I’ll have you know I’m considered one of Ponyville’s most eligible bachelorettes! Many a stallion would give their left hoof to be sitting in your position, Applejack!

I shall not endure such boorish treatment from you on today of all days, you ruffian!”

“Aw hayseeds. Er – look Rarity, I was just…”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) This is perfect! I’m so good! Now these two are going to argue and hate each other!

While Applejack tried to stumble her way through an apology, Pinkie and I hastily moved to Rarity’s side. Rarity looked to both of us, and let out a carefully hidden little giggle. “Oh goodness, it really is too much fun to push her buttons sometimes.”

Ditzy: You won’t be much a couple if you didn’t.

“So you’re not on date with Applejack?” Pinkie sounded confused, and maybe just a tiny bit disappointed.

Pinkie: You’re not the only one.

“Oh Celestia no,” Rarity confirmed. “I simply wished to be out and about, basking in the ambiance of Hearts and Hooves Day, but of course a lady of my stature and reputation could hardly be seen out and about on a day like today unescorted,

Ditzy: Poor Spike. He’s way too good for you!

so I simply had to bring Applejack along. I certainly wouldn’t be interested in her. Those barbaric manners, that rough-and-tumble attitude, those sleek, rugged muscles.

Ditzy: (Rarity) That cute, firm flank.

Really now, a farmpony and a fashionista; can you imagine the scandal? The inappropriateness of it all?

Ditzy: (Rarity) We could end up on the Equestrian Enquirer!

“Can’t you just see how it would all go? We would try going out on a date, and naturally I would force her into a proper high society affair. She would try to act the part and fit in, but it would be obvious to everypony there that she didn’t truly belong.

Ditzy: Yeah, those high society jerks aren’t very fond of fillyfoolers.

Then I, being a proper lady and feeling somewhat badly for placing her in such an awkward position, would naturally agree to let her arrange our next date, which would be a horrendously uncultured affair.

Doctor: (Rarity) It would take us to a (gasp) local restaurant!

I would try to let my mane down and just have fun, but it would be just as clear that I didn’t belong in Applejack’s world as it was that she could never truly fit into mine.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) And you would actually let that stop you?

“We would both convince ourselves that there was no way it could possibly work out, that there was simply no future for us, and filled with in sorrow and heartbreak, we would break up. But then a tragedy would bring us back together, make us realize that life was too short, and in a flurry of wild emotions we would decide to cast caution to the wind and embrace our doomed romance. Applejack would take the lead of course, ripping off my dress,

Pinkie: And… she’s okay with that?

Ditzy: I...guess...

and shoving me down onto the bed. I would protest, but we would both know I didn’t really mean it. And in the heat of the moment, we would make passionate love.

Doctor: Too much information!

Pinkie: It’s so cute to see you flustered like that!

My hooves would roam down her muscular flanks and –” Rarity, now looking quite flushed, fanned herself with a hoof. “Goodness, is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm out here?”

Pinkie: Something must be going around.

The unicorn delicately cleared her throat, and stuck her nose primly up into the air. “In any case, I am sure you can see now that I could not possibly be interested in Applejack.”

Pinkie: But you just said… oh forget it.

“Oh yeah, you definitely don’t have a thing for her,” I deadpanned.

Doctor: So how is she able to pick on this, but not Pinkie’s affections?

“Uh, Rainbow Dash?” Pinkie Pie whispered to me. “Were you listening to the same conversation I was, ‘cause it sounded to me like Rarity–“

“Pinkie, how can you be friends with me and Twilight and still not understand sarcasm?”

Doctor: Sometimes, I think she does that on purpose.

Pinkie: (Giggles)

“What does it taste like?” I just stared at Pinkie Pie in blank incomprehension for several long seconds, as my brain tried to process what Pinkie just said.

Pinkie: That’s a good one! I need to remember that one! (Pulls out a notebook out of her hair and starts writing in it)

Rarity delicately cleared her throat, and turned around to face Applejack once more. “Now then darling, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have asked me to forgive you for that remark, and so as a proper lady I shall overlook your unforgivably rude behavior. I do trust, however, that you will not do anything further to humiliate me on today of all days.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Wa-no never! I wasn’t going to make it rain on you or anything!

“Um … right.” Applejack looked like she was halfway between confused and remorseful, which was probably right where Rarity wanted her. “Reckon I oughta say a little somethin’ to ya. Shucks, I know a lotta fellas and a couple gals that’d be right glad to be yer special somepony. Ain’t no denyin’ yer awful purdy.

Doctor: (Applejack) You got a purdy mouth filly.

In fact, I reckon if’n there was a mare I wanted to take an interest in and ask her to be my special somepony, it’d be a gal who’s a lot like you.”

Pinkie and Ditzy: Awwwww…..

“Oh really?” The two ponies looked at each other, both blushed, and then hastily averted their gazes. “Yes, well… more tea?” Rarity desperately suggested.

“Some tea sounds real nice.” Applejack agreed.

Doctor: (Applejack) It better have apples in it, or so help me...

I traded a look with Pinkie, and we both nodded. “Okay. Well then... Pinkie and I are gonna leave you two to do…whatever the hay it is that the two of you are doing.” The two of us trotted off, leaving our friends to keep acting like total weirdoes instead of doing the sensible thing and just hooking up already.

Ditzy: I...thought they were.

“They were having lots of unresolved sexual tension.” Pinkie explained to me once we were safely out of earshot.

Doctor: Expect the ‘will they, won’t they’ drama to last about 167 chapters.

“No, really? I hadn’t noticed.” I remembered too late that Pinkie’s sarcasm detector was completely broken.

Pinkie: I really need to get that fixed!

“Dashie! Didn’t you see how they were making googly-eyes at each other? And how Applejack got all nervous just because we saw the two of them spending Hearts and Hooves Day together? Or how Rarity got all ga-ga over Applejack when–“

Ditzy: Wiped apple juice from her face.

My hoof in her mouth made Pinkie stop talking. “I noticed it, Pinkie. Everypony who saw them noticed it. Everypony within a hundred miles noticed it. Princess Celestia herself could probably feel the sexual tension all the way from Canterlot.”

Doctor: (Celestia) Mother of me, those are two ponies that should do each other already!

I removed my hoof from Pinkie’s mouth, which was probably a mistake. “Ooo really? I’m not sure about that, I mean, yeah, there was a lot of tension there, but Canterlot’s really, really far away. Oh! We could write a letter and ask her, just to make sure.”

‘Dear Princess Celestia: Rarity and Applejack totally wanna do each other, right?’ Yeah, that’d go over real well.

Ditzy: I don’t know. Celestia is really old. I bet she could give some really good romantic advice!

Actually, it might almost be worth doing just to how much Twilight would freak when she found out about it. From what I’d seen, the princess was pretty cool, but Twilight always seemed to act like if she did the tiniest little thing wrong Celestia would hate her forever and kick her to the moon or something.

Pinkie: She has unrealistic expectations for herself and is unable to accept failure. This causes her to have high levels of stress that cause her to act erratic in a misplaced desire to fix her mistakes.

Ditzy and Doctor: (Looks at Pinkie)

Pinkie: What? Is there something on my face?

“Those two are just being such silly ponies,” Pinkie announced seriously. “That’s not really a surprise though. Everypony knew a long time ago that Applejack is a silly pony. Remember that time when she launched into Twilight’s library? Or the time when she helped me make those baked bads? Or the bunny stampede? Or when she–”

“Yeah. I remember Pinkie. I was there.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I even wrote it my super awesome autobiography I am writing.

“Well uh! Of course you were.” The pink menace continued with her non-stop stream of words. “But Rarity’s not a silly pony like Applejack. She’s more of a drama queen, which I guess is still kinda silly, but not really proper silly. I mean, if she was going on and on about something being, ‘The. Worst. Possible. Thing.’ I’d understand, but this just goofy. She’s a smart pony, so why’s she being so silly now? It’s so obvious how much they like each other!”

Doctor: It’s a wonder they haven’t jumped each other already.

“Eh, you want my opinion, all that lovey-dovey stuff makes ponies get goofy in the head,” I declared wisely. “It’s like you said, normally they’re both pretty smart and stuff, but all the hormones and emotions and everything are making Rarity and Applejack go crazy. Hay, I bet Twilight could come up with some sort of egghead scientific proof of it or something if she studied it all. Love makes ponies stupid and crazy.

Doctor: Personally, I think it is a good kind of stupid and crazy.

It’ll get them to the point where they completely miss something incredibly obvious that’s sitting right in front of their face.

Ditzy: Oh, the irony!

That’s why they spend all their time acting weird and dancing around the subject, instead of doing the smart thing and just biting the bullet and taking care of it all in five minutes.

Pinkie: But that’s not fun at all!

If there was somepony I wanted to be my special somepony, I’d just go up to them and be like, ‘Hey, you wanna be my special somepony? We can go on a date, and then we’ll bang, OK?’”

Doctor: Classy.

Ditzy: (Facehoofs)

Pinkie: Uh, Dashie. That’s coming on a bit too strong.

Pinkie Pie looked at me skeptically. “And that works?”

Ditzy: Sure, if you’re a complete sleazeball.

Pinkie: Yeah! At least buy them a cupcake first!

“Sure.” Well, I’d never actually tried it, but Cloud Kicker told me that it was what she did, and it worked for her. So if I did the same thing, it would work. Because I’m awesome.

“Okie dokie.” Pinkie Pie stepped in front of me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said with surprising seriousness. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, do you wanna be my special somepony? We can go on a date, and then we’ll bang, OK?”

Ditzy: Here it comes.

Doctor: The funny moment where Rainbow Dash misses the incredibly obvious fact that Pinkie likes her.

Oh wow. I actually tried to keep straight face for a second or two, but nopony could pull that off. The way she’d delivered that ridiculous line so dead-serious was just too much. Soon I was rolling on the ground laughing my flank off. Not even those stone-faced guards of Celestia could’ve stood up to that. After half a minute I finally managed to recover enough to speak a coherent sentence. “Oh wow Pinkie! You totally had me going there for a second! That was great! Pinkie Pie, you are so random!”

Ditzy: Buck you Rainbow Dash! Pinkie, you should find somepony else that would actually treat you right. She isn’t worth it!

Pinkie: You’re a real meanie face Dashie!

Doctor: Gee, now there’s not much left I can say after all of that.

Oh hay, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even breathe. I finally had to stop laughing, not because it wasn’t still funny, but just because I didn’t have any more laughs left in me. And that’s when I finally noticed that there was something terribly wrong.

Doctor: Oh no, Pinkie is probably crying now.

Pinkie: Poor story me.

Pinkie Pie wasn’t laughing.

Pinkie Pie will laugh at anything. She got the Element of Laughter for a reason, after all. You can crack her up just by saying something like pickle barrel or kumquat.

Pinkie: Hmm… Kumquat maybe, but pickle barrel? Not a chance!

If she just dropped a hilarious joke, and wasn’t laughing along with me, something was seriously, seriously wrong.

All: You think!?

I got back on my hooves, and took an oddly tentative step towards her. “Pinkie? Everything alright?”

Pinkie: She just got her heart broken you insensitive jerkface!

“Yeah, just fine.” Pinkie smiled, but it was the most obviously forced smile I’d ever seen out of her. Fine my flank. I’d heard more believable lies from Applejack.

“Aw horseapples.” I hissed under my breath. I hate it when stuff like this happens. “Look, Pinkie, whatever dumb thing I did that’s got you feeling down, I’m sorry. I just…you know me, I’m an idiot. I say stupid things all the time. Don’t take it seriously, I’m just being dumb. I’m not very good at the whole subtle social interaction thing.

All: Subtle?!

Ditzy: A wrecking ball would be less subtle.

You’re an awesome friend, really. Coolest pony I know.” I paused to shine a hoof against my chest, and made a half-flanked joke. “Well, the coolest pony aside from myself, of course.”

Doctor: You just had to throw that in, didn’t you?

“Thanks Dashie.” Well, at least she sounded less miserable.

Ditzy: I really wonder what is going to happen if they do get together. If Rainbow is going to be this obvious to Pinkie’s feeling, what is going to happen when they start having relationship problems?

That was progress, right? At least I hadn’t made things worse.

Pinkie: I wonder how long that is going to last.

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault I’m being all frowny-faced.” She put on a slightly more genuine seeming smile. “You’re my bestest best friend, and we’re supposed to be going out and having fun, so let’s go have some fun!”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I think the bowling alley is having cosmic bowling right now!

Well, she wasn’t quite back to normal yet, but she was definitely getting there.

Doctor: What...ever constitutes as normal.

Sure, I might stick my hoof in my mouth every once in a while, but when it was important I could turn on the old Rainbow Dash charm and talk through things.

Ditzy: That is what caused this whole problem in the first place!

Okay, maybe I wasn’t charming per se, but I made up for whatever lack of social skills I might have by being awesome.

Ditzy: No social skills? Rainbow Dash might be a bit tactless at times but she’s normally pretty sociable and friendly.

Pinkie: Yeah, Dashie is written so weirdly in this story.

Ditzy: It’s a fanfic, it’s not very surprising.

I was about to get down to planning future awesomeness with Pinkie when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. “What the…hey! All the glow just came right off of our rainbow!”

Doctor: That’s...possible?

Ditzy: Uh, no. It isn’t.

Having all the glow fall off of a rainbow was a pretty big deal,

Doctor: It looks like we have a leaky rainbow here.

especially on a day like this, where ponies are keeping an extra-close eye on the weather. Rainbows are supposed to be, well, rainbow-colored. Not grey and boring.

Pinkie: Wow! That’s really insightful! (Starts writing this down)

The fact that the rainbow stretched across Ponyville for Hearts and Hooves Day had suddenly gone grey was already attracting attention from all the ponies out and about to enjoy happy love day.

Doctor: Ponyville was moments away from a full scale riot!

Once the complaints started coming in about how the weather problems had ruined somepony’s special day, nopony was going to go easy on me just because I said I was on break when it happened.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Then they will replace the best, most awesome weather team manager in all of Equestria!

It’s one of the things that stinks about being in charge of Ponyville’s weather; unless something’s gone wrong up at Cloudsdale, I can’t shift the blame up the chain of command. Like the saying goes, the bit stops here.

Ditzy: I’m so glad Rainbow Dash isn’t actually in charge in Ponyville.

Pinkie: Hey! ...Ok you might have a point there.

Well, the fact that sometimes the weather schedule calls for it to rain from midnight to sunrise instead of keeping all the weather in the nice daylight hours kinda stinks too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) And snow stinks! Why can’t we have sunny nice weather all year around? The cold weather gets into my practicing time.

“Give me a sec Pinkie, I gotta go fix this.” I took off into the sky, and despite the situation I still felt that momentary thrill that always accompanied getting off the ground and into the air. I don’t know how the Earth Ponies and Unicorns can handle just being on the ground their entire lives.

Doctor: We get by.

Pinkie: Pfft. You act like we can’t just use jetpacks to fly!

It felt so…limiting. I mean, there’s just so much up here that all those other ponies will never get to experience. Sure, there are hot air balloons and pegasi carriages and stuff, but it’s not the same as getting up in the air on your own two wings.

I was halfway to the base greyed out rainbow, on the edge of the Whitetail Woods, when I spotted a familiar white pegasus with a pink and green mane up ahead who was headed in the same direction. “Hey Blossomforth! You see what went wrong with your rainbow?”

Ditzy: They better not blame me for this!

Doctor: Steady.

Blossomforth pulled a quick 180, and faced me. “Rainbow Dash! I thought you were still on break?”

Pinkie: (Blossom) Have you made the moves on Pinkie yet?

“Well, somepony’s gotta fix the rainbow,” I pointed out quite reasonably. “We leave a glow-less rainbow up on Hearts and Hooves day, and I’ll never hear the end of it.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’ll be known as Rainbow Dud!

You sure you got the glow on there right?” Blossomforth had been the one who made the rainbow after all, and getting the glow to stay on a rainbow was weather 101 stuff.

Pinkie: Or you could just use duct tape!

“I know how to make a rainbow.” Blossomforth sounded just a touch defensive as she frowned over at the decolored rainbow. “I saw a couple ponies running off from around its base. I think they might have stolen the glow off of it.” A hint of annoyance entered her voice. “Who does that? Why would anypony steal a rainbow’s glow?”

Doctor: Carmen Sandiego?

“Probably somepony’s idea of a prank.” Pinkie and I were the best pranksters in Ponyville, but not the only ones.

Ditzy: Maybe it’s Bon Bon. She loves to pull pranks.

Pinkie: She’s one of the best pranksters in Ponyville!

Doctor: Really?

Still, stealing a rainbow’s glow? Seriously lame for a prank. I flew in and gave the grey rainbow a quick check, just to confirm that Blossomforth was right. She was; the rest of the rainbow had been put together right, and the glow hadn’t just fallen off the rainbow and down onto the ground or anything.

Doctor: So, would that be toxic to the environment?

“Alright, well let’s get to work fixing this.”

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Get me a banana, a pair of pliers, and maple syrup.

“Wait, I can handle this on my own Rainbow Dash,” Blossomforth assured me. “You don’t need to interrupt your da-“

“It’ll get done faster with both of us,” I interrupted. The longer that rainbow was grey, the better the chances were that somepony might start complaining about it. The last thing I needed was for the word to get out that Rainbow Dash’s weather team can’t even make a rainbow right.

Pinkie: Think of the scandal! Soon you won’t be able to show you face in Ponyville anymore! When you do ponies will laugh and call you names! Your friends will turn their backs on you never wanting to see you again! Then you will be forced to leave town in shame! Leaving everypony and everything you know and love forced to live the rest of your life alone! Never able to escape the shame of your mistake!

Blossomforth still didn’t seem too happy about having me help. I guess she really wanted to fix her rainbow by herself, or maybe she was still trying to prove she had what it took to run things when I wasn’t around. Either way, with both of us working together we had the rainbow back to normal in less than a minute.

Doctor: No ten seconds flat jokes.

Ditzy and Pinkie: Awwwwwwww.

“Nice job Rainbow Dash! You too Blossomforth!” I looked down, and wasn’t even surprised to see that Pinkie had followed me over here. Sure, most ponies would’ve had trouble getting from Ponyville park to end of the rainbow on the outskirts of Ponyville proper in the two minutes it had taken me to fly here and fix the rainbow, but most ponies weren’t Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: For that, we are all grateful.

Pinkie: Hmmmmmm. After the Mirror Pool incident, I think you might be right.

Pinkie Pie tapped a hoof thoughtfully on her chin, and called up to me, “You were gone a lot longer than a sec though.” Trust Pinkie to take me literally when I said something would only take a second to fix.

Pinkie: You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean!

“You don’t have to feel bad about it though Dashie! I’m totally, absolutely, 100% completely okay with giving you lots and lots of secs if that’s what you need!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Takes years, decades even!

Right after Pinkie said that, Blossomforth covered her mouth for a few seconds, and then started having a really nasty coughing fit. She was coughing so hard she was kind of having a hard time staying in the air, and her face was redder than one of Applejack’s apples.

Ditzy: Somepony call a doctor!

“You okay there, Blossomforth?”

“Yeah, just fine,” she managed to croak out.

Pinkie: Ribbit Ribbit!

“Dashie!” Pinkie shouted up at both of us. “Do you need me to give you more secs?” Blossomforth’s entire face turned an even brighter shade of red. “Gottagonowbye!” I have to say, she managed to fly off at a pretty impressive speed for a pegasus who’s normally not anything all that special as a flyer.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Is it something I said?

I dismissed Blossomforth’s odd behavior with a shrug, and got back down to ground level. “Sorry that took so long Pinkie.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I’m sorta married to my job.

“Oh I don’t mind Dashie,” Pinkie Pie reassured me. “In fact, while I was waiting I came up with a new song to sing for you.”

Pinkie: (Starts bouncing) Goody!

Ditzy: Yes!

Doctor: (Sighs) Alright.

Oh great. Here we go. Pinkie Pie started eagerly bouncing around me from various angles that I’m sure wouldn’t be physically possible for any other pony,

Doctor: (Rainbow) She somehow bounced in a bizarre counterclockwise motion.

and launched into another one of her crazy little random songs.

Pinkie: Random? Is it going to be about anteater otters from Dimension X?

“Dashie you’re a great pony, the bestest one of all

You’re the very fastest flier and know how to bounce a ball

You kicked a dragon in the face, and compared to him you’re small

Dashie what I’m saying here is you’re totally a doll

You might not be a smarty pants or know how to apple buck

But you’re still really awesome and you have a lot of pluck

Ditzy: A lot of awkward rhyming in this song.

And maybe finally today, I’ll have a bit of luck

We’ll lie down somewhere comfortable, and then we’ll … Oh hi there Derpy!”

Doctor: Thank you convenient censoring.

Pinkie: N….ot one of my best songs.

I was a little startled when Pinkie suddenly stopped singing, but I wasn’t about to complain about anything that got her out of one of her musical moods.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ponies bursting into song at the drop of a hat? Who does that?

Pinkie’s songs can be fun sometimes, but hanging out with a pony that can’t go more than five minutes without bursting out into another crazy random song can get a little annoying sometimes.

Pinkie: Silly Dashie! I only burst into song when its the right moment to!

Well, it wasn’t so bad when they were just short little ones, but sometimes she got into it enough to just keep singing and singing, until it got to the point where it could drive a pony nuts.

Doctor: (Rainbow) If I have to hear 99 bottles of cider on the wall one more time...

I gave a grateful wave to the young gray mare who’d rescued me from Pinkie’s musical ministrations. “Hey Derpy! What’s up?” A second later, the smile on my face faded as I got a good look at her. Derpy looked pretty down, and that’s bad considering the fact that Derpy’s generally one of the few ponies out there who can give Pinkie Pie a run for her money in the perpetual cheerfulness department. “What’s wrong?”

Doctor: (Derpy) I dropped a batch of muffins on the floor.

Next thing I knew, I had a grey pegasus clinging to me and babbling out an explanation. Derpy spilled it all out so fast I could barely make out what she was saying; if not for all of my practice dealing with Pinkie’s rapid-fire chattering, I probably would’ve been completely lost. From what I could make out, the guy she’d been hanging with for Hearts and Hooves Day had to run off to Manehattan to take care of some sort of thing involving something called baleks or something, and had left her behind.

Doctor: Why would I do that? I don’t want to face Daleks alone.

Ditzy: Yeah! The Doctor needs me to bail him out of trouble!

No wonder she was down; her date had ditched her.

Ditzy: Yeah Doctor! That was really mean of you!

Pinkie: Yeah! You should be ashamed!

Doctor: It wasn’t me!

Note to self: find whathisface whenever he got back from Manehattan and kick him in the head. Hard.

Doctor: I save the world countless times and this is the thanks I get?!

Well, maybe I’d give him a chance to explain himself; if he had a good enough story, maybe I’d only kick him hard enough to leave a black eye.

Ditzy: This behavior is really troubling. I can understand protecting your friends, but this is just mean.

I looked down at the depressed pegasus in my hooves, and came to a decision.

Ditzy: This will be the last day the Doctor lives.

“Tell you what Derpy, how about you hang with me and Pinkie for the rest of the day?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Maybe we can find a baseball bat so you can break that jerk’s legs.

To be honest, I was just a bit nervous about the risk of combining Pinkie’s knack for making things get incredibly weird with Derpy’s tendency to make things go catastrophically wrong,

Ditzy: (Growls)

Pinkie: What? Things are never weird around me!

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow)

but when I suggested she spend the day hanging with us it seemed to perk Derpy up a bit, and got a tentative smile out of her. As long as we didn’t end up accidentally blowing up half of Ponyville by the end of the day, that made whatever happened worth it. “Go get Dinky, and between me and Pinkie we’ll give you gals an awesome day, right Pinkie?”

Ditzy: Why would I do that? She’s the one that trapped me here!

“Oh.” Pinkie didn’t sound quite as enthusiastic as I’d expected her to be, but a second later she was all smiles. “Yeah! Sure! We’ll have tons of fun!”

Ditzy: Don’t! She’ll make you read fanfiction!

Derpy was right back to her innocently cheerful self for a moment, before she paused, looked nervously between the two of us, and asked. “Um. I won’t be messing up your special day together, will I?”

Ditzy: (Derpy) Celestia knows you really need to get laid Rainbow.

“Oh no no no.” Pinkie Pie assured her, though I caught just a little hint of a lie in her voice. Weird; usually Pinkie was all for having as many ponies around as possible, and especially would’ve loved a chance to hang out with a kid. Probably because she never quite got around to growing up herself.

Pinkie: (Proud) I happen to be a very mature and responsible adult Dashie.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about me and Dashie.” Pinkie Pie assured Derpy, giving her a friendly pat on her head with her hoof. “There’s no way we could enjoy spending Hearts and Hooves Day together if we knew you were feeling all sad and blue.

Ditzy: It’s awesome to know you always have my back when I’m feeling down. Even if it is your own expense.

Pinkie: That’s so sweet!

Doctor: (Smiles)

After all, cheering up my friends is what Pinkie’s here to do!”

Pinkie: You know what this calls for?!

Doctor: A party?

Pinkie: How did you know?

“Alright then,” Derpy agreed. “I’ll go get Dinky and–“

Doctor: Are you sure you have never heard of Dinky? Maybe she’s a relative, like a cousin perhaps?

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure I haven’t.

That’s when Cloud Kicker went flying by, a paper bag clutched in her hooves. “Gee,” Cloud Kicker was speaking so woodenly and loudly that there was no question about the fact that she meant for all of us to hear her. “I sure hope Derpy doesn’t find out about this bag of freshly baked muffins I just bought.”

Ditzy: ...

“Muffins!” A second later both pegasi were a pair of rapidly dwindling dots in the distance as Cloud Kicker fled the scene with Derpy hot on her tail.

Doctor: I hope none of our enemies learn of this extremely exploitable weakness.

Ditzy: Doctor. Shut it. Now.

I turned to the party pony at my side. “Pinkie Pie.”

“Yeah Dashie?’

“You’re not the only pony I know who can be so random.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The tutu and the one rubber boot was a nice touch.

The two us started trotting back to Ponyville, just enjoying the weather I’d helped make and each other’s company. Sure, flying will always be a superior way of getting around,

Pinkie: Don’t be silly, teleporting is wayyyyy better!

but I don’t mind going on my hooves to spend more time with my friends.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Even if it makes me feel really unclean.

Pinkie Pie bumped into my shoulder. Not like an aggressive shove, or a clumsy ‘oops I got in your way’ kinda bump. Just a friendly sort of ‘Hi, here I am’ bump. “Hey Dashie?”

Doctor: The last time Pinkie gave me that sort of bump, I flew into a wall!

Pinkie: (Giggles) Jam fell on him and everything!

“Yeah, what’s up Pinkie?”

“Are you having a good Hearts and Hooves day so far?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Are you kidding!? No pony has given me gifts or candy or anything!

“Yeah, it’s been pretty cool. Well, not cool exactly. It’s been kinda weird, but fun.”

“I like weird but fun.” Pinkie commented idly.

Pinkie: Like chocolate and hot sauce covered broccoli.

Doctor: That’s a thing?

The two of us trotted along in companionable silence, which was a pretty rare thing when you’re hanging out with Pinkie Pie. Unsurprisingly, it was Pinkie Pie who finally broke the silence. “Um, Dashie? There’s something I wanna tell you.”

Ditzy: Seeing how she is too stupid to get any subtle hints, this will be her next best option.

Doctor: And, of course, hilariously Rainbow Dash doesn’t get it.

Pinkie: Is this just the same joke over and over again?

Whoa. She sounded nervous. Not the fun happy giggly kind of nervous, the scared and worried kind of nervous. “Alright, go for it.”

“I…” Pinkie hesitated for a moment, and then blurted out. “There’s somepony I’m interested in.”

Pinkie: (Pinkie) She’s rainbow colored and is the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria!

Doctor: (Rainbow) I wonder who she means.

Oh. Wow. I’m–I’m not quite sure how I felt about that. Kind of pissed off, now that I think about it. “Oh really?” I asked, playing it cool. “Who? Anypony I know?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I’m sure I would just love to hur-meet this pony.

“Yeah, I’d say you know her pretty well,” Pinkie answered with a bit of a giggle in her voice. “You’re really close.”

Pinkie: So close your practically one pony!

She couldn’t be talking about…from the way she said that it sounded like… “No way! It’s one of our friends?” Whoa. That was gonna change a lot of things. “It’s not Applejack or Rarity is it? ‘Cause we both know that they wanna…you know…”

Pinkie: Jump on each other’s bones and make sweet, passionate love?

“Nopey dopey,” Pinkie answered with a smile and a shake of her head. “Guess again.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Can I get a lifeline?

“Twilight?” The detail-obsessed egghead didn’t really seem like Pinkie’s kinda pony, but it’s not like I should expect her choices when it came to the pony she had a thing for to make any more sense than, well, anything else she’s ever done in her life, and Twilight could use somepony to loosen her up a bit. I bet she’s been spending all of Hearts and Hooves Day with her one true love, books.

Ditzy: (Twilight) Oh books, you’re the only one that understands me!

Sure, I’ve learned that a good book is awesome and all, but that pony can take it a little too far sometimes.

Doctor: The fact that she started naming them and dressing them up really freaked Rainbow Dash out.

“Nopey dopey.”

“You can’t mean Fluttershy.” Don’t get me wrong, Fluttershy’s cool in her own way, but I’m pretty sure Pinkie would give her a heart attack within a couple hours of them getting together.A pony that is so sensitive and nervous that she’s scared of her own shadow doesn’t combine all that well with Pinkie’s crazy and unpredictable spontaneity.

Pinkie: Hmmm, Twilight did make me Pinkie Promise not to throw Fluttershy surprise parties anymore.

“Nopey dopey.” Pinkie grinned and got nose-to-nose with me. “Ya need a hint, Dashie?”

Ditzy: (Pinkie) It rhymes with Grainbow Nash.

Well, considering the fact that she’d already ruled out all our friends, I was kinda lost about who she meant. “Yeah, that’d help, ‘cause right now I got no idea who you’re talking about.”

All: (Sighs)

Pinkie: Is Dashie doing this on purpose?

“Well, she is a pegasus,” Pinkie informed me playfully.

Oh. That explained why Pinkie said I knew whoever this mystery mare was. Between growing up in Cloudsdale and the fact that my day job is weather work, most of my casual friends are pegasi. Wings kinda are a requirement for pushing clouds. “You don’t mean Derpy, do you? I’m pretty sure her barn door doesn’t swing that way.”

Pinkie: Silly Dashie, Ditzy doesn’t own a barn, so can she have a barn door?

“Nopey dopey.” Pinkie was still smiling at me, like this whole thing was just some big game she was playing. “But she is one of the bravest ponies I’ve ever known.”

Doctor: Recklessness is not courage. It’s foolishness.

“It better not be Cloud Kicker,” I growled. “She promised me that my friends were off-limits.” I don’t have any problems with Cloud Kicker’s habit of turning on the charm whenever she finds a pony that catches her eye, but I have a big problem with her doing that where my friends are involved. I brought the topic up once, and she told me that not messing around with my friends was one of her rules, which goes to show that she’s not an idiot.

Ditzy: Um, isn’t that their choice?

Doctor: And what, you would attack her if she did?

Sure, I can’t fire a pony for what she does in her personal life, but I can sure as hay make the rest of Cloud Kicker’s time on the weather team intensely unpleasant if she pisses me off.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) Why am working while covered in cobras again?

Doctor: (Rainbow) Do it or I’ll dock your pay again!

“No, it’s not Cloud Kicker.” Pinkie was starting to sound a bit less enthusiastic about this game.

Pinkie: I should have gone with charades instead.

“She won the Best Young Fliers competition in Cloudsdale.”

Hmm. That’s a tricky one; not many Ponyville ponies win the Best Young Fliers. “You like Dizzy Twister?”

Ditzy: (Baffled) That was your first guess?

Doctor: This is going to be a long fic.

“Her first name is Rainbow.” Pinkie said flatly.

“No way!” That certainly narrowed it down. “You’ve got a crush on Rainbowshine?”

All: Argh!

Ditzy: Just...ugh.

Pinkie let out a frustrated growl and turned her back on me, only to look over her shoulder and snap. “You can be a real poopy-head sometimes, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie trotted off, leaving me behind in her dust.

Pinkie: I don’t blame her. Dashie is being a really big stupid head.

Doctor: There’s dense, then there’s braindead.

I stared bemusedly at the rapidly disappearing pink pony. “So…not Rainbowshine?”

I was left right there in the middle of Whitetail Wood, feeling vaguely confused about why Pinkie had gotten annoyed with me in the first place. Hay, all those hints she’d given me didn’t even add up!

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Thinking is hard!

Before I could try to puzzle through all of this,

Doctor: (Rainbow) It was like a puzzle with like 50 pieces in it!

I heard a rather familiar voice calling out to me. “Psst! Rainbow Dash!” A white hoof gestured me over towards the nearest tree.

Pinkie: Prince Blueblood?

“Blossomforth?” The pegasus gave me a rather sheepish grin from her hiding place in the tree. “What are you doing? Why are you hiding in a tree?”

Ditzy: (Blossom) Uh, um...Looking out for ninjas!

Blossomforth blushed slightly and mumbled. “Um, I was gonna give you these flowers.” She pulled a set of flowers that probably would’ve really impressed somepony like Rarity out from the tree.

Pinkie: What an unexpected plot twist!

Okay. That was unexpected. “Er, wow. I’m flattered and all Blossomforth, but I’m not really interested in–“

“Oh!” Blossomforth went from a slight blush the a full-blown one. “No! It’s not–I’m not! No! They’re for you to give to Pinkie Pie!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Are you sure you aren’t just giving me them to eat? Why would I ever give Pinkie…

Doctor: (Blossom) Just give them you idiot!

“Why not just give them to her yourself then?” Good thing Blossomforth wasn’t a brave Best Young Fliers winner, or the fact that she had flowers to give to Pinkie Pie would’ve been a big problem.

All: (Facehoofs)

Pinkie: Dashie, you are really hurting my head!

“But–but I was–I’m trying to–”

“Alright, settle down Blossomforth.” I guess one advantage of being friends with Fluttershy for so long is that I’ve got some idea of how to deal with a pony that’s in middle of working herself into a nervous wreck. “Stop panicking. Deep breaths.” It was weird; normally Blossomforth was a pretty levelheaded pony.

Ditzy: Dealing with you, I’m not surprised she is acting this way.

Blossomforth took a few deep breaths, and seemed to regain her composure. “Sorry, it’s just this kind of thing makes me really nervous, and when you thought I was–um–well, you know.”

Pinkie: Two timing me by putting the moves on the pony I have had my eyes on for a super duper long time?

Blossomforth cleared her throat, and managed to calmly say, “These flowers are for you to give to Pinkie Pie once Cloud Kicker is done convincing her to come back here.”

Ditzy: Just give it up! Rainbow Dash is just too stupid!

Pinkie: (Nods) This is just hopeless!

“Okay then.” Aren’t explanations normally supposed to leave you with fewer questions, not more? “Why are you giving me flowers to give to Pinkie Pie, and why is Cloud Kicker talking to her?”

Doctor: Explain to her very slowly.

Pinkie: Oh! Oh! Use charts and diagrams too!

Doctor: That might help.

“We overheard the two of you arguing, and Cloud Kicker thought we should help out,” Blossomforth answered. “After all, we would hate to see your Hearts and Hooves Day end badly.”

Pinkie: And Dashie really can’t pick up on this?

Doctor: You have to admire the story Pinkie’s tenacity in the face of such adversity

“Alright. Well, thanks, I guess.” Kinda weird they would go to so much trouble just to help out after I got into an argument with a friend, but whatever. Besides, these flowers did look kind of tasty, and nopony said I had to give all of them to Pinkie.

Pinkie: You are a super meanie mcmeanie jerkface!

Doctor: Why does Pinkie like her again?

“No problem Rainbow Dash.” Blossomforth took off into the air.

Just as Blossomforth had told me she would, Pinkie came back a minute or so later, looking slightly abashed. “Um, Dashie? Sorry I called you a poopy-head. I was being a big mean grumpy mean meaniepants.” She shot a slightly scared look in my direction. “Are you mad at me?”

Doctor: Pinkie, no one could possibly stay mad at you for long.

Pinkie: Ahh, shucks.

“It’s fine Pinks.” Compared to having to put up with being called Rainbow Crash or dealing with all the stuff Fluttershy and Derpy went through back at Flight Camp,

Ditzy: Ugh.

Doctor: Do you want to talk about it?

Ditzy: Maybe later.

Pinkie getting annoyed with me wasn’t anything to get worked up about. “Sometimes friends get into arguments, doesn’t change the fact that we’re still friends. It’s not a big deal.”

“Thanks Dashie.” She smiled at me, and then gave me an entirely expected mega-hug.

Pinkie: Wow! A mega-hug! I usually save those for special occasions!

I smiled, went along with it, and hugged her back, right up to the moment when my right wing gave a nasty little twinge. “Ow!”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Dear Celestia! I think you broke it into 16 places!

Pinkie immediately loosened her crushing hold on me and pulled back in concern. “You okay Dashie?

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gave a casual flap of my wings to demonstrate as much. “Nothing big, it’s just my wing’s still a little tender from that crash.”

Ditzy: I wonder if anything else was damaged during that crash.

Pinkie: That would explain a few things.

Flying and stuff like that was easy, but a full-strength Pinkie-hug will put a pony’s wings under a lot more stress than most of the basic flying I’d been doing.

Pinkie: Is it really that bad? I don’t think I’m that strong.

Doctor: Trust me, you have a hug like a boa constrictor.

“Okay then,” Pinkie chirped agreeably, putting the matter entirely out of her mind. The fact that there was something else to grab her attention probably helped. “Dashie, are those flowers?”

“Yeah.”

Doctor: What? No smart aleck remark for once?

“Are those flowers for me?” Pinkie Pie was nose-to-nose with me again, a huge smile on her face.

“Yeah.”

Doctor: Poor Pinkie. Her hopes are going to be dashed to the rocks again.

“Oh thank you Dashie!”

I should’ve known she would go right into hugging mode after I gave her a present.

Pinkie: Well duh, hug mode is the best!

“Watch the wing Pinkie! Watch the wing!” I guess my words must have gotten though, cause this time she only tried to break my ribs. I swear, being friends with Pinkie Pie is more dangerous than playing professional hoofball.

Doctor: Not the best metaphor. I would have gone with bear wrestling.

Ditzy: Doctor, Fluttershy wrestles bears all the time and never gets so much as a scratch.

Doctor: Wait...what!?

Pinkie bounced over to the flowers, gave them an appreciative sniff, and then gobbled half of them up rapid-fire. “Mmm! Tasty!”

Pinkie: Though they could really do with some chocolate! And Sprinkles!

Once she managed to swallow enough of the flowers to speak without spraying petals everywhere, Pinkie paused long enough to shoot a curious look my way. “Hey Dashie, how’d you get flowers so fast anyway? Didja do some really fancy flying?”

“Nah, Blossomforth gave ‘em to me.”

Pinkie spat the flowers out. “Excuse me?” A hint of fire entered the party pony’s voice. “Did you just say that Blossomforth gave you flowers? Today? On Hearts and Hooves Day?”

Ditzy: Uh oh.

Pinkie: Incoming!

Doctor: Duck and cover!

“Yeah, but she said-”

Pinkie bit her lip as her entire face twisted into an expression of barely contained fury. Like with a lot of things about Pinkie, it didn’t stay contained for very long. “NO PARTIES FOR BLOSSOMFORTH!” Pinkie shrieked. “NO PARTIES FOR HER EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! NO PARTIES FOREVER!”

Pinkie and Ditzy: (Gasps)

Doctor: The horror. The unspeakable horror.

“Whoa Pinkie, calm down! She was just –”

“SHE’S UN-INVITED TO ALL OF MY PARTIES! NO GAMES! NO SNACKS! NO SMILES! NO CHEERING HER UP IF SHE FEELS SAD OR BLUE! NO RANDOM SONGS OUT OF NOWHERE FOR BLOSSOMFORTH! NO –”

Pinkie: No cheering up?! No songs?! She’s out of control!

“Pinkie Pie!”

Just like that, her sudden explosion of rage snapped off, and she grinned at me and batted her eyelashes playfully. “Yes, Dashie?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Uhh, er… Be...nice?

Before I could explain what had happened to her and try to figure out why she’d freaked out so much,

Ditzy: Just think out the situation for one sec! It isn’t that hard!

two very familiar pegasi came walking down the road together. Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth. What were those up to now?

Pinkie: What silly, wacky antics are they up to today?

Pinkie spotted the pegasus that had apparently just become her nemesis,

Pinkie: (Blossomforth) STARS!

and planted her hooves to get ready for a charge. So much for calming Pinkie Pie down.

Pinkie: She prepared a rocket launcher!

Right as Pinkie was about to charge, Cloud Kicker very loudly asked, “So Blossomforth, what do you think of your entirely platonic friend Rainbow Dash?”

“I think she is an entirely platonic friend who I have absolutely no romantic interest in whatsoever.” Blossomforth was talking just as loudly and woodenly as Cloud Kicker.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Platonic? What’s that? Is it some sort of cake?

Looks like these were up to some crazy scheme again. I guess I should’ve expected it after they’d jumped in a couple minutes ago; Pinkie had certainly been shouting loud enough that everypony within a couple miles of us had heard her.

Doctor: But they are used to it and ignore it a few moments later.

“In fact,” Blossomforth continued on for Pinkie’s benefit. “I don’t even know Rainbow Dash all that well. We’re really more like casual acquaintances than friends. Entirely platonic casual acquaintances.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) That hurts! I thought we were friends!

“I’m glad we’ve established that you have no romantic interest in Rainbow Dash,” Cloud Kicker said one final time for our benefit, before turning to face us and doing what probably would’ve been a passable imitation of surprise if not for the fact that she and Blossomforth were being pretty much the complete opposite of subtle. “Rainbow Dash! Pinkie Pie! What a surprise! I didn’t expect to run into you gals again.”

Pinkie: Wow! They should get an Oscar for this!

“We’ve run into you and Blossomforth three times in the last fifteen minutes, so I can see how it would be such a surprise that you’d run into us again,” I deadpanned. I was a little tempted to just sit them both down and wring a straight answer out of them about what the hay they were up to.

Ditzy: Somehow I doubt you would understand even that.

At least their crazy little play had accomplished what it had set out to do, since Pinkie had stopped ranting about un-inviting Blossomforth to all her parties.

Ditzy: Sooooo…..Is she still uninvited to her parties?

But getting answers wasn’t nearly as much fun as some of the other things I could do to them.

Doctor: Uh.

Ditzy: Was that suppose to sound sinister?

Pinkie: (Rainbow) I haven’t had a visitor in my special basement for awhile. (Evil Laugh)

“So.” I drew the word out while I brushed a hoof against my chest. “Cloud Kicker. I can’t help but notice that you and Blossomforth have been hanging out quite a bit today. On Hearts and Hooves Day. What’s up with that?”

The two pegasi froze for a moment, and then Cloud Kicker tossed a foreleg around Blossomforth’s shoulders, and pulled the protesting mare up against her side. “Oh yeah, me and Blossom are a thing now,” Cloud Kicker announced casually “I went up to her, and I was like, ‘Hey Blossom! I’ve got reach, and you’ve got flexibility. We should bang.’ And she said, ‘You’re right, the sex would be great!’ And that’s how it happened.”

Ditzy: I’m… sure the stretching would make things interesting.

Blossomforth was back to blushing intensely, and seemed to be trying to find some way to extract herself from Cloud Kicker’s hooves without being too obvious about it. Not quite sure what the hay these two were up to, but Cloud Kicker must have gone off of whatever plan they had. “So anyway,” The crazier of the two pegasi continued. “We’re going for a walk, and once we’re done we’re gonna go back to my place. Presumably, to bang. Right babe?”

Ditzy: Hey that was actually really funny!

Doctor: Maybe the fic will stop using the same joke over and over again.

Judging by how much she was blushing and the look of mingled embarrassment and horror on Blossomforth’s face, it was very much not right. Cloud Kicker let out a nervous chuckle, and gave the two of us a grin that lacked its usual confidence. “She’s just being shy. Anyway we’re gonna go bang now. Later.”

Ditzy: Why can’t the story be about these two? It would be way more entertaining!

Doctor: Good idea. Cloud Kicker reminds me of a certain Captain Jack I used to know.

Pinkie: Good idea! I am going to leave a comment about this later!

The two pegasi trotted off down the path, leaving the two of us to wonder just what they hay that had all been about. Lucky for us, we weren’t the only ones. “Cloud Kicker!” Blossomforth’s voice rang out with seconds of them crossing around a bend in the path and getting out of sight. “What were you thinking?”

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) I wanted to get us out of that situation and hit on you at the same time.

“I was improvising,” The other pegasus answered a bit defensively.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I’m appearing on ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ next week.

“Improvising my hoof.” A second later Blossomforth’s voice hit another high note.

Pinkie: Breaking glass all over the park!

“Speaking of hooves, why is your hoof on my flank?”

“Sorry, force of habit.” A second later, Cloud Kicker added in an impressed tone. “Wow, you are really toned back here! Do you work out?”

“Cloud Kicker!”

Pinkie: That’s sexual harassment and that is not cool!

“Right. Hooves off. Sorry.”

“Um, gals?” Pinkie called out to the two crazy pegasi. “We can hear everything you’re saying. Just thought you’d wanna know.”

After a long, awkward pause, Cloud Kicker summed up her thoughts on that with a single word. “Feathers.”

Pinkie: That’s okay! I speak out my plans in front of everypony all the time too!

“Great plan, Cloud Kicker,” Blossomforth snarked.

“Wait Blossom, I’ve got the perfect plan to fix this.” Cloud Kicker assured her friend.

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Blossom grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room!

“I’m not going to do … that with you.” I couldn’t see her to confirm it, but I’m pretty sure Blossomforth was blushing again.

“Sheesh Blossom, not all of my plans involve sex.” Cloud Kicker sounded just a touch offended,

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) I happen to be an upstanding and moral citizen of the community.

but a second later she was right back to her normal self “Just the best ones. Besides, you know that like, half of the rules I’ve got make you seriously off-limits for banging.”

Doctor: Something about her coat color and her uncle being a plumber.

“We can still hear you,” I called out.

“Oh yeah.” Cloud Kicker didn’t even sound all that bothered that we’d just overheard what for any other pony would be a very private conversation. “Guess we owe you an explanation, right boss?”

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) We are trying to get you and Pinkie together. She is just crazy about you and has been trying to win your affection all day.

Pinkie: (Rainbow) What are you trying to say? I don’t understand you at all!

“I would kinda like to know why you’ve been acting so crazy. Well, crazier than usual, anyway.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) It’s just like Twilight said! All the ponies in this town are crazy!

One ashamed looking white pegasus and a lavender pegasus doing her best to look completely cool and unbothered strode back. “Hey boss,” Cloud Kicker said, as if we were just casually passing by each other in the street.

“It was all Cloud Kicker’s idea!” Blossomforth blurted out.

Doctor: (Blossom) I'm innocent! I was only following orders!

A second later her eyes widened in surprise, and she slammed her hooves over her mouth.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) You traitor!

“Gee, thanks for that show of solidarity, Blossom.” Cloud Kicker took a step forward. “She’s right though. It was all my idea; she was just along for the ride and following my orders. So, if you’re mad at us, just don’t take it out on her, ‘kay?”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Fine. I’m docking your pay.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) On second thought….It was all Blossomforth’s idea! She coerced me into doing it!

“Right now, I’m more curious than mad,” I told the two pegasi. “I’ll figure out if I need to move along to mad after one of you tells me what was going on here.”

Pinkie: (Cloud Kicker) Do you want the full or abridged version?

“We were just trying to help,” Blossomforth said. “And, um, also, I was lying earlier. It was all my idea; Cloud Kicker’s trying to protect me.”

Ditzy: From...what exactly?

“Blossom, shut it.” Cloud Kicker turned back to me. “Ignore her boss, it was all me.”

“The flowers were my idea!” Blossomforth objected. “And we wouldn’t have even gotten into this mess if I hadn’t suggested that we let Rainbow Dash take a break so she could –“

“Blossom, what part of ‘shut it’ are you not getting?” Cloud Kicker snapped at her friend, before returning her attention to me. “Look, boss, she was just trying to help. Go easy on her. It was my fault that things –”

“No Cloud Kicker! I’m not letting you take all the blame for –“

“Blossom, just be quiet and let me handle this!”

“It’s my fault too!”

Ditzy: (Blossom) Take me instead, just leave her out of this!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) Oh no, I’m not going to let you heroically sacrifice yourself for my sake!

Ditzy: (Blossom) No, it’s better this way! I need to protect my best friend in the whole world!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) You don’t think I feel the same way? You have your whole life ahead of you! I’m just a filly that sleeps around. You have way more to live for!

Ditzy: (Blossom) No no no! I’m not going to let you do this! It’s my decision!

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) I’m not going to…

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Gah, stop it! Stop it already!

Alright, that was enough of that. “Both of you shut up!” That finally managed to stop the two of them from arguing over which one of them deserved to be punished more.

Doctor: (Cloud Kicker) For the record, it’s me.

“If the two of you are done trying to be all noble and self-sacrificing, could one of you get around to the part that I actually care about, and do some explaining?”

Ditzy: It’s about time somepony laid out all the fact already!

“Oh. Right. Sure thing boss.” Cloud Kicker gave a sheepish chuckle and awkwardly tucked a foreleg behind her head to straighten out her mane. “Well, Blossom and I figured you’d wanted to spend Hearts and Hooves Day with Pinkie, so when we saw it wasn’t working out, we took over the weather for you. Then after the whole rainbow-losing-its-glow thing,

Doctor: Are they ever going to explain who did that?

well, Blossom and I were both right there anyway, and I guess we figured that since we’d already kinda given the two of you a helping hoof once, why not help out some more?”

Ditzy: Celestia knows they need it!

“We really were just trying to help,” Blossomforth apologized.

“Yeah, what Blossom said,” Cloud Kicker agreed. “I mean, I’m kinda the last pony who should be talking about romance and stuff, but even I can tell you two are crazy in love with each other.”

Pinkie: Honestly, I’m not really sure if Dashie even understands the concept of love.

Doctor: Good question.

What?

“Cloud Kicker and I just wanted to help you two have a nice date for Hearts and Hooves Day,” Blossomforth added.

No seriously. What the hay?

Pinkie: (Rainbow) Pinkie...likes me!? What a shock!

I turned to Pinkie Pie, who in this bizarre world-turned-upside-down had somehow become my last bastion of sanity.

Pinkie: Wow, never thought I would see the day that would happen!

Doctor and Ditzy: (Nods)

“Well, this wasn’t exactly what I had planned Dashie.” Pinkie smiled at me. “But I can work with it.”

Pinkie: (Pinkie) It’s a good thing I brought a tuba with me!

And then Pinkie kissed me.

Ditzy: Strangely, she tasted like potato chips.

Oh.

Huh.

Well that came completely out of nowhere.

All: Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah Waaahahahah hahahaha hahahahaha!

Ditzy: Thanks Celestia that is over with.

Pinkie: That wasn’t what I was expecting.

Doctor: It would be funnier if Ms. Dash’s denseness actually made any sense.

Ditzy: It would be a lot funnier if it didn’t run the damn joke into the ground.

Pinkie: Yeah, a running joke doesn’t work if it’s the only joke!

Doctor: Let’s get out of here already.

Pinkie and Ditzy: (Nods)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                Pinkie looked at the clock on the wall. “Oh my! I need to get going!”

“What’s the rush?” Ditzy asked.

                “I need to prepare for Rainbow Dash’s birthday party!” Pinkie exclaimed. “This is terrible! I only have 2 days, 6 hour, 51 minutes, and 43 seconds left to prepare!” Pinkie gasped and started towards the door. “Oh no, now I only have 2 days, 6 hour, 52 minutes, and 10 seconds left to prepare! it’s Dashie’s birthday! I will have to  think up something super special for her.”

                “Wait! You could at least do something to help us get out of here!” Ditzy whispered harshly. After all, she was their best chance out of here.

                Pinkie winked. “Who’s to say I haven’t already!”

                “Er, what?” Ditzy said in surprise.

                “Then I suppose we shouldn’t keep you.” The Doctor said in a shrug. Somehow he saw this coming. He smiled. “It was nice seeing you again.”

                Ditzy waved happily. “Bye Pinkie! Say hi to Rainbow Dash for me!”

                Pinkie waved back. “Bye guys!” Pinkie started bouncing out of the room but stopped. She looked deep in thought.

                “Is something the matter?” The Doctor asked a little concerned.

                Pinkie giggled and bounced over to the Doctor and gave him a big hug. The Doctor eyes widened and he winced at her almost bone crushing hug.

                “I’m going to miss you soooooo much!” Pinkie exclaimed. She eventually let go of the Doctor.

                “Me too.” The Doctor said while groaning in pain. He was relieved to finally be out of that dangerous hug.

                Pinkie looked deep in thought again. It looked like she was fighting over an idea in her head. The Doctor tilted his head at this. Pinkie looked deeply and intently into the Doctor’s eyes with a serious expression. He shifted around uncomfortably. “Pinkie?”

                Pinkie smiled and kissed the Doctor on the lips. He froze in shock. Pinkie giggled and started for the door again. “Bye Ditzy!” She said happily.

                Ditzy waved a hoof in front of the Doctor’s face. He wasn’t moving. Pinkie’s goodbye startled her and she quickly waved back.

“Bye, Doctor.” Pinkie said in a sultry tone, her eyes half-lidded and left the room. Ditzy walked up the door and looked through it. Pinkie was nowhere in sight.

“Wha-what.” The Doctor stumbled.

“You really didn’t know?” Ditzy asked. “What? Does a mare have to jump on you screaming ‘Do me baby! Do me!’ before you get that she likes you?” Ditzy rolled her eyes. “Stallions.”

“Her first name is Rainbow.” Pinkie said flatly.

“No way!” That certainly narrowed it down. “You’ve got a crush on Rainbowshine?” Next Chapter: Episode 11 - Legend of Starlight - Part 1 Estimated time remaining: 22 Hours, 52 Minutes