"Why would you enjoy visiting a hardware store anyway?", asked Twilight.

  "Are you kidding?", said Trixie. "Just look at all this cool stuff! Allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods, water meters, walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires, BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans, dehumidifiers, picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louvers, masking tape, plastic gutters, kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables *deep breath*, hooks, tackle, grout, spackle, power foggers, spoons, ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication, metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats, bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers (eww...), tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells, Energizers, soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers!"

  "Geez...", joked Pinkie Pie. "... I thought I was the one who got way too excited over this."

  "Alright, but let's try not to buy anything we don't need.", said Twilight.

  "Look here, Twilight!", said Spike. "How does this work?"

  "I've seen one of those before.", said Fluttershy. "It's an egg scrambler. There's a catch, though: it scrambles eggs while they're still inside their shells."

  "Neat! Can we buy it?"

  "Looks useful...", said Twilight. "... fine, we'll take two."

  After quite a long tool-checking session (including a singing session by Pinkie Pie), the group was about to head out of the store with two egg scramblers and a hacksaw (why do they call it a hacksaw anyway?), when the lights suddenly turned off.

  "Hey, who turned the lights off?", said Spike.

  "Nothing to worry about.", said Twilight. "We're already on our way out, anyway."

  "HELP!", screamed Fluttershy, getting kidnapped by a mysterious weird-looking creature.

  "Fluttershy got kidnapped!", said Trixie, trying to warn the others.

  "Where did she head to?", asked Twilight.

  May I have your attention, please?, asked a voice through the loudspeaker. May I have your attention, please?

  "Oh, it's those funny voices again!", said Pinkie Pie. "Haha!"

  "I can hear it too.", said Derpy. "We share the same insanity!"

  Will the chosen one please stand up?

  "Here we go again...", said Twilight.

  I repeat: will the chosen one please stand up?

  "That's me."

  Chosen one, please proceed to the office on the fourth floor. That was Twilight Sparkle, fourth floor office. Over.

  "Come with me, everyone. Let's save Fluttershy before the worst happens!"

  On their way to the second floor, Twilight noticed something strange: the record store had its lights on, and the records themselves had slightly odd covers. She could also hear some guitar playing in the distance. Nothing to worry about, though.

  "Hey Twilight, you hear that song?", asked Trixie. "I know I've heard it somewhere..."

  "Now that's some real music.", said Spike, relieved from not having to listen to anymore of Vinyl's songs.

  "Is it a ghost?", said Pinkie Pie. "I mean, everyone just ran away five minutes ago."

  "Well, at least we've got a soundtrack...", said Derpy. "Come on, Fluttershy is in danger!"

  Twilight Sparkle, please hurry to the fourth floor office.

  On the third floor, the group found the source to all that guitar music: a ghost. Yeah, very original on your part, AG.

  "Oh, hello there, folks.", said the ghost. "You lost or something?"

  "No, we're fine.", said Twilight. "We're in a hurry, though."

  "What's the name of that song again?", asked Trixie.

  "Stairway, dude!", said the ghost.

  "I knew it! Such an amazing song, and I totally forgot about it."

  "One quick question...", said Twilight. "... do you know anything about the record store down there?"

  "Oh, that? It's possessed.", said the ghost. "Me and my bandmates use it as our own studio. Y'know, recording and stuff. And then we post our songs on YouTube. I'm all alone now, and I turned the lights on so I wouldn't feel left out or something."

  "Good to know it's nothing evil. Now, if you'll excuse us, we gotta go to the fourth floor office."

  "The office? Here's some advice: there will be fightin' there. Okay with that?"

  "I think I've seen that coming."

  "Great!", said Spike. "The Butt Kickers are back!"

  "I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Spike.", said Twilight. "But I think he wants to kill me. So, I'm the one who's going to fight him."

  "Aww, no teamwork this time?"

  "This is something I have to take care of, by myself."

  Twilight Sparkle...

  "Alright, alright, I'm going."

  "Hey, Twilight!", called Derpy.

  "This better be quick."

  "It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!"

  Derpy gave Twilight a bottle rocket.

  "It's very powerful. I made it myself!"

  "I see... 'kay, I'm going now. No turning back."

  "I'm here.", said Twilight, entering the fourth floor office. "What do you want?"

  The mysterious weird-looking creature turned out to be the ugliest alien she has ever seen.

  "Gwaaagh! GWARRRGH!", said the alien.

  "Need water?"

  "No thanks, I'm fine."

  "Okay then."

  "So... you finally made it. This hardware store is gonna be your grave! GWAAARGH!"

  "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

  "I've been worse before."

  "It's not contagious, is it?"

  "Nope. But even if it was, soon you will be gone, and you'll be burning in... well... you'll go to Heaven!"

  "We'll see about that!"

  "GWAAAAARRRRGH!!!"

  "It's not even fun when you're coughing like that..."

  Being a magic user, Twilight couldn't stand much of the alien's attacks. Evil forces everywhere, making her dizzy and confused. Not to mention that ridiculous coughing getting on her nerves! Being confused, Twilight couldn't concentrate enough to use that super-awesome spell that she used to get out of fights really easily. Nope. No way out. Oh wait! There was a way out! Derpy's bottle rocket! Twilight gathered enough strength to pull out the cool weapon and fire it at the alien's face, causing him to fall down, coughing like he never coughed before.

  "GWAAARGH!", coughed the alien. "Even though you could beat me... Master Discord will avenge me..."

  "Yeah, whatever.", said Twilight. "Would you like a glass of water now?"

  "GWARGH! Fine. Not too warm, not too cold."

  "Here you go." Twilight gave him some tap water from the faucet.

  "*drinks water* Thank you. At this point, Fluttershy should be at Monotoli's place."

  "Did you hurt her in any way?"

  "I got annoyed by all that shrieking of hers, and I gently slapped her face, didn't even hurt. But then she started to cry, and I couldn't stand seeing her like that, so I promised her that I wouldn't do anything, and I'd teleport her to safety in Monotoli's place, and it's what I did before you came here... my heart was stronger than my loyalty in Master Discord... I'm such a shame."

  "To Discord, you might be, but I think you are awesome. Our fight was amazing as well. Thanks for that."

  "Well, now I see that you're a true heroine, Twilight Sparkle. Good luck to you and your friends on foiling my master's plans! I always hated him anyway... hey, is the loudspeaker still on?"

  "Yep.", said Spike, coming through the door.

  "Oh dear... goodbye, Twilight Sparkle! I'll just go back to my house in Zygnomia. Good luck!", said the alien, before teleporting back to his home in Zygnomia.

  "Play 'Free Bird'!", said Trixie to the guitar-wielding ghost.

  "Awww, no way, dude.", said the ghost. "Leave it for the rock gods."

  "Hey, girls.", said Twilight. "I've got some good and bad news."

  "What's the bad news?", asked Pinkie Pie.

  "Fluttershy is not here anymore."

  "DID SHE DIE?!"

  "No! She's, literally, not here anymore."

  "Oh, thank goodness!"

  "What's the good news, Twilight?", asked Trixie.

  "That's the good news.", said Twilight.

  "Wait a minute...", said Spike. "... you guys could clearly hear what they said in the loudspeaker."

  "Oh yeah...", said Derpy. "... we didn't actually pay attention to what they said. He was playing 'Pinball Wizard'!"

  "Well, she's at the Monotoli building now, and I suggest that we go and rescue her as soon as possible."

  "I don't know, babe.", said the ghost. "He's got security all around him. I don't think they'll let you pass that easily."

  "I'm sure we'll find a way. Now, girls, it's time to go. You too, Spike."

  "Bye, guitar ghost!", said Pinkie Pie. "Catch you later!"

  "See ya."

  Back outside, the group found out that it was almost nighttime, so the sun didn't blind them as heavily as it should. At the Monotoli building, they were amazed by how tall it was: forty-eight floors? It was more like a skyscraper. Stairs? No thanks. They used the elevator instead, like anypony else would.

  "This building has 48 floors in total...", said the elevator mare. "... but this elevator will only take you to the 47th floor... where are you heading for?"

  "47th.", said Twilight.

  "47th, got it... would you please quit staring at my haunches?"

  "I'm not staring at your haunches."

  "Yeah, sure."

  "That's weird...", said Twilight. "... I feel that there is a really annoying pony in that room over there, and I'm somehow tempted to find out who he is."

  "Well, maybe he has some nice information.", said Trixie.

  "We'll find out soon enough."

  Twilight knocked on the door.

  Are you a spy?, asked a voice behind the door.

  "No."

  The door opened, to reveal some security guards and, to Twilight's despair: the most annoying little fucker she has ever met. That small, buck-toothed fatso with scissors for a cutie mark and the stupidest mane-do known to ponies all over Equestria.

  "SNIPS?!", yelled Twilight. "What the FUCK are you doing here?!"

  "Oh, it's that nuisance again...", said Snips. "... that's Mister Snips for you, Twilight."

  "No yelling, please.", said one of the security guards.

  "Fine!", said Twilight, in her sarcastically cute voice. "Let's try this again. Hey there, Mister Snips. May I ask you what the fuckity fickity fuck are you doing here?"

  "I feel kind of relieved that Fluttershy is not here.", whispered Pinkie Pie to Derpy, who nodded along with Trixie and Spike.

  "Isn't it obvious?", said Snips. "I am now Monotoli's number one assistant. Jealous much?"

  "Haha!", said Twilight. "Why would I be jealous of a bastard like you?"

  "Denial. The first step towards acceptance."

  "Where the hell is Fluttershy?"

  "Who? That pink-maned coward with wings? She's at the last floor, waiting for you."

  "Thank you, shithead."

  "I don't have any connections to the elevator guards, though."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Please!", said Twilight to the elevator guard. "You don't understand! There's someone up there that needs our help!"

  "I'm sorry, I'm just following orders.", said the elevator guard. "And the orders say: 'Don't let any purple-coated unicorns in the elevator to the 48th floor.'."

  "Who the fuck told you that?!"

  "Mister Snips, but they're Monotoli's orders. And Snips also told me to keep you as far as possible from him, so don't even try."

  Twilight twitched her eye, and remained extremely silent.

  "... come on, everyone.", said Twilight. "Let's get out of here."

  The group entered the other elevator, after seeing that there are no stairs leading to the 48th floor.

  "Ground floor.", said Twilight.

  "Got it...", said the elevator mare. "I'd appreciate it if you could stop staring at my haunches."

  "Oh yeah? What if I don't want to? What if I stay here for the rest of my fucking LIFE staring at your haunches, until I drop dead?"

  The mare just shut up, trying not to piss her off even more.

  "A pillow!", said Twilight. "Could someone lend me a pillow?"

  "Here, I found one.", said Trixie. "What are you gonna use it for?

  "JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PILLOW!"

Twilight shoved her face into the pillow, and screamed as loud as she could, while crying from the extreme rage she was expressing at that moment.

  "Feel better now?", asked Trixie.

  "*sigh* Yes... God, I can't believe it! Why must he stand on my way, everytime I'm feeling good about myself? Now Fluttershy is going to be there forever! I failed her, miserably!"

  "Don't worry, Twilight.", said Spike. "Every little thing's gonna be alright."

  "Spike, I really appreciate that you're trying to help... but it's not helping at all."

  "How about we go drink something while we think of a good plan?", suggested Trixie.

  "Yeah.", said Pinkie Pie. "Let's give our heads some time to think."

  "I'm sure she'll be fine, Twilight.", said Derpy. "Monotoli's a good guy."

  "Yeah.", said Twilight. "Real nice of someone's part to accept a fuckwad like Snips as his number one assistant, and leave out orders to keep me from saving a member of the team. He's such a jolly good fellow, ain't he?"

  "Let's just go before they kick us out.", said Trixie, dragging Twilight across the floor.

  Twilight didn't feel relaxed at all, even after a few cups of her favorite drink. Fluttershy was in danger, and who knows what Monotoli was doing to her? She didn't want to think about it, as the thought of a disappointed Fluttershy invaded her brain.

  "What's all that noise outside?", said Pinkie Pie.

  "Should we go check it out?", asked Derpy.

  "Yeah, whatever.", said Twilight. "Do what you want. I give up."

  Outside, Derpy and Pinkie couldn't see a thing, because of all the other ponies that were blocking the way.

  "What's going on?", asked Pinkie.

  "Wait here.", said Derpy. "I'll fly over there, and I'll tell you what I saw."

  As Derpy flew through the crowd, she saw a cream-colored pony laying on the floor, looking dead. She was horrified, and hurried back to Pinkie, who was bouncing as high as she could, anxious to see what was going on.

  "It's horrible!", said Derpy. "There's a dead body over there!"

  "A dead body?!", said Pinkie. "Let's warn the others!" The duo blasted through the door, catching everyone's attention.

  "You gotta see this!", said Pinkie Pie. "It's just horrible!"

  "I guess I have no choice...", sighed Twilight.

  "Excuse me.", said Twilight, to a shaggy-maned pony in the crowd. No, it wasn't the bus driver.

  "You gonna take my spot?", asked the shaggy-maned pony.

  "That's what I had in mind... pretty please?"

  "If you give me somethin', I'll let you take my spot."

  "... okay, I'll see what I can give you." She then turned to Derpy. "You got anything?"

  "I got this fancy-looking protractor.", said Derpy.

  "A protractor?", said the shaggy-maned pony. "I love protractors! Gimme that!"

  "All yours."

  Twilight proceeded through the crowd, to find Caramel lying on the floor, looking dead.

  "Caramel?!", said Twilight.

  Caramel opened his eyes, coughing and wheezing. Good to know he wasn't dead.

  "*wheeze* Aren't you Twilight Sparkle?", said Caramel. "I can't see too well... everything's blurry. You are Twilight Sparkle, aren't you?"

  "Yes, Caramel, that's me. What happened to you?"

  "That Carpainter in Happy Happy Village was hiding something... *wheeze*... strange. I stole it, and thought about selling it in the big city. An old, city-wise stallion called it Luna Moona. It's a strange-colored statue of an alicorn."

  "I've seen it before. Geez, what does that statue do anyway?"

  "*wheeze* Well... Monotoli then tricked me and stole it... from me! He tricked a thief! He wanted me out of the way because I knew his secret... he gets his evil power from that statue!"

  "I thought he was a good guy..."

  "He was. But since I brought the statue here, he's been acting all greedy and evil."

  "So that's why he made Snips into his assistant! I knew he wasn't that crazy!"

  "Who's that?"

  "Forget it."

  "Look... before I go, I'll tell you something really important. At the cafe, check... behind... the counter... COUGH! Got that?"

  "Got it... what's so important about that?"

  "Trust me. If you want world peace back, do what I say. About Fluttershy... don't worry about her either. I know Monotoli pretty well, and even though he's evil, I know he wouldn't dare hurt anyone."

  "Well... I feel a bit better now. Thanks for that."

  "Before I go, here's my last Haiku poem:

    When on your way out

    be sure that you say goodbye

    then lock the door tight.

  I'm on my way now. Don't follow me. So long."

  Caramel struggled a little to get up, and then went along the road. Where he was going, not even he knew. He just wanted to get out of there. Twilight returned to her friends, puzzled by what Caramel just said.

  "So he isn't dead?", said Derpy. "Thank goodness!"

  "What did he mean by 'check behind the counter'?", asked Spike.

  "That's what we're going to find out now.", said Twilight, running back inside.

  "Could I take a look behind the counter?", asked Twilight to the balconist.

  "Sure. Caramel told you to do it, didn't he?", said the balconist.

  "How'd you know?"

  "I know way too much stuff. I probably should just stick to drink-serving and money-cashing..."

  The group checked behind the counter, but there was nothing too amusing to see.

  "Are you sure it's not somewhere else?", asked Pinkie Pie. "I mean, this is not the only counter on the city. Maybe we're looking behind the wrong one."

  "That makes sense.", said Twilight. "But I get this weird feeling in my head, telling me that this is the right one. I just can't seem to find anything, but Caramel said that it was really important."

  "Madam...", said the balconist. "... I think you want to check that door over there."

  "Wha--? Oh, of course! The door behind the counter! I was just lacking information, that's all!"

  As Twilight opened the door, all the group could see was a bunch of boxes, but most importantly: the Luna Moona statue!

  "I can't believe it!", said Twilight. "It's the Luna Moona statue!"

  "I feel strange...", said Derpy. "... I think I'm going to drop down."

  "Weird...", said Trixie. "... I got the same feeling."

  "Haha!", said Pinkie Pie. "I feel so funny right now!"

  "I suddenly feel the urge to fall asleep...", said Spike.

  "Haha, yeah...", said Twilight. "... I feel sleepy too... think I'm gonna lay down for a while..."

  Everyone fainted, while the Luna Moona statue got even shinier than before.

  What could be the fate of Twilight and her friends? Are they going to wake up from naptime? Is Fluttershy going to be okay? Can this fanfic get any worse? And when is Rainbow Dash finally showing up? Find out in the ninth chapter of EquestriaBound!

  I regret nothing! Next Chapter: Everything You Know is Wrong Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes