Deep in a place touched not by the light of the sun, or any light save those created by burning fires and molten earth that churned without end, hidden even from those whose presence touches just about everything, two damned ponies suffer through their eternal torment and despaired.

“You call that stabbing with a hot poker?!”

“Yeah! And this roiling tar is taking forever to boil my skin off!”

Because they were bored.

“I wouldn’t even call that ‘poking!’”

“Seriously, get this tar hotter. I know we all have eternity, but that’s no excuse to be sloppy.”

Very, very bored.

A towering, hulk of a bipedal creature stood between an irritated pink filly chained to a jagged rock wall and an equally irritated looking grey filly in a pit of bubbling tar. Tears streamed from the brutes eyes down a massive pig snout and past giant tusks, each one evaporating into steam long before it reached the pitch black ground. In one hand he held a massive hooked fire poker which was glowing red hot at the end. He wiped his free arm across his eyes. “Look! I’m trying my best to torture you both at once, but you’re not making endless torment any easier!”

“Well your best sucks!” Diamond Tiara cried. “Maybe you should be, like, practicing on babies first.”

Silver Spoon glanced up from her tar pit. “I don’t think babies usually end up in Hell, D.T.”

“Really? Well where do they put all the dead ass babies? They have to go somewhere.”

Silver Spoon shrugged. “Heaven, I guess.”

“That’s the place you said was like the opposite of this place, right?”

Silver Spoon nodded.

“Week!” Diamond Tiara replied. “Why do a bunch of crying babies get to be pampered while we’re stuck with these second-rate tortures who can’t even inflict excruciating pain right?!”

The massive demon shifted uncomfortably. “Uh girls… Imma… Imma gonna take my break. This whole conversation is really offensive and kinda hurtin’ my feelings over here…”

“Like I care.” Diamond Tiara replied rolling her eyes. “I can barely tell the difference between being tortured and just hanging here.”

“Bring hotter tar when you come back!” Silver Spoon demanded as she lifted a smoldering forehoof out of the muck. “I know it’s hard, but try not to embarrass yourself.”

The demon sniffled and began trudge off. “O…okay…” it said weakly.

Shackled to a jagged wall with spiky rocks jabbing into her back, Diamond Tiara sighed. “How long do you think this is supposed to take?”

From her boiling tar bath, Silver Spoon glanced upwards as she thought about this. “Well… I think we’re in Hell, so… somewhere between Judgment Day and eternity.”

“Eterenity?!” Diamond Tiara shrieked. “I’m supposed to get my tiara’s diamonds switched out next week! I can’t stay here that long! Judgment day better be before that!”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath. I mean… No one knows when Judgment Day is supposed to come. It’s just when Morning Star makes his big move. It could be anytime…”

“Seriously?” Diamond Tiara said in a huff. “He really needs a day planner. How long has it been since he knew there’d be a Judgment Day.”

“Well, it was written about many centuries ago, so…”

“WHAT?! Talk about procrastination! What’s he waiting for?!”

“I think ponies are supposed to be rife with sin and wickedness is supposed to flood the streets, or something,” Silver Spoon said.

“Oh my gosh! That’ll probably take forever!” Diamond Tiara cried. “Stupid gentle and love filled ponies… We’re never going to get out of Hell…”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that…”

The girls look up as a tall, slender blood red demon with six wings smiled at them from behind a clipboard. He wore a smart black suit around his body and ten horns adorned the top of his head like a crown.

“Finally! The manager!” Diamond Tiara said in a huff.

Silver Spoon’s eyes went wide. “D.T., he’s the King of Hell! The Accuser! The Author of All Sin! The Prince of Darkness himself! You can at least try showing a little respect!”

“Oh my gosh, Silver Spoon. Just ask to marry him, already!”

Silver Spoon blushed heavily as she looked up at the Devil. “Sorry sir… She’s not really well versed on all this afterlife stuff. Most ponies tend to focus on our princess back home.”

The Devil held up a dark red hand which ended in black claws. “No worries. Most people I meet aren’t exactly happy to see me.”

“Hey!” Diamond Tiara said. “Stop shooting the breeze down here in mediocre torture land and get a move on this Judgment Day! Ponies have things to do!”

The devil nodded. “You two certainly do. We’re sending you two back.”

“Well it’s about time!” Diamond Tiara answered.

“Really?” Silver Spoon said. “Just like that?”

“Yep!” The Devil answered as he checked something off his clipboard. With a puff of yellowish black smoke and the sound of thousand souls crying in pain, a pointed quill of bone fell into his hand. The back end of the quill burst into flames as it touched his hand.

“Some pony misspoke the words when using the Necronomicon,” the Devil explained casually. “Happens all the time, but this happened in Ponyville so that means the local dead come back to extract revenge on the living.” He looked up. “This includes you two.”

“Oh good!” Diamond Tiara said happily. “We’ve got lots of revenge to extract.”

The Devil nodded. “I’m sure you do.” He snapped his fingers and the jagged rock wall, shackles, and tar all burst into pillars of flames that consumed everything around them. The girls shrieked as horrific burning pain consumed them down to their bones before they found there skeletal bodies lying on the pitch black ground of Hell.

“Wow…” Diamond Tiara said as muscles, skin, than fur suddenly grew back over her skeleton. “This guy sure knows how to get stuff done.”

“… I think I want Brutus the Skinflayer back…” Silver Spoon muttered with wide eyes.

“That big pig guy? You actually know his name?” Diamond Tiara asked.

Silver Spoon shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt to learn the names of the demons torturing us, you know.”

Diamond Tiara cocked an eyebrow. “Well, I don’t see how it helps, either.”

“Girls,” The Devil interrupted, “I’d love to sit here and torture you from now until the universe dies of heat death, but I’ve got stuff to do.” He raised his clawed hand as if to snap it again. “So back to reign terror on the living you go.”

The girls both flinched as they looked at the raised hand.

“Wait!” Silver Spoon pleaded. “Isn’t there another way to get back?”

“Yes,” the Devil answered simply before snapping his fingers.

The girls pained cries echoed throughout the cavernous emptiness of the land of the damned as they were once again consumed by flames.

“Well that sucked…” Diamond Tiara said as pitch black smoke cleared from around her.

Silver Spoon coughed a few times. “Well, it was a bit much to expect Mourning Star himself to be nice about sending us back.”

“If you say so,” Diamond Tiara said rolling her eyes. “I’m still giving that place the worst review ever when we get home. No one is going to want to go there when my review gets published.”

Silver Spoon sighed and shook her head causing the smoke around her to disperse slightly.

“I think I’ll name my article, ‘Why Hell sucks bad!’”

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I’m sure no pony will every want to step hoof in that place after reading your article.”

Diamond Tiara looked around. “Well I can’t start writing until we’re home. Do you know where we are? I’m having trouble figuring out where this is in town with all these skeletons and ponies running and screaming everywhere!”

The girls surveyed the area around them as the last wisps of black smoke disappeared into the chaotic air of Ponyville. Bodies, some completely skeletal, some still with dirty and decayed flesh still stuck to the bones lumbered about harassing and attacking the panicked population of the small town who ran about in all directions.

A yellow earth pony collapsed in front of Silver Spoon, begging for help as a large skeletal pony overpowered her and brought its maw closer to her face.

Silver Spoon ignored the scene in front of her and stared at the rows of multi-story thatched roofed homes. “Well… parts of Ponyville do look a bit same-ie. Especially the not rich parts.”

Diamond Tiara’s eyes went wide as she scanned her surroundings. “You mean… we’re—” she gulped “—we’re in the poor part of town?!”

The yellow pony screamed as the skeleton attacking her sunk her teeth into her neck. The scream soon turned into a gurgle as blood sprayed up onto Diamond Tiara.

“Eww! I got poor pony blood on me!” Diamond Tiara said. “Quick! We need to jump in the pool before I’m infected with poor!”

Silver Spoon looked at her friend’s chest intently. “I think that’s the least of your problems.”

Diamond Tiara looked down at her chest. Dried blood covered it and there was a gaping hole in the center of it. “Oh what the heck! Did somepony try to steal my rich-pony organs to replace there ratty-ass poor ones?”

Silver Spoon gave Diamond Tiara a serious look. “I don’t think you know how bodies work.”

“I know that my body is missing some valuable pieces.”

“Well… that’s true, but not for the reasons you think.” Silver Spoon said as she sat on her back legs and examined the hole in her own chest. “I think we’re still dead.”

Diamond Tiara let out an irritated groan. “Is nothing going to go right today?! This is just so inconvenient!” Diamond Tiara cried as a pink pegasus mare fell screaming from the sky as a swarm of tiny pegasi skeletons swarmed her.

‘CRACK!’

The girls turned as a pony’s skull rolled across the ground in into the swarm of small pegasi skeletons sending bones everywhere. They looked back to where the skull had rolled from to see a light tan earth pony mare with long brown hair and a tail, both with their own red band holding them together. The mare kicked it’s hind legs and swung its bat at any undead unfortunate enough to get close to her. Each hit from her hooves or bat left another skeleton or zombie broken and smashed, often beyond the capacity to move.

Diamond Tiara squinted noting a pink heart with a bottle in front of it on the ponies flank. “Hey, I think that’s Button’s mom. You know… the mom of the pony that killed us?”

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Thanks. I was having trouble remembering the little blank-flank that slit our throats.”

“I bet she knows where Button is,” Diamond Tiara said as she began to trot up to her.

“Yeah, but—D.T.! Wait! What are you doing?!” Silver Spoon cried as she trotted up to Diamond Tiara.

“Hello uh… Button’s mom…”

“What?! You two?!” Button’s mom exclaimed. She looked the fillies up and down. “Oh… you came back with the rest of the dead ponies.”

“Diamond Tiara, what are you—?!”

Diamond Tiara turned and shushed Silver Spoon. “Give me a second, alright?” She turned back to Button’s Mom. “Yeah, we’re back and thirsting for revenge, or whatever.”

Diamond Tiara smacked herself in the face so hard her glassed went crooked.

Diamond Tiara continued. “Could you tell us where your son is? And maybe his friends while you’re at it?”

Button’s mom jaw dropped. “… You can’t be serious,” she replied.

“SHRRRREEIAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

Button’s Mom quickly reared up onto her hind legs and brought her bat down on a massive skeleton of a stallion. Its skull cracked and its spine shattered as it fell to the ground in a heap of other bones around the mare.

“Wow! Rude!” Diamond Tiara said. “Anyhow, could you hurry up and tell us where Button and those stupid Crusaders are? I’ve got to get my dad to get somepony to fix the holes in me and my friend’s chest.”

“My friend and mine!” Silver Spoon corrected in irritation.

“Whatever! We have stuff to do and I really want to get murdering Button Mash and those other girls out of the way!”

Silver Spoon brought both her forehooves up to her face hard and shook her head.

Button’s mom paused, regarding the two fillies with a blank expression. A wicked grin crossed her face as she stood up on her hind legs and brought her bat over her head.

‘WACK! WACK!’

“Smart, D.T.! Reaaal smart!” Silver Spoon said as she picked herself up the barren black ground.

Diamond Tiara also got up. “Well, how was I supposed to know she was going to kill us both just for asking about her son?”

“You wanted to kill him! You said it out loud, to her face!”

“He killed us first!” Diamond Tiara cried. “I just thought it was fair! Poor people are always whining about what’s fair!”

“She’s not going to let us just kill her son! She hates us and loves him!”

“I would have paid her, geez!”

“You can’t just solve all your problems with money!” Silver Spoon cried.

“Pfffft… Shows what you know.” Diamond Tiara said dismissively. She sighed as she looked at the gigantic ebony gates she and Silver Spoon were sitting in front of. “Great… we’re back to sucky-tortureville.”

“Well, maybe we could have stayed undead longer if somepony was smarter about getting revenge on the living.”

Diamond Tiara knocked on the gates. “Silver Spoon, if you’re fishing for forgiveness you’re not going to get it.”

“Forgiveness?!” Silver Spoon cried.

Diamond Tiara shook her head. “Some ponies just think the universe revolves around them.” Diamond Tiara knocked again. “What is taking so long! We don’t have forev—AHHHH!”

Diamond Tiara cried out as Silver Spoon suddenly pounced on her.

“Silver Spoon! What are you—”

Silver Spoon flailed her forehooves into Diamond Tiara’s face.

‘Bam!’

‘Pow!’

“Ow! Not the face!” Diamond Tiara said as her tiara rolled off her head.

“You selfish… spoiled brat!” Silver Spoon screamed. “You can’t even be sorry about getting me sent back to Hell!”

Diamond Tiara placed her back hooves under Silver Spoon and kicked out with all her might. Silver Spoon was sent flying into pitch black pillar.

‘Thud!’

“Are you done throwing a fit, you little diaper baby?!” Diamond Tiara asked as she casually picked up her Tiara and began to dust it off.

“ErrrrAAAHG!” Silver Spoon pounced again, landing on top of Diamond Tiara. The two fillies soon became a flurry of flailing hooves and legs as the tussled on the ground.

“CLUELESS, SNOOTY, WANNA-BE PRINCESS! OW!”

“DORKY, PATHETIC, TAG-ALONG! OUCH!”

“SELF-CENTERED, SELF-OBSESSED, RICH BIT—”

“Go away!”

The two fillies looked up from their tussle. A long gaunt faced demon with burnt orange skin glared down at them from an opening in the gates.

Silver Spoon quickly got up to her hooves and adjusted her glasses. “We just want back inside…! Sorta…” Silver Spoon turned to Diamond Tiara who had also stood up and was fixing her tiara. “Wait, why do we want back in?”

“It’s the principle of the thing!” Diamond Tiara said. “We should be able to go wherever we want!”

Silver Spoon gave Diamond Tiara a blank look. “… I ask once again, ‘why do we want back in?’”

“Don’t matter!” The demon said gruffly. “Hells full! Especially for you two. Go away!”

“Well kick somepony less important than us out!” Diamond Tiara said. “You guys act like this is hard.”

“D.T., maybe we should just consider this a win and find somewhere else.”

“What?! No! I refuse to just be discarded like a commoner!”

Silver Spoon sighed and grabbed one of Diamond Tiara’s back legs. She began to drag her away.

“No! Stop!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed as she fell to her stomach began to flail about vainly. “You haven’t heard the last of me!” Diamond Tiara shouted at the gates. “My dad is going to be so mad when he finds out you wouldn’t let us into Hell!”