Everypony bowed as the regal sisters entered the marquee.

Princess Celestia made her way to the royal box, which offered the second best view of the stage area. Luna followed, yawning, unaccustomed to being awake in the middle of the day.

Celestia addressed the gathered ponies. "Please, take your seats everypony. Welcome to the seventh biennial Ponyville sex contest. A contest where the mares of this humble town compete in endurance and technique. My sister and I are honoured to have been asked this year to formally host the event which we have heard so much about. I shall now introduce to you the judge of this competition, the Princess of Love, my niece, Princess Cadence."

The now seated audience stomped their hooves in approval. Princess Cadence stood and the ponies simmered down to let her speak. "The rules are simple. Two ponies compete at a time; mare on mare. The first pony to whinny is out of the competition. There will be no magic unless both competitors are unicorn ponies. There will be no flight unless both competitors are pegasus ponies." She looked at her sister-in-law seated on the competitors' bench. "For the purposes of this year's contest, alicorns are considered to be both a unicorn and a pegasus."

Murmurs spread throughout the crowd. This was the first contest that an alicorn had competed in. The rule books had nothing to say about alicorn competitors. Twilight Sparkle's participation was proving quite controversial, but the committee had ruled it vital that Twilight Sparkle should be able to compete and have a chance to defend the title she'd won two years ago as a unicorn.

Despite being the defending champion, Twilight Sparkle wasn't even seeded #1 in the competition. Pundits had judged her wings to be more of a disadvantage than an advantage. They didn't think her dexterous enough to make good use of them in the contest, and they'd be an extra erogenous zone that could be taken advantage of by her opponents. Bookmakers and those in the know were predicting a victory for the fiercely competitive pegasus Rainbow Dash instead.

The judge continued. "Best of luck to all competitors, and may the best mare win!"

The audience erupted in a sea of hoof stomps again.

"Hi, my name is Spike and I'll be your official commentator for this competition." The little dragon stood on a small podium near the stage, which had been carefully positioned not to spoil the view of anypony who was watching.

In the stage area was a double bed, lined with sheets which would be changed between rounds for hygiene purposes, and with two pillows. No other props which a competitor might use for unfair advantage were on the stage. The tools to win this contest were hooves, muzzles, tails, wings, and horns, not dildos and vibrators. It was a contest to find out who had the best sexual technique, strength, energy, and endurance — not who had the best toys.

"And now," said the commentator, "it is my pleasure to introduce our first contestants..."

Author's Notes:

That's the boring bit out of the way...