Passing under the rainbowing light from the ornate-windows of the hall agent Hooves, Derpy M., unfurling the, now, well creased paper gave the other half-intrigued glance to the red and gold figure that was simply standing still. Bipedal, something of a rarity in these parts, the image was dominated by the circular glowing-light over the center of its chest. Wearing her signature blue-hat and letter-stuffed saddle-bags, it was only her shimmering-black eyepatch that gave her any particular distinction from any other mail pony. Through, were any half-skilled mage to take so much as a first glance, they would have easily discovered the slew of dampening wards that covered the small scrap of spider-silk. Patting the outside of her bags with an outstretched wing, she felt the comforting bulge of each of her work-clothes neatly folded into place behind the hidden zipper on the back, which also served to keep her five-bubbled cutie-mark from sight. Certainly a rather unassuming mark to the typical lay pony, and she made no effort to correct anypony on their assumptions, not when so many of them were seemingly all too incapable of keeping the harder truths of life in mind but for the time it too to pass out from such “scary” thoughts. Muffins, family, the simplicity of actually taking out the mail, all real, but all too fragile when pitted against the trials of life without the like of somepony like her protecting them.

With things as peaceful as they’d been, exempting the protected actions of Celestia’s protege and her cohorts, a steady stream of revenue had been hard to come by for Mrs. Hooves, and the nigh on bi-monthly destruction that swept through her home-town wasn’t helping her or her insurance payment premiums. The personal invite she had received with the wanted poster had been something of a windfall, after all, she had never failed to date, and she had no reason to suspect anything different this time. Granted, this was the first time a body-ad had given the option of either Alive or Dead, but 2,000 bits would go a long way to keeping her little muffin safe and sound.

Passing a herd of nobles, the lot of them turning their up their noses in concert with a slew of mean-spirited epitaphs directed to her lack of poise, unfashionable garb, or some such nonsense, she shrugged them off and continued her path and remembering a particularly poignant remark her special Time Turner had once made ‘You know, if they keep craning their necks like that they might just end up reaching back around to their own throats to smell the fresh air again.’ Bringing a grey-wing to stifle a giggle, a soft cough brought her thoughts back into focus as the guards shut the doors of the throne-room behind her. The large and expanding room was so bright and clean it made her wince and almost made her want for so much as a single speck of dust to detract from the ambient glow, but such thoughts were banished as she beheld her princess. Sitting regally upon her raised throne, Derpy trotted up, leaving a respectable distance between herself and Princess Celestia as she stopped and bowed, rising only when she was bade to move. In the silence that followed the princess nodded in turn, realizing her turn to talk Derpy said, “I am here to accept the job and hunt down Iron Man.”

With a small frown Celestia said, “I take it that you know that there is a chance that you will die?”

To this Derpy gave a quick nod. “I will come back though.”

At that the princess smiled, “Perhaps you should be briefed on the target. One thousand years ago, to this date, Iron Man committed an atrocity that even Discord wouldn’t do. Due to the results of his trial, he made an entire empire vanish. But before that, he was a playwright, protector, and an entertainer to little foals and grown ponies alike. He is distinguishable because he is covered in armor, and has access to a wide variety of technological wonders that can do things that seem impossible with magic. To combat this, you will be given ten tools made by him that we liberated from his weapons vault a while ago. If you would follow me please.” Derpy nodded and walked with her, “Most ponies who accepted the job refused these and used ancient spells to heighten their abilities.” Derpy, moving behind Celestia through the curtains of her throne to the austerely plain white-marble room behind, was given sight to a large iron-safe which the princess had just opened. From within the princess removed but a single sheet of parchment. “Please understand that I need you to sign this so you don’t reveal the secrets of the crowns to anypony.” Derpy nodded and signed her name. “Excellent.” Then, closing her eyes, an aura of sky-blue sheathing her horn, a thin beam of light shot to the ceiling to then race along the wall back down to her hooves as a small door slid out from the floor before Derpy bringing a number of fantastical objects to bear on a simple table of jade.

The first was a long laser sniper rifle, whose barrel was just longer the average spear with a scope to match. The name “Bodyshot” was engraved in curly black-lettering along the stock which quickly gave way to padding and an elongated hoof-trigger for better ease of use for the massive beast. “I bet that you can find uses to it.” said Celestia.

Next, lay a wholly unremarkable looking calculator with a simple monkey-wrench placed parallel to it, “If enough metal is around you. you will be able to build three devices, An upgradable sentry that can protect you with missiles, lasers, and an energy barrier, and a pair of two-way teleporters that can send you to and from where you place them, and a dispenser that can heal and restock both ammunition and even metal.”

Celestia also pulled out a small satchel that could fit on Derpy’s Barrel., “This is known as an infinite bag. It can hold your stuff and it will not change in size or weight.” Sending the bag to rest in Derpy’s feathered grasp, she quickly placed the strange gadgets into the bag before Derpy could so much as blink to prove her point.

She pulled out what looked like a number of large brass musical-horns connected to a small with a small shoulder strap. The gas can was labeled, liquid rainbow A series of candy colored switches lay to one side, and, sending a wave of pink magic to briefly pull the handle at the box’s end, a brief gout of fiery light burst from the horns’ end and said, “It shoots out rainbows that have the intensity of dragon’s flame.” A small gas mask was next to it. “You don’t want to consume any of it when using that stuff.”

Among the gear, Derpy found some long black boots that had gear symbols on the sides. “Those are labeled as long-fall boots. If your wing gets injured and you are falling, land on your feet and you will not be suffer fall damage.” The then seemed to mold to Derpy’s size. “They can also do that.” Into the bag it went.

The next items were a hoofgun with a silencer and a fountain pen, which was decidedly bereft of any grip for either mouth or wing. “Both of these will help with short-range reconnaissance. While the pen looks like a simple fountain pen, it has acidic ink, and can unfold into a small knife when you run out of ink.” Curious, Derpy took the pen in her wing and drew a small circle on the floor beside her, and in a matter of seconds the stone gurgled inward, leaving a peculiar smell to linger as the acid began to wear out upon the thickness of the stones beneath. “Sorry,” Derpy blushed.

“Not a problem, I can replace that,” Celestia smiled warmly.

The next item was a case of cans full of what could be soda, “This is called Bonk! Atomic Cola. From what our tests show, this will increase your energy and speed a LOT. This should help you travel long distances in a short period of time.”

“How much?” Derpy asked, eyes wide.

“Well, if your ability to fly was somehow impaired, it would allow you to easily fly faster than sound,” Celestia answered.

Shaking off the slight tremor running up her hind-leg at the thought of such power, Derpy then said, “What else do you have?”

Grinning, Celestia said, “It seems that somepony is impatient, fine, here the next item that will help you.” Levitating a large sword Derpy could almost swear she heard something just beyond the normal tinkling-distortion of the princess’s magic. “This cursed sword is known as Eyelander. I don’t know where Iron Man got this, but I do know that It gets lighter and makes the holder more agile if you destroy enough things with it.

“And now, my personal favorite. I would give you more, but the other weapons that he had were far too complex or too dangerous for the average pony.” Celestia wondered with a small grin. She then lifted up a small, red, gear shaped badge, “From what the people researching this found out is that it allows you to disguise yourself as anyone who is unconscious. Your target was last sighted flying towards Moscow two months ago.”

Derpy put the badge next to a small, muffin-shaped sticker on the lapel of her uniform. “I won’t fail you Celestia!” she saluted before swiping an extra case of Bonk! before zooming away, weapon bag in tow.

Author's Notes:

This was preread and assisted by RealityDowngrade. I hope to do more work with him in the future. For all of the people out there who might question continuity, this world's season two is not in the same order as the shows. The order is similar, it is just the Last Roundup and The Cutie Pox have switched places because reasons.