So I’ve been living in this castle for weeks, virtually imprisoned by these ponies. I’m not allowed outside, I’m not allowed to walk around without an escort, and I’m pretty sure one of the ponies hides under my bed at night. All this shit I’ve had to put up with and what have I gotten for it? Nothing, I’ve received nothing but unfulfilled promises. My life is miserable here. I really just want to go home. Even if I were given all the pleasures of home, here, it wouldn’t be the same. I’ve hinted, I’ve reminded, and I’ve pestered them that it’s taken them almost three fucking months to come up with results on returning me home and yet nothing has been found. I’m stuck here, in this medieval backwater shithole until they take their hooves out of their asses.

So, today finds me sitting on this lush, four poster bed moping about it. Yes, conscience, I’m kicking myself for that, thank you. I couldn't care less about the riches those ponies shower me with. Why can’t I just go home? I know they can do it too! Maybe if I stole that book from Celestia’s desk, the one with the pretty pictures of portals and ponies going through them, I could shove it in a random unicorn’s, face and get them to do a spell to send me home. It’s too bad I can’t read it or I might be able to do it myself. However, that could pose a few issues as I’m not exactly allowed out of my room per orders of Princess moon butt.

I bury my head in my hands, trying to exhale the stress I’m causing for myself. I’ve seriously contemplated killing myself, but suicide isn't an option either. I tested that already by jumping out of the window in my room, just out of curiosity, because my room isn’t that high up. I was caught by two pegasi guards on the way down. It didn’t get me anything but a harsh lecture on how dangerous windows can be, and, of course, the removal of windows from my room. That makes it nice and dark when I turn the crystal light things off, which is fine by me.

I try so hard not to see or speak to these ponies anymore. When I'm brought to dinner I bow my head and keep deathly silent as I shovel food in my mouth before attempting to leave. Much to my displeasure, Luna has relegated me to two options if I want to leave dinners early. Either she gets to spoon-feed me at dinner, or, I can’t leave until everybody else is done. I’m never letting her spoon-feed me again, just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. You know, for being without parents for about seven years you’d think that I’d finally be rid of them, right? Nope, Luna acts like my mother with Celestia acting as her backup whenever the blue bitch isn’t around.

The door acknowledges the presence of a pony behind it by thumping loudly. I don’t even bother opening it. By this time I’ve barricaded it with most of the furniture in my room, even the bed. Luna has taken to visiting me frequently. That pile should be enough to keep her out. So I hope that they go away before I have to match it with my own thumping of my head against the wall. With any luck I'll give myself a concussion.

More thumping resounds and once again, I couldn’t care less. A lamp situated at the top of the pile falls from the vibration of the door. Oh, too bad, Celestia told me that it was a gift from a respected foreign dignitary. It shatters with a resounding crash that rings throughout the room and probably outside. Well, either some dignitary is going to be pissed off or, once again, the pretty white horse has lied to me, just like she lied about the portal book. The thumping halts for a second. The thumpers are probably go- and there it goes again.

Why are they even keeping me here, for fuck’s sake? I’m of absolutely no use to them, except maybe as a science experiment for the laboratory. Other than that, though, I eat only one or two meals a day and take up a whole room and the power that goes behind it. I’m starting to wonder if maybe my arrival wasn’t as much of an accident as they claim it to be after all. That, or ponies are just overly fond of newcomers… it's probably the former.

Thump, thump, thump. I rise to yell at them to leave me the fuck alone. That’s actually not a good idea, if they think I'm not here they might go away to look elsewhere. Well, time to rage in my head. God dammit! Go away, you asshole! I don’t want to see another pony ever again! Especially if it’s a princess!

“Sir, the princess wishes an audience with you immediately.” That’s nice; you can leave now that you've said your piece. “She instructed us to enter your room and take you by force if you prove unwilling, and that if you are not found in the room that she wants to be notified immediately.” Dammit Luna, the summons might have been from Celestia for some godforsaken reason, but the notification was all Luna. Now I’ve got an annual checkup to look forward to, yay!

Yep, look at me being all enthusiastic. Like I really want to be scanned again for any ‘magical diseases’ bunch of bullshit. I’m pretty sure that she has some ulterior motive to it that I don’t know, and eventually she’s going to act on it and I’m going to get caught with my pants down. That’s why I’m not going today. I’m going to be a man about it too, by hiding under the bed, hey wait… how do they, and by line of command, Luna, know where I... oh.

She’s bugged her fucking gift. I must give her credit for creativity and being smart about it though. I never caught it until now, and I have a tendency for high perceptiveness. Near the end of the first week of my ‘visit’ she’d gotten me this nice black undershirt that was the most comfortable thing I'd worn. She must've bugged it knowing that I would never take it off. Well, you know what, screw you Luna, I'm going to take your wonderful shirt gift, and throw it out the window. No wait, I don’t have any windows, that’s right.

My brain is working in overdrive right now, I need to figure out a way to evade this check up. Hmm… I wonder, is it really that easy to remove windows? Surely they'd have to do a bit more than just making them disappear, right?

I push my hand where the window used to be and feel glass. Ha, an invisibility spell! You thought you could trick me? Well nice try, moon butt! I laugh at my success against the oppressor.

Working by touch I open the window and toss the offending piece of clothing out of the invisible portal. That’ll teach her! THUMP, THUMP. “Last warning, we’re coming in!” Gotta hide, like, now!

The bed's too cliché, can’t hide there, well, there is the massive pile of junk I put under there as well. Um… oh wait, duh. There’s a large trunk piled on the door. Pushing some stuff off of it I pry open the lid and crawl inside. Okay, leave the lid open a crack, perfect. I now have a front row seat to the chaos that is about to unfold.

The two night guards enter with a pop and immediately notice a lack of a certain alien biped, namely, me. Cue the freak out in 3-2-1… what? All the unicorn guard does is sigh before popping out to presumably get the princess of interrogations. I would have thought my disappearance would have elicited a more frantic response than a casual dismissive sigh.

The other guard, an earth pony, go figure, searches around the room. First thing he does is search under the bed, leaving me to exit my chest and kick him in the flank. This causes him to instictively yank his head upwards causing him to knock himself out on the bed frame. Okay that's enough, I should try and leave. A loud pop deafens me for a few seconds. There is the overbearing torturer herself, Princess fucking Luna. And of course she sprints towards me and hugs me tightly for God knows what reason.

"Oh ba- honey," okay, that's an interesting thing to note, she almost called me baby… unless she meant 'babe" -worried that you had tried jumping out of the window again." So there WAS a tracker on my shirt, nice to know that I can trust my judgement more than hers. "-the guards said they didn't see you in your room I came at once and… why is your room empty?" Should I let her find out or should I tell her? I push her away and point behind her at the massive pile of furniture. "Oh my." It would be so adorable when she said that… if I didn't know she was a manipulative warden of my plush home of a cell. "We should fix this so nothing could fall and hurt you." Okay, normally she's protective but not this... well, fuck.

I watched as Luna literally picked up every piece of furniture, down to the little pieces of lamp that had fallen off, and put it all back. Everything was back to its normal position, and I hated it. Nearly everything was branded with Princess Luna's butt tat, or Celestia's. It sickened me to think that they expected me to actually LIKE them eventually.

Much to Luna’s chagrin I shiver involuntarily at the memory. "Come now, your room looks much better this way."

"Sure it does…" I muttered.

Her ears swiveled, noting that much to MY chagrin, she had heard me. "What was that?"

"I said, 'it sure does’.” Please believe the lie, please.

She smiled, thank God. For a second there I thought she saw through my lie. "Okay, honey." What the hell is with the pet names? "Also, we have important business, could you please join me in my room in about half an hour?" There's no way I can say no, so I guess yes? "And I would like you to wear something nice. Since you've thrown out all your other nice clothes, and… we've let you wear your casual clothes around so far," I don't like where this is going. Her magic poofs something into existence behind her back. "I made you this!" She presents an actually good-looking set of clothes. It wasn't a suit and tie mind you, I wouldn't be caught dead in those. Just a plain T-shirt and pants. She’d made it all by herself? Since when did she know how to sew? (placehold for rewritten addition or something cause the other was crap.) Bullshit. "What? I thought you'd like the casual wear."

"Oh, trust me, I love the fact that you're being lenient with the dress outfit. I'm wondering what your angle is, though. You never do this kind of thing for me." Aha! She tensed for a second. She probably wants me to sit in on some stupid meeting and look pretty. Well I'm not going to, princess.

"There's no angle. My sister and I have simply decided to be more lenient in order to elicit a more positive response out of you." Fat chance at that, 'Princess'.

I'm going to lie anyway. I can’t wait to finally disappoint her again. Honestly these kinds of moments are the things I live for nowadays. "Okay, fine, I'll wear the clothes."

She gave me an unusually proud smile. "Oh, thank you! You don't know how happy that makes me!" Yeah, yeah, I'm the best human, no, wait, make that only human. Actually, that makes me wonder if I am the only human. Maybe they keep a bunch of us in the basement as sex dolls because ponies are actually sex addicts that get a kick out of bondage! Nah, sounds like a bad plot line.

Luna and her guards walk out, including the now conscious earth pony who gave a frightened look to the bed before he exited the room. I took a few small steps towards the door. They're probably waiting behind the door for something. Sure enough, putting my ear on the door yielded results. "This has got to be the most boring job we have." It’s only boring when I'm not trying to escape through spiritual or physical means.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me twice. At least we're getting paid to essentially do nothing." I actually like this guy, despite him being my 'babysitter'.

"Hmm, I suppose so." I listened longer, yielding nothing but shuffles and some scratches.

Moving away from the door I looked at the clothes Luna had left for me. They were actually really good-looking for my tastes. Hell, I’d wear them under different circumstances, but that hesitation about this being a harmless gift is enough to deter anyone.The dark black base color plus the silver design going through it looks really awesome.

Flopping back onto my bed I twiddle my fingers and when the guards knock again I’m still dressed in my usual sweatshirt and blue jeans. The guards took one look at me and shook their heads. I'm pretty sure I heard a 'your funeral' tossed at me once or twice. The guards then escorted me to Princess Luna's room where they bowed and left me. I'm actually thinking about just up and leaving. Maybe since Luna's here it's night time and Celestia is sleeping, I’m left with an open escape for the main castle doors. "Are you coming in or not?" Damn it! How did she know I was here? "Don't make me come out there and get you!" Oh god, that is a childish threat, but coming from her it could mean anything.

"Fine, I'm coming, jeez, hold your horses." She giggled; good, I haven't lost that touch.

I open the door to Luna sitting across the room, no formal attire, grinning like a madman, or mare, I should say. I take a step forward and her expression changes to fear and shock. "No, wait!" Wait for what?

I attempt to reverse my momentum but i can’t push past and invisible barrier. "LUNA! WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING I’M GOING TO FUCKING KI-" oh shit! My voice! What the hell?! It got so high in the middle of that sentence. I hear a buzzing sound and turn my head towards it to see the armbands aglow with arcane energy. I must swallow my pride and ask what the hell this is. Take a deep breath, and, I have breasts. The two additional weights on my chest are unmistakable. I just don't know anymore, nor do I think I want to know. Wait, oh no! Nononono! "Fuck!" I feel my pants where my manhood used to be, it's gone. I don't even want to know what's replaced it. My brain continues to tell my body to collapse but my body isn't responding. Luna keeps saying 'Nonononono' over and over again so hopefully this is a side effect to whatever went wrong. Deep breath, don't look down; actually, close your eyes. There you go, good, they're closed. Now, deep breath, anger gets nobody anywhere, actually anger has won wars, fuck her. "LUNA! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Wow, I sound a lot like my Ex, oh lord Jesus, please tell me I'm not her! I don't want to look down though.

Finally, Luna shoots me a look and goes back to her book. "I don't know! Why didn't you wear the clothes I made for you? This wouldn't have happened otherwise!" Princess: 1, Paranoia: 0, well played.

"Can you fix it?" Please say yes, I'm not sexist I'm just biased on the subject.

"I think so, hold on." Luna, if you can fix this I'm going to kiss you.

Her horn alights and I see some magic runes beneath the carpet alight in a silvery blue glow. Much to my relief the breasts recede back into my chest. I'm patiently waiting for my dick though, it was stolen and I want it back. To my horror, though, I watch the floor grow larger as I grow smaller. My back itches and so does my forehead. What the, my entire body is starting to itch, what did she do, the 'Give the target a thousand mosquito bites' spell?

I let out a feminine scream as the itch on my forehead turns into a splitting headache, and the one on my back feels like a surgical procedure without the anesthetic. The back of my shirt explodes and I feel warm air on my back. My vision grows hazy for a second before the picture expands and becomes clearer than it has ever been. Luna is smiling widely from across the room. After a few moments the pain ceases and the itching starts to lessen around my body. Princess Luna takes a few steps in my direction and my attention focuses solely on her. Luna is a big pony compared to the others, not quite as big as her sister, but she’s almost as tall as I am. Now, she seems like a giant. I still don’t know what’s happened but I’m tiny, in pain, and tired. She comes in close and rubs her head against mine shushing quietly. I can barely make out what she’s saying as my eyes start to close. “Shh, shh, go to sleep now, my little filly. Mommy will take care of you.”