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Fanfic Is Crapsack

by RealityCheck

Chapter 10: Epilogue

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Epilogue

All over Equestria, stories like stardust fell....

The back stacks of the Canterlot archives were close and dark, only lit by a few firefly lamps at this late hour.  Princess Cadence had made something of a sheltered nest back in the far corners, some few blankets and pillows and a basket of food from the kitchens intended for a garden picnic, all snatched in haste in their flight from the effects of the troll-fic. The little bivouac was surrounded on all sides by stacks of books, classic novels and volumes on literature and effective writing. Shining Armor had to smile to himself as he crept around the end of the bookshelves; the resemblance of his bride's sanctuary to one of Twily's foalhood 'book forts' was too endearing.

He stepped out where he could be seen; the lamplight glimmering off his armor. "Hey," he said.

She looked up, apprehension in her eyes.... then relaxed visibly once she saw who he was. She had faith that there were no surprises here; the library had remained as steady and unwavering as the root of a mountain, even when the worst mayhem was right outside the doors. "hey, yourself," she said, pushing aside a few stacks so he could creep inside with her. he did so, shucking his armor and leaving it outside. He nestled down beside her.

"Is it all clear out there...?" Cadence asked timidly.

Shining nodded. "They found the Trollfic," he said. "I don't know what they did to it, but whatever's left won't be coming back for a long time. Something about galactic orbit." His eyes were downcast. "This has not.." he sighed "...not exactly been the honeymoon I'd hoped to give you." He paused. "Or the wedding. Or the engagement--- I wanted to make everything perfect for you, and---"

Cadence pressed a hoof against his lips and shushed him. "You're here. You already did," she said, nuzzling him.

He nuzzled her back. "I can't help wondering what else is going to happen to us," he said. "Our marriage is off to one hell of a rocky start..."

Cadence chuckled. "Well, look at it this way. After all of this, any marriage problems we have is going to seem like small potatoes." The two of them laughed. She nuzzled up under his chin. "Now, Mr. Shining Armor, your poor bride has had a very, very scary day, and she needs..."

"A little TLC?" Shining said, amused.

"Oh lots and lots of TLC," Cadence said. She started undoing the button of his dress collar with her teeth. "And... stuff like that..."

"Oh really..."

"Mmm hmmm...."

Tender sounds murmured in the aisles. Out in the vaulted chambers of the library, the head librarian smiled to herself, ears flicking briefly in the direction of the back stacks. She hung a sign on the library doors: "CLOSED FOR REMODELING: do not enter."

.... And left, locking the double doors firmly behind her.


All over Equestria, stories like stardust fell....

Scootaloo started out of her drowse as something landed with a thump on her little cloud, making it surge like a waterbed under her sleeping bag. She looked up from her shooting-star campfire to see Rainbow Dash standing there. "Hey, squirt," she said.

The smile that lit up the filly's face could have lit up the sun. "Rainbow Dash!" she said, lifting herself up on her forehooves. "What are you doing here?"

Dash shrugged and tried to look indifferent. "Hey, was just passin' by, thought I'd drop in and see how my number one fan is doing," she said. She scuffed a hoof in the cloud. "So... um.... is everything okay?"

Scootaloo looked puzzled. "Um... yeah?"

Dash wouldn't look her in the eye. "Everything okay at home?.... like.... with your parents and stuff?"

"Uh yeah," Scootaloo said, her eyebrow inching higher. She pointed a hoof over the side of the could. "That's our house, down below," she said, pointing down at a cheery little cottage below. The back door opened and a pegasus stallion stepped out in the warm rectangle of light. He looked up and waved at the filly. Scootaloo waved back. Seemingly satisfied all was well, he turned around and went back inside, closing the door behind him. "That was my dad," Scootaloo said unnecessarily. "Do you wanna see him and mom for something...?"

"Oh, uh, naw," Rainbow Dash said, relief apparent in her voice. She seemed to be searching for something to say. "You haven't... been sick lately have you? Or had to go to the hospital for... stuff...."

"Rainbow Dash, you're weirding me out," Scootaloo said.

"So that's a no--?"

"No, I haven't been sick or gone to the hospital or anything," Scootaloo said. She thought it over for a second. "Well, not since that thing with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the trebuchet... but why are you asking all these weird questions?"

"No reason, no reason," Rainbow Dash said hastily. "It's just that.... I've been thinking a lot, and I realized that... you're my number one fan, and we've never, you know, got to know each other or.... yknow.... And I was passing by and saw you were cloud-camping, and figured we could...." she scratched the back of her head with one hoof, staring into space. "You know. Just hang out tonight around the campfire..." She looked at Scootaloo and gave a little uncertain half-smile. "If you want to, y'know---"

Scootaloo's grin almost stretched from ear to ear. "You mean you wanna camp out? Here? With me??" At Dash's nod, the excited filly leaned dangerously over the edge of the cloud. "HEY MOM!!" she bellowed in a voice loud enough to blow back Rainbow Dash's mane. One of the windows in the house below opened and a mare leaned out. "What is it, Scootie?"

"IS IT ALL RIGHT IF RAINBOW DASH CAMPS OUT WITH ME?" Scootaloo's yell set dogs barking in the neighborhood below. Dash leaned over the side so Scootaloo's mother could see her better and waved awkwardly.

"What? Oh, that's fine! You two have fun tonight," the mare yelled up to them. "Love you..."

"LOVE YOU TOO MOM!" the mare withdrew and the window closed. Scootaloo reached into her pup tent and pulled out a paper bag, all but bouncing with glee."So whaddya wanna do? Sing songs? Tell ghost stories?" Scootaloo asked. "I got stuff for smores," she said, pulling a bag out of the pup tent, desperately eager to please. "well... the shooting stars aren't hot enough to toast marshmallows-- but if you stick 'em together with peanut butter it works okay !..."

"Hey, no need to get all keyed up," Dash said. "I'm not going anywhere. But for now...." She folded her legs and lay down on the cloud next to the campfire. "I'd really like it if for a while we could just... get to know each other, and... y'know.."

"just.... talk."


All over Equestria, stories like stardust fell....

Fluttershy locked the door of her cottage firmly behind her. It had been a harrowing day for anypony, much less the meek animal lover. The terrible, heartbreaking things she'd seen... how could anyone live with so much hopelessness in their heart? All she wanted to do was curl up with Angel Bunny and a big cup of cocoa and forget this awful day had ever happened.

Something in the house whimpered.

Fluttershy spun on her hooves, startled. She listened for a second, not daring to breathe... nothing. Had she imagined it?

She heard it again. It seemed to be coming from under the couch. Angel was over by the sofa, peering underneath with a peculiar expression. He motioned for Fluttershy to come and see.

Fluttershy got down and crawled up to the sofa, and looked underneath. It was little, and yellow, with a pink mane, and tiny feathery wings, and so outrageously fluffy she could barely make out its shape. It stared back at her with enormous blue eyes rimmed with tears.

"N-no hurt Fluffyshy..." it whimpered. "Please no hurt..."

Fluttershy's memory flew back to the terrible events of the day. The desperate run for the castle; running past all those poor suffering ponies and animals; the alleyway filled with small, raggedy fluffball creatures like this one, freezing and bleeding and starving and crying out in misery...

It was one of them. One of the Troll's creations.... and judging by how the other characters under the Troll's power had treated them, not made out of affection or kindness.Poor innocent creatures created solely so their maker could sate his sadism on them....

Fluttershy's heart wrenched with pity. She reached under the sofa with one hoof and beckoned gently. "Come on, it's okay," she crooned. Slowly, fearfully, the strange creature crept out. Fluttershy cradled it in her forelegs. "It's okay, I won't hurt you..."

The yellow and pink Fluffy looked up at her. "No hurt Fwuffyshy?" It asked timorously. "No make Fwuffyshy go away?"

"Of course not," Fluttershy said, cuddling the ball of fluff close. "You can stay with me as long as you want." The tiny creature's stomach rumbled. Fluttershy giggled. "You must be hungry. Would you like something to eat?"

"Skettie wif cheese?" Fluffyshy said hopefully.

Fluttershy blinked and smiled. "Oh, well-- that sounds rather good, actually...."


All across Equestria, stories like stardust fell...

Pinkie Pie snoozed in her bed, a contented smile on her face, half a frosted cupcake in her hoof, her poufy mane like a cloud around her head. All was back to normal... as it ever got with Pinkie Pie at any rate. But let's just say that all was well again, instead.

Across the room, her reflection lay in her own bed staring at her, long, silky-straight mane pooling on the pillow. Once she was confident that Pinkie was genuinely asleep (and not getting ready to play 'Peekaboo' with her again), she got up out of her mirror bed, crossed the mirror room, and left, closing the mirror door behind her. Behind her a proper, unassuming reflection took her place: Pinkie sleeping contentedly.

The moment Pinkamena left the room's reflection, she found herself back in the Between.(1) It was a fine day or night there and the weather was being quite extraordinary(2), But she had no interest in it. She always felt listless after coming back from Ponyville; she loved it and Pinkie both so much it ached... but every time she spent there was a reminder that she was a cast-off, only able to be there a short time; only when things were all wrong, to fix everything and then to go 'home' and be all but forgotten again. And those few who did remember her would soon dismiss her as a bad dream or an odd delusion--- and who could blame them? Who would want to remember somepony who was a herald of Trollficcers and Mary Sues soiling your world.

She walked with her head down, eyes on her hooves.

And bumped headlong into another pony.

"Scuse me, I was just--" then she noticed the moon emblem on the torc in front of her. She looked up in astonishment: yes. It was. It was Princess Luna. The lunar princess smiled down at her.

Pinkamena gawped at her. "What're you doing here?" she yelped. "Ooh, uh, I mean--" she stammered, backing up hastily and averting her eyes.

Luna chuckled. "We know what thou meanest," she said in a surprisingly gentle voice. "Though it should not surprise thee that we are here. We are the Princess of the moon, of Night and of Dreams; twas little effort to learn from Pinkie Pie, and to search and find that our domain was close at hand to thine. After all," she grinned impishly, "what are dreams but another sort of Reflection?"

"What... what can I do for you, your highness?" Pinkamena asked carefully. She looked around her at the bedlam of the Between and had the most peculiar impulse to straighten it up a bit.

"We have learned of thy... connection to one of our subjects," Luna said. "That thou art a...a shucked-off possibility, in a manner of speaking. an outcast of our world, born of dark and evil futures that other beings beyond here would afflict upon us."

"That's a fair summary," Pinkamena muttered, digging the tip of her hoof in the ground.

Luna frowned. "And that thy dark genesis makes the an outcast of our world, unable to stay in it.That you lurk here, just outside, behind the reflections of our mirrors, watching all that goes on." She lowered her head, bringing her face close to Pinkamena's. "Only able to return if the fabric of our world is torn asunder."

Pinkamena hunkered down, cringing. This is it, she thought. This is where she banishes me and tells me never to come near the Mirror-side ever again, because my grimdark self has no place in her wonderful world...

"And so we sought thee out," Luna said gently, "To let thee know:

"Thou art forever welcome in my domain."

Pinkamena's eyes popped wide. "What?"

"Thou hast faithfully guarded our realm from terrible evils, my little pony," Luna said. "E'en though thou art cruelly banished from it. E'en though aiding the Trollfic might even have afforded thee a way to remain in Equestria for good, by abolishing what banished thee."

"I did it for love," Pinkamena said, shaking her head. "That's all. I'm not noble. Pinkie is the only family I have, the only real friend. As ditzy as she is, I wouldn't see her living in a hurtful world for anything."

Luna nuzzled her. "All the more reason to welcome thee, little Pinkamena," she said. Her horn glowed, and a door opened behind her. A meandering pathway through rolling hills under a dreamlit sky could be seen beyond it. "Walk freely with me in the Realm of Dreams whenever thou dost choose, and know that thou hast come home."

Tears welled in Pinkamena's eyes. For the first time, possibly in her life, joy flooded her face. She leapt forward, embracing the lunar princess-- who started in surprise, then smiled.

They walked together through the open doorway; Pinkamena silently noted that the Dreamworld wasn't much different from the Between.(3) I could live here quite comfortably, she thought.

"There are a few things thou mightest lend us a hoof with, perchance," Luna mentioned casually.

"Oh? What sort of things?"

"I traverse my realm, in and out of the dreams of other ponies," Luna said. "Helping soothe their sleep, refresh their spirits, banish their ill dreams and face their fears. Would that I had another pony who would help the colts and fillies of our land by banishing their nightmares and sweetening their dreams..." she trailed off, eyeing Pinkamena.

"That sounds like a job offer," Pinkamena grinned. "If so I accept. Anything on the agenda tonight, your Highness?"

"Well, twould seem that Pinkie Pie did fall into a magical pool some time ago... and somehow, after being magically banished, fourscore duplicates of her did find their way into my realm," the Princess said. "They do need a stern hoof to keep them in line. Ponies in Equestria do not need their dreams forever invaded by herds of Pinkies."

"The magic mirror pool? Funny, they should've ended up in the Between..."

"Strewth. Tis in the end how I found my way from my realm to thine. Although their directions were most confusing at first. And then there's a certain Nightmare I need an eye kept on. She's currently at the Castle of Dreams, puking into the moat...."


All across Equestria, stories like stardust fell...

Twilight crept quietly down the stairs. She had just finished tucking Spike into his bed... for the first time in years. Despite being only a baby, the little fellow hadn't been spared in the least by the Troll; he had needed hours of coddling and childhood comforts just to calm him down. Thankfully, some warm milk, agate cookies, and his favorite bedtime story from when he was just a hatchling (The Geologist's Illustrated Guide to Minerals and Gemstones) had finally done the trick. He was sound asleep, and hopefully would have completely forgotten everything that had happened by morning.

Twilight didn't want to forget.

She was sitting up late, down in the library, writing the day's events down in her journal. She didn't want to forget; not the Trollfic, not the things it had done, not the way it had been finally defeated... not the strange Pinkie-not-Pinkie to whom they owed their survival. Maybe she'd forget it all in the morning. Maybe the record she was writing down would be gone; the pages blank, the ink back in the bottle. But she would at least try.

Pinkamena deserved at least that much.

Twilight lit another candle, set her tea pot to boil, pulled out a fresh quill and started to write.

Unknown to her, unobserved, under the table where she wrote, a tiny fleck of something festered and grew. a miniscule gobbet of the Trollfic she had unconsciously scraped off her back hoof, now nestled in the dark cracks of the library floor. It slowly swelled and grew, feeding off o                th                sp                      oh god it burns             ak       gll

th            p       a                           2346       4             &^%                   @#$...  .. . ..

......                                      .                     ... .

Twilight carefully emptied the last of the pot of boiling water on the greasy pea-sized gobbet as it quivered in agony. Then, satisfied that the last of it had been forced up out of the crack in the floor by the blistering hot water, she picked up her annotated edition of Diana Hackney's Rules for Writers and brought it down on the exposed glob with all the force she could muster.

The animate blob of godawful writing  popped like a cyst.

There was a flash of light and a loud report. Twilight lifted the book. There was nothing left but a charred spot on the floor the size of a dime; the book itself was unharmed. She brushed the soot off the cover with an air of satisfaction.

"Nah. I don't think so," she said to noone in particular, and went back to her writing.

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