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Sombra The Highly Unmotivated

by naturalbornderpy

Chapter 9: Answers... Later

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I awoke itchy and sore and soon realized my sweatshirt had been given back to me inside out and heavily wrinkled. The first thing I saw once I opened my eyes was an immature stick figure drawing right under my nose. Coming to, I found my legs and stomach wedged into a miniature-sized school desk, most likely intended for someone a lot shorter than five-foot-ten. I struggled to get my legs out, both knees popping from the stretch.

I groaned and blinked. Then I noticed I wasn’t alone in the room.

Twilight Sparkle stood in front of a cracked wall in desperate need of new paint. The glare I’d received after the chase had all but vanished from her, leaving in its wake a tired mare that could hardly look me in the eyes. She ran her hoof along the ground sluggishly.

“I’m sorry you saw what you saw today, Steve,” she started slowly. “You weren’t supposed to come here and Sombra was never supposed to leave us. A few days more and everything would’ve been over. A few days more and all of this would’ve come to an end… or at least that’s what we’re hoping for.”

I searched my wrists for handcuffs of some kind, but found them bare. Looking behind me, I glimpsed the dying rays of sunlight beaming through an open window fitted with bars. I didn’t know how long I’d been out, but I was sure a couple of hours at most. This must have been another room in the rehabilitation center.

I lifted both hands. “What’s stopping me from walking away right now?”

Twilight motioned with her horn. “That fact that this room has no doors, as well as the fact your book of spells has been taken from you and given to a researcher upstairs. Only a unicorn can teleport you out.”

Damn. “So what do you want from me?”

She lifted her head and took a step closer. “From you, Steve, we want nothing at all. Your part in all this ended the moment we left you on Earth. Now we keep an eye on you until everything’s complete. Once it’s over, we’ll return you home. And that’s all there is to it.”

I crossed my arms and chewed my tongue. “I somehow don’t believe that.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if you do, Steve. That’s all that’ll happen to you. It was never my intention to frighten you or cause you harm. But what I’m trying to accomplish cannot be halted for anything.”

“And I take it Sombra won’t be coming with me back to Earth?”

Twilight shut her eyes. “Sombra won’t be leaving Equestria again, Steve. I’m sorry for tricking you the way we had and for everything since then, but Sombra’s too important to us. To everyone, really.”

I’d found the mare that chased me across a field close to terrifying a few hours ago—this pitiful, dejected Twilight that spoke to me now almost made me want to flip over my small desk just to watch her flinch.

I told her, “You don’t act a lot like the Twilight I met on Earth.”

Twilight smiled faintly. “Would you have been so inclined to give Sombra away to a bunch of miserable, angry, tired mares?”

“I think Luna ruined your image, then,” I shot back.

“I think that’s because she’s lost a lot more than most.”

I put my palms to my temples. “Enough cryptic mumbo-jumbo. How can any of this have to do with Sombra? He was defeated. He was sent to me. He ate garbage and wasted his life. Usually those types of people impact internet message boards at most, and usually in a negative way. So how can Sombra be responsible for anything besides what he’s already done? You still mad about the whole Crystal Empire business? He’s been out of Equestria for a long time now. He’s been away, Twilight! Doing nothing!”

Twilight gingerly strolled around the room, running a hoof along the deep cracks that tracked from the floor to the ceiling. “How long ago was it that Sombra arrived in your place, Steve?”

“Nine months ago.”

She still wouldn’t face me. “You know when all this trouble started, Steve?”

I didn’t answer, but I had a good idea what was coming next.

She finally turned to me. “Nine months ago.”

***

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” I told her bluntly, cutting her sentence neatly in half. She’d been going on for close to five minutes straight about things I barely understood. Thirty seconds into her lengthy explanation, I was tempted to ask for a pen and paper to jot myself some notes. I only hoped a quiz was not lying in wait somewhere in the near future.

Twilight exhaled and angled her head. “More idiotic than an ex-tyrant appearing out of your toaster, Steve? More idiotic than a working spell book delivered to you on Earth? More idiotic than the fact that you arrived in a land filled with talking ponies, all from an incantation you simply read aloud?”

I snorted. “Well, yeah, that’s all pretty silly stuff, too. But what you’re talking about—”

Also happened, Steve. And is continuing to happen. Let me try to make this a little more clear.”

Twilight levitated a piece of chalk to the damaged wall and drew a straight line clean across. She drew a large X at both ends.

She indicated the first X. “Let’s say this X represents the moment Sombra was defeated at the Crystal Empire.” She dragged the chalk to the other X, thickening the line between them. “Let’s say this second X represents this exact point in time, meaning that the line between them is the nine months that have passed.”

She turned her head to me and I nodded. Then I waved a hand. “Continue.”

A quarter of the way down the line, she added a smaller X and drew a crude stick figure doodle. “It was around two months after Sombra left that the first human appeared in Equestria. A male, in his early forties. An accident with electricity sent him here.” Twilight came away from the chalk diagram and her eyes took on a far away appearance. “Interested in such a rare find, I took it upon myself to inform him of pony culture. In the two weeks he spent here, we exchanged knowledge of both our worlds and upon reflection I’d consider it one of the most fascinating points in all of my studies.”

I asked, “How’d he get back to Earth? Another bolt of lightning?”

“A group of unicorns,” she answered curtly. “After learning where Earth was located compared to Equestria, I tasked a group of elder unicorns with developing a teleportation spell powerful enough to send him back. The spell worked. I made sure that it would. But it took a full dozen powerful unicorns to accomplish, and then several days’ rest for each. As alicorns, and with a little more practice, Luna and I were able to return here with a little less difficulty.”

I sighed. “I know I’m going to sound like a broken record by the end of all this, but what does that have to do with Sombra? A human popped by, you all had tea and crumpets together, and then you sent him on his way. Seems like a nice little story. Perhaps a tad on the dry side.”

A faint smirk found her. “I wish it ended there, Steve. I really do. But that human was only the first of many to find themselves lost in our world. It was only three days later that a young girl appeared out of thin air in the very center of town—due to another accident on Earth. A week following that, a traveling father and son knocked on the doors of the Crystal Empire, searching for answers. And from that point on, more and more of your kind found their way in, even if only by accident.”

“So you sent them all back to Earth?”

Twilight nodded. “As soon as we could, we sent them home—requesting more and more unicorns to perform the spell. Even now, we can hardly keep up with the humans that arrive. Most are merely frightened by what’s happened to them, or by us. Most are friendly, or confused, or believe themselves to be stuck in a coma or a dream. Either way, we return them as quickly as we can.”

I could tell she was reflecting on something she’d rather not think about.

I said, “I take it you got a few bad humans in the bunch, didn’t you?”

She tightened her jaw and tried for a smile. “I don’t think one out of twenty is all that bad. Those types… we kept well away from the public. This afternoon, you met Sweetie Belle and her friends. Most humans that come here enjoy spending time with those types. The nice humans, I mean.”

I nodded briskly. “Okay. Humans in Equestria. Too many humans in Equestria. How come all of Earth doesn’t know about this place, then?”

She cocked a brow. “If you never met Sombra, Steve, would you have believed someone if they told you they just came from a land of talking ponies?”

I didn’t have a good answer to that. “All right. Again, what does this have to do with Sombra?”

Twilight added a second smaller X near the middle of the diagram. Then she came back to me. “Do you think it’s possible, Steve, that there’s another Earth in existence, identical to yours, except on that Earth everyone’s eyes are blue?”

I blinked what sleep remained from my eyes. “Come again?”

“How about an Earth where hands and feet are in the opposite place or one where dogs breathe underwater?”

I wasn’t following any of this. “Well, based on those descriptions, I know I wouldn’t like to visit either of those places.”

Twilight began pacing around my little desk. “When that first human came to Equestria and unveiled the existence of an entirely new world to us, I began to wonder just how many more worlds were out there—ones we couldn’t even see or know about. Perhaps even some nearly identical to Equestria, besides the smallest of details; there could be millions of them, billions, even. It was something I never thought about before. If a being such as Discord could exist or the Elements of Harmony, then why not the existence of limitless other worlds?”

She pointed a hoof at the middle X along the timeline.

“It was around this point I got my answer,” she said softly. “While dealing with the influx of displaced humans, something entirely different arrived here. You mentioned bad humans before, but never had we come across a bad creature. Since it couldn’t speak, we had no way of reasoning with it. Since all it did was destroy what lay in its path, the Elements and I were forced to put it down. Overall, it proved to be one of our more difficult battles. When things were quiet once more, I asked a human awaiting to be returned home if this type of thing would have come from Earth. In reply, they shook their head and said, ‘Only from my nightmares.’”

Twilight went silent for a moment and went back to the board. Using her hoof, she lightly rubbed along the line, increasing her pressure the closer she got to the end. The diagram now started neat and thin before becoming a wash of white dust by the second large X.

She finally said, “That was only the first of such monsters to arrive here without warning. Ponyville, Canterlot, even the Crystal Empire has seen hit by such horrors. And never has the same creature appeared twice.”

Twilight rubbed her chalk-covered hoof along her side, spreading dust into her coat. She seemed not to care.

“This timeline now represents Equestria’s barrier between worlds. Nine months ago it was a solid shield against any that might have come here—whether it be on purpose or by accident. Now it is deteriorating at an alarming rate. At the moment, it is frail and weak and it is allowing things that shouldn’t be here to come here, and sooner or later I’m worried something will find its way into Equestria that we have no hope of calming or defeating. Too much damage has already been done here.”

Like a schoolboy, I raised my hand. “And what does this—”

“—have to do with Sombra?” she finished. “When Sombra was destroyed, he somehow got sent to Earth through your toaster. I believe this started a chain reaction of sorts. Sombra came to Earth by mistake and by doing so poked a small hole into the fabric between worlds. Humans came here and that hole only grew. Now we have no control over what comes next, and it’s only getting worse.”

I fidgeted in my tiny chair and ran my hands along my numb legs. By this point I was already finding the barrage of information too much to take, especially given how this whole adventure had started.

I almost pleaded, “Really? New worlds and thinning fabrics in time and space? Humans and monsters and ponies?”

Twilight nodded. “I’m afraid so, Steve.”

I rubbed at my temples again. “This all started with a pony on a couch. How the hell did we get here? You must realize this is insane!”

Twilight came around me and placed a hoof on my arm. “I’m sorry it’s turned out this way, Steve, but rest assured that things are almost at an end. I put too much trust in Discord with keeping Sombra safe, but sadly, as things grow worse, I’ve come to depend on him for a lot.” She paused. “The ponies Discord’s brought here will be returned to their homes and as soon as we can, this place will be demolished. Once he’s brought back to us, Sombra will be treated very well from here on out. Anything he wants, he will have. Junk food and stories. Soft beds. I’m sure I could find one desperate mare for him if he wanted one.”

I looked at her, unknowing if I could trust anything she’d said. If it was all another lie, it was a damn complicated and big one. “How does Sombra solve any of this?”

Twilight brightened a bit. “Sombra doesn’t know it now, but he’s the only one that can save Equestria.”

“Did you miss the part where he lived on a couch for seven months and broke the armrest when he sat on it?”

She shook her head. “There are more ways than one to save the world, Steve. And with our help, he’ll do just that.”

“If this all doesn’t involve me, then why are you telling me all this?”

Her eyes took on that far away look again. “Because I want you to know that I’m not trying to hurt you or Sombra. Everything I’ve done has a purpose. And that’s only to help save what little is left of this world.”

I told her bluntly, “You’re one crazy little pony, you know that?”

She chuckled dryly. “Try living in a world for nine months that could end at any moment, Steve. I promise you, you wouldn’t be the same person afterwards.”

I raised a finger. “I still don’t—”

Boom!

A deafening explosion detonated outside the center as bits of concrete and dust fell from the ceiling. Both Twilight and I turned in the direction of the noise—somewhere near the doors of the building. A second explosion followed soon after as beyond the walls of the tiny room, ponies galloped in the direction of the explosion. After each blast came a crackling sound I almost recognized. Fireworks?

Twilight held a hoof out to me. “Stay here.”

I glanced around the sealed room. “No sh—”

Already, she was gone.

***

As the thunderous booming from outside continued to shake the building’s foundation, I grew concerned about my complete lack of escape routes. More dust and bits of debris fell from the ceiling and I started keeping an eye on the larger cracks, should some good-sized chunk decide to pry loose and land on my head. What a short adventure that would make this, I mused.

That was when I noticed the thick blanket of dark smoke lazily drifting in through the barred window and down the wall. Worried about choking to death, I retreated to the nearest corner and brought a hand to my mouth. Needless to say, I was a little more than surprised when the black mass changed directions and hovered towards me.

Two green and red eyes appeared in the thick of the smoke, along with two familiar purple vapor trails. “Hello, Steve,” it greeted calmly enough.

I pried my hand from my face and waved a bit of the smoke away. “Sombra?”

The dark mass stopped pouring in and gathered together to form a dense wall of darkness from the floor to the ceiling. If I wasn’t entirely sure it was somehow my pet pony, I thought it would’ve proved quite the terrifying display.

“Who else?” it answered.

I stuck my hand in the smoke and swirled it around. “You’ve… changed states somehow. Could you always do this?”

The whirling smoke oozed to the floor and hardened into Sombra’s normal pony self again. From his display he looked rather pleased, as he held a half-dissolved hoof close to his muzzle. “It’s a trick I learned a long time ago. I haven’t done it in a while, but figured it would be the best way in here.” He looked up at me with a smirk. “Guess who I am, Steve?” He inhaled a bit of his hoof and then blew it out. He did it again and looked at me.

I shrugged.

“I’m you, Steve. Remember when you started smoking those little paper sticks because that new girl at work did? Even though all they did was make you sick?” He giggled childishly and took another drag of himself. He said mockingly, “My name’s Steve and I’m trying to impress a female by setting paper on fire and eating it! If she said she liked human men that wore eye patches, I’d probably be inclined to take a rusty spoon and shovel out an eye!”

He chuckled again—hardly audible underneath the continued booms sounding off by the other side of the building. Sombra inhaled a bit more and held it in his mouth, slowly exhaling out his nostrils. “Now I’m Steve when he burns that odd smelling plant in that weirdly-shaped flower pot.” He roughly shot out what was left in his mouth and started coughing onto the ground. Extending his tongue out, he scrapped the top of it with a hoof. “Eck! I taste awful, Steve. I taste far too bitter.”

I rolled my eyes. “Then stop smoking yourself already.”

I pressed an ear against the wall, listening for nearby hoofsteps. All I managed to hear were the large barrage of explosions and the occasional muffled shout from some pony many walls away.

I turned to Sombra again, still busy ridding the taste of himself from his mouth. “How can you be so calm about all this?”

He looked at me wide-eyed. “What? The forced rehabilitation and overwhelming uncertainty of whether or not we’ll live to see another day?” He waved a hoof. “I’ve dealt with worse. You know how many assassination attempts I lived through while running my Empire, Steve? Hundreds, if not more. The only times I grew nervous was when no one was trying to have me killed. Moments like those told me I was going too easy on everyone. Plus, it’s only Twilight and her friends, albeit acting a little more sinister than how I remembered them.”

I ran a hand through my hair and shut my eyes. So many questions floated around in the blackness of my thoughts, and the answers I’d been given so far had been anything but helpful. But before trying to comprehend any of that, there was still something I’d promised I’d do if I ever saw Sombra again.

I bent a knee and lowered to the ground. “Come here and give me a hug.”

Sombra grimaced. “I don’t think now’s a good time, Steve. Did Twilight happen to give you some of the doctor’s purple pills?”

I pointed a thumb at my chest. “Real quick-like, Sombra. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again, so I’m glad you’re okay.”

Sombra thought for a moment. “Well, all right, then. Just a quick one.”

Once close enough to me, I grabbed one of his ears and twisted it around. Sombra yelped and the ear I was holding onto turned to smoke. He retreated to the other end of room, cradling his ear with a leg.

“You twisted maniac!” he exclaimed. “I told you not to do that, Steve! Ow! That really hurt!”

I stood up and crossed my arms. “I’m glad. You abandoned me, Sombra. You ran off without me and then teleported on your own. You couldn’t have included me in that little spell of yours?”

Sombra huffed out a breath. “First off, I didn’t abandon you. I simply left you behind not knowing for sure if Twilight and her friends would tear you to pieces or lock you up for all eternity. Secondly, I haven’t used any magic of worth for some time, so it’ll take a little practice to return to my original greatness. Teleporting, I’ve got a handle on. As well as the smoke stuff. But that’s mostly for show. And don’t forget who got us into this whole mess to begin with, Steve—handing me over to a bunch of complete strangers just because I killed a few hundred ponies a while ago.” He paused and took a hesitant step forward. “What have they been doing to you, Steve? I hope they haven’t given you over to the doctor yet.”

I shook my head. “So far, all I’ve done is talk to Twilight about a whole mess of stuff I really don’t believe. Somehow it involves distorted realities, monsters, humans, the ending of worlds, and even you, although how you’re responsible for all that, I haven’t a clue.”

Sombra grumbled. “Nothing but lies, Steve. I was right this whole time about Twilight and the rest. I should’ve known her original soft and warm exterior was nothing but a mask to keep the deep darkness that dwells within out of sight.”

Another alarming boom rang out further away from the center.

He came closer. “We need to leave this place, Steve. I managed to sneak into town and steal a whole pile of fireworks from a stand. Then I spiced them up a tad and let them loose on this place. It’ll distract them for a while, but not for long. All I know is, we need to get out of Equestria as fast as we can.”

I didn’t disagree with that.

***

After informing Sombra that Twilight left my spell book somewhere upstairs, he teleported us out of the doorless room and into the hallway a floor above. The new floor was near the same layout as the lower level—both sides of the hall were littered with dozens of locked rooms with doors and small windows. I peered into a few and found all types of ponies sprawled out in cramped padded rooms; some gently rocking in chairs, peering out their windows. Most appeared asleep or drugged into another dimension. I was sure a few even had colorful swirls in their eyes.

As we walked down the hall, a light-green mare waved at me through the glass on her door. When I waved back, she put both hooves to her mouth and giggled until she fell out of view.

Sombra walked next to me. “I don’t think your book’s on this floor, Steve. There’s nothing but more helpless saps stuck here. At least these ones got a window. Or a bed. Or a chair. Or a cup and ball to keep them entertained.”

I nodded. “We’ll check the last few rooms and then try the next floor. If Twilight took the book with her while she investigated the noise, then we’re screwed.”

One door at the very end of the hall stood open ajar. As quietly as I could, I glanced in and saw a unicorn mare with her back to me, her head down and reading off the light from a desk lamp. Propped open on the table was my spell book. Every few seconds, she’d turn to the side to make a note on a length of scroll with a quill.

Outside the door, Sombra whispered, “Your book in there?”

I knelt to him. “Yeah. Some mare’s reading it—not any of Twilight’s friends, either. It looks like she’s making notes.”

Sombra motioned towards the room. “Then go get it.”

“Why do I need to go get it?”

“Because it’s your book, Steve. And I’ve already bailed you out of one mess and brought you this far. So come on now and go pull your weight.”

I ran a hand over my face. “How? She’ll blast me the second I try and take it from her.”

Sombra frowned. “Were you always this daft, human? When she’s not looking, just hit her over the head with something. Knock her out. This really isn’t all that complicated, Steve.” He searched around and found a fallen piece of concrete from the ceiling. He levitated it into my hand. “Here, use this.”

I shut my eyes. “You can’t just put her to sleep with your horn or something? Twilight did something like that to me before.”

“As I told you, I’m still working on my old powers. But you know what would still put her to sleep, Steve?” He pointed to the piece of solid ceiling I was holding. “That rock in your hand—smashed into her skull with much force.”

I held out the rock to him. “Can’t you do it, instead?”

He shook his head. “No, Steve. It’s time to get your hands dirty. If you have any hope of getting out of this place alive, you’d better start showing some aggression. Twilight and her friends are trying to kill you, remember?”

I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t think that’s true, actually. I know they don’t like me much right now, but I still think it’s you they have a bone to pick with. Twilight said they’d send me back once they’re finished whatever they’re doing.”

Sombra growled. “L-I-E-S, Steve. How many times must you be fooled before you understand that? You can’t trust a single word that comes from their mouths.”

I really had no idea who I could trust anymore—the Twilight from Earth that’d started off all warm and fuzzy and then became some hollowed out version of herself, stripped to the barest of emotions, or the pony I’d called a pet for over half a year—the same one that’d left me to fend for myself against six angry mares. Maybe I shouldn’t trust anyone for a while.

I chuckled lightly. “Twilight said you were somehow going to save Equestria. That only you could save everyone.”

Sombra sat down on the floor. “The only thing I’m good at is conquering, Steve, not saving. All she’s doing is trying to confuse you. Remember, they’re the bad guys. We’re the good guys in all this.” He pointed at the rock again. “Now take that rock and smash in that pony’s skull with it, and then let’s get out of here already.”

Sighing bitterly, I eventually entered the room.

***

I held the heavy rock in my hand above her head for close to half a minute before Sombra intervened. By that point, a gentle bead of sweat trickled down my temple and my insides fought with themselves about just how to proceed. A big part of me knew it had to get my book back and hightail it out of this place. Another part honestly wondered how it’d live with itself after clobbering a tiny pony with a rock while her back was turned. To add to the difficulty, the unknown mare even hummed a quiet tune as she read and jotted down notes.

Thus far along my adventure, I hadn’t come into contact with a single pony that wasn’t at least the tiniest bit adorable. Were all Equestrian citizens born this way? Or were the less desirable ones sent to a remote location to live and to breed with their own kind? Perhaps a small stretch of land named “Less Adorable Town.” Tagline: “Still a step up from Ugly Town.”

For thirty seconds I stood motionless, besides the rock that trembled in my hand.

Clearly, Sombra must have had very little faith it me.

Just do it, Steve!” he screamed from the doorway.

The mare below me jumped in her seat and her horn shot off a tiny bolt of energy towards the ceiling. A moment later, a small chunk of concrete gave way where her spell had hit and came down, clocking her on the head. From there, the unicorn dropped atop her desk, snoring instantly.

I let the rock in my hand fall to the floor and gathered up my book from under her head. Before leaving, I whispered, “I’m sorry,” even if I knew she was well on her way to dream land by then. I knew I shouldn’t have felt as bad as I did, considering the predicament these ponies were placing me in, but still: talking, colorful ponies were cute and hitting them felt wrong.

But not Sombra, though. I was still okay with hitting him.

I’m sure the ghost of my cat would agree.

***

After reclaiming my book, Sombra and I teleported a good distance away from the center and traveled near the outskirts of town. While we ran, I could hear Twilight yelling to others over the loud booms that ripped across the quiet town. By the edge in her voice, she must have been a tad bit irritated by the sudden interruption.

Stopping behind a wide tree trunk, I dropped my book and started looking for a spell that might work. Whatever looked the most opposite of the spell that brought me here, I thought.

While I searched, Sombra glanced around nervously. “This place is so weird, Steve, you have no idea. I tried to get out of town after they chased us, but the whole area’s been encased inside a dome. It didn’t feel like Twilight’s magic, either—I still remember it from the night they took me. I also don’t think they placed it around strictly to try and trap us. I think it must have always been there, either to keep others out or the town inside.” He shivered. “I hate this place. I hate the outdoors, too. When we get back, I want takeout. A lot of it. And candy. I haven’t had a single sprinkle of sugar since I got here. I think I went through some type of withdrawal.”

I flipped to another page. “Could you shut up, please? I’m trying to—” Then I recalled something he’d just mentioned. “Did you say you tried to leave town? As in leave town without me?”

Sombra sat down on the grass. “I was going to see what changes befell my Empire, Steve. With any luck, I could have started an uprising and struck down that unicorn couple that blew me up into a thousand little pieces.”

I glared at him for a moment.

He huffed. “What? I’m sure some of my old citizens would have joined with me.”

I ran my finger down the page. “All right. This one seems… closest to what might work. And if it accidentally sends us to the moon, it’ll still be mounds less creepy and confusing than this place. So here goes nothing.”

Clearly my throat, I carefully enunciated each word. This time I didn’t skip a single syllable or stutter at all. It had to be perfect, I knew. At that moment, I wanted back home so bad I almost missed my drone-like work environment. Hell, even that was an understatement. If this spell worked, I’d go to work on Saturday and not even care if I got paid. At least there’d be no ponies chasing me around.

I finished the incantation and watched the area above the book where the portal should’ve appeared. Instead of a swirling mass of whites and grays, all I saw was the same brown bark in front of me. Confused, I went back to the book and looked it over.

I’d said each word correctly and in a timely fashion. I hadn’t stumbled a single time. Even if this wasn’t the right spell to get home, it should’ve done something to notify me a spell had been cast. Bemused, I fell to the grass and closed the book with a snap. Then the horrible notion of just why it hadn’t worked came to mind.

Sombra nudged me with a hoof. “Where’s the portal, Steve? I crave couches and snacks and less torture and madness.”

It was then that I spoke the oddest sentence in my life.

“I think if we want to create a portal back to Earth, we’re going to need to steal someone’s toaster."

Author's Notes:

As hard as it might be to believe, this story does actually have a "happy" ending. Even a cute one.

But not the Epilogue, though. Don't trust the Epilogue.

Next Chapter: Toasters... Later Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 4 Minutes
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