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Sombra The Highly Unmotivated

by naturalbornderpy

Chapter 14: Kings... Later

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The walk to the center of the Crystal Empire took around ten minutes, and most of that time I kept an eye out for Twilight or her friends. There’d be a good chance some of them would be waiting at the train platform near the gates for the train’s arrival. If things worked accordingly, I could get in and out without raising any alarms.

Halfway there, I actually had to stop and hold my stomach, I was laughing so hard.

There was just no way things were going to work out for me here.

Around the base of the crystal tower was a courtyard filled with wide benches and a dozen or so glowing lamps. On one side of the tower sat a half-circle of raised seats, reminding me of the single—horrible—time I was forced to attend an opera. The seating capacity looked around five-hundred at best.

The courtyard had twenty ponies mingling about, some lying on benches with bits of dirt or grease on their work uniforms. Most held their safety helmets by their sides, the few unicorns’ having holes in the top.

Before entering the well lit circle, I scanned the crowd.

“No Twilight. No friends,” I whispered. “So far, so good.”

Since I thought all of these ponies were the workers Twilight had been using to erect the mammoth eyesore in what remained of the Empire, I sidled up beside a light-blue mare on a bench with soot on her cheek. She huffed out tiredly. They must have been working around the clock to get this all set up in time.

She turned to me and rubbed at her eyes. “A human? Already? I thought that train wasn’t scheduled to get here for another couple hours.”

In a world of ponies, I stuck out of the crowd like a sore thumb. The fact that I actually had thumbs didn’t help. Right now, I couldn’t let myself become the center of attention.

“I… uh….” I tried rebooting my brain. It said it needed an update. I refused and went with what came to mind first. “I came on an earlier train.”

She raised a brow. “There’s more than one train coming here? That’s the first I heard of that, and I should know; I helped build that train station.”

I went for a redo. “Did I say ‘train?’ I meant, I teleported here. Was teleported here.”

The mare sat up on the bench. “By who?”

“Discord.”

“Why?”

“To check on the state of things here.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s important.”

“Why?”

“Do you think Discord would’ve sent me here himself if it wasn’t important?”

She stared at me for a while, blinking sluggishly. “A lot of what you’re saying doesn’t make sense, but I’m too tired right now to figure out why. We’ve all been working double-time and over-time, not to mention the complete lack of coffee or hay breaks. Just don’t touch any of the walls while you’re here—wet paint and all.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “You got it.” I took a quick glance around to make sure no other ponies were near us. “They say there’s supposed to be some show happening soon. Know anything about that?”

“Of course I do.” She pointed at the crystal tower. “It’s to commemorate the reopening of the Crystal Empire. Twilight and the Elements of Harmony are going to reenact the time when King Sombra was defeated and all his crystal slaves were set free.” She lowered her head to the bench. “Although, it’ll be kind of sad… not many crystal ponies around anymore, besides the ones that were away from the Empire when it was destroyed.”

I nodded and scanned up the shiny tower, stopping at the jutting balcony. If Sombra’s stories were true, that was where it all went downhill for him.

Still gazing, I asked, “How’s Sombra supposed to play into all of this?”

“They’ve brought in some actor to play Sombra.” By the thought, the mare perked up a bit and sat up. “He must be one of those method actors, I think. The second he arrived, he was already in a bubble, cursing and spitting and worse. Whatever dye job they used on his coat must’ve been good. Seriously, it’s crazy. It’s almost like they found the real King Sombra to come act for them.”

This was all so very messed up.

Thus far, Twilight had kept almost all of the populace in the dark about what was happening to their Equestria: the monsters that could arrive at any moment; the fact that another Equestria—a far better one—even existed at all; the horrible truth that she was going to merge the two Equestrias, eradicating every living pony here. On top of all that, the knowledge that the actual Sombra was back in the Crystal Empire, labeled as some actor in a twisted play.

I couldn’t have made this stuff up if I tried.

I turned to the mare, who seemed a tad closer to me than before. “Know where that actor might be by chance? The one playing Sombra?”

She motioned towards the tower. “In there somewhere. Near the top, I’m sure. That’s where we built the throne room and I’d figured that’s where they’d be practicing before the ceremony.” She looked up at me. “Are you going to be around for the ceremony? There’s supposed to be fireworks at the end.”

I chewed on my tongue. “Hard to say. I might need to leave before things get going.”

She scooted a few inches closer to me with a blush on her cheeks. “Well, maybe if you’re still around, you could come watch it with me. I know it’s uncommon for our type to mingle, but you seem really nice.” She placed a hoof on my hand. “And you must be important, working for Discord and everything.”

I wished I’d read the official rulebook before coming here. It wouldn’t have even taken that much time, having only four rules to remember.

The rules of alt-Equestria were as follows:

1. You lose.

2. Don’t try to win, because you’ll only lose.

3. Even if you think you’re winning, that’s only false hope. Refer to rule no. 1 for more information.

4. Discord isn’t your friend, as much as he says he is.

I placed another hand overtop her hoof. “You’re really nice, and very cute, but I’m just not looking for someone right now. But there’s a guy named Bob coming on the next train who I know you’d get along with.”

She pouted. “Is Bob as important as you?”

Since I honestly had better places to be…

“Yes. Yes, he is. As a matter of fact, he’s the president of Earth.”

***

On my walk to the center of the Empire, I re-read my spell book and tried to memorize as many useful spells as I could. I doubted all that many ponies would give me the time to flip through my book in the middle of a fight.

The first test came at the large set of doors to the tower. Two stallion guards in full glittering armor stood side by side with spears hooked in their legs. If they weren’t half my body height, I might have actually been afraid. Then again, less than an hour ago I’d watched a monster from another universe break its bones in order to catch up to the train I was on.

Along my journey, it seemed I’d completely run out of cares to give.

Several meters from the guards, I flipped through my book and found little of use. I could’ve used my fire spell and torched them both, but that would’ve given me away in an instant. I could’ve teleported in, as well, but the thought of being divided in half by a wall didn’t sound all that relaxing.

With a snap, I closed my book and decided on something rather juvenile.

I hurried towards them. “Can you tell me where the washrooms are?”

The guard on the left sighed. “The washrooms haven’t been finished yet, but the construction crew’s been using—”

In mid-sentence, I roughly mashed their heads together, denting their helmets and knocking them unconscious. As I stepped over them, I tried not to glance at their peacefully sleeping faces. If I ever made it back to Earth, I thought the first place I’d visit would be my local church to confess all my sins. Namely, how many colorful, talking ponies I’d injured in the last few days. I was sure the priest had heard worse.

Inside, a rich red carpet directed me across the hall to a spiral staircase and I climbed, keeping an ear out for anyone around. When the stairs came to an end, I was met with a decision. I arrived in a long corridor with three doors on each side, and one set of double doors at the end. All were made from the same purplish crystal material, polished to a sheen.

I put my ear to the first door on my left and heard nothing.

I did the same to the other five. Three were silent, while I thought I heard light snoring from one and idle chatter from the other. By the voices, I knew none of them were Sombra.

Reaching the end of the corridor, I tried to hear inside the last room.

Sombra’s deep chuckle echoed from inside, rising towards a full shout near the end.

He’s completely lost his mind, I thought, before reflecting. And I really can’t blame him.

Checking the vacant hall once more, I pushed inward and entered.

***

“Steve!”

Before I even shut the doors behind me, Sombra cut his maniacal laugh in half and ran towards me, leaping up to wrap his legs around my torso. I was so confused by the sudden affection that in return, I patted his head while simultaneously pushing him away.

He looked up at me with a grin, giggling while he spoke. “I knew you’d find me again! You were always my best, most loyal slave. And what wonderful news I have!”

I found his newfound energy and enthusiasm worrying me, as did the shiny crown atop his head and the red cape draped over his back.

I knelt down to him. “I don’t care what you’ve heard, Sombra. We need to get out of here. I’m not sure what type of security this place has—so far, I’m guessing terrible—but if Twilight finds me here, I’m sure—”

Sombra held out a bit of his cape to me. “Like my cape, Steve? It’s not as nice as my old one, but I’m sure once I’ve settled in, they’ll make me another. It’s so weird. I haven’t worn clothes for so long, it almost feels odd to have something like this. And don’t even get me started on the crown!”

I put a heavy hand on his shoulder. “The crown looks fine, but you need to shut up right now.”

He flicked my hand away and trotted around the room. It was the first time I’d actually took it all in—the opulent throne at the center of the room, the large opening that fed onto the balcony, the hoof-made paintings adorning the walls and the tables of rich foods pressed into the corners.

“That’s no way for one of my slaves to be speaking to me,” Sombra said, with his chin held high. “I am no longer Sombra to you, Steve. I am King Sombra. So you’d better get that right. Just because you are my friend, does not mean I can treat you differently than the rest. Favoritism cannot be allowed.” He thought for a moment. “Although, if any of the other slaves give you any trouble, let me know and I’ll have them executed.”

It was all coming together. What Discord mentioned on the train; what the mare down below had hinted at. Everyone’s least favorite King had miraculously reappeared and Sombra had taken the bait and swallowed it whole.

I went to his throne and ran a hand along it. “What is it you think is happening here?”

He gave me a wide grin. “A great, big mistake, Steve. One I could not be happier about.” He chuckled deeply. “All day I’ve been trying to get my laugh back in order. It’s nowhere near as terrifying as it used to be. What do you think?”

Sombra began with a timid giggle that slowly turned into a roar. Once finished, he looked at me curiously.

I shrugged. “An eight?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Out of?”

I didn’t feel like making him mad. “Eight.”

He grinned again. “Good. That’s what I thought.” Casually pacing around the room, he stopped at each piece of art to soak it in. “This Equestria is not Equestria, Steve. It’s a far darker version, complete with a set of Elements so corrupt it’s as if I created them myself. The dark Twilight here has decided to leave this world and invade the real Equestria.”

He turned to me, and all at once I was reminded of the first couple of days we’d spent together in the condo. I didn’t trust him and he didn’t trust me. Hardly blinking, it was as if a piece of Sombra’s inner workings had fallen away, leaving an off-balance and unhinged pony in his stead. A part of Sombra might’ve thought what Twilight had told him to be nothing more than lies, but I wondered if a larger part of him wanted to believe it to be true. To be in control again. To be King again.

“Wisely,” he continued, “she has chosen me as the one to lead them all to victory. Having never conquered before, they have given me back my title as King and soon we will open up the portal between worlds and enslave every last pony in Equestria—including those original six that destroyed me before.”

I rolled my eyes. “You actually believe all that?”

He looked hurt at that. “Of course I do! It’s the truth! I’m the best unicorn to ever grace this world, so of course they’d come to me to lead them.” He came to stand beside me, lowering his voice. “And all the things they’ve given me, Steve. It’s wonderful. This castle, this throne room, all the food I want—besides meat, but we’ll iron out those details later.” He bit his lower lip like an excited child. “All the mares I want, too.”

Upon hearing that, I ripped my hand up from his throne. “I hope not in here.”

Sombra gently kicked against the floor. “Well, not yet. Twilight says they’re still looking for someone worthy of me, and I guess I can understand that taking a while. I told her she was good enough—being an alicorn and everything—but even she says she’s unworthy. I almost feel bad for the mare. Depriving herself of me.”

Nice save, crazy Twilight. Nice save.

I anxiously rubbed my hands together. “Okay. Here’s what I’m gonna do because we’re friends, and because you gave me the same advice only a short time ago. Ready? Here it comes. Twilight is lying to you. Big time. Her story doesn’t end with you joining forces and taking over Equestria. This ends with you blowing up into a billion pieces and reversing this world.” Using his horn, I redirected his head to me. “Twilight’s only trying to keep you sedated until it’s time—which will be soon. So that means that you and I need to beat it the hell out of here.”

Sombra pulled away from me and slowly peered around the room; the joy on his face when I first entered melting away. “But there’s supposed to be a ceremony tonight, Steve. Twilight’s going to announce me as her successor and I’ll be crowned King again. Everyone’s going to be there. They’re coming here tonight.”

I put a hand on his shoulder, pitying the small tyrant. He’d been a King for hundreds of years and was leisurely defeated by a couple of unicorns and an infant dragon. Now he’d been just as easily fooled to believe he’d be in charge of all of Equestria.

“They’re only coming here to watch you die, Sombra, as well as watch the destruction of their world. This is a doomsday plot, and I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re the one at the very center of it.”

Sombra shook his head, his mouth somewhere between a grimace and pout. His eyes took on a glossy shine.

He bared his teeth at me. “You’re the one that’s lying, Steve! You’re only afraid of my power and what I’ll do once Equestria is taken. Will Earth be next? I’m not sure I’m all that interested in a planet solely inhabited by fools.” He abruptly spun around, his cape catching a bit of air. “All you want is your little pet pony back, is that it? Well, too bad, Steve. I’m not interested in your videogames or your head scratches anymore—not when a whole world waits to be conquered. Are you afraid of living alone, Steve? Is that why you’re trying to deny me what should rightfully be mine? I promise that will not be a problem for you, once you join the rest of my slaves.”

I felt like strangling the pompous idiot. Instead, I circled around him so he’d look at me. “You have no slaves! Twilight’s given you nothing! All you have is a cape and a crown and a bunch of empty promises, and the fact that I even need to tell you this is insane. You were the one that said Twilight was a liar. You were the one that said none of them could be trusted.”

“Then I was wrong!” he shouted, spit flying from his muzzle. “I was meant to be King, Steve; forever and always. All I did was take a little break while on Earth, but now that the opportunity is here, I will take it readily. And you will see how great I can be.”

I pointed a finger at him. “If I need to pull you out of here by the ears, then I will. You’re not thinking clearly right now. Deep down, you know this doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t they have just told you that on Earth? Or at any point before today?”

Sombra’s mouth opened, but no words came out. When he finally thought of something, his eyes shot open. “Because they were testing me, obviously! To make sure I was still my villainous self!”

I shook my head. “But you aren’t even that anymore, Sombra. Now you’re more akin to a grouchy jerk than a full blown villain. You let me pet you before. Just five minutes ago, you gave me a hug. Does that honestly sounds like something world conquering ponies would do?”

Sombra sat on the ground, wrapping his tail around him. “I wasn’t thinking, is all,” he muttered out. “I was only excited to note you hadn’t been horrifically murdered or decapitated since I’d last saw you.” The distraught pony turned his head to look away from me.

I knelt beside him again. “I consider you a friend, Sombra, and I recall you calling me the same—even calling yourself my Som-bro. Real villains don’t have friends; at least not ones that they can trust.” I put a hand on his head. “And as your only real friend in two worlds, you need to believe me when I say you’re in danger, and that all this King nonsense is a ruse. Your time as King is over, Sombra, and it’s been over for a while.”

The deflated little pony gently rocked himself, not meeting my eyes. A full minute went by before he looked up. The detached look he gave me didn’t fill me with much optimism.

He told me bluntly, “But I’ve always been King, Steve. And soon I’ll be King to all of Equestria. And if I were you, I’d try and stay on my good side.”

My stomach knotted. “Sombra…”

Without warning, Sombra bolted to the doors, ripping them open with his horn. He shouted down the hall, “Guards! Guards! Intruder! Get the intruder!

I dove for my pack to get my spell book. While flipping through, a curved wall of pink leapt up and surrounded me on all sides. I looked through the film to find Twilight and her friends standing in the doorway. Twilight ground her teeth together. I figured trying to ruin her plans three times in three days was the amount it took before she finally lost her cool.

The wall of pink closed in around me and I was lifted into the air and carried towards the door.

Sombra trailed behind me. “Take him to the dungeons!” He then whispered to me, “It’s really just a jail cell. The torture instruments I’ve asked for won’t be in for at least two weeks. I’ll visit you when you’ve had some time to think things over.”

I gave him the finger. He didn’t seem to understand its connotation, as he happily raised a hoof in return.

As I floated back down the hall, I contemplated on the first rule to alt-Equestria:

1. You lose.

Author's Notes:

The last chapter will be released alongside the epilogue. So stay tuned for the hopefully mildly amusing conclusion to the oddest story I've ever written!

Next Chapter: Doomsday... Later Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes
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