Despite a few initial difficulties, I had settled into a comfortable routine in my new position as Princess Twilight Sparkle’s guardian. Hopefully we would be able to move on to setting up a proper corps of bodyguards for her before too much longer; at the moment, I was still a captain without an actual company under my command. However, the princess was still adjusting to having a single protector. Until she got used to me, it seemed unwise to add more guardians.

The Princess was certainly not what I had expected. She lived in a library instead of a palace and possessed little of the royal poise which came so naturally to Princesses Celestia and Luna. Though her modesty was appealing in its own way, a part of me did wish she would present herself a bit more royally. I suppose it should have come as no surprise that she had such difficulty adjusting to my presence when she eschewed all the other trappings of her status. I had only seen her wearing her crown once in the two months since I had entered her service, and that had been for a formal event alongside Princess Celestia.

There were benefits to her modest tastes, though. My sister worked in the Lunar Guard, and I had many clanmates who had served in the Solar Guard. They all said the same things about their princesses: while Celestia and Luna were unfailingly polite, they always treated their guards with a certain professional distance. Twilight did not maintain that distance. I suspect a part of that was because she was uncomfortable with the idea of a bodyguard, and thus chose to see me as an especially protective friend instead. If that familiarity put her at ease, then so much the better.

Thus my current residence in her guest bedroom. Thankfully, Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight of the Ancient and Venerable House Sparkle did not snore.

The day began rather typically when I rose shortly before dawn. As usual, the princess was still sound asleep—she was rather fond of her late-night study sessions. She would be awake by the time I finished my morning flight and showered. The princess was very punctual about her morning routine.

My morning flight was one of my few opportunities to take in the sights of Ponyville without being at Princess Twilight’s side. The rest of my day would be spent with Her Highness as part of her ongoing efforts to become accustomed to the presence of guards. Despite the early hour, there were already plenty of ponies bustling about the town. Farmers were heading out to their fields, the weather team was working on setting everything up for sunrise, and the local bakers were preparing for the morning rush of breakfast customers.

I waved to Miss Applejack when my flight path took me over Sweet Apple Acres. To be honest, I wasn’t especially close to the farmer, but she was one of Twilight’s friends. That was not to say Applejack had been anything less than welcoming—she and the rest of the group had shown me every courtesy. However, aside from Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, whom I already knew through my cousin Cloud, Twilight’s friends treated me as a friend of a friend. The closest I had come to interacting with any of them outside of Twilight’s presence was when Cloud had taken me to the Ponyville Spa and we had crossed paths with Rarity.

I would need to get a bit more of a social life once matters with Twilight had settled down.

Once my morning flight was done, I headed for the shower. For the record, sharing a bathroom with my princess was more than a little awkward at times. Still, thus far we had avoided any unfortunate incidents.

Thus far.

I was halfway through my shower when the gem I kept around my neck started flashing. The gem had been one of the few security measures I had persuaded the princess to take. In an emergency she could silently activate it, alerting me that she was in danger and needed my help.

I knocked the bathroom door off its hinges on the way out, rushing into the princess’s study. Twilight herself was sitting at her desk. All seemed well, but she would not have activated the gem unless she was in danger. “Princess!” I leapt over her desk with a few flaps of my wings, tackling her to the floor while positioning myself protectively over her. I quickly scanned the room for threats.

“S-Storm!” Twilight’s voice was slightly muffled on account of my sodden tail resting over her face. “What are you doing?”

I flicked my tail aside so it would not impede her line of sight. “What happened, Highness? I came as soon as I could after you activated the panic gem.”

Her Highness squeaked after I moved my tail aside, then hastily repositioned herself underneath me. “Panic gem? What? I didn't do that!”

I frowned down at her, trying to make sense of it. Either there had been a false alarm, or Her Highness was under some form of coercion that prevented her from speaking freely. Thankfully, we had established a security protocol to cover that particular contingency. “Are you certain you did not call me?”

Her Highness shifted beneath me, and I realized that I was dripping quite a bit of water down onto her. The princess was also blushing rather badly. “Everything’s fine. All clear.”

Because the universe has a twisted sense of humor, Spike chose that moment to come barreling through the door. “What’s going on? I heard thumps and crashes and shouting and...” He trailed off, staring at the two of us. The young dragon stared wide-eyed at the two of us and rapidly drew the wrong conclusion. “Uh ... I’m-gonna-go-to-Rarity’s-now-bye!” He slammed the door behind him, fleeing the premises.

The slamming door jolted me out of my shock and made me quite cognizant of the fact that, to somepony unaware of the broader context, my position with the princess might seem rather compromising. I hastily removed myself from above her, then helped her back to her hooves. Her blush was quite intense by now, but I did my best not to call any attention to it. “I suppose we will have to explain what happened to him later.”

“Er ... right.” Twilight cleared her throat and rubbed her face, which cleared up most of the blush. “Right, what happened. Which was nothing. Nothing that would require me to explain things I would rather not to Spike—considering he is still a baby, by dragon standards, anyways. So, um, nothing to panic about in here. I did use that gem I gave you, but I just wanted to see if you felt like going out for brunch instead of eating in.” She coughed and averted her eyes from me. “Sorry, I didn't mean to call you when you were, um, wet.”

There was rather large puddle where the two of us had been standing, and the princess herself was rather damp. I fear I had made a mess of whatever was on her desk, too. “There is nothing to apologize for, Highness. I must have mistaken a casual summons for the emergency code.” There was no way I could possibly have done so, but I saw no harm in letting her save face. “The red one is the emergency gem, correct?”

Unfortunately, the princess was sharp enough to catch my polite stretching of the truth. “I thought I only gave you a red gem?”

“That's correct,” I reluctantly allowed.

“Oh.” She sighed and used a spell to dry herself off. “I guess we had a bit of a mix-up on what that gem was for. I told you it was so I could call you in when I needed you, and you thought it was so I could call you in when I needed you.”

“So it seems.”

“Oh. Oops.”

“I am sure the mistake was entirely my fault, Princess.”

“No no, I messed up too.” She shuffled on her hooves, staring down at the freshly dampened floor. “Err, perhaps we should see about having one gem for casual summons and another for emergencies?”

“That seems like a prudent measure to take for the future,” I agreed.

“So...” The princess awkwardly rubbed her foreleg, refusing to meet my eyes.

“Quite,” I agreed.

“You probably want to finish your shower then, don’t you?” She let out a nervous chuckle. “I mean, it’s your normal shower time, and you’ve still got shampoo in your mane and your tail was wet and so was the rest of you, because of course you would be wet because you were right in the middle of a shower and ponies tend to get wet in the shower because that’s the entire point of being in the shower and it seems like you really ran out of there in a hurry so you’d probably like to go back and finish that up because you’re still all wet and I might have seen some things I shouldn’t have while I was underneath you and I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that but right now my mouth seems to have a mind of its own and I can’t stop talking because I do that when I’m nervous and you should probably leave and go back to the shower before I say something that makes this awkward.” She coughed and offered the most strained, uncomfortable smile I have ever seen in my life.

Oh, it was far too late to avoid awkwardness.

Instead, I opted to seek as graceful of an exit as I could manage under the circumstances. That would make it far easier for both of us to pretend this entire incident had never happened. “I apologize for any inconvenience I might have caused you, Highness. If you will excuse me...” I motioned towards the bathroom door, which was now hanging half off its hinges due to my hasty exit.

“Oh. Yes, of course.” She shuffled, her eyes nervously flicking around the room until they fell upon her disordered desk and the rather large puddle I had left behind. “I’ll just clean up out here while you clean up in there. Not that I’m saying you’re dirty or anything, but—” She hastily shoved one of her hooves into her mouth to prevent any further verbal outbursts, and instead focused her efforts on casting cleaning spells.

Her Highness has always been a very fast learner.

I stepped into bathroom, shutting the damaged door as best I could. That was not anywhere near as much as I would like, but it should be enough to preserve my dignity, especially since the shower curtain was still intact. I decided to take advantage of the one positive aspect of this situation and continued the conversation. “So what did you want to speak about, Highness?”

Twilight was a long time answering. Likely she was a bit ill at ease with having a conversation through a damaged bathroom door. I suppose it was less than strictly proper, but my time in the Long Patrol had tempered my own sense of propriety with a certain degree of pragmatism. In the end, Twilight reached the same conclusion. Or perhaps she simply multi-tasked to ensure our day would not fall behind schedule. “Oh, I just wanted to talk about a few minor things. Like the schedule for next month.”

“Very good then, Highness.” I turned the shower back on, giving the water a few seconds to heat up before I re-entered it. “Was there anything in particular you wished to discuss, or just a general meeting?”

“Nothing major.” A towel floated over to the bathroom sink and wrung itself out. “I was going to need to visit a few places. Mixture of showing the flag, dealing with real issues, and some ceremonial stuff. Plus a couple trips with my friends. I just wanted to make sure none of it would get in the way of your plans.”

“I do not anticipate any problems.” Considering my duties required me to be at Her Highness’s side, I generally did not make many plans of my own. That would be one nice thing about expanding Twilight’s personal guard: I could have proper off-hours and vacation time. It would be nice to visit my family again. Which reminded me... “My sister mentioned that she might visit Ponyville some time this month.”

Her Highness seemed pleased by the news, judging from her tone. “Alright then. It’ll be nice to meet her. Well, I’ve met her before, but that was just in passing and I was meeting her as Cloud’s cousin, not as my bodyguard’s sister. It’s ... different, I guess. Still, I’m looking forward to it.”

Clearly her Highness was not familiar with Star if she was looking forward to the visit. That is not to say I disliked my sister—I loved her—but she had a bit of mischievous streak that often showed itself in finding ways to cause trouble for her big sister.

“When was she going to be visiting?” Her Highness asked.

“She did not say. She would have to get leave from the Lunar Guard first.”

Even though I could not see her, I could just imagine Twilight’s lips pursing in annoyance. She has never liked unknown variables in her schedules. “I suppose I could write to Princess Luna and ask for some idea of when that will happen.” I heard a quill scratching on parchment. No doubt Her Highness had made a checklist for our conversation. “Anyway, I would like to look into making some special armor for you. If you’re going to be the captain of my guard you should have something nicer than standard-issue, and I've been wanting to do a big enchanting project since I became a princess. A chance to really stretch my wings, as it were.”

That certainly caught my attention. If Her Highness wanted to make a suit of armor especially for me... “I would be honored to receive such a fine gift from you, Twilight.”

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal,” she answered modestly. “Besides, I’ll probably have a lot of fun making it. I just hope you don’t mind testing out a few prototypes before I finish it. After all, I’ve never made a suit of armor before. Don’t worry, I’ll work it all out pretty quickly.”

“I have no doubt of that, Highness.” I applied fresh shampoo to my mane and tail, working it in with my hooves. “Was there anything else?”

“Nothing I needed to bring up.” The door’s damaged hinges let out a loud squeal as she used a repair spell on them. “Was there anything you wanted to get done this month? I’ve got some spare room in my schedule.”

Judging by what I had seen of last month’s schedule, that was something of an understatement. Much as Her Highness loved to put her life in order, she was aware that her friends were somewhat more chaotic. Thus, the long blocks of time set aside for ‘Pinkie Pie does something weird’ and ‘Help one of my friends with some minor crisis.’

I thought on my plans while rinsing my mane. “Nothing for this coming month, but the Equestria Games are coming up. I already qualified in Canterlot for fencing, so I would like to participate. I hope that will not be a problem, since you will be attending the games regardless.” The clan really wanted to take home the fencing medal this year: Aunt Nimbus had won it back in her prime, so winning it again seemed a fitting tribute to her. I had been rather relieved when Cloud qualified for the relay—I am a better, or at least more practiced, bladesmare than she, but I do not know if I would have had the heart to beat her in a battle dedicated to honoring her mother.

“Of course I don’t mind.” Twilight paused for several seconds. “I don’t suppose there’s any way we could change your registration from Canterlot to Ponyville? If you don’t mind, that is. I’d just really like to see Ponyville win as many medals as we can this year. It is my adopted hometown, after all.”

“So long as I can compete, I do not mind.” Canterlot might be the closest thing I had to a hometown, but I was not so attached to it that I would refuse to compete for any other city. And it would please Her Highness.

That much was evident from her response. I did not need to see her to know that she was smiling. “Great! Anything else?”

“There was one other matter.” I had been planning to raise the matter at an opportune time, and right after granting Twilight a favor seemed a fine one. “I was intending to look into adding that special storage drawer to the refrigerator which we could use to hold some meat.”

There was an almost painfully long silence before she finally answered. “Right. Meat. I guess you really did get a taste for that stuff while you were in the Long Patrol, didn’t you?” I could hear her hooves nervously scuffing along the carpet. “Um, can I ask what types of meat?”

I tilted my head back, letting the water run down my mane. “A fair variety. Nothing sentient, of course.”

“Right, of course.” Her Highness let out a nervous giggle. “I hope none of it’s from a species Fluttershy takes care of, or you might wind up on the receiving end of The Stare. Where do you even buy that type of stuff?”

“There were a few specialty shops in Canterlot.” Most major cities had at least one such establishment to cater to visiting gryphons and other omnivorous species, as well as the occasional oddball such as myself. “I will likely have to mail-order it now that I am in Ponyville, but one does what one must.”

“Right, of course.” I was all too familiar with the strained tone in Her Highness’s voice. Most ponies are not quite sure what to make of a pony who isn’t a vegetarian. “Well, okay, we can see about setting up some storage for your ... special dietary interests. Is that all?”

“That will be all. Thank you very much, Princess.” I turned off the shower, but when I reached out for a fresh towel, the rack was empty. No surprise, when Twilight had been mopping up all the puddles I had left behind in my rather abrupt exit. “Highness, could you please pass me a fresh towel?”

“Oh, of course.” The bathroom door creaked open, the freshly-repaired hinges whining in protest. A second later, a towel wreathed in Twilight’s magic floated into my waiting hooves.

I set about drying off as quickly as I could. “Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?”

The princess cleared her throat outside the bathroom door. “Well, I was originally going to ask about going out for brunch. Since we seem to have frightened off Spike, he’s obviously not going to be cooking for us, so that’s just another reason to go through with it.”

“True.” I checked my appearance in the mirror; my mane and tail both still needed to be brushed out, but otherwise I looked perfectly presentable. “Did you have anywhere in mind?”

“There is the Golden Oat.” Once more I could hear a quill scratching on parchment as she updated her list. “I haven't been there in a while, and they make really nice pancakes.”

“As you wish, Highness.” I frowned at my reflection. “I suppose I will need to finish freshening up, then.” My appearance reflected upon Her Highness when we were in public, so it was of the utmost importance that I always looked my best.

“Oh! Right.” I heard an awkward chuckle through the door. “I’ve still got a bit of bed-mane too. I should do something about that. Er, would you like some help with yourself? You know, since I can use magic and...” She trailed off uncertainly. “No, of course not. You can take care of yourself. I don’t even know why I asked that. You’re a grown mare. It was silly of me to—”

“I would not mind.” Normally I would not have interrupted Her Highness, but in this case sparing her feelings seemed more important than minor points of decorum.

“Oh.” The door slowly groaned open and Twilight entered, a manebrush floating along behind her. “Well ... alright, then. I guess I’ll do that.”

She hesitated for a heartbeat, then trotted in. I didn’t have too much to fix, as my mane was much closer-cropped than Her Highness’s civilian manecut. I sat stock-still as she worked, much like I would during an inspection. It proved somewhat more difficult than normal to remain still as the bristles tickled my scalp and neck.

It only took a few strokes to put everything in place, but Her Highness seemed to have her own routine. I almost spoke up and thanked her right there, but stopped myself at the last second and let her work. I didn’t see the need for the additional twenty-five brushstrokes, but Princess Twilight had made the offer. It would be even more wrong to ask her to stop, so I didn’t. Perhaps a certain number of strokes was part of her routine? And the experience itself was not unpleasant.

When she put the brush aside, I checked the mirror and was satisfied with what I saw. My mane was restored to its proper order. No, it was actually better than that, pushed down more than I could usually get it. I suspected it would help me avoid helmet-mane later in the day. “Thank you, Highness. All I need to do now if get dressed, if you would not mind...”

“Oh, right.” Twilight’s cheeks flushed. “Your armor’s on its stand in my study. I borrowed it to take a few preliminary measurements for my project. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, Princess.” I trotted out and strapped my plate on with the ease of familiarity. As with many other aspects of her personal guards, Twilight had not yet decided on a color scheme. Thus, my armor remained the blood red of the Kicker Clan. Though I would rather have something that reflected my status as Twilight’s guardian, wearing my clan’s colors suited me well enough for the moment.

Once I was properly dressed, Her Highness led the way to The Golden Oat. The two of us took a seat in the outdoor area since it was a pleasantly sunny day. Amusingly, our seats provided an excellent view of the mare responsible for that, as Rainbow had selected one of the nearby clouds for her customary late-morning nap.

I held out a chair for the princess, then seated myself once she was comfortable. As part of her continuing stubborn efforts to treat me as her friend instead of her bodyguard, Her Highness insisted on retrieving menus for the both of us. “Just about everything is good, so I can’t really recommend anything in particular. Just get whatever you want. My treat.”

I smiled and began looking over the menu. “Thank you, Highness.”

“Not a problem.” She returned my smile. “It would be a bit rude of me to invite you out, then make you pay. Besides, your salary comes out of my royal stipend, so you can just think of this as a bonus for doing such a good job of putting up with me.” She sighed, staring down at her hooves. “I know I was a bit ... difficult at first.”

“I was not on my best behavior either.” When I had first entered her service, Her Highness resented my intrusive presence disrupting her comfortable routine, and I might have made one or two comments about a certain lack of royal decorum. Thankfully, those initial difficulties had only been a temporary issue. Narrowly escaping from a murderous rogue golem made for a most unique bonding experience.

“I hope I haven't been causing you too many problems.” She set her menu down, evidently satisfied with her choice. “I know I need a royal protector now that I’m a princess, but there honestly aren’t too many things for you to protect me from. It’s normally peaceful here in Ponyville. Well, unless you count the yearly crisis where all of Equestria might be doomed, plus all the times when life takes a bizarre turn.” She offered a sheepish, apologetic grin. “Er, sorry about all those bee stings, by the way. At least Fluttershy finally convinced the bees to accept a deal and end their strike. I know it seemed kind of silly, but that really was important. We would have to import a lot more sugar from Freeport if the bees stopped working, and that would’ve made all our sweets more expensive.”

I waved her apology away. “A few bee stings are a small price to ensure that everypony can have reasonably priced pastries and candy. Zecora's remedy dealt with my injuries quickly enough.” Facing bees was not exactly what most ponies who join the Guard dream of doing when they speak of sacrificing themselves for Equestria, but duty comes in many forms. My old captain in the Patrol once mentioned his CO going on a ‘mystical vision quest’ with one of the buffalo leaders, which ended with them both running naked through the desert with all of their hair shaved off.

Her Highness smiled in relief. “I’m glad you’re doing alright. After that one incident with Pinkie, I’m quite aware of just how unpleasant bee stings can be.” She sighed, her ears drooping as she looked over her menu. “I really need to make some time to study more with Zecora. I know she has all kinds of alchemical tricks that aren’t in any of my books.”

“I am sure you will not have any trouble learning the art, Highness.” I tried to make my tone subtly reassuring. “Alchemy is simply a matter of scientific experimentation and careful study. Those are both activities you excel at.”

“That’s true, and I am working on it.” Her easy smile returned, but only for a moment. “It’s a shame I don’t have as much time for studying as I used to.”

“A princess has many obligations on her time that a student does not.”

“You’re telling me.” She groaned, setting her menu aside for the moment. “I'm actually starting to get sick of paperwork, and I loved paperwork! I just ... sometimes it feels like Celestia’s handing me all the duties that require a princess, but she doesn’t want to take care of herself. Meeting with stuck-up nobles, mediating disputes, things like that. I spent three hours yesterday listening to two farmers argue over a pig. A pig!”

A faint smile crossed my lips as a relevant memory sprang to mind. “I recall suffering through something similar when I was the youngest lieutenant in my Patrol group. My platoon always received the less glamorous assignments. However, once I proved myself and gained a little experience, the division of labor became more equitable.”

“Great.” She sighed and rested her forehead on the table. “So she probably is giving me all the drudge work on purpose. I thought I was done trying to prove myself to her once she made me a princess! But I guess she still thinks I’m not ready yet.”

“It is only a temporary situation,” I assured her. “And I do not think it has anything to do with Princess Celestia doubting you. Likely she only wants to give you time to adjust to your new position. You have made a fine princess thus far, Highness.”

Twilight smiled, her cheeks going pink. “Thanks. It’s really nothing special. I'm just trying to do the best job I can. Honestly, it feels like I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. Everypony expects me to be some wise ruler now that I’m a princess, as if everything’s different now that I have these.” She gave a demonstrative flap of her wings. “I’m not saying nothing changed, but deep down I’m still just ... just me. The socially awkward egghead bookworm Twilight. Not wise, all-knowing Princess Twilight like everypony expects.”

“I imagine it is a rather frightening responsibility.” I considered my next words carefully. “But perhaps the fact that this responsibility intimidates you is a good thing. I don’t think anypony could ask for more than for you to do your best and try to make the right choices.” I thought back to my time in the Patrol. “I remember the first time I lost one of the ponies under my command. I ... took it rather badly. I kept replaying that sequence of events, trying to find out where I had made the mistake that got that soldier killed. Then my captain called me aside and told me something that stuck with me: no commanding officer can be perfect. And even if I was somehow flawless, I would still lose soldiers in battle. Sometimes just because you do everything right doesn’t mean the outcome will be perfect.”

I sighed and shook my head, putting aside that painful memory. “The point being, you will never be that perfect, all-knowing princess. But you have been the best princess you can be. You should be very proud of yourself.”

Her Highness lifted a wing, hiding her blushing face. “If I say I’m proud of myself, will you stop praising me?”

“For the moment,” I allowed, a barely perceptible smile gracing my lips.

We fell into a companionable silence until a waiter came to provide our drinks and take our orders. Her Highness chose an onion, mushroom, and green pepper omelet, while I decided to try the pancakes she had mentioned earlier, along with haybacon and eggs. Alas, actual bacon was not on the menu. The sacrifices I make for Equestria and my princess...

Her Highness must have noted my slight disappointment at the dietary restrictions circumstances had imposed upon me. “Is everything alright, Storm?”

I hastily erased any sign of discontent from my features. Twilight did not need to be bothered by such unimportant matters. “Quite fine, Princess.”

A brief frown flickered across her face. “Alright then, if you’re sure...” When I did not seize upon the clear opening she had left, she instead opted for a change of subject. “So, um, how has your family been?”

The question brought a smile to my face. With the possible exception of my brat of a little sister, I loved my family dearly. “They have all been doing quite well. I had dinner with Cloud a few nights ago. My parents are also curious to meet you the next time we are in Canterlot or they have some time off. Unsurprisingly, they are curious about the mare I spend most of my time protecting.”

“I think I met your parents before,” she answered conversationally. “Of course, that was a couple years ago, and it was really only in passing. I mean, they weren’t really all that important when I met them.” She frowned, then shook her head. “Wait, that sounds bad. I didn’t mean that your parents were unimportant, just that they weren’t important to me. Wait, that sounds even worse...”

I judged it prudent to intercede before matters escalated further. “You did not know they were the parents of your future Guard Captain?”

She smiled gratefully and nodded. “Yes. That.” She chuckled and sipped her water as an excuse to buy a few moments to regain her composure. “Anyway, my parents would like to meet you. Shiny and Cadance too. Shiny said something about wanting to make sure that whoever was taking over keeping me safe was up to the job, since he can’t do it himself anymore. I’m actually a little surprised he didn’t insist on personally picking my bodyguard.”

If the few barracks rumors I had heard floating about had any merit to them, he had wanted to do precisely that. However, he and his wife had a rare disagreement over who to recommend, which left the field open. Given that the rumors claimed Princess Cadance was supporting a mediocre soldier with no notable accomplishments solely because he was nursing a crush on Princess Twilight, it was likely for the best that I had taken the post. “I hope I will meet with his approval. It seems you have a much better relationship with your sibling than I do.”

“What do you mean by that?” A slight frown creased her face as she leaned forward. “Is there some kind of problem between you two? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not a problem as such, no.” I sighed, searching for our waiter in the hopes that the arrival of our food would distract Her Highness from the discussion. Twilight can be a bit overeager when she believes she has found an opportunity to help somepony with their problems. It is normally one of her more charming qualities, but in this particular case it was not needed. “We get along quite well, but we have a bit of a sibling rivalry. It can make her visits ... interesting.”

“Oh, that type of thing.” The princess sat back in her chair, seeming relieved that there was no serious discord in my family. “I can’t really help you with that kind of thing. I always got along with my big brother.”

“Big brothers and little sisters tend to have a rather unique relationship.” Or at least, that was what some of my relatives told me. My mother had little insight on that particular subject, being the older sibling. Though she did enjoy telling me stories of Uncle Tornado’s young and stupid stallion days.

Twilight nodded thoughtfully. “I have read that sibling rivalries are more common between same-gendered siblings. And isn’t she pretty close to you in age too? Shiny’s not that much older than me, but enough that he always had to be my protective big brother.”

“Being close to the same age no doubt had an impact,” I conceded. I smirked as an old memory resurfaced. “I used to tease Star that she was an accident. Mother had barely recovered from having me when she became pregnant with her, so there was probably some merit to it.” That had been a bit cruel of me in hindsight, hough no less than she deserved after she broke one of my Daring Do dolls. “We always defined ourselves in contrast to one another. I like classical music, so she won't listen to anything tasteful. I am well-mannered, so she is a terrible slob. And so on.”

“Uh-huh...” There was a note of strained tolerance in Her Highness’s voice, and a moment later I half-heard a murmured comment about ‘biased sources.’ As a proper lady should, I deigned to ignore that remark. The truth would reveal itself soon enough. Her Highness cleared her throat, then her voice returned to its usual volume. “Well, she must be doing pretty well for herself if she’s working for Luna.”

“My sister has mentioned that Princess Luna has very high standards.” I adjusted my armor so it would sit a little easier while I ate. “Given that Star is due for a promotion in a few months, she seems to have met her princess’s standards thus far.”

“That is good to hear.” Twilight smiled, and her voice dropped to a low conspiratorial whisper. “Though she’ll only be a first lieutenant even after she gets promoted, while you’re already a captain. That means you’re winning, right?”

My answering smile was rather satisfied. “Yes it does.”

Any further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of our food. Her Highness seemed quite pleased by her omelet, judging by the slightly indecent speed at which it vanished. I certainly enjoyed my own pancakes and eggs, though the haybacon proved woefully insufficient. I am sure it was excellent as far as haybacon is concerned, but in my case it only reminded me how much I would have preferred to eat the real thing.

I was in the midst of soldiering through the pale imitation of actual bacon when Twilight stared past me, a confused frown on her face. “Huh?”

She did not seem especially distressed, so I assumed that whatever had caught her attention was merely another one of the many oddities that accompany life in Ponyville. In all likelihood it had something to do with Pinkie Pie. “What is it, Highness?”

She frowned and her horn lit up. “That’s what I am trying to figure out.” A couple seconds later a balloon drifted down onto our table, wreathed in her magic. From the way the balloon sloshed about in her grasp, it obviously was not filled with water. “It was floating straight for you. I guess Rainbow was playing a prank.”

My eyes flicked up to the cloud I had seen Rainbow napping on earlier. She was still fast asleep, so she seemed like an unlikely culprit. I took a closer look at the balloon itself, As soon as my face drew near it my eyes watered from the thick, vaguely fruity smell emanating from it. I recognized it at once: cheap perfume.

Twilight clamped a hoof over her nose as the smell struck her. “Urgh, that stinks! Why would somepony fill a water balloon with cheap perfume?”

“Not somepony. Star.” No wonder she had been so vague about when she would be visiting—she had been planning to launch a surprise attack. “Cheap perfume is one of her favorite weapons when it comes to practical jokes directed at me. I suppose it was inevitable ever since she nicknamed me ‘Skunky.’” I waved to my black-and-white striped mane by way of explanation. “If I am a skunk I must stink, ergo she attacks me with perfume to hide the supposed skunk smell. It is one of her oldest and most favored ways of making a pest of herself. Water balloons are a new delivery method, at least. She usually just chased me around with a spray bottle.” I began scanning the area, though I did so as subtly as possible to keep my sister from noticing.

Her Highness smiled. “Oh, don’t bother looking for them. I already found them. Your sister was using telekinesis to get the balloon in position, so it was easy to trace the spell back to its source. She’s hiding behind those bushes over there.”

The princess started to point, but I quickly placed a hoof over hers to prevent her from doing so. “We should not let her know that her location has been compromised.” I spared a very quick passing glance over the bushes she had nearly indicated, but saw no sign of my sister.

“Oh, right.” She grinned sheepishly. “Um, your sister’s not alone. Somepony else is holding a veil over the two of them. And since I helped Sparkler learn that spell...”

So Star had recruited her fillyfriend into this enterprise? I suppose it was no surprise. Sparkler Doo had a mischievous streak to rival Star’s, and would naturally be inclined to take Star’s side in the sibling rivalry. Making it two against one hardly seemed fair. Then again, it meant I was free to recruit some support of my own. “Perhaps we should return their balloon to them, Highness?”

Twilight grinned and gave me a teasing nudge with one of her wings. “Aren’t you always telling me I need act a bit more regal and princess-like? Because I’m pretty sure that pelting ponies with perfume-filled water balloons isn’t very princess-y.”

I answered with a dry smile. “We are not pelting anypony. I am sure they just misplaced their balloon and would appreciate having it returned to them. Restoring lost property to its rightful owners is a very royal thing to do.”

Her Highness smirked. “Yes it is, isn’t it? Besides, if they’d hit you, some of the perfume would’ve splashed onto me, and I would’ve been the one who had to smell you all day.” Her Highness spent several seconds working a spell into the balloon.

Once she was done, the balloon whipped up into the air, then shot like a bullet towards the bushes where my dastardly sister and her paramour were hiding. The instant the balloon struck the bush, it exploded and sprayed its contents liberally over the area. Two young mares shrieked in dismay, and Sparkler’s invisibility spell failed a moment later.

I chuckled and waved as my sister slunk out of the bushes, her fillyfriend following close behind her. Sparkler glowered back at us while doing her best to find some means of pinching her nostrils shut. For her part, my sister nodded, acknowledging that I had won this round of our decade-long battle for supremacy, but the war was far from over.

I turned back to the table, trying some of the haybacon once more. It was still a poor substitute for the real thing, but victory made it taste far sweeter than it had before. “That was well played, Highness. Thank you.”

Twilight smirked at the defeated pranksters. “I don't think they enjoy pranks as much when they’re the ones on the receiving end.”

“Turnabout is fair play,” I observed.

As the two freshly doused young mares passed underneath a certain cloud, Rainbow stirred from her nap, groaning and covering her nose. When that failed to block out the stench of cheap perfume, Rainbow fully awoke, glaring down at the two would-be pranksters. As they offered sheepish smiles and waves, the weatherpony flitted away, only to return moments later with a fully stocked raincloud. Star’s eyes widened, but before she could even begin to flee, Rainbow slammed a hoof into the cloud, triggering a torrential downpour onto the two of them.

By the time the rain ended, my sister was presumably no longer malodorous, but she was thoroughly drenched and quite miserable-looking. I still counted that as a victory.

“Hopefully they’ve learned their lesson now,” Twilight commented.

“I imagine so.” I watched the two pranksters vainly trying to dry themselves off. Perhaps Twilight could offer to use her drying spell as an olive branch.

Rainbow landed and started chatting with the two of them. Twilight grinned. “Oooh, I wonder if she’s going to use her patented Rain-blow-dry maneuver on them. I let her do that to me. Once. It did dry me off, but my mane looked absolutely ridiculous once she was done.” Her smile widened a bit more. “Maybe I should suggest that...”

Whatever Rainbow was discussing with the duo, they were too far away for us to make out most of the conversation. However, the few snippets I could hear were rather ... concerning. “Gonna prank somepony, then do it right! Should’ve come to me first ... expert at this kinda thing...”

I felt a sense of dread settle into the pit of my stomach as I turned back to face Twilight. “Rainbow is still a prankster, correct?”

Twilight bit her lip. “Er ... yeah, she is. A massive one.”

“Oh.” That dread sank in a little deeper. “I do not think our prank problems are over, Highness.”

Little did I know how correct I was.