Shellstrings

by shortskirtsandexplosions

First published 26th of June, 2016

After freakish happenstance turns Lyra Heartstrings and Queen Chrysalis into a symbiotic being, they find themselves putting their superpowers to heroic use in an ever-changing Equestria.

Life in Equestria is changing, and nopony knows this more than Lyra Heartstrings. While on vacation in Appleloosa to forget her past trauma with changelings, the struggling musician ironically stumbles upon Queen Chrysalis. In her starving death throes, the Matriarch of the Hive latches onto Lyra. When the unicorn awakens, she is no longer her usual self, but rather a super-powered pony with all the gifts and talents of the changeling queen who has merged with her, forming a shared consciousness in Lyra's head.

Together, the two will be forced to work out a symbiotic relationship, performing acts of heroism against a shifting tide of questionable politics, dangerous personalities, unpredictable technologies, and the runaway denizens of Tartarus. Neither Chrysalis nor Lyra exclusively, they must both settle for an identity that sparks fear in the minds of evil... and instills hope in the hearts of the innocent.

This is not the story of Queen Chrysalis. Nor is this the story of Ponyville's silly Lyra Heartstrings. This is the day-to-day saga of the pony known only as the Shell, the heroes and villains attached to her, and the adventurous legacy that she will ultimately leave behind.

Cover Art by Rangelost

~*~*~Prologue: Birth of a Queen~*~*~

Snowflakes fell on a stretch of polished white stone. Dim gray light from a hazy sky bent and danced with the shifting of thick clouds overhead. A blistery mountain wind picked up, shaking a throng of thorn bushes.

Out from the brambles fluttered a frightened beetle. The insect landed on alabaster granite, where it proceeded to crawl in listless figure eights. At one point, it stopped. A glint of light caught the patterns in its shell, bending the colors from green to black to a fiery red. The outer carapace split in two, exposing a pair of gossamer wings, then closed again.

Just as its antennae began twitching, a heavy shadow passed over it. The beetle sensed this, and it lifted its tiny frame to move—but it was too late. A dark blue hoof landed, smashing the insect to a pulpy mess against the stone.

Grimacing, a young unicorn in a tight leather jacket leaned back. She held her limb up in the gentle snowfall, frowning at the mess of insect parts cleaning to her fetlock.

"Mrmmfffghh..." Her velvety muzzle scrunched, and she rubbed her hoof clean against a nearby rock. "Tia...?!" She looked down the mountainside while another thick cloud passed overhead. "...I found a cave entrance!" A bang of midnight blue hair peeked out from her hood and she tucked it back in. "But I think the only things hiding here are a bunch of creepy crawlies!"

"Keep an open mind, Luna." A slightly older unicorn marched up the steep incline of rock. Her bright pink mane was pinned under the hood of a leather hiking jacket. She nevertheless bore a determined expression that clashed with the youthful tone of her voice. "If mere insects can make a home out of this part of the mountain, then who knows who or what else could be hiding inside?"

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Luna stammered. Each breath produced vapors in the cold air. She pointed into a dark tunnel opening just a few meters below the mountain's summit. "No mere pony could survive more than a day at these altitudes! They'd freeze to death!" Her eyes turned into daggers. "I'm freezing to death—"

"Shhhh!" The older unicorn held a pale hoof to her muzzle. Her brow furrowed, Tia pointed at the vapors coming out of their mouths. To add emphasis, she leaned towards the cave and exhaled heavily.

Luna watched as Tia's breath wafted towards the entrance... only to be violently pushed skyward—dissipating into the cold snowfall surrounding them.

"There's something from the inside that's generating heat," Tia explained. "And lots of it."

"But..." Luna squinted. "...what is it from? A fire?" She gazed into the dark cave once again. "There are no trees this high up to chop down. And any pony carrying enough lumber for a bonfire would surely have fainted and died of frostbite."

"I doubt it's a flame kindled through any traditional sense," Tia murmured, trotting towards the cave entrance. "I suspect it's something of magical conjuration."

"Magic?!" Luna scoffed, smirking for the first time in hours. "Are you serious? No unicorn is advanced enough to conjure magic without proper ingredients! I mean..." She pointed at herself. "Besides you and me, of course."

"What of our Master?" Tia asked.

"Yeah, but—"

"Even the most expert tools of magic can be mimicked," said a raspy voice from below.

Tia and Luna spun around, gazing downhill.

A wrinkly old unicorn hobbled up the steep mountainside, assisted by a tall stallion clad in shiny gray armor. The elder shivered, despite being bundled in several brown layers of burlap. She leaned against the stallion's strong body as she squinted up towards the peak.

"...especially when the rules of magic are being broken." She shuddered, exhaling vapors as she came to a jittery stop. "Your intuition has served us well, young ones." She pointed a shivering hoof. "Our destiny lies within that cave."

Luna glanced at the tunnel, then back at the old sage. "You really believe she's fled inside there, Master Clover?"

"Mmmmm..." The elder nodded. "Your magical senses and tracking skills have led us to the right location." She bore a wrinkled smile. "Or have I not taught you well?"

"You know best, Master Clover," Tia said, stepping up towards the entrance and peering in. "Now, let us find out the real reason why the chancellor's turned treacherous—"

"Tia, wait!" Luna held a hoof out, then spun to face their teacher. "Master Clover, if she's truly hiding within these mountains, then this could very well be a trap!"

"Luna..." Tia sighed, gazing back. "Dearest sister. Do you honestly think that we've trotted all this way only to turn back now—?"

"Luna is right," Clover said.

Tia did a double-take. "Huh?"

"Meaning we should exercise caution," emphasized the teacher. She hobbled forward, grunting slightly from her aching joints. "There is no stronger force to confront our target than what we have assembled. She will know this... and will likely put up a formidable resistance."

"Could..." Tia fidgeted. "...could she actually have grown that powerful?"

"No doubt the source of her power is that which drew her into these mountains to begin with," Clover said.

The stallion finally spoke up, his voice deep and resonating: "Madame Clover, apprentices, if I may..." He stepped aside and peered at the elder. "Let me go in there first." Bright green eyes peered beneath a windblown black mane. "After what the vile traitor has done to my vassals and their families, I owe it to our citizens—all of our citizens—to seek retribution."

"There is no telling what you will find in there, Prince," Clover wheezed.

"With all due respect, Madame." He bowed. "Even if my line wasn't faltering, the will of Equestria is ever-changing. I am no longer indispensable. However... if something tragic was to befall you or your apprentices..."

"Certainly not!" Luna shook her head. "You're just as precious as the rest of us. I suggest we all go in at once or else we—"

"You've made your point, dear Prince." Clover nodded her aged horn. "Go forth. Lead the way."

Luna blinked hard.

"Very well, Madame." The stallion stood tall with a proud expression. He aimed his horn downhill. "I shall summon my mightiest knights to join us in—"

"No."

He glanced at the elder. "Madame Clover?"

The sage shook her head. "I fear that a multitude of aggressors will only feed her at this point. You saw what she did to Hurricane's Valkyries."

He swallowed hard. "Understood. Then I shall signal the forces to await our return."

"Whatever you do, do it quickly!" Tia said, gazing into the cavern. "I fear we've wasted too much time as it is!"

Clover nodded to the stallion, and he fired a pale blue blast of magic into the dim sky. The mana exploded like a flare, illuminating a camp nestled hundreds of feet below. Armored ponies signaled back before retreating into an array of canvas tents flapping in the cold, snowy breeze across a lower plateau.

"I shall now proceed," the stallion said, trotting briskly into the cave's entrance. "I advise that you keep yourselves a stone throw's distance from me at all times—no closer. I shall holler at the first sign of an ambush."

With a glint of his gray armor, he vanished into the darkness. Tia followed second, followed by Luna—who supported Clover's haggard figure the entire time. Three and a half horns dimly illuminated the corroded interiors of the earthly passage.

"Mrmmmff... I do not like this," Luna grumbled into the dank corridor.

"Your protests are duly noted," Clover droned.

"Luna's right, Master," Tia spoke from ahead. "Prince Miller is not fit for whatever may lie ahead."

"Good luck convincing him of that," Luna muttered. The air grew staler and less moist around them. "The stallion's stubborn. Just like his grandmother."

"Neither of you knew Princess Platinum quite like I did," Clover said with a brief smile. Her wavering voice formed solid echoes against the walls of the narrowing tunnel. "The bloodline has come a long way. Today, it is something that boils with fearlessness. I'm quite fond of it."

"So is Luna, I gathered," Tia said with a smirk. "Judging from how passionately she defended him a moment ago."

"Guh...!" Luna's eyes twitched, and a rosiness darted across her dark blue muzzle. "I... I only meant to state the obvious!" She pouted. "Prince Miller does not possess the power of sorcery! And even if he did—would it truly end up a better situation than what's happened with the Chancellor?"

"That's why we're here, sister," Tia said. "To make sure that power falls only into the hooves of those who are properly tempered to wield it."

"Do not be so forward with such thoughts," Clover said. "Prince Miller is as equally deserving of magic as any other pony in Equestria."

"But Master—"

"I trained you because it was my Master's foresight that underlined its importance." The elder's nostrils flared. Glazed eyes reflected cold stalactites forming a stone forest above them. "Someday, the magic of this world will have to be properly harnessed in order to preserve the balance of harmony. This much is true. But there will also come a time when the magic will be shared with the general populace, and it will usher in a new age of tranquility."

The group wandered forth in pure silence, until Tia looked back with a deadpan expression. "Master, will you ever tell us the full extent of Starswirl's prophecies?"

"I am telling you all that you need to know," Clover said. "Just as he told me all that I needed to know." She sighed. "For the rest to fall in place, we must live as we see fit. Destiny will become destiny in time."

"Yes... but if we knew more," Tia murmured, "Then perhaps we could ascertain a reason for why the sky is dimming?"

Clover said nothing.

Before Tia could protest anymore—

"Hold!" The Prince's voice called out from ahead.

The two young mares scuffled to a stop alongside Clover. Luna gently helped her master lean against a rock wall before scampering forward to join the Prince's side. Together, they gazed into a sudden chasm illuminated by Prince Miller's horn.

"Great... whinnying windigoes..." Luna stammered. "...what... are we looking at?"

"Crystals," Prince Miller exhaled. A kaleidoscope of bright oval reflections danced across his gray coat and muzzle. "Thousands of them."

The unicorns' glowing horn revealed an enormous abyss filled to the brim with shiny surfaces—like a sea of mirrors. The reflections of the spelunking quartet reflected back a hundredfold.

Tia stepped up to the rocky outlook beside them. "What exactly do we know about these mountains that we're in?"

"Erhm..." Prince Miller cleared his throat. "Not much... save that it's one of the highest points in the land." He waved his glowing horn around, illuminating more and more crystalline shards. "The farmers of the outlying fields—descendants of the House of Puddinghat—call these mountains the 'Hills That Canter a Lot'... namely for how they playfully scrape the morning sky."

"I see," Tia remarked.

"I wonder what they've called them over the past few months," Luna remarked. "There's scarcely been a rising sun to canter to."

"Prince." Tia pointed. "Shine your light a little bit higher."

The stallion did as the sorceress commanded. At last, his light revealed a dark hole that clashed against the sea of reflective surfaces.

"Look!" Prince Miller exclaimed. "A path, perhaps?"

"Only one way to find out." Tia clenched her jaw. "I suggest we go in and investigate." She looked aside. "Luna? Do you remember our mutual levitation spell that we practiced?"

"Of course. Yes." Luna rolled her eyes. "Heavens... why do you have to be so formal about everything?"

"Then let us proceed." Tia channeled energy into her horn. "Get behind us, Master. Any magic you can contribute would be greatly appreciated." After receiving no answer, she glanced over her shoulder. "Master?"

Clover was calmly sitting down against a stalactite behind them. As she settled her aching joints, she sighed and drew her hood down.

"Master?!" Luna galloped over, eyes bright. "Are you okay?" She leaned her ear to the old mare's chest. "How's your heart—?!"

"I'm fine!" Clover briefly growled. "Away, filly!" She shoved Luna gently back, then sighed through a tired smile. "I must meditate. It has been many weeks, and I am far... far from my laboratory."

"But... Master..." Tia pointed across the chasm. "We're about to engage our target!"

"Yes..." Clover smirked. "...you are."

Luna and Tia exchanged confused glances.

"I have trained you in the art of sorcery since the day I discovered you both... alone and abandoned along the banks of the Everfree River." Clover took a wheezing breath. "At first, I followed Starswirl's foresight in guiding you. But... there came a day when I had to rely on my own wits alone. And now... the day has come... for you to rely on your wits..."

"But... Master..." Luna gulped. "...do you really think we are ready?"

"Sooner than later... you shall be," Clover remarked. "Starswirl has foreseen it..." She winced, shifting her bony weight against the stalactite. A sigh rattled out of her. "...and so have I." She drew her limbs into a meditative pose. "Now... go forth. Confront she who has brought us to this juncture." Her eyes closed. "And once this trial is finished... we shall understand more about the fate of Equestria."

"But... but..." Luna grimaced.

"I do not mean to break the sanctity of this moment," Prince Miller whispered. He pointed at the entrance across the chasm. "But we must hurry! Time is of the essence!"

"Then hurry, we shall," Tia said, trotting boldly towards the cliff-face.

Luna gaped at her older sister. "But Tia—"

"But nothing. It is time we took charge of defending Equestria's integrity." Tia turned to glare at Luna. "Or would you rather the land suffer eternal darkness?"

Luna sighed. She took a moment to nuzzle Clover. "We are grateful for this opportunity, Master. We promise not to let you down."

"Concentrate on the task at hoof and you won't have to," Clover murmured. "Now go."

Luna joined Miller and Tia at the cliff-side. The apprentices exchanged glances, and their horns glowed with identical brilliance.

"It is a long distance, Tia," Luna remarked.

"We can cross it, sister." Tia managed smirk. "Be a good sorceress and grab the Prince tight."

"Hrmmmm..." Luna frowned, nevertheless steadying Miller with a hoof as—

Flaaaash! A beam of blue and pink light ribboned between where they were standing and the entrance across the way. Prince Miller let loose a nervous gasp as the two mares carried themselves—and him—across the chasm and towards the entrance beyond. Once their limbs made contact with solid rock, they resumed their brisk trot into the heart of the mountain.

Clover the Clever stayed behind. She breathed in and out... softly... thoughtfully.

At one point, she popped a single eye open—gazing—then closed it just as swiftly.

Into the Fractured Mountain

The three young unicorns proceeded cautiously. The corridor on the other side of the abyss turned out to be a great deal narrower than the passage that they had previously traversed. The walls were comprised of more and more of the glossy crystalline surfaces—which proved supremely annoying in the way that they reflected the manalight from the ponies' horns in every conceivable direction.

Prince Miller took the lead—at least at first. Soon, his pace proved too sluggish for Tia, and the older of the two sorceresses marched on ahead, peering into the depths of the tunnel with tense vigilance. Luna—lingering at the back of the group—glanced every which way with increasing anxiety. Every other flicker of light and odd reflection in the sharp crystals only served to startle her more and more—to the point of breathy exasperation.

After a solid five minutes of trekking, beads of sweat formed along the muzzles of the three equines. Luna was the first to feel it. She loosened the collar of her hood. Not long after, Tia mimicked her gesture, unbuttoning her leather tunic halfway.

"It's getting hotter," Tia muttered. Her nostrils flared. "I think I smell..."

"Steam?" Luna remarked.

Tia nodded. "Although I do not know where it is coming from."

Luna craned her neck to look at the stallion trotting between them. "Prince Miller?" She cleared her throat. "How fares you? I trust that it must be awfully stifling in such thick armor—"

"We appear to be descending," was all the stallion said. The lines in his gray muzzle hardened as he attempted to ascertain the source of the heat. "I trust that your sense of balance is greater than mine, apprentices. Am I mistaken?"

"You are correct, Prince," Tia said. "Also, this tunnel has veered slightly south by about ten degrees since we first entered."

"Oh?" Luna craned her neck the other way. "How can you tell?"

"Manalight feedback, sister," Tia droned. "Don't tell me you forgot your elementary studies."

Luna sighed, rolling her eyes again. "Anyways," she muttered. "What could the Chancellor be hoping to achieve by venturing so far into these... crystalline caves?"

"Crystals have been known to harness raw magic," the Prince stated. "They allow for the connection of long-distance leylines, not to mention dense mana storage. As a matter of fact, Princess Platinum used them to magnify thermal spells in a last ditch attempt to ward off the windigoes."

"Which didn't work," Tia said.

"No." The stallion exhaled. "It did not." He squinted at the reflective surfaces all around them. "Since the founding of Equestria, my subjects and I have depended on the tranquil properties of harmony—as have the rest of pony citizens."

"Then, perhaps, this venture into crystalline buffering is a throwback to arcane forms of magic," Luna thought aloud. "Maybe the Chancellor seeks to reinstate pre-harmony spells!"

"The crystals are inert on their own, sister," Tia forcefully said. "If I would venture to guess, the Chancellor has discovered an arcane form of magic already." She glanced back at the other two. "She's merely coming here to magnify and focus that which she has discovered."

"Then... just what exactly has she discovered?" Luna remarked, wincing.

"Whatever it is... it has already consumed the lives of countless innocent ponies," Prince Miller said with a frown. "I shudder to think what the mare will do with such dark talents compounded."

"Just what drove her to such madness to begin with?" Luna stammered. "This turn came about so suddenly! Why would she attack her own kind? Fellow unicorns, no less?!"

"I only wished her truer self had surfaced sooner," Miller grumbled. "If the ponies of Equestria had witnessed her horrible qualities in the beginning, then they might never have voted her into such a position of authority." He grit his teeth. "This is precisely why I believe that the rite of rule by monarchy should be reinstated." He blinked ahead at Tia. "Doesn't Madame Clover predict that such will someday be the case?"

"I don't know what you've overheard, Prince," Tia spoke, "But the only path that is paved before us is one of wisdom and intuition. Not political manifestation."

"But surely if Clover would have revealed such truth to you—"

"She would have revealed it to everypony," Tia stated firmly. "Her role in our young nation is to illuminate, not withhold."

"And if she had foreseen the Chancellor's treachery..." Miller's green eyes narrowed. "...would she have told us all the same?"

Before Tia could retort—

"Sister!" Luna pointed. "Look!"

The three stopped in their tracks. Suddenly, the floor beneath them had narrowed, exposing gaping fissures in the lower walls. As the corridor proceeded, an enormous gaping hollow was exposed in the heart of the mountain. Gradually, the tunnel morphed into a bridge as the ceiling and walls gave way. An enormous basin stretched below the group—and beneath that the three observed large chasms illuminated with ever-boiling firelight. The crystalline surfaces of the cavern now reflected a flickering crimson aura permeating throughout.

"Prancing parasprites..." Luna gasped. "Could... could the Hills That Canter a Lot actually be one of those fire mountains from the dragon lands that Clover speaks of so often?"

"You mean a volcano?" Tia shook her head. "No, sister. If that was the case, the focus prisms in our Master's laboratory would pick up seismic activities from this part of Equestria." She took a deep breath, peering down at the source of the flickering redness. "This light is of a far more permanent essence. Something absolute... magical..."

"Starswirl's prison," Prince Miller remarked.

The two mares glanced at him.

He looked back. "The prison that Starswirl the Bearded conjured." He squinted. "He built it far below the continental shelf, did he not?"

"You mean Tartarus?" Luna breathed.

"First off... Tartarus is what Starswirl named the prison," Tia corrected. "And he did not conjure it. Tartarus was something he discovered... and then harnessed for its magical properties in holding chaotic abominations at bay."

"Nevertheless..." Miller pointed at the red chasms gaping far below their narrow platform. "...this meets every description that I've read of the underground purgatory. Could it be that it stretches into the Hills that Canter a Lot?"

"But... that would make it far larger than even our Master has recorded!" Luna exclaimed. She gaped at her older sister. "Tia, what could possibly have exposed the hollow of the mountain to Tartarus below?"

"Only something very... very powerful, dear sister," Tia said with a tight frown. "And I do not cherish the thought of what that power could do with the aid of these crystals."

"What of the chaos lords?" Prince Miller asked. "The sirens... the centaurs... and the other monstrosities that Masters Starswirl and Clover banished to these depths? With these fissures—could they not feasibly escape?"

"Not if they're fresh enough," Tia remarked. "There may still be time to avert disaster... so long as we put an end to that which has exposed the fire plains of this prison." The unicorn gazed forlornly ahead. A cylindrical chunk of rock shot up out of the belly of the cavern—making contact with the far end of the bridge. "We must make haste. I suspect our target lies ahead."

"How do you know that, sister?" Luna asked.

"The only reason this path still stands in one piece is because we were meant to follow it." Tia trotted boldly forward. "We now know with absolute certainty that this is a trap. But with traps come opportunities all the same." Her horn glowed hotter. "Prince Miller, ready your reflexes. Luna? Clear your mind."

"Y-yes, sister..." Luna bit her lip as her horn pulsed with equal intensity.

The group pressed on, slowly approaching the stone platform and the narrow entrance to it ahead. The air around them danced vaporously. On top of that, an ear-splitting noise increased in volume.

Prince Miller was the first to wince. "Do you both hear that?"

"Sounds..." Luna grimaced. "...like cricket song. Only louder... thousands of them..."

"But how?" Miller remarked. "And why this deep into a mountain?"

Tia said nothing. With a hard gaze, she entered the platform first...

The Price of Harmony

Tia, Luna, and Prince Miller threaded their way through the platform's entrance. As soon as they emerged from the tight passage, they discovered a black floor that was shifting like molasses. This caused Luna to wince. Tia and the Prince scuffled to a stop, squinting at the stone beneath them.

The piercing chorus of cricket song had reached a fever pitch. As the noise drew away from them, so did the floor. The unicorns realized that the blackness on the platform's surface was—in fact—a heterogeneous flood of beetles, scorpions, spiders, centipedes, and innumerable other arthropodic horrors. The creatures moved as one, oozing inward and rising until they formed a hauntingly tall column of wriggling limbs and antennae in the center of the granite dais. The crimson firelight of the surrounding cavern glinted eerily off their multitudinous carapaces. The cricket song by then had lowered in pitch, becoming a dull cicada-like buzz that echoed off the surrounding stalactites.

"Alright..." Luna gulped. "...eww."

"Apprentices," Prince Miller murmured. "In all your studies, have you ever seen so many vile creatures operate in such a fashion?"

Tia slowly shook her head. "No." Her eyes darted across the living column of black-shelled organisms. "Master Clover once sent us to cull a swarm of parasprites, but even they did not swarm with such collective efficiency."

"They're all varying species, sister," Luna remarked. "It isn't natural for them to act this way. Something or someone must be controlling them—"

"Magnificent, aren't they?" A voice rivuleted outward from the squirming column.

Luna flinched. She and Tia looked every which way for the source of the dialogue.

"Insects... spiders... mollusks... crustaceans... such basic creatures." The voice floated everywhere that the crimson firelight touched. "They are the simplest of lifeforms, and so very vulnerable to the whims of chaos." At last, a figure appeared, oozing through the outer layer of writhing lifeforms. She wore a thick black robe that covered her head, hooves, and horn. The cricket song intensified as she stood before them, a wry smirk appearing from beneath her hood. "She who masters chaos will soon master the fundamental components of life itself..."

Prince Miller frowned. "Chancellor Kathleen. What a vile witch you have become."

The robed mare nodded. "Thank you, dear Prince."

"Do not patronize me..." He stepped forward, snarling. "You've taken the lives of countless ponies! I swear on my House, I will make you pay for your treachery!"

"I did not take any lives, young one," the Chancellor said. Her smile broadened. "I merely unified them."

Hissing, Miller made to charge—

Tia steadied him with a gentle hoof. Nevertheless, she stepped forward, frowning at the robed figure. "Chancellor Kathleen... as magical stewards of the Nation of Equestria, my sister and I have been charged by Clover the Clever to track you down and make you answer for your criminal actions. The National Council has already voted to strip you of your authority." Her rosy eyes narrowed. "Perhaps... you might have an explanation for your most recent treachery?"

"If I have an explanation to give, it will be choice to do so." The Chancellor paced across from them. Spiders and millipedes slithered out the folds of her robe as she strolled sideways. "A most joyful... triumphant choice, mind you."

"We are the stewards of this Nation," Luna grunted, shivering in anger. "You will answer to us!"

A merry laugh flew out of Chancellor Kathleen's muzzle. "And that, young one, is where you make your most foolish mistake! I do not answer to any Nation. I do not recognize a Nation." Her eyes narrowed viciously. "Such a pathetic institution is weak... an embarrassing tribute to the ills of democracy..."

"It was the union of the three tribes that brought harmony to this frozen land!" Luna exclaimed, her temper rising. "Earth ponies... unicorns... pegasi! We'd be frozen windigo food if it weren't for our democratic actions!"

"And yet... starvation is still a bitter reality," the Chancellor murmured. "Outlying farmlands battle and quarrel with the griffons. Poverty creeps in to consume the lesser households." She scuffled to a stop, frowning. "Tell me, apprentices, what have you and your 'wise' Master Clover done to fix the injustice that continues to plague this land?"

Luna bit her lip.

Tia stepped forward. "We do not live in a perfect world. It is up to ponies like us to work tirelessly—each and every day—to ensure peace and harmony." Her eyes narrowed. "You yourself were charged with this valiant task, Chancellor, when the ponies of the Equestrian Nation voted you into office as our executive ruler. And yet... you betrayed their trust."

"You think too hastily, young sorceress," the Chancellor said. "What I've done is merely take the first step in solidifying a far more prosperous future." She waved a hoof towards the black column of shifting creatures within the center of the platform. "One that thrives off the subtle essence that empowers all that lives."

Luna gaped at her. "You expect a writhing swarm of bewitched insects and arachnids to be an aide to our Nation?"

"Not a Nation," Chancellor Kathleen rasped. "But a Queendom." She smiled. "Democracy is a very noble idea... but a flawed one. The ponies of Equestria need to unify—yes—but not in politics." She raised a hoof covered in beetles and moths. "Rather... in spirit... with all of our emotions and fears and aspirations becoming one." She blew on her fetlock, causing the insects to scatter through the air.

Tia winced, waving the inoffensive swarm past her face. "You speak of a collective consciousness," she remarked. Luna blinked at her.

"That I do, young one," the Chancellor said with a nod. She adjusted the hood of her cloak, and the unicorns could see a peculiarly bright glint to her green eyes, peering outward like emerald lanterns. "The equines of this land are like... drones lost from an ant colony. It has taken me several years of intense study to discover the unbridled essence waiting inside all of us. We are all like lost foals, really... waiting and yearning for our beloved mother to corral us under one song."

"And you expect to be this 'mother,' I take it," Tia said.

The Chancellor bowed. "If it must be so..."

"I don't care how hard you've toiled," Prince Miller grumbled. "Black magic is black magic. All this time, you should have been working tirelessly to assure the peace and prosperity of our subjects. It's what you were elected for!"

"Oh, but I have—!"

"Then tell us!" Prince Miller hollered, "Was it you who dimmed the sky?!" He gestured towards the cavernous ceiling. "Was it you who took the golden light from the heavens!"

Luna glanced at the Prince, then at Kathleen.

The Chancellor took a deep breath. "To control chaos... one must harness that which opposes it. The Sun—and all of its warmth and renewing properties—is the perfect source of harmonic energy. So, if you must know... yes... I am responsible for the so-called 'dimming' of this fragile, mortal realm."

Miller's ears folded back as he paled at that revelation.

"Then give that energy back!" Luna barked. "Restore the harmony that you've stolen from the sky!"

"And why should I?" Kathleen glared at her from under her hood. "I've already gotten what I wanted." A sharp grin. "When refined, harmony is no less serrated a dagger than chaos. I dug into the essence of all life. I lopped the fruit from the tree... then poured it into a magical frame like one might collect honey in a jar. And what I've conjured is oh... so sweet. The perfect gift for my brand new children..."

Tia cocked her head aside. "Children?"

"Mmmmm... indeed." Chancellor Kathleen pivoted about and gestured at the writhing black column. "Behold."

The sounds of cicadas increased. The three young unicorns watched as the insects and spiders rolled away like a parting veil. Beneath the column there stood an enormous cocoon comprised of a viscous green slime. Several ventricles pulsated from within, glowing with an eerie emerald light. Nestled inside these chambers—curled up in fetal positions—were dozens of adult ponies, seemingly unconscious.

Luna held a hoof over her muzzle.

Tia watched with a gaping expression.

"Heaven's frost..." Prince Miller stammered. "...what is this abomination?"

"I call it the Chrysalis," Chancellor Kathleen said. "And it will usher in a new age of harmony for all ponies."

"Prince Miller!" Luna hissed, pointing. "Their necklaces! The pendants on their persons!"

Tia also saw them through the translucent shell of the cocoon. "They all bear the Platinum Seal."

Luna looked at the Prince. "Your vassals... she... she took them..."

Swallowing, Miller glared up at the Chancellor. "What have you done to my subjects?"

"It's as I said, young prince. I did not extinguish them... at least..." She chuckled, pacing towards the enormous green structure. "... not all of them. Sadly, a few did not survive the transformation process. But those that did..." She stroked her hoof lovingly across the slimy contours. "...they have my eternal pride. And love." She turned to squint a glowing eye at the trio. "That is what this is all about, of course."

"What?" Tia blinked.

"Love," the Chancellor said. "Like the adoration you hold for your younger sister, but obscure it beneath an abrasive veneer of authority." Her eyes swept towards Luna. "Or your untold feelings of amorous affection for the Prince." As Luna furiously blushed, the Chancellor gazed at Miller. "And General Pansy's grandfoal. I can see how devastated you are at her passing—"

"Enough!" Prince Miller seethed, his vicious eyes tearing. "You were always one for superfluous speeches, Kathleen. But this absurdity ends now!" He dragged a hoof angrily against the stone floor. "In the name of Equestrian Democracy, you shall surrender my vassals at once—" He gasped suddenly, freezing in mid-speech. His eyes glowed until they matched the color and brightness of the Chancellor in front of him.

"Prince?" Tia stammered. She turned to face the stallion. "Prince Miller!"

The stallion whimpered. Shuffling... he marched slowly forward until he stood at Kathleen's side.

"Poor... sad little colt..." The Chancellor raised a dark hoof and gently draped it over his shoulder. Beetles and ants crawled across his coat as she leaned down to nuzzle him. "Your passion betrays you. But that is quite alright." She caressed his cheek. "I shall give you a place to channel your emotion." She looked up, smiling. "Such will be my gift to all my subjects."

"Your subjects?!" Luna panted, shivering. "You weirdo! What have you done to him?!"

"I've simply liberated him from the burden of having to feel on his own," the Chancellor said. "It's the same as with his former slaves... only now they are all at peace. Their pain is my pain. In the collective pool of their feelings, the anguish is diluted... and all that persists is love." She grinned, and for a moment she bore fangs. "I intend to let them feed on that love... and soon all of Equestria will be invited to the banquet."

"Chancellor..." Tia exhaled. "...you've gone completely mad."

"A narrow-minded perspective from a narrow-minded sorceress." The Chancellor patted the hypnotized prince's head and trotted forward to meet the two mares. "Equestria—as a democracy—is antithetical to harmony. You two and Master Clover are fools... parading about and doing parlor tricks with the slim hope that it will fix all the porous holes of this doomed land. I am quite sorry about the Sun, yes, but—in the future my Queendom will bring—the only light that we will need is that which pulsates from within... the heart of all emotion... and the engine that will power my great, harmonious hive."

Before Tia could respond—

"You see one monster, you've seen them all!" Luna aimed her horn forward. "Let go of the Prince!"

"Luna, no—!" Tia stretched her hoof out.

But it was too late. FLAAAAASH! A bright blast of harmonic energy flew across the chamber, crossing the distance from Luna's horn and connecting with the Chancellor's body.

Chancellor Kathleen flinched, bracing herself as a wall of writhing insects leapt in front of her, forming a shield—

POWWW! Flame erupted upon contact. The far end of the platform was showered with a smoldering carpet of beetle shells and spider legs.

Luna and Tia flinched from the blast. As the light died down, they gazed at the settling column of smoke. What they saw brought a mutual gasp from both their throats.

The cloak had been completely evaporated from the Chancellor's figure. She stood tall and exposed, her black coat and limbs steaming with magical energies. Behind her slender, glowing horn and smokey green mane... a pair of gossamer dragonfly wings extended outward from her figure, glimmering in the crimson light.

"Sister, look..." Luna stared in disbelief. "A unicorn... with wings?!"

Tia's muzzle hung agape. "Good heavens..." She grimaced. "...Chancellor... what in Tartarus have you become?"

Cricket song rose and fell with every breath. Sweating, Kathleen nevertheless managed a fanged smile as she flexed the appendages in question.

"Royalty," she answered.

A half-second later—FLASH! Kathleen fired a solid line of vaporous green magic at the siblings.

"Luna! Shield yourself—" And Tia's voice was overwhelmed by a blistering wall of black magic. She held her ground, blocking the onslaught with a harmonic shield conjured in front of her.

Luna wasn't quite so lucky. Her legs buckled as she attempted to ward off the blast. Seconds later, she was propelled backwards and into a crumbling stalactite. "Ooomf!"

Tia glanced behind her shoulder, gasping. With a snarl, she slammed her hooves down—loosening several chunks of rock from the platform's surface. The shards lifted upwards, and she zapped each with her horn. The rocks turned into projectiles, sailing towards the Chancellor via arcane propulsion.

Kathleen relinquished her attack on the siblings. She backtrotted, aiming her horn and blasting the rocks as they came at her from multiple angles. At last, she flapped her dragonfly wings, knocking the rest of the projectiles off-target. They flew into the far walls of the cavern, exploding in puffs of harmonic light.

In the meantime, Tia had rushed over to her sister's side. "Luna! Are you alright?!" She felt the mare's horn. "Did her powers bewitch you?"

"Mrmmmff..." Luna sputtered, hobbling up to her hooves. "Will you please mind your own personal space?"

Tia sighed through a wry smirk. "You're still you, alright."

"Hmmm... curious..."

The two young sorceresses glanced over at the Chancellor.

Kathleen hovered gracefully above the center of the platform. By now, her voice had taken on a queer, vibrating tonality that added menace to her words: "It seems as though I've underestimated the training that Clover put you through. You two are far too immersed in controlled magics to be persuaded into my fold. Nevertheless... emotions are always... always universal." She aimed her horn at the Chrysalis below.

ZAAAP!

The ginormous cocoon lit up like a Hearth's Warming Tree, and then—POW! It exploded in a brilliant splash of green juices.

Tia and Luna hopped back to avoid the slime. As the mists cleared, they watched in horror as multiple equine figures shuffled out of the mess. Soon, a phalanx of mind-controlled ponies stood alongside Prince Miller, malevolently glaring at the two unicorns.

"It is time that I let my foals trot on their own four hooves," Kathleen mused. "Or... if not theirs..." She smiled. "...then on the hooves of the ones that you love."

"What..." Luna stammered. "...is she rambling about?"

"Shhhh..." Tia stared at the slime-covered ponies at Miller's side. "Sister, look."

Before them, the freshly-hatched equines lumbered forward. One by one they hissed—to the point that their muzzles stretched to grotesque proportions. Insectoid fangs protruded, popping loose and ripping outward from their fleshy veneer. Soon, hunched equine shapes with obsidian carapaces shook off their previous skins like loose gloves. Before the two sisters could even react, the creatures burst into emerald flame... only to suddenly materialize as immaculate doppelgangers of Luna, Tia, and the Prince.

The two unicorns backed up, suddenly mirrored by an earthen room full of their identical selves. The sounds of cicadas increased exponentially.

"And now, my children..." the Chancellor sang, waving a regal hoof. "...feed."

The Reign of a Once-Chancellor

With one combined hiss, the doppelgangers of Luna, Tia, and Prince Miller flew in a filthy phalanx towards the two sorceresses. The unicorn siblings responded by backtrotting across the platform, firing blasts of harmonic energy at the various shape-shifting thugs. Every other shot connected, sending equine bodies stumbling across the hard stone.

"Ewwww..." Luna nearly wretched. "Eww ewww ewww ewww!"

"Will you please compose yourself, sister?!" Tia snarled.

"What's causing them to turn into... p-ponies that we know?!" Luna wheezed, firing at a pouncing pony and propelling it through another charge of mind-possessed creatures.

"It would appear that the Chancellor has used her magic to restructure their core biological properties—!" Tia was interrupted when three hissing copies of herself landed on her flank, trying to bite into her neck. "Unngh! Damnation!" Gritting her teeth, the unicorn bucked the monsters savagely in their chests and threw the last one against a stalactite—violently impaling it.

Luna immediately gasped. "Tia!"

"They're obviously monstrous shades of their former selves, Luna," Tia growled, firing magic at another wave as she panted for breath. Exoskeletons fractured and insectoid limbs blanketed the floor. "After Kathleen's mutations, I find these poor citizens beyond saving!"

"Well, j-just don't explode or dismember the Prince Millers!" Luna exclaimed, firing more magic.

"Mrmmmff!" Tia grunted, punching a pouncing pony in the face. "Why not?!" she huffed.

"B-because we don't know which one is the real gr-grandcolt of Princess Platinum—!"

"I suspect that one, sister!" Tia pointed across the platform at a single stallion standing beside a chortling Chancellor, his eyes rolling with green magic.

"Oh!" Luna stammered, then proceeded to decapitate three whole doppelgangers with a single swipe of blistering hot mana. "Very well then! Rip and tear!"

"Focus, sister!" Tia wheezed, charging through four copies of Luna. "We do not wish to accidentally harm each other!"

"I am focused, Tia!" Luna snarled, fighting through the melee to get closer to the Chancellor. "You forget that I am trained just as well as you in—" Whump! A pair of Millers pounced on her, slamming her painfully to the floor. "Augh! Fecal matter!" She gaped into their lunging jaws.

"Luna!" Panting, Tia bucked a copy of herself to the ground, then telekinetically yanked the tip of a stalagmite up from the edge of the platform. "Hrnnnngh!" She charged, swinging the stone cylinder like a club.

Wh-Wham! Both Millers lost their disguise—exploding in a burst of juicy shells and twitching grasshopper legs. This thoroughly drenched Luna in green fluid, leaving her less than pleased when Tia lifted her from the ground.

"P-perhaps your harmonic channeling would have d-done the trick, sister," Luna hissed.

"I... I am nearly out of energy..." Tia wheezed. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up this fight."

"How most unfortunate for you," vibrated the Chancellor's voice.

Both sorceresses turned to look at her—only to be answered with a piping hot beam of green energy slamming into their muzzles. ZAAAAP!

"Aaaaugh!" Luna and Tia fell to the ground. Within seconds, the remaining shape-shifters flew in and grabbed their limbs, pinning the unicorns hard to the stone floor. They shook and struggled with their hissing captors.

As the creatures dropped their disguises, the would-be Queen landed from her flight and marched menacingly across a platform soiled with insect juices and twitching limbs. "Such brazen... violent defenders of democracy..." She tossed her smokey green mane and bore a fanged smiled. "Do you really think that suffering so much loss has actually weakened my hive?" Her eyes pulsed a hot emerald. "In death—as much as in life—the passions and memories of my children stay with me... secured in the collective consciousness by the Chrysalis."

"Chancellor... please... look to your past," Tia stammered, struggling against the creatures restraining her. "You weren't always a slave to chaos. Don't choose this path. It's... mrmmfff... most unbecoming of a pony!"

"Listen to yourself. Defending an idea that is noble only in pathetic poetry," Kathleen hummed. "What is or isn't befitting a pony shall be rewritten... once the nature of all ponies is changed itself." She paused to lean over and caress Prince Miller's chin. "After I've absorbed the three of you into the hive, I'll send my children out to lure the rest of Equestria into my fold. The equines of this land will come to learn the peace and tranquility that a true Queendom can grant them, and their thoughts and feelings shall exist eternally within the Chrysalis. This is the only way that we as a race can endure forever..." She smiled at the two siblings, her wings twitching. "Even in a dim world without a sun and moon... we shall embrace eternity with love."

"Then it will be a manufactured love," Tia growled, her horn struggling to summon a spark of magic. "And you will be ruling over a hive of slaves."

"Shhhhhh..." Kathleen leaned forward, her horn glowing ten times as bright. "My little pony, how can there be slaves when there is no more struggle?" Her smile disappeared as her vibrating voice resonated with cricket song. "Now... open your hearts and let me in."

Tia frowned in the face of an inevitable blast of magic. Luna clenched her eyes shut.

Just then—

Fwoooosh! Clover the Clever came gliding in on a beam of mana. She landed between Chancellor Kathleen and her apprentices. "BE GONE!" the elder hollered mightily. POWWWWWW! A sphere of unbridled harmony exploded outward from her being.

The insectoid ponies were violently knocked off Tia and Luna while the two young unicorns remained untouched. The minions shrieked as they flew completely off the platform and fell into the fire-lit fissures of Tartarus below.

Chancellor Kathleen—however—recovered from the blow before she could fall off the nearest cliff-face. Snarling, she aimed her horn at the cavern's ceiling, loosened every stalactite within view and sent them soaring like spears at Clover's wrinkly muzzle.

Sucking her breath in, the elder spun about with unmatched grace. She whipped a spiraling band of blue magic around her. As it made contact with the stone projectiles, it transmuted them into floating pools of water. Before the liquid could fall to the ground, she telekinetically caught each drop in a translucent basin of magic and froze it. Twirling to a stop, she aimed her horn forward—simultaneously flinging a wall of icy daggers straight at the Chancellor. "Haaaaaah!"

"Rrrrrnnngh!" Kathleen braced herself as best as she could. The multiple ice-blades made contact, slicing straight through the mare. The air turned green with a bloody mist. When the projectiles had finished their flight, the mutated pony stood with countless round holes punched through her legs and fetlocks. And yet—she lingered in place... panting and heaving. "Hrmmmm... hrmmm-heheheheheheh!" Her laughter was punctuated by the occasional gargling sound. The cricket song had limped into a threadbare hum.

Clover the Clever stood as solidly as she could, her trembling frame locked in a fighting pose. "Laugh... as much as you wish... creature..." The elder wheezed. "I know... that I can no longer slay you..." Her wise eyes narrowed. "But you also know that this fight is lost..."

"Perhaps this battle, Madame Clover..." Kathleen vomited green slime through a wicked smile. Her green eyes teared acid—and it tore away at the coat of her muzzle. "But it has assured my victory in the future." Her skin flaked off one square inch per second, revealing a charcoal black exoskeleton beneath. The once-Chancellor teetered on the edge of a cliff, just above the firelight of Tartarus. "Every emotion you exercise... only empowers the Chrysalis..." Her mane drooped, hanging heavy like silken webbing. "One day... I shall rule over Equestria as Queen... ensuring harmony for all..."

"Perhaps someday..." Clover sneered. "...but a hollow victory that will be. A monarch who rules over mindless slaves is just as lonely as the day she dies." Her horn pulsed as she took a step towards her foe. "Now join your abominations in bottomless darkness."

"We are all alone, Madame Clover," Kathleen said, tipping backwards. "Meditate on that in your own prison." And she fell back, plunging through the fissures below.

Clover's eyes pulsed hotly. She propelled a fiery beam of magic into the cavern's ceiling. The hollow of the mountain rumbled, and within the span of seconds—a thick layer of boulders had fallen, patching up the chasms below and locking the fires of Tartarus away. In the absence of the crimson aura, a pitch black darkness swallowed up the platform.

Tia and Luna struggled up to their hooves. They summoned mana into their horns, faintly illuminating the area around them.

Clover the Clever had collapsed onto her knees, wheezing for breath. Prince Miller shook his head, stumbling beside the slimy remains of the Chrysalis.

"Unnngh... what...?" The stallion looked around, dizzy. "Where am I? The Chancellor?"

"Your Majesty!" Luna rushed over. She scuffled to a stop a few inches from him, gulped, and stammered: "It is good to s-see that you are back..."

"Madame Clover..." Miller looked past Luna, squinting. "What are you doing here?"

"Mrmmmff..." Clover rubbed her wrinkly brow. "...regretting."

"Master..." Tia helped the elder up to her hooves. Her pale face hung long. "We... I-I am so sorry, Master." She gulped. "I could have sworn that we were ready to face this challenge... but we failed. We failed the trial, Master, and we failed you—"

"You are right about one thing, my little pony," Clover rasped. "It was a trial. However, the failure was mine." She gently patted Tia's shoulder as she struggled to catch her ragged breath. "I misjudged the good intent of Starswirl before me. Whatever the Chancellor has become, it is something far beyond even myself."

"She... she had wings, Master!" Luna exclaimed. "How is that even possible?!"

"It is no small feat... I assure you." Clover clenched her jaws. "This is the work of something greater than all magics—both chaotic and harmonic." She shook her head. "I should have realized the severity of this situation the moment she bewitched the skies into dimming."

"But you sealed her away in Tartarus, master," Tia remarked. "Surely the Chancellor and her... Chrysalis are no longer a threat to Equestria!"

"That remains to be seen," Clover muttered, adjusting the edges of her burlap tunic. "If a mere unicorn with no expert training in sorcery could achieve such levels of power... then we have much more to be vigilant for." She gazed at her apprentices. "I fear that the prison my master built is forever compromised. If the Chancellor could tear herself a path in... then she could very easily fight her way out."

"Then we must warn the rest of Equestria immediately," Prince Miller said with a frown. "The National Council must know everything that's transpired here."

"I agree," Tia said with a nod. She looked at Clover. "Furthermore, we must find a way to seal up these crystal caves. I suspect that the mana batteries here have served as a focus for her powers. In the wrong hooves, the resources here could serve even greater evils."

"All wise precautions," Clover said with a nod. "You youngsters lead the way. I fear that... I have expended the full extent of my strength for a fortnight."

Luna shuffled on anxious hooves.

Clover noticed it. "What ails you, apprentice?"

"It's... it's Chancellor Kathleen, Master," Luna murmured. "She desired to transform the nation into a Queendom. She... felt it was in the best interest of the equine populace."

"A brash idea... maybe even a wise idea, considering the mortal frivolities of ponies everywhere."

"Master...?" Tia blinked.

"What do you mean by that?" Luna asked.

Clover sighed long and hard... then formed a tender smile. "Something that will take a long while to come to fruition, but I now sense it." She patted Luna's shoulder, then leaned on her as the group shuffled out the way they came. "Continue to focus and train your skills, young ones. Your destinies are yet to come to pass."

"Whatever you say, Master," Tia remarked.

"What of the sky?" Luna asked. "After Kathleen's interference, is there any proper way to bring light back to Equestria?"

Clover chuckled slightly. "Funny that you should ask." She turned to look at the stallion. "Prince Miller?"

"Yes, Madame?"

"I do believe we have a speech to prepare..."

The League is Born

A long, narrow strip of land rested in the center of a lush delta. The waters on all sides of the island glittered with gray streaks, reflecting the overcast sky of Equestria above.

From all corners of the forested land, ponies marched in droves. Unicorns hovered burning braziers above the dirt highways to light the path for those stumbling in the unprecedented dimness. Cloud cities drifted inward from the eastern seaboard, and hundreds of pegasi in military armor glided down until they touched hoof on solid ground.

Mane and Hat Island – Capital City of the Equestrian Nation – Nine Days Later

Herds of ponies marched towards the center of the capital. There, an enormous wooden structure loomed—where an epic crowd had gathered. Shadows crossed the domed rooftop and brilliant torches flickered at each cardinal point.

Inside, the rustic air rang with hundreds and hundreds of worried, murmuring voices. Ponies from all trots of life sat on the circular, raised seats, gazing into the central senate chamber below.

Platinum Hall – Home to The National Council – 3:30pm

Standing at an antique podium, an elder pegasus banged her gavel. "Order! I shall have order in this Court!" Eventually, the voices of hundreds of delegates dwindled to a low murmur. Once it was silent enough, the mare sighed and said: "This is the first meeting of the National Council since the imprisonment of our former executive, Chancellor Kathleen, who—as we all know—had gone traitorous. Before I pass the floor to our first speaker, I ask that we may observe a moment of silence for the unfortunate victims who fell prey to her bewitching spells."

Ponies bowed their heads.

A few shuddered in tearful spasms.

Even the military officials appeared misty-eyed as they glanced at a wreath of flowers arranged around a section of empty benches.

At long last, the speaker of the house lifted her head and resumed speaking. "Now... I know that you are all anxious over the fate of Equestria—as am I. It goes without question that there will be a National vote on arranging a successor to the seat of Chancellor. But—first and foremost—we must address the new situation that stands to threaten this great land. To that end, I have agreed to give the floor to Prince Miller—who was present within the heart of the Hills That Canter A Lot when the former leader-elect was banished into Tartarus." She turned and gestured aside. "Your Majesty...?"

A hushed murmur rolled across the crowd as Prince Miller took a stand at the podium, garbed in a ceremonial robe.

"Ladies and gentlecolts," he began, his voice strong and penetrating. "Let me first start by declaring that none of us would be enjoying this moment of peace—however tenuous—if it weren't for the heroic actions of Clover the Clever and her two valiant proteges." His hard green eyes reflected rows upon rows of faces, as well as the wooden support beams of the Council Building looming above them. "With their combined powers of harmonic resonance, they were ultimately able to cast the heartless traitor into the abyss that Starswirl the Bearded sanctified... along with Kathleen's minions."

The Prince shuddered, the hair on the back of his neck raising.

"By minions... I refer to the vassals and servants of the Platinum House—my former colleagues and neighbors—who have been forever twisted and mutated by the former Chancellor's vile sorcery."

Ponies squirmed. Others whimpered. All eyes and ears were locked on the Prince as he took a pause to compose himself.

"Nevertheless," he continued. "While there may be no hope for them... there is still a chance for us to rebuild... and to prevent future tragedies of the most abominable kind." He gestured with his hoof. "No doubt the majority of you are concerned over the state of the sky—which the evil Kathleen has so malevolently dimmed. Rest assured that Clover's apprentices—Sorceress Tia and Sorceress Luna—are working hard on a spell that will restore luster to the sun and moon. My faith lies with them... that they will find a solution before Equestria suffers its worst winter since the Windigo Crisis. In times of extreme trials—when all hope seemed lost—our three tribes formed the strongest union ever known to equine kind. Let the knowledge of this glorious history grant us hope... as well as a hardened case of vigilance."

His eyes swept the crowd in a majestic fashion.

"For there now lies a greater and far more enduring threat than the state of our darkened skies. I speak—of course—of the prison that Starswirl the Bearded established generations ago... in order to contain the monsters and chaos lords that continue to threaten this land." Miller's brow furrowed. "We all remember the horrific tales of the Centaur Wars... and the rampage of terror committed by the Discordant One. For decades we have rested on our laurels... with full faith that the walls of Tartarus would be enough to contain these monstrosities. However—as we now know—the barriers of this prison are not impervious to sabotage. Chancellor Kathleen—once a mere unicorn—was somehow capable of ascending to a higher position within the magical plane, and she alone found a way to carve several fissures in the barrier that separates Equestrian harmony from the violent oppressors of the past. And although the porous chasms within the Hills That Canter A Lot have been sealed away—there is no guarantee that such a measure will hold permanence."

Taking a deep breath, Miller leaned back and spoke in a firmer tone.

"Thus, we must take action so that future generations of Equestrian citizens are protected from horrific and chaotic monstrosities. It is not a question of if prisoners will escape from the Tartarusian Domain... but when." He swallowed. "I have already talked extensively with Clover the Clever. Utilizing the wise directions written down by her Master, Starswirl the Bearded, himself—she has helped me devise a plan that will ensure the protection of this harmonious nation. But... to enact it... this measure will require the full and unanimous cooperation from all representatives of the Tribes of Equestria." His green eyes narrowed. "As well as a certain degree of... secrecy the likes of which this Council has yet to practice." He exhaled. "Believe me when I say that this will be in the best interests of Equestrian citizens everywhere."

"Hmmm?" Clover the Clever glanced over her shoulder, her eyes blinking behind a thick pair of bifocals. "What was that, Your Majesty?"

"I asked you, Madame..." Prince Miller stood nervously in the center of a complex library of floating bookshelves and alchemy equipment. "...why the need for such secrecy?"

"It's quite simple." Clover resumed zapping a wooden rack chock full of glowing crystals. Her raspy voice echoed off of beakers and glass vials. "If Chancellor Kathleen—the would-be Queen of the Chrysalis—was able to mutate multiple subjects into... hatchlings that can change shape... then it is safe to assume that many of them could have easily slipped into our Equestrian herd."

"You mean they might be hiding among the general populace?!" Miller stammered.

"That is precisely my assumption."

"But..." The Prince winced. "...how is that possible? I thought you and your apprentices banished her and the entirety of her forces deep within the mountain!"

"That we did. But the Chancellor—if nothing else—has proven herself to be amazingly resourceful. She spoke of threatening Equestria once again in the future, but I have every reason to believe she may have already enacted a plan of conquest." The elder held a crystal up close, examining its glowing surface. "Easily accomplished... presuming she's utilized more than one hatchery."

"You... you're speaking of a second Chrysalis," Prince Miller exhaled. "Is that even possible?"

"Mmmmm... quite so. And a third and a fourth and so-on, I fear." The master sorceress glanced over. "There is simply no way of knowing... even for a mare of my experience and intellect."

"Then... then you must h-hunt these nesting areas d-down!" the Prince exclaimed, shivering in his armor. "Heaven's frost! If there are multiple shape-shifters waiting to pounce on our most vulnerable of citizens, then we're facing a crisis infinitely times more threatening than the one that the windigoes ever wrought!"

"I'm afraid... that I cannot."

The Prince's ears drooped. "Madame...?"

"Nor can my apprentices." She took a deep breath. "Their destiny lies in fixing the dimmed skies."

"You're certain of this?"

She nodded gravely. "It's taken me several evenings of meditation. But now—more than ever—Starswirl's written prophesies make sense. The gifted siblings are about to embark upon the most important phase in their young lives." She shuffled through the glowing crystals. "I suspect it will someday transform the very structure of Equestrian civilization—for the better, of course."

"Madame Clover, with all due respect..." The Prince leaned against a hovering bookcase. "...there will not be an Equestria if we allow the minions of Kathleen and Tartarus to overrun us. Just what are you going to do to fix the new weaknesses in the barriers between us and the underworld?"

"Me? Absolutely nothing. You?" Clover casually picked up a long metal rifle and slapped a crystal deep within its housing chamber. She lifted her bifocals and swiveled in her chair to smile at the Prince. "You are going to lead Equestria's future generations to glory."

"...?" Nervously, the Prince grasped the rifle in his hooves and held it gingerly.

"Now..." Clover gestured at a patch of stone wall. "...concentrate... imagine that you have a horrible abomination in your sights."

Taking a deep breath, the Prince humored her by aiming the rifle along the length of his right forelimb. He squinted at the stone wall, clenched his teeth, and—

Bzzzzt! On mental command, sparks of magical electricity fountained out of the rifle's crystal core. A pulse of mana ribboned up the barrel and—POW!—flew out in the shape of a burning blue projectile.

FLASSSH! A burning scorch mark blanketed the edges of a fresh crater in the laboratory's wall.

Clover the Clever hummed. "Nice shot, Your Majesty." She gave him a wrinkled smile—and a wink. "You may indeed be a natural."

"Erm..." Miller leaned back, visibly shaken by the technological display. "...a natural at what, Madame?"

"At leading your new loyal organization of defenders, of course."

Miller raised an eyebrow. "What organization?"

"The group that will lead the hunt for Kathleen's minions... and all Tartarusian escapees abroad." Clover gestured. "They have the power of anonymity on their side... and so shall you. Through secrecy."

"I... think I understand now..." Miller remarked, gazing at the crystal—still brimming with electrical bolts of energy. "Is this what you request of me?"

"No. I hope that you will follow through with it out of a sincere hope for protecting Equestrian interests on your own," Clover murmured. "Your lineage is a proud, noble one, dear Prince... but the time is coming soon when royalty will become an absolute harmonious thing, unbecoming of mere mortals. In the meantime... to combat the ills of Tartarus, ponies will have to master both chaos and harmony... only without becoming victims of it." She smiled. "I trust that you have the strength of character to accomplish this."

"Not on my own, I don't," Miller said. "I will need help." He gulped. "Sorceresses Tia and Luna—"

"—are busy mastering their cosmic spell. Besides..." Clover weathered a melancholic sign. "There may come a time when even the most powerful wizards of this land will be susceptible to the seduction of power. That is why you must assemble a team of the most trustworthy warriors in the land... so that they may teach future generations of hardened ponies to operate inside and outside the political system... so that harmony is maintained for Equestrians everywhere."

Miller nodded. "I understand. But... what of the Council?"

"Tell them only what they need to know," Clover instructed. "They will be the first and last public group to know about what you're organizing. Then—if the future necessitates it—the ruling Council will be alerted in order to stave off the rising tide of evil. For now..." She picked up the rack of crystals and held it before the Prince. "...take that which empowered the Queen of the Chrysalis and use it for something righteous." Her eyes narrowed. "My proteges will restore the sky. And you, my Prince, will protect from the shadows."

Miller gazed at her... then eventually bowed. "It will be my honor, Madame Clover..."

She smiled. "And my pride in you and my apprentices shall carry me aloft to the Harmonic Plains."

Beneath an overcast sky, ponies marched up a steep hill, drawing hundreds of wagons full of building supplies and canvas material. Pegasi flocked overhead, their armor glinting in the gray light. Collectively, they assisted the unicorns in surveying the elevated landscape while earth ponies unloaded their wooden carts below.

The Hills That Canter A Lot – The Western Plateau – Four Weeks Following the Banishment of Chancellor Kathleen

"Hrmmmf!" Earth ponies sweated and grunted as they hammered the iron stakes to a massive military tent.

A pair of stallions stood along a path filled with marching ponies carrying supplies. Sipping from canteens of water, the two peasants glanced at a spot towards the north edge of the plateau where unicorns began drawing lines in the rocky soil for the placement of a massive stone foundation.

"Seriously?" one earth pony wheezed. "They're actually building a castle here?"

"Looks like it," his friend said, nodding. "I've even heard rumors that the National Council is thinking of switching capitals."

"Pfft... you serious?" The first smirked cynically at the other. "Two whole generations of my family helped build the stinkin' senate building over at Mane-and-Hat! What—is the damn island being swallowed up by the sea or something?"

The other shrugged. "Beats me." He gazed up at the gray sky; he didn't even need to squint. "If the moon's actually vanishing... then who knows what will happen to the tide?"

"Whatever..." The first ditched his canteen and picked up a shovel. "I'm on latrine duty... which is all I can expect from our friggin' future." He blew out the side of his muzzle. "If you ask me... we were better off with the windigoes around to finish us off."

"Now don't say that!" The other scowled. "Word is that Prince Miller of the House of Platinum is working on something here to help ward off the monsters of Tartarus."

"Pffft... what kind of a project is he working on?"

"It's supposedly something super secret."

The first stallion rolled his eyes. "Yeah. That makes me feel a whole lot better." He froze, pausing to squint at the massive camp being erected around them. "Say... just where is that royal brat right now anyway?"

Secret Meeting Chamber – Deep In the Heart of the Hills That Canter A Lot – 5:05pm That Same Day

Unicorns slapped down manalight torches in the corners of the cave. The crystalline walls of the cavern reflected the flame in a deep blue kaleidoscope of glittering brilliance.

Other ponies dragged crates full of supplies and weapons and metal tools across the granite floor. While a group of workers hammered shelves into place along the opposite walls of the hovel, Prince Miller took center stage on a rickety podium erected before a series of makeshift benches. Hardened citizens—sage-looking unicorns, battle-scarred pegasi, and muscular earth ponies—sat in attendance. They awaited Prince Miller's speech in respectable silence.

"My friends... colleagues... thank you for joining me today." Miller took a deep breath. "This marks the first hour of the first meeting of our most illustrious organization." He gestured at the small crowd. "You thirty... have been chosen for your strength, your tenacity, and—most importantly—your unwavering devotion to Equestrian security."

"This is about the windigoes, isn't it?" a mare with an eyepatch grumbled. "They've returned... and we've been chosen to take them out. By force."

Prince Miller pointed at her. "No. This is about a far greater and more nebulous threat. But I do appreciate your furious attitude." His eyes narrowed. "Which is why I shall not throw you in irons for speaking out of turn."

The group chuckled. More ponies gathered to relax, resting their weapons and armor beside their wooden seats as they collectively focused on the regal stallion ahead of them.

"A 'more nebulous threat.'" An earth pony folded his leather-clad forelimbs, smirking. "I must say... you've got my attention. It will be an honor hunting monsters by your side, Your Highness."

"Indeed. And the honor will be mine too." Miller took a deep breath. "But this will be a matter of vigilance over pride, my friends. For our foe is a shadowy one... and so we must likewise operate within the shadows if we are to outsmart them." He gestured towards the ceiling. "Above us... our nationalist brothers and sisters are erecting a new stronghold to overlook the lands of Equestria in this perilous dark age. But this is as far as the public knowledge goes. In truth... the city being built above us is merely a mask for our operation here..." He pointed at the walls. "Here... in the dark sanctum that the traitorous Chancellor sought to make her evil lair. Instead, now, it will serve as our base of operations. The crystals here will empower our arsenal as we patrol the barriers of Tartarus and seek to seal away detestable nemeses of Equestria for good."

"This sounds like no small task," spoke a unicorn. "With all due respect, Your Majesty, how will we be expected to establish such security in one lifetime?"

"We won't. By agreeing to sit here, you are all committing your lives," Prince Miller said. "Your only legacy will be the lessons taught to future generations who will carry our secret creed into the future, ensuring freedom and liberty to all ponies living on the surface. Our sacrifice shall be their gain... and the chaos lords' loss." He took a deep breath. "From henceforth, we shall be known to a choice few as the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. If you are not up for this selfless task... then you are free to wander back out into the dimness."

The ponies exchanged glances. No one said a word... and no one moved.

Miller smiled ever so slightly. "Very well. Then it is settled. Our devotion is absolute." He pointed at himself. "And, to hammer forth our secrecy, we shall cast off the skins of our past... and adopt new personas." The Prince took a deep breath. "In a month's time... my 'death' will be staged before the Council. The last line of the House of Platinum... will perish in the eyes of the Equestrian citizenry. This sacrifice is for the best... to maintain the illusion that will become our sacred shield. Royalty—if it is required—shall be manifested through... more divine means."

He held a scroll of paper in his hoof.

"I have created a list of names. We will each adopt one separately... to assure the anonymity of our operation." His green eyes narrowed. "From now on, 'Prince Miller' no longer exists. Each and every one of you shall refer to me as 'Secret Agent Sombra.' True to name, my supreme task will be to direct the operations of this League from the shadows. In the meantime, I will study the crystal manabatteries of this mountain hollow with intense scrutiny... finding new ways to improve our technology in the pursuit and containment of all monstrous enemies to harmony."

He glanced at the crowd. His gray brow furrowed.

"Each and every one of you shall take on new names and new positions. But... before I hoof out your assigned tasks... it is most important that we read—collectively—the mission statement of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria." He unrolled the scroll in his grasp. "This is our creed. This is our bible. Read this. Learn this. Memorize this. Let it be the only thing that you know by heart—come death or interrogation—so that we may drive our vigilant crusade into the heart of evil... for the ages to come."

Clearing his throat, the once-Prince leaned over the podium and read from the scroll:

"'My life, my identity, my flesh and my soul... I commit to the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. So that whatever foul force may fall on the land of this nation, I pledge—with full devotion—to put all energy to eliminating that threat...'"

A Very Special Secret Agent

"'So th-that whatever f-foul force may fall on the land of th-this nation...'"

She huddled against the wall.

She trembled.

She clenched her eyelids tight as she whispered into the mountain air.

"'I pledge... with full devotion... to p-put all energy to eliminating that threat...'"

Explosions thudded in the distance, growing closer.

The air filled with screams and hisses.

Moisture escaped the edges of her sockets. She fought past a sob, forming a stern frown.

"'So that the last living being m-may enjoy his or her final breath as a free pony... and a proud bearer of harmony... as I am... now and forevermore... an unswerving agent of the League.'"

Once the breathy mantra had been finished, the earth pony opened her moist blue eyes. She inhaled deeply while raising a manarifle to her chest. Cocking the weapon—ch-chtung!—the agent spun around the granite column where she was hiding and fired a crackle of blue energy into a swarm of changelings sailing overhead.

Z-Zaaap! POWWW!

Three of the abominations exploded, littering the streets and storefronts of Canterlot with insectoid entrails. Terrified citizens ran for their lives while more ravenous creatures pounced on them—sinking their fangs into exposed necks and flanks.

Snarling, the mare pumped loose a spent crystal, reloaded a fresh manabattery into her rifle, and tossed her blue and pink mane back so she could aim true. "Begone!" Zaaaaaap! A fiery blue beam sailed across the rubble-strewn street.

A changeling exploded before it could drag a filly off into the wild blue yonder. The foal scampered off, breathlessly joining a herd of panicked ponies fleeing every which way while hundreds upon thousands of changelings dove in, turning the sky above into a squirming black mass.

The screams of the innocent were soon drowned out by a collective banshee shriek. The sounds of crickets and cicadas intensified as row after row of changelings dove towards their prey below.

"Not on my watch!" The agent shouted, galloping forward. She slid to a stop beside a cluster of cowering ponies and fired straight up into the phalanx of plunging changelings. "Rrrrrngh!"

Zaaaaaap!

The air flickered from a shiny black to a juicy green. The bloody remains of the changelings parted ways, staining the cobblestone street on either side of the cowering citizens.

"Oh Goddess!" A mare whimpered.

"Celestia... Luna..." A stallion shivered in his sweater-vest. "It's the End Times!"

"No it's not!" The agent shouted, reloading her rifle yet again. She yanked the ponies to their hooves and pointed towards the nearest hotel. "Get inside! Put as many closed doors between you and the outside world and wait this out!"

"Wait it out?!" A young mare pointed incredulously at the blackened sky. "Canterlot is good as captured by these... f-freakish beasts!"

"Who are you going to listen to, huh?!" The agent sputtered, cocking her rifle. "Those beasts? Or..." She squinted one eye, aimed at a lamppost, and fired. ZAAAP!

CRACK! The metal pole fell over, crushing three changelings in a row.

The citizens flinched. An aged stallion shouted to the rest: "Let's g-get inside that hotel!"

"Hurry! Put as many closed doors between us and them!"

"Move your tail or lose it!"

"Go! Go!" The agent shouted, waving a hoof and taking aim once more at the sky. "I'll cover you!" ZAAAP! Z-ZAAP! "Rnnnngh!" She gritted her teeth as she fired several burning volleys at the impossibly large swarm. "Where in Equestria d-did these bastards from from?!" She sputtered, sweating and heaving as she reloaded yet again. "Tartarus couldn't even hold th-these many drones... could it?"

"Help! Please! Helpppp meeee!"

Gasping, the agent spun to face the far end of the street.

A mare and a stallion flailed as blood-thirsty changelings lifted them up off their hooves and carried them skyward in separate directions.

"Nooooo!" The mare sobbed, being hoisted away. "Green Clover!"

"Flower Dust!" The stallion struggled as he and several other horrified citizens were being hauled into the buzzing swarm. "Honey! I love y-you!"

"Hey!" Snarling, the agent galloped straight towards the scene. "You let go of them! If you wanna feast on the living, then you gotta get through me—" She scuffled to a stop, blue pupils shrinking as a dark shadow crossed over her.

No less than thirty changelings converged on her spot, hissing madly. Their fanged mandibles glinted in the manalight from her rifle.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shit!" the agent snarled, spinning right around and galloping in the opposite direction. Cicada song pulsed in the back of her ears. She jumped left—dodging a changeling as it smashed through a street sign to her right. She hopped again, kicking off a diving monster and shoving it into a collapsing stagecoach. As she reached an intersection, she grabbed a post box by its support beam, spun around, and twirled the rifle until she aimed with one hoof. "Hiss into this, ya larva-humping plotsplats!" ZAAAAAAAP!

The blue beam fired into the incoming swarm, melting a dozen of the bugs into bubbly green goo. The rest pounced on the mare, surrounding her on all sides, scratching and clawing with their charcoal-black grasshopper legs. The agent struggled from deep within the dogpile of carapaced creatures. For a moment, her struggles ceased as she disappeared deep within their writhing limbs. But then—only a few seconds later—

THUNK! A grappling hook fired out of the circular mass, embedding into a third story apartment building's face above. Half-a-breath later, the agent came flying out of the dogpile with the grappler controls in one hoof... and three loose grenade pins in the other.

"Have fun being spray paint, flankholes!" she spat.

True to her profane prophecy—POWWW!—the changeling cluster exploded in a sticky mess of scattered shells. Among the many, only a few shape-shifters survived—one of which flew up in a violent streak and collided with the airborne mare.

"Ooomf!" The agent grunted as she and her attacker toppled sideways and—

SMASSSH!

—shattered through a third-story window. Glass flew as the two rolled and wrestled across an apartment room carpet.

"HRESSSHAAA!" The changeling's mandibles lunged at the agent's muzzle.

"Rnnnngh!" The mare held its jaws back with aching fetlocks. She grimaced as dollops of insectoid drool fell down on her peach coat. "What'd you h-have for breakfast this m-morning?" She wheezed, fighting against the beast. "Diamond dog?"

"Noooo!" shrieked a foal.

"Mommy!" whimpered another.

Panting, the agent tilted her head straight back.

She witnessed the upside down sight of a mare being pinned against the wall by two other changelings. A pair of children shivered in the corner. Upon spotting the agent's gaze, they pointed at the older pony. "They're going to eat our Mother!"

"Rnnnngh... dammit to Tartarus..." The agent clenched her teeth. Her eyes darted left and right. "...!" She spotted a horseshoe on the floor, grabbed it, and shoved it deep into her attacker's mouth—forcing the creature's jaws wide open.

Surprised, the changeling lifted up, struggling to toss the offending object loose.

"Mrnnngh!" Wham! The agent wasted no time in punching the changeling in its thorax. As the creature stumbled aside, she hopped up, kicked it in the back, and then grabbed the monster lengthwise. She then proceeded to charge across the apartment, wielding the changeling's body like a battering ram.

WHAM! She slammed one of the other two changelings into the wall. As the third released its grip of the mother, it received a massive uppercut to the chin via the agent's rifle butt.

Frowning, the agent yanked a lamp from the kitchen table, smashed the bulb off, and then shoved the live socket into one of the offending changeling's fangs.

Bzzzzzttt! The beast shook from head to tail. Its wings burst into flames and its compound eyes exploded. P-POW! As its smoking corpse fell to the ground, one of the two remaining monsters came charging over it, rushing the agent once again. "HRESSSHA!"

The mare braced herself, took the brunt of the monster's charge, then hooked its neck under her forelimbs. "Grrrrr—Raaaugh!" She punched the creature's gut three times, kicked an oven door open with her leg, stuck the beast's head inside—and then SLAMMED the door shut, decapitating the beast in a blink. Crunch!

Panting, wheezing, the agent backtrotted. She sensed three equine figures sobbing in her peripheral. "Don't... uh... worry, citizens. This goo... uh... trust me... eheheh... it'll wash out—"

Bonk! A loosely spat horseshoe ricocheted off her forehead from across the room.

"Ow!"

Teetering backwards, she slipped on the offending juices covering the kitchen floor.

"Whoah—!" She braced herself awkwardly against the kitchen table, leaving her open for—

"SHREEEEEEE!" The last surviving changeling sailed at her on buzzing wings.

She had no choice but to grapple with it. The two flew as one across the apartment—SHATTER!—out the side window and—CRASSSSH!—through the glass rooftop of a greenhouse two stories below.

"Mrmmmmf!" The agent landed roughly on a soft bed of petunias. Her foe, however—

Schlunkkkk! The changeling let loose a final, pained shriek as its body was impaled on a rusted sprinkler rod. Its spider-like limbs remained twitching a full minute past death.

The agent remained lying on her back. Her peach coat was scraped and bleeding in more than two dozen places. She grimaced, staring up through the shattered ceiling at a patchwork sky full of swarming abominations. The hooked legs and thoraxes of the buzzing drones blotted out the sunlight as they flitted between the blue spires of Canterlot.

"Get up," she murmured to herself.

She grunted... winced... fought gravity.

"Get. Up."

Stifling a whimper, she stirred her legs, rolling slowly off the bed of potted flowers.

"Princess Celestia is down," she wheezed. "The Elements of Harmony are missing." She battled a wincing expression as she stumbled to her knees. "... ... ...and I've yet to drink a cup of goddess-damned coffee."

Just then, a fresh wave of shrieks rattled the metal framework of the greenhouse. She looked up.

A galloping herd of changelings crossed the street, rushing towards the glass entrance to her hiding spot.

The agent's ears drooped. "...somehow, I don't think they've come to sniff the roses."

Just then, a brand new thunder lit the air. With a blink, the agent spun to look in the opposite direction.

First came the voice. "Gaaaaaaang waaaaaaay!" Second came the horn. And then—

SMASSSSSSSH! Glass. Lots of it. The mare winced as a huge gray figure barreled through the opposite wall and charged the entrance in time to meet the incoming changelings.

"Haaaaaaugh!" A rampaging rhinoceros in a black vest impaled beast after beast, raining the sidewalk outside with insect parts. "That's right!" The rhino hollered. "From Detrot with love, ya mangy melon fudges!" Snarling, she slammed her front hooves down, forcing the surviving herd of changelings to scamper off in abject fear. "What?! What?! You like that? Want more hot love right up your slimy ovipositors?!" The rhino spat on the bloodied ground with a smirk. "Tell them Betsy sent ya!"

The mare recovered on four hooves, sputtering: "Secret Agent Betsy?"

The rhino spun around, batting her eyelashes. "Yesssssss, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops?"

Sweetie Drops gulped. "What the Hell are you doing here?"

"Saving your sassy little flank, from the looks of it!" Special Agent Betsy snorted. "What? You think the only rhinoceros in all of Equestria was going to sit out the Wedding of Princess Candlehead and the Captain of the Guard?"

"It's Cadance... also..." Sweetie Drops gestured at her forehead, then pointed at her partner. "Uhm..."

"What?" Betsy blinked.

"You've... uh... got something on your horn..."

"I do?" The rhino sniffed, then went cross-eyed, noticing the remains of a changeling skull impaled on her horn. "Hah! Well, will ya look at that! Shish kabitch!" Plunk! She tore the offending thing off and held it in a thick hoof. "Not a bad air freshener, if I do say so myself. At least back where I come from. Heh..."

"Betsy..." Sweetie Drops huffed. "There are countless citizens at risk. This is no time for jokes!"

"No... it's a time for action..." rasped an elderly voice from behind.

Sweetie Drops' blue eyes instantly widened. She spun about, gawking. "D—... Chief Agent Sugar Cane!"

A wrinkly—yet grizzled-face earth pony with a gray mane trotted over the fresh hole in the greenhouse and approached the other two agents. "Secret Sweetie Drops," the elder grumbled, all the while priming a double-barreled manarifle. "I see that you're in one piece."

"I... uhm..." Nervously, Sweetie Drops brushed the flakes of dried green blood out of her two-toned mane. "I've performed better, to b-be perfectly honest, s-sir—"

"At ease," the stallion droned. "This is hardly what I call a surprise examination."

"Nope!" Betsy turned about, grinning wide. "More like the Ass-Kicking Convention! HAH! If I knew the wedding reception would had this in store for my visit, I would have worn my green vest today!" She sniffed the air once again with hairy nostrils. "Mmmmmmm—how I do love the smell of buggy insides in the morning."

"Save it, Betsy," Sugar Cane said, marching through the opposite hole and gazing at the blackened sky. "We must find the other agents and regroup with them."

"You mean..." Sweetie Drops galloped up towards him, breathless. "The rest of the League is h-here?!" She blinked, muzzle agape. "Secret Agent Haze? Sharp Quill?"

"Mmmm... yes. And Special Agent Horizons is leading them in battle as we speak." Sugar Cane turned to squint down at the young mare. "I gave her the order to round up the rest of our brothers and sisters so we can rally against the invasion."

Sweetie Drops shivered. "I... I thought that I was—"

"What?" Betsy snorted. "The only dumbass agent to be caught with her britches down in Canterlot? Pfft... girl, please."

"There'll be a time to compare notes later," the old stallion insisted. "Right now, there's an even greater threat that we must all confront."

"You mean Queen Chrysalis, right?" Sweetie Drops gulped, then frowned. "Because an invasion of this scale could only mean that she's returned."

"I don't speak of the Treacherous One."

"Then... what, Chief Agent?" Sweetie Drops stammered as the buzzing and shrieking intensified beyond. "What could possibly be an even greater threat than what's assailing Canterlot as we speak?"

"Sweetie Drops," Betsy murmured, her voice taking on a dull tone for once. "The floodgates of Tartarus have been blown wide open."

Sweetie Drops spun to gawk at her. "How could you possibly know this?"

"Your old nemesis." Betsy took a deep breath. "The Ursa Arthropodica... we saw it."

Sweetie Drops' eyes instantly shrank. She leaned back, her ears drooping over a trembling expression. "... ... ...the Bug Bear." She gulped. "It's back?"

"Aye..." Chief Agent Sugar Cane nodded. "And no doubt it's still angry over your accomplishments in the Stalliongrad operation." He glanced at the other two. "Its sense of smell is beyond compare, and its surreal strength has undoubtedly quadrupled. I say we have less than an hour before it tracks us down and attempts to finish the rest of us off."

"But... b-but what can we possibly do against that?!" Sweetie Drops swung a panicked hoof. "The last time it was on the loose, it slaughtered over half the League!" She gulped. "I-I was only one of two who c-came back alive..."

"Let's focus on one thing at a time." Sugar Cane gestured into the battle-strewn streets. "Let's regroup with Chief Agent Horizons and her company. We'll whittle down the changelings from the inside out. Hopefully—if we time our assault well—we'll relieve the pressure from the Canterlot Royal Guard so they can assist us in warding off the Tartarusian escapees."

"But... b-but—" Sweetie Drops shivered.

"So, in other words, more stompy-stompy-kill-kill?" Betsy asked. When Sugar Cane nodded, she reared her hooves and tossed her horn in the air. "Wooohooo! Let's get it on!" She charged thunderously out into the streets. "You hear that, ya beady-eyed buggers?! Ya bitches be sidewalk spaghetti tonight! Woo!"

Sweetie Drops blinked—only to flinch from the touch of Sugar Cane's hoof. "Don't worry about Secret Agent Betsy," he said. "She may be headstrong, but she will carve the path we need."

Sweetie Drops gulped. "I'm not worried about our uncaged rhinoceros, sir."

"Stay focused," he grumbled, cocking his manarifle and rushing out into the fray. "I will need you at your best."

"Yes, s-sir." She saluted, picked up a garden rake for a makeshift weapon, then galloped out of the greenhouse in pursuit. "You can count on me!" She grunted, smacking two changelings aside and headbutting her way past a third. "Grnnngh! Besides... c-can't be any worse than what Horizons and her gang are going through!"

The Impenetrable Six

"Rrrrrrrrgh!" A battle-scarred griffon with a metal beak sliced her way through a wave of changelings. She shook the insect juices off her headcrest, yanked a candelabra from a nearby table and flung it like a javelin across the room.

"Hressssssh!" A shrieking changeling found itself bloodily pinned to a book shelf on the opposite end of the chamber.

"Good throw, Sharp Quill!" hollered a leather-winged pony hovering at the other end of the library. With a grunt, he twirled a manarifle loose from his fully-armed backpack and fired down at a mess of scurrying changelings on a lower walkway.

The bug-like ponies hissed and retreated while a few of their brethren were reduced to dribbling shell-parts.

"Your aim is starting to suck, Haze," rattled Sharp Quill through her metallic beak. She punched one changeling and wrestled with another. "And here I thought sarosians fought better in the shade!"

"Grnnnngh..." Secret Agent Haze grumbled, his leafy ears pulling back. "It's their damnable shrieking. The sonic vibrations are throwing my senses off—"

"At your six!" the griffon hollered.

"On 'em!" Haze spun around, aiming down the sight of his rifle. The sarosian was too late—and two changelings pounced on his lithe figure. "Rrrrgh! Friggin' shitmops!" His growl soon turned into a hiss, and he flung his fanged muzzle over the necks of both changelings in turn. "Scrkkkkk!"

"Here!" Sharp Quill flew towards him. "I'll lend you a—" She grimaced, braking in mid-air with ruffled feathers. "Eugh... never mind. You got it."

Th-Thwump! Haze landed on the first floor of the library, still biting onto two limp, twitching bugponies. The sarosian stood up with a breath, wiping his muzzle clean of green juices. As soon as his eyeslits came back into focus, they reflected the orange figure of a patiently-standing unicorn. "Good morning, ma'am. Enjoying the wedding half as much as we are?"

A stern-faced mare snorted. "Quit showing off." Special Agent Horizons calmly trotted past him, firing bursts of bright red mana towards the ceiling of the book-filled chamber, forcing the remaining hatchlings to scatter. "You two should have cleared this place minutes ago."

"Yeah... so?" Sharp Quill smirked, smashed the skulls of two changelings together, and flew down towards the others as the ceiling above them cleared out. "The only crime here is not letting us tear loose outside. That's where the real meat-fest is." She glanced at Haze. "How do they taste, Haze, ol' buddy?"

"Mrmmfff..." Haze frowned, wiping the last of the slime from his fangs. "Like day-old egg drenched in mustard and ostrich piss."

"Quite an improvement over hydra jugulars, huh?"

"Don't you dare remind me."

"Line up!" Special Agent Horizons hollered, frowning at the two agents at attention. "This is serious business! The Princesses have been neutralized. The Element Bearers are unaccounted for. Queen Chrysalis was last seen dominating the Royal Ceremonial Hall—and changelings fill the streets and skyways of Canterlot!"

"Yeah... but..." Sharp Quill cleared her throat, her metal beak clattering. "What about the Bug Bear?"

"Still at large, I'm afraid, Secret Agent Sharp Quill."

The three agents spun to face the entrance.

"Chief!" Sharp Quill hollered, struggling to manage a smile beneath her prosthetic. "Betsy! And—heeeeeeeeey—Sweetie Drops!"

"Our youngest member?" Haze blinked his slitted eyes. "Still alive?"

"Mrmmmff..." Sweetie Drops stood beside Betsy and Sugar Cane, grasping a bruised shoulder. "For what it's worth."

"Tell me about it," Haze muttered. "Your mane has seen better days."

"Yeah, well, at least I can look at myself in a mirror," Sweetie Drops grunted.

"Hah hah!" Betsy's leathery lips curved wide beneath her horn. "You see, it's funny because Haze is a vampire pony!"

"Rrrrgh..." Horizons snarled. "Has everypony but me gone mad?" Her orange nostrils flared. "Eyes forward, everypony. We've got an extreme situation here."

"At ease, Special Agent," Sugar Cane interjected. "The League performs best when it lets loose."

"With all due respect, chief, I beg to differ." Scowling, Horizons pointed up at the stained glass mirrors—fluctuating from the insectoid figures streaking outside. "We can't afford to be anything but serious right now. It's not enough that we failed in our task to guard the barriers surrounding Tartarus, but this invasion by the Treacherous One is confounding our efforts to track down the Ursa Anthropodica—among other beasts."

"It's not like we could do shit-all with the League whittled down to one sixth of its founding ranks!" Haze snarled. "Why couldn't we have three hundred members? Y'know... like in the good ol' days?"

"Yeah, well..." Sharp Quill blew out the side of her metal beak. "...the Bug Bear made quick work of that."

"Wait. Hold the sound stone." Sweetie Drops turned to squint at the others. "When exactly did this breach of Tartarus happen?"

Horizons sighed. "Current guesstimates put it at about seventy-two hours ago... at least judging from the density of purgatorial fumes detected around the cave entrances to the Canterlot Mountains."

Sweetie Drops raised an eyebrow. "Could it have anything to do with the escape of Cerberus?"

"You mean that incident in Ponyville a month ago?" Sharp Quill remarked.

"Well, Ponyville is closer to the front gates to Starswirl's prison," Haze remarked. "Perhaps that was merely a distraction for somepony—or something—to infiltrate Tartarus and free the Changeling Queen."

"For the last damned time!" Horizons growled. "Chrysalis is the least of our troubles!"

"Miss Citrus is right," Betsy said with a bloodthirsty grin. "We can tear through these buggy punks like tinfoil! Give me twenty minutes outside with 'em, and I'll paint the whole damn town green!"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy, Betsy," Sweetie Drops said with a shudder. "This is more than a mere changeling incursion. There's gotta be tens of thousands of them out there!"

"But... they're ch-chumps!" Betsy pointed at the still-twitching limbs collected in the corner of the chamber. "I mean, look at 'em!" She whistled. "Also, I gotta say... it's about the sexiest I've ever seen a library."

"Your enthusiasm is much-appreciated, Secret Agent Betsy," Sugar Cane said. "But Sweetie Drops is right."

"Yeah, but—"

"Princess Celestia and the Element Bearers have been defeated at the hooves of Chrysalis—not any mere Tartarusian monstrosity." Sugar Cane took a deep, weathered breath. "There's no telling whether or not the Treacherous One is in collusion with the Ursa Anthropodica. But until we see a sign of our long-lasting nemesis, then we must follow through with our chief order."

"Which is to eliminate all threats to Equestrian sanctity of life," Special Agent Horizons said, nodding. She glanced at the others. "That puts the changeling swarm into top priority."

"Then let's get back out there and resume crushing shells already!" Betsy growled, dragging her hoof.

"Not so fast," Sweetie Drops waved a forelimb. "Now that we're together, we need a plan."

"Chief?" Horizons glanced at her superior. "If their numbers are indeed so vast, exactly how do we chase them all down?"

"We don't." The old stallion took a deep breath. "We draw them to us."

"How, exactly?" Haze asked.

"Changelings love to leech off of emotion." Sugar Cane's eyes narrowed. "We go out there and we make them very... very angry."

"Hrmmmm..." Sharp Quill folded her talons with a smirk. "I'm already liking this idea."

"My plan is that we march out onto Main Street and face the swarm head-on," Sugar Cane instructed. "We'll stay together. However—we will cluster into two groups, each covering a separate lane of the avenue." He faced his second-in-command. "Chief Agent Horizons. You, Sharp Quill, and Haze shall tackle the west end of Main Street." He gestured at himself. "In the meantime, I shall lead the rest of the League in tackling the east end."

"What's the twist?" Haze asked.

"We will dwindle their numbers on separate fronts. Once we've raised their ire, the changelings will surely redouble their attack—focusing on the downtown area now that we've taken so many of their fellow hatchlings." Sugar Cane clenched his jaw muscles. "That is when we will group up—both halves of the League—and form a perimeter inside the center courtyard, around the fountain. Hopefully Chrysalis' minions and their Hive Mind won't account for how impenetrable our well-trained defense is."

"Then what?" Sharp Quill inquired.

"We fight as long as we can," Sugar Cane explained. "We occupy the swarm's attention and buy the Element Bearers time to drive the minions out of Canterlot's city limits." He swallowed. "Then we'll make a move on the Castle and check on the status of Princess Celestia."

"I like it." Betsy grinned. "Especially the whole 'keep-killing-changelings' part."

"Chief..." Horizons took a deep breath. "...and what should we do in the event that the Bug Bear actually does show up?"

Sweetie Drops gulped nervously.

Sugar Cane took a deep breath. "We all converge on it. And we do not relent in our full-on assault until the dreaded monster is neutralized." He squinted at the rest of the group. "No matter how few of us are left standing in the end."

Silence hung in the war-torn library.

"You heard the Chief!" Horizons ultimately blurted. Her horn picked up a smattering of weapons as she made for the library's exit. "League Members, form up! We have a swarm to distract!"

"Hold up!" Sweetie Drops winced. "I... uh... lost my main weapon while saving a family of apartment-dwellers several blocks back."

Haze glanced over. "Need another zaponator, huh?"

"Who doesn't?"

Haze reached into his backpack, grabbed a manarifle, and tossed it to her. "There. Freshly loaded."

Sweetie Drops caught the weapon, cocked it with a twirl, and sighed. "Thanks, Haze."

The sarosian glanced over at Betsy. "Need a boomstick yourself, girl?"

"Uh-uh." The rhino shook her head. "I prefer to fight with the help of Lil' Betsy here." She tapped her horn. "She hungers like a motherbucker!"

"Suit yourself." Haze turned to smirk at Horizons. "Mini-boss? Ready to go?"

Horizons grumbled. "You know how I hate it when you call me that..."

"Can't help it. As a fruit-bat, I'm a sucker for a sour orange." Haze motioned to Sharp Quill. "Move your tail-feather."

"Ohhhhhhhh..." Sharp Quill shook her head as she followed the other two out—along with Betsy. "You're damned lucky that there are changelings out there for me to punch."

"Betsy! Guys!" Sweetie Drops scampered after them. "Hold up—"

"No, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops," Sugar Cane said, holding her back.

The young mare blinked back at him. "Chief? Is something the matter?"

The elder took a deep breath. "I want you... staying close to me during this upcoming fight."

Sweetie Drops' muzzle dropped. "Really?" She gulped. "Close to you...?"

He frowned. "Are you questioning my orders, Agent?"

"Uhm... n-no, sir!" She stood tall with her manarifle. "It's an honor to fight by your side. I promise that I will protect you with my life."

"Every member of the League is worth protecting," he rasped, hobbling past her with his double-barreled managun. "But the citizens are worth even more. Don't forget that." His eyes glinted with another glare. "And don't forget your training! Now is the most important mission of our careers."

"I-I won't forget, sir..." She tried to keep a straight face. Despite her best efforts, a tiny... warm smile formed. "Besides... we've been through tons before. How bad could it get?"

Serve and Protect

"Yeah! So... uhhhhhh..." Sharp Quill grimaced, backing into Agents Horizons and Haze as a cyclone of changelings swarmed in, shrieking louder and louder. There was no more glimpses of the surrounding palace structures through the swirling carapaces. "...anypony else regretting this half as friggin' much as I am?!"

"Hah!" Betsy impaled two changelings on her horn and bucked her armored weight into the attacking swarm. "What's to regret?! Raaaaaaugh!" She charged ahead, tossing exoskeletons left and right. "Come on in, friends! The water's fine! Hahaha!"

Haze grimaced. "What in the Hell does she drink every morning?" He fired his rifle into the swarm. ZAAP! Z-ZAAAP!

"Just keep fighting back!" Special Agents Horizons shouted, her back to an enormous fountain, a last resort. "We're doing well, Agents! Maintain the defense!"

"Rrrrrgh!" Sharp Quill viciously pecked a changeling, spilling green mist into the air. "If Horizons is feeling optimistic..." She wiped her metal beak clean before parrying another attack. "Mrmmmf... then it must be the end of the world!"

"Listen to your superiors!" Sugar Cane hollered, firing dual blasts of mana into the rampaging onslaught. "We've got the swarm's attention!" He panted, sweat dribbling off his wrinkled brow. "At this rate... I wouldn't be surprised if we summoned Chrysalis herself!"

"We'd be so lucky if the Treacherous One gave a damn for her 'children' after all these centuries of roasting in Tartarus," Sharp Quill spat. "Haze! To your right!"

The sarosian took aim. ZAP! "Got 'em." He tossed the empty gun away and reached for another fully loaded rifle from his pack. "Aaaaaaand..." ZAAAAP! "Got 'em."

"Do I have to spot every bug for you?!" Sharp Quill spat, warding off another drone.

"Nope." Haze managed a fanged smirk. "Only the easy ones."

"Grnnnngh..." Sharp Quill frowned—but was soon distracted by a distant scream.

Horizons heard it too. "Something's happening..." She craned her neck between firing blasts of magic from her horn. "...across the street."

"I see it!" Sweetie Drops gasped. Her eyes twitched to the sight of a dozen citizens being carted off. "Chief! Several families! They're being abducted! Just like the ones I saw before!"

"Stay in position!" Sugar Cane grumbled.

"But... but s-sir!" Sweetie Drops gnashed her teeth, firing in the direction of the foalnapping changelings. "They'll make off with the ponies if we don't—"

"If we break formation now, we'll be overrun!" Sugar Cane hollered as he slammed a lunging changeling's skull in with his rifle-butt. "Grnnngh... for the sake of all Canterlot—Equestria, even—we must keep the main Hive distracted!"

"You can't expect me to just let those families be torn apart!" Sweetie Drops yelped. "It's our chief function to protect the citizens of—"

Sugar Cane shouted: "Stay put! That's an order!" His nostrils flared. "I do not want you leaving my side, Sweetie Drops!"

The young mare flashed him a surprised look. "Chief... I-I—"

"Look!" Sharp Quill suddenly exclaimed, her voice strangely jubilant. "To the northwest!"

"Huh?" Horizons squinted through the buzzing bodies. "What exactly am I looking for, agent?"

"Rnnngh!" Sharp Quill smacked two offending changelings and flung a twitching body through the swarm, forcing a visible gap in the living cyclone. "There! See?! Above the palace rooftops!"

As the agents of S.M.I.L.E. Gazed northwest, they spotted a cluster of six colorful equine figures rushing across the ramparts of Canterlot. Soon, the black shells closed in, and they could see the figures no more.

"The Element Bearers..." Horizons murmured.

Haze bore a fanged smile. "Celestia's apprentice and her friends!" His leafy ears twitched. "They're off to wield the Elements of Harmony!"

Sweetie Drops' squeaked: "Chrysalis' swarm will be banished! I just know it!"

"Focus on the moment, agents!" Sugar Cane instructed in a gravelly voice. He fired more shots into the attacking onslaught. "If they're truly going to flank the enemy, then we must keep them occupied until—"

Just then, a horrendously loud roar tore its way through the changelings. Several minions flew skyward, making room for a battered rhinoceros' body to slide across the floor and tumble to a stop against the base of a fountain.

"Betsy!" Sweetie Drops gasped. She aimed her rifle skyward, firing pot-shots while side-strafing towards the collapsed agent. "Speak to us! Are you okay?!"

"Mrmmmff..." The rhino winced. Her vest hung on her bruised body in tatters. "Felt like an avalanche just gave birth to me inside a minefield... goddess damn..."

"Who did this to you?!" Sweetie Drops exclaimed. Her jaw clenched. "Was it Chrysalis?! Did we draw her out of hiding?!"

"I... only wish..." Betsy tried to sit up, only to collapse with shuddering muscles. "I... I'm so sorry, guys..." Her tiny eyes fluttered shut. "It... c-came out of nowhere. Tried... tried to stop it..."

"Tried to stop what, agent?" Sugar Cane asked.

In answer, the growling breath redoubled. The cyclone of changelings parted ways with panicked shrieks before scurrying into higher altitudes.

The members of the League collectively glanced towards the east edge of the courtyard. A bulbous shadow crossed their pale, gaping expressions.

Hovering several stories up, a three-ton behemoth on buzzing wings blocked out a swath of sunlight. As the agents' vision refocused, they made out striped bee-fur covering a thick thorax the size of a stagecoach. The stripes melded into black-and-white fuzz, like a panda's patchwork coat. Flexing massive biceps, the top half of a Tartarusian beast loomed ravenously above them, connected with an insectoid bottom half. The bear's compound eyes blurred red upon spotting the rest of the League, and drool dribbled from its razor sharp maw as—Schinnnng!—its abdomen brandished a serrated four-foot long stinger coated with venom.

Haze gulped. "Exactly how many rocket strikes did it take to bring this bucker down in Stalliongrad, again?"

Sweetie Drops trembled. "Don't make me remind you..."

"Uhm..." Sharp Quill gulped. "Chief?" She murmured aside. "What d-do we do now?"

Sugar Cane fearlessly glared up at the hovering monster. "So... I see that you remember us. You know..." He cocked his double-barreled manarifle and stepped forward, standing before Sweetie Drops. "...my old friends had many a curse to give you before they died. Would you like to hear them?" He frowned. "Come closer, and I'll be glad to share."

Sweetie Drops' eyes twitched.

"Grnghhhhh—HRAAAAAAAAUCKTT!" The Bugbear roared at the top of its lungs.

Sharp Quill sighed. "I was afraid he'd say something like that—"

SWOOOOOOOOOOOSH! The escaped convict of Tartarus sailed down into the courtyard, mercilessly knocking aside errant changelings in its attack.

Chief Agent Sugar Cane met the beast head-on, firing point-blank into its furry thorax. The Bugbear took the brunt of the blow and swept up the old stallion, smashing through the nearby fountain as the two went barreling across the Courtyard.

"Chief!" Sweetie Drops shrieked.

"Agents!" Horizons hollered, sweeping up loose debris and stone shards with her telekinesis. She galloped towards the Bugbear's flank. "Attack with me!"

"Go time!" Agent Haze sailed in on leather wings, firing his rifle at full burst. Z-Z-Z-Zap!

The combined assault of Haze's manabursts and Horizons' projectiles only angered the bear. With a roar, it lifted off of Sugar Cane, swiping at the rest of the League with an angry paw.

Sugar Cane took the opportunity to fire a shot that ricocheted off the Bug Bear's skull.

"RAAAAUGHHHCKKT!" Infuriated, the Bug Bear lifted up, stabbing downward with its massive stinger.

Sugar Cane gasped—only to be lifted up by Sharp Quill's talon as the griffon swept by. Cl-Clank! The Bug Bear's stinger struck pure granite, splashing sparks across the rubble.

"A million thanks, Agent Sharp Quill," Sugar Cane wheezed.

"Less thanking and more living!" Sharp Quill batted a few errant changelings aside as she took to the air. "Look out, Leaguers! He's doubling back—!"

"We see it!" Horizons hollered, erecting a crimson shield around herself and Haze as the beast lifted a massive granite bench and flung the thing. "Heads up!"

Fl-Flash! The bench bounced off the top of the shield and shattered into a cloud of stone shrapnel. The projectiles flew in the direction of Sweetie Drops.

"Hey sexiness!" Haze yelled. "It's coming your way!"

Sweetie Drops wasted no time with a reply. She turned tail, galloped up a wall, and backflipped just as the stone shards sailed into the building face behind her. Th-Th-Thud! In mid-air, she spun about and fired a grappling hook at the beast's head. Pow!

The Bugbear was too busy growling to notice the incoming tool. Thw-Thw-Thwpp! It wrapped three times around its neck, choking the beast.

Swoooosh! Sweetie Drops flew along the length of her cord until she perched on the Bugbear's chest. "Here..." She unclipped two grenades and shoved it into the bear's maw. "...try pooping these out, big fella." With a grunt, she backflipped in time to avoid—

BOOM!

—a tremendously fiery explosion. Sweetie Drops landed in a slide. "Hah!" She stood up in the rubble-strewn courtyard, panting. "And that, my friends, is how you skin a—" She grimaced as the smoke cleared. "Awwww shit it's still alive."

"RAAAAAAAUGH!" Bleeding from the gums, the hovering beast lumbered forward.

"And pissed!" Special Agent Haze flipped his backpack upside down, emptied it of all remaining manarifles, and then tossed them into the air above Agent Horizons. "Special Agent! The Orange Maneuver!"

"Everypony stand back!" Horizons gnashed her teeth, summoning a translucent field of red telekinesis above herself. She caught all six rifles in a hovering grip, cocked them, and fired every barrel simultaneously at the airborne abomination. ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The Bug Bear lifted its many arms, absorbing the multitudinous manablasts. Bloody welts and burn marks formed viciously across its hairy limbs, chest, and neck.

"That's it! That's it!" Haze hollered over the bedlam of unloading manashells. "Turn the bastard into the dumb sponge that he is!"

"Mrnnnghhh!" Horizons sweated with concentration, firing shot after shot while spent manacrystals littered the cobblestone around her. ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!

However, despite her best efforts, the burnt and bloodied beast kept lurching forward.

"It's n-not working!" Sweetie Drops gasped aside. "Special Agent Horizons! Move!"

"I... almost... g-got it dead!" Horizons sneered.

Soaring overhead with Sugar Cane, Sharp Quill sputtered, "The kid is right! Horizons, move your flank!"

"Stand back!" Sugar Cane hollered. "That's an order!"

"But it's actually bleeding!" Horizons spat. "Sir, when was the last time you recorded it—" Her eyes widened, reflecting the lunging fangs of an angry bear. "Ohhhhh buck me."

"Raaaaaaaaaauchkttt!" With a single paw-swipe, the Bug Bear knocked Special Agent Horizons to the floor and pinned her down. Haze tried pouncing on it from behind, but the beast knocked the sarosian away with a single flap of its wing. It then sank its jaws down into Horizons' left forelimb... dismembering the pony with a sickening, meaty POP!

"Aaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaaaaugh!" Horizons shrieked at the top of her lungs. Blood pooled beneath her quivering figure. "Celestiaaaaaa!"

"Horizons!" Sweetie Drops grimaced. She picked up a chunk of stone and rushed forward to flank the monster.

Sugar Cane saw it. He gasped. "No! Sweetie Drops, don't—"

Just then, something big, hulking, and gray rushed in and stabbed the Bug Bear from behind.

RAAAAUCHKTT!" The bloodied bear reared its fangs to the sky, howling in pain.

Sweetie Drops stumbled to a stop, panting in surprise.

"Grnnngh..." Secret Agenty Betsy stood with her horn embedded ten inches into the backside of the monster. "All of y'all bastards... on me!"

Sharp Quill dropped Sugar Cane. Together—along with Haze and Betsy—the three pushed the Bug Bear off of Horizons' twitching figure and shoved its thick weight the rest of the length across the courtyard—SMASSSH!—and into the fragile entrance to a flower shop.

"Grnnkkkt... Sweetie Drops..." Horizons sputtered, aiming her horn at the remnants of her limb and cauterizing the wound. "...your... r-remaining ordinancccce..."

Sweetie Drops was already pulling the pins off her last three grenades. "Everypony...!" She flung the explosives at full force through the shop window. "...get back!"

P-P-POWWWWW! The floral shop exploded in a burning plume of flame. The changelings—now distant—shrieked from high above where they circled the carnage.

Sharp Quill and Haze helped a dizzy Betsy up to her hooves. The three gazed into the smoldering remains of the shop while Sugar Cane squinted, getting a survey of the kill. At last, the elder gulped, shuffling about. "Well done, team. Quick... let's get Special Agent Horizons to an infirmary—"

SMASSSSSH! Soot-stained and growling, the burnt figure of the Bugbear emerged, paws swinging.

WHAMMM! One single punch sent Sharp Quill and Haze sailing violently across the courtyard. Betsy tried charging the creature, but the Bugbear effortlessly lifted the rhino's entire body and tossed her—shrieking—through a news stand across the street. Dripping with blood and ashes, the Bugbear pivoted about until its compound eyes reflected dozens of frightened Sweetie Drops.

"Oh Goddess..." the young agent whimpered. In a blink, she rushed over to Agent Horizons' side and picked up one of the many rifles. She found a half-charged manacrystal and crammed the thing into the weapon's chamber. Taking a defensive stance, she spun about, aiming the weapon high—

CLAMP!

"Snrkkkk!" Sweetie Drops hissed as one of the Bug Bear's many claws grasped around her neck. She found herself lifted up—dangling in the monster's grip.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr..." Drooling, the beast raised another set of claws... aiming them squarely between Sweetie Drops' eyes.

A single tear trickled down the mare's cheek as her vision went blank...

...and her ears heard a growling voice, rising in tonality.

"Youuuuuuuuu—let go of her right now!" Chief Agent Sugar Cane leapt high, mounting the beast's backside. He then proceeded to hammer the butt of his rifle repeatedly into the back of the beast's skull.

Angered, the Bug Bear dropped Sweetie Drops to the floor besides Horizons. She winced, sitting up and gaping at the scene.

The Bug Bear took a swipe at the League's leader. But the elder stallion was too adrenalized. Sugar Cane easily jumped the monster's attack. He landed back on the bear's fuzzy chest—which was precisely when he chose to aim the manarifle's double-barrels into the beast's sternum and unload. BLAM! BLAM! BL-BLAM!

"Graaaaaaaaaulkkktt!" The Bug Bear let loose a blood-curdling shriek. Its wings flapped awkwardly while its limbs flailed. The insectoid freak flew back—with Sugar Cane in tow—ultimately smashing through a stagecoach full of packing supplies. Crasssh! A plume of dust and debris flew sky-high, obscuring half of the courtyard.

Sweetie Drops stood up and winced, covering her muzzle as she squinted into the fray. The dull thuds of continued combat echoed from ground zero, followed by more and more of the Bug Beast's pained shrieks.

And then...

...there was silence.

Horizons panted, clutching her heat-seared stub.

With a quivering lip, Sweetie Drops trotted nervously towards the debris cloud. "Chief...?" She gulped. "Chief Agent Sugar Cane?"

At last... as the dust begin to settle... a dark shadow lurched out from the mess.

Sweetie Drops' heart stopped.

"Mrmmmff..." Sugar Cane, bruised and battered, stumbled into the light. His eyelids were heavy, his gray mane disheveled, and he stepped with a limp... but he was alive. His gaze lifted up—ultimately meeting Sweetie Drops.

With a relaxed sigh, Sweetie Drops smiled.

A twinkle sparked across Sugar Cane's eyes. He smiled back. SCHLUNNNK! A four-foot stinger protruded from his chest, causing his body to jolt.

Sweetie Drops' muzzle dropped. "NO!"

Sugar Cane's figure lifted—as did the Bug Bear, bleeding and blistered from the heart of the wreckage. With a lethargic grunt, it gripped Sugar Cane's body and hoisted him off the length of its envenomed barb—dropping the elder like a sack of meat to the cobblestone floor.

Sweetie Drops' breaths had fragmented into hysterics. She galloped straight for her chief's body. Behind her, Horizons sat up, shaking her head. "Agent! Don't—!"

Sweetie Drops didn't listen. She rushed to the elder's side, cradling him in her grasp. "Chief! Chief... hold on! I'm going to get you somewhere safe..."

"Snrkkkt... not..." Eyes rolling, the stallion gargled blood, raising a jittery hoof. "...not me... Horizons... the City... p-ponies..."

"Shhhhh!" Sweetie Drops gripped the stallion's fetlock, wincing. "Just... don't move!" She gulped. "Don't talk! I'm going to—" She froze the moment she saw a bear-shaped shadow looming over her. The mare blinked... and her grimace melted into a furious snarl. Reaching over, she hoisted Sugar Cane's weapon off the ground and spun around to face the monstrosity.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." The ravenous creature hovered above her on bent wings. Several mana-wounds splotched its black-and-white coat with red, but it fought through the pain to stare the tiny agent down.

Sweetie Drops trembled. She pumped the manarifle—but realized that its crystal casing was completely spent. So—gulping—she spun the weapon around until she wielded it like a club. "Well? What are you waiting for?!" She gulped again, her brow furrowing. "You want to finish me? Then do it!"

"Hraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaulllktt!" The Bug Bear howled down at her.

"Bring it onnn!" she hollered, standing between it and the bleeding Chief.

Just as the beast was rearing its paw—

FLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH! A rosy pink burst of light emanated from the central Palace of Canterlot.

Horizons gasped, glancing over.

High above, every changeling chirped in sudden dismay.

The Bug Bear blinked stupidly, then spun to face the Palace.

Breathless, Sweetie Drops looked in the same direction.

Outward from the heart of the capital, an enormous sphere of pink energy expanded rapidly. It phased through every building, tree, and platform of the mountain maretropolis.

"Captain Shining Armor's spell..." Horizons wheezed. "...I've never seen it so br-bright—"

Just as she said that, the barrier reached the ruined courtyard. Hundreds and thousands of changelings yelped in fright as they were propelled away from the center of the force field. The Bug Bear was no luckier. It flinched at the last second, clutching its bloody, battered body, until—POWWW! Its meaty frame was forced skyward, sailing towards the southern end of Equestria.

Sweetie Drops gasped. Her mane rose and settled as the force-field rippled harmlessly over her equine form... and that of Sugar Cane and Horizons. Spinning about, she gazed south... watching—dumbfounded—as the entire black cloud of changelings was swept towards the distant horizon. Among the scattering swarm, she spotted a single toppling figure. At first, she thought it was the Bugbear, until she heard a siren wail of high-pitched screams, followed by a microscopic flash of corrupted green light...

And then every monster that had plagued Canterlot that day was banished.

Silence reigned... eventually punctuated by the worried breaths of pony citizens coming out of hiding. The voices soon turned to sobs as many of them struggled to find their loved ones amidst the carnage.

As the numbness of the moment set in, Sweetie Drops panted for breath. She dropped down beside Chief Agent Sugar Cane, gaping at his bloodied figure. After a gulp, she scooted over and held his haggard body in her forelimbs. "Chief... can you hear me?"

"Tell... tell Horizons..." Sugar Cane sputtered, the brightness in his eyes fading. Blood seeped fresh and hot out of his punctured chest. "...she... m-must disassemble the League." He winced. "Too... t-too many threats now... and not enough members." Blood and bile dribbled out his chin. "Get her to work with Celestia. With the Princess' p-permission—"

"Horizons knows what to do." Sweetie Drops sniffled. "You taught us well. Please, Chief, you have to stay me—"

"It's... n-not a retreat," he wheezed, his pupils scraping the sky. "Just... advancing backwards..." His eyelids grew heavier. "...must... be anonymous... f-for the safety of Equestria..."

"Chief..." Sweetie Drops choked on a sob. She leaned in, whispering now. "Dad... for once in your life... will you talk to me... and n-not just instruct me...?"

He blinked... then blinked again. His hoof reached blindly out.

She caught it... bringing it to her cheek to nuzzle his fetlock. She sniffled, staring tearfully at the stallion.

"I... f-failed in my order..." He murmured. "Always... pledged t-to protect the citizenry... when in fact..." His voice shook, gargling. "...I only ever wanted t-to protect you... Sweetie Drops... after your m-mother—grmmff... after sh-she..."

"It's not like with Mom. Don't you see, Dad?" She kissed his hoof and bore a fragile smile. "I'm alive and well. You did it. You protected me."

His breath squeaked through his nostrils. His weak eyes darted towards her... lingering.

"You're n-not a failure," she exhaled.

He stared. He blinked. "May you too... find a life that will br-bring you joy... mmmm... pr-protecting..." And then he blinked no more.

Sweetie Drops gazed at him. Her muzzle hung open... and then she clenched her jaw shut. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she leaned forward, burying her face in the nape of his neck. Her sobs were quiet, tender things... muted out by the hoofsteps of Betsy, Sharp Quill, and Haze as they limped towards the scene along with gaggles of anxious, wandering ponies... filling the gaps of Canterlot that had previously been filled with so much pain and loss.

Burning Bridges That Were Never Crossed

Sweetie Drops sat silently on a wooden crate, staring into cavernous space. The mare was surrounded by ancient furnishings and age-old tapestries depicting League Chiefs from the past.

She inhaled and exhaled in long, melancholic breaths. Every now and then, she'd glance at her hooves—still stained with her father's blood.

This brought a shiver to her person. Pensively, she lifted her eyes just high enough to spot a shrouded figure stretched-out on a red-stained cot several feet in front of her. Her ears folded back as a lump formed yet again in her throat.

"Agent Sweetie Drops..."

Eventually, she glanced up at the griffon standing in front of her.

Secret Agent Sharp Quill's eyes narrowed. "Did you hear what I said?"

She nodded. "Yes." A gulp. "And I'm fine."

Sharp Quill's metal beak clenched tight. "You don't have to be 'fine.' What happened... none of us could have expected."

"Couldn't we have?" Her brow furrowed. "We should have opened up to the Regal Sisters sooner. Even if it meant going public with the League for the first time in eons." Her nostrils flared as she stared past the shroud again. "What mattered was that the barriers of Tartarus remained secure... and we failed on that front."

"I'm not certain that greater numbers would have prevented what happened, Sweetie Drops," Sharp Quill calmly said. "The Treacherous One's invasion was on a scale never before precedented. And besides..." She cleared her throat, glancing at the equipment lining the crystalline walls. "...with the Elements of Harmony in the grasp of mortal bearers... I'm guessing we all thought that the era of the League was over."

"Well... it is now..." Sweetie Drops sighed, gazing at the obscured figure lying between them. "Nothing short of a direct harmonic blast from Princess Celestia could actually slay that infernal Ursa Arthropodica." Her eyes narrowed. "That thing is still out there... alive. And so long as there are beasts just like it running free from the shackles of Tartarus... then there's a vendetta against us. So long as the League still exists—these horrible monsters will stop at nothing to make sure we are all slaughtered... along with our families." She tilted her head up, shaking it. "It doesn't matter how many innocent ponies might get in the way."

The sound of clattering medical equipment echoed across the cavern.

Special Agent Horizons winced, hobbling on a make-shift prosthetic across the domain. "All the more reason to enact Project Field Fire as soon as possible!"

Betsy and Haze stumbled up behind the mare. "Special Agent Horizons!" Haze hissed. "For Saros' sake! You lost a limb today! Now lie down so you'll bleed less, ya stupid bastard!"

"That's Chief Agent Horizons now..." Horizons brushed the two agents off of her, lingering beside Sweetie Drops. "I heard Sugar Cane's last few words..." She gazed at the youngest recruit, sighing. "And... I'm sorry that it had to come to this."

Sweetie Drops limply nodded. "He..." Her breath shook. "...he would wish to be cremated."

"Yes, well..." Horizons hobbled across the domain, gesturing at the tapestries and ancient plaques. "...the same can be said for the rest of this stuff. All up in smoke."

"Must we really do this?!" Sharp Quill grimaced. "Countless generations of ponies, griffons, and other brave souls gave their lives while operating out of this place!"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Horizons grumbled. "Project Field Fire is a go. Now somepony go grab a canister of kerosene."

"For Celestia's sake, ya ass!" Betsy grumbled. "Have some heart!" The rhino pointed a bruised hoof at Sweetie Drops. "She lost more than the rest of us combined today!"

"No..." Sweetie Drops stood up. "The Chief is right."

"'Chief?'" Betsy frowned aside. "You're quick to label her with the new moniker! Seein' that Miss Sassy Plots has been Jonesin' for your dear-old-daddy's position for years, now!"

"That..." Horizons pointed angrily across the cave. "...was out of line!"

"Girl, the only thing out of line is your neckbone! Too weak to support your fat head!" Betsy spat. "How about you come here face to face and I'll show you what a true horn is!"

Swoooosh! Haze glided in and landed in the center of the group. "Okay... calm the buck down!" He frowned, fangs glinting in the manalight. "The last thing we need to do is jump at each other's throats in the presence of our beloved boss' dead body!"

Sweetie Drops shook as the sarosian's voice echoed loudly against the crystalline walls.

Horizons sighed, leaning on an ancient wooden table. "Look... the fact of the matter is... we're no longer safe. Queen Chrysalis may have been banished by Captain Shining Armor's spell... but she's still out there. And so is that Bug Bear... and—for all we know—so are countless other Tartarusian beasts who will want nothing more than to hunt us all down and rip what's left of this threadbare organization apart from its very foundation!" She gestured with her good hoof. "And if we're no longer safe... then Equestria is no longer safe. It's like Sugar Cane said. We're not retreating... we're advancing backwards. The only way anonymity will save us now is if we all spread out to the furthest reaches of Equestria. We're not giving up our agency... we're simply operating from the outside in. Until the coast is clear... we cannot pretend to function from a centralized hub. It'll attract too much attention and the collateral damage will encompass far more than we can contain."

"We did pretty damn well on our own earlier!" Betsy barked. "Just a few more hours, and all those sniveling changelings would have become changepuddles!"

"Yeah, well..." Haze's slitted eyes glared at her. "...just a few more minutes, and we'd all be trophies atop the Bug Bear's purgatorial mantlepiece. Face it... the only reason any of us are alive right now is that something somehow triggered Shining Armor's spell to overload. Not even Celestia or the Element Bearers could banish those monsters."

Betsy tried to protest... but she ultimately hung her head with a sigh.

"This is it, isn't it?" Sharp Quill murmured. Her titanium beak quivered as she looked at the rest. "This is the lowest of our League's lows?"

"Now don't dramatize," Horizons growled.

"Think about it!" The griffon frowned. "Even when our founding chief went batshit insane and enslaved the crystal ponies of the north, there was at least a sizable force to oppose him!"

"The League's never been about size," Horizons said. "It's been about tenacity. We've performed efficiently in fewer numbers before." She gazed at the shroud between them. "Chief Sugar Cane knew this... and he had every reason to trust us... because we're the best agents of this generation." Her hard eyes swept across the group from where her bandaged figure teetered. "And we shall continue to serve competently and diligently from our separate posts."

"Where... exactly shall we haul our asses to?" Betsy murmured.

"I've got an even better question," Haze remarked. "When will we know that it's time to regroup?" His leafy ears drooped. "If there's a time..."

"Let me be the one responsible for that," Horizons muttered.

"What do you have in mind?" Sharp Quill asked.

Horizons took a deep breath. "I shall expose the state of the League to Her Majesty."

"Princess Celestia?"

The mare nodded. "Yes. The monarch may be immortal... but there's no telling whether or not her memory is." She gestured. "No doubt, she will enforce complete deniability."

"Well, for our sake, I hope she will keep the League's presence a secret," Haze said. "Or lack thereof."

"I will remain here in Canterlot," Horizons murmured, hobbling about. "Take on the identity of... a royal guard." She winced, gazing at her haphazard prosthetic. "...or a veteran."

"Right." Betsy tilted her horn aside, squinting. "And what of the rest of us?"

"Spread out," Horizons commanded. "Head towards the four corners of the continent. Keep only enough resources that you can carry on your person. Set your sound stone frequencies to our lowest leyline... and listen for my voice." Her eyes narrowed. "Trust nopony but each other. And if you see another member of the League..."

Sharp Quill was already nodding. "Blood test for dopplegangers." She bore a brief smirk, shrugging in the sarosian's direction. "Or in Haze's case... just bite the neck and taste."

"Hardy har..." Haze droned. "Remind me to crack a joke over your parent's grave some day."

"Well then... enough is enough," Secret Agent Sweetie Drops murmured, reaching for a manatorch. "Let's get Project Field Fire underway already—"

"Not so fast, Sweetie Drops," Horizons said, waving her good hoof. "You're leaving first."

"What?!" Sweetie Drops' muzzle scrunched. She gazed at the shroud, at the manatorch, then at Horizons. "What for?"

Horizons stared at her. She spoke to the others without looking. "Prepare the bonfire, agents. Let's make this quick."

"Aye, chief," Sharp Quill murmured, joining Haze in gathering wooden supplies—both new and ancient.

As the other two rummaged in the background, Betsy drifted closely past Sweetie Drops. "Take care of yourself, girl." She braved a gray smile. "I'm gonna miss a lot of things from this gig. But you and your optimism? Your chipper voice? Well..." She cleared her throat, stumbling past on thick hooves. "...let's just say he had a whole hell of a lot to be proud of."

Sweetie Drops bit her lip, watching Betsy walk off. She turned just in time to greet Horizons, hobbling up towards her.

The orange unicorn came within breathing distance, then proceeded to murmur: "We all know the real reason why you were inducted into the League. And while your track record is more than exemplary... I suggest you do us all—and yourself—a favor."

Sweetie Drops squinted. "And what's that?"

"When the call goes out for the League to rejoin—however long from now..." Horizons' eyes narrowed. "Don't answer it."

The young mare blinked.

"You won't be disciplined for it," Horizons said. "In fact... I won't even note it in the royal logbooks."

"Special Agent... Chief..." Sweetie Drops grimaced. "...are you discharging me from the agency?"

"Sweetie Drops, there's no telling how long we will be spread apart. For most of us, this is a second life that we are being forced to live. But you? You're young as shit. You haven't even begun a first life."

"I do have a life," Sweetie Drops hissed. "And it's this! The League! The agency is my whole existence!"

"Only because your father wanted to protect you," Horizons calmly remarked. "But he cannot do that anymore. Your life—as you choose to live it—is now in your own hooves."

Sweetie Drops blinked. "...this has been all I've ever known. If I give up on it... I will dishonor his legacy."

"No, Sweetie Drops," Horizons said. "You will dishonor his legacy if you never seize the opportunity to make good of the life that he sacrificed to protect." She took a deep breath. "You've done your service to him... and to us. But now... I do believe that you have every right to serve yourself."

Sweetie Drops' muzzle lingered open, fumbling for words.

"Please..." Horizons sighed. She rested her good hoof on the young mare's shoulder. "Take it from a pony who's... f-falling apart... literally." She shook her head. "A cold fate befell his wife... don't let it happen to his only child as well..."

A hard lump formed in Sweetie Drops' throat. Her eyes teared up as she whimpered: "I... wouldn't even know where to go..."

Horizons inhaled sharply. She nodded towards the corner of the cavern with her head. "There's a brown satchel by my cot. I want you to take it to wherever you're headed."

"Huh?" Sweetie Drops glanced at the item in question. She blanched. "Chief... your... your life's savings?!" She stared incredulously at the mare. "But... but I already have my own! You can't expect me to rob you of—"

"I'll be working directly with the Royal House," Horizons said. "Believe me. I will be sustained. But you?" She patted the mare's shoulder. "You will need a hoofhold in wherever you choose to settle. Let this be a gift to you... like your father's gift."

"My... f-father's...?"

Horizons nodded. "So that you can accomplish what we both heard him wish with his final breath... and find a life of love and contentment that you can protect..."

The Promise

Sweetie Drops limped through the streets of Equestria's Capital... in a daze.

She wasn't alone.

Families huddled on the sidelines—hugging each other tight and sobbing.

Stray citizens wandered the wreckage—some still dressed in affluent wedding attire—searching for their loved ones.

Voices cried out—some longing, others mournful. The building faces echoed with the galloping hooves and flapping wings of royal guardsponies. The armored soldiers shouted to one another as they moved broken fixtures and collapsed stagecoaches over, scouring every nook and cranny for survivors of the recent attack.

A loud sob billowed across the nearby courtyard. Sweetie Drops looked to her left. It was just in time to see a somber-faced doctor drawing a white sheet over a limp mare's body. Two sisters hugged each other close, sharing their shivers and tears.

Whump! Sweetie Drops suddenly bumped into a lavender figure.

"Whoops!" a feminine voice gasped.

Sweetie Drops winced. "I'm s-so sorry! I didn't see..." She blinked. "...Princess Celestia's pupil? Please forgive me. I-I wasn't looking where I was—"

"Don't fret, citizen," stammered a frazzled Twilight Sparkle. "It's not like I'm royalty or anything." The unicorn turned and hollered over her shoulder. "Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy! Let's check over here!" She galloped straight past Sweetie Drops, shining her light down a dark alley covered in rubble. "Did Rarity and Applejack have any luck on the west side?"

"Yes!" A feeble voice came out of a yellow pegasus struggling to keep up. "They discovered an entire group of scared little foals. Looks like their elementary school teacher evacuated them from West Canterlot Academy right before she... b-before she..." The pegasus teared up, squeaking.

"Let's just focus on helping all the ponies we can here!" rasped a rainbow-mane'd speedster. "Grnnnngh!" She struggled to move a chunk of rubble with her petite strength. "Twilight! Grnnngh... I thought you said your brother was gonna lend us a hoof with his super zappy horn of his!"

"H-he's busy covering the northern bluffs along with Princess Cadance and Pinkie Pie!" Celestia's student replied. "That leaves the Princesses with the eastern slopes while we cover the southern end! Now help me with this debris!"

"What... do you think... I'm tr-trying to do! Grnnngh!" A pause for breath. "Nothing here! I'll check the next alleyway!"

"Good! Keep combing! I'll see if I can flag down some of the local guard!"

By that time, Sweetie Drops had trotted well out of earshot. She stumbled into another courtyard—one that was pockmarked with numerous fissures and steam-venting crevices. She grimaced, gazing at a once-immaculate city district that was now rendered to seismic detritus.

Raw emotions throttled through the mare, and she found herself leaning weakly against a crooked granite statue for support. Her eyes clenched tightly shut, and she imagined cavernous fires devouring the threadbare vestiges of her father's wrinkled muzzle.

The pony breathed... heaved... and shuddered. Sniffling, she bore an iron frown... looking over to glare at the hollow remnants of a dead changeling's skull. With a grunt, Sweetie Drops stepped over and violently kicked the cranial shell, shattering it to black eggshell bits.

And then... mere seconds after letting loose her aggression...

"I need some help down here!" a young male voice hollered up through a gaping chasm.

Sweetie Drops gasped. She spun about, muzzle agape.

"I've found somepony!" the voice hollered again. From deep within a hole, Sweetie Drops heard the unmistakable sound of flapping wings. "It's... it's another one of the bridesmaids! I think she's been down here for a long, long time!"

"Brides... maids...?" Sweetie Drops glanced across the sundered courtyard.

Underneath a Canterlot overhang, two unicorns sat on a series of benches—one cobalt blue and the other bearing a pale coat. The two clung to each other—teary-eyed and shivering. The tattered remnants of formal gowns and flowery hairpieces clung to their emaciated bodies.

"Hello?!" The voice from below grunted once more. "Lieutenant? Captain? Are either of you there?!"

"Uhhhh..." Sweetie Drops cleared her throat. She galloped up to the edge of the fissure. "I... I'm here! Let me help!"

"Who... who is that?! Sergeant Fleetfoot?"

"Please! Just bring her up!" Sweetie Drops squatted low. "I'll lend a hoof!"

She caught the barest hint of a bright orange shape, rising up from the shadowed depths below. The walls of the fissure were lined with crystal—much like the ill-fated headquarters to the League. Soon, a sweating, panting young pegasus guard rose to level with the chasm's peak. After much strain, the exhausted stallion hoisted a shivering unicorn in his grasp.

"Here! Please... b-be gentle with her. She's been through a lot."

"Don't you worry, sir," Sweetie Drops said, leaning back as she took the weight of the young mare. The unicorn's mint-green coat was ice cold to the touch. "I can be very gentle—!" She gasped suddenly, for the unicorn was hugging her in a vice-tight grip.

"Mmmmmfff..." The bridesmaid stared past her, her shrunken pupils performing a thousand mile stare. She trembled from head to tail in her tattered gown. "Crickets... somepony please st-stop the crickets..." Her teeth chattered. "They're in my head! Keep... k-keep swirling and swirling around her burning eyes..."

"What...?" Sweetie Drops winced. She brushed the mare's silver-streaked bangs back. "Ma'am, what's the matter? What are you—?"

"So loud..." Tearing up, the unicorn clenched her eyes shut. "They're so loud! Her burning eyes... like a conductor! Mmmmfff... goddess... please m-make the crickets st-stop...!"

Sweetie Drops shook her head in confusion. "Burning eyes, I... I don't—"

"It was the Changeling Queen," droned the stallion.

Sweetie Drops looked into the hole. "Huh?"

The guard had crawled halfway out. Bright blue eyes stared at her from behind a thick curtain of sweat. "Haven't you heard? She took on Princess Cadance's form and bewitched innocent mares to act as her bridesmaids..." He gulped. "Then she sicked the rest of her minions on Canterlot."

"Princess Cadance's form..." Sweetie Drops cradled the shivering mare in her forelimbs as she stared off in thought. "...so that's how she made her attack. She ambushed the city from the inside."

"Yes... and there are many... many survivors that are needing to be found. But no more down there." The guard pointed a shivering hoof into the chasm. "I've looked all throughout that cavern. Swept it from top to bottom. I promise!"

"Yes. Of course." Sweetie Drops nodded. "I believe you."

"Look... uhm..." The guard shook in his rattling armor. "...I checked her vitals before bringing her up here. She's in psychological shock, but her body's fine."

"You did good..." Sweetie Drops glanced at the emblems on his shoulderplates. "...Sergeant."

He blinked at that. "Do... do you work for Canterlot Security?"

"You... could say that." Sweetie Drops cleared her throat. "I was... uh... off-duty today."

"Right. So was I at first. Look..." He rubbed his hooves together, gazing at her with pleading eyes. "This is going to sound super... super unprofessional. But... c-could you look after these three mares? At l-least until my Lieutenant gets back with a medic?"

"Why?" Sweetie Drops cocked her head aside. "What's the problem?"

"My parents..." The guard gulped, his eyes moistening. "They rode in all the way from Manehattan to witness the royal wedding. They... they were in the Royal Courtyard when... when..." He grimaced, his orange ears folding back. The guard's voice took on a shaky tone: "Anyways, th-they haven't b-been recovered yet and... and I-I gotta find them." He gulped. "Please... if it's not asking for too much..."

Sweetie Drops looked him straight in the eyes. "Go," she said in a deep voice. "Go find your parents." A nod. "You deserve to know that they're safe."

He instantly exhaled. "Thank you, ma'am. This... it..." He waved, flapping his wings and ascending immediately. "It means a lot!"

"Sergeant!" she called out after him.

"Yes?" He froze in mid-air.

"What is your name?"

"I... uh..." He fidgeted in mid-air. "Sentry. S-sergeant Flash Sentry..."

She exhaled slowly. "Well, Flash... I wish you luck."

"Thanks..." He sniffled, braving a brief smile, like candlelight. "You too." Then, with a burst of wing-power, he sailed deep into the heart of the broken capital.

"Yes. Good. Cool. Go find your Mom and Dad." Sweetie Drops sighed, looking down at the mare in her grasp. "I'll take care of Miss—" She froze suddenly.

It was the first time Sweetie Drops had caught a glimpse of the mare's face... and it was strangely tranquil. The bridesmaid's rapid breaths slowly... gradually lessened into a calm pace. She laid in the agent's lap, her forelimbs curled up in an almost foalish fashion as her tears dried one by one. Amber eyes darted about, calming gradually within the warmth of Sweetie Drops' embrace.

Sweetie Drops stared... and stared. Before she knew it, the knot in her throat gave way... as if melted by a rising heat from the center of her being. "It's... it's gonna be okay..." She caressed the mare's cheek... and then her mane. She couldn't decide which felt silkier... feathery soft and trusting. "Really. I promise. I'm not going to leave your side. See over there? The other two? I bet they're your friends, huh? See? We're all safe here..."

"Mmmmm..." The unicorn sniffled. "The Queen... burning eyes..."

"Shhhhhh..." Sweetie Drops stroked the mare's cheek. "She's not here anymore. I promise."

"She... she f-filled my head with cricket song," the mare whimpered. "Stole my insides and outsides..." She clenched her teeth, grimacing. "Made me... do th-things...... mean things..."

"But she doesn't have control over you anymore," Sweetie Drops said. "You're safe, Miss... Miss..." She blinked, craning her neck to glance at the mare's cutie mark. Beyond the tattered remnants of a skirt, she made out one half of a golden lyre—

"Heartstrings," the mare murmured. She gulped. "Lyra Heartstrings..."

Sweetie Drops nodded. "Well, I think that's a very pretty name, Miss Heartstrings." She nodded again, smiling this time. "For a very pretty mare." She stroked the unicorn's bangs again. "You're going to be just fine, Lyra."

"Mmmmm..." The mare's shivers settled as she curled tighter against her. "...bon bons..."

Sweetie Drops blinked. "What?"

"Your cutie mark..." Lyra cleared her throat, closing her tired eyes. "...so h-hungry..." A sniffle. "...could really go for some bon bons right about now..."

Sweetie Drops stared at her, then at the wreckage surrounding them. Voices and sobs formed a background chorus, and out from the bedlam she pulled a sentence: "Well... what... uhm... what a coincidence! Because that happens to be my name! Bon Bon... yeah... who'd a thunk it?"

"Bon Bon..." Lyra sighed... Lyra breathed... Lyra fell blissfully into much-needed unconsciousness. "...such a stupid name..." The hint of a curve to her lips, then... fuzziness. "It's silly... you're silly..."

Sweetie Drops stared. Once more, she dragged a soft hoof across Lyra's cheek. This time, the gesture collected some of the unicorn's tears... and when Sweetie Drops brought her fetlock up to the red light of the dying day... she saw that the moisture was starting to rub off the blood that had first stained it so many hours ago.

And that was when something inside the mare collapsed. Sweetie Drops exhaled with a sob... and Bon Bon inhaled through a smile. Tears blanketed a tender smile as she leaned her head down, nuzzling this trusting stranger closely.

"Don't you worry one bit, Lyra," she whispered, still smiling. "I am going to protect you. I promise..."

Happiness is a Best Friend

"The doctors say that I'll be... mmmm..." Lyra Heartstrings sat up in bed, fidgeting in her drab olive gown. "I-I'll be good enough to stand on my own four hooves in less than a week." She looked up, eyelids fluttering. "From the sound of it, I was severely dehydrated when... when I was rescued down there... in th-those caves."

"I'd say," Bon Bon said, leaning against the opposite wall of the hospital room with her forelimbs crossed. "From what I was told, you were worse off than your other two friends..." She squinted. "Twinkie House and Minnesota?"

Lyra giggled, hugging herself with a warm smile. "Twinkleshine and Minuette."

"Of course..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "How could I be so mistaken?"

"And it's no surprise that they're recovering faster," Lyra said, gazing out the cold gray window beside her bed. "They're a lot more resilient than me. Always were." She gulped. "Especially Minuette... that bundle of joy can bounce back from anything."

Bon Bon smiled. "Seems like you've got some good friends."

"Yes... and good luck. It's awfully nice for the Royal Sisters to let the common public have access to their medical facilities. And... and then there's you..." Lyra cleared her throat, hugging herself tighter as her amber eyes lifted up. "You've... done so much for me, Bon Bon. I... I can't thank you enough."

Bon Bon curtsied. "Believe me. It's my pleasure."

"I mean... you d-didn't have to visit like this," Lyra murmured. "I... uh... I'm sure you've got places to be... n-not to mention family to look after."

"No. Believe me." Bon Bon took a deep breath, her brow furrowing. "I just... want to make sure that you're okay... you know?" She swallowed. "It means a lot to me to make sure that you recover fully from this."

"Well, thanks to you and the doctors, I'm fast on the road!" Lyra chuckled breathily. "Can't wait to get back home..."

"To where?" Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Trottingham?"

"Hah!" Lyra's eyes scraped the ceiling. "I'm not that elegant. No... uhm..." She waved a hoof to the window. "I grew up here. In Canterlot. But... I've since moved to Ponyville."

Bon Bon squinted. "Ponyville?"

"Lemme guess," Lyra droned. "Never heard of it?"

"Can't say that I have."

"It's a wonderfully peaceful escape from the likes of Canterlot, believe me." Lyra blinked, then blushed. "Well... when it's not being overrun by ursa minors... parasprites... hydras... timberwolves... chaos lords..."

"Sounds... interesting," Bon Bon said, squinting.

Lyra giggled. "Hell, if you're brave enough... you're welcome to come visit sometime. There's these two B.F.F.s of mine you'd lovvvvvvvve to meet!" She giggle-snorted. "A real musical pair. They put me to shame all the time."

"Y'know what...?" Bon Bon leaned forward, smiling warmly. "I think I just might take you up on that."

Lyra slurped lethargically from her cup of hay soda. Bored eyes burned holes through the tabletop.

Bon Bon sat across from her, blinking over a newspaper. Concerned, the mare folded the articles aside and leaned forward. "Is... there something wrong with your hay soda?"

"Meh," Lyra droned.

"Did... Vinyl and Tavi do something to offend you?" Bon Bon asked. "I know how jealous you can get of their studio work, but I could have sworn the reason they couldn't join us this time was merely weather-related—"

"Double Meh," Lyra droned even harder. She toyed with her straw, spinning it around.

Bon Bon blinked. "Well...?" She folded her forelimbs and frowned. "Are you gonna spit it out or will I have to play 'mind-reader' again?"

"It's just... everything, Bon Bon. A big ol' waxy ball of meh." A beat. Her eyes briefly lit up as they fell on the mare across from her. "Except you, of course."

"Mmmm... of course." Bon Bon smirked, then leaned her chin against her hoof. "Then what exactly is this whole waxy ball of 'meh' about?" Her eyes twitched as she thought of something. "... ... ...it's the record company from Manehattan, isn't it?"

"Third rejection this month," Lyra grumbled. "And if that wasn't enough... nopony around town is wanting to hire a minstrel for any kind of performance—big gig or little gig. I mean... why bother, right?" She rolled her eyes. "I live in the same town as Pinkie Pie... a pony who can play ten instruments simultaneously." A long-winded sigh. "...at least... I used to live in the same town."

Bon Bon's muzzle hung agape. "But... I thought you got the mortgage situation under control."

"Bills stack up, Bon Bon. And I'm running completely dry." Lyra half-whimpered. "I've tried doing honest... boring work... but it just doesn't suit the artist's heart within me." Her eyes flared up with amber anger. "And we all know what happened in Canterlot."

"Ah jeez, Lyra..." Bon Bon brushed her bangs back with a sigh. "Not with this again—"

"I'm telling you, she sabotaged it," Lyra hissed. "That dirty bug queen sabotaged me." She lifted the soda cup with a frown. "The day she possessed my body into blowing off that music theory paper that I worked for months on just so I could become a bimbo bridesmaid... my chance at becoming a recognized scholar and performer of the traditional lyre tanked all the way down to Tartarus! GRNNGH!" She crumpled the paper cup against her skull with a wet splash. She then stared at Bon Bon... deadpan. "... ... ...it's impaled on my horn, isn't it?"

"Lyra... how many times do I have to tell you?" Bon Bon reached across the table, gently ripping the soda cup off Lyra's magical skull protrusion. "It's not the end of the world! You can't just... put all your eggs in one basket! After all, there'll be more opportunities for you in the future!" She smiled sweetly. "I just know it!"

"Yeah, well... between scrambling for work and running around like a parasprite with its head cut off—wait..." Lyra's eyes crossed. "...do parasprites have heads? Or are they just heads." She shook her head furiously. "Anyways... I just don't have the luxury of time for honing my skills anymore! If there are opportunities for me out there... I-I simply lack the resources to pursue them!" She slumped back in her seat, tossing a hoof. "And sooner than you know it, I'll be out on the street! 'Lyra Homeless!' That's what they'll call me... hrmmff... assuming I'm not somehow magically invisible by then," she slurred, producing air quotes with her fetlocks.

Bon Bon rubbed her chin in thought. Slowly, a brilliant smile crossed her peach muzzle. "Lyra? I think I might just have the solution for this..."

Lyra glanced up, innocent eyes blinking. "Oh?"

"Aaaaaaaaaand..." Bon Bon opened the door to a bare room with basic upholstery. "...this is where we can build that studio that you've always wanted! See?" She pointed. "We'd put the sound booth over there... the sound equipment just right there..." She winked aside with a smile. "The corner would be for a mini-fridge with extra hay soda... just the way you liiiiike it..."

"Uhm.... okay... cool..." Lyra blinked numbly into the room. "I've got just one question, Bon Bon."

"Yes, Lyra?"

"How."

Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. "How what?"

"What the Hell else, how?!" Lyra swung a hoof dramatically to the threadbare walls and ceilings of the place. "This how, the hell!"

"You're fumbling with your words again—"

Lyra waved her hooves. "Look... j-just... stop being an expert on how I get frammatically glustered... guh... and just t-tell me how you got to be an expert on friggin' housebuying!"

"It's simple, I... uhm..." Bon Bon squirmed slightly in place. "...I received a lucrative inheritance."

"Yeah. No shit." Lyra's nostrils flared as she gazed at the empty rooms and even emptier halls. "This place is roomy. Super roomy. Even Tavi—with all her daddy dollars—doesn't have a flat that even compares to this friggin' pad."

"Well, you can look for yourself!" Bon Bon pointed out a curtain-less window. "See? She and Vinyl are right across the lawn! You can gloat now!" She smiled nervously. "Eheheheh..."

Lyra gazed out the window... then slowly pivoted her head to smirk at her friend. "You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"Look... I know how jealous you can be." Bon Bon shrugged. "But... heehee... isn't it perfect?"

"Oh. Yeah. Totally." Lyra paced about, brushing her mane back. "Almost... a little too perfect." She tongued the inside of her muzzle... eventually turning about to squint at Bon Bon. "How... uh... exactly are we going to afford this?"

"Well, one day, you're gonna land that record deal you've been dying for."

"Yeah," Lyra droned. "At this rate... when I'm dead." She paced forward across the rough carpet. "Let's be real here, B.B. How are we actually gonna pay for it?"

"I... uhm..." Bon Bon cleared her throat, eyes darting left and right. "...I g-got approved for the lease."

"What lease?"

"Uhhh... the lease."

Lyra blinked... then blinked again. Suddenly, her whole face lit up like a neon sign as she gasped: "You mean that candy shop you've been wanting to start up downtown?!"

"Yes!" Bon Bon exclaimed, forelimbs open wide.

"Oh wowsies!" Lyra practically pounced her, hugging the earth pony tight. "Bon Bon! That's so super duper terrific! I know how much being a professional confectioner means to you and—" Suddenly, she stopped in mid-sentence, blinking hard. She leaned back. "Whoah... whoah whoah whoah wait..."

Bon Bon blinked, her muzzle twisting worriedly. "Wait f-for what?"

"This... this isn't right. No... this isn't fair," Lyra said, wincing.

"If... if-if-if..." Bon Bon pointed a trembling hoof. "...you want a bigger room for the studio, then I'm certain that 487 Faust Drive would do—"

"No, I mean... you shouldn't have to do all this just to support me—"

"Lyra, don't dramatize," Bon Bon said. "It's more than that! It's an opportunity for me too!"

"Yeah, but... it's been months since I had a decent job! I was going through college on scholarships and that paper of mine was going to be everything. And... and since then I've been floundering and... and..." She sniffled, squinting misty-eyed at her friend. "Oh Bon Bon... I don't want to be useless dead weight..."

"Lyra... no... no no... don't say that..." Bon Bon crossed the distance, hugging her tight. "It's like you said. You... were just dealt with a bit of sabotage!"

"But..." Lyra sniffled, surrendering into her embrace. "You always c-call me a drama queen when I ramble on about that..."

"But there's some truth in it... y'know?" Bon Bon smiled warmly. She parted the hug so she could lift Lyra's chin up. "Face it. You got a raw deal. And it's only right that you got the opportunity to climb back up, y'know? Just think about it! I'll be making delicious candies... and you'll be taking your time to make wonderful... beautiful music!" She winked. "We'd both be getting what we want! No dead weight about it!"

Lyra sniffled, rubbing her eyes dry. "You..." She smiled crookedly. "...you planned this, didn't you?"

Bon Bon held a hoof over her chest. "Guilty as charged." A side-giggle. "Really, though. Let's give it a shot! If you don't like it... then we'll work out another plan."

"We?"

"... ... ...well, we're in this together, aren't we?" Bon Bon smiled sweetly. "Best friend...?"

Lyra stared at her. Eventually she sighed through a tired smile. "You always gotta use that damned trigger phrase..."

Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "Also guilty."

"Alright... alright!" Lyra waved her forelimbs before pacing about, eyeing the doorframes of the place. "We'll give it a shot. Besides..." A deep breath. "What's the worst that could happen?"

THUDDD! The front door to the house slammed shut.

"...?" Bon Bon craned her neck, peering over from a steamy kitchen full of cooking trays with half-baked sweets lined up in neat little rows.

Angry green hooves stomp-stomp-stomped their way across the foyer. At last, with a thunderous sigh, Lyra slumped back onto the sofa in a sullen reclining position. She dropped her saddlebag, folded her forelimbs, and glared daggers into the decor. "... ... ...Meh."

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. Sliding an oven door shut, she yanked the mitts off her hooves and calmly trotted into the living room. "Okay..." She leaned against a table with a gentle smirk. "...what seems to be the problem this afternoon?"

"Friggin'... motherbuckin'... smokey-hair'd... wine sippin'..." Lyra's tongue hung low as her hooves strangled an invisible neck right in front of her. "Grnnnghflblbkggrrrgghhhuuuuuuuu..."

Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. "...'melon fudge?'"

"Thank you!" Lyra slumped back in her seat even further, huffing. "She stole another gig from me!"

"You don't say...?"

"Yes! I do say!" Lyra snorted. "I'd friggin' sing it if any cultured jackass within a hundred clicks would bother giving me a timeslot at the Trottingham Community Center! But noooooo... they give it once more to Octavia Melody... Celestia's goddess-send to concert halls everywhere!" Her cheeks turned lime-red as she shook a hoof in the air. "You know that's the third... fourth... fifth time that she's surpassed me in... in... guh!" She slapped her own fetlock. "My kingdom for some damned thumbs to count the ways in which I want to murderrrrrrr herrrrrr!"

"Oh please, Lyraaaa..." Bon Bon slinked over, half-reclining on the sofa cushions next to the mare. She propped a wry grin atop a peach hoof. "She's your friend. In the end, you always forget all your murderous desires and still manage to have lovely conversations over bread and wine."

"Yeah, well... not anymore!" Lyra huffed and puffed, folding her forelimbs even tighter. "The line must be drawn here! No further!"

"Oh, that's original."

"Friggin' World War of the Strings up in this bitch!" Lyra spat. "And her friend! Vinyl! Hah! She's no better! DJ-Dildo-Hax0rz or whatever she likes to call herself these days! I tell you, she's totally conspiring with Tavi against me, too!"

"Now this is new..."

"I mean it! That shades-wearing record-skipping sycophant is so far up that velvety mare's plot that she'd might as well write a two hundred thousand word novel about her spelunking adventures in Bimboland! Hell! Why not write a sequel! Bow Ties In Space: A Warrior's Tale!" Lyra slumped against the hoofwrest, covering her sighing face. "... ... ...Goddess damn, I need a drink."

"What you need is a vacation from your own ego," Bon Bon said.

"Mrmmmfff..." Lyra muttered into her fetlock. "...leave it to my best bestie to tell it like it is. Grffff... Why do ya gotta be such a best bestie, best bestie?"

"Isn't your therapist always telling you, Minuette, and Twinkleshine to take it easy?" Bon Bon smiled. "I mean... what's the rush for, Lyra? When your opportunity comes... it'll come. Just... pace yourself. Be patient. Spend the time making your awesome music."

"Yeah, well, what's so awesome about music that nopony else hears?"

"They'll hear it one day, Lyra. I'm sure of it."

"Look... I can handle rejection. It's in my friggin' blood," Lyra muttered. "And..." A long-winded sigh escaped her lips. "I'm not really mad at Octavia and Vinyl. It just... burns, y'know? After so many friggin' times in a row, it burns to be so overlooked and I'm sick of it."

"I know, Lyra." Bon Bon nodded. "It sucks. I know."

"... ... ..." Lyra lowered her hoof, gazing calmly at her. "But what burns even more..." She gulped. "...is coming home all the time... knowing that I gotta tell you that... nothing's changed."

"Oh, Lyra, please—"

"It shouldn't have to be like this." Lyra gulped. "I... I should be trying harder. Or... or maybe..." She cleared her throat, avoiding Bon Bon's gaze. "...I can just give up the whole musical gig. Become a teacher. That's feasible, at least, right?"

"But Lyra..." Bon Bon reached over, caressing Lyra's hoof. "...you hate teaching."

"No." Lyra blinked. "I hate kids. There's a difference."

Bon Bon giggled explosively.

Lyra leaned into her hoofrest, trying in vain to hide a smirk. "When am I ever going to figure out how I make you laugh so easily?"

"It's just... you're so you." Bon Bon composed herself well enough to smile. "Silly Lyra."

"Best friennnnnnnnd," Lyra cooed back.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Alright. What do you want."

"When I said 'I need a drink' several dreadful monologues ago, I do believe that was your cue."

Bon Bon smirked, shuffling back into the kitchen. "Yeah, well, it's your turn this week to put the garbage out."

"I'll do it all next week as well if you promise to put extra ice in it!"

"Deal!"

Splash! "Hah!" Bon Bon emerged from the waters with a spray of water. "Gotcha!" She pounced on Lyra, and immediately blinked her eyes open. "Seriously?! This was your plan all along?!"

"And it was a good plan, t-too!" Lyra pouted, hugging herself in the cool water. "You just cheated!"

"Nuh uh!" Bon Bon shook her head. "You never gave me a reason to shout 'fish-out-of-water!'" She stuck her tongue out. "You just suck!"

"Grrrrrr..." Lyra frowned. "...this is what I get for growing up in a place where the only 'water holes' are lined with concrete and have little marble colts pissing in them."

"Poetry will get you nowhere, Admirable Heartstrings." Bon Bon performed a mock salute. "I done sunk your battleflank. Shall the score remain three to nothing?"

"Nuh uh! Buck that! Best out of seven, ya hydro-hussy!"

"Pfffft..." Bon Bon broke into giggles. "'Hydro-hussy?!' Did Tavi spit that out during one of her manic wine bacchanalias?"

"Shut it! Now's my turn to find you!"

"Alright alright..." Bon Bon pointed with a sly grin. "But you'd better count all the way!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Lyra swam out into the middle of the pond.

"Be careful!" Bon Bon sputtered, swimming out to the side. "And hold your breath!"

"Sure thing, Mom." Lyra inhaled... inhaled some more... and then dunked herself completely. Her flank bottomed up, the wet tail flicking playfully with each underwater second that the mare counted.

Blinking, Bon Bon stealthily swam ashore, careful to make as few waves as possible. She bit her lip with a mischievous grin... then rushed off, hiding herself amidst the rushes and cattails.

In the meantime...

Lyra continued to submerge herself. Bubbles popped against the surface of the lake surrounding her as her tail continued to flick like a limp grandfather clock's soggy pendulum.

But then...

Out from the Everfree Forest's edge...

An eight hundred pound grizzly bear suddenly emerged. Its beady eyes caught sight of the submerged unicorn... and its jaws drooled instantly. One claw at a time, it approached the edge of the pond... until its shadowy reflection crossed over Lyra's vulnerable figure. At the last second, it reared up... raising both claws to strike at the pony's supple flesh—

Fwooosh! Bon Bon came suddenly from behind, grabbed the bear's midsection, and violently suplexed him against hard, dry soil. THUDDDD!

The bear growled in mixed alarm and pain. It raised is angry maw to snap at its attacker—but found itself being stared down by a religiously pissed-off mare.

"You make one more move towards her..." The former Secret Agent hissed. "...you so much as breathe in her general direction or look at her... and I swear... without a moment's hesitation..." She leaned in until she was breathing down the grizzly bear's snout. "...I will rip your pupils out from their sockets, replace them with your kidneys, and sew your eyelids shut with your own fingerbones. Got it?!"

The bear complied with a whimpering nod. Its lower legs turned pigeon-toed, and the pond's water turned yellow beneath it.

Bon Bon hissed: "Now beat it."

With a slight yipping sound, the bear scampered off with its dinky tail between its legs.

Bon Bon slicked her mane back and sighed. Folding her forelimbs, she smiled to herself.

Splassssh! Lyra surfaced with a gasp. "Duaaaaaah! Thirty!" She clenched her eyes shut, feeling around the pond's surface blindly. "Mareco!"

Bon Bon flinched. "Oh! Uhm..." She made a stealthy dash for the pond. "Poloats—!"

Lyra spun and pointed at the water's edge. "Fish-out-of-water!"

"Oh wow..." Bon Bon droned, bearing a tired grin. "You got me."

"Hah! Yes!" Lyra pumped her hoof, splashing moisture all around. Her eyes fluttered open over a cheeky grin. "I knew it! This girl's still got it, baby! Yeah!" A beat. She sniffed the air. "Huh..." The mare glanced around. "...why's the pond smell so... funny all of the sudden?"

A thudding sound echoed through the wall...

Followed by muffled whimpers... ...

Accompanied by a muted thunder... ... ...

At last, Bon Bon's eyes fluttered open. She sat up with a gasp—then craned her ear to the wall beside her bed.

Once more, she heard the whimpers—more like sobs. They grew more and more pronounced.

"Lyra..." Hyperventilating, Bon Bon leapt out of bed. She tore through the house, took a sharp turn, then burst through the door to Lyra's bedroom. "Lyra! Lyra, is everything... alright?"

The bed covers were tossed onto the floor. Humid mists wafted out of the open bathroom... where a dim-light flickered. The sound of running water permeated the household.

"Lyra...?" Gulping, Bon Bon trotted briskly into the bathroom. She scuffled to a stop on the slippery tile.

Lyra huddled in a fetal position, curled up against the edge of the tub. Hot running shower water bathed her unblinking figure.

Bon Bon bit her lip. Rushing in, she spun the shower handle off, grabbed a towel, and wrapped her roommate with it... drying her.

"Mmmmm..." Lyra choked on a sob, shivering.

"Shhhhh..." Bon Bon rubbed the mare dry, caressing her mane. "Shhh... it's okay..."

"No it's not... I can't..." Lyra grimaced. "...I can't wash her out..." She clenched her eyes shut. "I... I-I hear crickets... and then her eyes start burning in the darkness..."

"She's not here, Lyra." Bon Bon crawled into the bathroom next to her, wrapping a hoof around the mare. "You're okay. You're free from her."

"So... so scared..." Lyra gulped. "...she'll take over again... m-make me do bad things..." Sniffling, Lyra clenched her eyes shut. "...horrible things t-to you..."

"You won't, Lyra. Don't worry. We're best friends..." Bon Bon held her close, weathering a bitter sweet smile as the two rocked together in the tub. "...I promised that I would protect you, didn't I?"

"Mmmmm..." Lyra buried her wet face in Bon Bon's shoulder, heaving. "I suck... I-I suck so much..." She sniffled. "Such a burden. Can't make music... c-can't stay friggin' sane..."

"You're not a burden. Trust me. You're not..." Bon Bon kissed the top of her forehead and held her close, gazing out the bathroom and into darkness. "You're anything but, Lyra."

"Honestly... h-how can you st-tand me, Bon Bon...?" Lyra wept.

Bon Bon gulped. "Well, you know..." She hummed. "Silly ponies as silly ponies do..."

Lyra shuddered... shook... but eventually calmed. She blinked into the linoleum. "...I need a drink."

Bon Bon looked at the shower faucet... then at the wet mare she was holding. "...you are a drink."

Lyra couldn't help it. She giggle-snorted... then slapped Bon Bon's shoulder as the chuckles lingered on.

Bon Bon took the hit. When Lyra wasn't looking, she dried her eyes... and smiled some more.

"Holy shit!" Lyra Heartstrings shrieked. "Wings!"

"What?!" Bon Bon dropped her book and looked every which way with wide eyes. "Wings?! Where?! How big is it?! Do you need me to swat it for y—?"

"No no no... dorkinator..." Lyra slapped the newspaper in her grasp. "I can't friggin' believe it! Twilight Sparkle—my foalhood friend—has grown wings!"

"Oh... ohhhhh... right... okay..." Bon Bon panted, then ran a hoof over her frazzled bangs. "Goddess damn..."

"An honest-to-Celestia alicorn... that really takes the cake..." Lyra stared up at the verdant hillsides stretching between them and downtown Ponyville. "...guess that makes her a princess now. Who'd a thunk it?"

"Hrmmmf..." Bon Bon calmed down enough to smirk. "You and your silly princess fetish."

"Seriously, though. I wonder if this was all planned." Lyra gestured. "As if... the old egghead has had secret access to my musical notes all this time."

"Lyraaaa..."

"For 'sho!"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "No... Twilight Sparkle does not have clandestine access to the orchestral epic that you've been secretly working on half your adult life."

"Well... it could happen, right?" Lyra glanced over her shoulder. "I mean... Queen Chrysalis was the first alicorn ever... and she got it by being treacherous, didn't she?"

"That..." Bon Bon cleared her throat. "...is a whole different scenario altogether." A shuddering sigh, and she smiled. "Still... I'm... uh... proud of you... y'know... for having the strength to even mention her na—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lyra crumpled the newspaper and tossed it into a nearby bin before folding her forelimbs. "Hrmmmff... at this rate... there'll be no more slots for me."

"... ... ...are we talking about the ever-so-holy 'princess slots?'"

"Well... yeah... what other slots are worth talking about?"

"Heheheh..." Bon Bon winked. "You know... there's always a simpler way to become a princess."

Lyra looked up from where she reclined. "Buh?"

"They say that Prince Blueblood is moving out to the country soon, and—"

"Ugh... save your breath." Lyra rolled her eyes. "Never gonna happen... ever. Not in a million years."

"Eheheh..." Bon Bon glanced aside, hiding her rosy cheeks. She toyed with a lock of blue-and-pink mane hair. "I figured you would say that—"

"It's because I'm never going to be caught dead going to another wedding again!"

"Oh please, Lyraaa..." Bon Bon patted her friend's shoulder. "Don't let one horribad experience block you for the rest of your life! Weddings are fun!"

"My vomit green ass they're fun!" Lyra snorted. "For real... I'd rather live a thousand years being digested in a live hydra's stomach than go to another wedding in my life. And I mean it!"

"Good byyyyye!" An emotional sea serpent waved, tossing rice in the open air.

"Bon voyage!" Dr. Whooves joined in, smiling jubilantly.

"So long! Have a pleasant honeymoon!" Amethyst Star sing-songed as she stood with the gathered crowd.

"Happy birthdaaaay!" Derpy Hooves grinned, tossing sunflower seeds backwards.

A stagecoach carried Matilda and Cranky into the sunset, dragging behind a clattering assortment of cans and kitchen utensils.

"So long, friends and neighbors of Ponyville!" Matilda melodically called back.

"Yeah... sniff you jerks later," Cranky grumbled.

"Oh! Matilda!" Cup Cake hollered, waving a pudgy hoof. "The bouquet!"

"Goodness! Almost forgot!" The donkey bride reached past the bustle of her dress and tossed the flowers in question. "Thanks for everything!"

They flew high in the air... came down... and landed square inside a pair of mint-green hooves. The surrounding ponies cheered.

Lyra's eyes sparkled. "Mmmmm!" She hugged the flowers close to her cheek, smiling rosily aside at her friend. "Squeeeee!"

Bon Bon smiled. She gazed happily into the distance—but not at the sunset. Her eyes were trailing the wagon trails that led south... towards Tartarus. From afar, she could almost make out the rattling cage that housed the notorious Bug Bear... for good.

Lyra blinked. "B.B.?" She snuggled the bouquet in one hoof and waved the other right in front of Bon Bon's face. "Bae-squared? You there?"

"Hmmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled, her ears twitching happily.

Lyra squinted. She leaned forward, hissing through her teeth: "Best friennnnnnnd."

Immediately, Bon Bon snapped out of it. "Huh?" She blinked aside.

Lyra's teeth showed in a brilliant grin. She waved the flowers around before digging her soft muzzle into the petals, amber eyes blinking bashfully at her roommate.

"Hehe... well, look at that, princess." Bon Bon patted Lyra's cheek through the flowers. "You're happy, aren't you?"

"Mmmmhmmm..." Lyra nodded. Her smile peeked through the colors. "And I didn't faint once today."

"No. You didn't. Not even through... well... you know..." Bon Bon sweated suddenly, avoiding Lyra's gaze.

"Are you happy, Bon Bon?" Lyra asked as the crowd split up around them.

Bon Bon stared at her. She smiled. "The happiest." Silence. "Come on, Lyra." She spun around and marched back into town hall where a certain punch bowl waited. "Let's get pissed drunk."

"Yaaaaaaay!" And Lyra skipped happily after her.

Matilda's bouquet sat neatly in a vase on the couchside table.

A single lamp cast soft orange light on a radio box broadcasting the latest episode of Shadow Spade at low volume.

Lyra lay curled up on the couch—like a big green cat—with a dumb smile plastered on her unconscious face.

Beside her, Bon Bon sat in a chair, squinting at a spreadsheet in her lap as she took notes about her candy shop in preparation for tax season. For a moment, she paused to crunch numbers in her head, chewing on the end of her pen.

"... ... ...thank you, Bon Bon..."

"... ... ...?" The earth pony glanced aside. "Hmmm?"

Lyra yawned... yawned some more... then once again slurred: "Thank you."

Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "For what?"

"Mmmmmm..." Lyra curled up, falling once more into slumber. "...for everything."

Bon Bon stared at her. She smiled, and her eyes grew misty. "Well..." A warm breath. "...I did make a promise, didn't I?"

Lyra did nothing but smile. It carried her into sleep... even after Bon Bon leaned over to kiss her forehead... draped a comforter over the mare... and turned the light out.

Didn't You Get the Memo?

"Hmm-hmm-hmmm..." Bon Bon hummed to herself, opening a steamy oven. Clasping a mitt in her muzzle, she reached in and pulled out a sheet full of chocolate croissants.

It was a slow morning, but business was bound to pick up into the later afternoon. The charming confectioner took advantage of the time by baking an extra surplus of dessert items. Gentle sunlight glinted off the pristine walls and multi-colored floor tile of her establishment.

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmmm..." She slid the tray onto a kitchen counter and spat the mit out. "Immerse your soullllllll in lovvvvvvveeee," she sang beneath her breath while trotting about to fetch more ingredients. "Immerse your soul... in lovvvvvvvvvve..."

D-Ding! The bell above the front door jingled happily.

"Just a second!" Bon Bon dusted some baking powder off her apron and trotted over to the sales counter. "Well, good morning to you! Welcome to Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes! I'm she who would be Bon Bon. Heehee... what can I cook up—..." She blinked. "...for you?"

A massive figure shuffled in on all fours, its huge girth obscured by three pony-sized trench coats tied together.

Bon Bon blinked. With a smirk, she leaned against the counter. "Mooella... how many times do I have to tell you?" She winked. "There's no need to be embarrassed about walking into a horse-run store and asking for pasteurized milk—"

Just then, a single jutting horn slipped out of the front of the trenchcoats, aiming straight towards the ceiling.

Bon Bon blinked. "... ... ...you're not a cow."

"No, I am most certainly not a cow..." The figure disrobed completely, gray hooves and all. "Mmmfff... but with the sugary shit you're peddling these days, looks like I could become as fat as one over night."

Bon Bon's chin fell. "... ... ...Secret Agent Betsy?!"

"Shhhhhhh!" The rhinoceros frowned. She pulled over a chair, sat down—and smashed it to pastel colored bits. She blinked down at the mess, shrugged, and saluted the mare behind the counter. "It isn't 'Betsy' at the moment. At least not now. I'm doing this all undercover-like, ya dig?"

"It... it's..." Bon Bon trotted briskly around the counter with a dumb grin. "It's so amazing to see you! I mean... how've you been?! Did you hear about the Bug Bear?! How's the weather in... in... wherever you've been—"

"Yeah yeah yeah... knock it off with the pussy-hoofing around, already," Betsy grunted. She eyed the mare with a steely squint. "I came here to find out why you haven't responded to the memo."

"Memo?" Bon Bon blinked. "What memo?"

"Cheese and crackers on shit, girl?! Did you lose your sound stone or something?"

"What? N-No!" Bon Bon fidgeted, ultimately producing the enchanted communicator from a pocket of her apron. "I-I've kept it on me at all times!"

"Huh..." The rhino tapped her chin. "...well... if that isn't interesting as all get-out."

"Why... what's the matter?" Bon Bon leaned forward.

"Horizons sent out the call weeks ago," Betsy said. "It's being reformed."

"What is?"

"The Hell else?" Betsy grunted. "The League, ya doughnut-powdered jackass!"

"Oh..." Bon Bon blinked. She slumped down in a red-cushioned chair. "Well... buck..."

~*~*~Act One: No Strings Attached~*~*~

"Hmmmrmmfff..." Betsy chewed on a leafy cupcake napkin. The flakey remnants of brown chocolatey bits lingered on the rhinoceros' gray, wrinkled lips. "Mmmfff... y'know... there are some hippy yahoos out there who make edible versions of these thingies that go around the breaded part of a cupcake. And if you ask me... that's total bull bunk. Sometimes you should just have something stupid to chew on after making love to your sweet-tooth. Just 'cuz."

Pots and pans rattled. Drawers opened and slammed shut in the distance.

Betsy's hairy nostrils snorted. As she chewed on the leafy fabric in her mouth, she glanced around the brightly colored confectionery with a squinting expression.

"Grffff..." She waved her horn around. "Why's this place of yours so damned peppy? I swear... it's like my old boyfriend ate a mountain of cherries and just... muckspreaded all over the friggin' room and tables. Hrmmmf... no shit. The color scheme you've got here is like Alcoholics Anonymous for ladybugs. For realsies, girl. I don't know whether to eat in this place or wrap the entire establishment over my shoulders and go hunting for quail."

More rattling. The kitchen echoed with cacophonous rummaging noises.

Betsy sighed. "Ptoooie!" She spat the fabric out and glared across the bakery. "Sweetie Drops, I don't mean to be a bother, but just what in the holy name of hippopotamus clitoridectomies are ya doin' over there behind that counter?!"

Bon Bon panted and panted... fumbling through drawers and cabinets full of random metal utensils and lopsided kitchen equipment.

"Come on... come onnnn..." She gnashed her teeth, sweating bullets as her peach hooves made a mess out of once-orderly tools. "Where did I put the d-damned thing?! I know it's not at home! I always figured this would happen at work! That's where everypony sees me!"

"Yo!" At last, Betsy stood up, knocking a table over with her mammalian girth as she marched across the eatery. "Equestria to Sweetie Drops! Are you still alive? Or do I gotta skin your pelt off and raise it at half mast?"

"I'm here, Betsy," Bon Bon grunted, frowning sweatily into her frenzied search. "And it's 'Bon Bon' now."

"Pffft! What the hell kind of an alias is that?!"

"A very unassuming, non-threatening one!"

"Yeah..." Betsy snorted. "Like 'Sweetie Drops' was any more grizzled, ya furby."

Bon Bon glared over her shoulder. "I also happen to be very fond of it."

"I can tell! You put a lot of love into those cupcakes... maybe a bit too much. Lemme guess?" Betsy tilted her head aside. "New stallion in your life?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Bon Bon searched.

"New mare?"

"Grrrrrffff..." Bon Bon searched and searched.

"... ... ..." Betsy blinked. "...don't tell me that you special order from Naughty Wyvern. I thought that was Sharp Quill's sticky schtick."

"I'm looking for the syringe, okay?!" Bon Bon barked over her flank, huffing and puffing. "I... I seem to have misplaced it," she murmured, red in the face.

"Wait..." Betsy's eyes narrowed. "...you mean the League Issued Blood Sampler?"

"Mmmmmmmmm..." Bon Bon hung her face, hiding her blushing cheeks. "...yeah."

"Snkkkt—pffft—hah hah hah!" Betsy's thunderous laughter rattled the glass windows to the place.

"Shhhhhh!" Bon Bon leaned over the counter, grimacing. "Keep it down, will ya?!"

"Girl, you're something else, y'know?" Betsy smirked. "You let me sit down at your table. You stuff me full of chocolate cupcakes. And after all that fru-fru shiet, now you wanna screen me for being a changeling?!"

"Well, it's st-standard procedure, isn't it?!"

"What, the cupcakes? I'm sure that was the furthest thing from Chief Agent Sombra's mind. At least before he turned evil and started... I dunno... rubbing crystals all over his butt."

"Betsy, I'm serious!" Bon Bon sputtered.

"Girl, if you're serious, then you don't even know I'm Betsy! I could be a huge doppelganger come to suck your juices out! Hell... I might be ten of them buggers in a suit, ready to dance all over your ass and call it a holocaust!"

"I'm out of the loop, okay?! Can you blame me?!"

"Pffft... in a town like this? No, ma'am." Betsy rolled her eyes. "'Ponyville'... hrmmmfff... real original. That's like if I grew up in a place called 'Hornland' back in the Zebrahara." The rhino sighed. "Look. Sweetie Drops. I'll make it easy for ya..." She reached towards the front counter.

"Huh?" Bon Bon turned, blinking. She flinched. "No-no-no! Betsy! Don't! It's not necessar—" Glass shattered, causing Bon Bon to wince.

"Look..." With casual grace, Betsy took the sharp end of a broken sundae dish and sliiiiiiiiiiced it across her left shoulder. Crimson blood oozed out in tiny little rivulets. "See? Totally not green or sticky! So... I'm not a bug! Just your good ol' rampaging rhino buddarette. Ya happy?" Betsy smirked.

Bon Bon let loose an exasperated sigh. "You really... really didn't have to do that."

"Pffft... it barely tickles." Betsy tossed the remainder of the dish behind her. "Besides... the blood matches the paint job!"

Bon Bon winced as the rest of the dish shattered. "You believe I'm me, though..." She gulped. "Right?"

"Don't worry. I ain't gonna make you do the same thing, girl. Besides... you never cared much for Linkin Pony."

"Okay... so..." Bon Bon faced her from across the glass counter. "...let's start again from the top."

"Well, I'm not sure there even is a top to start from no more!" Betsy glanced at Bon Bon incredulously. "I mean... if Chief Agent Horizons never bothered to page you... then something tells me the ball's no longer in your court. Unless..." She squinted. "...you done dropped that ball."

"What? No!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs with a huff. "I assure you, Betsy, I've been loyal to the cause of the League for every hour of every day of my hiding!"

"Yeah. Super." Betsy smirked. "So... how many times do you say the mantra between slapping cinnamon rolls together?"

"I'm not kidding." Bon Bon spoke in a serious tone. "All this time... I expected to be called back into duty... but it never happened."

"Did you never once think to contact the rest of us yourself?"

"Well... no. Because I was attempting to lay low."

"Even when the Bug Bear got lassoed? That happened here in your town, girl!"

Bon Bon shuddered. She glanced aside, brushing a hoof over her blue and pink bangs. "Yeah. That was... s-something else, huh?"

"I'm tellin' ya Sweetie Buns... it shook the whole world when that bastard finally fell back into Tartarus! When I heard the news, I leapt up and kissed the closest pony to me! Heh... too bad I was workin' in a morgue at the time."

"So then..." Bon Bon leaned forward. "You've been called? You... Haze... Sharp Quill? Is everyone back in Canterlot?"

"Well... no. But we've been told to wait further instructions," Betsy said. "Me, Haze, Sharpie—we've been chatting up a storm ever since we got word from Horizons. Getting to reconnect and know each other again... just waiting for the order to move in. I swear... this has been the longassiest year that ever did longass'd."

Bon Bon swallowed a lump down her throat. "Is... is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, girl. To be honest, I was a bit worried that we hadn't heard from you. A bit, mind you. It takes more than a tiny dosage of abject loneliness to skewer this horn-valkyrie." Betsy snorted. "I wonder why Horizons never sent you a message?"

"It doesn't exactly surprise me," Bon Bon muttered, gazing aside. "The last time I saw her—the last time I saw any of you... she was implying that I... erm..."

"Yeah? What?"

"Ahem... she seemed to wish that I... just settle and live a normal life here in Equestria."

"You mean drop out of the League?"

"More or less, yeah." Bon Bon waved a hoof. "She used Dad's... ... ...Chief Agent Sugar Cane's death as leverage for her argument. And... let's face it... I was waaaaaaay too young to be doing the same kind of things that you and others were doing."

"Didn't stop you from kicking flank in Stalliongrad that one time!"

"Yes, well..." Bon Bon smiled bashfully, fussing with her bangs again. "A mare knows how to make do."

"So... Horizons gave you a sappy speech about going out on your own, huh?"

"Pretty much, yeah. She even gave me her life's savings."

"No shit?"

"It made sense. After all, she was going to go work with Princess Celestia and Luna," Bon Bon said. "By now, the regal sisters must know everything about the League."

"Maybe..." Betsy fidgeted. "...maybe not."

"Huh?" Bon Bon blinked.

"You know how I said that communication has opened... but we haven't been asked to go anywhere yet?"

"Uh huh..."

"Well, according to Horizons, it mainly has to do with finding the right spot."

"You mean..." Bon Bon's muzzle hung agape. "...the League's not gonna operate out of Canterlot anymore?"

"Well, we kinda sorta burned that place to shit over a year ago."

"Good point..." Bon Bon rubbed her head in thought. "Then—like—where else is there to hide out? Manehattan? Fillydelphia?"

"Those were my guesses. But then there was something that Horizons said that didn't make much sense."

"What was that?"

"She said 'we gotta wait for our new friends in the Royal Council.'"

"Royal... Council?" Bon Bon cocked her head aside. "But they operate below Luna and Celestia."

"Right!" Betsy nodded. "Which means that—shit you not—the League may be more common knowledge than we thought."

Bon Bon stared off, heavily contemplating that. "Just... what the Hell has Horizons been up to?"

"Perhaps Celestia and Luna have told her to spread the love around, so to speak."

"How so?"

"Well, think about it. The Bug Bear's back in chains, and that's some good shit. But there are still plenty of Tartarusian freaks lurking about... not to mention a changeling queen that's been missing for Goddess-knows-how long. Celestia decided on complete deniability—just as Horizons and your dear old Pops predicted. If it's time to put the League back together, where can you put them besides Canterlot or the Palace of the Regal Sisters?"

"Well... if the Royal Council is part of the planning process now..." Bon Bon thought aloud. "...then I'm guessing that the nobility are getting involved. And they function hoof-in-hoof with Equestrian aristocracy—" She froze, blinking. "Betsy... do you suppose that...?"

The rhino nodded. "They're gonna privatize us. The League's gonna be operating on a donated budget."

"But that's... that's..." Bon Bon grimaced. "...so sucky!"

"I know. Sharpie and Haze feel the same way. But every time we ask Horizons about it, she clams up over the sound stone leylines... tells us not to get our thongs in a twist." Betsy grumbled, "And now I hear about her trying to shoo you away... you... the daughter of the best damned Chief Agent that the League's ever had!"

Bon Bon bit her lip.

"Something's fishy in monster-hunting land," Betsy muttered. "I came here for more than cupcakes and bloodletting, girl. I came here for answers."

"I'm... not sure I have any, Betsy."

"But together, maybe, we can figure it out. I mean... this place is Lameville." Betsy smirked. "Not like you have anything special planned in this downstream salmon egghole of a farm town, right?"

"Ermmmmm..." Bon Bon fidgeted.

"... ... ...right?"

"Ahem." Bon Bon marched out from behind the counter. "We should... uh... talk about this somewhere more private." She locked the front door and pivoted the dangling store sign around so that it read "closed." "Someplace where we won't accidentally spew forth the secrets of the League any more than we already have."

"Ohhhhhhh... the serious panties kick in." Betsy smirked. "What's the matter, Sweetie Box? Afraid that the local lavender monarch might be listening in? I hear she's a very nosy one, that Twiggy."

"Twilight," Bon Bon corrected. "And, no, I'm not worried about her." She tilted her chin up with a proud smirk. "Because I happen to know that Princess Twilight Sparkle is currently busy with very... very serious matters at the moment."

The Princess of Friendship

Stepping up, Princess Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath, smiled, and spoke:

"Fillies and Gentlecolts... humble citizens of Equestria, this great and wonderful land... Today marks a very special occasion in the history of Ponyville. We have endured many hardships in this town of ours: the swarming of parasprites, the encroachment of Everfree monsters, the rise and fall of Lord Tirek. However, through each trial of adversity, the citizens of this village have remained strong... courageous... and—above all—faithful to the cause of harmony. I know that it's not easy trying to maintain happiness and a stiff-upper-lip in times of such unfathomable tribulation—such as the likes our friends and family have endured—but your patience and steadfastness of character is both a noble and an inspiring thing. I find that even I, myself, have learned to lean on the moral fortitude of my humble neighbors when attempting to summon the strength of character that's needed to govern the denizens of Equestria as this land's Princess of Friendship. Alas, after so many precious years of striving towards a common goal, your patience has finally paid off, and we now bear witness to something that is nothing short of a fantastic reward for all of the challenges that we have mutually conquered. Let us be thankful for the opportunity we have here—to relish in an awe-inspiring juxtaposition of loving generosity and scientific innovation. As this province's responsible monarch, I am proud to stand here today and and dedicate this moment—and this fantastic sample of modern hardware—to the legacy of all harmonious Ponyvilleans, past, present, and future..."

"Twilight... relax, will ya?" Spike rolled his eyes from where he stood in the thick crowd of onlookers. "It's just a television set."

"Correction!" Pinkie Pie slid into place, shoving the dragon whelp aside. Her bright blue eyes reflected a fuzzy square of white noise. "It's the television set! The only one in the entire province!" She gasped, her jaw dropping. "Duaaaaaaah... look at it!" she squeaked. "So... shinnnny!"

"Spiiiike! Pinkiiiie!" Twilight Sparkle pouted while a few other ponies chuckled. "I was trying to deliver a very important speech!"

"Yes, darling," Rarity nodded with a casual smile. "And we are attempting to get some... how do you call it... reception." She cleared her throat. "How goes it, Mr. Cake?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Sweating, a slightly frazzled Carrot Cake fumbled behind the massive metal frame of the box-shaped piece of hardware. He tangled and untangled wires, then fiddled with a pair of metal antennae with miniature crystals embedded at the pointed ends. Nearly a hundred citizens stood crammed inside the bakery, craning their necks and gazing at the static image along the front of the device with intense curiosity. "Guhhh... I... think I have everything connected just right! At least according to the manual that the scientists from Canterlot gave me!"

"Honey bumps!" Cup Cake called out from where she handed out free refreshments at the front counter of the establishment. "Have you tried smacking it a few times? It works on our radio upstairs!"

Carrot Cake frowned across the room. "Cuddle-bunny, I am not about to hit a piece of donated equipment that's ten times more expensive than our mortgage and our retirement plans put together!" Grimacing, the stallion darted his eyes all around. "Did I-I say that last p-part out loud?"

As the gathered group chuckled, a stallion with a slicked-back mane and a tie trotted handsomely into view. "Don't you fuss, Mr. Cake. Please." He reached in. "Allow me."

"Hey..." Carrot Cake backtrotted. "...knock yourself out, Filthy."

"Ahem." The businessstallion's eyes briefly knifed the air between them. "Just 'Mr. Rich' will do." Calmly, coolly, he gave the metal antennae a slight twist.

Within seconds, the white static across the tube's glass screen switched to a solid, monochromatic profile of a buffalo in a feathery headdress against a geometric diorama. A low-pitched whine permeated from the device's crackling speakers.

Ponies chuckled and clapped, their hooves echoing within the tight confines of the baking establishment.

"Ooooooooooooooh!" Pinkie Pie leaned forward. "It's... so... crisp!"

"Daddy..." Diamond Tiara huffed from where she and several other foals stood in the corner. "I thought the images were supposed to move."

"They do, my little princess!" Filthy Rich adjusted his tie with a proud smirk. "It's all a matter of tuning in to the right channel!"

"Channel?" Rainbow Dash's voice cracked from the far corner of the room.

"It's actually very simple!" Twilight Sparkle said with a smile. She stood beside Mr. Rich, gesturing at the television set and its wiring. "A camera captures something happening and translates both the sound and audio into high frequency signals that are then projected all across Equestria. A mana-powered antenna—like the one Mr. Rich had installed on the roof of Sugarcube Corner—receives this frequency and then sends it to a cathode-ray tube situated inside the television unit itself that then re-translates the signal into lines of moving images projected across the screen while the audio is—"

"Uh huh. Yeah. Whatever." Rainbow Dash looked over at Filthy Rich. "So, can we get the Wonderbolts Show on this thingamajig or what?"

"Ehhhhh..." Twilight Sparkle fidgeted. "It depends on... what's being broadcasted on the channels. Ahem. Mr. Rich?"

"By all means..." With a smile, the stallion turned a big fat knob beside the screen. CLICK!

The television's test image flickered to snow—Scrkkkkk—and then showed a grainy black and white image of a mare seated at a piano. The ponies inside Sugarcube Corner whistled and cheered while a beautiful ballad crackled out the speakers in mono.

"Well, I'll be!" Applejack smirked, craning her neck to see the picture better. "It's Rara!"

"Who?" Rainbow rasped.

"Oh, how marvelous!" Rarity cooed. "It... looks so lifelike!"

"I love it! I love it! I love it!" Pinkie Pie hopped in place. "Isn't technology the snazziest?"

"Heheh... yes indeed!" Filthy Rich leaned back with a smirk. "It took some sweet-talkin' with my business partners up in Canterlot, but I was able to convince them to send this test prototype here to Ponyville. Usually—with how expensive these sets are and all—you only find the likes of 'em in the big city. But the firm collectively agreed that after all that Ponyville had been through... we deserved a little bit of entertainment—and where better than in the heart of Ponyville culture and gathering: Sugarcube Corner!"

More cheers filled the room.

"Yes. It is most generous." Rarity smiled coyly. "Although, I suspect it also helps that we have a royal monarch living among the populace."

Ponies chuckled while Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes. "Truth be told... when Mr. Rich's friends approached me about this, they initially wanted to place this device inside my Castle. I told them that it would get better use in a place like Sugarcube Corner... where ponies can dine, mingle, and get a glimpse at the rest of Equestria."

"Pffft... yeah right..." Spike folded his scaled arms with a smirk. "You just didn't want reruns of The Adventures of Daring Do interrupting your library time."

"Yeah?" Twilight pouted. "And what of it?"

"Whoah whoah whoah..." Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. "You meany they actually broadcast Daring Do stories on this thing?!" Her jaw dropped even further. "Daring Do live action?!"

"Ooooh!" Rarity fanned herself. "I wonder if there's a visual version of Shadow Spade!"

"Uhhhmmm..." Twilight tapped her chin in thought. "Yes... aaaaaand... maybe yes?"

"Dude!" FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash soared over and squatted her blue butt before the thing. "I gotta see this! Uhhhh... turn that loud clicking thing until Daring Do appears!"

"Now now, Rainbow, it's Mr. Rich's device," Rarity said. "Not ours."

"Correction..." Filthy Rich smiled, gesturing at the gathered crowd. "It's everypony's set. You're all free to come here and enjoy programs... news broadcasts... and entertainment. So long as you give proper patronage to Mrs. and Mr. Cake."

"Yes!" Carrot Cake smiled brilliantly. "And for the first week, the popcorn is on the house!"

"I'll make sure it's extra buttery!" Pinkie Pie said.

Filthy Rich chuckled. "I have a vision that somehow... someday... dozens of television sets just like this one will become affordable to every household. And when that day comes—rest assured—you can show up at Barnyard Bargains right here in Ponyville and buy you and your family the latest piece of Equestrian technology so that you can connect with your fellow equine brothers and sisters in hitherto unprecedented ways!"

"Ugh... Dad..." Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Must you turn everything into an advertisement?"

"Heheheh..." Filthy Rich reached down and ruffled the little filly's mane. "You've got a lot to learn, Lil' Darlin'." He glanced aside at a sad-faced alicorn. "Is somethin' amiss, Your Highness?"

"Well... uhm..." Twilight fidgeted in place. "...it's just that I never did get to finish my commemoration." She held up a golden medallion at the end of a blue ribbon. "I even had this especially crafted as a token—"

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in the air. "Just get it over with so we can watch some Daring Do!"

"Your Majesty..." Filthy Rich bowed as he stepped aside.

"Ahem..." Twilight Sparkle marched proudly to the television set, levitating the medallion loftily in her telekinetic grasp. "In short, let us be thankful for this opportunity to commune with each other like never before... and may we all be inspired by this act of generosity so that we can properly show our thanks to our loved ones who have survived all of Ponyville's countless adversities through mutual harmony and respect and tolerance." She gulped. "Uhm... so, yeah! Thanks!" And she plopped the medallion down onto the top of the television set. Clank!

Instantly, the image of the piano playing mare blipped to static. Scrkkkkt!

"Awwwwwwwww..." Applejack's ears folded back.

"Hey!" Pinkie pouted—as did several other ponies.

"Eggheadddd!" Rainbow snarled.

"Oh! Sorry! Uhhhh..." Twilight Sparkle winced, glancing aside. "Mr. Rich?"

"Eheh... allow me." He reached in, readjusting the antennae as the picture flickered in and out again.

"Heeeeeee..." Fluttershy smiled aside at Scootaloo. "I just love how they call those metal branches 'rabbit ears.' It's so cute."

"Don't look at me." Scootaloo shrugged. "I'm just here for the free popcorn."

"Where did Rara go?" Applejack asked.

"Mmmmm... I seem to have lost the signal," Filthy Rich said. "Do understand... this technology is a work in progress. Here... let me change the channel again." He twisted the knob. Click! An anchorpony appeared against a map of Equestria. "Oh! What do you know! The news!"

"Oooh!" Rarity leaned in closer to hear the pony's voice across the speakers. "This should be quite interesting!"

"You're telling me!" Spike leaned back and forth. "I wonder how my stocks are doing!" He felt Fluttershy and Pinkie glancing curiously at him. "What? A dragon can dream big!"

As the crowd of ponies huddled around the television set, Twilight Sparkle stepped back with a relieved sigh. She leaned against a twisted pillar in the back of the bakery's lobby, smiling placidly at the assembled group.

From behind, a voice murmured: "Don't worry, Twilight. For what it's worth... I really, really liked your speech."

Twilight nodded without looking. "I worked on it too hard." She sighed. "I work on everything too hard. And in the end—an act of clumsiness almost sabotages everything." She bore a bitter-sweet smirk. "I guess it's true: no matter how old you get, you never lose that silly grade school awkwardness."

"Yes, well..." Starlight Glimmer stepped out of the shadows. "Take it from a pony who once mastered perfection. It's not all that it's cracked up to be."

"Being the Princess of Friendship, I really can't settle for anything less. Well, at least..." Twilight shrugged. "...that's what I have to tell myself each and every day... so that I won't accidentally let down the citizens of Ponyville."

"Yes..." Starlight droned with a smirk. "...because heaven forbid that you accidentally trip on a few cables and rob the town of the latest broadcast of The Ed Stallion Show."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean." She coiled her wings tighter. "I've been the Princess of Friendship for nearly half-a-year now. A lot is being expected of me. After all, it's one thing to save Equestria... but now I'm going to be judged on how I govern it."

"You'll do just fine, Twilight," Starlight said. "After all... you've performed the whole 'Princess' thing with flying colors so far!"

"Yes... but only when it came to overcoming disharmonious situations such as the encroaching Everfree Forest, Lord Tirek, and... and..." She fidgeted, biting her lip and avoiding Starlight's gaze.

Starlight rolled her eyes. "Look. It's fine. Besides..." She winked. "I kinda like to think of myself as the Final Boss."

Twilight flashed her a look.

"Kidding. Kidding." Starlight waved a hoof. "Seriously, Twilight, you need to learn to lighten up."

"I'm... not sure that I can." Twilight gulped, gazing at the crowd of ponies. "There are several very important social functions coming up. Ever since I became Princess of Friendship, Equestria has reached out to the furthest corners of the continent. Neighboring nations and kingdoms are opening up for the first time in generations, and several dignitaries from foreign lands are preparing to come here so that they can learn more about pony culture and customs. Already I have no less than four ambassadorial conferences to oversee in the next month alone." She clenched her teeth. "I've barely gotten the Palace furnished. Now I have to treat it like a convention center?!"

"I thought you had talked with Princess Celestia about providing a royal staff to the Castle." Starlight Glimmer cocked her head to the side. "How is that going?"

"To be perfectly honest..." Twilight toed the floor between them. "I-I've been putting it off."

"Pffft!" Starlight smirked. "You?! Putting something off?"

"It's... just not something I'm very comfortable with, Starlight," Twilight said, gazing aside. "I never asked to be a Princess. But—once these wings got slapped onto me—I tried to keep things simple, you know? I'm more than happy to sit in the throne room with all my friends and plan friendship missions and all... but..." She bit her lip. "...having to accommodate for guards... secretaries... servants?"

"If you ask me, it's all for the best, Twilight," Starlight said. "After all, things are getting pretty intense out there. The griffons are growing more and more restless beyond the borders. And you heard about what's happening in the Frozen North."

Twilight shuddered. "Don't remind me. More than anything, I want to be with my brother right now..."

"He and Princess Cadance have it covered. It's their job to protect and govern the Crystal Empire, after all." Starlight smiled. "Just as it's your job to look over Ponyville and the Central Provinces of Equestria abroad." She gestured. "And having a full royal staff to assist with things in your Castle will only make things easier in the long run."

"I know... I know. I've... uh... begun a list of necessary preparations, but..." Twilight Sparkle brushed her bangs aside, gazing into the crowd. "...it's so time-consuming. I feel like I'm distracting myself from far more important... personal things." A faint smile crossed her muzzle. "Like appearing before my friends and neighbors here."

"Putting a medal around the neck of a television set," Starlight droned.

"Heehee... for Ponyville, I'll do anything," Twilight said.

"Maybe..." Starlight trotted closer. "...you need Equestria's second-best planner to assist you in getting things set up in the castle?"

"I've already taken up enough of Spike's time as it is," Twilight droned. A beat... and she blushed. "Oh. Sorry. You meant you."

"Yes." Starlight grumbled. "I meant me." She just-as-swiftly bore a smile. "Really, though. Why don't we head back to the Palace and look over your notes?" She winked. "I just know you've made a ton of them, and I'd be more than happy to help you set things up in time for the upcoming friendship conventions."

"Really?" Twilight blinked. "It's going to be a lot of work, Starlight."

"Hey..." Starlight gestured towards the flickering news broadcast. "...it's better than sitting here and letting my mind rot."

Twilight giggled. "But what about the free popcorn?"

"The best things in life might be free... but it's hard work that pays off." Starlight gestured out the door. "After you, Your Highness."

Twilight smiled, making a brisk exit with her. "Y'know what, Starlight? You may just master this whole 'friendship thing' yet."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a promotion."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves now..."

"Heeheehee..."

As they left, the ponies of Sugarcube Corner remained glued to the tube. The black and white image of an attractive mare stared at the camera, speaking with a serious expression: "And now... a development on the Yakyakistanian hostage situation in the Crystal Empire..."

Filthy Imbalanced

"It is now going into the second week since a military band of Yaks from Yakyakistan infiltrated the Mirror Caverns located north of the Crystal Kingdom's Capital and held a group of ponies against their will."

An attractive earth pony mare with a short-short blonde mane and sea-blue eyes sat at a desk. She stared into a large camera aimed at her from across a news studio while several members of the television crew stood out of frame. A stallion wearing headphones shuffled and held up large, bold cue cards, and the anchorpony read the text as she continued with the broadcast.

"The twenty-four crystal ponies—twenty-two of which are young schoolfoals around the ages of seven and eight—were visiting the famous Natural Wonder for a field trip from the Noble Crystalline Academy when twelve armored yaks wandered into the Mirror Caverns unannounced, overwhelmed security, and sealed the entrance to the caves off from the outside world. For eight days since, the yaks have refused to leave the location or relinquish their hold of the crystal pony children and their chaperones.

"According to military aides representing the Crystal Imperial Defense Force, the yaks were patrolling the frozen northern wastes as part of a common Yakyakistanian ritual called 'Thunder Month,' which traditionally includes military sparring, yeti hunting, and the copious consumption of Ice Mead.

"When asked about a chance for a peaceful solution to the situation, Captain Shining Armor of the Crystal Imperial Defense Force was quoted as saying, 'Princess Cadance is making progress in appealing to the yak militants. The twenty-four hostages are in good health, and rest assured that we will have them reunited with their families soon.' According to our sources in the North Passage, the yaks are said to be demanding the reappropriation of several acres of agricultural territory to Yakyakistanian sovereignty. When questioned on the topic, representatives at the Yakyakistanian Embassy here in Manehattan denounced the actions of the twelve yak militants, stating 'Yaks don't make wars with non-yaks who are weaker than yak-yaks.'"

At the culmination of this bit, the stallion in headphones flipped to a new card. In hastily scribbled red ink, the posterboard red: "Commercial Break."

The anchorpony at the desk opened her muzzle... but fumbled for words. She blinked, then glanced down at her hooves. A sheet of paper in her grasp featured a typewritten news story that was yet to be read.

"And... uhm..."

She fidgeted... fidgeted some more... than put on a bright smile.

"...now a word from our sponsor!" Her cheeks twitched a bit in attempting to maintain the grin.

Members of the crew signaled one another. A hoof pointed. A second.

Then the green light above the main camera switched to red.

"Alright! Eight minutes!" The studio director trotted briskly to the desk. "Brilliant, Satin! You nailed it! Like... whammo! Torpedo'd right in the keister!"

"Yeah... uhm... just call me 'Ms. Cinders,' please," the mare said. Two mares rushed up from off-set with makeup and she shoo'd them away. "I'm good! Scram!" She cleared her throat and faced the stage director once more. "Uhm... Mike. Why'd we go to commercial break?"

"Well, as you know, Dr. Pony is our chief sponsor and if we don't give them their eight minute segments on the hour, then—PLOW! There goes our funding!"

"Mike..." Satin Cinders frowned. A tiny golden strand of hair dangled over her brow and she swiftly brushed it back in place with her hoof. "Onomatopoeia aside... it's almost looking as though the story on the Manehattan gambling ring busts has been removed."

"Oh. That's because it has!" Mike grinned from ear to ear. "Scrkkkk! Had to rip it out! That slot went to the Yakyakistanian situation! Eheheh..."

"Mike, I worked hard on that story."

"I don't see why you should." Mike blinked. "Isn't this new gig of yours working out a lot more nicely?"

"This 'gig' was forced on me," Satin Cinders huffed. "I'm only doing it until we find a prettier face."

"Ain't no face in Manehattan prettier than you."

"Look—just tell me why the segment was cut."

"Do you think I know the reason for that?"

She glared. "Sometimes I wonder if you even know how to button your collar."

"Ouch."

"Whose big idea was this, anyways?" Satin Cinders folded her forelimbs. "Because I don't see how playing a clip of caffeinated beverages being poured into cups at slow speed is somehow more important than the gambling and drug trade being exposed here in Manehattan."

"Well, you're going to have to work your way upstairs for answers, babe."

Satin Cinders sighed as the blonde strand dangled loosely again. "Let me guess..."

"I'll tell you why we cut it." A zebra spun about in his desk chair and scowled. "Because it's a crock of shit!"

"Bleed... come on..." Satin Cinders stood before his desk, frowning. Beyond the glass walls of the office, countless ponies squatted at cubicles, answering phones and hammering away at typewriters. "Don't insult me like this. I've worked just as hard on this story as I have on all the others for this agency. Have I ever let you down before?"

"You shouldn't be working hard anymore. It'll ruin your perfect smile," the zebra grunted, rummaging through early drafts of news articles laid across his desk. "We just now began our multimedia broadcasting division. Television is the wave of the Equestrian future, and it needs a pretty face to get all the miserable shit across. That shit-coverer is you."

"I only agreed to be the anchorpony because you wouldn't choose anypony else!" Satin Cinders exclaimed. "Let's face it—you coerced me!"

"Darling, there ain't nopony else for the job," Bleed replied. "You ever looked in the mirror lately? You'd drop Princess Cadance dead at a beauty contest anyday."

"So, what?!" Satin Cinders huffed. "I'm just to... hoof in my journalistic career for being a cheesy grin on a black and white metal box from here to Ragneighrok?! If I knew that this was the sort of nonsense I'd be in for, I'd never have agreed!"

"You seemed to agree pretty damn quick when you saw the pay raise," Bleed grunted.

Satin bit her lip. "I've... been going through a rough patch financially..."

"Join the club." Bleed flipped through more editorials. "Look, Satin—"

"Ms. Cinders."

"Don't get snippy with me. We've worked together for far too long." Bleed cleared his throat. "If you wanna get anywhere in this business, you need to stampede in the direction that the bits take you. You're a young mare with a hell of a lot of talent... so why not take the easy road when it's paved for you?" He gestured with an unshorn fetlock. "For years, you've pursued all of these... hard-hitting conspiratorial angles... and just where has it gotten you? I'd say take this prissy anchorprincess opportunity and run with it."

"My leads are not 'conspiratorial.' I have substantial sources!" Cinders exclaimed. "And they all lead to a very disconcerting pattern right here in Manehattan!" She pointed out the windows. "Someone or something is making ponies disappear in those dirty streets! Every time a gambling ring is busted... the names of missing citizens pile up! I think there's someone in the rafters pulling the strings of everything that's corrupt in Manehattan, and if we can just figure out who it is... then maybe crime will drop significantly in this city! Sharing this with the Equestrian public will build awareness and lead to change! Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"You talk as though you're expecting the viewing audience to be a bunch of white knights and not the drooling morons that they really are," Bleed said. "Ponies don't watch television to see justice served, Satin. They wanna hear about dramatic bullshit and then have their mouth water over Dr. Pony."

"So... you believe me, then?" Cinders squinted. "There is some sort of organized crime ring haunting this city. You just don't want to cover it because there's no profit in doing the right thing."

"Don't be so moronic!" Bleed spat. "This is journalism! I wouldn't be in this business if I wasn't a saint underneath!"

Just then, the door opened and a stallion stuck his head in. "Mr. Reads! Sorry for interrupting, but I figured you might want to know that we got Professor Farrier from Canterlot University signed up for Tuesday."

"Great!" Bleed said. "Pay him five hundred bits in advance and make sure that he commits to spending thirty minutes talking down Princess Celestia's latest health care reforms."

"Got it, chief." And the stallion rushed back out.

Satin Cinders blanched. "We... only broadcast one slot per day! What's with the opinion segment? It's not like we're airing twenty-four hours!"

Bleed pointed. "There will come a time. You'll see." A black and white smirk. "A stallion can dream, can't he?"

"At least someone's entitled," Satin huffed. "You're going to air this story of mine, chief. Sooner than later."

"Oh blow it out your pretty ear. You wanna save the world? Move back into the print department." Bleed waved her off as he spun around in his office chair. "It's one hell of a downgrade, though. And considering your... 'financial situation...'"

Satin sighed, shuffling towards the door. "Yeah. Thanks. Great. Nice to know you're on my side, chief."

"You're welcome. Just saving your butt, is all." Bleed snorted. "Heroes don't end up rich, Satin. And as for Manehattan? Yeah... it's crooked. Filthy too. Don't need to turn on the news to figure that out. Just open the window."

Satin Cinders slumped into the chair at her desk.

She sighed.

Pivoting about, she gazed lethargically out her office window.

The Manehattan skyline loomed in glinting urban brilliance. Zeppelins puttered in the distance while ships rolled in and out of the harbor.

Satin Cinders stared and stared. At last, her lips moved: "Just who has you in their pocket, chief?"

Slowly, she gazed up at a bulletin board chock-full of photographs and news clippings that made up a complex diorama of crime scenes, murder statistics, and questionable figureheads. At least a dozen grim-faced stallion businessponies peered down at her, all tied together with a near-schizophrenic webwork of red string... only there was no center to the frenetic geometry.

"I wish everything was as simple as pointing out mead-thirsty yaks," she murmured. "Or perhaps I just need to get deeper in the filth."

Another sigh, and she opened a drawer to her desk. In it, a gold-framed newspaper rested. It featured "Satin Cinders" as the editor, and the headline read: "Princess of Friendship Defeats Lord Tirek – Equestrian Magic Restored."

The mare brushed a string of blonde hair back over her brow as she bore a bittersweet smile. "Or perhaps the problem is... the only real heroes are so far away...?"

Her eyes rested on the smiling image of a lavender alicorn...

Princess 102

A filly Twilight Sparkle stared—deadpan—into the pages of an open book. The foal completely ignored the presence of her unicorn friends at a schoolyard bench—all five of whom were frozen in time and smiling brilliantly at the camera, including a tiny bookworm in thick-rimmed glasses.

An adult's lavender hoof brushed over the photograph's glass frame, wiping clean a swath of dust. Twilight Sparkle slowly sighed, and the wings at her side coiled even tighter as she continued staring at the group image.

"...this is all very simple, actually!" Starlight Glimmer's voice echoed off the crystalline walls of a spacious library. Far behind Twilight, the gifted unicorn levitated half-a-dozen notepads and ledgers off a work desk. "The Royal Accountants from Canterlot have made the allowable budget lent from the Royal Sisters perfectly clear. There's even a byline detailing estimated tax inflation for the relocation of enchanted minerals from province to province!"

Starlight Glimmer floated another document before her squinting eyes. Her nose scrunched in contemplation... and her fuzzy ears twitched as she poured over the data in her mind.

"Looks like Canterlot's representatives weren't the only helpful ponies. This letter? Sent from the Crystal Empire a week ago?" Starlight glanced over her shoulder with a smile. "Captain Shining Armor—your brother—has given a detailed list of over twenty officers that he's willing to lend to the new Ponyville Royal Guard! Talk about some snazzy experience for free, am I right?!"

"He could use all the help he needs right now," Twilight Sparkle muttered, eyes glued to the old picture frame. "Once he and Cadance solve the yak problem, I'll have to write him a letter back asking for a revised list."

"Twilight, that's not the point." Starlight stacked the documents on top of one another. "You've got ponies from all over Equestria—both royal and not—who are willing to help you establish regal order here in your new palace! There's barely any labor on your end to perform! Y'know... I came over here thinking that crunching the numbers to make this whole upgrade work would take a week." Starlight trotted over with a smile. "But... heheh... being the 'Princess of Friendship' wins you lots of allies. It seems that your acquaintances all over Equestria have practically done half the work for you. At least when it comes to gathering the resources necessary."

"Uh huh..." Twilight sighed again, and then was silent.

Starlight Glimmer craned her neck. Standing behind Twilight, the unicorn cleared her voice and said, "Twilight, if I might ask a... somewhat forward question...?"

"Sure, Starlight. Ask anything," Twilight muttered.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Do you regret being the Princess of Friendship?"

Upon hearing that, Twilight finally snapped out of her funk. She spun around with a look of shock... even disgust. "Not at all! Ever since I came to Ponyville, I've worked day in and day out to learn all I can about friendship! Every month of every year has been an intense trial of finding new and more improved ways of maintaining harmony!"

"Yeah... but..." Starlight leaned back, wincing. "...do you even hear yourself?"

"Erm... yes?"

"It's just... you make it sound like such a chore... being a 'friendship prodigy' or whatnot." Starlight shrugged. "No lies. I've found doing 'friendship lessons' under your tutelage to be pretty stressful. But... y'know... that's because of me and my past mistakes, and we've been over that. And yet... never once did I stop to think just how tough it must be to be the grandmommy of it all." She smiled crookedly. "Friendship Emissary Extraordinaire, that is."

"Mmmmfff..." Twilight rubbed the back of her neck, gazing aside. "Don't rub it in."

Starlight blinked.

With a gulp, Twilight bore a fragile smile to reassure her. "I don't regret for a second what I've experienced to get here... the achievements that I've made... or even the... s-sacrifices."

Starlight Glimmer leaned back on her haunches and pronounced the inevitable word: "However..."

Twilight bit her lip. "However..." With a sad expression, she turned to gaze at the photo in her grasp. "...I miss the days when making friends... and improving relationships was... was..."

Starlight smiled. "Fun?"

"...I was going to say 'simple,' but I suppose 'fun' works as well." Twilight sighed. "Maybe you're right, Starlight. Perhaps I don't have too much work cut out for me here at the Castle. But... I just detest any little thing that gets in the way of me being... me."

"Funny." Starlight brushed her bangs aside. "And here I thought that 'you being you' meant hanging out by yourself and organizing things." She winked. "If that was the case, all of this preparation for royal guards and servants would be completely done by now."

"I suppose... in a way... part of me wants to sabotage myself," Twilight muttered. "As if that will somehow make everything collapse and just leave me with the likes of Applejack... Fluttershy... Pinkie Pie..." Twilight giggled breathily to herself. "Friends both new... and old..."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Twilight." Starlight cocked her head aside. "Is there?"

"But..." Twilight fidgeted, her wings stretching and unstretching. "...I've become so much more than what I used to be. I want to hang out with my friends more. It's what got me to where I am at the moment, after all. But... if I shirk my duties as Princess, then I will be letting all of Ponyville down... and all of Equestria for that matter."

"Has anypony ever told you that you stress too much?" Starlight remarked.

"Nnnngh..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Has anypony happened to mention that rain is wet?"

Silence filled the library as Starlight fumbled for words. Scrunching her muzzle, she ended up leaning forward so she could gaze at the picture frame in the princess' grasp. "Are these the 'old friends' you alluded to?"

"Yeah..." Twilight let loose a bitter-sweet chuckle. "Hard to tell that the antisocial little filly with a book would someday become a 'Princess of Friendship,' huh?"

Starlight pointed. "That filly with the glasses doesn't look too thrilled to be in that shot, either."

"Yes, well, Moondancer at least had the decency to look up and smile."

"So that's Moondancer?" Starlight remarked.

Twilight blinked at her. "You... heard of her?"

"Spike told me all about her," Starlight said with a smile. "Including the time you went back to Canterlot to make amends."

Twilight's muzzle hung agape.

"Was... I not supposed to know about that?" Starlight asked.

"No. It's fine. I guess." Twilight chuckled aside. "You and that little dragon hang out a lot more than I thought."

"Can't help it." Starlight shrugged. "He's adorable when he's... him." She brushed her bangs aside, smiling. "Anyways, I think it was pretty swell."

"Hmmm?"

"You... going back to check on your old friends," Starlight said. "Seems like you did a lot of good for Moondancer."

"I only wish I had done it sooner..."

"Twilight..." Starlight sighed. "...you did exactly what you're longing to do now." She narrowed her eyes. "You went out and just... connected with loved ones. Isn't that the essence of being the Princess of Friendship?"

"It's the essence of being a good friend..."

"Exactly! And I bet it felt totally refreshing." Starlight's cheeks turned slightly rosy. "Just like... h-how I finally reconnected with Sunburst. It's... it's a good thing, Twilight." She gulped. "It cleanses the soul."

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?" Twilight smiled at the picture frame. "Can't believe there was a time when I didn't give a second thought to being with my foalhood friends."

"But you're all back together now... right?" Starlight leaned forward. "At least... that's how Spike words it."

"And he couldn't be more right!" Twilight's wingtips fluttered at the thought. "I go and visit Canterlot at least once a month to chat over coffee and doughnuts. We hang out at Joe's... you know, in the Market District?"

Starlight shrugged with a helpless smirk. "Can't say that I'm too familiar with Canterlot's sights and sounds."

"Doesn't matter." Twilight brushed the rest of the dust off of the picture frame. "Fact is... we've become like old friends again. And it's... so nice hearing about their lives: Moondancer's research projects... Twinkleshine's career... Minuette's extended family... Lemon Hearts and that novel that she's working on." Twilight bore a happy sigh for once. "They're all doing so well. It... makes me proud."

"Yeah?" Starlight blinked. "What about the fifth one?"

Twilight stood in silence. She pivoted her head until she blinked stupidly at the other mare. "Buh?"

"There's... uh..." Starlight pointed at the picture frame. "...five unicorns in that pic." Her smile twitched. "Besides you. So... uh... what about her?"

Twilight's lips pursed. "Who? You mean Lyra Heartstrings?"

"Sure. Why not."

Twilight glanced at the frame again. Her ears twitched. "Oh! She's... uhm... she's doing well too... I guess..."

"You mean you don't know?"

"Well, she doesn't... exactly live in Canterlot anymore. So she's... never present at our little doughnut luncheons each month..." Twilight tongued the inside of her muzzle. "...funny. I never thought twice about it. Minuette and Lemon Hearts say that Lyra's doing fine for herself these days. I guess I-I just... took their word for it."

"So... you connected with the rest of your old filly-friends but not with this 'Lyra?'"

"I... guess so..."

"Well, where is she living these days?"

"Ponyville," Twilight said. "She lives on Faust Lane, I think. Rooms with the local confectioner—"

Starlight Glimmer barked: "You mean she's been living in Ponyville all this time and you haven't reconnected?!"

"St-Starlight!" Twilight grimaced, her body shrinking inward. "N-not so loud!" She gulped. "This castle echoes like you wouldn't believe..."

Starlight chuckled breathily. "You really do want to sabotage yourself, don't you?" A dull smirk. "Honestly, though, don't you think that this is it?"

"That this is what?"

"An opportunity!" Starlight exclaimed. "To refresh yourself again! I dunno about you, but Lyra sounds like the kind of pony who could use a friend—"

"She's pretty close to a mare named Bon Bon, actually—"

"I mean an old friend, Twilight! You've reconnected with the rest of them, didn't you?! Why not complete the circle! I'm sure Lyra would be flattered. And you?" Starlight winked. "I just know that you'll feel better."

"But... but..." Twilight shuddered, gazing around the library. "I have so many things to do to fully prepare this castle. So much organizing..."

"Yeah..." Starlight droned, her eyebrows straight. "Because you've done such a bang-up job of it so far." She smiled and gestured with a hoof. "How about this, Twilight. Let's do some much-needed teamwork."

"Teamwork?"

"Princess Celestia has her servants and accountants, right? Princess Luna has her loyal battalion of sarosian guards? Why don't you... settle for having a secretary?"

Twilight stared at her for several seconds before eventually blurting: "You?"

"Why not?!" Starlight Glimmer shrugged. "I'm good at organizing too! Besides... being around you? Pffft... it's been hard not to improve by osmosis!"

"Starlight, I can't ask you to do such a thing..."

"Why not?"

"Because you're my friend! You're no... s-servant!"

"It's precisely because I'm a friend that you should let me have this opportunity... and that you should give yourself this opportunity!" Starlight took a deep breath, holding a hoof over her heart. "Please... Twilight. You've... helped me in more ways than you know. Now, let me help you by trying to release some of the pressure. I'll focus on the inner workings of this... crystal castle stuff. And you? You get to do that voodoo that you do so well!" She giggled. "Platonic horse voodoo. Sound cool?"

"But... what if it gets to be too much for a single unicorn to handle, Starlight?"

"Pffft..." Starlight rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying that you enslave me, Twilight. We can work on this stuff together... but on your own time. And when you're busy doing friendship or ambassadorial princess stuff, I'll get Spike to help me! Besides, the little guy should be crazy happy to have somepony lending him a hoof."

"I... have been wanting to find ways to equally distribute the work load around here," Twilight mused. "I just... never thought it would be so..."

"Simple?"

"Yeah..."

"I know you're not one to do 'simple,' Twilight. But let's embrace it together, shall we? After all, Ponyville's changing. Equestria's changing. Your Castle is changing... so let's change with it too!" Starlight smiled. "And it starts with you getting the friendship train back on track. So... how about giving Lyra a visit sometime this week? Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah..." Twilight murmured again. "Wait... no..." She placed the picture frame down and lifted up on briskly flapping wings. "Not tomorrow... today!"

"Even better!"

"I'll fly on over to Lyra and Bon Bon's place... ring the doorbell... and say 'hi' to a long-lost friend!" Twilight beamed. "I'll tell her all about my adventures... and then catch her up on Minuette and Moondancer and all the rest!"

"Heehee... that's the spirit!"

"I'll find out any friendship problems that she might have and—with all the skills that I've honed since becoming a princess—I'll assist her and her every need!" She stifled a giggle as her tail flicked. "I just might even introduce her to Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and the other girls! Squee! Oh thank you, Starlight! This will be fantastic!"

"Mmmmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle tap-tap-tap-tapped her hoof against the front stoop to the house. "Ohhhhhh... this is horrible."

Anxiously, she reached in and pressed the doorbell for the ninth consecutive time.

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-donnnnnnnng!

She leaned back and resumed tapping her hoof.

She breathed in and breathed out.

She looked all around as the shadows of trees, bushes, and mailboxes disappeared under the noonday sun. Insects buzzed in the air and birds chirped from the treetops.

But there was no movement from inside the house—not even the sound of trotting hooves from beyond the front door.

"Of all the times for Lyra not to be at home." Twilight squirmed. "What... d-does she do for a living, anyways?" Her ears twitched—one after another—as she thought out loud. "According to Lemon Hearts, she got her cutie mark while doing a music ensemble for school. Maybe... m-maybe she's a concert harpist?" A beat. Twilight beamed. "Or a teacher! Ooooooh... I would love to lend my books on music theory to her! I bet she'd be beside herself with joy and—"

A dark cloud hung over Twilight's muzzle. She paled, stumbling backward while gasping at a horrified thought.

"...or what if Lyra moved out of town?! Have I gotten that ignorant? So many months of doing friendship adventures all across Equestria... and one of my former best friends just moves out from under my nose!"

She bonked herself in the head several times, squealing beneath her breath. A few seconds passed, and she took a deep breath while stretching her forelimb in a way taught to her by a certain sister-in-law.

"Just... be calm... it's okay... you came here to relax and be friendly... just like Starlight advised you to. Lyra is simply... busy with things. That's all. If nothing else, I could always try and check on—"

The Princess gasped, ears perking up.

"Of course! The Candy shop! If anypony knows where Lyra is, it'll be Bon Bon!"

A bold sign dangled on the inside of the window.

It read: "Closed."

Twilight's features drooped as she stood limply before the locked entrance.

"Well that's..." She gulped. "...distressing."

With a sullen breath, the alicorn shuffled around, squinting off into the distance.

"Barely past noon, too." Her lavender brow furrowed. "Just what could Bon Bon be up to at this hour?"

Don't Get Sucked Into The...

"Okay, I give up," Betsy grumbled, eyeing a craggy ceiling of uneven soil and exposed roots looming above her in the manalight. "Where in the blue hell are we?"

"I'm glad that you asked that!" Bon Bon cleared her throat, stood on her hindquarters, then spun around dramatically in the center of a subterranean chamber full of ramshackle science equipment. "Welcome... to the Sweetie Hole."

Bon Bon waited until the echoes of her exclamation had died out before flashing the rhinoceros a cheeky grin.

Betsy snorted. "I don't know what I should hit you for harder... the shittiness of that name or the fact that you actually seem to take some meager pride in it."

"Oh, go soak your fat horny head." Bon Bon dropped back to all fours. "I figured you of all of my former agent buddies would dig that."

"Don't presume to capture the genius inside my skull," Betsy droned. "It will deflower you, girl. I mean it." She made a wrinkly face at all of the rusted lab equipment that was barely humming to life. "Where in Tartarus did you rake all of this crud up? A washed-out L Ron Haybard convention?"

"Look, the money I got when I left the League was scarcely enough to eke out a living above ground in Ponyville," Bon Bon said. She dusted off a radar monitor—only for the screen to fall off. Grimacing, she fumbled to put the machine back together, chuckling nervously. "I've... uh... had to make do with my monthly earnings. St-still... it's been more than sufficient for my needs!"

"I thought you were attempting to lay-low."

"Yeah, well... once a part of S.M.I.L.E.... always a part of S.M.I.L.E."

"Sure, whatever." Betsy sat on a metal chair—only to crush it. Crunch! "Though, from the looks of it, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops has learned to settle for Ginormous Recess of Idiotic Nick-Nacks."

"Scoff all you want!" Bon Bon tilted her nose up. "When the timestream got broken a month ago, I was the first one to detect it with my very own Chronoton Detector!" She slapped a wobbly centrifuge to her right. "Not even Dr. Whooves had an edge on that!"

"Wait... what?" Betsy blinked. "The timestream... got broken?"

Bon Bon shuddered. "It's a very long story."

"What's with all of the dangly roots up above?" Betsy asked. "We're not beneath the Everfree Forest, are we? That would really chap my caboose."

"No no no... this burrow was here long before I moved in," Bon Bon explained. "In fact, it used to be the basement for a very precious landmark called the 'Golden Oaks Library.'" She sighed. "Until several months ago, that is."

"No kidding?"

"As a matter of fact, Princess Twilight Sparkle once set up shop in here."

"And here I thought you dug this latrine out yourself, girl."

"I've had a lot of time on my hooves, Betsy," Bon Bon said. "I can't say the same about shovels."

"Well... all things considered... it's a damn marvel for operating on a shoestring budget."

"Eheheh..." Bon Bon rubbed the back of her head. "You know me." She gulped. "I'm a sucker for strings."

"What?"

"N-never mind."

"Soooooooo..." Betsy squinted. "Nopony else knows about this place?"

"Only two souls are aware that it's currently in use." Bon Bon's gaze hardened. "You and yours truly."

"I'd be flattered if it didn't smell so much like rotting mushrooms—and not the good kind."

"Anyways... this place is soundproof to any villager of Ponyville who may be trotting above," Bon Bon said. "So... this should be a good place to let it all out."

"Let what all out?"

Bon Bon blinked crookedly. "...all this crud about Chief Agent Horizons and the privatization of S.M.I.L.E.!"

"Look, Sweetie Drops... ain't much more to yap on about!" The rhinoceros sighed. "Every time the agents and I throw a question her way, Horizons gets all taciturn. It's almost like she's trying to spring a surprise on us at the last second."

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon rubbed her chin in thought. "That's not like her."

"My thoughts exactly!" Betsy belched. "The Horizons we know and love to hate does everything by the book! Made your Pops look like a buckin' pirate!"

"Uh huh..."

"If there was a massive change to the management of the League... I'd expect her to give us far more information and preparation than this!"

"You don't suppose... she's been replaced?" Bon Bon murmured.

"By what?" Betsy raised an eyebrow. "A changeling?"

Bon Bon nodded. "Well?"

"A changeling wouldn't know which signal to contact the other agents."

"It could if it tortured Horizons for the information."

"Impossible. Horizons would make love to a cyanide pill."

"Maybe... something got into her headspace?"

"Our Horizons? The mare with a labyrinthine hedge maze for an imagination? I've played chess with her, Sweetie Drops. Those pawns nearly exploded in my face from that bitch's sheer brainpower!"

"Well, you're not really leading us to any conclusions with this, Betsy."

"That's 'cuz I had one before I even waltzed in here!"

"Yeah? And?" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs. "I'm listening."

Betsy leaned forward, jaws clenched. "I think the management has already shifted. I don't think Horizons is in charge anymore." She slowly shook her horn. "Whoever is... they've reduced Horizons to a pawn."

"You think her hooves are tied by bureaucracy?"

"Exactly."

"But after Horizons opened up to the Royal Sisters, something like this would have to have been authorized by the Monarchy."

"You say that as if it excuses anything." Betsy's nostrils flared. "For years—Sweetie Drops—the League has operated like a well-oiled bicycle. We didn't need to answer to nopony. But now? If the League's being thrown into some fat cat's pocket, then kiss that oil goodbye. And the bicycle seat as well! I'm talking about a rusted bike straight up your plot! Do we really want our grandfoals to squirt out the womb with tetanus?"

"Alright. Two things." Bon Bon held up a hoof. "One: your analogies suck ass."

"Thanks, babe."

"Two." Bon Bon sighed. "Equestria's changing, Betsy. It's got more to do with monsters on the run from their Tartarusian prison cells." Her blue eyes narrowed. "Princess Luna's returned. Discord the Chaos Lord had a reign of terror... and has since reformed. The Elements of Harmony were wielded... personified... and then absorbed back into the Everfree Forest... all within the span of two years!"

"You're forgetting the partridge in a pear tree."

"What I'm saying is that the laws of monster hunting don't apply in the same way they used to. There's been... so many shifts in the balance of harmony and chaos..." Bon Bon gulped. "If the League is to re-form... who knows what role we're supposed to take anymore? Or if any!"

"Hrmmmfff..." Betsy leaned back with a frown. "Sounds like somepony has gotten used to living a simple, peaceful, cinnamon baking life."

Bon Bon glared. "I have not once given up my conviction as a reserve member of the League." Her teeth clenched. "It's the same conviction that my father died for. You think I'm in any position to forsake that?"

Betsy opened her mouth to say something... but the rhinoceros ultimately bowed her head. "No. I suppose you're not."

"Thanks for proving to me that you're actually more than just a meathead."

"But still..." Betsy glanced up, squinting one eye. "...seems like Chief Agent Horizons could use some convincing on your behalf."

"Yeah..." Bon Bon brushed her bangs aside with a sigh. "It seems her attitude towards me hasn't changed since we last talked. If nothing else..." She leaned back against a humming piece of equipment. "...she seems more intent to omit me from the League altogether."

"I'd find it sentimental if it weren't so stupid," Betsy grunted. "But, the way I figure it, we can punch a hole through the wool she's thrown over our eyes."

"Huh?" Bon Bon looked up. "What does that mean?"

"As far as we know, you haven't been summoned through your sound stone."

"Right..."

"So... imagine the look on that crazy unicorn's face if you showed up to the first meeting uninvited?"

Bon Bon blinked. "Wouldn't that be a tad bit dangerous, not knowing Horizons' new connections?"

"If I recall correctly, you used to like danger," Betsy said with a smirk.

"Actually, I enjoyed surviving dangers." Bon Bon sighed. "But... I suppose I have gotten a bit... docile."

"Hrmmmf... I'll say!" Betsy looked around with a fat chuckle. "And lazy too! Look at this dump, girl! I mean..." She grabbed a completely random item: a framed picture of a stupidly grinning unicorn. "...you haven't even cleaned up all the junk the previous hole-dwellers left here!" And the rhino carelessly tossed the fragile frame behind her.

"No—!" Bon Bon grimaced, already throwing herself forward at full speed. With incredible finesse, the Ponyville confectioner vaulted over the nearest table, swung on Betsy's horn, propelled herself across the room, and forward-flipped in a peach blur. She snatched the picture frame in tender hooves just seconds before it could shatter on the ground. Grunting, the earth pony landed in a nimble slide. It took a few breathless seconds for the dust to settle, and then the mare sighed—clutching the photo tightly to her chest.

"Well, shiet..." Betsy merely smirked. "Looks like you've still got some spring in your step, kid!"

"Will you knock it off?!" Bon Bon twirled to face her, snarling.

Betsy leaned back, eyes wide.

At last, Bon Bon calmed down. Shuddering, she trotted over and placed the picture frame neatly atop the table where the rhino had previously snatched it from. A dumb smile crossed her muzzle as she brushed a few flakes of dirt off the frame's edges. "Next time, Betsy... ask before you randomly decide to desecrate things that are precious to me."

"You call a lime-colored idiot with jaundice-for-eyes 'precious?'"

"Her name is Lyra," Bon Bon growled. Just as swiftly, she pouted. "And I happen to like the color of her eyes."

"Uh ohhhhhhh..." Betsy stood up with a grunt, smiling. "Somepony's got the hots for plots!"

"Shuddup!" Bon Bon's cheeks went red. "It's... n-not like that!" She cleared her throat—producing one too many squeaks in the process. "She's... just my best friend, that's all."

"Uh huh." Betsy shuffled over. "And I'm actually not a rhinoceros; just a fat unicorn who lost all her fur."

"Betsy..."

"Honestly, girl!" Betsy pointed at the picture frame. "She's the real reason you chose this smidgen of hickdom on the Map of Equestria to make a life for yourself, huh?"

"It... seemed to be an unassuming enough place to hide out from the Bug Bear." Bon Bon gulped. "At least at first..."

"And after it became a hot spot for Lord Tirek and chaotic bullshit?" Betsy shrugged. "Why didn't you pull out then?"

Bon Bon bit her lip.

"I see." Betsy smirked. "So... what's her mane smell like?"

"I'm telling you... it's not like that!" Bon Bon rasped. "I... f-found her not long after I was discharged on the day of my father's death." She gulped. "Lyra... was a victim of Queen Chrysalis' mind control. She was... hurt... emotionally leeched... and very, very distraught over all the crud she endured that day. I gave her a shoulder to lean on, and almost instantly she started feeling better." Bon Bon sighed, gazing quietly beyond the picture frame. "That feeling of usefulness... of unconditional trust... I-I guess it was just the thing I needed to keep going." She took a deep breath, standing tall. "I made a full commitment to protect her with all of my might ever since."

"Yeah? How's that worked out for you?"

"We... uh..." Bon Bon smiled bashfully. "We're roommates now."

"That bad, huh?"

"Betsy... we're sane mares living sane lives. I give her space and she does the same for me in turn. Why... ever since the tragic events in Canterlot, she's been attending regular therapy sessions with her friends—who were also victims of Chrysalis."

"I don't suppose I could meet this girl?"

Bon Bon simply glared at her.

"Yeah, I get it." Betsy smirked. "If I had a rhino co-worker, I wouldn't want my other friends to meet her either."

"It's not that, Betsy. I've made a whole-hearted attempt at being exclusively Bon Bon around Lyra." She cleared her throat. "Sweetie Drops is another story altogether."

"So, she doesn't know a thing about S.M.I.L.E., right?"

Bon Bon's ears instantly drooped. She paled... sweating through every pore. "Uhhhhh—"

The squinty-eyed rhino failed to see it. "Good! Cuz your old stallion would have your neck for being so careless!"

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh..." Bon Bon wheezed through a smile. "...tell me about it."

"Smart girl."

"Anyways... even if I wanted to introduce you to her, I couldn't at the moment," Bon Bon said.

"Oh?"

"You know those therapy sessions that I mentioned earlier?" Bon Bon looked up with a smirk. "Lyra's spending the day in Canterlot with her old friends right now as we speak... dishing out her heartfelt feelings to their loyal psychiatrist. See? The mare knows how to take care of herself." Bon Bon beamed. "And I couldn't be any prouder..."

Psych!

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

A wood-framed metronome ticked away atop an antique desk. A plaque rested just a few inches away, reading: "Hans Shrinkenfurter, M.D." Windows stretched across the end of a well-furnished office, displaying brilliant blue spires looming against a backdrop of granite mountains and white-capped peaks.

"Ahem... so... Miss Twinkleshine..." An old, graying stallion in a suit smiled through his mustache and adjusted a pair of thick-lensed bifocals. "...let us continue from where we were last month, hmmm? How easy has it been... to find your happy place?"

Across from him, Twinkleshine sat on a cushion in the middle of a long sofa. She chewed on her bottom lip, fidgeting. "Well... I..." The mare sniffled. "I-I'm not sure if I've got a good answer for you this month, Doctor. I mean... it's not so much a 'happy place...'" Twinkleshine glanced nervously aside. "...as it is a place that makes me feel... content?"

Lemon Hearts sat at the far end of the room. She smiled supportively. "It's okay, Twinkies. Just be honest with the doc." A wink. "That's the key, remember?"

Twinkleshine gulped. "Okay... well..." She turned to smile at the psychiatrist. "I-I've been absorbing myself in my work. Basically... uh... I-I got a second job at a local clothing store. It's... y'know... basic retail. Only one or two nights a week... in the evening. It's n-not like I need the job; my work at the office sustains me and pays the bills. But... it's really nice just... filling my time up with 'busy stuff', y'know? Plus... hehe... I get to talk to lots of ponies and work with pretty dresses and... and it feels very satisfying to be so... useful." She gulped. "And an actual contributor to society."

"Mmmm... I wouldn't say you've ever failed in contributing to Canterlot society, Miss Twinkleshine," the therapist said. "This is part of the 'illusion of guilt' that we talked about last time, hmmm? Learn to let go of your self-imposed feeling of uselessness... or else you will always be a victim to that detestable Chrysalis."

"Well, Doc." Lemon Hearts cleared her throat. "By proactively taking on a second job so that she could mingle with her fellow ponies, Twinkleshine here is showing that those sensations of 'helplessness' have no power over her, yes?"

"Ah." The doctor bore a mustached smile, gesturing. "But we must make sure that we are not simply ignoring an undercurrent of anxiety. That is why we're still here after so many sessions, hmm?"

Lemon Hearts opened her muzzle to say something—

"Yeah, Lemon," Twinkleshine murmured. "It's good to play it safe, right? I agree with Hans. Best to keep on the look-out. After all, he's the Doc."

Lemon Hearts coughed, repositioning herself in her seat. "Yeah... of course..."

"Sculpting your happy place can take many methods," the therapist said. "And I'm proud of you for manifesting it on the outside as well as on the inside. But you must make sure that you are in perfect balance. I can teach you how to do this, hmmm?"

"Really?" Twinkleshine murmured, eyes sparkling.

"Indeed. But... one step at a time. Perhaps at our next session, yes?" Clearing his throat, the doctor pivoted in his seat. "And you, Miss Minuette, how have you been fairing in finding a happy pl—"

"Oh, DOC!, you will not believe the progress that I've been making!" Minuette chirped wildly, causing Twinkleshine to squirm on the sofa beside her. "Heeheeheehee!" Minuette exhaled, gasped, and exhaled again: "Every day is like hunting down a new happy place! Y'know! Like a diamond dog might... mmmmmmm... rush up and pounce on an unsuspecting bunny rabbit! Heeheehee! Grrrr! Heehee!"

Twinkleshine squeaked demurely.

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts gestured from afar. "...now settle down, Minuette. Twinkies is very sensitive at these sessions—"

"Please, Miss Hearts." The Doctor cut her off. "Where else is Miss Minuette going to open up in such a positive way?" He turned to smile at her again. "Your enthusiasm is most charming, Miss Minuette. But—as we spoke last time—the key is to find a common theme that you can attach positive energy to. That way, when or if you experience another one of your unfortunate panic attacks, you can easily recall the singular sphere of thought that displaces all of the negativity. Now, before coming here, Miss Hearts implied that you had found such a theme, hmmm?"

"You bet I totally-doodley-did, Doc! Heeheehee! Check it!" She rushed forward—making Twinkleshine flinch again. Bouncing back, she slapped a paper box on the table. "Doughnuts!"

"I... see..." The therapist nodded.

"And lots of 'em!" Grinning from ear to ear, Minuette flung the container open and exposed several pastry treats. "And look! Duaaaaaah! My favorite! Heeheehee! Chocolate with cinnamon sprinkles!" PLONK! She shoved one such doughnut into her muzzle and nibbled liberally. "Mmmmm... such sweet sugar! Like my soul-self! You remember us talking about our soul-selves, right?"

"Well, true. Although, Miss Minuette, the term 'soul' is simply a device used to simplify the nature of meditating on—"

"Well, I discovered that when I pump my soul up full of sugar, it gets super extra bouncy..." She chomped on another doughnut, gulping the tender morsels down her adoracute gullet. "Mmmmmmmm... so I get all trembly and goosebumpy inside... so that way all of the negative energy shakes off! And I no longer have to remember that I was ever once maliciously and non-consensually mindslaved by a giant mutated bug queen! Eeeeeh hee hee hee hee..." She grinned wide as crumbs lingered on her twitching lips. "That's a good thing, right?! Heehee! Progress! Right?!"

"I must say, you do seem... quite happy, Miss Minuette," the stallion said, nodding. "Although, I would rather that you hadn't externalized the source of your positivity quite so... blatantly."

"Well, it's more than that, Doc," Lemon Hearts said, leaning forward in her seat. "Tell him, Minuette." She smiled at her friend across the way as she spoke in a calm tone. "Tell her about our doughnut luncheons with Princess Twilight and how they make us smile and—"

"Ah. The Princess of Friendship!" The doctor nodded. "An expert on the social sphere, for sure. But we—my dear fillies—are dealing with the mental sphere... for which I am well-trained in consulting! And I can tell that despite the diminishing of panic attacks in our beloved patients here, we still have a lot to work on before we can properly balance the positive and negative energies within our beings!"

"You really think so, Doc?" Twinkleshine murmured.

"Weeeeee!" Minuette hopped up and down in her seat. "Balancing mini-games!"

"Mrmmmmff..." Lemon Hearts rubbed her forehead. After a deep breath, she murmured: "You believe another session is in order, Doc?"

"Well... yes. It would be most wise, I think. Miss Twinkleshine and Miss Minuette have come a long way, but they do seem to vascillate quite wildly between extreme joy and melancholy every other month. I'd much rather avoid another dip into a depressive episode for the both of them, wouldn't you agree?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Which is why I've been thinking of prescribing a new form of treatment... something... a bit more daring and out of the ordinary." He smiled. "Something that would involve a change in scenery... so that they may be encouraged to look within."

"Like..." Lemon Hearts squinted. "...you mean like a retreat?"

"Think of it as a vacation," the doctor said. "Mmmmm... it would be a bit more... expensive... eheh... than our usual sessions, but we do wish for your friends to get better, yes?"

"Right... ... ..."

"And I have many suggestions in mind as to when and where. Only with their mutual agreement, of course." He smiled again. "But, before I even pretend to recommend such a course of action, I would like to see how Miss Heartstrings is finding her happy place." He looked towards the end of the sofa. "Well? Miss Heartstrings? How fairs you?"

Silence... save for the persistent ticks of the metronome.

Twinkleshine squirmed while Minuette grinned and shook in place.

The stallion cocked his head to the side. "Miss Heartstrings? It's okay. No need to be shy. We're all on the same team here."

Lemon Hearts paused in biting her lip to say: "Uhhhh... Doc? She's uh... she's not here yet."

"Huh?" The elder therapist adjusted his thick bifocals. "What was that?"

"Lyra... hasn't shown up yet. She's late... again..." Lemon Hearts gritted her teeth until they produced sparks. ...for some damned reason..."

"Oh, that's okaaaaaay!" Minuette waved a hoof. "Heehee! You know how she is! Super-duper scared of insect noises! Like crickets! They're all chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! And she's all 'Eeeeeeeeek!' And they're all Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!"

Minuette's "chirps" began matching the ticks of the metronome.

Twinkleshine's breaths grew more and more shallow. She rubbed her forelimbs together, shivering. "I... d-don't like that s-sound either..."

"Minuette... uhm... darling?" Lemon Hearts winced as she leaned forward in her chair. "Could... not make that noise? I-I don't think Twinkleshine is—"

"Why's Lyra late?" Twinkleshine shivered more and more. "Has... h-has she given up the sessions?" She gulped. "H-has she given up on us?"

"No!" Lemon Hearts shook her head. "Not at all! I-I'm sure she j-just got held up on the train from Ponyville... heh heh heh!"

"Heeheehee! Yeah!" Minuette giggled... then giggled louder. "Heehee! Good ol' Lyra! Heehee! Too scared to live in Canterlot with her craaaaazy friends! Heehee! Silly filly! Am I right?!" Minuette simpered and smiled and simpered and smiled and—"Why should she be scared?! It's not like sh-she's the only one the cr-crickets are after!"

"That dinging sound..." Twinkleshine whimpered. "...that the cash register makes at my s-second job... it sounds j-just like them! And... and..." She hyperventilated, pulling at her mane. "Oh Celestia! That mare who bought the golden cocktail dress last n-night! I t-totally shorted her nine bits in change by accident!" Her pupils shrank as she fell into a cold sweat. "Or maybe... m-maybe it's b-because I thought Chrysalis was t-talking to me through the crickets and I briefly became sociopathically blind to individualistic monetary demands!" She squeaked, covering her muzzle as her eyes teared up. "...I'm a capitalist monster!"

"No you're not! You're sweet! Sugary sweet!" Minuette hopped up and down on the sofa. She smiled and panted through rivers of sweat. "Just like... chocolate-covered ants... with black legs wriggling around... in cinnamon-sprinkled pupae... laced w-with slime a-a-and silk webbing!"

"Oh Celestiaaaaaaaaaaa..." Twinkleshine sobbed. "...and I forgot to send mail in those credit slips to the sales audit departmenttttttttt!"

The doctor sighed. He reached over to his desk, grabbed a notepad, and scribbled on it. "Perhaps I'll see if the spot at Appleloosa is available..."

"Uhhhhhhh..." Gulping, Lemon Hearts stood up straight and smiled at the stallion. "I'll be right back, Doc..." That said, she scampered right out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Okay... just... think happy thoughts," Twinkleshine said, rocking back and forth while hugging herself. "...Dr. Pony... petticoats... Jockey Chan fight scenes..."

"Don't go through all the trouble, Twink-Twink!" Minuette grabbed another pastry. "Dunk the doughnuts!" And she crammed one into her mouth. "Mrmmmffff... aref anyf off myf teethf showingf?"

"N-no!"

"That means it's working!" And Minuette's eyes crossed. "Heeheeheeheeeeeeeee!"

Breathless, Lemon Hearts galloped across the spacious lobby until she practically threw herself into the face of the gum-chewing receptionist seated outside.

"Where is that insufferable mint-colored wench?!?" Lemon Hearts rasped, eyes red.

The receptionist leaned back. "... ... ...ulp!" She swallowed and lifted a sign-in sheet from her desk. "Last... name...?"

"'Heartstrings'... 'Lyra. Heartstrings.'" Lemon Hearts huffed and puffed. "Yes. Forgettable. I know."

"Uhhhhhhhh..." The receptionist squinted down the line of names.

"She promised she would be here... she promised!" Lemon Hearts paced and paced, scowling. "Grnnnffnngh... it's not enough that I gotta carry those poor mares on my flank, month after month, through Tartarus and high water... but does Lyra give them any support? Noooooooo... session after session, she's gotta show up late and just... sink everything like a brass torpedo through a toilet paper boat!" The mare's eartips burned. "So what if she doesn't give a crap about herself?! We're her friends! Minuette and Twinkleshine can't travel the road to recovery without her! Grnnngh... should have known it was all doomed to disaster the very day she moved her lime-butt to Ponyville!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." At last, the receptionist pointed at a single name on the list. "There it is! Lyra Heartstrings. It showed that she checked in."

"She... she did?!" Lemon Hearts' body drooped like a deflating balloon. "Whewwwwww..." She sighed through a relieved smile. "Oh, praise Celestia. How could I have been so angry?" A gulp. "She's probably off in the little filly's room, powdering her muzzle—"

"And then she checked out."

"... ... ...what?" Lemon Hearts blinked.

The receptionist lifted the book. "It shows here that she check in... and then she checked right back out."

"... ... ...what?" Lemon Hearts icily crept over to the desk. She squinted at the book. "When... was this?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." The receptionist squinted. "...about two hours ago."

"Two hours ago?!?" Snarling, Lemon Hearts spun about. Her eyes flickered red again. "Where... in the Hell... is she?!"

The... Hero of Our Story?

Melodious notes wafted outward from gently-glowing strings.

She smiled, her fuzzy green muzzle illuminated by errant rays of golden sunlight. As she hit a particularly moving set of chords, the mare lifted her head back. Her silver-streaked mane glinted as it was tossed—ultimately settling like alabaster silk across her shoulders. An angelic sigh... and at last the instrumental brought itself to a tranquil conclusion.

Opening her amber eyes, Lyra Heartstrings smiled. She hugged the golden lyre to the scruff of her belly and leaned forward into the mic.

"And that is just a sampling of my lifelong epic symphony: 'Ballad of the Princess.' More specifically, Act One Suite Three of an ongoing work-in-progress." She giggled inwardly, then sighed. "It's not easy making a name for myself as a genius musician in Equestria. Nevertheless, if my melodies find their way into your heart, then there is still hope for me. I may not yet be able to prove that I exist, but at least my love for each and every one of you exists in my music." Lyra brushed her mane back, eyelids fluttering as her lime cheeks turned rosy. "Thank you for listening to my melody—my symphony—for it is me."

Screams. Shouting. Tantrums and stomping hooves.

A luxury apartment room full of shrieking, scampering, and floundering foals rattled before her in a cacophonous display of preschool chaos. Toys, napkins, and party-favors flew every which way. Bleary-eyed parents stood like delapidated rooks in the corner, trying to keep their frazzled sanity as more and more furniture was knocked over. Meanwhile, a giant pastel-pink banner hung from the ceiling that read: "Happy Fourth Birthday Dainty Dollop!"

Lyra Heartstrings blinked. "Uhhhh..." Her voice crackled through the meager speakers beneath a miniature stage but was immediately drowned out by the ear-splitting delinquency wreaking havoc on everypony's ears. "...you... erm... d-don't have to thank me twice, everypony!" She bore a twitching smile... only to have a half-eaten cupcake ricochet off her horn from across the room. Thunk! "Guh!" Lyra winced... and rubbed the icing off her forehead while blinking aside.

A tiny colt with missing front teeth pointed at her, laughing. Another foal spun in circles, wearing a lampshade. A filly sobbed over the tattered remnants of a pinata.

"Wow, lady," a gruffy voice rasped.

Lyra looked towards the other side of the room.

A stallion wearing floppy shoes, facepaint, and a rainbow afro glared at her. "I never thought I'd meet another pony who'd make me feel better about myself..." That belched, the clown strapped his red nose back on and lurched into the juvenile crowd with a spontaneous, goofy grin. "Heh HEH heh HEHHHHH! WhO wAnTs A bIrThDaY bAlLoOn?!?!"

Foals scampered across the room—shrieking—as the clown spun noise makers and pratfalled at random.

"Erm..." Lyra gulped and smiled nervously into the mic. "So... who wants to hear Act Two Suite One?"

"Wooooo!" A rich Canterlotlian mare wearing a cocktail dress and a pearl necklace trotted in from the side, approaching the stage. "Wasn't that amazing, little ones?" Mrs. Dollop stood in place, clapping her hooves with a cheesy grin. "Let's give a hoof to Miss Hooterstreams and her amaaaaazing harp music!"

"Uhm... it's 'Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings,'" the musician corrected. She leaned forward, whispering beneath the bedlam. "And technically it's a lyre, not a harp—Yipe!" She winced, suddenly being yanked forward by a savage grip of telekinesis.

"You." Mrs. Dollop hissed. Her glowing horn reflected off a pair of angry, bloodshot eyes. "What in Tartarus' name do you think you're doing?!"

Lyra wheezed, simpering sweatily as she teetered in the mare's grasp. "F-Filling ponies' hearts with soulful mirth the likes of which only m-music can provide?!" Her smiling teeth glinted. "Squee?"

"You wrote in your application that you could 'improvise music for any kind of social gathering—including but not limited to graduations, weddings, and birthdays!'" The mare shot daggers through her eyes and muzzle. "Now... explain to me precisely why my precious little Dainty isn't getting the kind of musical expertise that your portfolio advertised!"

Lyra gulped, smiling crookedly. "Well... I-I'm here, aren't I?"

"Miss Hooterstreams—"

"I-I-I just thought... y'know..." Lyra waved her forelimbs, jittering. "...it wouldn't hurt to let the little ones have a taste of a true cultural masterpiece in the works! I mean... this is musical history in the making! Someday, 'Ballad of the Princess' is going to be a priceless piece of Equestrian folklore!" A chair flew over their heads, followed by the sound of shattering glass and foalish giggles. "... ... ...give or take a decade. Eheh..."

"I swear..." Mrs. Dollop fumed and fumed. "If you don't get your mint sherbert flank in gear and play my little princess some fitting music, then I'll make absolutely damned sure that your insufferable name gets smeared all across Equestria. You will never be paid to perform anything in upper Canterlot again!

Lyra ducked her head as a clown's rainbow wig flew by. "Uhhhhhh... I-I guess I could take requests!"

At last, Mrs. Dollop released her magical grip of the mare. "That... would be a start." She smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and straightened her pearl necklace. "And no more self-gratuitous samplings of your lousy, so-called epic... or I swear on my husband's bustling estate that you won't trot out of this apartment building alive, you self-entitled green tart!" Then—sharp as a razor—she slapped on a Sunday Morning grin and spun to face the children. "Okay, kids! Who wants to hear more happy... happy music, huh?!"

Screams. Shouting. Tantrums and stomping hooves.

As the copy-pasted cacophony continued, Lyra cleared her throat and aimed a grin at the center of the room. "How about it, birthday girl? Any bouncy song you want me to play?"

A chubby little creature with a crooked tiara and pink boa pinked her nose, staring off into space. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Request anything!" Lyra beamed. "Anything at all!" She strummed all of her lyre strings in a row, winking. "Perhaps 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?' Or maybe 'The Laughing Griffon and His Dog?'"

"Oooh! Oooh!" A colt sitting on the shoulders of another colt waved his hoof wildly. "Play 'Itsy Bitsy Spider!'"

"Yeah!" An entire herd of sugar-bouncy foals echoed. "Play 'Itsy Bitsy Spider!'"

Instantly...

Lyra's blood ran cold...

Her pupils shrank to amber pinpricks...

She gulped a dry lump down her throat as the shadows of the room played tricks on her. She blinked away the sensations of writhing grasshopper legs and twitching cockroach antennae. Meanwhile, a curtain of sweat blanketed her coat.

"Uhm... eheheh... anything but that."

The squeals and high-pitched shrieks inside the room doubled... tripled...

"H-how about something by Canter Perry! Kids love her these days, right?" Lyra's voice cracked as she glanced to her left. "'Baby, You're a Firewhinny?'"

Mrs. Dollop stood off to the side, glaring. She patted a pinata bat in her fetlocks.

"Errrr—" Lyra smiled back into the preschool crowd. "'Itsy Bitsy Spider' it is! Hold onto your thoraxes!"

"Spiders don't have thoraxes, you stupid-head!" A colt off to the side stuck his tongue out.

"Drop back a grade, kid." Lyra then took a deep breath, shuffling up to the mic. "Okay... you can do this... it's just a song... j-just a song..." Gulping hard, she forced a shivering smile and began plucking away at the strings of her lyre. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh—the Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout! Dowwwwwwn came the rain aaaaaand—"

Lyra galloped across the tile floor... slid on her knees... and flung her head neck-deep into the porcelain basin.

"BLEAAAAACKHKKKKKKKKKKTTTTT!"

Thirty seconds and several pints of bile later...

"Mmrfffnngh... urp... goddess... friggin'... taco salad..."

Lyra lifted her face—twice as green. She draped her body against the porcelain, rubbing her slimy muzzle dry. The mare panted... sweated... panted... sweated...

Only after a minute had limped by did she become aware of an impatiently tapping hoof in her peripheral.

Lyra glanced over, her thin eyes fluttering. "Oh... urp... Mrs. Dollop. Hello again."

"Hello, yourself." The homemaker's nostrils flared from where she stood in the doorway. "Are you quite finished evacuating your breakfast? Or should I have called the paramedics ten minutes ago?"

"What? Oh... I-I'm not sick. Just... something in the air th-that didn't agree with me! Yeah! Heheh..." Lyra swallowed a wave of nausea down her gullet. "Good thing somepony left the toilet seat up, huh? Heheheh..."

"Actually, Miss Hooterstreams, that's the kitchen sink," Mrs. Dollop grunted. "My kitchen sink."

"...?" Lyra glanced around, observing the luxurious apartment kitchen around her. "...really? Pretty friggin' low to the ground, don't you think? That's gotta hurt your back doing dishes."

With a huff, Mrs. Dollop pointed viciously across the apartment. "Miss Hooterstreams, you need to leave."

"Whoah whoah whoah... hold the sound stone!" Lyra stood up on wobbly legs. "I-I haven't finished playing songs for your daughter!"

"You haven't even begun," Mrs. Dollop snorted. "This unprofessional pedantic display of harp-butchery is not what I wanted for my daughter's fourth birthday!" She sighed, glancing aside. "Though, I suppose I should blame my husband for stooping to take applications from a place like Ponyville. Ugh... such an inane cheapskate... I swear, if it weren't for the size of his fetlocks..."

"Please! I-I need this gig!" Lyra's voice cracked. "You... y-you have no idea how hard I've prepared for this day! There's no opportunities in Ponyville and I-I can't normally afford a train trip to Canterlot unless it's on the same day as my friends'... uh..." She rubbed the back of her head, smiling nervously. "...my friends' regularly-scheduled pow-wow! Eheh..."

"Not my problem." Mrs. Dollop's brow furrowed. "Miss Hooterstreams, if you want my sage advice—not that you've even remotely earned it—I suggest that you find a new occupation... an actual occupation aside from sub-par musical conartistry. Something more behooving a mare of your... rustic, country talents." Her teeth gnashed. "Like stamp-licking."

"Hmmmf... y-yeah, well..." Lyra folded her forelimbs. "...if you were good at licking things, then I bet you'd never have to squirt out that little snot-nosed antelope in a tiara just to keep your husband's precious estate in the first place, huh?"

Mrs. Dollop's eyes widened... twitching.

Lyra blinked. "... ... ... ... ... ...I'm not being paid, am I?"

SLAM!

Lyra winced, standing outside the apartment's front stoop with her lyre and saddlebags.

A shuddering sigh escaped her lips. Turning around, the mare trotted down the cobblestone path, crossing paths with haughty citizens shuffling between super-rich department stores.

"Hrmmmf..." Her ears folded as she frowned forward into the afternoon light. "I hope one of his fetlocks gets stuck..."

Buckstory

Lyra Heartstrings strolled along at a sluggish pace, her head bowed towards the cobblestone streets of Canterlot. The creaking of wagon wheels and the rattling of royal guard armor formed a hushed chorus that echoed off the magnificent silver-and-blue spires of the lofty capital. It was a sound that she had known most of her young life... but now—for some reason—it was grating for her.

The mare winced, longing for the quiet of Ponyville—like a virtual sound booth in the navel of Equestria where she was fortunate enough to live in. Everyday, she came up with thoughts and ideas, and they escaped her mind in song.

Here—back up in Canterlot—the continuous groan of the mountain scared the melody back in, until everything between her ears compressed into a big ball of certainly green mush.

"Hrmmmmfff... I... do k-kinda miss the thin air, though." She paused to contemplate that. On a whim, she opened her jaw as wide as she could. Pop! Her ear canals gargled as if she was under water. The mare sighed, waiting for the sensation to pass. "Grade A idiot. The 'A' is for extra assetry."

Just then, a loud bell rang out. The citizens of Canterlot kept trotting back and forth, unaffected. Lyra—however—scuffled to a stop and looked straight up. Her amber eyes reflected a clock tower looming halfway uphill between where she stood and the enormous Palace of the Royal Sisters uphill. The short hand was on the "one" and the long hand on the "twelve."

"Hrmmmm..." Lyra's ears drooped as she contemplated the tragic time she had lost along with the money for the birthday gig. "...Lemon Hearts and the other gals should be leaving the office at two... and they were planning on swinging by the shopping district around three." Her eyes darted around. "If I keep to the west and east sides of town for each hour slot respectfully... then I should be able to avoid them even as late as four o'clock when my train to Ponyville leaves the station." She cleared her throat, squinting off in thought. "Aaaaaaaaaaaand... next time I see them, I could just... uh... say that I forgot where the doctor's office was!"

She grinned into the afternoon sky... then rolled her eyes.

"Nah. They'll see right through that." Her hooves squirmed. "I could... just say that I got mugged!"

Silence.

"Yeah. Definitely mugged. That's slightly sexier than early onset dementia. Worse comes to worst..." Lyra continued trotting forward. "...I'll smack myself in the skull a few times and earn the scars to back it up. Hrmmmff... can't be any worse than theirs."

She passed by armored equines on patrol. For a brief moment, Lyra thought she spotted a flicker of blue on orange.

The mare's heart skipped a beat. She spun to the side, eyes wide.

The guards continued to march past her in double-file. She didn't recognize a single one.

Another dull sigh. "The sooner I'm off this rock-cap, the better." Her brow furrowed. "But how do I kill time for three hours?"

She came to a stop at an intersection. Pivoting about, the mare gazed east... west... and then smelled the scent of tulips in the air. Instantly, her insides tightened up. Against her better judgment, she gazed up a sloping hill that curved towards the west end of town.

"Hrmmmmff... don't do it," she muttered aloud. "It's not worth it. Nostalgia kills. For real. It's worse than cancer. Griffon cancer."

Silence.

Lyra growled, her tail flicking in angry little swipes. "Friggin'... mottled beaks... coming up featherless..."

The floral scent persisted... penetrating.

"Unnnngh..." Enslaved to the memories carried aloft by the fragrance, Lyra eventually relented... shuffling west in a crooked lurch.

"Buck me... why can't I not go to therapy sessions in Mareami one of these days?"

Houses... duplexes... cottages...

Mailboxes... lampposts... fire hydrants...

Lyra recognized each and every one by heart—down to the shape, color, and texture. But it was more than memory leading her to her destination. She followed the scent of flowers, growing more and more intoxicating.

At last... turning the last bend and ending at a cul-de-sac hugged by four two-story apartments...

...she came to a quiet stop before a patch of green earth. Her eyes reflected a lush little garden of pastel bright flowers—nestled oddly between the bodies of two looming residences. The patch of garden was the only of its kind in the neighborhood, and it covered an area roughly identical in size to the apartment foundations surrounding it.

Hedges flanked by tulips surrounded a tiny wooden bench—partially dilapidated through time and neglect.

"Hrmmmf..." Lyra sighed. "...are they ever going to replace you?"

But Lyra did not come there to talk to exterior furniture. Trotting softly onto the exposed grass, she took her saddlebag, laid it beside the tulips, and pulled out her golden instrument. Levitating the lyre beside her, the unicorn smiled warmly.

"Well, Mom and Dad... here I am... and the place looks prettier than ever." She started plucking the strings one by one. "It's almost as though it never b—"

"Hey!" A wavering voice echoed from several feet over. "Knock it off! Scram! Shoo!"

Lyra fumbled through a discordant string or two. She pivoted about, gawking. "Huh?" The handle of a garden shovel bounced off her head. Bonk! "Owww!"

A sweaty old mare with a red coat squatted on a gardening wagon two hedges over. Dirt flecked her fetlocks as she continued pulling weeds and slapping fresh tulips into the sliver of soft earth. "There! Now maybe your skull will have a conversation with your ears that will carry you far away! Mmmmmm! Hooligan! Begone!"

"Celestia on a bike!" Lyra stammered. "Can't a girl reminisce at the place where she gr—?!"

"Uh uh! Take your somber, sauntering serenades of expostionary malarkey somewhere else!" The old mare's nostrils flared. "We've got a neighborhood watch here, y'know!"

"You don't say!" Lyra huffed, shoving her lyre back into her saddlebags and shuffling off. "Gotta have a good eye for that sort of a thing, lady. Speaking of which, you ever look in the mirror lately? Lord Tirek called; he wants his scrotum back."

"Gaaaah!" The old mare picked up an even bigger shovel. "Begone harder!" She swung the instrument threateningly. "Before I fetch the guard and have them send you back to Mexicolt in a glove box!" At last, half-a-minute following Lyra's flustered departure, the old mare sighed and stared down at her gardening with dull eyes. "Dear goddess, I miss demolition derbies..."

Lyra shuffled off the beaten path.

She found a fountain covered with pigeons that flapped away upon her arrival. Squirrels barked from the nearby trees. In the distance, foals chased each other over the grassy knolls—giggling—as their mothers and fathers looked on from islands of spread picnic blankets.

Lyra sat daintily on the fountain's edge. Pulling out her lyre, she finally calmed herself with a deep breath... then began plucking away at the strings of her instrument.

"Well, Mom... Dad... the park is just the way we left it. I even remember the songs we used to—"

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," grunted a deep voice.

Lyra blinked. The strings of her lyre stopped vibrating as she looked up. "Uhhhhhhhh... excuse me?"

A police officer in a dark-blue uniform and matching hat pointed at a nearby sign. "There are rules to be enforced around here."

Lyra craned her neck. At last, she saw the police officer's night-stick pointed at a white square sign featuring a golden harp with a big red "X" slapped across it.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" Lyra gawked, jaw dropping. "That is too sinfully specific to be real!"

"Ma'am, are you familiar with the holocaustal Harp Riots of the Late Seventy-Second Century?"

"Uh... no?"

"And we'd like to keep it that way." The officer trotted forward, practically shoving her off the fountain. "Now please go. You're disturbing the peace."

"Disturbing the peace?!" Lyra huffed, gazing at the furthest ends of the park. "Why, these ponies couldn't possibly give a flying buck about—" She clammed up as she saw angry faces scowling at her from multiple picnic spreads. "Okay. What's in the water today? Seriously? Did the jerk main burst beneath a construction site or what?"

"Please, Ma'am. Move along. I'm sure you can find another place for poetic musical introspection."

"Yeah, and I'm sure you can find another place for that nightstick."

"What was that—?"

A mint-green cloud replaced Lyra, and soon she was sprinting out of earshot.

Lyra fought the urge to puke from the sick fumes of rancid garbage.

Nevertheless...

Bordering upon the northernmost fringe of Canterlot... ...

She stood between two enormously tall stacks of cubicly crushed garbage. She glanced to her left.

All was still, save for the occasionally flutter of loose newspapers.

Swallowing, she glanced to her right.

Stallions with five o'clock shadows emptied wagons of filth into the landfill before rolling back into the more pristine side of town.

Lyra breathed with relief. Smiling, she unsheathed her lyre and began plucking the strings with meditative grace. "Okay, Mom... Dad..." She hummed in between the melodious chords. "...at last, here I am, surrounded by mountains of garbage and—"

Skriiii! A flock of seagulls descended on her, pecking at the mare's horn and mane.

"Aacck! Yaaaaaugh! Goddess damn it! Why?!?" Lyra fought and wriggled and swung her lyre at the offending fowl. "Rrrrrrngh!" At last, she stomped her hoof. "That's it!" She shoved her instrument back into her saddlebags and marched out of the site. "I'm going to the damn train station now!"

When You Wish Upon a Station

"Fuuuu... fuuu... fuuu..." Twinkleshine sat on a couch, breathing in and out of a paper bag. At last, the sweat dried from her brow... and she leaned back on the furniture with a prolonged sigh.

Lemon Hearts shuffled up, levitating a glass of lemonade. "Feeling better?"

Twinkleshine quietly nodded. "You know..." She took the glass from Lemon Hearts and sipped. "...I've been thinking. It's not my traumatized mind's fault that I'm getting so stressed over my second job." She blinked. "Retail just sucks."

"See?" Lemon Hearts smiled. "You're learning something new! And who said these regular therapy sessions weren't helpful?"

Twinkleshine took another sip of the glass and smiled delicately. "Thank you, Lemon Hearts. Seriously... for everything." She glanced up. "It's far more labor than we deserve to put you through."

Lemon Hearts shook a hoof. "Think nothing of it. You're my best... best buds." She leaned in to nuzzle the mare. "Seriously. I wish I had sisters as awesome as you."

"Heehee..." Twinkleshine giggled, sighing tenderly. "Without you and Shrinkenfurter, I just don't know where we'd be."

"Er... yeah..." Lemon Hearts' jaws clenched. "The doctor... sure is helpful, isn't he?"

"Like..." Twinkleshine squirmed. "...I shudder to think what condition I'd be in if it weren't for his sage advice... month after month after month after—"

"We'd probably be like Lyra!" rasped a voice from the other side of the apartment.

Lemon Hearts turned around, gazing at the kitchen table where a blue body was slumped. "How are you holding up, Minuette?"

"Huh? Me? Oh... just fine. Eh heh heh heh..." Minuette laid her fuzzy cheek down in a sea of doughnuts. "Just worried for Lyra, is all. Missing so many sessions..." She shivered. "...the poor girl must be needing a padded cell by now! Hee-hee-hee! Bouncy bouncyyyy!"

"Are..." Lemon Hearts grimaced slightly. "...are you going to eat any of the doughnuts, or...?"

"No thanks..." Minuette gulped, sweeping the pastries up in her arms and cuddling them to her face and neck. "...I'm good." She hummed off-key as her ears and eyes twitched.

Lemon Hearts fumbled for words...

"So... uh... Appleloosa!" Twinkleshine exclaimed. "Sounds like an adventure!"

Lemon Hearts spun around to face her. "Huh?" She coughed. "Oh. Right. Well..." The mare's eyes fell on a signed letter resting on the edge of the kitchen table. "Let's... just... t-take things one step at a time."

"But Hans says that's gonna help us, right?" Twinkleshine cocked her head aside. "A trip to a meditation center so we can more easily find our happy place?"

"Mrmmmmmf..." Minuette waved from a bed of powder and sprinkles. "Happy places are good! This is a fact!"

"I... know that he... uh... thinks that this is the best course to take." Lemon Hearts gulped. "But... happy places are one thing. The bits to make it all work is another..."

"I'll shovel whatever it takes," Minuette slurred. "Just to get the cockroach cricket ghosts out of my head..." She smiled crookedly, sweating. "Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

"And I'm working two jobs!" Twinkleshine exclaimed. "I can more than handle it! Besides..." She smiled. "I'd be with my friends, right?"

"Yeah!" Minuette's head briefly arose. "Girl vacation! Woooooo." Fwomp! Chocolate flakes lifted and fell in a tiny cloud.

Lemon Hearts rubbed her head, sighing.

"Is... everything okay, Lemony?" Twinkleshine asked.

"Mmmmm..." The mare eventually nodded. "Just... gotta get some things together... gotta start planning."

"Lemon Hearts, this is for our therapy," Twinkleshine said.

"Yeah, Lemmy!" Minuette's voice echoed from the kitchen. "If it's a burden to go out to Appleloosa, you needn't go on our behalf."

"That's not the problem. Don't you understand?" Lemon Hearts leaned in close to Twinkleshine. "You girls are my life. I want to see you all receive the best care possible. It's just..." Her nostrils momentarily flared. "I have to deal with a few things first... some square pegs to shove through the round holes."

"Please..." Twinkleshine shuddered, triggered. "Don't mention 'holes'."

"S-sorry!" Lemon Hearts instantly winced. "Just... uh... relax here. You can both crash overnight, if you like."

Minuette lifted her powdered head, squinting at Lemon Hearts as she trotted briskly across the apartment. "Where you going?"

"I... uh... gotta head out of town and meet somepony," Lemon Hearts muttered, her voice scratching like angry gravel. "Nothing to worry about... though I may be back super late. Just... make yourselves at home. Twinkleshine? The bed's made. Minuette? Er... you know where the doughnuts are."

"Heeeeeeeeeee... boy do I." Fwomp!

"And if a panic attack sets in... remember... breathe slowly and count down from one hundred." Lemon Hearts threw on a saddlebag and left through the front door. "There's some advice for free."

The door slammed behind her.

Thud!

"I'm sorry, ma'am," a pony inside a ticket booth shook his head. "But the four o'clock train is the earliest one leaving that heads to Ponyville."

"I know. I know. You've said so a dozen times." Lyra Heartstrings nevertheless pressed herself up to the metal bars between them, smiling cheekily. "But I don't suppose you could... use your conductor powers to make it arrive faster? Squee?"

"Uhhhhh..." The conductor's hairy eyebrows bunched together. "I don't know what comic books you've been reading, ma'am, but we... don't exercise so-called 'conductor powers.' If I did..." He chuckled. "...I'd have better excuses for why I come home late."

Lyra's brow furrowed. "Do I look like I read comic books?"

"Quite frankly, ma'am, I don't know what you read. You've been doing a pretty poor job with my lips so far."

"For realsies! What's the deal with this city?!" The mare grunted. "I think the name 'Canterlot' got a vowel mixed up somewhere."

"If you desire faster trips to Ponyville..." The stallion reached a hoof through the bars and pointed towards the city's east edge. "...there are plenty of aerial stagecoaches loaded at the taxi office—"

"No. No!" Lyra grimaced hard, waving her forelimbs wildly. "No flying!"

The stallion leaned back, his muzzle scrunched. "What's so bad about flying? I mean, besides the ever-looming threat of putting me and all of my friends out of a job." Silence. "Huh..." He gazed absent-mindedly off into space. "I wonder why I never thought of that before..."

"You can have all of the random epiphanies you want," Lyra grunted. "I am not flying. It's trains... trains for life."

"Amen, sister." He raised a hairy eyebrow. "Had a bad experience?"

Lyra looked greener as she brushed a hoof through her mane. "You... know how some old mares' tales speak of towns being rained on by frogs and slime?"

"Sure... I guess?"

"Well, this one time I made a trip across country..." Lyra hung her head. "...and Bostrot got rained on by a partially digested breakfast burrito."

"Oh wow..." The stallion grimaced. "That sounds horrible."

"Not half as horrible as the hash browns that followed." Lyra coughed. "Believe me when I say this: starch kills."

"Well, ma'am, I don't know what to tell ya." The stallion gestured. "But there simply is no train heading straight for Ponyville."

All of a sudden, Lyra brightened. "Wait... what about an indirect route?!"

"Huh?"

"Do any of the trains going to other towns lead to a Ponyville-bound route?"

"Hmmmm..." The stallion shuffled through a series of timesheets and notes. "...come to think of it..."

"Yes?" Lyra leaned forward. "Yes?"

"You could take the two o'clock train to Baltimare..." The stallion tongued the inside of his muzzle. "Which... stops by Whinnysocket. And if you got off there, you could take a locomotive towards Neigh Jersey... stop off at Cow Town... then take another train back west towards the heart of Equestria..."

"Just..." Lyra leaned back, wincing. "...how many stops are we talking about?"

"Oh, about five or six. But..." The stallion smirked. "It could get you to arrive at Ponyville about... ohhhh... twenty to forty minutes before the four o'clock departure from Canterlot."

"Wow, really?!"

"Absolutely!" The stallion smiled. "... ... ...wait." The stallion unsmiled. "Uhhhh... one second." He opened the drawer of his desk and whipped out an abacus. "Mmmmm... so a train leaves Canterlot, traveling east for Baltimare at sixty miles per hour..."

With a groaning sigh, Lyra leaned against the ticket booth. She rubbed her aching forehead, gazing at the station full of meandering ponies and workers. "I should have studied up on Teleportation 101. Life would be a lot easier if I could just zap myself to and from home." She gulped. "So what if the old 'me' dies and a lifeless doppelganger replaces her? At least she'd be richer..."

Eventually, the stallion's muffled words disappeared into the background. The world around Lyra turned into a hollow bubble...

...and a high-pitched rhythm echoed from beyond.

As soon as Lyra heard it, her heartrate increased. She shot up, standing dead still with locked limbs. Shrunken pupils looked every which way... searching...

...for the source of cricket song.

Lyra's breaths grew shallower and shallower. Nervously, she glanced left... then right.

Ponies gathered in bunches, chatting casually along the loading dock of the station.

Workers pushed dolleys with luggage to and fro.

Steam hissed from the wheels of a parked train engine.

Lyra began sweating. Something carved an onyx streak through her peripheral vision. Gasping, the mare glanced to her right.

Layers and layers of an equine crowd marched in and out of the antique station building. Lyra saw bright, pastel-colored coats and fruity, flowing manes... pretty dresses and silk suits...

...but somewhere from the depths... floating through the living mass like a scurrying black beetle...

...she saw a carapace. Grasshopper combs. Fangs and compound eyes. The buzzing increased as the figure came to a stop. Ponies passed by between them, but Lyra was almost certain that a glossy set of eyes was staring back at her... antennae twitching—

"Yes!" the stallion's voice was somehow magnified, shaking Lyra out of her stupor. The cricket song dissolved as he held up a series of computational notes hastily scribbled onto a notepad. "You'd get there exactly forty minutes early! Well... assuming there are no steers lying on the tracks at Cow Town. Heheheh... so how 'bout it, ma'am?"

Dead silence.

The stallion blinked. "Ma'am?"

"Uhhhhhh... f-forget it!" Lyra Heartstrings stared sweatily into the busy crowd, seeing nothing but natural pony colors on natural pony bodies doing natural pony things. Despite the normalcy of it all, she was still shivering. "I'll... uh... I'll be b-back for the four o'clock train to Ponyville!" She scampered off. "Gotta go somewhere quiet! Alone!"

"Ma'am! Don't forget your saddlebag!"

Scuffling hooves. Lyra dashed back, grabbed the item in her muzzle, and scampered back out. "Mrmmff-gmffuuu!"

"Uh... you're welcome?" The stallion leaned back, taking a breath. "Yeesh... whatever fertilizer they're sniffing out in those country towns... they'd better lay off!" He sat up straight as another pony shuffled in from the opposite side of the station. "Good afternoon, ma'am? Here to buy a ticket?"

Lemon Hearts slapped some bits onto the counter between them and frowned. "When's the first train to Ponyville?"

A Face In the Crowd

Lyra couldn't feel her hooves. As far as she was concerned, her entire essence had been reduced to a single throbbing heart that levitated a few ghostly feet above the concrete. In a daze, she lurched forward, trying desperately to outrun the sensations wriggling inward from all sides—like ants.

She clenched her eyes shut, fighting the urge to hyperventilate. Despite her best efforts, her mind still flickered to a moment just a few breathless seconds ago. She stood in a crowded train station, and far across the sea of shuffling pony bodies...

...she had seen it.

And it had seen her.

And the most damnable thing about the whole ordeal...

...was that it was far from the first time it had happened to her.

"It's not real, Lyra," she stammered, wandering blindly forward across the courtyard. "It isn't real. You're just... traumatized." She gulped. "Just imagining it. Just imagining it. Just..."

"You're just imagining it. Do you hear me?" Bon Bon braced Lyra's shoulders with both hooves. The two sat side by side at the end of a banquet table. "It's okay. It isn't real."

"But I-I see it... I saw it!" Lyra shivered in Bon Bon's grip. Her lungs hiccuped on the edge of outright hysterics. Beside the two mares, partially-eaten slices of wedding cake lingered. Ponies mingled throughout the building, most of them congregating around the newly-wedded donkeys, Cranky and Matilda. "It was looking r-right at me, BB!" Lyra whimpered, sweating profusely as she trembled. "Sitting... right across the table!"

"Lyra, I'm your friend and I'm telling you there's nothing here but us ponies!" Bon Bon smiled reassuringly. "And maybe a sea serpent. But he's nothing to be worried about either!"

"I'm telling you, Bon Bon..." Lyra's eyes reopened, brimming with tears. "I saw one of them." She gulped dryly. "It has followed me... all the way from Canterlot." She sniffled. "It's going to report me to the Queen!"

"Lyraaaa..."

"Chrysalis! She's g-going to f-find me again!"

"If there was a changeling at this reception, wouldn't somepony else see it too?"

"But... but..."

"Shhhh..." Bon Bon hugged Lyra close. "Nothing ever is going to happen to you. Not again." She stroked Lyra's shoulders. "Not so long as I'm around to kick its butt."

Lyra shook and shuddered. She clung to Bon Bon, staring nervously into the corners of the crowded room. "You're... y-you're really a super b-badflank secret agent monster hunter and st-stuff...?"

"That depends." Bon Bon smiled, nuzzling her friend. "...did you really eat those expensive imported oats I was saving up?"

Lyra couldn't help it. At first, it came out as a titter... then fully evolved into a breathy giggle.

Bon Bon stroked the mare's mane. She gave Lyra a sympathetic look. "There... feeling better?"

"I... I'm so sorry, Bon Bon..." Lyra gulped. "It's just... just..." She grimaced. "Me and weddings, y'know?"

"Shhhhh... it's okay..." Bon Bon smiled. "For what it's worth... you're doing fine."

"You... you th-think so?"

"I know so."

Sniffling, Lyra calmed slightly. She leaned against Bon Bon's shoulder, staring at her plate of half-eaten cake. "I'm... s-sorry for getting mad at you earlier today..."

"It's okay," Bon Bon said, patting her friend's side. "It's a lot to take in."

"If you c-can handle a demented basketcase like me..." Lyra gulped. "...then I can more than take in a super awesome secret spy like you..."

"Heh... yes, well... that remains to be seen..."

Lyra tripped on a curb.

Gasping, the mare awoke from her stupor just in time to catch her balance. She stumbled to a stop, blinking.

She stood in the center of a strangely familiar courtyard. Most of the Canterlot populace was sparse here. Looking around, it wasn't difficult to see why. There were no shops in sight, and even the hotels and apartments were far away. As a matter of fact, the courtyard was nearly empty—save for a series of marble pillars erected from a soft bed of planted grass.

Lyra slowly trotted towards the structures. As she came closer, she saw that they were engraved with names—not just any names, but those belonging to the ponies who were killed, lost, or abducted during the changeling attack over a year ago.

The mare stood in the shadow of the memorial. A cold lump formed in her throat... and her ears drooped more and more as she took into account the sheer volume of the names and the unseen bodies they must have belonged to.

"Sweet Celestia..."

The air over the courtyard hung in silence.

It wouldn't remain that way for long.

Lyra didn't know what she was doing until she felt the cold touch of her golden lyre emerging from her saddlebag. It was the first sensation she enjoyed since galloping out of the train station in a numb panic. At last, a sacred warmth flowed through her body, and she unleashed it with immaculate grace... plucking at the strings of her lyre as she produced a melancholic hymn into the mountain air.

It was the only time that entire day that she made music that she wasn't ashamed of. She knew this, because the image of the monument turned foggy before her as she realized where she was... and the reason for the soft earth that had been placed in the middle of an otherwise unshakeable concrete courtyard.

Months and months ago... this very spot was the site of where a trio of bridesmaids had been rescued... and a certain unicorn met her heroes.

Lyra felt like crying. She allowed the lyre to do the honors for her. The rest she carried with a tender smile, melting the minutes into nothingness.

Les Triplettes de Canterville

At long last, Lyra's strings came to a meandering end. A gentle melody hung in the air, tickling the hairs of her fuzzy ears. The unicorn let out a sigh, leaning against the back of a marble bench as she hugged the musical instrument to her tummy.

There were smiles...

"Oh, dear. That was quite... quite beautiful."

Lyra Heartstrings' amber eyes fluttered open.

Three figures came into focus. Lyra found herself gazing at three gray shapes. As her eyes readjusted to the light, she made out a trio of old mares standing directly in front of her. Each bore a wrinkled grin.

"Oh. Don't stop just because of us, darling."

"I... h-had just reached the end of my last current suite, actually." Lyra gulped... brushing back a loose bang of silver-streaked mane hair. "Please forgive me. I hope I wasn't disturbing anypony."

"Not at all, dear!" One of the mares shook her head. "We were quite in awe of the performance, actually."

Lyra couldn't help but sport a dumb grin. "You mean you liked it? For real?"

"We just came by to pay respects and place down some flowers as we usually do each week," another mare said. "Little did we know that we'd be treated to a little symphony!"

"I always knew the acoustics of this place were perfect for string music," murmured another. "What you're doing just adds a little bit more beauty to the setting."

"Wow... heh..." Lyra leaned back, exhaling softly. "And here I thought that Canterlot was full of stuffy jerkfaces." She instantly grimaced. "Erm... no offence."

"Hah! You kidding?" One mare slapped her knee with a chuckle. She readjusted her silk gown before continuing: "This place positively mimics Manehattan on some days!"

"Gets ruder and ruder as the ponies get younger and younger," agreed another.

"I heard that!"

"Hmmm..." Lyra gulped. "I guess I never got a chance to observe that myself."

"You're from around here, darling?"

"I was born here," Lyra said. "Even went to school locally as a little foal, all before the f—" Lyra grimaced... cleared her throat... and exhaled: "Before I moved to the country."

"Ah. So no wonder you've come back to serenade these old haunts."

"Heheh... yeah, I guess." Lyra glanced over her shoulder at the memorial. "To tell the truth, I was actually here in Canterlot on the day of... well... you know."

"Ah. So you also share in Canterlot's grief."

"Well, it's very courageous of you to come back, dear. If I may ask..." A wrinkly hoof pointed at the stone obelisks. "Do you know any of the names listed?"

"We'll say a prayer or two for them if you wish."

"Oh. No. It's okay. I was... uh... fortunate enough to not lose anypony I knew... at least not on that day." Lyra gulped, glancing aside. "Though, my name almost made it on the engravings. Same as my friend's."

"Oh?"

"I see that providence won out in the end."

"You could say that, yeah." Lyra smiled rosily into the distance. "We were lost beneath the mountain's crust... deep in the old crystalline caverns. There were once open, gaping fissures—you know—right beneath where the four of us are standing. My friends and I... uh... we h-had been bewitched by the changeling Queen. And... and we were lost down in those caves. We could have starved or suffocated for all we know." She sighed dreamily. "And then he came."

"Hmmm? Who?"

Lyra stared and stared... until her smile faded. "Oh! Uhm... just a guard. Y'know... a strong, valiant soldier of the Royal Guard. But... still..." She hugged her lyre tighter. "I'll never forget the look on his face... or h-how relieved I felt when he carried me in his strong hooves towards safety."

A raspy chuckle. "I bet he was handsome."

"Yeahhhhhhh—er... no. I mean. Yes. Uh... m-maybe?" Lyra coughed. "Doen't matter, really. Besides, I never did get his name. I'm sure that—whoever he is—he would have done the same for anypony else in Canterlot... besides just me and my friends, that is." She brushed her mane back for the umpteenth time. "But that one act of heroism—however brief and flippant—was enough to turn my whole world upside down." A pause. She chuckled. "But life affords many heroes. And while I may never know the identity of my knight in shining armor..." She rolled her eyes with a giggle. "...I do have a very good friend... the absolute best friend... and while some random stranger may have saved my life, the most important pony I know keeps on giving me a reason to live. So... y'know... we can't ever lose sight of the things in this world that keep us going. Cuz... like... the music's never gonna write itself." She gulped, then broke into fitful giggles. "I'm rambling now, aren't I? I'm so sorry. This is how I get when ponies compliment my music."

"It's quite alright, dear."

"Yes." The mares nodded. "It's good to know that while so much darkness flooded our beloved city a year ago, there's still plenty of light to be kindled from within."

"Hey! A regular poet!" Lyra winked. "Maybe I should get you to write lyrics for my masterpiece someday."

"Heehee! Maybe! But I think your friend at home can help you with that."

"Might want to get a move on, dear! Before it gets too cold! Wouldn't want to ruin your lovely complexion."

"Wait... what?" Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Oh! Only that... uhm... I've been reading in The Monthly Spinster that prolonged exposure to cold mountain air will ruin the shine of a young mare's coat and—"

"No no no no not that." Lyra stood up, wobbling. "What time is it?"

"Oh. Last time I checked... ermmm... about half past six—"

"Half past six?!?" Lyra sputtered. Bug-eyed, she spun west. The sun was sinking into the plains beyond Ponyville. "Shit! Shit Goddess! The train!" Gnashing her teeth, Lyra shoved her lyre into her saddlebags and sped off through the memorial. "Shit! Ass! Fart! Peeved! Boogers!"

The three elder mares spun about, blinking at her vulgar exit.

"Huh... that's a strange turn," murmured one.

"I know." Another blinked. "If I was three decades younger, I'd be turned on right now."

"Damn straight."

I Just Don't Know What Went South

"Shit!" Lyra paced and paced before the emptry tracks. "Bitch! Tits! Mmmmm..." Her teeth produced sparks as she twirled and huffed. "Shitty Bitch Tits!"

"Hey! Lady!" An old mule barked from where he pushed a dolley across the platform. "Mind your muzzle! There are little ears, y'know?"

"I don't see any friggin' kids!" Lyra sputtered.

"Have you ever heard about bein' 'young inside?'"

"Well, have you ever hit your h-head against the concrete so h-hard that... mrmmf... guh..." Lyra waved her forelimbs, shouting: "Whinny! Blood!"

As the echo of that last outburst subsided, the mule brayed. "Hah HAH! Great impression! What, was the harp-twanging not enough to win you bits on the street, lady?"

"It's not a harp!" Lyra paced and rolled her eyes. "Oh my goddess... you inside out clumps of urban manticore vomit, I swear to Luna..."

"What's the big deal anyways?!"

"Why can't we reverse time in Equestria, huh?!" Lyra sputtered. "We have a nigh-omnipotent alicorn who could raise the sun, for crying out loud! Can't she spin it east an hour and a half and make the train to Ponyville come back?!"

"If our Princess was omnipotent, then I'm sure my prostate would have been cured years ago."

"Ugh... not now, dude..." Lyra face-hoofed. "Not now... not ever..."

"If you need to get to Pantyville so soon, why not take the highway?"

"It's 'Ponyville.'" Lyra squinted at him. "And what do you mean by 'the highway?'"

"Y'know, lady..." The worker pointed at a distant platform looming on the southern edge of the Canterlot mountains, just beyond the walls of the royal city. "The highway!"

"Oh no!" Lyra folded her forelimbs, huffing. "Out of the question!"

"Pffft..." The mule resumed pushing his dolley. "Suit yourself!"

"I'm serious, dude." Lyra frowned. "I'm Canterlot born and raised. Sure, I may have moved to a farm town in my adult years... but you can't take the blue-blooded aristocrat out of me! No siree! The last thing... the absolute last thing I am ever gonna do is try bumming a cheap-ass ride on a delivery flight across country!"

"Uhm... h-hi there!" Lyra smiled sweatily, waving a hoof as she stood alongside the runway. "Can I bother somepony to bum a cheap-ass ride to Ponyville?"

"Mmmmff... get lost, lady," a mare grunted, attaching herself to a wagon full of shipping crates and slapping on a pair of goggles. "I've got a bunch of precious diamonds to haul towards Trottingham and I ain't got no time for weed-grazing musicians."

Lyra frowned. "I do not graze on weed!" She took a deep breath. "And for your information, the likes of Paul Marecartney did that for years and has still lived for more healthy years than you and I combined!"

"Hrmmmfff... stupid bleeding heart harp-twangers." FWOOOSH! And the mare took off with her wagon full of stuff.

"Guh!" Lyra reeled, nearly bumping into a series of tarmac lights. "For the last time, it's not a harp!" Huffing, she spun about and waved her hoof high in the air. "Anypony else? I'll pay handsomely! And I promise that you'll get to insult me all you want along the way to Ponyville! That's for free!"

FWOOOSH! FWOOOSH! FW-FWOOOSH!

Lyra winced as more and more pegasi with chariots soared past her and into the sunset. "Come on! Please! Somepony! Anypony!" She waved her hoof higher and higher. "I'm waving! Hello?! Don't you all know the international sign for 'hitching?'" She frowned. "Dammit... my kingdom for a thumb..."

"Hey Lauren!" A cheery voice echoed from the far end of the platform. "What are you doing here?! Come on over, I'll give you a ride back home!"

"Oh! Oh my gosh!" Grinning wide, Lyra galloped towards the source of the voice. "You're a total life-saver! You have no idea how much you've—" She skidded to a stop, wincing. "Aww shit, it's Derpy."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey Lauren!" Derpy Hooves waved. "Fancy meeting you here!" She let loose a high-pitched giggle, her eyes darting in opposite directions.

Lyra sighed. "Miss Hooves, we've been through this. It's Lyra."

"Whatever you say, Lauren!"

Lyra squinted. "Just what are you doing here in Canterlot, anyways?"

"Oh... y'know..." Derpy picked up a bucket full of pinecones and dropped it into the back of a rickety, crooked chariot. "Just delivering this order of three week old kittens to Zecora! Heehee!"

Lyra blinked at the rattling pinecones. "Wow... they look... so cute and fuzzy!"

"Wanna cuddle onnnnne?"

"No! No... I... uhm..." Lyra cleared her throat, rubbing the back of her head. "I don't suppose you... uh... have room for a backseat musician to carpool?"

"Carpool?" Derpy winced. "Oh noooooo! I forgot my snorkel!"

"What? No. That... guh..." Lyra composed herself, then stepped forward with a smile. "Miss Hooves, I would be humbled if you were so kind as to let me ride with you back to Ponyville while you made your... kitten delivery."

"Oh, but of course, Lauren!" Derpy giggled, waving a hoof. "We'll both be back home in no time!"

"Really?" Lyra smiled nervously. "Because I-I kinda sorta have to get back at a convincing time for my best friend to think that... uhm... er..."

"Hmmm?"

Lyra cleared her throat. "...I need her to believe that I came here to Canterlot for other reasons than I really did. And... uh... if we make it back before the four o'clock train arrives, then I should be in the green. You feel me?"

"Of course I feel you!" Derpy reached forward, scruffing the unicorn's mane. "Feels like silky tarantula hair!"

"Guhhh..." Lyra shivered. "Please... d-don't say 'tarantula.'"

Derpy hitched herself to the wagon. "Hop on board, Lauren!" She blinked, realizing she had attached herself to the reins backwards. "Whoops! Eheheh... this... might take a while."

Lyra approached the wagon full of buckets and pine cones... but lingered in place. A sharp tremble ran up and down her spine as she gulped a bit of bile down her throat.

"Something wrong, Lauren?"

"Oh. Uhm... nah. Nothing that..." Lyra clenched her eyes shut as she nervously climbed in. "...th-that a little bit of courage can't solve."

"Scared of flying, huh?" Derpy giggled, disentangling herself with the reins—only to get tangled again. "You know, they have therapy sessions for that."

"Yeah..." Lyra clenched her jay. "...they have therapy sessions for a lot of things." She sat in the back of the chariot, nestled between several buckets. "Uhm... this wagon is really squeaky. You sure it'll hold all this weight plus me?"

"Oh, totally! Besides, I'm a safe flier!"

"Wow... that's good to know," Lyra exhaled with a chuckle.

"Yup!" Derpy reattached herself to the riggings and faced the end of the platform. "Why... it's been hours since I last crashed into a mountain!"

"Wait... h-hours?!" Lyra's voice cracked. She flung a horrified look at the wagon, noticing several off-color wooden boards nailing the fractured, splintery bits together. "Uhhhh..."

"Yup! I'm hoping to beat my last safety streak!" Derpy slapped a pair of goggles over her rotating eyes, licked her lips, and galloped forward. "Whelp... here goes nothing! Continent!" she hollered.

"Oh goddess, regrets." Lyra shrank into the back of the wagon, curling up into a little ball. "Oh Goddess, regrets!"

Derpy sped down the runway... took a sharp left out of nowhere and plummeted down the mountainside. Lyra's shrieking voice echoed through the heavens—but soon the two were lifting straight up, banking back south.

"Offfff we goooooo!" Derpy Hooves cheered, evening the wagon out after much struggle. "Second star to the right and straight on until morning sickness! Heehee! That's an old joke my mom used to tell. Before the accident, of course. Hey! Look! Geese!"

"Eyes on the skies, Miss Hooves!"

"That's easy! With my eyes, I can watch two skies at once! You just watch the kittens now. They're afraid of heights... adorable little things. They always bite me when I touch them. Not sure why. Whoops! There's a mountain!"

Off in the distance...

A gray pegasus pulled a rickety wagon in a loopty fashion, careening south. A mint-green passenger screamed at the top of her lungs...

...not that anypony in Canterlot was paying attention. Rich, affluent locals huddled inside a lamp-lit cafe, their worried eyes glued to a new-fangled black-and-white tube that was broadcasting a field reporter's monochromatic face.

"We now go live to our field reporter in the frozen north who's covering the hostage situation still-ongoing in the Mirror Caverns just outside the Crystal Kingdom. Mr. Page?"

"Thanks, Satin. Fillies and gentlecolts, I am currently standing outside the popular historal landmark known as the Mirror Caverns. And I know that the reception of this broadcast might be slightly foggy due to the weather flurries that we're having to deal with out here, but if you look behind me you may see the defensive perimeter that has been formed directly outside the mouth of the cave where the foals and their chaperones are being held against their will by the Yakyakistani militants..."

Safety In Numbness

An aurora had freshly formed over the darkening sky. Its tapering bands reflected green and orange light off the thick layers of snow clinging to the mountainside and the surrounding tundra to the south. A dense camp had been built right outside the dark craggy entrance to the Landmark. Hundreds of crystal ponies in blue-plated armor marched to and fro while others reinforced a defensive perimeter—with spears and crossbows and other weapons trained collectively at the mouth of the cave. Off to the side, wagons rolled in, carrying supplies that were swiftly unloaded by countless members of the Imperial Defense Force working in tandem.

An earth pony in a thick jacket stood with a microphone. He squinted past errant streams of snow, struggling to face a bulky field camera being aimed at him by a mobile news crew.

"If you look behind me, you'll see that a wagon full of fresh supplies has just now arrived!" The stallion raised his voice to speak above the blistering cold winds and the marching of hooves. Soldiers shouted to one another as they repositioned themselves for an inevitable exchange. "Satin, these supplies are in fact the so-called 'gifts' gathered by the stewards of the Crystal Kingdom in order to meet the increasingly eccentric demands of the twelve militants who are holding the innocent civilians hostage inside. Reports are mixed at the moment, but several sources have suggested that the yaks in the Mirror Caverns—not satisfied with being refused a guarantee for land reappropriation—are demanding excessive quantities of food, mead, and other so-called 'luxuries' or else they have threatened to—and I quote: 'Kill all of the puny pony children and urge all yak brothers in Yakyakistan to declare war on dumb horses everywhere.'"

Barking orders to one another, crystal and non-crystal ponies unloaded the materials off the wagon and affixed them to a large dolley on wheels. They pushed the items into a large tent under close supervision of armored guards.

"Now... if you look off in the distance..." The reporter turned and pointed. "...towards the mouth of the cave—you see the pale figure in the silver armor? We believe that to be none other than Prince Shining Armor himself, current Second Steward of the Crystal Empire who also serves as Captain of the Crystal Imperial Defense Force. And that figure that he is speaking to—we believe—is none other than the self-proclaimed leader of the Yakyakistani militants: Damn Thickerhoof. For the past eight days straight, Shining Armor has been working double-time, negotiating with the militants while establishing a defense perimeter around the Mirror Caverns. When approached multiple times about the ultimate fate of the hostages, Prince Shining Armor has insisted that the Stewards are doing everything in their power to assure that this situation is resolved as peacefully and harmoniously as possible—"

Commanding shouts broke the snowy air. Crystal soldiers stood at attention, forming a line while a shiny carriage rolled up.

The reported pivoted, gesturing for the news crew to aim their field camera at the device.

"Hold on, Satin!" He spoke into the mic. "A new development here, it would seem. The royal carriage of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza has just arrived! The Chief Reigning Steward of the Crystal Empire has been in constant communication with the ambassador situated at the Imperial Yakyakistani Embassy. It has been the hope of Princess Cadance that a reasonable agreement can be made between the two frozen kingdoms to intervene on behalf of the hostages, but so far there has been no public declaration of any sort from the ruling bodies within the capital of Yakyakistan. Could this mean that negotiations will continue to be at an impasse for another straight week? Stay tuned for any and all developments as we continue to document this situation live from the Frozen North..."

Princess Cadance stepped out of the carriage, bleary-eyed and sighing. The alicorn winced—for the big hairy creature exiting the same carriage behind her continued to grunt and belch with bombastic fervor:

"The yak senate in Yakyakistan makes no promises. The yak senate in Yakyakistan is full of yak senators who believe that non-yak ponies are weak! If non-yak ponies cannot help themselves when dealing with yak situations, then yak senate does not see why they should speak to hunting yaks inside cave!"

"I know where your government stands, ambassador," Cadance slurred, marching across the snow while several crystal guards rushed up to escort her. She paused to rub her aching head. "You've told this to me several times, and I have paid close heed on every occasion. But forgive me for me if I feel as though you haven't quite delivered the details of our position back to your Yakyakistani comrades with equal emphasis."

"Do you call a yak ambassador a liar?!" the dignitary in bundled furs hissed. "Embassy yaks have told government yaks all about the weak ponies and their weak attempt to make progress!""

"There is nothing weak about wanting to do things peacefully, ambassador," Cadance said, turning to frown at him in the snowy air. "What you call 'weakness,' I call restraint. We understand that the migratory hunters who took to capturing the ponies inside this landmark have very important desires that they wish to be met. We, on the other hoof, simply want our citizens back. This entire situation is a coming-together of like-minded souls who want everything to end without unnecessary casualties. The fewer the casualties... the longer both our societies can continue to coexist healthily... fruitfully. Don't you agree?"

"Pink pony speaks with too many words!" the ambassador snorted. "Yaks want action! Yaks want results!" He pointed at the cave ahead of them. "Give yaks what they want and yaks will respond!"

"And ambassador... we have given them what they want!" Cadance exclaimed. "We've given them more than enough to meet their demands! And yet—at every turn—they just demand more and more things!" Her ears and wings drooped. "If they won't show their gratitude to us, then perhaps they'll show their respect to the Yakyakistani senate. Please... I'm asking you... begging you... won't you find a way to bridge direct communication between your government and these militants? Find a way to get them to give up our loved ones?"

"Hrmmmm..." The yak leaned back, stroking his layers and layers of blinding beards. "Pink princess pony's words are like little child's. So fragile... easy to crush under one's hoof. Nevertheless!" He spat into the frozen air. "Puny ponies have gone out of their way to make yaks happy... even at the cost of their own comfort! That, yaks suppose, is a strong act in and of itself." A deep breath. "I will speak to the yak senate again. Try to convince them to tell hunting yaks to leave pony cave."

Princess Cadance sighed with relief. "Thank you... thank you, ambassador—"

"Yak makes no guarantee that yak senate will comply!" he roared. "Terribly angry bunch, yak governors! If you test their patience, yak will go to war! If you insult their intelligence, yak will go to war! If you show them the color pink... ... ...yak will go to war!"

"Well..." Cadance shuddered. "It's a good thing that you're speaking to them in my stead. Now, if you will kindly excuse me..." She curtsied, then turned towards the cave, trotting off. "...I have to check on my husband."

"I have sliced open the bellies of blue hydras wading in the frozen yak seas!" Damn Thickerhoof shouted. The ringlets of his beard rattled as his beady eyes flickered red. "I have chewed the entrails straight out of yeti bellies!" Schiiiing! Brandishing an axe, he leaned out of the mouth of the cave. "I have survived thirteen battles against sarosian pirates in the bleakest months of winter! Fighting on their turf! In blood-stained tepid darkness!" Inhaling with a guttural snort, he gripped the hilt of his axe to the point of breaking. "I will not... and I repeat will not be treated with such horrible disrespect by you puny, sanctimonious lumps of horse meat!"

Captain Shining Armor teetered. He fought to keep his eyes opened. A thick scratchy five o'clock shadow loomed beneath his helmeted face. "Mrmmmmmmff..." His nostrils flared as he summoned the strenght to speak in a respectful tone. "...and how can I win back your respect, Mr. Thickerhoof—"

"The name is Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid, you insufferably weak glue stick!" the yak shouted, his voice echoing against the mouth of the Mirror Caverns. "Say it right or I will remove your prissy pony vocal cords!"

Shining cleared his throat, helmet rattling. "What is it that I can do for you this time, Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid?"

"The milk chocolate candy morsels!" Damn Thickerhoof growled, pointing nebulously at thin-air. "They must all be the matching color!"

"Mrmmmm-hmmm... and what color is that?"

"GREEN!" Damn Thickerhoof pounded his chest. "The color of vengeance!" Several yak voices grunted agreeably from deep inside the cavern behind him.

Shining Armor sighed. "I will make sure that the candies are all of a matching green color," he said. His eyebrow raised. "Would you like me to make the mead green to?"

"Yak mead is fine the color that it is! Everything comes yellow out of yak anyways. Unlike puny ponies who store all the yellow inside! We can see it through their bellies!"

Chuckles echoed from within the cavern.

"Mrmmmff... very well." Shining Armor stood straight. "The supplies have arrived and are on their way." He exhaled. "Now... about releasing the hostages—"

"Puny pony children will stay in yak custody until yaks get what yaks want!" Damn Thickerhoof hollered. "Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid will get the land that's owed to him!" His nostrils flared. "All yaks will get the land that's owed to them!"

"And as we've stated before, Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid..." Princess Cadance trotted up, stealing the attention of both her husband and the militant leader. "...the matter of our territories is up to negotiations between the Crystal Empire and the Yakyakistani government."

"HRMMMF!" The yak waved his axe. "I am yak with axe! I am yak government in wilderness!" His eyes shot daggers at Shining Armor. "And this is wilderness, no matter how many prissy ponies stain it with their pink and their singing!"

"I have spoken once again with the ambassador of Yakyakistan," Cadance said. "Soon, he will bring word back from the senate, and they will open direct communication with you."

"And Damn Thickerhoof will get his land, right?!"

"The governors of Yakyakistan will help to facilitate a solution that is in your best interest—and in the best interest of your friends." Cadance took a deep breath. "We have taken many... many measures to assist you. Now... will you please help us by releasing some of our loved ones from your possession?"

"Hrmmf! Typical ponies! All talk and no yak sacks!" Damn Thickerhoof spat on the ground. "Yaks will release horse hostages only when yaks want to! Until then, we will feed puny ponies inside with your horse food... but you must give us what yaks want—or we go to war!" He sneered. "Keep army outside of Mirror Caverns—or we go to war! Leave sun and moon horses out of this—or we go to war!" With a grunt, he turned tail and marched back into the cave, dragging his axe. "We will be expecting our supplies in ten yak minutes or everypony inside dies." His entrance was received with many cheers and headbutts as the militants inside growled, laughed, and hollered.

Cadance exhaled. "Well..." A faint smile. "We seem to be making progress. He's no longer referring to Princess Celestia or Luna as gross sexual metaphors."

"Yeah..." Shining Armor took off his helmet and rubbed his forehead. "...at this rate, we'll get the hostages out in a century."

"One step at a time, Shining," Cadance said. "Remember, this is for the foals' safety."

"Not to mention the safety of the entire Empire." Clearing his throat, Shining turned to gesture at the perimeter. "I've distanced the defense line by about ten meters so as not to arouse suspicion from the militants."

"Shining..."

"I've also concealed most of the crossbows so that we don't accidentally trigger a firefight," Shining remarked. "Also, yaks don't like the color red, so I've replaced the royal banners with—"

"Shining... my love." Cadance leaned in and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "You're doing wonderfully. You don't have to convince me with an excessively detailed report."

The stallion sighed, rubbing his stubbled chin. "The last thing I want is to throw our entire kingdom into war with Yakyakistan." He gazed at her, ears drooping. "You're a wise ruler, Cadance... but you operate by peace. And if one wrong move screws this whole operation up... then it's all on me."

"You won't bring chaos to the Frozen North," Cadance said. "Not on your watch." She smiled. "I married the best guard in all of Equestria, after all."

Shining smiled back. The two nuzzled, during which he murmured: "Flurry Heart... how... how is she? I've been at this for so long, I... I miss her so much..."

"Shhhhh..." Cadance nuzzled him back. "Our daughter is fine. Sunburst is looking after her. She was asleep last time I checked."

"Mmmm... he's a good stallion," Shining Armor said. "I'm almost tempted to ask for his advice at this point. We could really use a magic trick to get through this debacle without a body count."

"For the last time, Shining, we are not going to war. We just have to... find a way to appease these yaks," Cadance said, nevertheless shuddering. "We owe it to the Crystal ponies to get their children out safely. I'm sure that... given time... the yaks will listen to reason."

"And if they don't?"

Cadance bit her lip. "Let's just... focus on keeping them h-happy for now."

Shining sighed. "You're the ambassador," he managed with a weak smile.

"Are the supplies assembled?"

"Yes. They're being examined in the tent as we speak."

"Who do we have delivering the materials into the cave this time?"

Shining Armor turned to gaze across the defensive perimeter. "Only my finest..."

Sergeant and Sergeant

"Sergeant Garnet!"

A crystal pony stallion with a translucent crimson complexion looked up from where he tightened crates of supplies onto the dolley for transport.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

An officer marched across the tent, frowning. "What's taking so long?! The Captain of the Guard wants those materials ready for delivery into the Mirror Caverns on the double!"

"It's ready now, Lieutenant," Garnet said. The Sergeant cleared his throat, gesturing at the heavy load on armored wheels. "I'm sorry that it took so long to gather together. It's just that the yak militants have demanded so much this time and we had to make sure that the weight of it all didn't br—"

"Yes. Whatever. Is it all assembled, then?"

"Uh... yes, sir."

"Good. Take it out. The Captain's waiting." Nostrils flaring, the crystal pony Lieutenant turned and glared across the tent, seething. "Dammit... where's that worthless pegasus partner of yours?"

Fwooosh! Another guard glided in, positioning himself wordlessly at the back of the dolley.

"There you are! Tardy as usual!" The Lieutenant huffed. "Nothing to say for yourself, huh?!" The officer snorted. "I swear... if you weren't protected by the Stewards' damnably annoying exchange program, I'd have kicked you out of this post months ago."

"Yes, sir," the pegasus stammered, straightening his helmet. "I'm sorry, sir."

Garnet, in the meantime, strapped himself to the front of the dolley. "Ready for delivery, sir!"

"Well?!" The Lieutenant held the tent flap open. "What are you waiting for?!?"

Sergeant Garnet and the other guard strained and winced as the two of them struggled to push the dolley stacked with supplies through the snow. The guards positioned along the perimeter looked on... gripping their spears and weapons anxiously. They were powerless to assist the two as they inched forward at a snail's pace, struggling with the weight of the delivered packages.

"We're... making progress... Sergeant..." Garnet spoke to the pegasus behind him without looking. "Sooner than we know it, this will all be over. We can rest and stay warm until the n-next delivery..."

The pegasus merely grumbled. Garnet could positively feel the other guard's frown through the frosty air.

Before he could comment on that—

"Sergeants! One second! Let me assist you!"

The dolley glowed with magic as Captain Shining Armor marched in from the sidelines. His telekinetic shove assisted in moving the cart faster.

"There," Shining Armor said. "That should help."

"Captain, with all due respect..." Sergeant Garnet panted as sweat and frost coated his glossy flesh. "...you are not allowed to enter the Caverns. If the yak militants see you doing this—"

"Don't worry, Sergeant," Shining said. "According to their demands, I'm simply not allowed to set hoof inside the cave. But it doesn't stop me from helping my finest soldiers get the job done for as far as I'm able."

"It... is m-much appreciated, sir," Garnet wheezed.

"Remember." Shining Armor leaned in close as he trotted alongside the cart. "You do absolutely nothing to upset the militants—not while they've got the citizens held hostage." He clenched his jaw. "You do not talk to them. You do not look at them. You do absolutely nothing in any way shape or form that might offend these yaks. If one of them gets mad at you, flee the cave as swiftly as possible. I'll deal with the aftermath if I have to."

"Understood, sir. We'll behave just like the last few times, sir."

Shining Armor sighed. "I know that this has been a case of terrible timing for you, Garnet. You certainly weren't expecting to still be here this week—what, with the transfer we've worked so hard to put through and all—"

"Captain, I am honored to serve here in this moment of crisis," Garnet said. "These hostages are my brothers and sisters as much as any other crystal pony's." His crimson brow furrowed. "I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else."

"Very well." Shining Armor nodded. "I'll see to it that you are commended for all of this." As the two reached the cave, the Captain stopped to glance at the pegasus at the rear. He fidgeted suddenly, eventually clearing his throat and speaking aside to Garnet. "Look after him, will you, Sergeant?"

"You know I always do, Captain." Entering the cave's mouth, the two were free from the snow. The dolley moved far more swiftly over a stone surface—even without the Captain's telekinetic assistance. "We've got it from here, sir." Garnet nodded to his pegasus cohort. "Come. Let's get this over with."

The pegasus nodded without saying a word. His wings coiled noticeably under his armor as he passed by Shining.

The Captain lingered at the cave's entrance. His ears drooped as he watched quietly... helplessly. Then—just as his tense jaw formed a grizzled frown—he forced himself to turn around... and trot back towards the camp.

"What is taking puny ponies so long?!" Damn Thickerhoof grunted, his voice echoing off the glittering stalactites above them. "Move faster, stupid squishy horses!"

"Yeah!" Belched another yak, drinking a bottle of liquor from the last shipment. "The cold snow had better not have chilled the mead!"

"Yeah!" Yet another yak laughed from where he sat in a veritable throne made out of the crates from previous deliveries. "If it's too cold, yaks could always warm it with the blood of these two!"

"Hah hah hah!"

"Like puny pony army would ever miss puny pony grunts!"

"Their family certainly doesn't miss them! Look!" A yak pointed at the pegasus pushing the dolley from behind. "This one isn't even shiny like the rest!"

"What's the matter, feather pony?! Too ugly for pony mommy and daddy?! They send you off to frozen wasteland to become yak slaves and die?!"

"Haah haah haah!"

The pegasus clenched his jaws tight. "Hrmmmmm..."

Sweating, Garnet murmured from the front. "At ease, Sergeant. Let's just make this delivery and everything will be fine..."

The pegasus inhaled... exhaled... and kept pushing.

Together, the two guards shoved the huge stack of supplies past a veritable gauntlet of laughing, spitting, and jeering yaks. The once-pristine cavern had become a landfill of filth, litter, and wayward clumps of mountain fur—all courtesy of the twelve bombastic yaks chuckling and belching away within the crystalline confines. A wooden hut that served as an office for local tour guides had been shattered to splinters. Also, a museum section off to the side had been torn to shreds. Beyond a circle of detritus, the caverns stretched onward and onward, with countless stalactites and translucent shards being reflected off of innumerably bent surfaces. Every single glance was like looking into a kaleidoscope at every turn.

Whimpering voices formed a feeble chorus against the loud grunts of the militant yaks. It came from a tiny cluster of foals gathered at the left side of the frontmost chamber. Two adult mares huddled closely alongside the twenty-two schoolfoals, patting them and attempting to reassure them. All eyes were locked on the two guards as they made their shuffling entrance.

At last, Garnet and his comrade reached the unloading area. They parked the dolley and trotted around it, cutting loose the cords that bound the stacked crates and materials in place.

The very moment that the binds were free—

"Gimme that!" Damn Thickerhoof snarled, swiping the first box of mead bottles off the top. "About damn time, you stupid lazy horses!" He growled down at the two while his comrades yanked and grabbed more supplies off the cart. "Who does your Captain think I am to take so much of our precious time?! Hmmm?!"

Garnet said nothing. Quietly, dutifully, he unloaded as many boxes as he could, stacking them neatly along the edge of the cavern. As he did so, the crystal pony guard glanced up.

Two dozen young eyes reflected his armored figure. Translucent foals trembled. One meekly whimpered: "Have you c-come to take us home?"

Garnet exhaled with a shudder. He continued stacking boxes—timing his whispery supply with the rattle that the wooden crates made: "The Stewards are working on it. I think Princess Cadance is making progress with the Yakyakistani Senate."

"Please... can't you find a way to get the children out of here, at least?" one of the chaperones murmured. "Talk to Prince Shining Armor. Talk to Princess Celestia! Talk to—"

WHUDDD! A yak warrior landed in front of them, making the children shriek. "QUIET! STUPID PONIES!"

The sheer vibrations of the yak's voice caused a box of liquor bottles to turn over. One container rolled, rattled, and careened towards a roped-off spot of the cave. There, a bright yellow sign stood with the red image of shattering stalactites. But just before the bottle could collide with a fragile rock structure—clank!—an orange hoof stopped it just beyond the rope. Breathless, the pegasus guard glanced back at the yak.

"Grrrrr!" Damn Thickerhoof marched over and—Whack!—slapped the offending warrior across his bearded muzzle. "Stupid pony! Watch where you toss your mead bottles!"

"But I didn't toss anyth—"

The leader howled in his face: "Do you want to bring this whole stupid cave down on yaks?! Grrrr!" He shoved his subordinate aside with the grunt. "Finish unpacking! No talking to pony hostages or you become hostages yourselves!"

Garnet and the pegasus exchanged glances. Garnet nodded, then resumed with the unloading—far more briskly this time. Fuming, the pegasus lingered for a moment in place... then joined his partner in the task.

Fifteen minutes later, the two shoved an empty dolley back the way they came. All around them, yaks gorged themselves on the food and drinks that had been brought in. When they weren't feasting or drinking themselves to oblivion, they laughed, butted heads, and spat curses at one another.

The hostages had also been given provisions—but it was a barely a scrap compared to the gluttonous bounties the yaks had been afforded. The chaperones passed bits of bread and celery around while the crystal foals sniffled and nibbled on what they could.

Garnet glanced back, his ears folded.

"Keep marching!" Damn Thickerhoof shouted. "Grrrr... being merciful is tiresome! So don't test my patience! Now go! And don't come back unless we ask puny ponies to!"

A foal's voice could be heard sobbing from the sidelines.

"Awwww! What's the matter?!" A drunken yak hiccuped, then snorted. "Does puny pony baby miss puny pony parents?!"

"Don't worry! They probably made new babies by now!"

"Haah haah haah!"

"Cry cry, stupid puny ponies!"

"Hah hah! Puny ponies weak! Full of nothing but tears!"

"Hah hah!"

The pegasus frowned. Jaw clenched, he glanced back... glancing far behind the yaks, the hostages, and the forest of crystalline stalagmites.

Amidst the reflective glitter of the Mirror Caverns, he made out a few deep niches—dark alcoves formed within the walls of the chamber.

His blue eyes narrowed... and yet he said nothing.

Under a chorus of yak laughter, the dolley rolled on... exiting the mouth of the Mirror Caverns.

Throngs of citizens clambered just behind a line of crystal pony guards. Mothers and fathers... sisters and brothers yelped and cried and shouted.

"Please! We must do something!"

"They've been in there for a week! Can't the yaks let them go?!"

"Are we going to war?!"

"Please tell us the yaks will give them up!"

"We just want our foals back!"

Princess Cadance stood before the group, waving her forelimbs. "Please! Everypony calm down!" She squinted as a group of earth pony press agents flashed their cameras from a distance. "I promise you... we are doing everything in our power to get the hostages out of there! It's a very delicate situation and the security of the Crystal Empire lies on us handling this as peacefully and non-threateningly as possible!" She held a hoof to her chest. "But I assure you—on my name and on my honor—that every single colt, filly, and mare will get out of that Cavern alive and return to their families!"

The dolley ground to a hault. Garnet slumped against it, panting for breath.

Captain Shining Armor pivoted about from where he paced by Cadance's side. He trotted briskly over to Garnet. "Sergeant. Report."

"Sorry... f-for taking so long, sir." Garnet gulped. "The d-delivery has been made." He stood tall, saluting. "Also, the hostages have all been accounted for."

Shining Armor blinked. His gaze traveled up. "Uhm... Garnet?"

"They've also been fed. So far, they seem healthy and—"

"Where is your partner?"

Garnet blinked. "...sir?"

Shining Amor's muzzle hung agape. "Where is Sergeant Flash Sentry?"

"Huh?" Garnet turned around. His eyes widened.

There was nopony standing at the rear of the dolley. The only set of hoofprints leading from the mouth of the cave was Garnet's.

"Oh..." Garnet's shiny ears folded back. "Oh no..."

Yakky Ki-Yay

"Buuuurrrrp!" A yak tossed an empty mead bottle behind his hairy head. Shatter! "And that's when I gored him with my scythe! HAH! Let's see a diamond dog crawl back from that! Shit on yak lawn, will you?!"

"Haah haah haah!" Another yak reeled in the center of the furry group. "Yak brother's yak snow turned brown!"

"Shut up!"

"Hah hah hah!"

"Brown yak snow, yak brother!"

"Hahahahahah!" Damn Thickerhoof chugged a bottle of mead, then wiped the foam off his hairy lips. "My snow is whitest of yak snow! But when I get puny crystal pony snow... yaks will paint it red in the blood of the weak!"

"Why wait?! Why not bleed puny pony hostages!"

"Don't tempt me, yak brothers!"

"Hah hah hah hah..." Gradually, the laughter of the militants faded. They collectively stared south at the mouth of the cave, their beady eyes blinking.

"Heheheh... heh..." Thickerhoof wiped his muzzle again. "Why yaks no laugh? Am I not funny when I want to be?!" When his response drew dead silence, he turned around and squinted curiously in the direction of their combined gaze. His hairy ears tickled to the sound of a solitary set of hooves.

Flash Sentry marched icily towards the twelve yaks. The front chamber to the cave dwarfed his small orange frame. Nevertheless, a pair of cold blue eyes glinted in the reflective light of the Mirror Caverns' crystalline interior.

From afar, the huddled group of citizens watched with their muzzles dropped.

"Puny pony... signs death warrant," Muttered a yak.

"Grrrrrrr!" Snarling, Damn Thickerhoof randomly uppercutted his lackey into silence. WHUD! He grabbed his huge, hulking axe and dragggggggged it across the cave, producing sparks. With heavy, thundering hooves, the militant yak leader approached Flash Sentry's tiny frame head-on. "What is the meaning of this?! Do puny ponies have no decency when dealing with superior yak warriors?!"

Flash Sentry said nothing. Frowning, he trotted slowly towards the bearded menace.

"Little weakling feather duster is not wanted!" Thickerhoof huffed, beating his chest and slamming his axe down as he leaned on it. "Does puny pony wish to incite war! Hrfff! I am Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid! And if you take one more step, I will paint the insides of this stupid cave with your intestines—"

Fwooooosh! With a single wing-flap, Flash Sentry propelled himself forward. He glided between Thickerhoof's legs. When he exited past the large creature's tail, he dug his front hooves into the ground and slammed his rear legs up—WHUDDD!—violently impacting Thickerhoof's groin.

"Grkkkk!" Thickerhoof's eyes crossed. His body turned hard as stone as he teetered over with a high-pitched: "Meeep?" THUD!

Every yak, pony, and foal gasped.

Flash Sentry didn't blink. Even as—CLAAANG!—Thickerhoof's axe fell over, forming cracks in the glossy floor.

The remaining eleven yaks exchanged glances. SCHIIIIIIIING! They all drew their weapons at once and—"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"—charged Flash Sentry's body like an avalanche of fur.

Flash Sentry backflipped several feet, galloped on all fours towards the yaks, and threw his body into a sliding kick. "Grnnngh!" His outstretched hooves struck Thickerhoof's prone axe lengthwise. CLAAAK! The gigantic weapon went sliding across the cavern floor.

Startled, all eleven yaks hopped in mid-charge to avoid having their limbs lopped off.

Swish-swish-swish! The sliding axe scraped past them... and straight into a tall teetering stack of the previous week's supply crates. Smash! The mountain of wooden supplies creaked, groaned, and then toppled over onto the yaks.

The warriors shrieked into the impending shadow. CRASSSSH! Ten of them were instantly drowned in a sea of exploding splinters.

A single yak stood unscathed, shivering in fright. Swoooosh! The air whistled, forcing him to look straight up. His beady eyes reflected an incoming orange shape. "Aaaaaaaaah—!" He shrieked, his uvula flailing.

"Grrrrngh!" Flash Sentry came down with a massive right hook to the yak's face. WHACK! Blood and saliva stained the cave floor as the yak joined his squirming brethren amidst the sea of debris.

Seething, Flash Sentry spun about-face and—FWOOOOSH!—glided directly towards the hostages.

"Everypony!" Flash exhaled, hoisting the foals and chaperones up to their hooves. "Head towards the back of the cave!"

"What?!" One adult mare gasped. "B-but that's past the rope barrier!" She frowned. "Are you nuts?! You'll get us all killed—"

Flash yanked her by the shoulder. "Shut the hell up!" He clenched his teeth. "And do what I tell you!"

Thwissssssh! Chtinkkk! A spear embedded into a wooden crate beside them.

The chaperone shrieked and galloped away, fleeing past the roped barrier while Flash Sentry spun around.

One yak had climbed out of the mess. While his companions struggled to stand up, he gripped another spear and held it over his head. "Going to feed puny pony his feathers through a straw!" With a grunt, the yak threw the second spear like a javelin.

Thwissssssssh—!

Without a second's hesitation, Flash yanked loose the spear beside him and swung it like a cricket back. "Grfff!" Clank! He miraculously deflected the yak's weapon. Then, within the same breath, the pegasus spun his whole body in mid-air, flinging the remains of the first spear back.

Swoooosh!

The yak warrior easily side-stepped the javelin. "Haah! Feather pony throws like a sissy mule—" Next came Flash's helmet, hitting the yak's face dead center. CLAAAANG! "AAAUGH!"

FWOOOSH! Flash Sentry sailed straight towards him with both hooves drawn together. "Rrrrr-RAAAUGH!" He uppercutted the yak so hard that three bloodied teeth sailed through the air above.

Thwump! The yak's body dropped like a sack of meat. Flash Sentry hovered in the air above him, heaving. Schiiiing! At the tell-tale sound of a dragged axe, Flash looked up.

Wincing, Damn Thickerhoof had recovered. He marched angrily towards the pegasus with a limp, hissing the entire way. Ten more yaks joined the leader's side.

Flash glared back. With a grunt, he kicked the bleeding yak at his side—just because he could—and then flew off in an orange-and-blue streak, catching up to the fleeing hostages.

"GET THEM!" Damn shouted, pointing with his axe. "CRUSH THEM! FEED ME THEIR GUTS!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The entire squad of militants charged with a blood-curdling scream, sending thunderous echoes throughout the chamber.

"Go! Go!" Flash Sentry flew alongside the schoolfoals and chaperone. He weaved his way in and out of the stalagmite forest, panting for breath as he guided them along. "Careful! Don't touch any of the rocks!"

"Where are we going?!" yelped a foal.

"Trust me!" Flash picked up a foal under each arm and hurried them along. "Everything's going to be okay!"

"I swear..." An adult mare hyperventilated as their group approached a reflective wall of mirroring surfaces. "If you get any of these children slaughtered, it's on your Captain's head—"

"In here!" Flash exclaimed, dropping two foals off besides a dark alcove set within the wall of the cave. "Everypony! Inside now!"

"We c-can hardly fit—!" a chaperone complained.

"Do it or you'll be fitting just nicely in a casket!" Flash barked.

"No caskets will be necessary, glue sticks!"

The hostages shrieked, clinging to one another.

Flash spun around, placing himself in front of them.

The yaks had cornered the ponies. Damn Thickerhoof leaned against his axe with a hairy smirk while his companions shook with bloodthirtsy anger. "There is nowhere to go, stupid ponies. And once I get ahold of you... they'll be shipping your remains in bottles to the halls of the Crystal Empire..." His beady eyes flickered red. "Right as they receive the Yakyakistani proclamation of WAR!"

The other militants roared with fury.

Flash stood his ground, eyes narrowing.

"So what will it be, hmmm?" Damn Thickerhoof took the first of many threatening steps across an array of crystalline rock formations. "Shall I start with the children first?"

Flash didn't say a word. Instead, he pivoted his entire body and bucked a single stalagmite with a grunt.

Damn Thickerhoof scuffled to a stop, his eyebrow arched curiously. Just then... a distant rumbling rose in thunderous cadence. The rumbling then turned into a tremor... and finally into a violent earthquake.

The yaks looked around nervously.

At last, a slice of color caught Thickerhoof's attention. He looked behind his buddies at a line of rope—beside which there stood a bright yellow sign with the image of a stalagmite in red. Gasping, he looked straight up as the first of several crystalline shards fell upon his brow.

"Go!" Flash hissed, shoving the rest of the hostages into the sheltered alcove. "Huddle together!"

A violent rain of heavy stalagtites plummeted from the cave ceiling... burying the militants entirely. There was a brief, high-pitched shriek and then—SMASSSSSSSSSSH!—Thickerhoof and his gang disappeared beneath a thick carpet of crystal shards. A wave of glass-like powder flew in a cloud across the floor of the cave.

"Get down!" Flash covered as many foals as he could with his body. They yelped in fright, clinging to him as—

FWOOOOOSH!

—darkness enveloped the tense scene.

Improper Guile

"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." was all Shining Armor could say as he scuffled to a stop in the center of the Mirror Caverns.

Sergeant Garnet and three dozen other members of the Crystal Imperial Guard gaped in horror.

Before them, the cavernous Land Mark lay in ruins. Hundreds of stalagtites had fallen from the ceiling, forming a pile of crystalline chunks that scattered every which way. A glass sea of reflective powder had spread across the smoothe floor of the chamber, leaving no trace of the yaks or any of their much-consumed supplies.

"Mother of Celestia..." Shining Armor gulped. He stood and trembled—perhaps for a few seconds too long. Inhaling sharply, he regained his composure and began shouting orders. "Everypony! Fan out!" He pointed across the wreckage. "Search for the hostages! The yaks! The sergeant! Anything!" He gnashed his teeth. "Move in pairs! Holler the moment you find something!"

"Aye, sir!" several guards shouted, immediately gallopping forward.

"You!" Shining Armor spun to shout orders at a group of soldiers holding up the rear. "Go back out and fetch wagons! Buckets! Shovels! We'll need all the help we can get to burrow through all this mess and—"

Suddenly, Sergeant Garnet shouted: "Captain!" He pointed towards the furthest end of the cave, beyond a throng of fractured stalagmites. "Movement!"

Shining Armor twirled about. "What? Is it one of the yaks—?" His words froze as he gazed upon the scene.

Guards and soldiers watched in silence as twenty-five figures trotted slowly, calmly, and safely from the rear of the cave.

Flash Sentry shuffled along, his face cold and deadpan. Three tiny schoolfoals were balanced on his flank. The chaperones carried a few more while the largest of the children marched on their own—gaping at the destruction and the soldiers who had rushed in to investigate.

"... ... ..." Shining Armor blinked hard.

"Sergeant...?" Garnet was the first—and only—soldier to approach Flash. "What... happened here?"

Flash Sentry inhaled. "The hostages are free," he simply muttered.

Garnet watched as he and the civilians shuffled past him. "And..." Garnet gulped. "And the yaks?"

Flash pointed behind him at pile of rocks and crystalline powder. "Start digging."

Garnet and Shining Armor exchanged glances. They both gazed at the debris—just as a few random chunks of rock and fallen stalagtites started stirring. Crystal ponies rushed the scene with spears and crossbows. When the first of multiple yaks blearily emerged, they were immediately held at weapon point. With their hooves raised, the militants were all shackled one-by-one... and arrested.

"Is that my baby?!" A crystal pony craned her neck, panting for breath. "Darling!" she shrieked, running forward.

A few guards tried to stop her—

"No!" Princess Cadance insisted, hovering above the line of soldiers. "It's okay! Let them through!"

Just like that, the parents and families of the hostages poured over like deluge through a floodgate. They rushed the mouth of the caven just as Flash Sentry finished placing down the first of many little foals.

"Mommy!"

"Daddy!"

"Momma!"

Dozens of families reunited in a flurry of tears, whinnies, and whimpers of joy. Parents scooped their children up and nuzzled them dearly. Spouses hugged the chaperones while tears and laughter glittered across the crystalline crowd.

Princess Cadance touched down, her lips pursed as she observed the scene. Her eyes lit up—as did her horn—to witness so much love and adoration. The alicorn's wings spread, overshadowing her heart-shaped cutie mark.

In the meantime, soldiers began marching out of the Mirror Caverns. The Crystal Imperial Guard closely escorted a haggard group of twelve limping, bruised, defeated yaks. The hairy militants hung their heads—flinching as the ponies nearby continued laughing and sobbing in affectionate octaves.

At last, Shining Armor and Sergeant Garnet shuffled out. The Captain joined his royal wife's side, gazing in numb amazement at the reunion of their crystalline subjects.

"Oh, honey... we prayed for you! We trusted in the warmth of the Crystal Heart—and look at you! You're safe and sound!"

"I wasn't scared, Mommy! We knew the Prince and Princess wouldn't stand those meanie yaks for long!"

"You should have seen the Captain's finest!"

"Yeah! Wham! Whap! Pow! He saved us just like that!"

"He sure showed those yaks!"

"Who? Who did?"

"Who saved our precious foals?"

Eventually, breathless parents' gaze wandered about—finding Flash Sentry. Upon making eye contact, they tearfully smiled, held their children close and bowed collectively.

"Th-thank you... bless you..."

"Praise Celestia... we knew Equestria's finest would come through in the end..."

"Please forgive us for ever doubting..."

At last, Flash smiled back—if only politely. He bowed back, standing off to the side.

Sniffling, Princess Cadance smiled. She couldn't help it—she leaned over to nuzzle Shining Armor affectionately.

Shining Armor removed his helmet and hugged her back. However—the whole while—he gazed over her shoulder at Flash Sentry.

Flash Sentry turned to gaze back, silent and expressionless.

Shining Armor fumed and fumed... his teeth gritting to the breaking point.

"Improper! Irresponsible! Wreckless! Unprofessional! Careless!" Shining Armor paced and grunted, grunted and paced. "And—worst of all—disobedient beyond my actual capacity to document!" He hissed, marching furiously around the lone chair where Flash Sentry was seated. "The moment you disobeyed my orders, you threw out every oath you've ever sworn to and sacrificed any and all morals as a respectable member of the Royal Equestrian Guard! Much less the Crystal Imperial Guard! As a non-crystal pony, you're here on as important and fragile a mission as I am! My wife and I—the Stewards of the Crystal Empire—are charged with protecting this fragile nation as it slowly acclimates itself to modern day! It's taken a great deal of anomalous miracles for the population of this kingdom to survive the wrath of King Sombra and an incomprehensibly huge lapse in time! That is far too much to throw out through a single act of brazen idiocy! What are you, a soldier or a psychopath?!"

Flash Sentry sat silently, gazing straight forward across the tent.

Shining Armor scuffled about, huffing. "I'm talking to you, Sergeant!" He leaned forward, glaring. "You may have intimidated the yaks and won the respect of the locals with this stupid silent treatment, but it won't work on me! When I ask you something, I expect an answer! So how about it?! What in the wild blue buck were you thinking you would actually accomplish with this ludicrous cavalier rampage?!"

Flash Sentry took a deep breath. Coldly, he muttered: "Sir. I humbly accept any and all forms of discipline you would find it best to place on me and my commission, sir."

"Nope. Uh-uh!" Shining Armor's horn glowed as he swiveled Flash's seat, forcing the Sergeant to stare at him head-long. "You don't get away that easy!" He clenched his teeth. "Open the windows to your thick skull, Sergeant, and let me in! Because—I swear on my life—I am not letting you go home—dishonorably discharged or not—until I get an answer! I want to know why you went off like a mad firecracker and put everypony's lives in danger. Give me something... anything to tell Princess Celestia when she asks me why in the Hell the entirety of Equestria was thrown into full-on war with Yakyakistan!"

Flash Sentry shook slightly. With nostrils flaring, he swallowed and eventually muttered: "Twenty-two families were just a few angry yak threats away from no longer seeing their precious children ever again. I decided it was time to make sure that tragedy never befell them."

"You decided it was time?!?"

Flash looked at Shining. "I failed to prevent such a thing before, sir." He slowly shook his head. "I'd rather die than let that happen again." A shuddering exhale. "If my career must lie in dust for what I've done, then let it. Every family deserves to remain whole."

Shining Armor blinked. With an exasperated sigh, he eventually broke his rigid resolve. Leaning back, the unicorn rubbed his brow and muttered: "Sergeant... Flash." A gulp. "Nothing I can say or do will ever properly express just how sorry I am for what happened to your mother and father that one day in Canterlot..."

"It's not your place to apologize for them, sir—"

"Shut up." Shining Armor's eyes flared. "I'm talking."

Flash Sentry clamped his muzzle shut.

Shining Armor stood before him. "Life is hard, and we've all dealt with our abysmal lows. But—as soldiers—we've mutually agreed to set our feelings and emotions aside in order to embrace the bigger picture. Believe it or not, I wanted to save those hostages as much as you did. But I also knew that to risk any sudden, unprovoked siege would mean inviting violent repercussions the likes of which Equestria hasn't experienced in centuries—and we may very well be suffering it now!"

"With all due respect, sir," Flash muttered. "Risk is necessary in saving lives."

"We're not just talking twenty-four lives, here, Sergeant!" Shining growled. "You have just single-hoofedly flung our entire nation into a bloody, violent war with Yakyakistan! And you know what?! It's all my fault." Shining exhaled. "Because I suffered the illusion... the pathetic and fallacious hope that I could somehow have saved you... that I could have taken a broken, distraught Captain-in-the-making under my wing and brought him here to the Crystal Empire to make a difference... both for himself and for an entire province of out-of-place citizens." He slowly shook my head. "But that's my fault for allowing emotion to control my judgment. I stationed you too deep in the heat of things... and it melted away an already fragile exterior. And now... your weaknesses and mine have both cost Equestria everything."

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Flash droned. "But it was love and emotion that brought you and Princess Cadance together... and magically drove off Queen Chrysalis and her hive to begin with." Flash's eyes narrowed. "If the two of you had only made that connection sooner on your wedding day... then perhaps my parents would still be alive too."

Shining Armor blinked. His ears and muzzle turned red as he teetered on the brink of shock and anger.

Hoofsteps. A rustling tent flap. Sergeant Garnet stuck his head in, breathless. "Captain Shining Armor—"

"Not! Now!" Shining barked.

Garnet flinched, his muzzle clamped shut.

Shining weathered a heavy sigh. He spun about. "What... wh-what is it, Sergeant?"

"Captain..." Garnet bowed. "Princess Cadance demands your presence right away." His crimson eyes bounced aside. "Sergeant Flash Sentry as well."

Flash Sentry stood up.

Shining Armor merely blinked... his muzzle agape in confusion...

Don't Talk Back

Sergeant Garnet trotted briskly to a neighboring tent. With a flick of his hoof, he opened a tent flap wide open for the other two stallions marching behind him.

Captain Shining Armor was the first to enter. Flash Sentry followed swiftly behind.

Immediately, Shining Armor caught an eye-full of yak hair and torchlight. The Yakyakistani ambassador loomed in the center of the room. He and several Yakyakistani guards in thick armor stood in a rigid circle around Damn Thickerhoof and the rest of the militants—still cast in irons. Princess Cadance lingered off to the side, and upon seeing the arrival of her husband—she brightened noticeably.

"Shining Armor!" she exclaimed.

"Ambassador..." Shining Armor gulped. He stepped straight past Cadance and bowed low. "On behalf of the Equestrian Interim Government here in the Crystal Empire, I wish to apologize most sincerely for the violent, mindless actions of my subordinate—"

"Where is he?!" The ambassador frowned, his beady eyes flaring from beneath his matted hair. "Where is the winged pony who dared attack my nomadic yak brethren?!"

"He's... uhm..." Shining Armor side-stepped. "He's right here, your eminence."

Flash Sentry quietly shuffled forward.

"You!" The ambassador pointed. "You're the stallion I've been wanting to see!" Jaw clenched, the yak marched straight towards Flash and raised his hoof.

Garnet and Shining both flinched. The Captain's horn glowed as he contemplated erecting a magical shield in front of Flash—

Th-Thap! The ambassador patted Flash's shoulder. Hard. "Hah hah hah hah!" He brandished a smile full of dirty teeth. "Well done, brave pony! You single hoofedly took out twelve hardened warriors! A most maginicent display of yak-sackery!"

Flash Sentry said nothing. He merely blinked.

"I... uh..." Captain Shining Armor gulped, glancing at Garnet, then at the ambassador again. "I-I don't understand..."

"Beloved." Princess Cadance quietly shuffled over to his side, stretching a wing out. "Thank you for joining us on such short notice." Clearing her voice, she stepped in close and spoke in the direction of the yaks. "Our loyal ambassador from Yakyakistan was just informing me about how he intends to praise the Crystal Empire in his next address to the Yak senate—right after he escorts these militants to the northern prison."

"Intends..." Shining Armor blinked across the tent. "...to praise?"

"Most definitely!" The ambassador boomed, still grinning. "We had no idea that the puny pony populace possessed so much courage, tenacity, and guile! This changes everything! With strong neighbors such as ponies, the yaks will remain strong and healthy in the frozen north!"

"I... I don't understand..." Shining Armor stammered.

"Hah! What's not to understand?!" Damn Thickerhoof hollered. Everypony in the room spun to see his grinning, bruised face. "The strongest yaks in the world were all bested by a single pony! And a most magnificent siege it was!" He spat on the ground, smiling bloodily. "Not since the Battle of Blue Hydra Taint have I seen such fearless bravado!"

"He claimed many of our teeth!" shouted another yak.

"I got a yak concussion!"

"Haah! You think that's something?! My yak leg is still broken!"

"Not as broken as mine!"

"Rrrrrrgh!"

"Silence!" the ambassador growled at the prisoners. He pointed at Flash Sentry. "Can't you see that you're in the presence of your better?! Let him have the yak boasting of yak defeat!"

"You..." Shining Armor blinked. "...you enjoy being defeated?"

"My dear puny pony prince..." The ambassador's eyes swept his way. "We yaks respect all strength and fortitude. Never before have we seen it displayed so prominently by prissy princess horses!" His hairy nostrils flared. "But that all changes today! The Crystal Empire has shown all yaks that they've earned their foundations in the snow! Let this be a name forever remembered in yak poetry! We have new brothers and sisters!"

"But..." The Captain grimaced. "...all this talk of war..."

"Pffft!" Damn Thickerhoof rolled his blackened eyes. "Such strong warrior ponies! Would be a waste to crush them!"

"Much more fun and honor to be had in waging a war alongside powerful puny ponies!" The ambassador thundered. "Hah hah hah!" He slapped Flash Sentry's shoulder again. "A dozen medals for this horse, I say! One for every thick-headed yak he clobbered!" His smile left in a brief hiss. "Would be most direspectful if he was not rewarded for such yak sacketry..."

"Ahem..." Princess Cadance stifled a smirk. "I assure you, your eminence, we shall deal with the Sergeant in as honorable a fashion as Equestrian society permits." Her eyes glanced aside to her husband.

Shining Armor gulped. "Yes... yes, of c-course..." He smiled crookedly. "After all... wh-who are we to shame the pride and joy of both Equestria and Yakyakistan?"

"Good to know that we are all on the same yak page!" The ambassador stood up tall, chin tilted back. "I go now to deliver messages of mirth to my yak brothers and yakette sisters." A meaty salute. "Strength and hairiness!" He marched off, whistling aside to his guards.

The armored yaks clattered their spears. On command, the twelve prisoners stood up and limped out in a solid train, escorted by Yakyakistan's finest.

"Best wishes and blood to you, puny horses!" Damn Thickerhoof managed to wheeze as he bowed through a tent flap. "We shall sing song of today's battle in the Yakitentiary!"

The rest of the militants grunted, growled, and cheered in agreement.

Soon, the muscle and the hair and the smell was all gone. Only the ponies remained.

Sergeant Garnet glanced silently between those standing around him.

Shining Armor stared at Cadance. Shuddering, he turned to look at Flash.

Flash Sentry stared back, deadpan.

"Mrmmffff..." Shining Armor stumbled off, rubbing his head. "I think I need a drink."

Princess Cadance lifted her hoof to say something... lingered... and eventually sputtered: "Make that double." She hobbled off after her husband.

Orange hooves removed the last armored plate, hanging it inside a thick locker. The fetlocks shook from where they outstretched. Flash Sentry bit his lip. Breathing slowly, he drew his hooves back towards themselves... and held the limbs together in a effort to steady them. His eyelids fluttered shut as he stood quietly in place.

"Sergeant Flash!"

A pair of blue eyes opened. Flash looked over his shoulder.

One of several crystal pony guards trotted through the barracks, pausing to salute. "Well met."

"A fine job, Sergeant," another said, smiling.

"Those families owe you their respect... and so do we..."

Flash said nothing. He merely nodded... then proceeded to close the locker that housed his armor.

Not long after, Sergeant Garnet shuffled up behind. He leaned against a wall and calmly said, "Everypony's talking about you all across the compound. There's already talk of putting a statue of you next to Spike the Dragon's."

Flash's nostrils flared. "You crystal ponies are too friggin' quick to praise..."

Garnet arched an eyebrow. "After what we've been through with Sombra, we're in dire need of heroes."

"You've got Shining Armor and Princess Cadance," Flash muttered, hoisting a saddlebag over his figure. "You should be trusting them."

"And we do," Garnet said. "But you should give yourself credit too."

"For what?" Flash fumbled with the straps of his saddlebag, clenching his teeth. "The only thing that saved those foals today was luck." His ears drooped. "If things had gone even the slightest bit differently, we'd be at war right now and they'd be burning an effigy of me right next to the Crystal Heart."

"So..." Garnet cocked his head to the side. "...do you regret what you've done?"

Flash exhaled, glaring straight ahead. "Not one damn bit."

Garnet cleared his throat. "In any case..." He stood straight. "...those hostages are alive and your career isn't in shambles. Seems like you should be proud of that 'luck.'"

"Don't be too hasty," Flash muttered. "I know the Captain. He's a big fluffball at heart, but there's no way in Tartarus that he's going to let you slide."

"How's he going to punish you for this?" Garnet blinked. "You're a savior in the eyes of both yaks and ponies."

"He'll find a way. He has to. His sister—the Princess of Friendship—is far too straightlaced. He'd be making a laughing stock of himself if he tolerated my insubordination. The same goes for Princess Cadance." Flash Sentry sighed. "The bitter truth of it is... I frankly don't care what they do to me."

Garnet squinted. "Is that the whole truth?"

Flash Sentry lingered. "No," he eventually blurted. "More than even that... I'm still angry..." His fetlocks trembled again. "I feel like I've got a million things left in this world to hit... and hit hard."

Garnet merely gazed at him.

"If nothing else, I'll likely be suspended," Flash muttered. "Whatever. It'll probably be for the best." He made to leave—but he lingered at Garnet's side. He turned to look at him. "You and I have been through a lot these past few months."

Garnet swallowed. "I would like to think of you as an honorable friend."

"Don't," Flash grunted. "That would be your first mistake. And your second?" His brow furrowed. "It would be to emulate me in any way. Especially where you're headed now that this whole mess is over with." He pointed into the other Sergeant's chest. "At your next post, Garnet, do what you're told. Obey the rules. You'll enjoy the long life of a respected soldier. A cool stallion like you deserves no less."

"And what about you?"

Flash sighed, shuffling off with his saddlebags. "I think I've had my fill of respect for a lifetime." And he was gone.

Garnet stood alone. Slowly, the crimson stallion pivoted about, his eyes resting on a map of Equestria haphazardly pinned to a bulletin board stretched along a wall of the lockerroom. In the dead-center of the map a note had been pasted with the words "Good luck, Sergeant Garnet" playfully scribbled. The stallion's eyes rested on a rustic windmill... and a strangely out-of-place palace made out of rigid crystal.

Sweet'n'Sour

Creaaaaak.

A fake tree-stump outside of downtown Ponyville lifted up like a trap door. An earth pony and a rhinoceros emerged under blossoming starlight.

"Honestly, Betsy?" Bon Bon stepped out of the makeshift passage first, gazing all around for any signs of observers. "Do you think it's a safe idea?"

"Nothing safe about S.M.I.L.E., Sweetie Drops," Betsy grunted as she trotted out behind her. "Never was and never will be. If you don't like the risks, then don't show up. It's only an invitation. My invitation."

"I'm not scared of the repercussions to myself," Bon Bon said. Once both stood outside, she slapped a hidden switch and the tree stump lowered back down, obscuring the tunnel to the Sweetie Hole. "I just don't want to throw a wrench in whatever's being planned for the League. Who knows what will happen if I rub Horizons the wrong way."

"Look, there ain't no official rebuke on behalf of that three-legged unicorn," Betsy huffed, waving her horn in the starlight. "And—honestly—I don't think she could get rid of you if she wanted to. You're the daughter of Chief Agent Sugar Cane. You're basically League royalty."

Bon Bon folded her forelimbs. "Lyra's the one with the 'princess' fetish. Not me." Her eyes narrowed. "I just wonder if I can even make a difference at this point."

"Look at it this way." Betsy trotted until her beady eye narrowed on Bon Bon up close. "You're as sincere as it gets, girl. That's why I came to you during all of this nonsense. S.M.I.L.E. needs to stay grounded. You said it yourself. There's a helluva lotta change going on in Ponyville. But the League's always kicked ass by staying regular. Whatever Horizons is planning—or whatever is being planned by those now in control of her—we need you around as a symbol of what we stand for... for both our past successes and our future badassitries."

Bon Bon shuddered. "You r-really think my being around is going to help, huh?"

"Absolutely. Question is." Betsy tilted her horn—and head—aside. "Do you still think you've got what it takes to be League material?" She waved a stumpy leg towards the night skyline of Ponyville. "All of this prissy pony village stuff is super comfy for sure. But there are still monsters out there. And... far worse than that..."

Bon Bon gulped. "Chrysalis."

"It's been a year, Sweetie Drops. We would have kicked that sorry Queen's thorax if it weren't for the dayum Bug Bear. But it's been over twelve months since the incident in Canterlot—plenty of time for the changeling bitch to regain her strength and launch a full-scale attack on Equestria from the inside. And what better an organization to choke-handle from the start than S.M.I.L.E.?"

Bon Bon sighed.

Betsy rested a hoof on her shoulder—a remarkably gentle gesture for her. "Look. I can tell you're really enjoying yourself here in Ponyville. I'm not asking you to give all that shit up... especially if you're a mare who's in love now. And let's face it, babe... you are in love."

Bon Bon gulped. "I loved my dad t-too," she squeaked.

"And I'm sure the old stallion would tip his hat to you either way. But this League is about to be reborn and I'm not sure I'm totally on board with what it's about to become. Just show up once, Sweetie Drops. That's all I ask you. Haze and Sharp Quill will be there. We'll have your back as much as you'll have ours. And if the presence of all of us together brings a weird grimace to Horizons' face, then we'll know that something's up. If not... well... who knows."

Bon Bon brushed her manes aside. "...when and where?"

"I'll let you know when I find out. Until then, stay frosty." Betsy threw the dual trenchcoats over her figure and marched off into the shadowy forest. "Just... not too frosty. All that sugar you work with these days is gonna give you a diabetic enema... swear to Luna tits..."

And the rhinoceros disappeared—as only that one particular rhinoceros could do.

"Mrmmmfff..." Bon Bon pivoted around, rubbing her head. "I need a drink." And she shuffled on home.

Bon Bon trotted up the cobblestone sidewalk to her two-story house. Her eyes reflected dim windows and even dimmer porch lamps.

"Hmmmm... Lyra's not home yet..." She arched an eyebrow. "Or maybe she is home but has decided to crash early?" A tired smile hung off her fuzzy face. "Lazy sleepyhead."

Just as she reached the front door, she froze upon a curious sight. An envelope had been stuck between the grooves of the doorframe. Grasping the item, Bon Bon raised it to her eyes. It took a bit of effort, but she was finally able to read the gold-embossed words etched onto the surface of the envelope.

"'To Lyra Heartstrings from... Princess Twilight Sparkle...?'" Bon Bon lowered the envelope, gazing forward with her muzzle agape. "Now... why would the Princess want to see Lyra?"

"Maybe because she's starting a war with old friends as we speak," rasped a voice from behind.

"!!!" Bon Bon slapped her hoof over a single brick of the stoop. Plink! A secret stone compartment flipped open, spring-launching a hidden crowbar. Clutch! Bon Bon grabbed it and spun around with the makeshift weapon held high. Upon seeing a regular pony's frowning muzzle, she slumped in place, panting.

"Wow, Bon Bon," Lemon Hearts muttered. "Jumpy, much?"

"Lemon Hearts...?" Bon Bon slumped against the stoop of her house. She caught her breath, gulped, and stammered: "What in Equestria are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Canterlot?"

"I'm not the only one," Lemon Hearts grunted, standing tall and stiff in the starlight. "Tell me... what story did she craft for you this time?"

"Huh? Story?" Bon Bon squinted. "Who are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid, Bon Bon," Lemon Hearts hissed. "You and I both know that there's only one reason... one silly, selfish reason why I would be here..."

"You... you mean Lyra?" Bon Bon blinked, then frowned. "Come on, Lemon Hearts... are we going to go through this again?"

"I didn't elect to be here in Ponyville at this time of night by my own choosing, I can tell you that much, Bon Bon."

"Stop being so hard on Lyra..." Bon Bon slid the crowbar back into its niche and slapped the stone panel shut. "She's come around! Honest! I mean... she's attending the therapy sessions now, isn't she?"

"You mean like the one she was completely absent at today?" Lemon Hearts rasped.

Bon Bon squinted. "Don't be ridiculous! She left on the train to Canterlot this morning."

"Yeah. Uh huh. Only she totally skipped out on the all-important meeting with Minuette's and Twinkleshine's therapist. Notice how I call him their therapist? Only because Lyra's skipped out so many times in a row that she might as well be a complete stranger at this point!"

"But..." Bon Bon gulped. "She told me she would sign in..."

"She promised you that, did she?" Lemon Hearts smiled bitterly. "Well, she certainly did sign in at the front office!" A savage blink. "Only to sign back out seconds later!"

Bon Bon stared off in dull silence.

"You know, Bon Bon..." Lemon Hearts sat in place, huffing. "At first, when Lyra moved to Ponyville and made such a nice friend in you—I had hopes. Seriously... I had high and mighty hopes that she was starting to heal from all that crap that happened to her in Canterlot. But I've come to embrace the bitter reality of the situation. You... Ponyville... and everything else that your... friendship here in this town stands for is just a crutch... a very unhealthy crutch for a very unhealthy pony. Sure, she might smile and skip and giggle and act like everything's just fine... but we both know that deep down inside that mare is a tortured soul who still hasn't recovered from what took place in Canterlot."

"That's n-not true." Bon Bon pointed. "Lyra's managing nicely! She's having less panic attacks! She... she's working on her music—"

"And just how is that 'career' treating her, huh?!" Lemon Hearts sneered. "Is she still throwing herself thoughtlessly at one performance gig after another?! Only to end up with egg on her face? Heheh... certainly sounds like the 'Lyra that we know.'" She frowned. "I dunno about you, but I'm sick and tired of this 'Lyra that we know.' I want my old friend back... and ever since the wedding in Canterlot, I can't help but feel like she's being held hostage. First by Queen Chrysalis... and now by you."

"Hey..." Bon Bon shook angrily. "...all I've ever done is protect Lyra and nurse her back to health."

"Back to health, huh?" Lemon Hearts nodded bitterly. "And what about her commitment to her friends? How about the promise she made to Minuette and Twinkleshine months ago that she keeps on breaking month after month? You think she's just being dishonest and mean to the likes of us? Mares who have known her for her entire life? She's being just as dishonest and careless to you, Bon Bon. You're just too blindly trusting to know it... and Lyra's already taking advantage of such faith."

"It's... it's not that bad... r-really..." Bon Bon nevertheless grimaced, avoiding Lemon Hearts' angry glare. "She's happier now... saner... calmer... because of our friendship."

"And I'm sure Lyra's father said the same thing of her mother," Lemon Hearts muttered. "And we all know how that turned out."

At that, Bon Bon's blood went cold. She trotted forward until she was nearly hissing in Lemon Hearts' muzzle. "That... was uncalled for."

"You say that now..." Lemon Hearts stood her ground. "...but will you be so dismissive when all of this blows up in your face? And trust me, Bon Bon, it will blow up." She slowly shook her head. "You haven't been with Minuette and Twinkleshine every step of the way like I have. What happened over a year ago still tears them apart from the inside out. There's no way... no conceivable way that Lyra could be any better. All of her selfish absences aren't just tearing her best friends apart... but they're sinking her deeper and deeper into her own abysmal state of mind. And I care too damned much for her to end up just like her parents... even if she's made no attempts on her own to honor our feelings."

Bon Bon gulped. "Just... j-just what do you want f-from me, Lemon Hearts?"

"You wanna be her best friend? Fine. Good. Be her best friend," Lemon Hearts huffed. "Learn to let her go. Remove the crutch so she can learn to trot on all fours again." Taking a deep breath, Lemon Hearts backtrotted. "There's a therapy retreat in Appleloosa seven days from now. Dr. Shrinkenfurter has suggested that everypony in the group go to attend for a two-week period of intense meditation and emotional relaxation. This includes Lyra."

"You... you want her to go with you and the rest?" Bon Bon muttered.

"Very very good, Bon Bon. And who says candy-makers can't think outside of the bread box?" Lemon Hearts paused at the gate to the house's front lawn. "Seven days from now, the three of us will be making a brief stop here in Ponyville to wait for the next train to Appleloosa. If Lyra joins us—as she should—then I know you will have done the right thing."

"And... and if she doesn't?"

"Well..." Lemon Hearts trotted off. "...since you're her 'best friend,' then you can tell her yourself that she won't be welcome in Canterlot ever again." And with a cold swish of her tail, she was gone.

Bon Bon stood alone on the front stoop. Slowly—with each fuming breath—she bore an iron-wrought frown. "Mrmmmmfff..." She glanced at the white envelope in her grasp; it had become crumpled in the crook of her angry fetlock. "Where is that damnable unicorn?"